Chapter Text
Glory and Gore
Chapter 1
Can't take back the card you dealt
In this long and lonely road to hell
The throne must be
Such a sad and lonely place
He had made sure that he was clean and presentable. He had made sure that his coat was waving behind him and gave a good look on the sword that wasn't his for the lack of his bow. He had made sure that his crown was sitting straight on his head, catching the light of the sun, even going so far to let some flames ignite on it. Just for show.
More than once he had made sure that Ray was still right behind him before Gavin walked into the city. With his head held high and determined steps to cover up how nervous he was.
His people were turning around and soon there was a whisper tailing them through the streets. The guards they passed on their ways either followed him, shielding him from the crowd or didn't react, unsure of what to do.
Gavin didn't speak to either of them, simply concentrating on Rays step right behind him to remind himself that he wasn't alone. It still felt like an eternity until he reached the actual castle, watching as the gate was opened for him.
It seemed to take longer than normally and he guessed the guards were uncertain and confused. Questioning if he was the king or not.
Gavin wasn't naive enough to trust them yet, he knew that some of them had betrayed him when they let Geoff into the castle without his knowledge. He also knew that most of the others would have done the same.
Right now he couldn't be sure who were the few loyal ones so it was easier to simply trust none of them.
So he let their eyes follow them, let them talk while he passed as he walked down the familiar halls until he stepped into the throne room. His legs burned from the long walk as he finally allowed himself to stand still, listening as the door closed behind him and let out a heavy sigh.
That had been as hard as he had imagined.
His composure crumpled immediately and he felt exhausted.
“Welcome home.”, Ray mumbled next to him and the king followed his gaze, his eyes finding the throne.
It left a bitter taste in his mouth because this picture was so filled with memories. He had literally grown up in this room, was educated right here by Jack and Geoff and had listened to their stories.
And in the end they had torn each other to pieces over the question who was allowed to sit right there and wear a pretty crown for all to see.
How he himself had come out of this alive, he couldn't understand but he was glad that he did.
Some people may even say he was the winner of the fight but damn it didn't feel like it.
Stepping up, he placed a hand on the cushions, letting it travel until he took a huge breath and sat down. Ray was bowing the moment his eyes fell on him: “Long live King Gavin.”
Gavin smiled at that: “Stop that and sit down.”
A lot of work had piled up in the days he had been gone and even though it was an alarming amount, he decided to ignore it for now. There were more important matters right now.
So the next day he asked every guard and every knight and every other person working under him to assemble on the court where he stood, waiting patiently for silence. And when it finally got quiet, he told them that they were free to go if they rather wanted to follow King Geoffrey than him, because now he was king and he had no use for traitors. Everyone he was going to catch working against him was going to get banned.
He made sure that they knew that King Geoffrey wasn't coming back. He was sounding way certainer than he actually was.
Many left the castle but he held no grudge against them. At least they were honest, leaving the sinking ship as they called it. The ones that stayed but didn't show any loyalty towards him were the ones he despised.
After that scene he allowed himself a moment to collect his thoughts. Ray was sitting right next to him, his head leaned against his shoulder and once again Gavin couldn't express how glad he was to have him. He hadn't left his side at all, only parting at night when they went to their own rooms.
He held him together.
Maybe they both also held each other together, he wasn't really sure.
Still the hardest part was yet to come and it made him lay awake in his bed for hours upon hours.
It was his duty as a king to tell his people what had happened but he couldn't find a way how to do it. Gavin was aware that they were scared and confused and some of them angry. He felt those same emotions.
There was no way he was going to tell them that they were some sort of demons. They were going to be dethroned and executed as fast as possible. And he was too ashamed to admit that his father had come back only to kill him. Still the people deserved an explanation, seeing the ruckus they had caused.
It was hard to decide which words to use, knowing the risk a wrong one would bear.
He wished Ryan was here.
Of course Gavin had gone over the topic with Ray multiple times and they had worked something out in the end. But Ryan had way more experience in that.
Maybe he was just missing him.
So when he stepped onto the balcony a few days later he felt like throwing up. His heart was fluttering, leaving him short of breath. Once again it was Ray who was right next to him, holding on to his hand for support. It calmed his nerves a bit and he told his halfhearted lies. That yes there had been a dispute between him and Geoff and yes it had escalated but now they had found a compromise. But no, Geoffrey wouldn't come back and be the king. He was the king now.
In the end Gavin made sure they knew that all of the things were going to calm down soon enough. It was just taking a bit more time.
He hoped that he was right.
After that they concentrated on the work that was left. Ray had asked around but it seemed the person Geoff had left behind to attend to the kingdom had fled the moment he heard of Gavins return, so they both had the pleasure to dig through the massive amount of old reports.
It was welcome in some way, seeing that they didn't think too much that way until Michael and Lindsay would join them.
Ray had suggested to sent Kerry Shawcross to replace Lindsay, a young man he knew from training and one of the knights that stayed. Gavin had let him come to the throne room and talked with him for a long time.
It was a delicate and depressing job at the portal and the king knew he had to chose the right person to do it, otherwise Lindsay wouldn't agree. These people there had been her life in the past years and he was sure that not even Geoff could bring her to simply give them up. But Kerry was patient and polite, nearly radiating calmness and he seemed eager to do it. Fighting wasn't his thing, as he put it and he rather talked with people, listening to their stories.
So Gavin sent him out, hoping that Lindsay was going to agree with his choice.
And in the endless days of work that question burned inside his head as he waited for whoever was going to knock on his door.
Ray frowned at the report in front of him. Yet another killed man in his own house with no trace of the culprit. That would make half a dozen of those incidents and even if the knight could understand that people were uneasy while their king had been away, it didn't give them the right to escalate in a blur of aggression. That they even became creative, committing murder in apparently closed rooms only led to strange rumors over demons that roamed in the night.
Absentmindedly he watched a guard walk in, giving Gavin a small package before leaving. He didn't even wasted another thought on that until the king got to his feet: “It's here!”
“What is?”, he asked, happy for every distraction and Gavin was already ripping it open, revealing the color. Ray started to smile, knowing already what it was and felt dumb because he hadn't thought about it before.
The coat was of an even deeper red because it was new and maybe it was a bit longer than his old one but besides that it was the same. That was until it was unfolded, revealing fine stitchery at the sides, silver lines twirling like tendrils to the bottoms.
“You shouldn't have to.”, he said fondly, already approaching him. Gavin didn't even bother replying as he put the coat around the others shoulders. “Right where it belongs!”, he declared proudly.
“It's a bit heavier, isn't it?”
“Does it bother you? It's thicker and suited for the winter. I can give you another one if you want to.”
“No, it's perfect! I'm glad – thank you, Gav!”
“Wait!”, the king made sure that Ray held onto the coat before he hurried back to the throne. “I hope you like this one, too. Took me some time to figure something out.” He revealed a brooch and for a moment the knight simply stared at it in awe. It was formed like a rose, with thorns surrounding it like a star, the petals fragile lines of silver which held a bright red ruby in the middle.
“Gavin...”
“It's different from Geoffs one but I hope you still like it! Silver is my color but I wanted to get some red in it.”
“It's beautiful! There is no way I can accept this, it looks like it costs a fortune!”
“Don't worry; it's the least that I can do.”, the king assured him, smiling brightly when he came closer clasping the cloak together with the new brooch. It was surprisingly heavy for such a small thing.
“There we go!” Clapping, Gavin stepped back to look at him before nodding: “I like it! Red really suits you!”
Ray blushed happily: “Are you sure this is alright?”
“Absolutely!”
The noise echoed through the quiet night, so out of place that Ray was instantly awake. Raising his lids, he stared into the nothingness above him, feeling his heart beat in his chest, forcing blood through his veins.
His hand wandered over the covers, searching for a body next to him that wasn't there. It felt out of place to wake up without a weight resting on him, reminding him that he was still in the right place. His fingers found the familiar fabric and he let the breath out he didn't know he was holding. This was his bed. He was safe.
Blinking slowly, the faint images of the Nether vanished from his lids. Had it been just another nightmare?
It was such a normal thing now that the realization made his body relax. Sighing, he rubbed his eyes, feeling sleep on the edge of his consciousness when his blood calmed down.
Another noise and this time he recognized it as a knock on his door. Groaning, he forced himself to sit up.
“What is it?”, he called out, letting his face drop in his hands.
“I'm sorry for disturbing you at such a late hour, my Lord!”, came the voice he somehow recognized but couldn't find a face for. It didn't matter. “The King sent me. He asked for your um... for your company, sir.”
Blinking again, he got to his feet, feeling his heart pick up the pace again. Gavin did? At this hour?
“Did something happen?”
“No. He just asked for you.”
“Alright.” Not bothering to change into his uniform, Ray simply took his rapier before stepping out. Gavin wouldn't mind and what the guard thought of him didn't matter to him.
Barely taking a glance at the other man, he walked with huge steps. Probably just a nightmare. Maybe a nasty one, otherwise the king wouldn't call for him. No intruder or something like that, the guards outside his rooms would have heard that.
Still he was on edge because with Michael and Ryan not here, he himself was the only one he could trust in the castle.
They quickly reached the kings quarters and without a word, he passed the men, feeling their eyes on his back. By tomorrow rumors were going to spread.
But they always did.
He knocked once: “Gav? It's me.”
“Come in.”, came the answer and he entered the room before closing the door, standing still at the sight he was greeted with.
“I had a nightmare.”, Gavin explained with a calm voice. He was sitting on his bed, his hands carefully lifted, palms up. There was still blood dripping down his arms. “Sorry for waking you but I didn't know who else to ask.”
Ray licked his lips nervously, before stepping closer: “You scratched them again?”
“Yeah. But this time I didn't wake up from it. I made a mess.” The smile was shaken and the knight rather looked at the bed, seeing hand prints over the blanket and big drops on the mattress.
Turning around, he got the washbasin from the bathroom before sitting next to the king: “Let me see.”
Gavin offered his hands with no resistance and carefully Ray began to wash the blood away.
The scratches had long broken the skin and didn't get a chance to heal properly before he pulled at them again, gouging deeper with each dream.
“You'll get scars if you don't stop.”, he mumbled as he carefully cleaned the slashes.
“I know.”, the king replied. Ray knew that he knew that. Ray was also aware that he wanted the scratches to remain. Tattooed in his skin for what he had done.
It wasn't in his might to change Gavins mind on that. Only Ryan could do that.
When he revealed the red and swollen skin, he got up and went back into the bathroom. Searching around, he found some bandages and a balsam before he went back.
Gavin still sat on the edge of the bed just like he had left him, his eyes tired but concentrated.
“Thank you.”, he mumbled when the knight started the already familiar process of patching him up. “They should come back soon, right?”
“Yeah.”, Ray agreed without looking up from his work. “But it really depends on their route and if there were any obstacles. Still they should be here in the next days. They will hurry, I'm sure Geoff told Lindsay to not lose any time.”
“She makes me nervous. I fear I will ruin it all.”
“She is not a bad person, Gav. And you are not a demon. I don't believe that you will simply snap and bring danger to the people in your kingdom.”
“But I don't have a mirror to tell me when I make a mistake.”, he simply said, his lips shaking a bit. “All the responsibility is mine.”
“Ryan will be with them.”, Ray assured him. “And he will help you. It will go back to the way it was before.”
“I hope so.”, the king mumbled darkly, before sighing. “I don't know what I will do if he won't come back.”
“He made it out of the Nether before.”
“His wounds were so terrible...”
“But he won't feel them, you made sure of that.”, Ray reminded him and the king whined a bit. “If it didn't work I don't know how I can forgive myself. I killed him! I never killed someone that was close to me!”
“Ryan would have died in way more pain if you hadn't done it.”, the knight assured him. They had this conversation all the time and he knew no matter how much he was going to tell Gavin that he had done the right thing, it was still going to haunt him. He could only pray that Ryan was coming back, otherwise it was going to be a long and dark way.
“Maybe he won't even join Michael and Lindsay.”, the king mumbled low. “For all we know he could be fed up with all this fighting and all the pain. Maybe he went back home to his family. I couldn't blame him for that.”
“Than Michael would know, right? And as long as Ryan is alive everything is fine.”
Timidly, Gavin nodded: “I still hope he comes back.”
“I'm sure he will.”
“Can you stay tonight?”
“Of course.”
The days faded without much difference. Catching up with the workload from the moment they walked in until their eyes became too tired made most of it a swirling mess. Ray was even sure he read some reports twice but the sad truth was that there was apparently a murderer running around, stabbing his victims in their houses, before leaving without a trace. But the soldiers were on that, so not much he could do besides wait.
And as if someone heard that thought a knock disturbed the silence as a guard walked in. What timing it would be if they had found the culprit right now.
“My liege. I am sorry for the disturbance!”
“What is it?”, Gavin looked up, his eyes tired as he tried to focus on the man.
“Someone asks for an audience. She said your Highness was expecting her.”
“How many?”
“Excuse me?”
“How many people?”, whispered the king, barely audible but in the silence of the room the shaking of his voice was clear.
“A woman in black armor, Jones and the old King.”
Gavins hand found his mouth as he collapsed in his throne, a strangled noise still escaping him. Ray threw him a look, noticing the trembling going through the others body and knew he was going to need a moment.
“Please lead them in. They are our guest.”, he told the man before he turned back towards the other the moment they were alone again. “See. I told you!”
A whimper was his only reply and the knight smiled a bit as he rubbed the others back: “He made it back. They all made it.”
“Yeah.”, it was barely more than a choked sob.
“You think you can pull yourself together? Otherwise I ask them to wait for a moment.”
“No, I'll be fine. I'm just...” He took a deep breath, holding it with closed eyes until he straightened his back again. Nodding, he said: “I can do it.”
“Alright.” Still the minutes they had to wait were tortures and even Ray couldn't help but be nervous. With Lindsay here things were going to change. He wasn't yet certain to which extend but that was for sure. Right now he couldn't really put her into a category.
She was determined and strong willed, he knew that. But also caring and he was pretty confident she had a good heart. Hopefully she wanted to avoid a conflict as much as they all wanted.
The door opened and he heard Gavin inhale as he stood up. They saw Michael first, letting Lindsay pass while holding the door for her and Ray made a mental note to mock him for that later.
Ryan wasn't following them and the knight felt the light feeling fade, coldness gripping at his chest.
“I don't want to prolong your reunion for long.”, the woman smiled softly at the shocked faces. “I wanted to talk to you before you meet Ryan, so that you guys have some time for yourselves.”
”So he is back?”
“Alive and kicking.”, she assured him and the king actually laughed, the tension leaving his shoulders. With long steps, he walked towards them and when his eyes found those of Michael both of them grinned. The warrior pulled him into a bear hug, letting his feet leave the ground for a moment: “You alright, my boy?”
“I am! What about you?”
“Sure am! You know what they say about bad weeds!”
Gavin laughed, following Michaels gaze when he was put down. Ray was standing behind him, obviously nervous and with a dark shadow on his face: “What about your arm?”
“Gave me a sweet scar.”, the warrior replied happily, ruffling the others hair. “Fits the other one pretty good so I should actually be grateful!” He winked: “Like the new look on you. You really lacked some red.”
For a moment it seemed like the knight was going to reply something but couldn't think of the right words. In the end he simply closed the space between them and hugged the other tight. Chuckling, Michael held him before he nodded towards the woman.
Gavin understood and stepped towards her: “Sorry, that was rude. Of course I am also glad that you are here.”
“It's alright. He missed you both.”
“Did you have a save trip?”
“Some mobs but nothing serious. But we are all tired.” Reaching out, she took his hand. He let her trace the lines of the scratches with the tips of her fingers: “If you want I can attend to them tomorrow.”
“Thank you.”, the king simply said and her eyes found him, knowing that this was in no way an agreement. But that wasn't her choice: “Kerry is a great person.”
“I'm glad. He seemed the be patient enough for the job.”
“He has a big heart. If it's alright with you I'd like to sometimes sent him a letter? Just to make sure if everything is alright but it would be quite a trip for the messenger.”
“No, that's absolutely fine.”
“I appreciate that. Anything else you need to tell me?” Her hands were still warm and soft around his but he felt that she was now talking about business. This woman wasn't his foe but someone he shouldn't underestimate. So he decided to be honest: “We're still working though everything that piled up so by now just some minor stuff. You can look over it for yourself but by now there wasn't anything too serious about it.”
“I see.”, she nodded before smiling again. “If it is alright with you I'd like to rest for today. We marched through the night and I don't want to bother you any further.”
“As you wish.”, he felt his nervousness coming back and had to lick his lips before continuing. “Ray, please be so kind and show Lindsay her accommodation.”
“Of course.” He gave Michael a small pat on the shoulder before leading the woman out of the throne room. He was still a bit nervous in her company but he tried to get used to her right from the start. They had prepared one of the nicest rooms for her, with a balcony right over the garden an-
Ryan waited in the hallway right outside and he was alive and he was not drenched in red and he was looking up at the sound of their steps, their eyes meeting.
“Ray.”
The knight simply stared, feeling a smile sneak on his face, surprised by his own turmoil of feelings in his head. Of course he had looked forward to this moment but rather for Gavins sake. Right now he felt his own tension fall, knowing that he could share his weight now, that he could concentrate on protecting the king and not worry about the kingdom as well.
With the counselor coming back there was going to be a thing to hold on and he felt unbelievable relieved by that. Right now he wanted nothing more than to hug him as tight as Michael had done and make sure that he was really alright, that now there was going to be some peace in their minds.
He caught himself when he was already halfway there, his arms slightly raised and he blushed furiously. That was still the person he had hated more than anything in the world, the person he had killed once even thought that felt like an eternity ago. It was still not a thing he should do.
Ryan smiled as if he knew exactly what went on in his head but didn't mind it in the slightest.
“You're back!”, Ray finally settled to say. “That's good; that's great! Gavin really missed you! Oh, and I still got your coat! I'll give it to you as soon as possible, it's washed, don't worry!”
“Ray.”
“Your horse is also alright; I made sure of that!”
“Ray.”
“I went through the reports and I wrote some things out so maybe we can go through that tomorrow? You probably want to rest first an-”
“Ray!”Finally silencing the knight, Ryan chuckled a bit: “I missed you, too.” A heavy hand settled on his shoulder and this time the younger one couldn't help himself. Closing the distance, he hugged the other briefly while blushing wildly. “Please don't do that again.”, he mumbled before letting go, turning around and made sure to lead Lindsay further without daring to look back, his eyes glued to the floor.
The door opened once again and Gavin tensed up, missing a heartbeat before it caught right back up at it. Michael was throwing him a concerned look as Ryan walked in and the king wondered how his counselor felt. For what he knew he could hate him. After all he had killed him and left him afterward in hell. What other emotions could he possible hold for him?
His gaze dropped from Ryans face after he had made sure that it really was him, roaming over the body to look for any injuries. The axe had made such terrible ones, nearly splitting him in half.
After he made sure they were gone, he finally dared to raise his eyes, finding the others throat. The throat his fingers had dig into to choke the life out of the man.
He felt sick just thinking about it and as if to remind himself that yes, it had been real, yes, he had killed this man, his fingers found the scratches on his hand.
“My liege.”, Ryan said, bowing his head slightly.
The king opened his mouth, knowing he had to answer but there were no words left because maybe now it was his throat that was crushed. He didn't deserve to breath this air.
His nails dug and he savored in the pain, his tongue finally free: “I left you.”
“You stayed with me until the end.”
“I left you in the Nether. I promised I'd get you back.”
“And I told you that there are more important things waiting for you.” Ryan made a movement with his hand, gesticulating to the room around them: “You are the King, Gavin.”
“You said the crown was mine.”
“And you got it back. Just like you promised me.”
“I killed you.” The words left only silence. Michael had looked up shocked, obviously not informed about that part of the story but he didn't dare to say a word.
“I've allowed you to do it, didn't I?”, Ryan questioned but it only made the king snort. “Yeah, because you were in any condition to make a right judgment.”
“Gavin, I hold no grud-”
“Your old room is cleaned. I'm sure you are tired after your journey.”, the king interrupted him, looking at the ground in front of him, missing the hurt expression on the others face.
“I see.”, Ryan said slowly. It took him a moment before he could actually bring himself to turn towards the door.
“Don't you dare!”, Michael growled and the counselor stopped in his tracks.
“You heard the King.”
“Yeah but the King is a fucking Fool and we all know it. You think I'd just let you walk out so that you two will dance around each other awkwardly for the next days? I'm not having this bullshit. And you-” He took hold of Gavins hands, yanking them apart and revealing the fine lines of blood while doing so: “You will stop that right away! Think that will make anything better? Stupid Fool!”
“Stop calling me that!”, the King snapped at him. “You don't understand, let me g-”
“I don't understand? Are you fucking with me now?” His fingers found the others scarf, pulling violent: “I don't understand? Really, Gavin? You wanna think about that some more before repeating that?”
Struggling, Gavin tried to get free from the grip but was overpowered easily: “Michael, let me go!”
“You killed him to safe him from the Nether, didn't you?”
“So what! I killed him with my own hands! Ray had to rip me away to make me stop!”
“Did you want to kill him?”
“No! Of course not!”
“So doesn't that count for anything?”, Michael screamed at his face. “Doesn't this make a change?”
The king stopped in his movements, noticing that the others expression held no anger. It was a bottomless fear, laced with a guilt that was never going to pass. He knew he had the sanity of his friend in his hand and could snap him into pieces with a single word.
What a fool he was.
“Of course it does.”, he mumbled, knowing that this thought was what kept the warrior together. Hoping it could do the same for him. “It makes a huge difference.”
Michael nodded but his lips were a tight line, quivering slightly. Upon seeing this, Gavin felt his own tears welt up, hot and stinging in his eyes. “I'm sorry.”, he sobbed and suddenly Ryan was next to them, pulling them close.
The king closed his eyes at the warmth he had longed for and he threw his arms around him, making sure he wasn't going to disappear. For a moment his hands didn't dare to touch, remembering what damage they had caused the last time but then his fingers clawed back into the skin, searching for a hold. To his left, right on the other side he could hear Michael cry into the older mans shoulder, his sobs shaking the three of them with each breath.
A familiar hand found Gavins hair, pressing him closer and he clutched on as tight as possible: “I'm glad you are back.”
“I am also happy to be back.”, Ryan mumbled before he tried to shush the warrior down. Blindly, the king reached for Michael, finding his hand and interlocking their fingers.
God, they were all so broken.
You can only get so far
with no one by your side
A dark storm lies ahead
Big thanks to my Beta who designed Rays new brooch; isn't it freaking amazing?!