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Reigen loves Serizawa.
He loves him so dearly and so thoroughly that the thought of losing him is unbearable. He’s thought of the conversation, the apologetic tone Serizawa would use. “I’m so sorry Reigen-san. ...There’s someone else.” The way his heart would shatter within him, sharp pieces buried deep within his chest. He couldn’t lose Serizawa.
And yet, Reigen wasn’t some love struck teenager. He was a grown man, and he had to approach this rationally. This isn’t about what he wants, this isn’t about how his nights of soft naps and warm hugs would be replaced by tears and cold takeout. He needs to think rationally.
Maybe he’s at fault here, holding Serizawa down, stopping him from exploring relationships with other people.
...Other people.
Reigen falters at the thought, a heavy dread in his chest.
In the back of his mind he knows that Serizawa has so much more of the world to explore, and the chance of meeting new people, better people, was likely. Inevitable, even.
In the back of his mind he knows he’s a burden, tying Serizawa down to a mundane lifestyle.
Maybe he should let go.
Reigen wasn’t sure he knew how to let Serizawa go, or even how to bring it up. Yet, as he found himself sat at his desk, absentmindedly staring at a blank screen, he decided he could wait no longer. It was better to get it over and done with, like a bandage, he presumed.
It had been a quiet day, an even quieter afternoon, only a few walk in clients disturbing the peace. Reigen gave Mob the day off, some time to spend with his friends. Yet every time he found himself with work to do, he couldn’t bring himself to focus, too caught up in the fear building within him.
He glanced over to Serizawa, slightly hunched over a counter, making tea. Two mugs.
He caught his gaze lingering, staring at the way Serizawa’s dress shirt draped over his, quite frankly unfairly, broad shoulders. Shoulders he spent many a night clinging to.
Although he couldn’t dwell on that now.
He couldn’t dwell on how he’d miss the feeling of Serizawa next to him as he woke in the morning, the warmth he provided on cold winter nights. He couldn’t dwell on how Serizawa’s eyes never failed to light up when he kissed him, or how he always made sure Reigen was eating well, or how safe he felt in his arms. No, he couldn’t. He mustn’t.
He knew what he had to do and getting distracted by fond thoughts wasn’t part of it.
He stood, walking over to Serizawa, supposing now a good a time as any.
“Hey, Katsuya?”
“Mhmm?”
“Can we talk for a moment?”
“Oh, of course. Is something wrong?”
“It’s just that, well...”
Serizawa notes that Reigen didn’t deny his question.
“I’ve been thinking. About us.”
“Oh...?” Serizawa finds himself unsure of where this conversation is heading, and can’t still the way his fingers tap against his thumb. He hopes it isn’t noticeable.
“I think I’ve been too naïve about-“ He gestures vaguely between them. “Us.”
“...Is everything okay, Taka? Have I done something wrong?”
“No! No. Not at all. It’s just.” A heavy sigh weighs down his posture, fingers rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “I think we, I, need to think about this more practically. You know, it’s an odd set of circumstances, and I think, I think it’s important to consider that with regards to-“ He gestures again towards the both of them, more frantically this time. “A-and, just that, what I am to you, and looking back what I would have been, and uh, I suppose-”
Serizawa watches as his surroundings begin to blear. The sheer cacophony of Reigen’s voice is increasingly difficult to comprehend, he finds himself unfocused, struggling to take in anything Reigen says.
“A-and you know, everybody has a first love, and admittedly you might be a little behind on that, but uh, well, I guess what I’m trying to say is that first loves are a first for a reason. Uh, it’s just, most people don’t tend to stay with their first loves, first crushes, whatever, and uh, I just-“
Then it hits him.
Deep inside his chest, he finally knows where this conversation is going. He hopes beyond hope that he’s wrong.
A rising panic embeds itself within Serizawa’s core. He can’t focus on Reigen anymore, or anything around him. The situation remains an unintelligible blur, his focus instead to calming both his powers and himself.
He catches the closing line of Reigen’s myriad of growingly insecure statements, his incoherent babbling. He wishes he didn’t.
“I can’t expect you to love me forever. Maybe it’s best we... end things, before it gets too difficult.”
Serizawa looks up at him, shock stark across his face. Helplessly staring at Reigen, he feels his chest tightening around a pounding heart, waterlines burning, threatening to spill. He doesn’t want this to end, not at all, but if Taka does, then what could he do?
Staring down to his hands, aggressively restless and fidgeting, he finds himself unable to meet Reigen’s gaze.
“Is that... Is that really what you want?”
“I’m not sure it matters what I want.”
Reigen watches Serizawa, searching for a way to read him. When they meet each other’s gaze once more, he can’t tell if it’s sorrow or pity echoing through Serizawa’s eyes, but he’s not sure he wants to work it out. Hurting Serizawa is the last thing he’d ever want to do, and maybe he’s being selfish, trying to protect himself, but this was for the best. It was to save Seri from hurting more later. ...Wasn’t it?
“Why are you saying this, Reigen-san?”
Reigen-san. That hurt.
“I uh, I told you. I can’t expect you to go your entire life loving the first person you saw. A-and, I just, I don’t want to tie you down.”
There was a steady shift on Serisawa’s face, sorrow melted into something... sterner?
“You’re not the first person I saw.”
“Well yes, I know technica-“
“Arataka.”
Reigen feels his blood freeze at the name, attention caught entirely by Serizawa. He watches him sigh, fingers fumbling against each together, as concentration buries itself deep within his brow. Reigen notes the shaky breath he takes before continuing.
“You- you were not the first person I saw. You were not the first person I held a conversation with, or the first person I got to know. You’ve helped me, find my feet, build a life, but that isn’t- that isn’t why I love you.” His voice grew quieter with each syllable, but remained unquestionably determined. ”Please Taka, don’t think of me as a helpless animal who imprinted on you, you owe yourself that much.”
Reigen gawks, embarrassingly slack jawed, for a moment desperately trying to piece together everything Seri said. He finds himself hung up on the last part.
“What uh, what do you mean?”
“Uh, which part?”
“...The last bit.”
A fond chuckle escapes from Serizawa’s chest, warm and soft, not mocking, not cruel.
“I don’t mean to overstep, but I think you try to find excuses too often. Reasons, justifying why. It seems you settled on deciding, that, I love you because you were the first person to treat me well.”
“Well, I mean- That is why, isn’t it?”
“You understand there doesn’t always have to be a reason, a debt, yes? I don’t love you but-, I don’t love you because-,”
“I-“
“Taka...” Serizawa speaks with a softness that makes Reigen painfully aware of his own fragility. “I just love you.”
“I- oh.” Reigen’s voice falters, barely more than a breath. He stills, eyes drawn down, processing his thoughts. Perhaps he was overthinking things, overcomplicating slightly, a little.
“...I love you too, Katsuya.”
An enamoured smile paints itself across Serizawa’s face, not that Reigen could see, too occupied with the floor tiling. Taking a gentle step forward, he wraps his arms around Reigen, a protective hand cupping the back of his head, pulling him closer. Restless fingers gently muss his soft hair.
Reigen finds himself reciprocating, arms tight around Serizawa, clinging desperately, though he’d never admit it.
“Taka, there are better ways to tell me you love me than trying to break up, you know?”
“Yeah, uh... Probably wasn’t the smartest plan. Sorry about that.”
Carefully breaking away, Serizawa places his hands on Reigen’s shoulders, comforting and safe. He smiles, sadly almost, before moving a hand to cup Reigen’s cheek.
“Please talk to me, about things like this. You don’t have to work things out alone.”
A quiet, breathy laugh accompanies the small smile building on Reigen’s face. “It seems I have a penchant for the dramatic.”