Chapter Text
They won.
Peter had watched in awe as Thanos himself faded into dust- just like he had, what felt like only a couple of hours ago at best.
(It had actually been 5 years ago. For 5 years he'd been just dust floating across a dry barren landscape.)
Thanos was gone. The world had been saved. Peter knew he could never win- not against the avengers. God, there were so many of them now, since when had the team become so big? As they all fought as one against the mad titan, all for the same glorious purpose, Peter felt a true sense of belonging. Of family.
So why did it feel so empty?
Ah right. Because the one person that had brought him into this whole mess in the first place had died in order to save everyone. To save everything.
Peter hadn't been there to see Mr Stark wield the infinity gauntlet- to snap his fingers, just like Thanos had, and turn their opponents into literal dust. But as soon as he heard that loud, sudden snap... he knew what it was. He knew who it was. Peter didn't know anyone else who would be brave enough; strong enough, to pull off something like that. He was in awe.
But saving the entire universe didn't go without dire consequences. He'd been by Mr Stark's side in an instant- his faced bruised and bloodied after what was, undeniably, the most intense battle of his life.
But by then it was too late.
He'd choked out his frantic last words to the hero that lay before him- the damage done by the gauntlet irreversible. Tony Stark had saved the world, at the cost of his own life.
It wasn't supposed to end like that. He wasn't supposed to die. Mr Stark was supposed to always be there- Peter had already lost so many people he cared for-people he loved. Mr Stark wasn't supposed to be one of them. Never. He was iron man, he was supposed to be invincible.
(But then again, it had been five years since Titan. And he was only human in the end. They all were.)
Sometimes, life really likes to punch you hard in the face.
And it hurt. It really really did.
It was strange really, to Peter, just a day ago he'd been going about his life as usual- excited for a school trip which, in the end he never got to go on. Just yesterday, if you'd have told him about Thanos- about Titan, Mr Stark dying right in front of him... He'd have laughed.
But then luck never really was on his side.
- > - -
They had a funeral for Mr Stark. The man who had saved the entire world from its impending annihilation. The entire universe's end.
It was eerily quiet- despite the vast amount of people that came. People that had been fighting the same battle for life against Thanos. The guardians, Strange, Captain Marvel; what was left of the original Avengers; and the others. Even Nick Fury himself was there to say goodbye to a man that the world had come to know and love as Iron Man. They were all heros that day. But none like Mr Stark.
It happened at Mr Stark's- well, what used to be- Mr Stark's home. Things had really changed since Titan. Despite being, arguably one of the richest and most influential figures of the time, Mr Stark had spent the past five years in a peaceful cabin by a lake.
It was a tranquil, calm environment. Truly beautiful. Peter wished he could've seen it before- only under much nicer odds.
If Mr Stark were still here, maybe this house would feel more homey.
Everyone there- there must have been at least fifty people- wore the same grim, tragic expression. Even those that never really knew the man were truly impacted by this terrible loss.
Peter knew him. He hadn't felt such agony since losing Uncle Ben. He never thought he ever would. It wasn't fair.
He couldn't imagine how hard this was for Pepper- and for Happy too, and Tony's daughter. He had a child- a little girl of his own; a family of his own. He couldn't have left them behind- this wasn't fair at all. And it hurt so, so much.
Why did you have to go, Mr Stark?
- - > -
The evening of Tony Stark's funeral was deathly quiet. Most people had scattered- gone their separate ways after the service. Disappeared off to who knows where. But not Peter.
He'd wandered off to an enclosed woodland area further down from the crystal blue lake where earlier they'd stood to remember Tony. He couldn't be around people. He had to look strong. He knew he was moments away from breaking down, and that scared him. It was just like Titan all over again and he couldn't do it. He couldn't. Not without Mr Stark.
He wasn't ready to do this alone.
He hadn't shed a single tear- it all felt too numb. It didn't feel real. But whatever happened, he had to look strong- he couldn't let Mr Stark down. Even though he wasn't here..
(And he never would be again.)
Peter had disappointed him before. He wouldn't let it happen again. Never again.
He was sure he was alone until the pressure of a hand on his shoulder shook him out of his bubble of solitude.
He felt his body tense up as he looked up at his confronter. It was a man who, seemed oddly familiar, he just couldn't place where from. He'd been at the battle earlier- the battle where Mr Stark had... yeah. He too wore the same sad expression that everyone else had- his hair all over the place from the fight. His face showed the faint remainders of healing bruises and wounds. His eyes looked almost ghostly, and empty. He'd lost a lot too in the past few days.
(They all had.)
"Hey, kid," the use of the nickname sparked something inside of him, and he knew he wasn't going to be able to hold back. He had to get out of here- he couldn't do this, not now, he couldn't- "You're the spider kid right? From Germany? You've got some good moves."
Germany. Oh yeah. That was so long ago. That was when he first met Mr Stark. Or rather, when Mr Stark found him- needed his help. Peter hadn't felt so useful in a long time. He got to fight with the avengers- with his heros. They were fighting but... compared to this... Peter would have liked to go back to then. Before everything seemed so black and white, so painful.
When he didn't respond, the guy went on, "I don't think we've formally met- I'm Clint Barton, or you probably know me as Hawkeye."
Hawkeye? No way, he was talking to- being comforted by Hawkeye himself? Any other day, Peter would have been freaking out over just how cool this was. Even though he was technically an Avenger himself, that didn't take away from how awesome it was to be meeting one for the first time.
It's a shame it wasn't under any other circumstance. Peter felt bad, but it couldn't be helped really. Mr Stark was gone. it didn't feel real. It couldn't be real. But it was. Why did this have to happen?
(When you can do the things I do, and the bad things happen... they happen because of you.)
"You know, there was a time when after a battle like this we'd have a really extravagant celebration. Really just let loose and get to know eachother." He let out a humourless laugh, "God, what I'd give to go back to those times."
Peter felt himself nodding in agreement. He felt like they should be happy, as saving he entire universe wasn't exactly a minor feat. It was definitely celebration-worthy. But he knew none of them were feeling that way. Without Mr Stark- it just wasn't right. He'd always been there, so why did he have to go away?
"You know, it's really tough. I don't think any of us are gonna really get over this: we've all lost people today." He paused for a second with a sigh, in an attempt to hold himself together. "But I know they'd by happy. We did what we had to do, Spiderman, and even though it's tough... It's what they would have wanted."
Peter didn't realised he'd started sobbing until the words coming out of his mouth sounded warbled and broken, like a malfunctioning machine. "It's just- I don't- I don't get why Mr S-Stark had to g-go. I want him to c-come back m-mr Barton. I can't d-do this without hi-him."
If him breaking down in tears in front of Hawkeye made the man feel uncomfortable then he didn't show it, instead moving his hand from Peter's shoulder onto his back where he rubbed it in comforting motions.
"I know, kid, I know. I lost my best friend today. I know it feels daunting but we can get through this. Stark- Tony wouldn't want you to feel this way."
"Y-you're right," Peter choked back a sob, "He'd tell me t-to get my a-act together and move on. B-but I can't! And I-" he gritted his teeth together, "-I've already l-lost s-so much of my family... h-he was always s-supposed to be there..." His voice reduced down to a whisper, "He was l-like a father to m-me. And he's- he's gone. I can't do this- I can't-"
He wasn't sure when exactly he ended up on the ground, but he could feel his vision dizzying and blurring with every passing moment. Hawkeye was there too- trying to do something about the panicking teenager before him. God, this was so embarrassing. Why was he doing this in front of Hawkeye himself? Why- why-
(Because he was alone.)
"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay." Barton's voice was gentle against the bitter cold air outside around them, and it was almost comforting; except for how what he was saying wasn't true. And Peter didn't wasn't any more fake, empty promises filling up his life. Why couldn't everything actually be okay for once? Why was it so hard?
Ever since he'd had his first breath things had gone wrong for him, and gotten worse and worse. Why wouldn't the world just give him a break for once?
And before he knew it, everything around him was getting darker and darker. Hawkeye was saying something else to him, but he couldn't figure out what exactly. He felt his eyes close, as he finally gave into the exhaustion. He didn't want to wake up. Maybe he'd even see Mr Stark here. He could always hope, couldn't he?
(It was the only thing he could do.)
- - - >
When Peter came to, he wasn't in the woodland area with Hawkeye. He wasn't cold, shivering and crying; rather his body was surrounded by a cosy warmth which didn't feel right given what had happened just a few days ago. He wasn't supposed to feel warm.
(Not when Mr Stark would never feel again.)
Taking in his surroundings, he noticed that someone had laid him down on a couch, in a small warm room- with various bookshelves and photographs adorning it. A large fireplace crackling in the middle, providing some sort of material heat to this emotionally cold world.
Was this... Mr Stark's house?
He hadn't actually gone inside before, and looking around now, the sadder this whole situation felt. It didn't feel right to be here, he couldn't be here. This was where Mr Stark had spent the last five years and Peter Parker certainly wasn't welcome. Or he didn't feel like he was.
It was too soon, he didn't want to be here; surrounded by things reminding him of the person he'd just lost. He couldn't do this. He had to get out of here.
Mustering together all his strength, he forced his body up as he scrambled out of the lakeside cabin. His body was still stiff and in pain from fighting the battle, but he had to get out of there as soon as possible, so he pushed forward and got out as soon as he could.
Standing outside, he saw that it was probably midday. He must have slept longer than he meant to- not that he meant to sleep at all. He'd had a long day- a long past few days even. Sleeping had been hard, but apparently his body decided to force it on him.
He just needed some air.
He noticed, rather quickly what seemed to be a small gathering of Avengers. He noticed the Hulk was there- or was it professor hulk now? God, that was so cool. He noticed Hawkeye was there too, despite feeling kinda awkward about the previous night, it was still really awesome to see him there. And Captain America too, as well as a couple of his friends- Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Peter didn't really know them all that well, but he knew they'd been friends with Tony, and they'd fought in that epic battle together as well. It was an experience he doubted he'd ever forget.
Mr Rogers was carrying a briefcase and as Peter made his way closer he began to pick up certain words from their conversation. Words like 'Infinity Stones' and 'Time Travel' and-
Wait a second... time travel?
"Hey! Wait!"
The words came out of his mouth before he could stop them, and he found himself suddenly gaining all the adrenaline in the world as he dashed towards them.
The Captain turned round to him, with the ghost of a smile on his face. He still seemed upset from the funeral. Peter couldn't get over that- he felt like they all were. "Queens, it's good to see you."
"You're- you're time traveling right?" Peter hadn't heard the whole story about the reversal of the snap, rather he'd heard snippets about it from various conversations between others- Hank Pym and Antman mostly.
Rogers nodded, his expression one of true business. "I'm bringing the stones back to where they belong. Saving the fate of other timelines"
So it was true. He was going back in time. But then... didn't that mean...
"Mr Rogers, sir, if it's no trouble, I- uhm... can I come with you?"
To be continued