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Alec, generally, is a good person.
He cares about his family, he helps protect people who don't even know he exists, he loves his boyfriend fiercely, and he's fighting to make the world a better place. He has his faults, undoubtedly, but he thinks he's doing his best.
So, he questions the universe about whatever he's apparently done so wrong that's landed him here.
“You all have to kiss me.”
Simon looks a little terrified when he announces this to the group, his hands fluttering around as he shifts in place. Everyone is gathered on Magnus’ large leather couch, squished together while Simon stands on the other side of the small coffee table, like he's scared one of them is going to launch across and attack him.
“What?” Clary asks, blinking rapidly.
Simon shoves his hands under his armpits and chews his lip. “Okay, so- so, there was this rouge Warlock right, and- and she asked me out, and I was kinda interested, but then, she started saying horrible things about Magnus, and you know, I- I was just being a good friend, really, because I kind of, maybe, told her that I didn't- well, I wasn't interested after that, and-”
“Simon,” Izzy cuts him off, making him give a full body jolt, “get to the point.”
“Okay, so she was so offended that I- well, that I cared more about my friends than the apparent chance at love,” Simon reaches up to push as glasses that don't sit on his face anymore. He is silent for a long pause. “She slipped something in my drink, put a spell on me. She, uh, did not like being rejected; it makes it worse because I'm a vampire, apparently.”
Magnus chuckles quietly. “Oh, you poor misguided soul. Haven't you learned anything from knowing me? All Warlocks are dramatic, dear.”
“So, what was it?” Clary asks warily.
“She apparently knows a thing about Disney movies, I guess.” Simon swallows thickly. “I have to kiss everyone I love… or I'll die.”
“Everyone?” Izzy asks in confusion.
Simon nods. “Everyone. I just left my mom's. Do you have any idea how hard it was to convince my own sister to peck me on the lips? It was horrifying. My mother, no big deal, she's affectionate, but Becks? It was the weirdest experience of my life.”
Alec heaves a sigh. “So, why exactly am I here?”
“Well, uh… I got a kiss from Raphael already,” Simon explains, throat working, his hands coming back to fidget in front of him.
“Raphael?” Izzy blurts, eyes wide. “You love him?”
Simon groans. “It's- it's not like that, okay? Obviously, because I had to peck my mom and sister on their lips. The Warlock wasn't messing around. Love in any form; familial, romantic, platonic… all of it counts. Raphael is- he's my friend, who I may have had a crush on at one point, but it's not like that now, I swear! It's just- the Warlock… she kinda added her own, uh, flare to the spell.”
Magnus sits forward, lips tipping down. “And what flare was that? I'm not entirely surprised, we usually do add our own flares. What was hers?”
“Just that- well, the more I find someone attractive, friend or not… the deeper I have to kiss them,” Simon admits, averting his eyes.
“Oh no,” Clary says, groaning as she hangs her head, reaching up to cover her face.
“It's okay, Clary,” Izzy assures her, reaching over to pat her shoulder with a smile. “So, we'll be kissed deeper than everyone else; it's a compliment, really. Unless, of course, Magnus can do something.”
“Alas, I cannot.” Magnus purses his lips, looking put out, and Alec wants to kiss him. “It's directly linked to her magic, and unless we can find her, I can't do anything.”
“You guys don't get it,” Clary says, lifting her head and staring right at Simon. “You think it's just me and Izzy? Simon's pansexual! He literally thinks we're all hot.”
Alec jolts at those, frankly, horrifying words. “Wait, what? I'm not kissing Simon.”
Simon frowns at him. “You're not?”
“No.” Alec frowns right back. “I'm not even sure why I'm here? You don't love me.”
“Or me, for that matter,” Jace pipes up, leaning back into the couch with a scowl.
“Okay, well, here's the thing.” Simon's face scrunches up as he warily scratches at the back of his neck. “I kinda do though? Love you. All of you. I- I know that sounds weird, but- but you guys have all been, you know, here through all of- of the shitstorm of my life since I- well, since I died. Love's kind of complicated, right? I mean… at what point does it become love? I'd die for you guys, kill for you, pretty much do… well, anything. So- so, it's… you know.”
Clary sighs. “Simon loves vastly and quickly.”
“Yeah,” Simon agrees awkwardly.
Jace suddenly launches to his feet. “Well, I don't have to be here for this. I know you don't love me, so I'm just gonna go ahead and-”
“Wait,” Simon blurts, cringing.
“You can't be serious,” Jace says flatly.
“Sorry? I- I can't help it, okay? I don't exactly hate you, even if you think I do, and- well, despite popular belief, all of you mean something to me.”
Alec, once again, questions what horrible thing he's done to deserve this.
To be fair, he doesn't actually despise Simon. After the downworlder alliance got put into place and expanded on, Alec's worked with Simon plenty of times. Simon is just an excitable guy with a really big heart who's had a pretty horrible life after being shoved unceremoniously into the Shadow World. He's annoying, talks too much and too fast, but Alec has a certain amount of respect for him.
“Why couldn't it have been me?” Jace groans and moves back to the couch, flopping down like all his strings have been cut. “I would have to kiss like three people.”
“Look, I know half of you don't even like me, but is it the worst thing in the world to be loved?” Simon asks with a frown.
“In this particular situation,” Alec says dryly, arching an eyebrow, “yes.”
“So, how long do you have until you're dead?” Izzy asks curiously, tilting her head.
“About that.” Simon sighs and reaches to the hem of his shirt, lifting it. Everyone hisses in a deep breath at the sight. “Yeah, it fades a little when I kiss someone. I kissed Maia and Luke before I went to Raphael. Maia almost didn't do it until I showed her this, so uh… here's some incentive.”
Alec knows his eyes are wide. Magnus’ fingers clench around his. Everyone is frozen, just staring in horror at Simon's chest. Black vein-like vines slither underneath his skin, like cracked glass, stark under his skin, twining up towards where his unbeating heart lays in his chest. It's a horrific, harrowing sight, and Alec knows exactly why Maia ended up kissing him after all.
“Luke too?” Clary asks in faint shock.
Simon drops his shirt with a sigh. “Yeah. I explained and he just pecked me on the lips, then told me to get this handled. He's such a dad.”
“How many people do you love?” Jace blurts, baffled.
“The remaining people are all in this room,” Simon mutters, crossing his arms.
Izzy hums. “How did Raphael handle it?”
“He was pissed, naturally. But he muttered something about Magnus never forgiving him if he let me die. He was especially angry that we had to, you know, kiss… deeply.”
“That child,” Magnus muses fondly. “He wouldn't say it, but I'm sure he was very touched that you loved him. Even if he was annoyed at having to kiss you.”
Simon twists his fingers together. “I was nervous because I know he's asexual, but he wasn't even angry at that. He just told me he felt no sexual attraction, not that he wasn't an emotionless robot who couldn't kiss anyone. He's more pissed that the Warlock trampled all over my consent, making me go around and kiss people or die.”
“That's a valid point,” Clary says softly. “Simon, I'm so sorry. I know this is hard for you.”
“Just another day in my life,” Simon replies, a ghost of a pained smile flitting over his lips.
“Does it hurt?” Izzy asks quietly. She gestures to his chest. “The… the poison, I mean?”
Simon swallows. “Yeah, it- it burns. All the time. It only stops when I'm kissing someone.”
Everyone is silent for a long moment. Even Jace looks like he feels bad for Simon at this point. Alec does too; he can't help it. It's especially hard to be upset when his life is on the line because he stood up for Magnus. That alone makes Alec like him just a bit more. Clary clears her throat.
“Okay,” she says, taking a deep breath. “Who's the most attractive person in this room? To you.”
Simon doesn't even hesitate. “Jace.”
Jace goes into a coughing fit, leaning forward with wide eyes. “What? Me? But- but you were in love with Clary at one point? Shouldn't it be her?”
“I mean, you're a total asshole, and I don't like you, but you're… you know.” Simon twists his fingers some more. “I can't help that I have eyes, Jace.”
“So, I'm going to have to kiss you for a very long time,” Jace mutters, heaving a sigh. “For once, I'm regretting being so damn good-looking.”
Alec snorts. “I knew that would come back to bite you in the ass someday.”
“Okay, okay,” Clary barrels right over that, “who's the least attractive person to you?”
Simon's eyes drop to his feet, his whole body going still. He clears his throat, mumbles, “All of you are literally the most attractive out of all those I love. It's why I came to you guys last.”
Izzy stands to her feet, heels clicking as she steps around the table, approaching Simon. “Okay, enough of this. How do you know when the kiss is long enough to satisfy the spell?”
“The pain goes away, then I can feel my chest tingle as some of the vines fade,” Simon answers.
“The moment - and not a moment later - that you feel that, you stop it, okay?” Izzy asks.
Simon blinks. “Uh, I- okay, but-”
Izzy cuts him off by stepping forward to wrap her arms around his shoulders and drag him into a kiss. Simon's hands flail around, his eyes still wide, but Izzy doesn't give him time to get his bearings. She just pries his lips apart and kisses him fiercely.
Alec shares an amused look with Magnus. Izzy is strong-willed and shameless; she kisses Simon expertly, uncaring of the audience. And poor, poor Simon looks like he doesn't know where to put his hands. He eventually gets situated though, his hands gingerly laying over her hips, his eyes closed.
Magnus hums and grabs Alec's wrist, turning it so he can eye the watch. They both frown as not one, not two, but three minutes pass without Simon pulling away. They just kiss languid and slow now, still pressed together, still waiting. Then, just before the fourth minute starts, Simon yanks away.
“Better?” Izzy asks brightly.
Simon blinks rapidly. “Yes, thank you.”
“And thank you, Simon.” Izzy winks at him as she saunters back to couch. “You're not a bad kisser at all. I almost wish I wanted you romantically.”
“Okay,” Magnus chirps, standing up. “My turn.”
Before Alec knows what he's doing, he locks his hand around Magnus’ arm. “Absolutely not.”
“Alexander,” Magnus says gently, turning towards him with a soft smile, “would you rather I let Steven die? It means nothing, he doesn't want me as we want each other.”
“I- I really don't,” Simon sputters, holding up his hands as if he's surrendering. “I care about Magnus, but- but I'm literally in love with how much you two love each other. I'm probably your biggest fan. You two are, like, perfect. I- I wouldn't want- I don't want to come between that.”
Alec narrows his eyes. “I don't want you to kiss my boyfriend. I don't want you to kiss me. This is- it's stupid. There's no way you love us.”
“You don't think I tried to say that?” Simon blurts, clenching his jaw, averting his eyes. “I- I saw it, in my head, because of the spell; all the people I love, all the people I have to kiss. Don't you think I considered just going and dying alone?”
“Darling, I assure you that I will not enjoy one moment,” Magnus tells him seriously, reaching out to touch Alec's cheek. “If he were to die, we would all feel incredibly guilty. I, for one, do not want that on my conscious. I know loyalty means a lot to you, but this is not adultery, this is saving a life.”
Alec's nostrils flare, a sharp pang twisting in his chest. He knows Magnus is right, knows Simon's not at fault, knows that this has to happen. It doesn't mean he has to like it. With a huff, Alec hooks a hand on the dip of Magnus’ shirt and tugs him down. Magnus tips close with a delighted little laugh, curling over him and pressing closer when Alec kisses him hard.
Alec's immediately lost in it. Magnus’ lips are like a form of ambrosia to him and he can't fathom why. He doesn't get why his blood just sings at the pressure alleviating and coming back as Magnus allows him to deepen the kiss. He doesn't understand why the feel of Magnus’ body pressed against his steals his breath away and makes him crave more. Magnus just does things to him, probably always will.
Magnus pulls away first, all slow and with his eyes closed, like he was savoring it. Alec blinks, his anger from earlier is dead and gone, fizzling out in the face of Magnus’ gentle caress. It should be a sin, he thinks, but he's glad it's not because he's already sure he's going to hell and doesn't need another sin on his growing record.
Alec shoots a warning look at Simon. “Keep your hands to yourself.”
“Of- of course, I would never- I swear to you, I'm not after Magnus,” Simon stutters, shoving his hands behind his back, eyes wide with sincerity.
Alec just grunts and lets Magnus go, crossing his arms and watching the proceedings with a scowl. Izzy reaches over to squeeze his knee. Magnus approaches Simon his own hands crossed behind his back, lips twitching as Simon immediately takes a step away, like he can't help it.
“Solomon,” Magnus says playfully, “it's better if we get this over with.”
Simon presses his lips together, shooting desperate looks at Clary. “Uh, on- on second thought, I might just prefer death. I can't kiss you, you're like- I dunno, a father figure. This is so weird.”
Magnus rolls his eyes and steps forward, dipping his head and pressing his lips to Simon's. Alec tenses in his seat, white-hot jealousy searing bright in his chest. But then, the kiss is so… so wrong, and both parties look as if they're uncomfortable, and as quick as it started, Simon jerks away.
Magnus’ eyebrow arches. “That was fast.”
“Um,” Simon says awkwardly, clearing his throat loudly, “it's not that you're not attractive, it's just that- well, you're kinda like the downworlder dad? So, it's- I'm not- I don't see you like that.”
Alec would be offended on his boyfriend's behalf if he wasn't so thankful he didn't have to see them make out. That kiss had lasted less than thirty seconds and they'd both looked relieved when it was over. All of Alec's jealousy drains out of him, replaced with relief.
“That wasn't so bad,” Alec announces without meaning to, relaxing in his seat.
Magnus chuckles as he moves back over to sink in the open spot beside him. “You still have to kiss him, don't forget that.”
Simon looks distinctly uncomfortable. “And, um, it's going to have to be longer than that was. I don't see you as… dad-like. You're just a hot guy.”
“Great,” Alec deadpans with a sigh.
“So, it is only I who will be suffering tonight,” Magnus comments, wrinkling his nose.
“Sorry,” Simon mumbles with a wince. “Maybe it won't be so bad. I- I mean, when I think about either of you, I always think about you guys as a unit. So, so maybe the fact that Alec's attractive won't even matter! But probably not because I don't like Maia like that, and I had to kiss her for a few minutes. I don't know, I just- I hate this.”
“I don't blame you, Samuel.” Magnus leans into Alec's side with a sigh. “You are not at fault.”
“Who's next?” Izzy prompts, eyebrows shooting up.
Simultaneously, Alec and Jace sink down in their chairs and look away.
“Fine,” Clary says, standing up.
“Oh man, this is so bad,” Simon whines as Clary approaches him. “I'm so sorry, Fray. You- you know I've gotten over you, right? I mean, you're my best friend, but we broke up, and I- I don't want you think I'm still- it's just that… you're pretty.”
Clary snorts. “Relax, Simon, I know it's not like that. Besides, this will be easy. We've done this before, so no big deal, right?”
“Right,” Simon confirms.
Alec learns that it's a big deal almost instantly. The moment they kiss, they burst out laughing. Alec won't admit it, but the way they snicker in amusement is an endearing sight. They try again, only to chuckle against each other's lips. They lean on each other and laugh, clearly finding the fact that they're kissing hilarious.
“Oh god,” Clary wheezes, clasping Simon's shoulders, “I don't know if I can do this. Why is this so funny? We used to kiss all the time!”
Simon snorts. “I'm trying, I swear. It's just- it doesn't feel like before.”
“Okay, let's be serious.”
“Right.”
It takes them five different tries to keep their lips connected around their laughter. Clary eventually gets fed up and presses both hands to Simon's cheeks and smooshes their lips together, holding very still as she trembles with laughter.
It lasts for under three minutes, only after they actually kiss. Alec can only think to describe it as… friendly. There's a level of familiarity there because they've done it before, but the air of it resembles a hug between friends more than anything.
When Simon eventually pulls away with a snort, they both burst out laughing, leaning on each other like this was the funniest thing that's ever happened to them. Alec supposes they have no lingering feelings towards each other then.
“That should have been easier,” Clary comments once she has her breath back.
“I want to be offended by that, but seriously, that was just ridiculous,” Simon quips back.
Clary hums and taps his chest. “How are you feeling? Is this helping at all?”
“Yeah, actually. It hurts a lot less and I can feel it fading.” Simon beams. “I'm almost finished and won't die, so I'm feeling better.”
“The worst isn't over yet,” Alec mutters, shooting a look at Jace, who looks ready to punch someone.
“I'm not going next,” Jace snaps, crossing his arms and not budging.
Alec rolls his eyes. “You'll have to go eventually.”
“Maybe not,” Jace replies shortly. “Maybe after he kisses you, he'll be cured and realize that he has absolutely no love for me.”
“That would be too easy.” Alec heaves a sigh and pushes to his feet, pressing a kiss to Magnus’ forehead as he goes. “Let's get this over with.”
Simon is back to being nervous as Clary moves back to the couch and Alec approaches warily. “Um, hey, so I don't- I really feel-”
“Simon, if your tongue comes anywhere near mine, I will stake you, do you understand?” Alec asks sharply, narrowing his eyes as he steps forward.
Simon stares up at him with wide eyes. “You're so tall. How am I gonna- I can't even reach you. I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this, I don't-”
“This better not last long,” Alec growls.
“I- I can't- I don't know. You're- I want you to kiss Magnus. I really want you to just-”
Alec cuts him off by moving forward and dipping down. Simon automatically flinches back, like he's scared, which makes Alec feel slightly guilty. He knows he's brisk, he knows that very few get to see the softer sides of him, but Simon seems genuinely terrified by Alec coming closer.
So, Alec reaches out and presses a firm hand to his shoulder, holding him in place. With a grimace, he leans down and presses his lips to Simon's.
Alec has only kissed one man, one person, in his entire life. He knows he never wants to kiss another, but he is slightly curious. Not because he doesn't love Magnus, but because he wonders if all lips feel the same. He wouldn't know before now, but all lips do not feel the same at all.
Magnus’ are perfect and lovely; Alec never doesn't want them against his. Simon's, however, are just warm and soft and do absolutely nothing for him. Which, he knew that would happen, so he's not surprised. Simon's lips barely move against his, whole body tense and leaning away, and Alec has never felt this disconnected in his life.
They do kiss, however. It's not as short as him and Magnus’, but not as long as his and Izzy's. It's very chaste and actually not disgusting; in fact, it doesn't feel like anything. Alec's eyes flicker open halfway through so he can roll them, and he finds himself thinking about what present he's going to buy for Magnus on their next trip.
Then, Simon snatches away and stumbles back a step, rubbing the back of his hand over his lips like he wants to wipe away the feeling of Alec's. Now that it's over, Alec just rolls his eyes yet again and marches over to plant himself beside Magnus, threading their fingers together.
“Who's the better kisser?” Magnus teases, clearly having saw just how uninterested Alec had been through that whole experience.
Alec huffs. “That wasn't a kiss, that was a disgrace. I didn't even feel as if I was involved.”
“Oh?” Magnus asks lightly.
“Mhm. I was thinking about what to get you the next time we go shopping actually,” Alec informs him, lips twitching when Magnus’ eyes light up.
“I could cry,” Simon announces in a croak. “You guys have no idea how terrified I was of you hating me for having to kiss both of you. I'm so sorry. I'm- I didn't want that, just so you know. I need therapy.”
Alec sighs and turns to frown at him. “This is unfair to you, Simon. When we find that Warlock, she will be charged for more than just doing something like this; she will also be charged for forcing someone into something without their consent. Trust me, none of us blame you, and there really isn't anything that could come between me and Magnus anyway.”
Simon stares at him. “That's, like, the most you've ever said to me.”
“How's your chest?” Izzy asks with a snort.
“Oh.” Simon lifts his shirt. “Almost fully healed.”
It really is. There's three splintered vines curling close to his heart, faint but pulsing, and Alec knows exactly who those belong to. Everyone does, apparently, because they all swing their heads over to look at Jace. He's so tense that he looks like he might crack if he so much as twitches.
“Jace,” Clary says warily.
“No. Nope. No.” Jace sinks farther down in his seat, throat working. “This is ridiculous. That- it isn't me. It has to be someone else. There's no way you love me, Simon. No fucking way.”
Simon probably thinks that Jace is saying that out of malice or anger, but Alec sees right through Jace. They're parabatai; Alec just knows him. Jace has a hard time believing people love him, always has, possibly always will. That Simon does, without shame, really seems to be getting to him.
Alec gets it. They used do have a hostile relationship, back when they both wanted Clary, but now that they both dropped that, they've shifted into something else. They bicker, they mock, or they don't interact at all. Jace can't seem to grip the fact that Simon could love him; he barely handles the fact that Izzy and Alec do, and they're his siblings.
Alec never says it, but Valentine did a lot of damage to Jace, damage that will probably always linger. Alec hates it, hates that Jace struggles, hates that they're all so messed up because of one horrible man.
Simon spreads his arms wide and heaves a deep sigh, frowning. “Well, I do. Look, I know- I know you don't like me… but you're apart of the people I'd do anything for - even reluctantly. Don't make this more awkward than it is; I already want to crawl in a hole and die, okay?”
Jace breathes heavily through his nose, limbs jerky as he pushes himself off the couch. Every step is as if he'd rather be going in the opposite direction. Simon's arms cross over his chest, his eyes firmly on the floor as he visibly clenches his jaw. Jace moves stiffly, halting a few paces away, his hands balled into fists. Alec worries Jace might actually punch Simon, even if it's counterproductive.
“Just so you're aware,” Jace grits out, eyes narrowed into slits, “you're never living this down and I will not enjoy a single second.”
Alec knows this is going to be painful to see. A train wreck, really. It's going to be the worst kiss, possibly even worse than seeing Simon kiss Magnus. He almost feels pity for them both. Despite that, Alec is also mean, and he knows this is going to last longer than Izzy's did, so he turns his watch towards him to time it because he's probably going to hold this over them somehow later.
For a long beat, neither of them move, both just standing a few paces away from each other. Then, with a grimace, Simon steps forward. Jace mimics him, his hands clenching and unclenching.
Looking as if they'd rather be doing anything else, they lean in and press their lips together. Even from the couch, Alec can see how they're angled away from each other, their lips pressed into thin lines even as they meet, and it does look like the worst kiss so far. Simon's arms are still crossed, Jace still looks like he wants to punch him.
Alec stares between his watch and them.
It takes less than thirty seconds for things to take an unexpected turn. As sudden as anything, Simon's arms drop to his sides his eyes fluttering closed. Jace goes to pull away, his eyes wide, but Simon reaches out and curls one hand over his jaw, pressing in closer and angling his head to the side.
Then, the last thing Alec ever expected to happen… just happens. Jace stops trying to pull back and steps closer, his eyes drifting shut. Alec watches the tension drain from his body as he kisses back, really kisses back. Jace's shoulders draw up as he inhales sharply and reaches out to fist his hands in Simon's shirt to drag him closer.
Everyone on the couch, including Alec, sits up and watches in avid interest, utterly surprised.
For all the kisses that's happened here tonight, this one is, by far, the one that leaves Alec with a sense that the world doesn't make sense. Izzy had kissed Simon with power and control, enjoying it but full of teasing, and Simon had been flustered by it. Magnus had kissed Simon like signing a document, formal and short, and Simon had been thankful when it ended. Clary had kissed Simon with familiarity and amusement, a past they no longer carry with them making it odd, and Simon had seemed relieved that they were just best friends. Alec had kissed Simon dispassionately, barely even in the moment, and Simon had felt bad for even partaking in it.
But this?
Jace kisses Simon like he's the only source of air in the room, mindless and desperate, and Simon clings to it as if he never wants it to end. Alec can actually see their lips moving over each other's, see the flash of tongue, see how their bodies curl close together.
It is fascinating and off-putting in equal measure.
Alec has so many questions.
They don't break apart for a very long time. Far longer than any other kiss that has occurred. When they do pull away, it is slow and wary. Jace's hands visibly shake as he drops them to his sides. Simon's eyes are wide when he opens them. They stare at each other, their lips parted in surprise.
“Whoa,” Simon breathes out.
Jace blinks, and with desperate and despaired conviction, he chokes out, “Oh no.”
“Oh yes,” Izzy announces, her smile wide and sharp, eyes dancing with delight. “Enjoyed that, did you? How's your chest, Simon?”
Simon clears his throat, ripping his gaze away from Jace to lift his shirt, revealing a smooth chest free of any vines. “All good. I'm- it's good. Yeah, good. I- I'm not sure- I need to-”
Without another word, Simon whirls around and blurs out of the room, the door banging shut after him. Jace resolutely does not move, just stands there, his hands still shaking.
“Well,” Clary coughs, “that escalated quickly.”
“Oh no,” Jace repeats, head hanging as he reaches up to push both hands through his hair.
Again, Izzy chirps, “Oh yes.”
“Jace, allow me to bestow upon you a very important piece of advice,” Magnus says with bright eyes, his lips twitching. “When such things feel… like that, one should not - and are rarely able to - avoid them. For example, Alexander and I.”
Jace's head snaps up. “I'm not going after him.”
“Yes, you are,” Alec replies with an arched eyebrow. He knows Jace better than anyone. “We can bet on it if you like, but I'll win.”
“I'm not,” Jace declares, crossing his arms. He stands firm, then licks his lips and gives a full-body flinch, as if he's remembering what just occurred against his mouth. “Fuck, I am.”
Alec snorts. “Well, go on. Nothing's going to happen. We'll just, you know, tease you forever.”
“I hate all of you,” Jace tells them with a glare, marching towards the door with a scowl. “Stupid friends, stupid Warlocks who ruin freaking lives, stupid Simon, stupid everything!”
The door slams after him too.
“Well.” Magnus leans into Alec with a small smile, clearly amused. “I don't know about any of you, but that was the highlight of my evening. I, for one, would like to celebrate with a drink. Anyone else?”
Three weeks later, they finally track down the Warlock in question. Jace chews her out the whole way to the institute, but just before she's escorted through the portal to be handed over to the Clave, he mutters a quiet you're a bitch, but thanks.
Alec pretends not to hear. And when he walks in on Jace and Simon kissing later, he still has no idea what he's done wrong to the universe to put him in these horrible situations.