Work Text:
Konoha had been in an unexpected heatwave for what felt like years.
“It’s been three days,” Temari pointed out. “You’re hardly dying.”
“Feels like I’m dying,” Shikamaru muttered. He added, snidely, “Maybe I wouldn’t be dying if I wasn’t working in the heat . . .”
He had planned for a relaxing day. He had planned for doing absolutely nothing, taking a few naps, watching some clouds, not chopping firewood under the blazing sun while his darling of a wife reclined in one of the chairs on the porch, watching him sweat and Not Helping.
“You said you would do the firewood this week,” Temari said, tipped back in her chair, with a glass of something liquid and cool on the table next to her. “I’m holding you to that.”
“I didn’t know this week was going to be an inferno.” He considered throwing the axe at her, but self-preservation dictated it was a bad idea. He had already thrown his t-shirt at her, which she was using as a pillow. “If you wanted it done so badly, why don’t you do it?”
Temari’s eyes glinted. “Does this sound familiar from somewhere – chopping firewood is a man’s job.”
He knew that would come back to bite him in the arse one day. Shikamaru wiped the sweat from his forehead, grumbling under his breath as he split another log in half. Shikadai had been tasked with the initial collecting of wood – and had complained about it for days afterwards – but had been suspiciously absent the moment Temari mentioned finishing the task.
Shikamaru knew the traitor was hiding in his room, with the window flung open, dramatically claiming to be dying in the heat. He had a few days off from missions, and had been using his free time to ‘catch up’ on his sleep.
Shikamaru tried again, voice getting a bit pleading, “Can’t I finish this later?”
“Since you’ve put it off for almost a season, no, you can’t.” Temari raised an eyebrow. “I told you to do it earlier, before it got too hot.”
“It was hot since I woke up,” Shikamaru complained. He kicked a log at her halfheartedly, which skittered across the grass, stopping before even reaching the porch.
“It wasn’t hot when I did my chores for the day,” Temari pointed out. (Shikamaru had been vaguely aware of a noise in the house – or else someone in his dream had been vacuuming and that didn’t seem like a normal thing to dream about, but he’d had weirder dreams.) She crossed one leg over the other, and Shikamaru’s aim with his axe faltered slightly.
She was sitting in the shade on the porch, wearing a pair of his shorts (Cooler than her kimonos, she had explained when he had vaguely mentioned that all his clothes were on her and not on him) and one of Shikamaru’s t-shirts, which was thoroughly unfair because it slid off one shoulder and revealed her purple bra strap, and Shikamaru knew what the rest of that bra looked like, and assumed she’d done it on purpose, the tease.
“You’ve been getting lazy,” she said, looking like the world’s biggest hypocrite as she lounged in her seat, smirking at him. “Spending too much time in the office. You never train with me anymore.”
“Because,” Shikamaru replied, “You’re always mean about it.”
He could feel her eyes on him as he worked. He threw her an annoyed look.
“You’re getting out of shape. Have you gained weight?”
“Have you?” he shot back.
Temari cocked an eyebrow, tipping her chin down to peer at him. “Careful.”
“Because you don’t work out as much anymore either,” Shikamaru pointed out. “You went from Jounin missions twice a week to what? About three a month, on average? I don’t see you exercising much either. Shikadai works harder than you.”
“Thank you!” Shikadai shouted from his room, not bothering to approach the window, but clearly eavesdropping. “So get off my case!”
“Fight me right here, right now,” Temari retorted, “And see who wins.”
“Too troublesome.” Shikamaru sighed, whacking the axe into the stump he was standing next to, and flopping down onto the grass. “Tem, it’s hot. Let me back inside.”
“You called me fat.”
“I did not. See, women twist words all the time.”
“You haven’t finished.”
“I’m giving up. I’m good at that.” He was sticky and sweaty, and just wanted to lie down, have a nice, cold glass of water, maybe fall asleep. He sat a bit more upright, legs folded under him, wondering if he could appeal for shade and a drink. “Tem . . .”
“Yeah?” she cocked one judgmental eyebrow at him.
“Just let him in the house, Mom!” Shikadai shouted, his head finally appearing at his window. “He’s been whining all morning. It’s such a drag.”
“At least throw some water at me,” Shikamaru said, wiping sweat off the back of his neck.
“See?” Shikadai said, adding in a huff, before vanishing from the window, “Whining.”
“Why should I let you back in the house when you still haven’t done the thing you said you were going to do three months ago?” Temari asked. In a move Shikamaru was certain was purely spiteful, she reached for the glass next to her and took a long drink. “It’s a pretty simple reward system. Do what you’re told, and your suffering will be over.”
“My suffering will never be over, because I’m married to you,” Shikamaru retorted, and Temari’s smirk turned a bit more predatory.
“Fine,” she said, sitting up straighter and putting her drink down, and Shikamaru could see that the situation had changed. They were playing a different game now. “Change my mind, then.”
He considered his options. Of course, he could always just finish chopping the wood, but that required effort. He could try to talk her into being nice, and that required a far different type of effort. But it was mental effort, and not physical effort, and that seemed like a much better idea.
“I’ll take you out for dinner,” he tried, resorting instantly to bribery, as he found this was often the easiest route to go.
Temari didn’t often let him get off easily, though. She raised an eyebrow. “Try harder.”
He really needed to keep his Good Husband points stocked up higher than this, so he could cash them in when he was melting in the sweltering heat. He decided on a more direct route. “Woman, what do you want from me?”
“For you to finish what you started.”
That was frustratingly ambiguous. Did she mean the wood chopping or the blatant disregard for his dignity? He wasn’t above groveling. It had gotten him out of more than one situation. (And into a few others.)
“Temari,” he pleaded, “I am on my knees, begging you-“
She smirked. “You say that like I can’t get you on your knees begging me any other day of the week.”
“Oh my god,” Shikadai shouted. “Sound travels, can you not?”
Shikamaru’s carefully constructed attempt at being demure shattered at Shikadai’s indignant squawk, and he tried unsuccessfully not to laugh. Staring at the grass, snickering under his breath, he tried to think of another strategy.
Temari looked amused, studying him as he thought, a small smile playing on her lips. She wondered what he would try next.
“I’m starting to think you’re just making me do this so you have an excuse to stare at me with my shirt off.”
“I don’t need an excuse,” she replied instantly. “I can just tell you to take it off, and you’ll obey.”
“Ew,” Shikadai could be heard.
He wanted to deny her claim, but wasn’t sure that he would sound convincing. “So, if I give you what you want, can I get what I want?”
“Who says I want to ogle you with your shirt off? Maybe I just want to listen to you begging on your knees.”
“I can do that in the shade!”
Temari said nothing, just reached silently for her glass again, taking a long drink without breaking eye contact.
“You’re not playing fair.”
“I never play fair.”
“Troublesome.” Shikamaru sighed. “I’ll finish cutting the wood later. When it’s not so hot.”
“Or you can finish right now.”
“Woman, let me back inside, and I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”
“I want you to finish chopping the firewood,” she leered devilishly. “Your alternative suggestions aren’t good enough. Get creative, Shikamaru.”
He stared at her. “Dinner and a weekend at the hot springs. With a nice mountain view.”
“Thought you were trying to cool down. Although,” she considered, and Shikamaru’s hopes rose. “It might be nice. On the other hand, however, I’m fine with the view right here.”
“I knew you were just trying to see me topless.”
She shrugged. “It’s always a fun game. And the end results are pleasing.”
“Other people are within earshot!” Shikadai hissed.
Temari looked unconcerned at her child’s imminent mental scarring, and took another a sip of her drink. “Shikamaru.”
“Yes, your Highness?”
“Oh, you really are getting desperate.” She grinned. “Finish chopping the wood.”
“Give me your drink first.”
“Are you really in a position to be bargaining?”
“You are so troublesome,” he sighed, bringing his hands together and forming a few leisurely seals.
He sent a long tendril of shadow snaking across the grass, sliding up the porch and attempting to wrap it around Temari’s ankle.
She snatched her foot away with a grin. “Keep your shadows off me.”
“That is not what you said the last time,” Shikamaru retorted, redirecting it and making a grab for her other foot.
There was a muffled, agonized scream from Shikadai’s window.
“You’re upsetting our brat,” Temari said, allowing herself to be caught. The shadow wound around her lower leg. “What’s your plan now?”
She looked unconcerned at her capture, reclining back and watching him carefully. She could feel the shadow sliding further up her skin, and she met his eyes. “And where, exactly, does that shadow think it’s going?”
“That’s it,” Shikadai shouted. “I’m out, I’m going to Inojin’s. Ugh, you two are disgusting.”
Shikamaru ignored his son’s yell, wrapping a tendril of shadow around Temari’s waist and snatching her out of her seat. She bit back a laugh as Shikamaru yanked her across the grass, standing up to catch her against his side, holding her just off the ground with shadows and one arm.
She rested her free arm over his shoulder, eyes gleaming as she grinned at him.
He took advantage of her lack of mobility to steal the glass from her hand and attempt a drink. He ended up spluttering in surprise.
“Ugh,” Shikamaru screwed up his face. “Are you drinking vodka?”
“I mean, I added some orange juice, but basically, yes.”
“Could have warned me.” Shikamaru shook his head. “Bit early to get drunk, isn’t it?”
“I’m not drunk. I’m relaxing.” She gave him a look, some sort of mix between warning and inviting. She kissed his neck, and her lips were wonderfully cool. “You taste sweaty.”
“Well, who’s fault is that?” Shikamaru asked, bracing himself for another gulp of liquid. “That’s strong. Geez.”
“Crybaby.”
He let her go, pulling his arm and shadows back without warning. He expected her to just drop the less than a foot to the ground, but she kept her arm over his shoulders, hiking it up firmly and wrapping her legs around his waist to maintain her position on his side, almost pulling him off balance. “Gah, woman, what are you doing?”
“You dropped me.”
“I didn’t drop you; I put you down. You nearly dropped me.” He sent her the most unimpressed look he could muster.
As expected, she was unfazed, and just removed her glass from his hand, taking a big swig. “So I was right. You have been slacking off. You shouldn’t have so much trouble carrying me.”
“My arms are tired, since you forced me to do all that work in the blazing heat.”
She snorted. “That was hardly work. And you still haven’t finished.”
“I’ve got a better idea,” Shikamaru said, putting his arm around her again.
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah. You know how good I am at coming up with ideas.” He walked towards the porch, carrying Temari along. “Instead of chopping wood on the hottest day of the year, we go inside, get something to drink – not vodka – and think of ways to stay cool.”
“I know a way to stay cool,” she said, running a hand down his chest. “Wearing less clothing.”
“AH!” Shikadai screamed, bolting past, frantically pulling his hair up properly and looking horrified. “Shut up!”
“Shikadai says shut up,” Shikamaru said, pausing in the doorway. “Any ideas how to make that happen?”
“Let’s try this,” Temari grabbed his face between both hands, yanking him closer and kissing him hard.
“I’m not out the house yet!” Shikadai yelped, making a desperate run for the door, with more furious mutterings in his wake.
Temari pulled away with a smirk, watching her son retreat.
“That is an excellent way to get rid of a child,” Temari observed.
“Hm,” Shikamaru pulled her close. “That’s how we got a child in the first place.”