Chapter Text
The first time Liu Qingge seen Shen Qingqiu, they were new disciples. Shen Qingqiu was a kind of odd sight amongst younger disciples, he also seemed like he just started his cultivation.
Not much to be said for their first meeting, their eyes only meeting once. But Liu Qingge’s first opinion of him had been ‘pretty,’, second came ‘looks weak,’.
And Shen Qingqiu was weak. The result of their battle that day was the proof of Shen Qingqiu’s weakness, kneeling in the floor, injured but not too badly. Meanwhile, Liu Qingge stared down at him and... Ridiculed.
Liu Qingge was an ignorant youth back then. A fawned young master from a noble family. There was no excuse to excuse his action back then aside from arrogance and his pleasure seeing others being inferior to him. An immature defect of his character back then.
After that, Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu went out their own way. Completely different ways, the peak of war and the peak of scholar. Since then, Shen Qingqiu and him never really interact. They mostly acted like the other was just a breeze, never really noticing the other’s presence.
The first time Liu Qingge ever been working with Shen Qingqiu was when he was a part of a patrolling group. Back then, demons still liked and could trespass much easier. Lower level ones, of course.
An elder that accompanied them back then was careless and got trapped in one of the demon’s trap, leaving them without a leader. Shen Qingqiu had stood up in the midst of chaos back then, arranging the group and lead them to their triumph over dozens of trespassing demons. That time, Liu Qingge thought that Shen Qingqiu was pretty capable.
Their first ever conversation was an argument. Years after they were accepted into Cang Qiong Mountain sect, Liu Qingge was then chosen as the head disciple for being the strongest and literally the only one that the other Bai Zhan’s disciples didn’t dare to provoke.
One day, Shen Qingqiu just came knocking to Bai Zhan and demanded to see the head disciple. Liu Qingge met him after that and he began telling Liu Qingge to ‘rein’ back Liu Qingge’s own apprentice brothers and sisters to not bully other disciples from other peaks, especially Qing Jing peak.
Liu Qingge was bewildered, he was always focused on his training so he never looked for any gossips. He then asked his brothers and sisters whether it was true and they denied it. Of course, between his brothers and sisters’ united denials and Shen Qingqiu’s accusation, Liu Qingge trusted his apprentice brothers and sisters more.
The argument broke into a fight soon after and ended up in a draw an hour later. Liu Qingge was left slightly astonished, years ago, Liu Qingge beat this guy to the ground without even as much breaking a sweat. Years later, their fight ended in a draw. Although it seemed like Liu Qingge had an upper hand, he actually suffered as much as Shen Qingqiu.
He was not weak... Just a bit late, less fortunate, less opportunity for him. Not as talented but he tried everything to make up for that part...
He wasn’t inferior. Liu Qingge reluctantly admired him.
Qing Jing peak’s then master had to come himself to fetch his darling disciple. Of course, it then evolved into another argument with their respective masters, the stubborn Bai Zhan’s then peak master, Feng Qingde who was mad that his lawn was half destroyed and the sharp-tongued Qing Jing’s then peak master, Jing Qingan, who was furious that his darling disciple supported such severe injuries.
Luckily, neither masters were immature enough to break into a fight as Jing Qingan asked his ever so obedient and usually so level-headed disciple what caused him to fight and in Bai Zhan peak at that. Shen Qingqiu then told his Shizun that he came to tell Bai Zhan’s head disciple to control the other Bai Zhan disciples to not bully people as his apprentice brothers and sisters were bullied a lot and he couldn’t stand it.
Hearing the righteous reason, of course Jing Qingan demanded Feng Qingde to solve it. Eventually, Liu Qingge found out that his apprentice brothers and sisters had lied to him to save themselves from being rebuked and was also very angry at them for it. The entire Bai Zhan peak’s disciples were then punished to repair back the lawn and run some tricky tasks.
After solving that issue, the aloof Jing Qingan of course wasted no time in carrying his prized disciple off to Qian Cao peak for treatment. Liu Qingge didn’t even have time to apologize.
After that accident, their relationships evolved from ‘barely acquaintances’ to ‘can’t stand a sight of him’ real quick. Every time Shen Qingqiu glimpsed him, his expressionless face would scrunch up in an expression close to ‘loathe’ and he would look away as if looking at Liu Qingge any longer than a second would dirty his eyes.
Naturally, the prideful Liu Qingge was, he also scoffed and looked away with an annoyed expression which he constantly regretted.
Their relationship spiraled more down from there.
Any attempt to speak to him by Liu Qingge would sharply cut off by Shen Qingqiu. Once, Liu Qingge hadn’t even said “Hey,” before Shen Qingqiu said; “Close your mouth, I don’t want your brain to fall out of it.”
They quickly became famous for never getting along, and frankly, their masters seemed to be comforted by that as long as no one’s lawn nor disciple were hurt.
On the other hand, Liu Qingge was frustrated with himself.
He wanted to apologize.
His bias and pride prevented him from delivering the right judgement which caused him to start a fight and hurt an innocent shixiong. He was Liu Family’s young master, the proud and talented eldest young master. He might be proud but he was righteous, he would never stand for injustice and ironically he had done so to an innocent person.
However the said innocent person seemed to be set to be his life’s antagonist, damn it!
So, Liu Qingge decided to observe Shen Qingqiu, waiting to see the moment where Shen Qingqiu’s mental defense down so he could jump in and apologized as dignifiedly as possible. He always secretly observed the ice block who seemed to have quota of ‘expression change’ every day.
Distracted. Mad. Musing. Exhausted. Anything.
Liu Qingge observed and waited for a moment of mental defense relapse in Shen Qingqiu’s part but frustratingly it never came. Never. The asshole seemed to be as astute and sharp no matter what condition he was in. He might look like he ignored you three-quarters of the time, but he listened. When he was clear that whatever came out of your mouth was undesirable for him, he would make it known to you as fast as possible.
Liu Qingge experienced it first hand.
“Shen-“ “Save it.”
“About that time-“ “It’s time for you to shut up.”
“Hey, listen-“ “To your lying apprentice brothers and sisters? I’m not a fool.”
It was useless! Thoroughly useless! That bastard just seemed to put up a whole new and stronger defense when it came to Liu Qingge!
On another hand, Liu Qingge found out Shen Qingqiu’s small quirks. Like, when he was distracted, he would look to the bottom corner of his sight, sometimes he’d twirl his long hair in between his fingers.
When he was musing, he would look down as he fanned himself slowly. When he was impatient, he would fan himself slightly faster than normal and his gaze subtly stared past you or to the distance. When he was annoyed, he hid the lower part of his face with his fan and his eyes narrowed slightly.
When he was content, he would fold his hands behind his back and would often close his eyes. When he secretly thought you were an idiot he’d hide his face and his eyes had this mocking glint. When he was exhausted he would absently fan himself and played with his hair, pushing it back behind his shoulders and bringing it back down his chest.
There was nothing wrong in noticing those, right? After all, Liu Qingge did observe Shen Qingqiu a lot of times for research purposes.
And then those 'purely scientific observations' turned a bit more personal. Like, how Liu Qingge noticed how small and soft-looking Shen Qingqiu’s hands were, how long Shen Qingqiu’s fingers were when he held his fan gracefully. Or how pretty and dense the shadow Shen Qingqiu’s eyelashes cast when he looked down and half-lidded.
Or how Shen Qingqiu’s hair grow longer. How pretty Shen Qingqiu’s eyes were when he hid the lower part of his face behind his fan, sparkling and showing its best appearance only when it was the only thing you could see from Shen Qingqiu’s face. What a natural colour Shen Qingqiu’s pink lips were.
How pleasant Shen Qingqiu’s voice was when he wasn’t giving Liu Qingge a scathing remark. The way he walked. The way he dressed. Everything he did just exude beauty and elegance.
And Shen Qingqiu looked really cool when he created a strategy or improvise a tactic.
It was only after the twelfth month of ‘observation’ that Liu Qingge realized something as he stared blankly when one of his apprentice brothers confessed to a girl from Xian Shu peak and told her about how he fell for her ‘Your eyes, your voice, the way you smile, everything about you is just so beautiful-‘
Liu Qingge’s face turned deathly pale as the surrounding erupted in cheer when the girl accepted his shixiong’s feeling. He stared agape as the new couple embraced each other shyly in front of all the audiences. Liu Qingge’s eyes wandered before he caught the sight of Shen Qingqiu in the crowd, the lower part of his face was covered with a white fan but his gaze showed clear distaste and maybe a bit of envy to the new couple.
Shen Qingqiu looked up and their gazes met, Shen Qingqiu glared at him with calm hostility.
Liu Qingge had fallen for this man...
Liu Qingge scowled and glared back with more heat.
Oh dear God, what should he do?
“Shizun, quick question,” Liu Qingge bust into his Shizun’s relaxing house, which was on the rear of the peak, and exclaimed.
“Ask your apprentice brothers or sisters!” Feng Qingde snapped before he remembered that Liu Qingge was his head disciple, hence, the one who knew the most about everything in this peak, second only to him.
“I already asked all the apprentice sisters, frankly, I don’t think they’re helpful,” Liu Qingge said solemnly. “Shizun, I’m in love,” Liu Qingge asked in a heartbeat and the house immediately plunged into silence.
“... Good job?” Feng Qingde arched an eyebrow hesitantly. “Keep it up...?”
“No, Shizun. What to do. I’m not asking about your opinion,” He had stopped a long time ago.
“Hell if I know. Go confess or something,” Feng Qingde rolled his eyes.
“But what if that person and I had been in a misunderstanding before and they currently, possibly, hate me?” Liu Qingge asked.
“What the heck, and here I thought you could stay out of a drama,” Feng Qingde grumbled.
Liu Qingge sighed, knowing his Shizun turned out to be rather useless to this problem too. “Also, why do people from Qing Jing peak sometimes brought random music instrument with them?”
“Aren’t you glad? That’s the part of their training. Scholar and all, they’re expected to know many arts. Tacky, really,” Feng Qingde sipped his tea.
“Better than being an uneducated barbarian,” Feng Qingde paused and whirled around to see Jing Qingan with his head disciple about twenty feet away in the rocky road. The relaxing house of Bai Zhan was near the Rainbow Bridge, so it was not rare to see some people passing by though they made sure to be extra quiet so as to not disturb the one in the house. So it was not a surprise to see Jing Qingan passing by with his disciple, a bamboo flute in their respective hands. Feng Qingde could literally see them straight from his opened front door.
“Go along, scholar! You don’t want me to start charging price to walk through!” Feng Qingde felt too lazy to banter with Jing Qingan. Their relationship was actually never been too close nor too hostile, but after the accident where their disciples beat up each other, Jing Qingan seemed to view the entire Bai Zhan with disdain.
Well, it wasn’t a secret that Jing Qingan cherished his head disciple like a treasure, so it wasn’t a surprise that he kept a grudge. Still, Feng Qingde didn’t care.
“You can hear people’s education from their choice of words, Qingqiu. You should know that by now,” Jing Qingan shrugged and told this to his expressionless student who nodded at his words as they both continued walking. Feng Qingde only felt mildly insulted.
“Brat, why didn’t you tell me they were passing by?” Feng Qingde said.
Liu Qingge shrugged, “I thought you know, why else would I ask that question out of nowhere?”
Feng Qingde grunted, thinking that made sense and went back on relaxing. Liu Qingge also sighed and decided to take a sit on one of the bamboo chair when two beautiful and calming melodies resounded.
Feng Qingde sighed in content, “They’re tacky, but their skills are certainly top-notch,” he enjoyed the heartful melodies with closed eyes.
On the other hand, Liu Qingge stood up again and went out to crane out his neck and watched as Qing Jing’s master-disciple duo were playing their bamboo flutes serenely as they crossed the Rainbow Bridge. The nature surrounding them seemed to accept them wholeheartedly as many birds perched close to listen to the melody as the two men played casually.
The scenery of Shen Qingqiu closing his eyes as he blew into his bamboo flutes, with the peak’s breeze billowing his robe, would always be imprinted on Liu Qingge’s mind as he fell deeper.
Liu Qingge felt a headache coming as he clutched his head.
Yeah, this would surely be a headache.
To be fair, Liu Qingge knew nothing about love. He used to secretly mock young couples in love as blinded fools. And when he knew he was one of those blinded fools now, of course he wasn’t thrilled.
It was also very hard to cope with it and trying to figure out how you reacted to your love interest.
“What? Why are you looking at me? Something funny in my face or are you asking for a fight!?” Liu Qingge snapped when Shen Qingqiu glanced at him for two seconds.
Shen Qingqiu glared at him as he snapped open his fan, “I have eyes, as much as I hate it, I bound to accidentally set my gaze on you.”
“Even a child knew when to not looking at a person, are you saying you’re lower than a child?” Liu Qingge scowled.
“Your temper tantrum is worse than a child,” Shen Qingqiu snapped and stormed away.
“Don’t get close to me!” Liu Qingge flinched back as if burnt when Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder brushed against his when the older man tried to bypass him to get to his seat.
Shen Qingqiu paused to look at him with a strange and hostile gaze, “I don’t want to get to close to you too,” He said distastefully.
“Then, try to not touching me even a little,” Liu Qingge scoffed.
“With pleasure,” Shen Qingqiu hid the lower part of his face as he hissed this.
“Uhh, don’t fight amongst each others shidi,” Yue Qingyuan raised his hands to gesture to them and withered somewhat when Shen Qingqiu turned his head away upon hearing his voice.
“What perfume did you use? It smelled right with nature-y scent and it was pretty light. It’s pleasant,” Qi Qingqi inched closer to Shen Qingqiu and sniffed delicately at the delicate floral fragrance.
Shen Qingqiu stopped fanning himself as he looked at Qi Qingqi, “I did not use perfumes.”
“Oh. How about soap? Do you use any flowers to bath?” Qi Qingqi pressed.
“Breezing Soul Narrow Leaves were abundant in Qing Jing, my Shizun and I often put them into the water we’re gonna use for bath, it helped to heal mild skin irritation and bug repellent,” Shen Qingqiu elaborated politely.
“Oh, so that’s where I smelled it. It certainly smelled kind of like Breezing Soul Narrow Leaves, but less sharp and much more pleasant,” Qi Qingqi nodded understandingly as she mentally noted it down.
“It smelled girly,” Liu Qingge commented. Shen Qingqiu glared at him, snapping shut his fan and stomped away. Qi Qingqi wordlessly watched, helpless.
“What is wrong with you, boys?” She asked exasperatedly.
“It’s always such a scenery to see Shen-shixiong’s hair, it flowed down smoothly and it’s just so beautiful!” A female disciple sighed dreamily as the other girls around her giggled.
Liu Qingge frowned when he heard that, his eyes wandered to Shen Qingqiu’s hair and... Yes, it looked so smooth. So smooth, so flowy, so long, Liu Qingge’s fingers twitched. He wanted to run his hand down that smooth hair so bad-
Until Shen Qingqiu looked up, “What?” Shen Qingqiu’s brows furrowed when he caught Liu Qingge’s gaze.
Liu Qingge snapped out, his ears reddened but he quickly threw a thin silk ribbon, the ribbon that his mother had used to tie a package with for him, and said, “Tie your long hair. It’s very distracting, it could get someone killed in this kind of mission, don’t you think?”
Shen Qingqiu frowned in distaste, but nonetheless, he was too lazy to argue and also seen reason within Liu Qingge’s randomly-picked argument. He put down his note on his lap and raised his hands to tie his hair up into a high ponytail, the same style as Liu Qingge.
The girls at the back swooned as the hair got tied up, fussing about exposed nape and stuffs.
Meanwhile, Liu Qingge was too busy covering his own embarrassment and calming down his heartbeat. It was small but at the base of ribbon, there was Liu family’s crest.
“What?” Shen Qingqiu snapped and glared at Liu Qingge who almost flinched at the suddenness.
“What?” Liu Qingge innocently asked back.
“You’ve been staring at me for quite a while, you think I wouldn’t notice?” Shen Qingqiu squinted his eyes, covering his lower face with his fan. A gesture he made when he was annoyed.
“What? Me? Staring at you? What for?” Liu Qingge immediately went defensive as he always did whenever he was caught staring. Damn it, eyes! Can you stop staring?! We can agree he is attractive but don’t betray me!
“How should I know? You are the one who stares,” Shen Qingqiu said as he fanned himself, slightly faster than usual. Ah, now he was annoyed and impatient.
“Well,” Liu Qingge inwardly cursed. “I heard from others that you are insidious, jealous, spiteful and very underhanded for your tricks, I just pondered that you really do look like that.”
Shen Qingqiu huffed and walked away, fuming. Liu Qingge’s angry face deflated when he was gone, he dragged his hand across his face and sighed.
He never got a chance nor courageous enough to apologize...
“AAAAAHHHH!!! WHY CAN’T I TALK NORMALLY WITH HIM!!!!???!?” Liu Qingge screamed out in frustration on the top of Bai Zhan peak, hoping wistfully that Shen Qingqiu might be able to hear him all the way to Qing Jing peak and perhaps realized that Liu Qingge was lamenting about him and then, perhaps, listen to Liu Qingge without snapping and forgive him?
“Liu-shixiong?! What’s wrong?!” Several disciples had fallen over themselves as they looked up at him, questioning what was in his mind and perhaps his sanity also.
“Shut up!” Liu Qingge yelled at them for interrupting his brief daydream where Shen Qingqiu became amiable for once and forgive him for his mistake from a long time ago.
Liu Qingge then fell on his knees and exhaled loudly in frustration. It’s been years, three actually, but apparently Shen Qingqiu was indeed spiteful and could keep his grudge for a long time. Liu Qingge couldn’t even go and initiate a talk without a scathing remark thrown his way. It also didn’t help that when Shen Qingqiu was the one who initiated a talk, Liu Qingge would get all nervous and ended up being hostile to him which made their relationship worsened.
Liu Qingge didn’t even care about others’ opinion as he laid down in the ground, lamenting his love life which was almost inexistent. Why can’t he just fell for one of the beautiful ladies from Xian Shu? They were all strong, graceful, clever, beautiful, certainly to the same degree as Shen Qingqiu...
And why was he thinking about Shen Qingqiu when he evaluated beauties?
And Shen Qingqiu was a man despite being effeminate! Damn it!
Liu Qingge groaned. Damn Shen Qingqiu for messing with his sexuality! Damn himself who couldn’t man up and talk about his feeling!
Liu Qingge paused and stared blankly when he was faced with an unimpressed face of his master.
“What are you doing?” Feng Qingde pointedly asked.
“Thinking, trying to enlighten myself about the universe,” Liu Qingge deadpanned.
“Bullshit,” Feng Qingde straightened. “Boys your age all have the same problem. Must be hormones, right?” Feng Qingde raised his brows as Liu Qingge scowled.
Feng Qingde laughed, “Boy, I’ll say it again, I thought you can keep yourself out of dramas.”
“Shizun, if you’re here only to mock this disciple, this disciple respectfully asks you to walk away. I still need to ponder about the wonder of heaven,” Liu Qingge said emotionlessly.
“Your love still hates you?” Feng Qingde arched his brows and sighed when he saw Liu Qingge did not react. “Have you apologize, yet?”
“No,” Liu Qingge sighed. “It’s useless, they didn’t seem to even want to talk extensively with me...”
“Strange, with your face, I’d thought any woman would soften up and forgive you before you even asked,” Feng Qingde said strangely.
That’s because the person is a man... Liu Qingge bitterly thought.
“Hm, maybe she wanted you to show your sincerity?”
“Sincerity?” Liu Qingge arched an eyebrow.
“Yes, some women- no, no, people are like that. Try to give them something they like as an apology gift.”
“Apology gift?” Liu Qingge rubbed his chin, intrigued of the idea.
“Yes. Try a unique hairpin, bracelet, necklace, waist accessory. Or perhaps something more useful like a set of stationaries? What does your love like?” Feng Qingde asked curiously.
“Hm... They could use a new sword...” Liu Qingge said.
“No...” Feng Qingde sighed as he rubbed his temple. “Try something less, a sword sounded like you’re proposing to be her sword which is like a marriage,” Liu Qingge blushed, “Try some light things.”
Liu Qingge didn’t think a set of stationaries would please a scholar from Qing Jing who already had the best of them... “A fan...? They always had a fan on them,” Liu Qingge said thoughtfully as he recalled Shen Qingqiu’s trusted fan which he used to hide his emotions most of the times.
“A fan! Look, you’re one step closer. Your love will be pleased if you give them a beautiful fan,” Feng Qingde felt pleased when he heard that.
Liu Qingge sat up and mused for a while before nodding, he stood up and bowed to his Shizun, “Thank you, Shizun!” He said.
“Yes, yes, go along now,” Feng Qingde nodded. It was rare for his head disciple thanking him for something, so he felt pleased now.
Liu Qingge walked off when he was dismissed. ‘A gift...?”
Liu Qingge stared at the wooden box where he stored the apology gift for Shen Qingqiu in. He played with it for a while as he waited for Shen Qingqiu near the Rainbow Bridge, the older man would usually pass by to collect some herbs, Liu Qingge would talk to him when he appeared.
He didn’t wait for long, Shen Qingqiu walked over from the Rainbow Bridge, his delicate hands were holding a Pipa as his long delicate fingers played a few melodies with it. He stopped playing when he caught the sight of Liu Qingge, but he didn’t stop walking.
Liu Qingge wordlessly stood in Shen Qingqiu’s way which finally made the older guy stop and furrowed his brows. Liu Qingge did not even initiate a talk as he thrust up the box to Shen Qingqiu.
Shen Qingqiu furrowed his brows, “What is this?” he asked.
“An apology gift,” Liu Qingge said with an expressionless and gruff tone.
“For what..?” Shen Qingqiu blinked.
“For starting a fight against you back then without investigating the truth,” Liu Qingge coughed.
“Which fight?” Shen Qingqiu asked blankly.
Liu Qingge almost choked. Which fight?! They didn’t even had that many- okay, they may fight a lot but they only had one fight where Liu Qingge didn’t investigate the truth! “That fight in Bai Zhan peak where you came to seek justice for your apprentice brothers and sisters...” Liu Qingge gnashed his teeth.
Shen Qingqiu tilted his head, if he was holding his fan, he should be holding it on his chest level and fanning himself slowly as a gesture of intrigue and bewilderment- damn it brain, stop thinking about that knowledge about Shen Qingqiu’s body language!
“The fight from three years ago?” Shen Qingqiu asked pointedly.
“Yeah.”
“And you apologized for it only now?” He didn’t look impressed. Liu Qingge could feel another layer of frost gathered in his eyes.
Liu Qingge felt stumped for words, he looked at Shen Qingqiu’s face before sighing, “You never give me a chance to apologize with your harsh attitudes.”
Shen Qingqiu’s eyes narrowed, he plucked one of the pipa’s strings harshly which made an ugly sound, “So it’s my fault, now?”
Liu Qingge blinked rapidly, “I never said that,” Liu Qingge said incredulously. He shook his head as he opened the little box, presenting it to Shen Qingqiu, “Here, take it.”
Shen Qingqiu only spared the fan a glance before scoffing, “Don’t bother to apologize if you don’t mean it.”
Shen Qingqiu brushed past Liu Qingge who gawked at him as he went. Liu Qingge was suspended there, hand was still holding the box, “What’s wrong with that guy...? Is he allergic to apologies or something?!”
Of all people, Liu Qingge! Why did you have to fall for him!?