Jaehwan loves Daehwi.
It’s just that simple.
His friends asked.
Bugged.
Questioned.
Why? They wondered.
Why Daehwi? What is so special about him?
Jaehwan wondered too, sometimes. Why him? What is it in this man that Daehwi saw?
But for his friends’ curiosity, he always has the answer.
Daehwi being Daehwi, that’s what so special about him.
Trance.
A word used to described a half-conscious state of mind characterized by an absence of response to external stimuli.
Also, the first time he met Daehwi.
The younger came with his older brother and boyfriend – yes, he was dating someone else first time they met.
But the said fact did not stopped Jaehwan from being love-struck.
He was performing on the stage, singing, playing guitar – entertaining everyone in the club, yet his eyes were fixated on the small man.
Oblivious, was Daehwi, lost in his boyfriend’s embrace and jokes.
His underclassmen – Daehwi’s brother, introduced him to the pair.
Jaehwan had a drink in his hand as he came out of the back of the stage, Daehwi was giggling – obviously drunk. With his little hand covering his mouth and the other arm around his boyfriend’s neck, barely stable with his legs on his boyfriend’s laps.
Jaehwan did not think that someone drunk-giggling could look so angelic.
At that moment, he realised he has lost to a game that had not yet started.
I’d give you all I have honey, if you could stay like that.
Sparkles – the one in Daehwi’s eyes when he’s furiously typing at the speed of thought.
The next time they met, Jaehwan was still playing music for people to listen to.
Daehwi was alone, apart from the laptop connected to power and a cup of coffee.
Jaehwan never understood why his friend said their significant other look the most attractive when focusing on doing something, so passionate, that it comes out through their body language.
He did not understand how does someone crunching over a small laptop, brows tangled and glasses pushed back look attractive – that just look stressful.
He guessed it all changes here.
Cute.
Porcelain – fragile, vulnerable, breakable.
Valuable like a set of antique porcelain dolls.
Strong like a porcelain knife.
That’s Daehwi.
His Daehwi.
In the midst of storms, thunder and rain, Jaehwan did not expect a ring on the telecom.
The face on the telecom surprised him even more.
He hoped that the wet streak on Daehwi’s face he saw over blurry telecom was his imagination or from the rain.
He was wrong.
That night, he knew what it was like to have your world crumbled down because of someone else.
The feeling of second hand rage as someone threw away a chance you would die for.
As Daehwi fell asleep in his arms, tired, his knuckles turned white.
I can treat you better than he can.
Golden hour – the time just after sunrise or before sunset
‘I thought you want to be here during golden hour to take pictures?’
‘Nah, I’m bored. I’m done with insta for awhile.’
Jaehwan chuckled in response, Daehwi returned a mini frown, then followed with a small giggle.
Daehwi sat down under the big tree as the sun seeped through the leaves, forming an unimaginably angelic image in front of him as he captured it with his eyes.
Daehwi laid himself against the trunk as Jaehwan settled down opposite the younger boy, taking in the spring breeze from the river.
‘Hyung, can you play some music?’
Jaehwan started playing guitar, Daehwi closed his eyes peacefully, a small smile formed up.
Jaehwan could not help himself but to smile at the image.
It was worth it. Everything was worth it.
He loves it.
He loves everything about Daehwi, every single little details, every little moments shared, every conversations, every songs, every smiles, every kisses.
Everything.
He loves it.
Daehwi’s little frown when he is teased.
The smile he tries to hide when he is flustered.
The tangled eyebrows when he is focused.
The small yawn when work seems endless.
The humming along the tune of his guitar.
The singing in the shower.
The drunk giggles.
The overwhelming tears of emotion.
Everything.
I’m in love with you and all your little things.
Empty.
To be frank, Daehwi barely had any memories of the first time he met Jaehwan.
He had planned the event for months, bribing Woojin to take him to see the ever-so-famous Kim Jaehwan of the Vocal major.
He couldn’t believed he let his ex, well, then-boyfriend get him so drunk his brain failed to function.
The only thing he remembered was when Jaehwan took him to the toilet, stayed with him until he stopped throwing his guts out.
He can’t remembered how he got there, why was it Jaehwan, and where was his ex.
He just remembered that it was not so empty anymore.
Lucky, that night, I was so lucky.
Hot chocolate.
He was beating the deadline with the courtesy of the cafe’s wifi and power socket in exchange of what appeared to be third cup of coffee of the day.
He froze when he realised Jaehwan was singing in the cafe for he failed to know how long.
What deadlines could do to a person!
He bought Jaehwan a cup of coffee, thanking and apologizing him for the last time they met.
Some five minute of discussing went on when the waiter came to serve them a croissant and a crepe cake.
He asked if Jaehwan usually eat lunch at 3 pm.
He said he already had lunch, it was for Daehwi, he knew from the owner that he has not been eating anything yet.
How can someone be so much like a cup of hot chocolate?
Downpour.
Daehwi was lost.
It was 2 am, he did not know where to go.
He was tired, from all the fighting, crying, screaming – break up.
He felt lost.
It was one downpour and he lost everything.
He forgot who he was.
He lost himself, in fighting for him.
He did not know how, but he appeared in front of Jaehwan’s flat, pressing over the telecom.
Greeted with a warm big towel and a cup of hot tea.
A reliable embrace that will always be there.
Soft voice that put him to sleep, forgetting what had happened.
And then he found himself again.
Please don’t be in love with someone else.
Wonderland.
Hans river picnic.
Him.
Few snacks.
Jaehwan, and his voice.
That’s his ideal wonderland.
Drifting into the world with just him and his boyfriend.
It was perfect.
He loves it.
He loves everything that was Jaehwan.
He loves how every single actions are laced with care and warmth.
Like a blanket when they go to picnics.
Like falling asleep on the desk after a restless night and woke up in bed.
Like shoulder and back massage after an assignment is submitted.
He loves the charismatic little things Jaehwan never noticed.
Like the smirk after he finished figuring out the chords of a song.
Like the chuckle between their bickerings.
Like the peaceful smile he forms when he looks out in the distance.
I’m in love with you and all your litle things.
Daehwi loves Jaehwan.
It’s just that simple.
To you whose smile could light up my day.