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There were many things society expected from Omegas, and Rafael despised most of those things. He wasn’t a rebel by any means, he felt comfortable in his status, in his skin, but he just didn’t feel obligated to agree with certain precedentes that were set about Omega behavior.
For instance, the career paths Omegas were supposed to follow set his teeth on edge - mainly because he didn’t want to follow any of them. Omegas were expected to work as teachers, doctors or cooks.
Rafael scoffed at whoever thought every single Omega could fit into those roles. Nurturing, altruistic professions. He had always been more ambitious than that.
That was why Rafael was currently working as second chair for a Manhattan ADA named Rita Calhoun.
Before her, he could barely get work as a paralegal. One whiff at him and doors closed. Society’s image of submissive Omegas had a hard time seeing him as a respectful lawyer, so it was rare to find people willing to give him a chance despite all that.
Thankfully, like Rafael, Rita believed that career choices should not be limited to one’s status as either Alpha, Beta or Omega, so she offered Rafael a hand right from the beginning - or right from the moment he proved he was competent, to be more precise.
It was easy for her, though, she was an Alpha, and they were fast-tracked into careers that involved risk-taking or high positions of power, such as police work, law or politics. It was infuriating and incredibly unfair, Rafael thought.
So what if Alpha’s bodies were naturally built to take the heat of more physically extenuating professions? Rafael could join the gym if he wanted to. So what if they were naturally intimidating? The power of Rafael’s glare would make anyone’s knees shake.
Nevertheless, he was grateful for Rita’s trust in him, but right now he wished he could be anywhere but sitting across from a perp as his lawyer tried to cut him a deal. He almost couldn’t deal with the putrid smell of this Alpha.
The perp kept throwing him and Rita nasty looks, but it was nothing compared to his scent. Rafael tried to breathe through his mouth for a minute, but it tasted just as awful. It was as if someone had forgotten a dirty sock in the rain, except the foot that had been inside said sock was dead, and decomposing fast.
Rafael leaned in slightly towards Rita, trying to get a bit more of her flowery scent, but it was too delicate to overpower the absolute stench oozing out of the man, and Rafael prayed for his nostrils as the defense attorney held them up for longer than necessary, even after the deal was signed.
“How badly did he smell for you?,” Rita asked once the stinking man and his lawyer left the room, thankfully taking the odor with them.
“I have no words to express how much I wish I had no nose right now,” he replied, pulling a face.
Rita laughed. “Yeah, it wasn’t pleasant for me either.”
Alphas’ and Omegas’ senses of smell were different. Given that Alpha’s scents were supposed to attract Omegas and repel other Alphas, neither ever quite experienced the same scents from the same person.
However, how pleasant they seemed to smell to each other was purely down to nature and compatibility.
“At least we’re done for today,” Rafael said, clicking his briefcase shut and picking it up. “I need to go home and wash away the stench.”
“Yes, I’m sure your mother wouldn’t approve of you meeting her while smelling of a disgusting Alpha,” she teased.
“I think she’d be happy, despite running to the other room at the first whiff of me,” he snorted. “She’s been saying I need to settle down with a good Alpha soon.”
“You? Settle down?,” she shook her head. “Unlikely. How many Alphas have you been with?”
Rafael raised an eyebrow. “I don’t keep count.”
“You mean you couldn’t possibly keep count.”
“Are you calling me easy?,” he threw her a look.
“Yes,” Rita replied without preamble.
Everything Rafael knew about being an Omega he had learned from his mother. Alphas are meant to take care of Omegas, but the Omegas own the Alphas once they’re bonded. You don’t have to bow down to them , she said. They don’t control you, Rafi.
Just the thought of an Alpha’s bonded and claimed Omega coming to any harm was torturous to them. There were tales of Alphas who killed other people who posed as threats to their Omegas barehanded, with nothing but the fear of losing their mates driving them. And, worse than that, there were Alphas who killed themselves given the agony of losing their mates to anyone else.
However, he had never seen anything even close to all that devotion himself. Rafael had been with his fair share of Betas and Alphas, of course. After all, he did go through a heat every month, and he couldn’t take care of that on his own.
Betas weren’t the best choice for Omegas. They didn’t quite know how to be the proper amount of dominant, they didn’t have the natural instinct to take care and nurture Omegas, and they didn’t have the ability to knot - which was greatly missed through heats.
Alphas , however, were a whole other story.
Not to be an Omega cliché, but there was really nothing like going into Omega subspace in the hands of a capable Alpha. Nothing compared to that feeling of completely, purely letting go under an Alpha’s dominance. It came so frighteningly natural to him that sometimes he didn’t even notice it happening.
Those were the most satisfying heats, in Rafael’s opinion. He came out of it feeling sated, utterly satisfied, and appreciated. It was so freeing, letting himself melt underneath an Alpha, it felt right . But, once the heat was over, the Alphas left, not too worried about protecting or doting on him.
Nevertheless, while Rafael was in no hurry to settle with a good Alpha and be claimed, he did enjoy being chased by them (but only the nice-smelling ones). He enjoyed the dance of exchanging scents, the small courting signs of an interested Alpha. It made him feel wanted, and added to the whole experience of rutting.
“I’m not easy,” Rafael replied with a huff.
“Okay, then tell me the idea of being bonded doesn’t make you shudder,” she smirked.
Rafael threw her a look, rolled his eyes then made his way out of the room with a scoff, not bothering to look back.
“See you tomorrow!,” Rita called after him.
Dinner with his mother was nice most of the times, but sometimes she got in a mood that made him want to climb up the walls. Maybe because the things she said rang too close to the truth, and sometimes he just didn’t want to hear it.
“Stop hiding behind your work, Rafael,” she was saying. “You can’t run away forever. It’s not healthy for you to be jumping from Alpha to Alpha every month, you have to settle down with someone who will take care of you every day, not just because they want to have sex with you.”
“ Mami , you’ve said this a thousand times,” he sighed. “Nothing’s changed since the last time we went over this. My job is my priority, and I’m not risking it for an Alpha. It’s harder for me to be in Law practice as an Omega, I have to work twice, sometimes three times as hard. I don’t have time for courting, it’s too much of a hassle.”
“Your happiness is not a hassle, Rafael Barba,” Lucia said through gritted teeth. “I admire the hard-worker I’ve raised, but there are other things in life. I want more for you.”
Rafael shook his head, not quite capable of or willing to put into words how much of a cynic he had become. He had yet to see a successful bonding between an Alpha and an Omega, and he wasn’t sure why his mother was so adamant about it, considering her bond with his father turned her life into a living hell for a very long time.
Plus, he knew he wasn’t easy. A handful of the Alphas he’d been with had told him as much. It was difficult to “break” him, they’d say, to get him where they wanted him. Rafael rolled his eyes at that, because what more could they expect other than his submission through his heats?
He didn’t want nor need any hand holding, courting should be kept to a minimum - he was way too busy to go full out - and he still kept his snark on through all of it. What else was he supposed to do? Change personalities?
“It’s not that simple, mami ,” Rafael sighed.
“It isn’t? Or is it that you like to make things more complicated than they need to be?,” Lucia said impatiently, frowning.
“Is that why you invited me here tonight? To tell me you think my life isn’t enough?”
“Rafael, tell me this,” she started, looking him straight in the eye. “Are you happy?”
Wasn’t that the million dollar question?
Because how was he supposed to know when he didn’t know anything other than this , where he was, his current life, the life he’d led so far. If happiness was the soft, sugary, sunshiny life portrayed in movies, he definitely wasn’t, but if happiness was feeling like he had purpose in life, he was getting there.
That was why Rafael worked so hard. He wanted to be an Assistant District Attorney, defy the odds, have a purpose, help people, prosecute criminals, serve justice. That was his path in life, and he was so close he could almost taste it.
Was that happiness?
“Yes,” he said, dry and short.
Lucia watched him for a couple more seconds, then let out a long sigh and went back to her food.
Dinner continued silently.
The next night saw Rafael sitting alone in a dive bar in Manhattan. Well, or at least he was trying to be alone. Every twenty minutes another brave Alpha sat next to him and offered to buy him a drink. Given his pettiness regarding the talk he’d had with his mother the day before, he denied every single one of them.
In public places such as this, scents often got too mingled to actually attract individuals towards each other, but Rafael liked to think he was good looking despite his scent and that’s why Alphas gravitated towards him.
It was nothing if not a good ego boost.
“Can I buy you a drink?,” asked the 5th Alpha who’d sat in the empty chair next to him. Rafael turned to look at him with an unfriendly expression.
He was attractive. About Rafael’s height, redhead, freckles, a nice smile. His scent wasn’t much, though.
“I just got one,” Rafael said dryly, indicating his mostly empty glass. “Thanks.”
The man shot Rafael an unimpressed look, rolled his eyes and stood up. “You’re not the only Omega here tonight, you know.”
Rafael snorted, but didn’t dignify that with an answer. Alphas sure were brave.
About ten minutes later, another man took the seat beside him. Christ , Rafael thought, about to dismiss him before he even opened his mouth, but his scent stopped him. It was stronger than the previous Alphas, and it smelled exquisite . Like expensive leather and warm, sweet cinnamon tea. It made his skin prickle, and he felt his Omega self unfurl.
Curious, Rafael turned to look at him just in time to see the bartender serve him a tequila shot. He threw it back with no hesitation, and Rafael watched the long, long, long line of his neck. His mouth watered as the man’s scent got strong to the point that Rafael could roll it around his tongue like soft toffee. Delicious .
When the Alpha turned to look at him, not even grimacing from shooting back his tequila shot with no salt nor lemon, Rafael was caught by intense blue eyes and a lovely dimpled smile that played on the shy side. An Alpha, nervous? He had definitely never seen that before.
“Hi, there,” he greeted, and was it normal for a person’s lips to be so pink?
Rafael smirked. “Was that liquid courage?,” he asked, pointing at the shot glass still in the stranger’s hand.
“Yeah,” the man shrugged. “I’ve seen you turn down a handful of men, but I still wanted to take my chances. I know I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it if I didn’t. So, can I buy you a drink?”
Rafael considered him for a moment. He was extremely handsome - tall, with dark blond hair, greying around the temples, a strong jawline, pouty lips, not to mention the piercing blue eyes and adorable dimples.
He noticed that the other man was also wearing a suit. It was a light grey suit, with a matching vest and a stunning burgundy tie. His waist looked narrow in his vest, but his shoulders looked broad. And truth be told, they were probably the only two looking that dapper in this bar tonight.
“That depends,” Rafael said, his voice going a little lower. “Do I get a name with that drink?”
The stranger beamed and, Jesus, was it attractive. “Sonny,” he offered a hand. “Sonny Carisi.”
“Nice to meet you, Sonny. I’m Rafael Barba.”
And just like that, Rafael found company for the night.
Sonny flagged the bartender and asked him to top up Rafael’s drink and got a beer for himself. He took off his jacket and hung it on the back of his chair. Rafael watched as he rolled up his shirtsleeves, every extra fold giving Rafael another whiff of Sonny’s scent.
“So, Rafael, what do you do?,” he asked, settling back with ease. There it was, that Alpha confidence that delighted him so much. At least Sonny did seem to have something to be confident for, just by the look of him.
“I’m a lawyer,” Rafael replied, expecting the same half-shocked, half-outraged look he always got every time he said that.
Instead, Sonny gave him a look of open appreciation and admiration. “That’s really awesome. I’m a cop, and I find law truly fascinating. I bet you have a lot of work to keep you busy on the daily.”
His eyebrows shot up. “You’re a cop?,” he repeated, surprised. Sonny didn’t quite look like a cop, but leaning away to consider it, he could see it in the way Sonny held himself, his broad shoulders and strong-looking biceps. Well, most Alphas were strong-looking, but still.
“I’m a Detective with Manhattan’s Special Victims Unit,” Sonny said, and took a sip of his beer. When he shifted back towards Rafael, he saw the Detective shield on his hip catch the light.
Somehow, Rafael’s eyebrow went even higher. “They let Alphas in there?”
He’d heard of SVU. Rita always refused taking cases from there, said they gave her nightmares for weeks and she wasn’t paid enough for that. Hearing her say that made him want to take their cases to trial twice as much as any other.
Rafael knew SVU was a good place for Omegas to work, and they had their fair share of Betas, but, last time he heard, their current Lieutenant was the only Alpha on the team. Alphas were too abrasive, too short-tempered to work with such volatile cases. They never lasted, going up in flames like any cheap, inflammable object at the first touch of fire.
Sonny snorted. “Not often,” he shook his head.
“So what? You’re special?”
“I don’t know. You tell me,” Sonny threw him a look that made Rafael want to offer him his neck. “Why did you accept my company after rejecting at least five other guys?”
Rafael couldn’t possibly answer that without sounding like a superficial, horny bastard, but the truth was that he actually didn’t know. Yes, Sonny’s scent caught him off guard and delayed his automatic response, then his eyes made it physically impossible for him to even think of a rejection, and then there was that dimple on his cheek and his nervous smile.
He wasn’t charmed often, but Sonny was incredibly charming, and he had such a kind, sweet face, it made him look different to other Alphas, which apparently was appealing to Rafael now.
But instead of waxing poetic about his face, Rafael decided to play it like the good lawyer he was and threw the question back. “This room is full of Omegas. What made you come to me after I rejected those men?”
Sonny didn’t even hesitate as he said, “Your scent, at first. I was here with my partner, and I caught it when I walked by to order us some drinks. I completely forgot what I was doing and went back empty-handed,” he snorted. “Mike wasn’t too pleased, but he understood and left me to it. So I’ve been watching you.”
“That went from sweet to creepy really fast,” Rafael joked, laughing lightly.
“Yeah, sorry about that,” he grimaced. “But I was watching and -,” Sonny did hesitate then, looking at Rafael with that nervous expression again. “You look really great in that suit. I just knew that if I didn’t try to talk to you, I’d hate myself for weeks.”
Rafael swallowed hard at his earnest tone. “Well, let me return the favor,” he smiled and waved the bartender over, asking him for another beer for Sonny.
The night progressed like that, Sonny and Rafael taking turns ordering each other drinks, and talking. Sonny talked about SVU, the other Detectives and their disturbing cases, as well as the bad history regarding Alphas. Rafael told him about his work as a paralegal and as a second-chair for Rita, and his goal of becoming an ADA sometime soon.
Slowly, they went from talking about work to their personal lives, and Rafael learned that Sonny had three sisters, all Alphas.
“That’s probably why I’m such a subdued Alpha,” he joked. “There was nothing special about being the third Alpha in the family, then came a fourth, and being surrounded by girls, I kinda faded into the background for most of it.”
Thankfully, Sonny sounded amused. It was way too early for a conversation about childhood traumas. In Rafael’s eyes, it was always too early.
Rafael was honestly shocked when the bartender announced he’d be serving their last round for the night, and then he and Sonny argued over who’d pay the bill. In the end, they split it and exchanged phone numbers.
“It was a really great night, Rafael,” Sonny said as he put his suit jacket back on smoothly. “Can we do it again soon?”
He smiled. “Sure. How about dinner?”
“Yeah?,” Sonny beamed, and guided Rafael out with a hand on the small of his back. It was a small gesture, but Rafael found himself leaning against it. “I’d love that. I know a lot of good places we could go.”
“Text me, then,” Rafael said, and turned to him when they stopped at the sidewalk. His eyelashes fluttered as he said, “It was nice meeting you, Sonny.”
Sonny’s hand on his back was dislodged when Rafael moved, but he took the opportunity to place it on Rafael’s hip instead. “It was my pleasure,” he said, and judging by the look in his eyes, he meant it.
That night, Rafael dreamt of intense blue eyes, pink lips on his neck, and long fingers wrapped around him.
Soon enough Rafael realized Sonny was courting him. They had gone to dinner, and he was reminded of just how truly great company the Alpha was. Sonny insisted on paying, and that was his first clue. He then drove Rafael home and walked him to his door, wishing him goodnight with a kiss on the back of his hand.
His eyes had flashed something wicked as he did so, but he’d shown great self-control and walked back out to his car. Deep down, Rafael wished he hadn’t.
They kept texting during the week, and one day Rafael off-handedly mentioned he’d been running on coffee all morning. Sonny replied with a sad face emoji, then twenty minutes later Rafael got the delivery of a breakfast basket in his office.
“What’s all this?,” Rita asked with an amused look once the delivery man left. “Someone’s courting the DA’s office beloved Omega?”
Rafael narrowed his eyes at Rita, but didn’t reply. Instead, he picked up his phone, took a picture of the basket and sent it to Sonny with the caption “????”. Less than a minute later, the Alpha replied with several winky faces and “enjoy!”.
“Spill, Rafael,” Rita pressed, reaching inside the basket for a bagel. “You look like a purring cat. Who is it?”
“It’s none of your business,” he huffed, and picked out a croissant. “But he’s a Detective with Manhattan SVU.”
Rita raised an eyebrow at him. “SVU? They’re letting Alphas in there now?”
Rafael snorted, turning his back to Rita to go serve them each a cup of coffee. “I never said he was an Alpha,” he smirked.
“Oh please,” she scoffed. “You only get like this about Alphas. And as I said, this is clearly someone courting you.”
“What do you mean? How do I get about Alphas?,” he asked over his shoulder.
“All secretive , but while still being completely obvious. And don’t play coy with me, Rafael. I know you. I can even tell he hasn’t fucked you yet because you don’t have that permanent cat-who-got-the-cream grin going on.”
Rafael turned back to her, one cup in each hand, and rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to make it sound like a crime, Calhoun. He’s nice, attractive, and apparently thinks courting is still the way to get into an Omega’s pants.”
“And is he wrong?,” Rita smirked, not even thanking Rafael for the cup of coffee he handed her.
“He would be, if I wasn’t, you know, me ,” he shrugged, and Rita laughed.
Rafael winked at her, and stuffed his mouth full with delicious, cheesy croissant.
Rafael opened his apartment door to find Sonny’s smile and a single red rose offered to him.
He giggled as he accept it. “Hello.”
“Hi,” Sonny’s smile grew. “You look amazing.”
“Thank you,” he preened. “You said to dress casual.”
“And comfortable. We’re going to the park,” Sonny told him with a grin. “It’s a beautiful day and I’ve got a picnic basket ready for us to go.”
Rafael raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. When Sonny said “picnic”, Rafael heard uncomfortably sitting on dirty, weirdly damp grass, under a scorching sun while being surrounded by bugs and screaming children.
Sonny laughed, shaking his head. “Don’t look so put off, Raf. I promise I know a nice spot for us to sit in peace.”
Rafael doubted him for a moment, but when they got there he realized he wouldn’t have to sit on the ground. There were a few nice picnic tables deep into the park, and Sonny chose the one that was the most private to quickly pull out a classic checkered towel and cover the table top.
The trees were really tall where they were, so they were mostly protected from direct sunlight, and the kid’s playground was far away from their spot, so Rafael could barely even hear them. There were three other tables where they were, two of them occupied by other couples who seemed well wrapped into their own dates and payed them no mind.
“This really is a great spot,” Rafael admitted, taking his sunglasses off to look on as Sonny started unpacking the picnic basket.
He smiled, then winked at Rafael. “You really find all sorts of nice places while working as a beat cop around New York.”
“Christ, was this a crime scene?,” he asked as he looked around with a grimace.
Sonny laughed. “No,” he said, then pointed a thumb over his shoulder. “A couple feet deeper over there.”
“Aren’t you so very romantic,” Rafael teased.
Soon the table was covered with delicious looking food and drinks. There were little containers with fruit, pastries, some cold meat, all kinds of nuts, and slices of cake, along with bottles of water, a tall jug of orange juice and a bottle of rosé.
“Wine?,” Sonny offered, pulling a glass out of the basket with a flourish.
“Yes, please,” Rafael smirked. “And those strawberries are looking particularly delicious.”
“Oh, I’ve brought some cream and a little jar of melted chocolate to go with them,” Sonny beamed, pulling both items out and placing them next to the box of strawberries.
He served them both wine, then rounded the table to sit next to Rafael. He sat so close, in fact, that they thighs were touching, and Rafael got a nose-full of his scent every time he breathed in.
“Here,” Sonny grabbed one of the biggest strawberries and dipped it into cream, offering it to Rafael with a smile.
Instead of taking it from him to eat it, Rafael held on to Sonny’s wrist and bit into the strawberry as he held it, his lips closing around the tips Sonny’s fingers softly as he hummed, pleased with how sweet it tasted. The strawberry wasn’t bad, either.
When Rafael opened his eyes, he saw Sonny swallow thickly and smirked. “Tastes amazing.”
Sonny cleared his throat, nodding slowly. “Looks like it.”
From there, Sonny kept feeding Rafael like it was the most casual thing in the world, but by the time the bottle of wine was all gone, Sonny had a permanent flush on his cheeks and a hungry look in his eyes.
“Where is this from?,” Rafael asked as his licked frosting from his lips. Sonny had just fed him a little slice of cake, and it tasted heavenly.
Sonny smiled. “A little Italian bakery near my apartment. It’s good, isn’t it?”
“Fantastic,” he said, then opened his mouth for more.
Sonny chuckled, and fed him another bite. Rafael hummed, pleased, and chewed as he watched Sonny squirm slightly. The whole experience was extremely arousing, and somewhere around the third feeding, Sonny scent had shifted to something headier and more inviting.
Rafael naturally leaned in closer to him, and they were barely a breath apart. He could so easily lean even closer and kiss him, or let himself curl against Sonny’s chest.
He tried to get closer, to let Sonny know he was okay with where this was apparently going, but the Alpha leaned away and shook his head.
“You’re really special, Rafael,” he said, his voice deep. “And I don’t want to be like the others. So please, give me one more date. Just one more before we do anything else.”
He shook his head. “Sonny, you don't have to prove yourself to me,” honestly, Rafael really didn’t need any more convincing and he was actually dying to kiss him.
“I’m not trying to prove myself to you,” he smiled sweetly. “I’m trying to prove myself to myself.”
Rafael sighed, but nodded. “Alright, then. One more date, text me the time and place.”
“I’ll make it a good one,” Sonny promised, and went back to feeding him cake.
How could it possibly get any better than this?
That, unfortunately, was the last time Rafael heard from Sonny. He no longer replied to Rafael’s texts nor did he return his calls. By the third day, Rafael was fuming.
“You Alphas are so predictable ,” Rafael spat at Rita. They were at a bar, at Rita’s suggestion. She said maybe a drink would dislodge the stick that had been up Rafael’s ass the past couple days. No such luck. He was on his third drink, and apparently ready to curse all of Sonny’s generations.
“Ah, so this is about your Alpha Detective,” she snorted. “I wondered. What happened?”
Rafael scoffed. “He dropped off the face of the Earth! He’s not texting me back, he won’t answer my calls, I’ve left voicemails . Who does that?”
“You, apparently,” Rita said casually, rolling her glass and watching her drink swirl. “Getting desperate, are we?”
“It just doesn’t make any sense! We haven’t even kissed,” he grunted. “Normally Alphas wait until after heats to vanish. This is a first.”
“Have you considered that something might have happened?”
“Like what? He found another Omega to sweep off their feet?,” Rafael said, and that idea bothered him more than it probably should. He just really thought Sonny was different.
“He’s a cop, isn’t he?,” Rita shrugged. “Things happen in the line of duty.”
Suddenly Rafael felt himself go cold. His mind filled with horrible scenarios of what might have happened.
He immediately reached for his phone. “I’m gonna call Cabot, she might know something.”
“You’re not going to call SVU’s ADA to ask about where he is, Barba,” Rita scolded.
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
“Wait,” she said as if it was obvious.
So wait he did. For about a week, and he swore he’d ask Cabot if he bumped into her around the building. Before he could, though, Sonny finally called.
“Sonny, where the hell have you been?,” Rafael asked immediately, and he was happy to be alone in the office.
“Rafael, I’m so sorry. I had to go undercover, it all happened really fast, I didn’t get to warn anyone. We found an opening and I just had to act quickly,” he said hurriedly, and there was the underlying of a plea in his voice. “I really didn’t mean to leave you in the dark.”
He sighed, running a hand across his face. “And how did it go?”
“It went well, all things considered. We caught the guy and found enough evidence to go after two others,” Sonny hesitated. “I could tell you more about it over dinner, if you’d like.”
Rafael smiled, triumphant. “Dinner, uh?”
“Yeah, if you can forgive me for disappearing for over a week,” he chuckled. “I can cook for you.”
“You cook?”
“Very well, according to my sisters and my squad.”
“I guess I’ll have to try it for myself, then,” Rafael joked.
“Tomorrow night?,” Sonny asked eagerly.
“Alright, but you better impress me.”
Sonny laughed. “I promise to try my very best. I really am sorry for vanishing.”
“It’s okay,” he shrugged. “I understand. And I’m glad the assignment went well.”
“Yeah, but I’m more glad to be back,” Sonny breathed. “And I can’t wait to see you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, Rafael.”
His jaw hurt with the strain of holding back a grin, but then Rafael remembered he was alone and allowed his smile to broaden.
“I’m glad you’re back, too. I was worried.”
“Well, I’m here now, and I promise to make it up to you,” Sonny said, and Rafael caught a bit of his usual confidence. “Any food restrictions?”
“I’m not really into raw food, but other than that, I’m easy.”
Sonny laughed again. “Good. I’ll text my address.”
“Okay. Talk to you later, then.”
“Can’t wait. Bye, Raf,” he said, and hung up.
With no one around to witness it, Rafael melted back into his chair with a big smile. God, but he’d missed the Alpha, and he couldn’t wait for tomorrow night.
Sonny really wasn’t joking when he said he was a good cook, and Rafael was thrilled. He wasn’t particular about food, but he did appreciate a good meal. And Sonny had served a great one; entrance, main course, and dessert, along with really good wine.
When Sonny had opened the door to Rafael, he almost sighed in relief at seeing the other man again. He looked even more gorgeous than Rafael remembered, and his scent smelled somehow tastier now.
It took everything in him not to grab Sonny when he leaned in to kiss Rafael’s cheek in greeting.
Now, almost a whole bottle of wine later, they were chatting, sitting across from each other with their discarded plates pilling up on the table, and all Rafael could think about was crawling into his lap and nuzzling his neck nonstop.
The Alpha really did look good enough to eat.
Rafael knew that meant his heat was coming. He could feel it under his skin, a tightness that made him want to submit. So it probably wasn’t a good idea for him to be in Sonny’s apartment in his current state, but the courting had gone far enough, and the Alpha was smelling particularly delicious tonight. There was no way in hell Rafael would be able to leave now.
Besides, judging by the way Sonny had been looking at him through dinner, Rafael could also guess that his pheromones were going crazy, and Sonny could probably smell it.
“You’re a very good cook, Sonny,” Rafael said with a coy smile as he helped Sonny move their empty plates back to the kitchen. “Thank you for inviting me over.”
“It was my pleasure,” he smiled that stunning lopsided smile that made him look good enough to bite. “You’re great company. Would you like more wine?”
Rafael shook his head, suddenly feeling like this kitchen was too small for the two of them. “I think I’d better keep myself checked at this point.”
“I understand,” Sonny nodded, and took a reluctant step closer. “I’m sorry,” he immediately checked himself, shaking his head. “But you smell so good right now.”
“Yeah?,” he breathed, feeling his knees going weak as Sonny towered over him, crowding him into the kitchen counter. “Like what?”
Sonny leaned forward, closing his eyes as he inhaled deeply. Rafael could see his eyelashes flutter, and the corner of his lips went up in a satisfied smirk. When Sonny opened his eyes again, his pupils were blown wide.
“Your heat is close, isn’t it? You smell like you want me to get closer to you, like you want to submit to me,” he said, and the way his voice went deeper made Rafael shudder. “I can taste you in the air, too. And it’s the most exquisite taste, you have no idea .”
Their chests were one breath away now, and Rafael could feel Sonny breathing against his neck. He was shaking from holding back, his hands balled up in fists. If Sonny touched him now, it would be his undoing.
Sonny’s scent was enveloping him, and it was so overpowering, so earth-shattering gorgeous , Rafael knew he was stuck.
“You said one more date before we did anything else,” Rafael said, his voice sounding strained. “We’ve had our third date now.”
Sonny shook his head, but Rafael saw his eyes darken because of what he was implying. “The date isn’t over, Rafael.”
“Sonny, please,” he was almost panting from the strain of holding back. In an attempt to further tempt the Alpha, he tilted his head to the side in invitation.
Sonny groaned out loud, and he immediately leaned into Rafael’s neck. He couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped him when Sonny licked along his scent gland, growling softly.
Thirty slow, torturous seconds passed, then finally Sonny snapped.
Suddenly Sonny’s hands were on Rafael’s hips, pulling him against himself as he moved fast from his neck to claim his lips with a ferocity that made Rafael’s toes curl inside his shoes. It was like the whole world tilted.
Sonny tasted heavenly . It was a creamy, sweet, toffee-like taste that made him melt into his broad chest, his hands going into Sonny’s hair and holding him in place.
Right when Rafael’s knees were about to give out underneath him, Sonny pulled him up by the waist, setting him on top of the marble counter with a possessive groan.
Rafael was definitely stuck there now, and he felt himself slowly and easily falling into his submissive Omega headspace, completely at the Alpha’s mercy. He gripped Sonny’s shirt and pushed him back, breaking their kiss to grunt against his lips.
“Take me, Sonny,” he said, and he almost didn’t recognize the hunger in his own voice. “I want you to take me, I want your knot.
Rafael didn’t even have to ask twice.
Rafael tried to get his breathing under control as he came down from the high. He felt loose and relaxed, his body thrumming in appreciation. Sonny still seemed to be in an Alpha headspace, continuously growling lowly, his head fit snugly in Rafael’s neck as he licked over his scent gland over and over again.
His knot kept the two of them locked together for a while, and Rafael shivered and groaned when Sonny shifted to lick down his collarbone soothingly. He kept one hand buried into Sonny’s hair, massaging his scalp with the tip of his fingers.
Rafael’s other hand was pressing against Sonny’s lower back, feeling every shift of his muscles, of his weight on top of him. He was surprised to find that Sonny was much musclier than he thought. His body covered all of Rafael’s comfortably, his biceps were hard and well-defined, and the shadow of his abs made Rafael want to curse out loud.
God , if felt so good to have an Alpha in bed with him, his weight such a solid and stable presence, his scent keeping Rafael in a heavy haze of lust. He could sing.
After licking as further down as he possibly could, Sonny crawled back and hoisted himself up by the elbows. When he looked at Rafael, his eyes were shining and he looked like the cat who got the cream.
“You are, without a doubt, the best smelling and tasting Omega I’ve ever met,” he said, his voice hoarse from growling and groaning so loudly, and it made Rafael shiver again. “I can’t get enough of you, Rafael.”
Instead of replying, Rafael pulled Sonny down into a kiss. Because he couldn’t get enough of Sonny either, his clean cinnamon-y scent and the delicious caramel-y toffee taste of his tongue, but he preferred to show it than to repeat the words.
They kissed and kissed as Sonny’s knot softened inside Rafael, their slick tongues twisting together, Sonny holding him tighter as he shuddered every now and then. It was so overwhelming for the Omega to be lavished with so much attention and care.
Even when Sonny managed to pull out, he didn't go very far. He turned on his side and pulled Rafael to him. They laid there, chest to chest, trading kissed and nuzzling their noses together, sharing their scents and smiling, pleased, until their heart rates went back to normal and the sweat had dried on their skin.
“I want you to be with me for my next heat,” Rafael breathed against Sonny’s lips, one of his hands once again buried in his hair.
Sonny beamed. “Yeah? Okay,” he leaned in to press another kiss to Rafael’s lips. “I promise I’ll make it good for you, Rafael.”
Rafael’s first heat with Sonny was like nothing he’d ever experienced before; not only because the actual rutting was better with him, but because he was the best Alpha Rafael had ever had in his bed. His instincts were spot on, and he could read Rafael’s tells - and scents - like no one else.
It was like they were in perfect synch, and it was so satisfying not having to ask for anything, all because Sonny already knew what he needed.
Between ruts, Sonny brought him drinks, food, drew him baths, massaged him, cuddled him, changed the sheets and Rafael’s underwear, absolutely worshipped him.
Still, deep down, he thought Sonny would disappear from his life once the deed was done. Thankfully he was proved wrong.
Sonny stayed the whole weekend, until Rafael’s heat was completely over. He said he didn’t want Rafael to feel even one ounce of discomfort. Even though the first wave was always the worst and had the potential to drive Omegas out of their minds, they could manage the second and third on their own - although it wasn’t pleasant.
Regardless, Sonny didn’t leave his side.
Then, before he left on Sunday night, he invited Rafael to dinner on Tuesday. But on Monday, there was a bouquet of flowers waiting for him in the office.
Rita laughed about it for fifteen minutes straight, but Rafael set the vase on their conference table and grinned at the roses for hours.
It was only natural, then, that Rafael invited Sonny for a second heat.
Then a third.
Then a fourth.
Between one heat and the other, they’d go do for lunch and dinner regularly, they had movie nights, and even slept together despite the heats. It was a good relationship all around, and Rafael finally understood what it meant to have an Alpha who truly cared for him.
Although he’d never admitted it out loud, he knew now why his mother wanted him to find an Alpha for himself. Sonny really ticked all the boxes, while also being different from the hot-headed Alphas he’d encountered before.
Rafael was thoroughly pleased, and it showed in the way he walked through the courthouse’s corridors like he owned the place. He earned a scoff from a defense attorney here and there, but that only made him puff out his chest even more.
Then, he turned one particularly sharp corner and immediately caught sight of Sonny outside the courtroom, looking well focused while he talked with ADA Cabot. He knew Alex well, she often came into the office he shared with Rita to ask for another set of eyes on this or that case. And of course he knew she was SVU’s go-to ADA.
Rafael could literally see the physical change in Sonny when their eyes met. He straightened his back, his chest puffed out, and he smiled confidently. It really was a beautiful sight.
Realizing that she had lost Sonny’s attention, Cabot turned to see what he was looking at and waved Rafael over. She nodded in greeting as he approached them.
“Barba, I was just about to go into your office. Detective Carisi and I were discussing a plea deal on the case SVU -,” she stopped suddenly and turned to Sonny with an eyebrow raised.
Rafael did the same, because Sonny’s scent had peaked so strongly between them that it was bordering on inappropriate for their current environment. At least he had the decency to blush.
“Do you two know each other?,” Alex asked, turning to Rafael with a knowing look.
“We do, indeed,” he replied as casually as he could.
“Well, maybe I shouldn’t consult you after all, Barba,” she considered, looking between the two of them. “I wouldn’t want to go into any conflict of interest.”
Rafael wanted to scream. He was not about to lose Cabot’s respect because Sonny was scenting like a teenager.
He sent the other man a seething look, then turned back to Cabot, smiling pleasantly at her.
“Maybe we should discuss this in my office, Counselor,” Rafael suggested. “No interruptions.”
She gave one last look at Sonny, then nodded. “So be it. Carisi, please let your Lieutenant know about the deal.”
“Sure, Counselor,” he nodded, looking sheepish as he threw Rafael some kicked-puppy looks. “See you later, then.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about this, Rafael,” Alex sighed as she followed him down the hall.
“Alex, how long have you known me?,” he asked, trying to keep his cool.
“About three years.”
“Almost four,” he corrected. “So you know me well enough to know I wouldn’t allow personal relationships to get in the way of my work.”
Alex nodded. “I know you wouldn’t. I’m just not so sure about Detective Carisi.”
Rafael fought back his first response, which was to defend him. And wasn’t that a bit ridiculous?
“Well, you’ve known him longer than I have.”
“He’s a good Detective. He seems to have his priorities, ethics and morals well sorted, but SVU doesn’t have the best track-record when it comes to Alphas.”
“Isn’t their Lieutenant an Alpha?,” Rafael tilted his head.
She smiled. “If you met Olivia you’d know she’s more of a holy entity than an Alpha.”
“There you have it, then,” Rafael shrugged, trying to sound casual. “Some Alphas don’t fit the mold.”
“You’d know a thing or two about that, wouldn’t you, Rafael?,” Alex smirked.
“I’m breaking the mold just by having the opportunity to have this conversation with you. So trust me on this Alex, I won’t let it get out of hand.”
Alex assessed him for a moment, then sighed. “Fine. But don’t make me regret this, please. I would hate to have to pull him out of cases. He really is a great Detective.”
Rafael nodded, but didn’t add anything else and allowed Alex to go on about her plea deal. He gave her his two cents and mock-argued back to her offer until she found she had solid ground to proceed.
With a curt nod, she promised to pay him a drink in thanks and left.
The whole time, however, he kept thinking about Sonny. There had been something sharper in his scent, and thinking back to it now made Rafael’s knees weak.
He wouldn’t allow himself to be fooled by Alpha hormones, though. Sonny had to know there were limits to this kind of thing, and dropping scent in front of Rafael’s co-worker was definitely crossing a line.
By the way Sonny had reacted, looking ashamed and guilty, Rafael guessed he was aware of that, but he himself was aware that Sonny couldn’t always help it.
A moment later, there was a knock on his office door. Without even seeing him, Rafael knew it was Sonny. His scent was coming from under the door, and he wasn’t sure whether to find that endearing or truly annoying.
“Come in,” he said, filling his lungs with somewhat clean air before Sonny entered and consumed Rafael with his scent completely.
“Hey,” Sonny greeted quickly, closing the door behind himself. “I was waiting down the hall for Cabot to come out. Raf, I’m sorry, I know that was inappropriate, I really didn’t mean it.”
Rafael crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes. “This is my workplace, Sonny.”
Sonny winced, dropping his head. “Yeah, I know. I’m so sorry, I really tried to hold it in, but sometimes I can’t help this stuff. I think it happened because Cabot is an Alpha.”
“Ah, so you were trying to mark your territory. You might as well piss on my carpet, then,” he said dryly, waving a hand to the leg of his desk.
Sonny’s stance changed then. He lifted his head and squared his shoulders back, and that alone made him look taller than he already was. Both his hands went to his hips, and his jaw worked tensely for a couple seconds.
“I’ve said I’m sorry, you don’t have to be nasty about it, Rafael. I wasn’t trying to embarrass you on purpose, and from the way Cabot looked at me, I should be the one embarrassed.”
Rafael huffed. “Yes.”
“Well, I am. Next time we bump into each other here, I’ll go the other way and leave you to it,” Sonny said, and his eyes flashed. He turned back to the door, but Rafael stopped him.
“Wait,” he sighed. “I know you can’t help it. Sorry, I just had to defend myself to Cabot, which is all I’ve done for the past four years here, and it gets tiring. I didn’t mean to snap.”
Sonny nodded, and visibly relaxed, dropping his hand back at his sides. “I understand. I guess we’re both going to have to find a way to navigate this.”
“I guess,” Rafael repeated, trying not to frown.
It’d been so hard, gaining other people’s respect. Fourlong, extenuating years of fighting against expectations, of trying to get his voice to be heard. And for a second there, Rafael wondered if he’d actually managed to gain respect and a good professional reputation at all or if people had just gotten used to having him around and tolerated it.
“I’ll go, then,” Sonny said, and Rafael wasn’t sure how long they’d been standing there in silence for. “Drinks tonight?”
Rafael nodded. “Same time, same place.”
“I’ll see you later,” Sonny smiled, and this time when he turned to the door, Rafael let him leave.
That night, when Rafael got to the bar, he caught sight of Sonny as soon as he walked in. He was sitting where they always sat, drinking the beer he always drank. But what caught Rafael off guard was that Sonny wasn’t alone.
There was another man occupying Rafael’s regular seat. He was pale, black hair, and broad shoulders that hinted at Alpha, but Rafael knew he was an Omega. Only an Omega would be touching Sonny that much as they talked, only an Omega would feel the need to lean in closer to him.
Only another Omega in his seat would get Rafael’s blood boiling the way it was.
First, he thought of turning back around and leaving without even saying anything. But his gut - or rather his Omega instinct - propelled him forward.
He marched towards the two men engrossed in conversation with his eyes narrowed, and stopped beside Sonny, who immediately turned to him and smiled beautifully.
“Hey, I’m glad you’re here,” Sonny said earnestly, and Rafael saw the other man square his shoulders. “How was the rest of your day?”
“Uneventful,” he replied curtly then side-eyed the brunette in his seat.
“Oh, let me introduce you! This is Mike Dodds, he’s my partner at SVU. Mike, this is Rafael Barba,” Sonny said, then turned to Rafael with a dopey look.
“The famous Rafael Barba,” Mike half-smiled and offered his hand for Rafael to shake. “Nice to meet you.”
When Rafael stepped closer to shake Mike’s hand, he almost tumbled back with the sudden blocking scent that hit him. Mike might have offered him a hand, but he actually didn’t want Rafael around at all.
“Pleasure,” he replied dryly, shaking Mike’s hands quickly before he stepped away again, closer to Sonny.
“I better get going, then,” Mike said with a sour expression.
Sonny looked surprised. “Really? It’s still early.”
“Yeah, you know,” he shrugged, grabbed a couple bills from his pocket and threw it on the bar. He patted Sonny on the shoulder, then squeezed. Rafael raised an eyebrow at him. “See you tomorrow, Sonny.”
Mike turned to Rafael with a challenging look and stood up. “Have a nice night,” he said, then left.
Rafael frowned. “What the hell was that about?”
Sonny snorted. “Don’t mind Mike, he has a tendency to brood sometimes.”
He huffed, then took his seat beside Sonny, who flagged the bartender and ordered him a glass of Scotch, neat.
“About the Cabot thing,” Sonny started, but Rafael shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about that and what it meant yet.
“It’s fine,” Rafael smiled. “I understand. So let’s move on.”
Sonny nodded slowly. “Okay, then. You wanna hear about the perp I had to tackle today?”
Rafael smirked. “Absolutely."
As Sonny told him his story, Rafael felt like kissing him stupid, but held back. Sonny lit up every time he talked about his job, and Rafael let him go on and on, his bottle of beer forgotten on the bar as he gestured wildly.
Sonny and Rafael found a good routine of meeting at the bar, having dinner out or spending the night in. They’d meet for drinks every friday, had dinner twice a week, and all the other days they stayed in.
It was nice, comfortable, and they got to know each other better since being in public places stopped them from falling into bed whenever they could.
Sometimes, when Rafael got to the bar, Mike was there. He never seemed too pleased to see Rafael, and he wondered if the other man was jealous - no matter how many times Sonny said Mike had a girlfriend, he couldn’t help but think there was something there.
He’d leave as soon as Rafael arrived, most times, but that particular night, neither Sonny nor Mike were there when Rafael sat down at his usual spot.
It wasn’t common, but it had happened before. So Rafael kept his phone close to him, and ordered his first drink.
He wasn’t even one third into his Scotch when the first Alpha approached. Rafael snickered internally. No Alpha ever bothered him when he was with Sonny, so it was certainly entertaining to have to deal with that again.
“Hello,” the tall, mildly attractive man greeted. “Can I but you another drink?”
Rafael smiled politely and shook his head. “No, thanks. I’m waiting for someone.”
The man nodded, gave Rafael one more long look, then left. It was flattering regardless.
A couple more men came up, and Rafael gave them the same response. They all went away quickly after that, but it got a bit annoying after the third time.
Then, two men approached at once, and Rafael raised an eyebrow when they stopped beside him with a flirty grin each.
“Hey, I’m Marcus, and this is my friend Philip,” he said, and flashed a bright smile. “We’re really sorry to bother you, but me and my friend here kinda made a bet.”
Rafael hummed. “How does that concern me?”
“The bet involves you, you see,” the other man, Philip, added. “We were trying to guess where you came from dressed like that.”
“Yeah, I’m betting you work in fashion. A designer, or something,” Marcus explained.
“Or even a model,” Philip added, and Rafael snorted.
“But Philip’s betting you’re either a lawyer or a realtor. And I just can’t believe that, you’re too gorgeous for that. So, if you could be so kind as to enlighten us,” Marcus smirked, sliding across the bar closer to Rafael.
“Well, I’m afraid your friend is right,” Rafael smirked back. “I am, indeed, a lawyer.”
Marcus grunted, and Philip laughed. “I win,” he smiled. “So you see, we had another bet following that.”
“Is it a slow night for you, gentlemen?,” Rafael teased, half-amused.
“You could say that,” Philip shooed Marcus and took his place next to Rafael, leaning even closer. Rafael noted his scent was nicer. “But we bet who would get to buy you a drink tonight.”
“Is that so?,” he almost rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint.”
“Just one drink,” Philip insisted. “Nothing more. Actually,” he continued, his voice going lower. “I’d love to learn your name, too.”
“If you really felt like it,” Marcus cut in, reaching to place a hand on Rafael’s knee. “You could even get more drinks out of us tonight.”
Suddenly, someone grabbed Marcus’ wrist and pushed his arm away. Rafael knew by how empowering the scent around him suddenly was that Sonny had arrived, and he was not pleased.
“What do you think you’re doing?,” he snarled, putting himself between Rafael and the other men. “Stay away from him.”
“Man, he was alone,” Philip said, throwing his hands up in surrender. “We were just chatting. Harmless fun.”
“Yeah, fun’s over,” Sonny spat. “Go away.”
The two men didn’t even try to argue, and Rafael could see why. The look on Sonny’s face when he turned towards Rafael was murderous.
“Are you okay?,” Sonny asked, and his expression went from vicious to caring in a second.
“Yeah,” he waved a dismissive hand. “It was nothing. We were just talking. They had bets going on or something.”
Sonny’s brow furrowed, but he didn’t say anything. He took a seat next to Rafael, but he noticed the Alpha was on edge the whole time, so he decided to cut the night short and invited Sonny over to his apartment.
To his surprise, that didn’t help his mood at all. Sonny still look unamused, as if someone had personally offended him.
After Rafael tried to get conversation going between them for the third time only to be met with Sonny’s voice in monotone, he rolled his eyes and grunted.
“What is it? Spill it out,” he said, pushing at Sonny’s arm. “What’s wrong?”
“Those Alphas,” Sonny started dryly
“That? Sonny, they just joked a bit and offered to buy me a couple drinks, it was nothing.”
Sonny stood up, and he looked like a caged animal. “They wouldn’t have messed with you if you were claimed.”
Rafael raised an eyebrow at him. “So what? You want to claim me? Sonny, you know claiming is not to be taken lightly.”
Sonny sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I do, I just- I just thought- Nevermind.”
“I’m not going to bond with you just so a couple other Alphas don’t hit on me,” he scoffed.
“This isn’t about them not hitting on you. It’s much more complicated than that, Rafael.”
“It really isn’t. You’re jealous, and playing the whole territorial Alpha bit,” he narrowed his eyes. “Like you did with Cabot.”
Sonny turned to look at him with a frown. “I told you, I can’t help my nature any better than you can help yours. Yeah, I was jealous, but what did you expect? My instincts get the better of me in a situation like this. Alphas are possessive, think about what it does to me.”
“I’m not yours to possess, Sonny,” he bit back. “You said it yourself, they wouldn’t have hit on me if I was bonded, and I’m not. So they did nothing wrong. The end. Stop acting like I’m an object you can control.”
“I’m not trying to control you, I would never do that,” Sonny’s voice went harder as he spoke. ”I’m just trying to explain that it hurts me to think another Alpha might lure you away if I turn around for a minute.”
Rafael laughed bitterly. “Great. So I’m just really that easy, uh? Is that what you think? That because I’m an Omega, I only care about whoever’s knot is the closest?”
Sonny groaned frustratingly. “You’re twisting my words! That’s absolutely not what I said. I don’t think you’re about to leave with the first guy who comes near you, but I know Alphas, and I know what they might try with an unclaimed Omega. And I can’t bear it, Rafael. I can’t even think about it,” he said, and he did look like he was in agony.
“I have some really bad news for you, then,” Rafael replied coldly. ”I’m constantly surrounded by Alphas at work, all damn day. What are you going to do? Fight them all? No, you won’t, because I won’t allow that. Next time you see an Alpha making a move on me, let them . I can handle myself, and I don’t need you to play the big, macho Alpha and come to my rescue.”
Sonny stood there silently for a few seconds, breathing hard. His jaw was clenched, and his shoulders looked tight with tension. “Fine,” he finally said, but by the way it came out, his voice hard and intentionally emotionless, it wasn’t fine at all. “It’s fine. I’ll leave.”
Rafael was taken by surprise. “You don’t have to leave.”
“It’s for the best,” he mumbled, and turned away from Rafael without even really looking at him. “Take care, Rafael.”
With that, he left. Rafael collapsed into the closest chair, groaning to himself. This was a mess, but he did see it coming from miles away. He shouldn’t have let it come this far without a proper conversation. He avoided it like the plague, and it came back to bite him.
He hadn’t expect Sonny to react this way to a couple annoying Alphas, much less for him to mention claiming. It was too early to even think about that.
Claiming was like marriage, except you couldn’t just get a divorce. Breaking it was almost impossible, and definitely painful.
Rafael honestly had no idea what had possessed Sonny to suggest it within five months, but it certainly wasn’t the time. Rafael should have made that clearer from the beginning, and he kicked himself now for not doing it.
He had no idea just what exactly this little stunt could cost him.
Rafael thought he was onto something when he barged into his office the next morning, slightly sleep-deprived after a horrible night’s sleep, and started going off about what had happened the night before.
Rita sat quietly at her desk as she listened to Rafael talk about Sonny’s overreaction, and how he’d up and left like that would solve anything. He called Sonny childish, said Alphas had no common-sense when it came to bonding and claiming, and closed his argument with a string of colorful words.
His cheeks were pink and he was out of breath when he finished - he had been pacing around the room. Rafael expected Rita to either laugh or completely ignore his temper tantrum and go back to work. Instead, he got a death-glare and, when she spoke, she sounded as dry as sandpaper.
“You’re the biggest idiot I’ve ever encountered,” she said, barely moving her mouth. “You have no idea what you’ve done, have you?”
“What I’ve done?,” he spat back, marching towards her desk. “He stood in front of Alex Cabot scenting like a teenager simply because she’s an Alpha, and all these two guys did was flirt a little. I’m not property, Rita, I’m not up for being claimed, and we’re not bonded. I’ve known where Sonny and I stand from the beginning. He let himself go and believe I was going to bare my neck for him to claim.”
Rita stood up then, throwing her pen on top of her files. “He might not have physically claimed you, Rafael, but he chose you. Seeing other Alphas try to lure you was probably nerve-wrecking for him, are you stupid? This isn’t a joke, Barba.”
Rafael laughed humorlessly. “It sounds pretty funny from where I’m standing. So I’m supposed to let him claim me, no big deal, just so he can sleep better at night?”
“You can be such an asshole sometimes. You have no idea what something like this does to an Alpha, how agonizing it is to think we might lose the Omega we chose. And you don’t even care,” she snarled, then pointed a finger at him. “Stop leading him on just because you’re scared. Break it off now so it doesn’t get out of hand later. Let it go.”
Through his whole speech, or all his late-night thinking, he had never, even for one minute, considered breaking it off with Sonny. Yeah, he was pretty angry, and they’d need to sit down and have a very long conversation about expectations and boundaries, but breaking up? The thought didn’t even occur to him.
Rafael shook his head. “Break it off? I can’t just break it off. Not after we-,” he stopped before he further incriminated himself.
Rita narrowed her eyes dangerously. “How many heats have you had with him?”
“Four,” he sighed.
The force of Rita’s anger doubled then. Her eyes flashed, and she rounded her table to stop in front of him. “Are you out of your goddamn mind ?,” she hissed. “You can’t share more than one heat with the same Alpha if you have no intention of bonding, you know that.”
“I never said I had no intention of bonding with him,” he mumbled.
This time, Rita was the one who laughed humorlessly. “Well, you dismissed it pretty quickly. You need to fix this, Rafael. Immediately. Do something about it or you’re going to lose him.”
Rafael nodded, and promised himself he’d go see Sonny once he got off work. They’d have to set this straight. He’d have to get Sonny to understand it was too early to consider claiming, but that he did want to be exclusive.
He wasn’t sure what that meant to an Alpha if not bonding, but they’d figure it out.
But when Rafael got to Sonny’s apartment later that same day and he opened the door, Rafael almost gasped out loud at what he saw. Sonny looked dreadful, tortured, like the life had been sucked right out of him. It was a shocking sight, considering how lively Sonny generally was.
His scent was off too, Rafael quickly noticed. It had turned into something bitter, and much less overpowering. If Rafael closed his eyes, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to tell that it was Sonny who was standing in front of him.
“Rafael, you shouldn’t be here,” he said, his voice sounding weak and tired.
He shook his head, trying to pull himself together. “I need to talk to you.”
“I think I heard you fine the first time,” Sonny’s shoulders visibly sagged, and he started to lean against the doorjamb for support. “Loud and clear.”
Rafael was about to protest, say that Sonny looked like he needed to see a doctor, but when he stepped closer he caught a whiff of another scent in the air. Another Omega .
He looked around Sonny, trying to look into the apartment and find the source, only to see Mike Dodds sitting on Sonny’s couch, looking tense. The sight made some Rafael see red.
“What is he doing here?,” he asked through gritted teeth as he narrowed his eyes at Mike.
“No, you don’t get to do that,” Sonny shook his head, and he started to close the door on Rafael. “I’m sorry, Rafael, you need to leave.”
“Sonny, let me explain,” he tried again, but the Alpha raised a hand to stop him. His jaw clicked shut so fast his teeth made a loud clicking noise.
“I don’t wanna know whatever reasoning you’ve found behind what you said,” Sonny said, and he sounded angry now. “But I heard what you meant and I’m making my peace with it. It’ll be easier for both of us if you leave now and don’t come back.”
“And what?,” Rafael all but yelled. “Forget you exist?”
Sonny sighed, closing his eyes for a second, his brow furrowed. He looked like he was in pain, and Rafael wanted to take it all away.
“Yes,” he eventually said. “Forget I exist. I can’t keep going on like this, Rafael. You have no idea what it did to me - what it does to me. You’ll find someone else for your heats. I wish you well. Bye.”
Rafael shook his head. “Sonny, please, I really didn’t-,” he tried, but Sonny closed the door and turned the lock.
He realized, then that his hands were shaking and his eyes were wet. He knocked on the door again, and again, and again, but there was no response. He heard muffled voices for a moment, then it was quiet again.
Rafael felt like screaming.
A week passed, and Rafael felt more and more lost by the day. His heat was coming, and Rafael had no idea what he was going to do. He hated the thought of looking for another Alpha. It legitimately made his skin crawl thinking about someone else touching him the way Sonny had, erasing the memory of his hands on Rafael’s body.
Sonny wasn’t answering his calls, then eventually blocked Rafael’s number, and he never showed up at the bar anymore. Rafael had never had to go through a heat alone, so he wasn’t entirely sure how awfully that would go, but this month he’d probably have to find out.
He had never felt attached to one particular Alpha, but he’d also never been with the same one repeatedly. He’d never tried a relationship with anyone else. He’d never devoted so much time before.
He’d never let himself invest so much of himself, or slowly develop feelings. The problem, and it kept Rafael up at night a couple times, was that he only became aware of all that when it was too late to do something about it.
Everyone seemed to notice a change in him; even Jack McCoy asked if he was okay. Rita kept huffing at him, and Rafael knew she still had a few words she’d like to say, but given his overly-professional conduct around her lately, she had kept it to herself so far.
Rafael could see it clearly that he had taken Sonny for granted, and that his actions were ignorant and selfish. He knew very little about Alpha nature, and instead of listening to what Sonny was trying to say, he’d shut him down, ignored it to give wings to his own insecurities.
Rita had been right, he was scared. Which was laughable, considering the person he was, the job he did, and the kind of life he led. But he was. This was untouched ground for him, and he had never seen it coming, he didn’t even have time to prepare. It all came out of nowhere, and soon he found himself in Sonny’s arms, letting himself go.
It had been good. And Rafael missed it.
He still couldn’t believe he’d lost the best thing in his life when, on a Saturday evening, there was an unexpected knock on his door. He opened it to find Mike Dodds standing there, looking very worried and slightly contrite.
“I need your help,” he said, not even waiting for Rafael to acknowledge his presence on his doorstep. “Sonny’s getting worse, Rafael. I’ve tried everything I can, but he refuses to leave the house. He hasn’t been to work in days, and he keeps talking about you. He keeps saying your next heat is coming soon, and you’ll spend it with someone else, and he’ll be done for good. I even tried to… I tried to offer myself to him, not because I’m interested, we’re really just friends, I just wanted to see if that would make him stop, but he refused. I’m really worried about him. Please, you have to help.”
It was difficult to explain the many emotions that went through Rafael during Mike’s speech, but in the end, his body, his heart and his mind were yelling at him to go to Sonny immediately.
“Take me to him,” he said firmly, grabbing his coat and locking the door behind himself.
He just hoped he wasn’t too late.
What he saw when they got to Sonny’s apartment broke his heart.
Sonny was laying on his bed, shaking profusely. There was a blanket on top of him, but Rafael immediately pulled it off. The Alpha was sweating, his hands pressed together between his thighs. His eyes were closed, his jaw tight, and his hair was sticking to his forehead.
“Rafael,” he whined, pained.
“Sonny?,” he called, kneeling beside him and brushing his hair away from his face. His scent was so dull it was almost unrecognizable “Sonny, can you hear me? It’s me, I’m here.”
“Rafael,” Sonny repeated, but he didn’t acknowledge Rafael’s presence.
“What do I do?,” Rafael turned desperately to Mike, who was looking distraught.
“I don’t know,” he shook his head. “I’m an Omega too, I don’t know what any of this means. He’s been like this all day, it’s like he’s having a seizure. Maybe we should take him to the hospital.”
Rafael grunted, and reached for his phone, immediately dialing Rita’s number.
“Rafael?”
“Rita, I’m at Sonny’s apartment,” he started, then proceed to tell her everything Mike had said about his recent behaviour, and what he could see now. “What do I do?”
“Goddamnit, Rafael, I’m not a fucking Alpha expert,” she growled at him.
“But you’re an Alpha, you have to know something.”
“Let him scent you, touch him as much as you can, talk to him and try to calm him back from whatever episode he’s experiencing,” she rattled off. “Try it for half an hour, tops, and if there’s no response, you better take him to an hospital, and fucking pray, Rafael.”
“Thanks,” he said, and hang up, throwing his phone on the bedside table. He stood up, pulling his shirt off. “Help me take off his shirt,” he asked Mike, and they lifted him to a sitting position.
“Rafael,” Sonny kept calling, his voice weak and distant.
Once his shirt was off, they laid Sonny back down and Rafael climbed on the bed. Mike helped move Sonny so he was laying on his chest, his face pressed into Rafael’s neck, his nose right by Rafael’s scent gland.
“Let’s hope he responds to this,” Rafael told Mike. “Thirty minutes. If not, call a bus.”
Mike nodded. “I’ll be in the living room.”
Rafael nodded and turned to Sonny, swallowing hard. He looked so small and young, his hair flat on his head, his skin pale, the permanent flush he always seemed to have, now gone.
“Sonny, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” he started. “I’m so stubborn, and I couldn’t dare to believe you’d ever choose me. But I guess this means you did, doesn’t it? I have no idea why, but I’m honored. I really mean it, Sonny. There’s no one like you, and I’m so lucky that you’d ever give me a chance.”
He noticed that the whimpering and whining had stopped, and Sonny was no longer calling his name. Rafael wasn’t sure whether that was a good sign, but he kept talking regardless.
“I don’t know what all this means. Are you rejecting me, or are you-?,” he stopped, breathing in deeply. “I’m not sure what we’re going to do after this. I just hope you can forgive me for this, Sonny. I never meant to lead you on. I thought it was going to be okay. I was ignorant, and I was selfish. I ignored your nature so I could please my own, and I’m so sorry.”
The shaking had also stopped, and Rafael noticed Sonny was taking deep, long breaths against his neck. He hoped his scent was good to Sonny.
He kept talking, trying to come up with new stories just so he wouldn’t have to stop. He talked about the latest case he was working on, and how the DA seemed impressed. He told stories of his years a law student, and how his mother wanted him to find a good Alpha.
“I can almost see her disapproving look if she knew I had found the very best Alpha I could, then lost him because I was scared,” he sighed. “Sonny, can you hear me at all?”
“It’s been 25 minutes,” Mike showed up in the doorway with an agonized look. “Any changes?”
“He just seems to be sleeping now,” Rafael said, brushing Sonny’s hair away from his face. He look peaceful. “No more whimpering or shaking, I think that’s good, right?”
“It’s better than he was,” Mike nodded. “I’m gonna get some water and plain toast, see if he’ll eat it. He hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday night.”
Rafael tutted. “If he doesn’t take it, we’d better call a bus.”
“I’ll just take a minute, see if you can wake him up.”
“Mike,” he called back when the other man made to leave the room. “Thank you.”
Mike shook his head. “Don’t thank me yet, I’ve still got a few words that I need to say to you.”
“Fair enough,” Rafael nodded, and pulled Sonny closer to himself. “Sonny? Time to wake up. Hey, do you hear me?”
Sonny made a low sound in his throat that Rafael more felt than actually heard. He shrugged the shoulder Sonny was lying on lightly.
“Wake up, Sonny. Please, open your eyes.”
Slowly, Sonny stirred and hummed, annoyed. “No,” he grunted.
Rafael snorted. “Come on, sleepyhead. Wake up.”
“Rafael?,” he asked, confused, blinking his eyes open and trying to lift his head.
“Yeah, it’s me,” he smiled. “Can you try to sit up?”
“What’s going on?,” Sonny asked hoarsely. “Why are you here?”
“Mike asked me to come. He was worried about you. You didn’t look very good, and you- you kept calling my name,” Rafael said carefully. Sonny looked like a wounded animal, and he didn’t want to scare him off.
Sonny shook his head, pulling away from Rafael. “You shouldn’t have come. I’m fine, but it’s not going to work if you keep showing up,” he said frustratingly.
He frowned. “What do you mean? What’s not going to work?”
“I had chosen you, Rafael. What we shared -,” he paused, shaking his head. “I thought we had connected. My Alpha accepted your Omega, but when you rejected me, I had to undo the connection. The only way to do that is if you stay away.”
“I didn’t rejected you, Sonny. I’m just not ready for claiming.”
“I understand that. But I never asked to claim you, did I? I was jealous, yes, probably not my most sane moment, but I never asked.”
“But you said those Alphas wouldn’t have hit on me if I were claimed.”
“Yes. And indeed they wouldn’t. I didn’t ask to claim you, though. I know that you assumed I was hinting that I wanted to, but I just wanted to know if we were on the same page. I thought we were doing well, but you seemed so repulsed at the idea of ever bonding that I felt like I was being punched in the gut.”
Rafael winced. For someone who got paid to argue, he certainly failed in communicating his thoughts.
“I know you don’t know what it is like, but God, it was physically excruciating to hear you say all that. To see you shut down so fast, away from me. So I decided to break off the connection.”
He nodded, swallowing hard. “I understand. I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to hurt you. Alphas haven’t really tried to explain to me what it’s like, I had no idea you connected like that.”
Sonny assessed him for a moment, then nodded, but he didn’t say anything else, and a sense of dread started to fall upon Rafael.
“So this is it?,” he swallowed hard. “I don’t want it to end.”
Sonny sighed. “Rafael, answer me this honestly, do you think you’d ever be comfortable with me claiming you and us bonding? Even if it’s years from now?”
Rafael’s first instinct was to reply that no, he couldn’t predict the future, that he was unpredictable, and it was hard to say what could happen. But that wasn’t what Sonny was asking, was it? He wanted to be considered.
He was asking for a chance.
“I want to try,” he eventually said, and it felt like the world had been lifted off his shoulders. “If you’d give me a chance, I want us to be exclusive. We can see where it takes us.”
That wasn’t the big resounding yes Sonny might have wanted, but it also wasn’t the deadly no he probably expected. It was hopeful.
Slowly, Sonny smiled.
Rafael reached for Sonny’s hand and held on to it, but before he could start apologizing again, Mike walked in holding one plate in a hand and a glass of what looked like orange juice in the other.
“Hey, man,” he greeted Sonny, smiling at him. “Glad to see you’re feeling better. How about some toast?”
Sonny accepted the plate gratefully, and Mike and Rafael watched, amused, as he inhaled one piece with four bites then washed it down with a large gulp of juice.
“How long have I been out?,” Sonny asked, and grabbed the other piece of toast to do the exact same thing.
“Well, I came here last night after work to check on you, but you didn’t look too good. Do you remember that?,” he asked, and Sonny shook his head, unable to speak around his mouthful. “Yeah, I ordered some pizza, but you only ate one slice, then went to bed. I stayed over just to check on you, and this morning you kept calling for Rafael, but you kept going in and out of consciousness.”
Sonny grimaced, and looked at Rafael sheepishly. Mike sighed.
“You refused to eat anything all day, then after lunchtime you just simply wouldn’t wake up anymore. That was about six hours ago, and now we’re here.”
“Thanks for staying, Mike,” Sonny said fondly, then he looked pointedly at the empty plate in his hand. “Is there any pizza left?”
Mike laughed, and nodded. “Yeah, but you should probably go take a shower.”
Sonny looked down on himself and winced. There was a shin of sweat over his skin. “You’re right,” he said, and jumped up from the bed, but looked at Rafael for a moment. “Are you going to stay?”
Rafael smiled. “If that’s okay with you.”
“Yeah,” Sonny beamed. “Yeah, I’d like you to stay. We can talk, and stuff.”
“I’ll stay,” he nodded, and snorted as Sonny tripped over his own foot on his way to the bathroom.
As soon as the door closed behind him, however, Mike cleared his throat loudly.
“If you’d follow me,” he said sternly, picking up the discarded plate and glass and making his way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Rafael closed Sonny’s bedroom door behind him as to not bother him in case it got a little heated between him and Mike.
“You are the most irresponsible, selfish, arrogant Omega I’ve ever met,” Mike immediately said, and Rafael almost laughed. “Do you know why I’ve never really liked you, Barba?”
“I think I can guess,” Rafael mumbled.
“No, you can’t. You think it’s because I have feelings for Sonny, but I don’t. I never did. I’m straight, and I have a girlfriend, I’m just a very, very protective friend,” Mike said fiercely, and seeing it now, Rafael had no reason to disbelieve him.
“Enlighten me, then.”
“I was there the night you two met, and Sonny was immediately interested on you. I thought that’s only fair, he deserves to find an Omega who’ll be good for him. But as soon as he started talking about you, I was sure you wouldn’t be that person for him,” he said, and Rafael fought to keep his expression neutral.
He didn’t want Mike to know that he agreed.
“It seemed to me that you were looking to take advantage of him, that you weren’t getting as involved as Sonny was, and I knew that would get messy pretty soon,” Mike leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms over his chest. “Sonny’s got a really big heart, and he was smitten with you from the get-go. Did you know that?”
Rafael nodded. “I did. And I hear what you’re saying, believe me. I know now that I made a huge mistake, but I also didn’t know the first thing about Alpha nature.”
“You didn’t bother to hear him out, either,” Mike bit back. “You were using him to satisfy your nature while completely ignoring his.”
“I realize that now,” Rafael nodded. “And I’ve apologized. Well, while he was barely conscious, but I’ll apologize again. I’ll apologize however many times I need to for him to forgive me. I know I was wrong, and I acted like a right bastard, but I was scared, Mike. Hell, I’m still scared, but I want to try to make this work. Sonny’s amazing, and I can’t believe I almost lost him out of pride.”
Mike assessed him for a moment, then uncrossed his arms. “I still don’t trust you, Barba. Sonny’s my closest friend, and that’s all I care about.”
“I understand that. I’m not asking you to like me,” he shrugged. “Many people don’t. Just know that, from now on, my intentions are the very best. I might still screw it up along the way, but I’m glad you’ll be there for Sonny if I do.”
“Yeah,” Mike huffed. “I’ll be there to kick your ass, too.”
Rafael chuckled. “Good.”
Mike left after Sonny assured him, about ten times, that he was feeling great. He promised he’d call Mike if he needed anything, or if Rafael left - that last part was whispered between the two of them, but Rafael had a trained ear for when people were talking about him. Eventually, Mike said his goodbyes, and that left Sonny and Rafael on their own.
“So,” Sonny started, a bit uncertain. “Leftover pizza? I can pop it in the oven, it’ll be as good as new.”
Rafael smiled and nodded. “Yes, please. I was just about to have dinner when Mike called me over, I’m starving.”
Sonny blushed slightly. “Thanks for coming, by the way.”
“It was the least I could do,” considering it was all my fault , he wanted to add, but didn’t. “I don’t know if you heard anything I said while you were out, but I’m really sorry about the things I said, Sonny. I was stubborn, selfish, ignorant, and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Raf,” he sighed, stepping closer to Rafael to take his hand. Rafael was happy to notice his scent was back to its normal exquisite smell. “Of course I forgive you. I came on too strong, I should have been more open about my feelings for you.”
Rafael chuckled, and shook his head, squeezing Sonny’s hand in his. “I guess that if we want this to work, we have to be completely open and honest with each other. No more hiding feelings and hinting at what we want, let’s just say it.”
“Okay,” Sonny nodded and smiled sweetly. “I’ll start. I should have said this sooner, but I’m falling in love with you, Rafael,” he said, and Rafael’s heart sped up immediately. “I chose you . From the very first night we spent together, I knew my searching was over. I’m sorry that I kept coming back for your heats without telling you the truth about that.”
Rafael took a deep breath. If Sonny had told him all this before the first heat they’d shared, Rafael would have run as fast as he could, he knew that. It was for the best that the truth hadn’t come out until now, when he was ready to hear it, when he craved to hear it because he wanted to know they were on the same page.
He softly placed a hand on Sonny’s cheek, caressing his cheekbones with what he was sure were heart-eyes at this stunning, kind, amazing man standing in front of him. He couldn’t believe he almost lost this.
“I don’t know when it started, I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but I know that I started falling in love with you too at some point, and that scared the hell out of me,” he said honestly, and Sonny snorted, turning his head slightly to kiss the palm of Rafael’s hand. “But I want to try this with you, Sonny. I really want us to work. I’m sorry that I’m not ready for bonding or claiming, but we could get there eventually. Just please, let’s give it a chance.”
Sonny’s smile grew so big it dislodged Rafael’s hand. “We can take our time. We’ll only do what we’re ready to do, okay?”
“Okay,” Rafael smiled. “I’m really ready for you to kiss me.”
Sonny laughed out loud this time, and pulled Rafael against his chest. The Alpha teasingly brushed their lips together, hugging Rafael by the waist. He shuddered slightly at the feel of Sonny’s strong biceps locking him in place.
“I choose you, Rafael,” Sonny whispered against his lips. “And that means nobody else can have you.”
“Nobody else can have me,” he agreed, slightly breathless. “I’m yours, Sonny.”
“You’re mine,” Sonny growled and kissed him, hard and passionate.
Rafael was caught off guard by the sudden uptick in Sonny’s scent, but he certainly welcomed it. He threw his arms around Sonny’s neck and let the Alpha thoroughly ravish his mouth, melting away in his arms as their tongues met, bold and confident in their familiarity.
The pizza was forgotten until a couple hours later, when both men, completely sated, emerged from under Sonny’s sheets with shit-eating grins and giggled into each other’s mouths as they kissed and kissed the night away.