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Nothing more than words. A comforting hand on a shoulder, maybe, or a quick embrace after a particularly fierce fight. But these were ordinary things, and nothing had changed since they’d left Serene.
She had by no means meant for this to happen, but she supposed that one had little control over the twisting paths their emotions chose. Ever since they had cast off from her childhood home, that feeling in the pit of de Sardet’s stomach had been causing her more and more trouble. At first she had thought it was seasickness…then frequent bouts of hunger, then anxiety, and she had not exactly been thrilled when she discovered that it was, in fact, butterflies. Aurelie de Sardet was the Legate of the Congregation and a powerful warrior, not a giggling schoolgirl.
De Sardet snuck a furtive glance at Kurt, taking a large gulp of her ale. He was half-heartedly playing a round of cards with some fellow Coin Guard but glanced up to meet her gaze, a ghost of a smile quirking the corner of his mouth. He hadn’t been watching her, she told herself – he was just acutely aware of her movements after years as her trainer and bodyguard. Nothing was happening, she reminded herself yet again. Just a close friend.
Turning away quickly, she took another swig of her ale. Nerves, stupid, stupid nerves. She could face down eldritch beasts without any backup, but suddenly she couldn’t even make eye contact with a man she’d known almost half her life. When she glanced back, Kurt was rising from his table and moving her way, and then he was beside her at the bar, ordering a drink of his own.
“I hope I’m not disturbing you, excellency,” Kurt said, leaning in and clasping a hand to her shoulder.
“Yes, I mean – no. No, you’re not disturbing me.” It occurred to her that she was either quite drunk or quite nervous – perhaps both – as she responded, stumbling slightly over the simple words. Give her a negotiation and she could sweet talk her way out of anything, but throw her into a situation like this and it was all over. Aurelie chastised herself again internally. She had come here to think, to logic her way out of these distracting feelings – but, in truly poor judgment, it had not occurred to her that Kurt himself might be here. It was, after all, a Coin Guard establishment, but Aurelie did not know where she would have gotten a beer otherwise.
“I didn’t realize you’d returned,” he said, taking his own beer from the bartender and taking the seat next to hers. His knee brushed against hers, driving her just a little bit mad. She had only just gotten back from a short trip with Siora and Petrus, during which she had had plenty of time to stew over her growing feelings. Part of the reason Kurt hadn’t accompanied her – though of course she did not tell him – was because she needed time to deconstruct these silly emotions on her own, discarding them at least until her investigation of the malichor was complete. She had no time for dalliances, especially with a man that almost certainly still thought of her as a child.
“We’ve only just arrived,” she replied shortly. Another gulp.
Kurt still had his hand on her shoulder, and was now fiddling with the fabric of her coat. She had stumbled across an old set of native armor, and had the blacksmith fit it to her measurements. She felt quite at home in it – especially now that she knew the truth of her parentage – but she sometimes forgot that she stuck out like a sore thumb in New Serene. Kurt ran his hand over the leather and fur, that slight smile returning to his mouth. “I see you’re going native? One trip without me and this is what you come back wearing.”
Aurelie let out a tight laugh, although the sentiment of it didn’t quite reach the surface. Curse her clenched heart, her feelings were robbing her of these cherished moments with one of her dearest friends… “I think it quite suits me, don’t you? Not enough feathers on our clothes back home.” She smiled up at him, and his eyes were simply gorgeous in the firelight. Not even some lighthearted ribbing could lift the burden of these damnable feelings from her shoulders.
“You go out without me again, might come back looking even more like a demonic chicken.” He chuckled and de Sardet snorted out a true laugh this time, a splash of ale falling back into her mug. She self-consciously ensured that she didn’t have any beer around her mouth, but when she looked back to Kurt, he was gazing right at her. “Truly though, excellency…you look happy in this new gear…and happiness is quite fetching on you.”
---
They talked for another hour or so, de Sardet letting herself slip into a comfortable rapport in spite of the ache in her chest. They had switched to brandy, and its warmth in her belly seemed to overcome the ache just enough to give her the ability to relax, while Kurt’s movements too became more loose. “So Kurt,” she asked, “Now that you’ve solved your mystery and overcome a coup, what will you be doing next?”
He sipped his own ale, furrowing his brow thoughtfully. “Well, there’s much to do – ensuring that the treachery has been rooted out, maintaining order here in Serene with a changing of the guard. And my most important mission.”
“What’s that?”
“Protecting you, of course.”
De Sardet cocked an eyebrow at him, giving him a lopsided smile. “Kurt, you have seen me singlehandedly take down a Nadaig – do you really think I need protection?”
He laughed again and shook his head, but maintained eye contact with her. Yes, he was definitely drunk, she decided when his face went quickly from mirth to solemnity. “Excellency, you can handle yourself admirably in a fight, but I’m here to watch your back. And it’s not just beasts you need protection from.” Her heart raced when his hand returned to her shoulder. “I know things have changed drastically for you in the past several weeks, and I’m here.” He let his fingers trail from her shoulder and down to her elbow, touching bare skin where she had removed her gauntlets. She shivered imperceptibly as he drew his hand further to touch hers. “When I told you that nothing had changed when you found out who you really were, I meant it. Your wellbeing is my priority in all things, excellency. You must – “ His voice lowered to a mumble. “Someone must protect your heart as well.”
Aurelie stared at him for a moment, confused. “Kurt, I’m a grown woman, not a silly girl –“
“And yet you have not given yourself the time to pause and reflect. Trust me, Greenblood, I haven’t survived the things I have without giving myself time to grieve.”
She was taken aback. This was not what she had expected, but she supposed that they had both become just tipsy enough that the truth was spilling out. They had both been through so much since their arrival on the Teer Fradee – Reiner’s death, the emergence of a renegade group of Coin Guard, and the ugly memories of Kurt’s own experience with the insidious “Night Training” had to have been nearly too much to bear. “I’m sorry, Kurt, I didn’t think…”
He shook his head. “No, Aurelie –“ Her name slipped out as a whisper as he raised his eyes to gaze deeply into hers. “It’s not about that. I’ve found my peace. I want to help you find yours.”
Her fingertips tingled. At those words, she could think of only one thing that would help her to return to full balance. De Sardet cleared her throat uncomfortably, and impulsively finished her brandy. Now it was Kurt’s turn to raise an eyebrow at her. “I think there is something you could help me with, Kurt.”
“Anything for you,” he murmured, a slight edge to his voice.
Aurelie turned her hand upwards, grasping his for the first time. Tension hung in the air between them. She wanted to explain all that she had been feeling, how badly she ached to have him, to touch every scar on his muscled body. How sometimes the only thing that got her through the hardest days were daydreams of him kissing and teasing her. How she had left her few ladylike habits behind to become the Legate of the Congregation, and how sometimes she just wanted to be a woman again, not the Legate, not de Sardet, not on ol menawi. Instead, all she managed to do was grip his hand as if her life depended on it and whisper, “Take me to bed, Kurt.”
A moment of hesitation had her mind racing with doubts for a split second. She knew that he was trying to find the words to process what she had just thrown at him, but then his other hand rose to gently caress her face. A rough thumb traced her jawline, and she let her eyes flutter closed. His mouth found hers softly, pressing against her tenderly. Warmth flooded her entire being, the butterflies taking flight from the crown of her head to her fingers and toes. Kurt drew away, his hand staying on her face as he opened his eyes to gaze at her beseechingly. “Excellency -“ that damned honorific drove her mad – “Are you sure…you? With someone like me?”
Rather than justifying such a question with a response, she leaned in for another kiss, tangling her other hand in his short black hair. She opened her mouth slightly and he accepted her invitation, deepening the kiss and letting his tongue meet hers, hesitantly at first and then slowly more confidently. She let her mouth linger on his, her lips aflame with weeks of pent-up desire. On some level, through the fog of jubilation and her slight buzz, de Sardet puzzled over how shy he seemed to be. She knew that he’d had several partners since they’d known each other, as the serving staff at the palace had whispered about his affairs and he was ten years her senior, surely much more experienced than she. In her many daydreams, Aurelie had imagined him as fiery and hard, taking charge of her as not just any man could. But here, he was soft and gentle, treating her with a delicacy that she hadn’t felt since leaving the continent.
He drew away from her but she held him closely, leaning her forehead against his. Now that she had initiated this encounter, she felt that she couldn’t get enough of him, breathing in the scent of leather armor and brandy. Kurt seemed unable to look her in the eye, and when he spoke his voice was thick with desire, causing ever nerve in de Sardet’s body to pulse. “Now it seems the proud warrior cannot find the right words.” He laughed throatily and she shivered.
“To hell with it,” she drew away only to throw some coin on the bar, standing abruptly and extending her hand to him, “Come back to mine for…more brandy?”
He rose and began to follow her out the door.
“Nothing would make me happier.”
---
Aurelie didn’t think the roads of New Serene had ever seemed longer. Every step that they took through the abandoned streets was delicious agony, her body a ball of nerves. The butterflies that had taken hold of her for the past several months were suddenly free, their wings a tantalizing caress that left her biting her lip in anticipation of what was to come. Kurt locked step behind her, never letting go of her hand. They rounded a dark corner near the town square and Kurt took her into his arms, pressing her to him and capturing her mouth in a passionate kiss. His hands ruffled her braid, pulling strands of hair loose. She was sure she looked quite ruffled in the cool night air, but she entirely failed to care – let them talk about the orphaned native girl and the captain of the guard. She drew away from him again to lead them the rest of the way to her residence, feeling weightless on the cobblestones.
Once inside, they were silent. She carelessly pulled off her shoes, and when the cool air hit her toes she suddenly felt quite naked in front of him. In spite of their passion outside, she felt exposed in the firelight, and busied herself by the liquor cabinet. Her hands shook in anticipation as she picked up two crystal brandy glasses and tried to pour two drinks. She wondered what she was doing and why the firelight had changed everything. For a moment she sobered – she should not distract herself with this, Constantin could die, she did not have time for such dalliances – and then Kurt’s arms came around her from behind and she forgot all of her doubts in the warmth of his embrace. He gently turned her to face him, and she held out one of the brandy glasses with trembling hands. He reluctantly took it and then placed it right back on the cabinet behind her, instead resting his hands on her hips. “Excellency, if you’re having any doubts, we don’t have to proceed.” The formality only heightened her resolve, and she shook her head firmly. Words seemed to fall out of her mouth once again.
“Kurt, I am only – it’s been some time since I’ve done this and I’ve…wanted it for a very long time.” She put down her brandy as well, resolute. “I’m drinking to get the nerve for it, but I’d rather like to remember all of this tomorrow.”
Kurt smiled humorously, but his eyes burned with want. Keeping her eyes locked on his, Aurelie raised her hands to her hair, pulling the pins out to let the braids come undone so her long wavy hair would cascade down her back. He seemed even more drawn to her then, and murmured a common refrain from their training exercises: “Stop thinking, and act.” With that, his hands moved to the fastenings of her armor, his skilled fingers making quick work of the straps and buckles. De Sardet’s breath quickened – he wasn’t even touching her, but his single-minded focus on getting her undressed sent a wave of pleasure through her unlike anything she’d felt in ages. His head bent and he was kissing her again, frenzied and focused all at the same time. When he pushed the native cuirass off of her shoulders to fall with a light thud onto the floor, she idly wondered what other things his hands could do, and she hoped that she would have ample time to find out. Moving away from her mouth, he kissed down her jaw and onto her neck, and she let out a sigh in response. Down to just her shirt and trousers, she could feel him warm and tantalizingly close. His hands, free after he had finished removing her armor, were stroking slow circles along her hips and thighs.
Clutching his head to her neck – he was doing fantastic things with his mouth and tongue as they darted over her pulse – she couldn’t resist gasping out her own desire. “I want to see you,” she sighed. He slowly pulled away, smiling that amused smile again, and let his hands go to the buckles on his own armor. She had seen him in various states of undress many times before, but never had she been given the chance to touch him, and she smiled wickedly as she grasped the hem of his shirt. He stared hotly, never letting his eyes leave hers, and she dragged the shirt up and over his head, revealing a patchwork of stories. She ran her hands over his chest and he shivered unintentionally, sighing out a deep breath. But he wasn’t content to let her simply examine his naked torso just yet – his hands found their own purchase on her hem, and he returned her wicked smile.
“Your turn.”
She raised her arms over her own head and he quickly dispensed of her shirt, leaving her in nothing more than her bindings. He stepped in closer to her, running his fingers up her spine, his rough hands lighting small fires up her back. Again, he lowered his head to leisurely kiss her. It had been months since Aurelie had paused to enjoy something, and two different sides of her battled against each other for dominance: the one that wanted to take the time to appreciate his ministrations, and the one that was anxious to push him into her bed and feel his manhood fully against her. He seemed to notice her distractedness and moved his hand to her bindings, pulling them free to unravel around her. “What’s on your mind?” he asked, and she shook her head, laughing.
“Everything?”
Her bindings had fallen around her feet now, and Kurt’s hand trailed around to her breast, his rough fingers first slowly caressing and then rolling its peak between his fingertips. Aurelie inhaled sharply, maintaining her contact with his icy blue eyes as her mouth fell open. “Be here,” he whispered hotly, leaning in to her ear. His breath on her neck drove every other thought from her mind. Her body seemed to vibrate with the multitude of sensations he was eliciting in her; the breath on her ear, one hand teasing out moans of pleasure on her breast. His other hand, which had rested firmly on her hip, slid down to her backside, giving her leverage to hook her leg around his waist and press herself against him. She was surprised at how composed he was, how slowly he was exploring her body, given that she could feel his hardness under his trousers, ready to sink into her when she was ready. At the feeling of his manhood, her hands moved to his waist to untie the laces of his pants, but he paused in his ministrations to stop her. “We’re not done yet,” he growled, and then flicked his eyes to the stairs.
De Sardet quirked her mouth in a smile; this was more of the commanding presence that she had so often daydreamed about. She painfully untangled herself from him and stepped back towards the stairs, leaving a trailing hand on his arm while another went to the laces of her own trousers. He gazed at her with a look of satisfaction, beginning to follow as she turned and let the pants fall around her ankles, leaving her in her undergarments. A flash of insecurity again – damn it all, why did she have to be wearing these utilitarian things the first time he saw her like this? – but a low growl of desire behind her refocused her mind on climbing the stairs ahead of them, a smile teasing at her lips. His booted feet thudded on the wooden stairs, and she supposed the sound reminded him of them, as she immediately heard the sound of first one, and then two boots being tossed to the landing.
At the top of the stairs, de Sardet found herself in complete darkness, and she knelt to light a sole candle on her desk. The window was open, and the filtered sounds of a group of merrymakers drifted in with the night air. When she looked back at Kurt, he was watching her closely, a self-awareness in his eyes that hadn’t been there downstairs. She furrowed her brows, self-consciously crossing her arms over her chest – when they had been kissing earlier, it had been as if nothing in the world mattered, but now that they had parted temporarily, she felt acutely aware of her nakedness and the incalculable look in his eyes. He immediately stepped into her orbit again, gently pulling her hands away from her body so he could look at her. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” he said slowly, “I am just…still trying to make sense of how such a beautiful and fascinating woman such as yourself would take an interest in someone like me.”
De Sardet gaped at him for a moment – after months of pining for him, it was Kurt who worried that she did not reciprocate his feelings? A laugh slipped out of her mouth, and he frowned before cocking an eyebrow at her. “Kurt…” she finally said, “I thought…” Even in this moment of vulnerability, their hands had found their way to each other’s bodies, and Kurt’s fingers had once again found her breast while another hand twisted in her long hair. She had so much that she wanted to tell him, but the words couldn’t seem to make the journey from her head to her mouth. “I thought…” she tried again, but soon surrendered to the sensations. “I thought we could talk about this later.”
His mouth fell back to hers now in a crushing kiss, and she grasped at him as if for dear life as his tongue tangled with hers, tasting of brandy. His hands had returned to their places on her backside and on her breast, and it was as if they had somehow, beyond all concentration, become even more entangled with each other in the past five minutes. She kissed him desperately, enjoying the storied texture of his body, all hard muscles and smooth scars. Aurelie moved her hands down to his waist again and this time he let her unlace his trousers. Both now clothed only in their underthings, she could feel his member fully against her. He pushed her to the wall and she used the leverage to wrap both legs around his waist, moving her sex against him and sighing in rhapsody. Kurt moaned into her mouth and she felt his strong arms lift her away from the wall then, carrying her to the waiting bed. However, rather than tearing their smalls off and finally consummating this rendezvous, he agonizingly pulled away from her. Frustrated, she propped herself up on her elbows, only to gaze into his hooded eyes and see his mouth hovering over her breasts. He lowered himself and took a nipple into his mouth, never looking away from her. She put one hand on his head and tangled her fingers in his hair, a ragged breath escaping her lungs. His tongue flicked across the peak of her breast over and over again, driving her mad with desire. Her entire body ached with the need to be with him, but his ministrations felt so damn good that she held back from tearing his remaining clothes off.
Bracing himself with one hand, he moved his other hand to her free breast, teasing her into ecstasy. She let her head fall back briefly, and when she looked back at him he was kissing a trail down her ribs and her belly. His hand moved down to her smalls and finally, slowly pulled them down. He chuckled as he tossed them away, looking into her eyes with a smile. “You have wanted this for a long time,” he murmured, his hand moving languidly to her sex. He ran one finger over her clit and she shuddered, and then he lowered his head to press his tongue to it, still moving agonizingly slowly. She sighed out his name, grasping at his hair again, and he began to increase the pace of his movements. Kurt made love to her with his mouth, and his hands came up to again play with her nipples, teasing and tasting her for as long as he pleased. She writhed under him, waves of color flashing behind her eyelids. Her orgasm came like a rushing wave, and she thrust herself against his plying mouth, letting out a loud moan and pulling desperately at the bed sheets. Still, he did not relent, continue to press hot kisses to her sex, and watching her respond to his actions the entire time. Desire grew in her for a second time, threatening to overpower her entirely, when he suddenly drew away from her, leaving her aching for more.
De Sardet vaguely recalled that the window remained open, and that anyone passing on the street would likely hear them, but she dismissed the thought quickly. Now that he had brought her to the peak of pleasure, he was hastily discarding his small clothes so that he could return to her embrace. When his cock came free from his smalls, she gazed at him hungrily, and he returned to her with reverence, as if he were preparing to worship at the altar of her body. She lay in the ebb of her orgasm, but her body still wasn’t satisfied – she wouldn’t be satisfied until she felt him within her. She moved her hand to touch herself playfully, gazing at him as he climbed back into the bed. “I need you…now…” she murmured, and he captured her mouth in a kiss in response, positioning himself over her. His cock teased at her clit, moving down to her opening, again too slow for her satisfaction. She ground herself against him, but he still exercised that incredible restraint, caressing her face and running a thumb over her lip. He penetrated her just a little bit, keeping his eyes on her as he tried to move her hips against him, move him deeper.
He let himself slip into her more deeply, but quickly withdrew again and she hissed out a cry of need. “I want…” he thrust slowly into her again, “…to fuck you…” and then again, “…slowly.”
She moaned again, and he continued to thrust into her slowly. He was so hard that she knew he was riding the waves of satisfaction as well, but he remained entirely focused on her, on her pleasure. The slow pace of his thrusts made her acutely aware of all the spots inside that had been neglected since long before they had left the continent, places that no other lover seemed to have found before. He placed a hand on one of her thighs and drew her knee up toward her shoulder, allowing him to thrust even more deeply into her, and she let out a cry of pleasure, moaning his name. At the sound of his name, he quickened his pace, and when Aurelie opened her eyes again, Kurt appeared to have finally been overcome by his own pleasure. This was her moment to take control – she hooked her leg around him and, as they had practiced many times in training, she flipped him onto his back, maintaining the connection between them. He managed a smile before she began to ride him at her own pace, letting her hands move to her own breasts. He watched her pleasure herself hungrily, setting his hands on her hips as they settled into a hot and fast rhythm, and she watched with satisfaction as he slowly relinquished control. Ecstasy overtook her, and soon she was coming again, the waves of a second orgasm leaving her buzzing. As her walls pressed in around him, his mouth fell open in a groan, and she felt him thrust deeply into her as he came too, calling her by her name.
Aurelie crumpled onto his chest, their breaths slowing. Her mind filled with questions, and she pulled away from him slowly, taking a moment just to enjoy the look of him, stretched out and shameless in her bed. He looked to her, smiling, when she propped herself up on her elbow next to him. The room was still warm from their lovemaking, and neither made any move to conceal themselves from one another. He rolled onto his side, caressing her cheek, and she turned to press a kiss into his palm.
“How long?” she asked simply.
“Months…maybe a year…” Kurt looked away from her. “I felt ashamed at first, being older –“ She shoved his shoulder, shaking her head at him, “ – But in all of our journeys, seeing your strength…I’ve fallen quite in love with you.”
The breath seemed to leave her for a moment – so it wasn’t just a one-night affair for him, a drunken liaison with someone he did not have feelings for.
“And I, with you,” she breathed. It may have been the post-coital euphoria, but it seemed like the room around them shook with the revelation of their true feelings. Perhaps she should not have been surprised – he knew her better than anyone in the world, and they shared so much together. That she had fallen for her handsome bodyguard was no shock, but her stubborn denial of those emotions had made it seem as if their union would have never been possible. Looking back at the before – just a few hours ago sitting alone at the bar – she saw how stupid she had been. Her status as Legate did not make her cold and lifeless, and she had denied this for so long purely because she had insisted to herself that she had a job to do.
Kurt ran his fingers through her hair, settling a hand on her hip. “So…what now?”
De Sardet pressed a kiss to his mouth, feeling her body already responding to his again. When she pulled away, a fire had sparked in his eyes. “Well, there are still parts of you I have yet to explore,” she murmured, smiling, “And we have all night.”