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when jeongguk finishes locking up the daycare and is finally able to go home, he turns around to find min yoongi standing on the sidewalk beside his beat-up car with several balloons, a bouquet of flowers, and a thin box that jeongguk would wager to guess are chocolates. for a second, jeongguk just stares at the sight, his bunny ears twitching forward as though that might help him understand. his nose wiggles. but yoongi just stands there, wide grin curling on his lips as they look at each other. yoongi is holding the balloons with his tail—or rather, the balloons are tied to his tail. strangely, the first coherent thought jeongguk has is a fear that yoongi will float away.
then—“yoongi-hyung?” he asks, pocketing the keys to the daycare and heading toward yoongi instead. his eyes are wide, confused as he looks up at the balloons: pink and white and red. some of them are shaped like hearts.
“hi, guk-ah,” says yoongi, all warm and warm and warm. it settles in jeongguk’s chest along with the mild confusion, and his eyes move down to the bouquet of flowers—roses—in yoongi’s arm. the box in the other, and he was right: they’re chocolates. shaped like little carrots.
jeongguk tries very hard not to thump his foot.
instead, he reaches up and grabs one of his ears, bending it down so he can nibble on the end of it—a terrible habit, of course, and one that his hyungs constantly remind him to stop doing. but there’s suddenly a thrill going up jeongguk’s spine, and he needs something to do. “what’s this?” he asks through the end of the ear in his mouth, eyes still wide as he stares at yoongi.
“it’s valentine’s day,” says yoongi, as though jeongguk needs the reminder; the morning and afternoon at the daycare were spent doing valentine’s day activities, although for the little buns that jeongguk takes care of, it was mostly passing around little valentine’s cards, finger painting with red and pink, and reading stories about bunnies who find love in friendship and family. still—yoongi doesn’t offer more explanation than that. he’s staring so intensely at jeongguk that it makes jeongguk nervous, although he’s gotten used to the long and unbroken bouts of eye contact. cat genes, he’s learned. it’s how they show affection.
“oh,” says jeongguk after a second, letting go of his ear as it flops back into place. “someone must have a crush on you.”
“they’re not for me,” says yoongi, and something flips in jeongguk’s stomach. “they’re for you. from me.”
jeongguk tilts his head. “hyung,” he says, means to make it sound a little scolding, but instead, it comes out breathy, soft. something about yoongi just makes him melt, makes him want to thump with happiness every time yoongi so much as looks at him. “you didn’t have to.”
“i have to spoil my best bun,” says yoongi, matter-of-fact.
jeongguk flushes. “aren’t i your only bun?”
“even better,” says yoongi, and then holds out the flowers and box of chocolates. “here, take them. i can’t hold them when i’m driving.” jeongguk resists the urge to shove his ear back into his mouth, instead finally closing the distance between them and gingerly taking the items from yoongi’s arms. their fingers brush, sending a spark up jeongguk’s arm and it’s—silly, isn’t it? yoongi is his best friend. yoongi has been his best friend for a few years now, despite being different breeds of hybrid.
jeongguk has been in love with yoongi for just as long, and that’s probably why the chocolates and the flowers and the balloons make him feel so nervous, make him want to plant his head in the middle of yoongi’s chest and just wait for the inevitable scratching behind his ears. but that’s also why it’s difficult to know that this is just what yoongi does, even on other days. it doesn’t mean anything.
or—jeongguk lets himself pretend it does as he slips into the passenger seat and helps yoongi shove the balloons into the backseat. it’s valentine’s day, but it’s not any more special than every other day with yoongi—which are already special to begin with. they’re going to spend the evening together, as they spend many other evenings together. jeongguk will pretend it doesn’t hurt a little bit.
“did you have a good day at work?” yoongi asks as he starts the car, the engine put-put-puttering to life. jeongguk lets himself lean against the door and look at yoongi rather than the road, because it’s a good excuse to admire his hyung without having to worry about the intense eye contact that comes when yoongi doesn’t have something else to focus on. he’s wearing a beanie, covering up his ears. jeongguk reaches over and tugs, letting the beanie fall into his lap as yoongi’s cat ears spring back up along with his black hair.
his ears twitch. “jeongguk-ah,” says yoongi, glancing at him for a second as jeongguk giggles. “my hair looks bad today.”
“you’re always pretty,” jeongguk informs him, reaching over to poke his cheek. yoongi’s head snaps sideways, trying to bite him, but jeongguk snatches his hand away too quickly, giggling again. “my pretty hyung.”
yoongi rubs at his hair, messing it up a little. but yoongi is always pretty—jeongguk thinks it’s just one of the perks of being a cat hybrid. he has those sharp, feline eyes, the careful, button nose. has that grin that could almost be dangerous if jeongguk didn’t know the softness beneath it. jeongguk, on the other hand, has always been resolutely stuck in the category of cute thanks to his bunny genes—big eyes, bigger nose. his ears don’t really fit in yoongi’s car, awkwardly folded against the roof. sometimes he thinks all the parts of him were just thrown together, not quite fitting the rest of him.
still, yoongi says, “you’re the pretty one. how was work?”
“good,” says jeongguk, finally relenting as yoongi pulls out into traffic. “we did lots of valentine’s day stuff so it was really cute to see the little ones playing together and giving each other cards. one of them tried to eat the paint, but i stopped her.” yoongi hums as jeongguk talks, detailing some of the other activities and mishaps of the day; it’s always hit and miss working with hybrids so young, but most of them are well-behaved and even the accidents turn out to be humorous. still—jeongguk likes nap time.
“you can eat the chocolates, if you want,” yoongi says after a few minutes. “i bought them for you and i know you’re always starving after work.”
“it’ll spoil dinner,” protests jeongguk, although he has been eying the snacks.
“then let me eat some, too.”
jeongguk grins at that, finally tearing into the box of chocolates. he gets a little distracted by yoongi’s tail carefully curling around his bicep, just holding it—awkward, just a little, because the balloon strings are still tied to it, but the warmth settles inside of jeongguk again. before he moved to seoul after high school, he didn’t know a lot of cat hybrids, or weren’t friends with them, at least. he saw them as predators. but being friends with yoongi has taught him a lot more about feline behaviour: the eye contact, what yoongi’s tail constantly holding him means. sometimes he’s not entirely sure yoongi even realizes he’s doing it.
he eats one of the chocolates, making a noise of contentment at the taste. then he grabs another and leans over to yoongi, poking his lips with the end. when yoongi opens his mouth, he pushes the chocolate inside, not moving his eyes off of the road.
“good?” jeongguk asks.
“good,” yoongi nods after he’s swallowed. they spend the rest of the ride to yoongi’s apartment sharing the chocolates, jeongguk’s foot thumping against the underside of the glove compartment once in a while when yoongi tells him a funny story. when he runs out of chocolates, jeongguk tries eating one of the roses only for yoongi to scold him, reaching over for his hand and biting his knuckle in retaliation. jeongguk goes red, even though he did it on purpose, because he likes when yoongi puts jeongguk’s fingers in his mouth.
he has learned a lot about feline behaviour. or maybe it’s just yoongi behaviour—either way. he scrunches his nose as he giggles, yoongi’s teeth nipping at his fingers before he lets go. jeongguk can’t help it, wanting what he can get from yoongi. sometimes he can pretend it’s enough.
❤ ❤ ❤
jeongguk hums as he stands by the stove, stirring the vegetables he’s cooking. cooking for he and yoongi is always interesting, because yoongi prefers meat, and jeongguk is a vegetarian, which means he has to prepare the meat for yoongi separately. it’s less of an animal cruelty thing, more of a bunny thing. he’s making japchae, in any case, just won’t add the beef to his own bowl. he’s convinced yoongi only eats vegetables when jeongguk cooks for him, which means jeongguk cooks for him a lot—someone has to take care of yoongi’s diet, after all.
besides, yoongi bought him those gifts, so the least jeongguk can do in return is cook. he’s happy to do it.
or—he would be happy to do it, if yoongi would actually let him.
“hyung,” says jeongguk for the third time in as many minutes, awkwardly trying to shuffle over to grab the spices beside the stove. he’s struggling to move, and yoongi makes a noise of acknowledgment although doesn’t let jeongguk go. he wandered over somewhere between jeongguk preparing the vegetables and beginning to cook them, wrapping his arms around jeongguk’s waist from behind. and he just—hasn’t let go since.
rooted to the spot with yoongi clinging to his back and apparently not interested in shuffling over with him, jeongguk reaches out for the spices. he scrunches his nose as he stretches, wiggling his fingers and finally managing to snatch one of the containers off of the counter.
“stop moving,” yoongi grumbles from behind him, mouth pressed to the back of jeongguk’s neck.
“i have to cook, hyung,” jeongguk says. yoongi’s arms tighten on him in response, and jeongguk shivers as he feels yoongi nip the back of his neck; it’s a wonder that jeongguk doesn’t have teeth marks all over him from how much yoongi bites him, although it’s never enough to hurt. it’s how he knows yoongi wants attention, especially when they’re attached like this—which is often, too. both of them are a little touch starved without the other around.
jeongguk adds the spices and then tosses the container back on the counter, reaching around to pinch yoongi’s side. “really, hyung,” he says. “you’re being a nuisance.”
“missed you,” yoongi mumbles into his skin. he licks over the place he nipped jeongguk, like a kitten. or—he is a kitten. feisty one, tail curling around one of jeongguk’s ankles and then the other, like it can’t decide where to stay.
jeongguk gets it, though; yoongi has been busy with midterms in the past week or two, which means they haven’t been able to see each other much. (touch starvation. maybe regular starvation on yoongi’s part, because jeongguk opened his fridge to find a worrying lack of food. yoongi once told him that he’s the only cat to survive solely on a diet of iced americanos and convenience store kimbap.) yoongi is always this clingy, but there’s something else in it, something in the way he won’t let jeongguk go.
“missed you, too,” says jeongguk, ignoring the flush of his cheeks. he’ll blame it on the steam from the stove. “i don’t want to burn the food, though.”
yoongi grumbles a little, but he relinquishes his hold—at least enough for jeongguk to move, grabbing the noodles to begin cooking them, too. it lasts for only a few seconds, because yoongi doesn’t step away; he keeps his chest pressed to jeongguk’s back, too many layers of sweater between them, and instead begins grooming jeongguk.
this, jeongguk doesn’t mind. yoongi takes meticulous care of his own appearance, and although jeongguk tries to keep himself looking good, too, yoongi is constantly grooming him. the first time yoongi went about fixing his hair for half an hour, jeongguk went home and complained to namjoon and hoseok that yoongi hated his appearance. it was the only explanation, until namjoon informed him that it’s just another cat thing: grooming. grooming people they like. jeongguk could look perfect and yoongi would still do this.
besides—jeongguk likes it. likes when yoongi gets his hands in his hair, carefully smoothing down the strands at the back of his head. likes when yoongi gets to his ears, lying happily down his back, and pets those, too, gentle. he’s always gentle. jeongguk hums again as he works on the noodles, giving a full-body shudder when yoongi scratches at the base of his ears; his foot smacks against the cupboard by accident, a reflex he can’t help. yoongi kisses the back of his head, only because he can’t really bite it without getting hair in his mouth. starts working on the rest of his jeongguk, moving his hands down his back, over the wrinkles in his sweater.
it’s awful. it’s awful because yoongi touches him like this, big hands on jeongguk’s waist, smoothing up and down his chest and stomach. jeongguk’s ears lay back back back in contentment, trying not to shiver at the feeling as yoongi presses himself like that. it’s awful because this is just what yoongi does; he’s been doing this for years, taking care of jeongguk. it’s awful because it still makes jeongguk’s heart pound an irregular pattern in his chest, still makes the flush creep up his neck. he can’t help himself being wonderfully, horribly in love with yoongi, can’t help wanting yoongi to touch like this, to take care of him like this. he fools himself into believing it means more than it does.
but it’s just: yoongi is a cat. cats groom themselves, and then groom the people they like. yoongi surely grooms hoseok and namjoon when they’re together, too. yoongi surely slips his fingers under the hems of their sweaters, too, to pet at their waistbands, at their stomachs. yoongi surely presses his lips to the back of their necks, too, and rumbles against their backs in his own form of purring.
surely.
jeongguk can’t stop sweating.
it’s only once he smells something beginning to burn that he realizes he’s stopped paying attention to the food, instead just standing there and letting yoongi pet him. he snaps to attention, cursing under his breath as he turns back to the noodles; it’s not bad, entirely salvageable, but it’s just proof that yoongi being here is a terrible idea.
“hyung, really,” says jeongguk, breathless, trying to ignore how hard his heart is beating. can yoongi feel it, pressed to his back? “i’m going to burn the food. or myself.”
“we can order take-out,” says yoongi, and takes the opportunity to slide around jeongguk’s body, squeezing himself between jeongguk and the stove to cling to his front instead.
“hyung—!” jeongguk begins, ears snapping up in panic and stepping back to make sure that yoongi doesn’t press against one of the hot elements. yoongi makes another noise, tail finding a home around one of jeongguk’s thighs.
“pay attention to me,” yoongi says, sticking his face in jeongguk’s neck. after a second, he bites jeongguk’s neck again, harder this time—putting an action to his words, demanding something that jeongguk doesn’t want to give him just yet.
jeongguk sighs. he shuffles around a little until yoongi’s back isn’t to the hot stove and then leans over to turn off the burner. they’re just going to have half-burned japchae, then, although something tells him yoongi wouldn’t mind. it’s better than whatever he’s been eating either way, and he’s never had a bad word to say about jeongguk’s cooking.
“fine,” says jeongguk, and yoongi pulls back enough to grin up at him, all wide and feral. jeongguk remembers that alice in wonderland movie, the cheshire cat smile. all yoongi needs is the stripes.
“good,” says yoongi, rocking up on his nose and licking the tip of jeongguk’s nose. “it’s valentine’s day. you’re supposed to hold my hand and pet my head and watch terrible rom-coms with me.”
the truth is—jeongguk has no problem with that. jeongguk has no problem, other than knowing that it doesn’t mean anything more than yoongi being a needy cat and jeongguk being too weak to deny him anything. is it a bunny thing? being pliant and unable to fight against anything yoongi wants him to do?
anyway.
they end up on the couch watching pretty woman because it’s one of yoongi’s favourites. one of jengguk’s favourites, too, because he likes everything that yoongi likes. the flowers are still on yoongi’s table, the balloons tied to one of the chairs. jeongguk just—plops himself down on yoongi, head on his chest and their legs tangled together as they cram onto the sofa together. it’s easier this way, he thinks, not to have to see yoongi’s face when they watch the movie—to see how he reacts to a love story, two people from entirely different worlds. jeongguk just likes her laugh.
still—yoongi doesn’t stop touching him. he inhales the food as usual, finished before the opening credits have passed, and then he keeps rubbing his cheek against the top of jeongguk’s head. it messes up all of the grooming he did earlier, or maybe gives him an excuse to do it again. again again again. jeongguk will always give him excuses, or opportunities, always wants yoongi’s hands and attention on him. he tries to focus on the movie, or on his food.
neither works well. it’s just—yoongi’s tail. it’s always yoongi’s tail, curling around jeongguk’s wrist. just holding in lieu of yoongi’s hands doing it, which instead scratch at the base of jeongguk’s ears periodically. it’s a good thing jeongguk has seen this movie a handful of times—it’s a tradition for them to watch it on valentine’s day—or he wouldn’t be able to follow. he can feel yoongi purring.
“you’re doing it again,” jeongguk comments, chewing on one of his chopsticks.
“what,” yoongi mutters.
“purring.”
yoongi bites him. “i don’t purr.”
“yes, you do,” says jeongguk, kicking him. “you’re doing it right now.”
“am not.”
“well, not anymore. because you made yourself stop.”
“fine,” says yoongi. his tail unfurls from around jeongguk’s wrist, lifting his head away. his hands drop away. and it’s—it’s mean. jeongguk likes teasing him, and is good at it because all it takes is drawing attention to all of yoongi’s feline qualities to rile him up, as though yoongi doesn’t know that he’s a cat hybrid. but yoongi knows exactly how to make jeongguk concede, just by taking his hands off of him. despite jeongguk leaning his entire weight against yoongi like this, practically tangled up in all of his limbs, he feels the absence immediately.
jeongguk frowns, letting his head thump back against yoongi’s chest. nothing. he tries it again, a little harder—he’s headbutting yoongi for all intents and purposes, but that’s what he does when he wants attention. he doesn’t have the words.
yoongi won’t touch him, though.
it takes all of a minute for jeongguk to whine, something high-pitched in the back of his throat. he forgets about not wanting to look needy, about trying to keep some distance between them to make leaving at the end of the night hurt less. but he can’t help it, not when yoongi is right here but won’t pay attention to him.
“what do you want?” asks yoongi. “i’m trying to watch the movie.”
“hyung,” whines jeongguk. “i’m sorry.”
“for what?”
“you don’t purr.” he headbutts yoongi again, tipping his head back until he can get a look at yoongi’s face. from this angle, he looks funny. but yoongi looks back down at him until he has a double chin. after a second, jeongguk says, “kitty.”
yoongi leans down and bites his nose. jeongguk’s foot thumps against the sofa.
“bun,” says yoongi. kisses jeongguk’s nose. something flutters inside of him, hates it, hates it. can’t stop it, though, even if he wants to. (he doesn’t.)
when yoongi pulls back, it’s not enough. their eyes meet in the dimness of the room, the movie still playing feet away, but jeongguk couldn’t pay attention for anything in the world. it’s just—yoongi. yoongi, whose eyes flicker to his lips for a moment, and jeongguk thinks—something. thinks something wild, something that makes his stomach curl into knots. he’s never wanted to kiss someone more.
but—yoongi doesn’t like him like that. it’s valentine’s day, that’s all. jeongguk has worked himself into some romantic mood, wishing and hoping for unrealistic things. it’s the movie. it’s the balloons, the flowers, the chocolate. it’s yoongi, who always makes him feel like this—like the world has dropped out from under his feet, but it’s okay. it’s okay because yoongi is here, and yoongi will always take care of him.
yoongi still hasn’t moved.
jeongguk—panics.
he lurches off of the sofa so fast that he almost smashes his head against yoongi’s nose, ears whacking yoongi in the face as he gets to his feet and stumbles back a step. “um,” he says, flustered from head to toe; he hopes the darkness hides the redness on his cheeks, hands instantly reaching for one of his ears. “dishes. i’m gonna—yeah.” he beelines for the kitchen, shoving the end of his ear in his mouth, and then remembers that he needs dishes to wash and turns back around, not meeting yoongi’s gaze when he grabs their empty bowls and marches back into the kitchen.
this time, yoongi doesn’t join him. doesn’t press himself against jeongguk’s back, doesn’t nip and kiss at his red skin as consolation. somehow, that’s even worse.
when jeongguk returns, the movie is still playing. yoongi is on the sofa, watching it; his eyes flit to jeongguk when he enters the room, and jeongguk—isn’t sure. he’s afraid he might have ruined something, although yoongi doesn’t move away when jeongguk sits down beside him again, leaving a few inches of space between them. his own tail twitches. his ears are high on his head, waiting for some sign.
silently, yoongi holds his hand out between them, palm up. on the screen, richard gere snaps the necklace case shut on julia roberts’ fingers. jeongguk takes yoongi’s hand, ignoring the feelings blooming in the pit of his stomach, and intertwines their fingers. it’s not bad. it’s never bad, not with yoongi.
they watch the rest of the movie like that, hand in hand. they migrate closer and closer until their thighs are pressed together, until jeongguk throws his legs over yoongi’s lap, until yoongi leans over and rests his head against jeongguk’s shoulder. yoongi starts purring again. this time, jeongguk doesn’t say anything.
by the time the movie ends, they’re tangled up in each other again, and jeongguk is half-asleep. yoongi just—makes him feel safe, makes him feel at home. he’s warm, always, and soft. he thinks about love stories, about romantic movies, about valentine’s day, and he loves yoongi more than he ever has. even when yoongi doesn’t love him back, jeongguk can’t stop it. one of his ears is draped over yoongi’s head like a blanket, his feet tapping against the sofa in a haphazard pattern of contentment, love. love.
jeongguk sighs.
yoongi lifts his head from jeongguk’s shoulder, and then shuffles impossibly closer. his breath tickles jeongguk’s cheek, nose brushing against his skin, but jeongguk keeps his eyes trained on the television, where the credits are playing.
“what?” asks jeongguk.
“what’s wrong?” asks yoongi. jeongguk—doesn’t know how to tell him. doesn’t know how to put it in words without laying his heart bare, although maybe that’s the point. yoongi is always gentle with that, too, as he is with everything else about jeongguk. he has his claws, metaphorically speaking, but they’ve never come out around jeongguk.
so jeongguk just slides down the sofa a little more, looking down to where yoongi’s tail is swishing back and forth in his lap. “s’nothing,” says jeongguk.
yoongi licks his cheek, some gentler form of his usual biting—probably because he thinks biting jeongguk will make it worse. yoongi sets his chin on jeongguk’s shoulder, then, impossibly close. somehow, it’s still not close enough.
“you can tell hyung,” says yoongi, his arms wrapping around jeongguk’s middle and pulling him flush. “something happen at work? are namjoon and hoseok bothering you about cleaning your room again? i’ll bite them, you know i will.”
“please don’t,” says jeongguk, although the thought is amusing—if his roommates were the problem. as it is, jeongguk just runs his finger along the side of yoongi’s tail, feeling the soft black fur of it. “i guess i just… get a little sad watching movies like this. i wish someone would love me like that, you know? enough to give up everything for me, or love me in spite of all of my flaws. the movies make it look so easy, like that person is just around the corner.”
he keeps his eyes on yoongi’s tail, not daring to see yoongi’s expression. it’s hardly the first time jeongguk has complained about being lonely, but he never thought he would be the person who took a disliking to valentine’s day because of it. when yoongi doesn’t say anything—not for a few seconds, and then not for a few seconds more—jeongguk finds he needs something to do with his hands. in lieu of grabbing one of his ears and chewing on it, he trails his fingers over yoongi’s arm across his stomach, to where his hand is wrapped around jeongguk’s side. he wiggles his fingers under yoongi’s palm, prying his hand off of jeongguk and then flipping his hand around so he can trace the lines there, the creases in yoongi’s skin.
finally, yoongi hums, something low in the back of his throat. “i’m sorry it makes you sad, bun,” he says. “but i think one day, you’ll have a love even better than the romantic movies. it’ll put all of them to shame.”
“easy for you to say,” says jeongguk. “you’re not the one waiting for it.”
he feels yoongi go stiff, just for a moment—then he relaxes again, nuzzling his cheek into jeongguk’s shoulder. “anything i can do?” he asks.
jeongguk thinks—love me. but that’s a bit silly, isn’t it?
“this is good,” he mutters, finally intertwining their fingers properly. “this is good, hyung.”
he thinks he feels yoongi kiss his shoulder, but he can’t be sure. either way, he realizes all of this might be a bad idea—trying to fool himself into believing that this is enough. it never will be, but it’s just another valentine’s day. he’ll get over it, like every other one.
❤ ❤ ❤
yoongi drives him home. they don’t live far apart, but he argues that he won’t force jeongguk out at this time of night when it’s still cold. he zips jeongguk’s jacket up extra tight anyway, even though they’re just getting into yoongi’s car. jeongguk tries not to see it as a wayward act of love in light of their brief conversation after the movie.
but—it sticks. it sticks, how he’s been in love with yoongi for years and has always been too shy to say anything about it, not wanting to force yoongi into anything. how he’s not been sure about hybrid species, about what people would think. he doesn’t really care, is the thing, not when it comes to yoongi. but yoongi might care. jeongguk won’t presume to know.
it sticks, so he toes off his shoes just inside the door and wanders into hoseok’s room, not even bothering to greet his roommate before he faceplants on hoseok’s bed. sitting at his desk, hoseok turns to look at him with a, “that kind of day, huh?”
“i will never find love and happiness,” jeongguk says into the mattress.
a moment of silence. then—“namjoon! he’s having a crisis!”
jeongguk whines in the back of his throat, both because of how heavy his heart is and because calling for namjoon is never a good thing. namjoon makes him talk. he’d rather they just wrap him up in a blanket burrito and pet his hair, coddle him. but as much as hoseok and namjoon love jeongguk, they’ve never treated him as anything less. he’s frequently reminded that he’s supposed to use his words.
he hears footsteps, and then feels the bed sink beside him. then: a hand on his shoulder. “everything okay, gukkie?” asks namjoon.
“no,” says jeongguk. “valentine’s day is supposed to be about love and appreciating what you have, but i’m sad. i’ll never be like julia roberts. i want someone to snap a necklace case on my fingers to make me laugh.”
“what…” begins hoseok. “what does that even mean?”
jeongguk grumbles, rolling over and staring up at the ceiling. “it’s so stupid,” he says. “the movies make it seem like finding love is so easy, but if it is, then why am i still sad and alone, huh? huh? will no one think i’m the cutest person in the world? will no one randomly give me gifts and hug me when i’m sad without even asking and understand me more than anyone else? am i meant to be alone forever?”
no one says anything. it takes long enough for jeongguk to lift his head, frowning at both hoseok and namjoon, although they’re both just staring at him.
jeongguk sighs, letting his head drop again. “i know you two love me,” he adds. “but it’s different. i want someone to love me like jack loves rose. or noah and allie. fuck, won’t someone be the homer to my marge?”
“jeongguk,” says namjoon.
“i’d even take a brad and jenn, even though they didn’t stay together,” says jeongguk. “at least they were together at some point, you know? i can’t even get that.”
“jeongguk.”
“do you think i should try dating sites? they have ones for bunny hybrids, right?”
“jeongguk, you fucking idiot,” snaps hoseok. jeongguk lifts his head, staring at his roommate.
“that’s mean.”
“are you blind?” asks hoseok. “you could have all of those things. someone already does love you like that.”
jeongguk sits up, eyebrows furrowing. “what?” he asks. “who?”
hoseok rubs at his forehead. it’s namjoon who says, “yoongi-hyung. obviously.”
jeongguk blinks at them. “of course yoongi-hyung loves me,” he says. “but i’m talking about something else. he can’t be the bonnie to my clyde if he loves me like a friend.”
“he doesn’t love you like a friend,” says namjoon. “seriously, do you—do you not know?”
“know what?”
“jeongguk,” says hoseok, having recovered from whatever was afflicting him moments ago. he leans over and places his hand on jeongguk’s knee. “yoongi-hyung has probably been in love with you for as long as you’ve been in love with him. it’s obvious. you’re the one who spends all that time with him; can’t you see it?”
“what are you talking about?”
“do you need proof?” asks namjoon. “let’s see… first of all, he’s always touching you. like, it’s borderline obsessive how he’s always clinging to you. and when you’re not close enough, his tail is always trying to touch you anyway.” he holds up his fingers, counting off the supposed items of proof. “not to mention you’re always holding hands. then he’s always rubbing his cheek on you, which is just… weird, honestly. and he’s always staring at you like he kind of wants to eat you?”
“which he does!” says hoseok. “he’s always biting you. genuinely, the first time i saw it, i thought he was trying to hurt you, but obviously that’s not the case.”
“yeah, that,” agrees namjoon. “then he’s always grooming you. i’ve never seen someone take such meticulous care of another person before. he even licks you, which is weirder then the cheek-rubbing thing.”
“and he purrs around you,” adds hoseok.
“and he gives you lots of gifts,” says namjoon. “you can try to deny it, but i can count at least ten items in your room alone that are gifts from yoongi-hyung for no apparent reason. i swear every time you come home from his apartment, he’s given you something else.”
jeongguk’s eyes skirt to the door, where the balloons and flowers from yoongi are on the floor. but—“that’s not proof of anything,” protests jeongguk. “he does all of that stuff, but that’s just—that’s cat stuff. that’s how cats show affection.”
“yeah,” says namjoon. “but you’re the only one he does all of that to.”
jeongguk frowns. he thinks of the hours he just spent with yoongi—how he’d clung to jeongguk, bit him, groomed him, purred. he did all of those things that hoseok and namjoon just pointed out, and jeongguk just assumed it didn’t mean anything.
“really?” he asks hesitantly. “i thought he did that stuff with you guys, too.”
“god, no,” laughs hoseok. “he bites me sometimes, but it’s always because he’s mad at me, not because he’s just trying to get my attention like with you. and i have held his hand on several occasions, but that was because we were walking in the dark and i got scared.”
“he’s affectionate with us, obviously,” says namjoon. “but it’s not like with you. and it’s not just because he’s a cat hybrid. jeongguk-ah, i think he would do all of that stuff even if he was human. he just—likes you. he really, really likes you.”
jeongguk’s cheeks flush flush flush. he doesn’t want to believe it, because he doesn’t want to be wrong—but that doesn’t stop his heart from fluttering and his ears from lying back on his head in some mix of fear and excitement. he’s wanted yoongi to like him for so long that he can’t imagine it being true, but maybe it is. maybe it is.
still—“how can you be sure?” he asks. “i don’t—i don’t want to say anything and be wrong and ruin our friendship, oh my god.”
“jeongguk, trust me,” says hoseok, squeezing his knee. “you might be oblivious and blinded by your own love for him, but it’s very apparent to the rest of us. the way he looks at you and treats you and talks about you… it’s something right out of a romantic movie.”
“oh my god,” whispers jeongguk. because if it is true—if yoongi really doesn’t treat anyone else the way he treats jeongguk, with the purring and the cheek-rubbing and the gifts—then he’s just made a fool of the both of them. and the person that he’s meant to love and be loved by is just right around the corner. and it’s still valentine’s day.
jeongguk stands up, eyes wide. “i have to tell him,” he says, already heading for the door and leaving both hoseok and namjoon sitting there. “i have to tell him!”
“jeongguk-ah,” begins namjoon, hurrying after him as jeongguk grabs his coat and hastily shoves it on, searching for his shoes. “where are you going?”
“i have to tell him, hyung,” says jeongguk, shoving his shoes on.
“guk, it’s like, midnight. and freezing out.”
“it’s valentine’s day! i have to tell him!”
“you can’t just—” namjoon stops as jeongguk suddenly realizes that he can’t just go over there like this and runs back the way he came, breezing past namjoon to instead grab his bag outside of hoseok’s room. he rifles through it until he finds what he wants, triumphant as he turns back around and heads for the door again. he’s high on the thought, on the feeling—yoongi likes him back. yoongi loves him back, maybe. hopefully.
he’s going to take his chances.
namjoon yells at him again, but jeongguk just bounds out of the door, putting his bunny genes to good use as he takes off down the street in the direction of yoongi’s apartment. and it is late and cold, but he doesn’t feel it, doesn’t worry about someone jumping out from the shadows. it’s valentine’s day for another ten minutes, maybe, and he has to tell yoongi. has to tell him now, has to make it worth it.
jeongguk gets to yoongi’s apartment at 11:58. he’s both sweating and freezing, having run faster than he thinks he ever has in his life, and he pounds on yoongi’s door with all of that adrenaline and hope and want—and he thinks that maybe it doesn’t matter if hoseok and namjoon are wrong. jeongguk has been keeping all of these feelings inside for too long, so he has to tell yoongi. he has to, on the off chance that they might be reciprocated.
the door opens a little, yoongi’s bright eyes peeking out from the crack. “jeongguk?” he asks, confused.
“hyung!” jeongguk practically shouts, shoving the door open all the way and making yoongi stumble back. he’s still breathing hard, but the adrenaline hasn’t run out yet, and he checks his phone. “it’s still valentine’s day.”
“okay?”
“here,” says jeongguk, shoving the little card he brought with him into yoongi’s hands. “i forgot to give you a valentine.”
yoongi looks impossibly confused, but he takes the valentine anyway. jeongguk watches him with bated breath, knowing what it is—it was given to him by one of the kids at the daycare. and he feels a little bad about repurposing it, but it was the best that he could do on short notice, having scribbled out what the kid (or her mother) wrote and adding his own message.
“what’s this?” yoongi asks, brows furrowing.
“it’s, um,” says jeongguk, reaching up and grabbing one of his ears for good measure as the nerves suddenly flood him. “well, it’s—it’s a cat. and a bunny. so, um—it’s us, i guess? if you want.” on the valentine, the cat and bunny are cuddling. beside it, jeongguk has written maybe we could do that?
yoongi looks up at him, ears twitching. “we do do this,” he says. “we just did that. also, did you run here?”
“no, you don’t get it,” says jeongguk. “i was—i was wrong. about the movie. i said that it wasn’t easy to find someone to love you, but i was wrong.”
yoongi is still staring at him, and jeongguk—just says it.
“i love you, hyung,” he says, a little softer now. his heart is still racing, but it has nothing to do with physical exertion. “i have for a very long time, and i didn’t say anything because i didn’t think that you would like me, too, but i think—i’ve been looking at it wrong.” he swallows tightly. “haven’t i?”
and here it is: the part where jeongguk might be wrong. but he watches yoongi with wide eyes, waiting for some answer, some confirmation. he notes the moment yoongi reaches for him, because it’s not just with his hands but his tail, too, and that’s. that’s exactly what namjoon and hoseok were talking about, how yoongi’s body is always moving toward jeongguk, always in orbit around him, like he can’t help it.
“jeongguk-ah,” says yoongi, all soft and warm. his hand is gentle around jeongguk’s wrist, tugging it away from jeongguk’s ear. he steps closer, closer and closer until their toes are knocking together. “i’ve loved you for a very long time, too.”
all of the air leaves jeongguk’s lungs in a whoosh. “really?” he asks. “is that—is that why you bite me all of the time?”
yoongi’s cheeks darken. “maybe,” he says. “can’t help it. i just want you to pay attention to me all the time.”
“i do.”
“yeah, but more. more like—maybe i want you to kiss me, too?”
jeongguk’s mouth goes dry. he hadn’t thought about it, not really—was too worried about getting the words out, about finding out the truth. but now they’re mere inches apart, and yoongi is holding onto his wrist and looking at him with some sort of pleading in his eyes, like he’s waited so long for it that he can’t wait another moment. jeongguk thinks, vaguely, that he’ll have to rethink all of their interactions. he’ll have to ask yoongi if namjoon and hoseok are right, about the cheek-rubbing and gifts and his tail. but for now—it doesn’t really matter. whether or not yoongi saves those things just for him, jeongguk is the one he’s asking to kiss. jeongguk is the one he loves.
so.
jeongguk grins, slow.
“are you going to purr if i do?” he asks.
yoongi’s eyes narrow. “why don’t you kiss me and find out?”
so jeongguk does.
(and yoongi does purr. just a little. jeongguk giggles about it, and yoongi scowls, but they end up cuddled on yoongi’s bed with yoongi’s tail wrapped around his wrist as jeongguk holds his face and kisses him again again again, laughing the whole time. and he thinks—maybe it’ll be better than those romantic movies. maybe he likes having yoongi as his valentine, not just this year, but every year, as long as yoongi wants to love him for. he’ll take all of it, whatever yoongi wants to give him.)