Chapter Text
“Lena, please, let me explain, I didn’t mean to – ”
“Didn’t mean to what, Kara?”
Lena’s head whipped around, and she looked at Kara with such vitriol that Kara instantly shrunk back.
“Didn’t mean to lie to me? Didn’t mean to make a complete fool out of me?"
Kara shook her head, but Lena ignored her.
"You didn’t mean to have a good laugh with your friends at the expense of the little Luthor, who couldn’t even figure out her best friend was the city’s first and foremost superhero? You didn’t mean to do that, Kara? Really? God," she shook her head disbelievingly, "it must’ve been so funny to you people,” Lena sneered.
“Lena, no,” Kara tried.
“Or maybe,” Lena ignored Kara completely, “maybe you just didn’t mean for my brother to tell me, huh?”
Her eyes blazed with so much anger, that Kara instinctively ducked her head to avoid the burning glare. She’d seen that glare before, of course, it was infamous. The blazing eyes, pursed lips, raised eyebrows… it was terrifying. But for as long as Kara had known about that glare, she had always seen it being directed at others. At angry misogynistic lawyers and businessmen, her family, even Alex after a particularly nasty remark about Luthors and crime statistics. They had all been on the receiving end of that glare one time or another. But never her. Never Kara.
Lena continued to study her intently. Her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed. Never a good sign.
“That’s it, isn’t it? You’re sorry I ever found out. You wanted to keep it from me,” she said softly.
She seemed to become more certain of the idea the longer she spoke.
“You were never going to tell me, were you? You were going to keep me out of the loop forever.”
A tinge of hurt coated her angry words.
“No Lena, that’s not what – Lena, we never wanted to –”
“How many of your friends know about this?” Lena interrupted her. “Does Nia know? You’ve only been her friend for a year, but she seems to be in the loop, doesn’t she? I mean why wouldn’t she, she’s only your co-worker,” Lena added sarcastically.
“Lena, please, don’t do this.”
“Does J’onn know? Did Maggie? Or maybe you’ve already told Kelly? She is, after all, your sister’s new boo, right? So does...”
Lena paused. She suddenly looked up at Kara with wide eyes, and Kara instantly knew the connection the woman had made in her head. Lena took a step back. “Oh my God,” she said slowly, looking at Kara with so much hurt in her eyes.
“Does James know?” she asked disbelievingly.
Kara opened her mouth helplessly but realised there was nothing she could say that wouldn’t upset the situation even further. She looked down at the floor. When Kara didn’t answer and instead pressed her lips together to keep from crying, Lena gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.
“My boyfriend, Kara?” Lena shrieked. “James knew? You both kept this from me?”
Lena got angrier with every word.
Kara didn’t answer.
The fact that Kara had nothing to say to defend herself, only upset Lena even further. She bit her tongue to keep her from exploding, and to take a hold of herself. That wasn’t the Luthor way. Luthors didn’t shriek, and they certainly didn’t act on their every emotion like pubescent teenagers. No, Luthors sought out the weaknesses of their prey and acted on those. They were cunning and calculated, and Kara was just about to find out the full effect of said Luthor strategy.
“You know,” Lena said coldly, dropping her hands to her side, “for someone so obsessed with loyalty and friendship, you’ve got some serious boundary issues when it comes to other people’s relationships.”
“Lena,” Kara pleaded softly, but Lena ignored her.
“My best friends and my boyfriend kept a huge secret from me, and you were just,” Lena waved her hand, “keeping that from me,” she stated.
There was no question in her words.
Kara hung her head in defeat.
Lena shook her head and regarded her former best friend with an icy stare.
“You know Kara,” she said slowly, “I’ve been around a lot of really awful people in my life,” Lena’s tone was dangerously low, and she took a step closer to Kara, who instinctively took one back. “I’ve had friends like Veronica, and family like Lex and Lillian who conceived and conspired, who hurt and maimed others, but I don’t think, I have. Ever.” She harshly punctuated her words, “met someone so truly vile as you.”
“Lena, please,” it came out as a sob, and Kara hated it, “please, you know I never meant – if you would just let me explain – ”
“Save it, Kara,” Lena snapped. “I don’t need your half-assed explanations. In fact,” Lena grabbed her purse from the coffee table, still riddled with the untouched take-out Kara had ordered earlier on, and the glasses Lena had forced her to take off before, when she had rushed through the door like a storm, confronting Kara with all the lies she’d ever told, “I don’t need anything from you anymore.”
“Lena,” Kara said softly, “please.”
But Lena had already made up her mind. She snatched her black coat from its place on the couch and moved towards the door. Before she could even turn the doorknob, however, Kara had already moved over there in a flash, blocking Lena’s way out.
“Kara,” Lena said coldly, “let me through.”
“No, not before you let me at least explain,” Kara pleaded. “I never wanted to hurt you, Lena, please! You have to believe me. You’re my best friend and I love you, and I can’t –”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” Lena interrupted. “We’re not friends, Kara. Apparently, we were never friends to begin with. You can’t have a friendship built on a lie,” she spat. “We’re nothing to each other anymore. You made sure of that.”
Kara shrunk back.
“Don’t bother coming by L-Corp again,” Lena added. “Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Leave me alone, Kara. If I see your face again in ten years it will be too soon. I want you out of my life.”
“Lena,” Kara whispered. Her voice cracked just the tiniest bit.
She could already feel the sting of the upcoming tears in her eyes. This couldn’t really be happening. Once upon a time, the mere promise of Kara crying would have sent Lena into a frenzy, ready with open arms, cuddles, hot drinks, and colourful threats to whoever would even dare hurt her best friend. Once upon a time, Lena would’ve cared about Kara. Lena would’ve comforted her.
But there was no warmth in Lena’s eyes now. No love, whatsoever.
“Please don’t leave,” Kara whispered, “everybody always leaves, please,” she begged, “I can’t have you leave too. I need you, Lena.”
Kara knew it was low. It was practically bordering on emotional blackmail, but she was desperate. Lena needed to stay. She needed to know how important she was to Kara, how amazing she was, and how horrible life would be without her.
Kara reached out her hands to touch Lena, but the other woman instinctively took a step back. The move seemed to shock them both. Kara’s eyes snapped up to Lena’s. A full wave of hurt flooded her senses.
Lena didn’t want Kara to touch her anymore. She had been rejected. Lena had backed away from her. Lena wanted to get away from her. Lena didn’t want her anymore.
It felt like a punch in the gut. It felt worse than being smacked into a building. It felt worse than the time Reign had thrown her of the roof of that skyscraper. It felt worse than the time that Mon-El had kissed Imra right in front of her. Hell, Kara would go as far as to say that it rivalled the pain Kryptonite always caused.
No, scratch that. It definitely hurt more than kryptonite.
Kryptonite stopped hurting after it had been taken away. Lena’s departure, Kara was sure, would be a lingering hurt that would slowly infest her body, and leave it rotting, desperate for contact. Lena being repulsed by Kara hurt more than anything and everything Kara had ever felt before, and Rao she suddenly felt sick.
Her eyes bored into Lena’s, unwilling to believe that they had really gotten to the point where Lena wouldn’t even consider touching her. Kara could see a flicker of regret - like Lena hadn’t meant to show her repulsion that clearly. As if she was irritated her basic instincts had betrayed her aversion to Kara. Because that was what it was, Kara realised. Kara physically repulsed Lena. Lena was disgusted by Kara.
The flicker only lasted a second before Lena’s face smoothed over once again, the same cool, cold expression that unnerved Kara so, because it reminded her so much of Lillian Luthor’s face, just etched onto Lena’s. The ‘don’t-see-don’t-feel’ Luther façade that Kara hated so. That expression made all hope of a reconciliation drain from Kara’s body. The Luthor façade equalled a ‘you-are-dead-to-me’ look, and there was no backing away from it.
Kara instantly missed the warm smiles when she noticed that expression. And not just the warm smiles, she missed the crinkles around Lena’s eyes that were usually present when they were together. The way Lena’s nose would scrunch up when Kara told her a particularly funny story from the time when she was still Cat Grant’s assistant. The way her cheeks would flush after she had a couple of glasses of wine because she felt comfortable enough with Kara to let go completely. The way her dimple would show up when she was particularly happy with a move she made in Monopoly. All things Kara never knew she would miss so much. And now they were gone.
Embarrassed, Kara let her hands drop to her sides, and looked away from the face she loved so much. Kara understood that Lena wouldn’t budge, and she knew she had lost.
Lena stood unwavering, gripping her handbag so tightly her knuckles had turned white. She was holding herself back, Kara realised. The thought that Lena would have to restrain herself as not to act on her flight-reflex and push Kara aside to kick open the door filled her with dread that settled low in her stomach.
She had truly lost her best friend now.
Knowing there was absolutely nothing she could say to change Lena’s mind, Kara wordlessly opened the door, keeping her eyes trained on the floor. She only caught a whiff of Lena’s perfume as the woman rushed through the door, and out of Kara’s life.
She barely registered closing the door, and sliding down to the floor. She buried her face in her knees and started crying.
It surprisingly only took Alex three hours, seven phone calls, and one visit to Lex Luthor’s crime scene to figure out what had happened. She showed up at Kara’s door and opened it with a spare key. She took one look at Kara’s blotchy face and red-rimmed eyes and had her suspicions confirmed.
“Oh Kara,” she sighed, before dropping her bag onto the wooden floors and making her way over to her sister.
Seeing Alex’s slumped shoulders and the pity in her eyes, Kara could feel the tears start forming again. Which was ridiculous, because she had cried out all her tears already, right? There couldn’t possibly be any more tears left. If she cried any more, she reasoned, she might just shrivel up and dry out.
But Alex’s strong arms wrapped around her torso, and the familiar smell of leather, cheap drugstore shampoo, and the same Calvin Klein perfume Alex had insisted on wearing for the last twelve years invaded her senses, and Kara started sobbing loudly. Alex – like the angel she was, Rao bless her – didn’t say anything. She just tightened her hold and kissed the crown of Kara’s head.
Kara felt like she was fifteen years old again, and her heart had just been broken by Jake Puckerman who had broken up with her just to ask Brie Reilley to homecoming three days later. She was transported back to the moment right after she had come running home in tears, ignoring Alex and Eliza’s questions about what had happened, as she ran into her room, flinging herself onto her bed and crying in her pillow. Alex had coaxed the story out of her and had held her for hours that night, murmuring sweet things in her hair while Kara cried her eyes out. The warmth and the comfort Alex’s arms had provided had chased away the heartbreak and the embarrassment she’d felt all day long, and she had felt safe. Like things were going to be alright again.
Alex’s soothing voice lulled her right into a sleepy trance, and the soft songs she’d sung reminded her that she had a home and a family and that she would be able to face Jake and all the other mean kids at school again, no matter how scared she was.
But that was just Jake Puckerman. Alex had broken his nose the next day, he had looked terrible in all the homecoming pictures, and Kara had had a great time with her friends at the dance. Kara had gotten over it, and had forgotten all about the embarrassment she felt the day that Jake had broken up with her. He wasn’t important. The whole situation hadn’t been important. That was a high school fling that was bound to burn out.
This was Lena. Her best friend Lena. The most amazing human being slash genius the world had ever known. Alex couldn’t just break Lena’s nose and have the hurt disappear. Not to say that she wouldn’t, because Alex had a strict ‘break her heart and I’ll break your face’ policy, but it wouldn’t make things better. Lena would still hate her, and Kara would still be alone.
Somehow that thought made her feel ten times more miserable, and she buried her face in Alex’s neck, while Alex rubbed soothing circles on her back, unable to do anything more.
When she was all cried out, Kara felt exhausted. She leaned back and noticed that parts of Alex’s nice white T-shirt were completely soaked.
“Sorry,” she croaked, rubbing her wet eyes with her sleeve.
Alex shook her head.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said.
Her eyes were full of concern, and Kara had to duck her head to avoid the intense scrutiny behind them.
Kara stood up, stretching her sore legs. That’s what she got for sitting on the floor for such an extended period of time. She took two glasses from her cupboard and filled them with water from the tap.
“I’m guessing you know?” she asked, trying – and failing – to sound indifferent. She took a sip of her water to hide her pained expression.
Alex nodded, her eyes never leaving Kara’s face. It was unnerving. She hated being observed so closely.
“She told you?” Kara asked, voice cracking slightly.
“No, no she didn’t, I found out,” Alex said, quickly climbing to her feet after she saw the first cracks in Kara’s composure. “I tried calling you, but you didn’t answer. Then I called Lena, but she declined my call. So did her new assistant. I dug a little bit, and then I was called to Lex Luthor’s crime scene.”
Kara raised her head at that.
“Apparently, there was some ‘sensitive material regarding superheroes’ there. I checked the cameras, and, well,” she looked apologetic, “I saw Lena entering the building, and leave again, looking distraught.”
Alex took a deep breath. Kara let her continue the story, even though she already knew what happened. Lena had spat out every detail of the discovery, cutting deeply with every word. Kara cringed inwardly when she remembered how Lena had yelled that even her treacherous, murderous psychopath of a brother had been more honest than her, and what did it make her if she was less honest than a notorious terrorist? Kara honestly hadn’t known how to answer that one. Maybe Lena had a point.
“The Supergirl files had been accessed within the timeframe of Lena’s presence in the facility.”
Kara looked at the floor. She wasn’t going to cry again. But Rao, did it hurt.
“There was video material of you, showcasing your powers in your civilian clothes, most likely from security cameras. We deleted it, of course. So, ehm,” she trailed off uncomfortably, “no need to stress about that, I guess, if that was something you were worried about.”
It wasn’t. But it did remind Kara of something.
It was strange, Kara thought. Alex was usually the first to yell at her for being reckless with her secret identity. She couldn’t count the number of times Alex had berated her for forgetting her glasses, or producing terrible excuses to leave her work or her friends to change into her Super alter ego. Alex was worse than Eliza and Jeremiah combined when it came to protecting her secret identity. But now, right when it had been revealed that there was security evidence of Kara using her powers in plain sight, Alex was going easy on her? That made absolutely no sense.
“So from then on, we contacted – ”
“Why aren’t you yelling at me?” Kara interrupted her, disrupting Alex’s entire train of thought.
“… What?” Alex asked. “Why would I… Why do you think I should yell at you?”
Kara shrugged. “I broke our rules, didn’t I? I accidentally revealed my secret identity to Lex Luthor of all people? Lillian knows too. So does Eve, apparently. So why aren’t you yelling at me?”
Understanding dawned on Alex and she nodded once before looking at the glass Kara had pushed into her hands.
“That’s true. It was pretty irresponsible,” Alex said.
Her words didn’t sound angry though.
“I figured you were having a pretty tough time trying to hide your Super ego without me or Lena finding out. You must’ve run pretty ragged, being on your own, with no one to rely on. I figured you deserved a bit of a break.” A
lex’s eyes found Kara’s, and Kara saw nothing but regret in them, which made her frown.
“It wasn’t your fault, Alex. We did what we had to do.”
“I know, I know,” Alex murmured. But she didn’t look at Kara. “Doesn’t mean the entire situation doesn’t suck ass though.”
Kara cracked a smile at that, surprising herself.
“Yeah,” she mumbled, covering Alex’s hand with her own, making Alex look at her again, “it did really suck ass.”
Alex let out a disbelieving laugh that bordered on a sob.
“Kara Danvers, is that a curse I just heard leave your lips?” she asked in mock-outrage.
Kara laughed, tears jumping into her eyes. Whether from happiness or sadness, she didn’t know.
“Well, you said it first!” she exclaimed. “And anyway, sometimes the situation really requires a close analysis, you know?”
Alex nodded seriously.
“And your professional analysis of the situation would be that it sucked ass?”
Kara laughed and shoved Alex’s shoulder lightly.
“Shut up,” she murmured lovingly.
Alex grabbed a pint of raspberry ice cream from the freezer and collected two spoons from one of the drawers in Kara’s kitchen.
“Are you kidding? This is gold. Soon I’m going to have to install a swear jar for you here, you little delinquent.”
“Stop!” Kara laughed.
She reached out to push Alex again, but Alex expertly evaded the swats, and danced around Kara’s apartment with the stolen frozen goods.
“I mean, what is there to be said about the state of our world when Kara Danvers has turned to swearing?” Alex said dramatically, swinging the spoons in her hand.
“Give me back my ice cream instead of mocking me, you monster!” Kara laughed.
She made her way over to the couch where Alex was sitting comfortably, having already ripped off the lid of the ice cream container.
“Ooh, ‘monster’, I feel like that’s a little soft for a woman who just used the expression ‘to suck ass.’”
“Oh shut up,” Kara mumbled, snatching the container from Alex’s hands, and digging in.
Alex’s laugh filled up the apartment and made everything feel a little lighter for a while.
“So,” Alex began after they’d both relaxed fully on the couch, watching some dumb show on TV, and had finished not only the full pint of ice cream, but also the lukewarm take-out Kara had picked up for her and Lena earlier on.
Kara’s eyes didn’t leave the screen. “Yeah?”
Alex put down her empty take-out box and settled in one corner of the couch. She looked at Kara.
“Do you want me to go all director of the D.E.O on Lena?” she asked seriously.
“What?” Kara’s head snapped towards Alex.
“You know,” she stated matter-of-factly, “I come at her with every possible law I can, I annoy the living hell out of her and her stupid company, make her life miserable. You know, D.E.O. stuff. I bet I could even get Lucy to get on board to help.”
“No, what the hell, Alex! What would that even – I mean seriously, Al, honestly I – ” Kara sputtered, “that is horrible. And unethical. And possibly the worst possible thing to do in this situation. Not to mention a gross abuse of power.”
Alex put her hands up in defeat.
“Okay, okay. It was just a question.”
Alex narrowed her eyes as she studied Kara closely. She still had her chopsticks and food on her lap but made no move to eat any more. Which in itself was very disconcerting for a girl who complained about being hungry twenty-four seven. She was looking at the TV, but Alex would bet her life savings that Kara wasn’t following a second of the actual show. Instead, she just looked… lost. Or maybe dazed; like she still hadn’t quite managed to make sense of what had transpired before.
“So what do you want to do now?” Alex asked.
Kara frowned. “Do?”
Alex sighed deeply. It was just like Kara to just ignore her own emotions and pretend to be an empty serious canvas. Not that Alex was the picture-perfect ideal of dealing with problems in a healthy constructive manner, but still. She hated cold uncaring Kara. And she definitely did not want a post-Mon-El repeat.
All of them, meaning James, Lena, Winn, Maggie, and Alex had to put their heads together to pull Kara out of it. And they had managed. They’d all adapted their timetables to make sure Kara was never all alone and occupied with only her thoughts. James had pulled a few favours at work and had gotten Kara the coolest new stories to work on. Alex and J’onn made sure the D.E.O. covered more ground in National City, so Kara didn’t have too many opportunities to hide in her Super persona. Lena had organised sleepovers at her place with Alex and Maggie, so Kara wouldn’t have to suffer through recurring nightmares and lonely nights. Maggie had gracefully offered up her bed to Kara and slept on the couch whenever Kara needed to cuddle with Alex to feel better again. The gang had invited her – or dragged her along – to every event they could think of, and they had made sure she had felt loved. Slowly but surely, Kara had crawled back out of her shell and had started to show her emotions again, admitting she didn’t always feel as cheery as the smile she was putting on.
The post-post-Mon-El faze had been a team effort. And honestly, Alex was concerned that without Lena, Kara would find herself in a similar situation, and this time without a best friend who wanted the best for her.
“Yes, Kara. Do,” Alex repeated. “How are you going to tackle the situation?”
Kara shrugged and it took everything in Alex not to roll her eyes at her little sister.
“Are you going to apologize to Lena? Are you going to go by L-Corp with flowers and chocolates from Belgium like that one time you spilled mayonnaise on her white Prada T-shirt even though she didn’t care?”
Kara sighed before mumbling, “I don’t think this is the kind of thing that can be fixed with chocolates and flowers, Alex.”
Alex opened her mouth to say something, but Kara raised her hand to stop her.
“I tried apologizing to her. She didn’t want to hear it. She told me she never wanted to hear from me again.”
“She doesn’t mean it,” Alex interrupted, “she just said those things in the heat of the moment. You can’t believe she’d actually – ”
“Please, Alex,” Kara stopped her sister, “don’t try and make me feel better. I know what she said. I know what she meant. She hates me.”
Kara added the last sentence in a whisper. Like it was a deep, dark, terrible curse, which would invoke terrible things if said aloud. The tears sprung into Kara’s eyes again, but she angrily wiped them away.
Now Alex had always had a complicated relationship with Lena. She was deeply suspicious of the youngest Luthor who had taken such a liking to her little sister, at first. But honestly, who could blame her?
Alex had always been fiercely protective of her younger sister, and it did seem really suspicious that a woman whose family was notorious for its deep aversion to aliens somehow wanted to befriend the city’s prime Alien superhero. Then, after a series of heroic decisions made by Lena, some affecting her own family, Alex was forced to re-evaluate the woman.
After some shared girls’ nights, some interrupted sister nights where Kara had neglected to tell Alex that Lena might stop by, and many, many arguments between the two stubborn women, Alex had to begrudgingly admit that Lena Luthor wasn’t half bad. In fact, she was pretty cool. And she always brought the best whiskey to parties, which Kara insisted was not an argument to befriend someone, but definitely did not negatively impact Lena’s ability to get into Alex’s good graces.
Over the two years since they had first met, Alex had started to really appreciate Lena for everything she did. Whether it was helping the D.E.O. and Supergirl to catch dangerous criminals and World Killers, or just organising the best surprise parties for Kara, Lena had proven herself to be an invaluable friend to both Kara and Alex.
Alex especially appreciated Lena in hard times. Because she was the only one, beside herself of course, who could always manage to cheer Kara up. If Kara had had a tough day at work, or if she had gone on yet another terrible date, Lena would always be there to help her, to listen to her, and to talk her through whatever she was facing.
At first Alex had been kind of miffed that Kara would go to someone else for comfort. Her bed was usually the first to be occupied by a crying Kryptonian when something bad had occurred, even when she was still sharing it with Maggie – who, she had to admit, took it like a champ, and had just rolled over to make more space.
But recently, Alex only heard about the terrible things that had happened a day after the events had transpired. Lena had become Kara’s first call in case of emergencies. And even though it stung just the tiniest bit that Kara had someone else now, Alex knew that it was for the best. The more support Kara had to rely on, the better it was for everybody involved. And Alex still sometimes woke up with a blonde head hidden in the crook of her neck, and two arms holding her tightly.
All of this was just to say that Alex really liked Lena Luthor. But right now, at that very moment, Alex was ready to kill the bitch.
Kara thought her best friend hated her. Lena made Kara cry. And worst of all; she had left. She had left Kara Danvers alone in her apartment after yet another person had left her life. By doing so, Lena Luthor had single-handedly broken every rule in the ‘Alex-Danvers’-handbook-for-dealing-with-her-amazing-slash-dorky-sometimes-incomprehensibly-stupid-Kryptonian-sister.’
Alex looked at her little sister trying to keep it together on the couch and felt her blood start to boil.
“I don’t care what you say about not going loco on Lena,” Alex said standing up. “That bitch had no right to make you cry the way she did. She has the right to be angry, yes,” she clarified when she looked into Kara’s eyes growing with panic, “but she does not get to say that she hates you. I’m going over there right now.”
“To do what?” Kara asked concerned.
Alex shoved her phone in her pocket and walked over the door.
“To give her a piece of my mind,” she said. “And maybe a taste of my fist if she asks for it,” she mumbled in an afterthought, even though she knew Kara would hear.
Kara let out a high-pitched squeak and rushed over to her sister.
“You can’t do that!” she yelled.
“Why not?” Alex asked angrily, “She did it to you, didn’t she?”
“That’s different!” Kara said. “She didn’t lie to me for almost three years! She didn’t befriend me knowing full well she was keeping a huge secret from me. She didn’t hurt me,” Kara’s voice cracked, “she didn’t make me believe I had found an actual family, who loved and supported her, while it was all a lie. She didn’t take that away from me. I did. I took that away from her,” Kara let out a sob. “I lied to her, Alex. She’s right to hate me. It’s all my fault, I…”
“No, Kara,” Alex immediately regretted her outburst. This wasn't helping in the slightest. Of course Kara felt guilty. Of course she would think it was her fault. That was just typical of her.
Alex pulled her sister close.
“I’m sorry, okay?” she whispered in Kara’s hair. “I won’t hurt her, I’m sorry. I won’t go over there. I’m so sorry, what do you want me to do? Just tell me what to do, Kara. Say the word and I’ll take care of it,” she promised.
Kara sniffled a little bit before backing away from her sister. She bit her lip and looked at the ground.
“There is one thing,” she whispered.
“Anything,” Alex said eagerly, clasping Kara’s hands tightly in her own.
“It’s just,” Kara took a deep breath, “she’s really mad, Alex,” Alex bit her tongue to avoid saying anything about misplaced anger and the like, “but she’s also really sad.”
Alex frowned.
“She didn’t just lose her best friend, Alex. She lost her family,” Kara explained, “her entire support system. That’s us. And it’s going to be heartbreaking for her. She won’t just lose one friend. She’ll lose all her friends. You, James, Nia… It’s not fair. She shouldn’t lose her family just because she hates me. She’s going to need a friend.”
At that, Kara looked up at Alex. Her eyes were deeply concentrated on Alex, who frowned again. Alex was still confused, but when she saw the meaningful look in Kara’s eyes, paired with a hopeful twinkle, something clicked.
“Oh hell no.” Alex backed away from her sister.
“Alex,” Kara tried.
“If you think I’m going over to the stone witch and let her rant about you while I sit there with a stupid smile on my face, you’ve clearly been punched in the face too often and it has left you with a giant concussion.”
“You know how insecure she is!” Kara said. “You know she’s going to blame herself for – well, I don’t really know what – but you know she will! She’ll just drown her sorrows like she always does, and she’ll be miserable.”
Kara looked at the floor and started to pace around the room, talking more to herself now than to her sister. “And of course, she’ll claim she’s fine, she always does, but she’s not. I mean, the last time she thought something was her fault she was ready to kill a man, which is awful! I mean it was Edge, who is a degenerate certified D-head, so it wouldn’t be completely horrible, seeing as he is – ”
“Kara!” Alex interrupted Kara’s ramblings.
The latter came to a standstill and looked up at her sister. “I don’t want to go over to Lena’s to be her friend. You need me. I’m on your side. Not hers.”
“Alex, she needs you more,” Kara argued.
“Yeah, well, I don’t care about that!” Alex lied.
Because she did care.
A whole lot, actually.
She still remembered what it was like fighting side by side with Lena while she didn’t know her actual sister was Supergirl. She remembered how supportive Lena had been when she was worried about Kara or work or even the hypothetical baby. Lena had been there for her. She’d reassured her that Kara was fine, that CatCo was safe, that Alex would make an amazing mother, and that Lena would be honoured to be an honorary aunt to her future baby. She was amazing. They’d even gotten blackout drunk together after a day of intense Harun-el research, which, in Alex’s book, basically meant they were best friends for life.
And Lena had needed Alex as well, Alex remembered guiltily.
Lena was strong, stronger than most people Alex knew, but she doubted herself so much. Every single decision the woman made was turned over and deliberated upon for hours, until Lena had calculated every risk, had studied all the possible consequences and outcomes of said decision, and she had made sure the negative impact on her employees was minimal to non-existent. When she did make mistakes, rare as those were, Alex could see the woman crumble from within. She would lock the door to her office, and when it opened a few hours later, her desk would sport an extra empty scotch glass, and the full whiskey on the drinks table would be completely drained. She would see a blush on Lena’s cheeks, and red-rimmed eyes, trained on her laptop, and the woman would say: “Let’s move on.”
But all of that didn’t matter when it came to Kara. Kara was her sister. Kara was a sad alien immigrant who needed her help, and she couldn’t just ignore that. But if that was really what Kara wanted…
Alex studied Kara’s face intently.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” she asked. “For me to get close to Lena again? Even if it means you will have to see her be happy with someone else?”
Kara flinched.
“It would hurt you, Kara,” Alex whispered. “You know it will.”
Kara swallowed hard. She seemed to mull Alex’s words over in her head before something clicked in those baby blues. Kara had made up her mind. She straightened her shoulders and raised her head. Even before Alex heard the words leave her mouth, she knew what decision her younger sister had made. Of course her sister would go on the whole selfless martyr tour.
Alex sighed internally.
She had a feeling these next couple of months wouldn’t be kind to her.
“Choose her. She needs someone on her side.” Kara wrapped her arms around herself. “Make sure she doesn’t drink too much. And tell her…” she trailed off, suddenly unsure of herself.
Kara tipped her head like she did when she always did when she was thinking deeply about something. She seemed to realise something, because she shook her head and looked up at Alex sadly. “On second thought, don’t tell her I said anything. It will have an adverse effect. She won’t want to listen to you.”
“Kara,” Alex tried one more time, but Kara shook her head.
“She really needs a friend, Alex, please,” Kara begged, “please do this for me?”
And God. When in the almost fifteen years Alex had known Kara, had she ever been able to say no to her sister’s gigantic, blue puppy dog eyes?
(Never was the obvious answer, not even when Kara had begged Alex to go on a road trip with her to a neighbouring town in California just to see Britney Spears in concert. The weather had been scorching hot, the car had been too old to have an AC installed, and the concert had been so truly god awful, that Alex had suffered from a headache and ringing ears for days. Still, it had been worth it just to see Kara’s star-struck eyes in the flashing lights at the venue. Kara still claimed it was one of the best days in her entire lifetime. So Alex did as well.)
Alex sighed. “Okay,” she said. "If you're sure."
Kara nodded.
"I'll leave right now, then," Alex said.
Kara just looked at the floor and nodded, arms wrapped tightly around her midriff.
Alex shook her head.
"I love you, Kara Danvers."
Kara looked up at Alex with a watery smile. "I love you too, Alex Danvers."
Alex smiled sadly at Kara one last time, wanting to stay so desperately to take care of her little sister, but knowing she would never be able to change her mind. Alex's shoulders slumped as she resigned herself, and Kara, to their fates before grabbing her bag from where she’d dropped it by the door, taking one last look and her sister’s forlorn expression, and leaving.
She pretended she couldn’t hear Kara start to cry all over again through the door.