A Work In Progress

by bellas2silly

Summary:

So, this is something I've been working on for a little bit. It's essentially a "What If" in regards to Queen having another member, a female member. Either way, I'm gonna see where this leads to.

Notes:

Okay, so this follows through the early days of Smile. I'm not going to say that I'm 100% accurate, but I do have a biography regarding Queen and I'm basing my years off of that so it's just a bit more accurate. I'm also going to base some of this off of the movie as well.

Chapter 1: Strange Encounters

November of 1968, Ealing Art College…

 

“You look so out of place, darling.”

I whirl around in surprise, seeing a handsome young man stare at me in nothing but pure amusement. The first thing that drew my attention were those charcoal eyes, warm and full of life. The next thing I noticed were those prominent front teeth as he gave me that dazzling yet mischievous grin. There was something intriguing and even….exotic about him, but it only added more to his charm. I snap out of my daze, trying to cover up for nearly gawking at him for so long with the first thing that pops into my mind.

“I don’t look that out of place do I?” I said jokingly.

Then, as he giggles, I find myself nearly melt on the spot at how adorable and cute this man is. It gives me the strongest desire to make him smile like this for the rest of his life. Again, he notices that I’m staring again at him for far too long. He covers up his charming laugh and smile with his hand, as his giggles subside. 

Shit I made him self conscious didn’t I? I am so sorry, mysterious stranger.

“I- -I am so sorry for staring. I just...uh...you are very beautiful.” I stammered.

Oh fucking kill me now. I’m such an idiot .

He looks at me in complete surprise, eyebrows raised. For a moment, I feel like I want to die for saying anything at all, and when he bursts out into laughter, I all but freeze on the spot. It honestly takes everything within me not to hang my head lowly in shame and run away from him. Then, he touches my arm and smiles at me warmly like there wasn’t anything wrong in the world. I can’t help but stare at him with wide eyes.

“I think I’ve made a complete fucking ass of myself enough for today. I am so sorry for even saying anything. I’ll just leave now and never so far as look at you again- -”

“Please stop!” He giggled. “Wow, I haven’t laughed so hard in fucking years darling! I like you, no bullshit tolerated! You just say whatever’s on your mind, huh?”

Relief washes over me, and I can’t help being drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

“There’s nothing wrong with calling a man beautiful by the way.” He assures me. “Flattery gets you everywhere, I always say.”

In seconds, his hand falls from my arm before moving to shake my hand. I shake his hand, and I can sense his surprise at my firm grip. He also surprises me in return when he pulls my hand up towards him, and his lips place a gentle kiss on top of my knuckles. I feel my heart flutter on the spot. 

“Freddie Bulsara, darling.” He introduced himself.

“That’s a little interesting for a name...you’re not from around here are you?” I find myself asking.

“Very clever indeed, luv.” Freddie winked playfully. “You’re correct. I’m not originally from England. And judging by that lovely American accent, I can safely assume that you’re not from around here either.” He replied smartly.

“Y- -you would be correct.” I nodded bashfully. 

Falling silent again, he stares at me once more in amusement. I feel my blush intensify as I force myself to speak.

“The name’s Jacqueline... Walker, uh...Jacqueline Walker.” I stammered.

“Oh, I like you quite a lot.” He giggled quietly. “I’m going to have a lot fun with you.”

“Y- -yeah?” I stuttered.

“Don’t sound so excited dear. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

As if on cue, my stomach growls as I feel signs of hunger wave through me.

“And judging by that, I’d say you’re famished as well. Now, let me take you for dinner. I’ve never met an American before.”

It was an immediate friendship, there was something that we both saw in each other that just made us click instantly. I hadn’t quite experienced anything like it before, my only friend being my twin sister. I didn’t really do well around other people, mostly because I’d been let down so much in my life already. Fred was quite the breath of fresh air though, and it was almost as if I could tell him anything at all with no repercussions. I’d never been able to just vent to someone before, since I usually kept everything bottled in for my sister’s sake. It didn’t take too long to gain a newly found trust with each other, to be each other’s safe havens in a sense.

And Freddie was almost the exact same way when it came to me, he trusted me easily because we both knew what it was like to be let down so much by those we were supposed to trust and call family. We both showed this vulnerable side that neither of us showed to many others. Within less than a month, Fred and I were practically glued to the hip and knew things about each other that no one else did. It was incredibly liberating and I was happy , knowing that Freddie was a one-in-a-million kind of friend that would never let me down. Previously, my sister had been the exception to this, we trusted each other with our lives , and we struggled together. 

While I knew that others likely had it worse than I did in regards to a childhood, mine hadn’t been the greatest either. It all started after my mother was killed in a car accident when my sister and I turned thirteen years old. She was on her way to pick us up from school but never made it there. Within those first several weeks, my father was extremely depressed and practically refused to leave his bed for days at a time, which obviously had my siblings and I worried. Nothing we tried could get him to leave his room. Then, after a couple of months, when he got fired from his job, the verbal abuse started. There was more yelling, more shouting, but it was easy to stomach and shoulder, as my sister and I tended to hide in our room.

It was when my older brother accidentally stumbled upon a hidden stash of drugs one day, that my father physically struck him down with his hand. From that point on, the atmosphere in our house grew more dark and at times became unbearable. As soon as my brother had turned eighteen, he immediately moved out, but not before vowing to my sister and I that he would return for us with the intent of having custody over us. For years, my sister and I waited, yearning for our older brother to come back for us, but it never happened.

So, as soon as my twin and I had turned eighteen, after five years of living in the house neither of us could even call home anymore, we moved out together and never dared to look back. We struggled to make ends meet, but we’d managed with odd jobs. I joined a band for a brief time as a guitarist playing in seedy bars, and while it did pay really well, I was let go when it was discovered that I was actually underaged. It took a long time to get accepted into a good college and on a scholarship nonetheless, but with my sister’s help, I was able to turn over a new leaf and try to find a better life for the both of us, never to look back on the past.

Which was how I ended up here in another country, wanting to make new memories and leave everything about my old life behind. Of course, I always had every intention of having my sister move in with me when I would get the funds together. In those times that I would share my personal life, Freddie wasn’t judgemental, and was more than empathetic. As cliche and cheesy as it was, Freddie Bulsara had wormed his way into my heart rather quickly. Despite my hiccups when we’d first met, to which he still teased me relentlessly about, I was elated that he’d become a good friend of mine, my best friend .

I grow more intrigued with the older man as I learn more about him as well. Freddie mentions attending an English based boarding school in India, that he lived on an East African island called Zanzibar, before a revolution took place that forced his family into moving here. Freddie loved art and music almost as much as I did and we share other similar interests. He would often tell me about fond memories of learning the piano, as if the instrument spoke to his soul, quite the lovely story. He never felt like he fit in with all the other children, just like I never really fit in back at home.

Eventually after having a little more free time between our jobs, Freddie had also decided to introduce me to his family, much to my surprise. I could tell that it really meant a lot to him, so I made sure to be on my best behavior and use the manners my mother had once taught me. Overall, his family had been very lovely. Freddie’s mother was adorable with a warm personality that had me melting on the spot, it made me miss my own mother. With his sister Kashmira, she was a tad more closed off and reserved, but I could tell that she was likely shy. It almost reminded me of Fred in some aspects.

After helping her with some of her work though, Kash warmed up to me fairly quickly. It was honestly Freddie’s father that had intimidated me the most. His eyes often shifted towards me suspiciously, giving me sometimes a cool and calculated look as he questioned me about my life and who I was as a person. He was an interesting man to say the least, but I could tell he was just concerned about who his son was friends with. After visiting a couple of times, his father had also loosened up as he became more familiar with me and knew that my intentions were pure.

---

August of 1969...

 

With my graduation and newly earned degree, life had been pretty different, both in good and bad ways. Although, I was worried about what it would mean for my visa, now that I wasn’t currently attending college. Worrying about my rent, however, seemed to help occupy my mind more. I’d taken on numerous jobs, but I always tried to make the time to hang out with Fred. To me, he was worth every minute. Deep down,  I liked to think that we were helping each other grow as individuals. Despite being so stressed at the moment, I hadn’t felt so happy since I was back home with my twin. 

Sometimes, I doubted leaving her...my heart still aches being here without her by my side.

“Fuckin’ hell.” I panted lightly, snapping out of my daze.

Today had been one hell of a hot summer afternoon so far. Even after I moved to open the window at my apartment, hoping for some type of a breeze, it all ended up falling short. I was instead met with a brief warm and unfulfilling gust of wind that only drove me closer to insanity. I pull my auburn hair up into a high ponytail before moving back over to the couch. I grab at the joint hanging loosely from my lips and take a hit before moving to grab my guitar again in hopes to distract myself.

I strum lightly, humming a small tune as I jot down notes into my notebook before going back to strumming my guitar. For minutes, it’s the same process on repeat: take a hit of my joint, write down some notes, maybe some lyrics, and find a good melody on my guitar. I barely noticed anything in my surroundings as I was solely focused on my music. I nearly jump in surprise when I see a hand grab my notebook, and glance up at Fred angrily as I try to calm the rapid beating in my chest.

“Fucking hell, Fred.” I grumbled.

“I just came back home from work, I haven’t exactly been hiding my presence from you. I thought you heard me slam the door for fuck’s sake.” Freddie chuckled. 

Fred begins to read through my notebook, but raises an eyebrow as his smile falters.

“Well shit. These are actually quite good. Oh Jackie, you little bitch. You’ve been holding out on me.” Freddie mutters. “ It’s in the lap of the Gods... very interesting…”

“Can I have that back?” I roll my eyes. “You can go back to your room and worship your damn Hendrix posters.”

“No, no...I’m still reading dear.” Fred smirked. “Now pass that shit over.”

My lips quirk up automatically as I slowly comply, taking another hit before passing the joint over to Freddie. I lean back into the couch, staring up at the ceiling in a daze as I giggle from the lightheadedness. I feel as if I’m laying on a cloud when my eyes flutter shut. The peace is interrupted when I hear Fred reciting the lyrics from my notebook.

“Oh I rather like this one. It’s so eaaasy, but I can’t do it. So riskyyyy, but I’ve gotta chance it. So fuuunny...there’s nothing to laugh about.... ” Freddie sings softly.

My eyes fly open as I turn to glance at the older man in pure awe. To be honest, I didn't think there was anything that Freddie Bulsara couldn’t do. Damn, was he a man of many talents, it was part of my attraction towards him. I continue to stare at him with wide eyes and hold in my breath when he leans forward to grab my pencil, before going to write something else down.

“ But my moneeeey, that’s all you wanna talk aboooout. I can seeeee...whaaaat...youuu...waaant me to beeee. ”

I move to sit up, letting out a shaking breath when I glance down and see Fred rewriting and even adding some more lyrics. Fred gives me a warm smile, showing me those dazzling teeth of his as he shows me what he’s doing. I nod approvingly and follow along, as he takes the title of my song and throws it right back into the lyrics so cleverly. 

“ But I’m noooo FOOoool! It’s iiiin the laaaap of theee GOoods!”

“Holy fucking shit. That’s amazing.” I grinned at him. 

Fred shrugs nonchalantly, although his smirk never leaves as he handed me back my notebook. He takes another hit of my joint, letting the smoke trickle out of his mouth after holding it in for several seconds. 

“I only added two more lines to it. Although...I think you’ve got a talent, my sweet little Brooklyn Jaybird.” Freddie told me.

I’d say the same for you, Fred.

“I told you to stop calling me that.” I roll my eyes.

“I’m sorry but I can’t. It’s my little pet name for you.” Freddie chuckled. “You know you like it.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Balsara.” I grumbled.

I fight the blush forming on my cheeks, my smile fading instantly. I pluck my joint from his hand yet again and take another hit, maintaining eye contact with him as I hold the smoke in before exhaling through my nose. Freddie merely raises an eyebrow at me.

“You never seemed to mind it before.” Freddie commented. 

“Yeah well, it’s ridiculous and- -” I stammered.

Noticing how flustered I’m becoming, a playful smile forms on his face as Freddie leans in towards me and plays with my ponytail in one hand.

“Oh, darling. You are just so precious .” Freddie sighed happily. “My Brooklyn Jaybird…”

My eyes widen when I see how close Freddie gets as his face inches near mine, and I can practically feel my heart hammering in my chest. 

“F- -Fred?” I stuttered.

I’m frozen as his lips graze mine gently. Hearing my breath hitch slightly, he takes this as a cue to press another firm kiss to my lips. For minutes, we slowly explore each other's mouths, tongues dancing tentatively together. It isn’t until we pull apart for air that I realize I’m straddling Freddie.

I look down at him, taking in his slightly disheveled appearance from his unbuttoned pants (when the fuck did that even happen?) to his unruly dark hair, even more out of place than it normally is. I can’t help but giggle at Fred as I pull myself off of him. Fred starts giggling as well, until the both of us are laughing hysterically for a full minute. When the laughter subsides, I give Fred a gentle pat on the knee.

Well that was interesting...I didn’t...I felt nothing...maybe I was finally over my crush on him?

“Fred...you’re my frie- -no. You’re my best friend. I love you. But I don’t think we should kiss again.” I spoke up. “Man, am I high right now.” I snorted. “I’m sorry for being all over the place.”

Fred smiles warmly at me, placing his hand on top of mine and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Okay, so we’re on the same page then.” Fred nods. “It’s what rock stars do, we experiment, have a little fun here and there- -”

“Rock stars?” 

“What? I don’t know about you, but that’s what I aspire to be. If you decide to join me, darling, I wouldn’t be opposed.” Freddie teased.

“Alright Mr. Rockstar. Put on the telly.” I playfully punched his arm.

Fred turns on the television and sits back on the couch with me. I move my guitar down to the floor and curl up next to him. He chuckles and wraps an arm around my shoulders. It falls into a comfortable silence between us after that.

---

December 15th of 1969...

 

When I get the mail today, I see a letter with the return address from America . My heart pounds wildly as I hold it, and realize from the return address with a name listed, that it’s from my older brother . My sister had briefly mentioned that he’d made contact with her recently. I resist the urge to rip it into shreds, and wonder how the hell he got my address to begin with, before guessing that it had to have been from my twin. I cave in on my urge to drink.

Hours later, by the time that Freddie gets back home, he finds me dancing to his Jimi Hendrix records with a half empty bottle of wine in one hand as I pretend to use it for a microphone. He’s quick at picking up on signals, and immediately turns off the record player, before rushing me back to my room to change my clothes and even does my makeup. I can barely get a word in before we’re out the door and walking down the street together. 

“Freddie! The fuck man? Where are we going?” I groaned.

“You are not having a self-wallowing pity party on your fucking birthday, dear! I simply won’t allow it!” Freddie replied. “Tim wanted to hang out tonight anyway, so this is knocking down two birds with one stone! We get to party on your birthday until we goddamn blackout like I planned to and I also get to see my buddy Tim! It’s a win-win situation!”

I roll my eyes but lean into Freddie as I huddle into him for warmth. Freddie chuckles softly but doesn’t object as he wraps an arm around my shoulder. Together we walk down the streets of Kensington and near Imperial. Finally, Freddie steers me into a pub, going straight for the bar and ordering two glasses of tequila. Looking over towards a small stage set up, Freddie sees his friend Tim Staffell.

“Oh damn it! We must have just missed their performance for the night! Their band is really good, I was hoping you would be able to finally hear their music!” Fred pouted.

“How’s Tim been doing anyway? I’ve been meaning to talk to him. He said he had a guitar I’d be interested in.” I asked.

“Well, you can ask him yourself, darling.”

Freddie waves at Tim, catching his attention almost immediately. Tim smiles when he spots us and starts coming over. Following behind him was a tall (and admittedly cute) lanky man with a headful of dark curls. Next to Tim was another band member of his I assumed, he was a bit shorter in height, but the blonde hair and blue eyes that nearly resembled an angel more than made up for it. I down my drink immediately to relax my nerves and order another whiskey neat as Freddie starts conversing with Tim and his friends. I never did well when it came to meeting new people, so I momentarily kept my distance.

“Jacqueline, darling, get your lovely ass over here.”

Fuuuuuck, please don’t be awkward.

I nearly spill my drink as Freddie claps a hand on my shoulder, pulling me firmly over with him to join the conversation. Freddie wraps an arm around my waist before grabbing my drink and taking a sip. Freddie almost spits out whatever he drank, but manages to swallow.

“The fuck are you even drinking?” Freddie coughs. “Is that poison? ”

I grab my drink back from Freddie.

“It’s a whiskey neat.” I give him a pointed look. “Don’t take things without asking next time.”

“I won’t be making that mistake again.” Freddie mutters sarcastically.

“Hey, Jacqueline. It’s good to see you again, luv.” 

I put on a kind smile as I turned my attention to Tim, before going to give him a friendly hug.

“Hey, Tim. How’s it goin’? I’m sorry we missed your show.”

“Eh it’s alright. We could’ve been better.” Tim joked.

One of Tim’s bandmates, the familiar looking tall and lanky gentleman, smiles at me politely as he makes himself known. His curls bounce as he moves forward and holds out his hand. I’m almost puzzled until I realize that he wants to shake my hand. I practically jump in embarrassment and go to eagerly shake his hand.

“I think we’ve met one other time, but I'm Brian. Brian May.”

There’s something gentle and kind about him, but as I grasp his hand, I find myself taking a liking to him almost immediately. He seemed extremely well mannered, much more timid, but...a down to earth person, that much I could gather. Aside from his physical appearance, Brian’s calloused hands are something I take notice of, and I’m able to guess what instrument he plays within seconds of making contact with him.

“Jacqueline Walker. You can call me Jack or Jackie if you’d like.” I introduced myself. “You’re a guitarist huh?”

“How did you know? Did Tim tell you?” Brian smiled.

“It’s your hands.” I blurt out.

I find myself blushing and turning away from Brian as I down my drink in one gulp, receiving a desperate look from Freddie. Tim and his other bandmate look at me in surprise when they see my glass empty by the time I turn back towards them. If it weren’t for Freddie keeping his arm around me, I’d have probably fled the scene by now. Freddie continues on as if nothing happened, but pinches my side as a warning of some kind.

Jeez, quit acting like my mom- -

“My dear Jackie is also a musician, has a guitar and everything…” Freddie brought up.

At this, Brian’s face lights up and he gives me an impressed look.

“Really? That’s great. How long have you played for?”

Freddie nudges me with his arm and I clear my throat almost awkwardly before answering.

“I’ve played since I was a kid...took a liking to it immediately.  I used to play drums before that, but I just stopped when my dad destroyed my drumset and- -”

Okay, why the fuck did I just open that can of worms? God, I’m so FUCKING stupid- -

Brian looks at me in surprise as well as sympathy. I have so many regrets swimming around in my mind right now.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Please, just kill me now.

I pause and take a deep breath, longing for another drink more than anything at this moment.

“No, it’s fine. If anything, I need to apologize for being so fucking weird. I don’t really do well around new people. Freddie can attest to that.” I blushed. “But you’re a cool guy and I like you.”

I can hear the snickering of Tim’s other bandmate, and turn to glare at him.

“Well fuck you too, man. Don’t laugh at my awkwardness and misery.” I nearly groaned.

He stops snickering and looks at me in pure amusement. It almost reminded me of the moment I met Freddie a year ago.

“You need to stop being so hostile towards everyone, dear.” Freddie teased. “If you guys couldn’t tell, she’s American.”

“Oh ha ha! Pull the American card.” I laughed mockingly.

Both Brian and Tim laugh at Freddie and I. My face heats up in embarrassment before I let out a deep sigh and run a hand through my hair.

This is almost as bad as the day I met Freddie. I probably resemble a goddamn tomato.

“I’m just uh...gonna go get shitfaced if you don’t mind. Today’s just been so special .” I mutter sarcastically.

“Oh yeah? What’s the special occasion then?” The blonde asked.

I glanced at him in surprise, not expecting such a soft spoken and husky voice to come out of this man.

M...my heart...

I quickly snap out of it before shrugging nonchalantly.

“It’s my birthday. Whoopie .” I joked.

My heart nearly skips a beat when he winks at me, but I try to maintain a passive expression, which is honestly difficult in itself.

“Oh?” He raises an eyebrow. “Happy Birthday then, sweetheart.”

Brian notices his behavior and playfully punches his bandmate's shoulder.

“If you couldn’t tell, Roger’s a bit of a flirt.”

“I can introduce myself, thank you, Bri.” Roger rolled his eyes.

Roger grabs my hand gently, placing a kiss on top of my knuckles as he flashed a flirtatious grin.

“Roger Taylor. I could be your birthday gift if you’d like.” He offered.

I try with all my willpower to fight the blush on my cheeks as all three boys look between the two of us. Roger wears a smug expression as he waits for my response, likely thinking I’d say yes. Brian however, looks almost embarrassed of his friend, while Tim just seems to wait in anticipation. I can tell that he’s partially expecting me to go off with Roger or tell him to fuck off. I don't even need to glance over at Freddie to know that he's completely amused with how tongue-tied I practically am at this point. Once again, I find myself parched for another drink, but I manage to resist the urge to run away and hide.

Seriously! Say something! Anything! Literally anything at all!

I feign confidence almost similar to Freddie, as I fold my arms and cock my hip to the side. I lean into Freddie and feel grounded, more calm, as I finally gather the courage to speak up. I say the first thing that comes to my mind. All while giving Roger an almost sickeningly sweet smile.

"Y'know. That sounds like such an "amazing" birthday gift, don't get me wrong, also take note of the sarcasm in my tone, but... I think I'll pass . I'd rather not…catch anything..." I responded.

In mere seconds, Tim is in hysterics, and I see Freddie covering his mouth as he attempts to hide his laughter as well. Brian looks almost impressed and can't fight back his smile either. Roger, however, looks completely flabbergasted and at a loss of words. It was obvious that he wasn't used to rejection, and honestly with his looks, I could see why. Roger was a gorgeous man, and he fucking knew it too, the prick.

I turn towards Freddie and add more salt to the wound for Roger as I press a kiss to his lips. At this point, Fred already knows that I'm itching for another drink, and he slowly drops his hand from my waist. Freddie plays along and kisses me again , smirking when he glances over at Roger practically fuming with anger and annoyance. Freddie smacks my ass as I start walking over to the bar.

"Want me to get you something, dear?" I ask nicely.

"I'll have a martini when you get the chance, darling." Freddie winked.

"Are you two....?" Tim looks confused.

Freddie sends another wink to his friend, before leaning over towards him.

"Oh heavens no. I think she just wanted to piss off your drummer." Fred whispered into his ear.

"Well it worked." Brian added dryly. "He just stormed off."

Freddie lets out another giggle before clapping his hands together.

“Oh, I’m going to have so much fun with this.” Fred grinned.

“What do you mean?” Brian raised an eyebrow.

“My darling Brooklyn Jaybird only acts so guarded and standoffish when she’s either attracted to someone, or just meeting new people. She also jokes around way too much, quite the smartass really. I’m going to need to break those little habits of hers.” Freddie mused.

“ Brooklyn Jaybird? ” Tim chuckled. 

“It’s just my little nickname for her. She’s from Brooklyn, New York. Oh, I hope I get to visit America one day.” Freddie sighed with a smile.

---

Hours later, after spending some more time at the bar, I stumbled outside and sighed in relief from the fresh air. Despite the fact that it’s way too fucking cold right now, I relish in it. The bar had begun to grow more crowded, and rather unbearable with the temperature increasing. I knew my social battery was definitely depleting, but I tried to stay strong for Fred’s sake. 

With no signs of Freddie, however, I find myself growing lonelier than I cared to admit. I assumed that Freddie was off with Tim and Brian somewhere, and God forbid that stupid blonde fucker. I contemplate my next move as I lean against a wall near the pub entrance. I almost considered leaving, but I knew Freddie would have my head if I left without so much as a goodbye, it was quite the predicament really.

“Have a light?”

At the husky voice, I tense up and resist the urge to scream as I turn to glance over at Roger fuckin’ Taylor. He wears a coat with a fur collar, and has sunglasses on despite the fact that it’s nearly midnight. Finally, upon recognizing me, he cracks a grin much similar to earlier that I have the urge to slap off. He’s quick to take a spot next to me and leans casually against the brick wall.

“What? I’m not good enough to talk to now?” Roger asked teasingly.

I grab my lighter from my pocket before igniting the small flame, cutting him off from saying something else. Roger glances at me stunned, but leans down with his cigarette hanging low from his lips. Then, he pulls away and inhales deeply, pausing for a few seconds, before smoke slowly trickles from his lips. Surprisingly, we don’t really say anything to each other as the minutes slowly pass by.

You know what? Fuck this...time to move on for once. It’s almost a new year after all, I need to try and...change. I can’t be this defensive and anxious chick all the time….

Swallowing my pride, I give the blonde and apologetic look.

“I’m sorry for how I acted back there.” I muttered softly.

Roger once again looks astonished, this time from my apology. I knew he wasn’t expecting me to say a word to him, let alone something remotely nice. Finally, he responds by nodding in understanding. He tosses the remainder of the cig to the ground before crushing it underneath his shoe. Through his sunglasses, he looks at me with such intensity. I can find myself growing unnerved by it, but tried not to fidget on the spot.

“It’s alright. I certainly didn’t help matters.” Roger chuckled. “I didn’t mean to offend you by the way. If I see something I like, I tend to just go for it.”

I can’t help but smile at his words as I’m slightly put at ease. I hold out my hand and watch as Roger hesitantly shakes it.

“I’m J...Jacqueline Walker. I like long walks on the beach an’ smoke a- -an excessive amount of weed.” I joked.

Roger laughs instantly, and my heart nearly skips a beat when I see how gorgeous his smile is as well. 

Man...just...fuck everything. Why do I do this to myself?

“Roger Taylor. I’m a drummer that’s contemplating whether to drop out of uni. I also have a habit of smoking excessively. Whether it’s weed or tobacco.” Roger playfully replied.

I let out a chuckle at this, before finally shuddering from the cold. Roger rolls his eyes as he shrugs off his fur coat like a true gentleman, which once again threw me by surprise. I tense up as he drapes it over my shoulders. When his hands rub at my arms in an attempt to warm me up, I can feel myself blushing at how close he is.

“The fuck did you come out here with no coat on for? Are you daft or something?” Roger scoffs lightly.

“No, I’m Jacqueline.” I slurred.

Roger gives me a blank stare as he fights off the smile forming on his face again.

“Where’s your coat, luv?” He asked gently.

“I think Fred has it actually. I dunno where the fuck he is though.”

“So this Freddie...are you two…?”

“No. I jus’ did that to piss ya off. He’s my best friend actually.” I smirked. “Some bes’ friend though, ditchin’ me at some pub on my birthday.”

For some reason, Roger looks almost relieved as I say this, but doesn't comment on it. Roger takes off his sunglasses, gently rubbing at his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. Impulsively, I snatch the sunglasses from his hands and inspect them, before placing it on my face. I attempt to mimic Roger even as I sway on my feet drunkenly.

“Rogah Taylah. Pleasure t’ meet you, luv. There’s this lovely alleyway where we can shag if you’d like.” I tried to imitate him.

Roger lets out a husky chuckle and moves forward to wrap an arm around my shoulders as he plays along. His breath fans my face gently, and my eyes flutter from the warmth. I let out a giggle as Roger gasps dramatically. Somehow, he was able to make his voice go higher as if trying to mimic a woman, and this time, I failed to hide the blush that forms.

“Why, I never! I’m a respectable woman, I’ll have you know.” Roger huffed.

I drop the act immediately and can’t help but snort at how ridiculous this all is. It wasn’t even three hours ago that I was repulsed by this womanizer. I usually despised men like Roger Taylor that slept with women and bragged about their conquests. Roger seemed like the type to go for anything that walked on two legs. Yet here I was, joking around with him and actually enjoying my time with him. 

Perhaps Roger wasn’t as bad as I’d assumed for him to be. Sure, he was still a smug asshole, but...he wasn’t that far gone. He reminded me a little bit like Tim when I first met him, a bit rough around the edges, but overall a good guy. I was always apprehensive to nearly everyone I’d met, but...at the same time, I warmed up to them fairly quickly after a bout of conversation and getting to know the individual. Perhaps this was the same case. Maybe it was just nerves that got the better of me once again.

Plus, I don’t do well around people I’m attracted to, and boy is he pretty to freakin’ look at.

“I’m sorry I judged you s’ harshly before. I jus’...you acted like I was some piece of meat an’ I got defensive.” I sighed. “But yer actually not that bad.”

Roger pauses and I get a good long look at his baby blue eyes. His smile falters as he wears a more solemn expression that is just absolutely breathtaking. Like Freddie, Roger was just as magnetic. The longer we made eye contact, the more I found myself being drawn to him.

Are there such things as male sirens? Like what the actual fuck is wrong with me?

“It’s alright, luv.” Roger smiled. “I...I acted like an ass too, so don’t even worry yourself.”

Seconds pass as we fall silent again, and I hug myself as I burrow deeper into the fur coat for warmth. It smells like cigarettes and whiskey along with cinnamon of all things. Interestingly enough, I find myself liking the scent. I start to sway on my feet again, my vision blurring as I focus on keeping myself upright. I lean against the brick wall again and briefly close my eyes.

“I really like this coat...think I might keep it.” I mumbled.

“As good as it looks on you- -”

“If you say it’ll look better on yer floor or s...some bullshit like that, I’m leavin’ and I don’ care if I’m drunk, b- -but I will leave.” I cut him off.

Roger lightly scoffs and pretends to be serious. 

“I would never .” 

He gives me this purposefully obvious wink, and I can’t help but succumb to more laughter. Roger grabs my hand, and I glance at him suspiciously as he tugs me gently towards him.

“Come on, let’s head back in. We can go look for Freddie together. You’re obviously ready to crash for the night.” Roger said. 

“Yer cute, but if tha’s code for tryin’ to fuck- -”

Roger snorts at this and shakes his head at me.

“I don’t shag plastered women, sweetheart. You’re bloody gorgeous, don’t get me wrong. Another time perhaps. I’ll have you practically begging for me.” He replies flippantly.

Before I can say anything else, he tugs me closer until my body collides into his. Roger has his arm around my waist almost protectively as he brings me back into the pub.

---

Saturday, December 20th, 1969…

 

Much to my surprise, Fred tells me how much fun Brian and Roger had on my birthday, and how they had even asked to hang out with us tonight, they had invited me . My heart flutters with both excitement and nerves as I work throughout my shift that day. By the time I got home, well past six and exhausted from all the shifts and odd jobs I’d taken lately, I almost chickened out at the last minute and faked being sick. However, Fred is quick to shut down those negative thoughts in my mind and persuades me to come with him.

“Holy shit, Fred. Where’d you get this dress?” I breathed out.

“I managed to snag it from one of Kash’s friends. She was going to throw it away, can you believe that? Spoiled rich brat. It didn’t fit Kash unfortunately.” Freddie smirked before mumbling, “Kids these days.”

“It looks like the dress from uh...that one Audrey Hepburn movie- -” I rambled with a smile.

“What? Breakfast at Tiffany’s? ” The older man raised an eyebrow. “Hmmm, you’re right I suppose, it’s just...a tad different towards the bottom, but otherwise, it is rather fetching on you. The question is… . do you have a coat to match it?”
“What’s wrong with my leather jacket?” I pouted.

“Love, we’ll be late if I have to explain to you why that jacket needs to go. It looks like it was from the 1940’s. So...World War II-esque….” Freddie grimaced.

“I’ll have you know this was my uncle’s before he died in action.” I retorted.

“You only made my point, darling.” He chuckled. “C’mon, how about my chic fur coat? It would actually look great with the dress and it matches!”

Reluctantly, I give in and shrug off the jacket I’d known well over the years. Soon enough, Fred and I are (finally) finished getting ready, and are eager to get going. Although, Fred likes to call it being “fashionably late.” By the time we get there, we can see Roger and Brian sitting across from each other in a booth with two half-empty glasses of beer as they chat away.

“Oh well look who finally decided to arrive.” Roger grinned smugly.

“Come off it, Rog. They’re fine. We weren’t waiting that long.” Brian lightly scolded his bandmate.

“I thought my legs were going to fall asleep- -” He continued.

The taller man lightly smacks the blonde’s arm, earning a chuckle from him. I clutch at the sleeves of my coat, struggling to get the damn thing off until Roger finally intervenes. The drummer stood up, giving me a kind smile before helping to take it off. 

“There you are, luv.” He mumbled into my ear.

Damn him for being sweet...

My face heats up, but I return the smile nonetheless and thank him. Fred takes a spot with Brian, and reluctantly, I sit down next to Roger. 

“I ordered you a whiskey. I hope that’s alright?” He winked. 

“Uh y- -yeah.” I stammered with a nod. 

Don’t blush...for fuck’s sake, don’t blush. Keep it together, Jack!

“And Fred, I ordered you a pint.” Roger continued.

“How kind of you, darling.” The older man smirked.

It takes a good hour or so of filling my stomach with alcohol, before I begin to feel more...relaxed and outgoing, but I’m finally letting loose at long last.

“The music here was shite, yeah?” Roger smirked.

“Oh come off it, Rog. They weren’t that bad.” Brian argued.

“Bri, it’s adorable that you’re trying to defend them, but they sounded bloody horrible . I’m surprised no one booed them off stage.” Roger gives me a playful nudge, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as he leans in. “C’mon, luv. Back me up here.”

“Yeaaaaaah.” I started. “If t- -their goal was to...to be out of rhythm an’ sing like orgasmin’ sheep, sure. They were phe... phenomenal .”

Roger bursts out laughing, clutching me like a lifeline, before Fred finally joins in and slams a fist onto the table. Brian’s trying very hard to keep a neutral expression, before he eventually cracks a smile.

“Bloody hell, I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard for a while.” Roger sighed happily. “She’s a keeper, Fred. Where’d you find her?”

“We met at Ealing actually. Jack just looked so lost, the poor dear, I think she was having difficulty finding one of the classrooms before I took pity on her.” Fred spoke dramatically.

“You didn’ even help though.” I pouted. “Ya took us out to eat instead.”

“Oh, like you weren’t interested.” The older man smirked. “You were just as hungry as I was.”

My stomach takes this time to growl loudly, causing Fred and Roger to share another laugh.

“I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you, it was just the timing of that- -” Roger tried to assure me. “C’mon, baby girl. Let’s get you a bite to eat, huh? When’s the last time you ate?”

Baby girl, huh? 

My head falls onto his shoulder after my vision starts to blur, before I’m being nudged again to sit upright.

“Sorry, ‘m very sleepy. But uh...I think it was three days ago...maybe?” I slurred.

Fred, Brian, and Roger glance at me in complete surprise. The way their eyes widened was almost comical, but I managed to hold in the laugh.

“No wonder she got so shitfaced from one drink. I thought she was just bad at handling her alcohol.” Bri mumbled to himself. 

Brian waves down a waitress walking by, before ordering some fish and chips. All three of them look so concerned, but I can tell that they’re unsure of what to say.

“‘S okay, guys. Sometimes I jus’ forget. I got so wrapped up with workin’ an’...I didn’ feel hungry anyways- -” I tried to explain.

“Lovie, your stomach was just growling.” Fred pointed out.

“Don’ even worry ‘bout it.” I shook my head. “‘S fine. ‘Ve gone a few days w- -wi...without eating before, n...no big deal.”

“Look, Jacqueline. I’m sure it might seem like nothing, but...it’s bad to do that to yourself.” Brian spoke up. 

I glance at the curly haired man in both intrigue and confusion. I wasn’t sure why the mood had suddenly shifted when we were all sharing laughs not even five minutes ago.

“I’ll try to say this without sounding like your bloody mum, but Bri’s right.” Roger interjected. “It’s not healthy.”

“Well, you did manage to sound like my ma, back when she was alive.” I joked. “I promise, it’s a- okay . My job’s jus’ not makin’ ‘nough like it used to. I booked a side gig t- -to make more money, but I was pretty occupied with findin’ ‘nother job to cover my end of the rent.”

“Jack, if you needed help with rent- -” Freddie started.

“Don’ even start. I’m a Walker an’ I get the job done. No matter what.” I gave him a playful glare.

“I don’t doubt that, darling.” He raised an eyebrow before eyeing me. “But you’re working yourself ragged. Even getting you to join me tonight was more of a hassle than usual.”

“What “side gig” are you referring to exactly?” Brian asked. “Just uh...out of curiosity.”

“B...bein’ a waitress jus’ wasn’ cuttin’ it anymore, so I an...answered this ad...maybe a week ago. This band lost their drummer. I- -I freakin’ schooled ‘em when it came to my a- -au..dition. They thought I was am... ambitious. ” I answered with a smirk. “The gigs a- -are long though...’s why I’ve been comin’ home so late.”

“Well congrats, darling!” Freddie raised his glass.

“I wouldn’ cheer jus’ yet. I think those assholes are gonna try to cut my pay in half. I see ‘em tomorrow. Youuuuu w- -wanna know what their band’s called though? F- -fuckin’ Humpy Bong.”

“ Humpy Bong? Are you joking?” Roger snorted.

“You need one of us to come with you in case they try to pull one over you?” Brian offered.

“Nah, ’s okay, I can be very c- -convin...convincing.” I stammered.

Fred places his hand on top of mine as I go to take another swig of my whiskey, what’s left of it anyway.

“Meaning you’re going to try and scare the living daylights out of them. Darling, while you do look bloody sexy when you’re angry, I don’t think that’s the solution this time.” Freddie quipped. “Maybe having Rog or Brian with you wouldn’t be such a bad idea.”

Roger drapes an arm around my shoulders before flashing a charming smile at me.

“Listen, luv. I have no doubt that you can handle yourself, but I think it would be wise to have someone tag along, and I really don’t mind being that person. I’ve got no plans tomorrow anyway. My classes at uni were cancelled.” Roger winked. “So, what do you say?”

When I become a bit tongue-tied, Freddie interjects once again, although this time, looks at me in amusement from how flustered I am.

“Just say yes already. I’d feel a little better knowing one of us was with you. I don’t trust a band called bloody Humpy Bong. ”

“I can ‘andle myself, but thanks.” I blurted out.

“Jeez, she’s just as stubborn as Bri is.” Roger joked.

The taller man nudged him with his foot underneath the table.

“Hey, watch it. I could say the same about you , you wanker.” 

“You sure I can’t change your mind on this one?” Roger mumbled into my ear. “Us drummers have to stick together, you know?”

I can’t help but chuckle at Roger’s insistence, and reluctantly, give in after a minute or so.

“Fine. You can come with.”

“Good. What time are we leaving?” He smirked.

“They wanted me t...to meet them near Kennnnnsington Markets…’round one, I think.”

“Check your notebook when you get home. You write everything in there.” Fred gave me a knowing look.

Roger grabs a nearby napkin, grabbing an old pen within his bag and writing something down.

“Yeah, give me a ring tomorrow and let me know when. We’ll grab lunch after.” He slid the napkin over to me. 

His phone number and address, huh? Why does this feel like a fuckin’ date?

I can’t help but look at the blonde suspiciously, and he chuckles.

“What?”

“This ain’t a date is it?” I blurted out.

Brian chokes out his drink, and Freddie bursts out laughing at the taller man’s expense before going to pat his back. Roger, however, is grinning ear to ear like the cat that ate the fuckin’ canary.

“Did you want it to be, baby girl?” His lips hovered over mine.

Why does he have to be really hot?

While my face burns, either from the booze, or from embarrassment, I manage to bring myself to smile and try to laugh it off. 

“‘M sorry, I didn’ mean t’ say it like that . Not that a date wit’ ya would be terr...terrble.” I said jokingly. 

Roger has a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, remarkably similar to Fred, but eventually he leaned back.

“That’s a shame, innit?” He smirked.

“Oh would you both cut it out already? I feel like you’re going to give Fred asthma at this point, because he’s practically wheezing .” Brian rolled his eyes.

“I can’t help it. She’s just...I- -I love it when she’s shitfaced. Makes for a very entertaining evening. Never fails.” Fred wipes a tear from his eye. 

“Ha HA. Veeeeeery funny, Fred.” I playfully glared at him.

“Jack, darling, I love you so much- -” Fred laughed hysterically.

“Well if you’re done making assumptions, I wasn’t referring to a date. Just an outing as friends, you crazy bird.” Roger chuckled. “We could go to the pub as well, sounds like you’ll be getting paid soon.” 

He’s so fucking confident too. I shouldn’t even consider it. Guys like him and women like me don’t mix. 

“Don’t listen to him, Jack, he’ll drain you of your entire earnings.” Brian smiled teasingly.

Much like the night we’d met, the blonde gives me a very obvious wink.

“I would do no such thing.” 

I don’t bother hiding my grin, and barely manage to refrain from laughing.

“ Fuggoff .” I slurred.

When the food arrives, the bartender hands me a glass of water as well. I can’t help but pout childishly, and manage to get the poor fellow to serve me another whiskey with just a bat of my eyes and a soft spoken “please.” 

“It’s on the house, but this is your last drink, luv.” The bartender warned me. “Y’look bloody ready to pass out. Now eat your fish and chips, yeah?”

I smirk into my drink as I go to take another sip, before Brian places his hand on top of mine.

“At this rate, you’ll get alcohol poisoning, please eat first.” He urged me.

“Fiiiiiiine mom .” I groaned.

Roger throws a hand over his mouth to stifle more laughter, but Brian kicks him again underneath the table. 

“What, you think you could do a better job? Poor girl’s about to drink herself into a coma. Running on fumes and no food .” Brian muttered worriedly.

Roger rolls his eyes at how motherly his friend tended to be, but knew that this time, it was warranted. Turning towards me again, Roger lays on the charm real thick.

“C’mon, luv. Save us a scolding from Bri and take a bite, yeah? For me?” Roger asked sweetly with a bat of his beautiful eyes.

Dammit, he’s got really long eyelashes...they make him look so freaking CUTE.

“Hmmmmmmm.” I grumbled.

I just wanted to go out and have some fun, so what does it matter if I haven’t eaten? No biggie. I’ve gone even longer without food.

Roger goes a step further, taking one of the chips from the plate and blowing on it lightly, before pressing it to my lips.

“Say aaah. ” He winked.

Yeaaaaaaaah, Roger Taylor should be considered illegal to women. Just calling it now.

When my stomach takes the opportunity to growl again, I finally give in, biting into the chip and nearly groaning in satisfaction. It’s not long before I start stuffing my face, probably resembling a pig as I ate, but I couldn’t bring myself to care when it’d been quite a while without food. The boys stare at me in surprise that I ate every single thing on the plate in less than five minutes, but already, I felt so much better. I lean back into my seat with a satisfied smile and rub at my belly as if I were pregnant.

“Well shit, you were really famished then.” Fred smirked.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone eat that quickly before other than Rog.” Brian muttered, seeming impressed and disgusted all at once.

“Hey, ya’ll wanted me to eat, so I did. ” I whined.

“And we’re very proud of you.” Roger teasingly said.

“God, I could fall into a food coma instead and die happy.” I sighed.

“I’ll say, was it that good, darling?” Freddie winked.

“Better than sex.” I joked.

I grabbed my glass from the table before taking a large sip of the whiskey.

“Don’t even say it, Rog.” Brian gave his friend a knowing look.

“ What? ” Roger laughed. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Honestly, you didn’t need to. It’s written all over your face.” Brian muttered quietly.

Glancing over at the drummer, I could spot that smug expression.

He was gonna make a sex joke wasn’t he? I mean, I probably set him up for it, haha...

I feel my face heat up as I take another sip of my drink, and pray that he doesn’t take notice, but unluckily for me, he does , as if already knowing what my thoughts are.

“What’s the matter, baby girl? Y’seem a little… flushed .”

“‘M not. Just the uh...the whiskey.” I blurted out.

“Uh huh. ” He nodded, not believing me.

This is gonna be a loooong night.

---

Monday, December 21st, 1969...

 

As I walk down the sidewalk, I glance down periodically at the napkin Roger scrawled down his address onto. Even after having lived in this country for several years, it was funny how I ended up getting lost from time to time. It wasn’t so bad though, since I liked taking in the scenery of London. It probably sounded a bit stupid, especially to the natives here, but a lot of things still managed to somehow hold a bit of wonder and magic to me. I also loved observing a lot of the cultural differences between America versus Britain. 

“Aw, you lonely, luv?” A man whistled at me.

I continue walking, not giving the pig a second glance.

“Not lonely enough for your dumbass, that’s for goddamn sure.” I smirked, before flipping him off from behind. “Fuck off, luv. ”

I can hear his buddies snicker beside him, and take small satisfaction from how angry and flustered he sounded from behind me. When I make it to Roger’s place, I pull out my pocket watch to check the time as I knock on the door.

I mean...we should make it with plenty of time to spare...

I’m pulled from my thoughts when Roger answers the door, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. I can’t help but wonder if he did that intentionally or not, but after seeing the guilty look on his face, those thoughts quickly vanished.

“H- -hey, so uh...I may have overslept a bit. But it won't be too long. Just need to dry my hair and change.” Roger smiled almost sheepishly, before leading me inside. “Come on in, make yourself comfortable.”

“No, it’s okay. To be honest with you, I almost overslept too.” I tried to reassure him.

Roger shuts the door behind me and cleans off some of the textbooks and items scattered across the couch to make room for me. As Roger goes to finish getting ready, I can’t help but sneak a glance at his backside.

He’s not bad to look at...not at all...STOP IT.

I feel my face heat up and pull out my notebook from within my bag, in an attempt to keep my mind busy, going from one activity to another. It takes after twenty minutes or so of reading through previous song lyrics, making changes, and doodling a man’s figure, before I start trying to come up with new song ideas.

I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.

I quickly scribble out the sentence.

Stop it. He’s so...hot, and I’m just...bleh in comparison. He’s not even interested in me like that anyway...right? He just...flirts with anything that walks? Fuck if I know. I need to get him out of my freakin’ head.

I nearly threw my pen out of frustration, but paused after taking a deep breath.  

“You look a bit angry, everything alright?” Roger smirked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just uh...ran out of ink.” I lied.

“I got another pen on the table.” 

Roger plops down onto the couch, his leg brushing against mine as he leans forward to grab said pen.

“Here.” He offered.

“T- -thanks.” I chuckled nervously. “Just um...how about we uh...get goin’ instead?”

I closed my notebook with a snap.

“You should finish it before the idea leaves you. I know the feeling.” He smiled. “Trust me, it’ll drive you nuts if you forget.”

Reluctantly, I take the pen from Roger and go to a random page.

“That’s not the one you were working on.” He gave me a knowing look.

“Huh?” I blinked up at him.

“There was a drawing next to it. It was pretty good.” Roger noted with a small smile.

“Clever girl.” I said jokingly.

I can’t help but relax around the blonde, before going back to the last page I was on. I scribble something random before quickly shutting the notebook again.

“So you and Fred met at Ealing? What was your major?” He asked.

“Graphic design. I was more interested in being an illustrator really, but...that’s what the scholarship paid for.” I replied.

“Have you considered going back?”

“I did, but I don’t know if I’d be able to without another scholarship of some kind...it’s hard just keeping up with rent right now, but to worry about school tuition on top of that again?” I sighed.

“Yeah, I hear you. It drives me up the bloody wall just thinking about it.” Roger chuckled.

“And what’s your major?”

“You probably won’t believe me.” The blonde smiled nervously.

I playfully nudged him.

“No I won’t.” I reassured him. “C’mooooon.”

“Dentistry.” He admitted.

Wait….he’s actually serious. Ummm, wow. Not exactly what I’d expect from someone like him?

“That’s reassuring there.” Roger grinned.

“Sorry. You just threw me by surprise is all!” I laughed. “It’s really neat though. I didn’t know you were interested in that kind of a career.”

“Whatever pays well, right?” He shrugged.

“Well, I don’t know if you’d ever want me as a client, I just don’t think it’s possible for me to shut up sometimes.” I joked.

Roger chuckles at this.

“Alright, alright.” He shook his head. “Let’s get going then, shall we?”

After Roger leads me to his van, I give him the address for the pub where I was to be meeting the lead singer of Humpy Bong . As I’d expected, the dipshit was trying to low-ball me and cut out some of my pay. Before I can cuss him out, however, Roger is quick to interfere, and manages to somehow smooth things over with a few choice words here and there. I hadn’t realized how... charming Roger could exactly be, how persuasive he truly was. 

It almost reminds me of Fred a bit…kinda freaky...

The two of us end up eating lunch at the pub after our business is included. Despite trying to offer Roger some of my cut, he declines to take any of the money. I decided to pay his tab for him as a sign of my gratitude by the time our check comes. Although, we end up staying at the pub for hours just getting to know each other. 

Surprisingly, we don’t talk much about our pasts, but rather our interests and passions, not that I minded at all. It was almost refreshing at how much we end up having in common. Of course, nothing beats the heated topic of who we considered to be the best guitarist of all time since that was a no-brainer (it’s Jimi Hendrix by the way…) . I ended up having a lot of fun though, and it was rare that I got to unwind around someone as open-minded as Roger. 

I really was wrong about him...he’s...he’s a good guy.

---

Wednesday, December 31st, 1969...

 

I hadn’t even read the card my older brother sent me for nearly two weeks after meeting Brian and Roger. It just sits on the kitchen table unopened and untouched. There was a nagging in the back of mind to open the damn thing out of curiosity, but something deep down compels me not to. Freddie takes notice of how conflicted I’d been about it, but tries not to say anything, and I can tell it’s because he doesn’t think it’s in his place to do so. I can tell it bothers him deeply though.

After my birthday, Roger and Freddie had become quick friends too, having a shared interest in fashion, and of course, music. Brian seemed to lean towards talking about his academic work, and his major. Although, his passion for the subject was rather enamoring. I found my own interests being so boring in comparison, but Tim soon encouraged me to come out of my shell a little more with another round of shots that night. He even surprises me further that night with a birthday gift, or some “old piece of junk” he’d been meaning to give me.

I nearly freaked out when he mentioned it was a Gibson Les Paul Deluxe, a little banged up and needing some work cosmetically, but I couldn’t care less. I can vaguely recall that night became a blur of excitement and fun. In between my work shifts as a waitress, I started branching out and hanging out with Brian and Tim as well as Roger in the free time I did have. It surprised Freddie as well as myself that I was willingly going to socialize with other people, since I was such an introvert before I’d met him.

On the day of News Year's Eve, almost an entire year since having met Fred, I actually feel a little at peace for the first time in my life. It was also the first time in years since I’d had so many friends that I enjoyed being around and not feeling...afraid for once in my life. Despite being in the UK for over a year, I never ventured out far or made any meaningful connections since I was such a paranoid person nowadays. This was finally the new start I had dreamt of.

Currently with Roger and Brian, I was lounging about in an empty classroom they’d reserved for band rehearsals. After being encouraged by Freddie, I brought along my notebook and the newly refurbished Gibson guitar that Tim had gifted me. For the next hour or so, Brian shows me some really nice riffs and gives me solid advice on how to properly play as we wait for Tim to arrive. Unsure of how the conversation gets brought up, each of us end up discussing all of the instruments we’ve ever played.

“I thought you nailed that audition for who was it again? Humpy Bong. C’mon then, let’s hear it. I wanna hear you play” He challenged playfully.

“Nah, I’m still pretty weak, dude, you wouldn’t want me near that set of yours. Plus I quit their band months ago.” I laughed awkwardly.

“Oh, I’m sure you’re not that bad.” Brian assured me. “You’ve at least got some experience with it.”

“Try ten years worth.” I mutter under my breath.

At this, Roger raises an eyebrow, his expression now full of intrigue and curiosity.

“I’m curious, but why’d you stop? You said your old man destroyed your drum set but…” Roger trails off.

“I mean, I couldn’t exactly afford to replace any of it, so I stopped. Simple as that.” I sighed.

“Well come here and play something already.” Roger urged me.

“I’m not sure if I- -”

“You just said you have ten years worth of playing and you’ve been playing some gigs lately. Don’t give me that bullshit, baby girl.” Roger smirked.

I feel a blush form on my cheeks from the pet name as I put down my guitar gently on a stand nearby. I feel myself nearly shaking with nerves as I reluctantly come over to Roger’s drum set. The blonde smiled as he held out his drumsticks to me, fingers brushing against mine as I hesitantly took them from him. Sitting down, I grip the drumsticks tightly as I sift through my memories, trying to recall how I used to play. 

“Just roll with it.” Roger chuckled.

Okay...what’s a good song that I know? One with a good beat…

“Don’t get on her case Rog…I’m pretty sure she’s trying to think.” Brian rolled his eyes.

Gently tapping on the foot pedal for the hi-hat cymbal, I contemplate what song to pick. Feeling the drumsticks in my hands has me almost inspired. Flashes of childhood memories worm their way into my mind. I close my eyes as I hear the beat of the cymbals with every tap of my foot.

“Don’t think, Jackie. Just play. Feel the beat...feel the rhythm. Play.”

Finally, I begin pounding the drums with the first song that comes to mind. I sing softly as I imagine the song playing in my mind. From there, my surroundings begin to fade into nothing as if I’m alone in the room. I bob my head to the beat of Led Zeppelin’s Whole Lotta Love , it was a heavily addicting song that I couldn’t help but be drawn to. I listened to the record every chance I got and admired John Bonham’s skills. I could practically feel every beat of his through my small stereo.

When the song finishes playing in my mind, I slowly come to a stop as I wipe the sweat from my forehead. I place the drumsticks down carefully along the snare drum temporarily as I move to put my hair in a ponytail. Playing the drums after so many years felt invigorating, and I knew part of me had missed it. Despite those gigs with that weird local band, it wasn’t as fun as it was just now.

Roger and Brian look at me with wide eyes, and for a moment, I feel embarrassed as I wonder whether or not my playing was terrible. Then, I hear clapping from the entryway and see Freddie with Tim. Freddie has a bright grin on his face as he whistles at me, while Tim just resumes clapping with enthusiasm. Roger rushes over to me, picking me up and twirling me in his arms as he laughs excitedly. 

“Holy shit! That was mad brilliant, luv!” Roger grinned.

“It wasn’t terrible?” I raised an eyebrow.

“ Terrible? ” Roger echoed loudly and looked at me in disbelief. “The fuck are you on about? That was great!”

At Roger’s enthusiasm, I can’t help but crack a grin as I’m put at ease. I relax into Roger’s hold as he drapes an arm around my shoulder.

“I guess I’ve still got it.” I shrugged.

“Bloody hell, I think I may very well be in love.” Roger sighs happily.

At this, Brian snorts and shakes his head at Roger when he sees the look on my face.

“You were great, Jack.” Brian assured me. “I’ve also mentioned before that Rog is a bloody flirt right?”

“Oi! Piss off! You cannot tell me that that wasn’t incredible!” Roger practically shouted.

“I never said that it wasn’t! But you’re practically drooling all over the poor girl! Give her some air, for bloody sake!” Brian laughed.

I pull away from Roger, feeling too warm for comfort as I fan myself with one hand. I reach down and take off my sweatshirt, hearing a choked noise from the blonde as I toss it to the side where my bag is. After getting my water bottle and taking a swig, I hear a whistle from Freddie.

“Oh fuck off.” I chuckled.

Freddie leans against the table where I’m at, plucking my water bottle from my grasp as he also takes a drink. I roll my eyes at him before playfully punching his arm. 

“That was splendid, darling. Almost as good as Roger.” Freddie smirked.

“Almost?” Tim raised an eyebrow. “I think she’s just as good if not better.”

I can feel my face heat up as Roger gives his bandmate a dirty glare.

“Shit, I didn’t mean it like that, mate.” Tim assures him. “You know you’re fucking amazing, Rog. Don’t get me wrong.”

“Damn right I am.” Rog grumbles.

“I just didn’t know the girl had it in her. Color me impressed.” Tim chuckled.

Tim gives me a playful nudge of the shoulder.

“Now, if you lot don’t mind, I’d like to start practicing. I know it’s New Year’s Eve, but we’ve got a show tomorrow.” Tim told us.

Brian and Roger nod, eager to start as they take their positions, while Freddie and I stay back and hang out near the desks. Freddie folds his arms as I grab my notebook and begin writing the first thing to come to mind. As the band begins to play, Freddie leans over, his chin propped on my shoulder and glances down to see what I’m writing.

“ Spread your little wings, and fly away. ” Freddie sings quietly. “I like it. Do you mind if I add on more...?” 

I smile warmly at my best friend and nod, handing him my pen and notebook as he appears deep into thought. Once he begins writing, he bobs his head and hums as he comes up with more lyrics on the fly. I can’t help but once again be impressed with Freddie Bulsara. He was a brilliant man, more so than he let on.

“ Spread your little wings, and fly away. Fly away. Far away….Pull yourself together, ‘cause you know you should do better. That’s because you’re a free man. ” I mutter softly. “Jesus, Fred. You’re a goddamn lyrical genius.” 

“Thank you, dear.” Freddie kisses my cheek. “We make a good pair don’t we?”

“We certainly do.” I smiled warmly.

---

Later that evening, Freddie nearly shoves me into my bedroom as he gives me an outfit to try on. I look at my body-length mirror in horror, taking in the black high waisted mini skirt with a low cut tank-top and kitten heel pumps that matched. I glare at Freddie after opening the door, and get ready to tell him how ridiculous I look before he’s quickly shutting me up with a kiss. Then, he orders me to go do my makeup and gently urges me into the bathroom with my makeup bag.

I’m mostly confused by the time I return to our living room, and by then it’s almost ten in the evening. I couldn’t help feeling absolutely self-conscious in these clothes, while Fred looked dressed to impress. When he tells me that we’re going to a party being held at the pub nearby, my nerves start to get the better of me. Although, once he mentions that everyone we know will be there, I relax, but only just barely. When we arrive, the pub is absolutely filled to the brim with people, and immediately the anxiety comes rushing back.

Sensing my hesitation, Freddie brings me to the bar, ordering a cocktail for me to help calm me before we worm our way through the sea of people to socialize. I can see Brian hanging out in a booth nearby alone, and this time, I start to lead Freddie over. Freddie smiles as we take a seat across from Brian, who also looks happy and relieved to see us.

“Hey, Bri! You look like you could use some company!” I shouted over the noise.

“When’d you two get here?” Brian smiled.

“We just arrived, darling! Fashionably late of course!” Freddie teased.

“Are Tim and Roger with you?” I asked.

Brian reaches for his glass, taking a sip of his beer as he goes to roll his eyes. Freddie suddenly stands up, telling me he’s also going to fetch another drink, and leaves us alone momentarily. Brian blushes as he snaps out of his daze. He realizes he hasn’t answered my question just yet.

“Sorry, they were with me, but I’ve been ditched. Not like I’m really surprised though. It’s almost midnight. We’ve got about...less than an hour, I think.” Brian replied. “I saw Roger heading to the bathroom with some girl, and Tim...I’m not really sure where the hell he bloody is actually.”

Ignoring the slight pang in my chest, although I’m uncertain of why, I grab Brian’s hand and give him a reassuring smile. 

“Well fuck them right?” I joked.

Brian shrugs as he returns the smile and finishes the remainder of his beer, although there isn’t much left. I casually down the rest of my drink, sighing happily as I feel the slight warmth of the alcohol travelling down from my chest to my stomach. Then, after hearing another loud song come from the jukebox, I resist the urge to wince as everyone sings along loudly and drunkenly. Noticing my discomfort, Brian stands up and points towards the exit.

“You want to step outside for a bit?” Brian yelled. “I can barely hear myself think!”

I nod in agreement and follow Brian as he grabs my hand. Much similar to the night of my birthday, I can feel the cold breeze as soon as we step outside. I’m thankful to have brought a coat this time, as I snuggle into it for warmth. For a minute, Brian and I stand outside in awkward silence as we move to sit on a bench on the other side of the entrance to the pub.

“Jesus. It was so fucking loud in there.” I groaned.

“Yeah…” Brian nodded in agreement.

I let out a yawn and stretch as I pull out my pocket watch. The clock reads 11:24. 

“Wow- -is that... gold? ” Brian nearly choked.

I see Brian eye my pocket watch in surprise, and I’m quick to put it back in my pocket.

“Yeah...it belonged to my grandfather.” I smiled. “I almost sold it, y’know...me and Fred were a couple dollars short of our rent and...I was almost desperate enough to sell this thing. It’s been in my family for several generations, I think. One of the few valuable things I own.” 

“That’s amazing. What was that design on the front there?” Brian asked.

I hesitantly pulled out the pocket watch again and handed it over to Brian gingerly.

“It’s the Ursa Minor.” I answered. “You see it?”

I tried showing him “The Little Bear” carefully engraved onto the pocket watch. I could see Brian’s excitement as he held it up under the streetlamp above us to get a better look. Seeing the excited smile on his face makes me happy. Brian almost reminds me of my twin sister with her kind and gentle nature as well as her eagerness to learn.

“This is beautiful. They really captured the details of the stars, that’s really good handiwork there.” Brian lets out a breathless chuckle. 

“My great great grandparents got engaged with the full view of the Ursa Minor. It was some romantic picnic under the stars.” I recalled. “My mom used to tell me all about it when I was younger. She gave me this watch on my birthday...before she...left.” I chose my words carefully.

Brian senses the change in my tone before giving me back my pocket watch, but not before I check the time again. The clock now reads 11:37. I put my pocket watch away before reaching down my bra, amused by Brian’s reaction as I pulled out a joint along with my lighter. I light it up and take a hit, before offering it to Brian.

“Oh don’t give me that look. If I’m gonna be forced to go out in public looking like this, I’m gonna have some fun while I do it.” I smirked.

“I think you look great by the way.” Brian blurted out.

“Thanks...it’s not exactly...comfortable. Or even remotely warm. I don’t normally wear this type of shit. Freddie just likes to dress me up sometimes, especially for special occasions.” I chuckled.

Brian reluctantly takes the joint from my hand, but doesn’t take a hit just yet. When he notices that I’m staring at him, Brian visibly blushes and puts it up to his lips.

“I don’t normally...smoke. I’ve only done it two other times.” Brian mumbles.

I give Brian a sympathetic look as I rub his arm.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” I smiled warmly. “I just thought you’d want to destress.”

“No. It’s fine, thank you…” Brian cracks a smile.

After taking a hit, Brian coughs uncontrollably, and I can’t help but gently pat his back. Brian passes it back over, but not before giving me a look of confusion. 

“Do you know what shotgunning is? Roger made some kind of joke about it once...I figured it had to do with smoking? I mean, I’m not completely clueless, but I wasn't entirely sure either- -”

“Nah, it’s okay. I mean, I’ve personally never tried it. I think you’re supposed to take a hit, and let the smoke uh...pass from your mouth into someone else’s. I mean...it sounded interesting and I’ve wanted to do it at least once in my life. Why? You wanna try that?” I raised an eyebrow.

Brian’s eyes widen as he looks at me nervously. After a minute, Brian shrugs almost uncaringly, trying to seem nonchalant as he faces me again. I can’t help but sympathize with the older man, and give him another warm smile to help put him at ease. It seems to do the trick as Brian scoots closer to me on the bench.

“I mean...sure? I’ll try it if you will.” Brian said jokingly.

“Okay. Well…” I hum thoughtfully. “I guess I’ll just uh...get closer.”

I scoot even closer, invading Brian’s personal space. I adjust myself so that I’m sitting on my knees and become at level with Brian’s face.

“Alright. I’ll take a hit and then...you just open your mouth and uh...inhale the smoke.” I mutter awkwardly.

Brian flushes as he nods, and I scoot just a little bit closer. I finally take a hit, and hold in the smoke as I quickly move and cradle Brian’s cheek in my hand. Brian’s lips part, and I feel my lips graze his as I let out an exhale. I repeat the process for the next several minutes with him, and the two of us pause when we hear shouting in the distance. I pull out my pocket watch in a daze, and realize it’s 11:59. 

“Well shit. It’s almost midnight.” I spoke up with a grin.

Brian perks up, swaying in his spot as he attempts to sit taller. I attempt to do the same, but can’t seem to move my legs properly. Brian looks amused upon noticing this, and pulls my legs from underneath me until they’re outstretched over his. I giggle when I see that I’m practically sitting in Brian’s lap, and apparently, my clumsiness is enough to also make Brian laugh as well.

From inside, we can hear the countdown, and I find myself anxious as my heart flutters. Whether it’s from the effect of the weed, or from something else, I stare up at Brian in pure awe. I inch closer to the taller man, hearing his breath hitch when I move to straddle his lap. I let out a small whimper when I feel the telltale signs of an erection poking me from below. Brian’s hands move to grip my waist a little too tightly, as he waits in anticipation.

10….9…..8…..

“Can I kiss you?” I blurt out.

Brian nods almost frantically and I smile warmly at him as I begin to lean down.

7…..6…..5…..

I place my hand on his cheek again as my joint hangs loosely between my fingers along my other hand.

4…..3…...2…..1…..

Ignoring the shouts of everyone inside, I press my lips to Brian’s, feeling my eyes fall shut in bliss.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!”

I let out a moan as Brian’s lips part, and timidly lick my way into his mouth. In the back of my mind, I’m reminded of the time Freddie and I shared a kiss. Brian is more tentative and slower than Freddie, but he makes up for it with enthusiasm. We only break apart when someone’s whistling at us from a nearby distance.

---

February of 1970...

 

With Freddie being busy as of late with bands like Wreckage and Sour Milk Sea , I had been seeing him less and less in our apartment. I end up spending more time with Tim, Roger, and Brian to distract myself in between work. As I’d predicted, Brian had been all too anxious to be near me since New Year’s Eve, but I could hardly blame him. We were almost close enough to be having sex in public, our mind’s addled and hazy from the MJ we shared. 

Every time I would try to talk to him alone, he’d find some kind of excuse to avoid the conversation. It was frustrating at times, but being in his shoes, I understood everything he was likely feeling because I’d been there myself at one point. Fred seems to be the only one to notice the tension between us, but surprisingly hadn’t commented on it yet. I’d finally got fed up with it though, and decided to finally confront Brian.

“Hey, you got a minute?” I asked.

Brian’s breath hitches, and he glances down at me apprehensively. I can see him bite his bottom lip as he twiddles his thumbs together nervously, almost reminding me of some school boy about to get scolded.

“I mean, Roger probably needs help setting up- -” Brian stammered.

“Brian. I think you can spare me five minutes. Come on, let’s go.” I mumble softly.

I nod at him before gesturing towards the exit with a jab of my thumb behind me. Unlike the other times Brian had rejected me, he slowly nods in agreement. Before following me outside, we hear Roger shout from across the room with the bass drum in his arms.

“Hey Bri! Where are you goin’?” Roger asked.

“Just getting a breath of fresh air!” Brian replied.

“What for? We just got here, mate.” Roger raised an eyebrow.

Brian moves out of the way, revealing me standing in front of him. Roger’s smile falters upon seeing me with Brian, and he can tell something is up because of my expression. Brian coughs awkwardly, his eyes flickering towards Roger and the door nervously. I quickly pick up on Brian’s hint, and put on a smile.

“It’s fine, Rog. Just wanted to ask Brian for some advice.” I lied.

Roger lightly scoffs, but gives me a suspicious look through his smile.

“And you can’t do that here, luv?” Roger pried.

“Well it’s kinda personal, so yeah- -no . Don’t wanna do it here.” I chuckled.

I grab Brian’s hand, before heading towards the exit again. I hear some cursing behind us when the bass drum drops to the stage and echoes through the room loudly and the both of us barely manage not to wince. Once the doors slam shut behind us, I turn to face Brian and give him a small glare. He looks almost sheepish as he faces me.

“H- -hi. So, how are you, Jacqueline?” Brian asked politely.

“Brian, I’m not normally a...confrontational person, at least not until I’d met Fred anyway, but for once, I’m gonna get straight to the point. You’ve been ignoring me since New Year’s Eve.” I started. “If you aren’t interested in me that way, just tell me. Don’t be that asshole. Y’know, I actually liked the kiss, whether it was from the weed or not. It’s not like we went that far- -”

“Jacqueline, my hand was under your skirt for crying out loud.” Brian blushed madly. 

“So you do remember that night after all. And here I thought you just decided to take some vow of silence after that night.” I teased.

Brian sighed heavily and placed his hands on my shoulders

“I’m sorry, alright?” He started. “I handled things poorly, I’ll admit it. I just...I like you, a lot actually. And I’m worried if I were to...pursue anything else with you, that it could end up ruining our friendship.”

I give him a look of sympathy.

“Or it could bring us closer. You can’t just decide that for the both of us without trying. For the record, I’d be friends with you regardless if we were together romantically or not. But if you like me, I need you to say that now . I was...I want to... I’d like to date you. You seem like one of the few decent men in this world that knows how to treat a woman right, and I’d be happy to get to know you even more. If you’re not interested in me that way, just tell me now and I’ll drop it. Simple as that.” 

Despite sounding so sure and confident, my heart pounded like a drum in my chest. For seconds, Brian looks conflicted as he struggles to come up with a response. Sighing dejectedly, I begin to turn around and walk away, before feeling a hand grab my wrist.

“Don’t go.” He mumbled softly. “I’m sorry for clamming up, but...I’m surprised someone like you is interested in someone like me. I mean, until recently, I thought you were interested in Roger . He’s such a womanizer and I’m...not. Plus, you seem like this really confident woman, and I’m just- -”

“I’m really not that confident at all, have you freakin’ met me?” I laughed. “I just...when it comes to this kinda thing, I don’t want anyone involved to be confused. I’m sorry if I was too straightforward though- -”

“No, no, don’t apologize. I think it was needed this time.” Brian cracked a smile. “If you’ll still have me, I’d love to take you out to dinner and see how things go.”

“Groovy.” I smirked, before placing a kiss on his lips.

We’re interrupted when Tim approaches us from down the road, somehow, he didn’t see us kiss. Tim glances at us in confusion when he comes to a stop at the entrance of the auditorium. Brian’s smile almost vanishes as he grows uncomfortable, the longer his friend stares at the two of us. It was almost like going back to square one as Brian reverts back into his normally shy and timid self.

“Everythin’ okay over here, mate?” Tim asked.

“We’re fine.” Brian muttered.

Tim glances over at me inquisitively, clearly seeking answers. I fold my arms and smirk at Tim.

“Just asking Brian for some advice.” I lied smoothly. “I’m thinking about joining this band in need of a guitarist.”

Tim looks at me in surprise, before he shakes his head.

“Don’t tell me you said yes.” Tim blurts out nervously.

At this reaction, Brian and I share a look of confusion.

“Look, I like you, Jack. You’re... really fucking talented. But you know nothin’ about being in a band.” Tim said.

I scoff at Tim, and roll my eyes in annoyance.

“Believe it or not, I actually do know what it’s like to be in a band considering I have been in several .” I pointed out.

Brian puts a hand on my arm, most likely to calm me, but it does little to help.

Tim looks at me apologetically, realizing how his previous statement had come out across as.

“Sorry, luv. I didn’t mean it like that . I just don’t want anyone taking advantage of you.” Tim assured me.

I take a deep breath before smiling at Tim, knowing his intentions were meant to be good.

“Then say it like that. Don’t beat around the bush because I’m a girl.” I joke lightly.

Tim looks relieved, but nods in understanding.

“Why don’t you stick with us?” Tim asked.

“As what…? A guitarist? I believe you already have one. Literally standing right here.” I gestured to Brian. “You guys don’t need me in your band.” I chuckled.

Brian reaches down and grasps my hand, much to my surprise. I glance at him with wide eyes, and see that cute little smile on his face. I can feel my heart fluttering in my chest at how adorable the taller man could be. 

“You could be anything you want, Jack. Guitarist...back up vocals...doesn’t matter. Why don’t you try playing with us in rehearsal? See how we fit together?” Brian spoke up.

“Really now? You’d let me...play with you guys?” I stammer nervously.

“Jack, you’re always at our band rehearsals. I don’t see why not. You know our songs, you know us .” Tim added. “I’m more than okay with this.”

“And why do you want me to be a part of Smile so badly?” I raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Less competition.” Tim shrugs.

After seeing the annoyed look from both Brian and I, Tim cracks a smile and laughs.

“I’m joking.” He said. “Sort of...but you’re a good friend and someone really talented.”

“And what do you think Roger would say about all this? Shouldn’t this be a band decision?” I spluttered out nervously.

What the actual hell is happening right now? I was only trying to cover up for Brian because he doesn’t want anyone to know we’re ‘dating’ now. Now I’m being roped into their band?

“Roger- -” Tim started.

My eyes widen when the man himself bursts through the entrance. Roger has a huge grin on his face as he comes right over to us.

“Is right here. I approve. More than approve. You’re really going to join us, baby girl? This is bloody fantastic.” Roger laughs.

I find myself blushing from the attention as all three men look at me expectantly.

“What am I supposed to do? I don’t wanna be a lead singer or- -”

“Nah, that would be me.” Tim smirked. “Why don’t you be another guitarist? Y’know, since that’s what you normally play?” 

“Well shit. This is actually happening.” I muttered. “Um...I mean...if you guys want me to. Sure, I’ll fucking join.” 

Roger let’s out a cheer as he pulls me towards him and twirls me in his arms.

“YEEEEHAAAW!” Roger shouts.

I burst out laughing as Roger throws me over his shoulder and runs around excitedly.

“Roger! Put her down!” Brian yelled nervously.

---

March 1970...

 

“You were going too slow! I thought you’d be faster than Bri- -” Roger teased.

“Maybe you were just going too fast!” I weakly retorted. “Ya ever thought of that?”

Freddie intervenes by throwing a pencil nearby at the blonde.

“Yes, darlings, you’re both very pretty. Now can we please move on? You haven’t shut up about band practice since you got home!”

Roger can’t help but laugh at the comment, but reluctantly stops arguing for Fred’s sake.

“Sorry, mate. Now who’s turn is it?”

“Jackie’s turn.”

I turn back towards our game of Scrabble and take a hit from my joint. Finally, after a minute of mulling over my options, I make a move, spelling out the word “plexus.”

“ No way! That’s not a real word!” Freddie scoffed.

“Why don’t you ask the dentistry major? He’s gotta learn all about anatomy and medical terminology right?” I smirked, before looking to Roger for help.

“It’s a network of nerves and vessels within the body.” Roger confirmed. “Sorry Fred.”

“And here I thought you were my friend.” The older man sighed dramatically.

“Only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” Roger joked.

I can’t help but giggle at this, before passing my joint over to Rog.

“It’s alright if you wanna admit defeat- -” I started.

Fred cuts me off when he spells out the word “nexus.”

“Aaaah, very nice use of the “x” there.” I grinned.

“Plenty more where that came from, darling.” Freddie winked.

After just a few more minutes, Fred (unsurprisingly) wins the game of Scrabble before heading off to shower. I start cleaning the table and tidying up, going underneath to find some stray Scrabble pieces that fell to the floor somehow. Much to my surprise, Roger actually stays to help clean as well, going to do the dishes that had been piling up recently.

“ Dooiiiing alriiiiight. ” Roger sang softly.

I mean, I’ve heard Roger singing back up before but...he could be lead vocals with a voice like that.

“What’re you smiling at?” Roger spoke up.

I snapped out of my daze before cracking a small smile for the blonde.

“Sorry, just...you’re pretty cool. I dunno if I say it enough.” I stammered.

“What? Never heard a bloke sing before?” He teased me.

“I mean, I’ve heard men sing obviously, but...not quite like you.” I paused, before my eyes widened. “I don’t mean that you’re terrible , quite the opposite really. I- -I think you’re so freaking talented and- -I’ll uh...I’ll just stop talking now, sorry.” 

Roger laughs at how bashful and red in the face I am.

“Stop, please .” He giggled, before noticing the dejected look on my face. “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you - -”

“Uh huh, very reassuring.” I nodded. “I’ll just go clean elsewhere…”

“Wait, stop.” Roger grabs my wrist, not even bothering to wipe off the dish-soap-soaked water from his hands. “I didn’t mean to...I was just poking a little fun at you, but I’m not making fun of you , I promise, luv.”

It’s not hard to slip from Roger’s grasp given how slippery his hands were, but the pleading look he gives me is enough to have me stay put.

“Thank you for the compliment.” Roger winked. “You’re also a wicked guitarist for what it’s worth. You could give Bri a run for his money.”

The drummer seems to gain more confidence when he notices how flushed in the face I appear, taking that as a sign to continue. He wipes his hands along his jeans before coming forward, and cupping my cheek. His thumb brushes my bottom lip lightly as he leans in closer.

“Y’know...if you wanted an extra hand...I could give you some... private drumming lessons .” He lowered his voice.

For what feels like a long time, I’m practically clamped up, my throat suddenly dry, my entire body practically on fire, and my loins practically screaming. I nearly have the urge to pounce Roger, but I knew how fucking wrong it would be to Brian. I barely hold myself back.

Fuck...having morals sucks sometimes. But...I care about Brian...

“Private lessons, huh?” Freddie spoke up from behind us. 

OH GOD. How much did he hear?...good timing though.

Roger’s face heats up and he pulls away from me quickly like the plague, much to my relief. Fred comes up to me from behind, and wraps his arms around my shoulders.

“Have you offered these private lessons for Brian and Tim before, I wonder?” Freddie asked suggestively.

“Oh sod off.” Roger rolled his eyes.

“Aw, Rog, you’re so sweet sometimes.” Fred teased. “Now Jack darling, I wanted your help with one of my latest projects. Thought I’d get your opinion real quick.”

“S- -sure.” I muttered.

“It’s fine, I’ve got to head out anyway.” Roger shrugged, going to put on his jacket. “I’ll see you both later. Jack, practice is at 2 tomorrow, it’ll be at Imperial, alright? Our usual classroom.”

“Yeah okay- -”

Roger shuts the door before I finish my sentence.

“Soooooo, Roger got to you then?” Fred smirked. “You look like you needed some saving there.”

I pull away from Fred and give him a small glare.

“I’m not interested in him like that.” That’s a total lie. “And even if I was, which I’m not , I’m...already dating someone else.”

“OOO ooooh! ” Freddie shouted gleefully. “Well come on then! Tell me more!”

“Look...I don’t want you gossiping about this. We only just started dating. We’re not official yet.” I warned him.

“Oh come on, don’t do that to me.” Fred nearly whined.

“You either agree not to say anything to anyone or I won’t tell you.” I raised an eyebrow. “It’s as simple as that.”

“.....alright fine! I’m too curious to care anyway! Now go on, darling. Who is it?” He asked excitedly.

“....pinky swear?” I hold out my pinky finger.

Freddie laughed but quickly wrapped our pinkies together.

“Would you fucking tell me already?” He grinned.

“It’s Brian.” I gave in, before continuing, “He was...he was very apprehensive about dating me after we ended up kissing on New Years Eve, worried that our friendship would be ruined or somethin’ like that. And then I somehow ended up joinin’ their band because of it and…”

Fred has his hand over his mouth as he starts giggling.

“Hold on! Details Jack, and take a deep breath for fuck’s sake.” 

“Sorry…” I chuckled breathlessly.

I pause, recollecting my thoughts before starting from the top. I give Freddie an overview on how we ended up kissing on New Years Eve, how Brian practically avoided me, how we started dating, how I ended up joining Smile, all of it. It felt nice actually talking to someone about the whole thing, since I always valued Fred’s advice and his take on things. It was... refreshing , having someone to disclose your deepest feelings and secrets to, talking to someone you could trust. By the end of it, Freddie is giving me a hug, proud of me for trying to take a chance at dating when he knew of my track record with men from what I’d previously told him.

I hadn’t exactly told him of the women I dated though. All of which were pretty insane...
“So it’s settled. When’s your next date? I’ll definitely be in charge of your outfit that evening.” Fred smirked.

“No no no! I don’t trust you after New Years.” I shook my head frantically.

“Don’t be like that. You looked absolutely marvelous! Very ravishing.” 

“Yeah fuckin’ right.” I snorted.

---

April 1970...

 

With the new year came many changes. For one thing, Roger and Freddie recently opened a business together and now owned a stall in Kensington Market. This also in turn, resulted with Roger moving into our apartment with us to try and save up some money. Now living with two fashionistas, as well as flirtatious drama queens, it was harder to get any sort of privacy and alone time. 

When it came to Brian and I, things got a little more complicated. I loved spending time with him, and I could tell that he enjoyed our time together as well. Brian was intellectually stimulating as a person, and I could listen to him talk for hours about interplanetary dust and his passion for photography. I could tell Brian shared the sentiment as he was eager to learn more about me and my interests.

However, I began noticing the changes of his behavior whenever we were with our friends, with the band at practice, and other shows. He would suddenly act like that timid person, and a tad more reserved. Brian rarely showed affection for me in front of others, and acted like things had to be so secretive, when I had no clue as to why. I’d chalked it up to nerves at first, but after dating for a while...I couldn’t help but think about it. I started having doubts, just like with every other man and woman I’d been with.

Shit...were we even official? It’s been well over two months...

Coming home from work, I hang up my coat by the door before reaching down my dress and grabbing a joint tucked into my bra. I light it up and close my eyes as I lean against the door, trying to recollect my thoughts and unwind. Hearing a cough from the couch in the living room, I see Brian and Roger sitting together. Both are looking at me with surprise, but Roger with more amusement.

“Have a good day at work, baby girl?” Roger asked.

And there’s that fucking nickname...I...I hate it. Or do I? I don’t fucking know.

I hold in the smoke in my lungs, before exhaling deeply through my nose after a solid minute.

“I just wanna crawl into bed and never come out.” I breathed out.

“Was work a bit rough then?” Brian raised an eyebrow.
I let out a dry chuckle, taking another drag before walking over to the couch. I kick off my heels uncaringly as I plop down on the couch in between Roger and Brian. Brian places a comforting hand on my arm as he gives me a look of sympathy. I give him a small smile at the gesture.

“I mean, I got fired for punching a guy who got too handsy with me so...yeah...there’s that. Doesn’t matter that I was nearly assaulted at work, but y’know. The customer’s always right .” I replied sarcastically.

I can feel Roger’s anger radiate as he sits up taller, huffing quietly as he turns towards me.

“Wait a minute, you got fired? For fuckin’ what? Defending yourself?” Roger nearly shouted. “Tell me you at least got a good punch in on that fuckin’ cock- -”

“Roger.” Brian snapped quietly.

Roger ignores Brian, as he looks at me expectantly. I merely hold up my swollen hand, red and becoming purple by each passing second. Brian almost resembles a deer with his wide eyed stare. Roger, however, cracks a grin and claps a hand on my other shoulder as if he’s proud. I can’t help but laugh before I take another hit.

“Ha...you should see the other guy. Probably sporting a good black eye right about now.” I joked.

“Fuckin’ right! That’s my girl!” Roger laughed.

I can feel Brian tense next to me as he gets up. I find my smile faltering as I look towards Brian worriedly before following him to the kitchen. As Brian grabs something from the freezer, I gently tap him on the arm, giving him a look of confusion. Brian holds up a bag of peas before placing them along my knuckles.

“I still can’t believe you got yourself hurt...I’m sorry.” Brian muttered.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s fine, it honestly doesn’t even hurt anymore.” I replied.

“So...you got fired? Just like that? You’ve been there for over two years.” Brian sighed.

“Well, I’m getting my last paycheck by the end of the week. I’ll just...find another job.” I shrugged.

“I don’t understand how you’re so... nonchalant about it. You needed that job for rent.” Brian gives me a knowing look.

I try to reassure Brian with a smile.

“Well I got out my aggression when I punched that asshole. Now’s the time to move past it and just...look forward.” I told him.

“Please don’t make it a habit to punch people. I don’t need another Roger in my life.” Brian chuckled softly.

I move forward and throw Brian by surprise when I plant a gentle kiss on his lips. He gasps lightly, almost chasing back my lips when I pull back.

“I always solve my problems with my fists. Didn’t you know? Crazy American and all that.” I joked.

Before Brian can reply, we both hear Roger shout from the living room.

“Oi! What the hell’s taking so bloody long? I want a hit of that joint you’ve got, Jack!”

I roll my eyes, giving Brian one last peck to the cheek before returning to the living room and to my spot on the couch.

“Brian got me a makeshift ice pack.” I chuckled. 

“Doctor Brian May helping his patients, huh?” Roger winked.

“He wouldn’t be that kind of a doctor after he gets his degree, but....” I trailed off with a smile. 

I move to hand Roger my joint, but he quickly stops me when he shows that his hands are full of assorted items like books, papers, and a cup of tea.

“Shotgun it for me, would you baby girl?” Roger breathes out.

I feel my face heat up from the memory of when I first tried shotgunning with Brian. 

“Um...I’d prefer...not to?”

Roger bursts out laughing at my reaction.

“Oh my god. Did you just squeak?” Roger smirked. “Stop being adorable and just shotgun it. Or are you like my innocent Brian and don’t know what shotgunning is?”

Roger takes a sip of tea, as he waits for my answer.

“Well I mean...I know what it is but- -”

“Then, hurry the fuck up. I’ve gotta get a shower shortly.” Roger chuckled.

“You are a fucking child.” I grumbled.

I roll my eyes at Roger’s impatience, reluctantly complying and taking a hit. Roger leans forward, his lips grazing mine as they part. Roger maintains direct eye contact as I exhale smoke into his mouth. His expression remains playful, but is also laced with something else. I quickly turn away just as Brian comes back in with another cup of tea. 

It was just shotgunning, it wasn’t even a fucking kiss. Why am I so flustered right now? Is it just because it’s Roger? Well...yeah, it’s fucking Roger.

“Here you go, luv.”

I graciously take the cup from Brian and turn away from Roger. I can hear shuffling from Roger’s end as he gathers up more items in his arms and moves to stand up.

---

The tension within Smile became more apparent with each passing day as it nears the end of April. It started with the failed release of our one-off deal with Trident Studios. Which ended up leading to some ridiculous and obscure American single release. It was a risk that we were afraid of even taking being such a small and lesser known band, but Tim insisted it would put our names out there. 

Freddie had also been absent from the apartment as of late, and as worried as I am about my best friend, I knew I had more pressing matters. I had to find another job, which was admittedly more difficult than I had originally anticipated. Roger offers me a spot at the stall that he and Freddie run together in Kensington Market, but I politely decline, knowing I’d feel guilty about it later. I end up going to every place imaginable that was hiring, even retail stores and clothing shops.

That’s what led me to a place called Biba. This place looks like a wet dream for Freddie or Roger, and I honestly have no idea what drew me in. I was normally used to working in a restaurant type of work environment. I try to relax and reassure myself that a nice change of pace in work would be good for me.

I explore the store and try to become more familiar, and find my eyes landing on a fur coat much similar to Roger’s from the night we’d met. I smile fondly at the memory it brings back and run my fingers over the material. I’m lost in thought when someone reaches to tap my shoulder gently. I blush when I come face to face with a pretty blonde woman with a kind smile that reminds me of my sister.

“Are you finding everything okay, miss?”

“Um, yeah. I’m just wondering where I can find the manager.” I blurt out.

For some reason, she looks at me in surprise, although I can’t figure out why. She senses my confusion and clears her throat awkwardly as she fights off a blush on her face.

“O- -oh, my manager isn’t here right now. Did you have an interview with him?” She asked.

Finding myself growing more self conscious, I can’t help but avert my gaze as I give her a small shake of my head.

“I mean, I wanted to talk about that job posting. I saw your sign out the window.” I muttered.

“Right. Of course. Well...let me get your name and number, and I’ll pass it onto him. Do you have any experience in sales?”

Make a good impression. Be professional.

“I was a waitress for a solid two years. I have little experience with sales, mostly food service, but I think I more than make up for it in customer service.” I replied. “Plus my friends own a uh- -a stall in Kensington Market. They’re very...knowledgeable in regards to fashion, so I picked up a lot from them.” 

A flash of recognition seems to cross her face, and I find my heart flutters with anxiety.

“Wait a minute...do you know Freddie Bulsara?” She blurted out.

“Freddie? Yeah, he’s my roommate.” I nodded.

She finally cracks a smile, and I try to not look as nervous as I feel. 

“I’m uh...Freddie’s girlfriend. Mary. Mary Austin. We met at a pub once, yeah?” Mary introduced herself.

WHOA! Girlfriend? When the fuck was this?

I give her a fake smile as I nod and shake her hand.

“Yeah, I remember!” I lied. “Um, sorry for not recognizing you sooner! I thought you looked familiar. Just didn’t want to assume- -” 

“It’s okay if you don’t. We only met once over a month ago. Freddie thought I should tag along to see Smile, so I did.” She chuckled. “I remember you got into a drinking competition with that Roger fellow.”

So is this why I don’t see Freddie anymore? He never told me about her...why?

“Ha! Yeah.” I chuckled. “Good times.”

“Oh Freddie never shuts up about you, his little Brooklyn Jaybird he calls you. He keeps boasting about his little American friend.” Mary giggled.

Yeah, well Freddie never mentioned you to me...ever.

I find myself blushing in embarrassment, but confirm with a nod.

Although I have absolutely no room to talk about secrets. Brian and I are sorta in an unspoken relationship.

“Well give me your name, and I’ll be sure to talk you up to my manager, yeah? I should have your number since you live with Freddie.” Mary smiled.

Mary reaches behind into her back pocket, grabbing an old receipt and a used up pen. I let out a chuckle as I jot down my information, and give her a polite goodbye.

---

Brian gives me a small kiss to my cheek as he greets me at the pub. He looks more anxious than he normally does, but I can’t seem to figure out why. As we wait for Roger and Tim, we start getting ready for our gig. I tune my guitar, practically feeling Brian’s gaze on me the entire time.

“C- -can we talk?”

Um...okay. So NOW he wants to talk, huh?

I put down my guitar, giving Brian my undivided attention.

“Sure. What’s up?” I raised an eyebrow.

Brian tries to lean casually against the stage, but nearly ends up tumbling over. His clumsiness almost makes me laugh, but I manage to hold it in. However, upon seeing the serious look on Brian’s face, I can’t help but become nervous. Immediately, I began to assume the worst, and felt my stomach flutter from sheer anxiety.

Is he...ending things? Was it something I did? Was it because of...

“Um...I was wondering...if you wanted to...tell Roger or Tim about us? Make things more official?” Brian asked hopefully.

Okay, wow. That was the last thing I expected to hear from him.

I crack a smile and chuckle, before moving to hug Brian. I feel tears brimming in my eyes, and try to blink them away. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I just...I thought I did something wrong- -” I laughed.

Brian’s eyes widen before he’s quick to reassure me with a kiss.

“I am so sorry, luv. I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m just...really bad at this kind of thing.” Brian smiled sadly. “But I enjoy our time together, I really do. It’d mean a lot to me if- -”

“Of course.” I nodded eagerly. “I’d love it too. No more hiding, okay?”

I wipe carefully at my eyes, trying to make sure my eye makeup isn’t ruined. Brian kept muttering apologies as he started peppering sweet kisses along my face. I grab his chin to steady him, before placing a loving kiss to his lips. Brian doesn’t pull away like he normally does, and surprises me with a gentle nip to my bottom lip.

“Whoa, uh... wow .” Tim mutters.

We pull back to see Roger and Tim look at us with wide eyes. Instead of emotionally shutting down, Brian drapes an arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him. While my thoughts are all over the place, I’m so giddy and finally feeling stable for the first time in months. I try to fight the grin on my face, and end up pursing my lips instead. Already, I’m itching to put a joint in my mouth just to ease my anxiety.

“What’s up?” Brian breathes out.

“How long has this been going on then?” Roger questioned.

“....a little over two months. It’s uh...mostly been dates here and there. Just made it official though.” Brian smiled.

Much to my surprise, Roger doesn’t laugh or offer up a congratulations like I would have expected from him. He doesn’t give him a proud clap on the shoulder. Instead, Roger lets out a dry chuckle and gives him a small nod.

“Nice, mate. Make sure you keep a good eye on this one though. Crazy American and all that.” Roger teased.

Unlike the other times he’s teased me, this somehow felt different. It was more like a snide jab rather than his normally playful comments. Certainly, I can sense quite a bit of hostility from Roger. Although, for some reason, I have no idea why. I don’t remember doing anything to invoke this sort of reaction from my roommate.

Is Roger...mad at me? 

“I trust her.” Brian chuckled.

Tim looks just as tense, almost as if he’s hiding something. 

“Congrats are in order.” Tim smiled. “But let’s get ready for the show, yeah? We can get drinks after.”

Everyone nods before we break away, getting set up for the show. It takes a solid fifteen minutes before all the equipment is set, but finally, we’re all ready to go. I stand to the right of the stage in front of Roger’s drum set. Brian stands closer to Tim on the left, while Tim is at the very front and center of the small platform stage.

For the most part, our show is pretty good. We sing in harmony, although Tim’s voice grows louder and tries to overpower us as we go through our set. Roger, unlike many other gigs, plays with such aggression, his eyes flickering over between Brian and I every few seconds. Brian plays as he normally does, with pure passion and wicked skill. I mostly try to keep up with Brian as I keep all of his previous advice in mind.

When the show is over, almost two hours later, our small crowd of partygoers in the bar cheer and clap. Roger is quick to storm off stage as Brian helps me down, and none of us get to say a word before our drummer is gone. After putting our guitars in their proper cases, Brian and I move to the bar. To our surprise, Tim is suddenly nowhere to be seen either, so it appears to just be the two of us alone.

“Hi Jacqueline! It’s so good to see you!”

Never mind...

I turn around to see Mary Austin, and find myself tense up as she hugs me. I pat her back and give her a kind smile as she pulls back. 

“Fred and I were watching you play. You guys were great.” Mary told me.

“Fred’s here?” I glance around. “I didn’t see him.”

“He’s just using the loo real quick. Come on, let’s grab a booth. I have some news for you.” Mary said.

Brian wordlessly follows, looking amused at my nervous reaction as he grabs us both a beer.

“So, I was talking to my manager about you. He said the job at Biba is all yours if you want it. I just have to train you.” Mary grinned.

I find myself nodding frantically as I swallow down my beer.

“Shit! Yeah! That’d be great!” I laugh. “Thank you so much!”

“Well, looks like you got yourself a job then, darling!”

My eyes widen in surprise as Fred claps a hand on my shoulder. He looks down at me with a grin on his face. Despite being his fucking roommate, this is very well the first time I’d truly seen him in weeks. I feel a little angered towards him, but don’t say anything to him as I turn my attention to Mary. I give her a look of complete gratitude.

“Seriously, thank you.” I told her.

She places her hands on mine as Freddie sits down with her.

“It’s not a problem.” She replied.

“This calls for a celebration then.” Brian smiled.

“I hear that.” Freddie smirked. 

---

A couple of hours later, it’s almost as if nothing is wrong anymore. Even as we pack up our equipment into Roger’s van, I feel at peace. Things were looking up for the first time in a while. 

“You got everything?” Brian asked.

“I’m just getting the last of Roger’s drum kit now.” I nodded.

“Where the bloody hell is Roger anyway?” Brian frowned. “He’s usually around to help us clean up.”

“Hello my lovies. How goes everything?”

“Oh hey Fred. We’re just packing up.” Brian smiled.

“I wanted to say, you two, have gotten exceptionally good playing together. It’s like a lovely duet with your instruments, they compliment each other so well.” Freddie smiled brightly. “Yet they both sound so...powerful.”

“Thanks mate. Means a lot.” Brian replies sincerely.

My mood starts to deteriorate as I ignore Fred and place my guitar in the trunk before grabbing my bag. As Brian and Freddie pass the time with conversation, I find my notebook buried deep down and take it out before skimming through it. It’s relatively empty since my old notebook was filled to the brim with unfinished lyrics and poems. I had almost forgotten that I’d gotten a new one. Before I can think of writing something down, I feel a gentle nudge from Brian.

“Freddie asked you something.” Brian muttered.

“Oh did he now?” I raised an eyebrow.

Freddie senses my bitter tone, and he’s quick to plant a kiss on my cheek as he gives me a sheepish smile.

“Please don’t be mad at me, dear. I’ve just been busy as of late.”

“I didn’t even notice.” I shrugged nonchalantly.

Freddie nearly winces at the small jab, and I can’t help but feel a bit guilty. I let out a sigh, a frown forming on my face as I finally gathered the courage to look him in the eyes.

Just cut to the chase...confront him.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Mary?” I muttered softly. “Did you think I wouldn’t accept her?”

Freddie’s eyes widened slightly, his expression full of hurt.

“Oh Jack, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you, darling. I’ll admit it, yes. I was afraid of telling you about her. You’re my best friend- -”

“You’ve been ignoring me for almost three weeks, Fred. I haven’t had an actual conversation with you. And forget talking about it to Roger, his lips are sealed. He’ll just try to divert the topic to something else to distract me because of some bullshit man-code.”

Freddie places a hand on my shoulder to stop me from ranting.

“I assure you, I was...quite foolish. I was afraid you wouldn’t like Mary. It wasn’t even two years ago that you’d had a crush on me, dear.”

“Yeah. Had. And I thought I told you not to bring that shit up.” I blushed.

I can already feel my lips quirk up, and immediately, I feel myself being pulled into an embrace.

“Oh, you could never get over me. I’m far too irresistible.” Freddie jokes.

“Well considering that Brian and I are officially together...I think I might be able to finally move on.” I teased.

Freddie pulled back, glancing at Brian and I with excitement.

“I thought you two were way too friendly! I should’ve known!” Freddie nearly squealed. 

Tim shows up not long after, helping us load parts of Roger’s drum set into the car. To our surprise, Tim is unusually quiet as he keeps to himself. I place a hand on his arm as I turn him to face us.

“Tim, is...is everything okay? You look...upset.” I asked.

“Well, I mean...I’m not necessarily upset, per say, but I was hoping to tell you lot before the night’s over. Where the fuck is Roger, anyway?” Tim grumbled.

As if on cue, Roger is bursting through with his bass drum in his arms. He nearly staggers on his feet, and from over here, we can smell the stench of booze rolling off of him in waves.

“Hey! What’s with all the long faces, gents? And lady.” He winked at me. “We played bloody great tonight!” 

None of us know how the conversation starts, but soon enough, all four of us, Fred included, are looking at Tim in utter disbelief.

“Humpy Bong?” Brian echoes.

“Humpy Bong.” Tim nods. “They’re going places, they’re gonna be big.”

“ Humpy Bong? Are you joking?” Roger glares at Tim.

“Don’t do it, Tim.” Brian shakes his head.

“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me...you’re leaving us to join those assholes?” I finally spoke up for the first time throughout the conversation. “They’re gonna fuck you over Tim, mark my words. Just like they tried to do with me.”

“I’m sorry guys, but we’re not goin’ anywhere with this. What college gigs? And pubs? Gotta give it a go.” Tim sighed.

It ends with Tim grabbing the case for his bass guitar, and walking away. All of us left at a loss for words. Roger looks ready to punch something, or rather someone . Brian sat in the back of the van, holding his head in his hands as he tried to process the fact that our bassist quit. I’m just as outraged as Roger and barely resist the urge to start kicking at the brick wall in anger.

Instead, I fish inside my bra and pull out a baggie with one of my rolled joints. Grabbing my old zippo, I don’t hesitate and light up the blunt before taking a hit. I closed my eyes and began to lean back against the wall, practically sensing everyone’s stares on me. I exhale the smoke from my nose and try to let my anger fade away. 

Fuck Tim, he’s not worth getting angry over. We’ll find someone better. We have to.

“You really think now is the time to get high?” Roger scoffed. 

“Actually, yes! Believe it or not, Mister Piss-Drunk! ” I smiled thinly. “Why? Want a hit? I’m more than happy to share!”

Before Roger says anything, Brian stands up and snatches the joint from my fingers. I half expect Brian to chuck the joint and scold me, and I tense up. Much to our surprise, he takes a hit, inhaling a good amount and holding in the smoke.

“Well shit.” Freddie muttered.

Brian coughs as he exhales, but he looks slightly more relaxed.

“Sorry, think I needed that.” Brian sighed.

“It’s alright, Bri.” I nodded.

I give him a firm pat on the back as he continues to cough.

“Well?” Roger huffed.

“Well what?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Pass that shit over then, baby doll.” Roger smirked.

I roll my eyes, but comply as I reluctantly hand the joint over to Rog. Roger’s face forms into complete bliss as his eyes fall shut. Then, he passes it to Freddie, who gladly takes it as well.

“Mmmm...this is nice. What is it, dear?” Freddie asked.

“Somethin’ called Pineapple Express. Got it from a friend.” I replied.

“Well...fuck...is anyone okay to drive?” Brian whined. “I only had one hit and I’m dazed as all hell right about now.”

Roger hums, though his eyes remain shut. His voice becomes low and husky, and I find my face flushing when he groans lowly.

“How far’s the apartment, Freddie?” Roger asked.

“You live there too, darling. It’s two blocks from here.” Freddie smirked.

“Fuck it. Everyone in the van.” Roger breathed out.