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I never thought that im going to see him again. The man who holds a whole galaxy in his eyes, who lift me up when i was astray, who loves me his whole heart.. The man who used to be my foundation, my everything. And the man who i left two years ago to go to another country that offered the success in me. I never thought i'd see him again, after all these years, he looks more manly all the chubby cheeks and lanky shoulders are now gone, he must be hitting the gym... Park Sungjin.. I miss you.
It was winter, Sungjin came with me to live in the town. Build a small coffee business which the locals love by the way, he was sweet, funny , responsible, he was perfect.
It was me who's not.
Before I met him I left town to study in the city, I graduated but things are not working the way I wanted it to be, I was always this Ms. Perfect that everyone knows and I did not live the expectation that they always think of me, I was depressed, I started thinking bad thoughts and I almost end my life.
But Sungjin came one day in the coffee shop that im working, he's talkative, he has this hundred facial expressions you cant just get enough , charming in different ways, he mostly stays with me until closing time and insisted to drive me home..
Weeks turned into months, he saved me from the monster that slowly eating me, he became my pillar, so he decided to leave everything behind in the city and live with me back home. But again, it was me who always had the problem.
We rarely had fights but that moment was the turning point of our lives. I always think that im not enough for him, so I decided to reach my dreams, but not in the home town.
"A friend offered me a job in new york, supervisor, salary is great, I might be getting my masters degree there.. What do u think?" I said while drying my hair, he looks up from his phone and made a frown.
"New york? Why? aren't you happy now? Our business is getting big, we have 2 branches now, and there's an investor from the city to franchise the shop, we're going big love"
"I know, but you know this isn't my dream love, it was yours... "
"I gave up everything to be with you here, cause you want to go back here and now? You're leaving me? " he said ruffling his hair in frustration. Tears starting to form in his eyes, he's hurting. I hate to see him hurting.
" Love, you know that i haven't fulfilled what I really want to do.. I want to explore the world has to offer, I don't want to regret this opportunity love, please... " i said kneeling down to hug him.
" I thought you'll be contented in this success that we're having.. I was wrong. It's easy for you to leave, that's what you're good at. Leaving when things get rough, I have always rooted for you, even though i dont receive the same amount of love from you...but i love you and that will be enough for me. " His eyes is seeping right through me, tears streaming down our both of our faces..
"It's not like that, I love you okay? And im sorry if you feel that way" I hugged him tighter but he removed my arms on him, he wipes his tears and took a long heavy breath.
" I know... Im not that selfish to not let you live the life that you always wanted.. So fine, go and prove yourself, be successful without me. I will always root for you"
The whole two weeks were agonizing, he gave me the cold shoulder, we only talked regarding the business and short answers. I felt sorry ofcourse, but I dont want to have regrets.
First week since the snow started to fall, the day of our parting time. Surprisingly, Sungjin went with me to the airport, while waiting for the boarding time we sat down, he hold my hand and stared at it. I felt the lump in my chest and tears starting to fall, i looked at him, he lose weight, dark eye bags, bloodshot eyes, God what have i done? He started to talked about the things to remember when living in a new city, I stared at him but he never looks at me.
"I love you Sungjin" I said squeezing his hands
He looks at me finally and cried.
I still remember everything about you Sungjin, you still look good in that apron, grinding hand drip coffee beans.
I love you Sungjin, it's still you.
Is it still me?
"Jinhyun?"
"Sungjin.... Hi."