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Todd couldn’t stop thinking about the day Dirk broke up with him. It had been two months, and things have only just began to feel normal again, but it was hard. They had only known each other for a few weeks before they started dating. They weren’t quite sure how to be friends, they were so used to being lovers.
He sat on the stairs outside the apartment building. An unlit cigarette sat in his hand. He did try to stop smoking, but the habit always seemed to come back whenever he was having a bad day. With his empty hand, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. The lock screen was still a picture of him and Dirk. Farah had taken the picture on Christmas. Todd was sitting on the couch in their living room, drinking coffee, when Dirk jumped up behind him in an absolutely adorable-at-the-time sneak attack hug. Todd had spilled his coffee, but he didn’t mind. He hid his face in Dirk’s arms, but you could easily tell he was laughing. Todd remembered telling Farah to delete the picture, but instead she sent it to him and he made it his lock screen because he wanted to remember the happiness he felt in that moment forever.
Forever.
That’s where all his problems were - inside of the word forever. It scared him. Because what if he promised forever and then fucked it up again? He didn’t want to promise Dirk something he couldn’t deliver. But he could. He could give Dirk the world, the universe, and forever in a heartbeat. And more importantly, he wanted to.
It was 3 in the morning and ice cold in the middle of November, but Todd wanted to sit outside and stare at the stars until he couldn’t see them anymore. Because today would have been their three year anniversary.
He put the cigarette in his mouth and lit it.
“I thought you stopped smoking months ago,” Dirk whispered from the door.
Todd didn’t turn around. He’s gotten used to Dirk sneaking up on him like this. He inhaled, letting the smoke fill his lungs.
He exhaled slowly. “Old habits I guess.”
The gust of cold air blew and Todd shivered. He was only in a t-shirt and pajama pants. He should have brought a jacket, but time has proven that Todd never thinks anything through.
Dirk walked down a couple steps and sat next to Todd, who was pleasantly surprised at the sudden existence of a blanket around his shoulders.
Todd didn’t bother asking why Dirk brought it out with him. He knew the answer.
They sat in silence as they watched the stars shine over them. It was nice. They used to do this a lot. Todd loved the stars, and could name about a dozen constellations. Sometimes, when the sky was clear, he’d show them to Dirk. Dirk, of course, was really bad at recognizing constellations, but Todd loved watching the stars reflect in Dirk’s eyes. It was one of his favorite things to see.
“What are those three stars right in front of us?”
“That’s Orion’s Belt.” Todd scooched over, closing the distance between him and Dirk so he could point out the rest of the constellation. With his cigarette pinched between two fingers, he pointed at the sky. “So right above the belt there’s two more stars, those are Bellatrix and Betelgeuse. And then under the belt there’s Saiph and Regal. Above Betelgeuse and to the left is his arm and then off to the right is his bow. And that’s Orion. The Hunter.”
Dirk leaned on Todd as he showed him the stars. Partly to get a better view, but mostly for an excuse to lean on Todd. “How do you remember all of that?”
Todd took another drag off the cigarette. It was almost gone at this point. “I don’t know. But it came in handy when we were in space.”
Dirk smiled. “I suppose you’re right. How long ago was that case? Seems like forever ago.”
“Nearly three years. It started right after we started dating.” He took another long drag. Why did he have to say that?
“Oh,” Dirk gasped. He looked down at his lap. “That’s today, isn’t it?”
Another drag. It made his chest feel warm.
“Todd, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”
Todd shivered. “About what?”
“About when we… stopped dating.”
Dirk was looking at Todd, he could feel it. He just didn’t have the strength to look back.
“You mean, when you broke up with me?”
Dirk closed his eyes and sighed. He looked back up at Todd, who had turned his head so Dirk couldn’t see the tears pooling in his eyes.
“I can’t stop thinking about it, you know? I keep replaying that day in my mind trying to find out what I could have done differently. I can’t figure it out,” Todd admitted.
“I don’t think there was anything you could have done. It was my mistake to make.”
Todd put out the cigarette on the step beside him. “Mistake?” He turned to face Dirk and for the first time that night he got a proper look at Dirk’s face. His eyes were red and puffy. He had been crying earlier.
“I shouldn’t have broken up with you the way I did. That should have been a longer discussion and it should have happened mutually.”
A tear slid down Todd’s cheek. “So breaking up with me wasn’t a mistake?”
“I wish it was. But, Todd, if you didn’t want to be in this relationship forever, why are you still crying over me?”
“Because I miss you. I miss holding your hand and kissing you and dancing in the kitchen in our pajamas and waking up next to you every morning. I want to do all of that again. I want to do all of that forever, Dirk.”
“Forever?” Dirk smiled. It was small and timid, but it was filled with hope. The kind of hope that fueled Todd’s next thought.
“Marry me.” He begged . He needed Dirk to say yes because this was one of those things he hadn’t thought through. It was a life-or-death situation.
Dirk’s face lit up. “Are you-”
“Yes. Say yes. Please. I want this, Dirk. I want you.” Todd grabbed Dirk’s hands desperately. He never wanted to let go of them.
“Yes! Yes of course. I lo-” Dirk couldn’t finish saying “I love you” because Todd was kissing him in a way he never thought he’d experience again. It reminded Dirk of their first kiss, at the Sound of Nothing concert; full of hunger and lust and lost time. They needed each other to survive.
Dirk pulled Todd up and inside the door. Somehow, through magic luck from the universe, they managed to make it back to the elevator without breaking contact.
“You taste like cigarettes,” Dirk mumbled between kisses.
“Do you want me to brush my teeth?” Todd whispered into Dirk’s neck.
Dirk’s fingers laced into Todd’s hair. “Don’t you dare.”
It occurred to Dirk that he had left his blanket outside, but he didn’t care. There was no way he was sleeping in his own bed tonight.