Work Text:
DATING
“It’s not fair!” Tim yelled up at Bruce’s unamused face.
His voice, usually never raised above a mildly affronted tenor, caught Dick and Jason’s attention in the side parlor room and they glanced at each other in surprise.
“Fair is neither here nor there.” Bruce said, voice hard. “It's what I say goes.”
“That's not fair!” Tim said again, uncharacteristically outraged.
“ Tim- ”
“No! Its hypocritical and you know it! Dick and Jay both got to date when they were fourteen, I’m seventeen !”
Dick closed his eyes and cringed.
“Oh, come on, Tim.” Jason breathed under his breath.
“What? No they didn’t. I have a very fair and very clear dating policy.” Bruce said.
“We’re in our twenties.” Dick whispered to Jason, “He can’t ground us.”
“ Yes they did -”
The hilarity and horror of the situation sank into him and Dick breathed out a laugh that might have been a muffled scream.
Tim’s retort abruptly cut off and Jason scowled at Dick as Bruce appeared in the doorway.
“Good job, Dickwad.” Jason hissed, resigning himself to being a part of the ensuing argument.
“Hey B,” Dick said weakly, “Whats going on?”
Tim shouldered past Bruce roughly, and Bruce’s eye twitched.
“Dick! Jay! Bruce is being so unfair! Tell him that you guys started dating way before you were seventeen!” Tim said, glaring at Bruce.
Jason thought his mad face was adorable. Tim’s face constantly wavered between righteously angry and beseeching, and a furrow between his eyes deepened and relaxed with each shift of emotion.
“What are you talking about, Timmy?” Jason said, eyes comically wide, “B said we can date when we are in our thirties. I’m waiting till then. Just ten more years before I even think about getting it on with someone else!” Jason finished cheerily.
“ You were with Roy last night! ” Tim shrieked.
“Either way, their dating life and yours have nothing to do with each other. You are still my minor son and I still make the rules here, Tim.” Bruce said, looking at Tim and Jason and frowning at both for different reasons.
“Your rules suc-"
“Okay! Okay!” Dick hastily cut in. “Everyone cool it. Someone want to explain what's going on?”
“Bruce saw me kissing a guy at school and flipped out, it was so uncool!” Tim said immediately. “He dragged me away in front of everyone! I was so embarrassed!”
“His tongue was halfway down your throat, I thought he was giving you CPR.” Bruce retorted dryly.
Dick swallowed a laugh but Jason made no effort to hide his snort. Bruce glared at them both.
“Your rules are archaic!” Tim yelled. “Everybody at school is dating! Why can’t I?”
“Because I said so.”
“ That's not -”
“Alright!” Dick cut in before Tim could, yet again, inform Bruce how unfair he was being. “Okay, everyone calm down. How about we talk this out like reasonable adults, huh? Tim, sit down. B...quit looming.”
Tim threw himself on the other side of the chaise lounge Jason was occupying, huffily. Jason shot him a toothy grin, that grew wider when Tim flipped him the bird. Dick sighed.
“There is nothing to discuss. Tim, you are to cease all interaction with that...boy.” Bruce ordered, matching Tim’s glare.
“Bruce, come on.” Dick said quickly, seeing Tim’s face turn red. “Don’t you think that’s being a little harsh? Tim is very responsible and he’s seventeen-”
“And I’ll be eighteen next year and you won’t be able to tell me what to do.” Tim cut in.
Jason let out a low whistle and Dick looked heavenwards despairingly.
“Tim, that’s not helping-” Dick started, only to be cut off by Bruce moving forward aggressively.
“As long as you live under my roof, you will obey my rules.” Bruce said, voice hard.
“Then maybe I’ll just move out! So I won’t be living under your roof and I can date other people like a normal person!” Tim shot back, jumping up.
“Like hell you will.” Bruce replied, inflamed.
“You can’t stop me! I’ll legally be an adult! I can do whatever I want!” Tim shouted back.
Jason shot a wide eyed stare at Dick, mouthing Holy fuck .
Dick returned the sentiment.
Tim going on school trips gave Bruce coronaries as the man went on Extreme Parent Mode to cover all worst case scenarios. Tim threatening to remove himself forever was probably causing Bruce to have multiple simultaneous conniptions.
“You just try it, Tim! If you think-”
“Enough!” Dick yelled, physically moving between the two. He put one steady hand on Bruce’s chest and pushed. “Enough. Jay, take Tim to his room. B, cool off.”
“Get off me.” Tim said, pushing Jason away. “I’m going out.”
Dick closed his eyes despairingly, as he saw Bruce’s expression tighten immediately.
“No, you aren’t. Go to your room.” Bruce ordered, through gritted teeth.
“ Make me .”
“Okay!” This time, to everyone’s surprise, it was Jason that jumped in. “Alright, we’re going to Timmy’s room now. There’s one rebel in the family kiddo, and I don’t wanna give you that spot.”
“I’m not- Jay !”
Tim screamed as Jason decided he was done with the arguing and simply took Tim out at his knees, hefting him over his shoulder. Tim slammed ineffectual fists down at his back and shouted.
“Alright, we’re going. You two work this shit out.” Jason said, carrying Tim out of the room. They heard the shouts change to whines half way down the hall and Jason’s corresponding laughter.
Dick looked at Bruce.
“I need a drink.” Bruce said roughly.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
“Where’s B?” Jason asked, slumping on the kitchen table.
“Locked himself in his study. Probably going through thousands of dollars worth of Macallan like its water.” Dick said, dragging a hand over his face.
“Aw fuck, not the 24?”
“Probably. Where’s Tim?”
“Shit. Locked him in his room.”
“Jay!”
“What? He’s fine. I slipped one of B’s stat trackers on him when he was ranting, look.” Jason pushed his phone towards Dick, the screen displaying Tim’s vitals. Bruce had designed it years ago when Tim was small in a fit of over-protectiveness, but now they generally used it only when Tim was sick, or leaving for an extended period of time.
Dick glanced at the screen. Heartbeat elevated. Blood pressure elevated. Everything else looked fairly normal.
“Okay, so he’s locked in his room. Did you account for the window? This is Tim.”
“Hah, please. What do you take me for, an amateur? I’ve got the brat covering that exit. I told him I’d give him twenty bucks if he did his after school workout routine outside of Tim’s window and tell me if Tim tried to sneak out. Agreed pretty quick.”
“Great.” Even if Damian’s intentions weren’t pure, at least he was being helpful. In a roundabout way.
“And don’t say ‘it's Tim ’, are you forgetting who taught us that nifty exit?” Jason said, raising his eyebrows at Dick.
“Hey! I didn’t see you complaining before.” Dick said with a laugh.
“Wasn’t costing me a twenty before now was it?”
“I’m sure you’ll live. Hey, did you get him to take his antibiotics?” Dick asked, glancing at the screen again.
“Ah, shit, knew I was forgetting something. I’ve gotta head back up in ten anyway. I’ll get him to take ‘em then. If I leave him in there for too long, I’m afraid he’ll start to get creative.”
“I hear ya.” Dick said, commiserating. “I better go wrangle B. Tim’s first fight, huh?”
“Tim’s first fight. Damn that boy does not do anything by halves.” Jason laughed.
“Wasn’t nearly as bad as ours, I think B’s losing his touch.” Dick said, conspiratorially.
“You say that now, tell me how you feel after you’re done talking him down from buying Tim a chastity cage.”
“Aw fuck.”
“Good luck.”
“You too, little bother. You too.”
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
“Don’t look at me like that.” Bruce said to Dick. “I know. I screwed up.”
A glass half filled with amber liquid sat next to a mostly empty bottle on his desk, but Bruce didn’t look the slightest bit inebriated.
“You did, but it's okay, Jay’s with Tim. After he gets done hyping Tim up about how terrible you are, he’ll magically say the right thing and you know Tim will forgive you in a heartbeat.” Dick said easily. He crossed the floor to perch on one of the chairs in front of Bruce’s desk.
“It's just...you didn’t see it, Dick. That kid. Had his stupid hands all over Tim’s body. And Tim just looked so small and helpless. It looked like he was forcing Tim...I just saw red. I almost punched a teenager today. There’s something wrong with me.” Bruce swallowed another shot.
Dick muffled a laugh.
“Nothing's wrong with you, B. You’re just parenting Tim the way you’ve always parented Tim. Only now, he’s old enough to start tugging against your invisible leash.”
“I don’t have an invisible leash on Tim.” Bruce denied.
Dick cocked an eyebrow.
“Oh really? I know you know I used to date way before seventeen . And my curfew was never eleven PM. And I was allowed to have friends that you didn’t run background checks on. And I was allowed to-”
“ Okay .” Bruce said emphatically, holding a hand up as if he could physically stop Dick’s words from reaching him. “So I might treat Tim...more carefully than I treated you or Jason.”
Dick snorted.
“Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”
“It’s only because he has a compromised immune system.” Bruce said, nodding to himself.
“Is that so?” Dick hummed.
“And...Dick. He’s so...so...small.” Bruce said, looking deep into the bottle like he was considering pouring himself another shot.
Dick suddenly wondered how many Bruce had before he had come in. He gently tugged the bottle away from Bruce and set it on a side trolley.
“Is he?” There was no trace of the laughter he felt in his voice. Dick mentally patted himself on the back.
Bruce nodded sagely.
“He is. He’s small and he gets sick quickly, and none of those boys in that elitist school are good enough for him. He needs...he needs someone...from not there. ”
It appeared that the alcohol was hitting Bruce all at once. Dick almost wanted to record.
“Uh huh, I hear ya, B.” Dick said, biting his lip.
“And he’s not old enough.” This was said with vigor. “Tim’s innocent. He falls in love quickly. He trusts quickly. None of those brats are worthy. They will just take advantage of my boy and then leave his heartbroken. I haveta...I have to stop them.”
“Oh boy. Okay Bruce, I think-”
“Dick, Dick. You gotta help me okay? Sometimes I have WE meetings. League business. We gotta stay on top of this. That brat can’t be allowed near Tim again, I didn’t like the way he looked at Tim. Pull his face from the school security cams and run it through-...”
“Annnd we’re done. Bruce. Hush and listen to me okay?” Dick said, desperately trying to quell his laughter.
To his credit, Bruce stopped his ranting and turned to Dick as if he thought Dick was going to feed his insanity.
Dick handed him a glass of water.
“All of it please, B. Its mid-afternoon, you can’t be drunk this early. What will Dad Weekly say?”
“I hate that magazine. I carried Damian one time .” Bruce gulped down the large glass.
Dick waited until he had finished to pour him another tall glass. Bruce groaned but grudgingly downed the water. He sipped at it this time and Dick waited patiently until the glass was empty before speaking.
“Feel better now?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
“I’m here for ya, B. Now listen.” Dick swung out of the chair and hopped up on to Bruce’s desk, sitting in front of him and making sure to keep eye contact. “You need to let Tim date.”
“No-”
“ Yes . Bruce. Listen to me. You know what will happen if you try to stop him now? He’ll still do it. Only he’ll get more creative about it. And this is Tim . We both know that if he wanted to, he’d find a way to get married secretly and the only way we’d ever know was when he decided to tell us.”
Dick ignored Bruce’s muttered Over my dead body.
“Tim is resourceful. But. He also wants your approval. Did you ever think this was his way of showing you that he was ready to date? He knew you would be there to pick him up. Tim’s not an idiot. If he was trying to date behind your back there was no way he’d make a rookie mistake like that.”
Dick could see the light dawning in Bruce’s eyes. He pressed on.
“He’s trying to ask you to support him. In his own way. If you blow this out of proportion and lock him down like he’s a little kid, what makes you think he will ever come to you again when he wants to do something he knows you won’t be excited about?”
“...He was trying to ask me for permission. I fucked up.” Bruce muttered.
“That you did, B. But there’s still time. That’s the beauty of family. You can fix it. Get up there, have a serious talk with him. Don’t treat him like a kid, just talk to him like an adult. Spell out your worries, listen to his wants and shove down that inner screaming hysterical parent demon that always comes out when anytime Tim related happens.”
“Dick.” Bruce muffled a laugh.
“You know it's true.” Dick said with a grin.
“It's there for all of you, you know that right, Dick?” Bruce said, suddenly serious and looking at him directly, as if he was afraid Dick wasn’t aware of Bruce’s obsessive tracking of his movements ever since he moved to Bludhaven.
“Trust me B, we all know its there for everyone.” Dick reassured him quickly. While it may suck for Tim to get the brunt of it, Dick wasn’t that good of a brother to transfer the majority of Bruce’s attentions on to himself. He didn’t have the years of training Tim had to deal with it.
“How’d you get so smart, Chum?” Bruce asked.
“The guy who raised me was pretty cool.” Dick said with a smile. “Now go get ‘em!”
Bruce pulled him into his side for a quick hug and then walked out of the office.
Dick pulled his phone out of his pocket and typed out a quick message.
[ B incoming ]
JAYBIRD: [ k ]
Dick smiled and shoved his phone back into his pocket.
“Damn, I should get paid for his shit.” He mused out loud. His lazily looked around the office and his eyes landed on the expensive alcohol Bruce had been drinking to drown his miseries.
Fuck it. It’s not like he had work tomorrow.
Dick grabbed the bottle and took out his phone again, turning on the selfie mode and taking a quick snap with the bottle.
He typed out a message, hit send, and sat down to wait.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jason opened the door to Tim’s bedroom, twisting the knob to make sure that it was unlocked and found himself inches away from Bruce’s fist, where it had apparently been raised to knock.
Jason raised an eyebrow.
Bruce cleared his throat and lowered his fist quickly.
“Can I come in?” The Bat asked gravely.
“Sure.” Jason said easily. “I did all the hard work. You can take it from here.”
Bruce’s deadpan look was one for the books. Jason’s phone chimed in his hand and he looked down to see a selfie of Dick holding a bottle of Macallan with the caption ‘Time to get paid!’
He swiped the image away quickly before Bruce could see it. He looked up and shot Bruce a large grin, that had the Bat looking back at him, alarmed.
“Get in there B! You got this!” He sidestepped the patriarch, just in time as Tim came running up and threw himself into Bruce’s hands, crying.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I didn’t-”
“No, I’m sorry, Tim.”
“Dear lord.”
Jason quickly shut Tim’s bedroom door behind him, effectively silencing out the sappy reunion of Big Bat and Small Bird. He pulled up the image again and enlarged the picture to read the label on the bottle Dick was holding.
Yes. Life was good.
[ OMW ]
fin.