Chapter Text
It's been 6 months without him, 180 days without his jokes and innuendos, 24 weeks with no rolling eyes, no unconventional manners to complain about... No laughs, no smiles, no stealing glances, no music...
As soon as the truth was unfold she went into denial mode and just couldn't bear it, not like that.. being shot by her ex fiance, finding out who he really was, and more humanly being thrown into a reality in which she was not loved and wanted for real but she was just a mean to an end..
all those spoken words all that wasted moments trying to fool herself with feelings that were unreal... unreal for them both..
And then there was him...
it was too much to take, having to look into her daughter face trying to find the best way to tell her that both her mother and father fiances were death without saying that hers killed the other. She didn't deserve that, she was so young and already facing the consequences of her failed relationship with her father, she couldn't let her in through this new reality where heaven and hell, Devil and demons, immortals and Angels were real... she was just a kid too young for this, too pure to face it.
She kept going like that for weeks, waking up, going through the motions with no aim, no sense, no joy... life was easier this way but still so desperately empty that soon she had to realize that she couldn't make it anymore.
It was Saturday, Trixie was at Dan's and she was alone at home with nothing to do other than trying to keep her feelings silently closed in the drawer that she shut locked months ago... ignoring everything that have passed in the last three years and still trying to avoid the truth,...
suddenly she decideded it was time to give up that fake normality and left...
she wore tight black jeans a white blouse and her leather jacket, her hair were floating in golden waves over her shoulder and a light make up was on her eyes and her mouth. She had to see him and talk to him she wanted to look into his eyes and find out that it was true all true just like she kept saying that day at the warehouse. During the last months she came to realize that despite the odd truth in her heart he was still the same man and she still had feelings for him. She quickly had to admitted to herself that the power of her feelings was too strong to keep on hold waiting just to see it disappear knowing that it wasn't going to happen any time soon or maybe any time ever.
Among all the moments she could choose to go and talk to him she picked up maybe the worst... Saturday night the club was packed people were dancing and singing loudly all over. Once she got in she started scanning the place around looking for him, standing at the top of the stairs that were leading to the bar made the task easier, it didn't take her too long to spot him standing in a dark corner by the bar with an elbow on the counter and a drink in his hand, his legs crossed in a relaxed position. She couldn't see his face but he clearly had his head bend slightly on one side and kept looking at the ground, he seemed far away from the place just as if he was physically there but not as he used to. She remembered coming to Lux sometimes looking at the crowd clapping and dancing around him. When he was on the dance floor his presence filled the room with charms and joy, she wouldn't had never said that to him, but she could stay hours looking at him like that, he was so beautiful and full of life her feelings were so mixed up at that time and she still had a long way through the revelation road... then the nights when the place was quiet he used to sit at the piano in the middle of the dance floor singing and playing his favourite tunes and the people were just silently listening in awe.
She could see all the women and men wanting him, aiming to follow him eventually upstairs to be choosen by him, she could see herself doing the same and eventually giving up to the awfull thought of being just another one in line...