Chapter Text
The story of how the squad from Brooklyn’s 99th precinct came to standing in front of the Avengers Tower was a strange one. It began around a year and a half ago when New York’s best detective, Jake Peralta, had been chasing a suspect in a robbery down the street. Jake had been dodging people, leaping over trash cans, feeling like the ultimate parkour champion, when all of a sudden the criminal stopped in his tracks. Jake didn’t realize what had caused him to stop until he saw some strange, clear sticky-substance binding the criminal’s legs together. Jake’s head swiveled around until-
“SPIDER-MAN!” Jake yelled. Spider-Man quickly leapt off the wall, which he had been sticking on, and stood next to Jake. His brain nearly short circuited. Jake had heard of the infamous wall crawler in New York, as discussing vigilantes such as Spider-Man or Daredevil was a common topic of conversation amongst cops. A lot of cops (i.e. the boring ones) thought Spider-Man was a menace, but Jake and most of the 99 thought he was the coolest person ever. Okay, maybe only Jake thought he was the coolest person ever, but the rest of them were at least appreciative of his efforts.
“Hello Mr. Policeman sir!” Spider-Man shouted, holding up a hand in an awkward salute.
This prompted him to begin his word vomit. It was a miracle he’d lasted this long. “Oh my gosh it’s Spider-Man! Wait until I tell Gina! Wait, wait, I have a set list of questions I planned to ask you if I ever met you. Do you like Die Hard? What are your feelings on John McClane? Have you ever been locked in a tower with a bunch of terrorists? Is Iron Man actually Tony Stark like everyone claims or is the conspiracy theory that Tony Stark is just masquerading as Iron Man but it’s really someone else true? Did your powers come from a spider?” Jake said all of this very rapidly, terrified of forgetting a question.
Spider-Man laughed and quickly answered his questions. “Yes, I love Die Hard, John McClane is awesome, I haven’t been locked in a tower with any terrorists before but I did fight a battle inside Oscorp Tower before so that might count, Tony Stark is actually Iron Man, and yes, my powers did come from a spider.”
“Cool cool cool cool cool,” Jake said quickly, trying not to reveal how intensely he was fanboying out. “Oh, and I’m Jake Peralta. I know you, obviously, you’re Spider-Man. Did I already say that? I think I did. Do you want to bring this suspect back to my precinct with me? If I say I met Spider-Man Charles is the only one who’s going to believe me.”
“Sure!” Spider-Man said happily. “I can meet you there! Where is it?”
Jake quickly rattled off the precinct address, and after Spider-Man swung off and Jake turned to face the criminal, he quickly realized his mistake.
“Hey Terry,” Jake said into his phone. “Can you come here with a police car and your muscles? I got my suspect, but his legs are tied up with web thingies and I can’t carry him…”
A half an hour later, Terry had the criminal locked up in the precinct, and Jake stood outside, waiting for Spider-Man to show up. What if Spider-Man didn’t show up? He had web fluid, surely he should be her right now. Oh no, what if he thought Jake was totally lame, what if he was lying about liking Die Hard-
“Sorry I’m late, I stopped a few muggings on the way here,” Spider-Man said, breathless as he swung down off the top of building, landing perfectly in front of the door.
“How do you see so many muggings?” Jake asked. He stopped muggings occasionally, but the number that Spider-Man saw and stopped was ridiculous.
“I’m commonly swinging up really high so I have like a bird’s-eye view of everything. I see a lot of blocks and have a good view of secluded alleyways,” Spider-Man explained.
“Ohhh that makes a lot of sense,” Jake said, nodding.
The two of them finally entered the Brooklyn 99 precinct, and silence quickly followed. The uniformed officers of the precinct were all gaping in silence. The manner of the detectives, however, had barely changed. They were all hunched over their desks, not even noticing the change in the atmosphere. Amy and Charles were groveling over paperwork. Hitchcock and Scully appeared to be throwing paper clips at each other, oblivious to their surroundings. Gina was on her phone, and Rosa wasn’t even in the room. Only Terry had looked up, and he had known Spider-Man was coming. Clearly, Jake would have to rectify this situation.
“HELLO NINE NINE!” Jake shouted, making his grand entrance. He cleared his voice and entered his deep, movie star voice that Rosa had told him was ridiculous more than once. “Today, I present to you one of New York’s bravest heroes. He faces more crime than anyone else, and has suffered, deeply, with the terrible burden of awesomeness. Today, he has helped bring one more criminal to justice. He is the amazing, the one and only, SPIDER-MAN!” The whole precinct burst into applause at the conclusion of Jake’s speech, and Spider-Man gave an awkward wave. “Questions? Yes, Boyle?”
“How did you and Jake meet?” Charles asked.
“Great question, Spider-Man was fighting the Russian mob and I valiantly saved him,” Jake said.
“Actually, that’s not-” Spider-Man began, but was quickly interrupted by Jake.
“TERRY! What’s your question?” Jake asked.
“My daughters are huge fans of yours. Could you sign the drawings my daughters made of you? They would love it,” Terry said hesitantly.
“Of course!” Spider-Man said happily. He headed over to Terry’s desk and started signing a few of the very numerous Spider-Man drawings.
After Spider-Man finished talking to Terry, Jake dragged him around the precinct to introduce him to everyone else. “There’s Charles Boyle, the one who looks like he’s about to faint-”
“-Jake, this is the best thing to have ever happened in my life,” Charles said.
“Better than the day you adopted Nikolaj?” Jake asked.
“First of all, it’s Nikolaj, and yes, much better,” Charles responded.
“It’s nice to meet you Detective Boyle,” Spider-Man said, holding out his hand formally.
“Oh my god,” Charles said as he shook his hand, and this time, Charles did actually faint and fall onto the floor.
“He’ll be fine,” Jake said, although Spider-Man looked very concerned. “Anyhow, over here is my wonderful girlfriend, Amy Santiago.”
“Hi,” Amy said, looking flustered and shaking Spider-Man’s hand quickly. “Why do you like being a vigilante? You don’t get to do any of the paperwork!”
“You-you like doing paperwork?” Spider-Man said, looking startled by her comment.
“Of course I like paperwork!” Amy said passionately. “After you arrest a suspect, there’s nothing better than filling out all the forms, and it’s so satisfying when it’s all done. But when you’re a vigilante, you don’t get to experience any of that!”
“Oh, erm, that’s okay. I don’t really like paperwork,” Spider-Man said, still looking very confused.
“HE DOESN’T-” Amy started shouting in disbelief, before Jake cut her off with a very quick peck on the lips.
“It’s okay Ames, not everyone likes paperwork,” Jake said. “C’mon Spider-Man, you have to meet Gina. She’s one of my oldest friends and… she’s not paying attention.” Jake and Spider-Man stood over Gina’s desk, but unfortunately for them, Gina had her phone in front of her face. “Gina, look up. Spider-Man’s here!”
“Who dat?” Gina said, still not looking up from her phone.
Jake rolled his eyes, exasperated. “GINA! You know who Spider-Man is! You talk about how hot that skin-tight suit is like every other day.”
“Uh-erm-” Spider-Man said, sounding a bit uncomfortable. He kept shifting from foot to foot.
“It looks like Gina’s writing a tweet,” Terry said, who had followed them over to Gina’s desk. “She says… ‘Deathly boring day at work. My co-workers are the worst. #MyDayIn10Words’. Seriously, Gina?”
“Spider-Man’s here!” Jake said, deeply offended.
“The people want content that’s relatable,” Gina said simply. Jake had to acknowledge that she had a point. If people were looking for relatability, a superhero showing up at the office wasn’t that.
Before they could pursue the problem of Gina any further, Rosa had wandered over to Gina’s desk. “Who’s this?” Rosa asked, gesturing at Spider-Man. She’d clearly missed out on Jake’s epic speech.
“I’m Spider-Man,” Spider-Man said proudly, standing up straight and puffing out his chest.
Rosa eyed him up and down with a critical look. “Who made that costume, your mom?” Rosa and Gina exchanged a no-look high-five.
“Let’s ignore Rosa,” Jake decided. He kicked open the door to Captain Holt’s office (well, in his mind he kicked the door open, but in reality he wasn’t strong enough so he pulled the doorknob instead) and shouted, “CAPTAIN HOLT! LOOK!”. Captain Holt, who was sitting at his desk, took off his glasses and looked critically at Spider-Man, who was now standing in the doorway.
“Ah, yes. The Red–And–Blue–Costumed–Vigilante–Who–Swings–Using–An–Unknown–Chemical–Substance–And–Takes–Down–Primarily–Petty–Criminals–In–Queens… Man,” Holt said.
“You could just call him Spider-Man,” Jake suggested.
Holt stood up, and Jake knew they were in for something big. “No Jake, that would make me look ridiculous. This man bares little resemblance to an actual spider. Most obviously, he lacks tagmata, eight jointed legs, chelicerae, and pedipalps. He does not have a cephalothorax either, and is missing countless other features. Calling him a ‘Spider-Man’ is improper, as he clearly more resembles a man than a spider. That’s why I call him the Red–And–Blue–Costumed–Vigilante–Who–Swings–Using–An–Unknown–Chemical–Substance–And–Takes–Down–Primarily–Petty–Criminals–In–Queens–Man. I’m no fool.”
“Riiight,” Jake said.
“It is a pleasure to meet you,” Holt said, approaching Spider-Man and holding out his hand to shake.
“Er… right, you too,” Spider-Man said, sounding a bit bewildered. “I have to say, I haven’t been inside many police precincts, but this is almost certainly not what I was expecting.”
“Your presence will always be welcome here,” Captain Holt said. “Since your first appearance, crime rates in Queens have gone down by 12%, and crime rates in Brooklyn have only gone down by 3%. If you were to increase your presence in Brooklyn, then crime rates will go down further in Brooklyn. Of course, as we all know correlation is not causation, so these crime rates can not entirely be attributed to you, but I believe you are a large factor.”
“Yes, come round to Brooklyn more!” Jake said happily. He turned around and faced Spider-Man. “Please? We have snacks. You can have Terry’s yogurt.”
“You know, I might come around Brooklyn some more. You guys seem fun,” Spider-Man said. Jake pumped his fist in the air. Success! “I really have to go though, there’s some people who are waiting on me.”
“Yeah, no doubt no doubt,” Jake said. The pair shook hands, and Spider-Man headed towards the balcony overlooking on their floor. After Spider-Man had leapt off the side of the building, Jake watched Spider-Man swing through the city briefly until he disappeared from sight. “So cool,” Jake sighed.
That day had born a friendship, one between an over-excited New York detective and a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Since that day, Spider-Man visited Brooklyn more frequently, making sure to swing by the 99th precinct. He did take Jake’s offer on the yogurt, much to Terry’s disappointment. It wasn’t uncommon to enter the break room and see Spider-Man napping on the couch. The 99th Precinct became the most famous police station in New York, with Spider-Man fans standing outside hoping for a glimpse of the hero. But these fans were kept out of the precinct, because the 99 prided themselves on providing a comfortable refuge for the web-slinging vigilante.
Of course, everything changed once the other Avengers got involved.