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Nicky sat outside the shopping centre with his sons’ hands in his.
“When’s Nicole and Shane coming?” Rocco asked.
Nicky looked at his watch. They were ten minutes late. That was okay. Wasn’t too bad. He looked at his phone. No text. That was okay. “Soon, I think,” he answered, but a part of him thought maybe not.
“It’s cold out here,” Jay whined, and Nicky felt bad for making them wait but he also didn’t want to move from this bench.
“Let’s just wait ten more minutes, yeah? You’ll be alright,” Nicky bopped his five year-old’s nose and brushed away the thin layer of snow that his red beanie had collected.
He looked at his watch again.
He wanted to call Shane, ask if maybe he wasn’t coming. But he was so sure that he would. There was no reason why he wouldn’t. Shane had looked like he wanted to come too, when Nicky asked him.
He could still remember when Shane had moved to their neighbourhood a month ago, on Nicole’s first day at the new day care centre. He had turned up looking lost.
“Hi, I don’t think I’ve seen you around before,” Nicky had approached him first and put out a hand. “Nicky. Rocco and Jay’s dad.”
“Hi, I’m Shane.” Shane took off his sunglasses and reached out.
Behind those sunglasses revealed hazel brown eyes that ran light through his tightened chest. They curved as Shane smiled so shyly, a slight bite-down on those pink bottom lips, and there was something so comforting about the way he shined while being touched by the Sun.
“Um,” Shane chuckled awkwardly. Oh. Right. Nicky had to remind himself that they were in the middle of a conversation, instead of staring at him in silence like a creep.
“Sorry,” Nicky pulled his hand back and scratched his head.
“No, that’s alright. It’s nice to meet you.” Shane smiled again, his eyes squinting a little underneath the sunlight, a cute scrunch of his nose. “I just moved up here yesterday.”
They’d walked into the centre together, and Nicky hadn’t noticed himself trying to steal glances at a face so pretty. Trying to crack dumb jokes in that short amount of time, just so he could see that smile just once more.
Nicky offered to give Shane his number. No ulterior motives, but just so this man had a new friend in the neighbourhood. And he seemed nice.
The next week, after day care, Jay had asked if they could invite Nicole over to their house. Nicole was looking up at him, wide eyes that glistened exactly like Shane’s, with the same endearing angle of slope, pleading, and he couldn’t find a single inch of him to have the audacity to say no.
“Alright alright. We have to ask your dad first though.”
Shane was just getting out of his car, walking over with confusion circling his face at Nicky and the three kids huddled up, staring at him as if he’d done something wrong.
“Hey, love,” Shane lifted Nicole up in his arms and kissed her on the cheek.
Nicole didn’t even say hi back. Just asked and begged and begged to go over to Jay and Rocco’s house to see the new toy car they’d gotten. Remote-controlled and everything. Couldn’t miss it.
“Oh um,” he’d looked apologetically at Nicky. “I don’t want to bother you,” he’d said. And Nicky kind of wanted to give him a hug. He wasn’t sure if it was the sweet little smile that tickled Shane’s face or the look in his eyes that gave such a soft, kind energy. He pinched his own thigh with a hand in his pocket.
“It’s fine,” Nicky smiled. Saw Shane relax into a bigger one. “You can come too if you like. We can make it a playdate.”
And Shane had come. Happily. Then to a number of playdates over the past month. Very happily.
“Are you settling in well?” Nicky had asked one time, as he got the fruit out from the fridge for an afternoon snack.
“Thanks to you, yeah. I like it here. Nicole does too.” Shane fetched three bowls. “Want some help?”
“Can you just get an orange from the fridge?”
Shane opened the fridge. “Where?”
“It’s down the bottom. Over there-“
Nicky took a step back and turned around to point. He’d misjudged the distance. He hadn’t known Shane would be this close, mere centimetres apart from him, their faces almost breathing in each other.
But Shane hadn’t moved back.
He’d stood there, fingers clutching hard on the fridge door. Nicky had seen those knuckles flush white, right before he brought his eyes to Shane’s. He didn’t know what force of courage made him do that, but Shane was looking at him too. Pursed lips nervous, brown eyes hesitant but so bright. So present. So captivating.
“Sorry. Um.” Nicky cleared his throat. “Just… the oranges are down the bottom.”
“Right. Of course.” Shane let out a low chuckle that curled Nicky’s toes. He took a step back to get the orange, and Nicky had turned right to the chopping board.
The only sounds that circulated the air was the intermittent note of Nicky’s knife against the board, the distant laughter of their children, and he just hoped that Shane couldn’t hear the ridiculously strong and fast beat of his heart. But he also kind of hoped he could hear Shane’s. To see if Shane’s heart was beating too. To see if they fell onto the same rhythm.
“Hey um,” Nicky broke the silence that was strangling him. “So this weekend, I’m taking the boys to the mall to get photos with Santa, if you… maybe Nicole wants to come too? I know the boys would love it.”
Shane had said yes with a sparkle in his eyes.
So Nicky was hoping Shane would come today, hoping he didn’t fuck it up that day. Otherwise he’d be making his two sons sit out in the cold for nothing. And he would have spent the past week being nervous and building himself up just for his own disappointment.
He looked at his watch again. Twenty minutes late. His kids were going to freeze.
He held back a sigh and stood up. “Should we go in? It’s cold out here. Let’s-”
“Nicky!”
He darted around at the familiar voice. Felt his heart melt at the sight of Shane running across the road, Nicole’s little hand in his, those little legs chasing. There was a stupid little lump in his throat. Shane was here. Shane. He was…
“You’re here,” Nicky said, almost more to himself than to Shane.
“I’m so sorry, I- God, hang on.” Shane barked out a laugh and braces his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. He heard the kids laugh beside him, a heavenly blend with distant carol singing down the street. “We walked here but I misjudged the amount of time it would take us and then my phone ran out of battery so I couldn’t even call you and just- urgh. Worst morning. Sorry.”
Shane straightened up with a smile that erased the past twenty minutes of stretched patience, of the tugging at Nicky’s heart that told him that was pointless. That no, Shane wasn’t coming. That he’d be alone again this Christmas. The light running through Shane’s smile right in front of him destroyed that tug in a single heartbeat.
“No problem. Should we go in?” Nicky himself sounded more excited than the kids.
They walked side by side, the kids yapping about what they were going to ask for when they meet Santa.
“Hey, I’m really sorry,” Shane whispered and put a hand on Nicky’s shoulder. He used all his might to not fall apart.
“It’s okay. Honest.” Nicky put his hand over Shane’s, maybe for a little longer than necessary, but the smile reaching Shane’s eyes were more than worth it. He let go when they lined up for Santa. “Did you know we had to pay for this shit?” Nicky leaned in and whispered, pointing at the parents at the front of the line handing over notes for a photo. “It’s just some random lad in fluffy clothes.”
“Jesus Christ, I could have dressed up myself and saved us a tenner.” Shane chuckled in his ear. Nothing was sweeter than the drop of honey in that little sound. Then Shane pulled out his wallet. “It’s on me. For making you all wait.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.”
It was finally their turn, and their hearts warmed at how excited the kids were. At the sight of each other’s warmth.
“Who wants to go first?” Shane asked, and Rocco was the first to run up and claim Santa’s lap.
“What’s your name?” Santa asked and leaned in when the child whispered in his ear. “Rocco! And what is your magical Christmas wish, Rocco?”
Rocco was playing with Santa’s suit, a blush inking his cheeks. “I want daddy and Shane to be in love.”
Nicky choked on his own spit. Fuck, excuse me?
“Oh,” Shane chuckled awkwardly. Shot a side-glance at Nicky who was trying to cough out the invisible boulder stuck in his throat.
“That sounds wonderful, my dear!” Santa chortled. It hit their ears a bit too loud. “Tell me, who is this Shane?”
Rocco pointed, and Santa looked utterly surprised. “O-oh! He’s right here!” The man looked in between Shane and Nicky and winked.
Santa really just winked, and Shane swore that he saw glitter fall from the corners of those cheeky eyes.
Shane bashfully looked away. Didn’t know why his gaze had to land on Nicky, out of all people. But god, he really didn’t want to look away. Those cheeks flushing into a pretty pink as he scratched the back of his head, those lips twisted into a restrained curve.
A magical Christmas wish. For a second, Shane wanted to believe in magic again. In Christmas. In himself.
Thankfully Nicole and Jay hadn’t asked for the same thing. Just toy cars and unicorns and castles and all sorts of things that really would need magic to appear. They didn’t have to choke themselves anymore.
Though Nicky almost did when after the photos were taken and printed, when they walked around the mall for a bit and Shane’s hand occasionally brushed against his. Accidentally. He was sure it was an accident.
Maybe.
And whenever Nicky looked up at him, Shane eyes would shine but fall shy in the light. It was so beautiful that all Nicky wanted was to hold that hand properly. It was all he had wanted for the past month of getting to know this man who always vibrated with colours of kindness.
But he could feel Rocco watching them through every second when he wasn’t distracted by a toy in the shops. Nicky tried to not walk right beside Shane. Even for his own sanity.
When the Sun had been setting, when the evening’s orange of the sky swam with the blue, they headed outside. Shane walked Nicky to their car.
“Are you sure you don’t want a ride home?” Nicky asked, strapping the kids in their seats.
“We’ll be alright. Thanks though.”
Nicky nodded and closed the doors. He didn’t want to climb into his own seat. So he stood outside like an idiot, looking at Shane and smiling, knowing he should go inside so it doesn’t seem weird, but his feet just wouldn’t move.
“Um listen-“
“Shane-“
They stopped each other. Broke out into a soft laughter that set off calm waves in the orange sea up there.
“Sorry. You go first,” Nicky said.
“Right, so eh…” Shane hesitated for a bit, then took a deep breath and melted into a small smile. “Would you maybe like to um, I don’t know, go out with me sometime? Like, no playdates or kids or anything, just… yeah. Just you and me?”
“Just you and me,” Nicky repeated. He loved the way those words felt on the tip of his tongue, on the nerves of his lips. You. Me. You and me. “Yeah. I’d like that. The kids’ mam have them next weekend so I’m free if…”
“I can get a sitter.”
“Alright,” Nicky smiled, followed by a light chuckle that Shane echoed. “It’s a date then.”
“It’s a date.”
Nicky gave him a kiss on the cheek then climbed into his car.
Shane waved and watched as they drove into the sunset, the feeling of soft lips lingering on the skin of his cheek like magic.
A magical Christmas wish. Shane wanted to believe in magic again. In Christmas. In himself. And maybe even in love.