Chapter Text
I WILL ANNOY YOUR FAMILY FOR MONEY
hi my name is sara and i will come be your date for any holiday
i'm a 28 year old felon with no high school degree and work as a bartender, with a van so battered you won't believe its still running.
i will annoy your family by pretending to be in a super serious relationship with you.
things i can do:
- start discussions abt politics / religion
- pretend to be super drunk
- get really inappropriate with PDA
- propose loudly
- start a fist fight
offer is open to men and women
payment in food and board for a few days
Do Not contact with unsolicited requests
She read the ad. And read it again.
ava: you cannot be serious
gary: it solves your problem right? your family wont invite you back if this sara annoys them enough, and your mom will finally have to accept that you're gay
gary: its also hilarious and would make for a great story
ava: no. never.
gary: suit yourself,, she's pretty hot though
[Attached: Image]
Ava opened it, against her better judgement. The picture was of a blonde woman, smiling up at the camera, eyes bright and incredibly blue, and her cheeks were covered in more freckles than Ava thought possible. She appeared to be on a beach somewhere. She was stunning, and Ava's type in every possible way.
She couldn't believe she was considering this.
gary: you're totally considering it now ;)
ava: shut up
ava: maybe
ava: what are her details
gary: yess!!
[Attached: Link]
///
Ava couldn't believe she was actually doing this. She was on her porch in the freezing morning air, a small suitcase resting at her feet. Before she could rethink anything or wonder if she was making a monumentally stupid decision that would result in her parents getting robbed, a battered old van pulled up outside. The ad hadn't lied, the way it jolted when it stopped made Ava question if it was actually road safe, and the paint, which may have once been white, was now a greyish-brown and covered in lines of spray paint and half peeled stickers.
The woman opened the door and hopped out. She looked just like the picture, bright and blonde, dressed in an old hoodie and some ripped skinny jeans. She gave Ava a smile. "So you're Ava Sharpe?"
Ava nodded. "Sara Lance?"
"Expecting anyone else?"
"No." Ava said, standing up to pull the suitcase down the steps, but was met by Sara, who took it from her. "That's chivalrous."
Her confusion was met by a laugh from Sara. "Only the best for my not-girlfriend."
She chucked the case in the back before opening the passenger door. The inside was a little less grimy than the outside and Sara picked up the few empty cans and crisp packets in the foot-well and chucked them in the back before Ava sat down. Hanging from the mirror was a small figure, a girl in Hawaiian dress. Sara got in the driver’s seat just as Ava reached out her hand to touch it.
"That came with the van." Sara said, adjusting the mirror slightly. "Bought it off some stoner surfer guy in Hawaii, called himself Rip Hunter." She snorted. "He called it the Waverider. The name stuck."
Ava opened her mouth to reply but stopped. There was a lot to unpack there. Sara turned the key and the engine sputtered into life, and the rolled away down the street.
"You were in Hawaii?" She asked.
Sara nodded. "Yep, spent a summer down there after I dropped out of college, then went back last summer. You ever been?"
"No," Ava said, absentmindedly, watching the houses outside. "I'm not really one for holidays."
"What?" Sara snorted. "You live here - in that big apartment, and you don't take holidays?"
"I never had the time." She said quietly.
"Too busy with work?"
"Something like that. I'm an associate professor of Law at Star City University."
Sara whistled, and Ava blushed. They sat in silence for a little bit as they turned onto the highway, and Ava tried to not let her eyes drift to where Sara's hand was casually resting on the steering wheel. She was wearing at least four rings, thin and silver.
"Wait - why would you need me then? Surely your family are proud of you? That's a good job."
Ava felt her heart jump, just a little. "No." She said, quietly. "They don't care. They think unless I get married and have children I'm wasting my life."
Sara snorted. "Good thing I'm here. You'll look like a saint compared to me."
"That's not - that's not why I - hired you." Ava said, the words leaving a bitter taste in her mouth.
"Why then?" Sara was looking straight ahead, and Ava sighed, just a little.
"I'm gay. They don't ... accept me being a lesbian, and I've never brought anyone home or really been in a serious relationship before, so my Mom just thinks it's a phase. Or I'm lying to anger her. Or maybe some really late teenage rebellion." Her laugh was a little hollow. "I was hoping this might finally convince her. And maybe stop her guilt tripping me into coming home next Christmas."
"So, the brief is ..." She tapped her fingers on the wheel. "Make your Mom believe you're really gay and give you some peace and quiet next year."
Ava nodded, and Sara grinned.
"Right, I can do that." She said, more to herself than anything.
///
They stopped in a diner for lunch, and Sara ordered the biggest stack of pancakes on the menu, with a side of hash browns and another of bacon, and Ava just stuck to a black coffee. She pulled out her phone, bringing up a photograph.
"I've got two sisters - Teagan's older, Skye's younger." The photo was from Teagan's wedding 9 years ago, all of them beaming, Teagan in a beautiful white dress and her and Skye in purple satin bridesmaid dresses. The resemblance was obvious - all three were blonde, with deep blue eyes. She swiped again.
"Teagan's got three kids, a fourth on the way." At that, Sara whistled, and Ava nodded in agreement. She pointed to the picture - taken in a studio, the family sat around happily. "Milo, Jackson and Cody. That's her husband, Paul. He's the most boring person alive - the only thing he talks about is his job as an accountant. She's a stay-at-home Mom."
"Figures." Sara said, swallowing her mouthful.
"Skye's only 24. My parents say she was planned but ... " Sara laughed at that. "She's just finished her degree - she did Biomedical Sciences at Michigan. She's coming with her boyfriend, Connor, who I haven't met but I'm very sure he peaked in high school."
Sara laughed again. "You have a really low opinion of men, don't you?"
Ava shrugged and blushed a little, before finding the next photo. "This is my dad, Randall, but everyone calls him Randy. He worked for the state department for nearly 40 years but retired last year. He won't say anything that goes against my Mom, and he won't confirm it, but Skye's definitely his favourite."
Sara nodded, her mouth mostly filled with bacon.
"My Mom is Pamela. She'll ask you to call her Pam, and only my dad calls her Pammy. She used to be a headteacher, and she retired last year too. She hates everything about my life, my career, even my cat -"
"You have a cat?" Sara asked, cocking her head a little.
"Yeah. His name's Merlin; he's staying with my assistant Gary over the holiday." She said, absent-mindedly. "My Mom hates all of it, but she always wants the perfect Christmas, so she probably won't say anything, at least not to my face."
It was hard not to sound like a petulant child when talking about her Mom. She took a deep breath.
"She's not the worst. My grandma Louisa - my Mom's mom - is homophobic and racist, and her sister - my Great Aunt Cathy - she's just homophobic. Both are gonna make comments though, so be prepared."
Sara nodded, taking a sip of her coffee.
"Then there's my Uncle Robert, my dad's brother, and his wife Cindy. He speaks way too loudly, she doesn't speak at all. It's a perfect match. Lastly, my Mom's invited the son of someone who used to work with my dad in the hopes I'll fall madly in love with him. His name is Michael Smunk, and he's a lawyer."
"Smunk? You're kidding right - your Mom's okay with you potentially becoming a Smunk?" Sara said, eyebrows raised.
Ava shrugged. "She's invited every eligible bachelor she knows over the years. He did go to Harvard, which overrides any ... Smunk."
"I don't want to talk about him." Sara said, waving her hands slightly. "Tell me about you."
Ava stopped, mug halfway to her mouth. "Me?"
"Yeah, you. I can't be your girlfriend if I only know your name." She said with a smirk.
"Right. Okay." Ava muttered, fiddling with the sleeves of her jacket. She hadn't prepared for this. "I graduated from Yale. I'm an associate professor in -"
"I know that." Sara said, finishing the last of her breakfast in one huge mouthful. "I wanna know about you."
That really threw Ava. What was she going to say? She only spent time at work or at home? She had one friend, who was her assistant and was essentially paid to hang out with her? Her idea of a fun Friday night was drinking wine and watching house hunters with her cat on her lap?
"I bake." She said quietly. "I like snicker-doodles."
Sara grinned, and it felt like a start.
///
"We need a cover story." Sara said as they rolled along the highway. "Y'know, like how we met and stuff."
"Any ideas?"
"What about - I got arrested, you were my lawyer and we fell in love in a whirlwind romance?"
Ava snorted. "No. I don't practice criminal law anymore. Besides, it would violate so many ethics codes I don't know where to begin."
"Buzzkill." Sara said with a grin, and Ava couldn't help but notice the dimples on her cheeks. "Tinder?"
Ava scrunched her face in disgust. "No way. Tea tried to set me up for online dating a few years ago and I flatly refused."
"Okay - I'm a bartender. We could say we met there."
"That works." Ava said.
There was silence, the only sounds the rumble of the engine and Sara quietly humming along to the radio.
"I'm surprised you haven't asked about the felony yet."
"What?"
"You're a lawyer, I've got a felony conviction, yet you haven't asked about it. I could be a murderer for all you know."
Ava blushed slightly. "No - uh - I trust you. I'm sure it's fine."
"That's not very -" Sara said with a snort before her eyes suddenly widened and she looked over. "You already know, don't you? Did you do a background check on me?"
Ava was blushing furiously now, she could feel the heat reaching the tips of her ears.
"I just ran your name through a few databases, just in case - I mean you only said felony, that can mean a lot of things!"
She cut herself off from rambling and looked over to see Sara's barely contained laughter.
"That's cute. You're cute."
Ava tried to resist the urge to cover her pink face with her hands, instead settling for straightening her shirt.
"I didn't see much - juvenile records are expunged from the databases. Just that it was a non-violent attempted burglary."
"Do you want to know more?" Sara asked, voice playful, but Ava just shook her head.
"Probably best I don't."
"Fair enough." Sara said with a shrug.
The car settled into silence again.
"Is there anything else you wanna know about me?" Sara's voice jolted Ava a little - she hadn't realised she was nearly asleep. The shuddering movements of the Waverider were actually rather soothing.
She paused for a minute to think.
"I guess - I mean my Mom will ask this anyway, so I might as well know too - why aren't you spending Christmas with your own family?"
She could see Sara's hand on the wheel stiffen, and when she looked up, her expression was cold.
"You don't have to answer - sorry, I just thought -" Ava's ramble was cut off when Sara shook her head.
"No, it's okay. It's a normal question. It's just -" She let out a breath, staring straight ahead. Ava waited for her to continue, and she did after a minute, voice a little more choked and sad. "My sister died, four years ago. It was a car accident."
Ava let out a soft 'oh.' She hadn't been expecting that.
"I kinda - I didn't take it well. I stopped speaking to my parents; I lost my job. Slept on friend's couches for like, eight months. That's why I started doing this, actually- it let me earn some money, get food and a place to stay for a few days." She looked over and gave Ava a half-hearted smile. "Still don't speak to my Dad, so I normally spend the holidays with my friends."
"I'm so sorry, Sara." Ava said gently. "And please don't feel you have to tell that to my parents - they don't need to know-"
"Thanks, Ava." Sara said quietly.
"We're nearly there." Ava said, desperate to change the subject. She looked out the window - she could see the mountains in the distance. "It's the next turn off."
Sara just nodded.