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Baekhyun’s favorite time of the day is when the indigo blanket of darkness takes over the skies, bleeding dark into the crimson sky, shadowing the orange sky with twinkling stars. It’s his favorite for many reasons; under the cover of darkness he can slip out of his mask, letting his exhausted eyes close and breath, out of the costume of idol Baekhyun.
It’s his favorite because when the twinkling blanket of night takes over, he can rest. His body, his mind, his entire being exhausted after a day of smiling and joking; he can close his lips, close himself and let the exhaustion roll over him, uncaring as to who sees him.
It’s his favorite time of the day because at night, under the dark veil and twinkling beads of light, he doesn’t need to be Baekhyun; he is finally allowed to be a man with aching muscles, a throbbing head and exhausted eyes. He doesn’t need to smile, nor stay alert. He can lay back and just exist.
Under the soft indigo, he can let roll his tears of anguish, of frustration and no camera is thrust onto his face.
However, mostly, it’s his favorite because during night, after a long exhausting day, he is wrapped up in warmth. The touch he craves the whole day holds him gentle, cradles him as if he is china glass.
It hurts his pride, oh it does, but the warmth, the touch provides such safety, such security that despite the numerous times he tells himself it’s alright, that he doesn’t need the touch to wake up happier the next morning, he finds himself falling back into the patient arms, curling himself around the tall figure and let the male lull him to sleep, provide him a comfort he doesn’t find elsewhere; one that sinks into his bones, smoothes out creases of stress and vigorous work.
It lulls him into a peaceful sleep where all his worries disappear.
Night is mostly is favorite because the small bubble of comfort that wraps around him promises him such happiness and support that he feels like he is at the top of the world. His world shrinks inside the bubble and all he feels is Chanyeol’s limbs protectively wrapped around him. For someone like Baekhyun, it should be threatening but Baekhyun feels nothing but peace. Inside their small bubble, Baekhyun lets Chanyeol lull him into a dreamless yet tranquil sleep.
At night, Chanyeol allows him to shine. Not Byun Baekhyun but just the core of him, the male behind the smiles. Like twinkling stars, like a building with flickering light, he shines, in his- their room, he shines and Chanyeol smiles and lets Baekhyun blind him.
Chanyeol might be fire, but he muses, Baekhyun is the warmth. Baekhyun is his warmth, his light, his home. Chanyeol can’t stop himself as his eyes follow the lithe yet sturdy form of his love, graceful and smooth.
Chanyeol loves watching Baekhyun dance. Whether it’s when they are practicing for a new comeback, or perhaps when they hurrying into shirts backstage, or maybe, when the first rays of sunshine reflect of Baekhyun’s naked shoulder, head tucked in Chanyeol’s chest, arms wound around the taller, perhaps even when they are giggling into kisses, diving under sheets, hands clawing at clothes, it doesn’t matter. Simply, Chanyeol likes watching Baekhyun, likes every sway, every nudge.
Watching him prepare for his solo debut, sitting by the mirror as Baekhyun moves, eyes fixates on his form in the reflection, Chanyeol is content.
God knows how much he missed his boyfriend, both of them too busy with their own things, barely having time to converse on the phone let alone spend time together.
Stars twinkle outside the training room, the cover of night befalling them gracefully, chilly breeze stirring the leaves. With a notepad in his lap, Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun, his muse, to conjure up any idea for songs.
Ideas swirl in his head yet doesn’t come out the right way when the pen scrapes the paper. Giving up after a short while, he simply shutting his notebook as his eyes focus on Baekhyun’s movement, already mesmerized.
The stars outside twinkle as if they are making a rhythm. Of love, of happiness- Chanyeol doesn’t know, he is content looking at Baekhyun move in front of him.
The shimmering glow of his silver hair catches the dim light and simply blinds Chanyeol.
Chanyeol lets it because that’s the flash of his happiness, even if he doesn’t know.
The overwhelming wave of sadness crashes over Chanyeol before he even opened the door to the dorm. Without even thinking, Chanyeol knew it was Baekhyun-how he doesn’t know but he knows that this is Byun Baekhyun.
He stops outside the supermarket, picks up the biggest tub of strawberry ice cream before he makes his way to the dorm.
Quietly he opens the door to their room, taking a few moments to let his eyes adjust to the dark. He finds Baekhyun curled up on his bed, wrapped in his and Baekhyun’s blankets.
He drops the ice cream tub on the night stand, crawling in the bed and taking his shoes off. He doesn’t bother with speaking, simply wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s curled form and stays.
He doesn’t know how long passed but Baekhyun moves after a while, turning to face him. He removes one end of the blanket from under him and holds it up.
Wordlessly Chanyeol moves closer letting Baekhyun’s arms wrap around him, blanket falling over his form gracefully. Baekhyun presses his face against Chanyeol’s chest and the taller tightens his arms around the smaller.
Chanyeol’s world shrinks. It shrinks and shrinks until all his senses are focused on the man wrapped in his arm. His world gets smaller and wraps itself around the smaller male and Chanyeol willingly lets it. How can he not when his world is contained in the smaller form of his best friend?
Baekhyun presses his face against his taller group mate’s back with a giggle. He really doesn’t know how Chanyeol knows what he needs but the taller wiggles out of his arms and turns around, embracing him tightly.
Baekhyun no longer feels embarrassed when he seeks Chanyeol’s warmth or comfort. It’s now a simple pleasure. An addiction that he needs in his pursuit of happiness.
The members no longer pay them any heed, though Baekhyun is sure that something like mischief flashes on Jongdae and Sehun’s faces.
Chanyeol sways them to a silent rhythm and Baekhyun sags against him, pressing closer to the warmth of his best friend and letting the taller sway him.
The backstage is bustling with life but Baekhyun’s senses mute themselves, only focusing on the small sway Chanyeol is leading him in, only listening to the calm heart beat of the taller male, only feeling the cheek pressed against his crown.
They stay like this until a PA orders everyone to line up to get on stage, sharing a meaningful smile that promises something more as they separate. Baekhyun really doesn’t know what it promises but he doesn’t bother questioning it, simply trusting Chanyeol’s twinkling eyes.
Something flutters in him as Chanyeol smiles brightly at him but he doesn’t pay it any heed because it’s not like it’s the first time.
“I love you.” Chanyeol says and Baekhyun’s heart jumps. They are playing the ‘I Love You’ game, he knows, but it feels so sincere. It feels sincere but not in the way other members professed their love, with mischief but promise of having his back. It feels sincere in the way where there is a promise of protection, safety, comfort and love. It feels sincere in the way a lover will profess to his beloved and Baekhyun is rendered speechless, butterflies bubbling in his stomach.
Sehun grasps the situation faster than him, before the awkwardness settle in and yells out something. Baekhyun doesn’t know because Chanyeol’s eyes hold all the admiration in the world as he gazes at him.
The rest of the game, Baekhyun tries to keep the butterflies steady and his cheeks from staining pink.
It’s somewhere around midnight as Baekhyun stops his car by the Han River, gets out and sits on the hood of his car, letting the cool summer breeze of the river ruffle his hair, swirl around him in a way that is meant for comfort. It feels comfortable, the silence of night providing a peaceful environment to let his thoughts consume him.
He leans back against the hood and looks up at the sky. The vast expanse above him is clear of any clouds and the stars are bright against the dark veil. The moon is there too, and it looks beautiful, mesmerizing him into a trance. It’s as if the moon is urging him to speak his mind, to shift through memories and find the meaning of happiness; he does.
He closes his eyes, hums a rhythm stuck in his head. Allows his thoughts to consume him.
His phone rings.
He picks it up and Chanyeol’s worried voice filter through. He doesn’t even need to say where he is, only an “Out,” and Chanyeol tells him to wait-he is on his way.
Not fifteen minutes later, the familiar Mercedes stop near him. Chanyeol gets out and wordlessly comes to stand beside him.
They stay quiet, each other’s presence enough. When the first rays of sun peeks out the horizon, they get in their cars and drive back to the dorm.
Baekhyun enters Chanyeol’s studio, making his way inside with familiarity.
Chanyeol is not here, out for beer with Sehun, but Baekhyun knows he will be here soon.
He sits on Chanyeol’s chair and looks around. It’s the first time he came over since Chanyeol moved to this studio.
The walls are cream and brown, giving out a modern yet comfortable feeling and Baekhyun understands why Chanyeol pays almost a million won every month to keep this place. It makes the ideas flow.
Baekhyun decides to explore the apartment, having nothing better to do.
He likes it. Since they all got their own places, Baekhyun and Chanyeol hasn’t been the same. There is some kind of distance that Baekhyun can’t quite understand, some sort of rift that makes him feel lonelier. His pursuit of happiness hasn’t stopped but somehow the goal feels further than ever.
His nights are a little colder, a little lonelier and Baekhyun doesn’t know why.
Chanyeol and he barely meet now; Chanyeol is busy with his music and Baekhyun is busy with solo activities and SuperM which requires constant travel.
He feels cold despite the warm jumper he wears, feels an indescribable sadness grip his core. It’s not like they don’t talk; they do, but it feels distant, and Baekhyun doesn’t know why.
He enters the bedroom and is mesmerized by the way it’s set. Chanyeol’s soul is found here, he thinks as he observes the mute colours that form a cocoon of comfort.
It’s muted-the colours-beige and wood-brown but it fits well, gives of a feeling of home. It feels like home. More than his own apartment.
Then his eyes fall on the frames hanging on the wall. He moves closer, eyes shifting through the photographs. It’s all EXO, some his family, one from Yoora’s wedding and then his eyes fall on the set by the bed.
The gasp that leaves him shocks him quite well. He crouches down, takes one of the frames in his hand.
It’s him.
Without the glamour of makeup, of any products. He is sleeping on his side, nose scrunched up in a way Chanyeol once called adorable, hair mussed.
His eyes move to the next one, he is in the SM training room, eyes on the mirror as he practices.
Next one is him on that night by Han River, staring up at the stars.
Next one he is talking with Jongdae about something, lips split in a breathtaking grin. Baekhyun can feel his happiness through the shot and wonders where that quiet hum of peace is now in his hectic life.
Then his eyes fall on the small caption at the bottom, ‘My Muse, My Rhythm and Blues.’
Baekhyun looks at the other ones as well, ‘My Nightlight,’ ‘My Hope, My Happiness’ and more, all of them starts with ‘My.’
Baekhyun’s thought take him back to that Nature Republic event where they played the ‘I Love You’ game and Chanyeol had said to him those three words.
As if some sort of ward had been lifted off his eyes, he sees clearly. He sees the way Chanyeol looked him, still looks at him.
He sees the way Chanyeol’s eyes follow him, sees the way he insists on just sitting at a corner with his notepad as Baekhyun dances.
He sees the way Chanyeol hugs him, chin resting on his crown, the faint press of lips that he thought was only his imagination and everything makes sense.
He sees the way Chanyeol always stays close by, ready to pull him out of his mind before it consumes him or the way he pushes him inside his mind when reality becomes too much. He sees the way Chanyeol remained a constant by him and then he sees how he is not anymore and all of a sudden, it all makes sense.
Baekhyun lets out a soft laugh as he realizes what the butterflies mean. He realizes what the emptiness, the distance between him and his happiness mean.
And then he pulling his phone out, dialing Chanyeol’s number.
Chanyeol’s voice comes through the phone, and he asks him when he will be coming back to his apartment, voice surprisingly calm.
Chanyeol says he is almost there, just sitting in the traffic.
He tells him to hurry before he cuts the call, his happiness moving closer with each step he takes back to Chanyeol’s studio.
Chanyeol’s enters his studio to find Baekhyun perched on his chair, twiddling with his phone and wonders about the last he saw him so happy- he is literally emitting rays of sunshine as he hums, unaware.
“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol speaks, walking up to the shorter male, “When did you come in?”
“A while ago,” Baekhyun answers him, “When I called you.”
“Oh.”
“Hey Chanyeol…” Baekhyun starts, wanting to get the matter out of his hands and just grasp his happiness already, “Let’s talk, we haven’t done that in a while.”
“Sure,” Chanyeol replies, a little confused but compiling nonetheless.
“Beer?” Baekhyun says, pointing at the stack by the door.
Chanyeol shrugs, bringing it to where they are sitting.
“What do you wanna talk about?”
“Everything; I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” Chanyeol smiles, extending his arm in an invitation for Baekhyun to fall into.
Baekhyun doesn’t hesitate, scrambling of his chair and in between Chanyeol’s spread legs.
As soon as Chanyeol’s arms wrap around him, Baekhyun sinks.
He sinks into the familiar embrace, the familiar feeling of peace and quiet, the promise of safety and companionship-of protection and love.
“Hey Chanyeol,” he whispers, unwilling to break the cocoon, “I love you.”
Chanyeol stiffens, head snapping down, eyes searching as they meet Baekhyun’s.
Then his body sags, arms tighten around Baekhyun as he pulls him closer, sits him on his thigh and laughs.
“Took you long enough,” he says, eyes twinkling, “Jongdae and Sehun has been betting his 2014.”
Baekhyun laughs as well, unsurprised; so that’s what those mischievous looks meant.
“Not surprised.”
He gazes down at Chanyeol, hand making their way to cup Chanyeol’s face, nose nudging against Chanyeol’s.
Time slows and the world shrinks until it’s just them, on a chair in Chanyeol’s studio, staring at each other, words being expressed with only twinkling eyes. Chanyeol’s own hands come up to tangle in his hair as he pulls him down, meeting his half way as their lips meet.
There is no fireworks, no butterflies, just a warmth that weaving itself in his core, overwhelming happiness and the feeling of home.
Ah, he thinks as Chanyeol presses their foreheads together, that’s what love feels like.
All of a sudden a tune comes in his mind, and it takes him a moment to realize it’s one that Jongin had sent him. He had said that Jimin had dedicated that song to Chanyeol and Baekhyun when he had heard Namjoon sing the lyrics.
What was the song again? Ah, Mikrokosmos. Baekhyun giggles.
“What?” Chanyeol asks.
“Nothing, I just remembered something.”
“Hmm?”
“You know Mikrokosmos? The song in BTS’ latest album?” He says.
“The one Jongin went off about saying it reminded him of us?”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun laughs, “Taehyung told me that the song reminded him of my relationship with you when I congratulated on the new album.”
“It does, doesn’t it?” Chanyeol laughs.
“It does,” Baekhyun laughs, “It means ‘small world.’ I suppose we do create a small world when we are beside each other.”
“We do,” Chanyeol laughs, “I need to tell that to Namjoon and Yoongi.”
“Hmm,” Baekhyun murmurs, “Later, now you have something else to do.”
“Yeah?”
“Yep,” Baekhyun giggles as Chanyeol claims his lips again.
The lights of the buildings twinkle outside, along with the stars as Chanyeol and Baekhyun lose themselves in the feeling of home, of comfort the other presents, creating their own Mikrokosmos with the blanket of indigo above them, stars blinking in the sky.