Chapter 1: Antichrist Revisited
Summary:
Mina and Orlando stumble upon the ruins of a magic school.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The train slowed down to a stop. The same grotesque destruction that covered the train and the skeletons fused to it continued onto the station as Mina and Orlando stepped off and walked into the shade.
“Looks like out Antichrist began his journey the same way he ended it,” noted Orlando, placing her hands into the pockets of her black trench coat.
“This whole environment looks artificial,” noted Mina, “like a child’s storybook that got turned into a nightmare.”
“Yes, it’s somehow even worse than Qumar”, replied Orlando as they continued their walk into the destroyed village.
“Stinks, too. I’m this village was a quaint little place, otherwise it wouldn’t have that ‘Invisible School’ we need to find.”
“Good point. Anyway, you think Haddo possessed a teacher at the school, and used that school to make his Antichrist?”
“I’m not sure.” Mina started walking down the town’s widest road. “What the hell is that?”
Orlando joined to her observe the grisliest site yet. “It seems to be something between a tree and an octopus, which found some tasty villages to snack on before they all died. I remember seeing this monster back in Camelot; a favorite pet of Morgan LeFay.”
“Its guts seem to be fresh,” observed Mina. “It must’ve died recently.”
“If the Antichrist can conjure these up, then we’re really should make sure we don’t put him into a bad mood.”
“Holy shit. Orlando, I think I found the school.”
Orlando turned to face the ruins of Hogwarts, once a prestigious school in the instruction of magic, and now just another monument to ancient times.
“Fucking hell. Looks like the Antichrist lost his temper here and then cooled down on his way to King’s Cross.”
“This shit just keeps getting worse.”
“Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have left Excalibur at home.”
“Well, the moss around here seems to have just appeared. It may not have happened too long ago.”
They walked into the ruins, leaving the sunlight for the darkened halls.
“So, why hasn’t the Antichrist down his apocalypse thing, yet?”
“Maybe he’s a good kid who doesn’t want to be? And this is what he did once he realized they were all evil and just pretending to like him?”
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I mean, no kid actually wans to embrace evil, right?”
“I guess not.” Mina was now staring at the cracks in the staircases. “This architecture … it must have moved about once.”
“And these bodies,” Orlando stared at the two corpses on the base of the staircase. “Mina, this feels like one of those school shootings in America.”
///////////////////////
“YEAH!! BURN, SOFTIE, BURN!!”
The schoolboy fell to the ground as fire erupted out of his skull. He soon joined the other students on the floor, screaming as they were engulfed in flames. At the bottom of the staircase, a boy hugged a girl who could only weep at the tragedy surrounding her. Holding her tight, the boy pointed his wand directly at his assailant.
“Stay back! Don’t you dare hurt her!”
“OH, I’M NOT GOING TO HURT HER!!! I’M JUST GOING TO STICK MY WANT INTO HER!! BOTH OF THEM!! INTO BOTH OF YOU!!”
///////////////////////////////////////////
“School shootings?” asked Mina at the top of the staircase.
“Yeah, there’s been quite a few while you were stuck in that hospital. None with magic, though.”
//////////////////////////////////////////////
The fire continued around the old man as his body melted into the floor.
“Go on, you little shit! That’s all you’ll ever be, a piece of shit!”
“OH, YEAH? WELL, FUCK YOU, OLD MAN!!”
“Fucking burn in hell, you pampered brat!”
“YEAH, AND DOUBLE FUCK TO YOU TOO!!!”
////////////////////////////////////////
Mina and Orlando continued walking down the top floor corridor, both hoping that weren’t growing numb to the carnage they were stepping over.
///////////////////////////////////////////
The teacher found herself forced on the floor, in-between the decapitated heads of her two colleagues. As the flames grew hotter, her clothes dissolved away, and a wand pierced through her naked breasts.
“Stop! Please, stop!”
“THERE YOU GO AGAIN!! RULES, RULES, RULES!! WELL, GUESS WHAT? RULES ARE FOR SOFTIES, AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO SOFTIES!!”
“I’m sorry! Just please stop!”
“STOP WHAT? I HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED YET!!”
///////////////////////////////////////////
Remnants of the massacre only grew worse as bodies were now falling out of paintings, and the ground now contained the ugliest corpse yet.
“Oh, God. This poor soul looks like he was cleaved in half.”
/////////////////////////////////////////
“I SHOULD’VE KILLED MORE OF ‘EM SOFITES LIKE THIS!!! BLOOD IS REAL PRETTY!!!”
“Stop! In the name of Gryffindor, you shall not go any further!”
/////////////////////////////////////////
“Well, it looks like this place definitely got the worst of it.”
“Yes, it does. Almost as though an explosion went off here.”
////////////////////////////////////////////
The wand that hand taken so many souls transformed into a long, black blade as it clashed against its opponent. The vibrations of the impact put out the fires in the surrounding area.
/////////////////////////////////////////////
“From the damage, I’d say that a big sword fight took place here.”
“And from the look of, the loser got a quick mercy kill.”
//////////////////////////////////////////
“NICE TO SEE YOU, PROFESSOR LONG-ASS!!”
“That’s Professor Longbottom, you monster!”
///////////////////////////////////////////
“A mercy kill, you say?”
“I hope so. Otherwise, that’d be an awfully long beheading.”
/////////////////////////////////////////
“Stormbringer? Is that the name of your wand?”
“IT’S NOT A WAND, STUPID, IT’S A SWORD!! A VERY COOL SWORD!! IT TOLD ME TO SAVE IT FROM ITS STUPID CASE WHEN MY STUPID PARENTS TOOK ME TO STUPID PARIS!!!”
“So, you’re not even a real wizard then?”
“NOPE!!! STOLE THE INVITE FROM MY SOFTY NEIGHBOR, AND STORMBRINGER DID ALL THE REST!!!”
/////////////////////////////////////////////
“It seems like he wrote something just before he died. A quick blasting on the ground with magic from his fingers.”
“Let’s take a look.”
////////////////////////////////////////
“OH NO!!! LOOKS LIKE THE GREAT BIG SWORD OF GREAT-FART-DOOR WENT BYE-BYE!!!”
///////////////////////////////////////////
“OK, I can make out the address,” affirmed Mina. “Number 12, Grimmauld Place.”
///////////////////////////////
“ANY LAST WORDS, SOFTIE?”
“Yes – your evil will come to an end.”
////////////////////////////
Mina and Orlando slowly made their way back to King’s Cross.
“I can’t remember the last time I was happy to see the sun.”
“Me too, Lando. Although, I still can’t get over that we couldn’t find that last guy’s head.”
//////////////////////
Number 12, Grimmauld Place.
A dimb bulb in a lamp in the middle of the ceiling shown dog on the maggot-infested corpse of a dog. The poor creature had been split open perfectly in half from nose to tail. Very little of its black fur was left, and its human-like teeth were the only discernible feature left of its bald face.
The only other light was from a candle on a dresser with a broken mirror. In front of that dresser was a chair, and tied to that chair was a redheaded teenage girl. She had been stripped naked, and her skin was covered in sword cuts, glass shards, and burn marks. What was left of her hair hung over her face, which she hung in hopeless defeat.
The door slowly opened.
“OH, MINNIE!! I’VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU!! IT’S OUR OLD FRIEND ROGER!!”
She raised her head with the tiniest sliver of hope she had left in her eye. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and saw her captors walk up behind her. He held up his arms and let a blanket unroll to the floor.
A blanket that was made from fresh human skin. Skin that had been on the top from the head of a black-haired boy her age. As that last sliver of hope left, her captor draped the skin of her best friend over her shoulders like a royal robe. Looking into the mirror, she saw her spirit break.
“Dennis,” she begged, “please just kill me.”
“Yes, please, do it.” Dennis turned to see his other prisoner – the decaying head of Professor Longbottom, sitting in a bird cage that hung from a chain.
“NOW WHY WOULD I DO THAT?”
“Because there’s absolutely nothing more you can do to her.”
“WELL, YOU DO HAVE A POINT. AND IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I FED STORMBRINGER. AH, WHAT THE HECK. IT’S NOT LIKE THERE’S ANYONE TO STOP ME, NOW IS THERE?”
Notes:
- The Antichrist here is Dennis the Menace from The Beano
- Professor Longbottom is Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter franchise
- Stormbringer is the cursed black sword of Elric of Melnibone
- Minnie and Roger are Minnie the Minx and Roger the Dodger, also from The Beano
- The dog corpse is that of Dennis’s dog Gnasher
Chapter 2: Antichrist Found
Summary:
Mina and Orlando find the Antichrist.
Chapter Text
“Mina, there’s something you should know.”
Orlando slouched back against the bathroom door as she readied her confession.
“What is it, O?”
“Well, I didn’t know how else to find you, so I went to Mi5.”
“What?”
“Remember that Knight woman you crossed paths with back in the 50s? Well, she’s M now.”
“What did you do?”
“I made a deal with her. She found out where we were and kept in a secret between the two of us, and in return, I … I told her about our pool in Africa.”
“What? Do you have any idea what Mi5 could do with it?”
“Yes, which is why Prospero doesn’t need to know. Besides, if the Antichrist does end the world, it won’t matter.”
“What matters not, impetuous squire / Is mine to judge and yours but to enquire!”
Both women turned to face the blurry colors radiating from the mirror. After putting on their 3D glasses, they were face-to-face with their master, Prospero.
“Forgive us, Noble Duke,” began Mina. “We were just discussing…”
“We were discussing Quartermain. We found him, but he’s become an addict and won’t help us.”
“’Tis strange. I’d scryed him with thee at the end. But nothing’s fixed, predictions awry. Still, I am glad that my detective has been found.”
“Many thanks, your eminence. We’ve found an address in London that we think is where Haddo’s Antichrist is hiding.”
“Oh, he yet lives, of that be well advised. / He lives, and his apocalypse is night. / Seek the address, unsheathe thy holy blade / and with one swift strike, the world be saved.”
The mighty wizard vanished, and the women removed their glasses.
“He didn’t even wish us luck,” noted Mina. “Orlando, I’m scared. This could really be our last night alive.”
“Yes, it could be. Maybe we should…” Orlando paused as Mina removed her scarf, exposing the gruesome scars on her neck. “Oh, yes.”
The rest of the night was spent making passionate love on a bed in a room whose light was from the mystic glow of Excalibur.
////////////////////////////
The night morning, they came to Grimmauld Place.
“That’s odd. The house numbers go from 11 to 13.”
“What do you mean, Orlando? Number 12 is right in front of us.”
“Mina, there’s nothing but empty space in front of us. And now, there’s a big hole ripping in the air.”
“Orlando, that hole is on the house! It’s ripping open from the inside!”
“WHAT ARE YOU TWO SOFTIES BITCHING ABOUT?”
Two massive hands emerged from the crack and continued pushing the invisible building open, revealing a darkness filled with a swarm of human eyes.
“YOU CAN SEE THIS PLACE, RIGHT? WELL, THEN YOU MUST BE THE ONE HERE TO STOP ME!! SURE DID TAKE YOU LONG ENOUGH!!”
“Holy fucking shit, Orlando…”
Out of the crack came a massive, dark-haired teenage boy in black shorts and a striped red sweater. His forehead was covered his eyes, and they continued to spread throughout his body.
“Orlando, now would be a really good time to get Excalibur out!”
“I’m trying, Mina! Stupid thing’s stuck!”
Dennis stepped onto the front lawn and placed his three prisoners in front of his toes.
“ALRIGHT, GUYS!! HERE YOU ARE!! THE GOOD GUYS HAVE COME TO … OH WAIT, YOU’RE DEAD. I GUESS IS SHOULD’VE GIVEN YOU WATER AND SHIT.”
Orlando finally unsheathed Excalibur and took a defensive stance against Dennis.
“OOOH, YOU GOT A FANCY SWORD! WELL, I GOT ONE TOO!”
Dennis pulled into the darkness of his former abode and pulled our Stormbringer, which had grown in size to accommodate for its wielder. It gave a demonic scream that shattered all the windows up and down the street and forced Mina to fall to the ground, covering her ears.
“That sword,” Orlando said as she struggled to keep standing, “I’ve seen it before.”
“You have?”
“When I fought that albino on the Opera House in Paris. It quenches for human souls.”
“YES, AND I BELIEVE IT WILL BE TAKING YOURS RIGHT ABOUT NOW!!”
Dennis raised up Stormbringer and brought in down atop Orlando. Still struggling to stand, she still had enough strength to block the cursed blade with the blade of Camelot. The resulting impact sent a massive shockwave through the air, about a hundred miles in all directions. The sky over London transformed into a swirling mass of purple and green clouds.
Thousands of miles on Lincoln Island, Captain Jack Dakkar watched the phenomenon on his satellite TV.
“Is this the sign that Mr. Long warned us about?” asked Tacarigua Ishmael.
“It might as well be. Call back our agents from Kashmir and Somalia. Put everything into making sure that the new Nautilus is ready for launch.”
Back in London, Orlando kept her resolve as the black sword screamed out mockeries toward her.
“SOME HERO YOU ARE!! CAN’T EVEN STAND UP STRAIGHT, YOU STUPID CU--...”
Then Dennis’s head blew apart as a loud explosion was made nearby. More explosions were made, and the boy’s torso blew away in a gory mess. As Dennis fell backward, Mina and Orlando turned to see a double-barreled shotgun in the hands of the man who was once England’s greatest hero.
“Allan? Is that really you? I thought you were…”
“You were right, Mina. You’ve always been right. I was the hero you read about as a child, but I’ve never been able to live up to my name since we met. All the good I’ve done, it’s only because you were there to pull me along. Well, I’m doing being a fucking mess. I’m going to be the hero you believe in.”
“Allan, you don’t need to…”
“Uh, guys? Turns out the Antichrist can heal himself.”
The three turned to see Dennis stand up as his messy body regenerated. Holding up Stormbringer once again, the sword transformed into a wand and fired a streak of blue lightning at Quartermain.
“GET YOUR OWN FIGHT, SOFTIE!!!”
Allan fell backwards onto the ground, his body and clothes charred black. Mina stood stunned in silence, while Orlando found a new source of strength fueled by her rage.
“You fucking monster!” she shouted as she lunged at Dennis, and the two had a swordfight on decent footing. Mina rushed over to Allan and cradles his head in his arms.
“Allan!” she cried. “Don’t go! You were always my hero.”
Allan didn’t respond. Mina cupped his wrists, and felt nothing. As her eyes watered, she closed his. As tears started to pour out, she reached for his shotgun with an angry scowl on her face.
As the swordfight went on, Stormbringer kept howling louder and louder. Finally, not even the supercharged Orlando could stand it, and she dropped Excalibur while she clasped her hands over her ears.
At that same moment, Mina fired the shotgun at Dennis, blowing herself backwards while he took even worse damage then before. As Orlando rushed over to help her back , Dennis began regenerating once again.
“Mina, I think this is it. We failed. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
As the two embraced to accept their fate, a strange wind began blowing the colored clouds above. The women and the monster looked up and the clouds departed to make a tunnel.
From that tunnel descended a woman via umbrella.
Chapter 3: Antichrist Defeated
Summary:
The dreaded Antichrist meets its match.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The woman landed in front of Dennis and folded up her umbrella, and glanced up at him rather stoically.
“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, BITCH?”
“My friends call me Mary. I expect children to call me Madam. I truly do hold the greatest concern for them, but you, young man, are not worth the concern of anyone.”
“YEAH? WELL, THIS SWORD LIKES ME!! IT SAYS I’M, LIKE, THE ANTICHRIST FROM THAT BOOK OF THE BIBLE!”
“Just one book?” Mary asked, placing on the ground. “My people are on every page. Now, please be a good boy and hand over that sword.”
“HMMM, LET ME THINK ABOUT THAT…”
Dennis raised Stormbringer over his head and brought it down on Mary, and the sword engulfed itself in flames as it sang louder than ever before. The impact started a fire that spread through the whole neighborhood, forcing Mina and Orlando to take cover. Only Dennis’s captives were spared due to a shield surround Longbottom’s cage.
When Stormbringer had exhausted its flames, Dennis changed his look of joy to shock as he saw Mary standing completely unharmed, holding the blade of his sword with her right hand.
“That’s quite enough of that. You really are quite the dreadful boy. You’re selfish, sadistic, and have no respect for basic morality. It’s what made that sword want you so much; it saw what made you bad and you let it turn you from a brat into a devil. Well, your playtime is done.”
With the parrot head on the shaft of her umbrella, Mary struck the wrist of Dennis’s right hand. He quickly released Stormbringer and stepped back in pain. Mary opened up her carpet bag and let the black sword fall straight in. Then she began walking towards Dennis, who was shrinking back to his normal size.
Once he had become the size of a regular schoolboy, he stared at the barren ground with a face full of absolute dread. Reluctantly, he forced himself to look at his victims.
“Minnie? Roger? Gna-Gna-Gnasher? I … I didn’t mean … that wasn’t me … oh no!”
Before his suffering could break him, Dennis was turned into chalk drawing, as were the bodies of his dog and his friends. Mary continued walking until she stood in the middle of them.
“It shall take millenia, but your soul will be washed clean, and your friends will forgive you.”
There was a bolt of lightning, and the chalk soul were washed away by a rainstorm.
“Orlando, what just happened?”
“I watched the whole thing and I’m still not sure.”
Mary walked over to Longbottom’s head and picked up his cage.
“Why couldn’t you have come sooner?” he asked.
“I’m sorry. You’ll understand once I take you back home.”
“Home?”
“To the Celestial City.”
As Mary opened her umbrella, Mina and Orlando mustered up the courage to approach her.
“Um, hello, Madam? Yes, just wanted to say thank you for saving us and the world, and wanted to know what Prospero has next for us.”
“Prospero?” answered Mary surprised. “You serve Prospero of the Blazing World?”
“Well, yes, we are his proud servants.”
“That’s very unfortunate.”
“What? Didn’t he send you to defeat the Antichrist?”
“Antichrist? You mean the Moonchild?”
“Well, that is what Haddo called him.”
Mary looked at them both with absolute sincerity. “Prospero is my enemy, and the Moonchild graduated from the invisible school two years ago.”
Mina and Orlando both stood in shock for a few seconds of awkward silence.
“Wait, so then, that boy wasn’t trying to start the apocalypse?”
“No. Prospero is, and you have been helping him for the past century.”
“OK, you listen here!” Orlando said defensively. “I have known Prospero for way longer than a measly century, and he is not trying to end the world!”
“You really believe that? Do you just blindly accept the commands of people with more power than you? How, then, are you better than the spies you’ve been running from?”
Mary stretched out her hand towards them.
“The time I have left here is not enough to explain. Come with me to the Celestial City, and I’ll show you the truth. You’ll see how your eyes have been blinded, and your minds been made into puppets. You can cast all your burdens aside, knowing what true goodness is.”
“True goodness?” Orlando now began to get angry and pointed at Allan’s charred corpse. “IF you’re so good, why couldn’t you have gotten here before he died!”
“I’m sorry,” Mary responded with sincerity. “I really wanted to, but I couldn’t.”
Mina saw a tear streak down her face. She was about to speak, but Orlando spoke for both of them.
“Sorry, Madam, but we will both be keeping our loyalty to the great Duke!”
“Very well. Nevertheless, I’ll be taking that.”
Excalibur flew out of Orlando’s hand and into Mary’s.
“Hey, that’s mine!”
“Only the purest of heroes may wield this blade,” Mary answered as she dropped it into her carpet bag.
“And I’m not pure enough?”
“You aren’t pure at all. But you do have a very good heart.”
“OK, I’ve had just about enough of…”
“Orlando, please,” Mina begged, “can you please let this go? I don’t need you turned into a chalk drawing.”
Orlando looked at her lover clutching her arm. “Fine, keep the damn sword.”
Mary floated upward to the cloud tunnel. “Choose well what you believe, loves.”
As Mary vanished, the clouds returned to normal, although the rainstorm continued.
“Some nerve she has insulting Prospero!” said Orlando.
“Well, at least she did save us, and Prospero did nothing.”
“He would’ve if he could’ve!”
Mina walked over to Allan’s corpse.
“OK, Mina, we have to get out of here. Before the cops and feds show up.”
“I’m sorry, O, but I’m not leaving him here like this.”
“Darling, I don’t either, but we need to … oh shit.”
A government car rolled up to the sidewalk, and out came three elderly women. The oldestThe oldest of them, wearing a green rain jacket, walked up to Allan’s body.
“So, this is Quartermain? I’m sorry. I take it immortality isn’t eternal, then?”
“No, unless you’re exceptionally lucky,” Orlando responded. “Mina, this is…”
“Emma Knight. I know, we’ve met,” Mina looked at her a scowl of skepticism. “I sweat, if you’ve told anyone about our pool…”
“I’ve told nobody, not even those two. A deal’s a deal.”
“So, you’ll just be keeping it a secret from MI5 then?”
“I don’t have to. I’ve resigned?”
“You have?” said Orlando. “You make it sound easy.”
“Oh, I’m just running away from them. It’s not like they deserve an explanation when their top spy killed my father and godfather.”
“I see. So, now what?”
“Well, I was thinking we could go to Africa, give Mr. Quartermain a proper burial, and then visit this pool of yours.”
“Sounds like a good plan, but what about your friends?”
“They’ll only help along the way. They’re former agents that I trust with my life. They’ll take us to the airport, where my old friend Cathy will take us on her private plane?”
“And you’re sure none of your friends will talk?”
“Absolutely. We’ve been loyal since grade school.”
“Well, I’m satisfied. What about you, Mina?”
“Yes, I guess.”
“Good,” said Emma. “But I have one more question.”
“OK, what?”
“Is an immortal life worth living?”
“Sure, as long as you find the right people to spend it with.”
Notes:
The Celestial City is a location of The Pilgrim's Progress.
Chapter 4: Minions of the Moon
Summary:
A retelling of Mina Murray's mission to the moon.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
1964.
“So, the Seven Stars didn’t work out?”
“No, Golli. Our attempt at saving London ended with disaster.”
“Well, getting 14-storey tall boy to eat a crazy blob actually sounds pretty smart.”
“The boy’s parents didn’t think so. But it doesn’t matter. The government ruined us the next day with the paper.”
“Why didn’t they just do that in the first place instead of that other dimension stuff?
“Beats me, Golly. Beats me.”
“Well, Mina, looks like we’re here.”
The Rose of Nowhere descended onto the moon’s surface. Mina exited the ship behind the Dutch Dolls and was shocked to see an old face.
“Selwyn Cavor?”
“Miss Murray. So good to see you again. It’s clear the years have been far better to you than they have to me.”
“Are those giant ants?” asked the Golly-Wog.
“Those are Selenites; they are my best friends since I came here. Go on, get on.”
After Mina and her companions were each on the back of a Selenite, Cavor got on his own and led them across the runway in the middle of the city.”
“So, Mina, what do you know about the history of the Moon?”
“Well, I know that shortly after the Martian invasion, England used your cavorite to send your crew here, but you stayed to send the crew back to Earth.”
“Yes. During my time, I had made good friends with these Selenites. I can communicate with them just as well as I can with a human.”
“That is interesting, but right when your expedition launched, the Americans fired a test device at the Moon. Then some people on the Moon fired back, and an American flew himself up to make peace.”
“Yes, we are going to see them now.”
The Selenites brought them into a royal court with three thrones. On the center throne sat an elderly, yet beautiful woman. To her right sat a man her age who still regained his youthful physique. The third throne was empty.
Cavor dismounted off his insectoid steed. “Our guests have arrived, darling.”
“Darling?” Mina was puzzled.
“Miss Murray and friends, this is my wife, Queen Maza of Ultu, and her other husband, Ted Dustin of America.”
The three monarchs lead their guests to the dining hall, where they were all served by Clangers, a race of child-saved dwarves who appeared to be rodents sewn out of fabric. Their primary course was the delicious green soup, which was provided by the Soup Dragon, a large green snake-like creature that briefly popped its head out of the ground to take an empty bowl beneath the surface and bring it back filled up. It happily accepted paper flowers in return, and could only speak in gargling noises.
“So, am I eating that thing’s piss?” asked Mina.
Queen Maza told them about the adventures Ted had taken her on, and how on one of them they found Cavor and the Selenites. She happily took both of them in marriage, and had each provided her with three children. She was also able to allow the US government to set up a lab on the moon, allowing her mates to continue their scientific endeavors and be in touch with their home world.
This was a nice history lesson, but Mina wanted to get down to why Prospero had sent them here.
“So, what about all these disappearances of young men then?”
///////////////////////////////////
Mina looked at a map of where all the men had been taken, and the dates and times for each.
“No, this isn’t being done at random. There seems to be a general pattern from one place to the next. Just give me a moment.”
An hour later, Mina had calculated within half a mile and half an hour of when the next kidnapping would occur.
“That’s amazing,” remarked Cavor. “How did you do that?”
“Oh, I’ve been trying to learn about everything since my divorce, including math.”
//////////////////////////
The time window for the next kidnapping had opened. Min and the Galley-Wag stood atop the roof of a house in the center of the circle she had drawn, keeping watch through binoculars. Sitting in the sky above them was Moonbird, a chubby white fowl with black eyes and a childish personality.
“I see something!” he shouted. Mina and the Galley-Wag turned to see what looked like a snake slithering out of a window, apparently after swallowing its last meal. The three of them followed the snake and caught up.
Moonbird caught the snake with its yellow talons and Mina helped squeeze out the poor young man inside. As the Dutch Dolls tended to him, the snake turned into a toddler-sized black-and-white rodent with ears that covered either side of its face.
“Why you hurt Moony?” he asked. “Moony is just trying to help the pretty ladies have fun!”
“What pretty ladies?”
/////////////////////////////
Mina, the Galley-Wag, and Moonbird sat at the base of a massive crater whose sides were as tall as an Earth mountain and too steep to climb on foot. They all watched a television screen where Moony was delivering a live feed from his undercover infiltration.
The video showed them a mostly abandoned city, and all the local residents were women wearing cleavage-exposing tops and miniskirts, and they all seemed to be heading to one building to get in one of the many waiting lines.
“Moony, show us what everyone is lining up for.”
Moony infiltrated the building, and the young men had been stripped down to be completely naked, and then bound and gagged on a stone table. The women took turns performing oral sex until they had a mouth full of semen.
“Oh my, that’s horrible!” shouted Moonbird. “They’re torturing them!”
“They look happy to me,” said Galley-Wag.
////////////////////////////////
“My cavorite! Where did you get it?”
“Oh, we passed by some on the way here. Now, do you think you can replicate it?”
“With the help of my Selenite friends, yes! It will take all the Green Soup we have left. Then our Nak-Kar will be ready to fly!”
/////////////////////////////////
The Rose of Nowhere led the now-flying reptilian Nak-Kar riders over the Amazon crater. Mina joined Queen Maza as they landed atop the building where the young Ultu men had been imprisoned. With Moony helping them from the inside.
Releasing the men was easy, but they found their exit blocked by a line of Amazon guards with massive spears. On command, the guards attached by launching their spears at the intruders … and they went about three feet before gently bouncing off the floor.
//////////////////////////////////
As Maza and Mina led the captives up, they spotted a figure coming out on the balcony of the tallest building in the crater. Her outfit seemed to be tight black pants and a golden cleavage-exposing top with shoulder pads.
“Release the Hippomyrmices!” she shouted.
Out of the same building came on Amazon army riding on what appeared to be giant wasp-like creatures. Unlike the building guards, they put up quite a fair fight against the Ultu Nak-Kar riders.
When they began to approach the Rose of Nowhere, the Galley-Wag let out a scream that threw off many soldiers on both sides. He stopped screaming when the woman in shoulder pads grabbed him from behind and placed a knife to his neck.
“Hands off him!” Mina ordered, holding a knife of her own towards the groin of one of the captured Ultu men.
“No, don’t! We need his seed!”
/////////////////////////////////////////
Queen Maza of Ultu and Queen Lara of the Amazons sat across from each other, both following Mina’s advice to work this out like civilized people.
“So, you see we need the seed of men, or else our people will die. Too many of us have perished already.”
“And you thought that the right way was to, um, drink their ‘seed’?”
“Of course. Is that not how it is done?”
“And did it not occur to you that you could peacefully come to our people and ask to help you?”
“Wait, that was an option?”
“Well, not anymore. We don’t take kidnapping very well.”
“OK, fine. We’ll give you two hundred cases of Green Soup for each man.”
“Green Soup? You have that much to spare?”
/////////////////////////////////////
As it turns out, the Amazon crater was sitting atop an ocean of Green Soup, which was vital to the Ultu not just for nourishment but for fuel as well. So, Mina oversaw the two come to an agreement. The Selenites and Clangers would move their mining operations into the Amazon crater. In return, each Amazon would be allowed to serve in the Ultu military and assigned to a non-enlisted Ultu man who would provide her with children. As a result, both cultures peacefully merged together.
“Well, that was quite the strange adventure,” the Galley-Wag remarked as the Rose of Nowhere launched back for the Blazing World.
“Yes,” agreed Mina, “but at least I know for sure I didn’t eat dragon piss.”
Meanwhile, at the bottom of the now-abandoned Ultu mines, something growled.
Notes:
- Selwyn Cavor (who played a big role in LXG Volume 1) and the Selenites are from The First Men in the Moon
- Ted Dustin, Queen Maza, and the Ultu are from Maza of the Moon
- The Clangers, Soup Dragon, and Green Soup are from, well, The Clangers
- Moonbird is from a series of children’s books by Mike Higgs
- Moony is from Harold’s Hare Own Comics
- Queen Lara and the Amazons are from Amazon Women on the Moon
- The Hippomyrmices are from True History
Chapter 5: The Tempest Begins
Summary:
Mina and Orlando have a new teammate, while the other players begin their journeys.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Kor, Uganada. Six weeks after the Antichrist incident.
Mina Murray and Orlando led their new companion, Emma Knight, to the mystic pool of eternal life. It glowed an earie, yet welcoming blue flame. As Mina and Orlando undressed themselves, Emma kept staring in awe.
“Do you even know what this is?” she asked.
“We think it’s some type of plasma,” answered Mina, “perhaps even alive. Here let’s get you down.”
Mina and Orlando helped the old lady undress and led her into the eerie glow of the sacred water.
“Alright, I feel quite scared now.”
“Don’t worry. Your first time in here is always awkward.”
Mina continued leading Emma until she was in waist deep.
“OK, this does not feel good at all!”
“Just relax. It’s working.”
As the water glowed brightly, Emma felt a wave of energy soak in through her legs and up through her body. She felt the wrinkles in her skin vanish, the fat over her abdominals wither, and her sagging breasts each regained a more spherical form.
As the light went away, Emma stared at the fingers in her face. Lovely hands that she hadn’t seen since she was old enough to drink. She gently parted her hands and gazed down at the smooth, gorgeous body that once drove boy crazy. To make sure she wasn’t dreaming, she rubbed her fingers up and down her new youthful skin, and the finally pulled some locks of her in front of her face just in time to watch them turn from grey to brown.
“Oh,” she said. “This is rather smashing!”
//////////////////////////////////////
Vauxhall, London. MI5 Headquarters.
An elderly man was wheeled into the main presentation room. The oxygen mask around his face was the only thing he was wearing that had been changed in months. On his lap was a manuscript, bound together without a book cover, and atop it read a one-line title: Holmes Murray.
Once the main had been rolled into place, a sharply dressed and groomed man began his presentation.
“First of all, congratulations, Sir James, on your promotion. Your knowledge and experience in the field will suit you well in the role of M.”
“Thank you, Mr. Exposition.”
“Well, first we have these images and footage from Grimmauld Place. We still do not have the faintest idea what happened.”
“Never mind that. What do you know of the previous M’s whereabouts?”
“Well, this happened just when Miss Knight vanished. Three days earlier, she had been visited by this woman, claiming to be a journalist. We do not have a name, but photo recognition gave a 75% match to a former agent of ours.”
“And that agent?”
“Well, that is where it gets strange. The agent was a man out of a 1910 photograph.”
“Was the name of this agent Orlando?”
“Why … yes, sir. How did you know?”
“I know too much,” Sir James responded as he clutched the manuscript closer to him. “Did Miss Knight take anything with her.”
“Yes, several documents, the only one deemed of any real significance was the Black Dossier.”
“I see.”
“That’s all we know, sir. What are your orders?”
“Get me Agent Dunn. We’re going to need his special team.”
//////////////////////////////////////////
Mina, Orlando, and Emma left the ruins of Kor, all wearing the attire one would be expected to where while on an archaeological dig.
“So, what do we do now?” asked Orlando.
“Well, Prospero seems to have cut us off,” observed Mina, “so the Blazing World might be off.”
“Wherever we go, it should be a place where MI5 can’t find us,” suggested Emma. “By now, we’ve all gotten on their hit list.”
“Well, then only leaves Lincoln Island,” realized Orlando.
“That’s along ways off,” noted Mina, “but I think Janni’s grandson Jack is Nemo now. We last saw him as a small boy and I doubt he recognize us.”
“Wait, you mean Jack Dakkar?” asked Emma. “The world’s most wanted terrorist?”
“Yes,” affirmed Orlando. “And he’s still killed far fewer civilians than Western drones have.”
//////////////////////////////////////
Downtown London.
“Huh? Man, that’s messed up.”
The black man didn’t notice the stranger walk passed, and neither did the patrons and performers in the adult club he was a bouncer for. The stranger entered a restroom and went into the handicapped stall. With a spark from his fingers, he opened a small door and walked through.
Dennis Brennan flipped on the lights and stared at the old HQ of the Seven Stars. He went to the sink and washed off his makeup, exposing the pink melanin he had inherited from his alien grandfather.
“The sonic residue suggests this place was last inhabited six weeks ago,” he said to himself. “It feels strongly female.”
He walked over to the filing cabinet and pulled out a folder. In it were a bunch of old posters promoting the Seven Stars as Britain’s very own superhero group.
“What a stupid,” said Dennis. “Nothing but a bunch of fascists masquerading as charity workers. The world should just move on from them already.”
Dennis sifted through the other files until he could verify everyone else’s whereabouts.
“So, Zom was killed back in ’86, and the Flash Avenger died in ’88. So that leaves me, mom, grandpa, and this Vull.”
///////////////////////////////////////////////
Off the coast of Nacumera.
An Aquanaut submarine illegally made its way to the open ocean, having recently been hijacked by three foreign women.
“Well, that could have gone an awfully lot worse,” remarked Mina.
“Well, that’s what they get for swatting my ass!” replied a still angry Orlando at the steering wheel.
“All the debauchery you’ve had for the last thirty centuries, and that’s what sets you off?”
“Yeah, because I didn’t ask for it! Anyway, we should be able to go into full autopilot now, and we have just enough fuel to make it to Lincoln Island’s approximate coordinates.”
Then she got up and went to the back.
“So, you’re just going to leave it like that?”
“Yeah, that’s what ‘autopilot’ means!”
“Well, what if a whale or something gets in our path?”
“Sonar will move us around!”
Mina rolled her eyes and focused them on the oceanic path in front of her. After a few minutes it get dreadfully boring. She headed on down below deck, opening them doors to find Orlando and Emma engaged in lesbian sex on the floor, wearing only bras and panties (black for Emma, green for Orlando.)
“Oh, Mina,” said Orlando with her hand inside Emma’s panties and her index finger massaging her vaginal wall. “Just Emma here discover herself.
Then Emma screamed. “I always knew I felt this way, but I could never hold my job if I embraced it, and Orlando really turned me on earlier!”
“So, you don’t mind if she joins us, then?”
Mina answered her with a smile. She got on her knees and knelt over Emma’s face, closing her eyes as their lips locked together. Orlando got up and walked behind Mina, slowly undoing and removing her jacket as Mina slowly made her way down Emma’s flawless body.
Notes:
- Mr. Exposition is Basil Exposition from the Austin Powers franchise
- Agent Dunn is Benji done from the Mission: Impossible film series
- Dennis Brennan is named after British comics creators Dennis M. Reader (creator of Electro-Girl and Satin Astro) and Paddy Brennan (creator of Mars-Man)
Chapter Text
London. MI5 Headquarters.
“We have just gotten word from Agent Dunn.”
“Very good, Mr. Exposition,” M replied through his oxygen mask. “What is that word?”
“They successfully hacked into the phones of three former associates of Miss Night, all former agents: Cathy Gale, Tara King, and Purdey Stone. They all had booked flights to a small coastal American town called Providence, where they were meant to speak to some cult.
“They came to a historic church where they met with the members of some bizarre movement known as the Ancient Order of Dagon or something. They admitted that they had personally delivered Miss Knight and two other women to Uganda, and said something about this doing nothing to stop ‘his awakening’.
“Then the cult members revealed they were actually the IMF in disguise. Before they could be apprehended, Knight’s old associates all took suicide pills, which the real cult members had done earlier.”
“Very good. Any word from our embassy in Uganda?”
“No, sir, but we do have something from our ambassador to Sierra Leone. We found the alleged journalist who spoke with Miss Night boarding a ferry for Nacumera with two other women, one of whom matches with a photo of Night from more than 50 years ago.”
“That’s her,” affirmed M. “Exactly how she looked. Just like how the writings said.”
“I’m sorry, sir, what writings?”
“And that women in the middle – that’s Murray, also from 50 years ago. Her hair’s different, but everything about her is the same.”
“Well, then, do you have any orders?”
“Have Agent Dunn and his American friends escort me to Uganda. In the meantime, have our data handlers start compiling all knowledge.”
“All knowledge, sir?”
“Yes, as in everything known in every encyclopedia and academic journal ever published.”
//////////////////////////////////
“So, mum, you and grandma are just going to keep on being power batteries for the whole city then?”
“Yes, Dennis, and it pays awfully well. You might want to do it yourself.”
“No thanks. My sparks aren't strong enough, and wouldn't you much rather like to get out and socialize?”
“And risk burning someone? No thanks. I’d rather be alone.”
“Well, maybe you can find love again.”
“Unless that person has the same strength as your father or grandfather, no thanks”
“Well, with that said, do you or grandmum know where Vull the Invisible is?”
“Vull? Last I heard he died. Well, mum hasn’t kept in touch with anyone since Cap-U left us both crying in divorce court, so I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know.”
“Oh, I see.”
“I’m sorry Dennis. It looks like you’re on your own.”
////////////////////////////////////
The Aquanaut submarine made its way in between the Falkland Islands. Mina gazed out the window as a bright school of Pepperland fish swam passed. Besides the scarlet scarf around her neck, the only thing she was wearing was a white bra and panties that matched the lingerie of the other two women she was embraced with, Emma on her right, Orlando on her left, and both sharing the same view.
“You know what’s one thing I wish I had done?” said Emma. “Had a child. Name her Gale after my best friend Cathy Gale if she was a girl, or my brother Allen if he was a boy. I’d love to know what it would have been like to grow a little person in me and raise them up. John would have been perfect for that.”
“John Steed, right” asked Mina. “Was he your husband?”
“No, that was Peter. Died while flying over the Amazon. But I wouldn’t mind if he helped me fulfill my womanly calling either.”
“I’ve already fulfilled it,” confessed Orlando. “Three times.”
The other two turned to stare at her.
"You know how I've bragged about fucking Merlin? Well, we had a daughter together. Named her Roma. It was fun being a mother, but then I had to switch sexes. While Merlin sheltered her and took good care of my Roma, I enlisted under King Arthur, and you know the rest."
"What happened to her?" asked Emma.
"Not sure. No sign of her or Merlin in the Blazing World. I know they're both safe, somewhere."
"Alright, then, how about your second kid?" asked Emma.
“After we lost you, Mina, and after I left Allan. I had no money, and my only options were prostitution, being a professional killer, or selling Excalibur. I went with that last one. Got the attention of some aristocrat professor. We had a girl, and we raised her for 16 years. She loved archaeology and dreamed of making big discoveries. But then I turned into a man, and I faked my death.”
“So, wait, did this family of yours have names?” asked Mina.
“I wish I could remember. PTSD from my service in Qumar. I’d like to think I’d recognize them if I saw them, but that will never happen.”
“Well, what about your third child?” asked Emma.
Orlando sighed. “October 12th, 1908. I just won a prize for my long poem The Oak Tree, which I had started back when I was a squire to Queen Glorianna. My husband Marmaduke was a sea captain and a pilot. After 300 years as a woman, my body decided to change back to a man. Unfortunately, this meant that there was no space for the month-old child inside me. Marmaduke did his best to comfort me as I screamed in anguish, and then repulsed in horror as the bloody fetus spilled out of my stomach. The wound sealed itself and my transformation completed.
“He went mad, called me a witch, chased me out, and burned our house down.”
“Orlando,” said Mina with complete sorrow, “I’m so sorry.”
Orlando gave a faint smile back. “Thanks.”
“No, really, I know how it feels.”
“You do?”
“Yes.” Now Mina sighed. “My husband Jonathan – we loved each other. What he went through to save me, you can’t call that anything but true love. So, when I told him we were going to be having a child together, we laughed together like a pair of angels. We were going to name it Quincy if a boy or Lucy if a girl.
“But less than a month later … my child died inside me. I was so broken. I needed Jonathan more than ever. And you want to know what he said to me?”
Emma and Orlando didn’t respond.
“’I’m sorry you weren’t strong enough’.”
They still didn’t respond.
“I … took off my ring and set it on the table, filled up a suitcase, and walked out the door. We didn’t look at or speak to each other, and I never wanted to be loved again.”
“But you did find love again,” reminded Orlando. “With Allan! With me, too, but especially Allan!”
“Yes, Allan was the best,” Mina confirmed. “He even had a lovers’ nickname for me.”
”Oh, yeah. Mysta, right?”
“Yeah, because I was mysterious.”
“That’s so sweet!” said Emma.
“If I had a nickname, it’d be future-something, because there’s no end for what adventure the future brings for me.”
“So, like Future-Adventure?” suggested Emma. “Futura?”
“Yes, that could work.”
“Hey, Emma, let me show you something.” Mina sat up and undid her scarf, exposing the hideous scars that decorated her neck.
“Oh my,” said Emma. “Are those from … the Count?”
“Yes,” confirmed Mina. “You think they’re quite ghastly, don’t you?”
“Well, they don’t exactly have man appeal,” Emma responded as she sat up to face Mina, placing a hand on either side of her neck. “But they’re a part of you, and I find all of you appealing!”
Mina moved towards Emma to accept her kiss. Then she tilted her head back to gasp for air as her new lover gnawed on her scars as Allan once had.
Notes:
- Providence is from the woks of HP Lovecraft
- Denns Brennan is the grandson of four of the Seven Stars: Captain Universe, Electro-Girl, Mars-Man, and Satin Astro.
- Pepperland is the central location of Yellow Submarine
- Cathy Gale and John Steed are from the 1960s British TV show The Avengers, from which Emma originates (while her lost husband was named Peter, her brother Allen is made up for this story)
- Roma is Merlin's daughter in the Captain Britain comics
- Orlando’s and Mina’s miscarriages are both allusions to the endings of the novels they originated from
- Orlando’s daughter will be further explored in Epilogue 1
Chapter Text
Kor, Uganda.
The mysterious pool glowed a bit brighter as it accepted the newcomer. As the glow died down, a young muscular man stepped out onto the shoreline. Agents Dunn and Stickell stared in awe at what had become of the fickle old man they had brought in a wheelchair.
With a smug smile crowning his perfect chin, Mr. Bond walked over to thank his companions.
“Agent Dunn, my trousers, please. Agent Stickell, I trust you’ve shined my shoes accordingly.”
After getting dressed, Mr. Bond left a briefcase behind as the three walked back to the helicopter. Agent Hunt was waiting for them, the book covered in symbols at he’s feet, his forehead covered in sweat, and his face a display of despair.
“So, Agent Hunt, what do you think?”
The younger American looked up. “I think what you have planned for us truly is impossible.”
“Quite right. Thus, it’s nothing you can’t handle.”
The four men climbed into the helicopter. As they flew back to the British embassy, the briefcase exploded, and the pool of immortality was no more.
“One down. Several hundred to go.”
///////////////////////////////////////////
“Do you what the fashions are on Lincoln Island?” asked Emma.
“Why would you need new clothes? We’ve barely worn any since we submerged,” replied Mina.
“Yes, but I would like an attempt to blend in.”
“I can relate.”
“Both of you finish getting dressed quickly,” shouted Orlando from the driver’s seat. “They prefer modestly on the island, especially for the women.”
Fully dressed, Emma and Mina joined Orlando in the cockpit.
“What’s that on the sonar?” asked Emma.
“That big thing? Probably a shark or a small whale,” responded Orlando.
“Alright; should we be concerned that it’s headed for us?”
“No, it’s just going to swim around like all these other fish headed … in the same direction … away from it…”
Orlando was then instantly proven wrong as the submarine was flipped upside-down. The three ladies landed on the glass ceiling and looked down at a topless, muscular man carrying their sub while walking along the ocean floor.
////////////////////////////////////////
Alembic House, Vauxhall, London.
January 28th, 2010.
Two call girls laid on the king size mattress, still naked and still sleeping from the greatest sex of their lives. About twenty feet away, Mr. Bond sat naked at a table, going over all the documents he had requested from MI5.
“So, Ayesha’s mythical pool turned out not be a myth after all. It’s safe to assume everything the journals left by Mr. Holmes and Mr. Haddo should be taken as gospel, and we truly do have our work cut out for us. I have reviewed past incarnations of an MI5 group called The League, and so far the only one of any interest seems to be the 1898 version, which took down Fu Manchu and the Martian Tripods. Their leader, Miss Mina Murray, is the same woman I encountered in Scotland, and that we say with Miss Night in Africa. Now, I do still have Prospero’s League to go over…”
//////////////////////
Utopia, South Atlantic. 1919.
The unconscious body of Hugo Danner was brought inside a cave and hooked up to advanced electrical equipment. A few minutes later, he opened his eyes and saw a bronze-skinned man his age standing in front of him.
“You must be Danner,” he said. “Johnny told me all about you.”
Hugo then found himself being lifted up by another man, this one less muscular while wearing eyeglasses with a magnifying glass over his left eye. “Hey, Hugo, good chap! I am so sorry; I did not think you would get hit by lightning!”
“Oh, that’s, uh, not a problem, Johnny.”
“Yes, well, Mr. Danner, let me introduce you to my employer, Mr. Savage.”
“Clark Savage. Junior. Friends call me Doc.”
The two supermen shook hands.
“Let me ask you something Hugo: what is it that you want to do?”
“Well, I don’t know. I’ve been asking that my whole life.”
“I see. Did your dad subject you’re a bunch of experiments from birth to make you stronger, faster, and smarter than everyone else?”
“No, my dad did that to me before I was born.”
“Interesting. And would you give it all up?”
“And have friends instead of being a freak? Definitely.”
“Well, the things that make you a freak aren’t going away. They’re a part of you, just like how mine are a part of me. With that being said, with all the special gifts that have been forced onto you – do you want to force them onto others?”
“No, I don’t want to beat people up, if that’s what you mean.”
“Good, but what I really mean is, do you want to rule over your fellow man?”
“Rule? Like a king?”
“Yes. You obvious superiority would easily place you on top, and everyone would have to like you since you would be their god.”
“No, I don’t think I want that. I don’t want people to be afraid of me.”
“So, you’d rather help them instead?”
“Sure; sounds like an easy way to get liked, but people are still too afraid of me.”
“Not to worry. We’ve got two solutions to your problem.”
A door opened, an in came a taller, buffer man wearing striped pants and a zoot suit.
“Hello, young chap. I’m also a Hugo. Hugo Coghlan, but the papers like to call me Hercules. Now, what do ye say to an arm-wrestlin' match?”
Hugo Danner accepted, and was shocked when he lost.
“You … you’re like me too?”
“Yes, we both are,” confirmed Doc. “I have a team of people like us, and we’re going to go off on our own adventures, helping people along the way. Mr. Hercules, though, has a different proposal.”
“Yes, do ye recall ye'er time in the Great War?”
“Unfortunately,” answered Danner.
“Well, it’s bound to happen again. The British and French have had their own teams of super-fellers in the past, and it looks like the Germans are makin' their own. So, Uncle Sam has decided to make some, and they paid me a good deal of money for it.”
“So, they copied you?”
“Not exactly. They paid some women to go through intense physical training to the point where I could make love to them, and as a result, the government has been raisin' a few super-kids as soldiers.”
“Soldiers? Sounds more like weapons.”
“Which is why we need a super-feller who has already seen war to guide my children through it, to make sure that they’re all prepared to go in and come out as better people instead worse.”
“War rarely makes us better,” remarked Danner. “But if it means stopping those with too much power from tormenting the weak, then I’d better make sure your deadly kids are all properly babysat.”
Notes:
- Agents Stickell and Hunt are also from the Mission: Impossible film series
- Alembic House is a real building
- Hugo Danner is the main character of the novel Gladiator
- Doc Savage is a classic pulp character; Johnny is one of his traveling companions
Chapter Text
Lincoln Island, South Pacific. 2010.
Mina, Orlando, and Emma all made an uncomfortable landing on the beach. All three looked up just in time to see the muscular man shake out all their luggage before tossing it back out to sea. As they all got back up, they could see this man was a giant, standing at least seven feet tall. Also, their stolen submarine didn’t make a splash until it had reached the horizon.
“Right,” the giant spoke as he faced them, “who are ye and what are ye doin’ here?”
All three women just sat dumbfounded until Emma finally said, “We’re looking for Captain Nemo.”
“I’ll be bettin’ ye are, and what infernal government sent ye?”
“None,” answered Orlando. “We’re actually trying to get away from all governments, everywhere.”
“Ah, well, that’s sounds just like something Nemo would be happy to hear, which is exactly what makes ye all the more suspicious!”
The giant was bending down toward them and yelling so loud they all blew backwards ten feet.
“Hugo, it’s happening.”
The giant turned to look at a nearby sandhill right in front of the island’s forest, atop which a feminine figure stood.
“Tacarigua just went into labor.”
Without saying a word, Hugo Hercules jumped off the beach, landed in the woods, and continued jumping further away. The news bearer walked to the three trespassers as they stood up.
She was a woman slightly older than them with brown skin and brown hair that draped over her right shoulder in a braided ponytail. She wore a chakra on her forehead, a silver seashell necklace around her neck, and a dark blue kalarippayattu outfit around her body, complete with a red belt that carried both a gun and a dagger.
“So sorry about the rude welcome. I take it you’re here to see my brother. Follow me.”
Mina just finished putting her hat back on. “Oh, thank you, miss…”
“Greta. Greta Mors Dakkar.”
//////////////////////////////////////////////
Duckburg, Calisota (formerly New Jersey).
After an 8 hour flight, Dennis Brennan still hadn’t gotten used to the sight of the plane attendants. His pinkish skin was one thing, but an anthropomorphic gazelle and badger were quite another. So, he did not feel quite that comfortable about soon going into a mass of crowds of such … people.
The in-flight documentary was still very helpful. The first “animal-people” (sometimes referred to as “furries”, a term now seen as a bigoted insult) came to America in the 1920s. Some claimed to be descended from the creations of one Dr. Mureau, while others claimed to be refugees from a fantastical place called The Blazing World. Both groups experienced discrimination upon first immigrating and could only get well-paying jobs in entertainment. In fact, they were in such high demand that a new district of Hollywood was made just for them and dubbed Toontown.
After the Second Great War, the US economy had to rapidly shift from being war-driven to consumer-driven, and the government passed many new regulations to make this happen. However, many business executives did not think too highly and went on strike by vanishing to a mountain valley in Colorado, where they pled their allegiance to a self-proclaimed messiah named John Galt.
After hijacking all radio channels, John Galt delivered a speech so long, so exhausting, and so boring that the government finally gave in to his demands, allowing all corporations to function however they pleased without any regulations to speak of. Now, decades later, American has become a prosperous country where the rich get richer and everyone else has to suffer the current recession.
Anyways, one of Galt’s most devoted followers was Scrooge McDuck, a duck-person who had immigrated from Scotland and had found his American dream. He used a tiny portion of his wealth to buy the state of New Jersey, rename it Calisota, and transformed it into a haven for other animal-people where they all could find their American dream.
Still, Dennis managed to find the confidence to exit the plane, giving a hesitant “Thank you” to the plane’s lion-man pilot who wished him a nice stay. After trekking through the airport, Dennis climbed aboard a Taggart Express train. He sat down and looked at a complimentary magazine, the cover of which featured an aggressively stoic tiger-man in a professional blue business suit and red tie, proudly standing over the caption “Vote Khan for CEO-Governor”.
Dennis got off the train in New York City, where he got into a taxi that took him to the Empire State Building. He walked inside and showed a special pass that he had printed out before he had left London to the guard. After verifying his pass, the guard escorted him to the back of the lobby and punched in the code to open the doors to a private elevator. Dennis stepped in and, once the doors closed behind him, punched the button for the 86th floor.
The elevator went up rather quickly and made no steps. The doors opened and Dennis walked into the open arms of an elderly man wearing a white bathrobe with a yellow “U” over each breast.
“Dennis! So good to see you!”
“Thanks, Grandpa Jim.”
“Are Carol and your mother coming?”
“No; you of all people should know why.”
“Ah, right. Well, come here! There’s someone I want you to meet.”
Grandpa Jim led him into the next room, where an even older man sat mesmerized in front of the television, wearing a red bathrobe with a yellow lightning bolt over each beast.
“Dennis, this is Captain Marvel.”
Dennis stood in silence for a few moments. “You mean, the first one? Who gave you your powers?”
“The very same. I am one of the very few he has ever deemed worthy. Looking after him is the least I can do.”
“Oh, well, how do you do, Mr. Marvel?”
The old Captain didn’t respond.
“I’m sorry, boy. Old age hasn’t been treating him well.”
“I think the same could be said about all of us.”
“What do you mean, boy?”
“I mean … superheroes, grandpa. There have been way too many of us around the world for decades, isn’t it exhausting?”
“I do not see why it should be. As long as we’re there to help people.”
“Help people? Grandpa, we’re all fascists, sucking up admiration from the powerless masses!”
“Is that what you really think? Well, then, I’ve got something to show you.”
Notes:
- Greta Mors Dakkar is the daughter of LXG OCs Hira Dakkar and Manfred Mors and is the half-brother of Jack Dakkar
- Duckburg, Calisota, and Scrooge McDuck are from Disney comics and the Ducktales animated series
- Toontown is a location in the film Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
- John Galt is the central character of Atlas Shrugged
- Khan here is Shere Khan as depicted in TaleSpin
- The 86th floor of the Empire State Building was the office of Doc Savage
Chapter Text
Vauxhall, London.
“So, there was a riff between Prospero and Christian. Prospero offered his companions eternal life and youth in the Blazing World, while Christian did the same for the Celestial City. The rest of the crew wound up choosing neither.
“It’s for the best.” Mr. Bond closed his note and looked down at the journal of symbols he had been clinging to for years. “It’s a good thing I made sure they got the wrong Dossier. The old devil believes that we know nothing about what he really is. Good for us.”
///////////////////////////////////
Lincoln Island.
Greta led the three newcomers past memorial statues to the Nemos and Ishmaels of the past into a mansion on the center of the island. They walked past the throne room and into the medical wing, where the Hugo giant they had met on the beach was cradling his newborn. Sitting on the bed next to him was the proud mother, Tacarigua Ishamel, who didn’t appear to be a woman as much as she did a male bodybuilder with supermodel boobs.
On the other side of the bed was a tall, brown-skinned man in a white uniform. He turned around to reveal the face of a man in his late 40s with a trimmed beard, as well as a black “N” over his heart. He walked over to Mina and held out his hand, palm facing upward.
“Miss Murray. So glad to see you after so long.”
“Yes, um, it’s go to see you to, Captain,” Mina replied as she placed her hand on his.
“Please, Madam, call me Jack,” the good Captain answered as he kissed the back of Mina’s hand and released it.
He offered his hand in the same way to Orlando. “Forgive me, but would I be correct to assume that you are Orlando?”
“Yes, that’s me,” she responded as she gave Jack her hand.
“You might want to consider being a woman more often,” Jack said as he kissed her hand.
“Yeah, well, I would if I didn’t have to piss blood every month for a week.”
Jack stood in silence, not sure how to respond, and the other women gave Orlando a similar look.
Then Jack offered his hand to Emma. “Madam, I don’t believe we’ve met before.”
“Oh, well, I’m Emma Night,” she responded giving him her hand. “Former director of MI5.”
Jack paused as he bowed for the kiss. “Ah, well, it’s still a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
After his last kiss, Jack stood up straight and crossed his hands behind his back.
“Now, I believe you ladies have had quite the long trip. Let’s make sure you clean up and have a fresh pair of clothes to wear.”
/////////////////////////////////////////
Empire State Building, New York City
Scrooge McDuck sat down at the head of the table, gladly welcoming in the CEOs/heirs from LexCorp, Queen Industries, Wayne Enterprises, and Stark Industries. The last to enter was a jovial white-haired man dressed in white, carrying a walking stick with a mosquito trapped in amber at the top.
“Hammond, old chap! Nice to see your dinosaur zoo is finally a success!”
“Yes, we’ve seen quite the visitor uptake once we hired Mister Dolittle. Profits are going to soar this quarter!”
“Well, that’s always great to … what is he doing here?”
All eyes looked toward a man in a moustache who had just walked in.
“Greetings, my fellow billionaires! Looking forward to…”
“Zip it, Northwest. We’re not about to talk business with someone who invests their entire fortune in a single stock, especially when that stock is something as absurd as “weirdness bonds”. You’re really no better than that idiot who tried to build a city on the bottom of the ocean.”
“A city on the bottom of the ocean? Thanks for the tip, chum!” Then Mr. Northwest went on his merry way.
“Now then, let’s discuss the next phase of our superhero spectacular…”
From up above, Dennis Brennan and Grandpa Jim watched and listened through a hidden camera.
“So wait, all superhero fights are faked?”
“Not all of them, Denny. Just the ones with big-name supervillains.”
“Has it always been like this?”
“No. The first of us was a guy named Hugo Hercules, who just walked around helping people with is immense strength. After him came two men who were manufactured to be superior – Doc Savage and Hugo Danner. After the First Great War Germany started to make a team of “super-people” like the British and French before, and America decided to do the same. Hercules didn’t want to fight, but he did agree to make more like him.”
“Make more like him?”
“Yeah, with very fit women who volunteered. Savage and Danner who both offered the role of training up these super-kids. Danner had already seen war and knew he was perfect for the role, so he stepped up while Savage went off on his own adventures.
“When the Second Great War started, Danner became a hero under the name of Captain America, while Hugo’s kids took to the front lines as Wonder Woman, the Blackhawks, Uncle Sam, Flygirl, Miss America, and Superman. After the war, the country had to go back to being consumerism-driven, and so superheroes became brought up by corporations. This is where you got Batman, Iron Man, Green Arrow, Green Hornet, Blue Bolt, Doll Man, Ant Man, Plastic Man … you get the idea.”
"So what about Doc Savage?"
"He and his friends ultimately retired on the Moon; their descendants take the top spots at the science research base up there."
“What about magic heroes, like you and Marvel here?”
“Oh, our powers are real. But being a hero doesn’t pay bills, so we had to sign contracts as well. Didn’t work out well for me, though, or any of my mates across the pond.”
“So, what about sidekicks?”
“Well, the first were a twin boy and girl accidentally born to Captain America and Wonder Woman. Not much else to do with those super-kids, so they became Bucky Barnes and Wonder Girl. After the war, sidekicks were seen to similarly appeal more to the youth. So, volunteers were screened, and the ones they showed to have the proper physical and mental strength were selected before their bodies were modified to match their associated heroes. When the hero had to retire, the sidekick would take their place, and the cycle continues.”
“So, heroes are all just a corporate venture. How does this prove me wrong?”
“Come over here, boy. Look at this.”
Grandpa Jim opened an online video of a teenage girl dressed in dark goth/punk attire. She looked into her phone with a face of absolute anguish and despair; a face that had given up all hope.
“To everyone who’s been following me and has insulted me, here I am. I know that none of you care. Nobody does. I’m finally going to end it. Make us all better off.”
Then she dropped her phone. It fell ten stories before it stopped and then started to raise up again. It stopped to show the girl’s eyes closed as tears ran down her face, fully determined to make the jump.
“It’s not too late for you,” said a voice from offscreen.
The girl opened her eyes and gasped at who was holding her phone.
“Sup…Supe…Supe…”
“You’re much stronger than you think you are. Trust me.”
As the girl started to cry, she opened her arms and lunged forward as the phone wrapped around her back. Then the video ended.
“See?” said Grandpa Jim. “It’s not all fist fights and toy deals. Being a hero is about helping everyone who needs it.”
Dennis stood in skeptical shock. “That could just be a publicity stunt.”
“Could be. Prove it. Hundreds of people have already, they all failed. And if you like that, you should look up a heroine out of Jump City calling herself Raven. She’s an empath and does a lot to help kids struggling emotionally.”
“But that doesn’t make sense. Wouldn’t someone with that much power be a fascist?”
“So, you really think that having power makes you unable to sympathize with others just because they’re weaker? Humans care more about trees, insects, and animals than those three care for each other, so why can’t super-people do the same for humans?”
“Um…”
“By the way, do you even know what the word ‘fascist’ means?”
“A bully who is out of touch with normal people?”
“And do you really think a company would make someone like that their mascot hero? That would be a PR nightmare.”
“Well, but…”
“Kid, there’s nothing wrong with making money, and there’s nothing wrong with having power. It’s not what you have that matters, but what you do with it.”
Grandpa Jim walked to the fridge to take out some juice while Dennis just stared at the computer screen.
“So, Grandpa, do you know a Vull?”
“Vull the Invisible? Sure; fought side by side with him.”
“Do you know where he is now?”
“No clue. Why do you need to know?”
“Because I need to save the world.”
Notes:
- Hammond and his dinosaur zoo are from the Jurassic Park franchise
- Mister Dolittle is a descendant of the original Docor Dolittle
- Mr. Northwest is from Gravity Falls
- The “idiot who tried to build a city on the bottom of the ocean” is Andrew Ryan from Bioshock
- The online video is a recreation of a famous page from All-Star Superman
- Raven is a member of the Teen Titans, whose animated series takes place in Jump City
Chapter 10: Target Locked
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
As the two call girls got dressed, Mr. Bond finished straightening the bow tie on his tuxedo.
“Miss Belle, I don’t say this often, but you gave me quite the splendid time last night.”
“Well, you are very welcome, sir,” replied the blonde one. “Although I do wish you weren’t so rough with Bambi. She’s still new to this business.”
“I guess I could consider it. It might affect the price of our next session, though.”
The brunette one turned to her mentor. “It’s fine, Belle. I can take it.”
/////////////////////////////////////
“Mr. Exposition, do we have any agents ready to pilot an unmanned submarine?”
“Yes, Mr. Bond. We have two new recruits from Oxford.”
“The double agents?”
“Yes, sir. They are technology wizards and have mastered all our equipment.
“As is expected as ones of Asian roots.”
///////////////////////////////
“Mr. Bond, does this thing really have nuclear missiles?”
“Yes, Shakti. But don’t worry. It’s none of your concern what…”
Shakti stood up and looked at her supervisor in the eye. “Take … your hands … off … my sister!”
“It’s OK,” her younger sister replied. “I’ll drop kick this asshole and we’ll head back to mama.”
Mr. Bond smiled at both. “I like the spirit you two youngsters have. I guess you deserve to know why you’re doing what you’re doing.”
He gave both a copy of the symbol-infested notes he had been carrying with him.
///////////////////////////////
Mina selected black high hell boots and a green dress, pants and sleeve outfit, all with orange trimming. Orlando found some man boots and cabin boy pants, along with a loose white shirt bearing the logo of Broad Arrow Jack. Finally, Emma found something to her tastes – a black-and-blue catsuit with an orange trident stretching vertically down the middle of her torso.
“Now then,” began Jack as he lead them deeper into his base, “I take that the three of you were involved in the atmospheric phenomenon last year.”
“Yes,” answered Mina. “An Antichrist in London. We lost Allan Quartermain, if you remember him.”
“Oh, I remember all three of you. Mr. Van Dusen also tells me that you visited Kor.”
“Why, yes. Captain, who is this Van Dusen?”
“Please, call me Jack. Van Dusen worked for my grandmother, and died on her voyage to Antarctica, leaving behind thousands of punch cards. It wasn’t until 15 years ago that we had the technology to read them. Ladies, please allow me to introduce you to Professor Van Dusen, The Thinking Machine.”
The four of them stood before a story-high screen bearing a 3D rendering of a bald man with circular spectacles. “Miss Murray, Miss Orlando, and Miss Night. Good afternoon to you.”
“Um, and to you, uh, Professor,” replied Mina, still gawking up at him. “If you do not mind me asking, how do you know we visited Kor?”
“From Miss Night’s youthful appearance, as well as the recent nuclear detonation there, no doubt as a result of Miss Night’s recent defection.”
“Nuclear detonation?” asked Orlando.
The screen changed to show satellite footage over the pool at Kor, which has quickly consumed by a radioactive cloud.”
“What?!?” shouted Orlando. “You mean some motherfucker’s gone and fucked my pool?”
“Hold on, Professor,” said Emma, “how do you know this relates to me?”
“I have obtained footage of you boarding a ferry in Sierra Leone. This footage was also sent to the servers of the British embassy there. Furthermore, shortly before the explosion, there were three suicides in the coastal American town of Providence.”
“American?”
“Yes. Three elderly British women, all former MI5 agents, and all past associates with Miss Night.”
The screen showed a news report of the suicides, showing the face of the three women.
“Those are the same women that helped us get out of England,” noted Mina. “Emma, are…”
Emma screamed from the emotional pain squeezing in her stomach.
Mina turned to see her newest companion on her knee and sobbing into her hands. “God, dear God, no! Patsy! Tarsy! Cathy!” She lifted her tear-covered face up. “This wasn’t suicide! They were tortured until they confessed about us!”
“Hey, we don’t that for sure,” said Orlando, kneeling beside Mina to comfort her. “Maybe it really was a mass suicide.”
“No,” answered Emma. “They would have found a new M, someone with as much experience as I had had.”
“But why would they nuke the pool?” asked Mina.
“Well, if was someone with as much experience as Emma, it was have to be someone the same age as her,” said Orlando.
“So, this new M most likely used the pool, and then destroyed it,” concluded Mina.
“Keeping immorality for themselves,” continued Orlando. “That’s quite monstrous.”
“Then perhaps the new M is a monster,” continued Mina.
Upon hearing that, Emma slowly stood up, vertical paths of moist eyeliner slowly drying on her face. Her widened eyes slowly scrunched as her eyebrows edged closer together, making a face of pure anger.
“It’s him!” she declared. “The new M. It’s Bond. He murdered and godfather, and now my friends.”
“Emma, what are you going to do?” asked Mina.
“I’m going back to London,” she responded with cold ferocity. “I’m going to avenge them.”
“If you’re going to do so,” said Van Dusen, “then you may want to hear about new intel I have gathered. It seems that a similar detonation has occurred in the Arctic Circle.”
//////////////////////////////////
Shakti took control of the unmanned submarine and ordered the periscope to raise up. As the sub moved towards the surface, the video feed went from showing water to a massive city full of bright colors making up building of indescribable structure.
Then Shakti turned to her younger sister. She had just given a shriek and dropped a copy of the Black Dossier she had been reading. Her eyes were bloodshot and her breathing was loud.
“It’s true then!” she declared. “It’s all true! This place, and them, and it! We don’t stand a chance! We’re nothing!”
As she started to cry, Shakti got up and let her weep on his shoulder.
“No, Chanda. As long as they are outside our world, we have a chance. We’re here so that can make the world safer for everyone, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do here. We’ll show those bastards not to mess with us!”
Chanda stopped crying and regained her composure. “Alright, sister. Let’s do this.”
With both siblings in their seats, they initiated the launch sequence together. They watched the missile vanish from radar, followed a few seconds after by a giant mushroom cloud replacing the mythical Blazing World.
Behind them, Mr. Bond gave a slow applause.
“Well done, children. Now, let’s make sure the two of you get a proper night’s sleep.”
Notes:
Belle and Bambi are from Secret Diary of a Call Girl
Chapter 11: Back in England
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Lincoln Island. January 29th, 2010. 5:17 AM.
The bed of Captain Nemo III had been shaking violently for the past five minutes. While Jack sat upright with his ass on his ankles, Greta sat on his hips as his penis skewered in and out of her vagina, her feet bouncing on and off the mattress. The half-siblings hugged each other tight with their hands behind each other’s backs. They finally stood still when Greta screamed in ecstasy, and Jack let her fall on her back.
As Greta caught her breath, Jack leaned forward and looked into her eyes as he placed is hands on the bed by her shoulders.
“Thank you,” said Greta. “That’s the best you’ve done in a while.”
“Thank you,” replied Jack. “Rather fitting for our last time together.”
Greta sighed. “So, you really think it will be different than Miss Kidd or Miss Mabuse?”
“Because I have solved my erection problem.”
“But aren’t I enough, Jack? We’ve together since our teens and made two children.”
“That’s because the only other woman I had was Tacarigua, and she prefers to be a man. Not to mention how Mr. Long indoctrinated us with his bullshit.”
“Yes, all his alleged advice on love only got us addicted to each other. Now we can’t even have a real relationship together.”
“Well, not to worry. One of our new friends will fall for me, and maybe another for you as well.”
“I sure hope so. I don’t even know if I swing that way, but at least I would be free from you.”
“Well then, I suppose we should be getting dressed, then.”
“Wait. Let me make you come one last time.”
“Sure, Greta.”
Jack moved himself forward and placed his penis between his half-sister’s breasts.
////////////////////////////////////////
Breakfast in the Nemo dining hall. Jack, Greta, Hugo, Tacarigua, Mina, Orland, and Emma all sat down to eat a breakfast of octopus eggs and whale bacon.
“Since MI5 nuked the Blazing World,” started Mina, “we should go there.”
“Well, Prospero did abandon us,” continued Orlando, “and that strange woman who beat the Antichrist told us not to trust him. Anyway, with two places MI5 has nuked, I say we go to London and cut them off at the source.”
“But Prospero has needed us before and may need us no,” refuted Mina.
“Well, we could do both,” proposed Jack. “Since Mina wishes to go to the Blazing World, I can take her there in the Nautilus. Of course, I will need Tacarigua and Hugo to accompany me.”
“No, Hugo stays here to look after the baby,” demanded Tacarigua.
“As you wish, dear,” confirmed Hugo.
“Meanwhile,” continued Jack, “Greta will take Emma and Orlando to London via Robur Jet.”
“Taking our revenge should be easy,” said Greta. “We already have two double agents working there, low-level but they can still get us in.”
“Double agents?” repeated Orlando.
“Yes, Chanda and Shakti, my own two daughters.”
///////////////////////////////////
The Mors-Robur Stealth Jet slowly descended into the forests near Kent. After its landing gear touched the snowy dirt road, it began to fold up its wings and take the form of a common automobile.
“So, solar polar really that well?” asked Emma.
“Yes,” confirmed Greta. “The sun’s true potential was first harvested by my great-grandfather, the original Captain Mors.”
“Mors? The air pirate from Germany?” asked Orlando.
“The very same. With his ship Meteor, he fought against Western imperialism much like how Nemo did. His ship was so magnificent it could go beyond the sky.”
“So, Mors was the first one to develop space flight?” asked Orlando.
“You could say that. He was always a man to exaggerate, but his old journals had old stories of him stepping foot on other worlds. He was planning on setting up a refuge for all the persecuted people on Earth, but before he could do that, he died trying to liberate on of Hynkel’s concentration camps. His remaining followers had to go into hiding, and his daughter rebuilt what he had lost under the name of Iron Maiden.”
“Fascinating,” said Emma. “Well, let’s take a look inside then.”
The three exited the vehicle and went up to the front door. Emma entered a code onto a secret keypad. They entered and the lights automatically turned on, revealing décor that seemed to be a nostalgic tribute to the 1970s.
“Feels like I’m in an old sitcom,” noted Greta.
“So, where are we exactly?” asked Orlando.
“Brandgate, near my old boarding school,” answered Emma. “MI5 has no idea about this place. So, how do you suppose Mina is?”
“Heading for an irradiate fantasy land with the world’s most wanted terrorist?” said Orlando. “She’s been in far riskier scenarios.”
“So, how are we going to kill this Bond fellow?” asked Greta.
Orlando smiled at the prospect of getting down to business. “I say we do it as quickly as possible. That’s what he should get for vaporizing my pool.”
“I agree on account of avenging my friends,” confirmed Emma.
“Well, this is your territory, so where do we start?” asked Orlando.
Emma opened her vodka case and began pouring out a drink for each of them. “We start by gathering information. We found out all we can about his little schemes and use that to destroy him. The man’s vain beyond belief, and there’s one area he always leaves unguarded.”
“And what would that be?” asked Orlando, taking her drink.
“Women.” Emma unzipped the front of her catsuit, exposing her braless cleavage. After she and Orlando finished their drinks, the two of them locked lips, and Orlando finished pulling her catsuit down to her waist.
“Can I join?” Greta asked other quickly.
Emma and Orlando stopped kissing and looked at her.
“It’s just that, well, on Lincoln Island we still aren’t that progressive, and I’ve never really like the appearance of a man’s … you know, all that much, so I think I might be…”
“Say no more,” interrupted Orlando. “Just strip down to your undies and take your drink into your room. Bring another glass, too. And the whole bottle.”
Greta obeyed, sitting down on the bed with a shot glass in one hand and the bottle of vodka in the other. Orlando took both, filled the shot glass and started pouring the rest onto Greta’s breasts. Her surprised body jumped a little, but then was secured in place by Emma’s arms from behind. Orlando proceeded to lick the vodka off her breasts and continued all the way down to her hips. As Greta felt her panties pulled off, Emma massaged her breasts from behind while sucking at the base of her neck.
Through all of it, Greta felt no romance to speak of – just pure sexual lust. But unlike the lust she and her brother shared, this was natural, which may be why it felt so comforting.
Notes:
Iron Maiden was a supervillain appearing in Tower Comics.
Chapter 12: Mina's Revelation
Chapter Text
The nuclear-powered Nautilus VII was busy making its way toward the Arctic. While it would have been easier to have entered The Blazing World near Megapatagonia (near Antarctica), intel from Van Dusen showed that it had vanished at the same time as the explosion in the Arctic.
With Tacarigua at the helm, Jack continued playing his piano while Mina continued staring at his hands in awe. All the members of the Nemo family she had encountered were quite cultured, but not artistic, and certainly not creators. Yet he played so beautifully, so much so that it took her back to the first time she had heard a piano played. The moment that instilled her love of music and had led to her career of teaching it to others.
Finally, he stopped playing. “Would you like to try, my lady?”
Hesitantly, Mina sat down. It had been more than a hundred years since she had even touched a piano, yet the feelings of the ivory keys quickly warmed her heart. She started playing Fur Elise and when she found the notes starting to go rather high, Jack began playing them for her. While they did lock eyes, they did not stop playing, and continued performing until it was done.
Then Mina pressed her lips tightly against his. Then she pushed herself away in shame.
“I’m sorry. It’s just … no, I have no excuse.”
“You shouldn’t need to apologize,” Jack responded. “It’s only human to be joined with beauty.”
Mina turned back towards him and kissed him again, this time they both embraced one another.
When their lips released, Mina gave him a direct order: “Ravish me!”
Jack led her to his bed, and they began stripping each other like a pair of insatiable newlyweds. Mina was especially ecstatic at her new lover’s penis, and he was quietly happy that it could be erect at the sight of someone other than his half-sister.
Mina climbed onto the bed and got on her knees, pointing her buttocks at Jack. He got up behind and started fucking her doggy style. She yelled in joy and asked him to go in harder.
Mina felt so weak that she lost strength in her arms, falling face-first into the mattress. Jack pulled out, flipped her over, and started fucking her again, except now they were looking into each other eyes. Mina lay helpless as her breasts bounced along with Jack’s thrusts, and the only word she could make out was, “Deeper!”
Finally, Jack obeyed her orders. With a hand under each of her knees, he yanked his upper body backwards while pulling Mina across the bed, plunging his penis all the way to her A-spot as she gave one long scream.
Jack brought himself forward and began thrusting again, this time looking even more deeply into Mina eyes. Mina wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his back, pulling him in for a kiss until they both climaxed at once.
Jack and Mina looked to the ceiling as they yelled together, and then he let his exhausted body fall atop hers, his chest squishing her beasts, and his chin landing where her neck joined onto her right shoulder.
Then Mina realized she had been yanked out of her scarf, and Jack’s face was now nested in her gruesome scars. Once again, the fears of disgust from a new lover started to manifest, but they went away once she felt a soft peck on them.
“You’re truly beautiful,” he whispered.
Mina responded by hugging him with her arms and legs. “Thank you!”
///////////////////////////////////
New York City.
Captain Universe had been waiting in the bar for over an hour when Brain Boy finally showed up.
“So, you saw my boy today?”
“Yeah. He’s doing alright. Talked about your mum.”
“That apocalypse mess? What did you tell him?”
“That I couldn’t do anything for him.”
“Anything about me?”
“No; I figured he wouldn’t want to see you.”
“Hey, I did the same thing to his mum that you did to Carol.”
“I think we should go back.”
“What?”
“We’ve been running from our problems for too long. We need to go back.”
“Back to England?”
“Back to our families.”
////////////////////////////////////////
London.
“So, this is the place?” asked Emma, looking up to the top of the apartments.
“Yes,” confirmed Greta. “Shakti told me that this is the residence of Belle, the call girl that Mr. Bond frequently commissions the services of.”
“If your daughters are working directly for him, then that’s all the more reason for you to help us out.”
“Oh, I’m not worried about that. If this Bond person tried anything, he’d be dead already.”
“Well, let’s requite our final teammate then.”
The three ladies entered the complex. As they passed by the ground floor restaurant, a familiar face noticed one of them.
“Vita? Miss Vita, is that you?”
Orlando turned to see Dr. Belinda Coote, director for the asylum that she had rescued Mina from.
“Oh, I’m sorry, doctor, I think you have me mistaken.”
“Then how did you know I am a doctor?”
Orlando realized she had been caught. Her first instinct was to run, but this was no time to be making a scene. “I’m sorry about your vase.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I should have been better prepared for Miss Murray’s erratic behavior.”
“Her … behavior?”
“Yes. I don’t recall what happened, but I was confirmed by police after that the patient transfer was a success.”
Orlando briefly glanced at Emma, who gave a look confirming that was her work.
“Ah, well, I’m glad things worked out.”
“Actually, I am glad I ran into you. I have been meaning to give you her complete files, but was told Miss Murray’s new location was top secret. I do happen to have them with me now.”
“So, you’ve been carrying them around on the odd chance we’d meet again?”
“Well, the professional response is to destroy the files, but I never agreed with book burning of any type. Anyways, I hope that you find this useful.”
“Yes, well, thank you very much.”
Feeling relieved, the three continued their way to the elevator. Out of curiosity, Orlando began looking through the file. As the elevator started going up, her eyes widened with shock.
“Mina’s a mum!”
Chapter 13: Stop in Toyland
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The Arctic Circle
The Nautilus VII began its ascent. Tacarigua switched on the ship’s intercom.
“Toyland ahoy. Prepare to disembark.”
Mina and Jack reluctantly released themselves from each other. After allowing Mina to wash up in the restroom, Jack stepped in to clean himself off. While waiting on her new lover, Mina stepped outside and encountered Tacarigua reorganizing the munitions.
“So, I take it you’re in love with my captain, then.”
Mina was startled by this. “Oh, I beg your pardon, Miss Tacarigua.”
“Please, call me Ishmael.”
“Well, Ishmael, what is between the captain and I is our business.”
“Understandable. You know, we were each other’s first times.”
“What?”
“Yes, nearly killed him with these massive muscles.”
Mina stared at her in disbelief.
“I’m joking. We were both in our early teens, slave to our hormones, and I was even more slender than you are.”
“Oh, I see. And now you’re with that Hugo chap.”
“Correct. The two of us were made for each other. Literally, because we’d break anyone else. I don’t know how all those women who bore American supers managed it.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Off topic. So, what has become of you and the captain?”
“Well, I guess you could say that we are very much in love.”
Tacarigua stepped forward and gave her the softest hug she could, which still made Mina gasp for air.
“Welcome aboard!”
The Nautilus continued to rise out of the water. As it docked, an entourage of dancing toys was there to greet them, who parted ways to make way for their rulers – Duke Frank and Queen Olympia.
///////////////////////
London.
Miss Hannah Baxter and Miss Gloria White, or Belle and Bambi as they were known to their clients, were completely fooled by the fake government IDs Emma had provided to her companions. Apparently, they were both used to receiving visits like this from the police
“What can I say?” admitted Belle. “Rich men are crocked, but their money is fresh.”
Neither of them smiled so much when they were shown images of the mass suicide in Providence. Emma also gave photographs of Mr. Bond, their new favorite client, at the scene. These photos were forged, but Emma was desperate to get her revenge.
“What do you want from us?” asked Bambi.
“Mr. Bond has committed murder on foreign soil,” explained Emma. “He holds too much power to simply be put on trial. He must be assassinated.”
“So, you want us to kill him during our next session?” asked Belle. "Sorry, but I can't do that."
“Don't worry.” Emma opened up her suitcase, revealing an extensive amount of cosmetics.
“I am going to kill him, and to do that, I am going to need to look, talk, and fuck exactly like you. Do I have your cooperation?”
“Sure, if this bastard really is the monster you say he is.”
“You have mine too,” added Bambi, “but I kind of have bills to pay, so can we get some, uh, reward?”
Bambi started to feel herself calm down as Orlando began massaging her shoulders.
“How about we give you a session and we’ll call it even?”
////////////////////////////////
Toyland.
Jack took the hand of Queen Olympia, while his new love walked hand-in-hand with her monstrous consort.
“I’m sorry,” started Mina, “but I am not quite sure how to address you.”
“You can call me Frank,” replied the monster. “Everyone does.”
“Frank? As in abbreviation for your creator?”
“Yes, Dr. Victor Frankenstein. I thought his death would bring me peace, but instead left me alone. I waited to die in the cold before my Queen found me. I don’t deserve the love she and the toys have given me, but now I am finally happy.”
“I know what you mean,” answered Mina. “Immortality has been a massive burden on me; love has been the only thing that has made it worthwhile.”
“How very true,” continued the monster. “It’s exactly as the great shaman himself says.”
“Great shaman?”
Jack and Mina were led onto a sleigh driven by reindeer that pulled them through the streets of Toyland. They stopped in front of the largest building, and upon entering they found it to be a workshop.
All twelve floors were lined with dwarven elves in festive red-and-green work uniforms, carefully building every single part of every single toy in the world. An older elf was lamenting about how they just had to worry about carving wood and tying string, but now they have to learn how to build and program computer chips while taking a sauntering iron to pure steel.
They got in an elevator and went up to the top floor. They stepped out and approached the great shaman. He wore black boots and a red suit with trimming as white as his massive beard.
Mina recognized him immediately, and after all the things she had seen, this is what dumfounded her.
“Santa Claus?!?”
“Very good, my merry child. I take it you’ve had a long journey. Would you like some Coca Cola?”
“So, wait, do you really deliver toys every Christmas Eve?”
“Oh, no. I used to, but then there became so many children in the world that even with all my magic I couldn’t pull it off. Thankfully, corporations provided an answer.”
“Corporations?”
“Yes, child. I make the toys for them, and the parents buy the toys. All the kids get a Merry Christmas, and I get all the Coca Cola I want, which is quite a lot!”
“Sounds rather materialistic.”
“Not completely, my child. You see, the toys manufactured here are magic toys. Once they are made, they become alive. Do you know what the purpose of being alive is?”
Mina recalled her recent conversation with the monster. “To be loved?”
“That’s right. All my toys find their love in being played with by a child, to create memories to last into their adulthood, and give them hope when nothing else can. So, you see, my child, it’s not money that makes my holiday what it is. It’s all about love!”
Elsewhere, Jack was conversing with Olympia about the state of The Blazing World.
“So, you’re not concerned about a similar attack here?”
“Not at all. The shaman’s magic can repel all the weapons the human world possesses.”
“I see. Have you by chance heard from that land?”
“We have not, nor from the Galley-Wag.”
“The Galley-Wag?”
“Yes, sailed there on The Rose of Nowhere two days ago. No word since.”
“I see. In that case, we’d best be going.”
“It’s a pity to see you leave so soon. But if you see the Dutch Dolls on your way out, don’t mention the Galley-Wag to them. He tried to get a third crew-mate and, well, they had a bit of a falling out.”
Notes:
The toys coming to life and craving the love of children is taken from the Toy Story franchise.
Chapter 14: Blazing Return
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The Seven Stars Hideout. London.
Dennis Brennan cracked open a beer and sipped it as he leaned backwards. It was his first taste of alcohol, and he really didn’t see what the big deal was. Quite the shame. He had been hoping to do something to aid his crazy grandmum’s dying wish, and all he had found were dead ends.
Well, it wasn’t like he had any friends he could go back to. His electric mum and her mum would just bore him, and not many people want to befriend you when they know they can control your mind. Might as well just wait for the apocalypse alone.
His plans got interrupted when the secret door opened. With his mind powers he hated, he started to send the intruder back
“This room is empty, and it smells like shit. I think I’ll go elsewhere.”
“Orlando, what are you taking about?”
Another woman appeared behind the first. Dennis tried to shift his mental focus to her, but just before he could, she pulled out a small handgun. Panicking, Dennis released Orlando and tried to intimidate them both with a ball of lightning in each hand.
“Stay back!” he warned. “I’m a super, and I’ll fry the two of you if you don’t leave!”
“Super, huh?” answered Emma. “Is bullet deflection one of your powers?”
Orlando got back on her feet and stood between them, one hand facing each.
“Hey, um, how about we put down the crazy shit and start over?”
////////////////////////////////////////////
The Blazing World.
The Nautilus VII docked next to an old sight that Mina knew quite well – the Rose of Nowhere. While it had been properly docked, it seemed abandoned, and outside was what looked like a welcoming party that had fallen fast asleep. As Mina and Jack approached said party, a young owl-man noticed them and hurried stood up and attention to blow a welcoming trumpet.
The rest of the sleepers awoke as well, including the monarch of the Blazing World herself, Queen Gloriana. After bidding salutations to the new lovers, she explained how the Rose of Nowhere had docked two days ago, but nobody had exited.
“Very well, then, I shall investigate.”
With a stick of chewing gum in her mouth, Mina climbed aboard the ship and led herself to the captain’s quarters. She opened the door to find the Galley-Wag sleeping naked in bed with a new companion. She appeared to be a young elf with albino skin, hardened spikes on her arms, red hair that covered the two of them like a blanket, orange eyes, and yellow horns. There were also four of her.
Mina woke them all by blowing a bubble and popping it. The elf quadruplets and quickly sat up straight and threw a fireball at Mina. All of them missed, destroying the door and wall behind her, as she stood perfectly still.
“Bread and tits, fluorescent commodore of infinity.”
“Oh, so sorry,” said the elf. “Golli, dear, you’ve got a visitor.”
The elf reduced herself to two bodies and slapped Golli on the back of his head. He jumped up straight and smiled at his old friend.
“Bread and tits to thee, enchanter of loins. How has Mina been since the moon?”
“Oh, this is Mina!” The elf was now just one body and standing in front of Mina shaking her hand. “Golli has told me so much about you! You seem so much better than the last Mina I knew. Now that was one crazy bitch!”
“Yes, well, are you aware that you have been keeping Her Majesty Queen Gloriana waiting for the last two days?”
“Two days? Wow, time does fly when you’re having fun!”
“I have no idea where you’re from,” Mina spoke sternly, “but where I am from it is considered rude to be invited and keep the host waiting. Now, we will be kind enough to allow you five minutes to prepare yourselves to disembark. Otherwise, you will be unattended, and I recommend you waist the time of someone else.”
“Wow. You know what, I talk back what I said. You’re way better than my old Mina!”
“Yes, well, may I have the name of my possible companion?”
“You may. It’s Heckapoo.”
Five minutes later, Mina and Jack were joined by Golli and Heckapoo, who was now properly dressed in a yellow ballgown dress, brown high heels, and a black tiara with a small orange flame burning atop. The four of them were lead onto a carriage pulled by bird-men and faeries.
“So, how bad does the damage look?” asked Jack.
“I honestly can’t see any,” replied Mina.
“Wait, then what about the explosion?”
“Well, it definitely happened, but the whole kingdom looks like it never did.”
“Quite right,” answered the Queen. “But you’ve been away for quite some time. Surely you haven’t forgotten about the power of my husband.”
Mina suddenly felt like a complete idiot. How could she have forgotten about Prospero.
“The same Prospero who was the Duke of Milan?”
“Yes. Helped me fake my death to escape my nephew Jacob, who purged England of all faerie folk like myself. Now, we have a place where we are immortal, ageless, and omnipotent!”
The carriage landed on the top balcony, from which Queen Gloriana escorted her four guests into the royal chambers. There was a bright light coming from behind the silk curtain, and as the group got closer, they could all feel an intense heat coming from within.
“Hey, look, listen,” said the Queen as she lifted her hand to the curtain. “See the glory of Prospero!”
Her Majesty quickly exposed a massive orange nuclear ball, radiating death and destruction in every three-dimensional direction. Death and destruction that would never come, or rather, had come but now was being unmade.
“My love is no mere duke or magician or alchemist. He has mastered control over time and space itself!”
“All of time and space?” asked Jack.
“No; jut our kingdom from the time of the explosion until now. And all since that has explosion is almost undone. That is the power of a god!”
Notes:
- Heckapoo is a character from Star vs The Forces of Evil
- "Hey, look, listen," is a reference to Navi from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
Chapter 15: Now Things Start To Get Weird
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Oxford Women’s Dorms.
Shakti sat at her work desk, listening to her favorite music through her headphones. There wasn’t much chance of her being able to listen to anything else again, so she’d might as well make the most of it. Her job was to review the plans for the upcoming destruction of Wonderland, but she was more focused on finishing the book series she had started reading when she was six.
The lights turned off. Shakti looked over her shoulder and saw Chanda, her roommate and younger sister, standing next to the light switch wearing only a pink bra and panties.
“Chanda? Is everything alright?” Shakti turned off her music and walked up to her younger sister.
“I love you,” answered Chanda with serious, deadpan eyes.
“Well, thanks, and I love you too.”
“Don’t play dumb with me! If you don’t like me, then say so!”
“Look, I get it. You and I are both dealing with a lot of stress. Let’s get you into your night clothes and get an early sleep.”
Shakti reached for the light switch, but Chanda grabbed her hand and placed it over her heart.
“Shakti, I love you. Love that is forbidden, like the love between mother and father, and between Grandmum Janni and Grandpa Manfred, and the love that his mother Iron Maiden had for his father. It’s a dumb family curse, and my heart can’t take it. But if this is really our last night on Earth, then…”
As Chanda struggled to finish that sentence, Shakti lifted her chin and locked her lips together with hers. As a feeling of immense and joy overcame Chanda, she closed her eyes as she began shedding happy tears.
Outside in the parking lot sat the Mors-Robur Stealth Vehicle, disguised as a maintenance van. Inside of it, Greta Mors Dakkar used heat readings to watch her daughters undress each other, get into bed, and stick their fingers deep into each other while squeezing their breasts and lips together. She knew she should feel shame, both in her voyeurism and in what she was witnessing, but she felt none. A rather unfortunate side effect of unhealthy relationship with her brother.
At the very least, she was happy that their love had the decency to form organically. When you spend your whole life training as a double agent, your fellow trainees are the only ones you can trust, no matter how else you may be connected.
//////////////////////////////////////////////
The Seven Stars Headquarters.
Emma and Orlando sat across from Dennis, going over the files and photographs each had to share with one another.
“So, those strange skies were made when you fought the Antichrist?” asked Dennis.
“Yes,” answered Orlando, “or at least we thought so. He was defeated by this strange Mary Poppins woman, who said that he wasn’t the one Prospero was after.”
“So, who’s right? The Poppins woman or your Prospero?”
“Well, obviously Prospero! He is the great magician of all time and is incapable of any wrong doing.”
“Anyway,” said Emma, “you said your grandmother reacted to these?”
“Yes, my grandmother said that those skies were the start of the apocalypse that she had come from the future to stop the apocalypse. Right before she died, she tasked me with finding them.”
“And your grandmother was Satin Astro, right?”
“Yes, Satin Astro of the Seven Stars.”
“Wait, Mina was on the Seven Stars,” realized Orlando. “That superhero team that Prospero had her take part of.”
Dennis suddenly sat up at full attention. “This Mina of yours … was she Vull?”
“Yes, Vull, that’s who she was!”
“Great! She’s the key to stopping this! Where is she?”
“She’s with a friend of ours on a visit to the Blazing World”
“Blazing World?”
“Yes, a fantasy dimension through the Arctic Circle. MI5 just fired a nuke at it.”
“Wait, why?”
“To start the apocalypse, of course!” angrily answered Emma. “That Bond bastard is nothing more than a monster who only cares for his own amusement!”
“Using government resources to cause destruction for fun?” asked Dennis. “Seems pretty pathetic for a supposed ultimate villain.”
“Well, that’s just how Jimmy is!”
“Jimmy? That’s supposed to the name to strike fear into us?”
“That’s not important. What matters is that we have made up a plan that will allow us to take care of this asshole once and for all!”
“How exactly?”
“Orlando and I, we’re going to seduce him, and then assassinate him!”
“But won’t MI5 just find a new head to carry out his work?”
Emma was about to answer when she and Orlando both got calls on their cell phones. Orlando answered hers first, and after a few seconds, hung back up.
“Alright, I have to go meet with Norton now.”
“Norton?” asked Dennis.
“Yes, Andrew Norton, a time traveler stuck to London. I am going to see if he knows anything about this upcoming apocalypse.”
“Well, then, I should come too.”
“Wait, hold on,” objected Emma. “Say that again, Belle?”
“I’m sorry, but I asked all my clients, both past and present,” replied their call girl accomplice, “but none are available. If you would like to perfect pleasing Mr. Bond, we’re going to need a man.
Emma turned to the newly acquainted young man in the room. “I think I may have found one.”
///////////////////////////////////////////////
The Docks of the Blazing World.
Tacarigua Ishmael was the last woman anyone would suspect of having even the slightest hints of femininity. However, she couldn’t help but make the most girlish squees and giggles as she watched her newborn baby being fed the milk that she had pumped out of her own breasts.
She was about to respond when she realized that she couldn’t if she was in her current dimension. She also realized that the Nautilus VII was rocking back and forth more and more violently. After hitting pause, she climbed up to the observation deck and looked for the source of trouble.
Looking to her left, she saw the Rose of Nowhere sink into the harbor as small, black … things … quickly flew around it. Overseeing it was a short, overweight elderly man with tiny glasses, long gray hair that included sideburns, and a Victorian era suit complete with an ascot that looked like a tie.
“Well,” he said with the stupidest of smiles. “The Rose of Nowhere is all wet! It’s completely useless now!”
Then Tacarigua was startled by a dozen or so fairies flying up behind her. Once she had locked eyes with one, they all transformed. Their bodies became more elongated, their skin darkened until it was as black as oil, their faces vanished, horns grew from their heads, spiked tails grew from their backs, and claws grew out of their fingertips.
The army of terrors assaulted Tacarigua; she could do nothing but scream as they tore her apart, all the while a few more dozens of them gave the same fate to the Nautilus.
“Well,” exclaimed the old man to a raccoon sitting upright next to him, “now the Nightgaunts have made the Nautilus completely useless! This sure has been one hell of a Creepypasta, eh, Waboo?”
Waboo remained perfectly still as only his mouth moved. “This Creepypasta is so stupid!”
Notes:
Old Man and Waboo are recurring characters of Youtuber Phelous
Chapter 16: Interplay of Sex, More Sex, and Mystery
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Haggerston Park, Hackney, Dawn. February 1st, 2010.
A public bench is typically not an ideal place for the act of making love. It’s rather uncomfortable unless you’re stationary, the surface is rather unclean, the surroundings are full of uncomfortable smells, and you’d be watched by scores of people who rightfully would demand you find a bedroom.
But this sex session was different. There was no public around, and Orlando didn’t seem to mind any of the unsanitary smells. Putting out her cigarette, she approached a bench. It was already occupied by another figure in a trench coat – a bald man in glasses, jotting down casually on his notepad.
“Hello, Andrew.”
The man looked up. “Ah, Miss Orlando. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you as a woman.”
“Well, then, shall we get started?”
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Seven Stars Headquarters.
Not ten minutes had passed since Dennis Brennan had lost his virginity. He lay on the bed, naked and exhausted alongside his first love, Bambi. Well, “love” is a rather strong word, as all the thoughts he could read from her mind regarding him were purely physical.
The same could be said of her mentor, Belle, who was currently instructing Emma the proper way to orally please Mr. Bond’s penis, using his own still erect pink cock as a dummy.
Dennis didn’t mind one bit. In fact, three naked women currently using him as nothing more than a tool was a dream he never knew he had wanted to come true.
//////////////////////
Despite being a woman, it didn’t stop Orlando from wearing men’s jeans and boxers. That way, she only had one thing to zip to let Norton fuck her. She proudly pressed her exposed breasts into his face, while he hugged her and moved her up and down.
“Hey, if you don’t mind,” stated Norton, “I’ve invited a friend to join us.”
“Anyone I know?”
She felt her head tip backwards and saw the face of a bearded, gray-haired man smoking a long pipe.
“Hello, wonderful.”
“Hello, Jerry C.”
“Mind if I come in from the back?”
////////////////////////////////
Emma had taken the place of Dennis on the bed and was lying still with her feet spread open. Belle was behind Dennis, hugging his chest, and directing him in how Mr. Bond engages in intercourse. It was quite the challenge for the for a novice, but Dennis could read the minds of his new partners, and so he knew exactly what they wanted.
All the while, Emma lay perfectly still, remembering that Bond did not like women who tried to take the dominant role. Now more than ever, she needed to play the part.
//////////////////////////
Orlando sat on the park bench, topless, between her two latest sexual partners. As she took a drag on her cigarette, Jerry Cornelius blew out some pipe smoke, while Norton chewed on his pen.
“So,” started off Orlando, “London really is doomed?”
“True,” confirmed Norton. “I’ve already seen it a thousand times. There’s no stopping it.”
“But we stopped the Antichrist, so why not this?”
“Because you were meant to stop the Antichrist, just like the Apocalypse is meant to happen.”
“Well, thanks anyway. Do you have any advice, Jerry?”
“Oh no, don’t look at me. In my universe, I merged my body with a crazy lady and become a gorgeous hermaphrodite that led the entire human race into the ocean to drown.”
“Oh yeah, I keep forgetting how much your life story makes absolutely no sense, and that's coming from a guy who fucked a squirrel while he was a cat.”
"Say what?" asked Norton.
"Oh, thanks to an old curse, sometimes along with the sex change, I'll turn into a marmalade cat," explained Orlando. "It's not very often, but once when it did, I met a scantily dressed squirrel at a small mammal bar in Calisota. Her voice had the first Texas accent I ever heard, and I made a move. Back at her hotel room, she hogtied me and rode my cat cock like a bucking bronco. Definitely the wildest fuck I've ever had. I still sometimes scream her name as a reflex."
"So, is that why you kept shouting 'Sandy Cheeks' over and over?" asked Norton.
"Yup, that was her name," confirmed Orlando.
"Oh, I thought that was just our safe word that I'd forgotten."
“Well, if you really do want to fight fate," said Jerry to get back on track, "I have something that might be of use.”
Jerry reached into his coat pocket and pulled out three futuristic-looking pistols.
“What are these?” asked Orlando as she accepted them.
“My two Needle Guns and my Vibragun. The needlers shoot poisoned needles in bursts, and the other one can shake objects and people apart, though with the proper tuning and can essentially work like a laser pistol.”
“So, do you have any extra magazines?”
“Don’t worry about it. These babies feed off the souls of their victims. For every soul they take, you get a free ammo refill.”
“Oh, well, that’s convenient, I guess. So, like, magic?”
“Yes, and speaking of, if they start talking to you, don’t listen. It won’t end well.”
“OK, then. Well, this was a very pleasant and enjoyable goodbye session. I bid both of you the best.”
///////////////////////////////
The Palace of Prospero and Gloriana. The Blazing World.
Mina was suddenly awakened by a knock on the door. She looked aside to Jack, who was still sound asleep. She got on her blue nightgown and walked over the doors of her guest bedroom. Standing outside was Heckapoo, who was offering her a necklace exactly like the one she was already wearing.
“Here, put this on.”
Mina took it and held it up to her eyes. The jewelry was a simple dark green pebble, upon which had been engraved a black line with three branches – three on one sign, two on the other.
“What is this?”
“It’s an Elder Sign,” answered Heckapoo. “One of the originals. A sure protection against evil.”
“Thanks, but I’m sure that Prospero is all the protection we need.”
“Spoken like a true slave about her master.”
Mina was taken aback by that remark. “Hey, I am nobody’s slave! I am a free, independent woman!”
“Are you free to question the great Prospero? Are you independent enough to think without his consent?”
Mina didn’t want to answer either of those. “Just who are you and why are you here?”
“Well, I used to oversee the transportation between numerous magical dimensions. Then the magic was destroyed, and I escaped just before it killed me. I’m to stop a similar apocalypse happening to your dimension, or at least curb it.”
“Well, magic is already basically gone from Earth.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here, to learn exactly what type of apocalypse is going to happen, and I need your help.”
“Why my help? Can’t you split into copies of yourself.”
“Yes, but you know Prospero, so you have more freedom to move around without causing suspicion.”
“I guess you have a fair point.” Mina put the Elder Sign necklace on and made sure the pebble was hidden in her bosom. “You know, it’s been a while since I’ve done some real detective work. I hope it’s as fun as I remember.”
Mina and Heckapoo wondered around the palace until they came the room that Gloriana had first led them to. They both peaked inside to see the great Duke finish condensing the nuclear explosion into a black sphere the size of a marble. A fairy flew up to him with what appeared to be an open, empty jewelry box. Prospero placed the sphere inside the box, closed it, and sent the fairy on its way, never looking away as it flew off the balcony.
“Ah, Mina, my best detective. How good to see you again!”
Notes:
Sandy Cheeks is from SpongeBob Squarepants.
Chapter 17: All The Pieces in Place
Chapter Text
Alembic House. London.
It had taken three hours, but Emma and Orlando finally managed to manage to capture the respective looks of Belle and Bambi. It was definitely a glorious coincidence that they were perfectly matched in both height and body type, two things Emma’s old spy kits couldn’t replicate.
They were dressed in their best clothes recommended by their sensual tutors. For Emma, that was a blue crop top and a blue miniskirt with a thick red belt and blue high heels, while Orlando put on a gorgeous purple dress that would have been a loose fit if it weren’t a size too small.
The door opened and they were face-to-face with their target. His face was every bit as flawlessly sculpted as Emma remembered back from her espionage days. She couldn’t deny that she felt a bit of an attraction to what physically seemed to be the perfect masculine appearance. Neither could Orlando, who was certain that she would have made a move on him even if she was a man.
“Miss Belle,” he said with the tone of a proper gentleman, “I see your brought Miss Bambi with you.”
“Yes, Mr. Bond, good to see that your eyes are in proper working order,” replied Emma, putting her finger on her throat as she cautiously did her impression of Belle.
“Well, it’s just that I only requested your services tonight.”
“Oh? My apologies, I guess it’s just hard to break old habits. You wouldn’t mind if she watches, do you? She still hasn’t, um, graduated yet.”
“Well, it’s just that I was planning on it being just the two of us tonight.”
“You have nothing to worry about, Mr. Bond,” spoke Orlando doing her impression of Bambi. “I will just make myself comfortable on your couch while the two of you make yourselves comfortable on the bed.”
Mr. Bond thought about it for a second. “That would be quite alright. Come in, ladies.”
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////
The Forest Outside Oxford.
Still in their school uniforms, Shakti and Chonda drove a golf cart containing the package that had been sent to them from MI5. Following close behind was the Robur-Mors Stealth Vehicle, driven by their mother, who had a new pink-skinned partner.
“So, what’s in the box?” asked Greta.
“A nuke,” answered Dennis Brennan. “They plan on firing it into Wonderland.”
“Wonderland?”
“Yes, it’s a fantastical dimension, just like The Blazing World. It’s one of the many targets that MI5 and the IMF have marked for destruction.”
“Typical imperialist bastards. The West hasn’t changed at all since the time of great-grandfathers. Well, tonight it ends. Can you get control of them?”
“Not yet. Need to get a bit closer.”
As they approached the two girls, Dennis couldn’t help but notice how attractive they were. Even though he had fucked four women that day, these two seemed to stand out.
“So, you’re daughters,” he said a tad bit nervously, “they both look an awful lot like you.”
“Thank you very much, young man.”
“Are they, um, dating anyone?”
Greta tried harder than ever to monitor her thoughts. If her mind spilled out the truth to him, he might be a little disgusted, and they couldn’t afford any distractions.
“Yes, they are both taken.”
“Oh,” Dennis responded, slightly disappointed before realizing that Greta herself was a fairly attractive woman. “What about you?”
Once again, Greta tried to monitor her thoughts. “Let’s just focus on the mission. Once it’s done, you can think about fucking.”
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Prospero’s Sanctuary. The Blazing World.
Mina took three steps forward and curtsied like a proper Victorian lady. She looked up to see the great Duke standing in front of her, staring down through his triangular glasses.
Mina did her best to show that she wasn’t shivering from the sheer magnitude of being in the presence of the man she had indeed called “Master” for more than a century. Even during the many times there was some type of comfort in his voice, she just couldn’t shake off a feeling of terror just from being in his presence.
Still, Mina put on her bravest face and kept it on as Prospero placed his wrinkled, ring-covered fingers on her shoulders. She had forgotten how unkempt the wizard was with his fingernails, and they seemed to have grown a whole nother inch.
“It is truly a blessing to see you in perfect health, my child.”
“Yes, it is good to be back in your service, fair duke.”
Prospero turned his eyes to Heckapoo. “I see that you have brought a new companion.”
“Well, Heckapoo is not my companion. She arrived here with the Galley-Wag.”
“Ah, yes, the blackface traveller. This day is forming itself into quite the joyful reunion.”
“Well, your excellency, we shall not take up any more of your time. Heckapoo, let’s return to our chambers.”
As the two ladies turned to leave, two more double doors burst open. Through it came Prospero’s loyal servants - the angelic fairy Ariel and the brutish monster Caliban - carrying the Galley-Wag and Jack Nemo, respectively.
“Master,” spoke Ariel softly, “we found your two guests wandering aimlessly like a duet of terrible spies.”
“How shall we punish them?” growled Caliban.
Prospero turned to Mina. “The Galley-Wag I recognize, but not the lighter-skinned dark man.”
“That is Jack, my new companion,” answered Mina. “Just what are the two of you doing?”
“Looking for you, my dear!” answered Jack. “When I woke up and saw that you were gone, I thought that something dreadful must have happened to you!”
“Fear not, good captain,” Prospero answered while ordering his servants to release them. “I am happy to see all of our guests at once. Now I can finally show it to you.”
“Show what to us?” asked the Galley-Wag.
“What we’ve all been waiting for.”
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
MI5 Headquarters.
Agent Dunn set up a video call with his good friend, Agent Hunt.
“Hello, Ethan. Everything good back home?”
“That’s an affirmative. We’ve done all that we can. How are things across the pond.”
“Just fine. The last explosion is set to go off tonight, and the data transfer to the Savage Moon Research center just completed.”
“Excellent. If we don’t make it out of this, well, God Save The Queen.”
Agent Dunn lifted up his beer in succession with his former leader. “And God Bless America.”
Chapter 18: The Final Moves are Made
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Alembic House.
Emma sat down at the edge of the bed, admiring the new necklace that Bond had given her. It was a dark green pebble with a dark yellow symbol - a five-pointed star with what seemed to be a small flame in the middle.
“This is quite lovely. Where did get it?”
“At an antique store in America. I’m happy you like it.”
“I’m happy to have it.” She let go of the pebble and turned to the tuxedo-clad murderer sitting right next to her. “So, just the two of us. I guess you must really prefer me over Bambi.”
“That’s not it,” replied Bond. “Well, I suppose that it is true, but not how you’re thinking.”
“Oh, so, what am I thinking, then?”
“That I am only concerned with your services in exchange for my money.”
“Oh, and are you offering something else, then?”
“Yes, I am offering you my apologies, Miss Belle.”
Emma was truly shocked by that statement. “Apologies for what?”
“For all that I’ve done to wrong you.”
“Well, you have been awfully rough, but I wouldn’t say it’s worth saying sorry over.”
“What I mean, Miss Belle, is that all my adult life, I have treated women as nothing but tools.”
“And I have gladly spent my adult life making men like you happy!”
“But after all this time, after all my conquests, I can never say that I have ever felt fulfilled. Probably because whenever I started to feel a truly special way for a woman, she’d get her brains blown out in front of me.”
“Yes, a dreadful occupational hazard.”
“One that I do not have to worry about anymore with my new desk job.”
“Wait, are you … proposing?”
“No. I am saying that when we make love, I want to treat you like a person, not a toy.”
Emma paused for a moment to process this. There truly was some type of sincerity behind both his words and his voice. Maybe the years really had gotten to him and he really did want to become a better person.
And maybe pigs would sprout wings and fly to Jupiter.
No, it was all act, just like everything else Jimmy had ever done. He was nothing more than a manipulative bastard and a cold-hearted murderer. No sweet words were going to stop her from fulfilling her mission.
“Well then,” she finally responded, “consider your apology accepted. Would you like to kiss and make up?”
Bond smiled back at her. “I very much would.”
They both leaned forward and locked lips. Their hands quickly rose up to grasp the other’s neck as they felt their tongues wrestle.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Forests outside Oxford.
Shakti stopped the golf cart and got out along with her little sister Chonda. They got out and took a good long look down the rabbit hole on the forest’s edge.
“So, that’s the way to Wonderland?” asked Chonda.
“Yes,” answered her elder sister. “It’s time for us to do what we must do.”
The sisters opened up the box from MI5 and removed the nuclear device from within. It had already been set up on a set of wheels for as much movement as possible in the rabbit hole. As that was left was to activate it and control it towards its target.
But the sisters did not do that. Instead, they safely deactivate the bomb and disassembled it. Then they stood over their work and realized what they had done.
“Wait, this isn’t right,” said Shakti. “We weren’t supposed to do this.”
“Wait, how did we do this?” asked Chonda. “It’s like we were…”
“Brainwashed?” The sisters turned to see their disgruntled mother, sword drawn and with a pink-skinned young man by her side.
“Mother?” yelled a stunned Shakti. “What are you doing here?”
“I should be asking you that. For six generations, the Nemo family has studied in the West to learn how to fight its evil, not to join it”
“This is different, mother! If we don’t strike now…”
“Silence! Dennis, make them come with us!”
“Wait,” replied the young pink man, “you want me to force them to follow us?”
“Yes, just like when you made them take apart that bomb.”
“But that was meant to save a whole dimension, what you’re asking for is mental slavery.”
“I’m in charge here, Dennis!”
“You did WHAT?” Shakti shouted in anger. “You took control of our minds?!?”
“Oh, so when Western imperialists do it, it’s just fine?”
“The ‘imperialists’ that you wanted to educate us opened our eyes to the filth that Lincoln Island preaches through our family!”
“There will be no more of that talk, young lady!”
Shakti sighed as she lowered her eyebrows. “Alright, pink boy, get in my head!”
Dennis was confused. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Mother seems to trust you, so get deep into my thoughts. Maybe she’ll finally understand coming from you.”
“Go ahead, Dennis,” permitted Greta. “Tell me all about how my own daughters led themselves astray.”
Dennis obeyed and stared at Shakti’s face, concentrating his psychic powers deep into her mind. Then he fell to the ground screaming.
///////////////////////////////////////////
Corridors of Prospero’s Palace. Blazing World.
Prospero led his four guests down a cavernous staircase lit by crystal torches. The men led the front, while the ladies took the back.
“So, you didn’t notice anything strange about him?” Heckapoo whispered to Mina.
“About Prospero? He seems like himself.”
“So, you didn’t find it peculiar that just now, he didn’t speak in iambic pentameter?”
Mina stopped to consider that. “Perhaps after speaking in poems for centuries, he ran out of rhymes?”
“Could be. Or there could be something much more horrible going on here.”
“Hey, ladies, what are you doing up there?” asked Jack from afar.
Min and Heckapoo stopped and gasped. The staircase they were standing on was directly above the one Jack was on, which in turn were perpendicular to three other staircases, one of which had the Galley-Wag and the other had Prospero.
“Do not be alarmed, my servants!” instructed Prospero. “In the realm of magic, physical concepts like gravity become quite relative. Just continue walking forward and you shall all come to where you are meant to be.”
After some reluctance, the four guests continued walking forward. Mina and Heckapoo began holding hands, but after taking a few dozen more steps, both found that they were instead holding a stone hand that quickly crumbled to dust.
“Keep walking forward!” ordered Prospero.
Heckapoo continued to do so, and found herself in a spacious dark room with dim fiery torches providing the only light. She turned around to see the staircase had been replaced with a wall. She turned back around to see Ariel and Caliban standing in front of her.
“No escape for you,” said Ariel, holding up Heckapoo’s pair of dimensional scissors.
“None shall interfere with the will of our master!” growled Caliban.
Notes:
The bizarre staircases are from the lithograph print Relativity.
Chapter 19: The Mantis Strikes
Chapter Text
Alembic House.
Bond fell backwards onto the bed with Emma on top of him. Their lips sucked against each other as Bond tightly hugged their topless torsos together, the tiger-print cups of her bra smoothing out his chiseled chest. A flood of erotic memories came back to Emma’s mind, and she was almost sorry that her body had not experienced this type of masculine perfection for so long.
Breathing only through her nose, Emma continued to kiss and lick her target’s body. Bond slowly loosened his hug as she moved down his torso, and finally let go once she had gotten started on her abs.
Once she came to his belt, she lifted her head up and quickly caught her breath.
“Are you going to undo it like before?” she asked.
“I would gladly have before,” answered Bond. “But tonight, Miss Belle, I want you to have some independence. Just be yourself.”
“Be myself?”
“Yes, Belle. Do as you please.”
“Alright then!”
Emma pulled his pants down to his ankles and took his penis in her hands. It was still limp, so the practice she had done on Dennis would only be of some help to her. Still, she shoved it into her mouth and performed exactly as she had practiced.
She realized full well that this was the perfect time to take away his manhood and pay back all the pain that he had dragged her through. But that couldn’t happen quite yet; not until he was completely vulnerable. She continued to suck, lick, and bite exactly as Belle had instructed, until Mr. Bond finally gave a loud shout at the ceiling.
Knowing that was the moment he was most distracted, Emma discreetly slithered onto the floor and cracked the bedroom door open, before coming back to bed to join a hyperventilating Bond.
//////////////////////////////////////////
Forests of Oxford.
Dennis rushed to the bomb, knelt down, and frantically tried to put the whole thing back together.
“Must restore it!” he chanted. “Must stop him! Must stop him!”
The look on Greta’s face had now changed from one of complete anger to one of complete concern.
“Dennis, what is it?” Then she looked to his eldest daughter. “What is going on.”
“Something bigger than anything any of us has prepared for.”
Then the ground started shaking. As Greta and her daughters hugged onto each other, Dennis stared into the rabbit hole. A fiery orange light began shining out of it, followed by a horrible shrieking roar.
“Too late!” he said with complete despair. “Here they come!”
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Prospero’s Palace.
“Great Duke,” alerted Mina, “it seems that we have lost Heckapoo.”
“She has clearly gotten lost,” Prospero answered. “No matter; I have not known her long enough to allow her to see what you will now see.”
Yes, now Mina truly was noticing the lack of iambic pentameter. Now it was starting to seem troubling.
Prospero took them into a room dimly lit only by candles. As Prospero approached, more candles lit up, revealing an enormous round table. Possibly the same one of legend.
“Please, everyone, take any seat.”
They all did so, while Prospero took a stand behind a podium. With a few waves of his hands, the table came alive with colorful magic, showing many random locations.
“My dear Mina, do you recognize these places?”
“I do. These were all places that I investigated under MI5. There’s the home of Bertie Wooser, and the American outback where we helped Dean Moriarty defeat Doctor Sachs. There’s also the statue dedicated to Toby the Fat School Boy from our failed superhero team. Of course, that’s also the moon way up there.”
“You have a good memory, Mina. Do you remember ever hearing of this?”
Prospero picked up the book on his podium and shocked Mina the cover, which she read out loud.
“Necronomicon. Yes, I have seen it mentioned from time to time during my research into the occult. I believe my husband had a copy and he tried to share it with me, but I found it rather boring.”
“How interesting. I translated this text from Arabic, back when I was living under the alias of Johannes Suttle. Since then, it has garnered me a huge number of followers. When the fools of Earth could not handle its truth, I left those mundane plebeians for this realm, where the people have proven themselves to be far more loyal.”
Prospero placed the tome back on the podium and opened it up.
“You found it boring, you say? Well, then I’m sure you won’t mind if I read a passage or two. Just as soon as the stars properly align.”
Now Mina could feel a chill crawling up her spine. It only grew more noticeable as Prospero began the ritual:
“That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.”
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Alembic House.
Emma fell backwards onto the bed with Bond on top of her. Their lips sucked against each other as Emma tightly hugged their topless torsos together, his chiseled chest smoothing out the tiger-print cups of her bra. A flood of erotic memories came back to Bond’s mind, and he was almost sorry that his body had not experienced this type of feminine perfection for so long.
Breathing only through his nose, Bond continued to kiss and lick his target’s body. Emma slowly loosened her hug as he moved down her torso, and finally let go once he had gotten started on her abs.
Once he came to her skirt, Bond gently unfastened it and pulled it out from under her. Then he lifted up Emma’s legs and pulled her tiger-print panties up and off.
While Bond gave Emma a full minute of oral pleasure, Emma gave the proper wording to signal Orlando to slowly open the bedroom door. Once the door had opened all the way, Bond started to rise up; Emma discreetly waved to stop hand sign to her.
“He’s finally hard, Belle,” Bond announced. “Here he comes.”
Bond pushed his penis as far deep into Emma as he could, and she hated to admit it, but her joyous screams were genuine. Then, in a bizarre act of chivalry, he reached down to her.
“Come on, Belle.”
Emma took his hand, and Bond pulled him up so that they were face-to-face, fucking while seated upwards towards each other. Bond was about to speak when Emma forced her mouth onto his, silencing him with a deep kiss while motioning to her true partner.
Taking her queue, Orlando entered with one of the Needle Guns and blasted Bond with a volley of poisoned needles in the back. His screams were muffled by Emma’s kiss, who only held him tighter.
Emma then lunged them both forward, pounding Bond’s body against the bed, hammering the needles even deeper into his skin. Emma released him, sat straight up, and tore off her mask and wig, and while still riding his penis.
“REMEMBER ME, BASTARD?!?” she shouted. “REMEMBER MY FATHER? MY GODFATHER? MY FRIENDS?”
Between each pause she took, she assaulted a different part of his body - first his ribs, then his shoulder, then his other shoulder. Orlando through her the other Needle Gun, and Emma pointed it straight at Bond’s paralyzed, helpless face.
“YOUR LICENSE … TO KILL … HAS BEEN … REVOKED!!!”
Just as she and Bond climaxed together, she fired a volley of needles into his face.
Chapter 20: Truth Revealed
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The Pacific Ocean. 200 Miles Northwest of Lincoln Island.
A mass of bubbles appeared at exactly the point 47°9′S 126°43′W . Schools of dead fish quickly made an archipelago of tiny islands, only to be overtaken by the expanding mass of bubbles, which quickly grew in length, width, and height.
Directly above, the skies transformed into an eerie green that almost immediately spread past the horizon, making the atmosphere seem to crack with decay.
The island of bubbles swelled up into a reddish mass that grew to the size of a mountain. Then it exploded with a roar, as the monster within finally awoke.
////////////////////////////////////
Alembic House.
An exhausted Emma breathed in and out, lowering her weapon to look at the carcass of the man she hated. Seeing anyone with their face pounded open is a sight that would sicken most, but not this face. The face of pure evil, never to seduce or betray ever again.
“You did it,” said Orlando, pulling off her own wig and mask. “You killed him!”
“Yes,” confirmed Emma. “My father, my friends, Uncle Hugo … they’re all avenged.”
“So then, do you want to celebrate by fucking on his corpse?”
“Orlando! That is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard! Sure.”
Orlando let her dress fall to the floor and took off her underwear as she hopped onto the deceased Bond’s pectorals. Emma removed the penis out of her and scooched forward onto his abdomen. The two ladies leaned forward and shared a victory kiss. Orlando undid Emma’s bra and threw it aside, and Emma suddenly remember she was still wearing the engraved pebble around her neck.
“Just a moment,” she said, taking off the necklace. “Let me get rid of this trash first.”
As she threw the necklace aside, she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. Stopping Orlando from making a second kiss, she looked again and saw a banner over the dresser.
“IT WAS A WARNING SHOT,” it read.
“Hold on,” Emma said as she got off the bed and walked towards the banner. “That’s what he said to me in Scotland when we were chasing Allan and Mina.”
“Wait, what are you saying?”
Emma came to the dresser and stared at what was on it. A tape recorder, and five microcassettes. They were addressed to Emma, numbered, and the last included Orlando’s name.
“He was expecting me … he knew about us.”
Before Orlando could answer, Emma placed the first tape in and hit play.
“Hello, Emma dear. Let me begin by thanking you for the most wonderful death a womanizing government hitman could ask for. Oh, so sorry, you should instead be focusing on how good you feel. After all, your loved ones have all been properly avenged. Granted, they’re all still dead, and you’ve done nothing to stop my work as M.
“But that’s not important. What’s important is that you did what hundreds of terrorists and war profiteers could not. You deprived England of her greatest defender. Do you feel like a hero yet?”
Emma took a look at herself in the mirror. She no longer saw a confident champion of good; just a confused damsel.
“Regardless, you deserve to hear the truth about why I took away everyone you care about. You’ll find that out on the rest of these tapes.”
Emma pushed the eject button and hesitantly looked at the other four tapes. Orlando tried to speak again, but Emma proceeded to put in the second tape and hit play.
“Hello? Yes, this is John Bull.”
Emma’s eyes opened even wider. “That’s my father!”
“Who’s the other one?” asked Orlando.
“I don’t know. It’s very faint, but it sounds … Russian.”
Her father’s voice continued. “It took me forever to get this line secure. But it will be worth it to work in the Soviet Union. Oh, I had the best days of my life washing brains and snapping minds at Port Merion, and it was a delight to see Ingsoc copy my methods. But then we had to shut it all down in the name of bloody democracy. I trust Mother Russia won’t make the same mistake.”
Then it sounded like he was having a heart attack, and collapsed on the floor. Then there were sounds of footsteps.
“Bond?”
“Don’t mind me, traitor. I’ll make sure your luggage gets back to where it should be.”
Then the tape ended. Tears were running down Emma’s face.
“No! Father was not a … he would never leave me!”
Angrily, she tore out the tape, placed the third one in, and hit play.
“Is it true, Bond? Did you kill John?”
It was Uncle Hugo. There was a fight between the two, and it ended with Drummond falling to the ground paralyzed by a Bond gadget.
“You damn young people and your damn gadgets! Why can’t you just fight?”
“Hugo, I don’t know what’s more pathetic: your gullibility or you being a luddite. But yes, I did kill John. He was going to defect to Russia, and MI5 ordered me to intercept and dispose of him.”
“Liar! John would never do such a thing!”
“Look, I can see that you’re very angry right now. I’d be more than happy to give you access to that report!”
“The only thing I’m getting access to is your fucking neck! And I’ll rip through everyone in MI5 to get to you!”
“Even Emma?”
“YES!!!”
“Well, in that case…” There was a gunshot and the tape ended.
Emma could feel her teeth chattering with disbelief. Uncle Hugo had always been a rather bad-tempered man, but he had always been calmly gentle with her. So hearing that rage coming out his voice, threatening her life…
Orlando didn’t even begin to speak by the time Emma had put the next cassette in. Rather than a recording, a camera lens opened up from the player and has shown a light on the wall. Emma and Orlando both looked up to see her three best friends - Cathy, Tara, and Patsy - dressed in black robes like those one might associate with a gathering of satanists. In a room lit only by torches, they stood at the front of an oval of a small group of devoted followers.
Tara stepped forward. “I call this meeting of the Esoteric Order of Dagon to begin.”
Notes:
"Do you feel like a hero yet?" is a reference to Spec Ops: The Line.
Chapter 21: Checkmate
Chapter Text
Alembic House.
Emma and Orlando continued to stand naked and stare in disbelief at the video being played on the wall. Tara King continued to lead the ceremony as she repeatedly slammed the base of her staff into the ritualistic symbol on the ground.
“As it was written by the one to whom the true gods revealed their merciful cruelty, the great prophet Abdul Ahazred:
That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die.
“In England, we saw an imposter trying to bring about these strange aeons. We would have acted but the Bat God instructed us to trust him. As his will would have it, two of his servants destroyed the false Antichrist, and his false era was erased before it could even breathe. It was all thanks to our old companion, Miss Emma Night.”
“Miss Night?” said a started Emma. “After a life of friendship, you address me as though I was no different than your school’s librarian?”
“And for her service to the Bat God,” continued Tara, “we gave her a gift so wonderful that not even we, his most loyal followers, are deserving of it. We escorted her to the Sacred Pool of Ayesha, deep in the desolate ruins of Kor in the heart of Africa, where she was granted entry to these strange aeons. Her death has been stripped away, killed by Abhoth, and with her eternal life shall come eternal servitude!”
Then the other cultists who weren’t Emma’s past friends removed their hoods and their masks, revealing themselves to belong to an American intelligence agency known as the Impossible Mission Force.
“Servitude to whom?” one of them asked.
Tara, Cathy, and Patsy quickly reached into small bags on their rope belts. While the IMF agents rushed to stop them, they swallowed small pills and died in the agent’s arms. With their final breaths, the three of them all muttered:
Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Then the video stopped. Emma couldn’t even look at herself in the mirror as she finally let the tears come out. As she cried like a toddler, Orlando reached out her hand to offer some comfort.
“Don’t you dare!” Emma snapped at her. “Just leave me alone!”
Orlando pulled back her hand and turned around. “I’m sorry. It just doesn’t make sense.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Emma angrily replied. “Jimmy … MI5 … they kept these away from me to protect me! If everyone knew about my father … and uncle … if I knew I’d never…”
“No, that’s not what I meant. If he knew we were coming to kill him, why didn’t he play those tapes earlier and possibly save his life?”
Emma wiped her face with her hand and noticed the final cassette. She picked up the player, poured out the fourth cassette, and began playing the last one.
“So, you’re probably wondering why I didn’t play these earlier and possibly save my life.” Bond’s snark was on-point as ever. “I considered it, but it wouldn’t have gone with the plan. I saw it try to be revised many times, but no matter what, it never has me living passed tonight. But you lucky broads have so much more in store. You see ladies, there is more to this world than making sure that WMDs stay in the right hands.
“There is a world beyond ours, a Blazing World, which you’re quite familiar with, aren’t you, Orlando? Yes, I am certain your fuck-buddies Mina and Allan told you all about what an incompetent buffoon I was. I’m sure you got a good laugh about how I tried to have a one-night-stand in a government facility where a top security document just happened to be within easy reach. You also must have found it to be a true kneeslapper when I made a bumbling mess at the spaceport and then later in Scotland. It must have seemed like I wanted them to escape with the Dossier.
“Well, deary, that’s because I did.”
Orlando paused in shock.
“You see, my family is part of a little thing called the Torchwood Institute, a branch of MI5 so secret that not even M knows of it. It was set up by Queen Victoria to fight against otherworldly threats to the Empire. My grandfather was one of the first agents, and assembled a League that could hopefully prove to be as intended. It’s a shame he had to break it apart.
“But my role for Torchwood was to make sure that the enemies of the crown, of humanity, never learned how much we truly knew about them. Of course, the best way to do that is to provide your enemies with false information.”
“Wait,” said Orlando, “are you saying that…”
“Prospero is an enemy of humanity, yes. Did Mina and Allan also claim that I was no different from those who followed orders from Hynkel? It takes quite a lot of balls to say that risking your life to stop World War Three on quarterly basis is on the same level as running concentration camp. If you want to know what blind loyalty looks like, take a look in the mirror. My mirror. Then look down and open the drawer.”
Orlando obeyed and opened the dresser drawer, removing a bundle of notes.
“What Prospero received is only a fraction of what Torchwood knows. Now you get to know too.”
Orlando began going through the paper, skimming through at first, but then slowing down, her eyes getting wider at each new page.
“What the … oh my god! My god!”
Orlando dropped the notes and rushed over to the window. She flew open the curtains, and a dark green light shone through.
“OH MY GOD!!!”
////////////////////////////////////////////
Mina could not believe her eyes. All around the world, nightmarish creatures beyond human understanding were rampaging through the Earth, now underneath a horrible green sky. Anyone foolish enough to catch a glimpse of them was driven mad and flew into a frenzy of homicide and mutilation. Not even the dead were spared, as they rose from their graves to join in the chaos.
And she had played a part in it. Every place they had come from, she had done some type of ritual, which clearly was just meant to prepare them for this moment. This included the grave of Toby the Fat Schoolboy, from which erupted the massive Shoggoth that had been hibernating for decades in his stomach as The ‘Mass.
The only one she wasn’t responsible for was the monster in the Pacific, the worst of them all.
Scared and confused, Mina finally looked to Prospero, but it wasn’t Prospero anymore. His clothes has turned black. His beard was gone, his palms were hairy, his ears pointed, and his skin pale. He smiled with a mouth of sharp teeth and his blue eyes had turned a flaming red.
It was a face Mina knew all too well. And it spoke with a voice she knew all too well.
“Listen to them … children of the night … WHAT MUSIC THEY MAKE!!!”
Chapter 22: World Gone Mad
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Agent Dunn casually drank his beer as the effects of the suicide pill took effect. As his soul left his body, MI5 headquarters dissolved into the protoplasmic mass surrounding it. The giant blob continued to grow and stretch through the streets of London, which were already filled with screams of despair and insanity.
Back at Alembic House, Emma pulled back the rest of the curtain and joined Orlando in staring at the city as it erupted into chaos. As the massive blob moved towards them, it’s glow gave Emma a brief reminder of the poo she had stepped into for immortality.
“What is that?” she asked.
“A Shoggoth,” answered Orlando. “It wouldn’t be out there if Greta and Deniis hadn’t driven the rest of MI5 to suicide.”
“Is that what the pool of Kor really was?”
“No, that was something far worse … an Abhoth … would’ve absorbed all of Africa if Bond hadn’t nuked it.”
“So, all this time, he really was the good guy.”
“Never mind that!” Orlando frantically turned to her. “Mina is in far more danger! We have to get to her!”
“Don’t worry about your other immortal friend,” the tape continued in Bond’s voice. “Like I said, there is a plan at work, and she will be properly protected to ensure her role in it. The same goes for the two of you. I’ve hidden several artifacts in this room to protect it from all forms of supernatural damage. All that is required for the two of you is to sit back and enjoy the ride. Oh, and make sure you have the jewelry I gave you. You’ll be fucked without it. Good day, ladies.”
The tape ended and the building started to shake. An eerie blue glow filled the room. As they caught hold of each other, Emma and Orlando looked back to the see the Shoggoth rising up against the outside of the window. The slithering gooey mass was full of eyes and tails that disappeared and reappeared at random, not to mention struggling corpses in various states of decay.
The room shook even more violently as the two immortal women heard it being torn separate from the building. As Bond’s former abode was tossed around like a hot potato, Emma and Orlando were repeatedly flung from side to side, their naked bodies receiving the full force of impact on every wall and corner. After the fifth such beating Emma noticed the pebble necklace dangling beneath her. She reached for it, but it slipped out of her grip. She spent the next few moments chasing after it in vain before the Shoggoth finally broke the room open.
Despite feeling multiple cracked bones, Emma managed to stand back up. She could see she was in one of the pods of the London Eye, now immobile, tilted, and slowly sinking into the Shoggoth as it slithered out of the Thames. She heard a roar from behind, and turned around to see a giant reptilian monstrosity - Gorgo, who had grown and was taking revenge on his former captors by laying waste to Parliament and Big Ben.
Emma couldn’t comprehend this, or anything else. She could feel her mind breaking, slowly sinking away from sanity, as the green skies grew darker with each passing second. She couldn’t have noticed Orlando, covered in cuts and broken glass, defying her own broken bones to jump down next to her.
“Emma, look out! Above us! Vril-ya!”
Her mind was mostly gone, so she couldn’t have noticed the flock of winged humanoids circling above them.above them. As they dive bombed towards the pod, she tried firing at them with the vibragun, but the insanity was getting too her as well, and she missed.
Both women were easily pressed with their backs against each other and immediately felt their vaginas and anuses violated. Whatever they vrilya were using, it was also forced down their mouths to muffle their screams.
There was nothing they could do but clasp hands through this nightmare, but they were both too broken to even do that.
///////////////////////////////////////
“NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!”
Mina screamed in terror as she fell to the floor and crawled backward as fast as she could until her back hit the wall.
“YOU’RE NOT REAL!!! YOU’RE DEAD!!! WE KILLED YOU!!!”
Jack rushed to Mina’s side and as he knelt down was taken aback by the pure horror in her eyes. He looked back to see “Prospero” had disappeared, but a bat was flying above the round table. It flew right in front of them and transformed back into the true form of Count Dracula.
“I don’t know what’s more pathetic: thinking that a master of darkness could be defeated by garlic, or thinking that this stone crumb would help you in any way!”
As Dracula raised his index finger upwards, Mina’s necklace levitated until it snapped off her neck, and with a sideways swish Dracula cast it aside.
“It is you!” Jack realized as he pulled out his pistol. “You are the monster who haunts Mina’s nightmares!”
Dracula tried to speak, but was interrupted by the Galley-Wag screaming at him. The Count stared back with glowing red eyes, and the doll explorer obeyed the commands given to his mind. He shut his mouth, pulled out his knife, slit his throat, and fell to the ground.
Dracula then turned back to his prey. “Strange that you should call me a monster. If it weren’t for me, Mina would’ve just been a boring mother and schoolteacher. I knew there was something special about her when she resisted me, and so I sought more subtle means to make her my puppet.
“First, there was getting to your precious Jonathan. His occult curiosities led him to my Necronomicon, and then it was easy for my cult to control him. Even easier was getting you away from him, thanks to an herb that dissolves in tea as well as it kills the unborn.”
With each step Dracula took, Mina crawled further back into Jack’s arms. “Get away!” she shouted as her voice cracked.
“It sure is a good thing that Irene Adler just happened to get done in by Jack the Knife, or else you never could meet your precious Allan and become a detective. After all, a detective is meant to search for the truth, and you love the truth. Almost as much as you love me!”
Jack emptied his gun; the bullets just bounced right off.
“So, don’t you want to know the truth about me? We both know how much you desire to discover who I really am. Even if you don’t, it doesn’t matter.”
Dracula morphed into a figure wearing a black hood with eye holes - the dreaded Fantomas who had destroyed the Paris Opera House. “I win!”
The hood melted away, and he was wearing black male-up around his eyes. “I know every secret. I know the past and can see the future.”
Then he turned into a red-skinned man with crab laws for hands. “The beauty lies in the blame, because it’s your fault for being so curious!”
He turned into a plain-looking, semi-shaven man in blue collar clothes. “I’ve won, I’ve brought this apocalypse and burnt the Earth down, and I owe it all to you, sweet Mina.”
Then he transformed into a long-haired blonde middle-aged man in a denim jacket. “Mina, Mina, can you hear me! I think you might be going insane. I promise you are.”
The hopelessness was getting to Jack now. “Good God!”
“Dracula” turned into a man with burnt skin, and red-and-black striped shirt, and blades for fingers. “I am God!”
He turned back into wearing black clothes, but now wish a shaven face and even spaced needles sticking out of his head. “I am pain!”
He turned into a figure wearing a skin-tight assassin’s outfit, and a metal mask that was black on the right, and orange with an eye hole on the left. “I am the thing that keeps you up at night. The evil who haunts the dark corner of your mind.”
He transformed into yellow pyramid with one eye and a top hat. “I am your new lord and master for all of eternity!”
Then he turned into a clown with a white face, surrounded by red balloons. “I am the eater of worlds!”
Finally, he showed his true form. A torso of molten flesh sitting atop three armored legs. The creature bore two gangly arms, each with a hand of four clawed fingers. Instead of a head, the monster had four tentacles and a tail that reached up to the ceiling. All over the creature, mouths of sharpened teeth as he triumphantly shouted his true name.
“I am … The Crawling Chaos … NYARLATHOTEP!!!”
Notes:
Nyarlathotep's transformations are, in order:
- Fantomas
- Cesare from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
- HIM from The Powerpuff Girls
- Alastair from Supernatural
- Killer BOB from Twin Peaks
- Freddy Kreuger from Nightmare on Elm Street
- Pinhead from Hellraiser
- Slade from the Teen Titans animated series
- Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls
- Pennywise from IT
Chapter 23: Rescued
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The forests around Oxford shone bright with fire under the cracking green sky. Shakti managed to pull her mother to shelter beneath a fallen tree, stopping her descent into madness with another necklace bearing an Elder Sign.
“Oh my god,” exclaimed Greta as she hyperventilated. “What have I done?”
“You did what you thought was right,” her daughter answered.
“But I’ve doomed England! I’ve doomed the world!”
“No, mother. There’s still…”
Shakti was cut off by a three-toed reptilian foot that landed twenty feet to the left of them. They both looked up at the rest of the creature - a bipedal winged dragon in a vest with fingers that resembled insect legs and an oval mouth with two human teeth on its top and bottom jaws.
“Is that…” began Greta.
“Yes,” answered Shakti. “The Jabberwock.”
The creature gave out a shriek of pain as it was hit with a massive bolt of lightning. Once the electric attack had ceased, the Jabberwock turned towards its assailant - an exhausted Dennis Brennanlying on the grass, as Chanda tried in vain to get him back up. The couple embraced each other as the beast charged at them with an ungodly roar.
Then gunshots ripped through the air, and the JAbberwock turned to its right to face its new challenger. Dennis and Chanda looked up to see a figure on a motorcycle fearlessly fly towards the monster. The vehicle’s wheels extended out and produced spikes that dug into the monster’s body, creating a geyser of blood that continued as it fell to the ground.
The strange savior got off the motorbike and ran towards the monster’s head, firing a volley of arrows until the quiver was empty. Then the hero leaped into the air and pounded the monster’s head with a climbing axe, putting an end to the monstrosity.
As Greta reunited with her daughters and Dennis, the new hero got back on the motorcycle and rode off the corpse towards them. They could see that their savior was a young woman in hiking boots, khaki short shorts, and a light blue tank top, with her brown hair in a long braid.
“Is everyone alright?” she asked.
“Um, yes, it seems we are,” answered Greta, “and thank you, miss…”
“Torchwood Agent Croft. Now, since everyone is safe, we can…” Croft looked around for someone who wasn’t there. “Where is he?”
Croft took out her phone and called someone. “Rick, where are…” she was interrupted by a crash behind her. “You?”
She turned around to see the Jabberwock’s tail split in to by the front of Santa Claus’s sleigh. As eight reindeer gracefully floated to the surrounding grace, a tall, skinny man, with spiky grey hair stumbled out in a drunken stupor.
“Rick Sanchez! Where is your hovercraft?”
“Oh yeah, see, uh, me and Old Man Kringle, we go, like, way back. So, we just needed to catch up and started drinking eggnog and whiskey, and then we mixed them together, and when our eyes opened up, poor Rudolph stuck in my quantum defriggity-thingy-thing, so I need to take this back to the rental workshop or else Chrstimas will be taken over by the Easter Bunny.”
Croft stood dumbfounded as Rick took another swig of his eggnog-whisky mix.
“Can you at least get to Lincoln Island?” she asked while pinching the space between her eyebrows.
“Sure, just, uh, give me a moment to find my sobering pills.”
“Alright, then.” Croft threw a rope around the sleigh, attached it to her motorcycle, and pulled the sleigh up straight. “Everyone, get in.”
“Wait, why?” asked Greta.
“There’s no time to explain. All I can say is that there is a plan at work, and that plan involves the two of you making it safe to Lincoln Island.”
“Well,” stated Shakti, “blindly following orders has gotten us this far. It might as well get us out of this.”
As the four got in Santa’s sleigh, Rick finally found his sober pill. One swallow later, and he was back on his feet, ready for action. After getting his clothes back on, he hopped into the front of the sleigh and gave the reins a good crack. The reindeer got back in line and galloped away into the cracking green sky above.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Emma and Orlando both may have had the tiniest amount of sanity left, but it was enough for them to realize that they had been released from the grips of the Vril-ya. As their awareness restored, they began to look around and notice the hundreds of winged monsters being torn to bits some by each other, and others. by bright pink-purple blasts.
The two of them managed to help each other up and take notice of their savior - a woman with bright purple hair and a catsuit of the same color that exposed her shoulders and hips. She jumped from vril to vril, blasting most of them with psionic energy from her hands, while making the rest turn on each other. Finally, she landed in front of Emma and Orlando, and an aura of purple energy radiated from her face in the shape of a butterfly.
“Psylocke?” asked Emma.
“The one and only,” their savior confirmed. “Sorry it took me so long. I was supposed to reach you before that giant amoeba thing, but my brother and I had to deal with old supers going cuckoo. Now we really are the last ones.”
“Wait, so are you a part of the Torchwood plan or whatever?” asked Orlando.
“Indeed. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to need to take both of your hands.”
Emma offered her right hand, and Orlando her left.
“Now, hold your other hands together and close your eyes.”
Both naked ladies obeyed, and the three formed a triangle.
“Now, we go.”
“Go where?”
“To the astral plane.”
///////////////////////////////////////////////
Jack Dakkar’s eyes rolled to the back of his head; the true form of Nyarlathotep was too much for his mortal mind to comprehend. The eldritch monster brushed him aside as it lifted up Mina, still alive but her mind broken.
“Your quest for truth made you my favorite plaything,” he mocked through his plethora of mouths. “But now that you’ve found it, you won’t be so much fun anymore. Still, I can make good use of you. Your world is undergoing an eternal nightmare, so it’s only fair to give you the same!”
As Nyarlathotep transformed his body into a mass of writhing tentacles, he tore off Mina’s clothes, leaving her naked sans her scarf. Then he tore off her scarf and rubbed the tips of his appendages on the scars.
“I remember when I first left these. Such a wonderful memento, don’t you think? How’s about we make the rest of your body this perfect!”
Mina screamed in madness as she was engulfed by tentacles, which grew rows of sharpened teeth as they transversed inside the most intimate parts of her.
Then there was an explosion. Nyralathotep turned his focus to the smoke cloud behind him, from which fell the burnt corpses of Ariel and Caliban. Then came the several dozen clones of Heckapoo, each one exhausted and covered in battle scars before noticing their opponent.
“It’s you!” they all said.
“What about me?” he asked.
All the Heckapoo clones attacked Nyarlathotep at once with a giant fiery blast, splitting him off from Mina and forcing him against the wall. As three of the clones tended to Mina, the rest continued keeping Nyarlathotep at bay save one holding the dimensional scissors.
A portal was opened, and once Mina was safely through, all the other Heckapoos came following behind. As the portal closed, a Heckapoo reached through and saved Mina’s scarf just before it closed.
Notes:
-The Jabberwock is the creature from the poem Jabberwocky
- Torchwood Agent Croft is Lara Croft
- Rick Sanchez is the main character of Rick and Morty
-Psylocke here is how she was in her original portrayal
Chapter 24: Escape
Summary:
-Roma is a supporting character in the Captain Britain comics
-Mortimer Smith is from Rick and Morty
-Pixels, Jacob, Maureen, and Lazarus Long are from Robert Heinlein's Future History series
-The Japanese youth that are described are from Oreimo, the Grisaia trilogy, Aki Sora, and Yosuga no Sora.
Chapter Text
Boondock, Tertius.
Pixel the cat nonchalantly made its passed the docked Gay Deceiver. Following behind him was an older man in perfect physical condition while wearing a toga, and by his side was a lovely young woman dressed in regal white robes with gold plates on her waist, arms, and thighs. Her ears were pointed.
Pixel paid no attention to the vibrant shaking coming from the room, but Jacob Burroughs merely looked at his watch. Once the time had reached exactly nine o’clock, he opened the bedroom door. Roma looked away in disgust, but Jacob had no qualms with looking at the skinny, elderly man with spiky grey hair getting fucked in the ass doggy-style by an immortal redhead man with a perfect physique and wearing only a kilt.
“It’s time for the meeting, Lazarus,” announced Jacob. “Finish up.”
Mr. Lazarus Long and his partner yelled together as they fell down onto the bed, and the elderly man took a drink from his whisky bottle to celebrate another encounter.
“Alright, Morty, it’s time to take a break from the redheads.”
His 14-year-old grandson couldn’t hear him. He was too concerned with providing oral pleasure to the chunky horned redhead Heckapoo sitting atop his mouth, who was busy merging her lips and breasts with the supermodel-bodied human redhead Maureen riding on Morty’s erect penis.
“You know, my Morty’s taking it rough. We just Cronenberged the whole human race in our dimension, even the rest of our family, so he’s taking it kind of rough. Let’s postpone that meeting another 30 minutes.”
Six hour later, Jacob was finally holding his vital meeting. After naming all the other attendees - Lazarus Long, Maureen Johnson, Rick Sanchez, Mortimer Smith, and Roma - he began his virtual presentation.
“As you know, I have discovered how universes are created. Whenever a sentient being - an Author - comes up with a fictional world, a universe centered around that world is added to the multiverse, or Omniverse as Roma knows it by. However, I have recently discovered that sometimes a universe can be duplicated.
“In this case, a second Author comes and performs some type of change to the original story. When this occurs, a whole new universe is made albeit with a few significant changes.
“But that’s not all. Much like how we can travel between dimensions, it is possible for an Author to have characters from several universes suddenly interact. I have called this Crossover, and whether or not one universe is a copy of the other is irrelevant.
“Which brings me to this man - The Original Author, the greatest of them all.”
The hologram showed a long-haired bearded with eyes that could strike fear into all who saw him.
“This man’s whole schtick is re-inventing the universes of other Authors, while having a few originals of his own. But his greatest accomplishment is the LXG Universe - a crossover of hundreds, probably thousands of different universes. It was quite a masterpiece until he transformed it into a pitiful excuse to piss on everything he hated.
“But then there was this guy.”
The hologram to a dorky clean-shaven young man in stupid square glasses.
“This guy made a replica of the LXG universe - LXG-B - and thought it was a great idea to bring the monsters of the Lovecraft universe from the background into the forefront. Now, they have a strong risk of donating that universe and having a crossover with the original universes, ultimately conquering the whole omniverse.”
“But there is a plan,” announced Roma, standing up. “There are still many benevolent deities in LXG-B, and they have selected their Eternal Champions to defeat the Outer Gods, as well as a family to be their Eternal Companion. But we can’t risk the slightest chance of them noticing our actions or else the plan will be foiled.
“Of course, if we used agents from outside the LXG-B universe, that would catch them completely off guard. That’s where you come in. Are you up for it?”
Heckapoo gave a flaming thumbs up. Morty started to stammer nervously before Rick knocked him over and gave a thumbs up while sipping whisky.
“I’ll be doing it with my Lazarus,” proclaimed Maureen, hugging her lover with Pixel in her lap.
“And I’ll be there with you, mom,” he answered, and the two shared a kiss.
Then everyone else in the room (sans Jacob) proceeded to cover the table in vomit.
“What the hell, seriously?” protested Rick. “You’re, like, Westermarck breaking!”
Lazarus stood atop his chair and proceeded to give a rehearsed speech about not conforming to social taboos - which was abruptly stopped when a spell from Roma rendered him mute. This prompted Maureen to challenge her to a fight. With no magic, Roma beat her in a manner of seconds.
“And by the way,” Roma declared, “I’m a virgin!”
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Lincoln Island was in absolute chaos. Insanity had driven all of its members to a homicidal rage, mutilating themselves and each other into a bloody, murderous mess. Van Dusen was not exempt, as he was monitoring the island’s defenses against the island itself, reducing the once glamorous sanctuary into a pile of flames and rubble, and while jittering incoherent ramblings while flashing ancient symbols across his telescreens.
Rick still managed to steer Santa’s sleigh safely passed all the random missile fire. Once he got to the volcano in the center of the island, he put the sleigh on autopilot (i.e. he just jammed a mind-control device on Blitzen’s head and set it for the North Pole) and flipped it upside-down. He managed to remove the seat belt and bundle himself and his four passengers, and then held out an empty toy sack like a parachute.
As they all floated down into the crater, they all looked at what was inside it - a spaceship, the Meteor II, built to resemble a squid in true Nemo fashion. As Greta looked the finished masterpiece over, she recalled the day when she and Jack met Mr. Lazarus Long and his “wife” Maureen. Her mother welcomed them, and they inspired them to pursue the legacy of her great-grandfather Captain Mors, continuing his dream to master the stars.
But Lazarus was also a sick man. He had convinced her half-brother that finding her pretty meant having feelings he truly didn’t have but were nevertheless repressed by social pressure. We were finally convinced to act on these feelings and indulged in each other until we couldn’t have a normal relationship of any kind.
As they continued to descend, Greta noticed a small army of people in armored uniforms using advanced laser-type weapons to seal up the damage caused by attacks from the madness outside. As she got closer, she saw that they were all Japanese youth, old enough to have either just graduated high school or just started college.
Once Greta and her companions landed, Rick walked up behind one of the youth. He wasn’t Japanese, but Caucasian, and the scrawniest one there.
“OK, Morty,” Rick said in-between drunken burps. “I got the Nemo chicks, so we can all get on the rocket ship now.”
His grandson continued sealing the massive double doors to the launch pad.
“Rick, behind the door, there’s a…”
The ten-foot double doors behind them exploded open, and through it walked Hugo Hercules, with a blood-covered face and posture of complete savagery, holding one half of his newborn baby in each hand.
Morty and the Japanese youth opened fire on the psychotic behemoth. Greta found herself pushed aside by a fiery blonde girl who was backed up by a taller, dark-haired boy. After she got pushed behind them, she noticed they had their names on the backs of their armored uniforms – Kirino Kousaka and Kyousuke Kousaka.
Dennis had the same thing happen to him, though by a taller brunette boy with the face of a delinquent and a shorter girl with silver hair and brown eyes. The names on their uniforms read Yuji Kazami and Kazuki Kazami.
Shakti and Chanda found themselves torn apart from each other. Shakti found herself being pushed toward the spaceship by a skinny, scrawny blonde boy while being covered by a tall, busty brunette girl. They both bore the name “Aoi” on their arms.
Chanda was pulled away by two twins – a boy and a girl, both of the same height, and both with pale skin and albino white hair. They both fired at Hugo with laser guns from their free hands, and Chanda noticed they both had the name “Kasugano” over their breasts.
Hugo shrugged off all the firepower that landed on him and violently knocked all the youth ouf of his way. Due to their armored uniforms, they were all unharmed.
Hugo then charged at Chanda, who was pushed to safety by her mother. Greta instead was picked up by the giant, who raised her over his head and tore off her right arm and left leg.
As Greta screamed while falling to the floor, Dennis attacked Hugo with a chain of lightning. While that hurt Hugo, it didn’t stop him. Suddenly, a giant mech suit landed in front of Hugo, and the two were soon locked in stalemate combat. As Greta was picked up, she recognized the pilot of the mech suit – Lazarus Long
“Go!” he ordered. “Take to the stars, and save this universe!”
As Lazarus and Hugo continued fighting, the Japanese youth took Greta and the others onto the ship. As Rick continued to drunkenly stumble, Morty demanded that he do something.
“OK, yeah, sure.”
Rick took out his portal gun, aimed it at Hugo Hercules, and tossed it at him. It broke on contact.
“There, you happy now?”
After the entry hatch sealed, Morty notified the ship’s AI, Dora, who then began the launch sequence for the Meteor II. As the ship launched into the sky, a massive eerie cloud stretching from the water to the stratosphere continued advancing towards the island. As Rick gave Greta replacement limbs and Morty sat at the controls, Dennis continued to block out as much of the madness as he could while the Japanese youth all strapped themselves into their launch pods.
“Whatever you do,” ordered Morty, “don’t look out the windows.”
But Chanda did. For a brief moment, she saw what the clouds were covering. The source of all the insanity that was now dominating the Earth. The size of their rocket was merely that of an act compared to its grotesque face.
As they finally left the atmosphere, Cthulhu reclaimed his rightful throne.
Chapter 25: Hope
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Dimmsdale.
He stood in a room surrounded by televisions. All of them reporting on kaiju, zombies, and eldritch monstrosities rising out of the earth and sea, laying waste to all in their path.
“Cthulhu rising from the ocean. Zombies swarming over school parks. Movie monsters harassing flea markets. Madness and insanity taking over the globe…”
He stepped into the light and shouted his conclusion for the cause of all this chaos.
“DINKLEBERG!!!”
Mr. Turner broke through his neighbors house with an arsenal of plastic toy weapons strapped to his body. In front of him was his dreaded archnemesis, calmly sitting down in front of the television with an extra large bucket of popcorn.
“Oh, hey Turner. I’m just sitting down to check out the Zombie News Network.”
“Oooh, zombies!” exclaimed Mr. Turner. “They’re all the rage now! Maybe if I sit down and endlessly stare at the screen long enough, Timmy will let me become a backup dancer for his band!”
Mr. Turner dropped his weapons and took a seat next to Dinkleberg.
“I’m reporting live from the wedding of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen,” said the zombified reporter on TV, “which has just been attacked by the newlywed couple here. The original bride and groom have been torn to shreds along with the rest of the attendees. Excuse me, sir, how did this come about?”
The zombie groom stopped drinking Bella’s brain juice through a bendy straw to answer. “Oh, you know, just a typical love story. Boy meets girl, girl dumps boy, boy murders girl, eats her heart, and fucks her corpse…”
“Then girl comes back as a zombie,” continued the bride, “kills boy, eats his heart, and fucks his corpse.”
“But after they make up in the afterlife, boy comes back and massacre a shit wedding, mind control the minister to wed them, and then eat his heart. You know, typical Christian values.”
/////////////////////////////////////
The Doc Savage Moon Laboratory
A magic portal opened up. Heckapoo, now having merged most of her clones into just four copies, carried Mina’s limp, naked body to the examination table. The head scientist, a middle-aged Japanese man, approached with what appeared to be a set of headphones, but quickly shielded his eyes at the sight of her exposed breasts and genitals.
“Oh, come on!” exclaimed one of the Heckapoos. “Time is of the essence here!”
The head scientist apologized. “It’s just that I can’t work when I’m … uh, distracted.”
“Alright, fine!” The Heckapoos stretched out Mina’s scarf and wrapped it around her body so that it covered her neck and bikini areas. “Is that better, Sora?”
Sora lowered his hand and turned back around. “Um, yes, somewhat.”
“Good. Now do your job already!”
With Mina strapped down, Sora placed the headphones over her ears. As he headed back over to his controls, one of the Heckapoos sensed the presence of something sinister.
In the janitorial closet down the hall, the fairy with the mall box sent away by Prospero/Nyarlathotep had finally arrived at its destination. As it reached for the small key, Heckapoo flung the door open and the two stared at each other like a sheriff and a gunslinging outlaw at high noon.
As the fairy opened the box, Heckapoo rapidly made multiple clones of herself that all created a spherical shield around the nuclear explosion. As radiation leaked through cracks between the clones, more of them split off and opened another portal. The fairy, the box, the explosion, and all the Heckapoos were quickly yanked into it, and as it closed a bit of the explosion managed to leak about, making massive burn marks on the other side of the wall.
Back in the lab room, Sora finished making the calibrations to his machine.
“I heard a lot about you from my father,” he said to the still unconscious Mina. “He said that you were a true detective, one absolutely dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge. If that truly is the case, then you’re going to love this.”
Sora pulled the giant lever on his machine. Screens flashed a variety of symbols, the most repetitive of which were the Elder Signs. All around the lab room, lights and beeps went off like an annoying fire alarm. Electric zaps went off at the wires of the headset as its signals punctured deep into Mina’s brain.
“All the knowledge mankind has to offer,” continued Sora. “The entire history of every culture of our species. Every scientific discovery ever made on our planet. Every school of thought to be drummed up and debated in lectures on philosophy. Every recorded fact and idea from every university and academic journal that is now being destroyed by the forces of darkness. You are now the sole possessor of all of it. You are the living library. The only library left. Lucky you.”
Mina still couldn’t answer. Sora was then distracted by a flashing red button next to a seperate computer monitor. He turned it on and could see that the insanity on Earth was now starting to affect the Moon. Selenites, Nak-Kar and Hippomyrmices were violently turning on their human and humanoid riders. The Moon-Fowl were swooping down and abducting the Clangers, who were now engaged in a futile battle with the Soup Dragon.
Sora took out his Elder Sign necklace from underneath his shirt and began to recite a prayer in an ancient tongue. As he prayed, he noticed a glowing replica of Mina’s body rise out of its physical host.
“Yes,” he said. “Go on to the astral plane.”
////////////////////////////////////////////////
The Meteor II had long abandoned the insanity conquering the Earth. So long that the engines had run out of power, and there were no celestial bodies within fast contact reach.
Morty prepared to announce this bad news happily to his younger colleagues when Dennis hand-motioned him to stop. Then Morty noticed the two sisters heavily embraced in a tight, comforting hug with tears down each other’s face.
At first, Morty thought it was just two sisters holding onto each other in the worst of times. But then Dennis shared what he had discovered from their minds - that they loved each other as more than just sisters. Only slightly squicked, he telepathically agreed with Dennis that they should leave.
“Wait,” said Shakti. “Please stay and sit with us..”
The boys obeyed. Dennis sat down in front of Shakti, and Morty in front of Chanda. They were expecting to partake in a group hug, but instead they received a kiss from the girl across from them.
Notes:
- Mr. Turner and Dinkleberg and from Fairly Oddparents
-The zombie couple are from the Avengled Sevenfold song A Little Piece of Heaven
-I'm just going to assume you know what Twilight is
Chapter 26: Going Astral
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Where are we?”
Emma and Orlando both looked around, frantically trying to decipher what was around them. To best explain it to physical eyes would be to envision an ocean of bright color, constantly shifting and changing into patterns and symbols of increasing symmetries.
Lost in confusion, the two found each other. Both were now naked bodies, with shape and proportions unchanged from what they were back on Earth, except that their hair was now elongated into a long train that seemed to move with the alien environment. Emma was all blue save for her eyes and a few dozen golden stars that decorated her hair, breasts, and vagina. Orlando was the same, except with a red body and purple stars. As they recognized each other, they embraced, and realized neither felt solid to the other. Rather, their bodies were like liquid, which was confirmed as they saw globs split off from their bodies, only to quickly join back again.
“That’s what happens when you’re on the astral plane.”
The two of them noticed their missing third - Mina, with a golden body and white stars. Her face was full not of wonder and confusion, but defeat and sorrow. All three embraced, and their astral bodies seemed to partially merge together.
“So, you’ve been here before?” asked Orlando.
“Yes, I was here when I fought with Haddo as he tried to possess Turner in Hyde Park. Right before I went raving mad and … lost you.”
“No, Mina, I was … Allan and I, we lost you!”
“Yeah, well, it’s different this time. Before, just my mind. But now, all of me, all of us, we’ve all been taken here. Body, soul, mind together.”
“Wow, that’s … that’s quite something,” acknowledged Orlando.
After admiring the shifting colors for a bit longer, Emma finally confessed.
“I killed him. Murdered that bastard the best way I could. He liked it. He wanted it. Then he left proof that it was all in vain.”
“Your sorrow,” noted Mina, “I can feel it.”
“Yes,” said Orlando. “That’s normal for friends and lovers to … wait, I can feel it. I can feel both of your emotions as though they were my own.”
“Yes, that is what happens when you come into the astral plane,” explained Mina. “If your minds and souls were closer on the physical realm, they’ll be even closer here.”
“Oh no,” realized Orlando. “Mina, you … know about Prospero.”
“Yes,” Mina agreed, globs of astral tears flowing from her eyes. “Prospero, Dracula, Nyarlathotep. I was never free from him. He couldn’t have me, so took my Jonathan. He took my baby before I could deliver. He set me up to be a truth seeker, and once I found it, he made me what I always was: his toy. He took everything from me.”
“He took everything from me, too,” said Orlando. “I spent centuries killing and fucking for no purpose, until he finally gave me one. He told me to scoff at those who killed for those in power, while I was doing the dirty work for the greatest power of all. He constantly preached about how humanity’s admiration for those with superior skills would lead to an age of fascism, but that’s exactly what he was ruling under. I was just his toy, too.”
“I wasn’t much better,” said Emma. “I tried following my own path, taking orders from nobody but myself. Turns out I was just a puppet, too.”
“We’re all puppets,” said a fourth female voice. “It’s only puppets like us who can see the strings.”
The three of them noticed a conglomeration of light beside them, molding itself into a massive shifting pillar. Out of it stepped a figure that two of them had already met before.
“Miss Poppins, was it?” asked Orlando.
“Yes, but you can call me Mary,” she responded.
“So, you’re the umbrella-woman who defeated the Antichrist?” asked Emma.
“Well, if that’s what we’re still calling him,” answered Mary. “I’m still dreadfully sorry that our previous encounter with the two of you had to be cut so short. But now, we have plenty of time.”
“Very well,” said Orlando, “for starters, just what are you?”
“I am an eldil, one of the eldila,” Mary explained. “We come from far beyond the visible stars in a realm known as Deep Heaven. You may have heard of it as a different name - the Celestial City.”
“Yes, I have heard of that,” confirmed Orlando. “That’s the place Christian was headed for. But I have never heard of eldila before.”
“Well, you may have heard of us by our more common names - Elohim or Elder Gods.”
“Yes, I’ve heard of you,” said Mina. “You’re the divine beings from the Torah. For untold millennia, you clashed with the Great Old Ones until you sealed them away in eternal slumber. And when you weren’t busy fighting, you and the Old Ones were gathering human disciples, producing demigod offspring that started the bloodlines of all the monsters and magicians throughout history.”
“Quite correct,” answered Mary. “The Great Old Ones were sent by the Outer Gods, whom we have fought since the creation of the universe. They stand for chaos and apathy and ignorance, while we stand for order and discovery and love. Once we had established our victory over the Field of Arbol, or Solar System as you call it, an eldil of the highest power, an Oyarsa, was given control over each planet. However, the Oyarsa of Thulcandra, or Earth, betrayed us.”
“Let me guess,” interrupted Emma. “That would be Nyarlathotep.”
“Yes, but we call him the Bent One,” continued Mary. “He cut of Thulcandra from the other Oyeresu and their eldila, and made your world his playground for eons. While humans are nothing more than tools to him, he is the same to the Outer Gods, no different to them as the Star Spawn.”
“Star Spawn?” asked Mina.
“What you call the Martians. Ironic, since they were driven off Mars by our holy servants, the Sorns.”
“So, wait, do you have any ‘holy servants’ on Earth?” asked Orlando.
“Why, yes,” answered Mary.
“And was Bond one of them?” asked Emma.
“Bond was not ‘holy’ by any definition of the word,” answered Mary. “But yes, he was our tool.”
Notes:
The eldila, Oyeresu, and related terms are from CS Lewis's Space Trilogy.
Chapter 27: Long Lost
Chapter Text
“To the Outer Gods,” explained Mary, “human beings are of no importance. Nothing about them could ever match up, so they don’t give them any significance. But we eldila, we have a special terms for lifeforms like you:
“Hnau - rational creatures. You are unique from every other creature in your world because you can comprehend your world. You see a sunset and appreciate its beauty. You look at the stars and wonder what they are. You’re driven to discover, build, and improve. For powerful cosmic beings like ourselves, doing anything is never an accomplishment. But your species, despite having so little in comparison, have come so far and come so much. We’ll never know what that sense of pride, and it would be nothing short of sinful for us to allow the Outer Gods to exterminate such beauty.
“So, we devised a plan. Tell me, did Allan ever told you of the Time Traveller?”
“Yes,” answered Mina. “He took Allan and a bunch of others into the far future to fight the Mi-Go creatures.”
“The Time Traveller was our first servant,” continued Mary. “Once he learned what his universe was up against, we took him to the planet Gallifrey. The hnau of that world took his invention and improved it, becoming masters of time travel - the Time Lords. One of them had an adventure involving Queen Victoria that inspired her to create a secret organization to defend the British Empire against otherworldly threats.”
“I’m sorry,” interrupted Emma, “but if you mean the League, Queen Victoria was not the one to create that.”
“Oh, I’m well aware,” said Mary. “I’m talking about the Torchwood Institute. With Mina’s first League being truly unique, Torchwood was looking forward to recruiting them giving they did an acceptable job performance. They did not, as their fight against Moriarty made the League’s existence public knowledge.
“Campion Bond was threatened with execution if he didn’t agree to join, albeit with a leash around his neck at all times. He followed orders quite well, even requesting the exact viral strain that would terminate the Star Spawn. Once they were all put down, their bodies and tripods were all made property of Torchwood. They helped your species prosper in space travel within the coming decades, and helped those of magical bloodlines to perfect their spells against eldritch monsters.”
“Yes, Bond did say he was a part of Torchwood,” said Emma.
“So, I’m gonna guess that Haddo was a member as well,” assumed Orlando.
“True,” confirmed Mary. “He did many things which would be considered evil by your human morality, but he was what you would call a necessary evil. He created his Moonchild and crafted him up to be an embodiment of hope against the darkness. He also worked with Torchwood to make sure he graduated before that Antichrist or the Bent One could get to him. Which is good because I’m sure you wouldn’t want to fight your grandson.”
Mina paused in shock when she realized that Mary was staring directly directly at her. “What?”
“Your other friends know,” said Mary. “They only just found out, but I’m sure you’d rather hear it from them.”
Mina turned to her two lovers, anxious with shock.
“Well, Mina,” explained Orlando, “we bumped into Dr. Coote and … it turns out that when you went bonkers at Hyde Park … you were pregnant. I don’t know if I’m the father or if Allan was…”
“Allan was the father,” revealed Mary.
“Yes, well, you gave birth in the loony bin,” Orlando continued. “You had a baby girl with your hair and eyes. She was put into an orphanage and adopted.”
Mina frantically turned back to Mary. “I have a daughter?”
“Yes, a most marvellous daughter,” answered Mary. “When Nyarlathotep drank from your neck, he put some of his magic into you. When you broke free from his control, the magic remained. Had you known this, you could have become quite an impressive witch. Instead, your daughter inherited that magic.”
“What happened to her?”
“She was adopted by a muggle couple who named her Lily. She became a great witch and married a great wizard named James. Together, they had a son, and then allowed themselves to be killed by Haddo as part of his plan to craft the boy into the Moonchild.”
Mina didn’t say anything. This sudden revelation was more to bear than any of the knowledge still being uploaded into her mind.
“Would you like to see him?”
Mina quickly accepted Mary’s request and soon found her astral form thrust back down to the Earthly plane. She was back in Hyde Park, where the skies were still cracked and green, but were also being lit up by spotlights of numerous symbols - all of which she could now recognize as insignia of the Elder Gods. Standing before her was a young man dressed mostly in black with a yellow-and-red striped scarf around his neck. He was wielding Excalibur, which he used to cast spell after spell to shrink down the massive Shoggoth before him.
As he fought the slime beast, Mina could hear the message he was relaying to all the minds throughout the city.
“People of London, I know that your worst nightmares have come to life, but there is still hope. Look to the skies and look for the signs of the divine. Run to them and you will find refuge. This darkness will end and the sun will rise again.”
The Shoggoth shriveled up into a burnt, crispy ball before Excalibur blasted it away with lightning. Then he turned so that Mina could see his face. He was an adult, but still young, with a lightning bolt scar on his forehead, and round glasses over his green eyes.
They both stared at each other, with Harry not sure what to make of the floating golden liquid woman in front of him.
“Um, hello,” said Mina.
“Hello,” replied Harry. “Are you a spirit messenger of some sort?”
“Well, no, actually, um … I’m, uh, … I’m your grandmum.”
Chapter 28: Space Jesus
Chapter Text
The purplish light on Harry’s wand faded and he lowered Excalibur.
“My truth spell is right. You are the spirit of my grandmum! Wow, I’ve never met my grandmum or grandpop, so I’m not really sure what I should…”
Mina flew all the way down and embraced the young Mr. Potter, shedding golden astral globs of joy as he happily hugged her back.
“Oh, alright. I guess this is appropriate.”
They continued hugging until they heard a massive roar in the distance. They both turned to see Gorgo in the city streets, but now being blasted by a myriad of spells as witches and wizards on broomsticks buzzed around him.
“Grandmum, I would love nothing more than for us to chat,” Harry said, “but this is not a good time for me. There’s a bit of an apocalypse going on, and it’s my job to lead the fight against all these evil creatures, and bring in a new age of divine goodness upon humanity.”
Mina reluctantly removed her arms from behind Harry’s neck and brought her hands to his shoulders. “But, sweetie, doesn’t that make you angry?”
“What does?”
“Well, you know, being a child of destiny. Everything about your life has all been planned and, and you have no say in it. Isn’t it bothersome that you’re just a puppet?”
Harry sighed. “Yes, it does trouble me, an awful lot. Everything about my life - losing my parents, my abusive uphold, my studies, my rule-breaking, my bullying, my crushes - all of it was a set up. Done by beings beyond my reach who didn’t care whether or not I objected to their will. It broke me when I found out. Locked myself up in my room for days; figured that if I was nothing but a tool, then I’d stay put until someone needed me. But then…”
They both turned to the sound of an explosion coming from behind. A magical path was being carved out from the fallen trees to the left of the Mr. Hyde Memorial Statue. Once it had finished, a large swarm of Londoners came through, all still strongly worried and clinging onto each other whether they be stranger or friend. Leading them was a young wizarding couple - a redheaded male and a brunette female.
“Harry!” the man called out. “We got as many people as we could. Is the sanctuary ready yet?”
“Just one moment, Ron,” Harry responded before turning back to his astral grandmother.
“My life may have been scripted, but my friends weren’t. They were the ones who drove me forward against evil, not fate or prophecy or whatever else. Ron, Hermione, and Ginny helped me realize that yes, we’re all just tools for those in power, but if they use us to craft the world into a better place, why object? Should I follow my own path at the price of damning humanity? No; always follow the path for a brighter tomorrow and make that your own destiny.”
“I see,” replied Mina. “That’s actually very wise of you. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome, grandmum.”
Mina realized she was starting to rise. “I’m sorry, dear. It looks like I have to go now.”
Harry started to cry as he raised Excalibur back up. “Alright, then. I love you, grandmum!”
“I love you, too!”
Mina’s astral body was then rocketed back through the atmosphere and she once again stood before Emma, Orlando, and Mary. Still crying orbs of joy, Mina glomped her two lovers as they shared in her new tender emotions.
“Thank you, Miss Poppins,” said Mina.
“You’re welcome, and call me ‘Mary’,” she replied.
“Sorry. Now, I guess it’s our turn to become the eldila’s tools.”
“Do you want to be?”
“I’m certain we don’t have a choice. I’m ready to carry out your will.”
“Me too,” agreed Emma.
“Yeah, I guess you can count me in,” said Orlando.
“Well, that’s not for me to decide,” revealed Mary. “You’ll have to speak with Uatu.”
“Uatu?” asked Emma.
“The Watcher,” explained Mary. “He rules over the Field or Arbol, overseeing all of the Oyeresu but never interfering. He will assign your fate, if you allow it.”
Mary dissolved back into the ocean of color, and then an even more massive column of light appeared before the three lovers. It parted like a curtain and formed into a gigantic, humanoid figure. He appeared to be a bald man dressed like a Roman emperor.
That’s all the three lovers could make it before their astral forms were overtaken by the radiance flowing out of him. They glomped each other again, but this time out of fear. It was a fear stronger than anything any of them had known before. Even Nyarlathotep in his true form was not nearly this terrifying.
But then that fear became something else. Something that felt very much like the love the three of them shared for each other, but much stronger. Stronger than the love that they had for their long-lost mothers and fathers, or the love they were reserving for their unborn children.
“What is this?” demanded Orlando. “You trying to force us into underserved admiration like some petty tyrant?”
Uatu knelt down so that his giant head was staring straight at them. He placed his right hand behind them, and all three could feel an extreme comfort overcoming them. They finally mustered the strength to look Uatu straight into his fierce glowing eyes.
“I have no desire to force my love upon you or anyone,” Uatu answered. “My eldila servants cannot perceive my love like you can. It is for that reason that I can share with you my true name - Maleldil the Young.”
“So, Maledil, you love us?” asked Emma.
“I love all hnau, much like how you love dogs,” replied Maledil.
“That sounds rather insulting,” stated Orlando.
“You should find it the greatest compliment,” replied Maledil. “You humans love dogs more than you love yourselves or even your fellow humans, save for those closest to you. You most definitely love dogs more than they love each other. They live in a world beyond their control or comprehension, and yet the masters of this world reach down to them and mold them into your ideal companions. Dogs can’t understand and they don’t want to. They’re just happy to be loved.”
“So, this is what dogs feel when they get their tummies rubbed?” asked Mina.
“You could say that,” answered Maledil. “But while a dog may seek love in any human, it is only with their masters that they have a true emotional bond with. So, as you’ve probably guessed by now, I want to be your master.”
“What if we don’t want a master?” asked Orlando.
“Then I’ll let you go off on your own,” the Watcher replied. “Like I said, I don’t force anyone to do my bidding. If you want to go on your own path, I’ll find a suitable place back on the physical realm for you to go on it. And you just might find happiness as your own ruler, assuming that you aren’t forced into serving a master who may or may not be as benevolent as me.
“But if you become my dogs, I can promise that I will not give you an easy life. I cannot even promise that you will live it together. But you will all have a life dedicated to bringing the eternal light to the universe. So, what do you three ladies say?”
“Yes,” Mina responded almost immediately.
“Wait,” suggested Orlando, “shouldn’t we think about this?”
“My grandson had less of a choice than we have,” Mina explained, “but he still realized that if following your own path allows evil to prevail, then let your will be rewritten into an instrument of good.”
“Makes sense to me,” acknowledged Emma. “I’m in too.”
She and Mina joined their astral hands, and then Orlando joined in.
“What the hell, count me in.”
All three looked up to Maleldil, standing and smiling.
Chapter 29: Eternity Anew
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“As you have been told, there is a plan in action in which the hnau use the power of white magic bestowed by the Oyeresu. Here is what you have not been told.
“When we first come to any celestial sphere, we help the resident hnau discover their true rational potential, unlike the Outer Gods who corrupt them with madness whether or not they even notice them. Whenever an Oyarsa is given is given a world, a monolith is placed on the surface. Upon finding this, the hnau unlocking their rationalizing capabilities with a single touch, thus granting their species the ability to create civilization.L
“But these monoliths have another function as well. They allow the Oyeresu to communicate between themselves, as well as with me. But now the Bent One has found a new use for them. The chaotic madness he has unleashed upon Thulcandra is now being transmitted through the monoliths, infecting the rest of the Field of Arbol. Your destinies lie in stopping this madness.”
“By letting you plant your heavenly seed within us so that we bear the Chosen Ones?” asked Emma.
Every paused to stare at her.
“No,” answered Maleldil. “What would give you that idea?”
“Well,” explained Emma, “it’s just we’re women, and you’re a male, so I just thought…”
“Yeah, sorry, no,” said Maleldil. “I already tried to incarnate myself as a human to save your species, around 2000 years ago. It didn’t work out very well.”
“Ah, I see,” responded Emma.
“No, you won’t be carrying the Chosen Ones,” continued Maleldil. “You are the Chosen Ones.”
“We’re what?” asked Orlando.
Maleldil continued, “You three will be my Eternal Champions. You will adventure across the corporeal plane as warriors to maintain the Cosmic Balance between Law and Chaos, between light and darkness.”
“Balance?” asked Emma. “Aren’t we supposed to vanquish evil from the world?”
“Good and evil, according to your human understanding, cannot exist without each other,” explained Maledil. “Without law and order in the universe, all structure would break down, all hnau would be taken over by madness, and life would be worth nothing.
“But chaos is just as important. Without chaos, there would be no probability, creation, or novelty. The universe would be one of perfection and boredom. Thus, it is necessary for law and chaos to be in balance so that all hnau can thrive.
“As one of the Lords of Law, I know how important the Cosmic Balance is, but the Outer Gods, being Chaos Lords, don’t seem to care. Whenever they succeed in tipping the scales even slightly in favor of chaos, we select an Eternal Champion to restore the balance.
“The Time Lord who calls himself The Doctor is a prime example, as was the original Time Traveler. Conan, Red Sonja, Hercules, Xena, Shantae, King Arthur, Charlemagne, Prince Dastan, Michael Kane, Randolph Carter, John Carter, Gullivar Jones, Adam Strange, Sojan the Swordsman, Myles Cabot, Carson Napier, Elwin Ransom, Captain Marvel, Captain Universe, and now, Mina’s grandson Harry Potter.”
“What about Jerry Cornelius?” asked Orlando. “I heard him call himself that a few times.”
“Yes, but he didn’t really care about restoring the balance,” answered Maleldil. “In fact, he never really cared much for anything, or made any sense.
“Speaking of, the life of an Eternal Champion is hardly easy. The Chaos Lords will do all they can to dissuade you and corrupt you, not to mention they have their own Eternal Champions.”
“So, a dark counterpart to us?” asked Emma.
“You could say that,” continued Maleldil. “One of the first was Black Adam, whom we bestowed with great power only to have his conscience corrupted by the Bent One. There was also Stardust the Super-Wizard, whom was sent to Thulcandra to be a force for good, but he instead went made with power.”
“Yes, I remember,” said Mina. “Captain Universe had to freeze him in Ice-9. Whatever happened to him?”
“I’m sorry, but the chaos got to him, and he had to be put down down,” answered Maleldil. “If a Champion cannot be corrupted, the Chaos Lords make their own. The most brutal was Kratos, who slaughter the Gods of Olympus out of pettiness. But the most troublesome was Elric of Melnibone, a well-meaning king whose brutish nature was only made worse by his Black Sword, Stormbringer.”
“Stormbringer?” repeated Orlando. “I fought that sword, first when it was weld by Elric, and then Monsieur Zenith, and then that bratty Antichrist.”
“Indeed, you did. In fact, here it is right now.”
The Watcher held out his hand and revealed the dreaded Black Sword. It was still singing, but it’s song was no longer horrifying in any way.
“The sword has been purified,” Maleldil explained. “It no longer craves hnau souls. Now it only seeks to do the will of Cosmic Law.”
Maleldil clamped his hands together, encasing the Black Sword as it transformed into silver light. He opened his hands to release a myriad of astral photons that the three lovers shielded their astral eyes from.
When they all opened their eyes again, each of them beheld a magnificent gray sword with five-pointed Elder Signs on the hilt and a singular arrow carved onto the blade and pointing towards the tip.
“Here are your own Black Swords,” announced Maleldil. “Wield them well. If you are ever in doubt or discouraged, pray to me through them, and I will give you comfort.”
The three lovers did so, and took a few moments to look in awe at their new weapons.
“Now, do to your circumstances, you will find great use for a secondary weapon.”
Maleldil held out his right hand again and the three guns of Jerry Cornelius floated above his palm. They had also been transported into the astral plane by Psylocke and had been floating around the three ethereal bodies, who hadn’t bothered to notice them until now.
A flash of light, and they were all given a slicker, more futuristic appearance, with branch Elder Signs behind the triggers. The Needle Guns flew to Mina and Orlando, while the Vibragun flew to Emma.
“They no longer need to feast on souls,” Maleldil revealed. “Now, it is only your devotion to righteousness that will keep them firing.”
Each of the three lovers took their new gun with their open hand, once again admiring the deadly yet beautiful new tool they had just been gifted.
“Now, each of you will be given a new physical form - a perfect body as however you may view it. Mina shall go to Sulva, Emma to Perelandra, and Orlando to Cymradia.”
“So, we really won’t be together, then,” realized Emma.
“I’m sorry, but that’s how the plan works,” admitted Maleldil. “But it is common for an Eternal Champion to have a loyal friend, an Eternal Companion if you will.”
“What about love?” asked Orlando. “True love? Will we find that again?”
“Yes, an Eternal Champion will often find an Eternal Consort.”
“Is it really eternal?”
“I am sorry, but I cannot make any promises, except your the rest of your lives will be hard and tragic, with the upholding of the Balance as your only guaranteed reward.”
The three lovers all turned to face each other.
“Well, I guess this is goodbye, then,” stated Emma. “If we never meet again, just no that I’ll always remember you and love you, Mina, Orlando.”
“Oh, if we do meet, I won’t be Orlando,” said the oldest immortal. “With new weapons, new body, and a new world, I’d might as well take up a new name.”
“Really?” responded Emma. “Well, in that case, I guess should, too. Mina, what do you think…”
Still holding onto her weapons, Mina embraced her two immortal loves. No more words were exchanged as the three bestowed deep, passionate kisses onto their astral lips. Once they had each softly proclaimed a final “I love you”, they were torn apart from each other and flung across the vastness of space.
Notes:
-The Eternal Champion, Cosmic Balance, and Black Sword are all elements of Michael Moorcock's Multiverse
-Xena is the titular heroine of Xena: Warrior Princess
-Shantae, Prince Dastan (Prince of Perisa) are Kratos are video game characters (from Shantae, Prince of Persia, and God of War)
-Myles Cabot is the hero of The Radio Man
-Carson Napier is the hero of the Amtor books
Chapter 30: Meet Gale Allen
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The Meteor II had gone for several hours without power.
Their Oxford uniforms unbuttoned all the way down, Shakti and Chanda held each other tight as they squished their lips and breasts together. As their weightless bodies floated through the cabin, Dennis Brennan managed to take hold of Shakti’s knees. After pulling down her panties, he pushed his head under her skirt and gave the young woman oral pleasure.
Her younger sister received the same treatment from Morty, and their screams of ecstasy were muffled by their record-long kiss.
On the ship’s medical bay, Rick had succeeded in strapping Greta down to an operating table and perfected the calibrations on her new mechanical right arm and left leg.
“Just my fucking luck,” Rick griped between burps. “Some fucking giant takes a break from eating a baby to break my only way out of this shitty dimension. What a day.”
//////////////////////////////////////////////////
Emma found herself standing in front of her reflection, completely nude, with her new sword ine her left hand and the Vibragun in her right. Her face and body were exactly the same as when she had stepped out of the Pool of Kor, but her hair was now blonde.
“Just like Gale,” she noticed. “I always was envious of her looks.”
“Is that your name? Gale?” asked an angelic voice from behind.
Emma turned around to see a beautiful, naked woman with skin as green as the vegetation surrounding them. She looked around some more to realize that she was standing in the middle of a massive forest underneath an opaque, golden sky. She looked over to see that her reflection was contained in a black monolith before turning back to the green alien.
“My name?” she responded, before remembering Orlando’s proposal. “Oh, yes, my name is Gale. Gale Allen.”
The green woman opened her arms. “Welcome, Gale Allen, to Perelandra, known to your people as Venus. I am the Queen-Mother Tinidril. Come and walk with me.”
Gale Allen did so, and walked beside the Queen-Mother through the marvelous garden. A sweet music filled the air, relaxing any nervousness that she had.
“So, Gale Allen of Earth, what do you know of this world?”
“Nothing, I’m afraid.”
“Well, my husband, Tor the King-Father, and myself are pure good with no trace of evil in our souls. But the Bent One of your world tried to corrupt us, first through that monolith and then through a human visitor named Weston. Thankfully, we were saved by the Eternal Champion, Elwin Ransom, who still lives with us to this day.”
“He does?”
“Why, yes. You can see him for yourself over there.”
Gale looked to where Tinidril was pointing to see a naked man sitting on a rock by a small pond, playing beautiful music on a flute to the amusement of the surrounding alien creatures. He glanced towards Gale, and she screamed while dropping her weapons, covering her bikini areas, and hid behind a nearby tree, all the while blushing in total humiliation.
“You have no need to be ashamed or afraid,” explained Tinidril. “You are in Paradise, a place with no sin, so there is no lust without first being deep love.”
“Well, then, I guess I still have sin.”
“Yes, but you are still righteous. Righteous enough to have been chosen by Maleldil Himself.”
Tinidril handed Gale back her weapons and they continued with their walk.
“After Ransom’s victory, my husband and I wed and quickly made thousands of children known as Treens that spread across the planet. But another visitor who called himself Captain Mors and was looking for a refuge for humans suffering great persecution on Earth.”
“Must have occurred around the start of the last century, when my species reverse-engineered the spacecraft of the Martian invaders.”
“We accepted the refugees, but failed to account for their sinful nature, which corrupted the purity of the Treens. After many generations, the refugees have become three separate cultures, all at war with each other and with my Treens, who have become the most wicked of all. Thankfully, our Oyarsa was gracious enough to send two Eternal Champions to be our saviors - Carson Napier and Myles Cabot.”
“So, then, how has the apocalypse on Earth affected your world?”
“Well, we were able to cut off the monolith before it could bring anyone insane. But it did succeed in releasing the Eryx Lizards, who have joined with our more primitive enemies in launching a world conquest.”
“And I’m here to stop it.”
“Yes, but you won’t be alone. Speaking of, you should start putting on those clothes.”
Gale noticed a fresh set of clothes on a stone table beside her. As she put down her weapons, the ground beneath them started to sink, and Gale soon realized they were descended from a floating island, and the true planet was beneath them.
“We are leaving Paradise for the Fixed Land,” explained Tinidril. “Please, continue to dress yourself.”
Gale did so. Her new clothes were a bra, panties, a short-sleeved crop top, a miniskirt and high heels, all blue except for her red skirt belt, which was wide enough to cover her navel. The belt also came with a red holster on her right rip for her blue Vibragun. On her left hip was a red dagger sheath, which bore the same question mark symbol but was clearly too small for her sword.
“Say ‘paladin’,” advised Tinidril. “That is what you are now, after all.”
Gale obeyed, and her sword shrunk into a dagger that fit in perfectly. Fully clothed, they were now below the tops of the tallest buildings.
“We are in Vanam, capital of the Vepaja Kingdom. You are to be adopted by the King Jong.”
“So, I’m going to be a princess?” Gale asked rather happily.
“Correct. You will soon meet your new sister, Princess Duare, partner and consort of Corson Napier.”
The descending land platform came to a halt on a balcony.
“We have arrived,” announced Tinidril. “You may get off now.”
Gale obeyed, and the platform began rising once again. “Farewell, Eternal Champion.”
“Goodbye,” said Gale as she waved back.
Once the platform was out of sight, Gale looked around the city until she noticed the balcony’s other occupant staring at her. She had tan skin, dark black hair and eyes, and looked even more youthful than she did. She wore lovely garments that reflected that of a Middle Eastern princess.
“Duare?”
She nodded and smiled. “Nice to meet you, sister.”
Notes:
-Gale Allen is a heroine from Planet Comics (as is the city Vanam)
-Queen Tinidril and the Paradise floating islands are from the Space Trilogy novel Perelandra
-The Vepaja, Princess Duare, and Carson Napier are from the Amtor novels
-The Eryx Lizards are the native Venusians from the Lovecraft story In The Walls of Eryx
Chapter 31: Meet The Girl Squadron
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Gale Allen was welcomed into the Vepajan royal family and given a proper dinner that most Earth princesses would be jealous of. Duare gladly took her time in educating her new sister about the history and cultures of Venus, and about how the great Carson Napier had saved her time and time again.
“With all the rescues that he has done, I am surprised that you have not given him a proper reward,” Gale observed.
“Oh, I’ve taken him to my bed many times,” replied Duare. “He didn’t even ask for it; just a woman’s proper way of thanking a man for going through hell for her.”
“No, I mean that you haven’t married him yet. It is clear that you cares much for you.”
“I know. But if we’re married, he’d go on far fewer adventures, and he loves those even more.”
“Well, do you at least want to bear his child so the royal line will have his royal blood,” asked Gale, trying to remember cliches associated with old stories of heroes and princesses.
“Oh, no. My people have created a serum that grants us eternal youth, and fertility is not granted unless a male and female are approved ready for child raising. I feel no desire for such a feat, so I’ll be enjoying my childless immortality.”
"An eternal youth serum?"
"That's right. We've managed to make our kingdom quite rich by selling that and our fertility drugs across the stars."
“I see,” responded Gale, realizing her own immortality no longer made her special
“Anyways,” continued Duare, “let me take you to our chambers. You’ll be meeting Carson tomorrow for your assignment. Feel free to try to make me jealous.”
After dinner, the two bathed together, and went to sleep in the same bed, never once touching each other. When morning came, they got dressed, had breakfast, and headed for the Royal Hanger. Carson Napier himself was the first to greet them. As he and Duare shared a hug, Gale felt her heart pound as she gawked at his perfect physical form.
Once Duare had snapped Gale out of her stare, she introduced her Earth-born sister to the three battalions. The first was a dozen female Vepajans, all with the same ethnic traits as Duare, but less wealthy looking clothing. The second was a dozen Samarians, seven-foot muscular Amazons in fur bikinis from a tribe where the men were short and frail. The third and final group were a dozen Cupians - bra-and-dress-clad female humanoids with vestigial butterfly-like wings from their backs and antennae from their foreheads.
Leading the Cupians was Myles Cabot, who had rescued them from their insectoid Formian masters and was a consort to their princess Lilla. He was carrying a radio that he used to communicate directly to their antennae, as they lacked both ears and speech. He was also quite attractive to the point that Gale could not help but stare at the hunk.
But the hunkiest of all was Dan Dare, Colonel of the British Space Fleet, dressed in professional pilot attire. With the face, form, and posture of perfect masculinity, Gale felt feelings she hadn't felt since the passing of her late husband Peter.
A horn sounded and all three groups assembled into proper formation. As Gale and Duare stood in front of the Vepajan troop, Carson and Myles stood at the side of a platform that Dan stood at the top of, overlooking them while in front of the fleet of planes that occupied the hangar.
“I was sent here by my government to ensure peace between our worlds,” Dan said, “and I wouln up being your defender against the Mekon and his terrible Treens. But now, your world is faced with a threat too great for me and my boys to handle. Now, I have been given the opportunity to teach you ladies not only how to fly these beautiful Anotars, but to fight with them as well, as gracefully as I do with my own ship Anastasia.
“But why ladies, you might ask? Well, something very particular about the madness that the Eryx Lizards have unleashed. It quickly subdued the Formians, and Mekonta is being evacuated as we speak.. But our spies have indicated that for whatever reason, this mad magic is having no effect on females of any species or tribe.
“So, it makes perfect sense to send an all-female battalion - a Girl Squadron, if you will. The madness is spreading quickly, so we will need to get all you ladies into shape. Of course, being women, you should all be able to endure it far more than any man can. Now, please, go ahead and choose whatever Anotar you wish to fly. From that point on, you will experience the toughest training of your lives.”
The women obeyed, and Gale and Duare chose two Anotars sitting next to each other at the front of the hangar. After climbing into the cockpit, Gale was started when Carson’s face suddenly appeared looking down on her.
“Princess Gale Allen.”
“Carson Napier. My sister has told me a lot about you.”
“Did she tell you that I’m a telepath?”
“No … are you?”
“Yes, so I understand that you’re nervous about possibly succumbing to the same fate as your late husband Peter who crashed over the rainforest of South America and when he finally came back, you retired from the field so that you could start a family, which you couldn’t do no matter how hard you tried.”
Gale’s mouth dropped as she heard him reveal these rather intimate details that he only would have known had he read her mind right then. Then she realized that he also probably reading her mind from the moment she laid eyes on him. Those thoughts were the absolute opposite of clean.
Gale put her hands together as if she was about to pray and apologized profusely. “I am so sorry! I promise, I will not think about you again!”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m actually quite flattered.”
“Wait, you are?”
“Yes. I’m sure Duare made it clear that she has no deep feelings for me.”
“Yes, she did.”
“That being said, would you mind joining me for a private dinner tonight after training?”
Gale noticed Duare in the plane next to hers, looking back with jealousy in her eyes. Then she remembered what Duare had said the evening before.
“You know what, I’d love to!”
“If you’re taking him tonight, would you have me tomorrow?” asked Myles Cabot, standing on the other side of the cockpit. “My Lilla won’t mind, as the Cupians have open relationships.”
“I'm not a big fan of those,” confirmed Dan Dare, who was standing over the cockpit. “But as long as you're not in anything serious, I wouldn't mind taking you for a ride, Your Highness.”
Gale was speechless. “Three hunks all having the hots for me, and all of them being polite gentlemen about it,” she said to herself. “I really am the Chosen One!”
Notes:
-The Samarians and Anotar planes are also from the Amtor books
-The Cupians and Formians are from The Radio Man
-Dan Dare, the Anastasia, and The Treens are from the Dan Dare comics
Chapter 32: Meet Futura
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Back on the Meteor II,the Japanese you had retreated to their private rooms. In each of them, a sibling couple engaged in intimate love-making.
Shakti and Chanda had both managed to grab a hold onto a pipe, firmly anchoring themselves as Dennis and Morty each wrapped their legs around their partner’s waist, screwing them from the front.
“This is my first time,” explained Shakti, “so feel free to do what you want!”
“Well, it’s my first time without any guidance,” Dennis responded, “so I’ll just give you may best!”
“Hey, we had our first time together last night,” said Chanda, before realizing the awkwardness of her revelation. “I’m sorry, you can stop if you think we’re disgusting.”
“No, not really,” said Morty as he started thrusting in and out harder than before. “The last time I saw my sister, she was affected by a love potion that made her and my parents and everyone else try to gang rape me, so I think it’s really cool that you and your sister can love each other.”
“Uh, thanks,” Chanda responded, slightly confused. “Well, technically this would be our first time with boys, any way!”
“Yeah, well, this is my first time with a human girl, so it’s kind of weird for me too!”
Shakti and Chanda locked fingers as they both threw their heads back as they approached climax. Just as Shakti was about to scream, Dennis did, a great burst of electricity blasted it way through the four bodies and to the room around them. Once the scream was over, the direct current from his body ceased and the lights came on.
All four of them full to the ground, and slowly sat back up to admire how they were all covered in black soot with spiky hair.
“Looks like the power’s back on,” noted Shakti. “Congratulations, Dennis. Looks like you’ve been made fuel tank..”
“Finally, my dream job!” Dennis responded sarcastically.
“So, what does this mean for the rest of us now?” asked Morty.
Chanda clamped onto his hand and her sister’s hand while looking out the window. “Looks like we’re gonna be loving each other, wherever space takes us.”
///////////////////////////////////////////////
Orlando had always dreamed of having long black hair, and she opened her eyes, she had to throw it out of her face. She couldn’t pull her hair back as her hands were chained to the wall so that her arms were stretched out above her in a V-position.
The only light in the room was from a torch across the wall, showing that she was in a stone corridor. She looked up at her chained wrists to see that she was wearing golden bracelets just underneath her shackles. She looked down to see that her torso was bare save for red fabric that only covered her breasts and the skin underneath it, tied together by two thin straps in a knot between between her breasts and again on her back by the two straps that went over her shoulders and the two straps that wrapped around her back.
This fabric was not tucked in to the golden belt around her waist, which enlarged over and below her navel to show off a silver question mark. The belt held up a red miniskirt made of the same material. On her unshackled feet were purple high heel sandals.
Orlando was started by what came around the corner. The ugliest face she had ever seen. It was a human face, belonging to a muscular human man wearing only a fur speedo. His face itself wasn’t horrible, but the degenerative lust radiating from it was a thing of nightmares.
“The Priest-Kings have truly blessed me,” he said as he walked in front of her, “with the most perfect kajira. I shall enjoy making you beautiful!”
He grabbed Orlando’s right breast and squeezed it so hard she yelled in pain. She returned the favor by kicking him in the groin. As he bent over in pain, she thrust her knee into his face, knocking him backwards.
“Keep your filthy hands off me, you fucking creep!” she shouted.
His face covered in streams of blood, her captor stared back at her with intense hatred.
“Insolent cunt! You will be taught to live as nature intended!”
The man rushed her and delivered a punch. Orlando raised up both her legs and directed it to the shackle on her right hand, freeing it as her captor screamed from his fractured fingers. After delivering a punch and another kick, Orlando felt something on her hip. She looked down to see the Needle Gun, now golden and in a holster of the same color, on her right hip. On her left hip was the hilt of a dagger in a golden sheath.
As her captor prepared for another attack, she pulled out her dagger and thrust it into his stomach, stopping him as blood flowed down her knuckles. She felt an inner urge to mutter the word “Paladin”. She did so, and the dagger transformed into her sword, coming out through his back, forcing him to scream as his spinal cord was severed.
As her attacker could barely stand while giving hindered grunts, Orlando pulled out her gun and placed the nozzle on his forehead. She pulled the trigger, and he fell backwards, his skull filled with poisoned needles. Somehow, he was still alive, only able to make gurgling noises from the blood in his throat.
Orlando brought the side of the gun to her face and noticed in had something new - a switch set to “N” but could also be set to “V”. After switching letters, she held the nozzle to the shackle on her left hand. Sure enough, her pistol was now a Vibragun, and she was now completely free.
She heard faint female whispers down the corridor - “Master,” they all seemed to say. Grabbing a torch (not the one that had been in front of her), she took a few steps down from where the man had come from to see a prison cell containing a dozen young women, all dressed in the same red fabric as her, tied around their bodies so as to expose their arms, legs, and sides.
Approaching one, she could see nothing but complete emptiness in her eyes. They all sat in a submissive position and wore a golden collar with markings. Their faces were mostly bruises, and the marks of savage beatings extended down their exposed limbs. She looked deeper into the cell and saw that it was comparable to a medieval torture chamber, with chains, whips, plugs, piercings, and branding irons.
She knew this all too well. Back when she lived in Paris and Allan got her roped into a secret society that only called her “O” and tormented every part of her being as they turned her into sexual slave.
With no hesitation, she blasted open the lock and tore the door open. “You’re free!” she declared. “Come on, let’s get out of here!”
She tried to lead them, but they didn’t follow. They instead went the way Orlando had come from. Orlando followed them to the corpse of her attacker, and as he breathed his last they surrounded him and wept on his body.
Once again, Orlando knew the feeling. The monsters in Paris had broken her into blindly following her sexual master. Nobody should have to go through that.
“Hey, he’s dead! I killed him! You don’t have to serve him anymore!”
The slaves turned to face her, and one by one, they all called her “Master”. Orlando tried to object, disgusted by the light chains joining their wrists with their neck collars.
But she finally realized there’d be no persuading them.
“Alright, but don’t call me Master. Call me … Futura.” Then she pointed at the slave nearest her. “Where exactly am I?”
“Gor,” the slave answered in a quiet whisper.
Notes:
-Futura is another heroine from Planet Comics
-If you don't know what Gor is, you're better off.
Chapter 33: Meet Mysta of the Moon
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Well, looks like we got power again. Guess I can take you off of this dumb thing.”
Rick removed the straps off Greta and took another swig of his whiskey. Greta sat up and took a moment to analyze the new artificial limbs she had just been given.
“This is pretty incredible,” she said.
“Yeah, so is this fancy Meteor ship you got here. Looks like old Lazarus Long really did a good job teaching you. He’s a really good guy when he’s not blabbing about how awesome he is for sticking his dick in his mom.”
Rick was about to take another drink when he heard a metallic clunk. He noticed that Greta had just made a dent in the wall with her new hand.
“You wanna know what that bastard did to us?” she asked angrily.
“Let me guess,” answered Rick, “he spent hours lecturing you about how much better he is than everyone else?”
“He came to my half-brother Jack and I in our teens, back on Lincoln Island. He leads us to discover how great my ancestor, the original Captain Mors, was and persuaded us that it was our destiny to go into space like him.”
“Well, so far so good.”
“Then he catches Jack watching me practice sword fighting one day. He asks Jack if I look pretty. Jack says yes. He asks Jack if he loves me. Jack says yes. He says that Jack wants to fuck me. Jack calls him crazy.”
“And then old Long went on a lecture about you shouldn’t follow the standards set by society, and that you should blindly follow whatever he says, right?”
“Yeah. And when we made it clear we had no sexual attraction, he refused to work with us until we had done the deed. We didn’t, and so he left, took all of our work and research, and routinely tried to sabotage any type of engineering work we did on Lincoln Island.
“So, finally, we decided to do it. We stopped at the kiss. We told Lazarus that we had done as he told us, but he insisted that we were still slaves to social conventions and what-not. So, we went through with the whole thing. It ruined us. We became addicted to each other. I couldn’t even flirt with another guy without thinking I was ‘cheating’, and Jack became impotent except with me. Oh, sure, we still love each other, but there’s nothing we like about our love.”
“Oh, wow. So, there’s where you got your two girls from?”
“Yeah, those inbred beauties. As if creating them was bad enough, I had the brilliant idea of having them live in England to be double agents and see firsthand how horrible the West is. Not only did they betray me, but they wound up falling for each other.”
“Oh … wow.”
“Yeah, but at least their love wasn’t forced on them, and it’s still better than no love at all.”
Greta walked past Rick and looked out onto the starry abyss through the window on the Meteor’s bridge.
“So, what do we do now, uh, Greta, was it?” asked Rick, taking another drink.
Greta turned to the captain’s chair and noticed the captain’s robes of the Nemo family, made before the flight and modified for her size. She lifted it up, put her arms through the sleeves, and placed the hat on her head.
“No, not Greta. I’m no-one.”
“Well, that’s dumb. I mean, clearly you’re somebody.”
“Then I’m the new Nemo now.”
“Nemo, huh? Well, in that case, just call me Ishmael!”
//////////////////////////////////////////////
Mysta woke up on the table in the Doc Savage Moon Laboratory. After pulling off the headset, she sat up with a fierce look on her face. After noticing the fried electronic equipment, she looked down to analyze her new attire.
The scars on her neck were still wrapped with her red scarf, but now it is wrapped around the backs of her shoulders and covered her breasts like an archaic bra. The rest of the scarf had been cut off and wrapped around her waist, butt, and vagina, taking on the form of hot pants. These two pieces of clothing were joined by a silver ring above her navel. Her wrists had red bracelets each bearing a silver question mark. On her right hip was her maroon Needler/Vibragun in its maroon holster, and on her left hip was her dagger in its maroon sheath. She also wore black high heels.
She also noticed that her skin had a very pale complexion. Holding her hand up to her face only confirmed this, as she had no visible trace of melanin. She also grabbed some hair and brought it in front of her face, and saw that it was as white as snow.
Mina pulled out her dagger and said the magic word - Paladin. She didn’t question how she knew this, as she now had knowledge of every magic spell crafted by every sorcerer and witch who had ever lived. The dagger became a sword, and it was polished clean enough for her to see her reflection. She had the same face and green eyes as before, although now she had the skin and hair of an albino.
The perfect body indeed.
As she put the sword away and stood back up, the Japanese scientist from before came back in with a raygun in his hand, a jetpack on his back, and a metal helmet with giant holes over his mouth and eyes.
“Ah, Mina, so good to see you awake!”
“No, not Mina. I am Mysta now.”
“Oh, alright, well, my name is…”
“Sora Suzuki. Bastard son of MI5 agent James Bond and Ama diver Kissy Suzuki. You grew up in America, where you were given the nickname Cody. As space exploration and colonization was being dominated by the US and Japan, you instead found a calling at the research lab here, after you stopped King Retik from secretly holding the Earth hostage.”
“Well, yes, that is true, madam!”
Mysta walked straight towards him and stared directly into his eyes.
“I’ll be heading to the monolith now. You’re welcome to come with.”
Notes:
-Mina is now Mysta of the Moon, also from Planet Comics
-Sora "Cody" Suzuki is Commando Cody
-Kissy Suzuki was the Bond Girl from You Only Live Twice
Chapter 34: Shut Up, Nyarlathotep
Chapter Text
Mina, or rather Mysta, had been transformed into an albino sentient computer with the perfect physical form. The weakened gravity of the moon allowed her to jump to incredible heights, almost high enough to break through the thin yet breathable atmosphere. This allowed her to put her vast knowledge of spells to restore sanity to all the species of the Royal City.
She had no time for gratitude as she began jumping her way towards the dark side of the moon, which was no longer dark thanks to the numerous settlements that had been set up since her last visit. With Commando Cody and a small fleet of jetpack-enabled robots close behind, she made her way to the old Green Soup mines. They were fairly easy to find, as the tremors seemed to get bigger as one got closer. When the mines were directly directly visible, they had caved in thanks to a massive crater quickly expanding.
Out of this crater came the Moon-Beasts: giant bipedal creatures that looked like gray-skinned, hunchbacked toads with four extra joints in each limb and a mass of pink tentacles for a head. It took little effort for Mysta to make quick work of them, slicing through like butter with her sword and blasting their tentacles to pieces with her Needler/Vibragun. Cody also had his fun with slaughtering the monsters who kept leaping at him. His robots weren’t so successful, as their numbers quickly started going down.
Mysta finally came to the one part of the old mines still standing. The most sacred relic of the Clangers that they still made pilgrimages too. The black monolith. Mysta looked straight into it with fiery rage.
“Haunter of the Dark. Crawling Chaos. Bent One. Show yourself!”
The monolith began acting like a television screen, showing the image of a mass of writhing tentacles pouring gallons of water on itself to cancel the fifth degree burns left by Heckapoo.
“Hey!” Mysta shouted.
Several of its eyes turned towards her. The tentacles merged together into a tall, thin, maxuline figure that could best be described as a young, clean-shaven Prospero.
“Mina! My precious Mina! You look different; it doesn’t matter. I’ll always recognize those helpless eyes and your pitiful scent. And it looks like you’re back on the moon. How do you like my precious Moon-Beasts? See all the lovely damage they cause? Now you see why I sent you hear; I couldn’t let them get awakened too soon. Hold on now, you smell a bit different.”
He leaned forward to take a big whiff. Mysta flicked his head backwards.
“Yes, you have met the Elder Gods. Looks like you’re their new Champion, with a new, perfect body as a bonus. Let’s see now - pale skin, pure white hair, now where have I seen that before…”
Narlathotep transformed into the old Count Dracula, smiling the same way he did after the first time he bit her.
“After all I’ve done, you still can’t let go of me!”
“You’re right; I can’t,” Mysta answered as she brought her hand up to her neck. “You transformed me from a teacher to a detective - a knowledge-giver to a knowledge-seeker. Now, thanks to everything you have done, but with and without my help, I possess all the knowledge the human species has to offer.”
Dracula’s smile started to fade. “What?”
“Yes, well, your friends down on Earth have trashed all the universities and internet, so they’re using my brain as a storage unit things cool down. In the meantime, I will literally know just about everything. Math, science, geography, history, philosophy, and magic.”
Mysta silently said a spell, and her sword transformed into a scarlet Gibson Explorer electric guitar. She sat down into a lotus position and started playing it. Though it wasn’t plugged in to anything, Mysta managed to play Pachelbel's Canon in D Major on it.
“Ah, so the Elder Gods made you a witch, now,” Dracula figured.
“You know, when I spoke to your old friend Maleldil-Uatu, it reminded me of the first time I was on the astral plane. Looking back, it struck me as odd that I was the only one dropping acid at Hyde Park who could interact with Haddo. Now I realize that thanks to you, I was already a witch.”
Dracula’s smile got even smaller. “What?”
“When you drank my blood, you put your magic in me, and although I became free from your control, the magic remained in me, and now it’s in the Moonchild.”
His smile was completely gone now, and his eyes started to glow red. “What?”
“It’s also a good thing that I never got over my fear of you. That’s how I got discarded into a loony bin where Torchwood could make sure that you would never reach me. They took the child I had been carrying, and she would grow up to have a child - the Moonchild who is saving the world from the mess I helped you make.
“Liar!” Dracula yelled. “You destroyed the Moonchild! You said so yourself!”
“No, I said we defeated the Antichrist, whom we thought was the Moonchild but was really just your boss’s back-up plan in case you failed … and that also failed. The Moonchild is still very much alive, and he will fulfill his destiny, and deliver Thulcandra to the rule of the Hnau and the Oyeseru.”
Dracula looked down and gritted his sharp teeth. “You’re still as foolish as ever. The Great Old Ones will reclaim your world, and from it the Outer Gods will conquer this universe!”
“Really? Why don’t you head over back to your glow table and root for your team?”
Dracula was silent.
“What’s the matter? Afraid of learning the truth?”
As Mysta continued playing, Dracula reluctantly turned and headed back towards his table. At his command, he was given an image of London. Madness was still widespread throughout the city, and had corrupted Captain Universe, Brain Boy, and both Electro-Girls into joining the rampage. But they were being put down by Mina’s Moonchild - carrying her piercing green eyes - alongside his elder companions, Worzel Gummidge and Will Staton.
When the fight was over, they were joined by the country’s last two superheroes - Captain Britain and his sister Psylocke, finally victorious over their defeat of Gorgo. After giving them both a handshake, the Moonchild instructed them in rescuing survivors
Mina was right. His precious apocalypse was beginning to end.
Chapter 35: The End is the Beginning is the End
Chapter Text
On the 86th floor of the Empire State Building, an elderly figure sat constricted to his lounge chair, watching the chaotic visuals of the world succumbing to madness through his television. He felt a longing deep within that he hadn’t felt in a while - a desire to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves. To use the blessing of great power for great good. With that desire, he remembered a word that he had forgotten decades earlier.
“Sha … Sha … SHAZAM!!!”
No longer Billy Batson, Captain Marvel burst out of the skyscraper and began battling the ghouls and spectres rampaging through the streets below. It wasn’t long before he joined the fight alongside professional paranormal exterminators of the Ghostbusters company. Four lifelong friends named Q, Sal, Murr, and Joe (who kept frantically yelling for someone named “Larry”), all armed with proton accelerators commissioned by Fenton Works.
The fight against the eldritch nightmares was spreading throughout the rest of the United States. Witches like Sabrina Spellman and the Halliwell sisters, demon hunters like Buffy Summers and Ash Williams, and superheroes like Plastic Man, the Living Doll (daughter of Doll Man and Doll Girl), Ant Man, and The Aquabats featuring DJ Lance Rock joined their more famous counterparts in the worldwide fight. Of special note was Jump City, where the Teen Titans took down a team of destructive, sadistic, amoral doppelgangers who kept saying, “Remember kids - bullying is bad!”, after each time they maimed someone.
It wasn’t just individual heroes, either. Dipper Pines, director of an organization known as The Center, was using the knowledge he had gathered since age 12 to work beside the spy agency WHOOP and its director Dean Martin. Their top agents was Kim Possible-Stoppable, who took down a rampaging Trogdor by ripping off its head with her grappling-hook hairdryer. Their second best agent was Dipper's fiery wife Wendy, who joined her great-great-great-grandfather Paul Bunyan and his trusty Babe the Blue Ox as they battled wendigos, yetis, and Hastur.
Battles waged the same way in the oceans. Namor led the armies of Atlantis against numerous Old Ones and kaijus. A massive army of Deep Ones intended to invade Calisota from the ocean. However, they found themselves trapped in the town of Bikini Bottom, where the local clarinet music and the smell of chum drove them mad until they fell into comas while frothing at the mouth. Thankfully, they were revived by the smells of delicious Krabby Patties, which also turned them into decent members of underwater society.
Nyarlathotep turned his focus over to Japan, hoping to see some progress there. Instead, he saw scores of young kids with pocket and digital monsters put all their training to work as they cancelled the championship games to fight these new monsters. Other places found their protection under spirited teenage girls boasting a wide array of bright magic spells.
Similar teen girls had risen up to the protection of Italy. Specifically, five teen witches who called themselves the Guardians of the Veil, a group of seven fairies known as the Winx Club, and four warrior girls fighting beside their mutual lover who held the title of Campione.
Iceland was overrun by trolls and giants. They were easily thwarted by an athletic superhero known as Sportacus, assisted by the reformed gadgeteer villain Robbie Rotten.
“Come on, India,” Nyarlathotep said as he changed the settings on his hologram table. “The most crowded country on Earth, surely something must be going on there.”
There truly was a lot going on there. Monsters and demons from the people’s religions and legends were tormenting the populace. However, they met their match in the form of the fabled Midnight’s Children - or rather, grandchildren. Descendants of the nation’s first superheroes since ancient times, they quickly reminded their people of why they believed in heroes.
Disgruntled, Nyarlathotep headed back to Mysta, who was still playing Canon in D Major.
“Enjoy the show?” she asked.
“”Fight against the Great Old Ones all you want. Cthulhu has already taken Australia, and he’ll take the rest of your world.”
“No. You and your friends will be defeated, and my world will be free from your rule.”
“Free? What a joke! You’ll just be under the rule of the Elder Gods! How is that any different?”
As Mysta approached the end of her songs, she stood up and pointed at the head of her guitar straight at him and gave him an answer.
“Because they love.”
As she strung the final note, a massive bolt of magical energy shot straight out at Nyarlathotep, throwing him backward while shattering the monolith into brick-sized fragments.
Mysta turned around to see Cody land before her, with one remaining robot by his side.
“Oh, hey! That was pretty awesome! I haven’t seen anyone play like that.”
“I can play anything like that,” she answered, turning the guitar back into a dagger and strapping it into its sheath. “So, I guess you’re going to be accompanying me.”
“Yes, if you would allow it, madam.”
“The robot, too?”
“Robot, too.”
“What do you call it?”
“Robot.”
“How very creative.” Mysta turned back toward the light side of the moon. “Well, we better get moving. We got a lot of work to do before Christmas.”
“Why Christmas?”
“Because on that day, the Arctic Shaman will join the Moonchild and Captain Marvel for the final battle with Cthulhu. It will end with the Moon we’re standing on being shattered to pieces, as humanity undergoes a new beginning, both on Earth and throughout the galaxy.”
Chapter 36: Welcome to the Future
Chapter Text
The Year 2164.
Space Cabbie rolled down the driver seat window to talk to the well dressed muscular adventurer who had been waiting for him.
“Eric John Stark?”
“The one and only.”
“Hop on in. Already got two more heading for the wedding?”
Eric opened up the passenger door, sat down, and introduced himself to the two ladies in the back seat.
“Pleasure to meet you,” said the elderly, grey-haired woman. “I’m Ripley.”
“I’m Newt,” said the blue-eyed 18-year-old with blond dreadlocks sitting in-between them.
“So, you two know the Girl Squadron?” asked Eric.
“Oh, definitely,” answered Ripley. “They intercepted our ship Saluco, saving us from a crash landing. Helped us take down those blasted Xenomorphs and the Weyland-Yutani Corporation.”
“Ah, yes, I’ve heard some pretty scary stories about those things,” replied Eric, before looking down to notice the Xenomorph Queen skull on their laps.
“My second kill,” explained Newt. “Thought it would make a decent wedding present.”
“OK, sure,” replied Eric. “I was just bringing them a geode from the center of Mercury, but I guess that works as well.”
“OK,” announced Space Cabbie, “if everyone’s all strapped in, we’ll be on our way!”
Space Dabbie dropped off his passengers at the deck of the Arcadia, a space battleship that was deliberately designed to resemble a sea pirate galleon, complete with a skull and crossbones on the front. Numerous other ships had been “parked” (i.e. locked in orbit) around the Arcadia. Most of them were law enforcement, but there were ships belonging to the royalty of a few planets. A few civilian ships were also included, such as the Planet Express and the Bebop (with a new paint job). But the largest ship, one almost equal in size to the Arcadia, was the Yamato, a Japanese warship that had undergone drastic modifications into the finest spaceship in the galaxy.
Once Eric, Ripley, and Newt had stepped out of the cab, they were stopped in their tracks by a new trio materializing in front of them - a husband and wife and their preteen daughter. The man apologized and introduced them all as the Strange family from the planet Rann. As they entered the ship, they were greeted by Ulala of Space Channel 5, who was scooping out saucy stories of those who had adventured with the Solar System's greatest heroines.
They all headed inside to the heart of the Arcadia, an auditorium where the podium was at the bottom of an inverted cone of rows of seats. These seats were mostly taken up by the Space Patrol, enforcers of the law throughout all human colonies throughout the galaxy. Amongst them were smaller teams who tended to act independently - Captain Video and His Video Rangers, Rod Brown and the Rocket Rangers, and Commodore Rex Clive and the Space Rangers.
The front row seats were reserved for the four greatest defenders of good in the galaxy (not counting the ones who were soon to be married): Commando Cody, Flash Gordon (with his wife, Dale Arden), Captain Midnight … and Stormy Tempest. Her birth name was Mina Hayase, a Japanese-American member of the Howard families who had spent her high school days as a proud professional slut in her home country. After her favorite fuck-buddy took Takabe Tomohiro her to a space battle movie, she was inspired to go into space travel. She made her way into the Interplanetary Police, where she was given a stars-and-stripes costume and the moniker of Stormy Tempest. She was also assigned to the Time Patrol division, whcih worked across centuries and millenia to prevent corrupt dictatorships from rising.
The second most populous group in the seats was royalty. Specifically, the entourages of royalty. Taking up the center balcony was that of King Jandar and Queen Darloona of Callisto, The east wing balcony was occupied by Black Martian Queen Tyr’ahnee and her husband, King Marvin X-2. It was clear that these newlyweds were truly happy together, although the same could not be said about the queen’s ex.
Calisota-born space ranger Duck Dodgers had managed to win the hearts of the queens of the Green Martians, Red Martians, and Hither People. Now, he sat between all three of them, sweat pouring down his terrified face as the three monarchs stared at each other with rage. Tyr’ahnee jokingly suggested that they all share Duck Dodgers before they start a war over him. The other Martian queens seemed to be taking that joke rather seriously.
There was more royalty in the form of the Princess Lum of Oniboshi, who didn’t seem to notice all the eyes staring at her tiger-print bikini and go-go boots. Fastened tightly to her side by her arm was Ataru Moroboshi, her self-proclaimed fiance from Earth. After finally consummating their relationship, their feelings for each other had only gotten more complex.
The last royal entourage was that of Queen Anyana of Delonia, dressed as a bikini-topped belly dancer like the other queens. Included in the entourage were Gorean slave girls. After Futura had freed them all from their planet, killing the men and Priest-Kings in the process, she had tried desperately to teach them about freedom, but they instead they only sought new masters to serve. Thankfully, they were all much better off now.
Lastly, there were the civilian attendees. The crew of the Bebop sat behind the Space Patrol, wearing corny disguises just to make sure they wouldn’t be recognized. Sitting closer to the front was the crew of the Planet Express, who had come to express their gratitude for the demises of Robot Santa and Zapp Brannigan.
Cody, Flash, and Captain Video were all given the privileges of being best men, along with Mysta’s Robot. Stormy Tempest was Maid of Honor and shared that title with Yuki Mori, the last survivor of the Yamato’s original crew, and Haurko Haruhara, space patrol officer who wore a scarf and wielded a magic guitar to emulate her mentor. The rest of the bridesmaids were the most loyal members of the Girl Squadron, and they stretched up all the aisles. They included Vepajans, Samarians, and Cupians from Venus, Ultu-Amazons from the Earth’s moon, and aquatic powered Nymphs of Neptune.
Once everyone was seated, a voice broke out from the speakers.
“All rise for Captain Nemo Harlock!”
Everyone stood at attention as the Captain of the Arcadia entered the auditorium. Nobody dared to make a sound as his footsteps approached the podium. Following directly behind him were his first mate Jonny Rico, second mate Kei Yuki, chief engineer Yattaran, and psychic doctor Miime. Both the captain and most his crew were the results of a unified family tree that mostly consisted of siblings and half-siblings raising children together. First Mate Rico was a notable exception. He was originally a Filipino-American officer in the Terran Federation's Mobile Infatry during the Bug Wars, now known as the Formic Wars. When peace was declared, he married his love Kei Yuki, who brought him on board the Arcadia for the promise of adventure. Juan Rico proved himself to be worthy of the title of Ishmael.
Harlock came up the podium, placed a thick book atop of it, and opened up to a random page.
“Now,” continued the voice on the speakers, “please keep standing for the brides!”
Chapter 37: Immortal Love
Chapter Text
Haruko whipped her bass guitar from underneath her dress and strung a cord. On queue, Bebop crew hacker Edward lept onto a platform overhanging the auditorium and started playing the organ that was on it.
Gale Allen was the first bride to appear. She wore a lovely white dress in a vintage 1960s design. As she started descending the stairs, Futura appeared atop the aisle across from her. Her own dress echoed a call back to the Roaring Twenties, particularly those at the parties of the Great Gatsby that she had frequently attended. When she was about halfway down her aisle, Mysta appeared at the top of the remaining aisle.
Her dress was pure Victorian lace as white as her albino hair. She was the most graceful of the three as she came down the stairs. Her train was carried by two Moonies who had taken on the form of dove-like Moon birds. They stood out just slightly more than the Gorean slave girls carrying Futura’s train, or the Cupians carrying Gale’s.
As the immortal brides approached the podium, everyone else could feel his or her heart beat faster. Every one of them had met at least one of these brides on several occasions before, and each time were completely in awe of their voluptuous beauty, which was greatly surpassed by their skills and will. Each of them had dreamt a lover for that immortal, and the ones who’d had that wish come true had dreamt of being that immortal’s true love.
Alas, none of them were worthy, but they were all happy with that. Seeing the greatest do-gooders of the galaxy find the truest of happiness in each other was good enough for them.
Once Mysta had reached the podium, they unveiled each other in the order that they had arrived in. Smiling at each other, they stood in a Y-shape as Harlock stood in front of the podium that stood over them.
“Dearly beloved,” the Captain began, “we are gathered here today to celebrate the holy union of these three great servants of the Oyeseru. Each of the brides has written some vows that they would like to share with all present as witnesses. The first to say her vows will be Gale Allen, Commander of the Venusian Girl Squad.”
Stormy Tempest and Flash Gordon both stepped forward. Each gave Gale a ring, which she took in her hand before joining hands with her two immortal loves.
“All my life, I have wanted to be good, I have wanted to be special, and I have wanted to be loved. Before I met the two of you, I thought that I was all three for most of my life. But as the ones I loved either went away or drifted away, and I learned the truths about those who had made me special, I wondered if I ever really was good to begin with. But thanks to you, I was given a fresh new start. Now, I truly am free to be special and to be good, and now, I look forward to the rest of eternity loving and being loved by you!”
Gale slipped a ring on the fingers of the other two brides.
“Now, Futura, Liberator of the Oppressed, will say her vows.”
Yuki Mori and Captain Midnight both stepped forward. Each gave Futura a ring, which she took in her hand before joining hands with her two immortal loves.
“I have been blessed with the most unique gift of experiencing the progression of human society across millennia and cultures. But I never cared for that. I was only concerned with finding new ways to kill or fuck my fellow humans. But after centuies of slaughter and sex, I realized that those in and of themselves had just left me empty. I needed a purpose to fill complete. I needed to find something worth killing for, and someone worth loving for the rest of eternity. I thought that I had found my purpose, but it turned out to be a lie. But it was that lie that led me to both of you - my purpose, my love, and my life. Now I can’t wait to spend the rest of eternity killing and fucking together!”
Then Futura slipped a ring on the fingers of the other two brides.
“And finally, we shall hear the vows from Mysta of the Moon.”
Haruko Harahara and Commando Cody both stepped forward. Each gave Mysta a ring, which she took in her hand before joining hands with her two immortal loves.
“I always thought that I had control of my life. Even when I was being a puppet, whether it be to society, to a government, or to a monster. Each time I realized that I had no control, I had a yearning to take it back - to give freedom to live my life. In the few times and areas where the puppeteer had no control, I was truly free to discover myself. I was able to break away all the shackles that held me down, but only to discover that I was still trapped in a cage with no exit. But you were in the same cage, and it was in that cage that I discovered the one thing no puppeteer could ever rob me of, and that’s the love I feel for you. Now, we may be out of that cage thanks to a new master, but it doesn’t matter how he pulls on our strings from now on. All that matters is that if we can cut our strings for one thing, it’s to embrace our immortal love.”
Then Mysta slipped a ring on the fingers of the other two brides.
“Gale Allen, do you take Futura and Mysta to be your wedded wives, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?”
“I do.”
“Futura, do you take Mysta and Gale Allen to be your wedded wives, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?”
“I do.”
“Mysta, do you take Gale Allen and Futura to be your wedded wives, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?”
“I do.”
“Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you Eternal Consorts. The brides may kiss.”
The immortal newlyweds leaned forward and shared a light kiss on the lips as the auditorium quickly filled with applause
“Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you … The Star Fems!”
Chapter 38: New Recruits
Chapter Text
The wedding reception was fairly standard. The bride trio shared their first dance to the song Immortal Love by Eddie Enrico and his Hawaian Hot. This was played by Haruko bass, Ulala of Space Channel 5 on guitar and keyboards, Queen Tyr'ahnee on vocals and Edward on drums. They continued to play sweet, gentle songs for the rest of the event. Every so often, another love ballad would occur.
Wild Horses by the Purple Orchestra, Something by the Rutles, Love Out Me by Zuki and the Tawdries, Edge of Glory by Spooky Tawdry, Adore You by Hannah Montana, and Compton Love by N.W.H.
Many toasts were made by guests recollecting the great adventure that one of the Star Fems had joined them on. There was even a call from the planet Venus, where Queen Duare and her husband, King Carson, appeared via holographic projection. They apologized for not being able to attend, and congratulated Gale on her wedding.
"To Gale Allen, commander of the Girl Squadron! Dan Dare would be so happy for you!"
Duare immediately realized her mistake. Gale's smile quickly faded as she recalled the day when Dan's precious ship was stolen and he died a murder victim in her arms, passing on his commander title to her in his last breaths. He was the second husband that she had lost.
Duare tried to apologize, but Gale cut her off and thanked her. She hung up and put her smile back on.
There was a break in the peacefulness on account of Bender, robot chef for the Planet Express. He tried to befriend Mysta’s Robot, not seeming to realize that it was an archaic model that ran solely on computations and possessed no personality or free will. This led to Robot following a request to share a drink, which led to its circuits frying and its head exploding.
Mysta was none too happy about seeing a loyal companion explode to death, and Bender was none too happy about accidentally killing one of his own kind (who was also, technically, an elder). After many rapid attempts to piece Robot back together failed, Bender got on his knees, pleaded for forgiveness, and rushed back to the Planet Express ship. He quickly returned with a 3D printed clone of himself, which he offered to become Mysta's new robot.
Mysta accepted, and immediately after imprinting on her, joined the Star Fems at their table. While the clone after his mistress cigars and beer, the original rejoined his friends and gloated about getting out of that giant pickle.
The only other real exciting to happen was the throwing of the bouquets. Mysta’s was caught by Adam Strange’s daughter Aleea, Gale’s was caught by the Hither Queen (who had to fight off the other Martian Queens for it until it was “accidentally” zapped away by Duck Dodgers), and Futura’s was caught by a Gorean slave girl of Queen Anyana of Delonia. She went up purely to follow the orders of her mistress, and was truly confused as to what it meant.
The reception finally came to a close as the Star Fems boarded their ship, the Yamato. The crew members were the Girl Squadron, radar/communication technician Yuki Mori, Mysta’s protegee Haruko, former reporter for Space Channel 5 Ulala, and their newest crewmate, Bender 2.0.
“May I join you, Star Fems?”
The immortal trio turned around to see Faye Valentine of the Bebop finishing her drink.
“Why would you want to?” asked Gale.
“I’ve been searching for meaning for too long. I’ve found friends, but no meaning. If I go with you, there’s a shot I might finally find it.”
“Well, don’t you have a criminal reputation?” asked Mysta.
“Yeah, but so does your new robot. Besides, you’ll find my skills of espionage and deception to be quite useful.”
“Well, I guess we could use another risk-taker,” figured Futura.
“In that case, you’ll be quite pleased with Newt.”
They all turned to see Ripley standing beside her young adult ward.
“Ever since you rescued us, she has been training with the greatest warriors of the galaxy. Now, she wishes to return the favor and fight beside you.”
“That’s very thoughtful,” answered Mysta. “But we already have an army of 40. That’s the Venusian Girl Squad for space and air battles, the Ultu-Amazons for land fights, the Neptunian nymphs for water and medical needs, and the Gorean girls for support.”
“Do you have one of these?”
Newt tore off her dress, revealing the Yautja armor and weapons she had been wearing underneath. She slipped on a mask and cocked one of her guns, showing them she was ready for business.
“If that’s not good enough, you can take me.”
They were now approached by Marcia, red-haired teenage niece of the Black Martian King X-2. She had changed out of her ceremonial robes and into her golden bikini armor She opened up her luggage to reveal an arsenal of weapons spring out like a jack-in-the-box.
“I am amongst the finest warriors of the Firstborn,” she proclaimed, “and if you ever need bac-up, I got plenty.”
Marcia pulled out a basketball-sized container full of tiny green spheres that was labelled, “100,000 Instant Martians - Just Add Water”.
“Hey, could we come, too?”
Now, they were approached by Princess Lum with her darling Ataru still fastened to her side by her arm.
“Wait, don’t you need to be on your home planet to one day be Queen?” asked Futura.
“Oh, I have a lot of time before that,” she responded. “Also, Darling says that our relationship is weird right now, and we should try to meet new people and not get mad about it. Going on a big space trip and helping people would be good for us then, right, Darling?”
“Oh, yes, right!” replied Ataru rather nervously. “Meet new people and help them, that’s all we want!”
Futura could see right through him. He knew what this young man really wanted - a harem. Granted, a spaceship full of professional killers (and some broken slaves) is probably the worst place to go harem-seeking. And besides, the Yamato currently had a few Moonies on board to fulfill “stress release” on the crew. Then again, perhaps someone who didn’t need to shapeshift a cock would be a welcome addition.
The Star Fems formed a huddle to discuss this.
“Well, I got no objections,” said Futura.
“Also, that Lum princess can make electricity from her body. That could be very useful in the likely event of a power or fuel shortage,” proposed Gale.
“Well, we should probably consult the Oyeseru first,” recommended Mysta.
They all closed their eyes and meditated for a few seconds. Then they broke their huddle and turned towards the new recruits.
“Alright, you can all come,” answered Mysta. “But you should at the very least give your last goodbyes to your loved ones. You’ll have until the end of our wedding night.”
“How long will that be?” asked Newt.
“Oh, about a dozen hours or so,” answered Futura.
Chapter 39: The Final Chapter
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“It’s a shame Harlock can’t be with us,” said Gale.
“He turned down our proposal quite well, though,” responded Mysta. “He’s a true individualist, serving no god or government, only the cries of the oppressed. He is truly a worthy successor to the Nemo bloodline.”
“Not to mention how he rocked us last night!” said Futura.
“Yes, well, from now on, this night, and every night forevermore, is just going to be about us.”
With the bedroom chambers locked, the new bride trio turned to look at the massive circular bed that would be sharing for the rest of eternity. Surrounding them were glass ceilings and walls in the shape of a half-sphere, allowing them to stare out into the heavens in every direction.
“Such a beautiful sight,” noted Futura.
“Not as beautiful as us,” said Gale Allen, letting her dress fall to the floor. “Now, let’s get started!”
Gale pushed Mysta to lay down flat on the bed and removed her scarf. After enough gnawing to get Mysta to submit, Gale made her way down to her albino bosom. After taking a mouthful of each breast, Gale tore off Mysta's dress and began providing oral pleasure - first from the front, and then from the back, raising up her hips and placing a hand atop each buttock. As Mysta gasped in-between compliments, Gale switched from tongue to finger.
Then Futura ripped her own dress off and jumped onto the bed with them.
/////////////////////////////////////////////
"What the hell happened?"
An unknown time later, Mysta woke up with a feeling she could only equate to a hangover. She looked down to see she was lying on her back, with Gale’s passed out head at the base of her breasts. Futura was lying atop Gale to form a 69 position with her. With her tongue, Futura licked Gale's vagina until she awoke.
"Gale, please, more of your finger!"
Gale obliged, and began finger Futura's vagina as she yelled in joy. Gale then switched to using her tongue as she again grasped each buttock with a hand, while Futura began fingering the two vaginas beneath her face. Throughout this, Mysta kept complaining about them being too heavy.
Gale got up, and Mysta and Futura swtiched places so that Mysta lay atop Futura with their heads touching. As Futura nibbled Mysta's scars and fingered her vagina, Gale sucked on her right breast. Futura used her other hand to finger Gale, and Mysta fingered them both. This continued until they finally hit orgasm together.
"That was amazing!" said Gale. "The best sex I've ever had."
“Well, it's about to be topped,” said Futura. “Consider this your real wedding pleasant.”
She stood up straight over her tired wives. Their eyes enlarged as her genitals transformed into the largest penis either of them had ever seen. It was a full minute before they realized that the rest of Futura’s body had turned into the most muscular, masculine man they had ever seen.
“As Eternal Champions, we were given our idea of the perfect body.” Futura/Orlando explained. “For me, that’s a body that changes its gender whenever I want it to. So, I can be a man, a woman, or in-between!”
Futura turned back into her woman form again, save for her erect penis. She plopped back down again and lifted the penis up, revealing a vagina in place of a scrotum.
“So … ready for round two?”
////////////////////////////////////////////
An exhausted Mysta opened her eyes to the starry abyss above. She could feel two gentle wisps of air brushing against her chest, one after the other. She tilted her head up to see Futura in her right arm and Gale in her left, all three of them embracing in their sleep.
Mysta never wanted this moment to end, which is why she ignored the light flashing on the teleprompter. She cast a spell to answer it while staying in bed.
“We have an emergency,” said the voice of Yuki Mori. “Get on the bridge now.”
Mysta woke up her two wives and prompted them to get dressed. Mysta’s clothes were Ultu/Amazon Moon spandex, Gale’s was derived from the Samarians and Cupians, and Futura just wore what was left of her wedding dress.
Mysta and Gale’s outfits were both essentially bikinis. Mysta’s had a red underwire strapless bikini top with curved-teardrop-shaped cups, and a red bikini bottom with a red “belt” that held the holders for her weapons and had a yellow “buckle” on the front with an Elder Sign symbol.
Gale’s bottom was blue tiger print, and her top was two blue metallic cups with straps made of orange beads that went around her back and neck. The same type of beads also went around her blue tiger print bottoms, holding the holders for her weapons, as well as around her wrists as bracelets.
Futura’s outfit was what was left of her torn purple garments, exposing the same amount of skin as a sports bra and panties. Each of them also put on a pair of boots - red for Mysta, purple for Futura, and blue for Gale. Mysta also put a yellow-trimmed red bracelet on each wrist, each also having a question mark and Elder Sign symbol opposite of each other.
Finally, Mysta wrapped her scarf back around her neck. After straightening out her albino hair, she put on a silver helmet with a shark fin crest, symbolizing her authority.
////////////////////////////////
Flash Gordon's ship hadn't even made it halfway back to Mongo when it had been destroyed. The only body they could find was that of Dale Arden, whom they managed to pull into the Yamato just before her cryogenic pod cracked open.
Once Dale's body was stabilized in the infirmary by the Neptune Nymphs, all hands were called to the bridge. After navigation officer Vena Rey pushed some buttons, three holographic figures appeared. The one in the center was a Huitsenni woman of Venus, dressed in orange gloves, blue boots, a red cape, a yellow leotard that exposed her cleavage, and a red balaclava that exposed her face. The second image was that of a brutish male Treen in a stolen orange-and-green pilot uniform with brown gloves. The third figure was another male in a similar uniform, but skinnier and wearing a black gas mask with a silver helmet.
“Tanya the Space Siren,” explained Vena, “and her henchmen/lovers, Kabe and Bandor, have escaped from prison.”
“This cunt again!” said Gale angrily as she clenched her fists. “As though infiltrating the Girl Squadron for your flight and battle training wasn’t enough, you had murder Dan Dare, the best man I’ve ever known, and steal his beloved ship, Anastasia!”
“That being said,” stated Futura, “while they always gave Space Patrol a hard time, they were pretty easy for us. I wouldn’t call this an emergency.”
“No, but this is.” Vena showed security footage of the three pirates making their escape. In addition to their rayguns, the were using something else - magic. Magic that caused the same type of damage to the Skyflash spaceship.
“Alright, looks like they’ve had an upgrade,” noted Futura.
“And here’s where they got it.” Vena played footage of Tanya speaking into the camera, with a yellow mark of Azathoth branded onto the part of her balaclava that covered her forehead.
“I pledge my allegiance,” she declared, “to the Outer Gods of Yuggoth. As their Eternal Champion, I will dedicate my life to awakening and serving the Great Old Ones and restore their reign of Chaos upon the universe.”
The video stopped.
“Has Harlock taken any action?” asked Mysta.
“We have not heard anything from the Arcadia.”
“In that case, shut off the engines. Let the Oyeseru take us to where they need us.”
The engines simmered, and once the Star Fems had strapped in, the Yamato had been whisked away by an unseen force, leaving only an afterimage of the massive question mark on the outside of the ship’s hull.
“The League ended long ago,” Mina said to herself. “The Star Fems are just beginning.”
Notes:
-Tanya the Space Siren is the arch-enemy of Captain Bruce Warren of the Interplanetary Police
-The Star Fems was a short-lived erotic comic series featuring Mysta, Gale, and Futura
-The Huitsenni are from Otis Adelbert Kline's Venus trilogy
-That's all I'm giving you. Everything else you can look up on your own.
Chapter 40: Epilogue 1 - Orlando's Daughter
Chapter Text
My name is Orlando, and this is how I had my daughter.
Not my first daughter. I truly loved Roma, but as her father was Merlin, she had to fulfill her calling as a great magician. I would have been no help there, especially with me turning into a man again.
Oh, and this isn't counting all the children that I have fathered. The only daughter I know for sure was when I traveled to Sequin Land and seduced a number of Guardian Genies. Some time later, I returned as part of Sinbad's crew, where we were captured off the coast of Scuttle Town by Risky Boots, a nefarious pirate who had quite the wonderful threesome with Sinbad and I, but then made us walk the plank when we refused to join her crew. Fortunately, we were saved by Scuttle Town's Guardian Genie Shantae, and I immediately recognized a strong resemblance to her mother. I said nothing to Sinbad and allowed him to seduce Shantae and her companion Bolo while I spent the night with her teammates Sky and Rottytops.
Fast forward a few centuries. I just left Allan at a crummy night club. I was on my own and needed to get money quickly. My only skills were killing and fucking. I was the best at those, and I could have made a fortune on those, but I had grown sick of those.
My only possession was Excalibur. Allan had tried to sell it for drug money. Figure I’d sell it for staying-alive money.
I walked into the history department of Oxford University, expecting one of the upper class history professors to pay big for it. But I thought it was a good idea to walk in unannounced while in 1970s punk attire and smelling like weed, so it didn’t go very well.
While arguing with a security guard, I was approached by a young archaeology graduate student. He introduced himself as Richard Croft and offered to see what I had in my case. After spending several days practically living in the library, he confirmed that my sword wasn’t just Excalibur, but Durendal. He was absolutely giddy at this discovery.
He begged me to ask how I came into possession, so I told him I found it in my grandma’s attic. Then I demanded my money.
Well, my attic sword managed to help him complete his doctoral thesis several years early. He still hasn't paid me with the money Oxford had given him to put the sword on display. He promised he would, after he took me to his house for a thank-you dinner.
His house was an aristocratic mansion, and his family had more servants than King Arthur had knights. I was told to bathe and straighten out my hair, then given the clothes of a proper lady to wear while I attended dinner with Richard’s friends and family.
I was expected to be bored, but I wasn’t. The more Richard talked, I could see his great love of history. Something that I had been a part of, but I had always taken it for granted. As he talked about all the splendors and cruelties of days past, I began to recollect them for myself. I had never considered just how beautiful a story I had been helping craft.
When the dinner was over, Richard began writing out a check for me. But I stopped him. I told him I wanted to stay, and here more about his passion for old cultures.
Long story short, I seduced him. Then I missed my period.
An outsider may have accused me of using pregnancy as an excuse to get married. But I still don’t know if Allan or Richard was the father, and even without the pregnancy, I would have stayed with Richard. It’s not like I had nowhere else to go.
After putting my legal name down as Amelia, we married and had a baby girl.
The sixteen years I spent with my precious Lara were the best I have had in my immortal life.
But on that special birthday, I just had to change into a man.
I stole back Excalibur and faked my death. Lara didn’t believe it. She dedicated the rest of her life to searching for me and the sword, having many adventures that wound up solving the darkest secrets known to the field of archaeology.
As for me, I joined the army again. Once in a while, I would hear a story about how my Lara had made a big hero out of herself. But these stories were hard to come by, and Lara was truly independent, going into lost lands, battling ancient evils, having adventures by her own merit and on her own path.
Allan would have been so proud.
Chapter 41: Epilogue 2 - Whatever Happened to Nyarlathotep?
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Cthulhu had been slain.
Madness had been erased from the Earth.
A new Oyarsa had been chosen to ruler over Thulcandra, and her followers were busy restoring the planet and its hanu back to their former glory.
Among the smashed remnants of the Moon, Nyarlathotep made his refuge in an abandoned Ultu house. His power had been destroyed. His dark eldila servants all vanquished. The Outer Gods had abandoned him.
The moment he stepped outside, he would be apprehended and brought before Maleldil for sentencing. He was trapped in that crummy house, with nothing to do but read manga, watch anime, and play video games based on anime manga.
All of which he quickly fell in love with.
His absolute favorite was anything related to the magical girl genre. He loved their curvy bodies, their cute expressions, their energetic personas, and the disastrous power they unleashed in the name of friendship. The more he became enamored with them, the more he wanted to become one himself, and his body slowly changed into the form he craved.
But he finally ran out of otaku material. Craving more, Nyarlathotep tampered with the television and computers in the house until he could get a signal coming from Earth. Then he looked for one coming from Japan, hoping to find some new treasures to sample.
He tried tapping into the internet, but could only find discussion boards. The most interesting of which was the Sibling Romance Support Group, where brothers and sisters with secret romances could express their love without being judged. This group seem to have ended when one Lazarus Long joined, promising them a great future if they would be his disciples.
Then he tried tapping into television feeds, but all that Nyarlathotep could find was news. Reporters and talking heads talked about how wizards and superheroes were all gone, leaving a new age of super-science for humanity to grasp, but that’s not what Nyarlathotep wanted.
In fact, Nyarlathotep didn’t know he wanted him until he saw him. “Him” being Mahiro Yasaka, a random boy on his first day of middle school being interviewed on what he thought about the absence of monsters in the world.
Too any other human, Mahiro may have seemed like nobody important. But for Nyarlathotep…
One look at his face, and he became her everything.
Nyarlathotep burst out of the house and madly proclaimed her love for Mahiro-san. Eldila quickly arrived to apprehend the former Bent One, and were shocked to find not a horrible mass of tentacles or a skinny stoic in dark robes, but a wildly energetic middle school girl with silver hair and turquoise eyes.
Nyarlathotep was brought before Maleldil, who saw that she truly did have love in her heart. He agreed to forgive the former Bent One for his sins, provided that she become an officer of the law. Nyarlathotep agreed, provided that she would ultimately be allowed to watch over her precious Mahiro-san.
Nyarlathotep was put in a class featuring other eldritch entities who had agreed to reform. On the first day, she announced herself by kicking down the classroom door, leaping onto the teacher’s desks, and doing multiple kung-fu poses.
“I am the chaos that crawls up to you with a smile! Nya … ru … ko … chan!”
Notes:
This is a prequel to Haiyore! Nyaruko-san
Chapter 42: Epilogue 3 - Future History
Chapter Text
November 5th. 2996.
Memory entry of Lady Mysta of Arcadia.
Formerly known as Mysta of the Moon. Formerly known as Mina Murray.
To properly fill mind with all of humanity’s knowledge, my perfect body was made in the form of a sentient, biological computer. I can create, access, and delete data files just like my old Robot. This has been both a blessing and a curse, as I can never stop being amazed with all the good and all the evil that humans are capable of doing.
After Tanya the Space Siren declared herself to be Eternal Champion for the Chaos Lords, we Star Fems have been locked in a fairly standard intergalactic rivalry. We’ve made quite a few new friends along the way. Sojan the Swordsman of Zylor, Karn the Hunter of the Green Star, Den of Neverwhere - all fine warriors who made our crew very happy in bed. Some even stayed behind with them.
The Girl Squadron, Gorean slave girls, and Nymphs of Neptune have all managed to do their jobs quite well. Bender, my replacement Robot, has proven himself to be quite a good chef. Granted, he did have to upload multiple culinary programs, and he’s still not sure why he didn’t do that before. When not cooking, he’s done fine mechanical work. Princess Lum frequently accompanies him, as her natural talent for producing electricity and gadgets has made her quite the engineer.
As for Lum’s “boyfriend,” Ataru has gotten his harem; I’m sure he didn’t bet on that harem not giving him any breaks from being a sex toy. Meanwhile, Lum has made a sexual trio with Newt the Predator and Marcia the Martian, who have grown to deeply respect one another as battle buddies.
Faye Valentine and Dale Arden have both made great skill with undercover work. Of course, sometimes this requires a male touch, for which we turn to handsome man Futura, or a robotic touch, for which we’d hesitantly send Bender with the intent of triggering his self-destruct sequence in the likely chance of a mess up. We never did.
Stormy Tempest was the only one from our wedding that we saw often. She often went under a variety of aliases - Stella Star, Saint Exmin, and Barbarella among them.
We Star Fems did manage to start a family. Thanks to his now-willful gender-bending, Futura helped Gale fulfill her dreams of motherhood. She gave birth to a lovely girl with blond hair and blue-green eyes. Gale named her “Samantha” after her mother. Futura also gave me a son, whom we named after our dear Allan.
While we raised our babies, the Space Patrol and other space cops fell out of commission, being replaced with military units as various hnau spread their dominance across the stars. A couple former Space Patrol members joined us, including Carol Carlisle and Tonga.
Tanya’s normal space piracy wouldn’t stand a chance. So, she changed her game. Using the last Xenomorph Queen Eggs and different host species provided by the Daleks, she created a new breed of Space Pirates - nightmarish monsters that she enslaved through her black magic.
We first encountered these new Space Pirates on the planet 2-KL. We don’t know how, but little Samantha got off the Yamato, with the brilliant idea of watching her mommies at work. Gale noticed her right as she was gaining the upper hand against the pirate commander, a monstrosity who went by Ridley (definitely named to insult the late Ripley).
Ridley lunged toward Samantha, prompting Gale to lose focus and throw herself in front of her daughter. Ridley pounded Gale to the floor and doused her body in acid. Newt and Marcia arrived to fight the bastard, but the coward flew away and ordered a retreat.
Gale was dead, with most of her body eaten away by the acid, and Samantha had gone into a state of frozen shock. Futura and I prayed to the Oyeseru, pleading for an answer for this, but it seemed like we were getting none.
We didn’t bury Gale, but had her remains frozen. None of us had the strength to perform a eulogy, so we called for a Speaker of the Dead to deliver the funeral for our lost Gale. The one who came went by Andrew Wiggin, and his farewell to our precious love was more beautiful than any of us could have crafted.
After the funeral, I finally received word from the Oyeresu. It was their will for Samantha to go to the planet Zebes, where the hanu known as the Chozo would raise her up to be a mighty warrior who would defeat the Space Pirates. We obeyed, and Samantha was adopted by the Chozo, who due to a slight misunderstanding of dialect raised her as “Samus Aran”.
Andrew Wiggin came with us, as he could not afford a transport off of 2-KL. Over our next journeys, we got to know him fairly well. Enough that he was able to reveal that he was, in fact, Ender Wiggin. The same Ender who had destroyed the Formic alien race as a child soldier who thought he was in a test simulation.
Ender was hailed as a hero then, but was now seen as a villain for destroying a race that was only trying to apologize for antagonizing humanity. He revealed that he had been carrying the last Formic Queen egg, and was now searching for a planet where the species could thrive again, free from any hostility.
Ender was exactly the type of man Futura and I needed to comfort us. His empathy was so great that we couldn’t help but desire him. We tried to seduce him, but he refused to “pollute our marriage bed”. So we both proposed. He accepted. Before we consummated our new romance, he embarrassingly confessed to being a virgin. I assured him that was nothing to be ashamed of, and Futura revealed her gender-bending nature. At this, Ender became ecstatic at finally being able to express his bisexuality, which was still look down upon in men.
The morning after, we were noted of an emergency. Ataru was comforting a crying Lum, who revealed that her home planet Oniboshi had been destroyed. We then received a video transmission from Tanya, bragging about how the Outer Gods had unleashed their ultimate weapon and we would be helpless to stop it.
Oniboshi’s world had fallen to the awakening of Great Old Ones as its people devolved into madness. The same fate quickly fell to other worlds. We were able to trace a pattern and intercept whatever it was that was causing this.
In the Procyon star system, we found this ultimate weapon of madness. Ghroth, an Outer God the size of a planet, and that planet was a massive eye. When that eye opened and stared down at a nearby world, all the eldritch evils within would be awakened.
We intercepted Ghroth and put up one hell of a fight. Much of the fight was done on board our own ships, as the song emulating from Ghroth infected our Moonies with madness, forcing us to lethally put them down. The battle came to a close when Marcia used her own secret weapon - The Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator. The fearsome god-planet was now reduced to nothing more than an empty shell.
With no orders from the Oyeseru, we decided to use magic and technology to terraform the planet into a new home for any refugees of Lum’s people. Ender also found the planet suitable to finally allow the Formic Queen egg to hatch and rebuild her species.
Soon after we began, we were visited by our Samus Aran, whom had defeated Ridley’s Space Pirates with the help of Captain Nemo Harlock, and the two were married. After landing, Harlock declared, “This will be our new Arcadia.” So, that’s what we named it.
We turned the planet Arcadia into a tropical paradise, dotted with villages under a minarchist government. Our only two written laws were "Don't hurt others" and "don't steal". Everyone adopted the loincloth/bikini-style clothing that the Star Fems had worn with pride. Group romance and free love were the norm (even among siblings and half-siblings, unfortunately).
Lum and Ataru proved themselves to be good rulers over what was left of her people. All the refugees were male, so our crew offered themselves as wives. Everyone settled in well to the tropical setting. Even Bender, who managed to make himself solar powered. We didn’t mind a single human colony of Pirth City being established, as long as the rest of it was left for us to live in.
Now seemed as good a time as any to retire and focus on raising children. Samus and Harlock's included Satin Astro, who grew up with dreams of being an individualist freedom fighter and left to go on her own adventures, and she hooked up with a Time Lord named Burt Steele.
Somehow, Satin and Burt vanished in a TARDIS. Ultimately, Satin wound up in England in 1958, and became her own ancestor. (This also implies that Emma and Orlando both fucked their descendant, which doesn't seem to bother them.)
Ender gave me four additional children - Jonathan, Lucy, Edward, and Jack. Orlando had quite a few more - Romulus, Remus, Merlin, Siwangmu, Percy, Marguerite, Sinbad, Sasha, and Angelica.
As my firstborn son Allan reached adulthood, Tanya got ready to strike. She pulled the strings on a web she had crafted across the stars, forcing humanity to face an attack from adversaries they had never seen before.
It started when the Covenant invaded Pirth City. Our villages were left untouched, but some of our kids were nearby and got to see SPARTAN Team Omega in action. This motivated them all to become SPARTANs themselves (and my son Allan became quite famous as the one called Master Chief), while Harlock and his wives left to go in search of Tanya.
I was fiercely against it, but then I heard the Oyeresu commanding me to let them join the great war over the Ringworlds. So, I did. The same day we heard of colonies under attack by Outer Gods called the Reapers, and Futura felt a calling to join the military once again, becoming a high-ranking Commander known as Shepherd.
Soon after that, a small spaceship crashed behind my house. Out of it came the team of Stormy Tempest, who needed immediate help in fixing her spaceship. As Bender and I fixed it, the Oyeseru told me that we all needed to go with Stormy, who was now also their servant. So, we did.
Futura/Shephard was killed in the line of duty, but was resurrected thanks to the Lazarus Project. Futura had this technology smuggled back to Arcadia, where Ender revived Gale with her memories intact. After explaining who he was, Gale only thought it fair that they marry as well. While Futura and I were gone, they had six kids - Peter, John, Cathy, Tara, Purdey, and Daniel. With Pirth City being abandoned, it was taken over by nature, and our individualistic paradise expanded into its ruins.
Stormy, Bender, and I had quite our own adventure on the decimated planet Rur, whose hnau have only a single gender (with female anatomy) and are produced from the planet itself, made directly by its Oyarsa. The planet had been ruled by a fascist queen named Fem Paragon, a high priestess of the Old Dark Ones, who was using their secrets to learn how to control the Flood parasites. Thanks to the work of Tanya the Space Siren, the Flood had taken over the planet, sending a signal through its monolith for other Flood hives to begin awakening.
Stormy, Bender and I searched the planet for any survivors, assisting them in their fight against the Flood-infected hordes. We encountered cryogenics tubes containing Dr. Mara Stardust, an albino scientist who had also frozen several of her super-heroine friends from Earth. One of them was a witch named Nightveil. She and I figured out together that the Oyarsa of Rur had died, and we used our magic to revive her. We did, and the Flood-infected were eradicated, and the planet's people came back to life.
But it wasn't quite so joyous. While leaving Rur, we made contact with Captain Harlock, who revealed that Johnny Rico, his Ishmael, had been kidnapped by Tanya and her lovers. In our pursuit, we encountered multiverse-travelling servants of Chaos known as the Chaos Engineers, led by M'v Okom Sebpt O'Riley and Captain Billy-Bob Begg. However, once they realized that the triumph of Chaos would bring unbalance to this universe, they teamed up with us and helped rescue Ishmael Rico. Although Tanya and her lovers escaped, Johnny Rico was rescued, and we all celebrated with a massive orgy.
Stormy, Bender and I were then called to visit the original Time Traveler, on Earth in the year 802701. He explained that he had been called to undo the dystopia that humanity had ended up in, and showed me a vision of how it was to be stopped. He showed me visions of our future adventures with Time Lords, Skrulls, Omnitrixes, Giant Spice Sandworms, the Dragon-Riders of Pern, the wizards of Discworld, and Jews In Space. I saw our numbers of future sexual partners approach one million. I saw my involvement in helping Law prevail over the galaxy under the Imperium of Man, causing the Cosmic Balance to waiver, before coming to the one I needed to see.
The vision was of my grave on what looked to be a desolate planet, having outlived my spouses and children. Holding my scarf over my headstone was my very last descendant, who I also happened to share with all the other Star Fems. In fact, she was blood-related to every space-faring hero and heroine of note.
She was a teenage girl with the perfect body, piercing amber eyes, and the reddest of hair. She proudly adorned her neck with my scarf, which had turned a hefty light pink-with-red-stripes after millenia of decay. She held up a massive sniper rifle in her hand and declared that, with her own Black Sword, she would fulfill her role as Eternal Champion.
“This is Yoko Littner,” explained the Time Traveller. “It is your ultimate destiny for you to conceive her, and for her to bury you. Then, she will play a key part in ending the greatest of wars that will encompass and break the entire universe. Then, as the universe heals, she will take on the name of Clarissa MacDougall and, upon bonding with the greatest of all the Eternal Champions, will birth the Children of the Lens, who will defeat the Eddorian Outer Gods bring the universe into an ultimate utopia, allowing the Arisian Elohim to finally leave the Cosmos in peace. The first step in making sure you fulfill your destiny is here.”
The Time Traveller showed her a vision of Tak, a member of the Irkens, a green-skinned race of imperialists who had been wiped out by their own stupidity. After a humiliating attempt to conquer the Earth, Tak had drifted in space until she was by the Video Rangers. She repaid them by altering their minds into falling in love with her. One of them and a Treen married Venus, where she took on a much more humanoid disguise, and called herself ... Tanya the Space Siren. And her husbands' names were Bandor and Kabe.
The sole offspring of this marriage was a white-haired daughter whom they brought up to dominate the universe. A “Lord Dominator”, if you will.
With the blessing of her parents, Lord Dominator created an army of lava robots and sent herself out to conquer the McCracken-Faust galaxy. She failed.
“To secure the future, you must get this Lord Dominator on the side of Law.”
With this new insight, we were sent back to the planet Arcadia. The wars were over, but the Covenant had returned to eradicate all life on the planet and turn the crust into a glassy substance. I believe they were searching for Gale and Ender, but they had escaped through the planet's space elevators along with their children and numerous other survivors.
Futura arrived having successfully ended the threat of the Reapers. She proclaimed that she had felt the Oyeresu calling us to abandon Arcadia and colonize Gehen, a frozen ice planet to be inhabited by our gender-bending descendants. From there, we would enact our long-term goal of uniting all planets and ringworlds together into one homogeneous Culture that would eventually become the Imperium of Man. Permanently trapped in her male body that was trapped in a Golden Throne, she would rule this Imperium as the God-Emperor of Mankind, while the rest of us would each serve as a Canoness of the Adepta Sororitas (I would become Canoness Veridyan, Gale would be Ephrael Stern, and Stormy would be Saint Celestine), while Tanya the Space Siren became Lelith Hesperax the Drukhari Wych.
Continuing down generations of sibling incest, the legacy of Nemo would be filled by Captain Sally Quasar, and the role of Ishmael by one Halo Jones, and they would lead new generations of space pirates in true independence; Their most notable crew members would be Kei and Yuri, the infamous Dirty Pair who had caused so much collateral damage that interstellar tensions worsened until the Imperium had to step in. They would be joined by the Chaos Engineers, Daleks, and refugees from the Andromeda Galaxy led by Captain Dylan Hunt in overthrowing the Imperium to maintain the Cosmic Balance.
Stormy Tempest was accepted into our marriage, and after spending a celebratory night together with all my spouses (and planning to name her new unborn child Takabe), we finally came to the galaxy's edge, and sure enough, there was Lord Dominator. She came walking along in a bubble, struggling to peel an orange.
I entered her bubble, peeled it for her, and invited her to come live with us. Just then, the Arcadia ship appeared. A hologram revealed the laughing face of Tanya (which transformed into her true Irken self) who bragged about taking Harlock and his crew hostage before offering Dominator to rejoin her.
Dominator is looking back and forth between each of us. I can’t force her to decide.
“Come back to me, and I’ll give you power!” Tanya/Tak promised.
“Come with me, and I’ll be your friend,” I promised.
After looking back and forth some more, she finally took my hand.