Chapter Text
No amount of anything would hinder Wonpil’s love of beaches—which was one of the main reasons why on some days (especially today) Jae just wanted to shove him inside a box and momentarily forget about his existence. It’s too tempting sometimes, if only he wasn’t a kind human being with morals, if only.
You see, the situation’s like this.
Brian and Jae broke up three months ago. It was a clean break up, Brian explained why he didn’t love Jae anymore. Jae found it reasonable—of course Brian would eventually get tired of someone as plain and as boring as Jae. Of fucking course, he would prioritize his studies abroad (a sort of exchange program Brian never even told him about) more than Jae because it made sense. He couldn’t exactly ask Brian to still love him despite the latter’s lost of interest with him, that’d be too pathetic of him. He couldn’t ask Brian to stay with him and cost him his future, that’d be too selfish of him. He’d be subjecting both of them into an endless suffering—him loving Brian even though the person he initially loved wasn’t there anymore, and Brian having to put up an act around Jae.
It was hopeless.
They did say they would remain friends but Jae called bullshit. The amount of tension, pain (on Jae’s part mostly) and awkwardness between the two of them just wasn’t worth the alleged friendship . Jae couldn’t just look him in the eye and not see Brian’s mid thrust face, or his fond face (both’s a good sight by the way).
Which was exactly why this trip needed to be cancelled. It’s a bad plan—a shit one that Wonpil made to get back at him (for all the times Jae replaced his toothpaste with glue). That must be it. Jae refuse to spend a week with his ex boyfriend. Don't get him wrong he’s not bitter, nope. It’s just all too fresh for the five of them to hang out like they used to back when Jae and Brian were still together. Aside for the fact that Brian Kang’s going to be there, he also didn’t want to be at the hearing end of Wonpil’s moans when he and Dowoon inevitably fucks in the middle of the week.
Jae needed to do something before this plan happens.
“Wonpillie—” He approached the younger who was hunched over the table of the cafe, happily tapping away on his phone. Jae saw him looking for some hotels on Jeju Island a while ago, while he himself was busy with ordering their drinks. He hoped that Wonpil haven’t found anything yet because when he does, it’s a done deal and none of them could ever change his mind.
Not even Dowoon and that’s saying something.
Before he could speak though or even lay out his case (about how miserable this week’s going to be for him) Wonpil leveled him a stare—one that said “I don’t call your bullshit, Jae.” or something along the lines of, “Nice try, maybe next time when I’m feeling generous.” There goes his well thought out speech.
Jae’s feeling murderous right now.
“I am saying no to whatever you’re going to propose, you’re not getting out of this Jaehyungie .” Wonpil smiled at him—that kind of sickly sweet smile that made Jae want to punch him square in the face.
“Oh fuck you.”
He frustratingly ran his hands through his now blue hair (he dyed it when he and Brian broke up because the blond made him sick to his stomach) and glared at the snake in front of him who looked too happy to be witnessing Jae’s misery and internal conflict.
Seeing Brian wasn’t all that new. He definitely bumped into him on multiple occasions (seeing as they’re studying on the same university) whenever he’s on his way to his next class (he returned from Canada a month ago). He even ate at the same restaurant as him two days ago, of course with different group of friends—he was with Kevin and Jimin while Brian was with Jinyoung and Jaebum.
But those were different because he didn’t have to talk to Brian. Their eyes would meet, yes. Awkward smiles would be exchanged, yes. But no actual conversation occurred and that’s the only thing that’s keeping Jae’s image kind of sane around Brian. Also, it’s not as though he was actively trying to ignore the younger. Wonpil’s planned trips have always been just a bit on the wild side to say the least.
Take all of these instances into consideration.
Their first trip to Busan ended with Wonpil and Dowoon accidentally having sex—thankfully it resulted into both of them admitting the feelings they were harbouring for each other for five fucking years . On the same night Brian stripped naked and danced sexily in front of Jae to the tune of Stop by Jamelia. And God , Jae thought he died that night and mysteriously appeared on a world where Brian Kang was fucking stripping for him and doing body rolls.
That night ended with well some great sex, considering they were boyfriends that time. It had too many drinks and too many stupid decisions for Jae to risk another outing like that.
The second time they went out involved some weed on a small seedy apartment in Amsterdam. Wonpil thought it’d be a good idea to go out of the country and they were all foolish enough to agree. Let’s just say they started the night inside the apartment but Jae woke up next to a topless Brian at Magere Brug. The people gave them weird stares but that’s about it, it was Amsterdam after all.
And the last trip they had was a month before Jae and Brian broke up. They decided to spontaneously drive to Gyeopongdae to see the cherry blossoms in full bloom that spring (and also to swim thanks to Wonpil’s tireless fascination with beaches).
Jae won’t count that last trip as wild. Instead, whenever he looked back to that certain memory he couldn’t help the pain that spreads throughout him. It would always start with a small spark inside his chest until it reached the very tips of his fingers.
Before they left Gyeopongdae, both he and Brian decided to stay up to watch the sunrise that was also a famous sight in that place. There were remnants of the petals that fell from the trees all around the place. It added a softer glow to the unusual heavy ambiance between the two of them.
As they waited for the sun to rise, they were lying beside each other on the fine sand, not caring whether the small particles get into their hair or dig into their skins. What mattered at that very moment was how tight Brian was holding unto him, his arms wrapped around Jae’s waist as he leaned forward to rest his head on Jae’s back—as if he’s afraid that Jae would vanish in front of him. What mattered at that particular moment was how soft Brian’s lips were as it moved gently—so fucking gently against his. Jae felt so loved that night, he was falling all over again for the purple haired boy who had very bright eyes in front of him.
As the sun rose, so did Brian’s lips. It formed the smile that Jae was so used to seeing by now but never did appreciate more than he did at that moment. Brian at that very moment leaned in to get another kiss from him. It was just a soft brush of lips against lips but it brought back the butterflies inside his stomach. He couldn’t help but smile in between their kiss and in return Brian did too.
He held Brian’s cheek as he opted to rest his forehead against the younger’s. The sun rose around them coating the rest of the place in a soft shade of orange. It complimented Brian’s smiling face well and Jae couldn’t help but just fall.
“I love you.” He whispered. He feared that raising his voice would break the serene peace they found for what felt like months of wandering around a lifeless forest.
“I love you too.” Brian replied, still with that smile on his face.
Jae always thought that that moment changed things between them. Jae found the lost love he had for Brian but of course that had to be the end of it.
Brian never did found his love for Jae.
Looking back on all of that, Jae’s fear wasn’t misplaced, okay?
A cough brought him out of his thoughts. Speak of the devil (snake in this case) and he shall make himself known. He didn’t even notice the fact that he was already daydreaming. His thoughts betrayed him once again and brought him back to Brian, always Brian.
“Did you say something?” He asked Wonpil who was smiling knowingly. Jae avoided his stare and instead gazed at the people passing by them. He refused to succumb to another round of endless teasing from the snake in human form, Wonpil.
“I just said I’ve decided where I want us to have this trip—” He had a smug smile on his face and Jae was seriously contemplating whether he should just strangle him and get on with or he should just throw the contents of his steaming mug of coffee on Wonpil’s ugly face.
“Bold of you to assume I’d come. Did everyone even agree to this?” He asked. He occasionally heard from Sungjin because they would always text each other (mostly on Jae’s part because Sungjin’s notes are very organized) but it had been a long while since they went out for drinks.
Jae (kind of) lost contact with the rest of them when he and Brian broke up. It wasn’t a conscious decision per se—it’s just, being together with them reminded him a lot of his and Brian’s times together. It was also odd to be with them when Brian wasn’t around—it felt emptier. Whenever Wonpil would throw a joke around no one would grunt with him and sympathetically pat him on his back (knowing that Jae seriously couldn’t take Wonpil sometimes), or coo with him whenever Dowoon did something remotely cute, or tease Sungjin for being such a mother.
It was shit of him and he was harshly reminded of that when Wonpil straight up walked to him and told him how much of an asshole he was for leaving them too .
That’s when Jae realized the fact that it wasn’t just him who was left by Brian. Wonpil, Dowoon, and Sungjin all got left behind too although it probably didn’t hurt as much as Jae’s pain. That’s when he tried reaching out to them again, feeling sorry for being such an asshole.
He shouldn’t have reconciled with Wonpil though if he knew this was how it’s going to end.
‘This lying piece of snake, how dare he betray me like this?’ Jae thought.
“Of course they did, as if anyone can say no to me.” His voice held pride and Jae wanted to choke him with it.
“I am saying no though—”
“I’m sorry what? I can’t hear anything over the sound of your bullshit.” Wonpil sing songed as he scrolled through his phone once more.
Jae wanted to jump down the nearest bridge or push Wonpil off the said bridge, he’s not exactly picky at this point. Wonpil sometimes knew just how to fucking annoy him. But he really needed to be serious here, he needed to make Wonpil know just how much of a grave situation this would be for Jae.
“I am serious though, aren’t you the slightest bit worried that Brian and I would make this whole trip just weird?” He sighed, defeated. Jae wanted this trip to happen too but it’s all too early. Too fresh and still too fucking painful (not that he’d say that out loud, he did not practice his i’m-okay-face just to fail this time).
“Hyung.” That tone meant Wonpil was serious too. Good, an actual conversation might just happen between the two of them.
“You and Brian hyung could never make this group any weirder than it already is.”
There goes his hope.
“Not that kind of weird you idiot, I meant—” Wonpil chuckled before he cutted Jae off.
“I know what you mean. You two broke up yada yada let me just say one thing though hyung .” He smiled. Jae found it comforting for some reason, because Wonpil’s smile was full of reassurance—as if he’s that sure everything would work out fine. Jae wouldn’t say any of this in front of him though, god knows the younger didn’t need more words that would blow his already big head off.
“You and Brian gravitate towards each other that I feel like no amount of break up or fights would effectively end your relationship with him, platonic or not. I know you two broke up but I just get this feeling that this trip would help the both of you—Towards another chance? Towards a proper ending? I’m not sure of that I just felt like you’d both finally get your answers.” There was no hint of mockery in his voice and Jae’s grateful for that. At that same exact moment, Wonpil’s phone rang so he left a dumbfounded and confused Jae inside the cafe as he answered the call he got from Dowoon.
Jae didn’t know what to feel about Wonpil’s words. He wanted to believe the younger but seeing as his and Brian’s break up did in fact broke the two’s treasured relationship, he found it a bit doubtful.
He couldn’t shake off the nervousness and anxiety that’s building up inside him with just the thought of seeing Brian everyday for a week again. It had been hard but he thinks he’s almost there, he’s almost forgetting the pain. A few more months maybe.
He heard heavy sets of footsteps behind him so he took a look at Wonpil who was holding hands with Dowoon with a smiling Sungjin trailing after them.
Jae was surprised but he stood up nonetheless and greeted Dowoon who waved at him and gave Sungjin a pat in the back.
“I guess this snake here called you over to talk about that pain in the ass trip he wanted to have?” He asked the two who just arrived. Dowoon was sitting beside Wonpil, of course he was while Bob was at the other end of the table. Jae was about to ask why Sungjin didn’t just sit beside him when a new set of footsteps flooded his ears.
A new sense of dread cloaked him. Please tell me it’s not him. He was trying to catch Wonpil’s eyes which was fixated at whoever’s entering the cafe at this very moment.
Jae wanted to kneel down and pray to whoever’s willing to listen to his pleads ‘Please don’t be Brian!’
“Hello, you guys.” Then came the slow drawl of his voice. Brian’s voice. Jae’s ears were assaulted by that deep smooth voice he tried so hard to forget in a span of two months. Joke’s on him though because he could still pinpoint Brian’s voice in the middle of a shouting crowd.
That’s how fucking awful this situation was.
The three all greeted him back with different variations of ‘hi’ and ‘hello’ and Jae could see the happiness behind their eyes. Brian left abruptly and Jae knew it must have took a toll on everyone else too. Seeing him here, alive and well, probably eased their worries.
“Jae, hi.” He stiffened at the mention of his name. He thought that by refusing to acknowledge his presence, Brian would let him be. But he seemed to have forgotten Brian’s stubbornness. He must have seen Jae’s ignorance as a challenge. This fucking idiot .
He braced himself before plastering a smile on his face, he turned around to take a proper look at Brian.
“Hello, Brian.”
When his eyes landed on the owner’s voice nothing could have prepared him at the sight of his clearly good looking ex boyfriend smiling at him, donning a striped button up partnered with black jeans, his hair dyed from purple to black.
Brian still looked so fucking good it hurts to even look at him.
“Brian, take a seat.” Sungjin decided to interrupt the ex boyfriends’ sort of stare down. Brian was the first one to drift his gaze from Jae to Sungjin before giving the elder a smile. He slowly walked towards the only available seat in the table which so happened to be by Jae’s side. He leveled everyone a glare to which they only replied with their own variations of a smug smile.
Annoying brats.
It was fucking quiet, and awkward, and everything Jae hates in an atmosphere. He was trying to communicate his frustrations to Wonpil but the damn snake didn’t even budge—still too fucking happy he managed to trick Jae into this.
“So what now, liar?” He decided to fuck it, fuck all of it . If there’s something Jae hates more than Wonpil right now it’d be silence. Wonpil chuckled at the dripping annoyance on Jae’s voice.
“Ease up, Jae.” An unwelcome touch on his shoulder made him flinch, he quickly glared at Brian who proceeded to chuckle at the jumpy Jae.
“Excuse me, Mr. I-love-Canada I believe I wasn’t talking to you?” Jae kind of loosened up knowing that Brian wasn’t as mad or even awkward as he expected he would be. Yes, he felt relief but also pain because it felt like the break up didn’t even happen or they weren’t even together. This was Brian and Jae , bestfriends edition. Maybe Wonpil was right, Brian was too kind to let something as measly as their break up to ruin everyone’s dynamics.
“Oh shut up Jae, look Wonpil’s dying to talk about his plans.” Brian let his hand that was resting on Jae’s shoulder fall on the table in front of him, shifting his body so that he was facing Wonpil and everyone else. Jae remained quiet at that and instead roamed his eyes around the table. Sungjin was smiling at the both of them with that motherly smile of his that tended to surface out whenever he’s proud or something. Jae honestly felt as if Sungjin’s actually older than him—and it’s not because he and Brian tend to prank to everyone on their spare (and bored) times. He just seemed so mature and put together—so different from Jae’s messy life. His eyes moved towards the youngest of the group.
Dowoon was looking at Wonpil with adoration in his eyes. Jae honestly couldn’t believe how long it took the both of them to confess to each other. There had been pretty obvious times like that one time Wonpil got drunk and was about to say something along the lines of “I love you” if only he didn’t pass out before the word love was uttered. If that trip didn’t happen Jae had no doubts the two would still be walking around each other with their tongues tied. But it’s amazing, because even though it took them longer to get together they’d be celebrating their second anniversary next month. Jae and Brian on the other hand had been together for five years before they broke up. Nothing’s a sure thing in this world anymore, Jae sincerely hoped these two would stay together longer than he and Brian had—if only to restore his faith in love.
His eyes then fell to the last man in the room (let’s not even talk about Wonpil, in Jae’s world he doesn’t exist right now). His chin was resting on his palm as he attentively listened to Wonpil. If Jae remembered correctly, that’s the exact trait that made him fall in love with Brian. You see, no one really listens to him because most of the time he’d ramble about the randomest things his mind could come up with—a show he found on the television, a buzzfeed article he just read, a reddit post that got him interested. The three knew how to block out his voice by now.
Then came Brian who was so so attentive. His eyes would never leave Jae’s unless he’s closing them because he’s laughing at whatever bullshit Jae just spouted. He’d let Jae ramble on and on and would even encourage him when the older would falter because he realized how noisy he’d gotten.
Brian was smiling and nodding along to an excited Wonpil’s plans. Jae resisted the urge to just grab his spare hand like he always used to whenever his brain would drift to thoughts of Brian and how perfect he was. He also resisted the urge to tuck the strand of hair that made its way in front of Brian’s eyes. The younger blinked repeatedly because the said strand of hair managed to graze his eyes. He rubbed his eyes a bit too harsh for Jae’s liking so he grabbed Brian’s hands to stop him from rubbing so furiously.
“You’re going to take your eyes out like that, Bri. ” Jae didn’t even realize he let the nickname slip. Brian froze in front of him while he checked the younger’s eye out, occasionally blowing air to rid Brian’s eye of any dirt or irritation. When he was done checking Brian’s eyes that’s when he only realized what the fuck he did.
He immediately let go of Brian’s hands that he didn’t even realize he was clutching. He could feel everyone’s piercing stares directed at him and it made him anxious. He fidgeted with the gold frame of his glasses willing all their concerns away.
“Uh, Wonpil what was that again?” Brian’s voice filled the air and at this everyone shifted their gazes at him. Jae felt the tight hold on his chest loosen. He raised his head only to be greeted by Brian’s soft smile.
‘Right, he knew. Of course he would. After all, he’s the one who would help me calm down before.’
He gave him a small smile in return before turning his attention to the topic at hand.
“—I don’t want to take too much of your time, I know you’re all busy so I decided that out of the country won’t be possible this time around, Hawaii could have been fun. Either way, I found this cool beach by Gangwon-do and they also celebrate this sort of Sunrise Festival. I was thinking we could spend our week there, I’ve made the necessary reservations too.” Everyone in the table seemed to have no complaints except for Jae—he’s still adamant on not making this happen.
“I’d have to skip out of this one—” At this everyone’s attention returned to him. He could see disappointment clouding Sungjin’s eyes while Dowoon and Wonpil looked like they didn’t buy his bullshit. Of course they won’t, they had been at the receiving end of a drunken Jae’s tears and love confessions. The two of them were the only reason why Brian hadn’t receive any of his drunk calls. Thank God .
“Why?” It was Brian who asked the question he dreaded the most. Dreaded yes, because he didn’t have an actual solid reason to skip out of this one. He couldn’t exactly say that he just didn’t feel like going because that would signify that’s he’s avoiding Brian resulting to him looking like someone who’s immature—someone who’s bitter and couldn’t move on (okay there’s some truth to that but Jae would die first before anyone finds out how he actually feels).
He’d never want to put any burden on Brian’s shoulders. He would rather act okay than guilt trip the younger into avoiding any of their friends just so Jae could breathe easily. He sometimes hated how considerate Brian was. It made him feel like shit for still feeling like this.
“I... have a song project due in a... month for one of my classes, I haven’t written shit man. I don’t want to fail or fall behind more than I do right now.” To be fair, there’s some truth to that. Jae did have a song writing project and he didn’t have shit to write but the due date wasn't next month but next semester. He just really needed to get out of this .
He chuckled to lighten up the significantly heavier mood. It didn’t sit well with him that everyone obviously look disheartened at the fact that Jae couldn’t make it. He wanted to take back his words but everytime his eyes fell to the man beside him, Brian who’s fidgeting with the straw of his iced coffee, he couldn’t help the sharp pang that his heart felt. Jae wouldn’t make it out alive if he’s going to come with them. He just knew it.
After a few minutes of silence, Jae was ready to excuse himself so that he could have his own crying session for being such a shit friend. But Dowoon perked up and banged his fist repeatedly on the table, gaining everyone’s attention.
“What if Brian hyung helps you?” Dowoon’s eyes held a knowing sparkle within them. Jae could feel the dread slowly swallow him. Oh no. Wonpil’s eyes widened and so did Sungjin’s as they realized what Dowoon’s words meant.
“Yes! Brian,” Sungjin addressed the dumbfounded boy beside Jae.
“You still write, right?” Jae lost all hope and just banged his head on the table. He’s got no way out of this. They all sounded too happy, Jae couldn’t bring himself to ruin their moods once again. Fuck Kim Wonpil.
“Uhm, yeah? Occasionally? I don’t think what I’d written though would be good enough for Jae’s project.” Jae refused to look at any of them, he’s just going to wait for this table to swallow his head then perhaps his body right after. Yes, that sounds like a good plan.
“Bullshit, you’ve always written great lyrics. Remember that latest one, You Were Beautiful—” Wonpil gasped and at this Jae lifted his head from the table. The younger was avoiding his eyes. Oh , Brian went back to writing again.
Does that mean he’s seeing someone again?
“What Wonpil’s trying to say is, Brian hyung you’re a great lyricist. I’m sure Jae hyung would appreciate your help especially if he’s having a hard time.” Dowoon saved his boyfriend’s ass to which Wonpil looked immensely grateful for.
“I’m down for it if Jae is.” Brian glanced at him. His eyes held a hint of doubt in them and it made Jae want to jump in the middle of the road and let the cars passing by just decide his fate for him. He knew that if he returns Brian’s gaze all the protest would leave his mouth. He knew that if he turned to look at the hopeful Sungjin behind Brian, he’d feel bad for saying no. He knew that if he looked at Dowoon and his pout he would agree to writing with Brian.
But he also knew that if his eyes landed to Wonpil, he’d strangle the fuck out of that snake.
He let out a deep sigh before standing up.
“Okay, fine.” He grabbed his cup of coffee before making his way towards the door. No one tried to stop him from going out and it was better that way, they all must have felt the strange aura radiating off Jae.
‘Yeah feel my fucking wrath and confusion.’
“Email me the rest of the details, I’ve got a class to catch losers.” Wonpil nodded happily as he wrapped his arms around Dowoon’s. Sungjin waved at him while Brian—Brian gently smiled at him and gestured for him to go, knowing full well how Jae hates being late to all sorts of events.
When he reached a safe distance from the cafe he let the smile slip from his face. He adjusted the golden frame of his glasses from his face and threw away the now empty cup of coffee. In just a few minutes, a lot of shit happened and it made his head spin.
He took a break at one of the benches he passed by.
Brian confused the hell out of him. He didn’t know what’s real and what’s not because surely Brian couldn’t be that okay with him. If Jae remembered shit correctly Brian didn’t love him anymore. Brian had to go to Canada and didn’t want to continue a long distance relationship with Jae whom he had been together with for five fucking years. Not even their 10 years of friendship hindered him from leaving.
And now Brian came back looking all fine and dandy, engaging Jae on what they used to do together. Smiling at him with that boyish smile of his that never failed to make Jae’s heart flutter like a teenage girl. Agreeing to write songs with him even though he vowed he stopped writing before they broke up.
Jae was so so confused and so fucking heart broken. It’s pitiful.