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It starts because he is exhausted. She won’t sleep. And if he manages to get her to fall asleep, she won’t stay asleep for longer than half an hour. He is running on fumes. Pepper is running his company, and they are both just so tired.
He has FRIDAY find him every parenting book and manual. He’s read pretty much every piece of literature on child rearing since the day Pepper put a positive pregnancy test in his hand, but like riding a bike, you cannot learn parenting from a book. Nothing could have prepared him for this.
He googles it as a last resort. He is running on less than an hour’s sleep in the last day or so, she is sobbing into his shoulder and Pepper has a board meeting. At this point, he will try anything. So he decides to ask Google.
He hasn’t googled anything in years. Not since he built JARVIS and got into the habit of talking to his ceiling.
But he is hanging by a thread, so he fucking googles it.
my kid won’t sleep help
His eyes are tired, and the words on the first webpage result start to get blurry by the time he is in line two, so he backs out of the page and clicks on the first video result instead.
A pretty, middle-aged blonde smiles at the camera.
“Hi fellow Youtube moms!” she says. There is a tiny baby sleeping in her lap, and she’s holding a bottle to his mouth with one hand, while adjusting the camera with the other. She looks exactly as exhausted as he feels. “This is Sarah, back with a new video! As you can tell, I didn’t have time to even put on my customary vlogging make up today ‘cause Tyson didn’t sleep all night. I just got him down, because the sun’s up and my baby’s decided to cycle and sleep all day.”
Tony’s been an atheist for years, and he hasn’t said a prayer since his mom died, but in this instant, he understands the impulse.
Thank you God, there are other people who are going through this same fucking thing! I am not a terrible parent.
“ - the thing is, most parenting books tell you to leave them in the crib and not pick them up, no matter how much they cry, but it honestly makes you feel like a monster. Especially if you are a first time parent, the impulse to give them anything they want takes a while to wear off, so leaving them in the crib is out of question. Here’s what has worked for us so far -”
“FRI,” he says, rocking Morgan back and forth over his shoulder. “Transcribe this into a memo and save it to my personal folder.”
“Taking notes, boss?”
“These people seem to know what they are talking about. Expert opinion is nothing to scoff at, FRI.”
“As you say, boss.”
He watches the rest of the video, and decides to give her ideas a try. She says that babies need the assurance that the primary caregivers are close by, so instead of playing white noise to get them to sleep, playing familiar sounds would be more comforting.
“FRI, have you got recorded audio of Pep and I talking?”
“Of course,” comes the immediate response. “Any particular subject preference?”
“Pick something with clean language,” he rattles out, counting on his fingers. “Something where we’re just having a normal discussion, with no raised voices. Just normal, regular evening in stuff.”
“Ready.”
“Play it in Morgan’s nursery,” he says, getting up and holding his daughter to his chest carefully. The room is dimly lit when he gets there, and the soft playback sounds of Pepper’s low, smooth tone is comforting. Gently, he lowers her into the crib, and finds her eyelids drooping. He gives her the pacifier, and sits down on the floor beside her, waiting until she is almost out.
The floor seems particularly inviting, so before he knows it, he’s fallen asleep next to the crib. When he wakes, it’s three hours later and Morgan is still sound asleep.
Getting up, stretching, he makes his way back to the dining room where the holographic interface with Sarah’s paused video is lit up over the table.
Feeling optimistic, he clicks through the rest of her channel.
*
He finds out that Sarah used to be a Spanish teacher before quitting to be a full time stay at home mom. Tyson is her fourth kid. She has three older kids between ages eight and three along with two foster kids of ages six.
He learns that Sarah’s channel is fairly popular, and seems to be part of a tight knit community of other mommy vloggers - he is learning the terminology. They all constantly refer to each other’s channels, do group videos sometimes, share recipes and post content about anything and everything related to parenting - homeschooling, first day of kindergarten, baby formula, saving on diapers, after school activities.
Tony expected to be overwhelmed, but the more he indulges in the content, the more relieved he feels.
Since Morgan was born, he has spent nearly every day terrified of being a horrible father. Parenting has seemed like this insurmountable challenge that he was destined to fail at. When they decided to have a kid, he was relying on Pepper to keep him in line, because he trusted her more than he trusted himself.
But now, after listening to Sarah and Paige and Keith (the only stay at home dad channel he had found) and Janel, he doesn’t feel so alone anymore.
The realisation that parenting is hard for everyone, and all parents are terrified of screwing up their kids is a Godsend. He is not doing this alone. He has Pepper, and there are other parents out there who can understand. The fact that he is trying his darned best to be better for his kid counts.
*
They have a scare when Morgan gets sick.
Sick enough to warrant an overnight hospital stay, when the stomach bug turns out to not be just a stomach bug.
It turns out his daughter has a milk allergy. The very thing he has been feeding his daughter has been making her more sick.
On some days, the urge to want to disappear to the bottom of a bottle is all consuming. Parenting is not for the faint hearted.
The doctors tell them that milk allergy can sometimes not manifest until the kid is one or two years old, and there is no way to catch it beforehand. Morgan’s dairy sensitivity is carefully monitored, and they leave the hospital with a long list of allowed and forbidden foods.
Once things calm down a bit, he gets online to find some resources. The sheer amount of medical information is daunting, and even though science will be the hill he dies on, after a scare like that, he needs human reassurance.
He signs into the anonymous account he created.
@new_dad_and_terrified: finally got a diagnosis, my daughter has a milk allergy
@sarah_mom_in_chief: OMG is she okay? Thats rough
@large_family_home_cooking44: oh wow now that I think about it, considering the symptoms you mentioned it makes sense!
@new_dad_and_terrified: she is okay now, they fixed her dehydration. We brought her home today.
@sarah_mom_in_chief: i can imagine what you are going through. We will be thinking of you and your family today, newdad.
@large_family_home_cooking44: newdad, Keith’s brother has a kid with milk allergy. You should message him and I am sure he can give you some resources.
@new_dad_and_terrified: i didn’t know that! Thank you, I will talk to him.
@sarah_mom_in_chief: you hang in there, new_dad! Take care of yourself so you can take care of the kiddos!
@new_dad_and_terrified: I am going to try and remember that!
*
It becomes a thing after that. For nearly every parenting decision that Pepper and he struggle with, they start consulting the blogosphere. After he introduces her to his favorite channels, Pepper takes to it even faster than he did, having an uncanny knack of finding just the right video or blog.
Sometimes, it is not even about a parenting decision that he needs help with. Sometimes, it is just the companionship that he finds comforting.
He gets invested in all their lives - Sarah, Keith, Paige, and Priya, a new mom-to-be who is vlogging her entire pregnancy and just bursting with enthusiasm. He watches her husband paint their nursery, and fulfills their GoFundMe target so they could replace their ratty car before the baby gets here. He follows Keith and his struggle with his twelve year old, soon to be teenager son who’s entering the rebellious phase, reminding Tony painfully of Peter. ( don’t think about that don’t think about that don’t think about that). He watches all of Sarah’s grocery haul videos, watching her explain which stores have the best sales, and where to buy diapers in bulk. He is a goddamn billionaire, and they have a diaper service, but for some reason, he can’t stop watching.
He watches Paige, the single mom of three who lost her husband to Thanos - Paige, who picked up the pieces of her broken heart, went back to work to support her kids, who pulls eighteen hour shifts and vlogs on the side for the Youtube revenue, and who offers him encouragement and advice without an ounce of judgement - he watches Paige pick up her living room in a clean with me video and put a home cooked meal in the oven while her eldest runs a vacuum, and thinks, if she can do it, so can I.
If Paige, perennially exhausted Paige can do it, I can too. The realisation is heady, and he could almost dance with the giddiness of it all.
Whenever he can help out without giving away who he is, or make someone too suspicious, he donates. He suggests to Paige that she sends her application to SI for an executive assistant position. He makes FRIDAY email Sarah fake coupons for diapers and costco home delivery that he pays for ahead of time. He tells Keith about Midtown High’s program for gifted kids in STEM ( don’t think of Peter, don’t think of Peter, don’t think of Peter). He remembers to ask after little league matches and what they did for homeschool group parties.
It feels like being in a bubble, where he is not alone. ( not alone, not alone, not alone, not alone anymore). For the first time since he held his newborn daughter in his arms, he feels like he can do this.
*
Morgan hits the terrible twos and Tony wants to nuke the next person who sets her off. He will, honest to god nuke New Jersey. Not because New Jersey has done anything to make her cranky, but just because he needs to vent his frustration somehow and New Jersey is available.
They have to fly to California because both he and Pepper are required at this quality control disaster in the Oakland plant. Neither of them want to leave Morgan with a nanny, as the terrible twos are in full force and she can’t bear to be away from either of them for more than an afternoon.
Decision made, he starts to pack her a bag before realising that he would pack the entire goddamn house if he could. For a little person, she needs a lot of stuff.
“Honey, make a list,” Pepper tells him in her infinite wisdom, folding Morgan’s clothes on the couch. For a little person, she also generates an incredulous amount of laundry.
The list he makes is several pages long.
“This is ridiculous,” he tells himself, and logs in to his most frequently visited page.
@sarah_mom_in_chief: Packing when you are traveling with kids is like..
@sarah_mom_in_chief:.. The number one video on my channel. Take a look.
@sarah_mom_in_chief: Its normal to worry about this. I am guessing you tried to pack the entire house into a suitcase before the wifey stopped you?
@new_dad_and_terrified: its like you were there, no kidding
@sarah_mom_in_chief: we have all been there. You are doing great.
He sees her pack for six kids for a month long trip to Jamaica in a twenty minute video and decides to calm the fuck down. He is taking Morgan to the Malibu house that is pre-stocked with groceries, entertainment and clothes. He is a freaking billionaire. He can fly the armor back to New York if he forgets something indispensable. He doesn’t need to panic about leaving behind her favorite blanket.
Aside from what you pack for her, give her a small backpack, Sarah tells him on IM later. Give her some control over what she can take. Put a couple of snack bars in her backpack, along with crayons and a workbook. You will thank me later.
Some days, Tony doesn’t know what he will do without these people.
~
Eating healthy comes naturally to Pepper. It is not a struggle for her, the way it is for Tony, who alternates between the extremes of total starvation or being a carb monster.
When Morgan demands cookies or gummy bears after every meal, he starts to get worried.
His mom, Maria, had been diabetic. Howard already had a predilection to smoking and alcohol. Pepper’s dad has heart disease. Tony’s own history with addiction is long and complicated. He never thought that a percentage of parenting involves worrying about the kind of genetic legacy you’re leaving behind.
@keithprouddaddy: of course you worry about that
@keithprouddaddy: its natural
@keithprouddaddy: did i tell you warren has a brother with Down’s?
@new_dad_and_terrified: no, fuck, i didnt know, sorry
@keithprouddaddy: yeah. When we were deciding which of us should be the donor for our kid, we thought long and hard about it
@keithprouddaddy: i wanted our kid to be biologically his, you know? Because I wanted more of him in the world
@keithprouddaddy: but we were terrified about it for a while
@keithprouddaddy: I thank God everyday that Danny is healthy and happy, but yeah I understand the fear
@new_dad_and_terrified: I just can’t figure out how to get her to eat healthy.
@new_dad_and_terrified: seriously, its a struggle to sneak her some broccoli
@new_dad_and_terrified: what if she grows up to be like me, entirely uncaring of sleep schedules or balanced diets
@keithprouddaddy: oh yeah, what did you say you did?
@new_dad_and_terrified: ……
@new_dad_and_terrified: …. I am an engineer, I keep odd work hours
@keithprouddaddy: dude, I think you are overthinking this
@keithprouddaddy: all kids are picky eaters at some point. But still, here is my wisdom, padawan
@keithprouddaddy: for starters, get rid of all the junk snack packs you have stashed in the pantry.
@keithprouddaddy: yes, i mean the ones you have stashed for yourself
@keithprouddaddy: second, here’s the mindblowing tip, its gonna change your life. Ready?
@new_dad_and_terrified: i am rolling my eyes so hard at you right now
@keithprouddaddy: you will learn
@keithprouddaddy: put the fruit in an easily accessible and visible spot in the kitchen
@keithprouddaddy: thats it
@new_dad_and_terrified: that sounds….. suspiciously simple
@keithprouddaddy: occam’s razor. trust me, it works
@new_dad_and_terrified: so you are saying if the fruit is right there, she will eat it?
@keithprouddaddy: I am saying, if the fruit is right there AND there is nothing else to snack on, she will eat it
@new_dad_and_terrified: okay I am going to try this
@keithprouddaddy: you can tell me I am right later :P
*
“Well, I will be damned,” he mutters to himself, watching her reach for the pear on the counter and holding it out to Rhodey, asking him to cut it please, Unca Rhodey.
After that, they run with the idea. They nudge her gently toward fruits and vegetables, encouraging her to try different things, and past the initial resistance, they discover a good range of healthy stuff she will eat without complaining. Pepper has the delivery staff fill up the fruit bowls on the counter, always leaving bananas or apples in sight, so Morgan can climb up the bar stool and reach for something to eat. In the mornings, he has her pick out choices she wants in a smoothie, and blends it up for her. They experiment with vanilla milkshakes, bananas and sour cream, pineapples and strawberries.
Tony stops ordering in takeout, and starts making home made meals, getting Morgan involved in the process, giving her control over the food. Keith tells him that the more control kids have in the process of putting food on the table, the more likely they are to eat it.
He watches all of Paige’s bulk cooking videos, and adjusts the recipes for smaller portion sizes. He takes her grocery shopping, letting her help him select broccoli, onions and peppers.
What started as a campaign to get her to eat healthy becomes something else entirely. He cherishes the experience of it all, of getting to cook with her, of spending a weekly car ride together, of watching her discover the world alongside him.
He is happier than he ever remembers being.
*
@new_dad_and_terrified: Sarah, do you know what’s going on with Emma? Did I miss her weekly homeschool update video or did she not post it yet?
@sarah_mom_in_chief: oh newdad, its Day of Mourning
@sarah_mom_in_chief: she lost her youngest boy today three years ago
@sarah_mom_in_chief: she doesn’t post on Day of Mourning
He knew, of course. He knew what day it was. He’s already been to the anniversaries. The remaining Avengers do some charity work, and all of them have scheduled activities across the city today. They know. All of them carry the weight of their failure.
Tony feels Peter’s absence like a missing limb everyday. The day means little to him, because Peter being gone throbs painfully every minute. A day on the calendar doesn’t change that.
When he and Pepper talked about having a kid, his biggest objection was that he couldn’t replace Peter. Their kid won’t replace Peter, because there isn’t another Peter.
He got lucky. Tony knows how lucky he is.
He also knows how much worse off other people are.
He closes his eyes, and nearly every other night, he sees Titan’s purple skies. He smells the cloying ash that slipped through his fingers as Peter, the last remnants of Peter were swept away.
The guilt could kill him.
It very nearly does.
What saves him, what keeps him going, is Peter saying I wanted to be like you in his head. It’s Morgan saying I love you three thousand. It’s Pepper’s kind eyes, the warmth of her hugs, and Steve’s blue eyes, filled with regret.
They are all broken, but they survive.
*
He doesn’t know how to ask the other moms (and dad) about Morgan’s desire to be a superhero.
My baby girl sneaks into my shop and puts on pieces of rogue armor isn’t a typical entry on one of their Q&A forums.
So he keeps the heavy stuff off the internet and continues participating in the little community that’s accepted him as their own.
I think the problem is your stroller, Sarah tells him. Graco has this stroller that you can take apart and adjust the height. Let me find you a link.
He does buy the Graco one, and then takes it apart and rebuilds it because he is Tony fucking Stark, Iron man and stay-at-home-dad extraordinaire.
I made this feta cheese and spinach ricotta, and it was a huge hit with the kids, Emma tells him one day. Didn’t you say your daughter’s just started liking spinach? Let me send you the recipe. I am sure you can make it without the cheese.
She won’t wear anything I pick out for her, he whines to Keith.
She’s just starting to get independent, Keith tells him, These bouts of independence are normal. No need to get butt hurt about it.
Somehow, Keith always knows the right thing to say to him. He is exactly like Rhodey that way.
I am not butt hurt, he insists on the chat.
You bought a pink fluffy outfit of some sort, didn’t you?
Shut up, Keith.
~
Steve Morton is the new stay at home dad vlogger in their group. Tony can’t bring himself to call him Steve, so he asks him if its okay to call him Morton.
@steve_morton: i get it, man, you lost someone called Steve
He is not wrong, not exactly. Tony didn’t lose Steve. He just lost the easy friendship the two of them shared, leaving behind strangers who have no idea how to talk to each other.
Morton is very easy to talk to.
@steve_morton: i am an architect for Arachnid Builders. I work from home cause my wife travels all the time for her job. We just had our second kid, a girl.
Arachnid builders is a Stark Industries subsidiary. Finding the HR files and locating Steve Morton is ridiculously easy.
Once he’s got the employee profile floating in front of him, Tony has no idea what to do with it. He doesn’t even know why he went hunting for it. Morbid curiosity? A need to verify that the people he talks to on the internet are real? That they are not going to disappear too? ( don’t think about Peter, don’t think about Peter, Mr. Stark I don’t feel so good)
He tells Morton about Peter. The cliffnotes version. His sort of adopted kid? Mentee? Who died in his arms on the day of Invasion.
@steve_morton: I understand.
@steve_morton: our eldest girl, Anna - she just vanished, we don’t.. I don’t..
@steve_morton: it took us a long time to decide to have another kid.
@new_dad_and_terrified: I am so sorry.
@steve_morton: our little Jim isn’t a replacement for her, you know? Nobody could replace her. We just…
@steve_morton: somedays Jim makes it a little bit easier. Just a little.
Tony understands how that feels.
The nights he falls asleep on the couch with Morgan on top of him are the nights he doesn’t wake up screaming Peter’s name, clutching at the air.
So yeah, he understands how that feels.
~
Sarah’s emails him a flyer. It’s an invitation to a fundraiser event for families who lost one or both wage earners on the day of the invasion. The vlogging group is putting together a lunch, and attendees can donate money that will go to families worst hit by the crisis.
On the list of events, he stops at one that jumps out.
Why the Avengers are not to blame? Heroism, and modern entitlement complex.
A discussion with Dr. Diana Spenderman, Professor of Political Science at Princeton University, about the role of the Avengers in the crisis and how you can move on from the toxic blame game.
He doesn’t know what to do with that.
For a lot of the families who lost someone, Sarah tells him later when he asks her about it, blaming the Avengers seems the most natural consequence. I think it is easy to forget that they fought on the frontlines for the entire planet. They lost people too.
Pepper says he needs to tell his little vlogging group who he is. They are only likely to feel betrayed if they ever discover the truth.
He doesn’t know how to admit to Morton that he is Iron Man and he failed. He failed, and now little Anna’s room in Morton’s home stays empty. He doesn’t know how to tell kind, gentle emma that he is Tony Stark. That he has more money in his accounts than she will ever see in her entire life, and yet, he watches her budgeting videos like he is addicted to them.
He doesn’t want to let his distinct worlds collide. Outside the little bubble of his group, he is Tony Stark, once-upon-a-time Merchant of Death, CEO and inventor, billionaire and engineer, always Iron Man. He embraces the anonymity that the group gives him.
He doesn’t know how to give it up yet.
~
@keithprouddaddy: newdad! I got some exciting news!
@new_dad_and_terrified: I am thinking about changing that name. I am not a new dad anymore. My kid’s gonna be four.
@keithprouddaddy: thank you for showing enthusiasm about my exciting news
@new_dad_and_terrified: okay what is it
@keithprouddaddy: you know how my husband Warren is an authenticator?
@new_dad_and_terrified: yeah
@keithprouddaddy: he got to authenticate Captain America’s shield today
Tony nearly jumps out of his chair.
@new_dad_and_terrified: what?
@keithprouddaddy: yeah, some collector bought it off an agent in China and they had it shipped to the States. The hubby was so proud
Tony turns around in his swivel chair and stares, long and hard at where the object in question is leaning against the far wall of his workshop, the paintwork gleaming from when he fixed it.
@new_dad_and_terrified: so, was it? authentic I mean?
@keithprouddaddy: God no, but Warren was thrilled cause he said it was pretty close to the real thing.
Tony breathes a sigh of relief. At least Warren didn’t give his friend bad advice.
@new_dad_and_terrified: that’s real cool, your hubby has a great job
Keith sends him a line of smiley faces
*
Captain America shows up on his doorstep with Antman and Tasha.
Tony has missed Nat, even if he is less than warm toward Steve right now. Of the five other original Avengers, nobody had just gotten him like Tasha had. Her betrayal in Leipzig wasn’t even a real betrayal, and had he been thinking straight, he probably would have thanked her for letting Barnes get away before he did any real damage.
He greets them all, but it’s for Tasha that he has the warmest hug.
She plays with Morgan all through lunch. Morgan is sitting on her lap, and running fingers through Tasha’s albino blonde hair, asking questions about how she got it to be a pretty color. Tasha indulges her, and Tony takes about a million pictures sneakily.
“I heard you have gotten a more active internet presence since retiring,” she smiles at him over pasta.
“Pepper!”
“Hey,” she laughs. “Women talk, Stark. I have been telling you for years and years.”
“It’s a blog thing. Vlogging. Video blog -” she is still laughing at him. “Parenting is hard!”
“Clint used to do that too,” her eyes turn sad, smile frozen solid.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
When they get ready to leave, Tasha pulls him aside.
“I didn’t actually want to convince you to do this,” she says, and for the first time this afternoon, her expression is a hundred percent sincere.
“What?”
“Tony,” she says. “I know what we’re asking, and we don’t ask it lightly. What you have here? With Pepper and Morgan? If you had told me in 2008 that this is where Iron Man was going to be? I would have laughed at you.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty unbelievable.”
“Yet, completely unsurprising for those who know you. You take care, Tony.”
“You too, Nat.”
*
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@keithprouddaddy: Has anyone heard from newdad? It’s been a while since they have been online.
@sarah_mom_in_chief: He told me he was going to make chicken parm for lunch and then just vanished? Dude, your cooking can’t have been that bad.
@sarah_mom_in_chief: I make jokes when I am really worried, joke’s getting old, @new_dad_and_terrified, come back soon.
@large_family_home_cooking44: guys, did you hear they’re saying the Avengers were all spotted together at the compound in upstate new york last week? Its the first time they have all been together since the Invasion.
@keithprouddaddy: oh god, I hope it doesn’t mean another impending invasion. do you think they are trying to prevent something
@priya_mittal: guys its probably just a reunion lunch or something omg why do we always think the very worst
@large_family_home_cooking44: we have reason to, dont you think
@sarah_mom_in_chief: okay so possible world ending invasion, superheroes reunion, and @new_dad_and_terrified is missing. guess what my three year old asked me today? ‘can we get pizza for dinner’. I guess its the little things huh?
*
@large_family_home_cooking44: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
@sarah_mom_in_chief: emma i saw the news, plz plz plz plz tell me you are - oh god is it true
@steve_morton: SARAH we got our little girl back! ANNA is back! ANNA! SHE IS REALLY SITTING IN OUR LIVING ROOM hugging her mommy
@steve_morton: i dunno who or what did this but I cant thank them enough
@steve_morton: my baby is back, i am never letting her out of my sight ever again
@steve_morton: im gonna be gone for a while guys we are gonna spend some time as a family
@steve_morton: just came online to tell y’all that anna is back
@steve_morton: i was hoping newdad would be back by now, cause he said he lost a kid too and i really hope he got the kid back
@large_family_home_cooking44: my baby boy is home and i dunno what to do i have never cried this much in my entire life its like a piece of my heart is back in place
@large_family_home_cooking44: i didnt realise that i was walking around for five years without a piece of my heart i wasnt even alive
@sarah_mom_in_chief: you guys! I am so so so happy for you all!
@sarah_mom_in_chief: now we only need @new_dad to come back and complete the happiness circle
@keithprouddaddy: the news is saying the avengers revived everyone and they battled the alien army upstate
@priya_mittal: my cousin works at the DOD and thats what she is saying too! And they are saying an Avenger died in the battle
@keithprouddaddy: what
@priya_mittal: its on CNN now
@sarah_mom_in_chief: oh god they have footage
@priya_mittal: is that spiderman? oh god the quality of this thing is terrible, can anyone see anything?
@priya_mittal: the white house just confirmed the battle and a 80% revival
@priya_mittal: we dont know the casualty count yet
@sarah_mom_in_chief: fox news is saying its captain america who died
@keithprouddaddy: sarah its FOX NEWS lets wait for corroboration
@sarah_mom_in_chief: does it make me a terrible person that I don’t care as much about the avengers as I do about @new_dad_and_terrified? Like seriously, where the fuck is he
*
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@large_family_home_cooking44: RT Source: Huff Post links online parenting blog account to Tony Stark.
@large_family_home_cooking44: guys this is saying @new_dad_and_terrified is Tony Stark
@keithprouddaddy: what the FUCK
@sarah_mom_in_chief: NO
@priya_mittal: SI press release just confirmed it. The family’s asked for privacy during this difficult time
@sarah_mom_in_chief: what difficult time, they won’t tell us what happened at the battle, was he there? is he okay? nothing.
@priya_mittal: at least those pictures of Cap and Black Widow came out so we know they are okay.
@keithprouddaddy: i todl Iron Man that my husband authenticated Cap’s shield
@priya_mittal: honestly keith PRIORITIES
@keithprouddaddy: HEY its embarrassing okay? #fuck
@sarah_mom_in_chief: YOU are embarrassed? i told him i didnt like starkphones cause my daughter always breaks them.
@keithprouddaddy: brutal man
@priya_mittal: both of you suck and i need new friends
@sarah_mom_in_chief: i really hope he is okay :(
*
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@new_dad_and_terrified: knock knock. is this thing still on?
@new_dad_and_terrified: did you guys write me off that easily? c’mon guys, some faith please
@new_dad_and_terrified: also i have a teenager now and he is determined to make all my hair go grey
@new_dad_and_terrified: how unethical is it to keep your teenager locked in a dungeon so they don’t go outside and do stupid stuff, asking for a friend
@sarah_mom_in_chief: i am going to fucking kill you
@new_dad_and_terrified: language, sarah
@sarah_mom_in_chief: welcome back you bastard. and thanks for saving the world.
@new_dad_and_terrified: you know what, Sarah? it was my absolute pleasure.
~THE END~