Work Text:
Haru checks his phone one more time, just to make absolutely certain he didn’t imagine things.
Happy Birthday, Haru! I know you’re busy today, but do you want to meet at the aquarium tonight around 8?
Every time he reads Makoto’s message, his lips involuntarily curl upward into a small smile. Even though the message had made his heart race with anticipation, he responded with a short and simple Ok.
He rubs his thumb over Makoto’s See you there! response, followed by his most frequently used emoji of a face smiling with its eyes closed. The screen seems to vibrate under Haru’s thumb, the message itself buzzing with excitement.
Wait, he thinks. The aquarium closes at 7pm on Sundays, doesn’t it? No, he must be mistaken. Makoto can be a bit absent-minded, but there’s no way he’d mix up the times on an important night like tonight.
Haru’s heartbeat starts to quicken, driven by the sudden and clearly reckless classification of tonight’s plans as important. He wishes he had time to sink into the bathtub and clear his mind from any expectations.
He needs to calm down. After all, Haru has spent every birthday he can remember—and even the few that he can’t—with Makoto. So this is nothing new. This isn’t anything major. And it’s definitely not important.
So why can’t he escape the thought that keeps coming back to him, the one that makes his heart race, the one that made him miss his train stop coming home from practice this morning? Why can’t he just ignore the fact that it’s his first birthday with Makoto as his boyfriend?
It still feels a little strange to call him that. Even when he talks about Makoto to someone new, he firstly describes him as his childhood friend, like he’s done his entire life. To refer to him as a “boyfriend” seems almost like he’s betraying their history together.
Being his boyfriend, though, is different. When Makoto sits beside him and rests his hand casually on Haru’s thigh, or kisses him goodbye before he heads home, or lies down to rest his head on Haru’s lap, it all feels completely natural. For some reason, it’s the word itself he’s hung up on.
Haru lets out a small gasp when he realizes he wasn’t keeping track of the time. He quickly grabs his thin navy sweater and pulls it on over his light blue button up shirt. There’s no time to change his outfit, so he tries not to think about the fact that he’s probably overdressed as he hurries to the train station.
Luckily, the aquarium isn’t too far. It sits just about halfway between his and Makoto’s apartments. Makoto was delighted when he found out the identity of this midpoint, and Haru couldn’t help but also think it was a cute sort of fate. It’s close enough for both of them to walk to, when there’s time, but tonight isn’t one of those instances. Instead, he hops on the nearly empty train and texts Makoto to let him know he’ll be there shortly.
Although Haru felt like he was rushed, he had of course given himself too much time to arrive. And considering Makoto is often running late, well, he’ll probably be waiting for a while. He stands beside the aquarium, in the exact spot where they always meet when they make plans in this area, and smiles thinking about Makoto nervous and rushed to meet his boyfriend for their date.
It’s a clear beautiful night, and they’re far enough away from downtown Tokyo that even a few stars are visible. It looks like they’re twinkling, even. It makes Haru think of Makoto, nothing specific, just Makoto himself, and once again he can’t help but smile.
Makoto is inarguably bright and warm, and people would probably compare him to a sunny day. But Haru thinks he’s more like a summer night, a sky speckled with stars that glow softly and spread their light in every direction. Even in the darkness, he shines.
Haru notices that no one else is around at all and sighs. This place is definitely closed, isn’t it? He stands back and looks up at the wall to make sure he’s in the correct spot underneath the painted mural of a group of clownfish. He checks his phone to confirm there’s still no response. No apologetic I forgot to lock the door and had to go back, sorry! Not even a vague I’ll be there soon! Nothing.
He wonders what Makoto could be up to. What if Kisumi had actually taken his phone and sent that first message to Haru? Maybe he was just planning to meet Haru here and scare him or something. Knowing him, it could be a weird birthday ritual he and his uncle celebrate.
Before Haru’s mind can reach further into the strange depths of paranoia, he hears the door open behind him. Ah, they must not be closed after all.
“Haru! Sorry to keep you waiting,” Makoto calls out, smiling in a perfect imitation of that emoji he uses so often.
Haru turns to see him wave and breathes a sigh a relief—it’s likely that Kisumi isn’t hiding around the corner, waiting to throw a cake at his face or whatever annoying thing it might be that the Shigino family does to celebrate birthdays. His body relaxes and he gives Makoto a smile. “It’s fine. I didn’t know you were waiting inside.”
He walks past the door being held open for him and turns just in time for Makoto to give him a quick kiss on the forehead and wrap his arms warmly around him. “Happy birthday, Haru-chan,” he says, voice dripping with sincere fondness. “You look really nice.”
He’s so good at things like that, doing what he wants and saying what he wants. He makes it look so easy, but it’s not. Even after a few months together, Haru’s still not quite sure when he’s supposed to kiss him or ask to spend the night or try to take things further. But Makoto is somehow an expert, so Haru trusts him to take the lead.
He allows himself to get lost in the comfort of Makoto’s embrace for just a moment before speaking. “Thanks for inviting me out. Is there an event going on tonight?” Sometimes, the aquarium opens earlier or closes later if something special is going on. And Makoto always keeps up with the aquarium’s calendar, looking for anything that might interest Haru—new exhibits, ugly fish appreciation days, and revealing new mascots.
“Eh? Well…”
And then, Haru notices that something isn’t right. Just like outside, no one is around, no customers or employees. All of the lights are dimmed. It reminds him of when they were kids and broke into the swim club. And later on when they did it again. And later on when it was Samezuka! “Are we allowed to be here?” he asks, wondering if he should whisper.
“Wha— of course we are. What do you think— oh!” Makoto suddenly starts laughing. “I wouldn’t break in! I got permission to be here, for your birthday… I wanted to surprise you.” He hopes that Haru is too relieved to notice that he’s blushing. It’s not the first time he’s surprised Haru for his birthday, but this time he was trying to be romantic, which didn’t come as easily as he had hoped.
Haru feels a little stupid. Of course Makoto didn’t choose a life of crime. He wouldn’t risk getting either of them punished, especially with Haru’s swimming career on the line. He blames, probably unfairly, Kisumi—his mere existence had gotten into his head and put him on edge.
“Is it ok?” Makoto asks, suddenly worried that this was a bad idea. “I thought it would be nice with just the two of us tonight. Since Sundays are so exhausting for you, we could relax a bit.”
“Of course it’s ok,” Haru says reassuringly. Makoto is right that Sundays are busy and tiresome, but this is exactly what he needs. Somehow, Makoto always knows precisely that. “But what did you mean that you have permission to be here?”
Makoto walks further into the lobby, urging Haru to follow. “Do you remember that girl in my swim class, Chiyo-chan? Her parents are in charge of the aquarium! I guess she talks about me a lot…” he laughs sheepishly. It had been Asahi who pointed out that all the kids seemed to have a crush on Makoto.
“Don’t inconvenience people for my sake.”
“I know, but her mom was really excited when I brought it up! She said she feels like they owe me, considering how happy Chiyo-chan always is when she comes home from practice. Are you jealous of a little girl?” Makoto teases, noticing Haru’s small pout.
“I’m not!”
A laugh starts to leave Makoto’s lips, but before it can escape completely, he leans in and gives Haru a kiss. Being able to do something like this in a public place is kind of exhilarating, even if the public isn’t exactly allowed inside at the moment. Haru wraps his arms around Makoto’s neck, urging Makoto to kiss him more deeply.
Reluctantly, Makoto pulls away, still smiling. “So, we’re actually not completely alone.”
“What?!” Haru says, looking around, wondering if anyone saw them.
“It’s just Yuu-san here,” Makoto laughs. “She’s in her office doing paperwork. We’ll stop by when we leave. Now, let’s start looking at the exhibits,” he says, and walks toward the beginning, slipping his hand over Haru’s.
The aquarium begins with a large room. When stepping inside, there are a few different options. On the right is the huge viewing window that displays various fish. On the left is the long tank all along the wall, filled with sea urchins and sea stars that people can touch. And in the center of the room are three large cylindrical tanks housing seahorses.
Makoto looks intently into the closest tube, with Haru close behind. “Hm, I don’t see him.”
“He likes to be on the bottom. There!”
“Ah,” Makoto laughs, “hello, Rei-chan!”
They always start their aquarium walkthrough by greeting the seahorse they named after Rei. It was Makoto who had begun to name the different fish they saw after their friends. Nagisa is an energetic little fish who lives in the big tank. They agreed that Rei would be a seahorse, and Makoto was the first to notice this particular one’s dark colorations across the eyes that looked like glasses.
Leaving the tube and forgoing the urchins, they walk to the big glass wall. Usually when they come, there’s music playing and people chattering away. But now, it’s just the two of them with nothing but the low hum of the tanks. Haru can only stare, watching the fish glide gently through the water.
Makoto removes his attention from the angelfish swimming by to look over at Haru. He makes no attempt to call out to him or distract him; he just watches Haru watching the fish, eyes focusing and moving from one place to another. It feels so different with just the two of them here, and he’s grateful for the calming intimacy.
Haru suddenly feels Makoto’s eyes and turns to him. “Sorry, am I taking too long?”
“No! No, not at all. You just look really cute, like you’re enjoying yourself. I didn’t mean to distract you.” He takes a step closer and puts his arm around Haru’s waist. “Hey, what’s that big fish by the rocks called again?”
Haru smiles at the obvious attempt to redirect his attention back to the tank. “It’s the rockfish.” He knows Makoto enjoys being here, too, but Haru could probably stand here all night. To show that he appreciates the patience, he leans his head against Makoto’s shoulder.
They take a few more minutes here, pointing things out to each other, asking questions about the fish that neither of them know the answers to, and making up overly ridiculous answers instead. Haru starts to wonder if Makoto might be delaying the room that comes next.
Exiting this exhibit is always the worst part for Makoto. The hallway leading to the next area is dark and cave like, meant to give the appearance that you’re traveling into the deepest parts of the sea. He has gotten somewhat used to it after all the times they’ve come here, but it’s still generally unpleasant.
Haru stops just as the hallway ends. “We can go through here quickly. There’s nothing new to see.”
“Thanks, Haru,” Makoto says, unexpectedly still looking a little nervous. “But it’s ok! You should take your time tonight. I’ll be fine.”
Before Haru can object, Makoto walks ahead of him and makes a surprised yelp.
“Makoto! What is it?”
“That is definitely new!”
Haru rushes in and sees immediately what he means.
Because it’s hard to replicate living conditions for deep sea fish, they’re not easily kept in aquariums. All the fish in this room are just preserved, but that doesn’t make the 12-foot giant squid on display in the corner of the room any less menacing, with a spotlight shining on it like it’s some sort of stage actor. Maybe, Haru considers, if Makoto imagines it singing and dancing on stage, he won’t be as scared. Actually, on second thought, he’ll probably run out screaming and never come back.
Admittedly, it’s a bit much, even for Haru. But he’s still curious, so he walks closer until Makoto stops him.
“Don’t go near it!” he cries out.
“I just want to read the thing.” Haru continues walking, but stops again. “If you see it move, save yourself,” he says with the utmost seriousness.
Makoto sighs, and bravely follows Haru. “It is kind of interesting, I guess.” Though he’s trying to be brave, his voice wavers just the smallest bit, and he instinctively holds on to the bottom of Haru’s shirt.
“Ah, it says this one is quite small for the species. They can grow up to four times this size.”
“Ehhhh?! It’s already the size of a car! Four times… I don’t want to think about that...” Makoto says, voice trailing off as he glances at the exit to this room.
Haru grabs Makoto’s hand to pry it from the hem of his sweater and holds on to it. “Let’s just keep going. I don’t need to spend more time in here.”
“You’re sure?”
“Mm, let me just pass by the blobfish.”
Nodding, Makoto laughs. That particular fish is actually not so scary. Ugly, sure, but it doesn’t haunt his nightmares. It’s about a foot long and, well, blob-like with a big flat nose. Haru has been fascinated since they first saw it here, and Makoto’s just glad he got to see his favorite fish on his birthday.
With Haru satisfied, they head toward the exit. The long large hallway connecting to the next room retains its eeriness, lined with tanks containing various species of eel, octopus, and shark. They pass everything by, stopping once to give a quick wave to the shark they named Rin, and stopping once more when Haru suddenly decides he wants to name one of the eels Kisumi, despite Makoto insisting a jellyfish would suit him better.
And then, turning the corner, it suddenly opens up into an enormous underwater tunnel. Makoto and Haru become engulfed in spectacular marine life. Even though Haru enjoys the deep sea area, coming here always feels like a breath of fresh air after the murky waters that led them to it.
Everywhere their eyes land sees clear blue water, as a beautiful assortment of fins and tails float above and around them. Bright greens and colorful corals cover the ground inside, and it’s amazing to think just how infinite the ocean is compared to this already seemingly grand view.
Haru and Makoto continue through this section at a leisurely pace. It’s kind of strange, Haru realizes, but Makoto seems to be trying to rush them just a little. He wonders if maybe they’re running out of time, and wishes he had hurried more with the deep sea exhibit. It wasn’t worth going so quickly through the parts that Makoto loves.
He supposes they can always come back through here if they have time left. Anyway, the next room is actually connected to the tunnel and offers the same sights, just in a smaller more enclosed space.
When they walk through the doorway, Haru’s eyes go immediately to the floor-to-ceiling viewing window on his right, the glass unobscured by any railings or banisters. Despite the allure of the deep sea fish, this is his favorite place.
People usually crowd in the tunnel, especially people who are visiting for the first time and don’t realize that all the same fish can be viewed further ahead. That leaves this room fairly empty, and by the time other people do reach it, they don’t linger for too long.
It takes Haru a moment to realize that something is different, aside from the quiet and seclusion. It’s dimmer than usual, for one, and more obviously, centered in front of the glass against the back wall is a small blanket that he recognizes as Makoto’s.
“Are you hungry?” Makoto asks, leading Haru to the blanket.
He’s not sure exactly how the two things are related, but yes, he is. “Oh… sure, I ate a while ago…”
Makoto sits down, prompting Haru to do the same. He reaches over to grab a couple plastic containers out of the large bag next to him, passing one of them to Haru. The fish pay them no mind, as Haru confirms with a quick glance to the water in front of him. He wonders if they’re thinking something like Those humans are paying us no mind.
“Hopefully it’s ok,” Makoto chuckles, handing over the medium-sized container.
Haru can only interpret that as a warning that whatever’s inside is something Makoto made himself. He surmises quickly, based on Makoto’s skills and the limited options he had, that the box contains several different rice balls, probably molded into cute shapes. At least that should be safe to consume.
Pulling off the lid, he lets out a small gasp of surprise.
“Well?” Makoto asks impatiently, his heartbeat racing at the unexpected response.
Haru holds the container closer to his face. He can hardly believe how good it looks. Neatly sliced cucumbers, tomatoes, and grilled egg sit on top of thin noodles. “You made this?”
Makoto beams. “I did!”
“How many bandages did you need?” Haru teases, taking one of Makoto’s hands and pretending to inspect it.
Makoto scoffs and blushes simultaneously, but makes no effort to take back his hand. “I didn’t cut myself!”
“Amazing…” He doesn’t even need to taste it to know that it’s well executed.
“My mom sent me the recipe. I asked her to send me something with mackerel but in the end, I thought it would be rude to eat a fish in front of all these other fish.”
Haru smiles. It’s good logic, he thinks, poking through with his chopsticks to identify the pieces of chicken. Makoto pours a light brown sauce over his noodles and then hands it to Haru. The final touch is a sprinkling of sesame seeds and chopped ginger.
Makoto watches intently as Haru takes a bite. Without saying anything, he takes another bite, and another. “Do you like it?”
“Ah, it’s surprisingly delicious.”
“Surprisingly?!”
Haru’s smile turns into a laugh this time. “I’m kidding. It’s perfect. You’ll have to teach me how to make it.”
“I will!” Makoto says, turning into that smiling emoji again. “I was really excited to get here and show you, so I’m glad you like it. Ah, and if you’re still hungry,” he continues, and pulls out another small container, “I made these, too.”
Haru almost chokes when Makoto reveals the four small rice balls shaped like fish. Managing to keep his composure at the cute little morsels, he takes one with his chopsticks. It’s also chicken. “So it’s ok if they’re just shaped like fish?”
“Hmm, the ones in the tank don’t look offended, so I think it’s ok.”
The tank. Haru’s so focused on Makoto, he nearly forgot they were here. As they finish their food, they stare into the water. A sea turtle casually floats across while fish dart every which way, swimming more freely than Haru enviously thinks is even possible for a human. Being on the floor like this makes him feel especially small.
He’s suddenly reminded of something.
“Do you remember my thirteenth birthday?” Haru asks, knowing that of course Makoto does.
Makoto smiles wistfully and starts to clean up the empty containers, shoving them back into the cooler. “I made you an aquarium.”
Haru wants to return the longing smile, but it’s a bittersweet memory for him. Around the time of his birthday, one of his family members had fallen ill, and his mom had to travel to see them. Since his dad was in Hokkaido, Haru was left by himself. He was used to it, and he knew it was out of his parents’ control, but it still made him feel especially lonely.
The afternoon of his birthday had barely begun when he heard the doorbell ringing. Makoto was standing there and immediately wished him happy birthday before insisting that he come over to his place to celebrate. Haru tried to decline, but Makoto was already halfway down the stairs, so what else could he do but follow him?
When they got to his house, Makoto brought him upstairs and led him into his room. Haru’s mouth fell open when he saw the surprise waiting there for him. All over the walls, blue streamers hung from the ceiling. And on top of those were pictures of various sea creatures drawn, colored, and cut out by Makoto. There had to be almost a hundred of them.
Haru smiled a little. “What is this?” he asked, and took the pamphlet he was being handed. On the front, it read “Makoto’s Aquarium!” and inside was a guide to all the fish found around the room based on which wall they were hung on.
“Do you want to look around? I’ll show you the mackerel first! And look, there’s even a dolphin!” Makoto pointed to a drawing across the way, no bigger than a regular sheet of paper.
“It’s kind of small, isn’t it?”
“Eh, well… I didn’t have paper big enough…”
“Ah, a baby dolphin, then,” Haru reasons.
Haru was amazed at how much time and effort had gone into it, and he couldn’t have been more grateful to his best friend. He had known, surely, that Haru wouldn’t invite himself over or admit to being lonely. And for the rest of the day, never once did Haru’s mind float back to his empty house. He was too distracted with happiness.
The next morning, when it was time for Haru to go home, he gave one more look around Makoto’s room, stopping in front of the clownfish.
“You can take it, if you want. To keep it.”
Haru smiled and nodded, gently removing the fish from the tape. It wasn’t until he got home that he saw a small message written on the back: I knew you’d pick this one. Happy birthday, Haru-chan! -Makoto He wondered if Makoto had written that same message on all of them, but he was content enough believing that it was just the one he was holding. Because of course Makoto would know. Somehow he knew everything.
Haru allows himself to smile after all, his chest warming with the memory. “I took the clownfish, but what did you do with the rest of your drawings?”
“My mom put them in a folder. Ran and Ren used to play with them until they got too worn out.”
Haru’s a bit sad he didn’t take them all. He would have kept them safe. The clownfish is still back home in his room, shoved inside of a book that Makoto would never have picked off his shelf to read. It was Haru’s favorite one to flip through whenever he felt lonely, though even now he refuses to admit it had anything to do with that drawing.
“Do we have to leave by a certain time?” Haru asks, suddenly aware that he doesn’t want to go back to his apartment.
Makoto smiles. “No, but we shouldn’t stay too late. Oh! I almost forgot to give you your present.”
“Isn’t that what this is?”
“Well, part of it.” He passes Haru the plastic bag sitting next to the cooler.
“You didn’t even wrap it?” Haru teases, smirking playfully while he reaches into the bag. He’s not sure what he’s expecting, but something soft isn’t it. He looks down to see nothing but gray and pulls out a blobfish stuffed animal, true to its real size. Haru smiles at it affectionately, though that smile is intended for Makoto.
“Now you have your own to look at.”
Haru pokes its weird flat nose. “They really make something like this?”
Makoto nervously scratches his chin. “Well, no… I actually reached out to someone online and they made it custom.” He feels a little silly going to that much trouble.
“Thank you. I’ll hide it when you come over.”
“It’s ok, it’s kind of cute like that!”
Haru sets it beside him, scooting a little closer to Makoto at the same time Makoto scoots a little closer, too. They link their hands and return their attention to the window.
The lights above make the top of the water sparkle and shine. It reminds Haru of the way the moonlight reflects on the sea back home, how often he and Makoto would see it when they were out for a jog or just sitting on the beach together. Maybe that’s why Makoto so easily conjures the image of a starry night for him.
Out of the corner of his eye, Haru watches Makoto watching the fish, a small content smile on his face. Sparkling, he thinks. A night with stars and a faraway bright moon. He looks really cute.
Makoto suddenly turns his head. With an unbelievably fast reaction time, Haru looks away, embarrassed about getting caught, and faces forward again.
“Haru?” Makoto says, not taking his eyes off of him.
Warmth spreads throughout Haru’s body at the sound of his voice, and he allows himself to turn and meet Makoto’s eyes, his own reflection staring back at him if he looks hard enough. “Hm?”
“Are you happy being here tonight?”
“Oh.” That’s not what he was expecting. “I am.”
“You’re happy about your present?”
“Ah, it’s perfect.”
“And you’re happy with me??”
“I guess so,” Haru says with a growing smile, knowing that Makoto already knows the answer, delighted when his laugh echoes around them.
“Do you want to come over tonight?”
It sounds like a great deal of relief to Haru. Once again, he's amazed by how perceptive Makoto can be. He starts to give a curt answer, but stops and sets his head on Makoto’s shoulder instead. “That would also make me happy.”
Makoto gives Haru’s hand a gentle squeeze. He’s bursting with emotion and that’s all he can think of to do right now. “I’m glad! I know it’s late so we can’t really do much before sleeping, but we can at least kiss… and stuff.”
“And... stuff?”
Mumbling incoherently, Makoto turns to start rummaging through his bag, pretending like there’s something in there that he needs, but really he just wishes he could crawl inside of it and hide. He can’t believe he just said that, and Haru noticed, and his face is on fire, and he—
“Makoto?” Haru asks again, biting his bottom lip to keep from laughing.
More than anything, Haru is just curious what Makoto means. The physical parts of their relationship had progressed slowly but steadily. Hands that once purposely brushed against each other became hands that were held. Fingers interlaced, and palms were kissed. It was just little touches that sent Haru’s body tingling head to toe. The most recent advancement had happened a week ago. While they were kissing, Makoto slid his hand under the back of Haru’s shirt, rubbing the skin with his thumb.
Haru wants more, and Makoto clearly does, too. Every time they go a step further, he feels excitement about what will happen next. Regardless of the steps, he knows what it’s all leading up to. He thinks of everything else as training for the big moment.
Once Haru has enough of Makoto’s cute embarrassment, he gets up on his knees and moves closer before sitting back on his heels. Instead of reassuring Makoto with any words, and honestly he just doesn’t think words would suffice at this moment, he slips his hand around the back of Makoto’s neck, prompting him to sit up and turn to Haru.
Their faces are apart for only a moment, taking in each other’s soft blush and quiet breaths. It’s a little strange for Haru to see Makoto lift his chin to look up at him; their height difference had become reversed when Haru got on his knees. And it’s Haru leaning in first—he makes sure Makoto knows that, because he has to know that Haru wants everything that he does. Eyes closed and lips pressed together, they let themselves get lost in the kiss.
It reminds Haru of the very first time, when they were lying together on Makoto’s bed tired from studying, and the moment just felt right, and it happened so naturally without hesitation. Makoto took Haru’s hand and kissed it, too, and they lay there smiling until they fell asleep.
Though back then, Haru could only wonder what it would feel like to have his fingers running through Makoto’s hair, what it would feel like under the palm of his hand, and how soft Makoto’s tongue would feel pressed against his own. And he did definitely think about it.
But now he’s thinking of other things, new things—scary things. There were so many other places his hands could go. How would it feel to have his fingers in Makoto’s hair while those fluffy brown locks tickled his stomach? How would it feel to have Makoto’s tongue in different places, with his breath falling gently against Haru? Would the sweat on his skin glisten like moonlight on the water?
These were not things to be thinking about right now.
He pulls away while he’s still able to and can’t help but think Makoto’s thoughts were in line with his own. His face is so red, Haru’s surprised he couldn’t feel the heat coming off of it. Then again, Haru’s probably blushing just as much. He sits back down against the wall and looks straight ahead at the fish, without really looking at them, hoping Makoto will say the first word.
Surprisingly, he laughs. “I was worried that maybe I said something weird. I never know if I’m doing things right,” he confesses, eyes looking at his hands, because it’s hard to say embarrassing things when you’re looking at someone. “Am I kissing you too much, or holding your hand too tight, or pushing things too soon?”
Guilt stings Haru’s heart, though he’s sure that wasn’t Makoto’s intention. Makoto took the lead so Haru wouldn’t have to, just like Haru knew that he would. And he was good at it, so good at it.
In the beginning, Makoto would always ask for permission. Can I kiss you, Haru? he would say. But it wasn’t necessary. You don’t have to ask, Haru assured him. Because Makoto can always tell when Haru wants to be left alone, and he can tell when Haru wants to be comforted.
He somehow knows when a kiss to the cheek is better than one on the lips. And his hugs are secure, never stifling. Even though Makoto was just as inexperienced as Haru, everything seemed to come to him so naturally. But maybe he was actually just a natural at faking it for Haru’s sake.
“It’s my fault,” Haru finally says, staring at Makoto until he turns to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. You didn’t say anything weird. And you’ve never done anything wrong. Don’t you think I’d tell you if I didn’t want to kiss you or something?”
“Hmm, would you, though?” Makoto pauses, not really expecting an answer, just wondering aloud. “I think you love me too much to say it.”
Haru’s eyes go wide, and he turns his head to the side to avoid Makoto’s knowing smile.
Love.
The thought echoes in Haru’s mind while his rapid heartbeat echoes in his chest.
He hadn’t said that word to Makoto, not yet. He couldn’t do it. He was waiting for Makoto to say it first. And he wouldn’t, probably because he didn’t want to make Haru think he was obligated to say it back.
But it’s not like he didn’t want to. It’s not like he didn’t feel it. From the moment they first kissed, that’s when he could truly acknowledge it for the first time. Ah, he had thought simply, I’m in love with Makoto. And then everything made sense, like it had been the missing piece of his heart fitting into place.
That being said, he’s not going to bite his tongue right now. Haru turns to face Makoto and his smile. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”
“Where did that come from?!” he sputters, smile dissolving into one of confusion.
“Of course I’d tell you if I didn’t want to do something. Because if I didn’t want to, and you did it anyway, well... you wouldn’t like that. And then we’d both be unhappy. So I’d tell you. It’s because I love you that I would.”
Haru watches Makoto’s concerned face quickly go blank before changing into one of pure happiness. The way his eyes soften and narrow, and his eyebrows turn upward, how he scrunches his nose just a little as his lips become a smile. It’s an expression that could never be captured by a drawing, an emoji, or even a photograph. If you’re not seeing it in front of you and looking at it with your heart, there’s no way to truly understand how good it feels.
“Haru…” Makoto finally manages to say, his name falling sweetly between them. “I love you, too. And I'm really glad to hear that.”
Haru feels his own face soften, and thinks that it’s enough of a response. When Makoto understandably leans over to kiss him, Haru backs away. “I think we’ve given the fish enough of a show.”
Makoto laughs and settles for placing a kiss against his forehead. “We better get going. I don’t want to make Yuu-san regret letting me do this.”
“She and the other parents have probably been watching us on the security cameras the whole time,” Haru jokes, realizing with nauseating paranoia that it’s not completely out of the realm of possibilities.
Makoto laughs and pushes himself off the floor. Standing, he reaches out his hand and pulls Haru up, as always, thinking that he somehow feels lighter, as though a weight has been lifted from him. Or maybe Makoto has just gotten stronger. It’s probably both.
They gather up their things and exit the room, moving past the gift shop and back to the lobby. Makoto’s thankful it’s not too late and lets Yuu-san know that they’re leaving. Haru’s glad he has a chance to tell her thank you himself, and says he hopes Makoto wasn’t too much trouble.
When they step outside, Haru’s relieved that not too much has changed, that the night is still comfortably warm, and the sky is just as clear as it was when they arrived.
“Did you notice the stars?” Makoto asks, smiling when Haru takes his hand and laces their fingers together.
“Ah.”
“Nights like tonight remind me of you,” Makoto says, taking his eyes off the sky and glancing over at Haru.
Haru wants to tell him, again, that he’s an idiot. It’s Makoto, not him, that resembles the night. “I don’t think so.” He manages to show restraint with the insult.
“Mm, when it’s dark, it can be kind of scary, and you can’t see where you’re going. But if you look up, the stars are there. And if the stars are there, then I feel calm and safe, like my heart is being protected. Well, it sounds silly saying it out loud.”
“Ah, it sounded very Makoto-like,” Haru says, laughing along with Makoto at the blunt reply.
And maybe it did sound a little silly, but what Haru really thinks is that it sounds sincere. There really is no one word to describe him. Because to Haru, he is everything. He is his childhood friend and partner, his boyfriend, the one he loves most, his soulmate. He is the stars shining brightly in the dark sky, and he's the sea illuminated by their light. In the end, Makoto is always just Makoto.
He has a big heart; anyone who knows him would say that about him. It overflows with care and concern, but also, sometimes, with worry and fear.
And Haru knows he’s caught more glimpses of it than anybody.
When they started dating, Haru wondered if he’d see even more, like there was a side to Makoto he was saving for his future lover. But he quickly realized Makoto had opened his whole heart to him from the very beginning.
Maybe it was the same for Makoto; maybe he didn’t see Haru in terms of a friend or a boyfriend. To him, Haru was Haru.
“You’re smiling, Haru-chan,” Makoto points out, as if correcting Haru’s embarrassing inner thoughts.
Right. Haru-chan is Haru-chan. That’s what he would say. Haru smiles even more. “Just thinking.”
“About me?” Makoto asks, already knowing the answer.
“Maybe.”
Makoto laughs and lightly squeezes Haru’s hand. They continue on to his apartment, slowly, one step at a time. They’re too far for it to be true, but Haru swears he can hear the faint waves of the sea, as though he were back home in Iwatobi. That’s what he feels when he’s with Makoto. And something tells him Makoto is hearing them, too.