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Felix stared at his father in disbelief. He was sure that if there was a mirror present he’d be able to see his jaw hanging practically to the floor. “You want me to what ?”
Beside him, Chan seemed similarly outraged. “Father, is this really necessary -”
The king held up a hand to stop Chan as he angrily took a step forward. “Boys, I know this isn’t what you were expecting, but -”
“Damn right it’s not!” Chan practically yelled, pulling Felix behind himself defensively. “He just turned eighteen, Father, don’t you think that this is a little bit -”
“Chan,” said the queen. Her voice was soft and light, but it grabbed the attention of all three men nonetheless, their gazes turning towards where she sat on a plush settee near the window. “Do not think that this was a decision made lightly. Hear your father out before you yell at him, please.”
“Thank you, dearest,” the king said, taking a moment to smile fondly at his wife, before refocusing on his two children. “I’m sure this doesn’t come as a surprise to either of you boys; after all, Chan, you got married within a year of turning eighteen.”
Chan glared accusingly. “That was a very different situation and you know it! Minji and I had been friends practically since birth - I proposed to her myself - and I’m the crown prince, I had to get married as soon as possible. Felix doesn’t even know what country his fiance is from!”
“Well if you’d let me finish ,” the king huffed, folding his arms across his chest, “then he might!”
There was a tense standoff for a second, neither man willing to back down. Finally Chan sighed. “Sorry,” he muttered, averting his gaze from the king respectfully, although nothing about his tone suggested that he was actually apologetic. Felix suppressed a smile. Chan had always had his back, even against their parents, and it looked like this time was no exception.
“Thank you. Before I mention any names, Felix, your husband -” husband thought Felix , well, at least it’s not a wife, “will be moving here as his country’s official ambassador so you won’t have to leave the palace. I thought that would be a source of comfort for you in all of this.”
Beside him, Chan was staring at their father with a dawning look of horror on his face. “Father… Tell me you didn’t-”
“Felix,” the king said, resolutely not acknowledging Chan, “your betrothed is Prince Woojin from the Kingdom of Jaeyang.”
Oh , thought Felix, even as Chan started yelling in outrage . Well, that worked out nicely.
----------
Felix couldn’t remember the first time he met Prince Woojin of Jaeyang, although he’d been told it was at his presentation ceremony. Apparently Woojin and his family had been taking their turn to view the new royal baby and, with the Queen’s permission, Woojin had reached out to touch Felix’s hand. Felix had latched on and refused to let go, which was actually a pretty decent description of how he had treated Woojin since.
The first time he remembered meeting Woojin was much different.
Even at five years old Felix had known that he was not the same as his brother. No, Chan was older, bigger, stronger. He never had to deal with the nobles who would sneer down at Felix when his father wasn’t looking. He never endured the nurse who would grab Felix’s wrists so tight that his skin turned purple. He never got hit on the face. He was never locked out on the balcony all night, or forbidden from eating dinner, or spanked until it hurt to sit down.
Chan was big enough to fight back if anyone tried to hurt him. Felix would watch him training sometimes, when the nurse took his toys away and locked him in his room. Chan was a fantastic swordsman, as well as a strong wrestler, and Felix was so envious. He wanted to be big enough to fight back too; after all, he figured, once you fight back you must be good enough not to need Nurse anymore!
One day, he asked Chan about learning to fight. Once a week Chan liked to spend the afternoon with Felix - this made him seem even more cool in Felix’s eyes, his big, important brother choosing to spend time with him - usually taking Felix on a picnic or curling up with him in the library if it was raining. On this particular day, spent by a creek in a nearby forest, when asked what he wanted to do, Felix retrieved two sticks. “Channie!” he said, nearly tripping over one of the sticks, “Teach me to fight!”
Chan laughed. “What do you need to know how to fight for, huh, Lixie?”
“Cause if I’m strong an’ can fight like you then maybe Nurse won’t be so mean to me anymore!” Felix said, fully unaware of what he was confessing.
Instantly Chan’s eyes turned hard. “Nurse is mean to you?”
Felix nodded. “She takes my toys sometimes, an’ when I’m really bad she leaves me on the balcony all night.”
“Felix,” said Chan, kneeling down to look his little brother in the eyes. “Does she ever hurt you?”
“When I deserve it,” the little boy said quietly. This was not the reaction he’d expected when he decided to ask Chan to teach him to fight.
“Has she hurt you recently?” At Felix’s nod, Chan’s lips turned up in a snarl. “Can I see?”
Felix has never seen his big brother look like this before and, frightened, he held out his arm, pushing up his sleeve to show the large bruise around his forearm.
“Oh, baby,” Chan said softly, although his face contrasted his tone of voice entirely. “Can we go show this to Mommy? I think she’ll want to know what Nurse has been doing.”
“Nurse said I can't ever tell Mommy,” Felix replied meekly. “Nurse said that if I did I’d get punished more.”
“Well, Nurse was wrong,” Chan said. Opening his arms, he pulled his younger brother into a hug. “Nurse shouldn’t have been hurting you like this, okay? And I promise that if we go show Mommy she won’t be mad at you.”
“Promise?” Felix asked, his face pressed into Chan’s shoulder.
“Promise,” Chan replied firmly.
Felix only ever saw Nurse once again after that. He was walking to the queen’s chambers with Chan - who was taking care of him that day - to spend the rest of the day with her, when he heard shouting coming from his father’s office. Chan hurried them past, doing his best to distract Felix, but years later Felix would still be able to remember hearing his father yelling, “He was put into your care as a favor to your sister! Don’t pretend that this situation was brought about by anything else!”
A week later, he met Woojin.
After Nurse left, his mother cared for him, unwilling to put her trust in someone else after what had happened to her son, especially once he confided in her that some of the nobles who lived in the palace had been aware of what was happening to him. She was still the queen, however, and occasionally she had to leave him with someone else in order to perform the duties that came with her title.
“Chan!” she called as she swept down the hall holding Felix’s hand.
At the other end of the hall, sitting on a window seat, his brother looked up from the book that he and an unfamiliar man were fixated on. “Yes, Mother?” he asked, a curious smile on his face.
“I need you to look after your brother for a bit.” She picked Felix up and deposited him on Chan’s lap, ignoring the crown prince’s yelp of surprise. “Your father needs me in the council room, it shouldn’t take me any longer than an hour.”
“Mother, Woojin is here -“
“Perfect! Then there’s an extra set of eyes to look after this little rascal.” She leaned down and kissed Felix’s forehead, ruffling his already messy hair afterwards. “You behave for your brother, okay?”
Felix nodded, a beaming smile on his face. “Yes, Mommy!”
As the queen made her way back down the hall Felix smiled up at his brother. “Channie!”
Despite not wanting to be stuck with him, Chan smiled and tweaked his nose. “Hey, Lixie. How is it having Mommy as a caretaker?”
“Mommy is awesome!” The little boy was filled with nothing but enthusiastic joy. “She never takes away my toys an’ she reads with me and doesn’t laugh when I mess up a word and she doesn’t ever make me go outside on the balcony!”
Chan smiled. “That’s good. I’m glad Mommy makes you happy.”
Felix nodded happily. “Mommy is the best. ”
“Your mother takes care of him?” asked the strange man sitting next to Chan. The sound of his voice drew Felix’s gaze to him and he shrank back against his brother, scared, as if just noticing the man for the first time. “What happened to his nurse?”
“Nurse was mean,” Felix said, his words muffled where his head was nestled into his brother’s side. “Nurse was mean so Mommy and Daddy got rid of her.”
The man frowned. “Because she was mean?”
“I’ll explain it later,” Chan said hurriedly. “Felix, do you know who this is?” Felix shook his head, his face still buried in his brother’s chest. Chan smelled good, he decided. He’d have to ask Mommy how he could smell like Chan too. “Felix, can you look at me?”
Felix raised his head so his chin was still resting on Chan as they made eye contact. Chan smiled down at him. “This is my best friend. Do you want to meet him?”
“Is he going to be mean to me too?” Felix asked in the loud whisper of a child who thinks that they’re good at being quiet.
Something in Chan’s eyes seemed to break, but he schooled his features quickly. “Why would you ask that, baby?”
“He looks fancy,” said Felix, still using that too-loud whisper as he broke eye contact and snuggled back into Chan’s chest. “The fancy people are mean to me. Daddy always introduces them to me and they seem nice and then when he’s not looking they make faces and laugh at me.”
“That’s… interesting…” Chan replied, his voice hard. “I’ll talk to Daddy later and see if we can’t get them to stop, okay? But for now will you meet my best friend? He’s really nice, I promise!”
“Pinky promise?” Felix asked, blindly sticking his hand in the air, pinky extended.
Chan laughed, the rumble of it reverberating through Felix’s small body, and linked their fingers. “Pinky promise.”
Slowly Felix raised his head from Chan’s chest to look at the strange man. He smiled at the little boy. “Hello, Felix! My name is Woojin. It’s very nice to make your acquaintance!”
Felix frowned. “What’s a - aqua - acqua -”
“Acquaintance?” Woojin finished for him, the smile still on his face. “It means we’re not friends yet, but we can be! Would you like to be my friend?”
“Will you teach me how to fight?”
Chan laughed. “Felix, why do you need Woojin to teach you how to fight?”
“Cause I asked you! An’ instead of teaching me you told Mommy about Nurse, n’ now I still wanna learn to fight ‘specially cause Mommy takes care of me.”
“Why do you need to learn how to fight if Mommy takes care of you?” asked Chan after a moment’s pause in which he exchanged glances with Woojin.
“Because! I love Mommy so so sooooooo much and I wanna protect her!” Felix rolled his eyes; was his brother stupid? “The fancy people make faces at Mommy too, an’ she’s a girl so she needs a knight to take care of her!”
Woojin chuckled, a smile on his face, although it seemed slightly strained. “Wow, that sounds like a really good reason to learn how to fight! I’d be glad to help you.”
Felix frowned and stuck out his hand. “Pinky promise?”
Chan laughed, burying his face in his brother’s hair as Woojin smiled and took Felix’s hand. “Pinky promise.”
----------
That was the last time he saw Woojin for a while but, as he grew older, Woojin’s visits also grew more frequent. Woojin’s uncle was the ambassador between the two kingdoms, but due to Woojin’s close friendship with Chan he was being groomed to take over the position once Chan became the king. Although his duties kept him busy, he always had time to stop and talk to Felix, even once spending an afternoon teaching him the basics of swordplay after Felix reminded him of his promise.
The next meeting between them that stuck out to Felix happened when he was seven years old. However, despite his young age, this was not an insignificant moment in their story. In fact, Felix would later come to think of this as one of his most important interactions with Woojin ever.
“Woojinnie!” Felix called, running down the hall of the palace after catching sight of the older man. “Woojinnie!”
Woojin turned, his face lighting up at the sight of the young boy. “Felix!” He crouched down and opened his arms, waiting for the little boy to reach him.
Felix crashed into him, throwing himself into Woojin’s arms. “I missed you!” the boy said, burying his face in Woojin’s neck. “Channie said you weren’t gonna be back for a while.”
“Well, what does he know?” Woojin said teasingly. “Maybe I missed my ‘Lixie, huh?”
Felix pouted. “I’m not your ‘Lixie. I’m Channie’s ‘Lixie. I want a different nickname from you.”
“Oh you do, do you?” Woojin laughed. “And what sort of nickname would you like, little prince?”
“That one!” Felix replied, a bright smile on his face. “That one, I want that one!”
“Little prince?” Woojin smiled and ruffled Felix’s hair. “Alright then. My little prince.”
----------
When Felix was ten years old he was scared for his life for the first time.
He’d spent the entire day in state of excitement; it was the first time in his life that he would be allowed to attend a ball. Up until now he had been considered too young for such an event, spending the evening relegated in his room, straining his ears to hear the faint music drifting up from the ballroom. Not tonight, though. Tonight he would be allowed to stay up until the party ended, to dance to the music that he’d barely been able to hear previously.
He entered the party with the rest of his family, standing on the balcony looking down at the guests below. Felix stood to the right of his mother, mirroring Chan and his heavily pregnant wife who were standing on the other side of his father. “Presenting the royal family of Baeyoung,” called the page, drawing the crowd's attention. The young boy waited until they were all silent before continuing, “King Jaehyung, Queen Jimin, Crown Prince Chan, Crown Princess Minji, and, presenting for the first time, Second Prince Felix.”
A boisterous round of applause rose up from the audience at the announcement of Felix’s name. He tried to pretend he didn’t see people whispering to each other as they clapped.
The party itself was more boring than Felix had expected. In all his dreams about attending a ball, he’d forgotten one thing; he was too young to participate in the evening’s main activity: dancing. He was also too young to understand what his parents were discussing as they talked with various guests throughout the night, so staying with the Queen, as he’d been instructed to do, was a complete bore.
Finally, fed up with doing nothing, he decided to sneak away towards the doors on the other side of the room, where he knew a banquet table full of food lay. Making sure his mother wasn’t looking, he crept from her side, slipping into the crowd of people. Inside the room, which he finally made it to after having to fight his way through the party-goers, was a large table covered in a floor-length tablecloth. Piled high on the table were all kinds of food: fingerling sandwiches, fruit, sweets. His eyes went wide and he let out a gleeful, yet disbelieving, laugh, hurrying forward and grabbing a plate, piling it high with everything that looked good. Just as he was about to begin eating the doors to the room, which he had closed behind him, began to swing open.
Eyes wide, he quickly dove under the table cloth, making sure to tuck his feet in so the tips of his shoes didn’t stick out. The last thing he needed was to get in trouble for sneaking away from Mother and eating the food before it was served.
The door shut again, although he could barely hear it over the giggling of the two ladies who entered the room. “Oh, poor Minji,” one of them cooed, although her tone was mocking. “Did you see the way the Crown Prince was looking at his bodyguard?”
Felix froze as the other woman laughed cruelly. “Poor dear; she may have been lucky enough to marry him but she’s certainly not the only one sharing his bed.”
“He’s clearly not told her, if the pregnancy is any indication. And barely two years after the birth of her first son!” The lady tsked . “Really, what a vile man.”
The second lady sighed. “It’s such a shame, too. Dear Prince Channie is so handsome — and he’s rich! He’d be the full package, if he wasn’t a cheating queer.” Her voice took on an almost slimy quality. “The things I would do to him if I had the chance… He certainly wouldn’t consider wandering from my bed.”
Felix crouched under the table, rage growing as he listened. How could they say these things about Chan? Chan was one of the nicest people he knew and even if the things they were saying were true his brother didn’t deserve to have people talking about him like that.
His fist balled up as he tried to suppress his anger, but in doing so he forgot that he was holding a plate and it fell to the floor, landing with a crash. Immediately, both ladies stopped talking, and Felix slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his slightly panicked breathing.
“Who’s there?” one of the ladies asked sharply. Heels clicked across the floor as the ladies approached the table. “Hello?”
Felix was terrified, almost trembling. He didn’t know who the voices belonged to, but if they thought about Chan like that then there was no telling with they’d do to him. Even at ten he knew that, for some reason, the people of this castle harbored a grudge against him that they were unlikely to ever change.
Suddenly the tablecloth was yanked up, revealing his hiding space, and he was faced with two women, one slightly older than the other, although both were probably around his mother’s age. At the sight of him, the younger one’s face curled up in a smirk. “Well well, if it isn’t the little bastard .” It was the first lady, the one who had called Chan vile.
Felix scrambled around them to get out from under the table, trying to get to the door and get out of the room. He didn’t make it far, however, before the young woman grabbed his arm, her nails digging through the fabric of his shirt like claws. “Where the hell do you think you’re going, brat?” she snarled.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hear anything. Please let me go,” he said quietly, tugging on his arm to try and break free.
“Aren’t you a polite little thing? You certainly didn’t get that from your father,” remarked the older woman, an almost bored expression on his face.
“Please let me go,” he repeated, determined not to turn around and show them how scared he was. His plan was foiled, however, as the lady latched onto his arm pulled him so that he was forced to face her.
“Why should I let you go?” she sneered. “You certainly had no qualms when it came to ruining my family’s life. Why shouldn’t I hurt you for what you did to them?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, please let me go -” his voice broke as he spoke and the ladies laughed.
“Look, I think you’re scaring him” the older one cooed mockingly.
“Am I? Too bad,” the other said, digging her nails in deeper. “Frankly, I just don’t really care about -”
Suddenly someone pushed the door open. “I told the Queen he’s probably just snuck off to get some food,” said Woojin. “Felix -” he cut off as the door fully swung open, revealing the terrified boy cowering before the women. Woojin’s face darkened. “What the hell?!”
“Prince Woojin!” The younger lady exclaimed, letting go of Felix and springing back. Instantly the little boy sprinted away from them, throwing his arms around Woojin’s waist and burying his head in the older man’s side. “What a surprise! We were just -”
“Save it,” he said, cutting them off with a wave of his hand. “I think it’s very obvious what you’re doing. Changbin, take them to the dungeon. When that’s done, alert the King as to what’s gone down.”
“Yes, sir,” replied Woojin’s personal guard. He stalked forward and grabbed the two ladies by their arms, dragging them unceremoniously out of the room.
Woojin looked down at Felix. “Are you okay, little prince?” In answer, Felix let out a sob, and Woojin immediately dropped to his knees, pulling Felix down to curl up on his lap. “Shh, shh. It’s okay, I’ve got you.”
“She wouldn’t let me go!” Felix cried. “She kept squeezing my arm tighter and tighter and she said such horrible things, about me, and Channie -”
“Hey, it’s okay, you don’t need to tell me.” Woojin rubbed Felix’s back, holding the little boy tightly.
“I was so scared,” Felix whispered hoarsely. “Thank you for saving me, Woojinnie.”
“I’ll always save you, little prince,” Woojin whispered back, pressing a kiss to the top of Felix’s head. “I promise.”
----------
Felix was thirteen years old when everything suddenly changed.
He’d been called into his father’s office one morning, and went cheerfully, not knowing what would come next. Even when he saw his father, grim faced and serious, he hadn’t comprehended what was happening.
Now he wished he’d never heeded the summons.
He’d fled the king’s office, running off despite the sound of his father calling after him, and kept running until he found an empty sitting room on the other side of the palace. This was where Woojin found him, several hours later.
“There’s my little prince!” Woojin said cheerfully as he rapped his knuckles on the open door of the sitting room. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Felix refused to look up from his book, sullenly avoiding Woojin’s gaze. “Go away,” he said. “I don’t want to talk to you. Any of you.”
Woojin pouted and ignored him, coming to sit on the couch next to Felix. “That hurts me, little prince, it really does. What did I do to deserve such scorn?”
Felix glared at him briefly, before turning his attention back to his book. “Leave me alone, Woojin.”
“Not Woojinnie?” Woojin pouted and placed a hand over his heart in mock hurt. “That stings, Felix, it really does.”
“Shut up!” Felix snapped. “I don’t want to talk to any of you right now, okay? So just go away! ”
There was silence for a moment, Felix returning his attention to his book while Woojin stared at the young boy thoughtfully. “Felix,” he said quietly. “You know I didn’t mean to hurt you, right? It wasn’t my place to tell you.”
“You still knew,” Felix said, his soft voicing belying the anger hidden underneath. “You still knew and you said nothing .”
“I’m sorry.” Woojin’s voice was filled with nothing but honesty, his gaze earnest. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“Do you… know? Where she’s buried?” Felix asked quietly.
Woojin nodded. “Would you like me to take you there?”
This was how they got to where they were now, a small, private cemetery tucked away in a corner of the palace grounds. Woojin had taken Felix’s hand on the way there and the way the older man’s hand encompassed Felix’s entirely calmed the terror building up in him.
In the back of the cemetery was a grave that looked as though, despite its relative newness, it had seen better days. “Why,” Felix’s voice broke. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Why hasn’t it been taken care of?”
“Her family requested that only blood relatives be allowed to see to its upkeep. However, after both of her sisters were violent towards you, your father expelled the entire family from the palace.”
“Both of her sisters?” Felix frowned, although his eyes never left the tombstone. “What do you mean?”
“One of her sisters, her oldest, was hired to take care of you. To be your childhood nurse. The other, her younger sister, cornered you at a ball a few years ago.” Woojin shifted, clearly uncomfortable. “They both saw you and your father as the reason for their sister’s death and thought that hurting you was a reasonable form of revenge.”
Felix felt his eyes well up as memories of his early childhood rushed back to him, unbidden. “But…” he struggled with the words and when he finally managed to get them out his voice was barely above a hoarse whisper. “But I’m family.”
“I’m sorry, little prince.”
Letting go of Woojin’s hand Felix took a few hesitant steps forward and collapsed to his knees. With trembling fingers he reached out and gently traced over the engraving. “Lee Jinwoo,” he read, his voice soft and gentle. Under her name was an epithet that read: Daughter. Sister. Mother. “Mother.” The tears Felix had been holding back all day finally began to fall and before he knew it he was sobbing, his arms curled around himself as he knelt on the ground in front of his birth mother’s grave.
Soft footsteps made their way over the grass before Woojin sat down next to him and pulled Felix into his arms. Murmuring comforting words Woojin let the teenager cry into his shoulder.
When Felix finally stopped crying the light outside was beginning to dim and he knew they’d have to go inside soon. He found himself loathe to leave Jinwoo now that he’d found her, however and resolved to spend the next day out here. And maybe the day after, and the day after that. Anything to feel closer to the woman who’d given him life.
“How am I supposed to face them, Woojinnie?” he asked. “How am I supposed to go in there and talk to my parents knowing that one of them isn’t really mine?”
“She is though,” Woojin said earnestly. “She and your father made the decision together. She helped him pick Jinwoo. The plan was always for her to be your mother.”
“She didn’t give birth to me though.”
“But she raised you. She was there for you, every minute of your life. She’s your mother, little prince. I promise.”
There was silence. Slowly Felix reached out to trace over her name again. “Did you know her?”
Woojin nodded. “Not very well, because both Chan and I were young, although Chan knew her better than me. But when we did talk she was always nice.”
“What did she look like?”
Woojin hummed contemplatively. “She was tall, which is where you get it from. She smiled a lot, too. Chan had a bit of a crush on her, I think, up until your parents told him she was carrying his little brother. Even then, though, he doted on her. He was so excited to have a baby to look out for. For so long your parents had told him he couldn’t have a little sibling without putting your mother at risk, but here was a woman who was giving him everything he had hoped for. He always wanted to be at her side, protecting her. They used to sing duets to you - she was always insistent that her little Pixie would grow up loving music. Chan was the one that she let feel you kicking inside her stomach first - it made him so happy to know you could hear him. You know how he gets when he’s excited about something.” Woojin’s voice was light, happy, as he reminisced. “He was so eager to ensure that she was as happy as possible, was willing to do anything to keep her smiling. He always wants the people he loves to be smiling.”
Thinking of both Minji and Minho, Seungmin, Jisung, himself, and even their parents, Felix couldn’t help but let out a little bark of laughter. “He does, doesn’t he?”
“He does. That’s part of the reason why he’s always had a soft spot for you. You have a very nice smile, little prince.” Woojin’s voice was soft. “You get that from her. Your freckles too; she loved to spend time outside, so she was constantly covered in them no matter how much makeup her ladies tried to put on her.”
“She sounds lovely.”
“She was.”
“I’m sorry I took her from everybody.”
“No, ‘Lixie, don’t think like that. It wasn’t your fault.”
“But if she hadn’t been pregnant -”
“She made her choice, little prince. The doctors warned her going into it that it would be a difficult pregnancy. But she wanted a child so badly, and she loved you. I wasn’t there, but Chan said she was the happiest he’d ever seen her when you were born, even though she knew she wouldn’t live much longer. She would be so happy to see how you’ve grown.”
Felix sniffed, the tears threatening to return. “Woojinnie?”
“Yes?”
“Can I have a hug?”
Woojin laughed and tightened his grip around Felix’s shoulders. “Always, little prince,” he said, before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Felix’s head and - oh.
Oh.
Felix knew he liked to spend time around Woojin, knew the older man made him happy, but the rush of butterflies in his stomach was new and, although Felix knew what it meant, he wasn’t sure he liked it. As Woojin continued to cradle him comfortingly, however, he knew that there was no mistaking things. He had a crush on Woojin.
----------
When he turned fifteen, Felix was assigned a bodyguard.
It wasn’t an unexpected event. Chan had been assigned one when he was the same, and so had his father, and his father before him. It was a relatively low-key position, however; guards weren’t expected to follow around their charges at every moment. They were more reserved for formal events, when the royal family needed to demonstrate their power. In between functions, guards were given days at a time to do whatever they wanted. Minho, Chan’s guard, tended to follow Chan around all the time, although that was more of a result of their relationship status than anything else. Felix’s father’s guard spent his free time training, rather than with the king; this was the way things normally were, and Felix didn’t expect much else from his own guard.
Hyunjin, however, entirely defied expectations.
At first glance, Hyunjin was not the picture of a typical bodyguard. He was skinny, almost lanky, and very clearly Felix’s age. However, Felix knew there was no way Hyunjin would have been given the position if he wasn’t the best of the best.
The first night that Felix spent with Hyunjin was initially awkward. Bodyguards, once they were assigned, slept in their charges room. Once the charge got married, the bodyguard would move into an adjoining, which they would share with any entourage the charge’s spouse had. Felix knew all of this, had prepared himself for the idea of sharing a room, but having slept by himself for all his life, it was strange to have someone else in the room. Felix lay there for what felt like hours , staring at the ceiling, listening to the quiet sound of Hyunjin breathing, until finally the relative silence was shattered.
“Sir?” asked Hyunjin.
“Yes?”
“Is there any particular reason you can’t get to sleep?”
“Ah,” Felix flushed, and he knew that if he could see himself his cheeks would be bright red. “Just not used to sharing a room, I guess.”
“Hmm.” Suddenly there was the rustling of sheets and then the sound of someone striking a match before a small lamp in Hyunjin’s hands lit up. Felix sat up to see his bodyguard smiling at him. “I’m used to sharing a room, but I’m finding this mattress to be too comfortable after years spent in the training barracks. As long as neither of us can sleep, though, we might as well get to know each other?”
Felix smiled. It would be nice to have a friend his own age; the closest he had was Seungmin, who was eight years younger than him, and Jisung, who was ten years Felix’s junior. While he loved his nephews dearly, he also longed for a friend who he could confide in. Hyunjin lived with him; what better companion could there be?
“That sounds nice,” he said. “You should come here, though; my bed is bigger, and I’d rather us not shout at each other across the room.”
Hyunjin smiled and slid out of his bed to pad silently across the room. He placed the lamp on the bedside table and crawled in, getting under the covers when Felix lifted them for him.
They spent the night talking, eventually cuddling up together and falling asleep as the sun began to rise. This became a habit, until Hyunjin didn’t even bother climbing into his own bed anymore, instead automatically curling into Felix’s side every night. They were close during the day too, Hyunjin sticking by Felix’s side to the point that Seungmin and Jisung began to refer to him as Uncle Hyunjin. Having a best friend was wonderful and Felix couldn’t have been happier.
Then, unfortunately, he learned the downside of having a friend who knew you inside and out: it was impossible to hide anything from them.
Woojin had been away for several months now, back home visiting with his family. As such, Hyunjin had never met him, had never seen Felix interact with him. He certainly didn’t know about Felix’s ever-increasing crush on the man either. Felix wasn’t sure he wanted him to know either; he loved Hyunjin dearly, but he also knew that the other boy wouldn’t hesitate to tease him. Plus, after years of keeping his feelings for Woojin private Felix wasn’t sure if he even wanted anyone else to know about them. He was coping with his feelings just fine by himself.
The first few days Woojin was back in the palace, Felix didn’t see him, mostly due to the fact that he spent his time running around after his nephews - normally Minji looked after them during the day, but she was pregnant with her third child and, as her pregnancy with Jisung had been difficult, was on strict orders of bed rest until the baby was born. Still slightly traumatized by his own experiences with childcare as a young boy, Felix had happily volunteered to spend his time looking after the two little boys.
However, no matter how much Felix wanted to blame the fact he didn’t see Woojin on his nephews, he knew that there was definitely a large part of him that was avoiding the prince.
“Ahh!” Hyunjin screamed in mock pain, clutching his side as he collapsed to the ground. “Oh no! You’ve hit me!” Beside him, Jisung was nearly bent over laughing, using the “sword” - in reality, just a large stick - that had been Hyunjin’s undoing to lean on.
“No!” Felix yelled dramatically, falling to his knees next to Hyunjin. “No, no, Hyunjin, no!” Letting out a over-dramatic fake sob, he cried, “You can’t leave me! I’m not strong enough to defeat them on my own!”
“I don’t know, I think you’re plenty strong, little prince,” said a new voice. Felix stiffened at the sound, even as Seungmin and Jisung let out twin screams of delight, diving towards the newcomer, who pulled them into his arms. “Hey there, you two! You’re not giving your uncle a hard time, are you?”
“No!” Seungmin shook his head. “They’re not uncles right now, they’re the evil knights!”
“ Uncles ? Multiple?” Woojin raised an eyebrow in Hyunjin and Felix’s direction.
Hyunjin clambered to his feet, a sheepish smile on his face, and bowed. “Hwang Hyunjin, sir. I’m Prince Felix’s bodyguard. I’ve been helping his Royal Highness to take care of the boys; they’ve gotten attached.”
Woojin nodded. “Well then, would you mind looking after the boys for a bit while I talk to Felix?”
Felix frowned. “Can’t we just talk here? I don’t want to inconvenience Hyunjin -”
“It’s alright, sir. I don’t mind taking care of these two rascals,” said Hyunjin, swooping in to scoop Seungmin and Jisung out of Woojin’s arms. “Come on, baby princes. Let’s go see if we can find any buried treasure in the garden, yeah?”
“Yeah!” The two little boys cheered, each of them taking a hand and dragging Hyunjin away.
Woojin waited until the peals of laughter coming from the children had faded into the distance before turning to Felix, who was still kneeling on the ground. “Little prince.”
Felix swallowed nervously, before turning a large smile on Woojin. “Woojinnie.”
“You looked like you were having fun.” Woojin held out a hand, helping Felix to his feet. “Evil knights?”
“Yeah,” Felix replied, somewhat sheepishly, his gaze focused on his small hand in Woojin’s much larger one. “The boys like to play as brave heroes but Hyunjin and I were informed that our dragons weren’t up to par, so we became evil knights instead.”
Woojin laughed. “That’s cute. I have to ask, though - do the boys constantly have you busy or…?”
Felix desperately tried to fight the heat rising in his cheeks praying that for once in his life that the red flush spreading over his skin wouldn’t be obvious. “Ah, well, they’re energetic kids, they like to run around a lot -”
“Felix.” Woojin’s voice was firm. “Have you been avoiding me?” When Felix didn’t reply, instead pointedly looking anywhere except for Woojin, the older man gently placed a hand on Felix’s cheek and guided his head so they could lock eyes. “Felix,” he said softly. “Is something wrong?”
Felix shook his head. “No, I really have just been busy with the kids.”
“Are you sure? If I did something wrong you can tell me.” Woojin was frowning, clearly not believing Felix in the slightest.
“No, you didn’t do anything, I promise. I just…” Felix bit his lip as he considered his next words. “I know it was always cute when I hung off of you when I was younger, but I’m fifteen now. I’ve got my own bodyguard, I’m almost an adult. I just didn’t think you’d want me following you around like a lost puppy.”
Woojin’s face cleared and he laughed brightly. “Is that all? Felix, I really don’t mind. I enjoy spending time with you; if I didn’t I would have let you know years ago. Don’t think you need to change just because of me.” He pulled Felix into a hug, and the teenager took the opportunity to bury his head in Woojin’s shoulder.
“I missed you, Woojinnie.”
Woojin hummed. “Missed you too, little prince.”
----------
Later that night, curled around each other in Felix’s bed, Hyunjin said, “So…”
Felix groaned, already knowing what was coming. “Jinnie -”
“Prince Woojin, huh?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Hyunjin cackled loudly. “You should have seen your face when you two came and found me and the boys! If you’d been any redder I’d have been worried that you were about to explode. You totally have a crush on him, don’t you.”
“Shut up,” Felix said miserably.
“You do!” Hyunjin laughed harder. “Oh that’s so cute! How long have you liked him?”
Felix sighed, aware that there was no way to escape this conversation. “I don’t know. Definitely since I was thirteen, but that was just when I figured it out.”
“That’s adorable. A childhood crush on your older brother’s best friend? It’s like something out of a fairy tale.” Hyunjin sighed dreamily. “I wish I had a love story fit for a novel.”
Felix smacked Hyunjin’s shoulder. “Hey! You’re only a few months older than me, don’t act like you’re old and washed up.”
“Yeah, but if I’m stuck guarding you for the rest of my life when am I going to have time to court anyone? And even if I find someone, I can’t ever share a house with them as long as you’re alive.”
“Hyunjin…” Felix knew, abstractly, that Hyunjin’s life was focused and centered around him, but he’d never had it spelled out so concretely. Suddenly, he was overcome with guilt at the thought of what his best friend was being forced to give up.
“Hey, I know that tone of voice.” Hyunjin rolled to hover over Felix. Although the room was dark, enough moonlight was streaming in through the window for Felix to make out the frown on his friend’s face. “Don’t you dare feel guilty for my choices, Lix. I made the decision to join the guard, knowing full well what that meant for my life. I’m happy where I am: by your side. If given the chance, I would make the same choices. Don’t beat yourself up about something that isn’t your fault, okay?”
“Ugh.” Felix wrapped his arms around Hyunjin and pulled him down into a hug, ignoring the guard’s grunt of surprise. “Why are you literally the best person, Jinnie?”
“I don’t know, just lucky I guess.” Hyunjin said, stifling a giggle into Felix’s shoulder. “Now,” he sat up abruptly and leaned over to the bedside table to strike a match and light a lamp. Once the room was illuminated he turned his attention back to Felix. Hyunjin’s eyes gleamed in the low light and Felix felt a sudden rush of fear. “Woojin. Tell me everything .”
----------
The next three years passed fairly quickly, marked occasionally by important events such as the birth of Jeongin, Felix’s third nephew, or the announcement that Woojin would soon be taking over as his country’s main ambassador, causing him to move from Jaeyang to live in the Baeyoung palace full time as he worked to transition fully into his new role.
The day of Felix’s eighteenth birthday, a massive ball was thrown. This was his coming-of-age ceremony, the mark of him reaching adulthood. He spent the night dancing with anyone and everyone, even managing to get a dance with Woojin at one point. It was the highlight of his evening, whirling around the dance floor in the arms of the man he loved. Yes, loved. Felix had given up denying the gravity of his feelings about two years ago, embracing the love he felt for Woojin even if he was never able to tell him how he felt.
The day after, he woke to a summons from his father. Sure that it was just a small matter, he left Hyunjin with Yoohyeon, Minji’s lady-in-waiting, Minho, and the three children. When he got to his father’s office he was surprised to see his mother and brother there as well, but brushed it off as something to do with his new duties around the palace as an adult. Maybe they wanted him to take on an ambassadorial role in another country?
He could not have been further from the truth.
Felix stared at his father in disbelief. He was sure that if there was a mirror present he’d be able to see his jaw hanging practically to the floor. “You want me to what?”
Beside him, Chan seemed similarly outraged. “Father, is this really necessary -”
The king held up a hand to stop Chan as he angrily took a step forward. “Boys, I know this isn’t what you were expecting, but -”
“Damn right it’s not!” Chan practically yelled, pulling Felix behind himself defensively. “He just turned eighteen, Father, don’t you think that this is a little bit -”
“Chan,” said the queen. Her voice was soft and light, but it grabbed the attention of all three men nonetheless, their gazes turning towards where she sat on a plush settee near the window. “Do not think that this was a decision made lightly. Hear your father out before you yell at him, please.”
“Thank you, dearest,” the king said, taking a moment to smile fondly at his wife, before refocusing on his two children. “I’m sure this doesn’t come as a surprise to either of you boys; after all, Chan, you got married within a year of turning eighteen.”
Chan glared accusingly. “That was a very different situation and you know it! Minji and I had been friends practically since birth - I proposed to her myself - and I’m the crown prince, I had to get married as soon as possible. Felix doesn’t even know what country his fiance is from!”
“ Well if you’d let me finish, ” the king huffed, folding his arms across his chest, “then he might!”
There was a tense standoff for a second, neither man willing to back down. Finally Chan sighed. “Sorry,” he muttered, averting his gaze from the king respectfully, although nothing about his tone suggested that he was actually apologetic. Felix suppressed a smile. Chan had always had his back, even against their parents, and it looked like this time was no exception.
“Thank you. Before I mention any names, Felix, your husband -” husband thought Felix, well at least it’s not a wife , “ will be moving here as his country’s official ambassador so you won’t have to leave the palace. I thought that would be a source of comfort for you in all of this.”
Beside him, Chan was staring at their father with a dawning look of horror on his face. “Father… Tell me you didn’t-”
“Felix,” the king said, resolutely not acknowledging Chan, “your betrothed is Prince Woojin from the Kingdom of Jaeyang.”
Oh, thought Felix , even as Chan started yelling in outrage. Well, that worked out nicely.
“Chan,” he said absentmindedly, his mind racing a mile per minute. “It’s okay.”
Chan froze, his gaze as he stared at his brother incredulously. “What?”
Felix smiled, trying his best to contain it from getting too big. “I really don’t mind. I knew I’d have to marry someone eventually, and Woojin has never been anything but nice to me. At least this way I know that my husband is someone I’ll be able to get along with.”
“Felix…” Chan stepped forward and took his brother’s hands, staring intently into his eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Felix said, nodding. “I’m positive.”
----------
“Hyunjin! Hyunjin!” Felix called, dashing into the garden.
Hyunjin looked up from where he was crouched on the ground next to Seungmin. “Felix?” He stood up, just in time for Felix to practically bowl him over as he flung his arms around Hyunjin. “Felix, what’s happened?”
“I’m getting married!” Felix said happily, spinning the two of them around. “Hyunjin, I’m getting married! ”
“What? Felix, calm down you’re not making any sense!” Hyunjin steadied Felix, staring at him seriously. “Explain: what happened?”
“My father called me in to tell me that I’m getting married six months from now.”
“What?” Hyunjin’s eyes widened in shock. “Why is that a good thing, that sounds terrible -”
“No, you don’t understand! Hyunjin, I’m getting married to Woojin .”
“You’re not serious?” At Felix’s enthusiastic nod Hyunjin broke into disbelieving laughter, a wide smile spreading across his face. “Oh my god, you are serious. Felix, thats - wow…” Hyunjin pulled Felix into a hug. “Lix, I’m so happy for you.”
“I can barely believe it,” Felix said. “I can’t stop shaking and I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and it will have all been a dream. I just - Hyunjin, I’m so happy .”
----------
A knock sounded on the door to Felix’s room. He looked up from his book and frowned. “Come in?”
Woojin poked his head inside and smiled at him, although the smile was dim. It had been about a week since Felix had become aware of his engagement and he hadn’t seen Woojin once. Chan said that Woojin wasn’t trying to avoid him, that he was just busy, but Chan wasn’t known for his poker face. “Hey, little prince. Can I come in? We need to talk.”
Felix felt his heart stop. He’d spent the past week being so happy about his upcoming nuptials that he’d never thought about Woojin’s reaction to the engagement. “Sure,” he said, voice small. He patted the spot next to him on the window seat in invitation.
Woojin sat down and smiled at him. His entire body was tense and Felix had a sudden flash of thought as to a possible version of their future, one in which Woojin was tense after work one day and Felix gave him a massage to help him relax. He’d had this fantasy before, but this was the first time it was actually within his grasp. Cautiously Felix reached out and placed a hand over Woojin’s where they rested on his lap. “Is everything okay, Woojinnie?”
Woojin stared down at their hands, slowly shifting his so that their fingers intertwined. “So…” he said with an almost hollow laugh. “We’re getting married, huh?”
“Yes,” Felix replied quietly, waiting for Woojin to add more.
He nodded slowly. “Are you okay with everything? All of this?”
Felix shrugged. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t be?”
“Well, for starters, I’m much too old for you. Fifteen years! That’s not insignificant; you’re only eighteen and I’m thirty-three. I’m old enough to be a father and you just became an adult last week.”
“So? We’re hardly the first unconventional age match. It could be a lot worse,” pointed out Felix. “I could be engaged to a man in his fifties.”
Woojin made a face. “Please… Don’t even talk about that. I don’t even want to consider you marrying anyone older than me. I’m an old man as it is.”
“Please,” Felix scoffed. “You’re hardly an old man. You don’t look a day over twenty-five. Although, hang on, is that...”
“Is that what?” Woojin said, eyeing Felix with suspicion.
“A grey hair?” Felix said teasingly, pretending to pluck at something on Woojin’s head.
“Hey!” Woojin yelped and slapped a hand over the spot Felix was poking at. “Brat!”
Felix burst into peals of laughter, his head falling onto Woojin’s shoulder. When he calmed down, he left it there, his hand still entwined with Woojin’s on the other’s lap. He rubbed his thumb over Woojin’s hand soothingly. “I don’t mind getting married to you, Woojinnie. There are a lot of worse marriages I could end up in. You’re a good man, a good friend, and I imagine you’ll also be a good husband. So yes, I’m okay with everything. I’m perfectly happy to marry you.” And, he added in his head, I have a feeling I’m going to be perfectly happy about that for the rest of my life.
----------
“Are you nervous, son?”
Felix smiled and shook his head. “No. I should be, shouldn’t I? But I’m not.”
The king smiled. “That’s good. If you’re having second thoughts, though, it’s not too late to back out.”
“That’s very kind of you, Father, but I think it is,” Felix laughed. “Don’t worry, though. I mean it: I’m not scared at all.”
“Good,” said the king, a happy smile on his face. “In that case, shall we?”
Felix tightened his grip on his father’s arm as the page pushed open the doors leading outside to the front lawn. Immediately all chatter fell silent before there was the sound of a hundred plus people all rising to their feet. Taking a deep breath Felix looked up, down towards the end of the aisle, where Woojin was waiting. Woojin smiled at him as the music started playing and Felix, with a smile of his own, stepped forward.
Quiet murmuring broke out amongst the gathered crowd as they got a better look at Felix and he couldn’t blame them. His outfit was designed to make a statement, all white as it was. Felix had been determined to mimic the outfit of a bride, and the palace seamstresses had taken that to heart. Although his pants and boots appeared to be normal clothing, his top was comprised entirely of white lace. The sleeves went to his elbows where they widened into bell sleeves. The collar was high necked and Felix knew from wearing it for countless fittings that the shock of white lace made the freckles on his face stand out all the more. Not that his freckles could be seen at that moment. No, the long veil draped over his face, attached to a small wreath of daisies which were situated on top of his head obscured them from view. Felix knew, however, that when his husband finally lifted the veil, his freckles would be a delightful sight for Woojin, who had protested when Felix had started concealing them as he grew older.
They reached the end of the aisle and, with one last hug, Felix’s father left him, going to take his own seat. This was Woojin’s cue; he stepped forward and took Felix’s hand, guiding him towards the small alter. “You look gorgeous,” he said quietly as the officiant began to speak.
“You haven’t even seen my face,” Felix replied teasingly.
Woojin shrugged slightly and chuckled under his breath. “It’s not like you’ve ever been ugly, little prince.”
The rest of the ceremony after that was a blur. Someday, when he was capable of processing everything that had happened, he would go back and relive the memories of this day. For now, however, he was content to smile happily at Woojin, answer questions when asked, and pretend, even if just for a little while, that he was marrying a man who loved him back.
They exchanged rings and, when that was completed, Felix heard the officiant say the words he’d been waiting for. “I now pronounce you married. You may kiss, in order to seal your bond.”
Felix let out a shaky breath as Woojin took a step forward, the older man’s hands going to the edge of the veil. He hesitated, briefly, before lifting it, revealing Felix’s face. He smiled at Woojin, who smiled back. “Little prince,” he said softly. “Your freckles are showing.”
“I thought you’d like it,” Felix replied. In the absence of Woojin’s hands to hold - they had settled on his shoulders after he lifted the veil - Felix placed his on Woojin’s waist. “Do you?”
Woojin nodded. “I was right, earlier. You do look gorgeous.”
“Pretty enough to kiss?” Felix’s voice was teasing, and he batted his eyelashes coyly.
Woojin laughed and raised a hand to cup Felix’s cheek, his thumb stroking back and forth over Felix’s freckles. “Shameless. Completely shameless.”
“Only for you. Kiss me?”
“If you insist.”
It wasn’t how Felix had imagined his first kiss, certainly. Although he had always dreamed about it being with Woojin, his dreams had never taken place at their wedding, had never featured an audience. But he wouldn’t trade this for anything; this was real , this was actual Kim Woojin pressing their lips together. This was everything Felix had wanted for so, so long.
The kiss was short, although that didn’t make it any less sweet. When Woojin pulled away he smiled down at Felix, his thumb still stroking his cheek distractingly. Felix smiled back dreamily, the cheering of the audience simply a faint buzz in the background. All that mattered in that instant was Woojin.
----------
The wedding had excited, not scared, Felix. But there was one thing he was scared about: the wedding night.
Obviously he knew what happened. He even knew how, thanks to an awkward talk with his mother one day (he’d made Hyunjin endure it with him. He didn’t think his friend would ever forgive him). But in all the fuss about the wedding, picking flowers, cake, going to fittings with the seamstress, he’d simply forgotten.
Woojin had let Felix go get ready for bed first, a gentle smile on his face. After Felix emerged from the washroom, Woojin had disappeared inside, leaving Felix to sit awkwardly on the bed, looking around the room curiously as his hands fidgeted with the fabric of his sleepshirt. It had been decided that Felix would move into the official ambassador’s chambers with Woojin, as they were both bigger and had the attached room where Hyunjin would now be staying with Changbin, Woojin’s appointed bodyguard. Hyunjin had disappeared into the room earlier with a subtle thumbs up and wink sent in Felix’s direction. Now, though, Felix was starting to wish that his friend had stayed with him just a little bit longer.
“Felix?” said Woojin softly.
Felix whipped around to see Woojin standing on the other side of the bed, clutching a blanket. “Yes?”
Woojin flashed him a small smile. “Is everything okay? You look nervous.”
“Yeah, everything’s fine, don’t worry,” he replied, a big smile on his face. “Just looking around the new room. I’ve lived in the same one since I was a kid, it’s weird to be somewhere new.”
“I’m sorry, we could always move into -”
“Woojinnie, it’s fine. Really, I just need a little time to get used to things. I promise.”
Woojin sighed, nodding his head. “Okay, then. If you’re sure.”
There was an awkward moment of silence, where they just stared at each other, before Woojin, blushing, cleared his throat and turned his gaze to the ground. “So… Bed?”
“Right,” said Felix, his stomach rolling. Whether that was with nerves or with excitement, he couldn’t quite tell. Shakily he pulled back the covers and climbed into bed, leaning over to briefly blow out the candle on the bedside table. Slowly he turned to Woojin who was still standing by the edge of the bed. “Woojinnie.”
Woojin smiled and leaned over to blow out the candle on the other bedside table, leaving them in darkness, the only light coming from the windows. “Goodnight, little prince.” Then he turned and walked over to one of the couches, where he unfolded the blanket and laid down.
“Woojin?” Felix’s voice was full of confusion. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to sleep, little prince. I hope you sleep well.”
“Oh… Okay.” Felix settled back into the bed - a bed that was definitely too large for one person, a problem that, it appeared, wouldn’t be solved tonight. “Goodnight.”
----------
This continued for the next six months, with no one outside of Woojin and Felix the wiser. Felix, ashamed of the fact that he was apparently lacking enough as a husband that Woojin didn’t even want to sleep with him, hadn’t even told Hyunjin.
The day of Felix’s nineteenth birthday, he threw a small party with just his family and friends. This was tradition in the kingdom - age nineteen was the age that teenagers were allowed to drink for the first time - although this was less a hard and fast rule and more a suggestion. As such, parties were small and intimate so that any humiliations would only be witnessed by the people who were close to the new drinker.
Felix’s was no different, although he did not try as much alcohol as he would have had it not been for the fact that his husband was there. Honestly, he was planning to get drunk - but not until Woojin left. Which looked like it might be soon, if the fact that the only ones still in the sitting room were the two princes and their bodyguards.
“Are you ready to go back, little prince?”
“Ah, do you mind if I stay here?” Felix smiled apologetically at Woojin. “I want to catch up with Hyunjin for a bit, we haven’t had much time to talk lately.”
Woojin nodded. “Just make sure you don’t stay out too late, okay? And be careful how much you drink if it’s just the two of you.”
Felix rolled his eyes. “Yes, dear.”
As soon as the door shut behind Woojin and Changbin, Felix turned to Hyunjin, grabbing one of the half-full bottles of wine on the table and taking a long drink. “You,” he said, wiping his mouth, “will not believe the shit I’ve had to put up with these past six months.”
Hyunjin frowned. “Is something wrong?”
Felix took another drink. “ My fucking husband , that’s what’s wrong.”
“What happened, did he do something?”
“No! That’s the problem, he hasn’t done anything!” Even though Felix hadn’t even finished off the bottle of wine yet, he reached for another one. “Six months, and the most he’s done is held my hand! He doesn’t even share the bed with me, he sleeps on the couch.”
“He does?” Hyunjin frowned. “Did he say why?”
Felix snorted, uncorking the new bottle of wine and chugging. “No, but it’s pretty obvious. He doesn’t want anything to do with me!” He sighed, taking another drink. “He used to be so touchy with me, but he’ll barely even hold my hand anymore, and that only happens when we’re in public.”
“What about in private?” Hyunjin’s eyes showed concern for his friend, although Felix wasn’t sure if it was concern for his relationship or concern for his health. Somewhere, in a distant part of his brain, a little voice was telling Felix that drinking so much wine so quickly, especially when it was his first time drinking, was probably a bad idea. He ignored it.
“He comes back to the room late and leaves before I wake up. When we are there at the same time, he pretty much ignores me unless I attempt to start a conversation and even then it’s like he’s holding himself back. He barely even looks at me anymore!” Felix sighed miserably, finally draining the last of the first bottle of wine and reaching for a the one he’d already uncorked. “I thought marrying him would bring us closer, but instead it’s only driven us further apart.”
“Woah! Hang on, Lix, I really don’t think you need this,” said Hyunjin, prying the bottle of wine from Felix’s hands. “Let’s let the first half a bottle sink in, okay? See how that’s sitting with you before we start in on this one.”
Felix pouted. “Jinnie, can’t you let me drink my sorrows away in peace?”
“Oh, trust me,” Hyunjin said with a laugh. “I think you’ve already drank them away plenty.”
----------
“Woojinnie!” Felix called, stumbling into their room. “Woojinnie!”
Woojin was sitting on the couch, a book in his hands, although his attention snapped from that to Felix as soon as the younger began to sleep. He frowned as he took in Felix’s inebriated state. “Felix? What’s wrong?” He stood up and hurried to Felix’s side. “How much did you have to drink?”
Felix giggled and practically launched himself into Woojin’s arms. “I’m hic not sure, but Hyunjinnie said that it was… it was too - too - too - too…” He giggled again. “I forgot what I was going to say.”
Woojin frowned and guided Felix to the bed. “I think it’s time for you to go to sleep, Felix. Do you want to go to bed?”
“No!” Felix slurred as he attempted to push himself away from Woojin. “Don’t wanna!”
“Please? For me? Please, little prince?”
Felix suddenly became very quiet, stopping his fight to free himself and instead resting his hands on Woojin’s arms. “You… You never call me that anymore. Little prince. I miss it.” He raised his head to look at Woojin, which meant that the older could fully see the tears welling up in his eyes. “I miss you. An’ - an’ it sucks cause you’re right here, but you’re not .” To Woojin’s horror Felix was actually crying now, the type of heaving sobs that one experiences when they just can’t help themselves. “Please tell me what I did wrong, Woojinnie, please tell me what I can do to fix things.” He dropped his head forwards to rest against Woojin’s chest. “Please.”
Silently, Woojin rubbed Felix’s back and let the younger boy cry. When he’d finally stopped shaking with the force of his sobs, Woojin bent down and scooped him up, carrying him to the bed. “I think this is something we need to discuss in the morning when you’re sober,” he said as he laid Felix down and went about tucking him in. “But I am sorry, Felix. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Promise?” Felix muttered. His eyes were already sliding shut as the urge to sleep overtook him, but he mustered up enough energy to hold out his hand, pinky extended. “Woojinnie, do you promise?”
Woojin stared at the proffered hand for a moment, before linking their pinkies together. “I promise, little prince.”
----------
The next morning Felix woke to a pounding headache.
“Fuck,” he muttered lowly, pressing a hand over his eyes to block out the light streaming in through the window. “What the -”
“Oh, are you awake? Good!”
“Ah!” Felix screeched, clapping his hands over his ears. “Too loud!”
“Sorry,” Woojin said softly, chuckling. “I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be hungover for the first time. Here, drink this.”
Felix, still with his eyes closed, blindly accepted the flask Woojin handed to him. Sitting up just enough to drink, he raised it to his lips. He was about to take a sip when suddenly the stench of it reached his nose. “What the fuck -”
“It’s a hangover cure,” Woojin said. “I know it smells bad, but trust me, it’ll help with your headache.” Felix still hesitated, which is when he felt a hand begin to card gently through his hair. “Please, little prince? For me?” Even though he couldn’t see him, Felix knew Woojin was pouting.
“Fine,” he groaned, taking a deep breath before suddenly drinking it all in one go. As soon as he was finished he flung the flask away, uncaring of where it landed, and flopped back onto the bed. “Can I go back to bed now?”
Woojin laughed. “You’re lucky; we’ve both got the day off, so you can sleep the day away.”
“Both?” said Felix suspiciously, cracking open his eyes to squint up at Woojin, who was sitting on a chair next to the bed. “You’ve got a free day too?”
“Yep!” Woojin nodded. “Spousal privileges and such…” He trailed off, biting his lip nervously. “Listen, Felix… What do you remember from last night?”
“Not much,” Felix admitted sheepishly. “I mean, I remember everything up until about half way through the second bottle of wine… After that it’s all a blur.”
“Two bottles? God, how is Hyunjin not just as drunk as you?”
Felix laughed nervously. “Oh, Hyunjin didn’t drink any of it.”
“What.” Woojin’s voice was monotone, betraying no emotion, but Felix winced as if what he’d said had been cutting and bitter.
“I may have had at least a full bottle of wine. By myself. In about forty-five minutes.” At Woojin’s judgemental glare, Felix tried to make himself look contrite. “I really don’t remember how much I had, but I had some stuff to work through?”
At this Woojin suddenly looked guilty, turning his gaze from Felix to where his hands fidgeting nervously in his lap. “Yeah… About that.”
Felix startled, his eyes snapping open to stare at Woojin in a panic. “Did I say something last night?”
Woojin nodded, biting his lip. “You did, I… I know that I’ve not been very, well, there since the wedding and I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to think that I was going to take advantage of you, but in the process I pulled away entirely and I didn’t realize how much that hurt you until you said something. I was so focused on making sure you didn’t feel pressured by our being husbands that I forgot we were friends first. Can you forgive me?”
“Woojinnie,” Felix said, resolutely ignoring the fact that he felt like crying. He sat up, taking a moment to center himself and get over the had-rush, before reaching out for Woojin’s hand. “There’s nothing to forgive. I trust you to always have my best interests at heart, even if you have a funny way of showing that.”
“I’m sorry,” Woojin said miserably. “If I’d known I was upsetting you so much -”
“As long as you don’t try and shut me out again, we’ll be fine.” Felix’s voice was calm, betraying none of the excitement that was building in him. “If you’re really sorry, though, there’s a way you can make it up to me.”
Woojin perked up at that. “Really? How?”
Felix smiled and lifted the blankets. “Come here.”
“Oh, I uh -”
“Woojin,” Felix said firmly. “Get in bed and cuddle with me.”
Silently Woojin did as asked, curling around Felix, who sighed contently and nuzzled into Woojin’s chest. “From now on, no more sleeping on the couch, okay?” Felix said. “It’s probably hell on your back; I can’t have my old man of a husband injuring himself, now can I?”
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable -”
“Woojinnie.” Felix raised his head to glare at Woojin. “We are currently cuddling. On our bed. Because we’re husbands. And husbands are supposed to share a bed.”
“I’m… I’m not comfortable with... you know -”
“You don’t need to be. To be honest, I’m not comfortable with that either,” Felix said with a smile. He raised one hand to gently playing with Woojin’s hair. “But I went from cuddling with someone every night for the past three years to sleeping alone in a bed that is far too big for one person. I’d very much like it if I had someone to hold again.”
Woojin was quiet for a moment. “Just cuddling?”
Felix nodded. “Just cuddling. Promise.”
----------
Felix spent the next several days floating around in a giddy haze. Woojin had stuck to their agreement, abandoning the couch in favor of curling around Felix every night. He didn’t show it, but Felix knew he was sleeping better and, as a result, better able to function throughout the day. He wasn’t the only one who noticed it either.
“He seems a lot more alert now,” said Changbin absentmindedly one day. He had joined Felix and Hyunjin in the garden that day to help take care of the kids. Not that Seungmin and Jisung needed much looking after anymore, considering they were eleven and nine respectively. Jeongin, on the other hand, was four, and a more rambunctious and accident-prone four year old Felix had never seen. It took all three adults just to keep the little boy from face planting on the ground on a regular basis, and although Seungmin and Jisung were able and willing to occupy their brother for a while they often weren’t enough to keep him from injury. Often times the best option was simply to let him run around until he tired himself out and just pray he didn’t accidentally cause himself irreparable harm.
“What do you mean?” asked Felix, his attention not straying from the drowsy toddler in his lap.
“Woojin. He pays attention a lot more than he used to; he seems happier too.”
“Oh.” Felix frowned. “I thought I was the only one who noticed.”
“I’m his guard, it’s my job to pay attention to every detail about him. Whatever you two have been doing recently, it’s been good for him.”
Felix felt his face begin to heat up. “We’ve just been cuddling! I managed to convince him to stop sleeping on the couch finally, that’s all.”
“Wait,” Changbin frowned at Felix. “He’d been sleeping on the couch? Did you two fight or something?”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s a thing, right? When a couple fights one of them gets kicked out of bed for a bit.”
“No, no, we’re not a couple!” Felix shook his head. “We’re just friends!”
Changbin’s frown deepened. “Really? But I thought that - well, the way you look at him -”
“Yes! But he doesn’t know.” Felix’s shoulders sagged. “Although, if I’m that obvious…”
“Don’t worry,” Changbin said, reaching out to lay a comforting hand on Felix’s shoulder. “Like I said, I’m observant. I don’t think he has any idea.”
“Well if you’re so observant, I don’t suppose you know if he’s secretly in love with me, do you?” Felix laughed, trying to play off his very real request as a joke.
Chanbin just smiled. “I don’t know that, sorry. However, I can tell you this: if you want him to love you, spending your whole day with me and Hyunjin isn’t the way to go. You need to insert yourself into his life even more than you are now; if you want him to pay attention to you, then make him .”
Make him , thought Felix, his brain already spinning through ideas. That just might work.
----------
Felix knocked on the door to the ambassador’s office, before swinging it open and poking his head inside. “Woojinnie?”
Woojin was sitting at his desk, going over some papers. At the sound of Felix’s voice he looked up, his face breaking into a smile. “Felix! What brings you here.”
Swinging the door open the rest of the way, Felix held up the tray he was carrying. “Lunch?”
Woojin stood up. “You brought food?”
“Yep!” Felix bounded into the room, letting the door fall shut behind him. “I was planning to come see you anyway, but I stopped by the kitchen first and grabbed some food.” He set the tray down on the small side table, plopping down into one of the chairs. As he moved things from the tray to the table he looked at Woojin, making sure his pout was out in full force. “You’re so busy, we never see each other during the day. I thought it would be nice to share a meal.”
Woojin smiled, moving around his desk to join Felix at the table, sitting in the chair across from him. “That sounds nice.”
Felix beamed. “Good, I’m glad you like my idea because you don’t really have a choice.”
“Oh, I don’t, do I?” Woojin said with a laugh.
“Nope! You always eat food when it's offered by your spouse; that’s the number one rule of being a husband, after all.” Felix’s smile was innocent, those his eyes had a teasing glint to them. “Although I think it’s been established that you don’t quite know the rules yet.”
“Hey!” Woojin flicked his napkin at Felix, laughing when he leaned back to avoid getting hit. “Respect your elders, brat.”
“Oh, so you admit you’re an old man then?”
“Maybe I am, but you’re the one who’s married to an old man, so who really loses here?” Woojin replied triumphantly.
Not me , thought Felix, even as he laughed and conceded defeat. Being married to you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
----------
“Felix! Are you ready yet? We’re going to be late!” Woojin called through the washroom door.
“Almost done!” Felix replied, inspecting himself in the mirror. “I don’t know, Jinnie,” he said quietly. “Are we sure about this?”
Hyunjin rolled his eyes, not even bothering to look up from where he was packing away his makeup kit. “I’m positive, you idiot. You’re breathtaking; he won’t be able to take his eyes off of you.”
“I guess…” Felix sighed. “I’m just not used to dressing like this.”
“I know, you prefer lighter colors. But trust me; black? Leather? They suit you. I guarantee he won’t be able to take his eyes off you all night.”
“Okay.” Felix gave himself one more inspection in the mirror, then nodded determinedly. “Alright. I’ll see you there?”
Hyunjin nodded. “Yes. Now go! Knock his socks off, Lix.”
Woojin’s back was to the washroom when Felix finally stepped out. “I’m ready,” he said softly, trying to imbue confidence he didn’t feel into his words.
“Finally!” Woojin turned around. “What took so - long…” He froze, staring at Felix with wide eyes. “Felix?”
Felix smiled shyly and spun around. “What do you think?”
It took a moment for Woojin to respond and he visibly seemed to shake himself out of a stupor before he did so. “You look stunning, little prince,” he said softly. “Absolutely stunning.”
“Thank you,” Felix beamed happily. “I wanted to try something a little different so that I could match you tonight. It’s our first ball as husbands, after all.”
“Yes it is. And it wouldn’t do to be late, would it?” Woojin extended his arm. “Shall we?”
The rest of the royal family was already gathered at the doors to the grand balcony when they arrived. “Sorry we’re late,” said Woojin. “ Someone took his sweet time getting ready.”
“Sure, throw me under the carriage. Thanks, honey.” Felix rolled his eyes.
The queen laughed. “No need to apologize, Woojin. I’m sure by now everyone here is familiar with Felix’s inherent ability to take as much time as possible to complete a simple task.”
“Stop it,” Felix whined. “Stop teaming up on me! You’re my mother, you’re supposed to be on my side!”
“Maybe if you were on time for once, she would be,” the king teased.
Felix sighed dramatically. “This whole family is against me! Seungminnie, you still love me, right? You won’t be mean to me, will you?”
Seungmin stared at Felix for a moment, then turned his back, pointedly staring at his mother’s skirt, his arms folded over his chest. “My god,” Felix said, clutching at his heart, leaning heavily onto Woojin. “He’s so cold! I think the lack of affection will kill me!” He tightened his grip on Woojin’s arm and turned to look dramatically at his husband. “Woojinnie, will you mourn me when I’m gone?”
Woojin just rolled his eyes fondly. “What do you think, little prince?”
Seungmin giggled. “No, I take it back! I love you, Uncle Lixie.”
“Oh thank god!’ Felix said, standing upright again. “I’m healed!”
“You’re ridiculous,” Woojin said with a fond smile dancing on his face. “What am I going to do with you?”
“I don’t know,” Felix replied with a matching smile. “But you can start by getting me a plate of food once we get in there.”
Felix had always been a fan of lavish royal events, though balls and other dances in particular had always been his favorite. Aside from the incident at his first one, they were all good memories for him, full of fun and excitement. This one was especially exciting, as it was the first time that he and Woojin were being presented to the general public as a couple since their wedding; although there had been opportunities to attend other events they had all been in other kingdoms and Felix and Woojin had not been required to go.
They spent the first half of the night mingling, Felix still attached to Woojin’s side, their arms linked. Finally, after getting bored of hearing Woojin discuss politics, Felix politely excused them from the conversation. “Come on,” he said once they were out of earshot, tugging on Woojin’s arm. “I think my husband owes me a dance.”
Woojin laughed. “Oh, does he?”
“Please?” Felix pouted, something he knew Woojin was incapable of resisting. He’d learned early on that all it took to get Woojin to agree with him was widened eyes and a slightly quivering lip.
“As if I’d ever tell you no,” Woojin replied, guiding Felix onto the dance floor. They began to waltz around the room and as they did so Felix began to giggle at a memory.
“Remember when you taught me how to dance?” he asked.
Woojin’s face, which before had shown his confusion at Felix’s laughter, lit up. “You stood on my toes because you couldn’t keep the rhythm.”
“I was ten ,” Felix laughed. “I think I’m allowed to be bad at dancing then.”
“I never said it was a bad thing,” Woojin paused for a moment as he twirled Felix, pulling him back to his chest before continuing. “It was cute.”
Felix hummed. “I was a cute kid, wasn’t I?”
“You’re a cute adult too. It’s a gift, being adorable, and you’re nothing if not gifted.”
“Careful,” said Felix, doing his best to mask the glee welling up within him at Woojin’s words. “Anyone would think you’re flirting with me.”
“Oh no,” Woojin said with a roll of his eyes. “Flirting? With my own husband? How dare I? The people will surely be horrified.”
“Oh, I said that for my sake,” Felix said as the song came to an end. They stopped where they stood and Felix patted Woojin’s chest. “If you don’t stop, I might start getting ideas .” He smiled at Woojin, making sure to look up at him from under his lashes, trusting that Hyunjin’s makeup skills would only add to the effect. “If you’ll excuse me, My Prince.” Before Woojin could react Felix pulled back and walked away, a playful swing in his hips and a triumphant smile on his face. Tonight was going great .
----------
About a month after the ball came Woojin’s birthday. For his last birthday, he’d been avoiding Felix and so the younger had simply written him a note of congratulations and left it on his couch. This birthday was different, however.
Following the first time Felix brought Woojin lunch (something that had soon become a near-daily occurrence) he’d begun doing as much as possible to insert himself in Woojin’s life as a romantic figure, rather than as a younger brother. The ball had been a test, of sorts, to see how this had worked - and if the way Woojin had flirted with him, acknowledged flirting with him was any indication, it was working pretty well. That meant, however, that it was time for Felix to step up his game.
With this in mind, he’d spent countless hours trying to decide what the perfect present for his husband would be before finally settling on something. It had nearly been too late to have the gift made, but luckily Felix was both rich and royalty (this was something he normally tried to avoid abusing, but desperate times and all that).
That led them to this moment, Woojin climbing into bed while Felix stood awkwardly at the foot of it, the gift clutched tightly in his hands.
“Woojinnie?” he said softly, finally mustering up the courage to catch his husband’s attention.
Woojin looked up from his book. “Yes?”
“I, uh…” He rushed forward and sat on the edge of the bed next to Woojin, thrusting out the present. “I know your birthday isn’t technically until tomorrow, but it’s after midnight, so it’s today, don’t you think? Anyway, here’s your present, I hope you like it!”
Woojin smiled. “You didn’t have to get me a present, little prince.”
“Of course I did, I’m your husband.” Suddenly struck by a wave of bravery Felix reached out and took Woojin’s hand, putting the gift in it. “Happy birthday, Woojinnie.”
Woojin carefully unwrapped the cloth protecting the package to reveal a beautifully bound book. “A book of fairy tales?” His voice was puzzled; clearly, although he enjoyed the gift, he didn’t understand the significance behind it.
“It’s all the ones you ever told me growing up,” said Felix softly. “Plus one.”
“Plus one?”
Felix nodded, taking the book from Woojin and flipping through it, past the pages full of delicate script and carefully drawn illustrations. “This isn’t one you told me, perse,” said Felix, holding it out to Woojin once he reached the right page. “But I think it still has a place in here.”
“ The Little Prince, ” Woojin read. He looked up at Felix. “Is this -”
“Yes.” Felix smiled gently. “It’s my story. Our story, really; you feature heavily in it, after all.”
“Felix,” Woojin murmured, flipping through the last chapter of the book, “I don’t even know what to say. This is too much.”
Felix scoffed. “Please. WIth everything you’ve done for me over the years, this is barely enough.”
Woojin flipped to the last page, which showed a beautiful image of two men dancing across an empty dance floor, the rest of the ballroom looking on as they did so. He frowned. “The story ends in the middle.”
Felix nodded. “I thought about trying to make an ending, but our story hasn’t ended yet, has it? It felt wrong to try and finish something that’s barely started.”
Woojin stared at Felix with wide eyes as the younger’s words sank in. “Felix…”
“Yes?” Felix felt like he was holding his breath as he waited for Woojin’s next words. Was this finally it? Was his husband just as in love as he was?
Suddenly Woojin seemed to deflate. “Nevermind. Thank you for the gift, little prince. I’ll treasure it always.”
“Of course, Woojinnie,” Felix said, smiling despite the fact that he could feel his heart sinking. He’d practically spelled out his feelings for Woojin and had received nothing in response. Still, he resolved to keep trying. Woojin had seemed like he wanted to say something at first, before he’d backed out. And he hadn’t made any comments about all the stories in the book other than theirs being love stories. Those had to be good signs. They had to be.
----------
“Woojinnie! My darling husband!” Felix said sweetly as he waltzed into Woojin’s office with a wicker basket and a blanket.
Woojin didn’t even look up from his work. “What do you want, little prince?”
Felix pouted as he came around to Woojin’s side of the desk, sitting himself on the edge. “That’s not a very nice way to greet me.”
“Fine,” Woojin said with a sigh. He lifted his head and tilted it back to look Felix in the eyes. “What do you want, my dearest husband?”
“Hmm, better. We’ll keep working on it. “ Felix patted the top of Woojin’s head. “As for what I want, have you seen the weather today? It’s absolutely gorgeous outside.”
“So?”
“So,” Felix rolled his eyes, “I thought instead of eating lunch in your office we could make a day of it and go for a picnic?”
“Felix, I have a lot of work to do, I don’t know if -”
“Pleeease, Woojinnie?” Felix pouted down at his husband. “We’ve been married for over a year and we’ve only ever had lunch in your office. When I married an older man I didn’t think he’d be too tired to ever take me out of the palace.”
“Brat,” Woojin said fondly, smacking Felix’s thigh. Instead of moving his hand away, however, he left it on Felix’s leg. It took everything in Felix to not react as Woojin’s thumb began to caress his thigh. “Do you have some incentive for me other than insults?”
Because you love me? Felix nearly said, just barely catching himself in time. Instead he said, “Because it will be more fun than sitting in your office signing papers all day?”
Woojin laughed. “You drive a hard bargain, little prince. I suppose I can be persuaded; I assume we don’t need to stop by the kitchens for anything?”
“Nope!” Felix said, shaking his head as he graced Woojin with a brilliant smile. Hopping off the desk he grabbed Woojin’s hand and pulled him up. “I told the stable master to saddle our horses; there’s somewhere special I want to take you.”
“Oh?” Woojin raised an eyebrow inquisitively, although Felix didn’t see it as he pulled the older man out of the room. “Where exactly is that?”
“You’ll see,” Felix replies, smiling at Woojin over his shoulder.
It wasn’t too long of a ride until they reached the spot Felix had in mind for their picnic: a little glade by a tree in a nearby forest. “This is gorgeous,” Woojin remarked as they tethered their horses to a nearby tree.
Felix hummed, laying out the blanket and beginning to unpack the food. “Isn’t it? Chan used to bring me here all the time when I was a child. It’s been quite a while since then though, and I thought who better to come make new memories with here than my husband?” He smiled up at Woojin. “Are you going to sit down?”
Woojin practically fell onto the blanket, stretching out on his stomach, eyes closed as he rested his head on his arms. Felix took a moment to just watch as Woojin relaxed, taking advantage of his closed eyes to stare unabashadley. However, he clearly wasn’t as stealthy as he thought because Woojin murmured, “You’ve stopped unpacking things.” He cracked an eye open to peer up at Felix. “And you’re staring. Am I that interesting?”
Felix flushed and turned back to unpacking the picnic basket. “According to literally every unmarried woman in this kingdom, yes.”
“Yes, but you’re not a woman, nor are you unmarried. I should know; I’m the one who married you,” said Woojin matter-of-factly. “So what’s your excuse?”
“Ah, well,” Felix laughed shakily, reaching out a hand to wipe at the side of Woojin’s nose. “You had some dirt on your face, that’s all. It’s all gone now!”
Woojin’s smile said he knew that wasn’t what had happened. “Thanks for that, dear.”
The pet name, even spoken in jest, made Felix’s heart melt. He was so damn whipped for this man, his husband, his childhood savior. It was, truthfully, not something he’d ever foreseen up until it happened, but he wouldn’t change things if he could. Maybe not now, but hopefully someday, Woojin would come to love him too and call him pet names and mean them.
In the meantime, this would do. “Of course, darling,” he replied, voice light. “Now, tell me, would you like to eat your meat or your vegetables first?”
----------
The food had long since been demolished and now, somehow, Felix had managed to maneuver his way onto Woojin’s lap. The elder was leaning back against a tree, his arms wrapped around Felix’s waist. Their legs tangled together and Felix genuinely didn't know if he’d ever been more comfortable in his life.
They were sitting in silence, just enjoying the warm spring afternoon, when Felix spoke. “You know what I said earlier? About how I used to come here with Chan, when I was a kid.” Woojin hummed in acknowledgement. “He stopped bringing me here when I was five because Mother took over my care and she didn’t want me to leave the palace. She was afraid someone would get to me and hurt me again.”
“Like your nurse.” Woojin’s words weren’t a question.
“Yes,” Felix confirmed. “Do you know the extent of what she did to me?”
“I don’t. I never thought it was my place to ask.” Woojin moved one of his hands to twine his fingers through Felix’s.
“I don’t remember much of it, thankfully, although a few moments stick out in my mind.” Felix shifted, nuzzling his head into Woojin’s chest. “She locked me on the balcony overnight once when I knocked over a glass of water. It’s all a bit of a blur, but I remember it raining. I got sick, after that; she passed it off as a regular illness and no one was the wiser.”
“Felix…”
“She used to squeeze my arm until it bruised. Sometimes she wouldn’t let me eat even though the plate of food was sitting in front of me. She would eat it all while I watched and then send me to bed. Then she -“
“Stop!” For the first time Felix became aware of Woojin’s ragged breathing. The older man’s head dropped to rest on Felix’s shoulder. “Please, stop. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to hear anymore. I don’t -“ his voice broke. “You were a child . How could she do that to you? Her own blood?”
“I don’t know. But, Woojin, I’m not telling you any of this to make you sad. Some of the things she did to me are things I’ve never told anyone about. But… I wanted to tell you. I needed to tell you.”
“Why?”
“Because,” Felix shifted so that he was straddling Woojin’s lap, the older man’s hands coming up to rest on his hips. In this position Felix was slightly taller than Woojin and as he stared down at him he continued, “you are my husband, the person I’m closest to in the world. I want there to be no secrets between us. You and I swore to stay by each other’s side for the rest of our lives, and while I am perfectly content to continue the current path we have decided to walk, I also don’t want either of us to be unsatisfied.” He brought a hand up to cup Woojin’s face, taking a moment to observe the elder. Woojin’s pupils were blown and his breathing quick. Felix smiled slightly, happy to see that he wasn’t the only one affected by their proximity, and leaned in so their lips were nearly touching. “I want to be able to make you happy…”
With that he closed the minuscule gap left between them. Woojin gasped before seeming to fall into the kiss, reciprocate it even, and for a brief, blessed moment, Felix thought, This is it. This is everything I’ve ever wanted.
In the next instant though Woojin’s hands were at Felix’s shoulders pushing him away and Felix fell back, his eyes wide. “Woojin?” he asked softly, trying to mask the heartbreak that was quickly welling up within him.
Woojin’s chest was heaving as he took in ragged gasps of air. “I don’t… Felix, I don’t… I don’t want -”
Instantly Felix’s face hardened and he quickly clambered to his feet. “Oh,” he said, voice monotone and cold. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone.”
Without another word, he turned his back on Woojin, heading for the horses. Behind him he heard the sound of Woojin scrambling to his feet, but Felix resolutely didn’t look back, partly because he was humiliated and partly because he could feel the tears beginning to build in his eyes and knew that one glimpse of Woojin would be enough to send them spilling down his cheeks.
“Felix, Felix wait!” Felix paid him no heed, untethering his horse and climbing into the saddle. “Felix!” Woojin grabbed at his foot. “Felix, hear me out!”
Felix shook him off. “I’m heading back now. I think I’ll sleep in my old room tonight. Please return the picnic basket to the kitchen.” He spurred his horse foreword, his gaze still pointedly not swinging down to look at Woojin.
He could hear Woojin calling after him as he rode away but the tears were finally overflowing and his vision quickly grew blurry. As such, he didn’t notice when a small garden snake slithered into his path until his horse reared back. Unprepared as he was, he lost his grip on the reins, falling back. The last thing he heard before he hit the ground was Woojin’s terrified scream.
----------
Everything hurt.
Felix’s eyes blinked open slowly as he mentally took stock of everything. His back was so sore and when he tried to shift around to get comfortable he was barely able to keep himself from groaning in pain.
Distantly he heard the sound of someone singing. Opening his eyes fully he rolled his head until he caught sight of Woojin sitting on the couch in their room, softly singing to himself as he read a book.
“Woojinnie?” he said softly.
Woojin’s head snapped up, eyes wide with shock. “Felix!” Instantly the book was abandoned as he rushed forward. Sitting in a chair next to their bed, Woojin reached out and took Felix’s hand, squeezing it gently. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I fell off a horse,” Felix replied with a light laugh. “What happened?”
“There was a snake; it spooked your horse and you fell. I carried you back to the palace as fast as I could. The doctor said you were fine, physically, but he didn’t know when you would wake up.” Woojin’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat before continuing, “That was a week ago.”
Felix nodded as he took the information in. “Thank you, for saving me. If there’s nothing physically wrong with me, then I can move back into my old room by tomorrow -”
“No!”
“I’m sorry?” Felix frowned at Woojin. “I thought you’d want me out of your room.”
“No, that’s not what I want at all! I… I know I didn’t exactly show it in the best way possible, but…” he trailed off, then sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m not explaining this very well, am I? I just… I don’t know. I like you a lot, I guess. I mean it, too. I really like you, Felix.”
Felix stared at Woojin in shock. Surely he couldn’t be saying what Felix thought Woojin was saying, could he? “Woojin,” he said softly. “Woojin, what are you saying?”
“I'm saying,” said Woojin, his voice strained in the way people’s voices get when they’re trying not to cry, “that I am in love with you , Felix. I love you so much, to the moon and back, and I wanted so badly to keep kissing you that day, but I don’t want you trying to make me happy by forcing yourself to be romantic with me. I wasn’t even going to tell you any of this, but I... I’ve never been more scared than watching you fall that day and I can’t -” His voice broke and he dropped his head to rest against their joined hands. “I just… I love you. And I’m sorry for dumping all of this on you when you don’t feel the same way but -”
Felix couldn’t help it. He knew he should be polite, knew he should let Woojin finish, but this was all so funny to him that he couldn’t stop himself from bursting into loud peals of laughter. Woojin raised his head and stared at Felix, a mixture of annoyance and heartbreak on his face. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t laugh at me,” he said stiffly, standing up and unclasping Felix’s hand. “If this is how you feel, though, I’ll take my leave -”
“No!” Felix lunged forward, ignoring the screaming of his muscles as they were pushed to the limit. He grabbed Woojin’s sleeve and pulled the man back. “No, I’m sorry for laughing, I didn’t mean it. Please, hear me out, okay?”
Suspicion was written all over Woojin’s face, but he did as asked, sitting back down in the chair next to Felix’s bed. Felix held out his hand, staring at Woojin expectantly until he laced their fingers together. Lifting their joined hands, Felix brought them to his lips, pressing a kiss to Woojin’s fingers. “Kim Woojin,” he declared. “You fool. You imbecile . Do you really think there is any way that I could not love you?”
“Felix…”
“I have loved you since I was fucking sixteen years old . I’ve spent the last year and however many months of our marriage practically throwing myself at you. And you really thought that I didn’t feel anything for you?”
Woojin blushed, his eyes pointedly looking anywhere but at Felix. “I thought you saw me as a big brother? I don’t know, I’ve just known you for so long, and I’m so much older… I didn’t want to say anything in case you thought I was a pervert or something. Which I’m not! I didn’t even realize I liked you until after the wedding, I swear -”
“Woojinnie,” Felix interrupted, a happy smile spreading across his face as he giggled. “You don’t need to justify your feelings to me. I trust you, with everything. And I love you.”
Woojin stared at Felix before breaking into a smile, biting his lip to try and contain it. “You mean it?”
“ Yes, you silly man.” Felix rolled his eyes. “I love you, and everything in me loves you, and shall continue to love you until the day I die.”
Suddenly Woojin sprang from his seat, bending over the bed, dropping Felix’s hand in the process. Felix couldn’t bring himself to care, however, because in the next instant Woojin’s hands were cupping his face and pulling him into a kiss. Felix gasped, but even as he did his own hands came up to clutch at his husband’s arms. “I am so in love with you, Lee Felix,” Woojin said, pulling back to rest their foreheads together. “Everything that I am is yours.”
Felix beamed and pressed a quick kiss to Woojin’s lips before using his grip on the older’s arms to pull him down onto the bed. Woojin grunted as he caught himself on his elbows, braced on top of Felix in an effort to keep from crushing the younger with his weight. It was pointless, however, as in the next instant Felix looped his arms around Woojin’s neck and pulled him down into a kiss. “My Woojinnie,” he said, breathlessly, sliding a hand down to rest on top of Woojin’s chest, over his heart. “I can’t believe this is mine.”
“My heart, my life, my bed. All of it is yours, Felix, forever. All of it.”
Felix hummed contentedly, closing his eyes as Woojin peppered kisses over his face. “Tell me you love me again?”
“I love you,” Woojin said with no hesitation, before kissing Felix sweetly, gently. “I love you, my little prince.”
fin .