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tap.
tap.
tap.
the sound is so loud in the quiet of her bedroom, the repetition of the tiny patter rouses monse from her sleep with a groan and whine as she huffs into her pillow, the darkness clouding her room not making her want to get up while she knows it’s still too early for her to be awake. she peeks open an eye at the clock on her night stand and sighs when she sees the 3:00 flash at her, the early-late time of morning-night making her feel even more tired now that she’s awake. she shakes her honeyed brown curls from her face and wipes the sleep from her eyes as she sits up in bed, scrubbing a hand over her face as she tries to collect herself.
tap.
tap.
tap.
tap. tap. tap.
the reason for her being awake in the first place alerts her to its presence, the consistent rattling of her window that she could never mistake as wind and once she realizes where the sound is coming from she rolls her eyes and gets up from her bed with a groan, padding across the floor to her window and pulling back her curtains with a glare, crossing her arms as she gazes at the person who’d woken her up.
“you know, what’s the point of you having a key if you never use my front door?”
“aw, but where’s the fun in that if i just walk in? sneaking in is way more fun. ”
monse tries to keep her glare but she ends up rolling her eyes and a fond little smile comes to her features as she receives a tender kiss to her forehead, her body relaxing against the male holding her in his arms. she lets out another sigh - a pleased, happy one this time - as she looks up at cesar, heart warming at the smile he has on his face.
“see? you can’t even be mad at me longer than five seconds, look at your dorky little smile, amor.” cesar says with a chuckle, laugh growing louder as monse pulls back from their embrace with another eye roll paired with her crossed arms. “because you do something cute to make me not mad anymore, and then you’re back on your bullshit ten minutes later,” monse remarks with a pointed look, “you’re lucky i love you as much as i do.”
he mumbles a “yeah, yeah, yeah” as she turns on her heels to pull back the blankets from her bed, listening to cesar rustle around behind her, following their usual pattern of him slipping out of his clothes to end up cuddled against her in her bed, only to sneak out before her dad comes in to make sure she’s up. she lets out a yawn and stretches a bit as she calls out behind her, “so what kept you up so late? usually you’re sleeping by now, i’m the night owl.”
“oh, you know...” cesar starts off, voice cracking strangely as he speaks, “just thinking about stuff. couldn’t take my mind off of things long enough to stay asleep.”
“but you’re okay now?” monse questions, grabbing an extra pillow for him and throwing it on her bed along with an extra blanket.
“mhm, yeah. i’m fine.”
and she can tell by the sound of his voice that he’s definitely not fine, and she doesn’t want to poke or pry or ‘honey badger’ it out of him like she always does, she just decides to let it go for now.
she then says “well c’mon, it’s way too early to be up right now and i’m exhausted. let’s go to bed.”
she’s not prepared for the silence that follows her words.
“c?” she questions, glancing behind her with a confused gaze, only to find him no longer there, “cesar?”
monse fully turns on her heels and stares at the space cesar had occupied, almost gaping at the absence he left and how quietly he managed to leave the room, no trace of him besides her bedroom door being ajar and the sound of footsteps creaking on the hardwood floors. she walks as quietly as she can to not wake up her father sleeping peacefully in his bedroom, tiptoeing to the kitchen where she can see the light of the refrigerator casting a shadow against the wall.
“hurry up and get back in there before my dad sees us!” monse whispers to cesar, watching as he peeks from behind the fridge door. he doesn't answer her with words, only with a mischievous smile on his face - one that she’s never seen on him before and actually sends a chill up her spine, but she instead turns her face up at him as she walks towards the fridge. “would stop being a creep with that face! hurry up and lets go.”
he only responds with a nod of his head as he reaches for a glass to fill with water, handing her one before getting another for himself and filling it up. she takes a sip from her glass and goes to turn around when she hears a noise that makes her stop for a moment.
tap.
tap.
tap.
this time, it’s not the rattling of her window. it’s the sound of dripping water against the floor, a steady tap that she could only hear because of how deathly still it is in the house. for all she can tell there’s nothing wrong, but the silence that surrounds her as the tap continues sends a chill through her that leaves her uneasy. goosebumps begin to prickle at her skin and for her chest to suddenly be gripped with anxiety, it feels as if all the air in the room has been sucked out and she feels almost stuck in her tracks, and she can’t understand why she’s so afraid all of a sudden.
“c’mon c, come with me to bed...” she says quietly, matching the stillness of the room.
“are you sure you want me to?” a voice replies, one that sounds like cesar but the crackling, croaking, almost teasing lilt to the voice makes her feel the exact opposite of how cesar has ever made her feel.
“i don’t think i should... i don’t want to make a mess.”
and monse slowly turns back around to face cesar, hands shaking and breath coming out in shuddery pants as she keeps her eyes trained to the floor where the tap. tap. tap. of the water continues – only it’s not water.
she’s seen this in horror movies, knows that instead of just sitting here in shock and fear that she should be running far, far away. she used to make jokes about not being as dumb as those white people that go looking for noises in the dark, or let people in the house that shouldn’t come in, or come face to face with something evil and not run away.
she realizes with a sense of dread as she keeps her eyes on the floor that she’s done all of these things tonight.
what she thought was dripping water, is instead dark red and sticky, making stains that remind her so much of that chilly november night that she can’t ever get out of her head. she can hear the music and laughter and fun that was cut short by screams and the ringing of a gunshot.
she can smell the iron, metallic scent of the blood that’s dripping onto the floor, watching the pool grow larger as her eyes scan up the being in front of her. instead of cesar’s socks and boxers she’s met with pink tulle and crystals embroidered on a quinceañera dress. instead of cesar’s kind eyes she sees matching ones full of pain and tears with smeared makeup around the edges, a tiara poised on top of chocolate brown hair, and the most damning of all – the deep red in the middle of the dress that spreads like wildfire, pouring onto the floor until the tap. tap. tap. sounds like a running river.
all monse can do is drop the glass of water from her hands in shock, and doesn’t even react to the glass that splatters along the floor, all because she can’t look away from olivia’s tear-filled gaze.
“l-liv... i, what?” she stutters, another shaky breath rattling in her chest as she finally comprehends what she’s seeing. and it’s almost as if her voice is what was needed to gather ‘olivia’s’ attention, because soon the girl’s tears are gone and she’s grinning at monse with a megawatt smile, one that would knock monse off of her feet if she wasn’t frozen in abject fear.
“what’s wrong? you don’t seem happy to see me! how long has it been... nearly a year, isn’t it?” olivia says with a giggle that is so much like her and yet so foreign makes monse’s head spin. “i would’ve thought you would’ve welcomed me better than that, what with you crying about me and dreaming about me and all of that – yet here i am and you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
monse just takes a hesitant step back away from the being in front of her which makes her face screw up in pain, tears forming in olivia’s eyes almost instantly at seeing what seems to be a rejection of her.
“i thought you missed me. you always said you wanted me back and now i’m here, and you’re about to run away from me. how messed up is that?” olivia muses, looking at monse with a confused, saddened look. “you know i can hear you, right? when you’re crying into my shirt that still smells like me and you talk to me like i’m actually there and you tell stories about me. i was there for all of it, i came back for you. i always wanted to come back for you.”
and suddenly it’s like the blood starts to disappear and olivia looks more and more like herself, more like the girl monse knows and loves with every part of her, and it keeps from retreating any further.
“didn’t you miss me?”
a broken whimper leaves monse as her tears start to spill over, her hands trembling at her side from how much she wants to hold her. “of course i did, i missed you so much, liv... but how is this happening? how are you here?”
“does it matter?” olivia says almost hurriedly, her smile still in place as she steps closer to monse and reaches a hand out to her, one that monse shakily takes and laces their fingers together, a tearful gasp leaving her and how it really feels like olivia, and she doesn’t know how this is happening or what happened to cesar and what any of this means but she doesn’t care – because for now she has her best friend back and it’s all that matters.
“didn’t you miss this?” she softly says to monse, her other hand coming up to cup monse’s cheek as she wipes at her steadily falling tears, and all monse can do is nod her head almost frantically while olivia gently shushes her, her lips falling to kiss monse’s forehead like cesar had some mere moments ago, and monse finds herself falling into olivia’s arms and olivia holds her tight to her body. “i missed this. i missed you.”
and monse’s tears soak into olivia’s dress as she sobs and says, “i missed you too” and a smile comes to her face when olivia buries her face into her hair and gives her another squeeze as they hug. pulling back to look at monse, olivia says to her in a tender voice, “i know you still feel bad what happened at the quince, for not telling me that you love me... and i don’t want you to ever feel bad that you didn’t, okay? because i know you did, i know you still do, and i love you too. you know that, don’t you?”
the tenderness in her voice makes more tears spring up in monse’s eyes as she nods her head, saying with a tearful smile, “i know you do, i know. i could never forget that, liv.”
and olivia’s smile makes monse’s heart ache in her chest and her stomach fill with butterflies, almost feeling as if the hole in her heart that was for her best friend was slowly being filled by the sudden appearance of her and it was as if everything that had happened in the past year was just one big nightmare of being without olivia.
“so you really love me?”
an amused smile comes to monse’s face as she nods her head, “of course i do.”
“and you would do anything for me? anything at all?”
another smile appears, one of slight confusion but she continues to nod her head at her. “of course, liv. whatever you want.”
“i want you to come with me.”
and that’s when monse’s hesitation comes in, what makes her smile drop from her face bit by bit as she takes in those words.
“you want me to come with you? where are we going?”
“somewhere special. somewhere magical. somewhere where you don’t have to worry about anything or anybody, it’ll just be the two of us...” olivia says with a soft giggle, “just you and me forever, floating all by ourselves. don’t you want that?”
olivia’s smile is gone from her face as she gazes at monse, and that uneasy feeling starts to creep back in with monse as she watches olivia just as intently. everything that seemed so real and so true to the olivia she knows and loves isn’t quite there anymore – her eyes don’t shine the same, her smile seems menacing and threatening in a way it never has before, and that urge to run away is back with a vengeance and she can’t ignore it this time.
olivia holds out her hand to monse and softly says to her, “c’mon, monse... you said you love me, you’ll do whatever i want, so that means you want to come with me. that you will come with me, so i won’t be alone anymore and neither will you. you want that, don’t you? don’t you?”
monse takes another step back and olivia’s eyes grow dim and her expression morphs into one of frustration as she holds out both of her hands to monse, saying in a firm voice, “come with me. i want you to stay with me, to float with me. you’re going to go someday, why not just come with me now? why not float with me now ?”
and with every word she speaks it’s as if venom is on her tongue, she seems so angry and irate and it makes monse take another step back, her feet sliding a little under her from the blood that’s now back to pooling on the floor from olivia’s dress. her eyes are full of tears again as she lurches forward for monse only to have the other girl step out of her grasp again, the fear coming off of monse in waves as she expertly dodges olivia reaching for her.
olivia’s blank face soon turns into a scowl as fiercely says, “you’re coming with me whether you like it or not!” and she lunges at monse again while monse scrambles backwards away from the slowly transforming figure.
she still looks like olivia but doesn’t, the voice that comes from her isn’t the one of her best friend and the blood from the bullet wound in her chest is spilling over rapidly and pools up so much that olivia’s dress drags through it. her eyes are not the comforting brown she’s known them to be, they’re light and bright like silver dollars and monse can’t look into them without feeling complete horror, and instead of the smile that usually graces olivia’s features there are teeth starting to grow and sharpen until there’s nothing but rows of razor sharp fangs that gleam even in the darkness of the kitchen.
it’s not until she’s nearly back in the comfort of her bedroom that olivia’s deathly still figure decides to make its move, rushing forward and running as fast as possible with snarling teeth and wide eyes with a guttural scream of monse’s name on her lips, jumping and grabbing at the girl before she can close her bedroom door, once gentle hands now rough with sharpened claws digging into the skin of her ankles to drag her back towards olivia’s body, blood pouring down her leg in thick droplets. she towers over monse’s screaming and crying figure with nothing but a fang-filled grin on her face as she leans in to sniff her hair, not unlike how she buried her face into her hair earlier that night.
“you smell so good. almost good enough to eat .”
she nearly gets her claws on monse again before the pinned girl uses all of her might to shove olivia off of her until she slams against the wall, giving monse enough time to limp and fall into her bedroom and slam the door shut, all while olivia bangs against the wood and hisses angrily at her escape. she quickly locks the door and retreats into her bed where she breaks down sobbing, all while the creature – the one she’s finally accepted isn’t her olivia, calls out to her.
“oh monse, you don’t have to hide from me. don’t you want to be with me? don’t you love me? or was all of that a lie?”
“go away! leave me alone! i don’t know what you are, but you’re not olivia!”
“shh, don’t be so loud, monse. don’t want to wake up your dad, do you? i mean... you left him out here with me, and i’m sure he would be just as fun to play with as you are.”
and before monse can even speak again the voice outside morphs into someone else, a person still alive and well but who’s presence haunts monse all the same.
“baby girl, you won’t open the door for olivia, but will you open it for me?”
“...mom?”
“yeah, it’s me, sweetheart. open the door for me, okay? i know olivia scared you, but i won’t. i want to make things right with you and your dad once and for all... would you like that?”
it takes her a moment to snap out of it and realize that whatever this thing is, wants to trick her again and she’s not letting it happen again – she refuses to fall for it.
“i can’t, and you know i can’t. now leave me alone!”
“you ain’t gonna open up for me, ma? you opened up for that santo of yours a bunch of times, you should let me get my turn, let me show you what a real man feels like. i think you wanna open this door, unless you want one to your chest like i did to your friend. it ain’t ya birthday, but you can die just like she did if you don’t open up.”
“c’mon monse, open the door! cesar’s out here and so is jamal, and olivia’s with us – you gonna leave all your fam out here alone?”
it’s a barrage of voices – of her mother, of latrell, of ruby and jamal and cesar and still olivia, of people she loves and hates, she respects and fears, all taunting her from behind the door in a cacophony of pleading and begging and threats and slurs, all to get inside to have her. their words grow louder and more frantic with every passing second until it’s all she can hear, forcing her to cover her ears to shut out the noise but to no avail as their screams and laughter bounce off of the walls and creep in through the locked door that rattles like it’s being pushed, it’s like nothing can hold them back and she’s doomed on how to stop them. she’s a broken mess curled up in her bed, letting out heartbreaking sobs as she tries to drown out the noise, begging them in whatever way she can for them – whatever they are – to leave.
“leave me alone, go away, please go away! please, please, please, leave me alone!”
she’s screaming until her voice gives out and sobbing hard enough that her chest heaves, and when the door finally slams open and feet run towards her she lets out one final wail of a scream until she’s being gathered into someone’s arms, the embrace gentle but comforting.
“baby? baby, it’s me. look at me, monse. you’re okay, it was just a bad dream. you’re okay.”
and that’s when she finally opens her eyes, nearly collapsing at the sight of monty, scared out of his mind as he looks at his distraught daughter in his arms.
“dad? is that you?” monse asks, tears still streaming down her face as she peers up at him, to which he gives her a little smile and ruffles her hair, “who else would i be?” and he wipes at her tear-streaked face and softly asks, “that was a hell of a dream, you wanna tell me what happened?”
all she can manage is a shake of her head and a murmur of, “it’s not important anymore, i’m just glad everything’s okay” as she curls further into her father’s arms, him letting out a soft chuckle as he gives her a tight squeeze and kisses the top of her head. her heart rate finally calms and she feels safe and comforted again, and she finally feels at peace.
until she moves her leg, and lets out a hiss of anguish from pain that shoots through her leg and glances down to see the dried blood and claw marks in her leg that olivia left on her, and all at once the uneasy feeling from before comes at her full force as she starts breathing heavy, only worried when the tight grip of her father becomes bruising enough that she can barely breathe and she can feel his sharp nails digging into the skin of her back.
“d-dad... please, yo-you’re hurting me...”
a sinister chuckle comes from the being holding her as he says, “you’re adorable, monse. i can’t believe all it took was a hug from your dear old dad to get you to believe whatever i tell you. it’s a shame i have to kill you and everyone you love, messing with your head was so much fun.”
suddenly she’s violently ripped from his arms and thrown across the room against the wall, her body crumpled to the ground as pain spreads through her fast enough to almost render her unconscious, blood pooling under her body as she watches the being that pretended to be her father transform in front of her eyes. gloves form over his hands and his skin turns a pale, sickly white shade and forms up into wild red hair, all offset by a bright red nose and ruffled white collar and those sam silver dollar eyes that makes monse’s terrified heart almost stop. the clown smiles a fang-filled grin as it stares down at monse, stepping into the blood that pools underneath her and crouching down to face her.
“i’m sorry i had to use your little friend against you,” the clown remarks, it’s bubbly voice cracking as it speaks, “hope you missed her a lot, you’ll get to see her again when i make you float with her. she floats with me, just like all your other friends will, and when it’s time – you’ll float too!”
—
when monse wakes up its light outside.
her curtain and window are shut, her bedroom door is closed, and everything seems normal and untouched.
she only takes a moment to sit there before she frantically looks at her ankle and sees normal, unscarred skin and she feels herself collapse back onto the bed in relief, exhaustion settling in her bones as she tries to remember what happens the night before.
bits and pieces are still there, but they fade like it was all a bad dream, and after a while she regards it as just that – a terrible, traumatizing dream that she can’t remember the details of but still makes goosebumps prickle her skin and that uneasy feeling sit deep behind her ribs and fill her with anxiety.
she doesn’t know what the dreams mean or why they felt so real or what that monster could want from her, but for now – she doesn’t let herself think about that, she instead focuses on trying to turn her horrible night into a beautiful day.
she can hear her dad moving around in the kitchen and feels warm at the light that comes in through all of the windows instead of all the quiet and the darkness from the night before.
she checks the clock and sees it read 8:00.
she changes into olivia’s old shirt – the one that still smells like her.
she spends all day with ruby and jamal, with cesar by her side.
she takes all of the bad memories and turns them into good ones, and when she goes to bed that night she dreams of her friends and their happy moments – as she should.
she never wakes up to hear that
tap.
tap.
tap.
again.