Chapter Text
The look on Clint's face was devastating. There was no question to Steve that Natasha was gone. A simple shake of Clint's head confirmed it.
The moment everyone else realized what they'd lost, all the jubilation from the success of the Time Heist vanished from the group. They had the Stones but there had been a cost. Steve could only watch as the faces of his team fell one, by one. Except Nebula, who just looked confused. She was relatively new, she didn't really know Natasha or most of the team all that well, he could understand.
They had to debrief. They had to assemble their own gauntlet with the gems. They had to make Nat's sacrifice worth it. If anything can be. Steve's now lost almost all the best people he ever knew. His mother, Bucky (several times). The Barnes family - his second family. The Commandos - his 3rd family, Peggy, Howard, Phillips, Tony - through circumstance, Bucky again, Vision, Wanda, Sam. T'Challa and Shuri. And now... Nat. He needs to keep going. For them. For now, anyway.
"We got what we were after. Tony, can you secure the stones somewhere safe? Then we should all take a few hours to ourselves to regroup and assess our next move."
He can already see the objections forming on slightly parted lips. "We'll debrief in 2hrs and anyone who wants to discuss more about Nat... Nat's mission can join me by the lake at sixteen hundred."
"Tony?" Stark seemed to have frozen in shock, but he shook himself out of it when Steve spoke his name aloud.
"Right. If you could each bring your respective Universe-ending gem to the containment lab. I'm not sure what happens if they are brought together outside of the gauntlet, and I'd prefer not to find out right now." Stark charged off before waiting to see if anyone would follow. Rhodes however instantly followed his oldest friend, though with a sad shake of his head.
Steve's encounter with his earlier self suddenly seemed insignificant. But he knew he couldn't think that way. And it was Nat's voice in his head telling him so. He couldn't let her down, not again. The past 5 years had been hell, but at least they'd had each other. And they'd talked about The Red Room, The War, Bucky.
He knew exactly how many hopes and debts he was carrying. He had to make this work. Later he'd take a moment to mourn his friend, but for now they had half a Universe to save.
Clint hadn't moved. Hadn't said a word. Hadn't even seemed to notice the presence of the Mind Stone in the form of Loki's staff, though maybe he'd dealt with some of those issues when the stone had become part of Vision. Thought Steve didn't think so, he half suspected that avoiding Vision, or more particularly the glowing crystal in his forehead had been a factor in Clint's retirement decision.
Steve gestured with his head that Scott should head to the lab, the man startled slightly (that seemed to happen a lot) but trotted off. Rocket followed him with a shake of his furred head. Rocket didn't seem to like anyone, but as much as it was possible, he'd seemed to respect Natasha.
Nebula seemed to be looking at everything except the people stood with her on the platform, but when she noticed Steve looking her way, she met his eyes and after a short, sharp nod of her head, she left, at quite a pace, seemingly intent on catching up with Rocket. The two were all that was left of their space-fairing 'family'. Steve could understand why she'd want his company right now. That left him with just Clint and Thor.
He'd not seen much of Thor since the snap. He knew the Asgardian had changed in the past five years. But, as he went and embraced Clint, without comment, it was clear he'd changed more on the emotional level than the physical. Though Steve, had never, ever, been the sort to judge a book by its cover. And though Thor's spoke volumes about his pain and loss, he still reached out to support his friend through his. A true hero. Somehow Steve knew Thor's drinking days were done.
Thor released Clint after a supportive squeeze of his shoulder. He gave Steve a look that said more clearly than words could, that now it was his turn to step in. To help Clint and the rest of the team get past this newest blow. Steve hoped his expression conveyed just that.
He'd failed 5 years ago. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.
Steve stepped towards Clint, Hawkeye, one of only two people who'd retained his faith after the challenges of Insight and all that had revealed.
"Clint... what happened?
"Realm of death wasn't an oversell. The soul stone needed a sacrifice. A leap off a cliff. It should have been me, Cap. I wanted it to be me."
Steve needed a few moments to process that. Especially with just how close to home it struck him.
"You loved and respected, Nat. As did all of us. So we need to respect her choice."
Clint's head shot up and he met Steve's eyes for the first time since he'd returned.
Steve locked on - "It was her choice, wasn't it?".
Clint gave a short, sharp, deeply unhappy nod of acknowledgement.
"As someone who also had their best friend fall off a cliff in an effort to save them - all we can do is go on, continue, do what they wanted you to do..." Steve gripped Clint's shoulder, harder than he maybe meant to, it would probably leave a serious bruise... "but never give up. I did and I was wrong. I know better now that there are infinite possibilities and I'm going to get Bucky back, for the 2nd time. If that's possible we will find a way to get Nat back as well."
Clint shook his head again, "The guide. He said it was irreversible."
Steve smiled grimly. "Well, I've lived a life of long odds and impossibilities, so I'm willing to give it a go."
Clint barely responded.
"The Soul Stone?"
Clint un-clenched his fist, and the orange-gold infinity stone was revealed to Steve's view. Why this one could be held be regular humans whilst the others could not, was the least of the peculiarities surrounding this gem.
Steve tried to send his support to Clint via his arm, he wished he was the person he was five years ago. He though Clint might very well be thinking the same about himself. Whatever happened to them, they'd beat Thanos. They had to.
"Take it to Tony, if he can work out time travel in a few weeks, getting Nat back should take a month, tops."
Clint shook his head in sad disbelief, Steve swallowed his next statement. He didn't know anything, he just had hope. Clint had lost his. And Steve had been in his shoes. He knew there was no easy way out.
Clint started to walk off to the lab.
"Clint, did Nat ever tell you about..."
Clint spun around on his heel, "About what?"
Steve wasn't sure how to phrase it. He took a moment. If they were both dead neither could mind. "About her first love. In the Red Room. About Bucky."
A brief look of surprise rippled over Clint's features. "I knew there was a guy she thought was gone. Why she thought love wasn't for people like her. Well she got that wrong." He looked at Steve with a bit more focus, "So, it was your boy?"
"So she told me. Took almost a year to get it out of her. She started asking me all these questions about Buck, I thought she was trying to help me process. But then they got really specific." Clint seemed interested, so Steve continued. "It wasn't until I walked in and caught her reading a book I'd mentioned he'd liked, that I realised she was mourning him too. I asked and she told me."
Clint shook his head. "Typical Nat, can't even share her grief without making you work for it. I should have been there. I've let her down so badly."
Steve understood all too well what Clint was going through. Even Peggy's words had struggled to break through his grief, but Clint had something Steve hadn't had. "You can make it up to her by getting your family back. She loved them too."
Clint half smiled, "Maybe I'll introduce them to Uncle Bucky. I should be allowed to give at least one of them some hassle over that."
Clint started to walk away again, but yelled back over his shoulder, "Damn, it would have been a shovel talk for the ages!"
Steve almost cracked a smile at that one. He didn't know if Bucky remembered Natasha, but he thought they'd been something there. Something more of his Brooklyn-version of Bucky, when he looked at the then blond Black Widow in Wakanda. He'd have to ask him.
Steve pulled out the final stolen vial of Pym particles. They'd traveled through time and had all the Infinity stones. Nat was dead. He'd mourn. But if they made it through this, he'd damn well do something about that. They all deserved a little happiness. He'd make it all ok. He'd get it all back. He had to.