Chapter Text
I snarled as I stumbled for what felt like the hundredth time today under the weight of the cloth rucksack the company had scrounged up for me. I cursed creatively under my breath, mostly in Japanese, at least the few words I knew made for some pretty funny expletives, and since none of the Dwarves in the company of Thorin Oakenshield had even heard of Japan, they had no idea that the jumble of Japanese that they assumed was curses that would make a Dwarf proud, was really a complaint about ramen noodles not being cooked right, or observations about the weather.
I hefted the bag further up my shoulders, wishing my own backpack wasn't still at home with my cell phone and computer and kindle. I had plopped into this world and into Thorin's company with a resounding splash, and by his company, I mean I fell on the uppity prig's head while he was bathing in the river, nearly drowning the King under the Mountain in front of his nephews and cousins. I grimace as something rock hard shifts in my pack and digs into my lower back. That definitely did not belong there.
Bilbo was watching me closely as I trekked after the group. Walking up to him I leaned in. “I take it we're having stone soup tonight?” I hissed lowly to him, he raised an eyebrow and frowned.
“What?” The hobbit squeaked. His face flushing slightly as I leaned in closer.
“There are rocks in my bag Mr. Baggins.” I growled, shifting the pack again, letting the stones shift. “A bakers dozen from the feel of it. One for each Dwarf in the company.” He looks kind of like a deer caught in the head lights and stumbles as he tries to keep his eyes on me and keep walking. My hand shoots out and grabs his arm, yanking him toward me as he nearly walks face first into a tree wider than most of the Dwarves in the company.
“Thank you.” He mumbles as I let go of his bicep and smooth down the creases in his sleeve made by my hand.
“Did you put them in?” I asked as we started weaving through the trees, the dwarves were ahead of us but not by too much. It seemed that Bilbo was refusing to leave me behind, and that stopped the Dwarves from leaving me in the dust.
“Certainly not!” He scoffed. “Though it was perhaps...my solution to how they wished to punish you.”
“For what?” I hissed lowly. “I have done nothing wrong.”
“Except nearly drowning their king.” He bit back.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and exhaled. “I had no control of that, Bilbo Baggins, how many times must I bloody well say it?” Shaking my head, I growled. “Very well, seems I'm at a point where I have to make a choice.”
“A choice?” He asked as we sped up at the sound of Thorin's yell for Bilbo to catch up.
“Yes, weather to take the high road or the low road...” I answered.
“You have such strange sayings.” He huffed as we started jogging. I carefully matched his pace, settling in to a easy stride that allowed me to run abreast of him and not reach the angry King first, but not force the hobbit to sprint head long to prevent the same thing. “And what would be the high and low roads?”
“Its an expression, but I'll clue you in, putting a dozen stones in the bag of an injured woman with a bruised back is the LOW one.” I growled as we neared the group that had stopped for a break. I knew from everyone's expression that I wouldn't get a single morsel. Just because Bilbo wouldn't leave me behind didn't mean that the company was going to feed me. I wasn't to eat until supper, if Thorin deemed me worthy. I decided I was going to take the high road, well, maybe the middle road. I wasn't going to be a bitch back to these males, but I would mess with them a bit as I went through the day. My screwed up back be damned.
They didn't realize that even with the dang rocks, the pack was still lighter than what I would hiked with back home on Earth. My pack sometimes weighed close to fifty plus pounds since I was usually the Bombur of the group, and boy did I like my carrots, onions and potatoes on my trips. I didn't bother sitting down, for there would also be no help rising from the ground, so I stood next to Bilbo, who sat next to me on the grass, silently waiting as the dwarves stuffed their gobs. I nudged the hobbit with my foot, brushing the side of my hiking boot against his hip since he was curled into a ball.
“You should Eat, Mr. Baggins.” I whispered when he met my eyes.
“I'm fine...” He tried to defend, blushing as his stomach growled.
“Detarame!” I snap, not caring that this time I actually used a true expletive. “I am well aware of your disapproval to females skipping meals, Mr. Baggins, but even back home I do not eat during every break on the trail, and even if I did, as the Eldest Child and a female, I eat LAST.” I cross my arms. “So Eat, and worry not for me.”
“Female?” Thorin growled, eyes flashing in my direction. I quirked an eyebrow, my right hand moving to my hip as I motioned to Bilbo with my left.
“Aye, don't tell me that Mr. Baggins is the only one of this group to realize that the heavyset human that landed on the King under the Mountain was a WOMAN!” I snapped, from the horrified looks on their faces, they had no bloody idea. They all stood and sat looking like gaping fish, well most of them, Thorin's eyes were slightly wider, but his mouth was closed, as were Fili and Balin's, Dwalin and Kili's jaws were hanging almost as low as the Ri's and Ur's and I snorted at Gloin's horrified expression, probably imagining what his totally awesome wife would do to him if she ever caught wind of the lack of care I had received after my fall and the rocks in my pack, that he most likely contributed to.
“You let us shun a woman, Mr. Baggins?” Thorin growled, his eyes flashing to the hobbit next to me. I immediately moved to stand in front of him, blocking him from Thorin's sharp gaze.
“Oh Back Off Thorin Oakenshield!” I snapped, really angry now, they assumed I was a man, a fat, weak man. “He didn't LET YOU do anything! The only thing he's done is stick by my side like a good Male would!”
“Not quite.” Bilbo grumbled, standing behind me. “A good Male wouldn't of let them weigh your pack with heavy stones, he would of taken the burden for you.”
I stiffened, my eyes meeting his. “Judging by their reactions to my gender, your actions kept me safe, Bilbo Baggins.” I growled, the whole company stiffened, and I glared.
“We should remove the stones from her bag, Thorin.” Balin suggested, his eyes still wide in mortification.
“And she'll need a proper garb, it is unseemly for a Lady to be wearing trousers.” Dori said, his voice practically screeching on the last word.
“We should make camp early at the closest river or stream.” Fili said to his Uncle. “Let her bathe and change...” He paused, watching me as I glared at Dori. “And while I agree with Dori on the changing, perhaps she would prefer breeches and tunic?” I noticed him motioning to me as he elbowed his Uncle gently. I met Fili's eyes and smirked causing Thorin to growl.
“He's right about that, Thorin.” I said with a huff. “I'm in the middle of no where surrounded by at least a dozen unmarried Males and who knows how many enemies.” I crossed my arms again. “I refuse to wear anything that can hinder my escape or combat abilities, forget not wearing something that allows my enemies easy access.” Oh, they did NOT like that comment. But before an argument could bloom, Gandalf stepped in, ruddy wizard had been lurking in the shadows watching.
“Now, now, that's quite enough of that!” He scolded, as he strode forward and placed himself between the me and the company, Bilbo still stood behind me. “The realm she comes from isn't any safer than this one Thorin. Do not allow your men to take offense to her survival knowledge.”
I watched as most of the Dwarves relaxed a bit, but Dori was glaring at the wizard. “It is not proper.”
“Actually, where I come from this is totally modest.” I add from behind Gandalf. “Well, minus the holes and tears.” I paused as they all eyed me. “And I won't object to longer shirts over my...” I searched for the right word, finally I just gave up and grabbed the leg of my pants and motioned to them. “In fact I used to wear shorts and even short skirts over these since I was never pretty or confidant enough to wear them without them.” Bilbo snorted and I rolled my eyes. “Of course even if I had been, I wouldn't of gotten away with it. My mother is a very intimidating woman, and under-aged women should not advertise for what they are unwilling or unable to give.”
“A Lady should never advertise!” Dori scolded, his face red with anger. “She should let her Adad or the head of her Clan find her a suitable husband as is proper!”
“Oh wonderful!” I snapped with a roll of my eyes. I turned to Bilbo. “What fresh hell is this? You should of made me keep my sex a secret if that is how things are done around here!”
“You do not have to worry about that, Miss Drake.” Gandalf said softly. “According to common law, you already have a husband.”
I stiffened and turned my head to glare at him. “Choose your next words carefully, Elder, for you tread on dangerous ground.” He just quirked an eyebrow and pulled out his pipe.
“According to the law, when you landed on one of the Dwarves, you became his the moment he refused to allow the others to kill you.” Gandalf explained, packing Ol' Tobi in his pipe. “If he decides he does not want you, then he can arrange a union for you as a father would, but you are a part of his Clan now, whether you like it or not.” He added as he lit the pipe and took a deep inhale.
“So that's why Thorin is so growly.” I deadpanned. Gandalf choked, coughing rather loudly, smoke billowing from his mouth as he fought to catch his breath.
“Thorin?” Gandalf finally sputters.
“Yeah, he's the one I landed on.” I said with a shrug. “The one that left a bruise the size of my grandmother's favorite platter on my back.” The wizard was gaping at me. “Seriously, Elder, its a blooming miracle I didn't snap my spine in half, and can walk under my own power...though not as fast as usual.”
“Surely your injuries have been tended!” Gandalf snapped, glaring at Oin. I snorted.
“The only tending I acquired was a pack full of stones as punishment for a transgression I had no control over.” I said with a snicker, I found the old man's reaction thoroughly entertaining. The wizard's face was drawn and pinched, like he couldn't decide if he believed his ears or not. “I'm still wearing the same clothing I had on during the incident, they still carries the dampness, the fabric not suited for swimming and takes ages to dry.”
“That's enough!” Thorin snapped, and I turned to glare at him. “You will remove the stones from your bag and then you will sit with me.”
I quirked an eyebrow and clenched my fists. “No.” I deadpanned, shaking my head as the company stiffened. “I will do neither, Thorin Oakenshield. The stones in my pack will stay where they are, until the rage within has cooled enough that I may touch them without Hurling them at someone's head.” Bilbo snorted behind me and I rolled my eyes elbowing his shoulder gently. “To my line, they represent one of the gravest insults,” My eyes flash to Gandalf. “To be mistaken as MALE.”
“With all due respect, who names their daughter Drake?” Dori asked, tilting his head. I roll my eyes and groan.
“Drake is the name of my House, Master Dori!” I snap, glaring at the Tailor. “My family crest is a Dragon! I assumed Drake suited better in this Company than Dragondottr!”