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Valentina was tired.
No.
Valentina was exhausted, beyond that even.
It has been five days since she was held hostage in her own house, since she had a gun pointed towards her head. She thought that Juliana breaking up with her, fighting with Eva and being mocked by the whole college was the worst it could happen to a person in one day but boy, was she wrong.
The hostage situation had traumatized her in a way that she couldn’t possibly imagine it would happen. She was trapped in own head and she didn’t know how to get out, she wouldn’t eat, she wouldn’t talk, she couldn’t sleep without waking up an hour later, screaming, and then she would stay up for the rest of the night, too scared of her own dreams.
She felt like a shell of herself, but she didn’t know how to make it stop. Eva tried talking to her; Guille tried too, hell, even Renata did. But she felt like none of them understood, she wasn’t comfortable being in the same place as Eva, and she didn’t want to bother her brother and his girlfriend, so she simply kept to herself, getting more tired as the days passed. The only time she could sleep being when Silvina made her swallow some sleeping pills, but the nightmares always cut her sleep short.
Valentina was awake before the sun rose, she checked her phone out of habit, knowing that even if someone had texted, she wouldn’t be in the mood to reply. The comments on social media about her sexuality were replaced by comments about the incident five days ago, people texting her asking how she was doing as if they hadn’t bullied her because of her relationship with Juliana not even a day before. As if they cared. Valentina hated how false people could be, and just the thought of having to go back to that place full of shitty and judgmental people made her shiver.
She knew she would have to, eventually, but at this point she knew she needed to deal with her trauma first, her semester was already lost and she couldn’t bring herself to care that much. With everything else that had happened, losing a semester wasn’t that big of a deal.
There were other things to be fixed before that.
Like her relationship. If she could even call it that anymore.
Juliana has been sending her texts every day, asking how she was doing, if they could meet up. And Valentina gently turn it down every time, not really sure if she could handle any more drama, any more fighting. It took everything of her to deny seeing the brunette, she was so used to say yes to Juls. She was being honest when she told Juliana she would give everything up for her, because she would, because Juliana had made her feel more alive in such a small period of time, than she had ever felt before, because Juliana made her feel safe, and comfortable, and she wasn’t interested in her money. And hearing that Juliana wouldn’t do the same… It hurt.
And yeah, she understands why, of course she does. But it still stung. And she wouldn’t even know how to act around the other girl.
But she missed her so bad, she missed her warmth, and her smell, and her touch. She missed her safe place.
The blue eyed girl sighed and shook her head, trying to get rid of her thoughts.
Was it too early to start drinking? Probably. Did she care? Not at all. In fact, if she got out of her room now to get alcohol, no one would judge her for it, since no one was awake yet.
She knew she should probably stop using alcohol as a way to escape her feelings but today was not the day she would do that.
Or maybe it was.
She was about to get up when her phone rang and, also out of habit – just like what happened when Narcos was inside her house – she picked up without looking.
“Val?”
Valentina froze as soon as she heard the voice. Part of her brain told her to not say anything, but she knew she couldn’t do that.
“Val please say something. Are you there?” Juliana's voice was full of worry and Valentina could picture her all nervous.
“Um, y-yeah.” Her voice cracked slightly. She heard the relieved sigh at the other end and closed her eyes.
“How are you Val?”
It took everything on Valentina to not start crying at that very moment. The way Juliana asked the question, she knew it was genuine concern.
“I- exhausted.” She couldn’t find it in herself to lie, there was no point either, they both knew Valentina wasn’t fine.
“Let me come over, please.”
Valentina stayed quiet for a few seconds, pondering the pros and cons, but the thing was she knew Juliana's presence would make it better, even if just a little.
“Okay. Umm… Eva leaves after lunch, you can come then.” She ended the call after that.
Valentina spent the whole morning fighting with her nervousness, asking if it was actually a good idea to have her ex come over, she needed the comfort, but would it be worth the pain after Juliana left? She didn’t know.
She was dozing off sitting on her bed when she heard the knock on her door, her eyes snapped open and she jumped in fear. She sighed after a few seconds, realizing that everything was fine.
Well, kinda fine. Her ex was still knocking.
Valentina closed her eyes and went to the door, opening slowly to see shy brown eyes staring at her. It took Juliana less than a few seconds to gather up the courage to wrapped her arms around Valentina, one look at the blue eyed beauty and she could see the tiredness radiating off of her.
Valentina didn’t stepped back from the hug, instead, she melted in the brunette's arms, enjoying how safe she felt wrapped in Juliana's arms.
They stayed that way for a few minutes before heading to Valentina's bed.
It was awkward at first, neither of them knowing what to say, but Valentina liked the awkwardness better than the loneliness she felt in the past few days, so it was fine.
Her fingers were drawing imaginary patterns in her sheets until she felt Juliana's hand hold hers, she looked back at the girl, confused.
“I'm sorry Val. I'm so sorry. For everything that happened to you that day. I’m sorry you got kidnapped.” Valentina flinched a bit, and she felt a squeeze in her hand. Her eyes were studying their intertwined hands, not want to let Juliana see the tears that were threatening to fall. “I'm sorry I made you deal with everything on your own, I'm sorry I didn’t fight I was just… I was too wrapped up in my own head, and my own problems and I really thought I was doing the best, for both of us.” Juliana stopped talking for a moment, bringing her free hand to Valentina's chin, bringing it up so the girl was looking at her. “It wasn’t the best, I know that now. After seeing you in that situation, I was so worried Vale. I just kept thinking about how something could have happened, and I wasn’t there with you, and that you were thinking about how I didn’t love you which is so far from the truth.” Juliana sighed, smilling a little. “I love you Val, and I'm sorry. I want to make this work, to make us work, and I want to take care you now.”
Valentina's eyes were full of tears that she didn’t even care about hiding it. Juliana had never been much of a talker, and hearing her say all that, it was all Valentina wanted.
She simply nodded, and let her head fall into Juliana's shoulder, hiding her face at the crock of her neck, she felt arms wrap around her and for the first time in five days, she felt safe and grounded.
“Now tell me.” Juliana's voice startled her a little. They had been in silence for minutes now, just embracing each other. “How are you doing?”
Valentina untangled herself from the firm in front of her and sighed.
“I'm just… so tired, I can't sleep Juls, I feel like they could get in here again at any minute. It’s making me go crazy.”
Juliana sighed, knowing there wasn't really anything she could say to make Valentina believe they wouldn’t come back, she was traumatized – who wouldn't be? – and it would take time to heal. The brunette decided to use actions instead of words, she was better at then.
They both laid down on Valentina's bed. For the first time, the blue eyed girl was one being held, head resting comfortably in Juliana's chest.
She felt safe and she felt warm, and Juliana's fingers were playing with her hair, and it was the best feeling in the world, and if she wasn’t so tired, she would appreciate this moment for a little while, but she was asleep within minutes.
Valentina still woke up screaming two hours later, but Juliana was there to hold her, and whisper words of comfort until she calmed down.
And Valentina knew it was going to be okay.