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Once in the merry old land of the dream bubbles, an anomaly occurred. You see the occupants of the dream bubbles could see into the aptly named “fantasy bubbles” of others where their secret dreams and ambitions were kept.
Naturally this was cause of great contention as generally people’s secret dreams, ambitions and fantasies are closely safeguarded by their owners, to protect that small piece of themselves that dared to still hope.
Kankri Vantas in particular was highly protective over his fantasy bubble and so he built a great building atop it, entombing the fantasies within.
Inscribed on the great mausoleum writ “Here lie Kankri’s hopes and dreams”.
No just kidding. There was no inscription. God I’m funny.
Getting back to it now.
Because he doesn’t have the grist for that kind of egregious grandstanding he built a shed around the bubble, out of plywood and plastic sheeting and put a store bought padlock on the front of it, hoping it would hold.
He did unfortunately have a very curious partner. A young troll by the name of Karkat Vantas. No one quite knew what quadrant they shared, not even them, but it was a raw delicate thing and held the potential to save or ruin them both.
So Karkat the curious partner saw the sudden appearance of the shitty shed and asked Kankri “Why is there a shitty shed suddenly in our lawnring? I think you’re embarrassing the dead neighbourhood.”
To which Kankri replied. “I thought it’s a rather nice shed. You know, all things considered. Doesn’t it have a sort of rustic charm?”
Karkat pondered then gave Kankri a pat on the back. “Architecture will never be your forte. Give up while you still can.”
After a minor domestic argument with much snarking back and forth Karkat finally asked “What’s in it then?”
“What?” Kankri blinked.
“Go on. What’s in the shed?”
“Oh, er… Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yes. Er, it’s just a shed you see.”
Alright. So Karkat, at this point, huffed, irritated.
“You mean to tell me that for no fucking reason whatsoever you suddenly just decided to build the ugliest fucking shed in existence in the middle of our back lawnring?”
“Do you really think it’s ugly?” Kankri replied, frowning at the shed and Karkat. “I could put some more paint on it. I didn’t think I did that bad a job really. Manual labor though has never really been my strong point. Although I suppose I could take a few more pains to decorate it a little. I think Horuss knows a thing or two about woodwork though I’m not really sure I want to ask. Blah blah blah blah blah.”
Kankri continued to ramble about the finer points of shed making for quite some time until Karkat gave up, rolled his eyes and quickly absconded.
Weeks passed and Karkat still didn’t know what was inside the shed. One day, when Kankri was out, gossiping and drinking tea at his friend Porrim’s hive, Karkat was relaxing on the lounge with his friend Sollux, when the topic of the shed came up.
“That’s probably where he keeps his crack cocaine.” Sollux lisps, slumped comfortably in the couch, game grub in hand. “He’s on crack. You can see it in his eyes. I’m right KK.”
“Fuck you. If he’s doing crack I think I’d have noticed by now.” Karkat wrestled with his game grub controller blowing up drone bots with virtual aplomb. “He’s hiding something though. What fuckup makes a shed and puts nothing in it? What fuckup makes a shed and puts nothing in it then locks it?”
“It’s where he hides the drugs KK. All those sixes and nines add up to four twenty. Illuminati.” Sollux waggles his eyebrows.
Karkat then proceeds to have the weakest pillow fight of his young life. Really I mean there are no feathers in the pillows, it’s all this memory latex crap, and nobody is wearing lingerie. It’s a farce I tell you. An absolute farce.
After the latex dust settles and the battle is won, Sollux breaks the psiioniic pillow barrier long enough to peer in to Karkat’s pillow prison to say “You wanna break in?”
To which Karkat says “Sure.”
They amble out the back to face the awful shed, looking at the cheap bronze padlock on the door and steeling themselves for the moment. Sollux concentrates his psiioniics on the lock and breaks the mechanism inside leaving the lock open and no longer functional.
Just as they were about to step forward though they hear a sound coming from the front of the house. Porrim’s voice laughing, and the jingle of keys.
“Shit. He’s hive early.”
Karkat and Sollux leave the newly unlocked shed and return inside, their best inconspicuous expressions on their faces, as Kankri and Porrim enter the building gossiping and waving plastic shopping bags around.
“So if you’ll believe Aranea of all people, apparently Meenah spent all that ‘moon time’ watching reruns of Troll RuPaul’s drag race and polishing her gold. No really it’s not that, but can’t you just imagine.”
Kankri’s gossiping was casual and uncensored until he noticed Sollux and Karkat standing there.
“Oh you’re still here.”
Karkat glared at Kankri, for his sudden return, just when he was so close to finding out what was in the shed.
“You’re back early, I thought you’d be out til late.”
“Kanny dear, it’s almost like you’re intruding on something special. How illicit.” Porrim purred, her hand resting on Kankri’s shoulder.
Kankri scoffed, then laughed. The bitchy cackle of the two trolls was infuriating and Karkat and Sollux exchanged eye rolls.
Their break in plans on hold, Sollux and Karkat return to the couch to resume gaming and Kankri and Porrim drink wine in the nutritionsblock laughing jovially and poking fun at their peers for the rest of the evening.
Sollux left with a brief “Tell me about his crack stash okay.”
Later that night when Kankri was asleep Karkat snuck out the back to tiptoe barefoot across the damp grass to the shed, carefully sliding the lock off the door and opening the shitty plywood up, marvelling at what he saw inside. A portal, small, phosphorent and bubble shaped hovered in the middle of the shed. It was slightly pinkish and held light and promise within.
Extending his hand Karkat reached out to touch and the world suddenly exploded and wrapped around him pulling him in.
Blinking into this new existence Karkat looked around him. He found himself in a place he had never been before.
It must have been Beforus, it was a place that seemed so completely unlike Alternia, so unique and bright and developed. Buildings ran skyscraper high and glistened pale gold and shining glass. The glass was stained a myriad of colours.
Billboards stood tall above the crowds and changed content every few seconds, LCD screens flashing with a million and one different messages catered to all different hues of troll.
Karkat gaped at the bright surroundings, his jaw on the floor. For all of Kankri’s ramblings about Beforus and how awful it was Karkat had never been so impressed with a society in his life. The city (it must be a city there’s no way this could be the norm, knowing what Kankri’s suburban lawnring was like) was bold and beautiful and every troll rushed about their business with purpose apparent.
Karkat stared at the billboard that changed messages with such frequency and saw advertisements flash on the screen then suddenly there was a picture of a troll who looked a lot like Kankri, all grown up. He stood wearing a bizarre looking cape of sorts, some sort of formal academic wear, and clutching textbooks to his chest, looking proudly forward.
The advertisement read “Seminar on the Vindication of the Rights of Trollkind, by Professor Vantas. 1.30 @ Central Tower” and a picture of the building flashed on screen. It was the pale gold building just left of him.
Curiosity taking over, Karkat made his way towards the central tower. He walked through the automatic doors, not steel like alternian doors but pristine glass. The foyer of the building was plush and neat, and a golden receptionist desk was positioned in the middle, blocking the elevators. It seemed all visitors had to go through the perky looking lady sitting behind the desk. Karkat walked up to the desk, looking around suspiciously.
“Uh. I’m here to see the seminar or whatever.” Karkat shuffled self consciously, his hands in his pants pockets.
The receptionist peered down her glasses at him. “Hue?”
“What?” Karkat blinked.
“Hue or dichotomous logic. We have two seminars today.”
Karkat exhaled, a little shocked for a moment. “Uh, the one Ka- uh Mr Vantas runs.” He would be kicking himself later for uttering the word “Mr” though no doubt Kankri would also get a kick out of it.
“My dear, Mr Vantas runs both seminars, and I’m afraid I can’t let you in without a ticket. The seminars are fully booked.”
Karkat fidgeted and shifted from foot to foot, struggling to figure out a way further into this daydream of Kankri’s.
“I kind of need to see him. It’s important.” Karkat aimed for his best winning smile. It came off kind of awkward.
“Are you one of his students from the academy?” The receptionist prompted, pushing her glasses up her nose.
“Uh, yeah. It’s urgent.”
She pursed her bronzed lips at him for a moment, tucking a strand of her hair back behind her looping horns, before she typed something into her computer briefly.
“Very well. I can give you five minutes and a temporary room pass, but I’m afraid you’ll have to leave shortly after. The first seminar is due to start in a half hour.”
Karkat reached for the room pass and again gave an uncomfortable smile. “Thanks. Which room was it again?”
“Floor 16, room 27. On the left.” She nodded to the elevators left of her and gave Karkat a tart smile. “Have a nice day now.”
Hurrying over to the elevators, slipping in the first open door and pushing button number 16, Karkat leaned back against the lift wall and sighed. He was not cut out for this sort of covert intrigue, but at least sneaking in here felt safer than any sort of subterfuge in Alternia. So far he had seen no guards. There were a fair few cameras though.
A rotating camera spied down at him in the elevator and Karkat swiftly showed the device his middle finger with a sneer. The lift doors opened at floor 16 and Karkat absconded, the doors slotting shut behind him.
The hallway was incredibly posh, this whole building seemed to be some sort of fancy hotel, uniform in its pristine design, and far too flash an institution to be any sort of regular school or learning environment.
These must be special seminars, Karkat supposed, as he counted the door numbers along the hall and stood outside number 27, drumming his fingers on the room key pass with indecision.
He pressed his ear to the door for a moment and listened in. Inside there were no voices, but there was clearly someone moving about in the room, stacking and sorting through papers and humming a rather jaunty tune. One that Karkat recognised, Kankri had taken to humming it when he tidied the hive some days. It was definitely him.
Karkat moved the door pass into the slot under the handle when suddenly a hand came down on his wrist gripping hard.
“What are you doing here?” Kankri hissed, his brow furrowed with anxiety.
He gripped Karkat’s wrist intently. Karkat, ear still to the door looking over at Kankri in complete bafflement, could see him standing there, horrid pyjamas and all, exactly the same as he had left him in bed.
Meanwhile, still humming moronically on the other side of this door, Karkat could hear another Kankri, bustling away at his papers, completely unaware of the drama outside.
Karkat gaped at his pyjamaed partner, his hand still on the door key that rested in the slot below the handle.
“Uh…”
“Karkat!” Kankri hissed, keeping his scandalised voice below a whisper. “You can’t be here. The door was locked, I locked it, it was supposed to stay locked. What are you DOING here????”
“What is this place?” Karkat asked, choosing not to answer Kankri. “Why would you hide it? Is this Beforus?”
Kankri screwed up his face in frustration for a moment, before exhaling a harried sigh, glaring at Karkat defensively.
“No, no it’s not Beforus. Technically. Parts of it are. Parts have been changed. But - but that’s not the point. What are you doing here??? I told you not to be here!”
“No you didn’t.” Karkat rebutted.
“I heavily implied it.” Kankri retorted.
“You never specifically said. Besides you didn’t imply it, you just locked it up in a shed. That’s not implied at all. If anything it’s a challenge.”
Kankri huffed. “Yes well only you would see it that way.”
“Anyone would see some shitty lock on a shed they could push down by breathing on it and think ‘Gee there’s an idea, some shithead who’s crap at DIY probably doesn’t want me in there. Let’s do it.’ And could break in.”
“I tried really hard to make the shed. Why is everyone disparaging the shed. I think it’s a nice shed!” Hissed whispers parried back and forth, and Kankri squeezed Karkat’s wrist again.
“Oh it is not a nice shed.” Karkat hissed back.
“What is your problem with the shed??” Kankri growled.
“My problem isn’t with the shed it’s what you’ve fucking hid inside it!”
Both boys stilled as a voice called out from inside room 27.
A muffled adult voice called out a gentle “Hullo?”
The other Kankri had heard them.
Immediately a silent scuffle ensued, Kankri trying to pull Karkat away from the door and down the corridor, Karkat protesting the move as adamantly as was silently possible.
“Stop, fuck, you’re stepping on my toe!”
“Move! Move!! You can’t be seen, move, quickly!”
“Fuck - ah, let go I want to see.”
“Stop wriggling. I will pick you up over my shoulder if you don’t stop struggling!”
“Like fuck you would - goddamnit Kankri put me down!!”
Kankri had hoisted Karkat up over his shoulder and had ran down the corridor to the dip in the wall where a potplant stood, plonking Karkat down, before wrapping his arms securely around his younger protege, sealing his hand firmly over Karkat’s mouth.
“Mmmph mmmmh!” Karkat protested.
“Shh. Don’t let him see you!” Kankri hissed in his ear.
The door to room 27 opened and an older Kankri, taller, chin a little more pronounced, cheekbones angular having lost the puppy fat of youth, hair a coiffed design, eyes a living yellow, with bold guileless red irises, poked his head out the door and looked up and down the corridor, an expectant expression on his face.
He looked down to the door handle and plucked Karkat’s temporary room key from the slot.
He turned the key over in his hand and muttered “Odd.”
He looked around the corridor for a few more moments, looking for all the world like he was expecting someone, before shaking his head and closing the room door, taking the key with him, enclosing himself in privacy once more.
Kankri and Karkat had stood watching this display with baited breath, indeed Kankri seemed to be holding his breath entirely, while Karkat paused in the middle of determinately licking Kankri’s hand to deter his grip, transfixed on what the older Kankri did, watching how he behaved, how he composed himself, how he carried his movements.
When the door closed both trolls relaxed with an audible sigh behind the pot plant.
Kankri withdrew his hand from Karkat’s face and idly wiped Karkat’s slobber off his hand, onto the shoulder of Karkat’s shirt, to which Karkat promptly elbowed him in the stomach before turning around to face him.
“What was that?”
“Keep your voice down.” Kankri replied, rubbing a hand across his belly gingerly. “If he comes out and sees you…”
“He’s you. Older you. Is this some other timeline or some shit? What the fuck is going on Kankri?”
Kankri stared at Karkat for a while, silently worrying his lip, warring indecision. The conflict was clear on his face and Karkat nudged him to urge him to speak.
"Come on."
"No, it’s-" Kankri stopped and started, awkward tension holding him stiff. "It’s not that this is a timeline or anything. There are no timelines where I survive, Karkat. I should make that very clear now."
Karkat frowned, then looked around at the furnishings of the hotel. “Then what is this place?”
"This is Beforus, and it isn’t. Do you understand? Ah, no what I mean is, it’s mostly what Beforus is like with some things I’ve changed. Or rather I’d like to see changed."
"Okay I get this is some sort of utopia world. Why is it here? Why did you build a shed around it?"
"No, look, the shed is irrelevant. This place didn’t come with the shed, I built the shed."
"I know you built the shed. I was the one indulging your DIY kick."
"Oh you hardly indulged."
"I handed you a hammer!"
"One hammer, yes how thoughtful."
"It counts as helping."
"I must have been so forgetful, ignoring your input. One hammer made such a difference."
"Sweet grubsauce, stop bitching, the shed is fine now."
"No it’s not! Because you broke the lock!"
"That wasn’t even me!!!"
"Then why are you here?!"
Karkat focused on his inhale, nice and deep and centring, before he punched Kankri’s arm on the exhale.
"Ow!"
"That’s for hiding shit from me." Karkat wagged his finger at Kankri. "You go on and on about Beforus and how it was so terrible growing up there but you never mentioned it was like this!"
"No, listen Karkat, it isn’t like this. I mean some of the buildings and architecture are, yes, and most cities are smaller scale versions of this, but this isn’t Beforus as I knew it. This is… Well-"
"What? Well what?"
"It’s what I always wanted." Kankri’s words came out in a rush, and he seemed almost ashamed of them when they slipped out. "It’s just a fantasy Karkat. It’s not real."
Karkat narrowed his eyes, and looked back down the corridor to room 27 where Kankri the accomplished academic was ensconced. Things began to click.
"The bubble just appeared. I can’t help it. I know it isn’t real, and it’s terribly self indulgent, and a lot deluded, and I never intended for you to actually see it."
"This is… What like your daydreams?" Karkat clarified.
"Sort of." Kankri looked over to room 27 himself and winced. "Others would call it a sort of secret fantasy, though I will admit it’s partially built on daydreams."
"Why would you hide this?" Karkat said, astonished. "It’s not something you should be ashamed of, I mean yeah it’s totally self indulgent to imagine being on a billboard for writing an essay, but this isn’t, I mean, completely terrible."
For all that Karkat reassured him, Kankri still looked like he was experiencing the consequences of eating something remarkably unpleasant. “Please don’t tell anyone Karkat.”
"Were you ever going to show me this?" Karkat questioned.
"Ahhhh… Ideally no?" Kankri shrugged, then held his hands out in front of him. "It’s not that I don’t trust you Karkat, it’s just that this isn’t exactly something about myself that I’d be keen on sharing judiciously."
"What, like everyone else doesn’t already know you crave the lifestyle of a boring social justice thumping academic?" Karkat snorted.
Kankri levelled a dark look over to room 27, before he placed his hands on Karkat’s shoulders. “The way I see myself, Karkat, is very different from the way I want to be seen. And the people who know me now cannot find out about this bubble. Think just how easily this could be used against me.”
"What, you can’t stand up to people giving you shit about this? This is nothing."
"Karkat." Kankri squeezed Karkat’s shoulders gently and spoke quietly, as though bequeathing a terrible secret. "I can’t even stand up to myself."
Karkat blinked and wrinkled his nose in confusion.
"I-"
"I never wanted you to be here Karkat. You can’t. I just - I can’t stand the comparison."
"Kankri no one’s comparing you. I haven’t even seen the poncy academic you yet." Karkat tried to peer over at door 27 again.
"You understand that you’ve already seen too much, yes?" Kankri absently smoothed his hands down Karkat’s back. "Every second you stay here is a facet of my hopes and dreams revealed to you without my consent. Don’t you see how wrong that is?"
At this Karkat frowned and turned somewhat pensive.
"I promise you, Karkat, I’m not hiding this from you. I’m not hiding anything from you. But with things like this, something this delicate, fragile, as tentative hope? Trust that I’ll show parts of this to you when I’m ready. I’ll let you see these parts of myself when I’m ready. I’m not ready right now."
Karkat shuffled his weight around from foot to foot. “You could have just told me so in the first place instead of building that shitty shed.”
Stroking Karkat’s back gently and pulling Karkat closer to him in a tender hug, Kankri whispered into Karkat’s hair. “Shut up about the shed already.”
Karkat snuffled laughter against the ruff of Kankri’s turtleneck.
"Okay so you want to go now?" Karkat looped his arms around to Kankri’s back, and smiled up at him.
"Yes please." Kankri sighed a breathy exasperated laugh as though he couldn’t be shot from the place soon enough.
The two trolls turned, arms looped behind one another’s backs, to pace back over to the elevators when they heard the elevator door ding. As they awkwardly sprinted back behind their designated potplant a troll came out of the elevator.
He was tall, wore casual clothing, his hands stuffed idly in his pockets. His hair was a spiky mess, barely concealing two hubby horns. He knocked on room 27.
Older Kankri opened the door, before looking the troll up and down. “This is a surprising visit.”
"Yeah, if I weren’t ten minutes late I’m sure you’d still be saying that, you sad sack." The troll grinned at Kankri and tilted his head to the side.
Older Kankri reached his hand out to smooth along the collar of the troll’s shirt, patting it into place with a flirtatious grin. “Yes well that’s not what you’re supposed to be saying is it?”
"Wow fuck me, you’re anal retentive." The other troll shook his head, amused, before he cocked his hip and leaned in the doorway. "I’m here to see Professor Vantas."
"You are aware I have a seminar to take in eight minutes?"
"Well we were supposed to have fifteen minutes but you don’t take that long anyway." The other troll snorted.
Kankri swatted him lightly. “You’re atrocious.”
"You love it. Now are you going to let me in?"
"What did you tell the receptionist at the lobby?" Kankri paused, and colour spread across the other troll’s cheeks. A bold red blush.
"I told her I was a student of yours."
"A student hmm? And what did you call me?"
The troll’s ears coloured red. He mumbled. “Mr Vantas.”
Looping a finger under the collar of the troll’s shirt Older dream Kankri pulled his version of Karkat into the hotel room, closing the door behind him.
"That’s what I like to hear."
Hiding behind the potplant, Kankri stood next to Karkat, his face as impossibly red as his sweater.
Karkat extended a finger pointing to the door. “Was that just-?”
"Not a word."
"But-"
"You saw nothing."
It’s tricky business, getting what you’ve always wanted.