Chapter Text
If someone on the street had told Jeff a year ago that not only would he be working at the Monster Embassy, but he’d be living in New New Home with a Monster as a roommate and helping out his best friend (who was also a Monster and only called him Andy) on the weekends with weird experiments to entertain the local kids, well. Truthfully, if anyone had tried to tell him that fortune on the corner of Euclid Avenue, Jeff probably would have walked a little faster and hopped on the next bus.
Weird to think it was only a little over year ago. Not that they’d gone out for an anniversary dinner or anything. That would’ve been weird, yeesh, opening up some champagne to celebrate their ‘didn’t let someone kill you’ moment. Come to think of it, it was probably a good thing no one brought it up because that seemed like exactly the kind of thing Stretch would celebrate, complete with paper hats and balloons. Maybe next year they could celebrate getting arrested together, instead.
For today though, Jeff was on a mission.
He’d spent the morning at the Embassy with Cathryn, one of his co-workers in Public Relations, a short, plump Monster who distinctly resembled a cat. So far, everyone was very nice, and if Cathryn was a little giggly and a lot gossipy, she was also very good at her job. A knack for information gathering was not necessarily a bad thing in this department.
This afternoon he was supposed to be heading to ‘Classic Books’ to wrap up everything with Thomas. He’d already be on his way except Stretch was supposed to be coming with him and he was currently late. Not that it was his fault; Stretch had suggested they meet in the middle at the Beanery instead of Jeff driving all the way back to New New Home and it looked like the bus was running behind.
Not that Jeff would have minded making the drive. His new little car ran like a dream and if he still felt a little guilty having it, he soothed it with the knowledge that he was going to work his ass off at the Embassy to make up for it. It’d been a long time since he’d driven much and he’d never owned a car of his own. But there was something freeing about having a car; no waiting for buses that only went to certain areas and left him to walk through the heat or the cold, slushy mornings.
Or ran late.
He could go out whatever the time was without worrying about making the last bus, down the roads of Ebott and to the Embassy. Which, okay, was pretty much as far as he’d driven so far, today would be his first trip downtown and he was impatient to get on it.
Eh, it was all right, though. He was pretty sure it was less the time saving and more the coffee behind Stretch’s suggestion. There were already two cups sitting in the drink holders, still too hot to drink, but that was fine. This time, he was the one who got to buy the coffee and Stretch wasn’t here to stop him. That was how friendship was supposed to be, give and take, fighting over the check and actually being able to pay it. This time, Jeff was playing to win, and Stretch was going to have to deal.
Thinking of which, the bus pulled up just then, and people streamed off, Humans and Monsters alike headed for the Beanery. Stretch was about a head above everyone else, clambering down the stairs on the bus, almost tripping as he tried to pull out his headphones at the same time. From the sidewalk, he looked around briefly, brightening as he caught sight of Jeff. He waved across the parking lot and then he was suddenly there, right next to the car and hopping into the passenger side. Jeff had seen that trick about a hundred times now and it was still startling. He wondered what other Humans thought when they saw it, wondered if the PR department worried over it.
“hey, handy andy!” Stretch said cheerily, sliding into the seat. He only made it about halfway, grimaced immediately and reaching down for the lever to push the seat back as far as it could go. It was enough for him to settle his legs so they weren’t crammed into the dashboard, even if it almost put him in the backseat.
“Sorry,” Jeff chuckled, “no one else has ridden with me yet.” The seat probably wouldn’t get moved too much again, come to think of it, almost everyone Jeff knew was well over six feet tall. Then again, Blue, Sans, and Red would all be lying if they tried to claim they topped the ruler at five feet, so depending on who needed a ride, it might get quite a workout.
“it’s all good,” Stretch said dismissively. His eye lights landed on the coffee cups and lit up, “ooh, sacrificial beverages, whatcha get me?”
Jeff tapped one of the cups with a finger, “Pumpkin spice latte with an extra shot and sprinkles. I know that’s not quite up to your usual standards, but I didn't want to chance being creative. Only took Debbie like thirty seconds to make.”
“of course it did,” Stretch scoffed, “she’s a professional.” He snatched up the cup greedily and took a deep swallow, heedlessly of the steam still pouring out of the little drinking hole. Honestly, being able to eat or drink something no matter how hot was a damned handy trick, a seriously underestimated superpower. Jeff had already burned his tongue on his first sip.
He left Stretch to savor his rich caffeination and started the car. But before he pulled away, he glanced automatically to make sure Stretch had his seat belt on. Edge was infecting him with his protectiveness, and he trusted Stretch, but he’d promised. From the way Stretch rolled his eye lights, he caught the look, but he didn’t say anything, only moved his arms pointedly so Jeff could see the strap across his chest.
Good enough.
The noontime traffic wasn’t too bad and Jeff guided them through it carefully, not quite confident enough in his driving skills to relax completely, especially with a passenger. Not that Stretch seemed very worried, he only chatted about his week between sips of coffee, and Jeff couldn’t help laughing as he heard about Edge’s chicken rescue mission.
“…i mean, seriously, a chicken and about six kids, all following behind him like some kind of demented conga line,” Stretch laughed. “edge in the lead and you know i love him, but he always looks so serious, i swear, sometimes i think he’s afraid he’ll give himself another crack if he smiles in public. so there he is, leading them straight-faced as an accountant and nugget is on his heels like a lovesick idiot. me, i have to bribe them with food to get them to come with me anywhere and they’d follow edge into a kfc.”
Jeff laughed too, imagining Edge solemnly leading a chicken along the street. “Wish I could’ve seen that.”
“yeah, i never have my damn phone on me when he decides to get up to the chucklefucks. pretty sure it’s a conspiracy.” He took a long sip of his coffee and Jeff took advantage of the pause to ask a question of his own.
“How did your visit with Alphys go?” He’d already known about it from Blue, but to his surprise, so did Cathryn. Gossip about Stretch was prime material for the Public Relations department, which was a little unnerving until Catty pointed out that whether he liked it or not, Stretch was an unofficial symbol of Monsterkind. His Twitter following was massive as was his Instagram, and he’d been in the news several times now over attacks on Monsters. If his health problems ever went public, it would be plastered across the news. The P.R. department needed to be ready if that ever happened to handle any fallout.
Knowing that made Jeff a little uncomfortable and that was a conversation he wanted to have with Edge. He wasn’t about to allow his friendship with Stretch to be used in any capacity and he wanted that to be clear from the start.
Stretch scowled at the question, hunching down in his seat. “fine.” That was a pretty firm hint that he didn’t want to talk about it, but to Jeff’s surprise, he went on with an impressive amount of disgust, “she thinks i should quit smoking.”
“Really? Why?" Jeff had always been under the assumption that cigarettes didn’t really have much of an effect on skeleton Monsters, unless—he involuntarily glanced at Stretch’s midsection, hidden beneath his baggy sweatshirt.
Stretch paused with his coffee cup halfway to his mouth, staring at him with narrowed sockets, then burst out laughing. "holy shit, no! you knucklehead, i'm not pregnant!"
Jeff cringed down over the steering wheel. Well, that was a year’s worth of embarrassment all dumped out at once. “Fuck, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even thought that.”
"it's okay," Stretch was still snickering. "i get it, it's a little confusing for humans. not all monsters have kiddos in what you guys would consider a traditional way. just for reference though, nope, can't get pregnant, my anatomy don't work that way. neither does edge’s fyi, so you can skip picturing him in a maternity getup. can’t wait to tell him you think he’s enough of a stud to knock me up.” He grimaced then, a shadow eclipsing his humor. “actually, never mind that. let’s keep it between us.”
“Okay.” Every time Jeff got answers from Stretch, he ended up with a basketful of more questions. “Can I ask you something personal?”
“more personal than checking if i’m preggers?” Stretch grinned, “i’ve never stopped you before.”
“Why don’t you work at the Embassy?” Stretch blinked slowly, his good humor visibly fading, and Jeff hastily added, “I mean, everyone else in your family does, even Red. I only wondered, it’s not a big deal if you—"
“eh, not really my thing,” Stretch said carelessly. He shifted to look out the window, his fingers absently peeling away the cardboard sleeve around his cup in long ribbons. “they do good stuff but i…” Stretch trailed away and ducked his head, swallowing hard, and that casual façade faltered. For a moment, there was nothing but the radio, playing a soft counterpoint of incongruous pop music as Stretch spoke again, strangled and low, “because when we first got here i was teetering on the edge of suicide. took a while to get past that and once i decided jumping off a bridge wasn’t for me, well. didn’t really feel like starting a nine to five.” Stretch shrugged. “the place i came from wasn’t so great.”
Jeff swallowed hard against the knot of emotion that settle into his throat, the taste in his mouth like metal shavings. He knew Stretch had some issues; he’d told Jeff himself that he had PTSD, but not why. It was probably shitty the way he managed to keep bringing it up, but somehow, he couldn’t feel too bad about it. That Stretch had been honest with him meant something and maybe he wasn’t sure exactly what, but it was about being friends. That much he knew.
Stretch abandoned his mutilated coffee cup in the drink holder and let his hand drop on to his knee, the skinny bones clenched into a fist. Jeff hesitated, wavering, then finally reached over and touched the back of it lightly. Immediately, Stretch turned his hand over, his fingers closing over Jeff’s tightly. They pinched a little, unforgiving bone against his fleshy fingers and Jeff didn’t care, only held on tight as he asked quietly, “You mean under the mountain?”
“that, too,” Stretch agreed. His other knee was bouncing, agitated energy spilling out, and Stretch let out a shaky sigh, his grip forcibly relaxing. “anyway, i still have some issues,” he laughed again, sharper, “issues, back issues, microfiche, i’ve got the works. took a while for me to even be able to go to the embassy if you want to know the truth.”
“Why?”
“the labs. had some bad times in another lab. i’m getting past it, doing all the good chitty-chat with my therapist, but i still don’t want to work in one full time. my own little setup is enough.” His smile was still a little weak. “guess i’m meant to be a homebody. good thing edge doesn’t mind.”
“Why would he?” Jeff teased, lightly, “he’s got the good end of the deal, he gets to come home to you!”
Stretch’s next laugh was more honest. “thanks, andy.”
“No problem,” Jeff said. He had more questions, always more, and what did this have to do with Stretch's issues with cats? Whatever it was, Jeff was letting it go for now. They'd probed deep enough into the back issues of Stretch's mind for the moment. Stretch promised him once that eventually he'd explain everything and Jeff believed him. One of the first things he'd ever learned about Stretch was that he kept his word and if he needed time to do it, Jeff would let him have all he needed.
He let Stretch keep his hand until he was ready to let it go and when he did, instead of shaking away the ache, Jeff picked up his own coffee. It was only lukewarm at this point but that was fine. Pumpkin spice lattes tasted pretty good any which way you drank them.
~~*~~
tbc