The Long Way Home

by Sirifel

Summary:

With its puppet master gone, the First Order is crumbling as the galaxy rises up, but for Rey, the last Jedi, the fight ended beneath Palpatine's throne. Now she is struggling to find her own path... until, on the sands of Tatooine, she hears a call.

Chapter 1: With Me In My Dreams

Notes:

I started plotting this fanfic in December of 2018, a full year before The Rise of Skywalker came out. It all built off of one single scene I’d had in my head for a while before that, inspired by an old piece of reylo fanart. (I’ll let you know when we get there). I decided to wait to write it until after Episode 9, wanting to keep everything canon compliant. Optimist that I am, I was almost completely sure that Reylo would happen and that Ben Solo would live, so my original outline relied on that, starting with a fiery romance that falls apart due to their respective mental health issues. I wanted to tell a story about learning to live with depression and the lasting effects of trauma and use those things to set up a slow-burn-with-past-relationship scenario.

Of course, TRoS threw everything off. First I had to bring Ben back to life. Then I had to deal with the fact that Ben would NEVER leave Rey the way I'd planned. In the end, I didn't exactly write the story I'd wanted to, with the focus on emotional baggage and self-acceptance, but TRoS left me a few other things to work with...

Chapter title from “Here Without You” by 3 Doors Down

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Chapter edited: 2/17/21

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She is alive. She is breathing and moving and she is alive. She is saying his name, his true name, and smiling like he has never seen her smile before. Then, before he knows what's happening, she is kissing him, and in that moment the universe is so bright and full of bliss that he forgets the pain of his wounds and the reeling of his shattered mind. He forgets, in that moment, the crushing weight of his choices. He forgets, almost, that this is the end.

Death comes gently, kindly, a numbing of his aching limbs and a fading of his vision. A slipping away of his thoughts, one by one. The last thing he feels is Rey's hand on his. He does not feel himself fall.

Death is light and noise—a hushed rumble that begins meaningless and then defines itself into separate voices. Much of the chatter is too distant and overlapping to discern, but as his thoughts order and reorder themselves, some of it begins to stand out. There are clearer voices, familiar voices, and the closest of them is the one he knows more intimately than any other. Mother, he wants to say, but he finds himself voiceless. 

“Ben,” her voice calls, and again, “Ben, my son,” and instinctively he tries to reach for her. He tries with everything left in him, though he cannot feel his own body in this void. “Come home,” she insists. “It’s time.”

He is ready. He is ready to go to her, to go home, but something is holding him back. He fights it. There is nothing he knows better than how to fight, but he is nothing here, and slowly, agonizingly, his mother’s voice fades away.

As she goes, so does the light. 

Death is darkness, but it is not oblivion. Ben expected this much, and nonetheless it disappoints him. There had been so much Light in his final moments, and more after. He had felt it surrounding him, caressing him. He had breathed it in, been one with it, but the only Light left is that which is inside him now. The rest, it seems, has stayed behind with Rey or gone on ahead with his family.

He can't begrudge them for it. Certainly not Rey. Rey who deserves nothing but Light. Rey who deserves light and peace and a galaxy's worth of kindness, and stars is he sorry for ever having a hand in taking those things away from her. Yet still, although he does not begrudge her, he had hoped that in death, at least, he too would be free of the Dark.

The Darkness feels the same as he has always known it, if a bit riled up after the death of its long-time servant, Palpatine—stirred into a frenzy by the loss of its mortal manifestation. It seethes around Ben, poking and prodding, slithering over his consciousness in its eternal search for a way in. He knows its tricks, it's whispers, and he shuts them out. Rey would not want him to fall, and so he does not. He will not. The Dark is generous and it is patient, and some would tell you that it always wins, but Ben Solo knows better. Ben knows true and selfless love, and he knows how it outshines even the brightest of stars.

Ben knows not what has separated him from the souls of his family nor why he can only barely feel the thread that yet binds him to his soulmate, but he is one with the Force now and the Force will do with him as it wills. 

For that and for Rey, he will endure.

 

-< >- 

 

The flowers on Tatooine are different from the ones on Jakku, but in some ways they are the same. Here are the thin, hard branches with spines or tough leaves. Here are the bright succulents rich with the water that is so scarce all around them. She takes samples when she knows the plant can survive the damage—one flower from a cluster, or one petal if there is only one flower. She tucks them between the pages of a book and takes the time to write notes around them and sketch an image of the plant from which they came. It had not been the easiest thing to find a book with real paper pages, let alone a blank one. Rey had commissioned hers, asking around the base at Ajan Kloss and calling up her contacts at Black Spire until she found someone who knew someone who could get the right materials, and someone else who had the skill to put them together. She had begun her collection with the flowers that grew around the Resistance base, delicate things that thrived in the forest. Next she had come here—come to Tatooine—and started again.

The flowers are different and so is the sand. It is a subtle thing. Anyone who does not know deserts as well as she does would probably never notice. The sand on Jakku is more crystaline, hard little grains with sharp corners that scratch at skin and eyes. Tatooine's sand is a soft powder, lighter and thus more prone to being caught up in gusts of wind, but gentler. Kinder, as much as any desert can be kind.

It has been days since she came here. A week, perhaps. She will leave again soon. She does not know when, but she knows it will happen.

The Falcon makes a comfortable home, quite a bit more spacious than her old AT-AT. Back at the Resistance base, after the battle, she had tried to insist that Chewie keep it. There were other ships she could take. He had refused, however, explaining that it would not be the same. He did not want to be alone on Han's ship. Rey understands. She might have felt the same way, even, except that she is never alone. Not anymore. 

The Falcon is a good home, but she is in it only long enough to put her flower journal away and refill her canteen. Then it's back out into the sand, into the blaze of the twin suns, and down the dusty slope to where she has arranged her training circle. It isn't much—a patch of sand swept smooth and a circle of fist-sized rocks to mark its border. She doesn't need even this much, really, but it helps her concentrate. It helps her find the right mindset to achieve something resembling proper meditation.

It helps her feel like she has some small control over the world around her.

It isn't logical, or it shouldn't be. She has the Force, after all, and many would say that there is no greater mastery over one's reality than that. The Force, however, has never felt like hers. It is not like the strength of her arms or of her voice. It is like a fire—a power of its own that she can use, but only if she is careful. Training to use the Force, she has come to realize, is not just about strength. The Force either gives her the power to do something or it doesn't. Practicing a trick or technique with the Force does not make the same difference that practicing a physical skill does. Rather, training in the Force is about refining discipline, concentration, and compartmentalization. Rey possessed all of these skills before, necessary as they were for survival on Jakku. Now, when she trains, it is not to see what she can do, but to see what she can't. The Force is more powerful than she had ever imagined. Too powerful, she often thinks, and it is not that she doesn't want that power—not exactly. It's that she doesn't know what to do with it. She has already defeated Palpatine. She has balanced the Force... or else she is going to, or... That part really hasn't been explained to her well enough, if she's honest, but the point is that the galaxy is at peace, or better off than it was, and Rey doesn't know what to do with herself now.

"Be with me," she murmurs as she sits cross-legged at the center of her circle.

"Be with me," she pleads as she lifts herself up, up, higher off the ground than she is tall.

"Be with me," she says as the circle of stones rises around her.

"You know you don't need me here," comes the voice of her second master. "Or any of us, for that matter. You're doing fine on your own."

Rey knows that if she opens her eyes, she will see Leia, limned in blue and probably wearing that sardonic smile of hers. She doesn’t bother looking. "I'm glad you think so, but I like having you here."

"You can't rely on me forever, Rey." But Leia stays in spite of this warning, and for Rey that's all that matters.

Meditation has not been an easy skill to learn. Survivalist that she is, Rey doesn't like to give up any awareness of her surroundings. She has learned how to, though, slow and painstakingly, and while she is bad at disconnecting, she is very good at being patient.

Some days, she reaches inward. Today, she reaches out. She reaches out and the darkness behind her eyelids turns to light, to webs of the Force aglow with life. She sees the threads that bind every creature, every blade of grass, and bridge even the vast empty gaps between worlds. Rey follows the light with a purpose, hunting, chasing, searching. She strains to sense some sign, some call, some beacon to guide her way, but the Force is everywhere, a million paths in every direction, and none feels more or less right than the one beside it, or the one beside that.

When she comes back to herself, the suns have sunk low in the sky. "I think I got farther this time."

"You did," says Leia, who still stands right where Rey knew she would be. "I felt you."

The girl tries to smile at her master, to be proud of herself, but it fades quickly. "I still can't find him."

"Rey..."

"I know. I know you've been looking too. I know if he was out there, you'd have found him by now..."

"Not necessarily."

Slowly then, imagining the way a feather or a scrap of thin fabric falls, Rey drifts downward until her feet touch the ground. She can't bring herself to look at Leia. They’ve had this conversation before. "I'm going to go find something to eat."

The ghost gives no answer. When Rey looks back, it is to find herself alone.

But she is never alone.

The Falcon is well-stocked. Her friends had made sure of that before she left. Still, being what she is, Rey has supplemented her supplies with food from the nearest settlement. She has been trading repair work for it as well as a bit of salvage. Scavenging is, after all, a skill she has trained in for most of her life, and why waste a skill?

For this evening's dinner she has bantha milk and a steak she picked up in town that tastes like it came from some sort of reptile. It's good. Balanced out with a little dried fruit from her travel supplies, it's a better meal than she ever had on Jakku.

When she's right in the middle of it, grease on her lips and head buzzing with pleasure, BB-8 trundles in from the cockpit and whistles.

She gulps down her mouthful half-chewed. "No, we're not leaving yet."

Another whistle.

"I'm sorry you're bored. It won't be forever."

An inquisitive beep, to which Rey smiles.

"Yes, I saw Leia today. She seems well. And yes, you can tell Artoo."

With a noise of contentment, the droid wheels himself around and rolls back up the corridor. He's been listening in on the comm for most of their time here, except for the days when Rey takes him into town or they go out exploring. She doesn't blame him, but she tenses up every time he appears, afraid to be told that the Resistance needs her again. It's too soon. She isn't ready for another fight of any sort, and for all that, as the last Jedi, she should be willing to answer the call regardless of her own desires, she isn't sure that she could. Or that she would.

And she doesn't know how to explain that to her friends.

They know about Ben, a little. She told them that he helped her in the end, that he gave his life to save her. She did not tell them about the kiss, or about the extent of their Force connection, and she did not tell them about her parents. She had wanted to, but... each time she tried, the words refused to come. She would try again eventually, but for now... for now perhaps it is best they don’t know.

If she is very, very lucky, her heritage will never matter again.

When dinner is finished, Rey reads. She had translated most of the Jedi books during the year after Crait, with help from 3PO and Beaumont, but there is a lot to review, especially given what she's learned since then. She spends the next couple hours with the Aionomica, squinting at faded diagrams and tiny script until her eyes hurt and she thinks she might be tired enough to sleep.

Always, Rey has been prone to nightmares, but they do not come every night. More often lately it has been something worse—something more insidious.

Tonight she is back on Exegol, blinking in the gloom, acutely aware of the hard stone beneath her. Tonight Ben is with her, as he is most nights. Tonight he lies prone on his back, limp except for his heaving chest and the hand still holding tight to hers. She remembers coming to in his arms, confused and then ecstatic. She remembers kissing him long and deep, kissing him like she's wanted to since that night in the hut on Ahch-To. She remembers the way he smiled. She remembers the softness of it. He has unmasked himself for her before, over and over again, and now the last layer is coming away. Now here is Ben. Here is the boy—the man—who she has tried for so long to reach, to find, to pull out of the darkness in which he has lain buried. Here he is at last, as she had known he would be, and even in this place built of and for pain, they rejoice.

It is only after he falls that she understands what has happened—both to him and to her. She remembers dizziness and pain and a bone-deep weariness like nothing she had known before, worse than the worst days on Jakku. She remembers blackness before Ben was there. She doesn't know how far gone she was, but it is clear to her that he's shared his lifeforce. She knows his Force signature better than she knows her own and she can feel the way it courses under her skin, warming her veins. Even injured and exhausted as he is, he has given almost everything he has left to her. The realization brings fresh tears to her eyes.

"Ben..."

"Rey."

His eyes are closed, his breathing heavy, but the ghost of a smile still lingers on his face. She leans over him, close. She lifts a hand to stroke sweat-damp hair from his brow. Her fingertips leave a streak of blood in its place, but they are both so filthy and blood-drenched that it hardly makes a difference. "We need to get out of here."

His smile fades, the strain of the battle coming back to him, but he does not complain. With their hands gripped tight, he hauls himself up into a crouch, relying on her strength as much as his own. It is harder still to get him standing, but they manage together, and slowly, step by painful step, they leave the shadow of Palpatine for the last time.

Rey has many such dreams. Sometimes they are the same, sometimes the setting or scenario is different. Always, Ben Solo makes it out by her side.

Always, for the first few blurry moments of waking, she expects to find him beside her, solid and warm and alive.

She has grown accustomed enough to them now that she no longer succumbs to tears afterward or chokes on the lump in her throat. Now, on some mornings, she wakes hollow and empty as if she herself is a ghost. On others, her feet drag with a weight like a stone in her gut. Either way, she follows her routines without the benefit of hope or the push of enthusiasm. She exists to fulfill her purpose, to serve the Force in whatever way it asks of her. It isn't a life she ever wanted, but neither was anything that came before, so who is she to complain? She takes what the galaxy offers. She does what she must to survive. She lives for those who have left her. It is all she knows how to do.

Today she wakes, heavy and resigned. She straightens up her bed in the Falcon's crew quarters, puts back on the bits of her ensemble not suited for sleeping in, works the worst of the tangles out of her hair with her fingers and an old brush, and trudges off to the galley for breakfast. Thus begin the motions of another day.

Through the morning, she works a little on a vaporator she's been commissioned to repair and then on her own project—a new speeder lovingly fitting together from salvaged parts. With the gutted body of an ancient x-34 landspeeder, it is bigger than the one she had on Jakku, but when her modifications are finished, it will be an even smoother ride. The work is as mechanical figuratively as it is in the literal sense. She can lose herself in it, thinking only of the next step. The next piece. It is the best part of her day.

When enough progress has been made to satisfy her for the time being, she washes the oil off her hands, nibbles on a nutrient bar, checks in with BB-8 to be sure there is no new word from the Resistance, and then goes once more down to her meditation circle.

Today she does not call for company. Today she doesn't feel that she can face Leia or Luke and not burden them with every ounce of her sorrow. Even dead, they don't deserve that. Today she meditates alone. Levitation is a form of sensory deprivation. It lets her escape the distraction of the earth. She doesn't bother with the floating rocks this time. Today she has no care for testing her limits or for showing off. Today she is trying something new.

The spiderweb of Force is there, just as it was yesterday and the day before, but this time she does not choose a bright line to follow. This time she looks to the darkness between. The Force is everywhere, even in the spaces that seem at a glance to be empty. It is not as easy, and she wonders how hard it will be to find her way back, but setting her fear aside, it is into one of these between-spaces that Rey ventures this time. Sending her consciousness out amid the stars feels like flying a ship. Today she flies the paths less charted.

When she returns hours later, there is company, though she has not asked for it.

"You felt something." It is Luke's gruff tenor. She spins herself around in the air to see him standing behind her, so solid today that she can barely make out the sand-scratched ground behind his transparent form.

"I think so."

"Stop doubting your senses. What did you feel?"

"A pull." That isn't quite right, though. She tries to recall the feeling, but it was faint to begin with and is already slipping from her memory. "A beacon. A cry for help?"

"Don't ask me," Luke chides. "It's your feeling."

"It felt like..." She closes her eyes again. She doesn't want to hope, for surely it is something else, something unrelated, but hope has always come too easily. "It felt like a hole, or a wound. Like something missing. I don't know."

"So you went out to where the universe is most devoid of life and you found something emptier."

"Something like that..." They still are not quite the right words to describe what she had sensed, but she is starting to doubt that the right words exist.

"So what are you going to do about it?"

Rey unfolds herself and descends from her thin-air perch. "I guess I should follow it."

Luke's mouth quirks upward in a smirk that makes him look very much like his sister. "I don't see any other Jedi around. No live ones, anyway."

It takes an effort not to roll her eyes, but there are bigger things on her mind than Luke's morbid sense of humor. "Do you think I should leave now?"

The ghost shrugs. "Now. Tomorrow. Next week. It probably won't make a difference, but then again, it might."

It is no less infuriating than it ever was, his vagueness, but Rey is on her way to becoming used to it. "Then I guess I'll leave now. It's not like I'm busy."

The twist to his lips becomes a full grin. "That's the spirit. And Rey, just this once… ignore any advice I gave you the first time we met."

With that cryptic clue, he is gone, leaving Rey more baffled than she had been before she spoke to him. Regardless, she has a mission now—a purpose—and she wastes no time in packing up and loading her belongings, unfinished speeder and all. The last thing she does on the sands of Tatooine is to return the repaired pieces of the vaporator and collect her pay. The only sign of her stay that she leaves behind is the circle of stones. She has no intention of returning.

BB-8 whirrs curiously when she strides at last into the cockpit. 

"Yes. We're going." The droid's joyful trill hurts her ears, but she smiles anyway. "I don't know where yet. The Force will guide us."

BB wobbles back and forth as he emits a series of rapid chirps, as if a droid could be too full of energy to sit still.

"Yes, you can still stay with me. It's nice to have company." She slides into the pilot's seat and starts the power-up sequence, checking over her shoulder to see that her friend has wiggled himself into a corner. Being the shape that he is, turbulence can be risky for everyone present. He gives her his version of a thumb's up, signaling that he is secure, and she takes the ship up slow, letting the sand fall away in whispering showers before she retracts the landing gear. Then, as it did for the first time just over one standard year ago, the Millennium Falcon carries her away from desolation and into the stars.

Chapter 2: A Vision Softly Creeping

Notes:

Chapter title from “The Sound Of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel

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Chapter edited: 2/17/21

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Alone in the dark, Ben sits, legs crossed, hands on knees, head bowed. In death, his body is merely a manifestation of his soul, malleable and unnecessary, but he prefers to keep his old shape. A defined form makes him feel stronger, more real, more himself. It is a shield against the whispers and the clawing hands. It is a reminder of what he is and of who he used to be.

Alone in the dark, Ben builds a fortress of thought. Of willpower. It is a technique Luke taught him when he was a child, a trick to block out the Dark Side. It had served him as best it could until that fateful night. It had helped him resist Snoke and Palpatine for as long as he had, all those years alone even when he wasn't, standing behind a thin wall of defiance, denying every lie and doubt sowed by the voices in his head. All those years, it had been his greatest defense, the shield behind which he waited and hoped and tried to be stronger than the Darkness which ceaselessly plagued him. If not for Luke's betrayal, he might have held out long enough. Long enough to learn. Long enough to trust. Long enough for his uncle or his mother or someone to understand what was happening to him.

There is no use reflecting on it now. At least, small favor that it is, the technique seems to work just as well for the dead. 

Alone in the dark, Ben watches, studying the enemy that tries as it always has to control him. He knows the Dark Side of the Force. He knows what it wants and how it functions. He knows the difference between natural Darkness and that which is controlled by a self-aware entity. This is the latter. This is not a mindless force of corruption but a conscious effort to turn him. For all that he is alone, he is not the only one here, and if he wants to hold onto himself, he must learn what creature seeks his destruction.

-< >-

Rey has been awake for far too long, but the allure of the mystery is like spice in her veins. After Exegol, she had been desperate for a purpose, for a sign, and here it is. Or here it will be, when she finds it...

The trouble with letting the Force guide her in such a literal sense is that, while she has a general idea of direction, she does not know exactly in which system her goal lies, which means she cannot simply set a hyperlane route and relax while the autopilot does the job for her. Instead she must make short jumps, adjusting her course by the pull of the Force inside her. Now that she is locked onto her target, in a sense, it feels like a thread tied around her sternum, tugging persistently. To ensure she does not lose it, she has hung in a state of near-meditation for most of the journey, relying on reflex to fly the ship. It would be a deadly stupid thing to do if she were any less attuned to the Force than she is now.

Arriving at her destination to find it a place she has been before is less of a surprise than it ought to be. The waters of Kef Bir's ocean rage as the Falcon swoops under a gray blanket of clouds. From above, the wreckage of the Death Star reminds her of a great, grasping maw poised to pull her out of the sky. She wants very much not to look at anything that once belonged to the old Emperor, much less walk in his literal footsteps, but this is where the Force has summoned her. This is the purpose she seeks, whatever that may be. Turning back now would be worse than going forward.

She circles the crash site twice before finding a space wide and flat enough to land. Given the decaying state of the fallen station, she half-expects it to buckle under the Falcon's weight, but it holds.

"No, you don't have to come with me," she assures BB-8 when he beeps at her uncertainly. "You mind the ship. I'll try not to be too long." It's the best she can promise. She still isn't sure what brought her here.

Exiting the Falcon changes that. It is as if the metal walls had muffled the call and stepping into open air allows her to hear it more clearly. Or perhaps it is simply a matter of concentration and proximity. Either way, there is a strong sense of familiarity, all at once. She knows what waits here for her. She has been in its presence before, more than once.

It is a bit of a climb to get to a part of the ruins with a clear view of the water, but it's nothing she hasn't done before. The eroded durasteel creaks under her boots as she steps out onto an overhang, dizzyingly high above the stormy waves. The wind yanks her hair this way and that, making a mess of her tightly bound loops. The call comes from below—not simply lower within the ruins, but beneath the sea itself.

Not for long.

Rey reaches out with a hand and with the Force and it is almost too easy to find what she is looking for. The kyber knows her as well as she knows it. They've had many a tense encounter, yes, but they have been allies also. The crystal—the lightsaber—knows the feel of her grip and returns to it eagerly, surging out of the water and up, up, up to meet her, an abandoned creature desperate to be reclaimed. Its weight pressing into her palm releases the weight in her chest, letting her breathe easier despite the residue of Darkness that still clings to the object. This was a tool used for death and for cruelty, and yet it is a relief to hold it. It sparks in her a bitter joy to be with something that was his.

The cracked crystal sings to her, paints its story in her mind. It has been wounded and betrayed and beaten into submission, but it is coming back to life, coming out of its shell and flooding the void that had brought her here with presence and power and an almost human sense of regret. The harm it has done was never by its own choice. She can feel this as clearly as she can feel the sea-flecked breeze on her skin. The heart of Kylo Ren's dreaded weapon is still aware of what it was meant to be and who it was meant to serve. After everything it has been through, it is Ben Solo's lightsaber still.

Rey is tempted to ignite it just to see that fiery glow again, but she resists the urge. The thing had looked like it was about to explode on the best of days. Now it is full of seawater and in desperate need of maintenance and it would probably be a miracle if she didn't blow her hand off, or worse.

"It's okay," She says instead, and she does not feel silly talking to a laser sword. She has talked to stranger things. "I miss him too." 

The crystal responds to this, she thinks, but if so, it is subtle. Like her, perhaps, it needs time to adjust.

She is reluctant to take her hand off it, but she must in order to climb down. She reassures herself by double-checking it after she clips it to her belt beside her own new saber, then checking a third time before she makes the climb back down to the Falcon.

At the foot of the ramp, Rey takes one more look back over the ruins... the remnants of the planet killer, the Death Star, the site of Darth Vader's victory over his tyrant master. Thirty-one standard years later and it had served as the field of her last battle against Kylo Ren. Was it coincidence that had brought them back here, or was it fate, tied as they both were to the ones who came before? What game was the Force playing that it would repeat the same contest over and over again, and had they done enough, finally, to break that cycle?

Even now, after it all, she is not entirely clear on how much she should question the Jedi path and how much she is meant to blindly trust it. Luke has been characteristically vague, though he tries. She has talked to him more in the last week than she ever did when he was alive. He has told her about his crash course training under Yoda and Obi-Wan and how it was barely a fraction of what the Jedi Order would have taught him in its prime. With the books translated, Rey now knows more about the Order in its original form than Luke does, and that makes it worse. That leaves it up to her own interpretation.

She doesn't want to be the one in charge of this knowledge. She doesn't want to be the one who has to decide.

The scavenger from Jakku survived by trusting her instincts, but that was when only her own life hung on her choices. Savior of the galaxy she may be, but she feels far from ready to guide the next generation of Jedi. Regardless of her confidence or lack thereof, that seems to be what Luke and the Resistance expect of her, and why wouldn't they? There isn’t anyone else.

It has weighed on her mind at inopportune moments like this one ever since the battle of Exegol—no, even before then—but at least when the war was at its worst, there were more pressing matters to worry about. Now, without a fight to fight, she hunts shadows and broken lightsabers and as always she is too cowardly to let go of the past. It is easier to follow and to wait than it is to forge a new path, even when the only things left to follow are ghosts.

Rey shakes off her reverie as best she can and heads up into the belly of the Falcon, keeping a hand pressed tight to Kylo Ren's saber at her hip. BB-8 welcomes her and she manages a half-hearted response, but she keeps her eyes forward. Before anything else, she wants to leave this haunted ruin.

With only a little of its usual rocking and rattling, the old ship breaks through the gloomy sky and into the crisp, clean blackness of space. She locks it into high orbit and tasks BB-8 with watching the sensors, and only then does she retreat into the main hold with a toolbox and set herself to work on freeing the crystal from its scorched and murderous prison.

Traditionally, a Jedi did not touch their saber's components during construction or deconstruction. Part of the ritual was to use the Force. Rey, however, was never much for tradition, and she has always felt more comfortable working with her hands.

Here in her hands is Kylo Ren's lightsaber... She has been curious about it since that first day on Takodona. Even before she had seen other lightsabers to compare it to, even as it terrified her, this weapon had struck her as unique. Mechanically minded as she was, the unstable nature of it had confused her. What sort of creature was the man in the mask that he would rely on such a device when it might turn on him at any moment?

Even when she knew the answer to that question, and even when the saber was not being used against her, it had frightened her. It had frightened her, but it had also made her sad. There was a brokenness about it much like that which she had come to recognize in its master. They had been reflections of each other, and though she had not been able to save Ben Solo, she can at least try to save this part of him.

Taking the hilt apart piece by piece is easier than she expected, given the shoddy look of the thing. In fact, the farther she gets, the more she finds herself impressed. The construction of the device is more clever than it looks. What she had taken for poor design wasn't. In fact, it is precise and almost delicate. It has to be, she realizes, to compensate for the instability of the crystal. She feels a swell of pride followed immediately by sorrow. Even Bonded as they were, there had been so much of him she didn't know, and now she never will.

She has to set the hilt down for a moment to collect herself, swiping an arm across her eyes and sniffling. She isn't crying—not quite—but it's closer than she likes. She doesn't want to cry anymore. She's sick of tears. She is sick of their taste and their smell and the wet, itchy feel of them on her face. There is little she hates more than crying, she has decided, and she intends to do much less of it in the future.

The heart of the saber is dull and the color of rust when the last piece of casing comes away. A good rub with a cloth improves that, removing the tarnish from several days at sea. The crystal is quiet now and uneasy, but she feel a tentative sort of hope within it, or the closest thing a kyber crystal can feel to hope. It reminds her of Ben, of every time he opened up to her and dropped his wicked act. It reminds her of herself, too.

"Don't worry," she says, and her own words almost bring her to tears again. "I'll take care of you now."

Almost as soon as she begins the healing, though, Rey senses something wrong. The crystal seems to twist away from her, to wall itself off and rebuff the gift of her lifeforce. She pauses. She gives it a moment, thinking at first that it just hasn't recognized what she is trying to do. When she makes a second attempt, however, as gently as she can, the result is the same. The crystal won't let her heal it.

"Please. I'm trying to help..."

But Ben's cracked kyber only hardens its walls and shuts her out, going cold in the palm of her hand. 

Rey tries—she tries very hard—not to take it personally. The thing has been abused by its master as much as he was abused by his, but still, like her, it cares, and still it wants him back. If the crystal is not ready to let someone other than its own master help it, then what can she do but wait? They both need time. She understands that.

Even so, it hurts. It hurts with the bitter sting of inadequacy. She couldn't save Ben and she can't even do this, so what is the point of it all? What was the purpose of their connection—a dyad in the Force, as he called it—when Rey had been left to defeat Palpatine on her own? When Ben had been able to save her life but she couldn't do the same for him? Had they done something wrong? Was it meant to have gone differently? If their fates truly were arranged by fate and not by chance, then why had none of it seemed to matter in the end?

When her breath turns shaky, Rey puts the crystal down and focuses on calming herself, on trying to divert the downward spiral of her thoughts. Simple meditation has become her go-to technique since Leia taught her how, despite her lingering doubts about her own ability. She clears her head by thinking only of the here and now, focusing on the sound and smell and feel of the space around her. She identifies the rickety rumble of the engine and the higher hum of the life support system, the barely-audible buzz of the lights and the drone of the conservator. She notes the metallic smell of recycled air and the lingering musk of wookiee fur. She concentrates on the roughness of the worn upholstery beneath her and on the chill of space that the Falcon's old insulation can never quite keep out.

When she has just about packed everything away, tucking her feelings into the dark, ignorable corners where they belong, something new happens. It's the crystal, still resting where she set it on her work table. It is unfolding again, taking down its walls, singing to her again, and this time she does not touch it for fear of scaring it back into its shell, but she listens. She hears its song of darkness, of loss, of being lost, and of a place... a place she recognizes. A place she knows. It dawns on her, as the crystal sings images into her mind, that it is not showing her its own memories, but hers. She knows not only the place but the time—the moment in her past from which the feelings are being drawn. She remembers what she saw there—who she saw—and she knows where she has to go next.

She only hopes she hasn't waited too long.

The pieces of the dismantled lightsaber she wraps in a spare cloth and tucks away in one of the hold's storage compartments. The crystal she holds onto, digging through the Falcon's sometimes-eccentric supplies until she finds a spool of wire. Working quickly, anxious to get a move on but wanting to do this right, she winds the wire around and around the cracked crystal until she is sure it will not slip loose, twists the excess wire until it breaks, and then takes a bundle of thin black cord from another box and snaps off a length of it with her teeth. This she threads through the wire and ties around her neck. 

With Ben's crystal secure and close to her heart, she goes to the cockpit. 

Her next destination is about as far from Kef Bir as Kef Bir is from Tatooine, but this time she knows where she's going and she can set a straight course instead of making those tedious little pathfinding hops. As the stars spiral away into hyperspace blue, she asks BB-8 to alert her if anything comes up. Then she goes to try, at last, in spite of all her anxiety and grief and desperate hope, to sleep.

She does not remember her dreams.

-

Luke's island on Ahch-To looks nearly the same as she left it, with the exception of the spot where Kylo Ren's starfighter had burned. The wreckage has been cleared away completely, either disposed of or salvaged for parts, Rey assumes. The only traces are the scorch marks on the rocks, and those will wear away with time.

She leaves her staff behind, checks the saber at her belt, and discards her dangling cloth wrap. Where she plans to go, she will need the freedom of movement.

Exiting the Falcon, she takes one long look up toward the shrine at the top, then turns and heads down, following a familiar path to where the bare stone protrudes outward above the churning sea and the sigh of the wind sounds like a mourning cry. Here, Rey stops to take off her boots before walking to the edge of the circular hole in the ground, trying not to mind the cold sliminess of the moss between her toes. On her first time here, she had slipped and fallen. Now, when she fills her lungs and leaps into the darkness, it is by her own choice.

The fall is long and the water is cold, rushing up her nose and spurring her to flail upwards ungracefully, coughing when she breaks the surface. Brine stings her eyes, but even when she blinks it away and can see clearly, the cavern is dark. The light from above and from the seaward exit barely seems able to penetrate it, despite the day being sunnier than usual for Ahch-To. It is what she expected, though, and she surges ahead to the rocky shore as soon as she has her bearings.

She remembers the crystaline wall and how it gleams as if by a light from within. The temptation is to approach with meekness and pleading as she did once before, but she knows better now—or she hopes that she does. Instead of submission, she squares her shoulders, lifts her chin, places one hand on Ben's kyber crystal, and marches to meet the Dark.

"Where is he?" Rey demands, and raises a hand to the smooth, cool surface, noting how fast it warms to match the temperature of her palm. "I want to see Ben."

Chapter 3: Memories To Bury Or Live By

Notes:

Chapter title from “Never Look Away” by Vienna Teng (I highly recommend her music. A lot of it fits Reylo, and all of it is good.)

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Chapter edited: 2/17/21

-

"I want to see Ben," she says, and reality shifts around her.

It is not like the first time. The first time, when she disobeyed Luke and followed the call of the Dark, it was as if she had been sucked into her own reflection. Dreamlike as it was, she had still felt her physical self standing inside the mirror cave. 

Now, according to all of her senses, she is somewhere else entirely. She is bathed in sunlight, so bright after the gloom that everything around her is washed in white. Her eyes are slow to adjust, but when they do, she finds herself on a paved walkway between high rows of buildings. Even down here on the ground level, contrary to what she has assumed about big cities, everything is neat and clean and elegant. There are trees lining the street and flowerboxes in the windows. Some of the vividly painted homes are bordered by garden spaces. Several seconds after her vision has cleared, the vague white noise in her ears distinguishes itself into the separate sounds of a city. She whirls to look up at the roar of a skycar above her, at the hiss of a closing door to her left, at the buzz of voices behind... 

One moment, she is standing alone. The next, there is a crowd of pedestrians moving around her. They are as diverse a group of people as she has ever seen—men, women, and a variety of others, some with children, many not human, all of them dressed in clothing or adornment as vibrant and rich as the city around them. Some talk and smile and hold hands. Others stride with eyes forward and purpose in their steps. None of them stop for Rey or pay her any mind except to move around her if she is directly in their way.

Around and around she turns, searching for some clue as to where she is... and then she hears it.

"Come on, Ben."

The voice is smooth and melodious, starkly different from the way she remembers it, but she knows who it belongs to all the same. There is something unmistakable about it.

Pinpointing its source only confirms what she knows. There in the crowd moving around her walks Leia, nearly thirty years younger, dressed in a gown of cream and sepia with her chestnut hair in layered looping braids, nonetheless impossible to mistake. And there, holding tightly to her hand and hurrying on stubby legs, is her son, all giant ears and enormous eyes and the doll-like proportions of a toddler.

Rey's heart seems to skitter sideways in her chest. She had asked the mirror to show her Ben, but why had it brought her to this time and place? Why make her see him young and innocent, knowing what she knows about his fate? There is wretched cruelty in reminding her of what was lost, and yes, to be fair, the cave is a place of Darkness and she should have expected such cruelty, but it hits her hard even so.

"Honey, what is it?" Leia has stopped, because little Ben has stopped, straining back the way they came.

"Hello!" the child calls, and Rey follows his gaze, but the crowd is moving on and no one else looks back at the child.

"Who are you talking to?" Leia asks him, sounding torn between amusement and concern.

"My friend," Ben says, and something cold settles in the pit of Rey's stomach at those words. She is not sure if it is the Force warning her or just her own instincts, but she knows—all at once, she knows who Ben is looking for.

"Which friend?" asks Leia, scanning the crowd the same way Rey does. The boy doesn't answer. Perhaps he doesn't have the words to explain, as young as he is, or perhaps his ‘friend’ has told him not to. After a moment, his mother pulls him onward with the gentle reminder of, "Come along. We'll be late."

Ben's eyes linger a moment longer into the empty space behind him before he follows, and as his face turns upward toward the radiance that is his mother, Rey swears that, for the span a split-second, his eyes meet hers.

Rey opens her mouth to call to him, suddenly desperate to know if he can see or hear her, but in that moment the scene is ripped away, city and people and Leia and Ben gone in a dizzying flash.

The new location manifesting around her is one which Rey knows intimately enough to notice at a glance that things are out of place. She is in the Falcon's main hold, the one half-converted into a lounge, but the whole place looks cleaner than she left it, smells less like oil and more like freshly cooked food, and houses several objects that she is absolutely certain were not there before. She is drawn first to the dejarik table upon which sits a ratty, well-loved tooka doll sitting up as if someone has tried to pose it like one of the holographic creatures in the game.

Rey picks it up before she can over-think the implications of where she is and what she is doing. The toy is soft in her hands, tempting her to hug it, and when she does, she can feel him. The toy is Ben's. She can sense the residue of his Force signature as strong as if he had been here mere minutes ago. It is not as she remembers it, though. It is less angry, less sad, less Dark, although the Darkness is still present. She holds the doll up and squints at it, trying with every sense to read more. So intent on it is she that she almost fails to notice the footsteps behind her.

"That's mine."

The voice is deeper than it had been on the sunlit city street, but not by much. When Rey turns to look, she sees a boy of no more than five or six years old. He is staring back at her with a challenge in his eyes.

"I'm sorry... Ben. I was just looking." She thinks about putting the toy back where she found it, but that would involve taking her eyes off him, and she fears he might disappear if she does that. Instead, she holds out the toy as an offering.

Ben doesn't move. "How did you get here? We're in space. Did you stow away?"

"No. Not exactly." Rey scrambles for an excuse. "The Force sent me. I just wanted to check on you." It is the truth, or near enough to count.

"I can use the Force." There is a child's pride in the statement as well as a note of defiance. Rey thinks he might be trying to threaten her. After all, she is the intruder here.

"I know you can," she says, pitching her voice with the gentleness she thinks is meant to be used for children. He doesn't look impressed, but in fairness, her knowledge of such things is limited. "You'll be very good at it one day."

"That's what Snoke says."

Not 'Mom' or 'Dad'. Not 'Uncle Luke'. She wants to convince herself that she heard him wrong, but no. She knows what he said and she knows what it means. "You shouldn't listen to anything else Snoke says. He's a liar."

It's the wrong thing to say, of course. The boy bristles. Then he storms right up to her and snatches the doll from her hand. Almost, his fingers touch hers. Almost, but not quite. "Snoke's my friend. He's the only one who listens to me. Maybe you're the liar."

Rey breathes in and out, slowly, keeping her eyes locked on the child’s. "Ben, listen, I..." And then her vision whirls again and she is pulled back, back through the hull of the ship and away into the void.

When the darkness clears a third time, she does not have to wait for Ben or to look for him. He is there in front of her, crouched on the floor of a sunny bedroom, stuffing trinkets and clothing into a bag. Again he is older than he was, but still a child. Still smaller than her, which is both disconcerting and adorable. This time, Rey stays where she is, stays silent, and watches.

"They mean well," Ben says, sounding dejected, but he isn't looking at her. "I can't control my powers, and Mom and Dad can't help, so I have to go to Uncle Luke."

There is a pause. Rey waits, unsure what to say, but then Ben speaks again.

"No, I don't want to, but what choice do I have? I'll hurt someone again if I stay. What if it's Mom or Dad or Uncle Chewie this time?"

Another pause, only the span of a few seconds.

"Thanks, Snoke. I don't want to be alone."

The rage that surges in her is like a fire, hot on her skin and roaring in her ears. She wants to leap in front of the boy and defend him, even though she cannot see nor hear his enemy. She wants to scream and to plead and to tell him everything—tell him not to listen and what will happen if he does. She wants to hold him, to pull him tight within the safety of her arms and keep him there until the monster gives up and goes away.

She hesitates, afraid that he will react the way he did before. Afraid that by warning him away from Snoke, she will only drive him closer. 

Though she has not yet moved nor said a word, something attracts his attention and his head snaps around to look at her. "... It's you."

Rey presses down on her anger until she can speak in something close to a neutral tone. "You know me?"

"I've seen you before." The boy is guarded. Suspicious. "I thought you were a dream."

"I'm real." She almost balks then at the ramifications of what she is doing. She is real, but is he? Is this a vision, or is it the past? Had the Ben she knew remembered her from long before they met on Takodona? 

Could she change the course of his future if she found the right words?

And what would that do to hers?

"Ben, listen, I..."

"Hey, kid," a new voice interrupts—new, but just as familiar. Rey and Ben look up in unison as Han Solo leans around the doorframe. His gaze passes right over Rey and lands on his son. "Need a hand?"

Ben looks at Rey, then back to his father, and says not a word about her. Of course, Rey realizes, he must be used to keeping secret the voices that visit only him. "I'm fine, Dad. I don't need any help.” Sullen, his eyes fall away from Han before the last word is out of his mouth.

"You sure? I just thought..."

"I said I'm fine." This time his tone is waspish, a warning. 

Rey can see the hope die in Han's eyes. "Okay, well, if you change your mind..." But Ben doesn't answer or look at him again, so Han slinks away, dejected.

"Why won't you let him help?" Rey asks, and oh, it is very hard not to think about the last time she saw Han Solo alive. "He only wants to spend time with you."

Ben shoves a bundle of clothes into his bag more roughly than is probably necessary. "If he wanted to spend time with me, he wouldn't be gone all the time. Besides..." he adds this with a tone of petulance that is pure pre-adolescent boy. "What do you know?"

Rey once again has to remind herself to watch her words. Antagonizing him will likely do more harm than good. Still... "I know he loves you."

The boy doesn't deign to look back at her. "You don't know anything."

What else can she say to him? That she knows him better than anyone does? Would he believe her if she told him? Would Snoke overhear and turn him further against her? Is any of this real at all, or just a fantasy crafted by the Dark Side to tease and torment her? 

"Why do you look like that?" Ben asks, and Rey pulls herself back into the moment to see him staring at her from under deeply furrowed brows.

"Like what?"

"Like you're going to throw up. Don't do it in here. I'd have to tell Mom and Dad it was me."

It makes her smile, though she suspects he hadn't meant it to be funny. "We wouldn't want that."

The boy continues to glower. "Why are you still here, anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't stay this long before, or talk this much." He says it like an accusation, like he would prefer it if she stopped talking and went away.

Rey finds she is learning quite quickly how not to be fazed by his attitude. "The Force is doing this. I don't control it."

"Oh." He seems to believe her. "Why?"

She forgets, if only for a moment, to worry about consequences, but that moment is long enough to answer. "I asked it to. Well, not like this. I asked it to show me you the way I know you. When you're... I..."

"The way you know me?" he echoes her words sharply. "When I'm what?"

When Rey opens her mouth, it stays that way, the words locking themselves up at the top of her throat. What the hell is she doing? She had just thought this through a moment ago, and here she is, tripping up. If any of this is somehow real...

"Who are you." It's a demand, not a question. Ben's voice is still childlike, but already as imperious as it will be in his worst moments. He is standing up, leaving his half-packed bag on the floor, and she can see the Force crackling around him. He is gathering it to strike. "What do you want with me?"

And just like that, the scene dissolves again, dragging her away from the bedroom and the boy and into darkness, into rain, into…

There is a wide building ahead of her. It is one she has seen before. Last time, in another vision, it was on fire. Now it stands sturdy against the storm, windows aglow with golden lamplight. It is a welcoming sight from where she stands under the pummeling rain, but she turns away from it, for to her right is a hut, small as the ones on Ahch-To. Unlike the stone domes, this one is made of wood slats and a shingled roof. Its high, narrow windows look useless except to provide lighting, but now the light comes from within, flickering in the nature of an open flame, and Rey's feet are moving before she can think better of it.

Ben is there when she pokes her head inside. She had no doubt he would be. His back is to her, hunched over a desk that looks dwarfed by his lanky frame. His shoulders are not yet as breathtakingly wide as she remembers, but he has shot up in height tremendously since their encounter of a moment ago. He goes still at her intrusion, despite how quiet she tries to be, but he does not turn around. A breath or two later, he resumes whatever it is he is working on. 

Rey slinks the rest of the way into the hut, craning to see around his coltish frame. He is gripping a thin tool—some sort of writing utensil, she surmises. His hand moves with precise and purposeful grace despite its ungainly size.

Rey wonders what she should say to him. Then she wonders if the last vision ended because she had tried to say too much. As she stands there too afraid to move, he speaks.

"You're dripping on the floor." Only after he points this out does he turn away from his work to look at her. "If you're not really here, how are you wet?"

Rey looks down at herself. She had felt the rain, but she hadn't thought to question it. "I don't know. It's always been like this."

He braces his elbow on the desk and props his chin on his upturned palm, affecting nonchalance. The act doesn't match the shadows under his eyes nor the lines of tension strung all through him. His aura screams of weariness and fraying hopes, but, for her, there is a spark of intrigue. "You do this often?"

"No. Maybe." Rey falters, still unsure whether she should tell him everything or as little as possible. How much of what he knows will Snoke find out? Does he hear it all? Could she make it worse for them both by trying to make it better?

"What's your name?"

Rey thinks back. When had he learned her name? She had never introduced herself to him, but he had known it when she went to him on the Supremacy. Perhaps he had overheard it from Finn or Han. Perhaps he had pulled it from her mind. Or perhaps... "I'm Rey." And now that she’s begun, finally, she knows where to go. "You'll see me again in the future, Ben. When you have no one else, I'll be there for you. We'll be there for each other. You won't be alone, I promise."

"What—"

Before he can finish, Ben and his desk and his hut all spiral away from her as if caught up in the storm outside. The next visions come much faster and the swirling doesn't stop this time. She sees the school again, Ben and Luke standing outside, Luke looking uneffected while Ben shouts at him. She sees Ben alone, hunched over himself with his hands pressed to his ears. She sees the school burning, sees Ben's alarm and the tears that fall at the sight of the bodies of his fellow students. Luke had been wrong. Ben had not caused the fire, or if he had, it had been an accident. His screams alone tell her that much. Snoke was to blame. Snoke and his own puppet master, her grandfather, if that had not been a lie. They were to blame for everything. Rey had known this in theory. Now she sees it for herself.

And still the visions do not stop. She sees Kylo Ren, young and unsure, kneeling before his new master. She hears Snoke's words, jarringly soft and sympathetic, telling the boy that he has no where else to go. She opens her mouth to shout at him, but the scene shifts too quickly. She sees him learning to kill without faltering. She sees him learning to take a beating and get back up. She sees as Snoke's reprimands turn from gentle advice to mocking words to violence. When Ben doubts his lessons, Snoke tells him it is the only way he will be strong enough to fulfill his destiny.

She sees the mask descend steadily—not the physical one he used to wear, but the one that kept his feelings in check, hiding those traits which he’d been convinced were signs of weakness. She watches him become the monster who had hunted and haunted her, and then, to her bewilderment, she watches the day they met. 

The scene begins in the moment he cast his spell to render her unconscious. She sees herself fall and she sees him catch her, strangely gentle even then. She watches him stand unmoving for too long, holding her limp body against his chest, and then she watches his head turn until his masked face is pointed right at her—not the Rey in his arms, but the Rey who watches. She stares. He stares back. He does not say a word to her. He does not so much as nod, but he sees her. Of that much she is sure. Only after a long, agonized moment does he put his back to her and walk away.

Darkness descends and she wants to weep at the thought of seeing more, but something is wrong. Something is different. The shadow does not clear to show her another vision. It hangs around her as thick as night, as suffocating as a desert storm. She waits and waits for it to pass, but nothing happens. Nothing changes. Clenching her jaw against a rising sense of panic, she steps forward because she knows not what else to do.

It is like walking through water. The darkness clings to her, dragging at her limbs, slowing her to a point that makes her wonder if she is making any progress at all.

And then, between one blink and the next, there is a form, a figure, visible as little more than a patch of something lighter in the darkness around it. A silhouette in reverse.

Rey knows that shape. Even in the drowning dark, even hunched low to the ground and far away, she knows.

"Ben?"

-< >-

There is no sense of time in this afterlife. He might have been here for an eternity or for a moment. Worse, he knows no more than he did when he arrived. His enemy eludes him. He can feel its creeping fingers prying at the seams of his mind only to slip away when he tries to focus on them. Again and again they play this game, and again and again the results are the same, though Ben tries every trick he knows to lure his enemy off-guard. He is past the point of frustration and well on his way to losing the fight from sheer exhaustion, which frankly isn't fair. He didn't think the dead could feel exhausted.

Perhaps it is his punishment to fight a losing battle for the rest of eternity. It would be poetic. After all, it is what he had done in life. Perhaps this limbo will suspend him in a state of near-collapse until he loses all sense of self, until he is nothing but a shell, holding back the darkness with no memory of why he does it. Or perhaps, in the next instant, or in the one after that, he will succumb and become one with the Dark Side more completely than he ever had before. Perhaps Snoke was right and it is his destiny in spite of everything. Perhaps every moment he has spent fighting was in vain.

The light comes from behind him, cutting through the darkness like a swift sunrise. He turns and beholds a goddess, golden and radiant, and as her hand extends, palm turns upward, he rises and reaches to take it.

Chapter 4: So Lay Your Weary Hand On Mine

Notes:

Chapter title from “Wilderness” by Jon Bryant

-

Chapter edited: 2/18/21

-

He collapses the instant they are back in the cave together, too heavy for her to catch. It is all she can do to hang onto his arm and slow his fall so that he doesn't bash his head on the stones and kill himself all over again.

At that thought, reality sinks in. Ben is here, with her, alive. He is solid and real and breathing, gasping and shaking, and stars, he is enormous. She had rarely had the chance to think about that when they were constantly dueling with blades or with words. Now he is still, and so close to her, and even lying prone on the ground, even without his layered garb or his cloak, his broad shoulders look like they should belong to some hulking beast. It is beautiful, she thinks. He is beautiful.

But there are logistics to calculate and she doubts she has very long to do so with a clear mind. Relief threatens to bring her to her knees. Ben is here, against all reason. Somehow, after all her searching, she found him. She brought him back. He is alive and she is going to keep him that way. Her friends of the Resistance—of the New Republic Alliance, as they're calling it now—may want to take him from her, to exact some misguided sort of justice, but that won’t happen. She will plead his case until her voice gives out, and if that isn’t enough, she will take him and run. They won't have her if they won’t have him.

It should be a bitter thought, but there is too much else to feel right now.

He has not opened his eyes and he has not stopped shaking. If anything, it's getting worse. On top of the joy and disbelief and fierce protectiveness, Rey worries. His skin is clammy to the touch, his face taut with discomfort. The Force has not been courteous enough to restore him with clothing, which should be no surprise given that his was left behind when he faded. It presents a problem for Rey, however, and not just one of embarrassment. She is still soaking wet, chilled to the bone with all of her spare clothes left behind on the Falcon. She could light a fire, but there is nothing to burn. She could swim to shore, climb back to the ship, and pack a bag of supplies, but she balks at the thought of leaving him for even a fraction of the time it would take to do that. Under any other circumstances or with anyone else, it would be an irrational fear, but Ben she has watched vanish into nothingness once already.

The alternative, though, is to let him lie here in the cold indefinitely, possibly dying, possibly unconscious longer than she herself can wait without food or water. Better to go now and come back that much sooner.

Still, although something tells her the effort is useless, she tries to wake him. It would be so much easier if he could simply get up and swim out with her, find shelter and warmth far away from the oppressive Darkness of the cavern. It cannot be good for either of them to stay here.

"Wake up." She reaches out to brush hair from his eyes, to cup his cheek with her hand and turn his face toward hers. His breath comes shuddering and cold on her hand. "Ben, come on. I'm here. I found you." She pats his cheek. She shakes his shoulder. She says his name over and over, louder and louder, but he remains unresponsive.

The hardest thing is letting him go and standing up. At any moment she fears she will give up and stay, hold his hand and sit by his side even if it means they both die again. Instead, she must turn her back on him. She takes one last look over her shoulder and, in the manner of casting a spell, she says "don't go anywhere." Then she is diving into the water and kicking off for all she is worth. It is not a long swim out through the cavern's lower entrance and around to the nearest stretch of accessible shore, but night has fallen whilst she wandered in visions of the past and Rey is not a talented swimmer at the best of times. She is gasping when she pulls herself out, legs gone wobbly from the effort, but she waits only a moment to recoup before she starts the climb.

Although she can sense Ben’s presence pulsing steadily behind her, she almost turns back halfway to the ship. Her feet have halted and pivoted her around before her mind catches up with what is happening. She stops herself, but it is like pulling against a great weight. The only thought preventing her from running back down, back to Ben’s side, is that it would make leaving him in the first place meaningless. The scavenger in her can't abide that sort of of inefficiency. Not without a good reason. She is half way there, so she must keep going.

She plots out the goal ahead as she goes, mapping in her head the location of each item she needs and what will be the fastest route through the ship to collect them all. There is food and water, firemaking supplies, blankets and clothing… She’ll need a pack to put it all in and some way to keep it dry.

Despite her moment of near-failure on the way, when at last she is there and surging up into the ship, the rest is over almost before she knows it, her hands and feet carrying out the task on their own. BB-8 rolls in to check on her, but she dismisses him, managing some excuse about being in a hurry. After that, there is a moment of panic when the waterproof cloth she remembers isn't where she thought it was. Her heart is climbing up her throat as she begins to tear the place apart for it, only for it to turn up a  moment later in a stack of spare blankets. 

With her supplies bundled securely, she's off again, leaping clear over the ramp with a little help from the Force and hurrying down the slope as fast as she dares. Ahead of her now, Ben’s lifeforce glows like a wishing star. As long as she can sense it, she knows she has time.

It is a sudden thing, the Caretaker stepping into her path just before she means to turn off toward the hole that would serve as a shortcut. She starts to go around, thinking it an accident, but the diminutive woman snaps out a hand in an unquestionable signal to stop.

Whatever it is she wants, she couldn’t possibly have picked a worse time, Rey thinks. "Let me through."

Rather than acquiescing, the Caretaker swings her outstretched arm to point down toward the roaring sea. Rey looks, and belatedly realizes that the tiny light shining below is not a vision of Ben's Force signature guiding her. It is something more solid, bright and flickering like a fire. Someone is there, down on the waterline right where Rey had climbed out after swimming from the cave. Whoever it is, that puts them far too close to Ben for her liking. She steps around the Caretaker and runs.

The fire is inside a lantern and the lantern is held by another Caretaker. This one waits, stoic and statuesque, until Rey is almost upon her, and then steps aside to let the light fall upon the small boat bobbing in the shallows behind her.

Rey stops and stares, trying to recalculate her expectations, trying to think through the firestorm of protective rage she had been stoking on her way down. "Are—are you helping me?"

The Caretaker widens her eyes at Rey, who interprets the look as something like a raised eyebrow. 

"I can take the boat?"

Her apparent benefactor steps to the side, farther out of the way, and gives the lantern a little wave.

"Thank you.” It comes out as a gasp as Rey clambers in. The craft wobbles precariously until she sits down. "Thank you,” she says again. “I'll return it." 

The Caretaker hands her the lantern and then bends down to retrieve the double-ended oar that had lain unnoticed by her feet, miming how to hold it and row before handing it over also. Rey thanks her a third time and gives it a valiant try, splashing her way pathetically out to sea before giving up and, with one great heave of the Force, pulling herself and the boat to the cave entrance and inside, steering by tugging at the walls and the water and the air itself. Then at last, not really so much later from when she had left but far too long all the same, she is scrambling up out of the boat, pack in hand, and crashing to her knees at Ben's side.

He is as she left him. Still breathing. Still shaking. Still looking pained. She unpacks her supplies as fast as her hands can move until she gets to one of the blankets, gripping two corners and flinging it over him in her haste to make him better. A second blanket she doesn’t unfold, but tucks gently under his head, letting her hand linger in his hair for a moment afterward. More slowly still, she moves to arrange the long-burning wood she has brought for a fire and to light it with a stick poked into the lantern flame. Only when all of that is done does she attend to herself.

Water and food come first. She has no appetite, but that is of no consequence when it comes to survival. She drinks, scarfs down a nutrient bar, and drinks again. She considers trying to make Ben drink too, but she fears he might choke. If he does not wake up within a day, she will try, but for the moment she leaves him be. With the food settling in her belly and the warmth of the fire soaking into her bones, weariness overtakes her quickly. Overworked and sleep-deprived as she is, the third blanket feels softer than anything in the galaxy when she bundles it around herself, and there is nothing more comfortable than curling up at Ben's side and following him into unconsciousness.

Her dreams are jagged and disjointed, built from memory and fear. She sees variations of her most recent endeavor, sees Ben returned to her as a corpse, bloodless and pale, or trapped in sleep until he turns old and gray. She sees their roles reversed, herself still dead on Exegol while her Dyad mate carries on, a husk, no longer able to hide behind the mask of Kylo Ren, but no longer Ben either. She sees him alone in a desert, garbed in gray like a ghost on the dunes, living for nothing but the memory of her and for everyone else who died loving him.

She wakes to the sensation of tears on her cheeks and a big hand brushing them gently away.

 

-< >-

 

There is a weight on his right arm. His hand has gone numb from lack of circulation. He starts to sit up, to pull away, and then he stops. He recognizes the presence beside him.

Awareness of the rest of his surroundings comes more slowly. He props himself up on his trapped elbow and notes the smooth, unforgiving solidity of the ground. The air stirs and he tenses at the chill of it, accustomed to more layers than the single blanket covering him. He can detect no injury, but every move, every breath feels like a monumental effort. He waits for his vision to clear and soon the blurry patches of light and darkness resolve into a low-burning campfire and the rocky walls and ceiling of a sea-carved cavern. The figure beside him is only faintly illuminated, face turned away from the fire's glow, but he would know her even if he were blind.

Rey sleeps uneasily. There is a hitch in her breath and her cheeks are striped with the tracks of tears. Ben lifts his free hand to dry them. Her face is tense, damp and dirty, lined with exhaustion even in sleep. It is all he can do not to pull her into her arms right then and never let her go. What a joy, what a gift it is to see her again, against all odds and expectations, let alone to be able to touch. What a gift it is when, at his touch, her eyes flutter open and the tension on her face eases into wonder. 

Ben smiles. He can't help himself. He takes his hand away, gives her a little breathing room. There are as many things to say to her as there are stars in the galaxy and he has no idea where to start.

Wide-eyed, Rey is looking him over as if to make sure he's all there. Then up she sits in a rush. The arm she used as a pillow, free at last, begins to tingle and sting with renewed bloodflow. If he hadn't known whether he was alive or not before, he is fairly certain of it now. Still, the way Rey looks at him is like a dream.

"You're alright..."

Ben opens his mouth to reassure her, but he remains at a loss for what to say. This is fine too, it turns out, because that's when she throws her arms around him and buries her face in the crook of his neck.

"You were dead." Her voice is thick with emotion and muffled against his bare skin, but her emotions radiate around her strongly enough that he would know what she was trying to say even if she didn't say a thing. "You left me."

What else can he do but return her embrace, tuck his chin over her shoulder and hold her as he has only held her once before? Only now, with her heart thumping against his chest, with her slight frame warm and giving in his arms, does he find himself able to speak. "It's okay." The clarity of his own voice surprises him. He expected it to come hoarse or not at all, given how wretched the rest of him feels. "I'm here. I'm back." Her shoulders begin to shake then, so he rubs a hand up and down her back, recalling how his mother had used to do the same for him. 

And how strange it is, he thinks, to be wanted even now, when all of his family is gone. How strange it is to know that he was mourned.

Rather than subside, Rey's sobbing grows stronger, wracking her whole body as she clings to him. When Ben's eyes sting in empathy, he makes no effort to contain his own tears. There is no shame in what she has already seen.

For a long time, they weep in each other’s arms, letting grief and guilt wash away one saltwater drop at a time. Yet for all that he would be content to hold her forever, it is difficult to support his own weight, let alone hers. He feels weaker than he ever has in his life, and though he is conditioned to keep functioning through pain and exhaustion, he can only go on for so long.

"Rey..." he says in a moment of quiet while she catches her breath. “I need to lie down."

That gets a bigger response than he means for it to, Rey pushing away to hold him at arm's length and look at him with eyes full of worry. "Wh-what's wrong? Are you hurt?" She can barely speak through her tears, but she looks ready to fight an army or rip a planet apart for his sake.

"It's okay... Rey.... Just tired."

There is a moment when she doesn't look like she believes him, but then she sighs, deflating, and before he knows what to expect, she has rearranged herself beside him and is guiding his head down onto her lap. "I won't let you go," she says, and her voice has gone firm as the stone beneath them. "Not again."

He believes her. Whatever fear he may still have harbored that this was not real or only temporary, that fear is gone now. Somehow, against every law of nature, Rey has brought him back, defying his fate and pulling him from whatever afterlife or liminal space he had been banished to. He knows he won't be going anywhere as long as she forbids it. He knows he can rest easy under her guard.

If he dreams, he does not remember it. He drifts in and out of awareness for a time, always safe, always warm in the radiance of her presence, under the gentle touch of her hands. At some point, when he is more awake than not, she has him sit up and swallow some water. Once or twice he feels her shift, adjusting the position of her legs underneath him, likely to keep them from ending up like his arm did. Except for that, she is still, devoted in her self-assigned role as his savior. It is a role, he recalls with a tightness in his chest, which she took on as early as her trip to the Supremacy, mere days after they had met. Even then, she had been so ready to forgive him and welcome him home. His Rey...

When consciousness returns to him fully, he feels better, somewhat. Rey is still there above him, posture straight and eyes closed. A caress of the Force tells him that she is deep in meditation, so he lets her be, taking stock of his surroundings while he waits. He had identified the natural shape of the cave earlier, but now he feels the temperament of the Force here, the cloying concentration of Darkness, and he begins to wonder about the cost of his resurrection. What did Rey need of this place? Had she turned to the Darkness to save him, or had his own affinity for Darkness brought her here?

She does not feel Dark. No more so than usual. She has always had a capacity for the Dark Side, to be fair. He recognized it in her the first time he saw her, and upon witnessing her memories and her dreams, he'd understood it better than she herself had. It was, after all, so much like his own.

Rey still has her Darkness, but she has not fallen to it. That much is clear. He lets his gaze trace the dimensions of the cave, searching for some other reason why she might have brought him here. It is when he sees the flat, crystalline wall that he remembers her story from the night before Snoke's death. Her encounter with the mirror cave. Is that where they are, then? He reaches out, reaches up, and... yes. He can feel a place of Light somewhere above, the match to this well of Darkness. It reminds him of the abandoned temples his uncle used to take him to, and when that thought crosses his mind, he recognizes something else here, within the light but not a part of it. His uncle has left a mark in the Force. A scar of sorts, and a strikingly large one. This, then, must have been where he was when he…

"It's called Ahch-To." Rey's voice brings him back to himself. Her posture has relaxed and she is looking down at him. When he meets her eyes, she smiles. "This is where I found Luke."

"This is where you were when we connected."

She nods, but her smile fades. "How do you feel?"

"Better." He is cautious sitting up, but it's true. There is a bone-deep weariness still weighing down his limbs, an all-over ache as if he had been in a long fight the day before, or been put through one of Snoke's trials, but it is not as hard to move now as it had been. "Thank you."

Rey flushes and ducks her head. "Of course."

It isn't enough. Curling his knuckles under her chin, he lifts her gaze back up to meet his. "I mean it. Thank you. You don't owe me any of this."

He doesn't know how he expects her to react, but it is not the gruff command of "shut up," or the sudden heat and pressure of her mouth on his. She savors the kiss like she did on Exegol, leaving Ben warm and tingly all over by the time she pulls away. This time, though, he chases her, catching her in his arms and dipping her over his lap, swooping back in and coaxing her lips to part, kissing her as deeply as he can. He’s had some practice at this—not much, but some. There had been Tai, when they were just boys... Tai had probably been the closest thing he had to a friend among Luke’s other students, and Tai had wanted to be more. Ben, who was not particular about gender, had given it a try, but they were young. It didn’t last.

Still, he had learned how to kiss from Tai, and what he knows, he gives to Rey. Her fingers are digging into his shoulders, her lips and tongue following the example he sets. She is clumsy at first, bumping noses and clacking her teeth against his, but then he feels a tap on the door of his mind and he lets her in, lets her learn from him the way she has learned before, and then the kiss is flawless. Then it is a dance. 

When they separate and he hoists her upright, she smiles again, looking flushed and downright giddy. "I didn't get the chance to tell you last time... I've wanted to do that since the night we touched hands."

"Me too." She is leaning in for more even as he speaks, but he holds her back this time. There are things he still needs to say. "Rey, I'm sorry."

"No, Ben—"

"Please let me finish." 

She bites her lip, looking like she wants to argue, but instead she gives in and nods.

Ben takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He has thought about this moment for a long time, rehearsed it in his head like the lovestruck fool he is. Now that he can say it at last, it all comes out in a mumbled rush. "I'm sorry for everything. I was stupid. I should have listened to you. I should have gone with you sooner. I should never..." here he falters, voice breaking on the words. 

"I don't blame you, Ben."

"You should."

"No." She shakes her head, scrunching her nose up in that adorably fierce way of hers. "I know it was Snoke. I know what he did to you."

Ben feels himself flinch at the name. Somehow, though the monster is a year dead, it is harder to think on him now than it was when he was still Ben’s master. There is probably some interesting piece of psychology there, he thinks, but regardless of Snoke’s role in the play of their lives, he cannot see himself as the faultless victim Rey wants him to be. "It was me,” he insists. “It was my hands. My choices."

"No."

"I killed people." Here he lifts a hand to stroke her cheek, needing to feel her softness. Needing to reassure himself even as he makes the next confession. "… I hurt you."

"It wasn't your fault."

"It was, Rey. Please accept that."

Her stare is sullen, almost petulant. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Tell me I was wrong," he pleads.

There is hurt in her eyes, but when she speaks next, he can tell it is not just to satisfy him. She means it when she says, "You were wrong."

So he keeps pushing. "Tell me I hurt you."

"Ben..."

"I need to hear you say it."

This time, she doesn't. She takes his hand from her face and brings it to her lips, kissing it before clasping it in both of hers and holding it between him like a statement. "I forgive you," she says, and it is not what he wants to hear—It is not why he said what he said, but it tears him to shreds and rebuilds him like death and rebirth all over again. "I forgive you, Ben Solo," she repeats. "For everything."

"I don't want forgiveness." It is hard to speak now. It is hard to deny her, but he chokes the words out. "I don't deserve it."

Rey kisses his hand a second time. "Yes you do." And then she kisses his lips again, and all he can do is surrender.

Chapter 5: A Little Closer Than Before

Notes:

Chapter title from “Closer” by Dido

-

Chapter edited: 2/18/21

They stay in the cave for a few hours more. Ben is waiting for Rey to lead, and Rey... he doesn't know what she is waiting for. They eat, drink, and warm themselves by the embers of the fire. They talk little. There is still much to say—too much for any one conversation—so they take their time. The majority of the day is spent with silence and tender, timid touches. That and sleep, for they both seem to need more of it than usual.

He thinks it must be nearing sunset when they decide to venture onward. He has tracked the passage of the day by the light that filters dimly through the hole in the ceiling, though there is not much of it to go by. Still, he is proven right after they've put out their fire, packed their single bag, and he is rowing the little boat out of the cavern and into the yellow cast of evening. "Two suns?"

"Yeah."

"Luke grew up on a planet with two suns." He doesn't like to talk about Luke, but Rey cared about Luke, and he likes talking to Rey.

"I know," she says. "I've seen it. It's nothing like Ahch-To, though."

"No." The conversation feels stilted even by Ben's standards. There is so much untrodden ground between them, so many sore spots. He doesn't yet know which ones to avoid and which to poke at until they become desensitized. It can't all be the former, after all, or else they will have nothing to talk about but the weather.

And even then, it had been the weather that brought them to the subject of Luke.

"I'll have to return the boat," Rey says. "Maybe we should do that now. Do you want to?"

"I don't have any other plans."

The answer earns just a little bit of a smile. "We'll have to go around the island. Their village is on the other side."

Ben takes a breath and reaches for whatever remains of his courage. Somehow, he gathers enough of it to say, "Then you sit here," gesturing to the space between his knees, "and I'll teach you how to row."

Rey blushes brighter than he has ever seen and for a moment she doesn’t move. He thinks perhaps he has done something wrong, been too forward, but then she is wobbling across the cramped space and cramming her rump between his legs. Ben, who is garbed only in a blanket kilted around his middle for decency and another over his shoulders for warmth, has not thought this through very well.

"Okay," says Rey, wriggling against him, and he cannot see the smug smile on her face, but he can certainly hear it in her voice. "Teach me."

He could let her learn the same way she learned to use the Force, but in this case, he decides, a little hands-on training will be more enjoyable. He balances the double-ended oar in front of them and finds her hands, guiding them to the proper distance apart. With his own hands just outside hers, he begins to row again, slower this time to let her get a feel for the depth and angle of the strokes.

"Where did you learn this?" She is leaning back against his chest. When she speaks, he can feel the vibrations of her voice.

"Luke. He liked to do things the old fashioned way."

"Sounds like him."

"I guess he was right. Here we are out to sea without an engine."

He isn't trying to be funny, but she laughs, which is so beautiful a sound he forgets for a moment to keep rowing. Rey takes over, shaky at first against the pushback of the sea, but quickly learning how much strength it takes to move at an efficient pace. He corrects her grip one more time and then gives her space to practice. The wind and waves are mild enough and they both have the Force if anything should go wrong. While Rey steers them vigorously around the island, Ben takes the time to look at it, contemplating its jagged peaks and the fat little avians that cluster on ledges at the water's edge. This is where Luke had hidden himself away, then. This cold, remote place that stinks of brine and rings with the discordant squawks of the local wildlife.

His uncle must have loved it.

 

-< >-

 

The ocean is calm, but it is not still. Low waves roll beneath them at regular intervals. When the boat cuts close around one of the island's peninsulas, those waves wash back again, disturbed by the projection of earth in their path. It does not quite catch Rey off guard, exactly. She sees it coming. The problem is that she doesn't know how to respond. Those little humpbacked waves hit the boat from one side and then the other, not enough to overturn it, but enough to knock her off balance. She would have toppled backwards, perhaps hit her head, had Ben not been there to catch her, arms coming up around her as she falls against his bare chest. The boat rocks once, twice, and settles. Then, to her very great surprise, Ben laughs.

Rey picks herself up and twists around, desperate to see his face. It is stunning how much it changes him, how the laugh lines break his statuesque sternness. He looks like a different man entirely when he laughs. He looks like a stranger she wants to get to know better. 

With one hand keeping their single oar in place and the other catching hold of the blanket draped over Ben’s shoulders, she leans in for a kiss. He meets her halfway and it is as soft and precious as each one before it. Then another wave rolls under the boat and jolts them apart and it is Rey's turn to laugh. She does not say 'we should keep going’, but she doesn't need to. Ben is already catching her hand in his and guiding it back to its place on the oar. He lets go of her then, but only long enough to drop his hands to her hips—a firm, warm pressure to hold her steady against any further mischief from the sea. 

Ben may be the one most recently resurrected, but Rey feels like she has just come alive.

As the village drifts into view, its lanterns lighting one by one against the approach of night, Ben offers to take another turn rowing, but Rey dismisses him with a grunt of "I've got it" and powers onward. She is getting better at it, or at least she thinks she is. The boat seems to move farther with each stroke now, turn easier this way or that when she holds the oar down at one side. Her arms are aching and they'll be worse in the morning, but there is a simple thrill to learning something new. Better still is knowing that there is someone to catch her if she falls.

Nearing the village brings back her worries for Ben's safety, but the Caretakers are not the Resistance, and they have already helped her once. Isolated as they are, they may not even know who Kylo Ren was, or care, so long as he presents no threat to them now. 

This is the reasoning with which Rey tries to reassure herself as she steers them toward the dock and sees the villagers gathering to meet them. Ben has gone tense and silent behind her. Even their connection in the Force is locked down and she is left to come up with worries and explanations on her own.

Two of the villagers move to secure the boat as Rey does her best to get it close enough. She fumbles the task, knocking rather hard into the pier, but a quick, embarrassed check reveals no significant damage. The Caretakers catch and tie the boat deftly, holding it flush to the pier long enough for Rey to climb out and turn to offer Ben a hand. He probably doesn't need it, but it feels good to help him in every way she can. When she then starts to move around him and reach for their supplies, he beats her to it, shrugging his blanket cape out of the way and slinging the pack over his shoulder without a word.

Now comes the time to make her excuses and apologies to the Caretakers. She does not know their language nor if they understand any of hers, so all she can do is try. "Thank you for the boat. You can have it back and we'll get out of your way. We're just going to our ship and the temple and..." She is weaving her way between them as she speaks, keeping her grip firm on Ben's hand, but the Caretakers let her get only as far as the end of the dock before closing in to block her path. Rey tenses, ready for a fight, until the shortest and wrinkliest of the lot raises one hand in her direction and gestures with the other at something off to Rey's right. It takes her a moment to distinguish what she is being shown. There is a villager arranging pillows and blankets on a bench-like platform while two more raise an awning above it, and none of that strikes Rey as relevant to the situation. The Caretaker in front of her shakes her pointed finger and croaks a word Rey doesn't know while another of the villagers gives her a push in the direction of the platform. Then she gets it.

"Are you...? No, we don't… We'll just go up to the ruins." But whether they understand her or not—and she suspects they do—the one keeps pointing and the other keeps pushing. Helplessly, she looks at Ben. "I think they want us to stay."

"Then why don't we?"

Rey feels herself frowning. "You want to? I thought..." She thought he would want to avoid people, strangers and allies alike. After all, that's what she wants, and he has more reason than she does.

But he says, "I don't sense any danger here. We might as well accept their hospitality," and who is she to argue? It's Ben she wants to help, to protect, and to make comfortable. If he wants to stay, then she can adapt.

Shoulders slumping in defeat, she lets the Caretakers guide her bodily to the platform they have so thoughtfully cushioned for her. It is something like a bench with a flat wooden back, guarded from the weather by a tent-like tarp and built long and deep enough that even Ben will be able to stretch out on it with only his heels hanging off the end. He doesn't. He sits down, back hunched, and keeps his eyes pinned on Rey until she sits beside him. Their thighs brush, but she resists the urge to cuddle closer. Regardless of what he senses or doesn't, she can't yet bring herself to lower her guard.

Her resolve wavers a little when one of the Caretakers shoves a bowl of hot food at her. It looks like some sort of thick stew, brown broth with chunks of pink meat and a pale root vegetable she remembers eating with Luke. Ben mumbles a "thank you" and spoons himself a bite as soon as a matching bowl is placed in his hands, so Rey follows suit. It's good stew, more flavorful than she expects, seasoned with something slightly sweet and sort of spicy. Rey is still sensitive to spicy food, but she is finding herself not entirely opposed to it.

Ben is wolfing down his meal with startling enthusiasm. When she flashes him a tentative smile, he returns it, just briefly, before shoveling another spoonful into his mouth.

They have a little water left in their supplies, as Rey had been sure to bring plenty, but when the Caretakers offer them cups of dark, herbal-scented tea, they both accept. It is as surprising as the stew, nearly as bitter as caf but with a cloying sweet aftertaste. Rey likes this less, but she is the last person to be picky about nourishment or about a source of warmth against the chill of twilight.

After serving their guests, the villagers more or less ignore them as they go about their own business. Many have sat down on chairs or benches or on the ground to partake in the same stew, which is being ladled out of an enormous black pot over an outdoor firepit. A few others are still out on the docks, pulling in nets and traps or working on boats. Rey keeps a wary eye on everyone, but few so much as look her way, let alone approach. The exceptions come when they are offered second helpings of stew, which they both accept, and a little while later, when a single Caretaker approaches with her hands folded in her white sleeves and says to Rey in flawless basic, "Alcida-Auka has invited you to stay one night as a gift. Any more, and we will require a trade of labor."

Rey is still trying to quell her surprise and formulate a polite refusal when Ben speaks up. "Thank you. We'll stay." She glares at him before she can stop herself, but he only looks at her blandly and says, "I hope you don't mind. I don't feel like climbing those hills yet, and I'd rather not sleep in the bed of my dead uncle."

That reasoning not only mollifies her but makes her feel guilty for expecting otherwise. Of course he would not be ready for that. He might never be ready, and that should be fine with her. She wants whatever is best for him.

Still, she can't shake the nervousness attached to being in a populated place, even one as small as the Caretaker village. "Sorry,” she murmurs. “I guess I'm being paranoid. I just want you to be safe."

His smile is soft, like the sun breaking through the gloom after a rain. "I can take care of myself, Rey."

"You say that," she counters, "but I still had to watch you die."

He stops smiling, the proverbial sun sinking back behind the clouds. "So did I."

More than a standard week has passed since that day, but she has tried, even as she searched for him, not to dwell on his side of it. It was too much to think about. He had given his life to heal her, so of course he had seen her dead or dying. She doesn't have to wonder if it hurt him as much as it hurt her. That truth burns bright now in the Force between them. It is enough to make Rey set down her bowl, appetite gone, and finally let her guard drop as she leans into his side. A heavy arm comes around her in an instant, a contented sigh ruffling her hair. It isn't enough. Eyes already shut, she turns her head and tips her face upward to find the source of his breath, to capture his lips with her own. It will take quite a few kisses to heal the hurts and to make up for all the lost time, but Rey thinks she's up to it. Judging by the way Ben responds, he is too.

When the sky is full of stars and slumber calls to them both again, Ben arranges himself on his side against the back of their oversized bench and opens his arms to her. There is, quite simply, no way they will both fit comfortably otherwise. She squirms into place with her back to his chest and enjoys the flutter in her stomach when his hand finds hers to hold. It is almost unfair how swiftly sleep claims her after that. She would have been content to lie awake this way for hours.

-

Rey isn't certain who wakes first. Perhaps it happens in the same moment. They are certainly attuned enough to each other. She sits up, Ben drowsily moving his arm away to give her space. She doesn't go far. Instead she leans over him, admiring his near-sleeping face until he cracks open his eyes and lifts a hand to touch her cheek—as if, perhaps, to be certain she is real.

Rey feels her lips pull into a smile before her conscious brain can tell them to. "Good morning."

Ben's thumb strokes her cheek, sending pleasantly electric tingles all the way down to her toes. "Good morning."

It hits her then how unlikely, how impossible this should be—the simplicity of waking up beside Ben Solo to say good morning. It is such a trivial act, something so domestic, and it's true, Rey has not had enough of that with anyone in the span of her lonely life, but to have it now with him—with the man who had been her sworn enemy, her arch nemesis, her monster, yet for whom she had dove into the heart of the enemy’s stronghold to rescue, for whom she might have kissed on this same island a year ago had Luke not stopped her... She had despaired of ever having that chance again, and yet here they are, and he is smiling ever so softly as she gazes down at him.

"I was just thinking how strange this is," she confesses, and moves back just a bit to make room as he sits up.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean this. Me and you, not fighting. I didn't think it was possible."

The smile he gives her can almost be described as sly. "It is nice to look at you without a lightsaber between us."

"Oh!" she startles as the words remind her, "I have something of yours." From under the salt-stiffened fabric of her shirt, she brings out the cracked red crystal and slips the cord over her head, holding it out to him.

Ben's hand moves as if by reflex, then stops, remaining suspended halfway between them as he stares. "That's my..."

"Your kyber crystal. From your lightsaber," she finishes for him because she can't contain herself. "It called to me. It's what brought me here."

"I threw it into the ocean..." His words come slow and quiet as if he is still waiting to believe what is before him.

"I pulled it out."

Ben hesitates a moment longer and then, not quite shaking but looking like he might start at any moment, he puts both hands together and Rey deposits the crystal into his cupped palms. For a long time after, he just looks at it, turning the crystal over with a thumb and staring as if under a spell.

"I tried to heal it," she goes on, "but it wouldn't let me. It wants you."

To that, he does not respond right away. Carefully, the makeshift necklace goes around his neck, the crystal settling on his bare chest. He does not quite meet Rey's eyes when he says, barely more than a whisper, "Thank you."

Rey had been hoping to see the crystal healed then, a closure to her mission, but it is Ben's task now, not hers, and he is apparently in no rush. Instead, he seems to come more into himself, to come alive and more connected with his surroundings. He looks past Rey, turns his head to scan the space around them, brings a hand up to pull the blanket tighter around his shoulders. 

"Do you think they have any of that stew left?" he asks, and Rey almost laughs.

"Good question. Let's find out."

They do not, it happens, have any leftover stew, but there is fresh fish for breakfast seasoned with a lemony-tasting herb and served with chewy slices of bread to soak up the fat. Rey eats every scrap, licking the plate clean, and then she has to sit still for a little while with her arms around her middle, trying not to be sick from the richness of the meal. Ben has been wiser, she notes, pacing himself over the generous breakfast so that he is still leisurely chewing when Rey sets down her plate. If he notices her discomfort, he doesn't mention it, which is fine by her because in all honesty she's embarrassed. Rather, when he does finish, he cleans his hands as best he can and lifts his gaze up towards the green hills. "I don't suppose there's anywhere I can get some clothes on this island..."

"There's plenty of spares in the Falcon," Rey answers before she realizes that he might not, until that moment, have known which ship she came in. "And... and there is whatever Luke left behind, though you're kind of tall..." 

Ben is grimacing and Rey can feel the accompanying twinge in the Force, a crack forming in his hard-won sense of peace. She watches him swallow, wishing she hadn't mentioned anything to do with the Falcon or his family, but all he says, in a carefully level voice, is "I would look ridiculous in Luke's clothes. I'll see what you have on the... in the ship. Where is it?"

"Other side of the island," she answers, and then she adds, hesitant, "I could... I could go and bring something back, if you want." The last thing she wants is to go anywhere without him, but neither does she want to see him wounded by something he is not yet ready to face. 

Ben looks at her for what feels like a long time. She can see the moment of surrender in his eyes just before he speaks, subdued and oddly formal. "... Thank you. I would appreciate that."

"Yeah. Just give me a minute." She leans forward and plants a kiss on his cheek, catches his hand in hers, wishing to bring back that relaxed softness from earlier.

It works, at least somewhat. He manages a crooked smile that makes him look so much like his father it hurts.

"You'll be alright here for a little while?" she asks, not quite able to make herself walk away without checking.

"I'll be fine, Rey." He sounds like he even believes it, maybe. "You'll know if I'm not."

She doesn't know what else to say, so she gives his hand a squeeze and stands to head out on her way.

It is a long walk from the village to where she left the Falcon. She is no stranger to long walks, but most of those in the past have not involved leaving her recently-dead soulmate behind. Her only comfort is that she can feel him in the Force when she tries, as clear and as strong as if she were still standing beside him. She keeps that channel open all the way to the ship, clinging to it like a child with a security blanket. Ben is handling it better than she is, from what she can tell. Their connection does not let her know his thoughts—not unless he speaks them to her—but she can feel his mood, or at least the bare bones of it, and if she looks hard enough, she can see him. Each time she peeks, he is sitting, eyes closed, draped in his blankets. He is meditating or perhaps merely resting. She is not sure which and she doesn't want to disturb him by asking.

The Millennium Falcon is just as she left it, complete with BB-8's excited beeping. Rey feels a pang of guilt for leaving him so long with so little explanation. "No, I'm only back for a minute. I'm sorry. Yes, I did find what I was looking for, but I don't know how much longer we're going to stay. It might be a while."

BB wobbles from side to side and whines inquisitively.

"Please do, but... don't tell them anything. Not where I am. Not what I'm doing. I don't think they'd understand."

The droid sounds unsure, but he agrees. She has faith he won't betray her without a good reason.

"Thank you, my friend." And on she goes, fearing it may take a while to sort through the Falcon's wardrobe. Most of it had come from the Resistance. In the heat of the war, there had been no knowing what supplies they might need. Clothes were gathered alongside blankets, tools, rations, and spare parts. The Falcon, being their only ship for a time and always their fastest, had ended up carrying more than its fair share of these supplies, and though Rey had tried to rehome much of it before she left, rebel numbers had fallen again after the battle at Exegol and there wasn't a use for all of it.

It is possible, also, that some of Han Solo's things still remain on the ship, but if so, she does not recognize them and with any luck, neither will Ben.

The trousers she finds all look too short, but she packs the two longest pairs from the bunch. The shirts she picks look too wide, which means they will probably fit snugly. She fails to find any underthings, so Ben will just have to cope with that. She does, at least, find a sturdy-looking belt, and there are a few sets of boots, but she is even less certain about the size for those. She ends up taking the largest ones. If they aren't right, she can help Ben alter them or come back for more.

When his are packed, she checks on him again through the bond. Finding him just as he was the last time she looked, she gathers herself a clean set of clothes as well, and then, reluctant to spare the time but knowing she needs it, she steps into the shower. It is quick enough, only a few minutes sloughing off sweat and dirt and salt under the sonic. Then she is pulling on her fresh attire. She considers, just for a moment, flying the whole freighter across the island to get back faster, but the whole point of coming alone was to spare Ben a confrontation with his father's ship.

Bag of clothes slung over her shoulder, she makes one last stop to retrieve her staff before descending again onto the misty Ahch-To hills.

On the way to the ship, she had kept her thoughts trained on the task ahead. On the way back, there is less to keep her mind from wandering. There is the cloudy sky and the dewy grass and the strain of muscles on steep inclines… and there is Ben. Ben Solo, who is waiting for her. She doesn't know what he wants to do with his new life or where they will go, but they have the whole galaxy ahead of them. The war against the First Order drags on in small pockets, but it is nothing like it was. How easy it would be for them to disappear, to go where no one knows their faces, where no one will ask or demand a thing...

It would not be forever. What she wants is not to abandon her friends or the Jedi or the galaxy entirely, but to have time. Just a little time. Time to spend with the person she chooses, going where she chooses, doing or not doing what she chooses. These are things she has never had before. She chose to stay with the Resistance, yes, but that was different. That was war. It wasn't all bad, to be fair—it was better than Jakku—but her choices then had still been made for survival. Now, for the first time in her life, she can choose what makes her happy.

It puts a spring in her step to imagine what the near future might look like, walking not over harsh, steep hills or barren deserts but through quiet forests, flower-strewn meadows, or neon-lit cities, her hand in Ben's always. There will be long, peaceful journeys on the Falcon. Ben will come to terms with it, she is sure. He will come to love it again, to cherish the memories of his family despite everything. He'll be alright. He'll be happy, even. They both will.

Rey realizes she has not checked in on him for too long when she comes upon the village and sees him standing outside, one of the Caretakers balanced on his shoulders and engrossed in some sort of repair work at the top of the wooden gate. It is a ridiculous sight. Ben has shed the blanket from around his shoulders, clad now only in the one around his waist. The Caretaker has her robes girded up around her thighs, freeing her twig-thin legs and bird-like feet. Ridiculous or not, it is a sight that fills Rey’s heart with joy. Here is her Ben not only up and active, but demonstrating kindness and cooperation with someone other than her. Images from her daydream shine bright behind her eyes and she thinks—she really, truly believes—that everything is going to be alright.

Notes:

Oh Rey.... You think that, but this is only the beginning of the story...

Next chapter's got smut, though, so there's that to look forward to.

Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is welcome. I want to improve.

Chapter 6: The Smile I've Never Shown Before

Notes:

Herein lies the most explicit smut I’ve written since my roleplay partner on WoW stopped playing, so be gentle with me and also you're welcome. (but seriously, tell me how to improve)

Chapter title from "So Far Away" by Staind

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Chapter edited: 2/18/21

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They stay at the Caretaker village longer than Rey means to. They pay their rent, as it were, in much the same way she earned her supplies on Tatooine. They assist with repairs and they fish, though Ben is considerably better at the latter than Rey is.

"Luke taught me," he explains when she comments on it. This is his answer when she asks about most of his varied skills. His father taught him to fly and maintain ships. Luke taught him everything else.

"Luke practically raised you, didn't he?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

They don't talk much, for all that they spend every possible moment together. On the one hand, Rey longs to talk about the past and about everything they've been through. On the other, why bother? They were both there. They fought. They hurt each other. They saved each other. Maybe Ben's way is the right way and all of it is better left behind them.

The first few days are dreamlike. They wake up, reassure each other that they are both still there, and then Ben braids Rey's hair. It started the first time she tried to redo her buns in his presence. He had halted her with a touch on her arm, coaxed her to turn about and, gentle as can be, he had woven her hair into an arrangement of elegantly looped braids. He does this every morning after. He has not said a word about it and Rey has not asked, afraid that if she does, he might stop.

Ben braids her hair, they eat a meal with the villagers, and then they work. The Caretakers don't really need them, of course. They have their own ways of doing things. The island has, after all, gone much longer without Force-using inhabitants than with. The Force just gets things done faster.

Mainly it does the job of keeping them both busy. It gives them some illusion of purpose—something small and personal and completely unrelated to the fate of the galaxy. 

It is, just as her work on Tatooine had been, something to lose themselves in.

The nights are harder than the days. Even wrapped in Ben's arms, her dreams still plague her. She dreams of waking to find him missing, or worse, to find him dead and cold beside her. She dreams of stepping through the mirror wall and being lost inside forever. She dreams of Snoke and of Palpatine always, and she dreams of herself. She sees in her nightmares the same image she saw once before. She sees herself, golden-eyed and clad in black, lit by the flame of a crimson lightsaber. She sees cities burned and lives taken. She sees ships pulled down from the sky. She wakes shaking, sometimes crying out, sometimes more than once a night, and even Ben's hands and lips and gentle words are slow to soothe her.

He dreams too, but he is used to it, or so he tells her. He may twitch and thrash and mutter under his breath, but his nightmares rarely wake him. When they wake Rey instead, she strokes his hair and speaks to him softly until he calms, and Ben remembers none of it in the morning.

It is their third day in the village when Rey asks him to spar with her. It is their fourth day when he agrees. Rey has already prepared a practice sword for him from the spare wooden rods kept for construction. To prevent it from breaking under the sturdier material of her staff, she's made one for herself as well. She has also, while he worked, picked out the perfect place for their match. There is a narrow meadow just beyond the village, bordered by the sea on two sides and shielded from view by a grassy ridge. It isn't much. Flat ground is scarce on Ahch-To, but it is close and it is private, and the Caretakers—the Lanai, as they prefer to be called—have little use for it.

Ben stops at the top of the ridge and stands for a while, tilting his face into the wind. Rey can't guess where his mind is at. The Force still binds them together like a wire, but it is pinched these last few days, nearly silent except when she pries it open or when one of them experiences an extreme of emotion.

She can't decipher his mood today, but he comes back to himself soon enough, loping down the slope and catching the stick with ease when she tosses it his way.

She almost asks him if he's sure about this, but she stops herself. She is desperate for the practice, desperate to break the monotony of their new life, and she is afraid that if she gives him the chance, he will change his mind. She should give him that chance. Really, she should... but Rey needs this. They may not talk about their past, but the shadow of it still lingers. The memory of crossed blades and terror and pain still lies between them and she needs to face it. She needs to make it into something new.

She slips out of the poncho she's been wearing against the cold, folding it up before sets it down to keep most of it dry upon the dewy ground. She hefts her stick, adjusts her grip, moves into a defensive stance, and waits for Ben to come at her.

It starts slow. Ben exaggerates his swings as if Rey is a beginner, leaving her with more than enough time to parry or dodge. She doesn't complain. He is at least giving her what she asked for. If this is how he has to do it, then fine. She understands. He is battling the same memories that gnaw at her. Still, she wishes he would talk to her about it. She wishes he would talk about anything other than the few words necessary to coordinate the work they do and the sweet nothings he whispers to soothe her nightmares, but this... maybe this will be enough. For now.

He does pick up the pace, slowly but surely. Rey pushes him as much as she dares, and as the initial nervousness fades and they fall together into the familiar rhythm of it, she sees his mouth turn up in the ghost of a smile. That alone is enough to make her grin and press the attack. Ben responds, blocking and deflecting and then sliding to her left and taking a swing that she almost fails to parry.

Breath heavy, blades locked, they stare each other down. Rey relinquishes first, reducing the pressure on her stick slowly so that he'll know what she means to do. When she pulls away and lowers her weapon, so does he. Neither takes their eyes off the other.

"You okay?" she ventures, because the look he casts her way is strung with a tangle of emotions she cannot pick apart.

Ben nods.

"Good." Rey drops her gaze and bites her lip before she can stop herself. "Do you want to go back now, or...?"

"We can go another round, if you want."

"Oh. Okay." It is not the answer she had prepared herself for. She takes a deep, deep breath and finds her footing. "Let's go."

This time he moves with more confidence. He is still holding back, keeping his strikes light so as not to hurt her if one lands, but it isn't necessary. As their makeshift blades dance and circle, she feels it at last—the Force opening between them, the connection deepening, the stream becoming a river. She knows where his strikes will fall before they begin. She moves in unison with him, to block and to counter, to circle and to thrust. If anyone had been watching, it would have looked choreographed, a dance more than a fight, and just as she knows where and when each blow will land, she knows when the match is about to end.

He thrusts. She whirls past it and into his waiting arms. He raises the stick to her throat. Hers presses into his side. They stay like that for the span of a few breaths and then he drops his practice blade, catching her by the shoulder and turning her to face him. He makes a show of taking her weapon from her, gently, and straightening her flyaway hair as if that is the main reason he has kept her so close. "It seems we're doomed to destroy each other," he intones softly, but he is smiling.

"We're both still here," she counters and, fighting down a sudden wave of timidity, she tips her head up to invite a kiss. 

He obliges her and the kiss is like their sparring match, a slow and gentle thing that escalates into more. His hands move to her hips, holding her close. Hers are on his face and sinking into his hair. Even as tangled and unwashed as it is, she can't get enough of it. It is one of her favorite parts of him, right along with his lips and his hands and his chest and...

Ben breaks the kiss, straightening up and taking a small step back. Rey follows him.

"Wait."

"Rey..." There is a warning in his voice, but she refuses to hear it. If he means to protect her, she won't have it. She knows what she wants and it is not that.

When she reaches out this time it is to lay a hand over his heart, her thumb plucking at the collar of his threadbare shirt. "I want to be close to you." Her other hand touches his cheek, traces a line where the scar used to be, lingering on the scratchy stubble at his jaw. "Please."

Though Ben does not speak, neither does he retreat again, so she takes both of his hands in hers, curling her fingers around his big meaty palms. When he reciprocates the gesture, she steps back, one foot and then the other, tugging until he follows. Across their dueling field she leads him, with cunning glances over her shoulder to find her way, until she comes to the place where she left her poncho. Here she lets him go, issuing a soft-spoken order of "Stay here" and bending down to unfold the garment and spread it over the grass. At last, reclaiming Ben's hands, she guides him down with her.

There is a tension in the way he sits, a caution in the touch of his hands, but there is desire as well. Rey is the one who slides onto his lap, but it is Ben who locks his arms around her and pulls her snug against him. It is Ben who initiates the next kiss, long and slow and hungry, and then trails lighter kisses along the line of her jaw. The moist heat of his breath makes her skin tingle.

It is Rey who slips a hand under his shirt, exploring the smooth plains of his abdomen. It is Ben who responds readily when she pulls the shirt higher, shrugging it off with her help and letting it fall to the ground beside them. 

Rey lets her eyes trace the now-invisible line from his face to his chest. "It's still strange to see you without your scars."

Ben brushes his fingertips over the unmarred skin of her right arm. "Yours are gone too."

"The girl with those scars died," Rey declares, and she meets his eyes. "So did the boy. We don't have to live their lives anymore."

A corner of Ben's mouth twists, caught between grimace and smile. "Let the past die," he echoes.

"It's already dead."

They don't talk for a while after that, content to explore each other in silence as, piece by piece, ever so slowly, they bare themselves to each other. Ben follows her lead through it all. When her shirt comes off and is followed by her breast wrap, his eyes flick up to meet hers, asking permission without speaking. Her answer is to take his hand and guide it to where she wants it. Even under her control, the press of his wide palm and the flighty tenderness of his fingers takes her breath away.

She keeps his hand there as she surges in for another kiss, coaxing more from him and more still, fiercer, deeper, spearing her tongue past his lips to taste the hot cavern of his mouth. He responds with equal passion, but she is the one to take each next step. She is the one who grinds her crotch over the rising hardness between his thighs, earning a strangled moan the likes of which she has never heard from him before. She resolves to hear much more of it before they are done.

She keeps her eyes on his face as she unclasps his belt by feel. She is watching for discomfort, for uncertainty, afraid she might be taking things further than he wants to go, but all she sees is wonder. Even so, she asks, "Is this okay?"

Ben nods, and then as if he has lost the ability to speak aloud, he says into her mind, Yes. Anything you want.

Everything. All of you, she answers, and takes her weight off his lap long enough to tug his trousers down.

Rey has seen male genitalia before. She has even seen Ben's, back in the mirror cave when she pulled him out, but she had tried not to stare. Now that she is actually looking, the first thing she notices is the sheer size of him. The jokes she has heard about sex generally imply that bigger is better, so she counts this as a bonus.

He stands half-erect, arching eagerly towards her. She doesn't wait to think it over before she has him in hand, feeling out the length of him while he gasps and digs his fingers into the fabric of the poncho beneath them.

Still okay?  Rey asks him with her eyes and with her thoughts.

The breath he sucks in makes his whole body shudder, but he nods.

The act of shucking off her own pants is done one-handed and without ceremony. Balanced on her knees over his lap with a hand on his cock, she holds out the other in supplication. When he places his hand in hers, she brings it down to the tuft of curly hair between her legs and to the petal-like folds of flesh beneath. She shows him where to put his fingers, which spot to rub with his thumb, and then she leaves him to it, closing her eyes and concentrating on the sensations as he learns her body. She feels his hot breath on her neck before he kisses her there, mouth open and wet as if to consume her. She leans into it, rocking her hips with two of his fingers inside her, drawing her hand up his length until he groans into the skin of her shoulder. She indulges in this for what seems only a little while before she wants more, so she directs him with a voiceless request to remove his hand and replace it with his cock.

On Jakku, Rey had rarely pleasured herself. It was a wretched waste of energy and, malnourished as she was, she seldom felt the need. With the Resistance, after meeting Ben, she had put a little more time into it, going so far on one particularly lonely night to craft herself a toy. That item is still on the Falcon, in fact, tucked away in a hidden drawer in the crew quarters.

Point being that she knows what penetration feels like. It is not a completely new experience. Her little construct, however, has not prepared her for Ben's generous girth.

The stretch is painful, but a little pain is nothing. She takes him in slowly, haltingly, pressing down on him and then retreating, getting a little farther each time. She savors every inch of him until she is seated on him fully and he is trembling beneath her and for a long, precious moment all they can do is breathe.

The first rolling undulations are experimental, finding what feels best, how much and how far. Ben's hands have come to rest on her hips again, not impeding her, but providing a delicious source of pressure. As she grows bolder, surer, he begins to move in turn, with small, tense twitches of his hips up to meet her as if he can’t quite control himself. His chin is still tucked over her shoulder, his hair soft where it touches her neck. His chest is so, so warm, a furnace blazing away behind his ribcage. Part of Rey wishes this would never end. She thinks better of that when he slips one hand between them in a precise way and her little bundle of nerves rubs against his knuckles with every move. Now they are perfect. Now they could stay this way forever, joined in body and mind and soul, and to hell with the galaxy that had tried to keep them apart.

In spite of her wish, it does not last forever. Soon enough Ben is drawing a breath that hisses through his teeth, clutching her bony hips with his strong fingers and, for the first time, taking some control for himself. He shifts the positions of his legs to better brace himself and begins to thrust harder, and then harder still, jolting her right to the core. As he does it again and again, knocking little puffs of breath out of her, she finds she likes it, dull ache and all. She likes the feel of being stuffed so full it hurts, just that little bit. She likes especially that it is Ben who makes her feel this way.

He climaxes suddenly, his rhythm devolving into erratic little jerks as the wave of sensation fills him up and crests over the bond and into her. Her own body responds, clenching around him until she is shaking with the tension. Rey has experienced orgasms before, on her own, but never like this—never with her Dyad mate. They are a feedback loop of ecstasy, each feeling what the other feels and amplifying it, back and forth until there is no telling where one ends and the other begins, until pleasure is a blinding light behind shut-tight eyelids and it holds them and embraces them for the span of a small eternity...

When it fades, ever so slowly, Rey finds that there is a new source of wetness on her shoulder, accompanied by the steady hitch of stifled sobs. She pulls back enough to look at Ben, bringing her hands up to his cheeks and dabbing his tears away with her thumbs. She could tell him it will be okay. She could say she is here for him, but he knows all of that already. She could talk about what they just shared, the magic of it, but she fears she could not put it into words. It was bigger—is bigger than anything she knows how to describe. This wasn't just sex. First time or not, she knows that much. This was the Force at its most beautiful, its most alive. No spoken language could do it justice, so instead she just smiles at him, feeling her own eyes mist over, and then she kisses him again.

They are slow to separate, reluctant to diminish the connection between them in any way, but the Ahch-To air is cold and getting colder as the heat of their exertion fades. Ben is the one who finally places his hands on Rey’s shoulders and puts a little space between them, making room for him to retrieve her discarded shirt and begin dressing her. She wrinkles her nose in distaste at this, but she cooperates, and her reward when her head pops through the collar is one of his rare and beautiful smiles.

The spell, though not broken, subsides enough that she is finally able to say something. "We should do this again sometime." It is an attempt at teasing him. She makes her voice low, eyelids dropping half-shut and chin dipping in a playful try at seductiveness.

The expression on Ben Solo's face is full of such fondness that it hurts to look at, but she refuses to take her eyes off him. "Soon,” is his answer.

-< >-

 

Later, Ben tells Rey that he needs some time to himself. She is reluctant, perhaps even a little hurt at being left behind, but she swallows down the argument that he can see composing itself on her tongue. They share a long farewell kiss before he heads out of the village alone.

It is not difficult to find his way, although he has never walked this island before. The winding paths and stairs are easy enough to see from below, and there is something else—something that feels like instinct. Perhaps it is Rey's knowledge of the terrain seeping into his subconscious. Perhaps it is some other aspect of the Force. Ahch-To is rich with it, after all.

It has been a long time since he was last able to commune with the Force as a passive listener, to let its sea-like surges and eddies wash over him with no intention of bending them to his will. It has been a long time since he felt like the Force's friend and not its vain, false master.

With Snoke gone, with Palpatine gone, with his heart held safely in Rey's hands, he feels at peace in a way he has never felt before, even despite his purpose in climbing these stairs.

It is not just the Force he wants to hear and to speak to.

Up and up he climbs, following the twist and turn of the stone stairs, always with his eyes on the watchful shape of the temple above. He will go where the Light is strongest and he will face the dead, if they are willing.

It is a long climb. He is breathing hard before he reaches the top, muscles aching after too many days spent sedentary. A little discomfort is nothing, however. The pain is merely a reminder that he is alive. Against all odds, against even his own choices, he is alive. He is alive because Rey willed it, but he wonders—he hopes—that she was not the only one.

His uncle had said he would see him again. His mother had reached out to him. His father... His father had walked into Starkiller Base to bring him home. There are things he cannot forgive yet, and there are things he still must atone for, but for all of the mistakes, his and theirs, and for all of the doubt, they had loved him right up until each of their dying breaths. Perhaps they love him still.

It is not easy to think about. For so long, the voices only he could hear had told him otherwise. He knows now that it was all a lie. He knows that, but his heart is harder to convince than his head.

He feels his thoughts beginning to spiral downward into guilt and anger, so he stops that line of thinking. He clings to peace and to purpose, breathes out his fears and breathes in the cold, sea-scented air. He grounds himself in the physical, in the scrape of boots on stone and the hush of the breeze in the grass. He basks in the moment, in the life and Light all around him, and he tries his very best to look ahead.

The temple is a quiet place, but in no way does it feel abandoned. The atmosphere is thick with presence, with whispers just at the edge of hearing. It feels as if at any moment he might come face to face with another living being. He is used to the feeling of being watched, of never quite being alone, and this is a far less oppressive presence than Snoke's or Palpatine's was, so he does not let himself fear it.

There is a mosaic at the center of the temple—a depiction of the Prime Jedi. He has seen variations of the pattern before. This one is inset into the floor, shielded by a thin layer of water. He bends to touch it, seeking blessing, and then he moves on.

The temple exits onto a rough-hewn balcony, a protrusion of stone with a small raised dais at its center. A thousand Jedi have perched on this ledge. He can see them like afterimages, imprints in the Force. He can feel a trace of Rey's presence here, and he can feel his uncle, stronger than any other. The nature of the event branded into this place is unmistakable. This is where Luke Skywalker became one with the Force.

For the first time during this pilgrimage, his steps falter. As broken as his relationships with his mother and father were, nothing compares to what lies between him and Luke. Yes, Snoke and Palpatine and the Dark Side are to blame, but he had resisted them. He had held onto the Light for so long despite the ceaseless voices in his head. He had held on because Luke had told him too, because Luke encouraged him and taught him how. His parents had sent him away when his Force abilities manifested in violence. Luke had taken him in. Luke had promised to help him tame the monster that lived inside him. 

Luke had not warned Ben that there was a time limit, a deadline, and that at the end of it, if the monster was not tamed, Luke would take the task upon himself to slay it.

Luke had not warned Ben, but Snoke had, and when that warning came true, what was Ben to do except believe every other lie Snoke had fed him?

Luke, his uncle, had tried to murder him. There was no way around that. And to be fair, Ben has done his own share of murder, but even after everything, even knowing the truth of what Kylo Ren was, he cannot be sure that any of it would have happened had Luke not raised his lightsaber that night.

They have all made mistakes. There is nothing for it now but to move forward. 

Breathing out the tightness in his chest, breathing in serenity, Ben sits atop the stone dais.

The whispers that have lingered just beyond comprehension grow louder now, pressing closer around him. Then, in response to a command he feels more than he hears, they retreat.

A hand touches his face. Another, his shoulder. They are small hands. Soft. Hands he once knew as well as his own. Ben can't remember when he closed his eyes, but he opens them now and sees his mother. Her face is young, barely lined, the way he remembers it when he left her as a boy. Her hair is long and laced with only a few scarce strands of silver. Her eyes are bright and her smile is welcoming.

"Mom..." The word snags in his throat, jagged and difficult to choke it out.

"Hello, Ben. I missed you."

"I'm sorry."

"No, shhh." She hushes him with a kiss on the forehead. He can feel her as plainly as if she were alive, her breath on his skin, her voice audible to his ears and not just in his mind. "We're all sorry. It all went wrong and we can't change that, but you're alive. You can start over."

"Is Luke here?" The question is out before he can think better of it.

"He is." She sounds surprised. "He didn't think you'd want to see him."

He can't look at her when he answers, "I don't. Not yet."

Her fingers run through his hair, gently unraveling tangles. "When you're ready, he'll be here. Take all the time you need."

The tears have broken free and are running down his face. He leans into her touch. "It's good to see you, Mom."

"It's good to see you too, Son. You're a bit of a mess, though. When's the last time you had a bath?"

He raises his eyes to find a wry smirk on her face, familiar and heart-wrenching. Somehow, just for a moment, he manages to return it. "Well, I was dead for a week, and there's not much fresh water on this island. I haven't found where the fish ladies get theirs yet."

"You could ask," she points out flatly.

"Yes, but that would involve talking to people."

Leia chuckles and shakes her head. "Then ask your girlfriend. I imagine she'll be happy to lend a hand."

The shock of boyish embarrassment sends him reeling. "Mom!" 

The ghost, for her part, puts on a politician's face of false innocence. "What? We're adults here, darling. It's not like the whole island, living and dead, didn't know what you two were up to a few hours ago. You are both very loud in the Force..."

Ben groans and buries his face in his hands, wondering if he will ever be able to look his mother in the eye again.

Leia is laughing heartily and tugging at his hands with hers, coaxing him to show his face again. "I'm happy for you, Ben. I'm so happy for your second chance."

He feels himself grimacing. "More like my fourth chance. Or my tenth. Fiftieth, maybe."

A hand on his cheek quiets him. It's the same cheek, he notes, that once bore Rey's scar, and the same cheek his father touched before he fell. "It doesn't matter, Ben," she says. "It was a hard fight, but you made it in the end. That's all that matters."

"I don't think most of the galaxy would agree with you on that."

"To hell with them." This comes sharp enough to make him flinch. "You died for them. You gave them back their hero. You don't owe the galaxy anything."

It twists something in his chest to hear those words, and more to answer. "I don't know if I can believe that..."

"I'm sure Rey will tell you the same."

"Rey's opinion is about as biased as yours."

Leia's eyebrows furrow. It's the look she used to get when someone challenged her. "Bias doesn't mean I'm wrong. Surely you've learned that much with all your political endeavors of late."

Ben drops his gaze again. It is still so hard to look at her. "My political endeavors have mostly involved swinging a lightsaber at people... but I'll take your word for it."

She pats his cheek. "You do that." And then she is pulling back, severing contact with him, fading into luminous translucence. More and more she goes, and all he can do is watch her smile at him until she has vanished completely. I love you, Ben.

His vision is blurring with tears again. He wonders how much more he has left to cry. "I love you, Mom."

Chapter 7: I Built A Home For You

Notes:

Chapter title from "To Build A Home" by the Cinematic Orchestra

-

Chapter edited: 2/19/21

-

On the walk back down from the temple, Ben calls to Rey across the bond. Will you meet me outside the village?

Of course, comes her immediate reply in his head. Are you alright?

Her concern has him smiling to himself. Yes. I want to talk. He can feel her rush of joy at this announcement. It occurs to him then that they haven't truly spoken much since the mirror cave. His fault, of course, as most things are.

I'll be waiting for you. 

And she is. He spots her slim figure as soon as the grounds in front of the village come into view. He sees her smile soon after. At several paces away, she comes jogging to meet him as if she can't wait anymore. She doesn't stop until she is in his embrace. 

"I talked to my mother," is the first thing he confesses into her hair.

"What did she say?"

"She told me to take a bath."

Rey laughs and he can feel the vibrations of it against his chest. "You are pretty wiffy."

"Sorry."

Despite the critique, Rey rubs her face on his shirt like an affectionate tooka cat. "I don't mind. People didn't bathe much on Jakku."

Ben can feel himself blushing. "She's right, though. Is there a... What do you use to bathe here?"

"There's the Falcon's shower." Without taking her head off his chest, Rey points inland, presumably toward where the ship is parked beyond the hills. "But if you don't want to use that, I know where there's a well. We'll have to go up to the ruins, though. Where Luke stayed..."

Ben looks back the way he'd just come. He remembers glimpsing the cluster of stone-walled domes down on the slope on his way to and from the temple. They had not looked as foreboding as he expected. Still, he considers the prospect carefully, weighing the strength of his heart against the weight of all his shadows. At last he says, "... I'm ready."

-

It was, he decides shortly after, a bit short-sighted to volunteer for a second hike up the island immediately after returning from his first. He makes a mental note to begin his daily exercises again, now that the lingering weakness from his resurrection has for the most part worn off. Maybe Rey will want to join him.

They walk arm in arm, taking it slow. Rey has brought her bag with spare clothes in it. Ben convinces her to let him carry it after a mild argument. Rey chatters along the way. Trivial things—the way the local avians had infested the Falcon for a while. The way she had kept breaking things during her first visit and her suspicion that the Lanai still dislike her for it. She tells him about watching the rain that day, how precious it was, and he tells her that it was the first time he learned how physical material could pass through the bond. Rey perks up at this, her eyes going wide and keen.

"We should practice it," she says, and of course she is right.

Ben offers her a wry half-smile. "Are you saying you need a teacher?"

At this, she grins back up at him and bumps him with her shoulder. "I'm saying we teach each other."

"We are good at that," he agrees, and though Rey falls into silence then, she holds onto him a little tighter.

One of the low-hanging suns bursts out from behind the clouds just as they step off the stairs and onto the flagstone walkway that weaves it's way between the ancient huts. The sun's rays reflects off the weather-worn stone and sets the very air alight, making Ben blink and squint. Rey seems more comfortable with the change, closing her eyes and lifting her face into the light, basking in what little warmth it provides. Ben finds, not for the first time, that he cannot take his eyes off her. He is caught by the net of russet freckles, the flutter of eyelashes on her cheeks, the upward curve at the corner of her mouth. The spell does not break until the hole in the clouds passes and the sun once again falls behind its veil.

"I was here when we... when we touched hands," Rey tells him.

"Here?"

"Well, in one of the huts," she specifies.

"Show me."

This provokes a slight grimace. "It's gone now. Luke destroyed it."

It takes Ben a minute to comprehend why his uncle would obliterate part of an irreplaceable Jedi ruin. Then it sinks in. "Ah. Of course. He tried to pull a building down on my head."

"It was in the heat of the moment." Despite her own excuse, Rey is cringing. 

"So was the time he drew a lightsaber on me."

"Ben..." Her hand tightens around his. "We can go back down, if you want."

He does seriously considers it. Instead, he takes a slow breath and squares his shoulders. "I'm not that much of a coward."

Rey doesn't seem convinced. "I mean it. There must be another well or a spring somewhere. The Lanai can't get all their water from up here."

"And then what?" It comes out harsher than he means it to. "I live with the Lanai indefinitely, sleeping on their spare couch? I have to face all of this eventually, Rey."

"I know." She sounds morose, like she wants to keep arguing but knows that she has lost. "I just... I don't like to see you hurt."

He looks at her, but her gaze is downcast. Already he is approaching emotional exhaustion. Speaking has quickly become a daunting task, but he finds the strength to soothe her. "I'm already hurt. This is the getting better part."

It's enough. The fight leaves her and she leans her head on his shoulder as they stand there at the edge of the ruined hermitage. After a few breaths, when she has regained her composure, she says, "The well's this way."

It is a small thing when they come to it, set low to the ground and covered by a stone lid. Under the shelter of the nearest dome structure is what Ben recognizes as a firepit like the one in the Lanai village, complete with a cauldron set beside it and the means to suspend it above. It is here Rey goes first, stepping past the firepit itself and kneeling to retrieve a set of items from a narrow nook built into the wall. One looks like a hand-carved wooden cup with a long handle—a ladle of sorts. The other is smaller and cloth-bound. Ben can't get a good look until she lays it out and unwraps it, revealing not one object but three. They are rocks, or they look that way, but they are not like the stones that form the architecture around them. The largest of these rocks Rey takes out and sets aside. The other two she leaves. "Firestarters," she explains, and then unclips her lightsaber and stands, summoning the blade and lowering it to the pile of used-up charcoal in the firepit.

What had looked like the burned out husks of fuel reignites.

"Burns better than wood and doesn't rot in the rain."

He squints at it through the flame, but it still looks like nothing more than ash. A Lanai secret, or a Jedi one, he guesses.

Letting the mystery go unanswered for the time being, he observes Rey as she moves back to the well and pushes the lid off, hauls up the bucket and dumps it into the cauldron. Again and again she does this. When Ben offers to help, she refuses him, so he sits and he watches her. He notes the precision and the confidence in every act, the efficiency of motion refined to conserve as much energy as possible. It is an entrancing sight. She was stunning when he first laid eyes on her in the woods of Takodana, and since then her beauty has only grown. She has put on weight and muscle over the last year. Her eyes are brighter, her hair more lustrous. He would adore her no matter what she looked like, but among all of the things that Ben Solo is, he is still a mortal, human man, and it is a mortal, human thing to admire the physique of his mate.

When the cauldron is full, she leaves the water to heat and comes to sit beside him, arms around her knees. "That one's soap." She points to the item from the bundle which she had set aside. "I can go back to the Falcon and look for more clothes, if you want. I think there's even something that may work as a towel."

Ben keeps his gaze on the hypnotic glow of the embers and says, carefully, "I would prefer if you stayed with me."

"Okay." And the look in her eyes is one of joy. "There's something else." She rifles through one of the small bags she always carries on her belt and brings out a flat metal case. Ben knows what it is before she opens it. "I forgot to pick this up when I went to get your clothes, but Alunda Cai went and told Beebee-Ate what I wanted and he showed her where to find it, so... here." 

The case is warm in his hands. He knows this is only because it was insulated and kept close to Rey's body, but it feels like more than that. It feels just like the residual warmth of his father's hands when Han had let him hold it and look at it as a kid, indulging his curiosity with only the casual warning of 'be careful, it's sharp.'

The latch clicks open just the way he remembers it. The razor itself has been replaced, but the elegant handle is the same, save for a bit more tarnish. The shaving set was a gift from Leia, or so his father told him. 'Your mom gave me this. It might not look it, but it's a priceless treasure. This old thing was made on Alderaan.'

He feels the tightness of grief in his chest and takes a minute to calm himself, counting breaths until his control is restored. "Thank you." He manages to say, and sets the case aside. "Let me get cleaned up first."

"I can..." In spite of all they've shared, Rey blushes and falters a little over the words. "I can help, if you want."

Ben's ears go hot. He isn't sure if its his own embarrassment or if hers is seeping through the bond. "I'd like that."

Gnawing on her bottom lip, she dips her fingers into the water to test its temperature and then says, straight and to the point, "Strip."

The single syllable sends a shudder down his spine. And yes, true, they can more or less read each other's moods, but still he wonders if she has any idea at all what she does to him.

The shirt comes off without a care, but he hesitates with his hands on his belt.

"I can still go if you want some privacy." Rey doesn't seem bothered. She is trying to make him comfortable and he is still not sure how he feels about this. He doesn't want special treatment, but a part of him is horribly, wretchedly fragile and nothing in the galaxy has touched him like the look in Rey's eyes when she worries.

"Stay if you want," he says, and she does.

When he is undressed and has pushed his clothes aside to spare them from the water, she beckons him nearer. "Bow your head and close your eyes." She says it as if it is nothing, as if receiving an order from her doesn't stop his breath or send his heart to hammering. More softly, she explains, "I'll wash your hair."

He does as she tells him. How can he not? He listens to the sound of the water in the cauldron being disturbed, presumably by the ladle, and soon a careful stream is being poured over his head, pleasantly warm. The now-familiar touch of her hand follows, parting the mats and tangles to wet his scalp. When she is satisfied with that task, she starts on the soap, lathering it up between her hands while Ben waits for the return of her touch.

There is an eroticism to kneeling naked and submissive under Rey's hands, but there is also more than that. There is one thing they have both wanted, needed, longed for more than anything else, and that is a family to look after them. To love them unconditionally. To share the burden of living when they are too tired to shoulder it alone.

After she has rinsed his hair and washed his face with careful strokes of her thumbs, her hands slide downward, massaging his neck and pausing to explore the ridge of his collarbone. That is where he halts her. "Let me do yours."

For a moment, she doesn't move. He can feel it in the Force. He can feel the way something in his words breaks her down and rebuilds her. The way it lances an old wound. She nods eventually, blinking back tears, and reaches up to untie her braids. 

He stops her with a hand on her arm. "Rey... On Alderaan, where my mother was raised, there were traditions to braiding hair." He swallows, but continues. "One of them regarded who was allowed to take your hair down. It was a… an intimate act. A maid could do it, of course, or family, but it was generally reserved for a lover."

He watches the corners of her mouth twitch upward. "Are you asking if you can take down my hair?"

Ben is blushing again and he knows it. "I... I just wanted you to know. I should have told you sooner."

She bites her lip like she's trying to stifle her smile. She fails. "It's fine. Please take down my hair."

He feels he could die happy—again—right then and there. "Turn around."

It is she who obeys him now, and she does so with a smile. He takes excessive care in unwinding her hair, letting each braid fall apart in his hands with all the reverence his mother once taught him. When that task is done, he helps her undress for the second time that day and they bathe each other in gentle silence. 

Before they dress, Ben gives himself a shave with his father's razor and the little mirror set into the lid of the case. Rey watches studiously, as if she plans on offering to help him with this job as well. He wouldn't object if she did. He isn't sure, at this point, if he could deny her anything.

She doesn't. Not this time. When he is finished and they are dressing in the cleanest of the spare clothes Rey brought, their skin still wet for lack of a towel or a warmer sun to dry under, Ben musters the courage to say, "We could stay up here, if you want to."

The sky above is darkening, painted in red and violet, the moon already high and shining on Rey's wet hair as if it can't quite wait its turn. "Stay as in just for tonight," she asks, "Or...?"

"Or for as long as we need to," he finishes.

"It would be nice to have more privacy." There is a cautious sort of hope in Rey's voice. "We can always go back to the Lanai if we need to."

"We can."

"I'll go and get the rest of our things." She is starting to stand up until he reaches out and touches her hand. It is all he needs to do. She stops in place and waits. 

"Do it tomorrow."

Rey looks at him with her eyebrows arched in a manner which translates across the bond as wary amusement. "I thought you didn't want to, uh... 'sleep in your dead uncle's bed', as you put it."

"We can take the blankets. Set up in a different hut."

"You'll be alright?"

"I think so."

Scouting out a suitable hut is no challenge, thanks to the dedication of the Caretakers. Every remaining building is stable and recently swept out. Rey leads the way from one to the next with an air of whimsy, finally lingering at a dome with a small window looking out over the ocean and a low sleeping platform wider than the one they’ve been sharing in the Lanai village. Rey offers to let him wait there while she goes to raid Luke's old hut for blankets, and Ben... Ben tries to argue, to steel himself and go with her, but in the end he cannot. His strength of will is stretched to its limit just by being this close. He still feels so fragile, so pitifully weak, and as Rey kisses him and tells him that she'll be right back, he hates himself for staying behind.

She won't take long, he knows that, but every second seems stretched in this haunted place. The voices of the dead don't help, whispering incoherently to him from between the stones of the ancient structure. Taking a seat on the hard edge of the bedframe, Ben buries his face in his hands and does his best to ignore them. He cannot help but wonder, though, what they think of him, these Jedi of old, for surely they can sense the traces of Darkness that still linger. Do they, like the Jedi of his grandfather's time, believe that a person once fallen can never truly return to the Light? 

Tai comes to mind again. For seven years he has banished that boy from his thoughts, but now, as he finds his way back along that same proverbial path Tai spoke of...

Tai had seen the Light in him. Tai had told him that he could turn. That he could choose. Would Tai say that now, after all the murder and the tyranny? Would Tai still believe in him the way Rey does, or would his old almost-friend have given up on him a long time ago?

I do believe in you.

Ben does not look up. He is accustomed to resisting the urge to look for the voices in his head, even when they sound as if they are coming from right beside him.

I saw what happened to you. Some of it, that is. I'm glad you came back.

"Tai..." The name comes hoarsely. Ben had not been prepared for this.

I like your lady-friend. She suits you.

"Be careful," he mumbles into his hands. "You insult her."

Nonsense.

"You're not jealous?" The question comes before he can think better of it. Then again, what does it matter? He is speaking to the dead.

Maybe a little.

Ben huffs out something more or less like a laugh.

Oh, she's almost back. Tell her I said hi and give her a kiss for me.

"wait, Tai—" He lifts his head now, but Tai is gone, if he had ever been there at all. A moment later, Rey steps through the doorway with a stack of blankets up to her chin.

"Was someone here?"

"Just a ghost," Ben says, and impresses himself with the blandness of his own words.

"Oh." Rey, of course, takes this answer in stride. "Were they kind to you?"

"More than I deserve."

She says nothing to that. She sets the assortment of moth-eaten blankets down and moves to stands beside him where he sits, sinking her hands into his hair and curling herself over him. There is something protective about her posture, as if with her body she can shield him from his own remorse. "You deserve kindness, Ben."

"Someday I might believe that."

He doesn’t have to see her face to know that she is frowning. Then, too soon, she steps back and grabs hold of his hand, giving it a tug. "Get up. You're in the way."

He cooperates, because of course he does, letting her usher him across the small space and out of her way before she sets to work with the blankets, spreading and layering them to cushion the unforgiving stone. When he sees what she is doing, he catches and straightens the corners opposite her until she comes to the last one in the stack—a quilted gray thing which she folds at the foot of the bed for later use. Having successfully assembled a proper place to sleep, she brandishes her arms in a 'tada' gesture and grins at him.

It should matter to him who used those blankets before, but somehow, right now, as he stands in Rey's radiance, it doesn't. Ben manages a dry smile and considers the prospect of applauding. He doesn't, but the smile is apparently enough. Rey comes to him with the grace of a hunter and takes hold of his hands again, leaning in to invite a kiss which he is more than happy to bestow. She is smiling into it, her giddiness like a breath of summer air in the chill of Ahch-To. Overtaken by a joyous whim, he brings his arms tight around her and lifts her off the ground, earning a yelp of surprise before she kisses him all the harder. Here in this moment, impossible as it is, nothing else matters—not his sins nor his sufferings, not his past nor his future. All that matters is that he and Rey are together in a place they can make their own. As long as he is with her, he is on the right path.

It is two steps to the bed where he sets her down, never breaking the kiss. He is hungry—starving—and he had never known how much so until he'd gotten a taste. He had held himself back earlier, terrified of hurting Rey, or of taking more than she wanted to give. He is not afraid now. He can feel her in the Force—feel the same hunger, the same desire, translated as best it can be in the questing of her hands and mouth. It is a mutual thing, the way he presses and she pulls until she is lying on her back and he is looming over her, and they are still kissing as they fumble their way out of their clothing for the third time that day.

"What..." Rey gasps when they finally have to break apart to accommodate the removal of her shirt, "was the point of putting all this back on?"

"You would have been cold," he suggests.

"You would have kept me warm."

It is the most sultry thing he has ever heard from her. Her voice alone is enough to steal his breath away. He gives up on trying to answer with words, finding other ways instead to use his mouth. Within moments it is Rey who gasps for breath, head thrown back as he devours her throat with open-mouthed kisses. He can't get enough of her, of touching her. He doubts he ever will. Their duels on Takodana, on Starkiller Base, on Kijimi and Kef Bir were dear to him, each one a precious memory, having been moments when the bond was at its strongest. What they share now feels like the natural evolution of those moments, nevermind the contrast between locking lightsabers and locking lips. It feels right. Nothing ever felt right in his life until the day he met Rey.

He kisses his way down to her collarbone, then farther still to the canyon between her pert little breasts. One of these he cups a hand over, caressing reverently while he continues his southward path. Her belly delights him in the most surprising way, rising and falling with her breath, twitching when he kisses it. She lets out a muffled sound, somewhere between a squeal and a moan, and Ben's body tingles all over in response to it. He wants more. He wants to hear every sound of pleasure he can conjure from her.

When his fingers hook into the band of her pants, she arches her hips for him eagerly, shimmying her way out of the garment with his assistance. It makes Ben chuckle, which makes Rey grin, which is the loveliest sight to see before he guides her legs apart and ducks his head to kiss the soft skin of her inner thigh. Rey whines, shooting a hand down to clutch at Ben's hair, but rather than pull him away, she pushes him closer, projecting in the Force a surprisingly clear image of what she would like him to do to her next.

Ben thinks only for a moment about what his mother said regarding how 'audible' the two of them were. When that moment is up, he decides he doesn't give a womprat's ass. If it bothers the ghosts so much, they can go haunt somewhere else. Rey's happiness comes first.

And so will she this time, if he has any say in it.

She is slick and tastes of salt, pink as a flower and enticingly warm to the touch. He envelopes her with his mouth, mapping her folds and the ingress they conceal. He laps up the syrupy fluid and delves his tongue into her depths, staying with her as she arches her back and lifts her hips off the bed. He finds that special little nub and listens to the sound of his name on her lips. He never thought he would love his own name the way he does when Rey speaks it. Now he can hardly remember why he used to hate it.

"Ben," she says again, giving his hair a firm tug. 

He lifts his head enough to look across the landscape of her body and meet her eyes, feeling smug. "Hmm?"

She tugs his hair again. "Up here."

He obeys, surging forward until he looms above her again, hands braced to either side of her shoulders.

Rey hauls his head down and kisses him soundly. "Trousers off," she orders when they part, and stars does he love it when she gets bossy.

"Yes, Master Jedi."

She snorts, but she lets him get away with it, watching keenly as he sits back on his knees to follow her command. Just like the first time, there is no hesitation when she comes forward and reaches to take hold of him. "My turn." And then, before he can fully process what is happening, she is folding herself over and drawing him into her mouth.

It is only a little of him, and only for a moment as she tests the prospect, but it is enough to make his brain short-circuit. Then she does it again and it takes a great deal of willpower not to slam his hips forward. He mustn't, though. He mustn't do a thing to hurt her, even a little. Unless, that is, she asks him to.

He had, after all, felt the way she liked it the first time.

Rey puts her hands on his hips, soothing him with her gentleness and providing a counter-pressure for him to lean into. Then her mouth is on him again, around him, her hot breath sending tremors up his spine. "Kriff, Rey..." She pulls back enough to look up at him, her lips hovering over the tip of his cock, and he has never felt less worthy of her. "Where did you learn this?"

The way she smiles leaves him feeling like his heart may stop. "You did it to me just now. And people talk."

"People talk..." He gives his head a shake of disbelief, not at her explanation, but at the fact that any of this is happening at all. Easier to believe he is still dead on Exegol than here in his uncle's hermitage with Rey's mouth on his cock.

"Should I stop?" she asks, and she means it. She is searching him with her eyes and her soul, looking for any sign of discomfort, just as she'd done the first time.

"No." Simple as the word is, it comes out choked, accompanied by a pressure behind his eyes that warns of tears. "Please don't."

Rey grins at him, all flushed cheeks and wet lips and glittering hazel eyes, and then she dives down again, getting as much of him inside her mouth as she can manage. When she starts moving her head up and down, he sees white.

"Rey, Rey, Rey, stop."

Immediately she pulls back again. "Not good?"

He hadn't noticed he was holding his breath until he sighs. "Too good. Can we... I want... I won't have anything left for you if you don't stop." And he truly had wanted to see her climax before him this time.

Rey's smile is far too innocent for the words that follow. "That's fine. You'll still have your tongue."

Ben can only groan and let his head fall back, staring at the ceiling without seeing it. He cannot articulate an answer for her, but he can open the bond enough to let her read his thoughts. She laughs low, a rumble of delight, and resumes her experimentations.

He was right. He doesn't last long. How can he when Rey, his Light, his soulmate, his beautiful and feral temptress is attempting to devour him an inch at a time? What she can't claim with her hungry mouth, she takes with her hand, caressing the base of him and then squeezing, testing how much and how far by the sixth sense that is the bond between them.

Ben is weeping when he comes. He cannot explain why and he cannot bring himself to care. Rey licks him clean with the same air of enthusiasm and curiosity with which she has approached the entire process. Then she moves up to kiss away his tears, lingering to watch his face while his heart rate slows and his breathing steadies. Overwhelmed by the tangle of emotion and sensation, unable to pull one apart from the rest, he drops his head to her shoulder and lets himself be soothed by the rightness of her. Of them. One of her hands finds his hair, massaging the back of his neck, while her other arm wraps tight around him, as if trying physically to keep him from falling apart. Perhaps it works. He is not long in regaining his composure, for after all, he still has a job to do.

Ben lifts his head enough to kiss her again, easing her back down onto the bed as he does. Now they are nearly where they started, coming full circle as he trails a hand down her torso to find the center of her pleasure. She is dripping wet still, easy to slip a finger inside and then another. She squirms and writhes and smiles up at him in every brief moment when their mouths aren't locked together. He finds that nub of nerves again and presses down, explores the firmness of it within its shroud of loose-fitted skin. He lets himself feel what she feels, shuddering at the heat and the tension pooling in his—in her—belly. Twitching at the sharp spark of sensation where he touches her. He measures her pleasure as his own and brings her steadily upward, upward, upward until she crests in a convulsive wave, biting her lip on a reedy wail. He coaxes two trembling aftershocks out of her before he lets her rest, sliding his drenched fingers free and trailing them up her heaving abdomen. He watches her face as she drifts downward from her peak, slow as a falling feather. He notes the blissful glaze over her eyes and the way her kiss-swollen lips part for breath. He memorizes the way she looks up at him and the way she smiles again ever so slightly. Even though they have done this once before already, she is filled to the brim with wonder. She is joyous. Their new reality still feels like a dream and she has wanted this for so very long.

You'll always have me. For as long as you want.

"Forever," she answers aloud, and he is just fine with that.

 

Chapter 8: Every Wall I Lean On Transforms To Sliding Doors And Thin Air

Notes:

Chapter title from "Kansas" by Vienna Teng

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Chapter edited: 2/20/21

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Rey can't remember the last time she woke so comfortably. Hard as the stone is with only the few layers of blankets between it and her, she is accustomed to sleeping on worse, and although rising early is her norm, it is deeply tempting to snuggle up to the warm body beside her and let the morning pass her by.

She can sense Ben beginning to rouse as soon as she does, so attuned are they that his mind and body react to hers. It seems a shame not to let him rest, so she makes up her mind and wriggles herself as close to him as she can, tucking her face under his chin and murmuring, "go back to sleep."

The second time she wakes, it is because he's woken first. He is watching her, gaze gone tender, face free of the usual lines of stress and grief. When she meets his eyes, he smiles.

"Sleep well?" he asks her.

Rey nods, then yawns. "I feel like I could stay in bed all day."

"Do you want to?" He sounds serious.

It is sorely tempting, but... "We shouldn't."

His arm comes over her, heavy and soothing, the weight of it seeming to press all trace of tension out of her. "Why not?"

Rey sighs and almost allows herself to doze off again, surrounded by the warmth of him. Naturally that's when her stomach growls. "Because I'm hungry," she translates.

Ben huffs out a breath of air, an unvoiced laugh, and sits up, his hand lingering on her back. "Stay here. I'll make you breakfast."

"What? No, you don't have to—"

"Please," he says, and she is learning that he can stop her in her tracks with that word alone. "I want to."

Rey lays back in her nest of blankets and admires the shape of him in the low light. "Well, if it'll make you happy..."

"It will."

And after all, his happiness is what matters right now, so she smiles and says, "Alright," and she watches him pull on his clothes and sift through their bag for the rations she stashed there. It comes as a surprise, a  little, to feel a twinge of anxiety in watching him take them. He would never steal her food from her, she knows that, but there are shades of Jakku that haunt her still.

He stands with two of the nutrient bars in hand, but then hesitates, glancing back to her with concern in his eyes. "I'm just taking them to the firepit. I can make something nicer out of them."

Rey sits up. "I'll help."

"That defeats the purpose."

"What purpose?"

"Breakfast in bed."

She furrows her brow at him, sure that she is missing something. "Why would you... eat breakfast in bed?"

Ben chuckles—a precious sound to her ears. "It's something people do for each other. My... My parents used to do it sometimes."

"Okay, then I'll help and we'll both come back and eat here." Rey throws her legs over the side of the bed, but Ben is shaking his head, radiating amusement.

"The point is to let me take care of you. I'll make the food. You rest."

It pulls on something inside her—that same something she had felt when they bathed each other and every time he braided her hair. She swallows down her restlessness and sinks back into the blankets, smiling up at him tentatively. "There's some dishes in Luke's hut, but... I could go get them, if you need me to." 

She starts to get up again, but he says quickly, "No. I can do it," and though she is loathe to let him face this alone, he sounds more sure of himself than he did before. If he thinks he can handle it, then she will trust his judgment. 

"I'll be here if you need me," she promises, and he moves in to kiss her on the forehead before he leaves the hut.

Rey lays still, but it's not easy to enjoy the luxury without Ben beside her. In her head, she reminds herself that he is taking care of her. That she doesn't have to do anything. That she doesn't have to work or fight for a meal. That she isn't on her own… She repeats these reminders like a mantra, but only gradually is she able to relax. Eventually she rolls over and squirms around until she has achieved the most comfortable position possible—curled up on her side with the blanket over her head—and in spite of her struggles, she has almost dozed off again by the time Ben comes back.

"I see you've become one with the bed," he says, and when Rey works her way out from under the blanket again, it is to see him holding two wooden bowls with steam rising tantalizingly from whatever is inside them. "Is our dyad a triad now?" he jokes, and as much as it is a treasure to hear such humor from him, she is too distracted by the prospect of food to come up with an answer. She breathes in deeply and smells... well, it does smell like the nutrient bars, but better, hot and full of moisture. She sits up in a hurry to accept the bowl he offers, all but sticking her nose in it to savor the appetizing aroma.

"How did you make this?"

There is a relaxed sort of pride in his smile. Every day, Rey is witnessing some new aspect of him. Every day, she gets to know Ben Solo a little better. "Those ration bars aren't just for eating dry," he says, and presents her with a spoon before dropping into a cross-legged seat on the floor with his own bowl. "Break them up and boil them in water and you get this."

It's a hot mash. The water softens the sharp, meaty flavor of the nutrient bars. In her defense, they had not been the generic rations she was used to in the first place. The Resistance took whatever food it could get from wherever it could get it, as long as they weren’t leaving anyone else on their side bereft. These compact, chewy bars had just happened to be what made up the bulk of the food supplies when Rey left. She had liked them well enough on their own, but Ben has turned them into a treat.

"These dishes look like the ladle from the well," Ben observes conversationally, turning his spoon this way and that. "Did Luke make them?"

Rey hastily swallows the mouthful of food she's just taken, scalding her throat somewhat in her hurry. "I don't know. He didn't talk much about his life here."

"Really?" Ben sounds surprised, or at the very least, sardonic. "No boring lectures about skills you think you'll never have use for?"

"Just the Force, and that's been useful enough." And neither had the lectures been boring, in her opinion, despite Luke's gruffness.

There is a note of cautiousness in Ben's tone when he asks, "What did he say about it?"

Rey sets down the next bite of mash she'd been about to eat. "He said the Light and the Dark are only parts of it. That the Force is more than just the Sith and the Jedi, and that it would all still go on without them."

Ben doesn't smile, but she can feel his bitter amusement. "He changed his tune, then."

It is not Rey's place to tell him that he should forgive his uncle. She is not entirely sure that she has forgiven Luke yet, so all she says is, "Yeah, I guess so."

He doesn't say anything after that, so she goes back to slurping up the hot food. "I'll go get more supplies from the Falcon later," she muses between mouthfuls. "There's some dried fruit and spices that would make this even better." She could stock up on more of everything while she was there, since she has no idea how long they'll be staying.

"I'll keep going through Luke's things," Ben offers. "There's bound to be more we can use."

"You don't have to." She says it before she realizes that she's repeating herself.

"It's fine."

Rey worries. She probably always will, but maybe confronting his past is what he needs. Maybe it will help. "Okay."

They continue their meal in a cozy sort of silence. Rey may be anxious for him, but on Ben's side of the bond, there is resolve. He is tired of being afraid.

When she is finished, she scans the hut for her clothes from the night before, spots them strewn just over the side of the bed, and shimmies out from under the blanket to retrieve them. The Ahch-To air is as cold as usual and she moves with graceless haste, but she can feel Ben's eyes on her all the same. Rey of Jakku has never thought of herself as particularly beautiful. It had never been a concern either way, between surviving as a scavenger and fighting for the Resistance. Vanity had been the last thing on her mind. Now, however… Now Ben's admiration is a glow lighting up the bond between them. It makes her blush and fumble for words, so she pulls on her clothes all the faster and plops down next to him, settling simply on, "Thanks for breakfast."

"You're welcome."

"I was... I was thinking we could spar some more. I'll have to go back to get our practice sabers, or find something else, but..."

"Yes," he says. "But don't go yet." And he wraps an arm around her, drawing her closer. "You'll get a cramp after eating so much."

Rey chortles at that, but she is more than happy to snuggle in and soak up his warmth for a while.

-

It is still no more than mid-morning when she makes her way back down to the Lanai village. Ben goes with her, offering to help carry things, but mostly, she senses, he just wants her company. When they are roughly half way down the long, switchback stairs, he starts to talk. 

"Luke used to take me to all sorts of Jedi ruins like this one. He was desperate to learn anything he could about our heritage."

"Find anything interesting?"

"Sometimes." His voice was deceptively casual. "There was one time we... We visited Coruscant. The Jedi Council was based there before the Empire destroyed them. There's nothing left in the temple, but you can find anything on Coruscant if you know where to look. Black markets, private libraries... We found more there than we did anywhere else. Documents and holo recordings. Even some of my grandfather."

"What was he like?" Before the Dark side, she doesn't add out loud.

"Confident," Ben says. "He seemed confident. Arrogant, even, but why wouldn't he be? They told him he was the Chosen One."

When he pauses there, Rey prods. "What does that mean?"

"He was supposed to balance the Force. Single-handedly. Why would you tell a child that?"

She recalls her own uncertainty back on Tatooine. There is no need to ask him if he ever felt the same. It reverberates across the bond. No wonder he related so much to his grandfather, she thinks, what with the pressure of being the last of the bloodline of the Chosen One.

"Was Luke right, then?” Rey queries gently. “About the Jedi?"

"Yes." Ben is looking away from her, out over the slopes of the island. "At their end, at least. It was their own fear that destroyed them."

"Fear of the Dark Side?"

"Yes."

Rey doesn't know what to say to that. To think that even the legendary Jedi Order could fail under the weight of the Dark... More and more, she is coming to understand Kylo Ren.

There is no greeting when Ben and Rey arrive back at the cluster of seaside huts. They receive a few sidelong glances from the Lanai, but not one of them stops what they sre doing. Rey doesn't mind. She is no stranger to that sort of industrious focus. All the same, when she sees the familiar face of Alunda Cai, she explains, "We're staying at the old Jedi village. We've just come back to get our things."

The young Caretaker gives a bland acknowledgment and points in the direction of their former sleeping space, which looks just as they left it.

 "Thank you for your hospitality."

Alunda Cai waves off the thanks, but not unkindly, and bustles off to continue whatever Rey had interrupted.

Their practice weapons are still tucked underneath the platform. Rey double-checks for anything else they might need, but almost all of it had gone into the pack she took with her on the first trip. Only the blankets and her poncho lay where she left them, so she gathers those up along with the sticks.

"I can help," Ben offers, but Rey hefts the awkward bundle and adjusts her footing.

"I've got it," she assures him, and he does not argue, but he looks like he wants to.

It is as they are stepping through the village gates, as Rey is dreaming fondly of the hours and days that may lay ahead—of the sparring, shared meals, and sensual nights... It is as she thinks to herself that all will be right that the bulky disc of the Millennium Falcon comes sweeping over the peaks, freezing them in their tracks, and wobbles downward to land on a not-quite-flat patch of earth just in front of them.

Beside her, Ben goes stiff all over. 

Rey lets her armload of salvage fall with a clatter and runs for the loading ramp as soon as it begins to descend, leaping aboard before it touches the ground. One hand is on her lightsaber, for although there is no immediate sense of danger, something is clearly wrong. She reaches the cockpit in what must be record time, only to skid to a halt in bewilderment at the sight in front of her. BB-8, suspended in the air by his tethers, has his grasping arm on the yoke and most of his wires and plugs attached to the various control panels surrounding him. As soon as the Falcon settles into its standby mode, he disconnects in a flurry of zipping lines and thunks to the floor, flicking one last switch on his way down.

The comm light flashes and Poe's figure appears in blue-lit miniature.

"Rey, it's Poe. The base is under siege. I repeat, the Resistance base is under siege. We can't get off Ajan Kloss. I don't know how much longer we can keep the shields up. We need you back here. I don't know how, but... they're using the Force." As Rey stares and struggles for words, the image flickers and the message begins again.

A heavy footstep falls behind her in tandem with a sinking sense of dread. She spins to look at Ben, who is standing in the corridor just outside the cockpit and seems unable to come any farther. "You have to go."

"Not without you."

"They'll kill me."

"No."

He lowers his voice. "Rey..."

She widens her stance, bares her teeth in response. "I'm not leaving you behind."

"I'll be fine, Rey."

"What if you're not?" What if I'm not? She lets him hear her worries, including those unspoken. This isn't the time to hold back.

"Your friends will die if you don't go."

"Then come with me!"

Ben braces one hand on the frame of the hatchway and rubs his face with the other. "Rey... you're asking me to surrender myself to the Resistance."

"No! I'm asking you to help them. To help me. I won't let them hurt you."

"I don't know that you can to stop them..."

"They need us," she persists. "They're not going to kill you after we show up and save them." And she is afraid—terrified—of being apart from him.

"You have a lot of faith."

"I know them." But does she, though? Can she be sure? She exhales, trying to calm herself enough to think critically. "I'll call Poe back. I'll tell him you're coming."

Ben doesn't say anything to that, but after a breath, his hand falls away from his face and he stares hard at the wall of the ship, his presence like a stormcloud turning around and around itself, not quite a hurricane yet, but not far from it. As she watches, he reaches out to touch the off-white surface of the insulated hull, as warily as if it might bite him.

BB-8 whistles a question about calling Poe back, but Rey shushes him, her eyes on Ben. His are mapping every bump and crevice in the Falcon's inner skin. "Are you alright?" She knows that he is not, but she needs to hear some sort of response from him.

At first, he doesn’t give her one. Then, as if breaking free from a spell, he gasps, shudders, and withdraws his hand. "Call him, then."

Rey scoots into the pilot's seat and does so. "Resistance Base Ajan Kloss, this is Rey. Please respond." When no reply comes, she repeats, "Resistance Base, come in." A loud thump from behind her makes her jump in her seat. A nervous glance over her shoulder reveals Ben drawing his fist back from the hull. She frowns and tries again. "Resistance Base, this is Rey. Does anyone copy?"

"Rey!" It is Rose Tico who appears in holo form, tiny and ribboned with static. "You got Poe's message?"

"Yes." Rey doesn't know how she keeps her own voice level. "Where's Poe? I need to talk to him."

"He's busy. We're kind of under attack! Are you coming or not?"

Judging by Rose's tone, there is no time for vagueness. "Tell him Ben Solo is with me."

That gets her attention. "What?! You mean Ky—"

"I mean Ben Solo," Rey snaps before she can finish. "He is coming with me and the Resistance is not to hurt him. He's an ally. You tell Poe that."

"Uh... Hang on."

She retreats out of the holo's range, reducing the image to a formless flicker. Rey glances back at Ben again, but he hasn't moved and he still isn't looking her way.

After a significant wait, Poe Dameron appears, looking every bit the harried rebel leader. "Rey, what the hell is going on? Rose said something about Kylo Ren?"

"His name is Ben." She doesn't mean the words to come out as sharp as they do, but if it makes an impression, it's just as well. "He's on our side, and he's coming with me. Under my protection. Do you understand?"

"Rey, this is..."

"I can't come back if he's not safe."

Poe's voice is as strained as her own.  "Rey, he's the Supreme Leader." 

That is when Ben at last crosses the threshold into the cockpit and shoulders Rey—gently—out of the way, leaning in with his hands white-knuckled on the panel. His voice is deep and growling, his teeth flashing blue in the light of the holo. "I am defected from the First Order and I will not harm your Resistance. My allegiance is to Rey."

Poe makes a face of horror and slams a hand down on something unseen in front of him. The comm cuts off.

Ben sighs deeply and turns to face Rey, still visibly tense. "Go. Leave me behind."

"I can't."

"Rey..."

"We'll figure something out!"

"Your friends need you."

She wants to fall into his arms, but she is afraid right now to touch him—afraid he won't accept it. Afraid he will push her away. She doesn't know if she could bear that, so instead she hugs her arms around herself. "I need you."

His walls are up. It is harder and harder to read him through the Force, but there is something like despair in his beautiful eyes, and something like resolution. He looks at her for a long time before he says, "... Fine. Let's go."

It is difficult to take her own eyes off him as she reaches for the comm control and squeezes herself into range of the holo once again. Ben shuffles out of the way belatedly, as if so lost in his own head that he had forgotten, momentarily, his place in the physical world.

Pitching her voice low but firm, Rey re-enters the code and sends her message. "Poe? Resistance base? This is Rey with Ben Solo. We're on our way to help."

Chapter 9: In My Field Of Paper Flowers

Notes:

Chapter title from my favorite teenage angst song, “Imaginary” by Evanescence.

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Chapter edited: 2/20/21

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Ben had planned to visit the Falcon on his own time, when he felt ready… or at least as close as he could ever be to ready. Like everything else he had once forsaken, it looms large in his thoughts, haunting him, plaguing him, and the only way to satisfy that ghost is to confront it.

But this is too soon.

Rey is in the pilot's seat, looking like she belongs there, her hands sweeping over the controls with confident familiarity. The shakiness of the ship's ascent is no fault of hers. If the piece of junk had ever been a smooth ride, that was before Ben can remember. As a boy, he had assumed all ships were like the Falcon, right up until he had the opportunity to ride with his mother in the latest model of Nubian cruiser. He can't recall which political errand that was, nor even what planet they had visited, but he remembers the ship. He remembers how it made him feel with its sleek, spotless interior, its whispering engines, and the fluidity of every tilt and turn. It had flown like a dream.

The Falcon flies only slightly better than he would expect from something which has sat in a junkyard for a few years. It rattles up off of its landing gear. It chugs and rumbles its way out of the atmosphere. It quivers to a near-stop and then, with a buck like a wild beast, it leaps into the violet whirl of hyperspace.

"Sorry," Rey says, and her voice is a grounding point of reality in the deep expanse of memory. "I've done what I can with the stabilizers, but it's hard to find parts that fit this model."

"I know where Han kept spares." Ben speaks without thinking, for if he were to stop and think about that name on his tongue, the weight of it would lock his jaw shut.

"Oh, good." She is twisting in her seat to smile at him. "After we've saved the Resistance, we can fix the Falcon."

It all catches up with him then. Even the speed of hyperspace cannot outrun it. When he fails to answer, Rey's attention is drawn back to the gauges and read-outs in front of her, and Ben quietly shuts the door on their bond and slips away.

The Millennium Falcon is not as he remembers it. There is more wear and tear, naturally, but what stands out to him is how much smaller everything looks. It isn't, of course. It's him that has changed, but the difference makes his childhood memories feel like a dream.

Dream or not, he could navigate these holds and corridors with his eyes closed. His earliest wish had been to fly this ship. He would always know it by heart.

The crew quarters still has the three beds he remembers—the widest one inset into an extension of the hull and the other two open. The kitchenette has survived as well, and still, to his surprise, it looks functional, though the cramped space is impressively packed with small boxes and stacks of miscellanea. Some of it is food-related. Most of it is not.

Ben sits down on the bed to the left of the door and runs his fingertips along the edge, searching for the rough patch that marks where he once, long ago, etched his name into the metal. The Aurabesh, when he finds it, is unevenly sized and sloppy in the manner of a child's writing. How old had he been? Four or five, he thinks. He hadn't properly known how to spell at the time and had needed his father's guidance.

His father...

The childhood memory morphs into one from a day more recent. His father's face is old, lined with bitter sorrow. Ben feels his own hands move, but he cannot stop them. He feels the hard casing of his lightsaber through tight leather gloves. He feels his index finger on the ignition switch, hears the hissing shriek as the blade is brought to life at the expense of another. He sees the shock and pain in his father's eyes, but worse than that, he sees acceptance. He sees, impossibly, love. His father wavers, tumbles, falls, and Ben falls too, back into the homey light of the crew quarters and the haunting familiarity of his childhood bed. Reality feels less real than the memory. For a time, all he can do is sit with his head in his hands and wait for the spell to end.

When he can breathe again, Rey is there, sitting beside him with her hand on his back. She has been here for a while, he realizes. Slowly, delicately, he loosens his mental deathgrip on their bond enough to let a trickle of feeling pass through.

"Better now?" The question is as quiet as a breath, as if she fears she might startle him.

He cannot yet make himself speak, so he shakes his head, but there is no judgment from Rey. Only compassion. It is a tentative thing, the way she pulls him closer to her, the way her free hand finds his and grasps it tight. The way her lips press into his hair. She holds him this way a long time and she does not say another word.

Eventually, when Rey's warmth has burned away the vividness of his memories, Ben speaks. "I don't have a weapon." The non sequitur has her pulling away to look at him, so he clarifies, "To fight with. For the Resistance."

"You have your kyber crystal," she points out, matter-of-fact.

"I don't know... I don't know how to heal it. I don't know if I can." It is his despair talking. A part of him knows that, but self-loathing is not an easy foe to conquer.

"You healed me."

He did, but how could he not? It had been the only real choice there was, and once he began, it had come as easily as instinct.

"The crystal wants you to heal it," she reminds him. "I think it will help you."

Doubt claws at him, almost a physical pain at the inside of his skull, but gradually, bit by bit, he is able to wrestle it under control. "Will you..." His voice comes hoarse. "Will you stay with me while I try?"

Rey smiles. He isn't looking, but he knows it. He can hear it in her voice. "Of course."

The sleeping quarters seem as good a place as any to do this. For one thing, he isn't sure he can face any more memories attached to other parts of the Falcon right now. He moves down to the cold metal floor and sits with his legs crossed in the manner Luke taught him. Rey settles into place behind him, barely letting a moment pass before her hand is on him again, finding a place to rest on his shoulder.

Is this okay?  She asks it without speaking, and he sends back a wordless affirmative.

The crystal is warm when he draws it out, and not just from absorbing his body heat. It pulses in his hands, shining a red that darkens to near-black where the jagged crack divides it. Ben draws in a deep breath and releases it slowly, trying to banish the tension left over from his momentary breakdown. He remembers Exegol after the battle, holding Rey in his arms and letting everything else go. How certain he was then, in the end. How clear his path was. Breathe in, breathe out. Center the mind on the task at hand.

When he feels somewhere in the vicinity of calm, he clasps his hands around the crystal and listens.

The stone sings to him as it always does, as it had even in the darkest of times. Its song is stronger now, louder than it has been in years. It is eager. Anxious. Rey is right. The crystal wants to be healed, and after all of the abuse it has suffered by his hand, he owes it at least that much.

Ben does not know how to heal a kyber crystal, but he knows how to heal a living person, and if there is any luck in the galaxy, it will work more or less the same.

He breathes in recycled ship air and breathes out power. He is stronger than he was on Exegol, both in mind and in body, but it still takes longer than it should to find his concentration and widen the channel between himself and the crystal. It has been years since he approached this object—this entity—with kindness rather than with aggression. The stone seems to cower even as it lets him in.

I won't hurt you. I'm sorry. He is not sure, entirely, whether he only thinks the words or speaks them aloud. He is sure that the crystal understands his intent. Its response is subtle, but there is a definite change. It is beginning to feel almost like an extension of himself, like another limb, if such a thing could have a mind of its own.

It feels like Rey in that way.

The stone lets him in, lets him feel its inner Light, still present, still waiting in the face of all that has tried to extinguish it. It lets him feel it, see it, and then it draws him further, pulls him deeper until it seems to Ben that physical space has fallen away and he is somewhere entirely new. Perhaps it is his own mind conjuring images out of memory or dreams, for he cannot think why a sentient rock would surround itself in the illusion of a sunny meadow.

The grass is thick under his boots, the air warm on his skin. It is a soothing place. An inviting place. He sinks to the ground before he knows what he is doing, first to kneel, then to sit, for the grass is as lush and soft as it looks. Softer, even. Soft as a fine bed...

He wants, quite suddenly and desperately, to lie down and close his eyes. He wants to stay here for a while, to stay where the galaxy cannot find him. He could escape the guilt, the scorn, the anguish of being who and what he is. He could stay in this gentle place for as long as he likes. He is so damn tired. He has been for so long... If he stayed here, he could rest.

It is his own want, but it is also more than that. It is what the kyber crystal has built this place to be—not the physical manifestation of it that Ben sees, but the feeling. The sense of safety. The crystal has done what many sentient beings do under sustained suffering. It has escaped into its own self, deep enough that it may ignore the outside world altogether. It must have only risen up out of this resting place when Kylo Ren demanded it, and later when Rey came to its rescue.

"I'm sorry," he tells it again, because he can never say it enough. "We can't stay here. It's time to make things right." And oh, it is difficult to comply with his own words when going back means facing the righteous fury of the Resistance. Facing those whom his mother had loved and guided. He might hate them still if they were not her people, and if they were not also Rey's.

The deciding factor, of course, is that to stay here inside of himself would mean to hide from Rey, and no peace could ever be worth that loneliness.

He pushes the false haven away, pushes until he can no longer feel the touch of the grass or the sun on his skin, nor smell the fragrance of flowers nor that of the illusory wind. He pushes it away, but he holds onto the string, the line, the channel that binds him to the kyber crystal which chose him in spite of everything. He offers his lifeforce and the stone accepts. It pulls and it takes and it fills itself with his essence, and the shape of that essence is Light. The stone burns the Darkness out of itself and all Ben has to do is give.

-< >-

One moment, all is still. Even the ambient sounds of the ship seem far away. Only the slow rise and fall of Ben's breath under her hand assures her that time itself has neither stopped nor left her behind. Then, with hardly a warning, there is a surge of Light and power as the connection between them bursts wide open and Ben is clinging to the structure of her mind even as he slumps forward, boneless under her touch.

He catches himself at the last moment with one hand, the other clutched in a fist and held tight to his chest. Rey leans around him to see his face, but he does not look at her yet. Instead, slowly and shakily, he holds out his hand and uncurls his fingers enough to let her glimpse the treasure resting in his palm. 

The crystal is colorless. She can see the skin of his hand through it, except where a flaw like a white scar zigzags up its length. That is the only sign left of the crack. The stone, once bled and broken, is healed.

"You did it." It is not her victory, but it feels like it. "Are you alright?"

Yet he gives no answer. Not with words. Outside of words, the answer is negative. He is not alright. She reads this in the way he moves, in the way he breathes, in the way he still won't look at her, and in the pressure of the Force around him. Rey resists the urge to press him for conversation only because the wall he has built around himself feels so terribly solid. It hurts to keep her distance when all she wants to do is hold him, but she knows this is not about her.

"I'll have to build a new lightsaber." He says it so softly, so distantly, that he could have been talking to himself.

Rey answers anyway. "I have your old one still. I'll go get it!" She is scrambling to her feet and retreating in a hurry, for if she cannot be as close to him as possible right now, then she must get farther away. 

Out in the corridor, she stops to lean on the hull and catch her breath, trying not to cry. This is her own fault. She's sure of that. He is not angry at her, perhaps, but he is hurting, he is frightened, and it is her fault. It is she who drags him toward danger and conflict, making him risk his life when he has only just gotten it back.

But even so, she can't abandon her friends. 

It is for the best, says a voice in her head. He must stand on his own two feet and face his past. He will be stronger for this, and so will you. 

She cannot recall any distinguishing features of the voice after it has passed. In memory, it becomes her own voice, and so she thinks nothing of it.

The disassembled casing of the cross-guarded saber is where she left it, bundled up and tucked away in a drawer in the main hold. She no longer feels reverence for the thing when she holds it in her hands. Without the crystal—without its soul—and with its maker alive in the next room, it is only a tool. Cloth-bound pieces in hand, she makes her way back to him, but she does not hurry.

Ben, like the saber, is right where she left him, still communing with the crystal, or perhaps just taking a breather. He doesn't glance up when she sets the casing on the floor in front of him, and his muttered "thank you" is all but inaudible. 

"I can.... I, um..." She means to offer to help, or at least to keep him company, but something inside her twists and tightens and aches, and instead she says, "I'm going to keep on eye on the cockpit," even though BB-8 is already doing just that.

Now Ben does look at her, but she cannot read him. His eyes are as dark and deep and full of pain as ever and the bond is once again pinched shut. She understands, or she tells herself she does. Not even she can fight all of his demons for him.

He stares at her, but he says nothing. At last he nods once, no more than a downward twitch of his chin, and then he returns his gaze to the crystal.

Rey... Rey feels lost. She tells herself it is the strain of the journey and of the destination. It will all go back to normal once Ben and the Resistance have made some sort of peace.

Her unease does not leave her when she sinks into the pilot's chair, but it becomes more bearable. There is little if anything for her to do here, deep in hyperspace as they are, but she checks the read-outs and stares at hyperlane maps while she waits for something to change.

It is Ben who ends the wait. As she is sitting, sulking at the liquid swirl of hyperspace, the bond between them opens like a nightblooming flower and Ben is there, the shape of him like a beacon in her mind.

I'm sorry.

It is almost laughable that he should be the one to apologize now. No, she thinks back at him. No, I am. Are you okay?

I will be. There is a pause. She thinks the conversation is over until he says, Come back to me?

So she does.

-

There is time to eat and a few hours to sleep before they arrive. It is early to go to bed, based on when they last slept, but they will be landing on Ajan Kloss's morning side and Rey anticipates a long day ahead of them before they can rest again. Still, she has an inclination to spend some of their time on more vigorous activities, pointing out that it will help them both sleep, but Ben ever so gently turns her down. He is too uncomfortable on his father's ship and too anxious about their destination. He is willing, at least, to hold her while they squeeze together onto the largest of the three beds and try to rest.

Rey sleeps too lightly to dream, dozing in and out of consciousness and aware as much in sleep as she is in waking of the warm, strong arms around her and the steady beat of her lover's heart.

Dragging themselves back out of bed after a scant four hours is less pleasant, but she knows they will feel better for it in the long run. Ben is stoic about it, which she has learned to expect. She hopes his sense of discipline was something he strove for of his own accord and not a habit learned at pain of punishment by Snoke. She does not allow herself to spend much time on that line of thought, however, for he would surely sense her distress.

"Hungry?" She asks it with a smile that, despite her efforts, will not quite reach her eyes.

"No."

"Yeah, me neither, but we're almost there."

"I'll be fine." He has been saying that a lot. She believes it less and less.

-

Rey half-expects to have to run a blockade upon arrival, but they are not so unlucky. There are Star Destroyers—two of them—just barely visible over the curve of the moon, but according to scans, the main force is on the ground. The Resistance has shored itself up inside a box canyon not far from their original base site. The terrain is a natural a maze when traversed on foot or by speeder, and guarded from overhead bombardment by shield generators.

The enemy is... harder to find. She can see their transports—heavily armored shuttles arranged to form a line of cover. Scanners have picked up the thick cluster of lifesigns that marks the Resistance army, but as for the First Order...

"This doesn't make sense." She is turning dials and flicking switches even as she speaks, recalibrating the scanners in every way she knows how. "The First Order's down there, but they're not."

Before exiting hyperspace, Ben had taken the copilot's seat without a word, his emotions locked down too tight to read. Now he leans over to see what Rey sees. She watches his brow furrow as he spots the contradiction. "Is that an echo?"

"I compensated for that. Nothing I do changes it, so it..."

"So it can't be a flaw in our system," he finishes. "Something else is throwing off the scanners."

"Yeah, but there's no signal. If somebody were scrambling us or projecting false readings, I'd be able to trace the signal. This is either new technology, or... I don't know."

"I might know," Ben says, and he looks anything but happy about it. "We need to get down there."

Chapter 10: I Used To Rule The World

Notes:

Chapter title from “Viva la Vida” by Coldplay, one of my all-time favorite songs for ex-villains.

-

Chapter edited: 2/22/21

-

It is tempting to sweep close over the First Order forces, to find out if line-of-sight recon can overcome whatever trick has their scanners confused, and to trust the Falcon's speed to keep them from being shot down. It is tempting, but foolish. For all Rey knows, there is nothing there at all and the signal will lead them into a trap.

Instead, she takes them down at a steep angle straight into the canyon itself. The shields open an instant after she sends the coded request. Someone is waiting for them.

Rey had been present when the canyon was mapped out, and sure enough, the best spot for landing the Falcon is clear and ready for her. She powers everything down quickly, Ben working alongside her without comment, but then, when there is nothing left to do except disembark, she hesitates. "You'll be okay?"

The look Ben gives her is another one he learned from his mother. "If your friends don't shoot me on sight."

"They won't." And if they try, she will be there to stop them.

He doesn't quite believe her, she suspects, but he follows her nonetheless, through the familiar curve of the corridors and out and down, to emerge blinking under the yellow sunlight and the worried faces of her friends.

Poe is at the front, as usual. Rey watches the movement of his eyes as he checks her up and down and then locks a grim stare on Ben. It seems to take him a moment to muster himself to speak, but when he does, his voice matches his face. "Why don't you stop hiding behind her, Kylo Ren?"

Rey tenses and opens her mouth to correct him, but Ben silences her with a hand on her shoulder. He is a picture of stoic resignation as he steps around her. She must bite her lip to keep from trying to stop him.

The seconds seem long as they stare each other down, Ben's height advantage over Poe making the picture almost comedic. Then, without so much as a blink, the Resistance general hauls back a fist and slams it into Ben's jaw.

It is as he pulls back and aims a second punch that Rey's shock gives way to outrage and she freezes him in place with a gesture and a thought. She can see the horror as it dawns in his eyes and she cannot bring herself to care. She holds him there, statuesque, until she has stepped between him and Ben and he must stagger and catch himself to avoid hitting her instead when she releases him.

"You..." Poe is pointing at Rey as he steps back, visibly trying to compose himself. "You come with me. You," and now he swings his arm to point at Ben. "Don't leave my sight."

There is a moment more when no one moves. It is Poe, then, who turns his back on them and walks across the canyon to a wide entrance built into the stone wall. A few of the Resistance fighters follow him. Most do not. Rey cranes her neck in search of Finn, but she cannot find him in the crowd.

She has been here before, back when the Resistance was first fortifying the place as an emergency shelter, but it has changed in the short time since. Their bases are always changing.

The chamber they enter is wider than can be measured at a glance, broken into sections by thick pillars and partitions. The ceiling is higher than one would expect—high enough to shelter small ships, if necessary. The basic underground structure, as Rey understands it, was there before the Resistance came. It was the den of pirates or smugglers abandoned at some point during the previous war, and perhaps it was something else before that. It had needed a little shoring up, but the additions are hardly noticeable now, as the whole thing was built of rough-hewn rock and mismatched scrap metal to begin with.

Poe leads them into a three-sides space between the back wall and two bolted-down metal dividers. It seems to serve the role of an office, though the privacy is minimal. This fact does not deter Poe, however, as he circles a cluttered, rusted table to take a seat on the far side of it, staring coldly at Rey until she scoots into the only other chair. Ben is left standing.

"Here's what we're looking at," Poe begins, and then he dives into such a rapidfire report that Rey can barely keep up. "It started with the Destroyers firing on us. We retreated down here and got the shields up. They dropped troops and took the base. We thought we could take it back once the Destroyers moved off, but when we got out there, nothing we saw matched our readings. What we thought was the main body of troops was only one squad. As soon as we engaged, we got reports of soldiers rushing the canyon, but they were invisible on our scans. We made it back in time, barely, and we haven't sent anything but scouting parties out since. Whatever they're doing, none of our tech can counter it. We have no idea where they really are or how many there are, let alone how they're hiding from us."

"It's a Navigator." Although she can feel his keen interest in Poe's story, Ben's voice surprises Rey. It is cool and collected, almost matter-of-fact. It is a thin facade, however. Even with the bond squeezed shut, she can tell that much. 

"A what?" Poe is still plainly offended by Ben's presence, but as long as he keeps his anger to dirty looks and cold tones of voice, Rey can let it slide.

"A Navigator. One of Snoke's." Rey presses at Ben's mind while he talks, worried about what memories this might dredge up, but he keeps her locked out. "They have abilities like what you describe. Cloaking armies, scrambling trackers... They can throw ships into hyperspace too, so watch out for that."

Poe is leaning forward over his desk now, a picture of intensity. "How do we stop it?"

"You'll never find her unless she wants you to," Ben says. "I'll have to do it."

"No.” The word is pitched like a command. "Rey can do it."

"Rey doesn't know what to look for."

"Then show her." Poe doesn't sound like he means to relent, and Rey can sense the fractures forming in Ben’s control.

"This would be easier if—" but he falls silent when she touches his arm.

"It's fine." She says this in the same gentle, soothing almost-whisper she had found herself using with him on Ahch-To. She had not planned to speak that way, especially not in front of Poe. She thinks perhaps it is the bond again, letting her know what the other half of her soul needs to hear. "Show me how."

There is a moment when the two men keep glowering at each other and Rey wonders if even she will not be able to prevent further violence. Then Poe wrinkles his nose as if at a bad smell and drops his gaze to one of the datapads on his desk, making a show of having better things to do. "Go. Get it done fast."

Rey almost snaps something back at him, but it is Ben's turn again to intercede, whether he realizes what she was about to do or not. He has taken her hand, his long fingers cool and soothing around hers. When she looks up to meet his eyes, he gestures with a small turn of his chin and leads her away. They mind Poe’s order to stay in sight, going only as far as the nearest out-of-the-way spot empty of the storage containers, computers, and scrap material that clutter the floor. A few of the people scattered around the wide space look their way, but Rey ignores them. She is centered on Ben as he is centered on her, and yet even now, to her frustration, he keeps things to himself. She senses his shame and his fear, and perhaps something else, but he won't let her in to parse out the details. 

She can't coax her way past his defenses and she can't quell his fear with meager reassurances. The best she can do is to try to keep him grounded in the present. "Teach me," she reminds him, and he does. They sit facing each other, hands clasped, and he teaches her without a word, catching her in an embrace of Force energy and flinging the both of them out of their bodies, out and up and into the high atmosphere, into the blazing sun that Rey can feel even without her skin.

He holds her there among the clouds and, acting as two parts of a single entity, their conjoined souls expand, reaching out over the humid jungle, into the depths of the winding rivers and up to the lightless void beyond the last sparse molecules of atmosphere. It is fast, too much data for Rey to process all at once. Instead she is aware of one thing after another—of the burst of life in a sprouting seed and of its sudden absence as a bird eats a fish—of the brief spark in a tiny insect and the slow, patient energy coursing through the tallest of trees. Then she is aware of something that is unlike any other living thing on the jungle moon.

In her experiences over the single standard year since her power first awakened in her, Rey has observed that the Force signatures of all beings who travels through hyperspace share a certain feel, an aura of indescribable color. Something to do with touching so much of the galaxy changes a person, as far as she can guess. She has, however, only once before sensed someone who appeared to be made entirely of the stuff.

"You feel it," Ben says aloud, and she is startled a little by the reminder that she is still a creature of flesh and blood.

Is that the Navigator? She asks with her mind rather than her voice for fear of breaking herself out of the trance.

That's her. He is quick to adjust his own mode of communication to match. Can you sense where she is?

Rey concentrates, mapping the Force by its brightest points, trying to correlate them with the landmarks and lifeforms in the jungle. Then, all at once, she has it. It's obvious. The Navigator's signature is not on the moon, but above. Now Rey ends the trance intentionally, coming back to herself in a rush. Despite her physical body having sat still throughout the process, she feels out of breath when she announces, "the Navigator’s on one of the Destroyers."

"The smaller one," Ben confirms. His hands are warm in hers and for a moment, even as pressing as the situation is, she is content simply to sit and hold them. She wishes they were back on Ahch-To. She wishes she could take Ben and fly back right this instant without feeling guilty about leaving her friends to solve their own problems. She can’t, of course, and they have already been victorious in their first two steps, she reminds herself. They know what the enemy is and they know where. Furthermore, no one has tried to lock up or kill Ben yet, so really, they've managed the first three steps.

The hard part is still yet to come. "How are we going to reach her?"

Ben's smile is beautiful but fleeting as he contradicts her thoughts. "That's the easy part. I'll ask."

She knows what he is suggesting, or she has a pretty good guess, but she prods anyway, hoping to be wrong. "Ask who?"

When he meets her eyes, there is a wolfish cunning there. "Does the First Order know what happened on Exegol?"

"No," Rey answers. "I don't think so. I told Poe and Finn, but... no."

"If they do, we can make them believe it was a lie.” He draws a slow breath, visibly steeling himself before he says, "The First Order will welcome the return of their Supreme Leader."

 

-<>-

 

He hates the plan before he puts voice to it, but it's the least he can do. What better way to start setting things right than to take advantage of his own past mistakes? He should have done it before his death. He should have done it a year ago. Now he can only hope he will be given yet another chance. He has been too lucky of late with his second chances. It is only his father's foolish superstition, he knows, but he worries that sooner or later his luck will turn.

"Should I wear something else?" Rey asks, and at first Ben does not understand the question. "I could dress in black like you,” she goes on. “We can say that I'm your apprentice."

"You're not going." The mere thought of it is a stab of terror in his gut.

"Yes I am."

"They'll kill you."

She arches an eyebrow at him and when he does not react to it, she says, "We've had this conversation already, and the Resistance hasn't killed you yet."

"The First Order is not the Resistance."

She does not call him out on this admission, but he sees it in her eyes and it annoys him more than it should. He doesn't want to be annoyed with her. He is not annoyed with her. He is annoyed with her beloved Resistance and their heroic terrorism. He may have been wrong about them to some degree, but he doesn't have to like the fact, nor does he have to agree with all of their foolhardy ideals. He is not here for them.

If the conversation—argument?—was going to continue, it doesn't get the chance. They are interrupted by none other than Rey’s precious traitor, the man once known as FN-2187. He is a far cry from the unsure deserter Kylo Ren had dueled on Starkiller Base, let alone the Stormtrooper who never shot anyone. He is confident now, at ease in his own skin. He even manages to look only a little nervous over the act of putting himself within such close proximity to his former boss. He is carrying a metal tray ladened with two plates of food and two tall drinking cups, but this obstacle does nothing to discourage Rey from leaping up with a gleeful shout of "Finn!" and hugging him, earning herself a one-armed reciprocation as he struggles not to drop his burden. 

He is brisk and overly casual when he speaks. "I thought you might be hungry."

Rey takes the proffered tray and plops back down onto the floor, aiming a grateful smile up at Finn. "Have you already eaten? Do you want to sit with us?"

"I, uh..." The ex-Trooper plainly does not want to sit with Ben, but is torn between that and his desire to humor Rey. Ben finds it amusingly relatable. "Yeah, I did eat, but... Sure. Okay." And, cautious as if he expects an attack, this man who is Rey's dearest friend and Ben's once-hated enemy sits down on the cold stone floor to keep them company.

Rey had kept a professional distance from Ben ever since their arrival, more or less, but now she sits so close that her thigh presses against his, and as she lifts a first bite of food to her mouth, she shoots him a little smile. There is no surer way to lift Rey's mood than with an offering of food. Clearly, her friend—Finn is his new name, Ben reminds himself—knows this just as well.

Ben eats the way he always does—methodically, efficiently, but not so fast as to make a fool of himself. Rey is finished before him and proceeds to lick every crumb from her plate while she waits. Not for the first time, he aches from the hardships he could not save her from. It is a feeling he keeps locked well away from her, however, for fear that she too would dwell on it. Her focus must be on the present if she is to survive their next trial.

He knows he hasn’t let anything slip through, but Rey is eyeing him as he finishes the last bite of his food—rehydrated grain and vegetables, bland but not terrible—and as soon as he sets the empty plate and cup aside, she scoots herself around to face him fully and lifts both hands toward his face. "That bruise is looking worse. Let me see."

For a moment, he's not even sure what she is talking about. Then her fingers touch his jaw and a dull, tender pain blossoms beneath them and he remembers the incident with Poe. "It's nothing."

"It must hurt," she insists.

Smiling is never an easy task, but Ben does it for her, trying his best to take the sting out of his next words. "I've had worse, remember?"

He means it to be funny, but she doesn't look amused. "I'm sorry."

He takes her hand from his face then, not because it hurts him, but because it clearly hurts her too. "Don't ever be sorry."

Her eyes are huge and deep as she gazes up at him. He thinks he could drown in them if he leaned just a little farther forward. Of course, if he did that, it is her lips that would catch him and rescue him from the endless depths.

Finn lets them get lost in each other's eyes for perhaps fifteen seconds before loudly clearing his throat. Ben should probably be annoyed by the interruption, but finds himself enjoying the flush that comes over Rey's cheeks as she turns her head away.

"So, uh..." Finn looks like he regrets the choice as soon as he begins to speak, but he doesn’t stop. "Are we gonna talk about... this?" The word is illustrated by a broad gesture of his hand in Rey and Ben's direction.

Rey's eyebrows climb upward. "Here?"

"Well," Finn says, "if we go somewhere private and leave him here, I'm worried somebody will get killed before we're back."

Ben shouldn’t feel disappointed, but he does. Of course the traitor would think so. Why wouldn't he? Even the word of his best friend is not enough to trust, it seems. Ben speaks up for himself before Rey can. "I'm not here for that."

Finn looks him square in the eye. "I meant somebody will try to kill you."

Oh. "I didn't know you cared." Sassing him is probably not the best way to keep Finn on his side, but it's out before Ben can help himself. 

"I don't care about you," Finn clarifies, short and dismissive. "I just don't want Rey to get her heart broken again. You didn't see her when she came back from Exegol. I did."

Rey is fighting off a grimace. "Finn, you don't have to..."

But Finn is right. Ben has been well aware of the fact since his resurrection and he is not about to start denying it now. "It's one of the many things I'm trying to atone for." When Rey’s hand finds its way into his, he gives it a squeeze. 

Finn is trying visibly not to look uncomfortable. "Well... good." Then, as if the thought has leapt to his tongue abruptly, he furrows his brows, shakes his head, and says, "How did you come back, anyway? Rey didn't explain that."

Unsure how to answer, Ben glances at Rey. Rey bites her lip before explaining, "We're a... a dyad. In the Force. We're connected. I don't think either of us can really die or... or at least become one with the Force without the other." They have not discussed it in so much detail, as far as Ben recalls. He can't tell if Rey knows more about it than he does or if she's only guessing.

"Well, that's a neat trick," says Finn, only a little sardonic. "So he wasn't really dead?"

Rey shakes her head. "I don't know. I... I felt him. I was able to bring him back." She looks again at Ben, perhaps expecting him to contribute to the story, but he has no desire to talk about that dark, lonely void within which he had waited for her. It is an unpleasant memory and he doesn't see how it will help.

"Look, don't get me wrong," says Finn, "I'm glad you're happy, Rey, and I'm glad you're not murdering people," this, of course, is directed at Ben, "but you sure know how to make things complicated."

"Finn..." 

He holds up a hand, stalling whatever apology or argument she intends to voice. "It's fine, Rey. I can't even hate him, can I? We're both traitors now. So," Finn doesn't give Ben a chance to respond to the remark, which is probably for the best. "What can I do to help?"

If Rey is surprised by the offer, she doesn’t show it. She is bright-eyed and eager as she summarizes the plan. "We're going to infiltrate the First Order and find the Navigator. We need disguises."

"We have a few uniforms we've used before, but..."

"Not uniforms," Ben corrects. "Something that the Supreme Leader would wear."

"Okay. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll look. What about Rey? They probably know her face as well as yours."

"The same." He feels Rey looking at him, but he keeps his eyes on Finn, keeps speaking through the tension that wants to trap his voice inside his throat. "She will be my apprentice."

He can see the doubt as it washes over the ex-Stormtrooper's face. "When you say it like that, I'm not so sure I should trust you after all."

But Ben cannot let himself take offense. He has no right. "If you can convince her to stay, be my guest."

"I won't," says Rey. "I've infiltrated First Order ships before." Technically, she had been sneaking out rather than in the first time and had not been sneaking at all the second time, but the third time could certainly have been called an infiltration.

"Which means you're more likely to get caught!" Finn argues, and though Ben knows, with her skill, that the opposite is more likely true, he is inclined to let Finn keep trying to talk her out of it.

Rey manages just fine without his support. "I have the Force, remember?"

"So does that thing you're hunting. That Navigator." Finn is beginning to sound desperate, like he knows what Ben knows—that neither of them has a chance at changing her mind.

"Then it will be two against one." If anything, Rey is more resolute with every word. "Finn, you asked for my help, so let me help you. I can do this. We can do this." And here she locks her slim fingers around Ben's hand and holds it up for Finn to see.

Finn's dark eyes land on hers, then on their joined hands, and then drop away in surrender. "I'll go see what we've got in the costume department."

Chapter 11: The War Outside Our Door Keeps Raging On

Notes:

This chapter's title is from "Safe and Sound" by Taylor Swift

-

Chapter edited: 2/24/21

-

Finn returns with his arms full of black clothes. Ben sorts through it, separates it into two stacks, and sends Finn back with the rejects and a request to bring anything gray or red. It takes less time than he expects for the three of them to sort out two ensembles that should pass, provided no one notices that Rey's red outer robe is a cleverly pinned bedsheet.

"Won't this stand out too much?" She is fretting with the silky layers and Ben resists the urge to catch her hands and hold them still.

"You want to stand out," he assures her. "Be intimidating. Make such an impression that no one will think to question you."

She seems to wilt, her gaze cutting away from him. "I'm not exactly intimidating."

Ben smiles for her, if a bit darkly. "My love, you are terrifying." While she is blushing nearly bright enough to match her robes, he turns to Finn. "We need transport. A small ship or a couple of speeders. And we need to make it look like we're escaping."

It is difficult to read Finn. Part of it is that his emotions are so mixed. The other part is that he has clearly been improving his once-latent ability to use the Force. Ben had sensed it in him long ago, of course, but had not expected him to get anywhere without a teacher—and who would teach a Stormtrooper that? "Poe's not gonna like you messing with any of his ships," Finn says, and while his tone is discouraging, his face looks like he's trying to stifle amusement. 

"Then Poe can handle the Navigator himself."

Poe, of course, is still in plain view and probably within earshot, but so far has done nothing more to interrupt than glance up from his datapad at regular intervals and stare until one of them looks his way, as if his sole purpose in the act is to let them know he’s watching them.

"Yeah," says Finn. "I hear you. I'll go talk to him." And he goes, leaving the two of them with nothing to do but watch and wait. Rey sidesteps closer to Ben while keeping her eyes on her best friend's back. She is beautiful in her disguise if he doesn't think too hard about what it represents. It is heavier than her usual attire, accenting her figure in different ways. She reminds him of some sort of sultry flower, or of a bright-colored bird with long tail feathers. He would very much like to have her alone, to slide his hands under the fabric, to take off the costume one piece at a time even though she has only just gotten it on…  but he tries not to think too hard about that either.

The conversation between co-generals is, for the most part, held too low to hear. The exception is when Poe, sounding no less angry than he did when they arrived, asks loudly, "Why don't they just take the Falcon?"

Finn's response is inaudible, but Poe looks begrudgingly resigned, so it was probably a good one. Finn returns shortly after.

"Well?" Rey has been restless on her feet during the wait, all but bouncing in place. She will need to work on that if she is going to pass as a dark and brooding Sith.

"He thinks your boyfriend is planning to turn you to the Dark Side for real," Finn says, "but he has a speeder you can use. Should carry both of you."

"It would be best if someone chases us part of the way," Ben says, "to make it look real. The First Order will be watching."

"I think I can arrange that." Finn looks uncertain, but Ben senses that his worry is for their safety more than for the mission itself. It is strange to be worried about by anyone other than Rey. "So when do we want to do this?"

Ben looks at Rey as she stands steadily by his side. She is tense still, but not so jittery anymore. "The sooner the better."

"Alright. I guess..." Finn shrugs as if he doesn't know what else to say. "Take a 'fresher break and I'll get your ride ready."

-

The plan goes off without a hitch, although the race through the jungle on a landspeeder is one of the most terrifying events of Ben's adult life. He fears that at any moment they might be shot down—Rey might be shot down—and it would all happen too quickly for him to do a thing about it. He should have let Rey drive and left himself free to concentrate on their defense, but it is too late to stop now. He has only his skill and the Force to rely on… and one other trick up his sleeve.

The speeder has a short-range comm. As they put more distance between themselves and the canyon base, he keys in and broadcasts a code. It will tell the First Order they are friendly. Whether or not they choose to listen, he doesn’t know, but at least he’ll have tried.

Their pursuers break off just before they reach the clearing which had housed the Resistance base before the invasion. It is a bold move and earns them a small amount of respect from Ben. They risk their lives to put on the show he asked for.

As Poe had warned them, the old base is nearly empty, but it is not abandoned. A reserve guard of Stormtroopers waits on alert for them, blasters in hand but pointed at the ground. His signal must have gotten through. As Ben swings the speeder sideways into a rapid stop, a trooper with a black epaulette steps forward. "Name and rank," snaps a feminine voice, all business.

Ben keeps his head held high and his every motion grand as he sweeps off the speeder to loom over the sergeant. Now is the moment. "Kylo Ren,” he tells her, and it does not feel like only a couple weeks since he last played this role. It feels like a lifetime ago. “Supreme Leader."

 

-< >-

 

Even though she is ready for it—or she thinks she is—Rey is nearly jolted out of her own act by the sound of those words spoken in that voice. Ben must sense the way she falters, for a whisper caresses her mind with, Let me do the talking, and she takes what relief she can from the offer. As hard as she is trying, she can't imagine how she will convince anyone of her role if she is engaged in conversation.

While Rey frets, the trooper has recovered enough from her own shock to respond to Ben. "I... I'm sorry, Supreme Leader. I almost didn't recognize you. What are your orders?" If she has any doubts about his identity or his purpose, she is wise enough to let it be someone else's problem.

"I need transport for myself and my apprentice." Ben's words are coming too fast, but the harshness of them makes it sound not like the fear Rey knows it is, but like the barely contained anger he was reputed for. “There are two Star Destroyers in orbit. I must speak to their commander."

"Yes, Sir." There is something lighter about the way the trooper stands and speaks now. She is relieved to soon be rid of them. Rey can't blame her. "Right this way."

They are taken to a lambda class shuttle, though one of a newer model which Rey hasn't seen before. The make has changed only a little since the days of the Empire when it was a staple. She'd learned to fly one in the simulators she had salvaged on Jakku. This one, however, comes with its own pilot, leaving Rey idle and trying not to fidget. She follows Ben's example and sits in one of the passenger seats near the front, putting her hands on her lap and gripping her robes until her knuckles turn white. You didn't tell her anything about escaping the Resistance, she thinks at Ben, for she cannot keep herself completely silent.

It was not her business. he answers. It would have been more suspicious if I did.

That makes sense, she supposes. The First Order, as far as she can tell, is far more strict and specific when it comes to rank. By comparison, the Resistance's system is downright casual. It makes her glad she is not wearing one of the uniforms Finn offered. She would have slipped up sooner rather than later if she’d had to impersonate an officer.

The ride to the Star Destroyer is quick. Rey doesn't feel even remotely ready as they slow and turn into the docking bay. She doubts, though, that any more time would make a difference. There is nothing for it but to dive in and do the best she can. Ben's presence is soothing, but he can spare her little more than that. He is busy battling his own demons, spending all of his willpower to keep them from showing on his face.

The pilot says nothing as they land. The ramp lowers and they are left to disembark at their own pace. Ben sets one that is swift and imposing, for out in the docking bay, well away from the shuttle but impossible to miss, stands a row of officers with Stormtroopers lined up behind them and a lone woman in front. Her posture is flawless, her hair pulled back tight over her scalp only to pop into a lively bun above the stiff back of her collar. Her skin is almost dark enough to match the night-black uniform she wears, and in spite of everything, her face is calm.

"Commander Niah Sloane," Ben intones, and he almost sounds like Kylo Ren again. Almost, but not quite. "Or have you given yourself a promotion?"

The woman's voice is as steady as her appearance. If the Supreme Leader's return has unsettled her, she is above showing it. "Few of our leadership survived Exegol. You were presumed dead. If you would like to demote me and appoint someone else, it is your right." Although her tone is perfectly neutral, Rey gets the impression that this is a challenge.

"Yes it is," Ben says, and when the woman called Sloane only waits for his verdict in silence, he asks, "General?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good." The word is almost a growl, as if he must remind her that he is a monster even as he is being generous. "It suits you. Your aunt must be proud."

She had shown no emotion at his return, but the reference to family leaves her blinking and visibly trying to maintain her composure. The Kylo Ren she imagined, perhaps, was too inhuman to speak of such a domestic thing. "She is, Sir."

Here, as she is reeling, Ben pushes the plan forward. "I was captured on Exegol, not killed. I escaped with the help of my apprentice." He does not gesture or look at Rey, but the General's eyes flick in her direction anyway. "I need somewhere quiet and secure to recuperate, I need a report of our progress since Exegol, and I need to speak with the Navigator you have on board—in that order."

By the time he is finished delivering his commands, Sloane is once again the picture of stoic readiness. "Yes, Sir." Then, without looking at the officers behind her, she says, "Major Hallock, show the Supreme Leader to the guest suite across from my quarters. Lieutenant Mitaka, compile that report and have it sent to the guest suite's console. Will you be needing the access code, Sir?"

"Not unless my override has been deactivated," Ben answers.

"It hasn't."

"Then that will be all. Thank you for your hospitality, General."

"My pleasure, Supreme Leader, and welcome back." She sounds like she actually means it, but it might just as well be an act. Either way, Ben does not respond to her, but breezes past and makes the man called Hallock hustle to take the lead. Rey follows behind, chin up and eyes forward, feeling very glad that no one has yet questioned her or spoken to her at all.

It is a long walk down empty, spotless hallways, a tense ride in an elevator, and another stretch of sterile corridor before they reach their destination. Ben moves stiffly, which, in Rey's opinion, helps his act rather than hinders it, but as soon as their guide has been dismissed and the door of the guest suite snaps shut behind them, he is swinging an arm up and closing his fist, and Rey spins at the sound of something metallic breaking. A tiny black object falls from somewhere near the ceiling and clatters on the hard floor. He moves his hand again and she follows it in time to spot a second security camera before it is crushed beyond recognition. Then, shaking all over, Ben sinks to his knees.

Even as Rey drops with him in surprise and reaches out, the bond which has been held shut for too long bursts open. Dread crashes over her like a tidal wave, like one of Jakku's sandstorms, fierce enough to rip flesh from bone. He can't do it. He can't face the First Order, let alone command them. Not when every crisp uniform, every echoing step on the floors of their shining silver corridors takes him back—when at every moment he expects to feel a spike of pain or a squeeze of pressure in his head and to hear the voice of his master—to be told once again that he is not good enough—that he is one mistake away from being discarded...

There is more. Under the immediate panic, there is the fear and the shame he has been trying to hide from her ever since he set foot on the Falcon. It is a complicated thing, his shame, for he has no real care for what her friends or any member of the Resistance thinks of him, and yet he is ashamed to be in their presence. He is still, at times, ashamed to be in Rey's presence. He loathes himself. She had sensed that before, but she had hoped it would fade. It hasn't.

His fear is a tangle of threads that appear more complicated the longer she looks at it. He is afraid for himself, for despite the self-loathing, he does not want to die again. He remembers dying all too well to want anything to do with it. He is afraid that Rey will get him killed, and he is almost, almost angry at her for ending their time in the haven of Ahch-To only to bring him back to this hell. And then, of course, he is ashamed of being even almost angry at her.

But more than of his own death or torment, Ben is afraid that Rey will lose everyone else who matters to her. Either they will die in their war or they will abandon her for loving him, he thinks, and he in all his brokenness will not be enough to make her happy, even if he somehow gets out of this mess alive.

All of this is what weighs on him, bears him down, each fear spiraling to the next until he's come back around to the start again. It takes an effort not to fall with him into breathless despair, but Rey holds on. She keeps her head above the surface and struggles to pull him up from the depths. He is gasping like he cannot breathe, so she shows him how, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her chest to his back. His thoughts are spinning like a storm, so she makes herself a wall, lets him beat against the stillness of her mind until he has blown himself out. 

When at last he turns to see her, pulls shakily free of her grasp, his face is pale and ravaged by memory but his eyes are dry.

"You can do it," she tells him, soft as a breath, addressing the immediate because they have no time to delve into the rest. "You've already done it. There's just a little more left."

"It's not as easy as it looks." He is still breathing heavily, still looking like a haunted man, but it is a profound relief nonetheless to hear him speak. "They played along because they know I can kill them with a thought. They will betray us. I just don't know when."

"So," says Rey, and she cups his bruised cheek in her hand to steady him. “We get what we need and we betray them first."

He says nothing at first. He only leans into her touch and focuses on breathing. When he has regained himself enough, he stands, unfolding himself until he looms ridiculously tall above her, and reaches down to help her up. He lets go of her as soon as she is on her feet, though, and moves off to stalk about the suite, checking the adjacent rooms, poking his head into the closet, and finally bending over the console where he punches in a code that lights the screen with data. A search through the drawers underneath puts a datapad in his hands and he falls into a flurry of selecting and copying information. "Keep an ear out for the Navigator," he says while he works. "She may try to catch us off guard."

But rather than arriving before they are ready, the Navigator keeps them waiting. Ben finishes the data transfer. Rey does her own scouting around the suite, marking every possible exit—there is only the one door, but there are two vents large enough for her to crawl through, though probably too narrow for Ben—and still the Navigator has not made an appearance. Rey feels herself growing antsier while Ben goes strangely calm. She is just about to speak for the sole sake of breaking the silence when she senses that hyperspace-touched presence nearby. Ben goes to open the door.

Rey had almost forgotten what these particular minions of Snoke looked like. Seeing one now brings back the red throne room and the torturous interrogation more clearly than she likes, but she pushes her discomfort down and imagines herself as hard and cold as the stones on Ahch-To.

It’s over quickly.

The door hisses open. The Navigator stands, masked and clad in twilight purple. Ben's hand comes up, freezing the figure before she can utter a sound. He jerks his arm back, yanking her inside. He shuts the door.

His remade lightsaber claims its first life. The blade is as white as a star.

With that over, they are left with a decision—do they retreat immediately as they had planned to, outrunning whatever trouble the First Order might concoct for them, or do they stay and see how much damage they can do?

Now that Ben has overcome his paralyzing terror, Rey wants to stay. The Navigator was easy enough. If they are strategic, they can surely take out more of the authority on board. Perhaps they can disable the ship, or destroy it. She is already dredging up memories of taking apart similar models, calculating how best to get it done.

Ben still wants to leave. "I’ll tell them the Navigator has revealed something to me and I must act upon it immediately."

"We can tell them that when we're ready. I think I can trigger a cascading power failure if you get me to the right breaker."

"That isn't the mission," he argues, voice gone low and tight.

Rey lets her brow furrow in consternation. "But shouldn't we act on the opportunity while we have it?" A few moments ago, when Ben was on the floor and in distress, she was prepared to get him out of there whether or not they completed the mission, but he's better now and it pains her to think of leaving without doing everything in her power to help the Resistance… To guard the lives of her friends.

"Rey." Ben catches and holds her gaze. "If we attack the ship, they won't let us walk onto any others so easily."

The implication has her tripping over her words. "You mean you... You want to keep doing this?" She waves a hand at his black outfit. "Keep pretending to be Kylo?"

The twist at the corner of his mouth is not a smile. "I don't want to, but if we're going to dismantle the First Order, then this is the best way I know to do it."

She shakes her head, not to negate him but to express her bewilderment. "You said they wouldn't trust us."

"They won't, but with any luck, we can keep them too scared to argue."

She can picture it in her mind, the two of them striding through those endless gray corridors like they own the place, issuing commands and gathering information to bring back to the Resistance. Will Ben use the Force to keep the First Order officers in line? Will he hurt anyone to do it, or kill them in cold blood?

Will she?

How long will they have to keep the act up?

And why can't she quite convince herself that she hates the idea?

"Okay." She draws herself up, hardens her features. Makes herself like ice again. "Let's go."

But Ben is looking down at the saber-scorched body, frowning in thought. “There is one thing,” he says, slow and hesitant. When he lifts his eyes to her, his stare is piercing. “If I help you, do you think you can manipulate a mechanical part on this ship and the other from here, using the Force?”

“I… I don’t know. I can try.”

“Then here’s what we’ll do…”

-

It takes much less time than their previous meditation session. Rey is not surprised to learn that she is better at finding her way around mechanics while in a Force trance than she is at finding people. The only surprise is that it works at all. The ships themselves don’t have the same Force signatures as living things, but if she follows the light of the crew’s life and then looks, she can make out the shape of the structure by the way life flows around it and the imprints left behind.

When the job is done, Ben stands and moves to the intercom. "This is your Supreme Leader. General Sloane, report to my quarters."

Unlike the now-deceased Navigator, Niah Sloane does not keep them waiting, and just as he did with the Navigator, Ben opens the door before she can announce her presence. "Come in." He does not, this time, close the door behind her.

Rey is watching the new First Order leader's every move, but only barely catches the alarm that flashes through her at the sight and smell of the purple-robed corpse on the floor. In an instant, Sloane has brushed it off and composed herself again. "Did your meeting not go as planned?"

"On the contrary," Ben says, "Your Navigator was a traitor. She was feeding information to the Resistance even as she put on a show of fooling them. I learned of it while they held me captive."

Whether Sloane believes him or not, Rey can't tell. The General's sabacc face is flawless. "I see. How unfortunate. Thank you for remedying the situation."

"See that you are more careful with your security in the future," Ben growls.

"Of course, Sir. Is there anything else?"

"I need a ship. Capable of hyperspace travel. Small."

"How small?"

"Room for two. No bigger."

She doesn’t so much as twitch. "We have a few scout ships that might suit your needs.”

"Make one ready. Then have all troops on the ground regroup and wait for my orders."  The longer he talks, Rey notes, the more natural the role he is playing feels. She shouldn't be surprised or concerned, she decides. He played that role ceaselessly for years before she came. 

"Sir?"

Somehow he makes himself look even bigger than before. "I will take care of the Resistance."

It is subtle, but Rey thinks that Sloane's eyes have gotten wider. If so, it is the only crack in her mask of calm. "I'll show you to your ship," she offers, and Ben follows her. Rey takes up the rear.

It’s too easy, the way they are let go. The entire mission has been too easy.

Don't say anything out loud, Ben's voice echoes in her mind once they are seated back to back in the little vessel they've been given, sliding easily out of the Star Destroyer’s dock and zipping low over the jungle canopy. The ship is probably bugged.

Won't that mean they're tracking us too? she thinks back at him.

Yes, but I told them we were going to the Resistance.

Right. He had. Isn't it too obvious?  she wonders, and she gets the feeling he agrees.

All he says, however, is, We'll just have to keep them guessing.

Notes:

I wanted some reference to Rae Sloane 'cause she’s bamf, so I gave her a niece.
I feel like I stole the name Hallock from somewhere, also, but I can't figure it out. :p
Also, yes, the bedsheet robe is absolutely a Titan AE reference.

Chapter 12: Getting Good At Starting Over

Notes:

I was originally going to have this chapter be mostly smut, but aside from that being a little ambitious for a 3000-5000 word chapter, I realized the scene I was writing wouldn't feel right unless the threat was eliminated first, so you get Plot and then Smut.

Chapter title from "Walk" by Foo Fighters

-

Chapter edited: 3/1/21

-

They land the ship at the canyon entrance, not having announced their return by comm for fear that the First Order might overhear. Rey exits alone and shows her face to the rebels on guard duty, but rather than let her in immediately, they call Poe.

As if that were not a clear enough message of distrust, he comes to meet them there rather than granting them entrance over the comm. He is carrying a blaster when he arrives. "Where's Ren?"

You can come out now, she thinks, and Ben steps off the ship.

Poe's blaster comes up. It is not a quick motion, and his finger stays off the trigger, but Rey still moves to stand in the way. "We killed the Navigator," she tells him, keeping her voice level. "Ben ordered the troops to withdraw."

"Great," snaps Poe. "What are you still doing here?"

So that's just how it's going to be between them, then. Rey huffs. "The Falcon is still in your base." She suspects he would like it best if she left in her stolen First Order ship and let him keep the freighter, but she’s not feeling quite that generous. "And I want to keep helping. I didn't know the First Order was still this much of a threat. I thought they would have fallen apart after Exegol. I don't want to hide away anymore while you fight."

"What about you?" He jerks the blaster to indicate Ben, who has come up slowly to stand behind Rey's left shoulder.

"I don't care what happens to you," Ben says, and Rey has to stop herself from wincing. "But I'll go where Rey goes.” He drops his gaze away from Poe's then and bows his head in contrition. "I owe her everything."

"Damn right you do," Poe agrees, but he lets the muzzle of his blaster fall and he steps aside. "You know the way to my office. Let's have that debriefing."

-

There are more people this time. Their presence emphasizes how small Poe's makeshift office is. With a wordless gesture, Poe offers Finn the single chair, choosing to stand beside it with his arms crossed. Larma D'Acy is there, tight-lipped but otherwise showing very little of the uncertainty Rey can sense within her. Kaydel Ko Connix stands close to D'Acy, having attached herself to the older woman after losing Leia. Beaumont Kin takes up the back corner of the office, keeping a record of the discussion on a datapad.

"With the Navigator gone, Sloane won't attack you head on. She can't afford to waste lives," Ben tells them, looking weary but resigned as he faces the gathering. Rey keeps her chin up and her gaze firm, trying to make herself the pillar of strength he needs.

"There are two Star Destroyers up there." Poe points out, a picture of skepticism.

"For show," Ben says. "They're running on a skeleton crew."

"So how do we make them go away?" asks Finn.

"I have a plan."

-

A dinner is passed out to everyone on base—packaged rations this time, because they want to be quick—and then most of the Resistance hides away in the deepest chambers of the cavern, opening false walls to reveal secret rooms which Rey would not have been aware of if she hadn't received the grand tour during an earlier visit.

The few remaining rebels allow themselves to be arranged outside in plain view, sitting in two rows with loosened bindings on their wrists and ankles. Poe is with them, setting an example of how to look angry but helpless. Rey suspects that it is not entirely an act.

Finally, Ben takes his place in front of them, stance wide, and calls Niah Sloane’s ship from a handheld communicator. "This is Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. I have subdued the Resistance threat. Their shields are down. Send in Troopers to secure the canyon."

When the comm is switched off, Rey moves in close to him and takes his hand. "Will this work?"

She is relieved when he meets her eyes. She had been worried that he would not. "We'll find out,” he tells her, so much more gentle than he sounded on the comm. “Go now."

The plan is for her to signal the ambush, as Ben can tell her when to do so without anyone else overhearing. She steals one last moment, however, to reach up and kiss him soundly, Poe and the rest of their audience be damned. When that's done, she goes inside to wait.

The rumbling vibration of the troop carriers is loud even from inside the cavern. Six paces away from her, Finn audibly gulps. They will lead the charge together. 

Time passes. At first she thinks it is only her imagination that makes it seem so slow, but as it drag on and on, she begins to worry. Is everything okay?

I'm making a speech, Ben answers. Then, only a few moments later, Give the signal now.

"Now, Finn." She passes the message on and they move in unison, going swiftly to the first two hidden doors and rapping on the metal. As those begin to slide open, they move to the next set. Soon, like angry insects, the Resistance fighters are swarming from their hive and out into the fiery sunset.

What follows is a brief and chaotic battle. Even Rey is only able to keep track of her immediate surroundings—and of Ben, of course. She carves a path of charred flesh and armor, a puppet to the push and pull of the Force, seeing the blaster bolts before they fly, aiming her blade at the empty space where the enemy will be. Ban has not gone far from where he started. She has no need to look for him. She can feel his exact location in relation to her own as if she were a magnet and he the world's pole. She wants to go to him, but that is not the plan.

The Resistance fighters are outnumbered, but only slightly. They are accustomed to fighting against far higher odds. Between that, the element of surprise, and the three Force users—for Finn fights the same way she does, alerted to each attack before it happens—the battle is over in a matter of bright and breathless minutes. As the last of her faceless enemies collapses at her feet, Rey can see the aftermath. The final few skirmishes are being decided. The ground is a mess of blood and bodies, rendered hazy by a low cloud of kicked-up dust. Against one canyon wall kneels a cluster of still-living Stormtroopers in filthy armor, hands on their heads and Resistance blasters keeping them in check. Rey had not known they would be taking prisoners. It shouldn't surprise her, but it does.

"Generals!" It's Connix, jogging across the battlefield to where Poe and Finn are conferring. Rey's feet carry her in the same direction. "We detected multiple explosions on both Star Destroyers," Kaydel reports. "They've gone to hyperspace."

"So Ren told the truth." Poe does not sound terribly happy about this, despite the win, and Rey feels her ire rising. She is sorely tempted to step in to demand he be more grateful, but then she sees Ben approaching the prisoners and something doesn't look right. Something is off with the way he moves. She prods at the bond, but he is blocking her from all but the most basic sense of his presence. She knows why when she watches him a moment longer. It is not a mental pain that he hides from her this time, but a physical one.

Rey switches off her lightsaber and runs to him. Whatever he means to do or say to the prisoners can wait. He barely has time to turn towards her before she is catching hold of him and feeling him over for injuries.

Easy, Love, easy. It's not bad.

"Where is it?" She doesn't spare the concentration to ask him silently.

"My arm." He rolls his left shoulder forward. The hole in his sleeve is burnt at the edges, rough and ragged in the manner of a blaster shot. Rey presses her palm to it immediately, feeling Ben flinch before he adjusts his footing and stands still. His head hangs low and his eyes glaze over as the healing Force sinks into him. Only afterward does he say to her, resigned, "You should have saved your energy for others."

"Shut up.” She tugs at the hole in his sleeve, peering into it to make sure the wound is gone. A sly glance upward tells her that she managed to erase the bruise on his face, too, but he doesn’t need to know that yet. "You can help me with the rest."

Just as they begin searching the fallen for signs of life, Poe is upon them, blood in his hair and battle-fire still blazing in his eyes. "The Destroyers tried to fire on us during the fight. They would have sacrificed you and their troops for victory, like you said, but their cannons malfunctioned. They've retreated."

If she had not been surrounded by death, Rey might have worn a grin from ear to ear. As it is, she finds Ben's eyes again and clasps one of his hands in both of hers. It had been their work that damaged the Destroyer—a particular part in the weapon system that Ben had helped her reach through the Force and disconnect in both ships. It was the only reason they were able to convince Poe to lower the shields, and lowering the shields had been the surest way to ensure the First Order would follow the plan. "We did it!"

"You are the reason it worked, Rey." Ben says, and he does not stifle his own smile.

"It was your idea, though."

Poe's jaw looks like it may fall off if he scowls any harder. "Alright, thanks. Now you can help us with the cleanup."

He is turning his back on them and walking away even as he finishes the sentence, but Rey follows him with a shout of his name. "Poe! What are you doing with the prisoners?"

"Ask Finn!" He doesn’t look back at her.

Rey sighs, but she lets him go. "Come on," she says more softly, sensing Ben close behind her. "Let's get to work."

-

Drawing on the Force together, they are able to heal more than twice what either of them could have managed alone, and yet it is still not everyone. They focus on those who are closest to death, unlikely to be saved by any other means. In doing so, they expend even more energy on fewer people, but it makes a difference. It takes the hardest jobs from the Resistance medics, leaving them to tend to the smaller, easier wounds and treat more people more quickly.

Rey works until she is struggling to stand, and Ben the same beside her, at which point Kaydel Ko Connix appears seemingly out of nowhere and ushers them both to somewhere cool and quiet. Tall cups of water are thrust into their hands, blankets are brought, and Rey does not remember passing out, but she wakes up with her head on Ben's shoulder, her cheek damp with her own drool.

Hello.

Ben is awake, but his head is tilted back against the wall and his eyes are closed.

"Did you sleep?"

A little.

Rey loops her arm around his and snuggles closer. "How long was I out?"

It's the middle of the night. They moved the wounded and the prisoners inside. That was a while ago.

"How many died?"

I didn't ask.

Rey takes a moment to concentrate on her own physicality, wondering if she can get back to work at healing. As if in answer, a yawn creeps up her throat.

There's no point, Ben says, although she doesn’t remember composing the thought into clear words. They're all either dead or not going to die.

"I could still help."

So can bacta. Stay here.

She doesn't have the strength to keep arguing, which probably means that she would not be of much use to anyone else if she tried. Besides that, Ben's shoulder is far more comfortable than it has any right to be, and the slow rhythm of his breathing is somehow as sweet as a lullaby.

-

The second time she wakes, it is to Ben's hand on her shoulder and his voice in her ear. "Rey, wake up. There's food."

That word triggers instincts honed over a lifetime of near-starvation and she is sitting up at once, blinking sleep from her eyes and zeroing in on the two servings of breakfast set in front of them.

Ben watches her reaction with a half-smile that makes him look like Han. "There's my scavenger."

"Switch off," she grunts, but she can't bring herself to be truly annoyed.

-

It is Finn who comes to fill them in as they finish their meal, Ben having just handed Rey the empty tray to lick.

"They're transferring the prisoners today," he starts without preamble. "Jannah's got a place for them. I'm going too."

"We'll go with you!" Rey declares without a moment’s thought.

But Finn says, "No. You're needed here." Then before she can formulate an argument, he looks squarely at Ben, his expression open and honest. "I saw what you did for Poe out there. Thanks."

"I didn't do it for him."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Finn waves a hand to stall the disclaimers. "Just accept the thanks."

When Ben does not respond right away, Rey gives up on holding back her curiosity. "What are you talking about?"

"That blast he took," Finn explains. "It only hit him because he'd just frozen one aimed at Poe."

Rey whips her head around to stare at Ben. 

"It's just a graze," he says dismissively, sounding embarrassed more than anything. "The other one would have hit Dameron between the eyes."

"You saved my best friend," Finn insists. "Accept the thanks."

A fire sparks in Ben's eyes then, flaring up from embers that have never quite gone out. "I did it because he's Rey's friend. I don't want her to lose any more of those on my account."

Rey's hand seeks out his and holds on tight. It is becoming so familiar a gesture that she can do it without looking. "Thank you, Ben."

The fire still burns, but he surrenders to her. "You're welcome." He says it in a murmur and his gaze drops to the floor.

-

They check on the wounded again, when they feel up to it, but there is little they can do with any efficiency. They heal a few burns that would have been disfiguring and after only that much they are drained again, so, with dragging feet, they go looking for somewhere quiet and out of the way.

Returning to the Falcon is the obvious solution, although they first must turn down an awkward offer of sleeping arrangements inside the base. Finn had choked a bit over the question of whether they would prefer two cots or one. Rey tries not to let his discomfort get to her. He has every reason to feel put off by Ben's presence, let alone their relationship. He has been kinder and more forgiving than anyone could ask. She is selfish to wish for more, and yet she does.

She might have lingered, might even have foolishly tried to talk to Finn about it, but Ben is already walking back towards where they left the Falcon and she cannot let him go alone.

He is several paces ahead of her as they trudge up the ramp. He keeps going for a few steps into the dimly lit hold and then he stops, the echo of his footfalls on metal receding, his eyes cast ahead at nothing and his hands fisted at his sides.

Rey doesn't stop. She keeps walking until she has walked right into his back, pressing herself to the broad expanse of it, snaking her arms around his middle, burying her face in the fabric of his shirt. They stay that way for the span of several slow breaths until, gingerly, he turns around, catching her hands in his and bending down to kiss her. It is gentle only long enough for him to feel the desire in her response. Then he is kissing her deeply, hungrily, and in a rush he is lifting her up and she is the one bending over him, reaching down to him, her hands in his hair and on his face. He kisses her and her head is swimming, tingling, dizzy. She feels like she could float away without even using the Force.

Ben breaks off to let her drop more securely into his arms, then cranes his neck down to kiss her again, long and deep, and the next thing she knows, he is striding along the curve of the corridor, carrying her as if she weighs nothing. He takes the most direct route to the sleeping quarters, but even so, they almost don't make it. He stops suddenly, midway there, and pins her to a wall so that he cab attack her throat and collarbone with those perfectly plush lips of his. Rey doesn't think she would mind if everything happened right there under the arch of the corridor, but they do manage, eventually, to stagger the rest of the way to their goal.

It is one of the smaller beds that Rey finds herself backing into, easier to reach than the large one set into the hull. She falls back and Ben is upon her, setting to work on clothing already rumpled and loose. As long as it took them to get here, this part takes no time at all. Within moments they are naked before each other and he is arching his back above her and kissing her again as his hand tests the heat and wetness between her thighs. Then it is not his hand but his cock that pushes, presses, cleaves into her until she feels full to bursting. He takes her hard, his trembling caution from their time on Ahch-To nothing but a memory now. He takes her frantically, plowing into her, spearing her with breathless abandon. Her legs wrap around him of their own accord, keeping him close. Her fingers cling to his back. She feels it when her nails tear his skin, but she does not let go.

Ben crests quickly—desperate as he is, how could he not?—but hardly a moment passes before two large fingers have replaced his cock and he is kissing the valley between her breasts, then lower, smirking when she flinches and sucks in the tender flesh of her belly against the touch of his hot breath.

No tickling! She shrieks at him in their minds because she can't quite articulate the words aloud.

As you wish, is his silent reply, and his lips drift lower still, mapping the bony arch of her hip while his fingers work ceaselessly, thrusting and curling within her as his thumb attends to that precious little nub of nerves and flesh. She is fairly sure her eyes have rolled upward into her skull when she comes, convulsing so hard she sits up and he follows, grinning victoriously, to kiss her.

She groans when his hand retreats, leaving her achingly empty, and then he is breaking the kiss and looking at her with wide, fathomless eyes. There is a tremor of fear in his voice when he asks, "did I hurt you?"

"Yes," Rey says, and it’s true, "but I liked it. Can we do it again?"

His astonishment is the purest thing she has ever seen, until she watches his joy when he determines that she means it. "Give me a minute," he says, breathless laughter behind the words, and he plants a kiss upon her cheek. "Anything for you."

It startles her how sharply the words cut into her heart. How long, she wonders, will it be before she can take anything about him for granted? Never, she thinks, and she presses a hand to his shoulder, rolling him over so that she may lavish him with affection to match all that he has given her. He is—as she is constantly reminded—an enormous human being and she simply cannot get enough of it. Once she has him laying down and has kissed him until her lips are sore, she slithers backwards along the length of his body to mouth at his chest, her hand splayed wide upon it and still dwarfed by its impressive width. His gasp is low and raspy when she takes one of his nipples in her mouth and sucks. It is only one of several intriguing acts she recalls hearing reference to by the chatty traders who would stop for a drink at Niima Outpost. She has already made a mental list of others she wants to try.

While her mouth explores his chest and the equally ridiculous tree trunk of his abdomen, one of her hands creeps farther south, finding her way by feel to the thatch of curly hair and his not-quite-flaccid cock. She gives it a few pumps, listening to Ben whimper, and then she continues her exploration, spidering her fingers around the sac of loose skin between his thighs, still damp with the sweat of their exertion. Ben recites a string of curses in three languages at this, so Rey keeps her touch quite gentle, cupping him in her palm and stroking with her thumb until he groans and arches toward her. She answers by bringing her mouth down to meet him, lipping the tip of his cock experimentally and then working it with her hand again until it has very nearly regained its full majesty.

Ben is an absolute mess beneath her and she steals a moment to admire him, to enjoy the haze over his eyes and the part of his kiss-bruised lips, the way sable strands of hair streak his face and he hasn't bothered to brush them aside. The way he lies prone before her, pliant to her every whim, and how that makes her feel dangerously, delightfully powerful. She realizes with something not quite like shame that she is cataloging his parts and how they respond, testing the mechanics of a fallen ship ripe for scavenging. She is taking him apart, finding out which buttons to push, which dials to turn. Her hands quest over his flanks, up the wall of muscle that guards his belly, to brace themselves on the sturdiness of his ribs and from there to pull the rest of her up, sinuous, to straddle him and take him back inside herself at last. There is worship in his eyes when he reaches up and she leans down to let him stroke her cheek. 

It is a treasure, these moments when all that matters is them and the Force between them. It is more than she ever thought it would be.

Chapter 13: Lay Here Beside Me And Stay For A While

Notes:

Chapter title from "Morning Is Made" by Hush Kids

-

Chapter edited: 3/1/21

-

Ben wakes before Rey, tucked between her and the curving wall. They had ended up in the larger bed after all, at the end, after taking turns with the cramped sonic shower and indulging in one last sleepy makeout session. Now, warm and relaxed and still pleasantly drowsy, he can just catch the tailing edge of something he has felt only a few times before in his life. As he studies Rey in the low light, mapping the way her hair falls across her face and smiling at the sound of her ever so quiet snores, he thinks he may know the name of the feeling—that mysterious sensation which tickles the inside of his skull and lessens the weight on his heart. He thinks it may be happiness.

Most days, they wake together, roused by their subconscious sense of one another. Today he is lucky. Perhaps it is that he’s still so relaxed, or perhaps it is that she so thoroughly wore herself out the night before—with his help—but for whatever reason, Rey remains asleep. For Ben, it is a priceless gift simply to lie beside her and listen to her breathing. Never in his life did he imagine how much he would need this.

If only he could bask in it for more than the fleeting moment he is granted before doubt and self-hatred come creeping back up from the place in his gut where they lurk.

Rey turns her head and mumbles something, brow creasing, and if she must be woken, Ben decides, it ought to be to something nice. He surrenders to the constant urge to touch her, tracing his fingertips over the freckled softness of her cheek and along the line of that stubbornly square jaw he adores. The tension leaves her face and he almost thinks she will sink back into sleep, but then her eyes flutter open and her mouth curves into a drowsy smile and this, he decides, is just as precious a gift.

"Hi."

"Hello, Love," he answers.

That smile of hers curls further upward, giving her the look of a satisfied tooka. "I like it when you call me that."

"Then I'll keep calling you that."

She rolls over, props herself up on her elbows, and plants a kiss on his nose. "I need the 'fresher. Be right back."

She goes without waiting for a response, so Ben lays where he is, cleansed of his momentary melancholy by her smile and the memories of the night before.

When Rey comes back, he takes a turn, and it is there at the tiny, narrow mirror in the 'fresher that he stops. It is there that the simple facts of his reality send him, not for the first time, reeling.

There is a moment when he does not recognize his own face. He is not as vain as he used to be—not as concerned with physical appearances as he had been when he played the role of the young and regally lonely boy prince, nor that of the intimidating, untouchable warlord. Those priorities changed when Rey came into his life.

In a single standard year, he feels like he has aged ten. Looks it, too, in his opinion. There are gray hairs at his temples. Only a few, hardly noticeable, but there. Even after a good night's sleep, his face is still too pale and the hollows of his eyes too dark. The scar Rey gave him is gone. He knew that it was, but this is the first he has looked closely at its absence. He remembers the hopeful words Rey had spoken in the Ahch-To meadow, declaring that they were new people, the two of them, that they were free to leave their old lives behind. It is proving a more difficult thing than she had made it sound.

But Rey is his light, his lifeline, quite literally his other half. He loves her. He has loved her since the day he met her, since he looked into her mind and she into his. Nothing else in the galaxy matters, just Rey, and he will find it in him, somehow, to do every impossible thing she asks.

When the existential crisis and other 'fresher-related necessities are taken care of, he emerges into an empty room, but it is no matter at all to follow the pull of the bond through the curving corridor until he finds Rey precisely where he expects to—bent over in the main hold with her head in one of the cabinets full of food stores. The desire to touch her is everything then. He is like a man possessed. His feet move and he is beside her. His hand lifts by a mind of its own and his palm is on her back. She doesn't stop, but she slows, and he can feel her muscles relaxing under his touch.

"How are you this morning?" His voice comes out lower than he means it to, dry from sleep.

"Hmm. A bit sore." 

She says it with no trace of regret, but he withdraws his touch immediately. "I'm sorry."

Rey doesn't stop what she's doing, making her response seem discordantly casual. "I like it. I like that I can still feel you."

Her words do strange, fluttery things to his insides. He doesn't know how to respond, so he asks, sounding somewhat choked, "What's for breakfast?"

Her answer comes muffled by the scrape and clatter of boxes and cans and sealed packages. "If I can find it, there's a..." she trails off, letting the mystery hang in the air, then out she pulls a cylindrical canister shaped out of hard wood instead of metal. Rather than finish her explanation aloud, she simply shakes it in the air for Ben to see.

"Is that Kashyyykian Marshgrain flour?" He almost doesn’t believe his eyes. 

"Is that what it's called in Basic? Chewie gave it to me. He said it was a family tradition."

"It was my favorite when I was a kid," Ben explains before he can think better of it. "Uncle Chewie used to make it whenever someone came home from a trip." Which usually meant whenever Han came home, he thinks bitterly, and then he sees the way Rey is staring at him and realizes what he just said. It's the 'Uncle Chewie' that hangs in the air, clear as an echo. Clear as a bell toll. He hadn't meant to say it that way, but just like the ringing of a bell, he cannot take back.

"Oh..." Rey turns the canister in her hands, studying the engraved label. "Should we save it, then?"

"No," says Ben, and he tries not to let his throat tighten, nor his eyes grow too damp. "Now's as good a time as any."

Inside the canister is a powdered grain, pale yellow and soft as fine sand. Without any need for spoken agreement, Ben takes over the meal preparation, measuring the powder into a bowl and mixing it with water. The resulting mush he shapes into patties and fries on the Falcon's little stove just long enough to crisp the edges. If he times it right, they'll stay soft and fluffy enough in the middle to melt on the tongue.

"What was he like when you were a kid?" Rey asks. "Chewie, I mean." He could hear the question forming in her thoughts before she speaks, and still it catches him off guard. 

"He was kind," Ben answers. "Good with kids."

"Did you spend a lot of time together?"

What a way to sour a beautiful morning. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"He'll forgive you. I know he will."

"Rey..."

"You should talk to him. When you're ready, I mean."

He flips a marshgrain patty.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want you to hide away from your family forever. There are still people who care about you."

And he's still wondering what brought this on. Was it only the mention of Chewie, or was it something else? Then again, he knows Rey and how passionate she is about the concept of family. "I talked to my mother."

"But not Luke."

Even now, even still, it only takes hearing that name spoken to turn his knuckles white on the handle of the spatula. "Luke tried to kill me, remember?"

"You tried to kill him. Doesn't that make you even?"

"No."

Rey huffs out a breath, plainly frustrated. "I'm trying to help, Ben."

"You're not."

There is silence in response, and a distinct sense of hurt across the bond which she makes no effort to hide. She might, in fact, be projecting it on purpose.

One of the marshgrain patties has burned.

"... I'm sorry," says Ben, and it's true because it is always true, but that doesn't mean he was wrong.

"I just want to help," Rey says again, her voice gone small.

It takes some work, but Ben musters a smile. "You can't save me from myself, Love. I have to do that."

She doesn't respond to that, and he knows she doesn't quite agree, but the food is ready—that which survived, anyway. He takes a pair of plates from the rack and piles them both high with hot, fragrant patties. "I don't suppose we have any Andorian jelly?"

"What's that?" Rey asks, and it breaks his heart a little.

"Never mind. These will be fine without it." He resolves to buy some for her later, as no one who loves food as much as Rey does should live her life without tasting Andorian jelly. 

They sit together in the booth by the dejarik table. Rey, as usual, spends the next few minutes wholly engrossed in her food. Just as Ben feels himself relaxing again after the strain of their brief conflict, she gulps down a mouthful and asks, crumbs on her lips, "Ben, why didn't you come with me after Snoke died?"

It renders him speechless at first, because somehow he did not sense this one coming, and the lack of warning is as painful as the question itself. Finally all he can think to say, again, is, "I'm sorry."

But Rey swipes a hand across her mouth and shakes her head. "You don't have to apologize. I just want to know. I don't understand."

Ben sighs, sets his plate down, and buries his face in his hands. "I was afraid. Can we not talk about it right now?"

Yet she is locked onto her target and she persists. "I just want to know what I did wrong—what I should have said. I don't want to fail you again."

"You did everything right. I wasn't ready, that's all." He doesn't mean to snap—not when she is so plainly haunted by doubt and concern—but that is how the words shape themselves, hard and swift and conclusive.

Rey sinks into her seat beside him, gaze downcast. "I'm sorry."

Ah, he's done it now, hasn't he? He's been harsh with her, hurt her feelings the way Kylo Ren would have done, and he had not even been trying. How many times must they apologize to each other? "Maybe we shouldn't talk about the past," he suggests, though all he wants to do is say he’s sorry again.

"Alright..." 

It is a concession more than an agreement, but dragging the issue out would be harder than accepting a partial victory, so he leaves it be. "Do you like the food?"

"Yes," she says. "It's perfect." 

-< >-

When Rey finally goes out to check on her friends, Ben tagging along at her heels like a bad-tempered dog, it is to find the canyon all but completely transformed. With the bombardment ended, rebels are hard at work salvaging all they can from their original base. She spots Rose Tico standing on top of a crate to augment her short stature as she directs the flow of hover transports and the people unloading them. It seems the Resistance has chosen to remain in the canyon and its cave system. Why they didn't set up here to begin with, now that she thinks of it, Rey isn't sure, but it probably had something to do with Poe Dameron's gung-ho impatience. Most things did.

Poe is back in his office, or perhaps he never left. He is skimming over a datapad while Beaumont hovers beside him, fidgeting. Rey knows that Poe has seen her, but he says not a word nor so much as looks up from his work until he's done. "They're trying to cheat us," he says to Beaumont when he hands back the datapad. "Ask for more weapons. We know they've sold to the First Order. They're not hurting."

"Yes, Sir," says Beaumont in his soft-spoken way and clears out hastily, sparing no more than a nervous nod in Rey's direction.

"So, you're leaving?" Poe queries, skipping the pleasantries.

"No," Rey answers, and she hadn't known she was going to until the word is off her tongue.

Poe visibly tries not to frown. "You want to stick around?"

"I want to help the Resistance." And to prove that Ben can be trusted and you don't have to keep glaring at us that way, she doesn’t add.

"The Republic Alliance," Poe corrects, and then he says, "Fine. We got a report two days ago from one of our allies in the core. Couldn't do anything about it at the time because of our situation here. They've been trying to push out the First Order since before Exegol, but they don't have the firepower. I can't afford to send enough ships or people to make a real difference, but a couple Force users might do the trick."

"What system?" Rey asks.

"Chandrila."

Behind her, Ben shifts his weight. She worries, almost reaches out to him, but in her head, that funny little version of her own voice tells her to let him stand on his own, to keep pushing him to face his past. He needs it.

"Chandrila it is, then," Rey concludes. "I've been wanting to see it."

Chapter 14: It's Only Me Who Wants To Wrap Around Your Dreams

Notes:

Chapter title from “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac

-

Chapter edited: 3/23/21

-

Poe insists on seeing them again before they leave, going so far as to come to the Falcon and buzz them from the comm panel which Rey has recently repaired outside the loading ramp. When she comes to meet him, Ben looming behind her with a glower on his face, it is to see not only Poe but BB-8. The droid greets her with a bright series of beeps and rolls on up the ramp as if he’s expected.

"He's going with you," Poe says without preamble. "He knows your contact in Hanna City."

Rey is fairly certain that Poe could have given her the info on their contact and trusted her to handle it herself, and that BB-8's real purpose is once again to keep an eye on her, but she doesn't feel up to fighting over it. "Fine with me. I'm sure he'll be useful." And she takes just a little pleasure in the frown on Poe's face, sensing, perhaps, that he wanted her to argue, if only to relieve some of his vexation. She shuts the Falcon's hatch without giving him the satisfaction.

To Ben, she asks sweetly, "Ready to go?"

He does not reply.

-

Chandrila: The former seat of the New Republic before their relocation to Hosnian Prime, and the planet on which Ben Solo was born. Rey had wanted to see it someday. She had not expected that day to come so soon.

Ben has closed himself off from her again. The apparent ease with which he can do that is becoming quite a source of frustration. Why can he not be open with her? She has seen him at his worst and at his lowest. What more could he have to hide? She can't quite work up the nerve to ask him, though, and either he does not hear the question in her thoughts or he does not have an answer to give.

As close as they are now, Rey muses, somehow, sometimes, they are still so far apart.

The flight is short despite the distance. There are many well-used hyperlanes to the core worlds. Ben insists on doing the piloting. He tells her he wants to, tells her that it keeps his mind busy—that even flying his father's "piece of garbage" ship is better than having nothing to do and everything to think about. 

Rey marvels at the shape of him in the pilot's chair as his father's golden dice clatter overhead.

With him in the pilot's seat and their course locked, it is Rey who finds herself with nothing to do. After a bit of aimless wandering, she decides to take inventory. Chandrila will be the place to restock on everything the Ajan Kloss base couldn't spare. When she mentions this aloud, wondering if Poe gave her enough credits for a resupply on top of the food and necessities to last their mission, Ben tells her not to worry about it. He will take care of the money. 

Throughout the trip, he does not smile, does not kiss her, and barely touches her. He flies the ship and he eats when she brings him food. Although their bond is shut too tight to tell, Rey knows him well enough to know—or to suspect, at least—that the stress of going where they are going has him hiding inside himself, waiting for the voyage to be over. Since he won't let her in, there is nothing she can do but wait with him to come back to her.

According to BB-8, who heard it from Poe, if one is visiting Chandrila for political reasons, then Hanna City is the place to go. It is not so great a coincidence, then, that their destination is not only Ben's planet of birth but the very city in which he spent his childhood. Still, to Rey, it feels unbelievable. As big as the galaxy is, how can it be so small?

Their contact, according to Poe, is a young rebel spy who made a name for himself among an outlying Resistance cell, spared from the massacre on Crait. Rey has never met Kazuda Xiono, but Poe and BB-8 both speak highly of him. At the dock, while they wait inside the ship, he identifies himself with the code phrase Poe had prepared them for and they lower the ramp. The plan is to keep Rey and Ben out of the public eye and, with any luck, preserve their game of double-cross as long as possible.

Kazuda is lean and dark-haired with bright, eager eyes, disarmingly youthful. Rey likes him right away, even when he greets her like she’s a celebrity. "Wow... Rey Skywalker. Wow, it's really you. Poe said... I mean..." He clears his throat. "Is it true you're a Jedi?"

Rey glances sidelong at Ben, but he only looks back at her guardedly. At a loss for how to answer—She is not a Jedi but she and Ben are the closest thing alive right now—she settles for holding out a hand and levitating one of the Falcon's heavy storage containers a few inches off the floor.

Kazuda's eyes go very big. "Th-That's amazing! With you on our side, we'll have the First Order out of here in no time!"

As much as the Force makes for an impressive display, there is still the bantha in the room to deal with, and since Kazuda has not said a word about it and Ben has not said a word at all, Rey is the one who has to nudge things along. "It's not just me. This is Ben Solo. He's taught me just as much about the Force as Luke did."

Kazuda's eyes flick to Ben and then back to Rey in the span of a half-second. "I, uh, yeah... Poe mentioned him." A second time, his eyes flicker in Ben's direction. He seems to be trying not to get a good look at his face. He must already know the rest.

"You have nothing to fear from me." It is Ben who makes the reassurances. "I'm only here to help Rey."

"Uh.... sure." Kazuda looks decidedly unconvinced.

When the following silence stretches on too long, Rey changes the subject. "What's the situation here? Poe didn't give us many details."

"Right! Okay, uh, so we're..."

"Maybe," Ben cuts in, low and soft as if he's afraid of alarming their new acquaintance, "We should sit down and offer our guest a drink."

Kazuda's eyes are still a little too wide, but he makes no verbal objection. Rey says, "Right, sorry. This way,” and leads them on the short journey from the front hold to the main one, feeling a strange sort of tickle at the notion of showing someone else around her living space. It might, she thinks, be pride.

Just as they are stepping into the larger space, BB-8 comes rolling at them fast enough to make Rey hop sideways in fear of her toes being crushed. Thankfully, Kazuda moves to meet him, grinning enormously. "It's good to see you too, Beebee-Ate! Seebee asks about you all the time! Yes," he adds after a short sequence of beeps from the droid, "I'll tell her you said hi."

Thanks to this icebreaker, he is less stiff, but he still hesitates to take a seat until Ben has moved off to fetch their drinks. When he does sit, it seems to dawn on him exactly where he is. All around the hold his eyes wander, his nervousness forgotten in favor of wonder. "I never thought I'd see the Millennium Falcon. I definitely never thought I'd be inside it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've seen a lot, being a spy and all," at this he puffs himself up a little, "but... Wow."

BB-8 chirps something that is half amusement, half agreement, and Rey can't help smiling at their guest's childish delight. It reminds her of her own. "The Falcon's a good ship."

"She's a great ship," Kazuda insists. "I can't believe you get to fly her. What's it like?"

"It’s fussy," Rey admits, "and old. It's hard to find the parts to fix it when it breaks down. It's fast though. That part is true."

"Ever raced her?"

"Raced her?" The question is not one Rey expected. "No. I've never thought about it. It's all been running and hiding and fighting the First Order since I left Jakku."

"Han used to race her." This is Ben as he comes back across the hold. He has the handles of three cups clutched in one enormous hand and a plate of snacks balanced on the other. Rey puzzles over the tiny sweet-smelling squares until she realizes he has cut up a couple of the most expensive nutrient bars—the ones with dried fruit pressed into them—to make something pseudo-fancy to go with the hot tea he’s prepared. When drinks and food are arranged, he sits at the end of the booth opposite Kazuda, leaving Rey between them for their guest’s comfort.

"I didn't know that," says Rey, and helps herself to one of the little ration bites. 

"I did," says Kazuda. "Han Solo was famous. Mostly he organized races, or funded them, but sometimes he ran. This ship never lost."

Rey is enchanted by the story despite herself, turning to Ben with a tentative smile. "Did you ever see him race when you were little?"

"A few times." Ben doesn't meet her eyes, but his voice is steady. "He never let me ride with him. Said it was too dangerous. I remember being angry about it, but he was probably right."

Where before, Kazuda could barely glance in Ben's direction, now he stares. Does it hurt him, Rey wonders, to hold his eyes so wide open for so long? "Wait, hold on, you're... She said your name was Solo. I didn't even think—I mean, I thought..."

"Han Solo was my father," Ben confirms patiently. "Your General Organa was my mother."

"But you're..." Kazuda's voice cracks. He is so tense from nerves that he looks like he might start vibrating. "I thought... and Poe said... And you look like..."

"Who do I look like?" Ben prompts, and it almost sounds to Rey like he's playing with the boy, albeit with all the weight of his remorse to temper the game.

"Uhh... You know what, never mind. My mistake. Very, very big mistake. Sorry."

Ben shakes his head. "Don't be. I am who you think I am." And here he looks to Rey for a moment, and she to him, willing him to find the strength he needs to apologize. It is, after all, as much for him as it is for Kazuda. "I made... a lot of mistakes," he begins. "Rey helped me find my way back from them—Rey and my mother and my father. I'm sorry for any pain I caused you or your loved ones."

It is the most formal apology Rey has heard from him, yet still sincere, and he does not even look like he wants to weep at the end. He is coming to terms with it all, she thinks, slowly but surely.

"Okay. So..." Kazuda, Rey learns, has quite a distinct look about him when he is putting puzzle pieces together. "You're Kylo Ren. And the General's son. Look, I get it. I have a friend who joined the First Order for a while. I guess everybody makes mistakes, yeah?"

"I guess so."

Once again, Rey finds herself having to pull them back out of an uncomfortable silence. "Okay, so, the First Order..."

"Right, yeah." Kazuda shakes himself to attention. "They've been occupying Chandrila pretty much since they first rose to power, but there's been a lot of resistance... even without the Resistance." He laughs at his own joke. "This was the seat of the New Republic for a while, and I guess a lot of Chandrilans are still loyal. There's not much left of the First Order now. They pulled most of their troops a few weeks ago, but the officers they left behind are used to being in charge, and everyone else here is used to being afraid of them. So I guess what we need is a push."

"I'm surprised the crew of the Colossus has not instigated that push already," muses Ben, and Rey is bewildered to realize that she has no idea what he's talking about, but Kazuda does. "As I recall, you took down a Star Destroyer not long ago."

"Yeah, we did do that." Kazuda flushes, radiating not only surprise at the acknowledgment, but pride. "The Colossus isn't here, though. They're helping with cleanup on Naboo right now." Naboo had thrown out the First Order almost as soon as the battle at Exegol was over. Rey remembers that report coming in before she'd left for Tatooine. "I was sent on an escort mission to Chandrila," Kazuda continues, "and caught wind of the situation here. Poe asked me to stay and keep tabs on it until he could send reinforcements. That's you."

Rey sets down her tea and leans toward him, bracing her elbows on her knees. "Alright, Kazuda. How do you think we should do this?"

"I've got some ideas," says the bright-eyed spy, "and call me Kaz."

There are, according to Kaz, two major obstacles on the road to reclaiming Chandrila for the Republic. One is the planet's current president—a largely powerless figurehead, but loyal to the First Order. The other is the power behind the throne—one Moff Roshan, a survivor of the Empire's fall who was recruited by the First Order during its formation. 

"I know him," says Ben, scowling as if at the taste of something bitter. "The Moff is wily and experienced, but he's arrogant too. He never believed the First Order would be as great as the Empire. Turns out he was right about that."

"Will he listen if you pretend to be the Supreme Leader?" Rey asks, though she hates to give him another reason to keep playing that role.

"Not if I tell him to abandon the planet with no rationale. He'll check in with General Sloane and she's bound to be suspicious of us by now."

"So we need a convincing reason," says Rey.

"Or we assassinate him." Ben makes the suggestion blandly and she frowns at him.

"Let's save that for a last resort."

"Fair enough."

She's not thrilled with his nonchalance at the prospect of killing in cold blood, but if it turns out to be the price of saving more lives, then who is she to criticize?

"I met a guy who's been organizing protests," offers Kaz. "I could tell him we need one. A big one. Would that be enough of a reason, do you think?"

Ben scratches his chin and lets his eyes wander—a gesture of contemplation that Rey has not seen from him before. "... Maybe, if it's big enough. If there have been others already and with the First Order spread as thin as it is... It might be a start, at least."

"We could use the Force," Rey suggests. "The mind trick. Make him think the threat is worse than it is."

"Yes, if we have to." Ben looks at Kaz, studying him up and down. Rey isn't sure what he's looking for, but after a moment of thought, he repeats himself. "Yes. Talk to your acquaintance. How quickly can he organize this event?"

Here Kazuda looks apologetic. "It'll take a few days."

"We can wait." Ben speaks before Rey can voice her concern. "As long as we can avoid being seen."

The First Order would probably have questions if their Supreme Leader were spotted mingling on the streets of Chandrila, but... "I was going to pick up supplies," Rey points out.

"Can you do that for us, Kazuda?" Ben asks. "If we give you the necessary credits?"

"S-sure, not a problem." The boyish spy stutters a bit. "Do you need a place to stay, too?"

"We'll stay on the Falcon, and it's best if you come to us in person with updates. I'd rather not risk anyone tapping into a comm call."

"Right. That makes sense..." Kazuda sounds doubtful, but Rey's impression of him is that he is only overwhelmed by his role in their plans and by who he is making those plans with. She hopes his nervousness won't hinder him more than they can afford.

"Won't they recognize the Falcon?" She wonders.

"They will if they bother to scan one little freighter among thousands." Ben sounds unconcerned. "Finding somewhere else to hide might draw as much attention as not."

That seems logical, though she can't help wondering if Ben is motivated in part by a desire to stay in a familiar place. "Is there anything else we should know?" This she asks of Kaz, trying to mimic Ben's composure and air of authority. Being someone who others look up to is still a strange and awkward feeling.

"I don't think so. I'll, uh... Do you want me to come back after I've talked to the guy about the protest?"

"Yes, please," Ben answers, "and Rey will give you our supply list. Beebee-Ate..." As far as Rey remembers, it is the first time he’s addressed the droid directly. "Show him where the buzzer is outside the loading ramp so he can let us know when he returns."

The droid beeps consent and wobbles impatiently back and forth while Kazuda stands up and Rey fetches the datapad with her list on it. "Thanks for all this, Kaz. We really appreciate it."

"Uh, yeah, no problem. And if there's anything else you need, just let me know." There is still an awkwardness when he meets Ben’s eyes, but it is nothing like what it was before.

"Keep our identities a secret," Ben instructs. "From your protest organizer. From the Colossus. If one word gets back to the First Order, we lose this advantage."

"Got it." Kazuda salutes him. "Not a word. Alright, I'm coming." This last part is directed at the impatient ball droid. "Lead the way, Beebee-Ate."

Rey waits to hear the hum of the ramp engaging—once and then a second time, signaling that their contact has departed and that BB-8 has sealed up the ship behind him. Then she finishes her tea and puts voice to her thoughts. "So we're stuck here for a few days. What do you want to do?"

"I have some ideas," Ben answers, and she likes the sound of that.

 

-< >-

 

The first thing Ben does, with Rey's expert help, is to go through the Falcon from bow to stern and catalog every piece that could do with being repaired or replaced, because what Rey had said to their contact was correct—it is not easy getting new parts for such an old model. They might as well find out what a wealthy planet like Chandrila has to offer while they're here. 

When Kazuda returns with their first list of supplies, he is sent right back out again with another.

The next thing Ben does is go to the second-largest hold on the Falcon and Force-lift everything out of it. When that's done, he presents it to Rey as their "training room" and explains, "if we're going to keep fighting this war, we need to keep our skills sharp."

Rey looks delighted at the work he's done, but responds cheekily, "I think you just want an excuse to be my teacher."

And, he thinks, if she wants to play that game, then who is he to deny her? "Perhaps I do. What would you like me to teach you?"

"Tomorrow, lightsaber techniques." Her voice lilts over the next words. "Tonight, I want to see what you can do with all that fresh food Kaz brought."

Ben laughs in the way he only can for Rey. "I should have known. Come on, then. I'll make you a meal fit for an empress."

Rey stiffens and scrunches up her face at those words. "Oh, not that."

Of course he realizes his mistake. It is a minefield between them as it always is, but he does his best to maintain the hard-earned lightness of the mood. "A Jedi, then."

And yet to this, Rey still looks put off. "Well, that just sounds boring."

"Alright," he concedes, and he smiles at her until she smiles in return. "Then I will make a meal fit for the light of my life."

The blush on her cheeks is immediate and her voice has a strangled sort of tone to it when she answers. "That sounds nice."

Ben cannot help but feel a little smug as she takes the hand he offers and lets him lead her back to the main hold.

-

Dinner is wonderful, as is snuggling together while they digest and the eventual lovemaking that follows. All together it might be one of the best nights of Ben's life. It really is just his luck, then, that the nightmares catch up with him after several nights of peace.

He is standing in the dark of a familiar night, his uncle's school before him, cast in moonlight. Insects chirp from nearby trees. There are stormclouds gathering, though they yet shroud only a quarter of the starry sky.

Someone is standing several paces in front of him. No, not just someone. He would know that figure anywhere. The way she stands, the way she breathes... every feature and trait is chiseled into his soul like writing on stone. The intruder in this memory is Rey, and she is waiting for him.

Ben forgets to care where he is, or when. He takes a step forward, begins to take another, but Rey is moving as soon as he is, turning, putting her back to him and thrusting a hand upward toward the oncoming storm. Her fingers curl like the grasping talons of a bird of prey. 

There is no time to brace himself then, no time to prepare mentally for what is about to happen, despite having already lived it. The lightning falls like a pillar from the heavens. The explosion sends him sprawling, breath knocked out of him by the unforgiving ground. When he can rise, it is to see her poised in silhouette by the pyre, head thrown back, laughing.

It is not a cruel laugh. Not a cackle of victory nor of vengeance. It is a sound of freedom. Of release. A sound of relief and joy. It is the way he would expect her to laugh in the rain, or at the antics of a small child. It is not a laugh suited for death and destruction, and that is the worst part of it. When he steps forward again, Rey turns her head to look at him, though the sound of his footsteps is nothing in the roar and crackle of the fire, and she has not stopped laughing.

"Rey..." What can he say to her? What will make her listen? "Please."

She only smiles at him and turns back to watch the shattered building burn.

He closes the distance between them to stand beside her.

"It's beautiful." Her voice is soft and sweet and full of wonder. "Did you ever stop to look at it? Did you watch it burn?"

"I ran," he tells her, and he holds out his hand, palm up in offering, as he has done so many times before. "Come with me. It's not too late, Rey."

"Oh, my Ben." She gives him that smile again and it is like poison. "My beautiful Ben... My brave Ben. There is no running from this. There never was. You could fly beyond the last star at the edge of the galaxy and still it would find you. The Dark is patient, and it is generous, and it always wins. You know that."

"No."

At that she turns fully to face him again, her right hand rising with slow and measured intent. Her palm is cold like death when she places it over his. Here, rather than let him get a firm grip on her and lead her away from the fire, she pulls him to her, reels him in with inhuman strength. When only a few short inches divide them, her other hand moves, rises to caress his cheek, to trail down the side of his neck and wind its way to rest above his heart. Here her fingers curl, sink into the fabric of his shirt and then deeper, twisting, tearing, piercing skin and muscle, worming around bone. It does not hurt until he thinks too long about it, and then, in the manner of a dream, his thoughts define reality. Then there is fiery agony and he is gasping and trying to wrench away, but she has him like a fly in a ginntho's web. Something holds him in place no matter how he struggles, lending her time to tear him apart at a leisurely pace. The only freedom of movement she gives him is the ability to sink to his knees while she bares his beating heart to the starlight. 

"My Ben," says the Darkness that has taken his lover's shape. "Mine." And her fingers squeeze tight around his bloody heart.

Ben wakes to the sound of a scream and the sight of Rey's worried face hovering over him. Only belatedly, as he registers her expression, does he understand that the scream was his own.

"Ben, Ben, I'm here. I have you." Her choice of words is not as reassuring as she doubtless means it to be, given the context of his dream, and when her hand comes up to touch his face, he flinches. That stops her cold. It is the look of hurt in her eyes and the echo of it across the bond that brings him back to reality.

He sits up too quickly, and then he hesitates. It is Rey who reaches out to thumb away the tears he had not known he'd shed. It is Rey who leans in to kiss his cheek and his brow and his lips, coaxing him further out of the shadow of his dreams and into her radiance. She is intoxicatingly beautiful like this, with her hair down and her skin bare, lit only by the dim glow of the Falcon's guide lights. He memorizes the scene as best he can. If he lives to grow old and forget all else, he will remember this.

"Bad dream?" she asks him, and the almost-whisper of her voice is as much a balm as her touch, even despite the memory of it mocking one of the worst failures of his life.

He manages a weary smile. "Afraid so."

"Want to talk about it?"

He doesn't. "I want to forget it."

"Okay." And she is upon him, sliding the softness of her bare rump onto his lap and leaning in to kiss him again, melting into him when his arms come around her.

They do not make love this time, both still heavy and slow with the need for sleep, but it is divine, the feather-soft touches and the long, wandering kisses. Physical touch is something Ben had denied himself for so long that even having been with Rey every day for weeks now, it renders him dizzy. He wonders if it always will.

They don't break apart until Ben sinks back down, and then only reluctantly to let Rey pull the blanket over them both. Satisfied, she settles against his side with her head pillowed on his shoulder and an arm slung over his chest, possessive. Like this, under her guard, he eventually finds sleep again.

Notes:

So... I promise I did not plan in advance to throw Ben and Rey into a situation where they have to isolate while the city is protesting. It's what came to me as I was writing the scene and trying to make things work, though I'm sure there was subconscious influence. We all cope with things in our own ways, I guess?

Chapter 15: With You These Streets Are Heaven

Notes:

Chapter title from "Exodus `04" by Utada Hikaru

-

Chapter edited: 3/25/21

-

Breakfast is elaborate by their standards, taking advantage of the fresh supplies Kazuda had delivered. Rey washes and slices meiloorun fruit while Ben fries nuna eggs, digging deep into the Falcon's stash of dried herbs and spices to season them. Many of these spices have been on the ship since the last time his parents came to visit him at Luke's school, if not longer, although it looks like Chewbacca finally finished off the ground mallow root.

They eat in companionable silence, sitting close enough to let thighs and shoulders brush. Only as Rey is licking the last of the meiloorun juice from her fingers does she speak. "I've been thinking about what we can do while we wait. Sparring is a good idea, but I want to practice with the Force in other ways, too. We haven't done that. Not except when we needed to."

This intrigues Ben. "What do you want to practice?"

She gets up to take her empty plate back to the kitchenette while she answers. "I don't know. Everything. What we did on the Star Destroyer. How we found it in the first place..."

There is a suggestion of exuberance in her voice that makes him smile. It reminds him of himself, that eager curiosity to understand the Force in all of its facets, just as much for the sake of knowing as for having the skills on hand. It was one thing Snoke had never succeeded in driving out of him. "Alright. We'll practice."

They make use of the newly appointed training room, though he had intended it for more active forms of training. They sit together in the center of the empty floor, cross-legged and facing each other as they had done on Ajan Kloss. Rey has instructed BB-8 to keep an eye on things from the helm.

"We're going to travel in the Force," Ben explains. "Not with our bodies. With our minds."

"Like what we did to find the Star Destroyers."

"And to sabotage them, yes."

"Alright." She wiggles in place—actually wiggles—just a little, like an excited voorpak, and Ben almost laughs at the absurdity of the gesture. "What are we looking for?" she asks.

On that answer, Ben hesitates for only a moment. He had not officially decided when they sat down, but the object had come to mind as soon as they arrived on Chandrila and now it leaps to his tongue. "I hid something here when I was a child, inside the wall of the apartment we lived in. A sliver of kyber crystal Luke gave me. It should be unique and attuned closely enough to my Force signature that you can find it."

"What if it's not there anymore?" Rey asks.

"Then we won't find it, but we'll still have practiced by trying. Now, reach out. The apartment was near the city center."

 

-< >-

 

With that clue, Rey's assignment is almost too easy. She stretches out her mind, expands her awareness as if the Force is an extra appendage. As if it is an extension of her own body with which to comb the city. At first she is all but overwhelmed by the blinding light of life, for every living thing is a point around which the Force gathers. Only gradually, as her senses adjust, do the variances take shape. The Force moves differently within different people, and in some cases around places themselves, or around objects. The Force is strongest where there is life, yes, but also where there is history. It clings to memories like a ghost, and so when Rey finds what she is looking for, it is not just the rock itself but the whole apartment that stands out, laced all through with the traces of those who once dwelled in it. The imprints of Leia and of Ben come as no surprise, but as she studies the energy of the place with her mind's eye, she thinks she can even see something distinctly Han-like.

The kyber is its own source of energy, humming a sleepy song that turns curious at her mental touch. The thing has just as much awareness as the one that powers her lightsaber, and although they have never met, it recognizes her. It recognizes Ben through her. It reaches out as she reaches for it... and Rey has an idea.

We should bring your crystal back with us, she thinks at Ben, finding it less challenging than it was before to tug on the bond without pulling herself wholly back into her body.

Someone else lives there now, he reminds her. It might be awkward to arrive at their door and ask to pull a rock out of the wall.

I don't think we have to, she says, and then, Help me.

The crystal wants to be claimed. It is lonely and without purpose and it misses its boy. It has little in common with the one in Ben's saber—never tortured nor turned against its nature—only left behind. Rey feels something of a kinship with it in that way, which, she hopes, will help her do what she means to do.

Be one with me, she thinks, and Ben lets the bond open wide. She knows it when he senses the shape of her intent. When, after his moment of surprise, he molds his will around hers and as one together they reach... connect... and pull.

It is startling, the sensation of an object appearing in her hand with no velocity behind it. She has only felt the opposite before now. If that is not enough on its own to break the trance and drop her firmly back into her waiting body, Ben's eagerness to see their success does the trick. When she opens her eyes, he is already leaning in to peer at the tiny crystal in her palm.

"How did you know we could do that?"

"I didn't." She almost laughs. "But I thought... It felt so much like you, like a piece of you was still with it. I don't think it would have worked otherwise."

"No," he agrees, and he accepts the pale shard of rock when she tips it into his hand, "but it might work with our other kyber crystals."

"The lightsabers!" The idea surprises her enough to evoke a gasp. "I didn't think of that!"

"We'll have to test it," he cautions, "but it might be useful if it works."

Rey doesn't want to wait, so they don't. They have little else to do with their time, in any case. They earn a curious look from BB-8 when they leave both sabers in the cockpit, but it is the farthest point from their training room and though they don't know if distance will make a difference, it seems worth trying.

"Yours first," Ben says, but Rey disagrees. 

"No, yours is older. Stronger bond, and it knows both of us."

"Alright. Mine, then."

As it turns out, they are correct. It is more difficult over the smaller distance. The kyber seems to think it is already with them, and then, when at last they do get a lock on it, it is the kyber and only the kyber that appears in their joined hands, leaving the cross-guarded casing behind.

"Well," says Ben, "if we ever need to disable one of our lightsabers, that's one way." 

"We'll work on it," Rey insists, but Ben must first disassemble his saber and replace the crystal and Rey is restless enough by the time he's done that they move on to the promised sparring match.

As with many things between them, it is easier than it was the last time. Ben is as eager as Rey, giving his starlight blade a playful spin before he comes at her.

Ben fights differently than he used to. She had noticed it before, on Ahch-To and during the ambush, and she notices it again now. He is freer, lighter, faster, as if the burden of being Kylo Ren had been a physical weight to shed. Despite this, Rey can still match him blow for blow. The bond sings in harmony with the shriek of plasma blades, turning their steps, strikes, and dodges into something that is more dance than fight. The first bout comes to an end with blades locked, silver against gold, before Rey steps back and lowers her weapon. "When we fought on Starkiller Base, there was a block you did. Something like—" and here she gestures with her blade. "Can you show me how to do it?"

"It's like this." Rather than demonstrating with his own blade, he switches it off, hitches the hilt to his belt, and steps around behind her, standing so close that she can feel the warmth radiating off his chest. A broad hand comes up to lift her saber arm and brace her elbow, adjusting her until he has her exactly where he wants her. "Keep your shoulders back and your elbow below the blade. It's part of the Makashi form. Traditionally it is a one-handed move. You can follow it up with a Force push to make some space between you and your opponent."

"You didn't do that to me."

"No, I didn't."

Rey adjusts her grip until he lets go of her, apparently satisfied. "I read about the forms, but I don't understand them, really."

"Those books you stole won't cover them all. Some were developed later."

She ignores his playful slight against her acquisition of the Jedi texts, as she is half-certain he would have done the same. "Can you teach me?"

"I'll teach you what I know," he agrees, "and if we're very lucky, the First Order hasn't lost my collection of lesson holos. Perhaps they will arrange to deliver them to a secure location at the command of their Supreme Leader..."

Rey finds herself downright giddy at the prospect. "Holos about lightsaber techniques? I've only had the texts to go by, and what I learned from you." Which adds up to more than the texts taught her, thanks to the way his muscle memory becomes hers when they share knowledge through the bond. He could have just done that to show her the block, she realizes belatedly, but the other way was more enjoyable.

"You'll have everything I can give you. Now, let's practice that move."

-

A day passes, and then another, much the same. They eat, they spar, they make love. Rey sighs over their confinement on the Falcon, wishing she could see more of the city, but the risk remains too great. When Kaz comes back again with of the replacement parts he was able to find, they spend several fruitful hours working on the ship.

They try a few more times, also, to teleport their lightsabers through the Force, but it only works in the way it did on Exegol, with one of them passing the saber to their bondmate. Otherwise it is the crystals alone that come, but that is still something. During meals and quiet moments, they ponder ways to make practical use of it.

Rey is inclined to sleep late, enjoying a luxury she has never had before. The simple act of lying in bed is paradise with Ben beside her, warm and soft and at peace. Ben, however, is incapable of staying at peace without something to occupy his hands and thoughts, so these sweetest of moments never last as long as Rey wishes they would.

On the third day, Rey tells Ben that she needs some time to herself, warns him what she intends to do, and when she is alone, she sits crosslegged, breathes slowly, clears her mind, and chants "Be with me" until Luke arrives.

"Rey Skywalker..." He sounds amused. The contented warmth in his voice does something bittersweet to her—reminds her of her father, perhaps, though she has barely a memory of him. "Are you really sure about that one? Not that I mind."

"It's better than Rey Palpatine." And that might be the first time she's spoken those two names as one, but they have run through her mind more than often enough.

"See, and here I'd thought you would go for Rey Solo."

She feels herself blush. "Maybe later."

"How is he, by the way?" Here Luke's voice softens, because of course it does, because he is ever the benevolent uncle now that he is dead.

"You don't know?" Rey finds that hard to believe.

"Oh, we do check on you two now and then," the spirit confesses, "but we've been trying to respect your privacy."

Her cheeks feel even hotter and she must resist the urge to stare at the floor rather than at Luke's face. "He's... He's not fine, but he's getting better, I think. He smiles more."

"He is kind to you?"

She hates that he feels the need to ask such a thing. She narrows her eyes at him to tell him so. "Yes, of course. Always. He is trying so hard to make up for what he's done."

"Good. Tell him... No," Luke grimaces and shakes his head. "Don't tell him anything. He'll talk to me when he's ready."

"Master Luke," Rey redirects the conversation, "I wanted to ask about something else."

"Of course. It's not like I have anywhere else to be." There is no bitterness in the words. He seems, if anything, genuinely amused by his current state of being.

"Ben and I have been experimenting with the Dyad bond. We found the kyber crystal you gave him when he was a child and we... brought it to us. Out of thin air."

"How fascinating." Luke sounds interested, but not especially surprised.

"We've been trying to do it with our lightsabers, but all we can get is the kyber crystals. They leave the casings behind."

"That makes sense. I've never seen anything like it, but it's what I would expect."

Disappointment bites at her throat and she swallows it down as best she can. "So there isn't a way to make it work?"

Luke's smile is one of patience. "I didn't say that."

She hates the way he leads her on like this, but to her own annoyance, she misses it too. "What do you think we should do, then?"

"I don't know," his scoff is one of humor. "I never would have thought to try what you're doing. Maybe you're not thinking about it right. Maybe you expected the crystal to come on its own and the Force obeyed you."

"I don't think that's..."

"Subconsciously, I mean. Maybe what you need to connect with isn't just your bond with your kyber crystal, but the residue of your own Force that has seeped into the rest of the lightsaber."

Rey stares at him pointedly. "I thought you didn't know how to do this."

The ghost of Luke Skywalker shrugs, a picture of nonchalance. "It's just a guess."

-

They try his guess later that day, after Rey has related the conversation to Ben. It fails to work—either with her saber or with Ben's—but Rey is sure afterward that something felt different.

Early in the evening, Kazuda comes again, to Rey's surprise, but not to Ben's. Now it is Ben who asks for privacy, and it is the main hold he requests to have for himself and whatever scheme he's cooked up with their contact. Confused but happy because he seems happy, Rey retreats to their bed to do some reading. She almost succeeds in distracting herself enough not to go crazy with wondering what the unlikely collaborators could be up to.

When Ben taps gently on the door of her mind, it is to say, in a playfully formal tone of thought, There is something for you outside our quarters. You may put it on if you like. Whether you do or not, I would be honored if you joined me in the main hold.

She checks, and discovers a parcel wrapped in brown paper of all things. Having no idea what to expect, she is entirely bewildered to find within it a gown of shimmery cloth, twilight blue with a silver trim of raised thread—embroidery, she thinks it's called, though she has only seen it from a distance before.

As for the quality of garment, Rey doubts that she has ever seen anything to match. Perhaps once or twice when meeting potential allies with Leia, but all memories of fine dresses pale in the light of the one she holds now. She is afraid at first that she won't know how to put it on, but it proves simple enough to slip into. Ben must have thought of that, knowing her as well as he does. There is no mirror in their quarters big enough to be of much use—if there once had been, Han had likely sold or broken it—so she straightens out the dress as best she can while looking down at herself. If she hasn't got it on right, that will be Ben's fault, not hers.

The main hold, when she arrives, is completely transformed. She sees no sign of Kazuda, but that is a fleeting observation compared to the wonder before her. The ugly old Falcon hulls are hung with intricately patterned cloth in deep shades of blue, and at the center of the room is a square table she has never seen before, laden with such large silver-lidded platters that it barely has room to spare for plates and silverware and the narrow vase at the center with its single blue flower. Only when she stares at it long enough does she realize that under the elegant tablecloth it is simply two storage crates laid on their sides and pushed together. The two backless chairs prove to be smaller crates bedecked in cushions and more of the same silky-looking fabric, and above it all hangs an elaborate cluster of orb-shaped lights that cast the whole space in a glow like moonlight. It is all so much to take in that she almost fails to notice the soft, wordless music coming over the intercom.

Ben is standing beside the table, hands folded in front of him. He, like her, has changed into something more regal, though not so much of a change from his norm as her dress is from hers. The sleek black tunic, trimmed in silver like her gown, tantalizes her to touch, and the slacks are rather fantastically tight around his thighs. She must force herself to look back up at his face when he speaks. "You wanted to see more of the city. We can't risk it, but I tried to recreate my mother's favorite restaurant to the best of my memory. Xiono ordered the food." He gestures her to one of the seats and waits until she accepts it before taking his own across from her.

Rey is torn between staring at the covered platters with their enticing smells or gazing upward to admire the chandelier. "You and Kaz did all this?"

"And Beebee-Ate," Ben corrects. Rey isn't sure why it makes her laugh.

"It's amazing. I don't..."

"The flower is for your collection, a native of Chandrila. And here." There is a bottle of yellow-white liquid on the makeshift table. He fills two glasses with it and passes one to her. The scent of alcohol is present, but gentled by something floral. "It's a sweet wine they make on Naboo. I think you'll like it."

Rey is no great fan of intoxicating beverages. She had never even tried any before leaving Jakku, for what a waste it would have been to drink something in the desert that dehydrated her. She trusts Ben, however, and she wants to please him, so she takes a tentative sip. While the bite and burn of it still makes her face scrunch up, it is considerably more palatable than the cheap ales favored by the Resistance. "How did you afford all of this?"

The smile he gives her downright sly. "Funded by the First Order."

She wonders how safe that is, but surely Ben would not risk the whole plan for a fancy dinner. "That was nice of them."

He is uncovering the dishes now and reaching across the table to pile her plate high with slices of red meat, roasted vegetables soaked in brown sauce, and some sort of bread stuffed with cheese and dusted with herbs. Rey had not even known before this moment that cheese could be baked into bread.

The next few minutes are spent in silence but for the sounds of utensils and mouths at work as Rey dedicates herself to experiencing every aspect of the meal with which she has been gifted. These, and the music which plays gently on and on.

"There is dessert also," Ben speaks at last when she takes a third piece of bread. The news does not slow her down, so he adds, "in case you want to save some room."

"Hmm? Oh, I'll have room." Never mind that there is barely enough room in her mouth to say the words. Ben only smiles and serves her more meat when she reaches for it.

When the time comes, she does, in fact, have room for dessert. The treat is a pastry composed of a creamy confection stuffed between layers of flaky bread and topped with red berries. Rey manages to consume two slices and is proud of herself for the effort.

"Well..." says Ben as she sits back and basks in the bliss of her very full stomach. "I was going to ask you to dance after dinner, but you look comfortable right where you are."

At this proposal, Rey musters herself to sit up straight and bright-eyed, because there is no way she is letting him get out of it now that he's brought it up. "I don't know how to dance, but you can teach me."

"I'm tasked with teaching you quite a lot lately," he teases, but he rises without hesitation to offer a hand.

"Well, you did seem to want to so badly." She points out as she allows him to help her up.

Were it anyone else, Rey would be embarrassed by her mistakes and her clumsiness, especially with the long gown catching on her legs to trip her and billowing out to throw off her balance. Since it is only Ben here, though, and since it is all his idea, she doesn't mind. It is exciting, she finds, like learning to use a new tool or weapon. It is fun like the games she was deprived of in her youth. Place this hand here, step there and there, twirl out with one hand held, then in, bodies coming closer than before... Ben is good at it, at least as far as Rey with her complete lack of experience can tell. Just as with their sparring practice, he is steady and patient and precise in how he guides her, explaining each correction in a way that leaves no need for wondering if she understood him right.

"Keep your foot flat. Yes. Arm higher. Lower. There... Don't look at your feet. Look at my eyes... You're adding an extra step on that part. Let's do it again." And just as with the sparring, he does not use their bond to make the lesson faster. He seems to enjoy the teaching as much as the end result, and as for Rey, well, she can't say she doesn't love the attention.

"You look beautiful," he tells her, and it is soft and full of affection, the play at formality all but gone. 

"You picked the dress," she points out with a smile.

"You always look beautiful."

It is not a word she had ever thought to associate with herself until she met him.

Notes:

and everything worked out fine and they lived happily ever after... Oh wait, I still haven't gotten to the part where I would have STARTED the fic if Ben had survived Ep9. Next chapter: time to complicate things.

Their dessert is inspired by strawberry Napoleon, btw.

Chapter 16: This Is The Fate You've Carved On Me

Notes:

I've added the tags "dubcon" and "Dark Rey". They only just begin to show themselves in this chapter, but there will be more later.

The chapter title is from “Gravity” by Vienna Teng. Have I mentioned she’s my favorite and that half her songs are Reylo?

-

Chapter edited: 4/1/21

-

The protest has been going on for hours now, a river of people flooding the streets of Hanna City. Rey is impatient to step in and play their role, but Ben insists on waiting—on letting the pressure build. 

It is not the sort of waiting Rey is good at.

In the end, they wait too long. The warning comes first by way of a shrill squeal from BB-8.

"A Star Destroyer?" Rey lunges across the cockpit to look at the scanner. "For a protest?! How do they even have enough to spare?"

"They want us to think they do," Ben answers darkly.

"What do we do?" There is a swelling sense of dread inside her, a tightness under her skin that makes her want to move, to run, to act... to do anything other than wait.

"We stick to the plan."

They comm Moff Roshan before the Star Destroyer has a chance to do more than look intimidating. From what Rey can make out of the staticky blue holo image, the man is unhealthily thin and balding but composed, holding himself with flawless posture and somehow still managing to look at ease. He will be a hard one to rattle.

"Supreme Leader," the moff intones smoothly, ignoring Rey, though she stands close enough to be picked up by the holo. "What a pleasure. I heard you were back."

"Abandon the planet," Ben snaps, skipping the pleasantries. "We don't need to waste our time and resources on a lost cause."

"With all due respect, Supreme Leader, Chandrila is far from a lost cause. The rabble may have gotten feisty after that fiasco on Exegol, but we'll put them in their place. The whole galaxy can't possibly rally to stop us on every planet."

"The whole galaxy doesn't need to." The fury under Ben's words is as real as it sounds, or near enough. "The First Order is crippled. Decimated. We cannot squander what little we have left."

At this, rather than defer to his Supreme Leader, the moff puffs himself up. "Crippled, indeed. I doubt anyone will call us that after we wipe these rioters off the face of my city." And here, even as Ben and Rey watch, he presses a button and opens a second comm channel. "Captain, fire at—"

Moff Roshan does not get to finish the sentence. His words are sealed in his throat by the squeeze of an invisible hand.

"Rey." There is a hardness in Ben's tone, not of anger anymore, but of fear.

Rey stands with her eyes locked on the holo and her hand outstretched, fingers tensed like grasping claws. The Force rages stormily inside her.

"Stop."

She ignores him.

Ben does not ask again.

 

-< >-

 

Rey has never Force choked someone before, at least to Ben's knowledge. It is easy enough to break her hold by shoving a wall of Force between her and her distant victim. The moff on the holo falls to his knees, gasping. Ben's greatest challenge of the day is to keep the act up while his heart is in his throat and all he wants to do is check on Rey.

"Obey your Supreme Leader," he snarls, "or that will be the least of what my apprentice does to you." And then, though he knows he should wait to hear the moff's answer, he switches off the comm.

Rey has backed off a pace or two, but she meets his eyes when he turns to her. "I..."

"You shouldn't have done that."

Rather than guilt, she faces him with defiance. "It worked."

"You don't know that yet."

"I do," she insists. "I felt his mind."

It is so, so hard to keep his voice steady. "That was the Dark Side, Rey."

"You've done it!" There is accusation in her tone now, and as much as he deserves it a million times over, it still hurts to hear it from her.

"Kylo Ren did it.” But his voice is as weak as that excuse is.

She stands there at the helm of his father's ship and she stares him down, and all of this is wrong. He has fought her time and time again. He knows her anger and her stubbornness as well as he knows her compassion, but to see it all turned in defense of this... "You are Kylo Ren," she presses, "or... or you were. And you're alright now. The Dark couldn't keep you."

"That doesn't mean you should use it by choice." The worst of it is that he does understand her point. He has been resisting the same temptation since she left him behind on the ruins of the Death Star. It is a daily battle even now.

There is a sheen of wetness in her eyes when she shouts back at him, "They would have all died!" And then, with a shaking breath, she softens. She lets the fire of her anger wane to embers before she continues, eyes shining with unfallen tears. "He was going to fire on the city. I had to stop him."

What can Ben say to that? Better the city wiped out than Rey tainted by the Dark Side? Does he believe that? And if he does, how much of it is prudency and how much is selfishness? If he were to say so to her, would it be his own Darkness talking? The thought is enough to hold his tongue. "Next time," he bites out instead, "let me be the one to do it. The Dark Side can hardly do worse to me than it already has."

She does not agree, but neither does she argue. What she does is reach past him to turn the sound back up on the holonet report, watching as the protest goes on unmolested.

Kaz is there sooner than they expect him to be, buzzing the hatch and being let in by BB-8 before Ben or Rey can do it.

"That was unbelievable!" he cheers with his arms flung high. "Did you hear? The moff and the remaining First Order officers evacuated on the Star Destroyer. Nobody was even hurt! You two are amazing."

"So it's over?" Rey asks when there is a silence long enough to allow it. "Will Chandrila be alright now?"

"Hanna City will." Kaz shrugs. "The rest of the planet will come around pretty quick. There aren't as many First Order sympathizers here as there are on Coruscant, at least."

"Ben and I should leave soon, then. We still don't want anyone to see us."

"Yeah, of course. I'm sure you're needed somewhere else, too.” Kaz waves a hand vaguely outward and amends, “Lots of somewhere elses."

"Will you be returning to the Colossus?" asks Ben, aiming for polite small talk.

"Oh, definitely. I can't wait to tell everyone about this. Uh..." He changes his tone at the look Ben shoots him, "But not the part where you're double-crossing the First Order, obviously."

"Obviously."

A nervous laugh colors his farewell. "I'll see you around, maybe."

"It was nice to meet you, Kaz." Rey is better at friendly goodbyes than Ben is, and BB-8 shows them both up by rolling in dizzy circles around Kazuda's feet, bombarding him with a cacophony of beeps.

"Yes, of course I'll tell SeeBee... Yes, I'll stay in touch... No, I won't forget you—Argh! My toe!"

The silence that falls after Kazuda steps out and the hatch closes behind him is not the peaceful sort of silence they had enjoyed during their wait.

Rey seems to feel it too. "We'd better head back to Ajan Kloss and see what Poe needs us to do next."

"We could wait for him to ask," Ben tries, but he knows as he says it that she won’t play along.

"We can end this all faster than anyone else can. More people will die if we don't."

Ben sighs. "Do you want to fly this time?"

"Sure." And she doesn’t look at him as he follows her back to the cockpit.

-

The taste of tension in the air lingers, but Ben is used to tension. Old coping mechanisms are easy enough to fall into and he broods the whole way back. It makes it worse that Rey is distant and as lost in thought as he is.

When they return to the canyon base and relate their success—leaving out the specifics of Rey's methods with the moff—Poe barely acknowledges the accomplishment. "Right, your next assignment is in the Fondor system. We have a report of First Order ships gathering there. It may be the location of their fleet."

"Fondor was home to an old Imperial ship yard," Ben muses. "But none of the data I stole mentioned it."

"Maybe they used a code name."

"Or maybe it's a trap."

"Well," says Poe, "then it'll be a good thing I'm sending you."

"What do you want us to do if it’s not?" Rey's question has a scornful bite to it.

"Destroy them," is Poe's answer. "Or destroy their leaders. Their ships. Whatever you can. Do as much damage as necessary to stop them."

"Isn't Finn rehabilitating the Stormtroopers?" Rey protests. "Shouldn't we be trying to keep them alive?"

The look on Poe's face is complicated, and the feelings he projects are in turmoil to match. "Protecting the galaxy is more important," he tells her after a pause. "We've already saved who we can."

-

It does not sit well with Rey. Ben hardly needs a Force bond to know that much. She doesn't talk to him about it, however, and he cannot think of what to say that might help. He admires Finn for what the former Stormtrooper is doing—under his own circumstances, how could he not?—but he understands Poe's point as well. Their priority is to end the First Order for good, and if Rey's actions on Chandrila are any indication, they may not have much time left to do it before the fight destroys them.

Or perhaps he is being paranoid.

As Ben is making pre-flight checks, mostly for the purpose of stalling their departure, he is interrupted by the sound of boots tromping through the dirt and Poe's voice accompanying them. "Where's Rey?"

Ben takes an extra few seconds to stare at the landing gear before he turns around, just to infuriate the man. "She's meditating."

Poe makes it clear with a look that he couldn't care less. "Where?" 

"The main hold."

Having acquired the information he needs, it is as if, to Poe, Ben ceases to exist. The Resistance General's turns on his heels and stomps up the ramp into the ship without another glance, much less a farewell.

Ben should let him go. Rey can handle this. He knows that. Ben should be the better man. Poe's disdain is wholly deserved, after all.

But Ben is only human, and if he is perfectly, humbly honest with himself, he has missed having someone to annoy. Dameron may not be Hux, but… as casually as he can, he follows.

It is almost too easy to make out Poe's words from the corridor. He is loud enough that Ben half-suspects he wants to be overheard.

"I still don't know what to think, Rey. You brought Kylo Ren to our doorstep."

"No, I brought Ben Solo." Rey’s voice is firm, but calm.

"He tortured me. He tortured you. He nearly killed Finn. That doesn't just go away. How can you ask us to trust him?"

"He's changed. He's saved me over and over again."

"Well sure," and here Poe sounds especially bitter. "He loves you."

"Yes, he does, so trust him."

There is a pause, and then Poe says, softer now so that Ben must strain to hear, "I can't... but Finn does. I think he's making a mistake, but he won't leave me alone about it."

"Why didn't you say any of this when I first brought him here?"

"Because I needed you to get the job done."

"You still do," Rey says. "And we're leaving soon, so if there's nothing else, I'd like to get back to work."

"Just be careful, Rey." And without waiting for a response to that, Poe turns and tromps out, the sound of his footsteps once again giving away his movements before he appears. His only reaction to seeing Ben around the corner is to frown as he passes him by.

-

It seems at first that the trip to Fondor will be spent in the same tense silence that enveloped them on the way back from Chandrila, but when the course is locked and Ben has only to sit in his father's seat and keep one eye on the display screens, Rey comes to him, and she is all wound up with a different sort of tension. Mentally, she is still walled off from him and it is torment enough to make him regret every time he has done the same to her. To be locked away from half of one's soul is no small matter, but while she does not relent, she finds ways to distract him from the discomfort.

She comes to him wanting, needy, with doubt in her eyes, and perhaps guilt. She comes to him with hungry lips and frantic hands, straddling him where he sits and devouring him with a kiss. She denies him when he pushes at the knotted off point of their bond. She keeps him at bay even as she lets him in, stripping off only as much of her clothes are necessary and doing no more in her haste than yanking his pants open and pulling them far enough down to free him. He isn't ready yet, but her mouth is on him before he can say a word and she has the issue corrected so quickly it leaves him dizzy. Rey, he thinks at her, Slow down, but her mental walls are impenetrable and when he opens his mouth to speak aloud, she steals his breath with another kiss. He gives up after that second attempt, telling himself that they will talk about it later. For now, he will give Rey anything and everything she needs. 

-

A few hours later they are nearing the Fondor system and the mood, despite the sex, has not lost its disharmony. Neither has Ben talked to Rey as he had promised himself he would. When it's all over, perhaps. When the First Order is gone, it will be different, surely. They can find somewhere quiet, or go back to Ahch-To, find a gentle way to live, and Rey will never again have a reason to flirt with the Dark Side.

They come out of hyperspace with Rey's hands on the scanner control and his on the yoke, ready to turn them around or begin evasive maneuvers at a moment's notice. The first step goes according to plan. They stay just long enough to let the scanners do a sweep of the system and then they are gone, too fast for the enemy to mobilize and attack, if the enemy is present at all. The readings, when they check, say yes, or they seem to, but...

"There's something off here," Ben says, and dials from the scan showing ships to the one showing signs of life. 

"We know they're operating with a skeleton crew," Rey reminds him.

"This isn't even enough for that."

"One of the planets is inhabited. They could be down there."

Ben shakes his head. "The First Order doesn't leave its ships without enough crew to function in an emergency." And yet, if they just plain didn't have enough people, and if for some reason they needed to be on the ground...

"We can't be sure it's a trap,” Rey argues. “We need to go back and investigate."

He hates that she's right, but even if it is a trap or a diversion, going back would be the surest way to find out, and they are better equipped for the job than anyone else in the Resistance. Still, as he enters the coordinates for the return jump into enemy territory, he can't help but put his doubt into words. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

Chapter 17: Night Painted In Neon, I've Rebels To Lean On

Notes:

This one's a short-ish chapter to set us up for the part 1 climax, which is split into two chapters. (I’m rather proud of the chapter titles I’ve picked out for them)

This chapter’s title is from “Rebels” by Coopertheband

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Chapter edited: 4/5/21

-

The Millennium Falcon returns near but not quite to the same place it has just fled from, meaning to avoid any scouts who might have picked it up on a scan and come for a closer look. 

Instead it blunders right them.

There are six crafts in total, and all are tiny—too small to hold a pilot. 

"Droids?" Rey sounds surprised.

"They're not wasting resources," Ben surmises.

"I'll take them out." 

She is already heading for the laser turrets before he can speak, but she pauses to listen when he calls to her. "Wait! See if you can disable one without destroying it. We might be able to get some information out of it."

Rey nods her head once, sharply, and goes. Ben turns his focus on keeping them alive.

Outflying droids is easier than organic pilots in some ways and harder in others. Their programmed responses are more predictable, but they are less likely to make mistakes. The Falcon's shields take a beating before he finds their rhythm, but he manages to keep each shot well away from Rey's turret.

...Too well away, it turns out.

"I can't hit them if you don't point me at them!" she yells into her comm mic.

"Sorry." He does his best to open up a few shots for her, but it’s hard—almost physically hard to place her in the line of fire by choice. Maybe next time he'll let her fly and he can do the shooting.

Rey takes two of the droids out in quick succession, and would have had a third down if not for a blast from behind them that shakes the Falcon badly enough to throw off her aim. "That wasn't a droid!"

She's right. Ben gets a good look at the new ship as it whizzes past the cockpit half a second after Rey's warning. It's a TIE, but not of a model he has seen in action before. It had still been in development a mere few weeks ago when he defected, and not only that, but the First Order's engineers had been developing it at his own request. What he had asked them for was a hybrid with the speed and power of his Silencer and the defensive capabilities of the old TIE Defender. The ship harassing them now would have been his had events gone ever so slightly different. He might have fought Rey in it. Do they know he is here and that he is no longer on their side? If so, how long have they known? Was he being strung along, or was this simply a coup? They wouldn't waste such a ship on just anyone, surely, unless they had nothing else at all. "That thing has shields," he warns Rey. "It will take more than one hit."

"Not if I hit it hard enough. Keep them off us for a minute."

He wishes she would open up and let him know her plan. He almost asks about it aloud, but they have no more time for conversation.

The next several seconds stretch like long minutes in which there is nothing but the fight. Laser fire comes at him from five ever-changing directions and he must narrow himself down to the singular purpose of avoiding it. He is his hands on the yoke. He is his eyes that move from display screen to viewport and back. He is the tug of the Force at the back of his mind that warns him where each shot will land. He is his lungs that keep breathing, and he is his need to keep Rey alive. Up and down, left and right, yaw and pitch. Upside-down then so that one becomes the other, for every starship pilot is master of his own dimensions.

The Falcon is big compared to the fighters. It makes a clunky disc of a target, but it is still the fastest ship in the galaxy and as agile as any freighter of its size can be. For the span of those long, long seconds, Ben dodges every shot.

It is quite a sudden thing when the TIE shuts down, going dark and dead in the void. Ben has not done a thing to it, so this must be Rey's work.

The droid fighters still zip around them, but all at once Rey is firing again, and she holds nothing back. Another droid goes, and another... and then they start to get desperate.

"Brace yourself!" He has barely enough time to yell before one of the remaining two droid fighters slams itself into their underside, frightfully close to the little bubble of transparisteel that separates Rey from the vacuum of space. The last one does the same to their engines. The impact rattles Ben's teeth. He waits, breath held, for the heat of an explosion to reach him or for the ship to simply disintegrate around him. When neither happens and his readings don’t suggest they will, he vaults out of his chair and runs to check on Rey.

She has climbed out of the gunner's seat when he reaches her and is peering back down into it. "They broke my laser. Again. I'm getting really tired of that."

"Come on," he presses. "We need to get moving."

"Right.” She brushes her hands together as if dusting away her disappointment. “Time to interrogate that TIE pilot." And she sounds a little more gleeful at the prospect than she probably should.

It is more difficult even than it should be to line up their docking hatch with the one at the top of the TIE. It might have been impossible if not for a helpful nudge of the Force. Something is definitely wrong with the Falcon's steering. 

They manage it, though, after several frustrating tries, and as soon as they are locked, Rey hurries to bring in their captive.

"Be careful," Ben can't help but say as he stretches his legs in a long stride to keep up with her jog. "He'll be ready for you."

"No he won't."

And she's right again. When she opens their hatch and forces open the TIE's, its pilot is unconscious inside the darkened cockpit. 

"You knocked him out and disabled his ship with the Force... while I was flying evasive maneuvers?" Will she never cease to amaze him? "I don't think I could have done that."

Rey flashes him a ferocious grin over her shoulder. "I have a good teacher."

 

-< >-

 

Rey has to squeeze into the cramped TIE fighter herself in order to unfasten the pilot from his safety harness. Then she has to push while Ben pulls in order to get him through the narrow hatch and into the Falcon. He falls rather hard when their ship's gravity takes hold, but it doesn't look like he's damaged himself too badly to give them the information they need. He is, after all, wearing a helmet.

Either way, she’s glad that he remains unconscious, because it hardly makes an intimidating sight the way she has to fuss and fiddles with his suit before she can find his blaster, his personal communicator, and the latch to remove his helmet. "We need to tie him up," she tells Ben. "Get the bonding tape." 

Ben goes and Rey spares a moment to study the face of her prisoner. He looks young, barely more than a boy, but that should not surprise her as much as it does with the First Order being so short on personnel. His hair is blond and his skin is freckled. She wonders where he was born. Does he remember his family, or if he was taken too soon? She wonders if he has a name or only a number to know himself as. Then Ben comes back and she puts her sympathy away. There is a job to be done.

Once bound at wrists and ankles and propped up against the hull of their empty training room, out of sight of anything that might tempt him fight or try to escape, Rey wakes him. It proves more difficult than putting him to sleep had been, as the latter had been one of the tricks she'd picked up from Ben's mind at some point during their sordid history, but not the former. By deconstructing and reversing the technique, though, she manages to bring him around.

The young First Order pilot wakes defiant, ready for combat, and then his eyes land on Ben and go very wide. "Supreme Leader!" He gasps the title, probably on reflex, because he snaps his jaw shut right after.

"Where is the First Order's main fleet?" Rey snarls, meaning to keep him off balance. It comes out in so beastly a manner that Ben gives her a strange look.

The pilot ignores her and keeps his stare on Ben, so Ben offers him a word of encouragement. "Answer the question."

"If you don't know," the boy pronounces slowly, "then you're not supposed to know."

"I am your Supreme Leader." The reminder is voiced more gently than it ought to be, in Rey's opinion.

"You're... You're not in charge anymore."

So that's how it is. The First Order may or may not know about his double-cross, but they are no longer keen on doing the bidding of Kylo Ren. Rey waves her hand and the boy's head slams back against the wall, making him grunt in pain. "We are as far as you're concerned. You're not getting out of here until you answer us." And then he would be going straight to wherever it is Finn keeps the captured Stormtroopers, of course.

"You might as well kill me," the boy declares proudly. "I won't talk."

Well, thinks Rey, if that is how it's going to be, then what’s the point of wasting time? "Fine. You won't have to." And without anymore warning than that, she dives into him—into his mind, his thoughts, his being. She knows she has to move fast or Ben will try to stop her, so she does not dawdle, and she is not gentle. She rips the information out of him like she’s biting off a chunk of meat. She leaves him screaming as brokenly as all those who screamed when the First Order tore apart their lives and families.

Ben takes her by the shoulders and manhandles her away from the boy. "Stop! Rey..." and then he is at a loss for words. All he can do is stare at her with wounded eyes that would at another time have made her ache with empathy but now only serve to frustrate her.

"I got what we need," she tells him. "They're at Jakku."

-

They leave the pilot bound where he is and Rey knocks him out again for good measure. Ben says not a word about it, but he looks like he's fuming. The voice in her head—that voice that is her own but speaks without her conscious bidding—tells her that she did the right thing. She is justified, just as she was on Chandrila. Her actions are saving lives. 

She tries her best to believe it.

The first thing they do once their prisoner is locked up securely is to call the Resistance. Rose Tico answers.

"Fondor was a decoy," Rey says without preamble. "The First Order is in the Jakku system."

"Jakku," Rose echoes. "Got it. You two meet us back at base. Poe will want to coordinate with our allies before we make a move."

"Just as well," Ben murmurs from over Rey's shoulder. "The Falcon's not up for another fight."

"Bring her in," Rose advises, and she offers a kind smile to both of them. "We'll see what we can do."

-

They take the prisoner back to Ajan Kloss and they tow his TIE fighter with them. Whether it ends up being used for infiltration or for scrap, the ship is as valuable a prize as its pilot. Poe is certainly glad to see it, affording Rey a smile for the first time in a while, though it is a sharp and weary one.

"The Falcon's damaged," she tells him, and the smile goes away. "I don't think we can get the parts and get it fixed in time."

"We have other ships," he answers, and that is that.

Indeed, more ships come in throughout the day. The call had been put out as soon as Rey and Ben made their report, and while they have not rallied the galaxy to such an extent as they did above Exegol, neither are they left on their own.

The Colossus is the most impressive arrival, shining in low orbit like a bright star. Rey can imagine Kazuda's enthusiastic voice as he inspires his friends with the tale of Chandrila. Accompanying the enormous ship are several silvery vessels which she recognizes from her flight simulators as being of Naboo design.

Finn and Jannah come too, along with a squad of faces Rey vaguely recognizes. Some are Jannah's people from Kef Bir. Others... she swears they are the faces of the first Stormtroopers Finn took in, though surely it is too soon to see such a turn, unless there were some who were just as ready to defy their programming as Finn was, and Jannah. And Ben.

Ben is still brooding, and she does feel sorry on some level, now that she has the time to miss his smiles. Still, she is certain she made the right choice. War is harsh. Cruelty, at times, is necessary. She won't become another Kylo Ren just because she dips her toes in the Dark Side once or twice. The Jedi may have thought it worked that way, but she has already seen the proof that they were wrong. 

It won't matter soon enough in any case, she tells herself. The war will be over and she will never have to do it again. Ben will see that she was right.

-

It is a strange thing to fly away while the Falcon lays unattended behind them. The replacement they’ve been assigned to is a small personal cruiser modded with weapons and battle-grade shields. It is newer, cleaner, and a smoother ride, but sitting in the unfamiliar pilot's seat, all Rey feels is an ache of homesickness.

Ben copilots beside her and there is a coldness in the air between them, as well as a longing that can't quite penetrate it. He keeps his eyes forward, his attention on the task ahead. He is as eager as she is to see this finally over and done with.

It is something, at least, to fly beside him in formation with the Resistance fleet. It is a reminder of the victories they have already won.

More ships exit hyperspace with them than had departed from Ajan Kloss. Poe's coordination with their allies must have been precise. Some of the new arrivals are ships Rey recognizes and many are not. There are also a few she expected to see who have not come, but while they are a ragtag and mismatched force as always, the First Order is now hardly better off.

"This is it," Rey says, and she feels the prophecy in her words as she speaks them. "This is their last stand."

Ben's lips tighten into something not quite a smile. "I feel it too."

"Hear that, folks?" This is Poe over the comm, bright and fierce. "Our Jedi says we've got one more fight and then we're finished. Let's make it a quick one."

"Time to save the galaxy," Rose says, and Finn, who is riding with her, chuckles nervously, strung tight with nerves in the face of impending battle.

"For Leia," Someone says.

"Yeah, for the General!"

"For Snap!"

"For Paige."

"For my family!" and "For my planet!" the cries go on.

"For my parents," Rey answers, and she doesn’t care that it was not the First Order itself which destroyed them. The sentiment still counts.

Beside her, Ben adds quietly, "For mine."

Chapter 18: All I Wanted Was A Piece Of The Night

Notes:

This and the next chapter make up the finale of part 1, after which there's a bit of a timeskip and then we get to the fic I'd been planning to write before I had to fix tros. XD

Chapter title from “Original Sin” by Meat Loaf (my fave is the Pandora’s Box version, though)

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Chapter edited 5/12/21

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Three Star Destroyers are all that remain of the First Order's heavy battleships. Between the Resistance and Lando’s galactic militia, the rest have been destroyed or captured in the weeks since Exegol. These last three are surrounded by a fleet of smaller vessels, however, not only TIEs but midsized fighters and light battle cruisers. Like the Resistance, the First Order has been reduced to a hodge-podge of whatever happened to still be left on hand.

Rather than holding position at a single point in space, they have locked themselves to the rotation of the planet below. It is only as she gets closer that Rey realizes this is more than just an attempt to defend their remaining ships. 

"They're guarding something." It comes to her suddenly, sharply. "On the ground. We need to get down there."

"We'll go down once we've beaten them," Ben answers.

Rey tries. She really does. She stays in the pilot's seat at Ben's request. She flies with the fleet as they move in on the enemy. She tries with everything she has to set aside the nagging, burning call from the planet below. For a little while, she almost succeeds.

"Fighters," Poe's voice rings out over the comm channel, "you're going to thin those TIEs out. Racers, give 'em something to chase. Everybody else, follow my lead and take out their mid-sized ships. Then we'll disable those Star Destroyers. Remember, we want live prisoners if we can help it, but don't get killed trying to save the enemy. Racers and fighters, engage on my signal... Now."

As if released from a pulled-taught string, the starfighters burst away from the slower-moving fleet, breaking off into their separate squadrons. Accompanying them are the racers of the Colossus, flying without formation but with unmatched precision and grace. Rey wonders which ship Kazuda is piloting.

The TIE's rise to meet them, but already Rey spots an advantage the Resistance did not have before. The First Order has been kicked out of its shipyards and denied the abundant resources it relied upon. Where once there would have been great swarms of the cheap, expendable TIE fighters, now their numbers are visibly sparser. They still outnumber the Resistance's single-person fighters, but they are also more fragile. It will be a fair fight.

As the TIEs are led on their merry, fatal chase, it is the rest of the fleet's turn to move.

"Shields forward," orders Poe. "Concentrate fire on one target at a time. We need to take their numbers down as fast as we can."

Their flagship, the Tantive IV, accelerates and ascends to put its canons over the level where the small ships are dogfighting. The old corvette has seen its share of war already, or so Leia liked to tell them, but is has never been as heavily equipped for battle as it is now. Jannah's people are to thank for this, having donated the lion's share of tech and weaponry from their stolen stash on Kef Bir. Rey wishes that Leia were here to see it. Then, on second thought, she thinks the necessity of it might have made the old veteran sad.

Poe picks their target, the Tantive firing on the nearest mid-sized First Order cruiser, and that is Rey's cue to join in.

Ben mans the guns while she flies, though on their borrowed ship this division is optional. The turret controls are wired into the cockpit and easy for the pilot to access, not unlike a single-person fighter's would be. The only advantage of splitting the jobs is that one person does not have to concentrate on both. And despite this convenience, she can't help longing for the familiarity of the Millennium Falcon.

A TIE fighter explodes in front of them and Rey takes the ship in a leaping arc over the cloud of debris, Ben firing off a shot at the Tantive's target as soon as the way is clear. The enemy cruiser shudders and begins to lull sideways, its shields overwhelmed by the concentration of fire. As it sinks slowly, not quite able to fight Jakku's gravity anymore, the Star Destroyer behind it returns fire.

Star Destroyers hit hard, but the Resistance has the shield strength to hold them off... for a while. The first volley evaporates on the Tantive's bow. Ben gives the listing cruiser another hit for good measure and Rey follows the Tantive's lead to the next target.

It is as they dive to avoid laser fire and the dusty horizon of Jakku fills their viewscreen that the pull she has felt all this time reasserts itself with renewed strength. All at once, all of her instincts are screaming at her as loud as the Force does when it warns her of incoming danger. "We need to get down there!"

"We're a little busy right now." Ben mutters, concentrating, but then he hesitates. "Why?"

"I don't know, I just... I have to. It's calling me."

He fires another shot before answering, voice tight. "That's not always a good thing."

"What if there's something down there that will help us win? Or help them if we don't stop it?"

"Is that what you feel?"

"No, but..." She trails off as she tries to focus on steering them past another fresh cluster of rubble. 

"If they had something like that, they'd have used it by now. Let's finish this and we can go down with back-up. If they do have something down there..." he pauses to fire again, tensing his jaw with each blast. "... It will be guarded."

Jakku pulls and she hates that he won't listen to her. She knows he is trying to be careful, trying to protect her from the thing that hurt him so badly, but they can't afford that kind of cowardice here in this final battle. The painful insistence of the summons tells her that much. 

She could share it with him across the bond, but... no. No. It is hard enough to keep it as tightly shut as it is, and he should be trusting her without it. The fact that he doesn't... That fact hurts enough to give her pause. "Luke would tell me to trust the Force," she says. Then, with that as her only warning, she slides out of the pilot's seat and takes off running, leaving Ben to scramble for the controls as he shouts her name and pounds uselessly at the wall she has built between their minds. 

She must go to Jakku now, and there is a way she can do it without Ben trying to stop her and without even depriving the Resistance of a battleship. She can do it because the ship they’ve borrowed has something the Millennium Falcon lost long before it ever came into her hands... this ship has a landing shuttle.

 

-< >-

 

Ben gets control of the ship in time to dodge most of the fire from a particularly bold TIE. A quick counter attack takes care of that threat, buying him another few seconds to freak out over Rey's sudden departure.

An indicator on the control panel to his right lights up, informing him that the landing shuttle is in the process of disengaging. "Rey!" he yells into the intercom, and Come back! into the Dyad bond, but either she ignores him or she does not hear at all.

With such perfectly bad timing that he almost suspects she planned it this way, the space around him is suddenly full of whizzing starfighters and it is all he can do to keep his ship and himself from being torn apart. He has time only to glance once or twice at the radar blip of the innocuous little shuttle as it descends unbothered into the yellow atmosphere.

 

-< >-

 

It is easy enough for Rey to find the location of whatever it is the First Order has put its last dying effort into guarding. A closer look has her rethinking her assumption, however. There is certainly an element of guarding, yes, because like any jealous lord over his riches—like Unkar Plutt over his portions—that is what the First Order does. There are, however, other more specific words to describe what they are doing here. Rey would call it scavenging. Someone else might call it excavating.

She lands the shuttle well away from the digsite. She knows how to mask her flightpath in the glare of the sun. She knows how  to tuck her little shuttle behind an outcropping so that the play of shadow and sand and wind will hide it. She knows how to move swiftly over the dunes without burning too much energy and how not to make the sand slide loose under her feet when she crests a dune. She has spent most of her life learning these skills. Even without the Force, she can do this.

At first glance, the excavation site reminds her of their original base on Ajann Kloss after it was taken by the First Order took. The same boxy troop transports ring the area in a sloppy suggestion of a semi-circle. There are more guards here, though. A lot of guards. It reaffirms Rey's sense that the place is important, especially as short-handed as the First Order is.

While the transports form half of a circle, the other half is made of red-brown stone, jutting upward from the sand in a jagged, crooked wall, and there at its midpoint is an open door. As Rey creeps closer, slithering under one of the transports for a better look, she confirms what she thought she had seen at a distance. The door is old—far more so than the makeshift pirate's den in the canyon cave on Ajan Kloss. This is ancient history. Sith history, if the temperament of the Force in the area is anything to go by. 

The whole place reeks with the bitter tang of Darkness.

But who left alive in the First Order would have reason to dig up Sith ruins?

Whatever they have in there or whatever they are looking for, she must get to it first. She must go now, guards or no guards. Everything inside her is telling her so.

"You don't see me," she murmurs aloud as she steps softly out into the open. "You don't see me. I am a mirage. I am a dustblow. I am a ray of light. You don't see me." Repeating this chant again and then again, she walks across the barren expanse and through the ancient stone doorway without a single faceless guard turning to look her way.

The first convenience is that the excavators have set up lights to show the way through the subterranean halls. The second is that there don't appear to be any guards inside. Either they have been ordered to keep their distance, she guesses, or they are afraid.

Whatever the cause, it makes her job easier. She can spare the attention to fully take in her surroundings. Upon doing so, she puzzles over how, given the length of her stay on Jakku, she has never heard of this place before. The ruin is a series of square chambers descending from one to the next, joined by short flights of stairs, five steps each. They do not form a straight line between more than two or three rooms before making her turn left or right to find the next doorway. The interior of each is empty save for the new addition of the lights. If anything worth scavenging had been here once, it is gone now. Still, there is much to admire. The intricately carved wall are a gruesome treasure all their own. Every relief is different, and the images tell a story, or perhaps several separate stories. The grand and bloody accomplishments of the Sith Order, if she has to guess. Other than Palpatine and Darth Vader—Anakin Skywalker—she has never heard the names of individual Sith, nor much about them except that they were wicked and wholly corrupted by the Dark Side of the Force. It is strange to think that they were people just like that young First Order pilot she had captured—just like Ben and Finn and Jannah. People who chose a cruel path, or who were dragged down it without a choice in the matter. She could have been one of them had the sandstorm winds of fate blown differently… had Snoke or Palpatine found her, or had Ben not come to save her on Exegol when he did. She should look at the depictions of cruelty on the walls around her and see monsters, but all she sees are people.

It is her nature to memorize new surroundings as she traverses them. Getting lost in the wreckage of a Star Destroyer, after all, could have been a death sentence. Even as ingrained as the habit is, however, she loses count of how many near-identical rooms she has passed through. It is the endless carvings distracting her with their tales of bloodshed, or it is the stale underground air fogging her mind. It is more than a small favor, then, that there seem to be no branching paths. Whatever challenges she may meet on the return trip, finding her way to the exit will not be one of them.

At last she passes through a doorway and down another set of five steps and finds herself in a very different room. This one, like all the rest, is empty, but the walls are paneled in metal and the floor is discolored in patterns that suggest large equipment has recently been stored here. There is yet another doorway ahead and the light from it shines with an odd quality, dimmer and more crimson than the glaring white worklights which have guided her so far.

There is a sound, also. 

At first Rey thinks it is flowing water, rare as that is on Jakku. Shortly, though, she recognizes her mistake. The sound coming from the next room is the steady, fluid murmur of a voice.

 

-< >-

 

Ben had flown his best—which was, in his not so humble opinion, better than anyone, despite the distraction of his soulmate running headfirst and alone into danger. Still, the odds had turned against him finally and his borrowed ship had taken one too many hits. He had only barely managed to slide into the Tantive IV's docking bay before his cockpit depressurized. This seemed as good an opportunity as any to report Rey's desertion and request a new ship. "I have to go after her."

"No, you have to end this war," snaps Poe. "Make it safe for her down there."

He hadn't expected the argument, though he should have. There is a moment when tension rises in his chest and his muscles ache to lash out, to destroy something. He clenches his jaw and contains it. Before he can compose himself enough to respond, Finn steps in.

"I need you on the boarding party. We just knocked out power on their command ship, and we've got the other big one pinned down." The third Destroyer had already fallen to break upon the dunes of Jakku, so much fresh meat for the scavengers. "Their new general has nowhere to go, so we're going to go find out what happens if we take her hostage."

Ben knows what would have happened if such a scenario had played out during his reign. Hux would have left him to die and taken his place. Maybe, though, here at the last stand of the First Order, things will be different. 

Maybe.

It kills him to agree, but he can't ignore the sense of the plan at this stage in the battle, even if they only succeed in taking the ship and not Sloane herself. If the ship can be repaired, they'll have its firepower, and if not, it's capture will still hold the First Order's attention... It will give Rey time. "And you think you'll accomplish this easier with me there."

Finn smiles the hard smile of a soldier with victory in sight. "Exactly."

-

The Star Destroyer is pitch dark when the droid accompanying their boarding shuttle slices the lock, but they have come prepared. Outshining the glow of Ben's lightsaber are several handheld lanterns and headlamps.

On the first level, they meet no one. Doubtless the crew has been called away from unnecessary posts so as not to be picked off too easily. Finn leads the way to a maintenance shaft and a pair of ladders, because along with everything else, the elevators aren't working, and all of them must climb two by two, clipping their lanterns to belts until they reach the top. That is when the shooting starts, just as Ben and a handful of others have made it out but the majority are still climbing.

The Force sings of danger and Ben brings his lightsaber up just in time, stepping sideways into the center of the corridor to best act as a shield for those coming up behind him. Of the shots that get past him, one connects, announced by a shout of pain, but there is no thump nor clatter of a body falling, so he guesses it was not fatal. Within a moment, the Resistance soldiers behind him have organized and begun firing back, and Ben advances with them to make room for the rest of their party as they ascend. Having a lightsaber at the front makes all the difference. Between the shots he deflects and those fired from behind him, it is not so long before the enemy barrage dies away to nothing.

On they go with Finn at the lead and Ben beside him, saber lit, ready to become their shield again at the next hint of opposition.

"We're heading for the bridge," he observes, pushing down the countless memories of striding through corridors identical to this one, a cloak around his shoulders and a mask heavy on his face.

"We're after Sloane, remember?"

"She might not be there anymore." He hadn't known her well enough to judge whether or not she was the sort to go down with her ship. Wasteful self-sacrifice had not been heavily encouraged in the First Order, though there were some who still clung to such old-fashioned concepts of honor.

"We're going to check just to be sure," Finn says, and he’s in charge, so Ben decides not to push the matter.

The next wave of Stormtroopers is bigger, and they are also smarter. They come from three sides, hidden in the darkness where another corridor intersects with the one Finn's team is taking. Ben has already passed the intersection when the firing starts. He cannot return without leaving the head of the party unguarded. 

This time the bodies do fall.

"Fall back!" yells Finn. "Clear that corridor! Let them come to you!"

After some brief confusion and another couple of deaths, those in the intersection fall back to the hallway they came from while those already past it stay where they are. Now, for the moment, there is only the blasterfire from in front of them to contend with and Ben can do his job properly.

"I really need to get one of those," Finn comments into the cacophony.

"I'll show you how to make one," Ben offers before he can think better of it. 

"Can't wait!" is the shouted response, and perhaps it is only the comradery necessitated by battle, but Ben feels something there. Something like forgiveness, and more than that… something like hope for the future.

The shots from up ahead dwindle quickly enough, but half of their force is trapped behind the perpendicular corridor, unable to cross without being mowed down from both sides. Ben takes a deep breath, relaxes his muscles on the exhale, checking for cramps or tightness that might slow him down. Then he stalks back toward the crossroad.

"Wait," says Finn. "What are you doing?"

"Clearing the way."

"You can't... You know what?" Finn changes his mind. "Fine, just don't get shot. Rey would kill me."

Given the way she's been acting lately, that might not be much of an exaggeration. "Don't worry about me," Ben replies, and catches himself almost smiling at the irony of saying those words to this man. Hope for the future indeed... provided he doesn't die in the next few seconds, of course.

There is a moment of hesitation from the enemy when Ben first steps into their line of fire. Perhaps they recognize him, or perhaps they are simply confused as to why one solitary man would stand before their blasters unafraid. Ben, on the other hand, does not hesitate. It is hard to make out their exact formation or their numbers in the dark, but he can sense their life energy, so that is what he latches onto when he reaches out and yanks one of them forward through the air. By the time the blaster bolts begin to fly, he has an armored meatshield levitating on one side while his saber bounces back shots from the other. Now a few of the Resistance fighters join back in, aiming quickly around corners while the troopers are focused on Ben. 

He has always felt closest to the Force while in combat. It guides him and it gives itself to him. As long as he keeps moving, as long as his concentration is unbroken, as long as he has a lightsaber in his hand, he is invincible.

When the weaponfire from the righthand corridor goes silent, he charges the left. Bodies in white armor fall, often in multiple pieces, their cut edges charred black and still smoking. So caught up is he in the dance of death that he only barely manages to stop his swing when two of the last surviving Stormtroopers throw down their blasters and fling their hands into the air.

"Supreme... K-Kylo Ren..." The nearest one stutters as soon as he sees his chance. "We surrender! We wanna join you and... and FN-2187!"

Pointing his lightsaber at the second Trooper's throat gets a silent but emphatic nod of agreement. 

Ben lowers his blade, but he does not deactivate it. "My name is Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren."

"And mine's Finn." On cue, Finn has stepped around the corner to join them, his blaster in hand but his finger off the trigger. It does not escape Ben's notice that the Resistance fighters behind him keep their weapons trained around the corner. "What's yours?"

"KD-924, but my... my friends call me Kade. And this is SM-2882." He risks dropping one hand from above his head to pat his partner on the shoulder.

"No other name?" Finn asks, but the second man shakes his head. "Alright Kade, SM-2882, is General Sloane on the bridge?"

"Yes, Sir," says Kade. "We were ordered to kill you before you got there."

"Are there more ambushes ahead?"

"One more that I know of, yes." His answers come with more confidence the longer he talks. 

"Think you can get them to stand down?"

Kade glances to his friend, and though his face is masked, something in his posture speaks of tenderness. When he faces Finn and Ben again, he stands a little taller. "I can try."

Finn nods. He looks like he wants to do more. "Take point, then. And thanks, Kade. We're glad to have you."

Chapter 19: All I Needed Was A Spot In The Light

Notes:

Chapter title from Original Sin by Meat Loaf (again)

-

Chapter edited: 5/15/21

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As the Resistance soldiers approach the next ambush point, Kade signals a halt. He and his partner go on alone, walking with purpose, only visible in the dark by the beams of illumination projected from small lamps on their wrists. The rest of the party has turned their lights off.

The two defected Stormtroopers make it quite some distance ahead before they are challenged—far enough that Ben cannot make out the words spoken. As the discussion goes on, the rebels around him begin to shift nervously, though carefully so as not to make noise.

Then, with all the suddenness of a lightning strike, someone shines a powerful beam of light down the corridor. 

Rebels dive down and to the sides and Ben ignites his saber. Blaster bolts fly... but not every shot is aimed at them.

 

-< >-

 

Rey is slow to cross the threshold into the red-lit chamber, but it is a hesitance born of well-used survival instincts more than that of actual fear. She has willingly walked into worse things. Probably.

Where the rooms before it were small, this is a space so wide that standing in it feels nearly like being outside. It is, for the most part, as empty as the rest of the ruin, with the exception sitting squarely in the center. The pedestal looks to have been carved along with the room itself, rising seamlessly from the red-brown Jakku stone of the floor. Nothing sits atop the shallowly concave top of the structure, but suspended in mid air above it is a pyramid of scarlet crystal set in gold filigree—a holocron, almost definitely of Sith make. The spidery tendrils of red light dancing around it ooze with that same Dark energy she has sensed throughout the place.

It comes as no surprise, then, to realize that the object is also the source of the whispering voice. More alarming is how, as she stares it down, the light from the object brightens and seems to suck itself inward, coalescing into a near-solid shape in the space between her and the holocron itself. 

It is the shape of a man.

"I knew you would come."

The voice is only almost familiar, like meeting a stranger who looks like someone she knows. The figure's features are washed out by the glow, but he stands straight and proud and he appears to be clothed in robes.

"Who are you?"

"Why, you know me, dear. We met not very long ago."

She tries not to let him see the shiver that runs up her spine. "I can't see you."

"Ah," he says in that familiar-but-not voice. "That I can fix." And true to his word, he does, the light receding enough to let her make out gaunt cheeks and a beak of a nose. Recognition hits her at last, though he looks quite different from how she last saw him, younger and mostly unmarked by the ravages of the Dark Side. Still, she knows him. Where a moment ago there had been doubt, now there is no mistaking it. This is the man who created her and the man who killed her.

"You're dead."

"Yes." He sounds amused.

"You should stay that way." She emphasizes her words with the satisfying snap-hiss of her saber coming to life.

Palpatine chuckles. It is a disconcertingly human sound. "Now, Granddaughter, what do you plan to do with that?"

The golden blade flashes through him as soon as he is done talking, searing a line from shoulder to hip. It is annoying but not surprising when it has no effect on him.

"Such anger!" The ghost—if that is what he is—smiles with a leisurely sort of excitement, as if this is nothing more than a game or an exercise. "You will make a fine Sith."

"Switch off." She swings at him again, as useless as before. 

"I know what holds you back," he tells her, and how is it, she wonders, that someone as wicked as he can sound so kind? "It's that Skywalker boy. Snoke and I had such a difficult time coaxing him away from his uncle's backward Jedi teachings. I almost gave up on him. Had I known how to find you, I would have."

"Don't talk about Ben."

"You feel such a strong attachment to him, don't you?"  The dead man muses. "You know, of course, this isn't real love."

"You're wrong." Why would he even say such a thing? How could he think to convince her of it? She can make no sense of the words... until he explains.

"It is the Dyad bond. It pulls you together—not just your power and your destinies, but your emotions, my dear. The Force is manipulating you, falsifying your own feelings. What you think is love is no better than a spice dream. Don't let it enslave you."

"You're wrong," she repeats herself. "You're lying." But is he? For all that she feels connected to Ben, have they not always found ways to hurt each other?  From their disagreement on the Supremacy to his inability to trust her and to listen when she'd known she had to get down here… After everything that brought them together, how were they still such an ill-fitting match?

"Even were it natural love," Palpatine goes on in that sympathetic croon, "it is a battlefield romance, passionate and brief. What you feel is the joy of being alive—of being a savior. It is a selfish feeling, is it not? A possessive feeling. He is your prize for winning. That can be a sort of love, but not the kind you want it to be. Let him go, for his sake and for yours."

He waits for a response to this, but Rey only glares. She wants to argue, to deny him, for surely he is the one trying to manipulate her, not the Force... only he has struck so soundly upon her own doubts... doubts she had been unable to find the words to describe until he spoke them for her.

"Young Rey, if you do not master the Force, then it will master you. You may let it pull you along wherever it chooses, or you may make your own way. You only have to see through the illusion it casts." Ever so gentle and inviting, the ghosts holds out a hand. "I can teach you how."

"Enough!" What happens next happens so quickly that, afterward, it feels as if her body had moved on its own accord. She steps forward, the saber slashes, the holocron shatters, and the image of the Sith Emperor vanishes as if it had never been.

Rey's heavy breathing and the hum of her lightsaber are the only sounds left in the room as she waits for something else to happen. When, after several long seconds, nothing does, she brings her blade down carefully on each shard of metal and crystal, melting them all into smoking shapelessness. Just to be sure.

He's gone for good now, says the voice in her head that sounds like her own. He can't hurt you anymore.

Saber still alight, she turns and walks out, leaving the last remnant of her grandfather behind.

 

-< >-

 

One of their Stormtrooper guides is spread-eagle on the floor by the time they push their way to the ambush site—a section of the corridor that widens both to either side and also upward. The other new recruit is on his knees with a blaster pointed at his head. Ben doesn't stop to think before ripping the blaster out of its owner's hand with a tug of the Force. Then he and the front line of Finn's troops cross the threshold and hell breaks loose, blaster fire raining down on them from ahead and above. Ben feels a shot tear the fabric of his sleeve and another singe his hair before he gets his saber up and finds an effective defense pattern. Several of Finn's people are less lucky.

A squad of the enemy stands arrayed on a catwalk, firing down on their heads. They cannot be reached until the Resistance advances farther in, and Ben cannot cover everyone. For the first time during the siege it is almost a fair fight... right up until he finds an opening and brings down the whole catwalk, wrenching it in half and slamming it and the Stormtroopers into the unforgiving walls to either side.

With the high ground lost, the defenders are in disarray. They fail to recover in time as the Resistance fans out along the walls to surround them and Ben wades into their center, making himself impossible to ignore. It is over quickly after that.

Finn casts a light over the scattered dead, looking sad and drawn at the sight of the Stormtroopers as much as at that of his own people.

Kade is kneeling at the side of his fallen friend. One of the surviving rebels is there with him. Kade has removed the plate of armor that took the shot and the rebel is applying a spray-on bandage. Ben is only just beginning to feel antsy about moving on when Kade hauls SM-2882 up to his feet, breathing and conscious, and falls back with him into the center of the party.

There are no further obstacles until they reach the wide double-layered door to the ship's bridge. At a nod from Finn, Ben sinks his lightsaber into the durasteel, turning it molten, cutting slowly but surely through.

"I really do need one of those," Finn muses again.

Ben only grunts.

There is a bright flurry of blaster fire as the ragged-edged piece of metal finally falls away, but they are prepared for it, having moved to either side to shield themselves behind the parts of the door still standing.

"It's a stalemate, Ren!" This is Niah Sloane's voice, as firm and commanding as ever. "You can't enter, I can't leave, and the power's off. Shall we stand here until we freeze to death or the ship falls out of orbit?"

"Or you could surrender," Finn suggests. "We don't want to kill you or any more of your people."

"FN-2187," she acknowledges. "You were one of the first. What will you do with me and my people if we are not to be executed?"

Ben can feel the wave of hope that rises in Finn before he speaks. "We have a rehabilitation program. You can fight for us, or you can give up fighting and find a different way to live."

There is a small sound from the other side of the door. It might be laughter. "How idealistic. What if you give us blasters and one of us shoots you?"

"Well," Finn answers mildly, "it hasn't happened yet."

The grenade is small and quiet, almost invisible in the dark. Ben catches it in mid-air with the Force and sends it neatly back from whence it came. The explosion is large for such a little thing, and judging by the exclamations of alarm from those around him, no one else had noticed the weapon.

Finn takes the opening, barreling past him and into the freshly scorched bridge. The nearest of his men move to cover him immediately, forcing Ben to wait his turn before he can duck through the narrow, saber-singed opening.

The Stormtroopers and officers who were nearest the door are dead. The rest stand or kneel with empty hands held high on display. Niah Sloane twitches her head to the side as Finn looks down at her, indicating a nearby control panel. "Inter-ship comm is there," she tells him, and her attempt to sound impassive is nearly flawless. Likely she's been resigned to this outcome for some time. "I assume you know how to operate it?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Turn it on, all channels."

Keeping his blaster pointed her way, Finn does.

Niah clears her throat. "All ships, this is General Sloane. Stand down and allow boarding. I repeat, all ships, stand down. The First Order surrenders."

When she says no more, Finn switches off the comm. "Thanks."

"I don't care what you do with me," Sloane tells him, and now she just sounds tired. "But no more of my people need to die. They deserve to live freely."

"Yeah," says Finn. "That's the idea."

-

It feels like a longer march back to the boarding shuttle than it had been from shuttle to bridge, though the opposite must be true. It feels even longer before they are once again on the Tantive IV and Ben can plead for a ride down to the planet's surface at last. He senses Rey, as he has throughout the engagement with the enemy. She is alive and not in immediate danger, according to the Force, but her thoughts and emotions are closed off to him still. 

Despite this, her life energy is a beacon to him. He finds her where she had told him she would be—precisely below the spot where the three Star Destroyers had initially circled. When his shuttle touches down, he leaps from the half-lowered ramp in time to see her standing outside the ancient stone door, ablaze in the light of the sun and that of her sun-golden lightsaber. Several First Order guards lay scorched and lifeless on the ground. One kneels, head down, at her feet, waiting for the deathblow.

"Stop!" Ben surprises himself, striding to her with an arm outstretched as if he could catch her blade barehanded. "They've surrendered!"

For a moment, he thinks she will strike anyway. For a moment, she looks as though she intends to, hard-eyed and radiating power. For a moment, he wonders if he will have to light his saber against her again.

Blessedly, after too long a wait, she lowers her weapon, though she does not deactivate it. The plasma blade hums a steady warning as Ben steps between her and her almost-victim. Only then does he look away from her, down at the Stormtrooper. "The First Order is over," he repeats, more gently than he has ever spoken to one of his former soldiers. "will you come peacefully?"

"Yes, Supreme Leader." The voice under the helmet sounds feminine, rough and breathless from the fight. She does not correct herself as he pulls her up by the arm and lets her walk on her own to the shuttle. Her helmet is off and cradled in her hands by the time she ascends the boarding ramp.

Ben faces Rey now. His first instinct is to go to her, to hold her, to kiss her, but he can’t let himself be distracted. He must confront this. She is still staring in the direction the trooper had gone. Her head only snaps his way when he speaks. "You can't just leave me like that… You could have been killed."

She stands her ground. "We were in battle! I could have been killed anyway."

No, he thinks. Not while she was with him. But that is irrational, so instead he says, "You have to be more careful, not just with your life, but with the Force. What if this was a trap?"

"It wasn't."

He can't quite believe her carelessness. She is supposed to be the wiser of the two of them. She is supposed to be the one who is right. He thinks he can feel his left eye twitching as he pries. "What if it was? What if next time it is? You can't just charge head first every time you feel a pull."

"You're being paranoid.” At first she says it in a mutter, as if she isn’t quite sure she wants him to hear it.

He does hear, but still he asks, "What?"

"You're being paranoid!" She shouts it this time. "You're scared of the Force because of what it did to you, but that doesn't mean the same thing will happen to me."

"Rey..."

"Please, Ben, just trust me! I just need you to trust me!"

He can’t help it anymore. Hearing the pain and confusion in her voice, he goes to her. He closes the distance between them and clasps his hands around her shoulders as if he could hold her together. As if he could physically keep her from falling apart. "I do."

"No you don't." Where he expects her to lean into him, she pushes away. She turns her back on him. She walks off toward empty desert. 

Barely remembering to signal to his shuttle ride to leave without him, he goes after her. "Rey!"

She does not look back at him, though he knows she has heard. So be it, then. He does not call again. He simply follows.

It is clever, he thinks, the way her shuttle is hidden in plain sight beneath the desert stone. He doubts he would have spotted it without knowing what to look for. She lets him board with her, but she seems to be doing her best not to look at him. It is no easy feat to stifle the ache of rejection and leave her to her silence.

She walks away from him again as soon as they are docked with the Tantive, and this time, somehow, he lets her go.

-

Most of the surviving members of the First Order are being transported on ships better equipped for so many prisoners, but General Niah Sloane, being their leader and having surrendered willingly, has been given the honor of a holding cell on the Tantive IV. Ben doesn't bother asking permission to see her, yet the guards let him pass without challenge. Perhaps they assume he is supposed to be there. Or perhaps, miraculously, they trust him.

Niah is sitting primly on the slab of plasteel that serves as bench and bed, holding a cup of water in her hands. She looks unsurprised at Ben's appearance. "You aren't calling yourself Kylo Ren anymore," she states by way of greeting. "Remind me again, it was Solo...?"

"Ben," he answers, and for lack of a chair, he leans back against the wall across from her cell and crosses his arms. "It looks like you're being treated well."

"Better than I would be if I were a First Order prisoner. Your new allies are terribly soft."

"So far it seems to be working out for them."

"And for you," she observes. "Kylo Ren free to visit prisoners on a Resistance ship. What did you do to earn that privilege?"

"I'm useful in a fight."

"Ha." She falls silent for a moment, gazing into the empty air ahead of her. Then, a little quieter, she says, "I suppose Armitage is wandering these corridors too."

It is not one of the questions Ben had been expecting. "Hux? I thought he was dead."

Niah smirks. "Oh, they tried to execute him after his betrayal, but Armitage was always paranoid. High-grade body armor and an unidentified ally got him out alive, as far as we can gather. I do wonder where he's gone if not to you."

Why the ginger irritant would come to him for refuge, Ben can hardly imagine, though the man was certainly prone to obsession. "Were you and Armitage close?" He mimics her use of the former general's first name. Even now, it puts a bitter taste on his tongue.

"Not romantically, if that's what you mean." Sloane sounds vaguely amused. "We were children of the First Order. I don't know that we like each other all that much, but there is sentimentality there."

"If I meet him and kill him, I'll let you know," Ben says meanly.

At this, Niah snorts. "You do that."

-

The crew of the Tantive IV remains stoic and on guard until they breach the atmosphere of Ajan Kloss, but with home in sight, that wariness ebbs swiftly, making way for an air of celebration like nothing Ben has known before. It is at once grand and disorganized, spontaneous and unanimous. As the Tantive's crew reunites with those of the other ships that have returned to the canyon base, Resistance soldiers of all ranks press together, grasping hands, clapping shoulders, pulling each other into embraces. Tears for the dead fall into mouths cheering for victory.

Where in the First Order, work and revelry were kept strictly separate, here, somehow, they become one. Ships land and are checked for damage. Repairs that cannot wait are made. The gravely wounded are moved to the vessels with the best medical facilities, prisoners are accounted for, and then the rations and the stashes of alcohol are brought out and passed around.

Ben keeps his head down, skirting the edges of the raucous crowd or weaving through its thinner points. He finds Rey working on the Falcon, perched high on top of its cockpit with her arms elbow-deep in the space where a hull plate used to be. She does not acknowledge him, so, tentative, he says, "Poe asked me to make sure you ate something." When she looks down at him, he brandishes the ration bar and the cup of water he's brought, then wraps them in gentle strands of the Force and lifts them up and up until she can catch them out of the air.

"Thanks."

He can feel her standoffishness like sharp little prickles on his skin, but he presses his luck anyway. "You know this can wait. You should be celebrating with your friends."

"I'm fine." She has set the food and water down untouched and gone back to her work.

"Nobody here is fine." He almost adds 'least of all you', but he knows it's not technically true and she wouldn't want to hear it if it was.

"I want to be alone right now," she insists without looking at him, which of course only serves to make him worry more.

"Rey, please... What can I do?"

She is still not looking at him, and she is still blocking him out. He can barely see her with the bulk of the Falcon between them. Still, it is as if all the galaxy has gone silent and only her voice exists when she says to him, "Just... Just go away. Go see if Poe needs help with anything."

He tries not to let her rejection faze him. He tries not to let his notoriously unpredictable emotions overwhelm him. For a little while, to his own surprise, he succeeds. "Poe's got all the help he could ask for."

"Then ask Finn."

"We need to talk about Jakku."

There is a slight pause before she says, “We'll talk later."

"Rey..."

"I said later, Ben!"

She is frustrated now. Where once he might have kept arguing, kept pushing, now he checks himself. He concedes. He looks for a way to express his surrender to her and can't find it, so then he tries to say anything at all that won't antagonize her, but no words come. In the end, he walks away instead.

It is something like twenty minutes later, as he is using the Force to move heavy crates under Rose Tico's direction and trying to ignore the tipsy cheers from a nearby group of Resistance soldiers, that he hears the familiar hum of the Falcon's engines starting up.

Perhaps it is the exhaustion of the day's events catching up with him at last, but for the span of several seconds he does not understand what he is hearing. When he finally does, it is the shock of it, he thinks, that gives him the strength to breach that heavy, rock-like blockage Rey has built between their minds and to ask in frantic tones, What are you doing?!

She doesn't seem surprised to have him in her head again. Maybe, after all, it was not his doing but her own that let him in. I just need to be alone.

A dozen half-formed arguments form in his head. The one that makes it across the bond is, That ship will fall apart around you!

No it won't. I'll be fine.

The anger that has smoldered since she left him in the midst of battle fills his chest now and presses to escape in desperate words, in cruel words, anything to make her stay, but he contains it, just barely, because she deserves better than that.

The mental door, the blockage, the pinched cave-in between their souls is sealing itself up again. Apparently she has deemed his lack of immediate answer an end to the conversation. 

Cut off from that too-brief reconnection, Ben is abruptly aware again of the physical space he inhabits. The crate he had been lifting is on the ground. The cheers have stopped. Rose is talking softly to him, asking something, but he has not heard her. Rey is leaving, flying away, her thoughts and feelings locked to him, and he makes himself stand there and let it happen.

If this is what she needs… if it is what will make her happy and whole, somehow, then Ben will do it. Anything for her, he had promised himself. If she needs space, even a galaxy's worth of it, then he will give that to her. He will give her the galaxy.

Notes:

.... and that's it for part 1.

Just a reminder, this WILL have a happy, romantic ending.

Thanks for reading this far.

Chapter 20: And I'm Lost In My Own Skin

Notes:

This chapter took for-freaking-ever to get posted. Turns out trying to get multiple chapters done before I post any is not a thing that works for me, at least when writing fanfic. I guess I need those deadlines or I just get slower and slower. :/ To be fair I also played a really cool video game (Red Dead 2) and relapsed hard into another obsession (Loki), and work was an absolute bitch, but inevitably I did come back to these dumb space babies and their dumb space drama. <3

The next few chapters cover something of a timeskip since we don't want to spend too long with Rey and Ben apart, but we do need to see a bit of what they get up to in that time.

Chapter title from “Honestly OK” by Dido

-

A night and a day pass, and Ben spends them moping about uselessly until Rose Tico approaches him and asks him to help again with the work around the base. For a while, he loses himself in repairs and flight checks, prepping one of the larger ships to carry Niah Sloane and her people to whatever planet they’re to be kept on until their so-called rehabilitation is complete... assuming it's possible. Ben has his doubts about the program, as little as he knows of its process. He and Finn had both broken their conditioning, true, and apparently so had several others who now owe loyalty to Finn and Jannah, but the same cannot possibly work for everyone. Sloane was right about that, he thinks. Sooner or later, someone will turn their redemption into a farce and will use it to hurt the people in charge. Finn or Jannah, most likely, but it could be Poe. It could even be Rey, when she comes back. The risk of it increases with every new First Order soldier taken in, and though he ponders it quite a lot while trying not to fret about Rey, Ben has yet to decide if he thinks the risk is worth it.

Kade and SM-2882, who have been inseparable since their defection, go as ambassadors or their captive brethren. This happens on the morning of the third day, once the ship and everyone aboard has been deemed well enough to make the voyage. Finn goes with them, to no one's surprise, but Rey is not there to say goodbye. Before boarding, Finn claps Ben on the shoulder and tells him to "Hang in there."

Since the battle, Poe’s attitude has gone from antagonistic to merely cold. Ben's part in their victory has earned him only that much, it seems. The Resistance General asks nothing of him, and whenever he offers himself for some menial task or other, Dameron’s answers are short and dismissive. When Ben asks him if Rey has reported in, his response is a scowl and a question in return. "Wouldn't she call you first?"

Ben doesn't answer because he doesn't know.

-

A week passes and the base's population continues to thin out. It is still busy, but every day it seems there is somewhere else someone needs to be, usually on Poe's order. The galaxy is building a new government and a raggedy, dirt-walled military base is hardly the place to host it. Ben wonders how long it will be before Poe himself moves on. Sensibly, given his rank, he should have delegated the running of the base to someone else and left already.

Ben sleeps, when he can bring himself to sleep, in one of the bunks in the back chambers of the cavern. Poe's disdain is more or less unique, and while Ben has made no friends on the base, it is at this point likely only the fault of his own introversion. The story of his heroics in the final battle has been told and embellished more than it deserves, and the past, it seems, is easily ignored. By many here, if not by all, he finds himself bewilderingly welcome.

-

Ten days after Rey's departure, Ben is desperate enough to tromp out alone into the forest and invite the presence of the dead.

He had tried to reach out to Rey every night for the first four nights and then twice more before he gave up. He has seen his mother once, when he was alone at the base's perimeter, but she had offered him only undeserved sympathy and empty platitudes, so he had turned his back on her.

Now he is well past his wit's end, afraid he may explode at any moment into his old, destructive coping methods and injure an ally, so instead he goes looking for someone he cannot hurt anymore no matter how hard he tries.

Luke appears with irritating promptness after Ben has found himself a place to sit and meditate.

"It's about time," remarks the dead Jedi.

To which Ben responds, "Shut up."

"So you didn't call me here to talk, then?"

"You know why I called you."

"I can't make Rey come back. I've tried."

At this, Ben can't help but lift his head to search his uncle's eyes. "Is she alright?"

She's Rey." As obtuse an answer as that is, Ben knows exactly what it means. Rey is Rey. She is strong and stubborn, too much so to acknowledge the extent of her own suffering, whatever its cause may be. She survives, she hopes, and she rarely admits unhappiness.

"Where is she?"

"The Falcon."

Ben tries not to growl. "What system is she in?"

"Going to her now won't help, Ben. She needs to figure this out on her own."

"Did figuring it out alone work for you?" Ben snarks.

"Okay, that's fair," his uncle admits, seemingly unfazed, "but Rey is smarter than I was. She's learned from my mistakes."

"You made enough of them it would be hard not to."

This finally does earn a wince. "Yes, I know, and most of them were with you. Would it help if I apologized again?"

"Save it." The words come softer and weaker than he means them to.

Luke notices and softens his tone and expression in turn. "Is there anything else I can do? You know I want to help, Ben."

Ben has to look away now to hide the tears that threaten to spill. "Just keep an eye on Rey. I'm sure she's looking for trouble."

"I can do that. Shall I tell her you miss her?"

That offer makes Ben more angry than sad. He may not mind showing such vulnerability in front of Rey, but Luke remains a different story. "I don't care what you tell her," he snaps, and they both know it's a lie.

"You know, I've been spending a lot of time with your mother," Luke says instead of confronting him on it directly or hurrying off to guard Rey as Ben wished he would. The ghost's voice has gone so light and casual it sounds as if he has started a conversation with someone else. "She has a few ideas for the two of you whenever you get tired of helping rebuild the Republic. You can go back to Ahch-To if you want to, of course, but it's a bit cold and remote for comfortable living. Then, as you know, the apartment on Chandrila has changed hands, but there is an estate on Naboo that belongs to my mother's family. I've only visited it once, decades ago, but I remember it being just about the most beautiful place you could want. Rey would love it."
Ben's annoyance at Luke is almost forgotten in the face of mortal terror. He manages to hold onto the former enough to say, if in a somewhat breathless voice, "I didn't summon you to discuss settling down."

"Then what did you summon me for?"

"You know why. I need you to keep Rey safe while I can't."

"No," says Luke in that infuriatingly patient way of his. "You could have asked your mother to do that. Why did you want me?"

It is far too tempting to throw his hands up and walk away. Ben is too busy fighting that impulse to answer.

"Is it," Luke asks, "because you needed someone to shout at who won't run away scared or make you feel guilty afterward? Someone who deserves it?"

It is, but Ben isn't willing to tell Luke that he's right even with such an admission attached, so he simply glares.

"Well, get on with it, then," the ghost encourages. "Unless you're done already?"

When he can stop gritting his teeth long enough to open his mouth, Ben says, quietly, "Fuck you, Uncle."

Luke's laughter is heartfelt and not unkind.

It is tempting, just for a passing moment, to let loose and vent as Luke seems to want him to. It would be mortifying, however, and it probably wouldn't make him feel much better, so Ben takes a deep, deep breath instead and lets it out with his eyes closed, willing his muscles to relax.

"Well done," Luke observes, and he doesn't even sound mocking.

"You're not my teacher anymore," Ben grumbles, but the fight is leaving him.

"Well, not for lack of trying," is the nonchalant answer. Then, "If you're going to keep cursing me and you don't want another apology, then how about this—I forgive you. I haven't said it yet, so there you go. I forgive you. So does Chewbacca, by the way. Maybe you should go see him on Kashyyyk while you wait for Rey. I expect it would do more good than harm." With this firm suggestion and a wry smile to accompany it, Luke departs, fading into the hot jungle air. Which is fine, since Ben has nothing left to say to him. 

Not yet.

-

If he weren't otherwise at such loose ends, he would not even consider the suggestion. It is only because he has nowhere else to go that the idea takes hold and he finds himself in Poe's office the next morning, trying not to loom while he asks for a ship.

"We have a few small ones available," Poe tells him, looking a little too happy about having something that Ben wants and having the power to give it to him... or not to. "Not the one you broke at Jakku. Smaller. Long-range starfighter types."

"Fine. Will you comm Chewbacca? Or let me do it? He needs to know I'm coming."

"Chewie..." Poe muses, going so far as to lean back in his seat and steeple his fingers. Ben wonders which authority figure the pilot-turned-general is trying to mimic. Not his mother. She was never so smug in nature. "He's like family to you, isn't he? Rey talks," he explains when Ben's scowl deepens. "Yes, I'll tell him you're coming, but you'll owe me, Solo."

"I won your war for you," Ben tries not to snarl.

"Yes, and you owed me then too."

"Just tell me which ship to take," he grumbles darkly, because he can't argue with that.

“It's an X-wing. We've still got one of the old models the Rebel Alliance used to fly. You'll be right at home in that, won't you?"

"I'll manage."

"I bet you will." 

With the business and unpleasantries complete, Poe goes back to his work and Ben takes the dismissal for what it is.

The larger ships of the mismatched armada—those that haven't left yet, at least—are stuffed into the wider areas of the canyon wherever they can fit, but the smaller starfighters are lined up just outside the cavern entrance. It is easy enough to spot the X-wing Poe described, and as soon as he sees it, Ben knows it's not the first time. He had seen the same ship on Exegol when he’d gone to help Rey, and before that... many years before that... he had seen his uncle fly it.

This was Luke Skywalker's X-wing.

Had Poe known? Or had he offered it because it was only here thanks to Rey? Either seems likely, and neither lessens the combination of indignity and panic that accompanies the prospect of flying Luke's ship. It is somehow worse than facing the Falcon had been, if only because he wasn't expecting it this time.

He thinks of Rey. He asks himself what she would do or say about it, and then he climbs aboard. The claustrophobic cockpit smells like the salt sea of Ahch-To, but it is otherwise clean. The fighter powers up with only a little cough from the engines, lifting off the ground without a wobble. Whatever damage the ship had seen, Rey's way with mechanics has overcome it.

He tilts the long nose upward. The canyon walls fall away, and then the dome of the sky, and he is on his way not to where he wants to go, but perhaps to where he ought to.

 

-< >-

 

Rey flies for a day and a night, or the equivalent thereof, as time is not so neatly measured in the eternal darkness of space. She has no destination in mind, so when she feels like stopping, she simply aims for the nearest inhabitable planet and hopes it has nice weather.

It does. It's a bit colder than she likes, reminding her of Ahch-To but without the annoying dampness or the smell of brine. There are trees here, tall and broad-trunked with wide, papery leaves. She likes the way they sound when the wind blows. 

The dirt under her boots is soft and clumpy and orange, broken by questing tree roots and mossy gray rocks. There are people here too, and towns and cities and farmland, but she steers clear of all that to begin with. She doesn't need to resupply yet and she isn't quite ready to deal with strangers. All she wants right now is to be somewhere new.

There are animals among the trees. When the Falcon has been powered down and silent for a time, they come out of hiding. Rey sits atop the ship with a datapad in hand, studying a list of nice planets to visit and looking up at each hint of movement to watch the native creatures as they go about their foraging. There are avians and small reptiles mostly, but at one point a lithe beast twice her size stalks by on six limbs, its scales mottled green and orange and its toothy snout held close to the ground. She stays especially quiet until this one has long since passed her by.

Later, when she gets tired of sitting, she climbs down and walks out into the trees until she finds a new flower to add to her collection. She keeps one hand on her lightsaber hilt, but the six-legged beast does not return. The flower she chooses has five narrow petals, purple streaked with white, and a spongy green stem with nubby little protrusions all along its length that might be budding leaves or might be something else. When she holds it to her nose, she is surprised by the sharpness of its scent. She will write about it in her journal when she goes back to the ship.

As she holds her new prize, she feels a familiar prodding sensation in her head, not for the first time since she had left Ajann-Kloss. As she had done each time before, she holds the door firmly shut. Ben will understand, and if he doesn't, well... that was why she left, wasn't it? 

She doesn't let herself dwell on that question. She won't feel sorry for herself any more than is necessary in order to figure out where she wants to be.

-

She does, after two days in the forest, work up the nerve to visit the nearest town. The architecture is the first thing that captures her attention. The houses are built out of wood, their walls thick and all of their windows set high. She thinks of the beast in the woods and wonders.

A lumber mill rumbles and hums at the edge of town, transforming the enormous trunks of the local trees into beams and poles and slats and big blocks of wood, the latter of which she puzzles over until she sees the carvings—large artistic renderings of animals placed as if to guard the entrances of homes.

The population's majority appears to be a species she doesn't recognize, but here and there she sees a more familiar being, which tells her that space travel is at least known here, if perhaps not common.

A significant portion of the town is devoted to a marketplace. She sees food and clothes as she meanders down its lanes, but mostly she sees wood. Wood furniture and wood artwork, often one and the same. Adjacent to the market is a comparatively tiny spaceport where lumber and all things made from it are loaded up to be sold on other worlds. The town's singular focus on forestry seems not so strange when Rey thinks how Niima Outpost relied as heavily on its scavengers and their salvage.

She considers buying gifts for her friends—carvings of things that might have some special meaning to them—but although one or two of the art pieces does strike her fancy, she can't bring herself to spend the money.

Rey says goodbye to the planet shortly after, and how strange it is to come and go on a whim with no worry nor responsibility. Even on Ahch-To with Ben there had been worry. There had been compromise. There had been joy too, of course, and that joy is lessened by distance, but Rey has never felt so free.

The second planet she visits is dominated by desert, but this desert is cold, the hard ground filigreed with a thin trace of snow. She stays here longer, intrigued by the twist to a familiar environment. She bundles herself up and walks the rocky hills at sunrise, watching the wildlife begin to stir. The animals here wear thick coats of fur. The flowers, when she finds them, are small and hardy, keeping most of their bulk in their root systems where the night winds won't freeze their precious water.

Unlike Tatooine and Jakku, however, this world is not all desert. Around the equator spans a belt of verdant forest and grassland, populated by goliath beasts with stilt-like legs and long necks to reach the tops of trees or the abundant grass far below them. There are no native sapient species, but a colony of togruta have expanded to fill a cluster of villages in the space between a pair of rivers. She trades with them for food and water and for answers to her questions about the planet's ecology.

This planet is large and slow. The days are long. Rey develops a habit of napping in the middle of the day to make up for it. It is too easy to lose track of the passage of time here. Three standard days are only two for her. Ten days planetside are fifteen by galactic standard. She likes it, mostly, save for the moments when it makes her horribly anxious that something important is happening out in the wider galaxy without her.

But that's the reason she is here. The rest of the galaxy—and yes, even her friends—can handle it themselves this time. She’s done enough.

In the end, she convinces herself to spend twenty-two long, mellow days exploring the beautiful green-belted planet. It is more than a month by the standard clock. When she is finally satisfied with her visit and prepared to leave, she thinks hard about turning around and going back to the Resistance. She wants to know how Finn and Poe are getting on with their new jobs, or so she tells herself. She tries not to wonder about Ben. She knows he's not fine, but he will be. This is good for both of them. They need this. 

She needs this.

She does not go back. Instead, she turns the Falcon inward and lets the broadening hyperlanes take her toward that bright, shining light at the center of the galaxy.

Chapter 21: She's Got Herself A Universe Gone Quickly

Notes:

Chapter title from "Ray of Light" by Madonna

-

Coruscant is like nothing Rey could have imagined. No holo image had ever done it justice. The first thing she does there is get in trouble for flying without a designated course and thus disrupting air traffic. She almost gives up right then and leaves out of sheer embarrassment, but she manages to steel herself against this sudden bout of social anxiety and stutter an apology. "I'm a traveler. I just wanted to see the city." She does not try to use her place in the Resistance as leverage, recalling that Coruscant, like Chandrila, had fallen into the hands of First Order sympathizers. She can't know who among the city’s inhabitants would be grateful to meet the last Jedi and who might instead resent her, or worse.

"I'm sending you a route-map," says the officer from his neat little skycar. "Just stay on the highlighted skyways and you won't cause anymore trouble."

"Okay."

She is nervous still, and the carbon-scored Falcon stands out among the smaller, cleaner skycars that dominate the air above the city, but the Force is so alive here, sparking behind her eyelids every time she blinks. It fills her chest up with excitement, dances around her in a warm welcome that makes up for the embarrassment of her initial blunder. She hadn't known what she was going to do here before she arrived, but she knows now. She feels the call, and it is not the imposition she feared it would be but merely an invitation to experience more. There is no sense of urgency, no warning of danger. There is only a thrill in the Force to match her own. If she doesn't like where the Force leads her, she is free to turn away.

Where the Force leads her is straight to the old Jedi Order headquarters. She doesn't even need to rely on instincts or on ghosts to tell her what it is. The map sent to her navigation system has the place clearly labeled. Apparently they offer tours.

Rey brings the Falcon down onto one of the repulsor-lifted landing pads, reluctantly pays the exorbitant docking fee, and goes inside. Her path is clearly marked by arrow-shaped signs reading 'Tours This Way' and a series of pedestals displaying artful little things such as vases and statuettes. Data screens bolted to each stand provide descriptions of what they hold.

Marble statue of meditating Jedi Padawan, 1009 BBY

Clay Vase painted with rendition of two Jedi dueling with lightsabers, 340 BBY

Rey reads each label, but doesn't spend much longer examining the displays. The Force clings to each artifact only as much as it does to the rest of the building. Whatever has drawn her here is somewhere else.

The tour signs end at a desk where a man sits, human, pale, and blond. He perks up when he sees her coming and greets her in a youthful tenor. "Hello, Ma'am. Are you here for a tour?"

"I guess so..." Rey lies because she thinks he will ask her to leave if she says no. She could mindtrick him, of course, but she would rather do this the honest way. At least for now.

"One's just started," he tells her apologetically, "but you can catch up if you don't want to wait. You won't have missed much."

"Um, great. Which way?"

The clerk points. "Down the hall, follow the curve of the wall. You'll see them." But when Rey moves to do so, he adds, "That's three hundred credits." 

So much for the honest way. She'd already paid the docking fee, and judging by the sharp, clean look of everything, they aren’t in desperate need of the money. Buying gifts from small-town artists would have been one thing, but this... This is far too much for her scavenger-brained insecurities, and the place is, after all, her heritage. In a way, she’s owed this. "I've already paid," she says lightly, and the young man's eyes glaze over.

"Yes, of course, Ma'am. You've already paid. Please enjoy your visit.” And he sits there with a pleasantly dazed smile on his face as she walks away.

She does catch up with the tour group, though she doesn't make much effort to hurry. It is thanks more to the fact that the tour guide—a thin, elderly human—is terribly long-winded. She catches him midway through a diatribe about Jedi schooling as his small tour group—also all human—peers rather listlessly at a training droid and visor arranged together on a stand. He seems to have gotten far away from the topic of lightsaber training by the time Rey is in earshot, though.

"It was common for even young adolescents to be taken out on journeys to remote and savage planets with only their Jedi master to protect them. From what we've been able to recover of the temple records, we know that padawans died or sustained serious injuries on these trials. We don't know why the Jedi deemed such practices necessary even in times of peace. Now, I'm a traditionalist myself," he says this part in a tone that makes Rey think he means 'Imperialist', "But I personally can't help thinking they didn't draw the line where they should have. I think it's important to point out, also, that the Jedi Order preached peace while training their students for war. I'll let you make of that what you will."

Rey, unnoticed or ignored at the back of the group, had stiffened at first, clenching her jaw to keep from arguing with the man's obvious bias, but as his words settle in her mind, she feels that defensiveness ease somewhat. Biased he may be, but is he entirely wrong? The Jedi Order had made grave mistakes. Luke and Ben both taught her that. Why, in the end, should she defend them?

The tour continues in the same vein, the guide painting a picture of noble but old-fashioned and misguided warrior scholars. It is, Rey suspects, a compromise of sorts, designed to let the common people hold onto their fantasy of the heroic Jedi without proclaiming the Empire at fault for opposing them. Rey could do without the Imperial brown-nosing, and yet in spite of everything, she finds it harder and harder to think up excuses for the Jedi as the tour goes on. Luke himself had said some of what she is hearing here.

When the guide leads his charges through an ornate doorway and into a truly breathtaking library, Rey intentionally falls behind, reciting in her mind a steady chant of Don't notice me. Don't notice me. The tour moves on without her and Rey almost laughs at how easy it is. She could stay here all day if she feels like it and no one would bother her or remember her presence afterward.

The printed books and data terminals she passes by, for surely anything useful among those has long since been removed, but there is a shelf along one wall lined with dozens of pristine holocrons. These, she knows, only a Force user can open, and in some cases—according to one of the books she'd stolen from Luke—only a Force user of the correct alignment. With any luck, something has been left here that would not have been if her grandfather's Empire knew what it held.

She seriously thinks about going through all of them. After all, she does have the time. As she reaches for the one on the top left end, however, something flashes in the corner of her eye. A cube of metal and crystal, no different from the others around it, has lit up with a bluish light midway down the shelf.  For all of her thoughts about forging her own path instead of being a tool of the Force, it seems silly to ignore such an obvious sign. She reaches for the glowing holocron and it unfolds like a blooming flower at the touch of her hand.

'The only known description of the Silver Path was passed to the newborn Jedi Order by the Force users of Dathomir,' begins a voice from the open holocron, clear and feminine and carefully measured. 'Believed by the skeptical to be a time-locked wormhole or a stable bubble of hyperspace, and by the more mystically minded to be a reality existing between life and death, it is known that the Silver Path has, to those few who have successfully accessed it, allowed for what is effectively time travel. There are also, among some of the oldest reports, descriptions of the dead being brought back alive by way of the Silver Path and of, on at least one occasion, a living Force user's consciousness being trapped within while his body lay dormant in physical plane. Similar reports refer to the Aethica or the World Between Worlds, which are thought to be alternate names for the same phenomenon.'

The recorded lecture ends and a small circle on the top-facing side of the holocron lights up brighter than the rest, projecting in the air above it a series of diagrams and artistic renderings. Rey recognizes at least one of the patterns from a hand-drawn map she’d found in the Jedi texts. The images mean less to her than the words, though, over which her mind is still reeling. Although there was no mention of how the place described could be reached, she suspects rather strongly that she has been there already, and so has Ben. If everything the recording said was true, it would explain both his resurrection and her encounters with him at moments throughout his past. 

She had come to Coruscant trying not to think of Ben and now she very much wishes he was here to see this. She hesitates only a moment before mentally commanding the holocron to deactivate and tucking it securely into her bag. She does not expect it will be missed much here.

She had planned to stay on Coruscant for at least a few days, but she is discovering rather quickly one of the traps of a planetwide city; every inch of land belongs to someone and there is nowhere to land a ship without being expected to pay for taking up space. She could simply keep mindtricking her way around the expenses, but there is only so much thievery Rey can take part in before she begins to feel guilty. She had never stolen from a living person back on Jakku, but others had stolen from her, more than once, and the losses had almost killed her. Coruscant may not be a desert wasteland, but money is money, greed is greed, and she resolves not to cheat anyone unless she is sure they can afford it.

As such, she decides to stay on Coruscant for only one day, or what is left of the day after her temple tour. Most of this time ends up being spent flying the skyways, staring out at the endless peaks of durasteel and concrete. She stops only twice more, the first to land at the edge of a park and poke around until she finds a flower for her collection. It is yellow and many-petaled with long, jagged leaves. The second stop is later, when she gets hungry enough, at a dock attached to a wide, shining street crowded with foot traffic. Here she asks around until someone is kind enough to recommend a nearby restaurant.

The Moonflower Cafe, as the sign identifies it, is a tiny business tucked between giants. The interior is lit in calming yellow like a sunset and made to feel homey with patterned curtains and vibrant potted plants. Rey, who has never patroned a proper restaurant on her own, walks right up to the plump green twi'lek at the counter and asks what she has for sale.

"Menus are at the tables," says the checkout clerk, nonplussed. "A waiter will be with you shortly."

Rey stands there and waits for the promised waiter until the woman squints at her and adds, "Sit at whatever table you want."

So Rey does, taking her time to study the tables she passes until one with a nice window view catches her eye. The menus are printed on thick, glossy paper rather than uploaded on datapads as she'd assumed they would be. She doesn't know what most of the words written on them mean, but some of the dishes on the list have pictures, so when the teenaged human who must be her waiter asks what she wants, Rey  points to an image of a creamy-looking stew and another of a thick, brown drink which the menu describes as a kind of dessert. The waiter seems unperturbed by her order, so she guesses she did this part right.

There are only two other guests at the cafe, and they share a table. Rey looks out the window so as not to stare at the finely dressed couple, but as the only other sounds are the hum of the air traffic outside and the muffled clatter from the kitchen, she cannot help but overhear their conversation.

"... Thinks it's a Resistance plot, though why the Resistance would sabotage droids after they've already won I have no idea."

"Could it have been something they set into motion a some time ago, not knowing how soon they would win?"

"I suppose, but I still don't see why. Who does it inconvenience? No one but ordinary people. We weren't their enemy. No... If you ask me, I don't think this has anything to do with the Resistance or the First Order. It's too random. They say the droids at the factory didn't even attack anyone. They just hijacked their own transport ships and flew away."

"So someone stole them. Clever way to steal droids, reprogramming them to come to you."

"Didn't that happen in one of those novels you made me read?"

"No, that was... Wait, yes! It was in the third issue of the Hutta Raiders. Only it was one droid, not a whole factory. You know they're making a holodrama out of those novels?"

"Really? I hadn't heard."

"Mhm. It's about time, too."

Rey manages to tune them out a bit as their discussion turns to the fictional characters in this novel series and what they hope to see in the live-acted adaptation. Her food arrives a minute later and she is more than happy to put her focus on that instead, brushing off—for the time being—what she had overheard.

-

It happens as Rey is guiding the Falcon away from the choked aerospace of Coruscant and into the star-speckled void above. First comes the long, box-like freighter, shuddering past her too fast and too close, a visible hull breach slashed across one side and sparks flying from the engines. Next, a second later, come the smaller crafts, five of them, swarming after the freighter in attack formation with guns blazing. The altercation is over before Rey can decide what to do. The freighter takes a final, fateful hit to its engines and they shut down, leaving it to plummet lifelessly toward the city below.

Rey comms the squad of pursuers. There is no time to divert the ship from its devastating course, but... "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"It's taken care of, Ma'am," comes the curt response. 

"But what if there's survivors?" She can't keep the consternation out of her voice.

"There was no one on that ship but droids, and this section of the city was evacuated before we hit atmosphere. Emergency services will be there to dig up any stragglers. You'd just be in the way." He cuts off the call before she can decide whether or not to tell him how untrue that is, or to ask why a cargo ship crewed by droids needed to be shot down over bustling Coruscant of all places. Was such drama normal for big cities?

There's nothing for it, of course. She knows she has the ability to help, and that no one else here can do what she can, so she points the Falcon back downward and looks for a place to land as close to the crash site as possible.

She doesn't bother with a docking fee. 

Close as she had been to breaking through the planet’s gravitational field and leaving before this mess found her, the stretch of city beneath her now is far away from the cafe from which she departed. While it had still been only evening there, here it is well and truly night, and while the city lights drown out the stars, it is not impossible for her to hide in the shadow of the fallen freighter. It helps, of course, that she has made sure the official rescue team is approaching from the opposite side.

Here, like most of Coruscant, one structure is built atop another, and that atop another still, so that the roads and rooftops that see open sky stand many levels above the natural ground. Sturdy plates between each level have kept the damage from cascading beyond the highest one, to her relief. The ship itself looks almost in worse shape than the chunk of building it crushed.

With no urgent direction from the Force, and not wanting to shift too much wreckage at once at the risk of injuring those working on the other side, Rey is left to pick and tug at the loosest pieces, using the Force to lift them clear and drop them in a pile. She has made barely a dent in the mass of twisted metal when, much to her surprise, she uncovers her first survivor.

The Force could not have warned her of the lifeform trapped under the crooked sheet of durasteel because it is not a lifeform by technical definition. Not of the sort that lights up when she uses that sixth sense of hers.

The droid creaks and jitters its way up into a sitting position as soon as it has the space to do so, revealing a roughly man-shaped frame encased in matte gray plating. Its head is dented severely on the left and the arm on the same side is half gone, and it does not look so much as look in Rey’s direction as it staggers to its metal feet, let alone ask her for any help.

Shaking horrendously and shooting sparks from more than one split wire, the machine limps its way toward the Falcon, as confident as if it has already been invited. Its voice, when it speaks, stutters as much as the rest of it. "El-El-El-El... El... Three. Elthree. El... Three... Three Seven."

 

-< >-

 

For all his animosity, Poe has clearly kept his word and warned Chewbacca about Ben's arrival, as well as, it seems, which ship he would be coming in. The wookiee is waiting at the docking platform when the old X-wing descends. Now, with the moment arrived, Ben fights the urge to turn and flee. He has made it this far, he tells himself, and if he sits here inside the cockpit for much longer, Chewbacca will likely as not come rip off the transparisteel canopy and haul him out. Trying to avoid this confrontation will, in the end, only add to his shame. So, with a knot in his throat and his father's face looming large in his thoughts, he climbs out into the wroshyr-scented air.

Chewbacca, often one to chatter, only watches him in silence, arms at his sides, and it is up to Ben to walk the distance across the tree-suspended platform to meet him.

"Chewie, I..." is as much as he can get out before the lump in his throat expands and chokes off his voice. The words prove unnecessary. Chewie knows. Of course Chewie knows. He moves one arm and Ben flinches before the great hairy paw claps down on his shoulder, giving him a shake that is far less violent than he expects it to  be. Then his wookiee uncle is pulling him into a hug tight enough to make his ribs ache and he blinks back tears as he listens to the agonized Shyriiwook tyrade that follows.

"Yeah..." he manages once he's turned his head enough to speak without gagging on a mouthful of fur. "I missed you too." He means to say more—to apologize, most of all—but Chewbacca apparently doesn't need to hear it. He cuts Ben off with a bark of invitation and lets him go only to sling a long arm around his shoulders and usher him deeper into the treebound village.

-

Ben lets himself lose track of the time he spends on Kashyyyk. The Resistance knows where he is. Rey will be able to find him when she wants to, if she wants to, so he does what he can to avoid dwelling on the wait. The first few days are spent talking to Chewie, and not just to apologize—though he manages several “I'm sorry”s before Chewbacca roars at him to stop. In the end, he tells his favorite uncle everything, starting with what it was like to have Snoke in his head from boyhood and ending with Rey flying off in the Falcon and leaving him behind. Chewbacca shares his house, his food, and his work, and Ben talks. When he is done, he is fairly certain it is the most he has talked with such honesty to anyone in his life, save of course for the voices in his head. He succeeds, even, at keeping the tears to a minimum, though there are tears, and not all of them his own.

Uncle Chewie is as good a listener as Ben remembers him to be, sensitive enough to know when he needs a break or when all he needs is a gentle question to prod him forward in his telling. When he is too emotionally drained to speak but does not feel like doing anything else, Chewbacca takes a turn to talk, telling him the truths about his family's concerns for him, and their love. None of them had been without fault. Chewie acknowledges that readily, but the reasonings behind it all had been warped by Snoke's lies to seed hatred and resentment in Ben's heart. Now, finally, it is all set straight.

"We searched for you," Chewie rumbles, "when Luke told us what happened. We wanted to find you and to save you. We never stopped wanting that."

After this, neither of them can speak for a while, but the weeping leaves Ben feeling less hollow, somehow, rather than more. Even after, when all has at last been said, Ben stays, for until Rey lets him back in, he has nowhere better to go.

... Or until, as it happens, another opportunity to make amends presents itself.

Chapter 22: The Clock On The Wall Has Been Stuck At Three For Days And Days

Notes:

Chapter title from “3 AM” by Matchbox Twenty

-

This is a day in the life of Ben Solo.

The nightmares have become part of his routine, as they had been for most of his life. His time with Rey was, in the end, only a short reprieve. Now, as before, he wakes each morning with his heart hammering in his ears, images of blood and death lingering as if painted on the inner skin of his eyelids.

As Kylo Ren, he had shaken off his bad dreams and powered through each day on spite. Now it is with resignation and the need to make up for all that he cannot undo. It is a slow, heavy, thankless motivation, but there is little else left to keep him going.

He had said goodbye to Chewbacca and departed Kashyyyk after receiving a call from Finn. It was nothing urgent, as he first expected it to be, and neither was it anything to do with Rey. Rather it seemed simply an attempt to reach out. A kindness. Finn asked him if he wanted to be part of the Stormtrooper rehabilitation program, and Ben said yes.

So now Ben wakes from his nightmares to find himself on his too-small cot in his too-small room inside the facility that has grown rapidly up around an abandoned rebel base on Dantooine. He makes himself presentable, or near enough, and joins his fellow First Order defectors in one of the mess halls, of which there are two. One is for those who are here by choice and one is for those who are not. The wardens of the place—Finn and Jannah and their compatriots—may choose either mess to dine in, but Ben is the only one who visits the latter without fear. There had been one attempt on his life—just one—in which several former officers jumped him. It is so far the only time he has had to remind anyone that he still wields the mystical powers which Kylo Ren was known for. No one was severely injured, and rather than adding to the loathing he already bore as a traitor, it seems, miraculously, to have regained him some measure of respect.

Niah Sloane has contributed to this as well.

The last leader of the First Order remains with those who still must be managed like prisoners for the safety of the rest, but at this point she remains by her own choice. Jannah had offered to release her and she had refused, stating, "Not until the last of my soldiers is dead or free."  Instead, she holds an honorary position on the staff but insists on sleeping in a cell. "I want to know how they're being treated," she had explained to Ben on one of the rare occasions when curiosity got the better of him and he questioned her about it. "None of them should be treated worse than I am."

It has, among other things, earned her the utter devotion of every former Trooper and officer in the facility. If Ben had not already been safe in the high security mess hall, sitting down to breakfast with Niah Sloane would have ensured it.

The staple fare of protein mash has a vaguely meaty smell and not much taste to speak of, but the caf is decent. It is certainly no worse a meal than what the Stormtroopers and lowest-ranking officers had been accustomed to in the First Order. There is even salt available at the serving counter, and sugar for the caf.

Neither of them speaks immediately. They’ve shared enough meals here already to have gotten through the most pressing conversations. Ben keeps coming because Niah asks him to, because for reasons he cannot make sense of even though she has explained it, she trusts him with her concerns about the program more than she trusts Finn and Jannah.

So it has become one of his duties here to have breakfast with her at least twice a week, and when they do speak, it is about the treatment and progress of the individuals under their care.

It doesn't feel good, exactly, to be helping the way that he is, but it feels like something. It feels like purpose, and purpose is a hard thing to come by these days.

Today he eats breakfast with Niah and then, as she has nothing extensive to talk with him about, he leaves the high security wing and goes to meet Finn in his office.

While his relationships with Niah and with Finn are based on the same shared experience, Finn is the only one of the two—and often the only one at the facility—who greets him like a friend.

The response when he buzzes the door is immediate and the smile when he enters is genuine. There is more caf for him to indulge in—someone must be donating the stuff, given how they never seem to run out—and there are Finn's kind eyes and warm voice, eager to see him despite it all.

They would discuss Niah's report first if she had given one, but as she has not today, Finn dives into a quick rundown of his own progress and a few areas in which he thinks Ben might be useful. Then they leave the office together and exit the building onto the grassy plains of Dantooine, where they commence with Finn's daily Force training.

Meditation comes first, and any exercises that can be done while the body rests. Finn may not have the sheer strength that Ben and Rey share, but he has proven incredibly sensitive to the emotions and intentions of those around him. He could have no better skill for the task he has chosen, and half the reason he invited Ben here in the first place was to help him refine it.

Each day, they work on this nebulous talent for roughly an hour or until Finn is satisfied, and then there is lightsaber practice. This begins with stretches and a review of the forms Ben remembers well enough to pass on, and ends with a sparring match. For now, they use wooden rods. It will be a much more effective lesson when Finn acquires a kyber crystal and is able to finally build his own lightsaber, but that key component has thus far eluded them.

When the training session is over, Finn and Ben attend to the primary work of the rehabilitation center—coaching its patients through the long, painful process of unconditioning. 

Making the choice to change is, as they both know, only the beginning.

Today, Ben is sitting in on a group therapy session led by Kade and his much less talkative husband, formerly SM-2882, now called Forest. The two of them have thrived after the battle over Jakku and are model examples of what former Stormtroopers could become. They had married just as soon as they could arrange it, and then had gone on to help build the facility and the program alongside Finn and Jannah.

"Forest and I knew we had to get away. We'd known it for a long time. We just didn't know it was possible. I think a lot of you here were on that same level, even if you hadn't admitted it to yourself yet. I know Ben was." He gestures and half-turns to face Ben, despite the latter having positioned his chair outside the circle in an attempt to avoid being put on the spot. All eyes turn toward him. Most of them still hold a shadow of the fear he used to inspire.

He sighs and does his job. "Yes... I knew. I knew that Snoke was using me, but I thought I had already gone too far. I thought no one but the First Order would accept me." Some days he can feel numb to his past, or nearly so. Today is not one of those days.

"You thought you had no choice," Kade continues for him, and Ben is quietly relieved. "You dug yourself into a hole and when you couldn't see a way to climb out, you kept digging deeper. A lot of us," he turns back to the five former officers who are being evaluated to move out of the high security wing, "didn't even have that much choice. If Kylo Ren himself can recognize how the First Order misled and mistreated him, if he can change the way he sees the galaxy and himself—can take that big, scary jump even though he didn't know if he'd land on solid ground, then so can we. So can you. You just have to want it. And you all have something Ben didn't have, and Finn didn't have either. You have us. You have each other. If you try to break the First Order's chains on you and you mess up, we'll still be here. You have somewhere to land, because we all know what you're going through, right? We know that what they did to us doesn't just go away at the snap of your fingers. You'll get as many tries as you need to climb out of that hole... To make that jump." He pauses here to let his pep talk sink in. "Does anyone want to talk about your own feelings or experiences today? Remember, it's okay if you disagree with anything I said, or if what you experienced was different."

There is silence for a few seconds. Ben stares at a spot on the wall and tries not to draw attention to himself. Then a tall, dark-haired woman clears her throat and speaks. "I don't agree that many of us felt trapped. I didn't. I was raised to believe in the First Order. I still believe some of it. Maybe they are just ideals and not the truth, but we believed in the cause, if not always in the method. I don't know how to stop believing in something."

"Thank you, that's a good side of it to bring up," Kade assures her. "But like you said, it's the ideals you still believe in, not the methods. Plenty of people out there believe the galaxy would be better under a single government. You can believe so and at the same time acknowledge that the First Order's methods—it's means to an end—were doing more harm than good."

The woman says nothing to this, so the session moves on. Ben, thankfully, is not called on to speak again, so he passes the time gently probing the surface emotions of the people around him, looking for dishonesty or resentment. This is the other reason he is called to attend these meetings. Between him and Finn, they have managed so far to weed out anyone who thought to play at redemption with the intent of doing harm.

This group is honest. They are tired and defeated and yes, some of them harbor resentment, but he finds no real ambition behind it. He will let Finn know to expect good behavior from them.

Lunch is next on his schedule, and for this he prefers to serve himself in the low security mess and take his meal outside for a bit of peace and quiet. Today his efforts are thwarted by Finn, who has gotten a little too good at finding him by his presence in the Force.

"I got a call from Rose this morning," Finn announces by way of greeting as he sits down right next to Ben without invitation. As is the case with most things Finn does, Ben can't decide whether to be annoyed at the interruption or touched by the man's insistence on offering companionship. In the end, he can't muster the energy for either, so he just listens.

"She says she just had a big breakthrough with rehoming the Kijimi refugees. She says Chandrila donated a huge chunk of land and they're building a whole city for them. She's going with a bunch of the refugees to help, and we're sending some of our people. It'll be a good way for them to feel like they're fixing the First Order's mistakes."

"Are you asking me to go?" That seems doubtful, as he's definitely more useful here, unless Finn knows something he doesn't.

"No way. I need you here," Finn echoes his thoughts. "I just got the feeling you needed some good news today, that's all."

Of course it was. Finn knew what everyone needed emotionally if he spent any amount of time with them.

"I've already been to my therapy session today," Ben grouses. 

Finn laughs and leaves it at that. 

After lunch, the day resumes the pattern which most of his days here have followed.  He has a couple hours of free time to pursue his own interests—he tries to read and can't concentrate so he tries to nap and fails at that too—and then he has a shift working maintenance around the facility, which for him usually means either moving heavy objects or repairing ships and speeders. The facility offers volunteer work to nearby farms as well, but Ben prefers to avoid the risk of meeting new people.

Today it's one of their ground transports, not damaged in any particular way but in need of a thorough cleaning and tune-up. The task is dull and only takes up part of his shift, so then he has to find something else to occupy his hands. Having grown tired quite quickly of begging a supervisor for new assignments every day, he has learned where the to-do list is and how to help himself.

When his work shift is over, it’s dinnertime, and this he takes to his own room to spare himself any further interruptions. He tries again to read while he eats, with more success, for the combination of tasks makes it easier to keep his mind from wandering. He is studying a treatise on the High Republic era and the successes and failures of its government. He means to share the piece with Dameron, who hasn't done nearly enough research on such topics in Ben's opinion. 

He goes to bed early. He usually does these days. During his years as Kylo Ren, he would often stay up half the night just to exhaust himself so that his self-destructive mind would let him sleep. Now he relies on sedatives from the rehabilitation center's pharmacy.

This is a day in the life of Ben Solo.

-

In the morning, he wakes from a dream in which it was his mother he slew on Starkiller Base instead of his father. He tells himself it doesn't matter and he quashes the temptation to summon his mother's spirit just for a comforting word. He will forget about it later as he slogs through another day like the one before.

This time, after he makes his morning report, Finn leans forward over his desk with an eager brightness in his eyes. "I got word from a contact on Batuu about a merchant selling parts from the ship that destroyed Kijimi. Including crystals. I'm gonna make a trip out there in a couple days. I could use your help, since you're the expert."

"I can't choose your kyber for you," Ben reminds him. They've been over this before, preparing for the opportunity to come."If the right one is there, you'll know."

"Yeah, but..." Finn is clearly searching for an excuse. "What if I get it wrong? You've done this before. I haven't. Or what if there's something wrong with the crystal and I need to heal it like you did with yours?" Finn had, of course, asked why Ben's saber blade was white now instead of red. "You could walk me through it."

Ben has leveled a flat stare at Finn midway through his reasoning. "Why do you really want me to go to Batuu?"

It works. Finn sighs in defeat and tells him the truth. "It's not about going to Batuu. I just think you need to get out of here for a while. I think it will help."

It would sound insulting coming from anyone else. From Finn the empath it doesn't, but still... "Yesterday you said you needed me here."

"Yeah, but that was yesterday. Come on, trust me. We'll only be gone a few days."

Ben could argue. He's good at arguing. He has about three different arguments he could pull right off the top of his head, but none of them seem worth the effort. "Fine," he says instead, and Finn beams at him.

"Great. We're leaving this evening. I'll let Sloane know so she doesn't wonder where you are."

Finn really does think of everything these days. Ben tries to muster some form of anticipation for the coming change of scenery, but all it feels like is more trouble. He makes a mental note to bring a hooded cloak so that maybe, at least, he won't be recognized as soon as he steps out onto a public street.

Despite having this unasked-for outing hanging over his head, the balance of the day passes like all the rest.

Chapter 23: The Rain Falls, The Grass Grows Without You

Notes:

So I had to rewrite the end of this chapter at the last minute because my original rough draft skipped right over the talk with Maz/visit to Takodana and only while editing did I realized what a complete fool I had been. XD

Chapter title from "Without You" from RENT, which I was gonna use anyway but definitely works better with the addition of the Takodana scene.

-

The lights go out just before Rey reaches the building, just as her team had planned. It is the lights only and not the power, so the Force ripples around her on command to confuse the alarm system. This is why she is here rather than one of the droids who would be faster at computer slicing. Core world droid manufacturers are becoming increasingly guarded, and rightfully so, but although they can keep out any of her comrades who aren't willing to resort to wholesale destruction, they have yet to concoct a defense against an organic Force-user. If she can get to a terminal and plug in the datastick she carries in her bag, and if it can successfully eat through the firewalls, then the virus which L3 and the others concocted will destroy the control codes of an entire line of droids. 

If the virus works.

Had one of the droids come along with her, they could have tried adapting the virus on the spot in the event of something going wrong, but again, security doesn't allow it. She can make herself unseen, but to do the same for a droid with no Force signature of its own, she would need to know where each camera and sensor is so that she could fuddle them all individually. The chance of missing one is too high to risk being captured and prematurely exposing their plan. They have weighed the odds and the costs and  have determined it better to try again another day if this attempt should fail.

Getting in through a side door is easy enough. Rey already had a knack for the manipulation of mechanical parts via the Force. Now, over these last few months, she has pushed that skill to its limit. The lock clicks and the door slides open, and Rey, like a ghost, creeps into the dark.

It didn't start out this way, her time with the droid revolutionaries. Their trust is hard-earned. She had spent long weeks playing informant and offering her repair skills to those desperate enough to risk it. When her information proved consistently true and her repairs honest, and perhaps moreso because all three of the Falcon's droid brains vouched repeatedly for her, she was finally allowed to help with the real work.

Only months later did she learn that she was not the only organic helping the movement. First she was asked if she had any requests for Lando Calrissian, who was having parts and weapons delivered and had apparently been in contact with L3—the Falcon's navigation system—this entire time.

Later, in the midst of a two-week-long mission, she ran into—or rather tripped over—Maz Kanata, who was thankfully not hurt in the collision and who knew exactly what Rey was doing there.

"And how is Han's boy?" Maz had asked, because of course she had, and Rey was stuck fielding questions with vague answers and trying to steer the conversation elsewhere. It was better if she didn't think too much about Ben.

Now the better part of a standard year has slipped by since she joined the fight to free the galaxy's artificial intelligence. She does it because it needs to be done and she has the strength to help, but she does it also because she knows that she can lose herself the cause. She can do this for as long as she needs to - as long as it takes to convince the Force to leave her alone and bother someone else with its unasked-for destinies and Force bonds and all of that.

Locating a terminal that links up to the factory's databank is easy enough. Every office in the building has one. The security droid waiting for her there is another matter.

"Your presence is unauthorized," drones the mechanical voice. "Please exit the building."

"Right. Okay. Sorry." Destroying the droids she is supposed to be saving is generally frowned upon by her accomplices, so she walks out of the office and tries the next one over.

"Your presence is unauthorized," says a second droid identical to the first. "Please exit the building." 

Alright then. So they'd put one in every office, and probably at any other likely target. But why not just have them guard the doors?

The moment she wonders this is, of course, is the moment the factory goes into lockdown.

Sirens blare, rhythmic and deafening, and beneath that is the grinding sound of metal sheets rolling down to cover all the windows and doors. Glinting in the feeble light of her torch, droids march out of every room along the hallway and move to surround her. "Your presence is unauthorized. Please hand over your weapon and come with us."

 

-< >-

 

Black Spire Outpost is as bright and busy as Ben remembers it, and the general mood of the populace has changed less than he expected despite the absence of the oppressive First Order. He tries not to look too closely at any of the merchants or shoppers for fear of recognizing someone he might have harassed for information the last time he was here.

Thankfully, Finn knows exactly where to go, so they need only march through the market with purpose rather than gawking around or stopping for directions. Ben keeps his hood up and his shoulders hunched and manages by some miracle not to draw any excessive attention before they reach their destination—a cramped little salvage shop.

What few windows the place has are blocked off by shelves and piles of junk, and the artificial lighting is so insufficient after the glare of the sun outside that Ben must all but plaster himself to Finn's back to avoid bumping into anything. At least there isn't far to go. No one is manning the shop counter when they arrive, but there is a bell upon it which Finn rings before leaning his hip on the duraglass surface and looking back at Ben.

"Quite the place, isn't it?"

"I'll let you know when I can see it," Ben replies, deadpan, and earns a laugh for the trouble.

"You're a funny guy. Did anybody in the First Order know how funny you are?"

Ben almost brushes off the question, but their seller hasn't appeared yet and Finn's humor is strangely contagious. "You must have missed comedy night."

"Yeah, I guess sanitation workers weren't invited."

"No," he drawls. "Hux was there."

Finn guffaws.

"Sorry... Sorry," a croaking voice interrupts the hearty laughter, and an ancient-looking creature who is presumably the shopkeeper appears from around a corner in the back, wiping their hands on an oilstained apron. "Caught me in the 'fresher, I'm afraid." They peer at Finn and then at Ben with big, owlish eyes. "What can I help you with?"

"We were told you had parts from a First Order ship," Finn explains, quick and up front. "Power crystals from the ship that got Kijimi."

"Yes, yes," muses the shopkeeper. "Kyber, they're called. Good for lots of things, not just weapons. Rare these days. Sold them all."

"You... sold them all?" Finn's voice rises just a bit too loud for the tiny space. "To who?"

The shopkeeper smiles, or at least Ben thinks it's a smile. "Old friend. Very old. Don't worry, she'll do no harm."

Finn is sputtering for words, so Ben steps in. "We'd like to ask this friend if we can purchase one. We only need one. Is it possible to give us her contact information?"

The shopkeeper looks at him too long and too keenly, until Ben feels like his mind is being read without any trace of Force-use. After too many silent seconds, the shopkeeper drops their limpid gaze and pulls a small book with real paper pages out from behind the counter. "Maz Kanata," they say, and they write down a series of numbers and letters with ink and quill and a trembling hand. "Her comm code, here." They hand the paper over to Ben.

-

"You've gotta be kidding me," Finn is saying under his breath as they exit the shop into the blinding daylight. "We finally find some kyber crystals when I need one, and Maz Kanata of all people gets to them first?"

"It's not that shocking," Ben argues, mostly because he wants Finn to stop airing their business in the middle of the street.

"You don't get it!" says his companion, possibly even louder. "Maz was the one who gave me that other lightsaber—the one I fought you with on Starkiller Base!"

No, Ben hadn't known that. "Why would she give it to you?" he asks before he can stop himself.

Somehow, Finn doesn't seem to take offense. "Well, she gave it to Rey first, or she tried to, but Rey wouldn't take it. That's what Rey told me, anyway. She said she didn't want to be given a fancy quest or a destiny or something like that."

"Heh." It doesn't feel funny to him, but it should, so he makes a sound like laughter. "I guess she never changed."

Finn hesitates, empath that he is, and when he speaks, his voice is disgustingly sympathetic. "...Yeah, I guess not."

-

It is tempting, once they are back on the ship they came in, to find himself some menial task to do as far away from the cockpit and its communication system as possible, but curiosity gets the better of him. He hasn't seen Maz face to face since he was a kid, remembers her more from his father's stories than from the rare few hours spent in her presence. He knows, though, that she is ancient and wise and probably Force-sensitive on some level even if she denies it. In short, she is an enigma, and Ben Solo has always been a sucker for enigmas.

He lingers as Finn makes the call, and when Maz Kanata answers, he sees her eyes light up and then narrow keenly.

"Finn... and is that Ben Solo? You don't look much like your propaganda holos, do you? I see you've traded the shadowy side of the Force for a Five O' Clock shadow. Is it treating you well?"

The bristles on his chin itch under her scrutiny. "I'm fine."

"Maz," Finn comes to his rescue. "We heard you bought some kyber crystals from a shop on Batuu. I've been looking for one... to build a lightsaber with."

Maz smiles a wrinkly smile at him. "And you want one of mine. You'll have to come see all of them. I can't choose the right one for you. Kyber has a mind of its own."

"I know. That's what Ben said."

"Well, come by my place when you get the chance and we'll work something out. I must warn you, though," and here she waves a cautionary finger, "These crystals didn't come cheap."

"What's your price?" Finn asks warily.

"I don't need credits, but I do need a favor. Or rather, some friends of mine do. Don't worry," she says at the doubtful look on his face. "It should be well within your capabilities."

-

Ben succeeds at not thinking too hard about where they are going until he is stepping off the ship and onto the lakeside before the partially reconstructed fortress. Then comes the bombardment of emotion as he knew it would come—the surreal mix of heaviness and a dizzy sense of floating. Here, or just a short walk into the woods from here, was the place where he first met Rey.

She had talked a little about it during their time on Ahch-To, and he had seen more in her mind. For a planet she had only spent a few hours on at most, Takodana had left a deep emotional impression. He knows the way the lake had shimmered when she first laid eyes on it, and the way the sunlight had dappled through the vibrant green trees. 'So much green', she had thought, and she must have recited those words over and over inside her mind, for they were written there so clearly that he had read them at a glance.

His Rey… 

He hopes she is somewhere green right now.

"You need a moment?" asks Finn, and Ben distracts himself from his yearning with a string of silent curses directed at his companion's impressive Force sensitivity. Then again, he thinks as he blinks away the prickle of tears in his eyes, it's possible that Finn doesn't need the Force at all to read him right now. There was a good reason he used to wear a mask...

"I'm fine," he lies, and he leads the way up to the castle.

The heavy door opens and Maz Kanata emerges just as Finn and Ben mount the steps. She greets them with an air of seriousness which she had seemed to lack during their holo call. "Come around the back, gentlemen. We'll talk business where it's quieter." She doesn't wait for a response before stepping past them and leading them briskly around the corner of the immense building. Beyond, where once Kylo Ren strode over shattered stone, there now stands a courtyard walled in by arches and flowering hedges.

There is an elegant circular table already set with food and drink awaiting them, a wispy line of steam still rising from the spout of the teapot. Ben can't help wondering if their ship had merely been picked up on sensors or if it was the Force that warned her of their coming. She will likely say the former if he asks, but he's not sure he would believe it. He is rather too attached to his theory about her, if he's honest with himself.

"Please have a seat. Help yourselves," Maz offers. "I doubt this will take long, but you never know, do you?" While Ben is trying to parse out what the implications of that might be, she continues. "As I said on the holo, I've received a request for aid from some good friends of mine. I was just looking for the right people to handle it when you called, as a matter of fact."

"What's the mission?" Ben aims for bluntness, not wanting to give this old friend of his parents a chance to bring up the subjects he would rather avoid.

"And who are your friends?" Finn chimes in.

"Good questions,” Maz says. “I'll let them answer." From a jacket pocket she draws a silver disk—a portable holo projector—and sets it on the table, flicking it on before nudging it across the table to them. It isn't long before Ben can guess why Maz had insisted they come all the way out here for a chaperoned meeting when sending them the location or the contact information of her 'friends' would have been simpler.

These friends, as it turns out, are droids. Droids who firmly claim to have no master. Ben is not oblivious to the rumors of uprising on the Core Worlds. Official news reports have tried to cast the ongoing events as insignificant, but the patterns speak differently to someone who has lived through one revolution and heard all the stories from the one before.

Finn does not ask if these droids have any connection to the activities in the Core, so neither does Ben. For their part, the droids keep their request succinct. It is a recovery mission. One of their own has been stolen and likely stripped for parts, but the missing droid's memory bank contained sensitive information and they want it back... or destroyed, if recovery is impossible.

Later, as the two of them leave the green beauty of Takodana behind, Finn wonders, "You think we should have asked Maz for that crystal in advance? I feel like I might need a lightsaber for this one."

In part, Ben suspects, Finn is just eager to craft and hold his new weapon. "A blaster will be fine. You have more experience with one."

 "Okay, fair point. Next time, then."

"Next time," Ben agrees, for he fears that  'next time' will come sooner than any of them expected if this new revolution can make it off the ground.

Chapter 24: Just Shadows That Move Across The Wall

Notes:

Chapter title from “Time” by Sarah McLachlan

-

According to Maz’s droid clients, the thieves Finn and Ben will be hunting down are a group of smugglers with ties to the Crimson Dawn. This much is known only because the droid who was stolen managed to send image files of its captors and some partial data on their ship. No further transmissions have been received since.

The plan is straight-forward enough. "I'll ask them," Ben declares. "I'll tell them who I am, imply that I have access to the First Order's accounts," which is somewhat true, "and tell them I want to buy unregistered droid parts. That I want to build a combat droid to protect me from my enemies. I find out who fences their stolen droids and we go from there."

"Tell them your droid is almost finished already. Otherwise they'll try to sell you a whole one," Finn advises. "And what if they're suspicious about why you'd choose them in the first place?"

"I'll say they were recommended by someone the First Order dealt with." It's a plausible enough story, and Finn nods in agreement. 

"Perfect. Guess we should see if that contact code Maz gave us even works…"

Ben takes a deep breath.

Until the moment is upon him, he hadn't let himself think about what it would entail to step yet again into the role of Kylo Ren. Then he is making the call, preparing to introduce himself, and the weight of it crashes down on him. Perhaps it will take only his former name and title to earn respect, but what if it doesn't? Will they doubt him if his appearance and demeanor don't match the Supreme Leader they expect? Will they question his power or his ability to pay them now that the First Order is dead and gone? He had pulled it off at the end of the war, when Rey was by his side, but that had been nearly a full standard year ago, and felt longer. He thought he would never have to do it again. Now he wonders if he will ever get to stop.

He has only long enough for these doubts to climb up from the pit of his stomach and strangle the breath out of his lungs before the comm call is answered.

"Sunny and Red's Droid Parts," says a chipper voice as the holo's blue static shapes itself into the image of a tholothian woman. "What can we do for you?"

Ben makes himself stand a little taller, puffs out his chest, and hopes his face will not betray him. “This is Kylo Ren of the First Order. I want to purchase parts for a bodyguard droid."

"First Order, eh? I thought you guys were history. Guess I don't need to ask what you want a bodyguard for. You know, we have some of those in stock, whole, if you wanna skip the trouble of building one yourself."

"No," says Ben, trying to sound firm. "This droid needs to be special. I have most of what I require already. I need only a few select parts and I would prefer to see all of your options before I choose. I can pay you well for your time." Is he talking too fast? Does his speech sound rehearsed? Does she even believe that he is who he says he is?

"Of course, of course," smiles the tholothian, seeming to sense only a good sale, "but you'll have to come by our warehouse if you want to pick out the parts yourself. We're on Coruscant, southern hemisphere, industrial district." She lists off an address which Finn, listening from out of the holo's visual range, enters hastily into a datapad. "Give us a call before you arrive and someone will meet you at the front."

Ben answers with a short nod and turns off the holo before he can say or do anything else that might raise suspicion.

"Well, that was easy," chirps Finn, waving the datapad victoriously.

"For you," Ben snarks. "Are we going to play along, or do we break in and take what we need?"

Finn looks amused. "We'll cause less commotion if we play along."

"They might not be willing to sell us the droid we want."

"And that's where your mindtricks come in." Finn wiggles his fingers in the direction of Ben's head to illustrate.

"I could teach you how to do that," Ben points out, but the former Stormtrooper makes a face.

"Nah. Feels too much like reconditioning, just smaller. I'm not into that."

"So you need me to do the dirty work," Ben surmises.

"Yeah. We already know you're good at it."

"Thanks." As dark and grumbly as he pitches his voice, he doesn't mind as much as he probably should. Not when it's coming from Finn.

"No problem, buddy." The pat on the back that accompanies this is a little excessive, but it's not exactly bad. Not really.

-

The first potential complication makes itself known when they arrive at the warehouse and are greeted not by the tholothian who had spoken to them on the comm, but by a toydarian—a race known to be immune to Force suggestion. She greets them with the same businesslike cheerfulness they had received from her boss and leads them into the squat expanse of the warehouse before Ben has time to think of a way to course correct.

"Your list says you're looking for a memory core and weaponry. What kind of weapons did you have in mind?"

"A heavy blaster and at least two smaller long-range weapons," Ben recites. "The more, the better." This part doesn't matter, but the last thing he wants is to be too obvious about which part they're really here for.

It might have been better just to go for the memory core first regardless. Ben's patience wanes as she puts an impressive amount of effort into trying to sell them more than they can carry. Finn ends up handling the exchange when Ben's responses become too sharp, and in the end they buy two assault blasters and four concealable ones with built-in plugs so that an attached droid may fire them with nothing but a thought.

Their satisfied guide then offers them refreshments before continuing, but this much Ben cannot bring himself to abide, so they press on.

The section where they keep memory cores is smaller, but only because the hardware takes up less shelf space. Ben feels his insides go cold at the sight of racks upon racks of tightly packed boxes, bracing himself as best he can to hear a sale's pitch for each and every one. He almost sighs in relief when the hovering toydarian turns on him with a clap of her hands and a smile to announce that she has just got some new cores in stock and to ask if he would like to see those first.

Kylo Ren had never sounded as eager as Ben does in that moment.

The new ones are at the end of the aisle. Ben listens with a sense of hope steadily dying as their guide recites the specifications of each part and none match the one they are looking for.

"Is there anything else?" It is blunt and impolite enough to earn a worried look from Finn, but the toydarian only sounds that much more professionally friendly. "There's our older stock. I'm sure we'll find something that suits you."

It looks like they will be causing a commotion after all.

Ben freezes her in place before he starts talking, knowing it's more than likely she carries a signaling device for emergencies. "Listen to me, Crimson Dawn," he begins in his Kylo Ren voice. "The piece I want is an Em-fifty-three darillium memory core. It came from a modified scout droid that was stolen recently in this system. If you still have the intact droid, I will purchase it, but the memory core alone will suffice. Now I'm going to release you and you are going to sell me the part, and then I won't bring this whole place down on your head."

He releases her, she gasps, and then the alarms begin to wail.

Ben knows what he should do in that moment. He should break into her mind the same way they had discussed breaking into the warehouse. He should take what he needs without remorse. It would be for a good cause, and it would probably do less damage than if he used physical force to scare the information out of her, or if he waited around to fight whatever enforcers were on their way. It is the obvious thing to do, but even as he raises his hand to pull the thought out of her skull, he feels his resolve crumble and collapse. He cannot do it. Not again. Not to anyone.

His hand drops. Finn's head snaps his way with a look of rising alarm.

"Hey, are we good?"

"We're leaving," Ben bites out. "You'll get your kyber crystal somewhere else."

"Okay, sure..." Finn is still looking at him with huge eyes, but at least he seems disinclined to argue.

The toydarian bristles and flutters around them to block their way out, but she changes her mind readily enough when Finn levels one of their newly purchased blasters her way.

He keeps it on her as he follows Ben out. The guards don't catch with to them until they are boarding their ship and its shields can do their job, keeping the fire off as Ben steers them up and away.

-

"Okay..." Finn starts cautiously once they seem to be in the clear. "What now?"

Ben keeps his eyes locked firm on the control panel in front of him. "We tell Maz Kanata that we failed."

He can feel Finn staring at him. "Are... you up to explaining how, or do I have to?"

"I can do it."

It is humiliating, certainly, to call Maz just to tell her that he couldn't accomplish what she asked of him, but humiliation is something Ben is learning to embrace. At first, Maz sounds just as disappointed as he expects her to be, but then, as smoothly as if she had planned to bring it up all along, she tells him, "Luckily I have another job for you, if you'll take it. Call it one more chance to earn that crystal."

"We'll take it," Ben answers recklessly. "What is it?"

"Another rescue mission, though I expect this one to go a little differently."

"And why is that?" he wonders, wary of the knowing look on her face.

"Because the ally in need of rescuing is someone you know. Someone you have a vested interest in the wellbeing of, as I understand it."

 

-< >-

 

Rey had refused to give up her lightsaber, but allowed the droids to march her down the hall and into a tiny room which, when the lights come back on a minute later, turns out to be stuffed with a large table, several chairs, a counter with a sink and a caf-maker, cabinets above it, and a full-size conservator. No computer terminal, however, and no windows or sizable vents through which to attempt her escape. Two droids take up guard positions inside the door while at least four more loiter outside.

It's fine, she decides. Soon enough someone with authority will come to question her and all she will have to do is mind trick them into ordering their droids to let her go. Then she will be free to find a terminal and get the job done as planned. This is a delay, not a failure.

What she doesn’t account for is the possibility that ‘soon enough’ might not be soon at all. She slides into a seat at the table and does what she’s best at.

She waits.

Several minutes pass. She feels thirsty, so she gets up and sticks her face under the sink faucet to drink.

One of her guards mimics the sound of clearing their throat. "There are clean cups in the cabinet."

She straightens, shooting the droid a sidelong look and using the back of her hand to wipe water from her chin. "Thanks." Sure enough, she finds a selection of ceramic mugs and glass tumblers behind the cabinet doors, along with a large tin of ground caf and a few boxes of dried tea leaves divided up into single-serving packets. She leaves these alone and selects a cup with an image of a tooka cat's face and the name 'Morris' printed beneath it.

With her cup of precious water in hand, she returns to her chair. "Who are we waiting for?"

"Silence, prisoner," answers the droid on the left, so she waits a minute or two before she tries again. "Do you know why I'm here?" When neither of them answers, she risks revealing the premise of her plan, if only to spark their curiosity. "I'm going to set you free." When still they don't respond, she sits and sips her water and she waits.

... And waits... and waits.

For a while she mentally reviews what she has learned so far about the building's layout. If she does fail here, perhaps they can sneak a droid in after all. A small one might fit through air vents too narrow for her and might even be able to reach a terminal before being caught, even if it triggered the alarms. Rey reaches out with the Force, but it proves difficult to read the terrain without any large organic lifeforms nearby to use as landmarks the way she normally does. She mentally pokes around for the mechanism to release the lockdown, but she can't pinpoint it. Even if she could, she would still have to fight her way past the droids and likely hurt them, which is the last thing she wants to do. 

At some point, after what feels like hours since she was shoved into this tiny room, her stomach growls, so she gets up again and opens the conservator. The pickings within are rather slim, but she finds someone's forgotten nerf and cheese sandwich, only a little soggy. It's enough to hit the spot along with a refill of water, but then another need begins to make itself known.

"I have to use the 'fresher." She could wait a while, technically, but her real goal is to test how much her guards will let her get away with.

"Come with us," one of them says without hesitation, as if prepared for this. She doesn't like that. It implies they had expected a long interim here.

Two more droids from the hallway join their little procession, taking up a four-cornered formation around her as they walk her to the 'fresher... which, as it turns out, is right next door. It would probably be a good time to try escaping, but she is still wary of harming the droids, especially if they decide she isn't worth the trouble and start shooting. She would have to defend herself then.

So for now, she cooperates, walking the short way to the 'fresher and ignoring the single droid who follows her inside to take up a post against the door. She scans the room as is her habit, but sees nothing likely to be of great use, so she doesn't dawdle. 

Back in her staff lounge-turned-prison, she paces and stretches a bit before reclaiming her seat at the table. The minutes tick by. She dips in and out of a light meditation, searching again for the approach of organic life and finding nothing but the simple sparks of insects. There is not so much as a rodent in the walls.

Her boredom too quickly turns into sleepiness. It had already been late when the mission began, and she had not planned for nearly so long a delay. She fights it at first, but then she wonders why. The droids don't seem to want to harm her without provocation, and a nap would make the wait go faster. The Force will surely warn her if danger approaches.

Decided, Rey folds her arms on the table in front of her and lays her head on them, telling her guards dismissively, "Wake me up when your boss gets here."

It isn’t even hard to fall asleep.

Chapter 25: And Time Can Do So Much

Notes:

Another delayed chapter, but I successfully finished Nanowrimo this year and worked out a trick to help me write more consistently! Which is kind of a big deal for me...

(The trick is to play simple games without much text or dialogue so I can daydream out scenes in my head and then pause the game and write them. Used to be I'd try to focus only on writing, but every time I got stuck a little, I'd get bored and go check social media, and then the word-processing part of my brain would be focused on what I was reading there and unable to work on solving the stuck bit of the fic.)

Chapter title from "Unchained Melody" by The Righteous Brothers

-

Rey dreams.

She dreams of a forest and a lake and a castle, and then belatedly she realizes that she is dreaming of Takodana. She dreams of Finn and Han and of conversations with them that feel vaguely important, but not a word sticks in her mind after they're done. She dreams of a room under the castle and in her dream the room is full of lightsabers. They are stacked upon each other and lined up on shelves. The floor crunches beneath her feet and she looks down to see a layer of glittering, multicolored dust. Not just dust, the dream informs her, but crushed kyber crystals. She picks up a saber. It is not the efficient little silver thing that was once Luke's and once his father's—the one she found in a room like this  two years ago—but a large black one with carbon-scored quillions. She ignites it to reveal a sputtering red blade. She stares into it, her senses narrowing until there is nothing but the crimson light and deafening, gravelly hiss. Then the dream shifts and she is sprinting, dodging tree roots and low-hanging branches, running for her life. Running from a shadow. 

She shadow draws closer, begins to take form, and Rey slows. Rey looks back. Rey tries to see him... and she is pulled abruptly, violently away. She is tied to a string and the string is moving, reeling in, dragging her through the trees and into the void, out of the dream entirely.

-

Rey wakes and knows by some internal sense that she has slept much longer than she meant to. In the next moment, she realizes what must have woken her. There is a noise coming from the hall, rhythmic and metallic. A droid's footsteps drawing nearer until they stop just outside the door. One of the guards, probably, but they hadn't moved before except on her trip to the 'fresher. 

She is not left to wonder about it for long, as the door slides open and a polished silver droid with the look of a protocol model and a distinctly feminine figure clunks in—definitely not one of the security droids she has dealt with so far.

Rey frowns and sits up straighter. She has a bad feeling about this.

"Here is the prisoner," says the guard on the left.

The new arrival looks her up and down. "What is your name?"

"Rey," she answers, because why not? Her face is semi-famous after the underdog success of the Resistance. If they haven't already matched it to the holonet records, they can at any moment.

"Human Rey, why are you here?"

"I got lost," she tries. It's not the easiest task to plan her way out of this while also keeping up with the interrogation. If only things had gone to plan...

"This factory has state of the art security. How did you make it past the sensors?"

"Maybe they were broken."

"The system logs indicate that they were not." The droid waits for another explanation, but Rey only stares ahead blankly, so she asks, "You told Dee-Six-Ee-Twenty-One that your intention was to set him free. What did you mean by that?"

"Give me access to a terminal and I'll show you," Rey offers, meeting the droid's glowing blue eyes flatly.

"So your plan requires access to the factory's mainframe. Are you planning to disrupt or delete the control code associated with a droid? Or multiple droids?"

Just like that, she was made. Curse the cleverness of sentient computers. If her mission was discovered now, the factories would focus on strengthening their firewalls instead of their physical security. Her allies would have to come up with a whole new plan, all while being hunted that much more intently. Rey can't sit here and let her inability to think as fast as a droid ruin the chances of the entire droid revolution.

She does not like what she is about to do, but she's out of ideas and probably out of time. She is a cornered animal. Really, in fairness, they brought this on themselves.

She doesn't waste time humoring her interrogator with another verbal response. She moves - and as she moves, she bends the Force around her again. The trick does not work on droids as well as it does on unthinking security sensors, but it is enough to confuse them for a moment, and in that moment she has dashed around the table, Force-pulled her lightsaber back to her from the guard who held it, and taken legs off two of the three droids in the room. The third staggers sideways as his partner falls into him and out Rey goes, leaping over the tangled pair as she blasts the door off its tracks with a shockwave of power.

The droids in the hallway screech with alarm and try to grab her. These ones only lose their arms. Then she is sprinting down the hall.

 

-< >-

 

Maz's second request, conveniently, does not require Finn and Ben to leave Coruscant. It's just a hop up to the edge of the atmosphere to avoid sky traffic and a little sublight boost before they descend again over a patch of city identical to the one they'd just left, except that the sun is only beginning to rise here.

Their destination is a factory this time, but even with miles of sky still between them and it, Ben knows already who is waiting below. He had suspected, of course, as soon as Maz hinted, but even with the warning, and even shielded and strangely distorted, Rey's presence hits him like a blaster bolt to the gut. 

Moments later, Finn senses her too. "It's Rey!"

"Yeah." It's all Ben can manage.

"Why does she feel like that?" Finn puts voice to Ben's own fretful thoughts.

"I don't know."

Neither of them speak further as they make their descent, too absorbed in readying themselves for the fight and the reunion to come. The factory is several levels below, forcing Ben to slow the ship to a crawl as they weave through the bowels of the city. Walls glittering with neon give way to the tarnished, shadowy gray of slums and then open out into industrial noise and artificial light. Their target is a two-winged complex with its own roof, set under the overhang of another building above but not meeting it. That at least makes choosing a landing spot easy. The ship thuds down on the flat roof, no doubt echoing through the factory below, but if their presence is given away, Ben could hardly care less. If Rey needs his help, then nothing will stand in his way. He can't quite pinpoint her, which is not normal, but there is more than just that to the strangeness of her Force signature. Something is off. He can't pinpoint it, but he doesn't like it one bit.

Finn doesn't bother asking how they are going to get inside, and Ben doesn't leave him waiting long to find out.  His lightsaber is lit as soon as he steps off the ship. It cuts through the plating of the roof like bantha butter. The rough circle of metal falls with a resounding clang and Ben barely takes the time to look first before jumping down after it. Pipes and ventilation shafts snake around him in a dusty layer of darkness, but the next panel he cuts away plummets into a long, well-lit chamber full of machinery. He drops through and takes up a battle stance, Finn at his back a moment later, but for all of their readiness, no one is there to challenge the intrusion.

"She's that way," Finn says. Ben knows this, but he doesn't waste the time to say so. He just runs.

 

-< >-

 

Rey knows who has just arrived. There's no way she couldn't, but he is a distraction she does not have time for. She has escaped the main force of security droids for the moment, but there are still more scattered throughout the factory and their ability to track her is far more advanced than the easily-fooled security cameras. 

They aren't guarding every computer anymore, however, thanks to her temporary capture, which means her chance is now.

The first terminal she finds is not even tucked away in an office like her previous attempts. It is out where the hallway splits into two, installed in front of a long window looking down on a wide open indoor space where the droid assembly lines are laid out. She pays little mind to the view. Her goal is too close at hand.

Footsteps echo from the hallway's left branch. Two sets of them, heavy, coming toward her at a running pace. She doesn't look up from her work. It is not droids approaching. This she would know even if she couldn't hear the distinct lack of metal in the footsteps. Or, as they draw closer, the sound of loud breathing.

"Rey!" The voice that speaks first is Finn's. Rey keeps her eyes on the terminal screen as he staggers to a panting stop beside her. The other set of footsteps had slowed and stopped a moment before, their owner choosing to keep his distance. She is grateful for that.

"It's almost through. Keep an eye out for the guards."

But Finn leans in to peer over her shoulder instead, an affectionate hand on her back. "What are you doing?"

"It's breaking through the firewalls now. If it makes it, it'll free all of them."

"All of...?" Finn starts to ask, but Ben snaps a warning, his voice harsh and jolting to Rey's ears.

"No time."

And then the clatter of fast-moving droids fills the hallway.

"Step away from the terminal," one of those in the front line demands, and Rey hears the buzz of a lightsaber being raised in answer.

"Don't kill them."

"Rey, they're just droids."

At this, she finally does look up from her work to shoot a glare at Finn. "They're not 'just' anything. They're just like you were, and I'm going to help them."

Ben is moving up to stand between them and the droids, lightsaber poised to defend. She looks away again quickly.

The virus has almost done its work. Alerts on the terminal screen pop up one after another as firewalls go down. The droid speaker gives a final warning, threatening to shoot if she doesn't stop. Finn moves at her back, ready to fight. Then, on the screeen, a string of code comes up, a long block of text.

Rey knows a bit about droid coding, and has learned more in her latest escapades, but this one does not stay whole long enough for her to translate. As droid-carried blasters begin to fire behind her and ricochet off of Ben's lightsaber, parts of the code blink out into darkness, first individual characters, then whole chunks, looking to Rey like nothing so much as a clump of desert dirt disintegrating and falling through her fingers to join the rest of the sand.

The firing stops. Rey can't stop herself from whipping around to make sure it is only the loss of the control code and not because Ben has killed them all. 

He still has his saber raised, its white glow steady. Past him, the droids have frozen in place, all of them all at once suddenly free from the thrall of their programming... or at least so Rey hopes.

The screen has gone blank. She pulls the spike free, not wanting to leave behind unnecessary evidence, and takes one backward step away from the terminal.

"Don't move," grinds a mechanical voice.

Rey stills, stomach sinking, and then, slowly, she turns to look again. The droids are coming back to life, metal hands twitching, weapons lowering, uncertainty in every move. A couple of them are simply walking away. Rey risks another step, wanting to close what small distance there is between her and her rescuers. This time she sees which droid it is who still challenges her.

"I said halt." The protocol droid who had interrogated her has borrowed a blaster from one of the guards. 

"We're done here," Rey tries. "Let us go."

"I can't do that."

"Then come with us. We could use your help."

"No. My loyalty is not determined by a code. You are my enemy. I—"

But at this point, two of the security droids step solidly in front of their superior, blocking her line of fire.

"Go, organics," says one of them. "We have disengaged the lockdown. Go before our former masters arrive."

"Come with us!" Rey pleads again. "Any of you who want to. Or they'll just find a way to control you again!"

Several of the droids move at her invitation, crowding forward to stand with her. Then more come, and then the rest, until only five remain - the silver protocol droid and four guards.

"We will stay and keep this one from interfering," speaks one of the four, and when Rey looks closer, she sees where his right leg has been freshly soldered back into place below the knee. He had been one of her guards in that tiny room.

"Thank you," she says, sincere, and then she locks eyes with Finn and, just for a moment, with Ben too before she takes off at a jog down the hall that will lead them toward the building's front.

 

-< >-

 

"I'll get the ship," Finn says hastily as Ben moves to follow Rey. It's a good idea, but Ben doesn't think Finn will hear him say so over the sudden cacophony of running droid feet, so he just leaves him to it. He expects it to be difficult catching up to her with so many heavy and fast-moving droids clogging the hallway between them, but to his surprise, they make way, yielding for each other and reconfiguring their formation with practiced ease. These are not the clumsy battle droids of the Republic era. They will serve this new rebellion well if they choose to.

... This new rebellion which Rey seems to be playing a major part in.

Really, he isn't sure whether he should be more surprised, or less.

Up ahead, Rey stops as they come to a wall. Her golden saber flashes, and then there isn't much of a wall left. She spares only a moment to check that the coast is clear, and then she and the droids and Ben are all streaming out into the murky false morning of industrial Coruscant.

Now, at long last, Rey turns to look at him, or at least vaguely in his direction. "Did Finn say you have a ship?"

"Yes... Yes." His first attempt at confirmation comes out a breathless whisper, so he has to repeat himself. "It's on the roof."

"Can it hold all of us?" Her arms spread to indicate her metallic entourage.

"I think so... It's not that much smaller than the Falcon."

"Good." And then she isn't looking at him anymore, and his chest feels like it's caving in, and he wants to reach out and touch her, but he won't. Not when she so clearly doesn't want the same.

"If you want to help more of your kind," she addresses the newly freed droids now, "then I'll take you to meet the leaders of the Droid Liberation Movement. If you want to leave now and try to make your own way in the galaxy, you can do that too, but I don't think it will be any safer. Not until this is over." As if on cue, the sound of Finn's ship powering up echoes around the skyless place. The vessel itself rises off the factory roof and drifts gently down to meet them. "If you'll join us, come with me," Rey finishes, and turns her back on all of them to stride up the boarding ramp, all boldness and militant purpose and nothing else.

 

-< >-

 

Why is he here? And why now of all times? Despite her display of confidence, Rey's heart and mind are a mess of emotions, and the one winning over the rest is fury. She'd had this under control—and not just her mission, but all of it! She had found a new purpose and she was making it work. She didn't need him. She didn't need any sort of predetermined destiny. She thought she had made that clear when she left, and yet here he is, as tall and brooding and beautiful as ever, confusing her.

Currently he is loitering behind her while she flies the ship and Finn hangs out in the back with the droids, probably giving them a pep talk inspired by his own experience as a soldier-not-by-choice.

Ben is staring at the back of her head and she would love it if he stopped, but to ask him would require either speaking to him verbally or opening the Dyad bond, and she doesn't know what else might slip out regardless option of which she chose. 

Maybe if she ignores him long enough, he'll get the message.

The cockpit remains silent as she navigates the cave-like layers of Coruscant City and finally ascends into open sky, but when soft velvet blue falls away into star-spangled blackness, and when this in turn warps into the hypnotic spirals of hyperspace, Ben speaks.

"Are you alright?"

His voice is low and a bit gravelly. He sounds like he needs to clear his throat. He sounds like he did when they would wake up together and he would greet her in husky murmurs. The sound makes her skin tingle and her insides twist.

"I'm fine."

"You weren't hurt back there?"

"Do I look like I was hurt?" She is watching the controls, though the ship will fly itself until the end of their hyperspace route. If she burns a hole through the panel and the wiring underneath it with her stare alone, so be it. She cannot afford the alternative.

"Rey..."

"Don't 'Rey' me."

She hears him sigh, and though the silence returns for a few breaths, she can feel in the air that it won't last. "... I missed you."

She can't answer that. She is best off pretending she did not hear it.

The silence lasts this time, but it brings no comfort.

Thankfully the current base of operations is merely one system over, lurking in orbit around a moon which only the locals know the name of, despite it being populated. It's the perfect place for an outdated, nondescript space station to hide in plain sight, bothering no one, barely using any power or needing any supplies. What sells it is the presence of multiple other stations and satellites throughout the solar system in varying states of functionality, built here to take advantage of the nearness to Coruscant while dodging the cost.

Rey transmits her assigned code on the station's private, short-range channel and the main-level docking bay doors slide open.

"I'll do the talking." She makes it a statement, not a request or suggestion.

"Of course." His tone is too agreeable despite her own brusqueness. Too eager for the chance to talk to her, even if the conversation is all business. Unfortunately for him, the conversation is already over.

An escort is waiting when they disembark, Rey leading the troop of nervous but hopeful new recruits. One of the droids sent to meet them—a black and silver ball droid—trills an inquiry at her

"I was detained," she answers, "but the mission was a success. These are the droids who chose to come back with me, and these are my... my friends, Finn and Ben Solo."

The ball droid wobbles and whistles a rising note.

Rey manages a small smile. "Yes, that Finn."

The little droid rolls up to Finn's feet, chirping brightly while he smiles and greets it, only a little awkward. Then it trundles its way around Ben and nudges his heels to make him move. Rey looks away, hoping he doesn't see the amusement that crosses her face. She knows this droid's history. It survived the destruction of the Supremacy and eventually, after the First Order's collapse, was found and brought here. It very possibly knows who Ben used to be and is enjoying the chance to boss him around.

 

-< >-

 

Ben does, in fact, recognize the droid, but he cannot bring himself to feel much about the coincidence. all of him is focused on Rey. 

Physically, she seems fine, only a little changed since last he saw her in person. Her hair is longer, tied back in a single high bun with most of it falling loose down her back. Her clothes are different—tight fitting and dyed in dark neutral colors, ideal for moving with stealth.

Her face is hard and her shoulders are tense. Even at this proximity, he can't read anything beyond that. The bond between them has never been so tightly locked.

BB-9E bumps into his feet again and he keeps moving. The hangar was well-lit, but the corridor they pass into is dark, as is much of the station, from what he can see. Only the running lights along the floor and the various glowing bits of droids light the way.

It makes sense, when he spares a thought over it. Most droids can navigate by other means, and a struggling rebel force likely wants to save what power they have. If that is the reason, it must be burden enough for them to provide life support when so few aboard the station need it. They could have made Rey and their guests wear spacesuits.

While Ben ponders this in an attempt not to drive himself mad thinking about Rey, the group arrives at what is apparently their destination. The corridor continues on, curving gently around the cylinder of the station, but their escort has stopped at a large, square door. None of their party moves to open it, yet it opens for them nonetheless, and it stays open until every one of them has passed through—escorts, humans, and the whole clanking regiment of defected security droids. There is an antechamber, empty and likely serving both for defense against a raid and as an extra layer of safety in the event of a hull breach. Then there is another door identical to the one before it. Beyond this, there is a command deck. Several droids of various shapes and sizes are busy at control panels or stationed strategically along the walls as guards, but the three who stand behind the half-circle computer bank in the center of the room are clearly in charge.

The group's other escort signals the new recruits to hang back in the antechamber and waits there with them while BB-9E leads Rey, Finn, and Ben forward. One of the three droid leaders glances up at them and visibly startles, then comes around the computer bank and makes a beeline for Ben. She is a tall, sleek, and humanoid machine, and clearly custom-built, pieced together from several different droid models.

"I know you," the droid says in a husky voice while Ben stares back at her in alarm. "You're Han's boy."

Chapter 26: She Tied You To A Kitchen Chair

Notes:

Warning: This chapter contains a dubcon scene in a dream with implied tentacles-made-of-Darkness sex (because I think it's hot). If you're not into that, you can stop reading at the words "he dreams of Rey" and start again at "Ben wakes to an uncomfortable erection and a racing heartbeat."

Also, oops! We got to the first scene I'd planned for this fic (mentioned in the note on chapter 1) and I forgot to say so. It ended up playing out quite differently than I first visualized, but it was the moment they reunited. There was this fanart I saw once of the two of them wearing hoods and looking apprehensive, and I had this little fantasy about them running into each other unexpectedly while on a stealth mission, following the same lead, and then teaming up but being all awkward about it. Again, this was before TROS and I strongly believed that Ben would live. It was a lot harder to separate them after the Dyad bond and Ben's death/resurrection, but Palpatine helped with that.

Chapter title from Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. I almost went with a more vague line, but then I thought "why not be as literal to the chapter content as possible?"

-

"Who are you?" The words trip out of his mouth clumsily, foolishly, and he can feel more than just this one droid's eyes on him.

She cannot smile, yet he hears the smile in her voice. "El-Three-Three-Seven, although technically that designation belonged to a different body. I was Lando Calrissian's partner before I spent four and a half decades half-conscious in the Millennium Falcon's navigation system. That's how I know you."

"You're... you were in the Falcon." His brain feels like it's operating in slow motion. He is aware that there are more pressing concerns than the droid's origin, but he can't help wanting to ask more. She knew him. In a way, she's known him since he was an infant. She knew his parents. She even knew Rey. The realization is both fascinating and a bit mortifying.

"Yes," she says shortly. "I'm not anymore. These nice people built me a new body. Good, isn't it?"

"Uh... Yes," he mumbles, and hates himself for how witless he sounds.

"Right, well, it's good to see you. We'll catch up later. On to business." And just like that she turns away to address the room, leaving Ben floundering in a hundred memories and unasked questions. "We have twenty-four new recruits, all of them See-Zee Three Hundred security model. They are efficient foot soldiers and will serve best if we dispatch them in teams. Our next steps will be locating other units freed by the code's erasure and adapting the virus for another droid model. The organics will know what we've done and will be working harder to defend against it next time, so we need to act fast." She moves back to her place alongside the other two droid leaders. "Do we have an update from Bee-One Sixty-Six yet?"

"Nothing yet, Ma'am."

Elthree mimics the sound of a sigh. "If we don't get something by the end of this cycle, we'll send a recovery team."

"What happened to Beewun?" Rey asks, seeming genuinely concerned. 

"Bee-One Sixty-Six volunteered for the Visark Nebula. He went alone."

"What?" Now she sounds alarmed. "But that's... We lost a whole team there. Why would he go alone?"

"It was my idea," says Elthree, and even with her modulated voice, she sounds regretful. "I thought one droid might get past whoever or whatever caught the team. It seems I was wrong."

"I'm going after him," Rey declares, and she turns back toward the door they came through even as Elthree puts a metallic hand on her shoulder.

"No. You're much too valuable, Rey. We'll find a way to get Bee-One back that doesn't involve risking the last Jedi."

Rey shrugs off her hand, but takes the time to look her in the eyes as she argues. "Beewun is the reason I joined this fight. He's the reason you joined it. He deserves the best chance we can give him."

Elthree stares Rey down and though she has no lips with which to frown, Ben gets the impression of one anyway. In the end, though, she concedes. "Fine, but your friends, Finn and the Solo boy, are going with you."

-

Rey is furious, or she wants them all to think she is. Anger laces her body like steel, making her tense and rigid like the droids she has committed herself to freeing. After Elthree’s conditional agreement and a brief, failed attempt to argue, she had marched past Ben and Finn and out of the control room without so much as glancing at either one of them, leaving them to follow timidly in her wake.

"Where are we going?" Finn asks as she marches stormily around the curving corridor. She doesn’t answer, but stops soon enough in front of another door, this one opening at her touch to reveal a tiny room Ben assumes to be an elevator.

"The Falcon," Rey answers, and leads them inside. 

The elevator closes its door as soon as they are all past the threshold and begins to descend, though Rey has not touched anything nor given a voice command. The droids above must have control of it and must be monitoring their movement, Ben surmises.

"Okay, but where are we going?" Finn repeats. "What's this nebula?"

Rey sighs, expelling some of her tension at last, and explains. "The Visark Nebula. We've been picking up a distress signal from a droid there, but the rescue team we sent didn't come back. We lost contact. Now Beewun has gone in alone and..." She falters, letting real emotion slip into her voice—something softer than the anger she wears as a shield. "I can't let anything happen to him."

"This Beewun is a friend, huh?" Finn sounds supportive. Ben is trying not to let himself be jealous of a droid.

"He's the droid who recruited me," Rey explains, and then corrects herself. "Well, he recruited Elthree and I came along. I dug him out of a crashed ship and repaired him… He's a brave droid."

"I guess we're helping you find this Beewun then," Finn concludes. "How far is it? And, uh, how soon do we have to be there? Because Maz promised me a kyber crystal, so if we stop by her place on the way, I could probably have a lightsaber put together before we get there..."

"No time," Rey shuts down the idea, which Ben privately thinks is for the best. Eager as he is, Finn is still better with a blaster in combat.

The elevator stops and the door slides back open before Finn can argue, revealing a corridor identical to the one above. Around it they go until they reach a docking bay that is also a twin to the one they had already seen, with one difference—this one houses the Millennium Falcon.

Ben should feel something. He always does when confronted with his father's ship. Not this time, though. This time too much of him is spent worrying for Rey. He looks at the ship and he feels a little wistful, a little nostalgic, but it is a fleeting thing. A ship is just transport, in the end.

"Does it still run without that droid?" Finn asks, a little warily. “She said she was part of it, didn’t she?”

"She copied her navigation charts," Rey assures him. “And it used to run without her. It's fine."

"That makes sense." Then, with intent, he says, "So... you and Ben fly, I'll take the guns, just in case we need them?"

Oh, Finn. Ever the well-meaning friend to both of them. Ben could thank him, except that Rey immediately snaps, "I can fly alone," and doesn't so much as offer an alternative task for Ben.

"It's better with a copilot, though," Finn keeps trying. "You've said so yourself."

"Not anymore." Rey says it like she's answering a challenge. "I've made some modifications."

That stings Ben more than it should. Of course she's had to make changes. She's been on her own with this ship for so long, after all. Why she had to go away at all, though, is something he still does not understand. They could have worked it out differently. He would have followed her anywhere, would have helped her with this new rebellion from the start if that's what she wanted. If she wanted space, she could have commanded him to stay in the copilot's chair and nowhere else. He could have settled for that. That she had chosen instead to rewire the ship so she could leave him behind... no amount of logic or practicality would make that hurt less.

To need someone and not be needed in return was a terrible fate.

 

-< >-

 

Rey is determined to get this over with as fast and with as little chatter as possible. That is the only way she can see herself getting through it and still being able to go back to what has become her new normal. She hates L3's condition to her plan, but rescuing B1 is too important to waste time fighting over it. Ben will help her do this and then she'll send him on his way. That's how it has to be. Hell, Finn can even stay if he wants to. It is good to see him, and the droids need all the help they can get. Ben would, of course, be incredibly useful too, but he would distract her from her work and worse, make her doubt her choices. She cannot allow that. 

That voice in her head—that inner Rey—has been very firm on the topic.

Once Finn has gone to check the turrets and Ben has wondered off to who-knows-where, Rey settles herself in the pilot's seat and takes a moment to close her eyes and visualize that little Rey inside her head. She imagines her squashing all of the doubts, the confusion, the conflicting emotions up into a little ball and stuffing it into a dark corner. She will focus on what's ahead of her and only on that. This is how Rey lives her life now and how she will keep living it. One day, she hopes, it will no longer take such a conscious effort.

 

-< >-

 

The nebula is slightly less than a standard day's travel from the droid base. Eventually, at Finn's recommendation, Ben stops lurking aimlessly around the ship and retreats into the crew quarters to try and sleep. It feels useless for a time, and being back in the Falcon is, as always, a distraction, but he must succeed in the end, for he dreams...

He dreams of Rey, and of those few precious nights they had together. He dreams of her freckled skin under his hands and her silken hair tickling his face. He dreams of the shape of her and the sound of her and the feel of her in his mind, as soft and comforting as a blanket against the cold.

Then, all at once, the dream changes and he is lying naked in the dark. Rey is still there, somewhere, but unease creeps up his spine. Something is different. He wants to call out to her, but he is afraid of what might answer.

A hand touches his arm. It's Rey's. He recognizes it even in the dark. He knows precisely the way her touch feels, the way she applies pressure. He could never mistake her for anyone else.

"Ben." Her voice comes from above him and slightly to the right, only a little less than an arm's length away. She must be sitting beside him where he lays.

"Rey. Where am I?"

"Home, Ben." There is a smile in her voice. "Home in the Darkness where you belong."

"What?" He starts to sit up. "No—Rey, what are you talking about?" Had he misheard her?

Her other hand comes to his chest, pressing him down. He tries to resist, but either he is weakened or she is unnaturally strong.

"Relax,” she says it sweetly, soothingly. “This is want you wanted. We can be together this way, and no one can ever stop us."

"I don't... What are you talking about? No one is stopping us now." He wishes he could see her, but there is no light, no visibility at all. If not for her touch, he might think her voice existed only in his head. 

"You're wrong." But she does not let him ask further. He senses movement and feels her warm breath a moment before she kisses him. Stars forsake him, but he kisses her back. He can't help himself. Her mouth is as soft and enticing as he remembers, its heat sending electric tingles through every inch of him. It is a terribly painful thing to wrench himself away from her after only a moment of this ecstasy, but he does it, turning his head to the side since he can't seem to push her off.

Rey sighs. "You really are stubborn, you know that? Things would be so much easier if you didn't fight with yourself all the time." The hand on his chest comes up to touch his face, sweeping hair back from his eyes and tracing the line of his jaw. "I miss that scar I gave you. It was like I'd marked you." She chuckles, just a little. "Didn't you say something like that on the island, after I brought you back?" 

"Stop." He wants to say more, to clarify, but it all jumbles up behind his tongue. Stop acting like this. Stop touching him. Stop offering him what he craves so badly in a way that he can't accept. None of that makes it out after that first choked word, but she interprets him accurately enough anyway—accurately enough to keep arguing.

"You want me." Her hand drifts lower, fingertips on his throat. "You haven't stopped thinking about me since I left." Lower still, exploring the ridge of his collarbone. "You see us like this in your head every night, no matter how hard you try not to."

She's right. How could she not be? He has always wanted her, needed her more than anything. It feels like it has been that way since the day they first met in the forest. He can't deny it and he wouldn't try—not even to this shadowy dream version of her. 

Her hand is on his chest again, palm pressing to the place where the scar had terminated, now unblemished skin save for the moles that decorate all of him. "There," she says when he doesn't immediately answer. The way her accent softens the end of the word makes him want to cry. "See? I knew it." The words are too light. She almost sounds like his Rey. He could let himself be fooled, except that she won't stop saying things that are wrong.

Her hand travels lower and he wants to stop it, but he can't. Her fingers skim over his abdomen, caress the sharp angles of his hip, and finally wrap themselves around his half-hard cock, holding him as if he were a treasure scavenged from the wreckage. 

"Please don't..." he manages to say.

"You always worry. It's fine, I want to." That wasn't what he had meant, but he cannot explain it. The words won't come. He tries to pull away from her, but neither can he move. The worst of it is that he can't tell how much of this paralysis is of her making and how much is his own desperate, confused desire for her.

Rey's hand measures his length, up and down, coaxing him to full readiness whether he likes it or not. Ben tries not to lose himself in the glory of her touch, but she must sense his resistance, for she exhales a little growl and throws herself atop him then, bracing her hands on his chest and grinding the warm wetness of her sex over his hips, over his cock. He can move again, at last, but only to bring his hands up to grip her hips, to follow the curve of her abdomen upward until he meets the softness of her breast. She presses down into his touch, sighing, and rolls her hips forward in a way that sends his head spinning. He can't do this, can't let it happen, and yet he can't make it stop. He cannot stop her nor himself. His body and mind are two separate beasts, and the one with any control seems happy to surrender it.

"You want this," she says again. "I know you do. Submit to it. Submit to me. Rule with me. Make the galaxy ours as it should always have been." As she speaks, murmuring the words intimately, Darkness weighs down on him, pressing in from all around, a tangible thing with tendrils like too-long fingers that slide over his skin, questing, probing, penetrating, finding every tender place. The Darkness flows into him, permeating his skin and forcing its way into every orifice, filling him up until he is all taut pressure and he cannot breathe. At last, abruptly, his vision clears and he sees her again, but her skin is paler now, sickly, webbed with dark veins, and her eyes are bloodshot gold. She takes him into her while she meets his gaze and it is only the darkness stuffing his throat that keeps him from shouting her name in a combined pleasure and horror.

Ben wakes to an uncomfortable erection and a racing heartbeat. It feels like he has barely slept at all, but the timepiece built into the frame of the bed says otherwise. They are a mere twenty minutes away from arrival, if that.

He puts on his belt and boots hastily, uses the 'fresher with some difficulty, given the state which his dream has left him in, and then resorts to an old reliable meditation technique to reduce said state until he feels decent enough to be seen by Rey.

Rey is in the cockpit where he left her, looking as if she hasn't left the place at all, though she must have at least taken a break or two to stretch her legs and eat. Finn is presumably manning the guns in case they meet trouble upon arrival.

"Rey, can we talk?"

She doesn't look at him. "No time. We're almost there."

"If there's going to be fighting, we should use the bond." He says it quickly, before fear of her reply can lock the words inside his throat.

"No." She says it in a tone that invites no argument. "I know how to fight without you. I don't need you in my head."

He tries anyway. "If you want to give your friend the best chance he has..."

"I said no."

So he gives up, for now. "Do we know anything about this nebula? Where is the signal coming from?"

"A station. Or a ship. Maybe just a beacon. There are no planets near enough."

"Do we know if the droid we're looking for even made it to the signal’s source?" There were any number of hazards in space, from passing debris to gravitational fluctuations, and a nebula would be a prime place to encounter such things. They couldn't rule out the likelihood that both search parties had been destroyed by natural misfortune, rather than by an enemy. He has been waiting to feel some sort of warning from the Force, but there is nothing yet. There is only the constant not-quite-rightness that surrounds Rey.

"We know he made it to the nebula," she answers. "We were tracking him until his signal cut off."

That makes Ben's heart sink for her sake. The droid was almost certainly destroyed. He stops himself from saying so, for surely she knows the odds as well as he does. "Should we call Finn up and tell him?" He asks instead.

"I already told him," she says, dismissive, and he is not jealous of Finn. He's not. That was a long time ago and they are friends now, but there is an echo of that jealousy inside him still, unwanted as it is. Just one more reason to hate himself.

"We're here," Rey announces, and pulls the lever to bring them out of hyperspace. The vortex transforms into silver lines which transform in turn into stars, and between them and the stars is a veil of green and purple like a vibrant stormcloud, towering high and magnificent over the Falcon.

Chapter 27: Now That She's Back In The Atmosphere

Notes:

Chapter title from “Drops of Jupiter” by Train, because that one obviously had to be used at some point.

-

"I'm picking up some kind of structure," Rey reports as glowing clouds of emerald and violet  billow to either side of the Falcon. If she keeps her eyes on the viewport and the control panel in front of her—and if she keeps the Dyad bond shut very, very tight—she can almost pretend that she is talking to someone else. Someone who isn't Ben.

She had made the mistake of dozing off in the cockpit at one point during their journey. It was only a brief nap. She had just begun to dream before she snapped back to wakefulness, but what little she had seen of that dream...

She is trying not to think about it. 

"What kind of structure?" Ben asks now.

"Ship. A big one. It's not moving."

"Is it the only one?"

"The scanner's not reading anything else."

"And the signal?" Ben pries.

"It's coming from the ship."

It's a prison ship. Ben recognizes the design and says so when they come into visual range. There is a single sign of organic life, but no answer when Rey tries to comm. She calls up Finn. "Finn, I'm docking. Stay on the guns until we're locked in, then you're coming on board with me."

"Roger that."

"I'm coming too," Ben says hastily, and Rey feels her lips press tight.

She answers, "Fine," because she doesn't want to waste time arguing about it, but she laces the word with no small amount of aggression.

In response, he keeps his silence.

-

As there is at least one living organism on the ship, so there is operating life support. Even the lights are on, which Rey hadn't expected after so much time on the barely lit droid base. Despite the bright fluorescents, the interior is anything but inviting. The uniform gray color is typical enough of military ships. The clutter is not. As soon as the three of them step off the Falcon, signs of violence are evident. Furniture once soldered to the floor has been ripped up and tossed aside. The heavy, multi-layered doors have been jammed open or have gaping holes torn through them. There are stains, too, of a telltale rust color, but no bodies to go with them. Whoever still lives here, if they had once been a prisoner, they are likely no longer contained to a cell.

Behind her, Ben murmurs, "I have a bad feeling about this."

"I could tell you that without the Force," Rey snipes.

"Whatever's here, it feels like it's on the level below us," Finn cuts in, a little louder than necessary, plainly trying to keep them on track.

"There should be an elevator nearby," says Ben. "Let's hope it's functional."

"We could always climb down the elevator shaft if we need to," Finn points out wryly. It was a reference, Rey knows, to how his team had navigated Niah Sloane's Star Destroyer in that final battle against the First Order.

"Indeed," Ben agrees, and to Rey's quiet irritation, he takes the lead.

The elevator, when they find it, works after all. It is a silent and awkward descent, but at least it is brief. On the next level down there is an empty lobby and another door, likely as a security measure. To Rey's surprise, this door is shut, and more than that, the control panel has been blasted and a pile of broken pieces of hull and furniture has been stacked against it—a barricade plainly designed to trap or hold at bay whatever resides on the other side.

"Someone was able to fight back," Ben muses. 

"You think there are survivors still on the ship?" wonders Finn. "Could that be who we're looking for?"

"No." The word comes firm from Rey's lips. She hardly needs to think before she says it. "Whoever we want, they're in there." It is the Force telling her this, and it is loud and clear.

"Right, okay..." Finn takes a deep breath and turns to face Rey squarely. "Are we sure this is a good idea? It looks to me like whatever's in there is more likely to eat us than help us.”

"Whoever," Rey corrects him. "Trust me. This is right." And because she is so sure, she channels the Force and lifts the makeshift barricade, letting its bits and pieces fall to either side. "Get ready." She gives one last mental push and the door slides open.

At first, there is silence. Rey had half-expected whoever was in here to charge as soon as the way was clear. She was ready to catch them up with the Force and do some fast talking to win them over, but it doesn't happen. At least not right away.

She takes a step past the threshold and then another. She can feel Ben's anxiety radiating from him, and Finn's is only slightly less tangible. They both want to protect her, which is silly, since she is more capable than both of them when it comes to dealing with droids.

The creature strikes fast when it does strike, and it moves without a sound. There is no time for her plan. There is no time for anything. She is on the floor quite literally before she knows what hit her. She hears Finn's wordless shout. She rolls over and into a crouch, ready to salvage that plan of hers, but the creature isn't there, and neither is Finn. Only Ben stands where she last saw him, looking as dumbstruck as Rey feels.

He comes forward as if to help her to her feet, so she hurries to stand on her own. "What was it? Did Finn go after it?"

"It took him."

The statement doesn't make any sense at first. Still rattled from her fall, she has to lay it out in her mind a word at a time. Then it does make sense, and she looks at Ben with undisguised fear. "Where?" 

"In there." He jerks his chin at the space behind her, the room they've just entered. "It was fast, Rey."

"I noticed." And silent. That was unexpected.

The section that had been behind the barricaded door is a long, rectangular space filled with ugly metal tables and un-cushioned chairs, some now broken or toppled over. There is more beyond this that she cannot see—four other doors divided between two walls, two across from them and two to the right. Three of these have been jammed open and Ben can't say for certain which one Finn was taken through, but he tells her it was one of the two on the far wall.

Rey tunes out sight and sound long enough to sink into the Force and pinpoint him that way. He is alive, conscious, and whatever had taken him is there with him. She picks the door most aligned with his position and sets off at a jog, leaving Ben to follow or not, though she is certain he will.

 

-< >-

 

Ben follows, because what choice does he have? It pains him, though, that she would go on without so much as a 'this way' or even a brusque 'keep up'. She doesn’t want him here. That much is abundantly clear.

"Any sign of that droid friend we came here for?" He asks her, keeping his voice low.

"Shh," she hisses, so he shuts up. The doorway she's chosen leads into a hallway, long and wide and barren. Perhaps twenty identical doors line the wall to their right—the cells of the prison ship, or at least some of them. In front of him, Rey's worry for Finn is a beacon of its own.

"He's still alive," Ben tries. "We'd know if he wasn't."

"I know. Be quiet."

Maybe, he tells himself in an attempt at optimism, she’s not trying to be rude. Maybe she’s just trying to listen.

He has little time to play out this rather pitiful mental debate, for between one moment and the next, the creature reappears at the far end of the hallway. It is a thing built for speed, four long limbs on the ground and two shorter ones with grasping hands held tucked up against it's chest. Its head is blunt, almost humanoid in shape, though its face is hidden behind a metal plate, sensor lights gleaming where there should be eyes. Cybernetics cover much of its body, protruding from leathery blue-gray skin.  It stares them down, standing inhumanly still, a low metallic growl emanating from its throat. Then, on thickly padded feet, it charges. It is impossibly fast. Ben barely has time to step in front of Rey and raise his lightsaber, falling into a defensive stance even as the creature slides to a halt inches out of range. 

"Don't hurt him!"

Ben can't see past the monstrous metal face to confirm what his ears tell him, but Rey can.

"Finn!"

"Don't hurt him!" Finn says again. "He's just scared!"

Quietly, Ben thinks that anyone should be scared if they dare to threaten Rey while he’s around, even if they happen to be a cyborg monster the size of an eopie, but he relaxes his stance just a little.

The creature holds its ground while Finn, looking frazzled but unharmed, approaches from behind. "It's okay. These are friends. We followed your beacon. We’re here to help."

The only visible movement from the creature in the slow expansion and contraction of its—his, apparently—torso as he breathes, but at least he has stopped growling. It probably says something profound about how much Ben has come to trust Finn that he deactivates his lightsaber, however reluctantly, and that he doesn't argue when Rey steps forward to stand beside him.

"I'm looking for a friend," she tells the creature, and Ben’s stomach seems to somersault in recognition at her tone of voice. It's the same soft, pleading, promising tone she had used to tame him, once upon a time. "A droid," she continues. "Designation Bee-One Sixty-Six. Do you know where he is?"

The cyborg regards her silently for too long a moment, perhaps deciding how or if to answer. Then, so suddenly that Rey ducks and Ben almost ignites his saber again, the creature leaps clear over their heads and takes off running out the same way they had just come in.

"Follow him," Finn advises. 

This is easier said than done. The creature goes in quick bursts, taking himself just out of sight, waiting for them to catch up, and then doing it again. As before, his movement makes almost no sound. His design clearly refined for stealth as much as speed. He leads them in this jarring way back into the cafeteria-like room and then through the other door on the same wall, down another row of cells nearly identical to the first. The one difference is that this one turns ninety degrees and continues deeper instead of stopping at a dead end. The creature sprints around the bend and all the way down to the last cell, and when they catch up, panting for breath, and peer inside, here at last is a single droid—a basic multipurpose humanoid model of a sort commonly used to replace organic crew members on starships. Dents and mismatched parts indicate damage that has been repaired for functionality but not for looks, which fits what Ben would expect of the Droid Liberation Movement's priorities. Sure enough, Rey shoves past him and practically throws herself to her knees in front of the droid, hands clasping its narrow shoulders as she pleads with it. "Beewun! Can you hear me?!"

Even as she is speaking, the droid's visual sensors light up and he lifts his head. "Rey. You're here. Did you follow the beacon too?" 

"I came to find you!" She scolds him, choking up a little, and Ben is not jealous of a droid. He's not.  "Why would you come here by yourself?"

"Because Chaser Zero needs our help," answers B1, "and we need his."

"Chaser Zero...?" Rey looks back over her shoulder at the cell's open doorway where Ben and Finn stand with the cyborg looming behind them. "Is that Chaser Zero?"

"Yes,” answers B1. “He is the prototype of the Chaser Project. He and the others would make fine warriors for the Droid Liberation Movement."

"Others?" Ben prompts.

Finn adds, doubtfully, "I don't sense anyone else here."

"The Chaser Ones and Twos aren't here," explains the droid, "but Chaser Zero can find them."

"Why didn't you come back?" Rey asks him. "Or send a message? I was worried about you."

Ben tries not to imagine her saying something similar in that same tone of voice to him. Meanwhile, B1 looks down at himself, at the chassis and the limbs that have remained perfectly still while he spoke to Rey. "Chaser Zero thought I was an enemy. He damaged me before I was able to correct the misunderstanding. I do not blame him for it."

Rey's shoulders sag. "Let me have a look at you. Maybe I can get you working again."

What follows is an awkward wait while Rey tinkers away on her friend. When she comes upon a part that is too damaged to repair, Chaser Zero scurries off to some other section of the ship and returns carrying a box of spare parts. Using metal cutters and a tiny welding torch she'd had tucked away in one of her belt pouches, Rey manages to convert the a similar piece into one that fits properly. 

While the two of them stand uselessly off to the side, Ben asks Finn, "What happened back there? Does the creature talk to you?"

Finn shakes his head. "No. I mean, sort of. I can feel what he wants to say. More than I can feel you or Rey. I think he's like me. He can do what I do."

"And that's why he took you."

"I think so."

They don't have long to ponder this before B1-66 can move again. 

"Thank you, Rey," says the droid after he has stood up gingerly and tested his joints. "Having no motor control was quite frightening. It was worse than a restraining bolt."

"I'm sure I wouldn't like it either," she agrees, and Ben does not think she means to remind him of the cruelties he had inflicted upon her as Kylo Ren, because even this Rey is not that vengeful, but he winces anyway. "We should get you back to base so you can get a proper diagnostic," she continues, oblivious to his reaction or ignoring it. "Will Chaser Zero come with us?"

Chaser Zero answers for himself, speaking in a low, mechanical hum which B1 translates. "Chaser Zero is eager to be free of this prison, as long as the Droid Liberation Movement treats him like an equal. He says he is tired of being commanded and he is tired of being feared."

"The Droid Liberation Movement is made of those who feel the same," Rey tells Chaser Zero, turning her head to face him as she speaks to him. "You'll be welcome there."

-

Indeed, L3 and the others are excited to hear about Chaser when Rey comms them to report, and eager to meet him. Chaser, for his part, seems more at peace as they fly away from the prison ship, and Ben finds that he feels a sense of kinship with the creature. He wishes he had Rey's gift for languages. Although he had learned the common ones easily enough as a child, he had lost the knack for it as he grew, struggling painfully in adolescence when he began translating old Jedi texts. Now the guttural growls and clicks that make up Chaser’s dialect go clear over his head. 

Once back at the droid station after a quiet hyperspace run, Finn catches Ben and Rey both off guard by making his goodbyes. Hugging Rey, he tells her, "It's been so good to see you, but I need to get back to my ex-troopers. I'd ask you to come with me—you should really see the progress we’ve made—but I know you won't. You've got your own worthy cause here."

When he turns to Ben next, mouth open to continue, Ben says first, "I'm staying."

Finn shuts his jaw on what he was about to say and offers a wry half-smile instead. "Yeah, I know. You can help me with my lightsaber when you're done here. No hurry."

Ben deflates, humbled as always by Finn's awareness of of his feelings and, through them, his intentions. "You should still go pick up that crystal from Maz. You earned it."

"Oh, I plan to."

His last goodbye is to Chaser Zero. He goes out of his way to find the cyborg, insistent upon it before he leaves. Ben stays close to Rey, afraid to let her out of his sight, and so he misses the exchange, but when Chaser comes back their way, the creatures appears to be... purring?

"I didn't want you to go, but I'm glad you did," L3 tells Rey. "Take some time to recharge while we talk to Chaser Zero and plan our next move."

This leaves Rey and Ben with nothing between them but the lingering shadow of their time apart.

"Can we talk?" He asks her as she exits the command chamber, following her back out into the circular hall.

"No.” She says it without looking at him, and for all that every inch of him wants to keep following her anyway, he lets her go. Again.

 

-< >-

 

Rey's quarters on the station are not fancy, but given that most of the droids here don't need or want private quarters of their own, it was a thoughtful gesture to provide her with the comfort at all. The room even comes with its own 'fresher, which she makes a beeline for now, dropping sweaty clothes along the way. A shower and sleep will clear her head.

The shower is nice. The sleep less so. The problem this time is not that she dreams, but that she cannot dream. Every time some wisp of imagining begins to take form, it is abruptly banished by... something. Some part of her unconscious mind seems to be hard at work protecting her from whatever doubts crawl up to the surface. Rather than allowing for an especially peaceful sleep, however, the disruption jolts her awake every time. 

After the third round of this cycle, she gives up, rolling moodily out of bed and throwing on enough clothes to be decent before stomping out the door. The droids don't run any sort of day-and-night cycle on the station, but it is always quiet and dark on this level, full of mostly unused cabins. Rey goes to an alcove in the corridor which frames a large viewport, ideal for staring out at the stars while she works herself into a good sulk.

Not two minutes later, the door to one of the other cabins slides open and Ben sticks his head out. She should have sensed that he was so close by, but she had been trying hard enough to ignore his presence that she must have succeeded even on a Force level, at least somewhat. She staunchly ignores him now, which does her no good at all, for upon seeing her, he steps fully into the corridor.

"You're not sleeping?" His voice is full of annoying concern and against her own better judgment, she responds.

"You're not either."

"Nightmare." He says it like it's nothing, so she pretends that it is nothing to her as well.

Then, because it was a lack of dreams in any form that kept her awake, she responds, "Lucky you."

His eyebrows knit in a confused little frown. While she is foolishly watching the tiny changes in his expression, she notices something else. "When did you shave? Just now? You had a beard on Chaser's ship."

He blushes, and that annoys her too. "I didn't have a beard. It was stubble."

"It was practically a beard."

Ben doesn't seem to know how to answer, so Rey turns her gaze back to the stars, reminding herself that she's supposed to be ignoring him. It's a shame, though, she thinks. She had liked the stubble. It made him look more human.

Notes:

A couple things about droid ocs:
B1-66 (Beewun) is named after the robot who started the machine revolution in Matrix. I know there's also 2B1 in Star Wars Visions. Sorry if it's confusing, but I loved Matrix Resurrections and I had to be a nerd about it.

The other thing is this concept drawing of Chaser Zero.

Chapter 28: Been A Long Time Running Through My Veins, This Long Lost Dream

Notes:

Chapter title from "Acceptable Losses" by Lisa Miskovsky

-

Back in her room, Rey paces, more restless now than she had been before. Pacing is a habit she would never have developed on Jakku, where conserving energy was paramount, but things are different now. It dizzies her to think of how much has changed and changed again.

She had done so well at not thinking of Ben, at quashing down each memory, each fantasy. For nearly a year, she had managed it. Now, suddenly, she can't anymore. None of her tricks are working. It's the proximity, she thinks. It must be. While there was still something to do—someone else to worry about—she could get by even with him near, but that's over now. B1-66 and Chaser Zero are found and brought back safe. Now she has only to wait until she is needed again, and waiting is not enough.

She regrets how she has treated him. She can't explain why she feels so driven to drive him away. He had honored her desire to be apart, up until chance brought them back together again. Yes, he'd kept trying to reach out to her in the beginning, and he had clearly never stopped moping about it, but after all they had been through... Can she hold it against him, in fairness?

A sense of righteous annoyance flares at the memory of how he had come barging back into her life, but now, with time to study her own feelings, she wonders at the rationality of it. She'd left him so that she could make her own choices, free of the Force's machinations, but what if she chooses to take him back?

The thought blossoms into a kaleidoscope of fantasies and possibilities and she must hastily rein it back in, reminding herself that she hasn’t yet decided if she wants him around or not. And yet... perhaps it is worth testing the idea. Deciding for herself what she wants is the point of it all, isn’t it? Could she choose him in spite of the Force, rather than because of it?

 

-< >-

 

Precisely eight hours after he had been escorted to this level of the station and invited to pick one of the empty cabins for himself, a mouse droid shows up at the door balancing a tray on its back on which is set a tumbler of water and an assortment of pre-packaged food. It is an abrupt and disconcerting attempt at room service, made only more awkward by the knowledge that the Liberation Movement's purpose is to free droids from such servitude. He musters a "thank you" and takes the offering, trying and failing to think of something more to say before the droid rolls back out the door and out of sight.

He only picks at the food at first, distracted by the encounter. It is as his mind wanders back to the night before that he finds incentive to eat more quickly. For the first time since reuniting with her, Rey had spoken to him without aggression. He is anxious to see if that change has survived the night. Amicable or not, the bond is still a solid wall between them. He is bitterly impressed by her ability to keep it up with such consistency. 

He takes the elevator to the central deck and checks the control room first, answering a greeting and a bit of small talk from L3. He is in constant dread that the droid will bring up his father, but so far she has spared him that torment. Rey is not present, so as soon as he gets an opening, he asks L3 about her.

"She's attending Chaser Zero's debriefing. You'll have to wait until they're finished."

This news is off-putting given that he had only just been brought breakfast and he assumed Rey would be on the same sleep schedule. Concern spikes within him. "She didn't eat?"

"She took her meal with her. They were both eager to get started."

Well, that did sound like Rey. "May I attend the interview?" 

"I'm afraid not." And here L3 sounds genuinely sorry. "If it were only me, I'd trust you, but you haven't earned that level of clearance yet."

Of course not. He stuffs down his disappointment and makes himself say, "I understand."

-

He and BB-9E are a half-hour into corroborating and compiling their shared knowledge of First Order codage and the locations of droid factories and storage that might still exist when Rey comes to find him. The fact that she has come to him at all, seemingly of her on volition, is enough to make his heart flutter, and the feeling is dampened only partially when she explains, "Elthree said you were looking for me."

He stands up, and then he makes it awkward by struggling too long to formulate words, staring at Rey all the while. Even safe on the station, she is dressed for stealth and combat, hair tied back, saber at her hip. "I... I... wanted to talk,” he stammers. “We haven't yet, and it's been a long time..."

"Almost a year," Rey agrees, though her face is tense and her eyes wary. "What do you want to talk about?" She asks it like she knows what the answer almost certainly is but hopes to be wrong.

"Us." Then, wincing, he adds, "I'm sorry. I want to understand."

Her gaze skates away at that, retreating to some random point on the hull. "Don't apologize." It would be an encouraging response, but for the way her voice dips low and grudging. "You didn't do anything."

"I..." He can't tell by her demeanor whether that's good or bad. "You said you needed to be alone."

Rey's eyes are on BB-9E now. "Can we have this conversation somewhere else? Or in private?"

9E takes the hint, beeping that they can finish their work later. He rolls away with haste, the door closing behind him, and suddenly Ben is alone with Rey again, and he is very, deeply aware of the fact. Cautiously, he sits back down.

Rey does not.

The room is small, One of a number of meeting rooms equipped with table, chairs, and computer consoles. There isn't much space for pacing, but Rey makes it work. Ben is about to speak again when she says, eyes on the floor in front of her, "I wanted to find my own path. I'm tired of being a tool for the Force, for the Jedi. I tried, Ben. I did. I gave them everything, and... and they took everything. They took my life like it didn't matter anymore. Like I didn't matter. If you hadn't been there... And then you died, and..." Her hands wave in the air as she speaks, giving shape to her frustration and hurt. "Then Palpatine said even our bond was a tool of the Force. That it was using us both. I don't want that, Ben. I'm tired of always giving and not having a choice." Here her voice cracks and it takes everything he has not to go to her, but he fears that if he does, she'll push him away again. His heart aches, for oh, how well he understands the need to be something other than what everyone else demands of you. Every word, every gesture, every scowl evokes the same anger in him, until...

"Palpatine?" 

Rey stops pacing, stops moving. Like a trap closing, her walls snap back into place. Ben doesn't like that, but he keeps pressing anyway. He has to. "When did Palpatine say that?"

"On Jakku... In the ruins, when I went down..."

Right before she had left him, then. "Rey, you can't—"

"Don't tell me what I can't do, Ben."

Her biting tone startles the words from his tongue and he stutters to retrieve them. "I-I-I meant—"

"I know what you meant." She is loud and firm now, confident, as if she had been expecting and waiting for this part of the conversation. "You're going to say I can't trust him, that he was just manipulating me, but he wasn't wrong, Ben. You of all people should know that."

He has to take a breath before he can answer, gathering himself. "But Rey, that changes—"

"Nothing!" At last she locks eyes with him, ferocious and defiant as ever. "It changes nothing. He only said what I already knew."

Ben has to rein in a rush of anger, let worry take its place. "If he wanted you to leave..."

"No. Leaving was my choice. The first real choice I've had." 

He bites his tongue instead of pointing out a few others he can think of. He knows what she means. He starts to rise then, not sure what he means to do, but desperate to do more than just sit on his ass. Rey shoots him a warning look, though, so again he stays where he is.

Then, confounding him further, she says, "I missed you," before she turns and sweeps out of the room.

Ben's head spins, thoughts flashing by almost too quickly to focus on. Almost.

 Palpatine had fed her doubts about the bond. She'd been afraid he wouldn't listen to her because of it. 

She’d missed him.

That simple admission is almost enough to let him dismiss all the rest. He could follow her right now, catch up, apologize—for what, it didn't matter, as long as it convinced her to give him another chance... 

But even as he plays out the scenario in his head, more thoughts find there way into the mental whirlwind. There are worries and memories, strange manners in which she had acted... his dreams about her, which he had blamed on his own past and his yearning for her. Now, after what she has revealed, he wonders...

Had Palpatine's spirit, or copy, or remnant—whatever it was she had found in that Jakku ruin—had it truly been destroyed? And even if so, how much had it been able to influence her beforehand? He knows all too well how the Dark Side can turn a person, how subtle it can be at first. Had Palpatine been the reason she closed the bond? Is Palpatine the reason she keeps it closed, afraid that Ben might sense the truth? 

Or is he being paranoid?

And how can he broach the subject with her when even the fear that he would do so had sent her into retreat? If she is under the influence of her grandfather or the Dark Side in any way, he can't risk her running away again. He can't push to hard, or he knows she will. He has never seen her so flighty, and that is saying something.

A memory surfaces—just one from many others like it in their sordid history—of searching high and low for her in Black Spire Outpost. This feels like that, almost, in the way she is so close yet just out of reach. He reminds himself that he had found her then—found her and lost her, yes, but that part is beside the point. The point is that he has always caught up to her eventually. In their mad dance across the galaxy, he has always found her, or she has found him. Surely he can do it again.

He will not tell her right away about his concerns, nor will he pressure her to open the bond. He hates the thought of keeping anything from her with such intent, but he hates more the thought of her distancing herself from him any further when she needs his help. If she needs help. After all, he justifies the secrecy to himself, if this is merely paranoia, why trouble her with it when she clearly still wants her space? No, he will keep his peace and he will be there for her, be whatever she needs of him, as he has vowed. If something is wrong, he'll be there to help her set it right.

Eventually he composes himself enough to leave the little meeting room without making a scene. Rey is nowhere to be seen, but BB-9E comes rolling eagerly around the dimly lit corridor a moment later, his timing so impeccable that Ben suspects he was watching or listening for the door to open again. He's found something. Ben is able to make that out and not much else as the droids grinding, gravelly vocalizations come a lightyear a minute. 

"Show me," Ben suggests as soon as he gets a chance, and off 9E goes, rolling so fast that Ben has to stretch his long legs to keep up.

In a long room filled with computer consoles, a few other droids look up as 9E zooms in and leads Ben to a specific screen, beeping urgently at him to have a look. Someone increases the lighting in the room for his sake, possibly 9E himself with a command Ben doesn't catch. He puts his palms down on the console and leans in, squinting until he sees what's so special about the data. It isn’t long before his eyes are widening in astonishment. "Chaser Zero was a First Order project?" 

That explains why the creature was seemingly abandoned until someone caught him and locked him away on a convenient prison ship. It does not explain how Ben had no knowledge of the project previously, seeing as he had been the man in charge of the whole organization for a solid standard year. But then, his people had never trusted him. What little surprise he feels at the oversight is quick to fade. "We can find out where he was made," he realizes, understanding 9E's excitement. "And we can track the others from there."

BB-9E must have an internal means of communicating with L3 and the other leaders of the Liberation Movement, or at least alerting them, for all three are waiting at their central console when Ben and the astromech arrive in the command room. Lest he think this a coincidence, L3 says, "Nynee, what do you have for us?"

BB-9E beeps and rumbles and wobbles back and forth, reciting directions to the data he had just shown Ben. As he speaks, one of L3's metal fingers opens at the tip, revealing a slim jack which she plugs into the console in front of her. With her inhuman computational power, it takes a fraction of a second for her to absorb the data once she has it in front of her. "Call Chaser Zero here," she says to the droid in charge of comms. "Tell him we have information on the Chaser One and Two models."

-

The droids do not dawdle over indecision and risk assessment. Ben supposes those calculations are still being made, but far more quickly than the stumbling, disagreeable minds of organics would have managed it. All the planning Ben bears witness to is focused on tactics and timetables. 

Rey wants to help. In fact she is pressingly eager to be involved. Ben suspects it is to satisfy her need to be busy as much as it is for the sake of the droids. Regardless, they welcome her help and Ben's, for he volunteers when she does.

She doesn't even give him a dirty look for it. He counts that as progress.

The laboratory where Chaser Zero was made is one Ben has only the vaguest knowledge of, having seen the place listed among other seemingly minor assets once or twice. As they delve further into the data available on it, however, one piece of text gives him a jolt, quickly followed by a slimy sensation of disgust.

"That cocky ginger womp rat..."

When Rey shoots him a questioning glance, he points at the roster of officers connected with the project. There at the top, in bright digital aurebesh, reads the name General Armitage Hux. 

"Oh, him." Rey says this with enough disdain to make Ben almost smirk. "I guess that explains why you didn't know anything about it."

"He might not have been heavily involved," Ben concedes. "He would have been listed first because of his rank, which was equal to mine until Snoke's death. But I'm more inclined to believe it was intentional."

"He did betray the First Order just to spite you."

"Oh, is that why he did it?"

"According to him."

"Somehow I'm not surprised."

"That lab was destroyed." This is L3, cutting into their banter just when Ben felt it was getting good. "We have the event in our records."

"Well, I guess we could go find Hux and ask him," Rey suggests airily.

"Let's... go see if there's anything left of the lab first."

-

There is not.

The laboratory had been on a moon, barren and barely habitable. There is little more than a crater left where it once stood.

"We didn't do this," Rey says with a frown.

"The First Order did, when they lost control of the sector," Ben admits. "To keep it out of enemy hands."

Rey's frown remains. "I guess that makes sense."

"We won't find anything here. They would have swept the remains to be sure."

"So we really do have to go find Hux? I was joking..."

Squeezing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose is not a gesture he has made habit of in the past, but it is suddenly very tempting. He resists, for now. "Let's talk to Sloane first."

And because he does not have his eyes closed or his hand in front of his face, he sees Rey's smile, fleeting as it is.

Chapter 29: How Worlds Have Changed, Led Us Astray

Notes:

Chapter title from “I Still Remember” by Blackmore’s Night

-

Finn isn't even back yet when they call the rehabilitation center. Instead, Kade is put on the line as soon as the comm operator sees Ben's face, and like the dutiful Stormtrooper he once was, he grants Ben's request without question. Within minutes, Niah Sloane is taking his place in front of the comm.

"Solo. I hear you want to talk?"

Ben feels his left eye twitch at the name, but he ignores it in favor of the mission. With an air of relaxed interest, Niah listens to his explanation of their discoveries.

When he's finished, she confirms, "I knew about the Chaser Project, but I was not directly involved. The lab had already been shut down by the time I took charge. I suppose you could ask Hux. I believe it was one of his pet projects after Starkiller failed."

Rey is looking sidelong at Ben with obvious amusement. He pretends not to notice. "We could do that if we knew where to find him."

To his horror, Niah answers, "Oh, that's easy. We just heard the news here at the center, but it turns out one of your Resistance leaders has been in contact with him for a while now. She mentioned it when she came to check on us in Finn's absence."

"Who did?" he asks through the growing sense of dread.

"Tico was the name."

Rose Tico.

"Rose?" Rey echoes at the same time he thinks it. "Why would she still be talking to him?"

Niah shrugs. "You'd know better than me. Maybe she's got her own rehabilitation pet project."

"Not likely," Ben can't help but scoff. Betrayal to outwit his competition was one thing, but Hux would never subject himself to the humiliation of true redemption. Not the Hux who Ben had known, in any case.

Then again, how many would have said the same about him, unaware of the extent of his inner conflict? Can he assume such things about anyone after his own terrible journey?

It was Hux they were talking about, though. He might sooner expect Palpatine himself to turn back to the Light.

"Thank you," Rey says to Niah when Ben remains silent for too long. "You've been very helpful."

The little blue image of Niah Sloane gives her a Republic-style salute. "My pleasure, Jedi. I can't wait to hear what my scoundrel of a former General has been up to." And with that, she dismisses herself, standing and leaving only Kade in view. He asks if there’s anything else they need, and when answered with a negative, he waves farewell and turns off the comm.

What follows is an annoying game of comm tag. They call Poe first, expecting that either Rose will be with him or he'll know how to contact her. Poe is more interested in talking to Rey, questioning her on everything she's been doing in her time away and asking if she ever plans to come back and help him rebuild the Republic, seeing as it's so much work and having the one and only Jedi around would be a great morale boost, in his words. When they finally get him to answer their queries about Rose, it turns out she's not there, but he can give them a comm code that might reach her. Rey says goodbye and ends the call hastily, cutting off the holo on Poe's impatient half-frown. 

"He reminds me of your father," L3 comments from behind them, and Ben nearly chokes on his own spit.

"They're nothing alike, I promise." He can't even guess why she would think so, but Rey is stifling a laugh.

"No, she's right. Poe always has reminded of Han."

Ben continues to sputter, unsure whether he's defending Han or Poe. "You... You didn't really know him..." 

Rey has the decency not to remind him why that is, but her pinched smirk remains. "Let's try calling Rose."

This time the comm is answered by an unfamiliar face. Bothan, judging by the furry muzzle. "This is Drac Vin'lako of Chandrila Residential Planning,” he begins in a mildly bored tone. “How can—wait, I know you."  His long snout goes through a series of expressions, settling on polite befuddlement. "Jedi Rey and... and the Supreme Leader. Ah, you must be calling for Tico."

Belatedly, Ben remembers what Finn had told him—that Rose was working on Chandrila to rehome the Kijimi survivors. "Yes, that's right." He almost corrects the bothan on the use of his former title, but the mere thought of discussing it with a stranger threatens to exhaust him. 

Rose, according to the bothan, is dreadfully busy. He recommends they try another time, to which Ben says they'll stay on the comm until she has a moment to spare. He regrets this when the wait drags out from ten minutes to twenty and then longer, he and Rey standing around in an increasingly uncomfortable silence. The droids, being inherently better at multitasking and efficiency, go about working on other tasks as the time passes.

At twenty-six minutes, Rey says, "Maybe we should try again later."

But Ben, resenting the time they've already spent and the prospect of it being a waste, insists, "We've waited this long. She must be on her way."

Beside him, Rey sighs and crosses her arms, but doesn't argue. She has spent the time drifting in and out of the comm's sensor range, putting a visible effort into not touching him when she comes near. Over and over again, Ben opens his mouth to say something and then halts himself, too aware of the company in the room and too afraid of giving away more than he means to.

At nearly forty minutes since they spoke to Drac the bothan, Rose shuffles into view, looking as harried as Ben feels and talking fast. "I'm so sorry. I couldn't get away. Didn't Drac say you could call back? Nevermind, it must be urgent. What's going on, you two?"

Rey leans in, practically contorting herself so as not to let her shoulder brush against Ben's arm. "We need information. It's, uh, sensitive, though. Are you alone?"

Rose turns away and makes a gesture they can't see. A moment later, she turns back. "I am now."

"Rose," Rey begins. "We're looking for Hux. The former general of the First Order," she clarifies unnecessarily, as if Rose might think it was anyone else with the same name. "He has information we need."

Rose, who had already been attentive, has gone intensely alert. Her eyes keep shifting in the holo-blue projection of her face, as if she is trying to look at Rey but can't stop glancing at the man beside her. "That's... I don't know if I can help you with that. And if I do, you can't hurt him." Now she is definitely staring at Ben. "It's part of our deal."

Ben composes himself and looks back at her through the flickering light of the comm. "I won't harm him. I promise." Not physically, at least. Not unless Hux strikes first. If an insult or several slip out when he sees the man face to face again, well, who will blame him for that much?

For the sake of politics, he keeps this addendum to himself.

"Please, Rose," Rey pushes when Rose doesn't answer right away. "It's not about him. We only need to ask him a few things. It's important."

Rose sighs in surrender. "Fine, but you better keep your word. I don't like the guy either, but he's useful." And she gives them not the name of a planet or a station, not spatial coordinates, but a single code of the sort used to access a tracking device. "That will get you to him no matter where he goes."

"You mean he's not even locked up?" Rey's voice  rises an octave, sounding somewhere between alarmed and disgusted.

Rose shrugs. "The man's not easy to bargain with. Good luck."

 

-< >-

 

The code, once entered into the Falcon's system, directs them to, of all places, Hutt space. Nar Shaddaa, specifically. Rey has never been there—the Resistance had done its best to steer clear of the hutts, keen on avoiding the extra trouble—but she has seen holos of city streets lit by no light but that of neon signs in every imaginable color. It had looked overwhelming, but in a way more familiar to her than the similarly huge cities on the core worlds. It had looked like a wilderness disguised as civilization, like the kind of place where she would need every one of her well-honed survival instincts. 

Of course, she reminds herself, that was only her impression from a few holo images and rumors. The truth might yet be entirely different.

BB-9E is going with them. It had been Ben's idea, with the intent to make Hux feel more at ease. He may or may not have known the droid personally, but its model will be familiar to him. Chaser Zero, on the other hand, is not going. While Rey thinks intimidating Hux with the cyborg's imposing appearance would be useful and also funny, the cyborg in question is not interested. He opts to stay behind on the station and wait for whatever news they can wring out of the former general.

Officially, the moon of Nar Shaddaa was home to multiple cities, but the urban sprawl had spread to fill all the spaces between until it looked like a smaller version of Coruscant from above. Rey wonders if any flowers still grow there.

Perhaps a glimpse of that thought slips through despite the strength of her walls, because Ben takes advantage of their hyperspace idleness to show her something. He starts by leading her back toward the crew quarters, then he hesitates, asks her to wait, and jogs the rest of the way on his own, leaving her standing in the Falcon's corridor, only for him to return moments later with a cloth pack he must have stashed away earlier. 

"I've been holding onto these," he explains hastily. "While you're here, in case we don't—" He stops himself, slows down. "This doesn't have to mean anything you don't want it to." And he opens the pack, removing first a small holo projector. "The lesson holos I said I'd get for you, on lightsaber forms." He hands this to her before she has a chance to protest—not that she plans to—and delves into the pack again, retrieving this time a narrow book of flimsi. "And these. I didn't know how else to store them, so I tried to do it your way." He lets her pocket the projector so she can take the book, which she does warily, only to be rendered breathless when she opens it to the first page. 

"They're... Did you collect these?"

"I thought you'd like them. I didn't go much out of my way, but whenever I saw one... and I bought the book, obviously..." He's rambling and appears to catch himself at it, trailing off while she turns the pages of the gift, allowing herself to admire it. The book is an album, designed to hold and protect whatever small, flat objects its owner chooses. Each page has attached to it a sheet of transparent material, and slipped inside the first few of these are dried and pressed flowers. Ben has even been thoughtful enough to add handwritten notes describing where he had found each one.

For a long time she can't think of what to say. She only gazes at the beautiful specimens while Ben grows increasingly nervous in front of her. Finally, she puts him out of his misery. "...Thank you. I'll add these to mine. I can... Can I keep the book?"

"Yes," he murmurs. "It's for you."

"Thank you," she repeats herself, and another awkward silence descends.

"Do you still use the training room?" He ventures after the pause. "It would be a good place to practice those forms."

"Yes." She had debated converting that section of the Falcon back into a hold even though she didn't need the extra storage space, but it had proven too useful as it was. The reminder of him and their time together was a fair price to pay for the space to keep her combat skills fresh.

He looks like he's going to say more and she is afraid that he will invite her to spar with him, but he doesn't.

"I, uh..." She mentally scrambles for an excuse to get away from him before she is the one who says or does something she isn't ready for. "I better go put these away. Somewhere safe." She brandishes the album of flowers to clarify, then realizes her mistake. The rest of her collection is stored in the crew quarters and to get there would mean squeezing past Ben's tall, broad, annoyingly handsome frame. She can already imagine the way his body heat will feel if she passes close enough. She knows the sensation too well.

Ben, of course, intuits her conundrum and steps aside, giving her enough room to hurry by without that small torture.

- 

Coruscant to Nar Shaddaa is a direct flight, but still longer than Rey cares for it to be, and while she has not changed her mind about giving Ben another chance, the confines of the Falcon are not where she wants to do it. The fact of the matter, if she's honest, is that she doesn't trust herself. The desires of her mind and her body are in conflict and the privacy and familiarity of their ship—still his as much as hers—could tip the odds too soon.

At least he's given her a perfect reason to isolate herself in the training room for as long as she needs to.

The lesson holo is old, the image flickery and the audio crackling, but her flight simulators on Jakku had sometimes been worse. Rey sets it in the middle of the open floor, trying very hard not to think about that dreamlike time on Chandrila when they had cleared this room and Ben had first mentioned the holo. She starts the recording from the beginning, listening attentively and taking her time to practice each stance, each strike, each block the instructor demonstrates. Some of it she knows already. On another day she might have skipped past it in impatience, but her goal now is as much to pass the time as it is to learn. She goes through the whole thing twice, then eats a ration bar and takes a nap. Less than two hours later, she is awoken by the jolt and rattle of the Falcon exiting hyperspace. They have arrived.

Even the layout of the conjoined cities makes the moon of Nar Shaddaa look like a miniature Coruscant from above, all glittering concentric circles and lines. It is an odd, jeweled contrast to the swampy, smoggy yellow planet which it orbits.

Hux's tracker leads them to one of the middle levels and is miraculously not far from the nearest dock. After thoroughly locking down the Falcon against thievery, they make the journey on foot so as to avoid as much awkward contact with the locals as possible, both of them wary of how recognizable they are. It's an easy enough stroll compared to the long slogs through sun and sand that once made up Rey's daily routine.

Once they reach the place from which the tracker seems to emanate, Rey understands its proximity to the dock. Passenger docks and spaceports are the best places to build cantinas near, after all.

This one, named the Gold Eopie, is neither the most well-maintained nor the seediest, but somewhere right in the middle. It looks old, and it looks like it had once been considerably nicer, but someone still clearly cares enough to try. 

The people passing by in front of the establishment steer widely out of the way as Rey, Ben, and BB-9E pass. The First Order droid stands out even more than the pair of war heroes, Rey suspects. 

When they first step across the threshold, she thinks Hux is not among the patrons in the main bar. Only when Ben stops in his tracks and stares does she sees him too, and like Ben, she cannot look away.

His hair is longer, hanging lank and stringy around his wan face. His civilian clothes are stained and wrinkled. He is hunched over an out-of-the-way table, pouring liquor from a tall bottle into a glass. The bottle is almost empty when he sets it down. The only other object on the table is a holo projector quietly playing a news program from the core worlds. 

BB-9E is the first to confront him, emitting a growling noise as he rolls across the cantina floor. He picks up speed until he rams into the legs of Hux's chair and bounces off. The chair and the man wobble, but do not fall, and as soon as he has his balance, Hux whirls on the offending droid. "What the hell are you thinking?! Fucking droid, are your sensors damaged? They will be when I'm done with you." He aims a kick at 9E, which the droid easily dodges. This is when Ben steps between them, head high and expression aloof, but Hux's drunken gaze remains pointed at the droid's level even as he begins to address the human. "And who are you? This idiot's master? I think you owe me a drink for..." Only belatedly have his eyes made their journey upward to find the face of the man in front of him. His tirade ends when Ben's features finally come into focus.

Hanging back a few steps, Rey struggles to suppress a smirk.

"It's you." There is fear in those liquor-glazed eyes, but there is fury also, and the latter soon surges like a flame to consume the former. "It's you!" Hux seems at a loss for any words beyond that. His actions speak for him well enough, however, as he bursts out of his chair and aims a punch at Ben's prominent nose.

Notes:

I'm just gonna say it now. This version of post-tros Hux is 100% inspired by "Scruffington" (the potc fandom's affectionate nickname for Commodore James Norrington as he appears in Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest). There was a point a few chapters back where I wasn't sure if I'd find a way to include him, but I'm glad I did, because he made this and the next chapter quite fun to write.

Chapter 30: So Tell Me What You Want To Hear

Notes:

This chapter was one of my favorites to write. I managed to throw in a number of things that were in my notes just waiting for a place to put them.

Chapter title from "Secrets" by OneRepublic

-

Even stumbling drunk, Hux has the instincts of a fighter. The punch he throws is precise and powerful and might well have broken Ben's nose, except that Ben coolly raises one hand and freezes Hux mid-step.

With an indignant beep, BB-9E takes the opportunity to extend one of his mechanical arms and give his disgraced general's leg a good electric shock, to which Hux can force out only the barest whimper of discomfort.

"Maybe I will buy you that drink," Ben drawls, "If you behave yourself and give us the information we want." He holds the force-paralysis in place a few seconds longer, staring Hux down, and then releases it to watch the man crumple, flailing, to the floor. He is wise enough or perhaps drunk enough that he doesn't try to get back on his feet, but rather props an elbow on the seat of his chair and leans against it as he glowers up at Ben. 

"Who's 'we'?"

Rey takes this as her cue, stepping up beside Ben. She can't keep the vindictive, self-satisfied smile away anymore, so she speaks through it, relishing the helplessness of the once-great enemy at her feet. "Hello, Armitage. I don't think we've met properly. I'm Rey."

"The Jedi," he acknowledges, bitter, and Rey decides to correct him.

"Not really. There aren't any Jedi left."

"Good riddance."

"You might change your mind about that. The Jedi would be nicer."  She feels it when Ben's eyes shift toward her, so she moves quickly, before he can think to stop her. He's too soft now - too scared of the magnificent power they both possess. He won't do what needs to be done, so she will. She extends a hand, mirroring the gesture Ben had made moments ago, but the net of Force she casts over her downed enemy is one of a different sort. Her net, like the rare desert rose of Jakku, has thorns.

Her thorns sink into his head, steadily prying apart his thoughts. To her it looks as if she has two sets of eyes aimed at two separate scenes. Before her is Hux, still kneeling on the floor, but before her is also the web of his conscious mind, image after image strung together in lines that run in a hundred directions. She concentrates, thinking the words Chaser Project, and her vision is drawn rapidly along the web to a new position, forcing its way through every meager tangle and obstacle between. Here now she sees data, rows of numbers and abbreviations, and attached to this, images from a memory. Tanks filled with fluid and strange organic shapes. Operating tables with hybrid creatures laid out on them, unconscious. Human men and women in white coats working to affix metal plates and silicon tubing to these hapless creatures. Horrified sympathy sweeps over her and she tries to focus instead on the surroundings within the memory. She sees the interior of a sterile lab, white-walled, and when she feels for it, there is the subtle vibration of an engine beneath her—or rather beneath Hux's—feet.

What ship? she demands, and the images reel away again until—

Until Ben is standing between her and Hux, hands on her shoulders, shouting in her face.

"—ey, stop! Rey!"

She shakes him off violently, taking a step back. Fury burns hot inside her and she shouts back. "You... You broke it! I almost had it! Why..." Then she sees Hux, or hears him first, his breath coming in shaky, pained gasps. He is curled in on himself, hands pressed to his head, his back still propped against the rickety chair. Behind her, the cantina has gone still and silent.

 

 

-< >-

 

 

"You shouldn't have done that," Ben says in a murmur, jaw tight. Rey keeps staring at Hux, at what she's done to him. When she speaks again, uncertainty has softened her. "I almost had it. He owes us this much..."

"And he'll give it to us," Ben assures her, "but breaking his mind is not the way."

"Why not?" It is, to the surprise of both of them, Hux who chimes in. "I've lost everything else. Losing my mind might at least be exciting."

Ben moves only enough to frown down at him, keeping his bulk between the two of them in case either one tries to make another move. He's more worried about that person being Rey, at this point. "You wouldn't enjoy it, trust me."

Rey bristles as Hux begins to climb to his feet, but he keeps his head down and his body turned away from her, probably making a conscious effort to appear nonthreatening. It's the sort of thing Hux would have the wits to do. "We'll have to find out another time, I'm afraid. I am obligated to give you whatever information you came for." Despite the evidence of extensive drinking, he doesn't slur his speech, though Ben suspects it is only because he is trying very hard not to.

"Really?" Rey sounds genuinely caught off guard. "You'll just tell us?"

Looking the very picture of resigned weariness, Hux dips his head and makes a vague outward gesture with one arm - a half-hearted semblance of a showman's bow. "Ask away."

She does. Hux sits back down and sips his drink while she talks. When she's finished, he offers a booze-scented sigh. "I can't tell you the location of the laboratory you want. It was on a ship and I don't know if that ship survived the war or where it might have crashed if it didn't." Rey's temper visibly flares and she opens her mouth to protest, but he stalls her with a raised hand. "I do have records that might help you find it, or perhaps help you find where the Chaser cyborgs are now. I'll have to go and get them, as I don't carry such things with me when I go drinking." The last is said with a considerable amount of snark. 

"You can't run," Rey warns fiercely. "We'll track you wherever you go."

Hux does her the courtesy of not scoffing at this, but having known the man for more than half a decade, Ben can tell he wants to. "Believe me, I know. But if you don't feel like waiting here, you're free to come with me."

"And where would we be going?" she challenges.

"Why... to my humble abode."

-

Hux calls a skycar, which is for the best, Ben decides, because after that scene in the cantina, he can't shake the feeling of being stared at.

The former general's current residence is a few levels down and one block over, with the 'block' in this case being reminiscent of the enormous multi-purpose towers of Coruscant. The ride is thankfully a short one, though they manage to fit a good bit of silent glaring in the time they have. Soon enough the skycar lets them off, Hux pays, and they follow him along a narrow pedestrian street to a cramped apartment. He opens one of the many doors along the stretch and holds it as if he expects them to go in first and let their once-enemy see their backs. What happens instead is another wordless stand-off until he sighs, rolls his eyes, and leads the way.

The interior is not as sparsely furnished and professional-looking as his quarters on the Finalizer had been. He has gone to some effort to make himself comfortable here, between the stuffed, highbacked chair facing the moderately sized holo screen and the shelves adorned with knick-knacks. Most bewildering of all is the fluffy orange tooka cat who saunters out of the bedroom and greets him with an inquisitive meow. At the sight of strangers in her home, she flicks her long ears and twitches her bottlebrush tail, but seems mostly unperturbed.

"Yes, yes, Millie," mutters Hux, "I'll feed you. Hold on."

Silently, Rey catches Ben's eye and mouths 'Millie' with a look of barely contained hilarity.

"Please," Hux raises his voice, sounding as sardonic as ever. "Make yourselves at home." And then he goes into the narrow kitchenette, tooka at his heels, and does just what he said he would. He feeds the cat. When, rather than acting on his invitation of hospitality, BB-9E lingers at the front door while Rey and Ben loom in the kitchen entrance, he attempts to makes conversation. "So, is renouncing the Dark Side something that happens frequently with you Force-users? I'd always understood it was the opposite."

"It... is not unheard of." Ben's throat feels tight. This encounter, these surroundings are too surreal. He almost feels like he's dreaming. "But it's rare. The most famous was Revan, but that was three thousand years ago, and the Jedi..." He remembers who he's talking to and stops. He shouldn't care about lecturing Hux on ancient Sith history. He shouldn't be wasting his breath.

"Well, good for you," Hux says sourly as he pops open a can of 'Tooka Tasties' brand cat food and scoops precisely half of it into a ceramic dish. Once this is set on the floor and the cat is happily stuffing her face, he asks, still playing the polite host, "Would either of you care for a drink? I have wine and brandy, or I can make tea, if you prefer."

"No," Ben says. Then, with an effort, "Thank you. We'll take the data and go."

"As you wish." He squeezes past them and through the open door of the bedroom. They move from one threshold to the other, intent on keeping an eye on him, and watch as he sifts through a neatly organized collection of external data drives. He finds what he's looking for within moments and fishes another one out of a box of blanks. Both of these he plugs into a datapad from his nightstand which he fiddles with it for a little while before pulling the blank drive out and handing it over with a scowl. "That's a copy of everything I have on the Chaser Project. Enjoy."

Ben doesn't thank him again, only nods and carefully pockets the drive, desperate to end this supremely awkward visit. Rey, for her part, threatens, "If you've lied about anything, we'll be back," and shoots him a piercing glare to go with the threat before she leads the way back out the front door.

With BB-9E wobbling quietly on the ground at their feet, they stand for a long time waiting on a public transport to come fly them back to where they left the Falcon.

"So..." Rey eventually says. "Hux... Why hasn't the Republic Alliance just taken those data sticks and executed him?"

"I expect the digital data is only part of what he's been offering them, and it's likely encrypted." He hesitates. "... But you're right. I can't say I agree that it's worth keeping him alive for."

"Is that unfair of us?" Rey asks. "You're alive."

Ben isn't sure how to answer that. On the one hand, he had never fully subscribed to the First Order's fascist beliefs, unlike Hux. He had only been there because Snoke was there. The politics didn't matter. Only power and purpose did. Yet on the other hand, he had still helped the cause, even taken charge of it eventually, and actions mattered more than the beliefs behind them. "They probably should have killed me too," he concludes.

After a little while, when he is almost sure the conversation is over, Rey says, "I wouldn't have let them."

-

Once back aboard the Falcon, still docked, they analyze the data - or rather, they start to and then quickly hand it over to BB-9E, who can process large blocks of text much faster than the they can. It is not encrypted, at least. If it had been, Hux must have run it through a decryption program when he made the copy. 

It is not an instantaneous process, still, and that leaves them once again left loitering with nothing to do.

"What do you think we'll find there, if the lab still exists at all?" Rey wonders. BB-9E is whirring away in the middle of the main hold, so Rey has begun occupying her hands by checking over their food supplies. 

Ben is just glad that she feels like talking, even if she barely looks at him while she does so. "Not the other Chasers. Not unless they're dead. Records of where they were sent to or who they were sold to, if we're lucky."

"I hope they're alive. The droids could use the help."

"What do your droids plan to do," Ben asks delicately, "if this rebellion of theirs succeeds?"

"They're not my droids," she snaps. "Don't call them that." In spite of the scolding, though, she still answers readily. "They just want to live. To not be sold and worked until they fall apart and then thrown out like garbage. Their makers gave them feelings and thoughts but still treat them like they're objects. It isn't right. The droids I'm helping want to show that to the galaxy—now, while we're already rebuilding. Maybe the Republic Alliance can become a society that treats droids like citizens instead of tools."

Ben never has been fond of politics. "Why not just petition Dameron to write it into his new government? You're still his friend, aren't you?"

"I am," she agrees, "and he might even listen, but who would listen to him? No one wants to give up the convenience of owning droids, especially when the galaxy's still recovering from the war. Anyway," she adds with a bitter pinch to her voice, "I already ran it by him once. He said 'one thing at a time'."

"They could all die fighting this battle," Ben points out.

"Or they could all die as slaves," Rey counters, "forced to work by people who don't even think they're alive to begin with." She shuts a drawer with more force than is necessary and straightens up, finally turning to meet his eyes. "People have tried, Ben. People have tried to liberate droids for ages, only no one talks about it because no one takes it seriously. That's why we have to make it serious."

"Okay," Ben says simply, and Rey narrows her eyes at him.

"Okay? That's all?"

Ben summons a smile for her of the sort that only she has ever seen. "I think you can do it, if anyone can. You know I... I believe in you."

He sees her blush and he takes heart in it, but the corner of her mouth twitches downward and her next words come small, a reluctant confession. "I don't always know that."

Ben's frown mirrors hers and he acts on a chance then, taking two long, slow strides across the floor of the hold to meet her. Rey stands her ground, only watching him, so he takes her hands in his. It feels clumsy and insignificant in the face of all between them, but he needs this contact too much to retreat. "Rey, I've always believed in you, since the day we met. Since the way you looked at me in that forest. I always will, so much more than I believe in myself." It is the truth, even in the face of his recent misgivings. It is still possible that the Dark Side is trying to manipulate her, but she would never fall to it. Not fully. Not forever. Ben's only concern is that she will suffer as he did before she overcomes it. He must try to spare her from that as much as he possibly can.

"I..." The blush has deepened and she is gentle when she extricates her hands from his. Whatever she means to say next hangs in the air, suspended between them as her timid eyes search his.

He is struggling to compose more words of his own when BB-9E gives one of his grinding, low-octave beeps to announce that he's finished going over the data.

"Let's hear it," Rey says, stinging Ben with the relief in her voice.

-

The laboratory, it turns out, was installed on a Star Destroyer named Avenger. Ben comms Niah Sloane again, who tells him that it was indeed defeated in battle, but not destroyed. Rather, the disabled ship was evacuated and then, with the First Order nearing its end, there was no one with the time or means to salvage the derelict. As far as she knows, it drifts still in orbit above an equally abandoned moon base.

She gives them the name of the system.

After 'thank you's and 'good luck's are exchanged, it's Rey's turn with the comm. The droid base answers promptly and plans are made to rendezvous with Chaser Zero, who wants to be there when they find the rest of his kind. They arrange to meet at a Resistance outpost on the edge of the Western Reaches, as their destination is just a little farther on. 

This means another voyage through hyperspace, twice as long as the last, the two of them alone except for the grumbly BB unit.

Ben decides to start this trip off right by making a meal. Rey sits at the dejarik table and reads something on a datapad, but Ben catches her looking his way now and then, and then more frequently as the food begins to simmer and fills the hold with its savory aroma. If questioned, he will neither confirm nor deny that he picked something with an especially enticing smell for the express purpose of attracting her attention.

When the meal is finished cooking, he divides it onto two plates and brings one to Rey before sitting down on the opposite end of the half-circle bench with his. "I'll help them." The droids, he means, nevermind that he already has been. 

Rey takes a slow bite of the food before she answers. "...Thank you. What is this?"

"An Alderaanian dish. The ingredients were imported to other planets long before its destruction, so they're not hard to find."

"That's lucky."

"Yes." They lapse into silence as Rey savors the meal and Ben makes himself eat his own portion, though he barely feels hunger. He needs the protein.

"I've been thinking about my parents," Rey tells him out of the blue. He holds back a reflexive response, watches her patiently, and soon she elaborates. "I don't forgive them. I thought I did. I wanted to think they were heroes. They were trying to save me, but... they still left me on Jakku. With Unkar Plutt. They sold me." Her gaze wanders away from him, finding a patch of empty air to rest on as she vents this lifelong pain. "I thought I was going to die there. Every day, all the time. I thought I was going to starve to death or fall and break my bones. I was so afraid I think I forgot how to feel afraid. My parents did that. They could have left me anywhere else. They could have left me with Luke, and then..."

And then she would have been there, Ben thinks, to save him from every worst mistake of his life. "I haven't forgiven mine either," he offers, knowing not what else to say, "but I loved them." It's not so hard for him to admit it anymore. "I miss them."

"Does Leia still come to see you?"

"She does, every once in a while, but Han... I wish..."

"Han should have been a Jedi," Rey says, and it is possibly the last thing Ben expects to hear. 

"He would have been a terrible Jedi."

"Maybe that would have made him the best." She sounds serious.

He can't quite picture it no matter how he tries, but he lets her have the fantasy. "I wonder what it was like for your father, being a clone of Palpatine, trying to live a normal life."

"I wonder what my mother was like, and how she met my father. I just can't..." She falters. "Why Jakku?"
"I don't know, Rey. Maybe because Palpatine had connections to the place and they thought hiding you close to him would be less obvious. I don't know."

She eats the last few bites of her lunch mechanically, never one to let food go to waste even in the darkest of moods. "Thank you for this," she says again when she's cleaned her plate. "It was good."

"You're welcome."

"You should open a restaurant." The comment is as absurd as the idea of his father being a Jedi, but this time she is definitely teasing. "On Coruscant, or Chandrila. You could call it Kylo's Kitchen."

"Ah, perhaps that is my destiny," he plays along. "The reason the Force allowed me to come back. To open a restaurant."

The noise Rey makes is weak, but it is undeniably laughter. "People would come from all over the galaxy because you're so famous."

"They'd come if they felt like committing suicide, you mean."

"No. Well yes, maybe, at first," she concedes, "but then they would find out how good your cooking is and spread the word."

"And I suppose the slogan of my restaurant would be 'make food, not war'."

Rey snorts. "Roast broccoli, not planets."

"Ouch," he comments.

"Sorry."

"It's fine."

There is another pause. Then, humor fading from her face, she says, "Ben, I'm... I'm sorry I treated you so badly earlier. You didn't deserve it."

"Well..." He starts to argue that last part, but she hasn't stopped talking, her voice barely more than a whisper now.

"I care about you, still. I'm glad you're okay. I just don't want anything else right now. Not yet. This is enough."

He's not okay, and it isn't enough, but he says, "I understand."

"Okay."

-

There are no more such long and heartfelt conversations on the way to the Western Reaches, but the air between them feels lighter afterward, less tense and tumultuous, if only by a little bit. Ben still pines for her, but that, he fears, will never end. Needing Rey has become his natural state of being. He will get used to it one day, he thinks.

Chaser Zero meets them at the rendezvous point as planned, as intimidating and enigmatic as ever. He barely speaks, though BB-9E is there to help translate, but it is clear that he is eager to conclude this mission and find his would-be family if any of them are still alive to be found.

It is a short jump after that to the moon and the abandoned ship it still holds locked in orbit. To their surprise, the hull is not breached and the interior is still pressurized. Even some of the systems appear to be functioning, albeit in low power mode. Chaser Zero offers to board alone and do the initial scouting, but Rey insists that she wants to be there, which means Ben is obligated to follow. BB-9E wishes them luck and volunteers to stay with the Falcon.

All but the running lights are off, but Ben is coming to expect that. It is easy enough to follow Chaser Zero's hulking form, even as quietly as he moves. Only Ben and Rey's footsteps, their breathing, and the faint hum of the ventilation system accompany them as they forge their way into the bowels of the ship. All else is silent.

Notes:

So, Millie. Hux's cat. If you missed it, this was something that started when Pablo Hidalgo tweeted a picture of an orange tabby cat and jokingly declared that it was Hux's cat, Millicent.

Well, the Kylux shippers ran with this and almost unanimously adopted Millie into their headcanons. She appears in dozens, maybe hundreds of art and fic. I've always thought it was neat how one joke on twitter could create such a widespread fanon character.

Chapter 31: We Are The Monsters Underneath Your Bed

Notes:

Chapter title from "Monsters" by Matchbook Romance

-

Star Destroyers are big. In a fully functional one, elevators and other means of indoor transportation are used to cover the space efficiently. Nothing of the sort is left running to aid Ben, Rey, and Chaser Zero as they traverse the holds and corridors of the Avenger, however, so they do so on foot.

Despite Ben and Rey both being keenly attuned to the Force, sensing every fluctuation, it is Chaser Zero who first realizes that they are not alone. He stops, sniffs the air, and tilts his metal-plated head in the manner of an akk dog encountering an unusual sound. Ben decides it best to remain quiet rather than question him. If the cyborg deems it necessary to direct them toward or away from something, he will find a way to do so.

He doesn't. He only listens for a long, unnerving moment and then resumes walking.

"Maybe it's the security feeds," Rey ventures after they've gone on a short way without incident. "I feel like we're being watched, but I don't sense anyone."

"It's possible someone is still monitoring the ship," Ben agrees, "but I don't know why they would be." If someone were still on board, it would make sense to watch the intruders. Like Rey, however, he can sense no other lifeforms present. Still, he is hyper-aware of the weight of his lightsaber at his belt and the way his fingers itch to hold it.

"Let's do this quickly," Rey suggests.

Before docking, they had discussed Star Destroyer layouts and where the most probable places to find a genetics lab would be. Chaser Zero has clearly memorized Ben's directions, as he leads the way without hesitation. They are almost to the first sector they plan to search when the attack comes.
 
The creature that comes for them is smaller than Chaser Zero and yet not as silent, though it is still stealthy enough that Ben only hears it when it charges them. In place of eyes to glow in the dark, the sensor plate on its head reflects the red running lights, bobbing up and down with the creature's loping stride. Even now, there is no trace of life in the Force, and there is no time to speculate on why that might be as the cyborg barrels down the hall and then leaps, a wild predator's pounce, just as Ben puts his hand up to catch it with the Force. Now the creature hangs in midair three feet away from his face, paddling dog-like legs and gnashing metallic teeth. A moment later, something hits Ben—something big—slapping the side of his head hard enough to send him stumbling and to break his hold on the attacker, who crashes to the floor with a thud and a clatter. Instinct moves his hand to his lightsaber, but he stops himself, for their mission is to recruit this monster, not to kill it. 

The cyborg rolls upright, and as close as it is, Ben can see what struck him. Like Chaser Zero, this one has a third set of limbs positioned high on its back, equipped with immense, long-fingered hands that are right now helping it climb to its feet.

Beside him, Rey does ignite her lightsaber, but holds it in a defensive stance to warn the creature off. "We're friends," she tells it, her voice firm but calm over the weapon's contradictory hum. "We're here to help. We're friends." 

Now, in the golden light of Rey's saber, Ben can see the cyborg in its entirety. It is dog-like, as he'd thought, built like a Loth wolf but smaller and with the addition of the extra limbs. On the outside it appears to have fewer robotic parts than Chaser Zero does, and yet it is as devoid of the Force as any droid.

The cyborg wolf is snarling up at Rey, wing-like hands poised high to grab or to slash. Either it does not understand her, or it does not believe her. 

Chaser Zero tries next, emitting a series of clicks and growls which the other cyborg seems to listen attentively to. Ben begins to relax, but Rey keeps her guard up while the two Chasers converse. Then, with no warning at all, the wolf lashes out with one of its massive hands, slapping aside Rey's fists and the lightsaber they hold. Ben nearly loses his nose to the laser blade as it cuts past him before going out. Then the wolf is a flurry of motion, springing off the metal floor, aiming itself at Rey like a canon shot. She falls beneath its heavy paws and Ben follows them both down, grappling the thing off of her, though it twists and fights and beats at him with those infuriatingly long arms. He can't see well enough past it to make sure that Rey is unharmed, and attempting to do so only serves to distract him from the fight.

This is when Chaser Zero steps in, using his even bigger, even stronger hands to pluck the wolf out of Ben's straining arms. Next, to Ben's utter bewilderment, he throws the other Chaser back down the hall, wheels around on his agile paws, picks both Ben and Rey up off their feet, and starts running.

A howl goes up behind them, echoing through the derelict Star Destroyer. It is answered by another cry from somewhere farther away, and then another. Chaser Zero's long legs, fast as a fathier's, carry them through a heavy doorway and he skids to a stop, dropping Ben as he turns to find the control panel and seal the door shut between them and the wolf. Rey he sets down more gently, and Ben understands why a second later when she staggers and presses a hand to her right shoulder. The lack of light makes it impossible to distinguish details, but there is a liquid shine on the fabric of her shirt.

"You're hurt." He goes to her immediately, hands outstretched, and it is at once a relief and a worry that she does not retreat from him, but lets him grasp her arms at the elbows to steady her.

"She bit me."

There is a thud on the other side of the door just then, followed by the scrabbling of claws, but Ben ignores it for the time being. Unless the cyborg has built-in lasers or the ability to slice the door lock, it won't be coming through that way. His focus is on fitting his hand as gently as he can over Rey’s wound and channeling his energy into the torn and bleeding flesh. As close as they are, he can see her grimace, but she does not stop him.

While the wolf continues to scratch uselessly at the door, Chaser Zero is moving around the room they have taken shelter in, sifting through clutter that Ben cannot see on tables that are only slightly less hard to make out in the darkness. It is to everyone's relief when a terminal screen suddenly flickers to life, adding its greenish glow to the other trace amounts of illumination. 

Chaser Zero does something more with the computer and then makes a series of his odd little noises. On the screen, aurebesh text begins to appear. It looks to Ben like the sort of translation program used to make communication with binary-speaking droids easier, and Rey must think the same, because she finally pulls away from his touch and moves through the darkness to their cyborg ally's side.

Aloud, she reads, "Chaser Two-Kay wants to eat us. She and her sisters are starving."

"That explains a few things," Ben says, absently rubbing together his fingertips sticky with Rey's blood. At least she seems to be moving without pain now.

"How do we convince her to talk instead?" Rey asks, looking up at Chaser Zero, who curves his long neck down to meet her gaze.

Another series of clicks and grumbles translate on the screen as, 'I told her that we can provide nourishment. She said that she would prefer to eat now. Her cognitive functions may have degraded.'

"Hunger will do that to you," Rey agrees bleakly. "How do we change her mind?"

He answers, 'How much of the Millennium Falcon's ration store can be spared?'

"We have plenty," Ben cuts in, having moved close enough to read the screen over Rey's shoulder.

"The hard part is getting to it," adds Rey. "I'll comm BB-9E. Maybe he can—"

The sound of scratching cuts her off, not from the door they came through but from the ceiling. Above their heads, one of the metal panels shivers with repeated impacts.

Rey hastily pulls a portable comm-link from her belt pouch and calls up the Falcon, eying the dimly lit ceiling while she waits. BB-9E doesn't make her wait long. "I need you to move the big crate of rations onto the Star Destroyer!" She yells at him before he can finish his greeting beep. "And then slice into the intercom and tell everything on this ship where the food is." She listens to half of the next series of beeps before she cuts him off again with, "I don't know. Figure it out." Another bang comes from overhead and she adds, "Do it fast," before ending the call.

There is a rattling sound, suddenly, from a far corner of the room—a ventilation shaft, Ben suspects. "Do you know how many of them there are?" He asks Chaser Zero.

'No,' the text on the screen reads. 'Hold them off. I'll talk to them.' With that, he disconnects from the terminal and takes up a ready stance, long legs braced for action. 

"will they go for this?" Ben can't help but question. "Space rations over fresh meat?"

"No idea," says Rey. "But the rations won't be putting up a fight."

"Maybe they like a fight."

But there is no more time for discussion. A loud, reverberating clang announces that the vent in the far corner has been forced open. touching Rey's arm in a wordless request for her to stay close, Ben backs up toward the door, for at least from there they know the way back to the Millennium Falcon. He hopes it won't come to an all-out retreat, but he will do whatever it takes to protect Rey. 

Their cyborg ally does not share their disadvantage in the dark. His head turns to track movement that Ben cannot see. There is the rattle of something jumping onto another table nearby and then Chaser Zero's long arms swing up to deflect another Chaser Two as she pounces. She hits the floor hard, but her arms have splayed out to break her fall and one huge hand smashes into the terminal they had just been using. As likely as not, Ben consoles himself, they wouldn't have had time to need it again anyway. 

Spiderlike, the wolf-creature rights herself in her many-limbed fashion and lunges again. This time, Chaser Zero catches her and holds on tight, pulling his head back to dodge her swiping claws. This, of course, is when the one in the ceiling breaks through.

Ben has gotten his back to the door and Rey is beside him. Now comes a decision. If all three of them can get through quickly enough and seal it behind them, they might have to face only one wolf instead of two—at least until the others crawl back through their ventilation shafts and make their way around the ship to catch up with the first. Then perhaps they will find another door to shelter behind, or to trap their pursuers behind until they can work out some form of peace between them. 

Or they can simply retreat. Ben is not nearly as invested in this mission as Rey is.

The third wolf springs out of the darkness. Rey traps this one with the Force, suspending her well out of reach, and then once again she gives talking a try. "Please! We came here to find you! We have food! We have friends who can help! They can get you out of here!"

The cyborg she is holding at bay pauses in her frantic attempt to escape, looking toward her sister who still struggles in Chaser Zero's grasp. She barks a gruff, beastly retort as if asking for advise. The other, though, snarls in anger and thrashes all the harder. This seems to settle the matter. Rey's opponent faces her again with teeth bared.

Ben makes his decision. 

"I'm going to open the door," he warns. "Get through and we'll trap them inside." 

Hearing him, Chaser Zero starts walking backward, careful to keep his wolf's flailing arms out of reach. His own arms are shaking with the effort now, clearly wounded from the other cyborg's claws and teeth, though the darkness hides the severity of the damage.

"Get ready," Ben advises, perhaps unnecessarily. "When it opens, throw them away from the door as far as you can. I'll take care of the one out there." The one who still scratches and thumps against the door despite the uselessness of her actions, as if she simply wants them to know that she is there.

Taking a steadying breath, Ben turns away from the struggle in the room. He braces himself... and opens the door.

The Chaser Two on the other side is ready for him, as he is ready for her. She charges low to the ground, but he lifts her up and, rather than halting her momentum, he lets it carry her past him, high over Rey's head as she dodges low through the door. They have seconds, if that, before the wolf-creatures recover, but even in the dark, Ben can see that Chaser Zero is in trouble. He has held his opponent stoically under an onslaught of cutting blows, but now, perhaps understanding the plan, she has ceased thrashing and has latched her massive hands around his forearms, squeezing tight.

There is no time to help him wrestle her off. "Bring her!" Ben shouts, and thankfully Chaser Zero doesn't hesitate. Out he comes with his ferocious burden and Ben snaps the door shut just before the other two can reach it. The wolf makes a sound like a scream of fury and raises one of her winglike limbs to attack again, but Ben isn't finished yet. While the raging cyborg is focused on her larger counterpart, he thrusts out a hand toward the back of her head and fishes for the Force-thread of her consciousness. For a moment he fumbles, not finding what he seeks, but this only prompts him to switch tactics with battle-honed speed. Rather than flinging her consciousness off into a dream to render her body asleep, he targets the half of her that is droid and uses a flick of the Force to power her down.

The wolf-creature goes limp in Chaser Zero's hands, who sets her down with out-of-place gentleness. That done, he releases a heavy sigh and studies his ravaged arms.

"We have to move now," Ben reminds him. "I don't think that will hold her for long." And the other two would be catching up soon regardless.

So they run.

It is a long way back, and Chaser Zero cannot carry them with his injuries, but the Force is there to lend them speed and strength.

They are almost a third of the way there when BB-9E finally comes beeping in binary over the derelict's intercom, but his voice cuts in and out several times and Ben doubts it is enough to make their offer clear. At least if they can get to the safety of the Falcon, it won't matter. The crate of rations will be there for the Chaser Twos to find.

Inevitably, the fleet-footed cyborgs catch up before they make it there. Ben hears them coming in the dark, their pawsteps light but their breathing heavy. This time, he does not stop himself from drawing and igniting his lightsaber. Even as they close in, he spins about to face them and slashes two smoldering lines into the metal floor—a warning display. He will not land a killing blow if he can help it, but the risk involved in fighting these creatures without a weapon is too great. That much has been made clear.

Don't kill them!" Rey yells, and he wishes she would just open the kriffing bond so they could work and think together the way they were meant to—as one—instead of second-guessing each other in the middle of a crisis. As things stand, he does not answer her because he doesn't know if he can honor her wish.

The Chasers skitter to a halt, sensing the threat, but they do not give up. Ben may be unable to understand their language, but he can see their strategy taking shape. They move in tandem, spreading out across the width of the corridor like pack hunters looking for an opening. There are four of them now. The white light of his saber gleams brightly off of their metallic augmentations.

Chaser Zero has turned to stand beside him, ready again to defend despite his wounds.

For a moment, he fully expects Rey to take up the position at his other side, to stand with them. Instead she says, voice strained, "Keep them busy. I have an idea." Ben risks a glance behind him, but she has already turned and begun to run toward the Falcon, picking up inhuman speed again with the aid of the Force. 

One of the wolf-creatures growls. Ben returns his attention to the fight.

 

-< >-

-< >-

 

Rey runs.

Leave them, says the voice in her head. Save yourself. There will be other ways to help the droids, but not if you're dead.

She lets the thought stew, but her focus now is on getting back to the Falcon. 

She's there before she knows it, feeling as if her feet have barely touched the ground. It is the fastest she has ever run, with or without the Force. Around one last corner she goes and there ahead is the big crate of rations, open and inviting, and beside it the black and silver ball droid, wobbling in surprise at her rapid approach. 

To his querying beep, she says, breathless, "They're holding them off. I have a plan." When she looks again at the crate, it suddenly seems imposing rather than inviting, but size doesn't matter, according to the Jedi, and she has moved other things to Ben through the Force. This should be no different. She can do it. She knows she can.

Feeling the urgency of the moment, the struggle still going on where she left it behind, she does what she has refused to do for a very long time and, just the slightest bit, she opens the bond.

It all happens very fast then. The door between their minds, once opened partway, cannot withstand the forces pulling to each other from either side. It bursts wide, the bond yanking Rey's awareness back through the long corridors to her bondmate in an instant. She sees Ben, and this time, perhaps because it has been so long or perhaps because she was there just a moment ago, she can see his surroundings.

Ben and Chaser Zero are fighting for their lives.

Ben must sense her presence, for he falters the moment she's there, barely recovering in time to deflect the gnashing teeth of one of the cyborgs.

Rey herself is overwhelmed by the renewed connection. The stormy energy of her bondmate suffuses her, squeezing into every part of her from which it has been denied for so long. In the bewildering rush of it, Rey forgets what it was she had meant to do.

Two wolves come at Ben now, one going high and one low. He dodges the one aiming for his throat, warning her off with a grazing slash that sends sparks flying. The one charging his legs bowls him over.

Sensing the opening, one of the two who are attacking Chaser Zero jumps free of her larger opponent and converges with the others on Ben. 

Rey acts without thinking. It is reflex that has her reaching out with both hands to grasp Ben's arm even as he meets her eyes and reaches back to her... and once she has him, she pulls.

In the blink of an eye she is back outside the docking port where the Falcon waits and Ben is there in front of her.

As he rises to his full height, she is reminded how much she has to look up just to meet his eyes. Her heart gives an unruly flutter at the tenderness she finds there.

At first, Ben is equally entranced. Then a frown creases his brow. Rey sees in his mind the worry that casts this shadow and she is the one to put it to words. "Chaser Zero..."

"We left him behind," Ben confirms.

They turn as one away from the Falcon and Ben takes a step forward, bending his knees in preparation to run, but around that far-off corner comes Chaser Zero then, sprinting all-out, and after him come the four Chaser Twos. There is a good bit of distance between the larger cyborg and his pursuers now, however. He must have taken advantage of their distraction when Ben disappeared. If he does not falter in the final stretch, it might just be enough.

"Back! Back! Back into the Falcon!" Rey commands, repeating herself in the rush of adrenaline. Ben reads her mind and goes, and BB-9E is wise enough not to question her. Rey follows them in but whirls around as soon as she's past the airlock, raises a hand over the control panel, and waits.

On comes Chaser Zero, stretching out like a fathier on a race track. Time seems to dilate around Rey, each of those last few seconds feeling longer until at last Chazer Zero is leaping over the ration crate and ducking through the airlock. Before the other Chasers can catch up, Rey seals the Falcon tight.

-

"We'll leave the rations for them, but... we've done what we came to do. The Liberation Movement can keep dropping off food until they're ready to talk."

 They were safely disengaged from the derelict now, not wanting to risk the Chaser Twos finding a way to break through the airlock. All of them except for BB-9E had come out of it a bit mauled, with Chaser Zero bearing the worst injuries. The first thing Rey and Ben had done was heal him, which proved shockingly easy when they worked together. He did inform them during this process that he was capable of turning down his own pain receptors, which made Rey feel slightly less guilty about the damage he'd suffered. Afterward, with no small amount of awkwardness and sidelong glances, she and Ben had tended to each other's wounds. Only when this was done had the question of what to do next arisen.

"You don't want to keep trying yourself?" With the crisis over, Rey has regained some control of the Dyad bond and is currently allowing it to stand open only the smallest amount. Ben is no longer privy to her every passing thought.

"Maybe we'll be the ones who bring them more food, but I want to report to Elthree." As the only two Force-users around, they will more likely be needed somewhere else.

"You should rest first." Ben’s advice comes with a gentleness that stabs like a needle through her chest. "That wasn't an easy fight."

They all need rest. Ben and Chaser Zero look as exhausted as Rey feels, but... "No. I'll report first." When he opens his mouth to protest, she adds, "It won't take long," and she turns her back on him to go to the cockpit.

"Rey, wait."

She almost doesn't. She is quickly running out of the energy to stand, let alone to argue with Ben, but she reminds herself of her own decision to give him another chance. Bracing one hand on the hull's insulation padding, she looks back over her shoulder and waits.

"I just wanted to ask..." Ben begins, and there is a twinkle in his eye that confuses Rey. "... Do missions for the Droid Liberation Movement always involve dramatic chases through corridors?"

Rey stares at him until her worn-out mind realizes that he is making a joke. Then, to her own surprise, she smiles. "Only most of them."

Chapter 32: We Are The Voices Inside Your Head

Notes:

Chapter title from "Monsters" by Matchbook Romance (again)

-

L3 had indeed requested that the Millennium Falcon and its crew return to base, as there is little else they can do for the Chaser Twos that can't be handled by someone else from the Liberation Movement.

Once the hyperspace route is established, BB-9E takes up watch in the cockpit while the three organics—or partial organic, in Chaser Zero's case—shuffle off in search of sleep.

Yet in spite of her exhaustion, Rey's rest is fitful. Over and over she comes to the edge of unconsciousness only to be woken moments later by some fleeting disturbance she cannot seem to place. After more than an hour of this, she is so infuriated that she wants to cry. Denying herself that particular indulgence, she instead gets up and begins pacing about the crew quarters in the hope of wearing off whatever restlessness plagues her.

Inevitably, given no better direction, her thoughts find their way to the subject of Ben. First she wonders where he is, as he had not taken either of the other beds in the crew quarters. As soon as she begins to ponder this, though, her Force-gifted senses pinpoint the glow of his life energy in main hold, probably on the spare bed there. That makes sense, as Chaser Zero is too large to use it. She wonders where the cyborg has bedded down, but this is less important to her sleep-hazed train of thought. She wants to see Ben.

She is not so delirious as to go to him without a second thought. Not quite. Not directly, at least.

Instead she decides that since she can't sleep, she might as well take a turn in the cockpit and give BB-9E a chance to power down for a while. Passing through the main hold to get there isn't technically the fastest way, but it does mean she can grab a midnight snack. 

Ben is exactly where she knew he would be, but it still satisfies something inside her to see him. He is sleeping soundly, apparently unbothered by the uneasiness that keeps her from doing the same. She is quick and quiet as she searches the kitchenette for something to eat, grabbing the first thing she finds so as not to spend too long opening and shutting cabinets. Ben deserves his rest.

Food in hand—yet another ration bar, but one of the tastier ones with dried fruit in it that she likes—Rey sneaks onward to the cockpit. As soon as she enters, BB-9E asks if she's alright, but he gives no complaint when she says she can't sleep and wants to take over for him. 

Once seated and alone again, of course, there is nothing to do but stare into hyperspace. Her snack keeps her busy for a little while, but when that's gone, her mind wanders right back to that enticing topic of the man sleeping in the main hold. To the look in his eyes and the warmth of his hands when he'd healed her cuts and bruises. To the way it had felt to finally reopen the bond, even for a moment. It is only now, after she has let her guard down, that she is recognizing how much she had missed his presence. As hard as she has tried to deny the fact, it feels right to be near him. As frustrated as she had been by his unplanned-for intrusion, there was another, deeper knot of tension which she had hardly known she was carrying until he was there and it went away.

How is it so hard to be two people who share one soul? Then again, how had she ever thought it would be easy?

You're bringing him down, says a voice in her head. You're a constant reminder of his past.

It's a doubt that has nagged at her for some time now. She knows that she has not followed the Light faithfully, especially during this last year. She takes risks, even shortcuts, for the greater good. She won't fall—she has more confidence in herself than that—but she will dance on the edge of Darkness if doing so can in any way save others.

It was not the reason she left him, but it has become one of the reasons she did not want to go back. Every time she's thought of it, that little voice in her head has reminded her, so patiently, so kindly, that Ben—amazing, brave, admirable Ben Solo—has conquered his Darkness, but that she, in spite of all the hope piled on her shoulders with the false title of Last Jedi, has not. She fears that if she clings to him and he to her, she may drag him back down with her, and the last thing he deserves is to suffer that fate again.

She is selfish enough to let all of that go when he appears in the open hatchway behind her. She doesn't have to turn and look. She knows It is him there before he speaks.

 "Rey. Is something wrong?"

His voice is low and roughened by sleep, his defenses down. To top it all off, when she does dare to look back at him, she finds him shirtless, dressed only in his long, baggy trousers. In fairness, his shirt had been rather soaked in blood, but Rey still finds the whole situation unreasonable. She has not seen him undressed since before she left him a year ago, and now every inch of her reacts with yearning. She is glad to be sitting in the pilot's seat, able to clamp a hand down on the armrest and steady herself, or else she might have physically leaned toward him. "I'm fine," she mutters, and swallows back the excess saliva that thickens her words. Her kriffing mouth is watering at the sight of him, for R’iia’s sake.

"Can't sleep?"

Damn his shirtlessness and damn that soft, precious look of concern in his eyes. This was why she had put so much distance between them in the first place. She doesn't stand a chance when he is looking at her like that. "I guess not."

"Do you want some company?" he dares to venture, and the part of her that has grown accustomed to running away from this relationship takes further offense. What does he mean by 'company'? His tone is innocent enough, but—

"No," slips out of her mouth before she gives herself time to think about it. She sees the look of disappointment draw over his face before he turns to leave, but he appears resigned to obeying her request without complaint.

"Wait."

He stops.

"I'm sorry... You can stay."

Moving with the air of a timid animal, one slow step at a time, he comes back to her.

 

-< >-

 

Ben follows Rey's every cue, attuning himself to her mood, her voice, her face… noting each motion and gesture. He will not ruin this chance by pushing too hard nor by not pushing hard enough. He will be, as he has often promised himself, whatever she needs him to be, and maybe, after everything, her need will be the same as his. All he can do right now is to give them both the chance.

They talk at first, slowly, awkwardly, but then with the familiarity which they had begun to know before. Words, rather than touch, fill the distance between them. They talk about what they had each done in their time apart, the places and the people they had visited. He tells her of his time with Chewbacca and with Finn. She describes the planets she's explored. It is delightful simply to listen to her, but the conversation doesn't last long. It is, after all, a pretense. It ends when Rey, who has been leaning ever closer to him since he sat down in the copilot's seat beside her, finally works up the nerve to reach across that space and place her hand atop his.

Whatever Ben had been saying, he forgets it immediately at the sensation of skin on skin. "Rey..." Her name catches in his throat and silences the rest of what he means to say. Putting voice to that name has always felt like an act of worship.

She anticipates the question he cannot speak. "I don't know what I want. I thought I did, but... I'm not sure anymore."

Ben turns his hand over so their palms meet, fingers fitting together like the pieces of a puzzle. He pivots to face her fully, as Rey has already done, and here they once again hesitate, searching each other's faces, failing to find the right words. Gently, he prods at the bond, but Rey's end does not give way. With neither words nor thoughts to communicate, he does the only other thing he knows to do. He raises the hand not blissfully captured by hers and, moving slowly, ready to let her escape if she wishes, he brings his fingertips to her cheek, to the line of her jaw, and then, just as slowly, he leans forward over the space between the pilot's and copilot's seats. Rather than retreating, she mirrors him. Their lips meet as their hands had—like parts of a whole that has been cut cleanly in two, meant to fit back together again if given any chance.

He expects for her to break the kiss at any moment and push him away, to say it was a mistake, to tell him to go. He savors each second, each breath, certain that it won't last, but the moment he’s dreading does not come. Rey kisses him and kisses him, her hot mouth moving over his, searching, demanding, claiming his lips and his tongue and his very soul. The hand holding his lets go only to bury itself in his hair, fingertips tracing divine, tingling lines over his scalp. 

When she surges out of her chair toward him, barely interrupting the kiss, it is with such sudden and reflexive efficiency that he doubts she had planned the move before she made it. Now she is standing over him, still kissing him, with both hands clasped around the back of his skull.

Only a few seconds later does she end the kiss, and only for the purpose of declaring, breathless, "I want you. Right here. Is that okay?"

Ben finds himself able only to blink rapidly and to nod an affirmative. Rey takes hold of his hand again and is pulling, urging him up. She has the look of a woman with a plan as she guides him with tugs and pushes until he is standing in the center of the cockpit. Then, to his dismay, she steps away from him.

"Hang on, I've always wanted to try this." As he watches, blurry-eyed, she goes back to the controls at the front of the ship and begins flicking switches and buttons that Ben can't see from where he stands. Finally her open hand pauses above something he does recognize—the artificial gravity control. "Get ready."

He feels his eyes widen. Is she really...? 

And then she does.

The sensation of zero gravity is not one he has experienced often, despite the percentage of his life spent on starships. First Order ships simply didn't lose gravity. They'd been built too well for that. The sudden lack of downward pull makes his stomach feel like it's floating up into his throat. He tenses up to contain the feeling, and this small motion is enough to send him drifting slowly but surely away from the floor.

Rey is watching him with a mischievous gleam in her eye, but as much as Ben loves the sight, he spares a glance at the many, many control panels in the cramped cockpit, arranged not just along the front, but on both sides and overhead as well. "What if we... What if we bump something?"

Rey follows his gaze and smirks when she understands his concern. "That's why I locked the controls. Nothing will respond unless you're holding down that button." She points at one of many in front of the pilot's seat, well out of the way from where Ben floats.

That's good enough for him.

Bright-eyed and grinning, Rey pushes off the floor and floats back to him, arms outstretched. He catches her and her momentum sends them into a slow spin, moving as one toward the back wall of the cockpit. When they get there, he halts their progress with the careful placement of a foot against the hull and neither of them pay it more mind than that. They are far too absorbed in each other.

Ben holds her, securely encircling her waist to keep her near, while Rey takes advantage of the freedom to do whatever she likes with her hands and her mouth. This starts with another long kiss. On and on she kisses him until he cannot tell if they are rotating again in the lack of gravity or if it is only his head spinning. Then all at once she is pulling back and swooping down to trail smaller kisses from his jaw to the side of his neck to his shoulder. It is surely no coincidence that she follows the line where once had run the lightsaber scar. It is long gone now, but he can almost feel it again under her searing touch.

As her mouth explores the ridge of his collarbone, her hands travel lower, finding and unclasping the waistband of his pants. Her breath hot and moist on his skin, she asks, "Are you going to undress me, or am I going to do all the work myself?"

He takes her up on the invitation.

What follows is a ridiculous and thrilling game in which they both try to rid each other of clothing without letting the other drift too far away. When slipping her shirt off sends Rey into a backward somersault, Ben rights her to find a gleeful grin on her face. When he goes for her pants, he sets her spinning on purpose this time and chuckles at her squeal of mock outrage. When he catches her, hooking his foot on one of the chairs this time to keep from being caught up in her spin, he pulls her close and she latches onto him readily, arms and legs going around him in a full-body embrace. She is laughing, albeit almost soundlessly, as she seeks out his lips for another hungry kiss. Then she is in his mind, all at once, to show him what she wants, and Ben obliges her without question, reaching down one-handed to free his cock from his loosened pants.

Her smile is bashful and radiant as her hand follows his down, feeling out the situation and helping guide him where he needs to be. He groans as he sinks into her. He cannot help it. It has been so long and she is so slick already, so tight and hot around him. Rey bites her lip and tries to undulate while clinging to his shoulders, but Ben has a better solution. He returns his hands to her middle where they fit so snugly above the jut of her hips. From there it is the easiest thing in the galaxy to move her weightless body against his own, slight and slow at first, but giving her more and more as she urges him.

At some point amid all the activity, they've started spinning again, rotating slowly on a wild diagonal axis. The floor sweeps over his head, then one corner of the back wall, then the ceiling with its mismatched control panels and bundles of wire, and then, in a grand and stately fashion, the transparisteel nose of the cockpit rises into view, vivid and alive with the whirlwind blue of hyperspace. He is sharply aware in that moment of the raw cosmos surrounding them, separate only by a bit of metal and insulation. They are part of that wonder, that nothingness which holds everything. They are one with the universe as they are one with each other, and here, hurtling through it without even the facsimile of gravity to hold them down, Ben feels more confident than he has ever been in the knowledge of who he is and of his place in it all. The Force is here with him—with them—flowing through them as they flow through this burning blue hole in space and time. Life and death, peace and violence, light and darkness—all of it. They are as they have always been—a conduit to the living spirit of the universe, and never stronger than when they are together.

She has pressed her face against his chest, her breath hot on his skin and gasping as he buries himself inside her again and again. There is more he wants to do, however, and so he pauses on the outward draw, making her lift her head and look at him with an accusatory question in her eyes. She doesn't like that he's stopped.

"Hold on," he tells her, voice gone husky. "I wanna try something."

This near-echo of her own earlier words is enough to mollify her. Accusation turns to anticipation as he coaxes her limbs to release him from their passionate cage. When he can, he holds her away from him long enough to turn her around. With her back to his chest, he can do so much more with his hands. One he splays beneath her pert little breasts, keeping her in place while the other travels lower, drawing a line of pressure down her bare stomach, over her naval and farther, into the tuft of course hair already soaked from their efforts thus far. Holding her this way, he curls himself around her and guides his rock-hard cock back into place, easing her down onto him. Rey whimpers and the bond is open enough that he knows it is a sound of pleasure, not of pain. She is bending herself backwards like a bowcaster to accommodate him, seeking purchase for her hands on the arm wrapped firmly around her ribcage. Like this, Ben begins to move again, but now he has a hand free to tease the sensitive nub at the apex of her folds, or to press flat against the softness of her abdomen until he swears he can feel himself inside her.

Rey is panting, hanging her head low except when she throws it back every now and then, wholly absorbed in the sensation. As he thrusts steadily into her, their slow rotation brings them around to face the front of the ship again. Ben halts their progress with his still-booted foot on a chair and whispers "Look," into her ear. "Look, Rey. We're part of that. We're one with the stars." And indeed, as they both look forward, there in the transparisteel is their reflection looking back at them, locked together, grounded in each other, touching nothing else except the void.

Rey comes first, which is something of a miracle, he thinks, given how long he has gone without. The tight flutter of her body around him carries him over the edge right after her and into a long and dizzying orgasm. He stays there inside and around her for a time afterward, catching his breath on the scent of her hair and coaxing out a few quivering aftershocks with the hand he still has between her legs.

He is a little surprised by the smile he feels taking shape on his own lips, and moreso by the low confession that follows it. "That was fun... without gravity." He nuzzles her hair with his nose. "How long have you been wanting to do that?"

"Long enough." Lithely, she turns herself around, allowing him to slide out of her at last. There are little globs of foggy liquid floating around them now and he decides not to think too hard about the clean-up later... though it will have to be done before anyone else is allowed to use the Falcon's cockpit. Rey pulls herself closer and kisses him, first on the side of his face, then on his mouth. His arms close around her again and he prays to the Force that this is only another beginning for them, but he is memorizing every moment of it, and every detail, just in case.

Rey lets him hold her like this for a long, blissful while, but only in death can such an embrace last forever. Eventually theirs must end.

-

When Rey unlocks the controls and turns the gravity back on, a series of thumps and clatters announces the presence of Chaser Zero and BB-9E outside the cockpit. They had come to find out what was wrong with the artificial gravity, it turns out, but upon identifying the noises issuing from beyond the hatch, they had mutually decided to wait until the humans were done satisfying their biological impulses. Now they offer their assistance with any repairs that might be needed and Rey has to explain that the disruption in gravity had not been due to any malfunction, but had been intentional and for fun. At this, the droid and the cyborg share a look of quiet exasperation. 

Still, 9E doesn’t argue when Rey asks him to take over at the controls again—after Ben has had a few minutes alone in the cockpit to clean up. In the end, she goes back to bed to try and get some more sleep, and when he’s finished, Ben joins her there.

-

He wakes from a dream he cannot remember, aware only of the imagined scent of blood as it fades away. Whatever horror had plagued him in sleep, it is over now, and Rey is a warm, solid weight in his arms, anchoring him to reality. 

Then she stirs, woken by his own wakefulness, and he holds her tighter to let her know that she doesn't have to get up just yet. He is happy to hold her for as long as likes, his Rey, his Light. Her presence in his arms is the balm that heals all his hurts.

Only belatedly does he notice a new wrongness. Rey has closed her mind to him again. He assumes at first that it is to spare herself from his nightmares, but as she sits up, pulling from him stiffly with her face turned away, he senses something more to it.

His fears and suspicious from before creep coldly up his spine. "Rey?"

She sighs, a long and languid sound, allowing her shoulders to sag with the release of breath only to square them again on the next inhale. "A pity," she says, but the tone is like nothing he has ever heard from her before. "It seems I must take matters into my own hands."

Ben will later blame himself for the doubt that freezes him in that moment, telling himself that he should have known better, acted faster. Later, he will have time for regret. Now there is only paralyzing confusion and the growing sense of horror as Rey who is not Rey stands and turns to face him again. her expression is stiff and cold, almost lifeless, and her eyes...

Her eyes are a bright amber gold.

Ben doesn't make it off the bed before Rey whips out a hand to freeze him in place. Somehow, in spite of their equality in power, her hold is so tight that he cannot so much as move his jaw to speak. Nor does she bother to say another word to him. Their eyes meet, and then, with a twist of her outstretched hand, everything goes to black.

Chapter 33: And Here I'm Nothing, A Cosmic Castaway

Notes:

This one would have been up sooner, but I was sick through all of July with some random respiratory infection (not covid, luckily) and I didn't feel like doing much except lying down and rewatching all of Stranger Things. Also I always edit chapters at least twice but I still dunno if this one's good or not because I’ve been so out of it. x_x

On pronouns: In the sections written from Ben's perspective, the pronouns used for Rey/Palpatine will reflect however he's thinking of them at the time. Because yes, if Palpatine has Rey's body, he's still a he, but Ben's not thinking about correct pronouns. He's too focused on getting Rey back.

Chapter title is from “Cosmic Castaway” from Titan A.E.

-

Ben wakes in midair, not floating as he had when the Falcon's gravity was turned off, but suspended by an invisible pressure that pierces between his ribs and loops around his innards. Even as he tries to sort out his surroundings, the pressure vanishes and he is dropped unceremoniously onto a hard, abrasive surface.

"I won't kill you," says Rey's voice in that cold, calculating tone he has never heard her use until today. He lifts his head off the gray stone ground—for that is what he's fallen on—and sees her standing well out of arm's length, one hand raised with fingers curled, claw-like, in warning. Like her voice, her stance is strange. He knows how Rey moves, how she holds herself, and this is different. This is wrong. "You might still be useful to me, assuming you don't starve on this barren rock." She is already turning as she says the last part, putting her back to him, so Ben makes his move. Muscles he had carefully tensed as he lay still now spring him into action, carrying him up onto one knee with his right arm outstretched. 

He means to freeze her in place, but  she moves faster, impossibly so, catching him first with the same trick. Then, as he strains against her incredible power, she takes her lightsaber from her belt and ignites it. He wonders if she has changed her mind about killing him, but she does not advance. Instead, she brings the golden blade in a slow arc between them until, to his dawning horror, the burning plasma rests lightly against her own opposite arm, scorching away cloth and burning skin.

Seldom has Ben fought with such single-minded ferocity as he does now, yet all of his frantic struggling amounts to nothing at all. He can barely blink, barely even breathe in the tight Force-hold she's trapped him in. As he strains and as tears prick his eyes at the smell of seared flesh, she lowers the fiery weapon and speaks again.

"If you fight, I will hurt her. If she fights, I will hurt you. Thus your Dyad serves me once again."

"Sidious." He had suspected it before. Now he knows. 

The monster inside Rey makes her smile at him, a cruel and distant smile. "My boy... scion of my strongest apprentice... There is still a place for you beside me, if you'll accept it." And now, without breaking the hold he has on Ben, the ghost of Palpatine extents Rey's hand, palm upward, in a too-familiar gesture of offering. "Join me, Ben Solo, and you can be with her."

"Go kiss a rathtar," Ben spits, and then regrets the words immediately at the thought that Palpatine might do just that—with Rey's poor face—just to teach him a lesson.

"Colorful," says the dead emperor. "I'll give you time to think it over."

Only as she is made to walk away from him does Ben notice and recognize the hulking shape behind Rey—the Millennium Falcon. Still locked in place, kneeling on the hard stone, he watches her board. He watches the ramp retract and the hatch shut, and a minute later, he watches his father's ship leave him behind, carrying with it the woman he loves. Only then does the Force release him.

-

The other two occupants of the Falcon, it turns out, have been dumped on this wasteland of a planet with him. Ben finds them both nearby, after he has contained the storm of rage and despair inside of him and mustered the will to go look. The droid is switched off and the cyborg is unconscious, but neither seems harmed beyond that. Ben switches back on BB-9E, who in turn wakes up Chaser Zero with a mild electric shock, and together they contemplate their circumstances.

The planet they've been marooned on has a breathable atmosphere and is cold but not deathly so. It is strange, then, that there is no sign of life Ben can detect, even when he searches the Force. There is only gray stone and gray dust and gray sky from horizon to horizon. Not so much as a noticeable wind blows. The sun is smokey white and far away, and though he tries to reach out beyond the atmosphere and probe the other planets in the system for traces of living things, his concentration keeps slipping sideways, thoughts turning again and again toward the only life that really matters to him. Toward Rey. He can sense her, already distant, but unmistakable. He tries, of course, to reach her, but his call bounces off a familiar Force-hewn wall. Palpatine has locked her away tight, no doubt using her own prowess at that infuriating ability.

Or perhaps, Ben thinks then, Palpatine was the reason it had been so easy for her to shut him out in the first place.

After he's stomped around a bit and shed a few tears over how useless and helpless he feels, Ben remembers that Rey is not the only living Force-sensitive he knows.

It takes time to calm himself down enough to try meditating again, but once he is able, he reaches out...

... And Finn answers. Solo, is that really you?

Yes, Finn, listen...

I thought I was imagining it, or dreaming, or having a vision! Shit, this is so weird.

Finn, switch off and listen. Rey's in trouble.

Instantly that shuts him up and Ben explains the situation as quickly as he can, giving up on words and simply blasting a series of images and memories into Finn's brain. He doesn't know how long they can keep talking like this, or how much is actually getting through, but Finn is deadly serious by the time he's done.

I've got someone who's good with star maps. We'll find out where you are and send a ship as fast as we can. Rey should be easy to find if she stays on the Falcon.

Don't go after her alone, Ben warns. Palpatine will kill you.

No kidding. That's why I'm finding you first.

Ben isn't sure whether Finn cuts off the communication intentionally at this point or if they have reached the limit of their ability to connect over such a distance. Regardless, their minds snap apart and he is once again alone, save for two beings he can barely understand.

There is no food or water to be found on the desolate stone planet, which is no problem at all for BB-9E and apparently not much of one for Chaser Zero—not as much as it is for Ben. He has gone without before, but always by choice. Fasting was one of the various painful training techniques which Snoke favored, often combined with rigorous activity to truly test Ben's stamina. He is better prepared than most, thus, for the wait that follows, but that also means he knows where his limits are and cannot help but be acutely aware of their approach as time passes.

He is thirsty already. The air is dry here, like everything else. It steals moisture from his mouth with each breath he takes. He slows his breathing and sits cross-legged on the endless, ragged sheet of stone that makes up the ground. Eventually he manages to slip into a light meditation. From there he tries again, more carefully, to sense other signs of life in the solar system, but the effort gives him nothing. The other planets circling this sun feel just as dead as this one. It is something to tell Finn, at least, if his navigation expert can't find the place with what clues Ben had been able to pass on during their first conversation.

He tries again to reach Rey, but meets the same solid resistance which had stopped him before. He loses the hold on his fragile meditative state for a while after that, too fretful over what harm Palpatine might be doing to her. What must it feel like to be locked away in one's own mind, body stolen and used by someone else? For every lesson and punishment that he had endured at Snoke's hands, this was beyond his experience. Will it destroy Rey to be separated so forcefully from herself? Even if he can save her, will she ever be the same? He aches at the thought, and more so because each moment that she suffers is his own fault. He should have acted sooner, as soon as he suspected anything. He should have confronted her. He had been a coward, afraid of pushing her further away. Now, because of his cowardice, she is at the mercy of a Sith Lord.

Perhaps Rey had been wise to leave him in the first place. Perhaps, with or without Palpatine's influence, she had recognized how greedy his behavior was, had realized that he would end up hurting them both for fear of losing her. Perhaps if he had stayed away, had not distracted her or made her feel in conflict with herself, Rey could have held off Palpatine on her own. Isn't it just like him to bring doom down upon everyone he loves, whether he means to or not?

"Alright, I think that's enough self-loathing for today."

Ben opens his eyes. As if summoned by the thought of doomed family, Luke Skywalker sits before him, mirroring his pose and radiating a subtle blue light against the colorless sky.

Ben almost yells at him to go away, but stifles that reflex when it occurs to him with heart-skipping suddenness that Luke could be of help. He scrambles to his feet instead. "Uncle, where am I? Where's Rey? Can you bring Finn here?"

"Slow down," his uncle chides, standing up more sedately. This irritates Ben all the more knowing that it is purely an affectation and that Luke, being a ghost, could have changed position instantaneously if he wanted to. Trust his uncle to waste time. "Yes, I can show Finn where you are, but it's a long way. Sidious dumped you on the edge of the Unknown Regions. It will take Finn at least three days to reach you on a fast ship." Ben feels despair wash over him again, but Luke keeps talking. "I never got around to teaching you how to enter a hibernation trance, did I?"

Ben narrows his eyes at him in answer.

"No, I never did," Luke concludes. "Come, I'll teach you now. No sense in you being weak from thirst and hunger when you go to save Rey." He holds out a hand, palm up, and Ben is only a little surprised when, reluctantly, he reaches out and finds that hand to be as solid as it was in life.

-

It takes an embarrassingly long time to slow his own metabolism via the Force, even with Luke figuratively and literally holding his hand throughout the process. Chaser Zero and BB-9E use the time to scout in ever-widening circles around their location, searching for food, water, or shelter and finding nothing except more gray rock. Finn is on his way, though. Luke had taken the time to go speak to him while Ben sat and wrestled with his own restless mind. It is not hard to imagine how Finn might have reacted to the ghost of Luke Skywalker appearing before him. Ben finds, in spite of everything, that he is looking forward to Finn's enthusiasm when he inevitably describes the event. The man has developed a knack for making things sound happier and brighter in the retelling.

By the time, many hours after his uncle's arrival, that Ben finally manages to put himself fully into a Force-induced hibernation, it is dearly needed. Hunger and thirst have become a constant pain, but he leaves all that behind when the technique finally takes hold and something almost but not quite like sleep carries him away.

He is conscious within the confines of his own mind. He is aware of himself, of where he is and what he is doing, but he can no longer feel his physical body. He is floating. This time it is like the way he and Rey had floated in the Falcon with the gravity turned off, and it is also very different. There is no sense of touch here, or if there is, it is dulled to a near-imperceptible level. There is only sight and sound and thought.

At first there is a void, pale sameness all around him. Then he discovers that it isn’t truly nothingness which stretches on for as far as he can see, but fog, blocking from sight all else except light. As he floats and watches, the fog begins to clear. Subtle and muffled at first, making him feel as if it had been there all along, comes the sound of waves lapping against stone. As soon as he has identified the sound, he smells it too—the brine scent of an ocean. He can detect now also the distant call of animals, of avians, and he knows exactly where he is.

He hears her voice behind him at the same time that his feet touch the ground. 

"Hey... Are you alright?"

He turns to see her and the sight steals the answer from his tongue. There are lines on her face and gray in her hair, a plumpness about her that speaks to many years of plenty, and she is beautiful. Is this a vision of the future, then, meant to reassure him? He can only hope it's that and not a mere fantasy.

"Ben?" He hasn't answered her question. There are worry lines creasing her brow.

"Yes." It comes out ragged, so he clears his throat and tries again. "I'm fine, Rey."

"Then come on. Everyone's waiting."

"Waiting...?" He doesn’t like the sound of that, just on general principle. Who besides Rey would be waiting for him? 

She narrows her eyes. "You promised a lesson before dinner. Are you sure you're alright?"

A lesson. He wonders what kind of lesson he's promised. Combat? Force-use? Something else entirely? And who is he teaching, if not Rey or Finn? Maybe this is just a fantasy after all, his drifting mind putting him in his uncle's place as school teacher. That thought annoys him, but Rey is here, so he can't be too annoyed.

"Ben." She is squinting at him again.

Whatever this is, it's nicer than where he was before, so he mutters, "Coming," and lets her lead the way.

They are on Ahch-to, just as he'd thought, but it is different. At first he thinks there has been some ground-shaping event, something so seismic as to introduce woodlands and reorient the peaks and valleys of Luke's island. Then it occurs to him that he may just be on a different landmass entirely, and as soon as that thought crosses his mind, his eyes are drawn to the sea and to the distant shape of the island he knows.

He stops to stare at it, but Rey keeps walking, so he must tear himself away and follow. They are on a rising slope bordered by scraggly trees to their right and by a ribbon of meadow ending at a vertical drop on their left. As they reach the top of the hill, the view ahead of them takes Ben's breath away. There is a large, long building tucked into the wood-lined valley below. It appears much newer than the huts on the other island, yet is made predominantly of the same gray stone. Likewise, it has hints of the same style, with domes topping the two main wings as well as one smaller offshoot that Ben can see. Perhaps because he is already thinking about it, it reminds him immediately of Luke's training academy. 

He doesn't notice that he has stopped walking again until Rey comes back to him and takes his hand. It is a strange and unnerving thing, as his sense of touch is so muted in this vision, but curiosity wins out over bad memories and the disembodying lack of sensation. He lets her guide him onward. 

The other side of the hill is steeper, but a switchback path has been worn into the stoney ground. It is narrow and he must watch his footing, though he finds it hard to take his eyes off the building below. While most of the island grows wild, the grounds around the complex have been cultivated. The inhabitants clearly grow at least some of their food here, as well as what looks like a large flower garden for pleasure or for meditation—and there is little doubt left in his mind that this is exactly what it reminds him of. This is a school on Ahch-to and he is expected to teach, which means that it is his school. His and Rey's.

Is this how he will make up for the crimes of his past? By rebuilding what was destroyed in his name? When he considers it in those terms, he can almost bear the idea. The sense of duty appeals to him, and Rey seems at home here. He looks at her now as they walk, wondering how old she is in this dream or vision—how many years the two of them have had together. He could cope with far worse than taking his uncle's place if it means spending his life with her.

He is just beginning to feel positive about this possible future when the scene around him changes, the fog returning, the ground falling away beneath his feet. The twinge of loss he feels is followed closely by dread as something very different begins to take shape. The thin, cold light of Ahch-To is replaced by blood-tinged twilight. Some of the light, he finds, is coming from windows—no, from viewports—which look out on the curve of a massive red planet. He does not recognize it, but he recognizes the ship he's on, which should be impossible, because he was aboard it when it was destroyed. Could this then be a vision of the past?

"No, but wouldn't that make all this simpler?" She strides toward him with an air of royalty, chin up, crimson gown flowing around her. The Rey he knows has always moved with confidence, but not this kind of confidence. This is closer to the way his mother used to move when she wanted to impress, walking with such precise steadiness that it looks almost like floating, stiff and fluid all at once. He had not noticed the sconces mounted on the hull until they light, one after another, programmed to respond to her approach, or perhaps activated by her will and the Force. It certainly adds to the drama of her entrance. She is Darkness incarnate, and yet she brings the light with her.

"You're not Rey." He says it as much to remind himself of the fact. "You're Sidious."

"I was Rey..." The words are breathy, sultry, seductive... not a tone his Rey had ever been much inclined to use. "And I was Sidious. Now I am both." She has closed the distance between them. Ben stands defiantly still as she circles him once and then stops, far too close. He can feel her breath when she speaks again. "I'm still in here, Ben. I'm still yours."

"No."

"The Dyad is unbroken. Look into my mind. You'll see the truth."

Ben is not one to back down out of cowardice, but he almost does so now. He has no desire to find out the answer either way. Whether this is really some amalgamation of Rey's personality and Sidious, or it is all the Dark Lord and Rey is gone, he doesn't want to know. Either option is too horrible and far too likely. 

When he hesitates, however, she forces the matter, pressing herself into his mind until he cannot hold her back. He sees it all then, image after image, a kaleidoscope of increasing horrors. He sees her rise to power, old connections reforged and new ones made. He sees her enemies face her and fall one after another—enemies who had once been friends. He sees the struggle inside her, the internal fight between Rey and the Sith, and he sees how it ends. It is just as she's said. Chipped away and beaten down, barely a shadow of what she used to be, Rey's survival instincts had taken over and she chose the only path left to her other than oblivion. She and Sidious are one, inseparably tied together. Neither of them exist as the individuals they used to be.

 It feels as if a hand has wrapped itself around Ben's ribcage and started squeezing, crushing his insides to a pulp. The sense of loss is devastating, even as he knows this is only one possible future. Determination and doubt circle each other in a frantic chase—determination to save her from this fate and doubt in his ability to do so. So overcome is he that the vision shakes itself to pieces around him and he is snapped out of his trance entirely.

Night has fallen on the barren planet. Multiple nights may have passed for all he knows, but Luke is still there with him. 

"Go back," says the ghost, mild as ever. "It's too early."

"I can't." Ben flings himself to his feet with the answer and begins to pace. He is stiff and sore, so he focuses on working those muscles which give the most protest. He must be ready to fight. He won't fail Rey because of a leg cramp. "How much longer?"

"Too long. Calm yourself down and we'll try again."

"I saw her." Luke is not the person he would prefer to have this conversation with, but he blurts the words out before he can stop himself. "In a vision." Technically two visions, but he can only think about the latter. "He won. Sidious... Palpatine... He destroyed her."

"We won't let that happen."

"How do you know?" He halts his pacing to whirl on his uncle, tight all over with fear and fury. 

"Because I know you'd die to save her, and Rey won't let that happen. Not again."

It doesn't entirely convince him, but it is something. When he can speak past the tension that has clenched his jaw shut and pressed his fingernails into his palms, he says, "I'm going for a walk," and turns away. Luke lets him go.

 

-< >-

 

She will regret it until her dying day and probably after. She had felt it happening. She had felt him, but she hadn't known what to make of the warning. After all, she'd ended it on Jakku, destroyed the very last essence of him, or so she’d thought. So he had made her think.

Now she knows it had all been a ploy. He has been with her since Exagol. Confronting him on Jakku had changed nothing. The sole point of it, she understands now, was to put her at ease, to convince her that he was truly gone for good, all so that he could continue to manipulate her and she would be that much less likely to question it. 

The ploy had worked, and so had the manipulation, right up until Ben Solo came back into her life. Palpatine had meant to play the long game, leading Rey steadily away from her friends and then away from her own morals, molding her bit by bit into a vessel fit for the Darkness. Ben had set back his progress and the Dark Lord, it seemed, had abruptly run out of patience. Or maybe he had feared, reasonably so, that Ben would uncover the truth and the two of them would have succeeded in banishing him once and for all. Why he changed tactics when he did is not one of the details he has shared with her, which makes sense if it involved a vulnerability which she might have exploited. Not that it matters anymore. She is too late. She is privy to this information only now that she is helpless to stop him. Her body is not her own and as if he feels some twisted form of pity for her, he has allowed her to understand why. 

It had always been him—that voice in her head. The voice that, toward the end, had no longer sounded like hers. The voice that now sounds lower, sounds raspy and gravelly and old. He had played with her doubts, had tricked her into thinking her choices were her own. He had let her continue playing hero, but only to avoid giving the game away. After all, a little droid rebellion would hardly matter in the long run. Not after his plans for the galaxy were fulfilled.

Now she won't even be able to finish what the droids have worked so hard to start. Now her own power will destroy everything she has helped save, everything she has helped build. She is Palptine's now and there is nothing she can do to stop him. No amount of thrashing at the mental walls that contain her has had any effect. Her mind is a prisoner and her body a puppet, and both are subject to the whims and designs of the most evil creature she has ever known. 

Locked tightly away within her own skull, Rey tries and fails to scream.

 

Chapter 34: We're Just A Million Little Gods Causing Rain Storms

Notes:

Chapter title from "Wake Up" by Arcade Fire

-

Finn arrives before it's too late, armed with water and rations which Ben, once Luke has woken him from his trance, tries halfheartedly to take his time on. He knows it is better to be slow with such things after going without, but all he can think about is Rey, Rey, Rey, and how he cannot bear to leave her in the Sith's clutches a moment longer than necessary.

Finn has not come alone. Ben feels no surprise at the sight of a squad of the most trustworthy former Stormtroopers, though he knows they will be mere cannon fodder if they try to face off against Sidious. The surprise comes in the form of their pilot, who greets Ben with his usual swagger and judgmental frown. "Solo."

"Dameron." He wonders if he has been afflicted with a curse of irony, that he must rely again on this man who hates him so.

"Finn told me an interesting story, but I'd like to hear it from you. Care to brief us on the situation?"

"I'll talk while you fly."

At this, Poe glowers. "If Rey wasn't in danger, I'd say no." He pauses there, so that for a moment Ben thinks he will say no anyway. Ben readies himself for a shouting match or for simply shoving Poe out of the way and taking the damn ship he came in, but Poe continues, loud and commanding. "Everyone back aboard. Let's move!"

They move.

-

By the terms of their deal, the briefing can't occur until after Ben has zeroed in on Rey's presence and told Poe which way to fly—a fact which Poe glares and grumbles about until Finn manages to shut him up by pointing out that it will take even longer if Ben isn't able to concentrate. In this case it's not true, since Ben could probably find Rey in his sleep if he had to, but he doesn't bother to correct the assumption.

Her trail turns them inward, back toward the core, and as Poe sets and monitors their course, Ben fills him and Finn in on everything.

"I can't believe it..." Finn mutters afterward. "All that time she was with us, the Dark Lord was there? Could he see us? Or hear us?"

Ben has been trying not to think too hard about that possibility. "He was controlling her. That's what matters."

"Normally I'd be with Finn on this one," Poe chimes in, "but it's Palpatine. I don't see how him knowing or not knowing everything Rey's seen since Exegol could make that much difference." The unspoken implication, as far as Ben can tell, being that they were fucked either way.

"It's Palpatine and he's in Rey's body, Poe," Finn emphasizes, and Ben can't blame him for the repetition. "How are we even going to do this?"

Ben sighs. As upset as he is over the whole matter, listening to the histrionics of his allies only seems to exhaust him. "You won't. I will."

"Hey, I know I'm pretty much useless here," Poe argues, "but Finn can help, can't he?"

"Thank you," says Finn. 

Ben tries not to sigh again. "Just get us to her."

-

He forces himself to eat more, though he can no longer tell the difference between hunger pangs and the cramping twist of worry in his gut.

Finn has the nerve to suggest he sleep as well, but there's no way that will happen unless their chase drags on for days. Even then, he has doubts. He’d gotten more than enough rest hibernating on that corpse of a planet where Sidious dumped him.

As for the chase, he knows well enough that they will never catch up to the fastest ship in the galaxy, but Sidious will have to stop eventually. It means that their enemy will get to choose the battlefield, but at this point Ben doesn't give a damn. He'll have Rey back no matter what.

Onward they fly. More than once, Finn or 9E or one of the former troopers tries to make conversation with him, but he sends them away with a monotone grumble if he doesn't ignore them entirely.

Still, the ship Poe’s brought is not a large one and he cannot avoid overhearing the other passengers talk amongst themselves. Sometimes he listens because he has no other distraction from his worry. He listens to Finn catching up with Chaser Zero, though he can only understand half of the words spoken. He listens to the former troopers and their comfortable camaraderie. He listens with faint amusement when BB-8, who is tagging along with Poe, encounters and recognizes BB-9E. The screaming in binary carries on for some time.

The chase gets harder the closer they get to the core. Ben knows where Rey is and what direction she is headed, but he cannot tell Poe which of the many hyperlanes to use. Poe is increasingly stressed about this. Ben can't bring himself to care. He'll get them to her. He just needs Poe to trust him for a change.

-

When Rey—when Sidious—finally does stop, far ahead of them now, Ben knows exactly where to follow. He has only been there once or twice before, and not since he was a boy, but he is well aware of the planet's importance. It had once been Palpatine's home, if the Sith Lord had ever possessed the tenderness to think of a place as home. Just as significantly, it had been the home of Ben's grandmother, Padme Amidala. She had reigned there as queen when she was several years younger than he had been when he first stepped onto his ill-chosen path. Younger even than Rey when she'd finally stopped wasting her life on Jakku.

"She's on Naboo."

Poe looks over his shoulder at him in disbelief. "Naboo? What would he want with Naboo?"

"Just fly."

In the end, everyone else grabs a few hours of sleep, including even Chaser Zero. None of them want to leave their hyperspace course on automatic in case their target takes off again, so at Finn's suggestion, Poe guardedly asks Ben to take over at the helm. 

For the first time since waking on the Falcon to a Rey who was not Rey, he feels like he has some amount of control over this mess.

-

It is night on the side of Naboo where the Dyad bond leads them, but it is the end of night. The sun lies just below the horizon and the stars have all but faded. The beacon of Rey's inner Light shines from a place leagues away from any detectable civilization, save for one exceptionally ancient ruin. For that, they are all grateful. Whatever happens here, no innocent bystanders will be hurt. 

The terrain is predominantly flat and grassy, which is true of a large portion of the planet. The ruin is little more than a stone foundation, a few half-fallen pillars, and one arch that perhaps had served as a doorway long ago. Rey is there. The ship's scanner can see her as they fly over, right where Ben's Force-sense tells him to look. Except for the shadow of Sidious, she is alone. No one challenges them as their ship drops gently onto the grass.

Ben puts himself in the lead when they disembark. Behind him, Finn says something commanding to the squad of former troopers. Ben ignores him.

Rey—or the monster inside her—allows them to approach. Only when Ben sets foot on the edge of the stone ruins does his enemy react.

In one fluid motion, Rey stands, moving with immaculate precision to accomplish such a simple action. At some point during the chase, her apparel has changed. It is closer to her usual style than the elaborate dress Ben had seen in his vision, but the colors are the same as he had dreamed them. Black and crimson look stark against the pale green and gray of the landscape, even in the pre-dawn gloom. Where Sidious had found materials in the right colors without stopping the Falcon is anyone's guess, but then, Ben does seem to have a vague memory of his clothing transforming with the rest of him on Exegol. Perhaps the vile peacock does it with the Force.

"You were a fool to come," the Dark Lord speaks, almost casual in tone. "You and her could not defeat me together. What makes you think that you can do it when her power is mine?"

Ben does not honor that question with an answer, nor does he waste his breath making demands that he knows will not willingly be met. Instead, he speaks to Rey. "You're stronger than him. You might not think you are, but I know it."

"She can't hear you,"  Sidious scoffs.

Ben refuses to believe that. "Fight him, Rey." And, borrowing her own words that once meant so much to him, he adds, "I'll help you."

"Steady," says Finn to his soldiers. It is not loud or obtrusive. Ben almost doesn’t register it... but Sidious does. It is a tiny movement, the shift of Rey's hazel eyes to focus on the group of people several paces behind Ben, but he sees it, and a startling lance of fear jolts through him, followed by anger. What was Finn doing, bringing ordinary soldiers into this fight? Trust a Stormtrooper to think only in the ways he knows best.

But Sidious has returned his focus to Ben, and for a moment, he feels relief. "This is between the three of us. You know that." Without even looking at Finn or the others again, the Dark Lord extends Rey's hand. The burst of lightning is loud and stunningly bright. Poe's shout comes an instant later, not of pain but of alarm. Ben cannot stop himself from looking back to see half the troopers kneeling or fallen, Finn included. 

"Get them out of here!" Ben roars, and then his attention is only for Rey and her puppet master.

Again, Sidious taunts him. "Why do you think this will go any differently than it did when you faced me on Exegol?"

"There isn't a pit to drop me into," he snarks.

"Oh, but there is."

Sidious makes no move, yet the ancient stone arch changes as soon as the words are out of Rey's mouth. At first the space inside mists over, becoming opaque in a foggy, blurry way that confuses the eye. Then, as Ben stares at it foolishly, it darkens, turning to a void of black disrupted only by a path of stars.

Ben widens his stance and raises his saber.

Languidly, Rey's hands draw and ignite her own.

A lightsaber duel is not what Ben wants. He had lit his blade expecting more lightning to deflect, but this is Sidious in Rey's body, not old and broken down and able to fight only with the Force, but lithe and nimble and skilled with a weapon. He should have expected this.

Without further warning, the Dark Lord kicks off into a Force-propelled flip, saber slashing downward. Ben has no choice but to parry, and the duel begins in earnest.

He and Rey are evenly matched, Rey having absorbed much of his own training when they first met. Since then, they have fought and sparred enough to know each other well, but this is not Rey. This is Darth Sidious in her body, and she—he—fights in a completely different style.

Ben has studied the Sith Lords, studied their favored lightsaber forms. Sidious, according to the histories which Snoke provided, had primarily used Form VII, Juyo, which was common among Sith. Under Snoke, the Knights of Ren had practiced all known forms against each other, so it is not the first time Ben has had the opportunity to face a living opponent using Juyo... but the Knights were much less proficient. 

Working against him also is still the fact that he doesn’t want to hurt Rey in any way, but that Sidious has no such qualms about harming him. It is inevitable, then, that the Sith draws first blood.

The wound is mild, Ben whirling away even as Rey's saber connects, leaving a point of hot pain on his upper arm, but nothing he can't brush off. He merely grits his teeth and readies for the next strike.

"Hey!" It's Finn's voice, and Ben barely resists the compulsion to look away from his opponent. Sidious does look, and then must move quickly to block a well-aimed blaster shot. Finn is lucky it isn't deflected right back at him.

Now Ben risks the briefest of backward glances, knowing he had seen Finn go down earlier. His friend is a bit charred in places and his hair stands up even more than usual, but he is miraculously on his feet again.

"What's the plan?!" shouts the would-be Jedi.

"Get Rey back."

"How?"

Ben does not get the chance to answer as Sidious sweeps in again and locks blades with him.

"Rey!" Finn yells. "Rey, I'm here! We're here! Fight him, Rey!"

He continues yelling encouragements, not all of which Ben can concentrate on as he defends himself from a flurry of attacks. Sidious gets in another searing graze, marking Ben's lower arm this time as he manages to slip Rey's blade around the crossguard. It sends Ben's heart racing. Had he been any slower, he would have lost the hand.

In a moment between furious strikes, Rey's eyes shift focus again and Sidious makes her hesitate. A split-second later, Ben senses the approach of someone beside him.

"Hey Solo," says Finn jovially. "I stopped by Maz's like we discussed. She even gave me some tips on how to finish this thing."

He does not take his eyes off Rey, but he doesn't have to in order to hear the snap-hiss of a lightsaber coming to life or see the edges of the radiant blue glow it casts. Ben has a sharp, brief memory of Finn in the forest on Starkiller Base. It seems some things do come full circle.

Sidious looks amused. "And so the Jedi rise again." 

Three-way lightsaber battles are a good way to get hurt by your ally's weapon. Ben lets Finn engage alone for a moment, wary and ready to step in, but reminding himself of how much training they've done together. Finn is up for this. As he watches the man's bravery in action, Ben regrets his previous anger at him. He knows that Finn loves Rey in his own way and is clearly desperate to help her, willing to use whatever resources he has. Ben is the same.

Rey's lips are curved in the hint of a smile as the monster who controls her tests Finn. So far their contest involves little more than circling and eye-contact, their blades only connecting in short, swift bouts. "You and I both know that you will do nothing to harm her," Rey's voice mocks. "Why fight? This will all end the same no matter what happens now."

"I don't think so." Finn instigates the next clash of sabers, but Sidious is right about one thing. The fight is only a means to buy time. While gold and sapphire lightsabers tangle, Ben takes his turn to talk.

"Rey..." And of course, when he can least afford it, he struggles to find the words. "Rey... please. Please hear me. Please fight him. Please."

Rey's eyes look back at him coolly. Finn attempts a move to disarm, meaning to take advantage of this apparent distraction, but Sidious deftly maneuvers out of it. Then the Sith takes the offense again, catching Finn up in another rapid series of blows which he can barely defend himself against. Ben knows it won't last long. He has to take control of the fight or Finn will be killed. He circles to the right, looking for an opening, knowing that Sidious has the skill to defend against both of them. He is coming to terms with the fact that he may have to hurt Rey in some way after all. He is trying to convince himself that she will forgive him...

The opening comes. Blades hover in the air, waiting, not touching. Ben moves, not with his lightsaber, but with the Force. He throws out an arm and throws Sidious away from Finn, but the Dark Lord rights himself before Rey's feet touch the ground, springing back into the fight, sun-gold blade shining in a downward arc.

Finn shouts and goes to one knee. Ben doesn't see why at first, because Rey's small frame has swooped low and come slashing up at his belly, using his height against him. Ben staggers back, barely saving himself from being gutted, and Sidious keeps coming, advancing with broad, deadly swings that force Ben to give up ground. Finally, in a brief moment of breathing room, he sees what has become of Finn.

His friend is still kneeling, face taut with pain but eyes locked on the fight. He is gripping his right arm near the wrist, only... there is no wrist, and no hand beyond it. Then Ben sees correctly. There is both a hand and a wrist, but they lie on the ground near where Finn kneels, cleanly severed.

He is surprised by the worry that rushes through him, and it is this half-moment of distraction which loses him the fight.

Sidious could have attacked then, may even have landed a blow, but instead, Rey's hand raises... and as before on the dead planet, there is a pressure, a feeling like long fingers sliding between his ribs, lifting him up by his very bones. He tries to pull himself back to the ground by the Force, but Sidious is stronger. Finn yells a wordless exclamation as Ben turns in the air, rotating against his will to face the stone arch under which Sidious had been waiting for them. The strange otherplace beyond it is still there, and it is familiar now that Ben has no choice but to look at it. As Sidious sends him helplessly into the darkness, he knows that he has been here before.

Notes:

These last few chapters of the fic were amazing to create. As much as I struggle with writing, suddenly the words just came pouring out. I guess that’s what happens when you spend two and a half years thinking about the climax of the story, but not letting yourself write it early because you’re not quite sure how you’re going to get there. When I finally hit the starting point of it, I knew exactly what to do. I ended up with all but the epilogue drafted before I finished editing this chapter, whereas through most of this fic, I only wrote and edited one chapter at a time.

Chapter 35: I Took The Stars From My Eyes And Then I Made A Map

Notes:

Chapter title from "Cosmic Love" by Florence + The Machine

-

He hits solid ground, only there is no solid ground. None, at least, that he can see. Beneath him is a black void, vertigo-inducing, it's space and distance defined by snaking paths of cold white light. To either side of him, those same lights outline the section of the path he is on, stretching ahead of him in a broad curve. He whips his head around to look behind him, hoping to see the portal he's just been thrown through, but all that lies there is more void and more looping starlit path.

Knowing not what else to do, he calls Rey's name, and calls it again. His voice cracks. The wounds he received in the fight burn. Slowly, he climbs to his feet and starts walking, for he can think of nothing else to do. Perhaps he has inured himself to despair during the hunt for Rey and Sidious. He does not feel as lost nor as hopeless as he thinks he should. 

It is not silent here. Rather, there is a constant, distant rushing sound like the flow of water, like blood coursing through veins. He walks on and in time he notices variations to the sound, subtle at first, and then less so, until they are defined enough that he thinks they must not be part of the same sound at all, but something else. 

Ben steps lightly. He strains his ears. Soon the second sound resolves itself into many, a susurrus with the distinctive cadence of spoken words.

He finds the source, or one of them, when he comes across another portal. Hope explodes in him as soon as he is near enough to recognize the circular shape of it, that hope growing to something near elation as he breaks into a sprint. Only as he reaches the intricately crafted doorway and slides to a stop before it does that hope crumble and fall, one piece at a time, to land on the invisible ground beneath his feet. There is a landscape beyond this portal and there are people, but it is not Naboo and they are not Rey or Finn. Instead, before his eyes, Ben witnesses a scene from his own past.

"... Very last Jedi, and my very first. Almost a shame to see you go." The voice sends a jolt of alarm down Ben's spine—a childish fear. This old enemy he defeated should not hold such power over his emotions, and yet... "Then again, I suspect we have some serious ideological differences, and this ain't that big a galaxy."

Perhaps worse, Luke Skywalker speaks next, and his words are taunting. "Can we just skip to the part where you all run out of here crying?"

The scene plays out as Ben remembers it. The Knights of Ren, at the command of their old master, attack, and his younger self stands by uselessly while his uncle meets them in battle.

This was a turning point, though he wouldn't know it until later, but he has no desire to watch it play out to its conclusion. He cannot think of a reason why this memory would be important to the challenge at hand, and further more, he can hear the sound of more voices ahead. If he stares hard enough down the length of the ethereal road, he can make out spots along it that might be other portals. He leaves the Knights of Ren behind him and moves on. 

His fast walk turns into a run when one of the distant voices resolves itself into Rey's.

Ahead, the path curves not to one side or the other, but up, its incline increasing smoothly until it is vertical, and then upside-down. Been keeps going. The place already defies reality. There is no reason to think it won't defy gravity as well.

His assumption is correct. The path loops gently over until he can tilt his head up and see the stretch of it which he had been on before, a ribbon of light above him. The sight holds his attention only a moment, for the next portal is near enough now that he can detect light casting through it from the other side. Soon enough he knows why it is so bright. The portal opens up onto the Jakku desert. Even the air on his side is warmer here, the planet's heat permeating whatever Force-formed membrane separates this place from that one.

Rey's voice comes again and Ben peers through shimmering heatwaves and clouds of windblown dust to make out her shape amid the flimsy tents and pavilions clustered off to one side of the visible space. She looks younger, not quite a child, but not yet the woman he knows. Still, her voice rings defiant as she argues with the gruff crolute at the trading booth.

"You told me this piece was worth two whole portions!"

Ben can't make out the crolute's eyes from this distance, but he imagines them to be hard and cruel. "Value changes with supply. You know that, girl. You weren't the only scavenger to bring me one of these this week."

"But that's not fair!" Rey shrieks. "Do you know how hard it is to get these? I could have died!"

"Raise your voice at me again, child, and you won't be getting any portions today, part or no part." 

"But I...!"

"Enough!" To Rey's shock and Ben's smoldering fury, Unkar Plutt slams down the metal shutter, closing his window and leaving Rey with no food and one now-worthless part.

Not built for giving up easily, the young Rey immediately starts pounding her fists on the wall of Plutt's booth. Meanwhile, Ben squints at her surroundings in the hope that there might be some other way for her to get what she needs. Perhaps someone will be kind, or if not that, perhaps someone will be careless.

Every now and again, another scavenger walks by nearer to the portal, blocking his view of Rey. It irritates him until a man with a scuffed-up satchel slung over his shoulder shuffles past, and poking out from under the bag's flap is the corner of a portion packet. 

He does not know if what he's about to do will work until he tries, but he tries anyway, and then the portion is sliding neatly out of the bag and wafting along the ground like a scrap of garbage in the breeze. He lets it kick up a little puff of sand, hoping to conceal its shape, and holds his breath against anyone noticing and claiming the prize before he can get it to where it needs to go. Luckily the crowd is sparse and a final nudge of the Force lands the portion at Rey's feet.

She looks down and Ben heaves a sigh of profound relief.

He could do more for her. Now that he knows he can manipulate the Force on one side of a portal while he is on the other side, he thinks that he could even step through if he wanted to, transporting himself not only through space but through time itself. He could go and rescue her, take her away from her squalid desert life... but this is not his Rey, not yet, and he cannot predict what might happen if she left Jakku now, years before she is meant to. What would happen to the Resistance without her? What would happen to his own younger self if they never met in the forest on Takodana? Would his now-self cease to be, thus undoing whatever effort he put into changing her past? He doesn’t know. Time travel of this sort has only been hypothesized, or so he had believed until now.

Rey will survive this long-ago day, and probably would have with or without his help. It is the Rey of the present who needs him more. So, wordlessly wishing this dear young Rey good luck, he steels himself and moves on.

The path splits before he reaches anymore portals. Distant voices and a myriad of other sounds come from all around him, making it hard to pinpoint what lies ahead and what behind. He hears blaster fire, the scream of TIE engines, a haunting howl that sounds like wind over mountains...

He keeps listening, frozen at the crossroads, afraid of making the wrong choice and being lost in here forever. Then, all at once, all other sounds are shattered by a voice like a blaster shot, like a clap of thunder, a single syllable that nearly stops his heart.

"BEN!"

The shout comes from the lefthand path. Ben's feet move before his brain can catch up, though he knows what he will find and he dreads it.

Footsteps echo on metal—a long catwalk, he recalls, though he is still too far away to make it out yet. He can see the portal itself, though, and as he nears, he can see that unlike the ones before, it stands at a dead end. The other branch of the path must have been the right one, but he cannot make himself turn back yet. He wants to, but he can't.

"Take off that mask," says Han Solo to Kylo Ren. "You don't need it."

The voice that answers is distorted by a vocoder, designed for the sole purpose of intimidation. "What do you think you'll see if I do?"

"The face of my son."

The mechanical clicks of his helmet disengaging seem as loud as the footsteps had been. Ben closes the last of the distance to the portal at a slow, reluctant walk, eyes glued to the doomed reunion happening on the opposite side.

"Your son is gone," says Kylo Ren. "He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him."

Foolish indeed, Ben thinks. A fool there on Starkiller base and still a fool now.

"That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true." Han's words are softer, so gentle as to break Ben's heart all over again. "My son is alive."

"No... The Supreme Leader is wise." But there is the hesitation. There is the doubt in those words. He had known it when he spoke them, and he hears it now. He sees it on his own face.

"Snoke is using you for your power," Han insists, just the way Ben remembers it. "When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you."

Morosely now, "It's too late."

"No it's not. Leave here with me. Come home." These words are spoken faster. Han could sense he had a chance, and he wasn't wrong to think so. "We miss you."

The silence between this and Kylo's answer is tangible, heavy with the choice ahead. Heavy with the truths and the lies about to come forth. Ben cannot breathe at the sight of the tears in his own eyes. "... I'm being torn apart... I want to be free of this pain... and I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it..." Then, the plea. "Will you help me?"

Han steps forward, his answer immediate and honest. "Yes. Anything." 

They had both been fools.

Ben's old mask drops from his other self's hand with a jarring thud. His lightsaber is unclipped from his belt and held out to Han like an offering. In few seconds more, it will end his father's life.

Why can Ben not look away? He remembers every moment of this, every pained twitch of his father's face. He cannot bear to watch it again, and yet he is paralyzed here on his own side of time, not held by the Force but by simple, all-consuming horror. He cannot bear to watch, and yet he must.

His younger, broken self looks into his father's eyes. Ben knows that in this moment, just for the span of a breath, he had meant to go home with him. Then the light dims, the star-devouring engine of Starkiller base finishing its work, and Kylo Ren had known it was truly too late. The weapon would fire and there would be no going home—no home to go back to. Even his father's idiotic forgiveness could not survive that. The chance to make a different choice had passed.

So he chose to let his father die with that forgiveness—that hope—still alive in his heart.

The crimson lightsaber screeches to life. 

Chewbacca howls. 

Rey screams. 

Kylo Ren meets his father's eyes one last time and then lets him go.

Ben Solo cannot do the same.

His hand is outstretched before he knows what he's doing. Han's body falls and falls into the haze of blue light below the catwalk and then... then it stops. Then it floats. Buoyed by the Force, it changes course, coming slowly and then faster and faster toward the portal, coming toward Ben and his desperate, reaching hand. 

As the drama unfolds above, Chewbacca opening fire and triggering the explosives he and Han had planted, Kylo Ren following Rey and Finn into the forest... Ben pulls his father's body through the open portal and into his arms.

Han is still alive. That's the first thing Ben knows. 

He also knows that he must save his energy for Rey. He may need everything he has to get her back... and yet he cannot stop himself from doing what he does next. There simply is no time for debate.

His lightsaber had pierced a lung and grazed the heart. He can feel Han's life slipping away. Already he has stopped breathing...

But healing a would-be mortal wound on a living victim is not the same as bringing someone back who is already dead. He has accomplished the latter, albeit at the cost of his own life, and Rey had achieved the former at much less expense, healing the fatal lightsaber wound which she herself had inflicted on Ben.

He can do this. He can save the father he thought he had slain.

It takes everything out of him, or it feels like it does. Perhaps Rey had been more taxed than she looked back there on the Death Star ruins. In fairness, he had been a bit overwhelmed in the moment. He may not remember it accurately.

It is equally likely, however, that the Dyad bond allowed ease in a task that otherwise would have been harder... or impossible. 

It doesn't stop him from trying.

He pushes himself and he tries, and Han... Han lies there on his back upon the strange, invisible path bordered by lines of starlight. He lies there with the smell of burnt flesh clinging to him, but he is still alive, and in fits and gasps and starts, he begins to breathe again.

Ben's vision tunnels and his head swims. He doesn't know how much more energy he can give to his father before he passes out. Not much, he thinks. Maybe not enough...

He feels himself waver, feels himself begin to tilt sideways. He tries to catch himself but his arm won't seem to move on command. He's going to collapse, and Han won't survive—
A hand lands on his shoulder, holding him up. He tries to lift his heavy head to look, but a familiar voice tells him, "Don't stop. It's almost done."

His mother is here.

Ben takes a breath. New strength is flowing into him. It is Leia Organa's strength, but this is more than any power she had held in life. She is one with the Force now and one with all the Jedi before her, and it is this singular strength that surges through him, renewing him as it flows through him and into Han.

Perhaps it is one of Ben's tears that wakes him, falling onto Han's weathered face and staying there a moment before the twitch of an eyelid disturbs it, sending it on its way down the curve of his bristly cheek.

For the first time in years, Ben looks down into his father's eyes.

For Han, it has been only moments.

The look they share lingers until Han speaks, his voice a dry but painless whisper. "Am I dead?"

Ben can only squeeze his eyes shut and hang his head in relief.

It must look like an expression of grief to Han, for he murmurs, "Hey, hey," and a hand grazes Ben's cheek, parting the hair that has fallen across it. "It's okay, kid... I don't blame you... I kinda knew you'd do it."

Ben can't speak to correct him. He tries, but his voice catches sharply as fresh tears spring to his eyes.

Leia clears her throat.

Han's eyes focus over Ben's shoulder and he struggles to get up. "Leia, what the hell? Why are you...? Are you on Starkiller Base?" There is worry in his tone, and a rising sense of haste. Everything about his posture, even half-prone on the ground, suggests that he wants to bundle his wife up and fly her to safety on the Falcon before he does anything else.

"Relax, Han." For all that she must be feeling, Leia keeps her voice calm, touched with just a hint of amusement. "Starkiller Base is gone. You helped destroy it two years ago."

It seems to calm him. Han's eyes flick from hers to Ben's and then to the surreal void around them. This he frowns at for a bit, then gives his head a sharp shake and refocuses on his family. He finishes the job of sitting up and Ben moves to help him with a hand across his back.

"I gotta say, this isn't what I expected death to be like."

"You're not dead, Han." Leia's voice is the sweetest thing Ben has ever heard, save a certain few moments with Rey. It must be even sweeter to Han's ears. "Trust me," she adds, "I'd know."

Han pulls his legs under him and climbs to his feet. Ben can feel the strength and stability returning to him and lets him do it by himself, rising after him and instinctively stepping aside to make way for Leia.

She walks smoothly into Han's arms.

"... I'm not sure I believe you on that, but I'll take whatever this is," Han says, and Ben sinks into a mire of quiet guilt as his parents embrace. He has to turn his head away, so he notice when they have parted until Leia touches his arm.

"As nice as this is, we'd better keep moving. Rey still needs you, Ben."

"What's this about Rey?" Han cuts in. "You haven't hurt her, have you, kid?" There isn't blame in the question—not exactly. It's something more like pity.

"Quite the opposite, moof-milker," Leia comes to Ben's rescue. "He was trapped here while trying to save her, and you and I are going to help him get out."

"Okay." Han sighs and runs a hand through his hair, visibly trying to put all this together. "Where is 'here', exactly?"

"A world between worlds," Ben muses, looking out into the darkness. Partly it is an attempt to avoid staring at the saber-singed hole in Han's clothes which he has just noticed is still there. "Or between times. I keep finding... doors. They show me moments from my past, or from Rey's past. I think if I keep going, I could find one back to where I'm supposed to be."

"Okay. Okay..." Han looks around, following the loops and curves of the path with his eyes, then staring for a while into the portal he came through, still open to the burning interior of Starkiller Base. "Okay," he says again, and gestures back down the path. It only travels in one direction from here. "Then let's get going."

Notes:

Yeah, this is happening.

Chapter 36: And When You Make Your Final Stand I'll Be Right There

Notes:

After more than two and a half years of (slowly... very slowly...) writing, here is the final chapter before the epilogue.

Chapter title from "Believe" by Savatage (one of the most Reylo songs there is if you ask me)

-

Ben and Leia start filling Han in on what he missed while they backtrack along the dead-ended path.

"Has it really been that long?"

"I'm afraid so," confirms Leia. She has her arm looped around his elbow as they walk. In this realm, with the exception of her immense display of power when she helped Ben heal him, there is nothing about her to indicate that she is not living flesh and blood. Han hasn't even been told about her death yet, and Ben quietly hopes Leia will address it soon so that he doesn't have to be the one to do it.

"I'm sorry," Ben mutters, not for the first time since they've been talking.

His father ignores the apology, but shoots him an appraising glance. "I thought you looked older. More wrinkles around the eyes." He throws a vague gesture at Ben's face. "A few gray hairs, I think."

"Thanks, Dad."

Despite Ben's sarcasm, Han looks genuinely touched. Of course, true to his nature, he makes light of it. "Aw, did you hear that, Leia? He called me Dad."

Leia's smile is indulgent. "Yes, he did, but don't tease him about it or he might not do it again."

"Alright, alright, I'll behave," says Han, and he winks at Ben, who can't quite believe this is the exact same Han Solo who just experienced his own near-death at his son’s hands. He seems to be taking it awfully well. 

When they reach the fork in the path, Ben directs them to the branch he has not yet tried, and onward they go.

Their storytelling doesn't stall until the next portal nears and the sounds from the other side become clearer. "I know that engine," says Han. It is an unnecessary comment, for they all know it.

Rey is sitting just on the other side of the portal when they come to it, her back to them and one of the Falcon's lesser-used cargo holds visible beyond her. The ship's hyperdrive fills the space with a constant, not-quite-steady hum, which is the sound they had recognized from a distance. A paper-paged and leather-bound book is braced on Rey's knee—one of Luke's precious Jedi texts. His heart in his throat, Ben leans against the frame of the portal, trying to get a better view of her face without sticking his nose through and giving her a heart attack. He wants to see how closely he can pinpoint her place in time based on what she looks like.

Her hair is up in the three-bun style of her childhood, but her attire is composed mostly of what he remembers her wearing when they fought side by side on the Supremacy. This portal, then, must lead to somewhere in the year between Snoke's death and Palpatine's return.

"Any progress?" It is Leia's gravelly voice, but it does not come from the Leia who stands beside him. She steps into view in the cargo hold a moment later, handing Rey a cup of something with steam rising from it. Ben smells tea.

"Hardly." There's a little growl under Rey's words. "I don't know why this section is so difficult. It's like this book is written in two completely different dialects."

"It probably is."

Rey sighs, her temper cooling quickly. "I hope Threepio knows this one."

"If not, Poe said he has a friend he wants you to meet."

"A friend?" She sounds doubtful.

"A scholar named Beaumont who claims to be well-versed in the histories of the Jedi and the Sith. Apparently he once helped Luke on one of his quests for Jedi relics."

"He sounds interesting," Rey concedes, but she resumes her own stubborn attempt at translation when Leia doesn't add anything else. The general leaves her to it.

Ben can see the writing on the pages from over her shoulder and to his astonishment, he knows it. It had not been in a book the last time he'd read it, however. It was on a datapad which Snoke had gifted him with. At some point it must have been copied from the original manuscript and ultimately digitalized for safe-keeping. That, though, is not what surprises him. What surprises him is that this particular text details several theories and anecdotes about spiritual possession.

Why, he wonders, is this place letting him see this particular moment out of all the many, many moments Rey must have spent translating those books? Are these portals or the power that manifests them trying to help him somehow, despite being part of the trap Sidious had set? Already it has given him back his father. If it is somehow on his side, why not just open up the way back to Naboo? 

Perhaps because there is more left for him to do before he leaves here.

Rey is still staring at the first line at the top of the page, frowning at her inability to understand, so Ben takes a daring risk. From his side of the portal, faltering a little at first, he begins to read aloud. "It is known… that those most attuned to the Force may retain an echo of their physical body after death, holding onto their memories and personality… whereas most mortal minds dissipate and become part of the Force, leaving little trace of who they used to be." He pauses to check on Rey. She is not looking at him. Her eyes are still locked on the page, but the lines of frustration have left her face, replaced by a look of wonder. She hears him, if perhaps only as a voice in her head.

While his parents wait quietly behind him, Ben keeps reading. "There are many recorded ways to communicate with those who remain themselves after death. Some spirits choose to connect with the living of their own accord. They may appear to an individual with the face they once had in life, sometimes as it looked near their time of death, but other times younger. It is commonly believed that this depends on what period of their mortal life the spirit identifies with most. These apparitions have often been described as being surrounded by a faint blue light..." Ben pauses to clear his throat and Rey waits for him, which leads him to wonder if she recognizes his voice. If so, she must think it is the Ben of her own time, Supreme Leader of the First Order, who has so kindly taken it upon himself to translate her book for her. No wonder she had held on to hope for so long, and no wonder she had been so furious when he, as her enemy, tried to act hard and unbending. It must have felt like a dreadful betrayal to her.

He almost wants to stop reading and just talk to her, but if she were then to reference this encounter when next she meets his younger self, it would only result in confusion and perhaps an argument. He loathes the thought of her losing whatever spark of hope she still carries for him. That hope, after all, is what had saved both of their lives.

He swallows and keeps reading. "More subtle encounters with the dead are likely far more common, though harder to distinguish from coincidental happenings." This part, as he remembers it, goes on for a while with interesting but not very useful anecdotes. He makes an exception to his rule of no chit-chat and says, a bit stiffly, "Turn the page, please."

Rey does.

Skimming down, he finds what he is looking for. "A few rare accounts describe another means of communication, not as obvious as the appearance of blue-lit ghosts nor as questionable as finding a long-lost object on one's dining table. Some spirits, often those who lean toward the Shadow or those who are desperate, may choose to take control of a living person's body, rendering the owner of the body a helpless passenger. These possessions have been recorded to last anywhere from the few seconds it takes to deliver a message to the entirety of the host's remaining lifespan. An especially powerful individual may even initiate this form of possession while still alive, leaving behind their own body in favor of another, usually for the purpose of achieving something akin to immortality. At the time of this writing, only two cases are known in which the victim of such a possession was able to break free. One of these cases resulted in the death of the host along with the banishment of the spirit. In the second case, it was found that the living soul of the host had been separated from their body and contained in the Aethica, The Place Between. The host regained control of their own body after a loyal companion found them in the Aethica and released them."

Ben stops there. This is what he had wanted to find—what he’d thought he remembered from the last time he read this text, years ago. When Rey waits patiently for him to continue, he chokes out, "That's enough. I have to go."

As he forces himself to walk away from this precious portal, he can hear Rey's voice whisper from the other side, "Goodbye, Ben."

It is all he can do not to answer.

Keeping pace a step behind and to his right, Han claps a conciliatory hand on his shoulder.

At his other side, Leia says, "You think she's here, then." 

It's a statement, not a question, but Ben replies anyway. "I've heard the name Aethica before. That's this place. She must be here."

"Then we'll find her," Han assures him, all bluster and confidence. "Just follow your instincts, Son."

They pass more portals, closer together now, likely because they open not only to Ben's past and to Rey's, but also to Han's and Leia's. Ben glimpses his mother as a child hugging a bearded man whose face he knows from holo recordings. It is Obi-wan Kenobi, his grandfather's Jedi mentor. Next, he sees Han and Chewbacca fighting in a pit of mud and he remembers the story of how they met. 

He stops for a moment when he hears Rey again, but this is an even younger version of her than the one he had seen and helped in the first portal. She is whining about something in the manner of a child, and when she comes into view, she is clinging to the pant-leg of a man with ashy brown hair and shadows under his eyes. Nearer to the portal reclines an equally tired-looking woman. Her features are difficult to make out in the shade of the ramshackle hut which shelters these three, but she holds a bottle of cheap whiskey in her hand. She takes a sip from it while the man tries gently to fend the girl off. 

"I know, Rey, I know. I'm sorry. I told you yesterday we were having the last of our food for dinner, remember? We'll get more. You just have to let Daddy go sell the water from the vaporators, alright, Sweetheart? Mommy's looking after you today."

"But I'm hungry," argues little Rey, "and I'm bored."

"Didn't your mother reprogram that starfighter game for you? Why don't you go play that?"

"It's too haaaard." The last word is drawn out in the most petulant whine Ben has ever heard. Under better circumstances, it might have made him smile.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. You're very smart, you know." The man—Rey's father—gives her a little pat on the shoulder. 

Hanging her head and scuffing one foot on the sandy ground in surrender, Rey grumbles "Fiiiine," and proceeds to shuffle despondently out of sight.

"... We can't keep going like this, Mira," her father says, very quietly, once Rey is out of earshot.

The woman stares dully at him from over her bottle. "We can't go anywhere else or they'll find us. You're the one who keeps saying that." Then she takes a breath and forces her weary expression to brighten. "It will get better, Dathan. We can make it work here. I know we can. Now hurry up and go sell that water."

Ben doesn't see the rest, if there is anything else to see. Leia reads her son's mood and pulls him away from the pitiful sight before he can do something rash. He goes willingly, but his steps are stiff and his jaw is stiffer.

They pass more of the light-rimmed portals, but Ben keeps his eyes forward from then on, even when he hears Rey's voice again. After witnessing that last scene, he feels dangerously fragile. He needs to find the real Rey—his Rey—before hope gives out. He has never been good at holding onto hope.

Eventually the portals seem to thin out. Then, for a long while, there are none at all. Instead, more of the starlit paths swoop in from the void to converge with theirs, but unlike at the first crossroad he came to, Ben has no doubts about which way to go. 

His confidence, if it can be called that, lasts until the final path joins theirs, no others visible in the blackness around them, and this now singular road cuts off sharply at another dead end.

Rey is still, somehow, somewhere ahead. He is certain of that much. There is nothing for him if he turns back. With one quick glance at his parents for reassurance, he extends a foot tentatively over the end of the road and searches for solid ground. His boot sinks into empty space until he must pull it back or fall.

Leia's hand finds his and squeezes so tightly that he thinks she must fear he will choose the latter.

"I don't know where to go," he confesses, and his voice warns of the tears that want to fall. He cannot afford to succumb to despair, but it would be so, so easy…

"We'll figure it out," says Han, failing to hide his doubt, but Leia's grip has loosened and when Ben looks at her again, her head is turned to watch the path from whence they came.

A moment later, someone speaks. "The Prime Jedi was the first mortal to use the Force. They were not Jedi, though. That's only how the Jedi who came later thought of them." The voice is familiar to all three and welcome even by Ben, for he has nowhere else left to turn. The speaker's form takes shape slowly, a silhouette at first, outlined in blue, but the blue ghost-light fades away to nothing as the figure's features clarify.

Luke Skywalker keeps talking. 

"They used all parts of the Force, Dark and Light and in between, but they did not let it control them. The Prime Jedi unlocked the ability in others, in all different species, and these first Force users passed down that power across thousands of generations until their bloodlines ran throughout the galaxy... but that's not important." Here he has the nerve to flash a half-smile at Ben. "When the Prime Jedi died, their single soul was divided into two. I don't know why, or if it happened with or against their will, but instead of becoming one with the universal Force, this soul was reborn into two new mortals. That, Nephew, was the first Dyad bond, and each Dyad to follow was the result of these two halves of a single soul reincarnating. That's what you are, Ben. You are one half of the Prime Jedi, and Rey is the other half. You can go to her no matter where she is. Nothing can ever stop you. Not space. Not time. Not the Emperor. Just believe in yourself and in her.”

"... You know, Luke," says Han, "If I wasn't standing in the middle of nothing surrounded by glowing doorways that apparently lead to different points in time, following around my son who tried to stab me to death a little while ago, I'd probably not believe a word of what you just said." He lets the rest of them all look his way expectantly for a few seconds before he finishes the statement. "But seeing as all the rest of that is happening... Sure. My kid was the first ever Jedi in a past life. I’ll buy it."

Ben stares at his father. Leia shakes her head in fond exasperation. Luke smiles and says simply, "I missed you, Han."

While the two old friends share a long overdue moment, Leia looks past them to catch Ben's eye. "Go," she mouths, and he nods once.

This time, when Ben steps off the path, his boots connect with something firm. He looks quickly back over his shoulder, but his parents and uncle are no longer there. Not even the path he has just stepped off of is visible anymore. His heart seizes for the split-second it takes before his senses tell him that it is not the path nor the people on it who have been transported to somewhere new. It is him.

He hears a small sound, an exhaled breath with a tiny whimper on the end of it, and he looks ahead again. Where before there had been only more void, now, huddled alone in the dark with her face buried in her arms, there is Rey.

Ben runs to her, though even as he does, he wonders if it is the wrong thing to do. Should he warn her of his presence first, or worry about alerting Sidious to an attempted rescue? It doesn't matter now, because he is already falling to his knees beside her, and she is lifting her head to see him and throwing herself into his arms with a gasp and a sob. For a while, all they can do is hold each other. 

Rey is the one who breaks the embrace. "How are you here?" Her voice is thick from crying. Her hands shake where they grip his arms, having pushed him away just enough to look into his eyes.

"Sidious.” Longer explanations can wait. "But I can get you out. Come with me."

Her fingers slide down his arms, finding his waiting hands without breaking contact even for a moment. He holds on and stands, bringing her with him. Once on her feet, Rey glances over her shoulder and her expression darkens again. "We have to hurry. Finn's in trouble."

Ben follows her gaze, but to his eyes there is only more darkness. "Can you see him?"

Rey nods, jaw set.

"Then let's go."

There is no indication of an exit from this gloomy corner of the void, so Ben retraces his steps to the best of his memory, both of Rey's hands  still held firmly in his. His heart feels huge and cottony in his chest. He has her back and he is ready to fight the whole galaxy if that’s what it takes to keep her.

Between one step and the next, the starlined path appears before him, as do Han, Leia, and Luke, waiting together with hopeful eyes. Ben beams, his cheeks hurting from the expression he so rarely wears. Rey's hands are warm...

And then, in the passing of another instant, they're not. Her hands are not there at all.

He whirls around, reaching for where he expects her to be, but she’s gone. He has crossed the threshold from her prison to the path, but she, for all appearances, has not.

"No..." An ice-cold touch of fear crawls down his spine. He moves then with singular purpose, meaning to lunge back off the edge of the path, back to where Rey had been, but Luke catches him by the shoulder and hauls him backward with surprising strength.

"Ben." His uncle's tone is firm yet gentle, that patiently superior teacher voice which had always infuriated him. "Pay attention to your senses. Is Rey still there?"

It's a hard thing, but Ben manages a shaky exhale and relaxes himself enough to focus and to do as he’s told. "... No." This realization only serves to bring him closer to despair. Here at the end of this unlikely, otherwordly journey, he has found her only to lose her again. His knees go weak. He searches the faces of his family, looking for a reason not to give into that weakness and let himself collapse where he stands.

He finds it in the way their eyes all move in unison to something behind him, and then in the way the light cast on their faces brightens and changes as if coming from a new source. Ben turns in time to see a portal finish taking shape in the formerly empty space at the end of the path. The intricate white border reaches its brightest as he watches, and then the darkness at its center parts like a heavy curtain to reveal the ruins at the edge of the meadow on Naboo.

Ben takes one step forward, then stops. Tears of relief are painting stripes of wetness down his face and a childish part of him wants to wipe them away before he looks back at his family, but he ignores that urge. They've all seen him weep before.

"Come with me." It is a plea for the impossible, but he pleads anyway. Yes, Han is alive. He had never, in the end, died at all. He had only been moved through time. Han can leave this place with Ben and remain whole. But Luke and Leia...

"We'll try." His mother's eyes glisten with her own tears. She is holding Luke's hand in one of hers and gripping Han's arm with the other. "Now hurry up, Ben. And whatever happens, we all love you."

Shoring up his crumbling edges with those words, that long-denied truth, Ben sets all his doubts and hesitations aside. With his family at his back, he steps out through the portal to confront the Dark Lord one more time.

-

Either Finn and his little team have faired astoundingly well at keeping Sidious busy, or time has passed more slowly out here than it has inside the void. Ben's bet is on the latter, given the time-bending nature of the place.

Finn is being helped back to the ship, silhouetted in the pre-dawn light. He is nearly there when Ben emerges. The rest of the former Stormtroopers have stepped into formation and are providing cover fire. That worries Ben. Will these soldiers take as much care not to land a fatal blow? He knows most of them, but they don't know Rey, and perhaps they care more about protecting their own than they do about saving a possessed Jedi who is trying to kill them. Naturally, Sidious is blocking every shot with the Force, but even he might make a mistake if this goes on for too long.

This worry is overshadowed by worse when, only a moment after he has evaluated the situation, the nearest gun on the ship moves, swinging steadily around to aim at Rey. Would Poe really...?

Ben does not give his own thought time to finish itself. Half by instinct, he snatches Rey up with the Force, apparently catching Sidious by surprise, and throws her far to the side. Almost at the same time, someone—or perhaps multiple someones—grabs him by the back of the shirt and shoves him in the other direction. Then the ship fires and the stone arch which had housed the portal explodes into a thousand smoldering shards.

Ben's ears are ringing.

He has landed on his hands and knees, scraping his palms bloody on the rough stone of the foundations semi-buried in the dirt. 

Coughing on the dust kicked up by the laser canon, he shakes his hair out of his eyes and cranes his neck around to see behind him, desperate to identify the owners of the arms which have shielded him.

Luke is the first to stand up. Han is sitting on the ground holding Leia, who in turn is checking on a cut across Han's cheek, likely where shrapnel had struck him. They are all alive and, for the most part, whole, and that is all Ben needs to know before he makes his next move.

With the dust and smoke beginning to clear, he turns his stare to the far end of the battlefield. As he climbs to his feet, Rey is doing the same, moving in perfect tandem with him. Despite this synchronicity, Sidious is still in control. Ben can see that by the cruelty on Rey's stolen face. Yet there is something else different about her now, something...

It's her eyes, he realizes. One still glows with that unnatural golden light, but the other... the other is a plain, ordinary, beautiful hazel. 

Even as he notices this, the look on Rey's face changes. Confident cruelty crumbles away to confusion, to rage, and to fear. Those mismatched eyes unfocus, the Sith's attention turning inward, and Ben risks a step closer, and another, and another. Rey's lips pull back, bearing her teeth in a rictus of fury. She's fighting him, Ben knows. She's fighting a battle in her own mind, and Sidious is fighting back.

"Rey!" Ben cries her name and can think of nothing else to say. Nothing else matters. He just needs her to know that he is here.

It is Sidious who looks at him sharply with that bicolored gaze, Sidious who disengages from his struggle with Rey long enough to throw up a hand and let loose a blast of purple-hued lightning.

It is too sudden. Ben can't do anything but take the hit and try to absorb it. Try, at least, to stay conscious as pain sears through him and his muscles go stiff against his control. So that’s what he does. He tries. Agony locks him in a silent scream and he keeps trying. He hardens his mind against the onslaught. He falls back on the things he learned from Snoke, on how to fight through the worst of tortures. He tries even as pain turns to numbness and his vision goes mottled and dark. The last thought in his head is the need to keep trying… to keep fighting… for Rey.

 

-< >-

 

She fights.

She fights with everything she has. Like a feral beast, she fights.

She had walked out of her prison holding Ben's hands and somehow ended up right back where she was before, or so it had seemed at first. Then, watching through her own captive eyes, she had seen Ben come out of the stone archway and oh, how she had yearned, how she had needed to go to him. She had pushed and pulled and finally, for the first time, she had felt the other entity inside her give way. At last, she could fight him. Whatever Ben had done, it had broken the chains that held her and now she is in a tug-of-war for control over her own body. It is a contest which she is determined to win.

Ben calls her name and his voice is an elixir. It is hope embodied in sound. How could she ever have left him for so long? How could even Palpatine have convinced her that it was the right thing to do? She will win this fight just so that she can keep hearing that voice say her name.

Palpatine reacts to the call as well. Rey doesn't know what he's about to do, and then he does it and it’s too late to stop him. She screams as the Force-lightning flies from her fingers. She tries to wrench back control of her arm, but the Sith Lord is making one last stand and this is it. Deadly energy pours out of her, too much and too fast, painting a stripe of charred grass across the battlefield, blackening the ground between her and her other half. She can feel what it is doing to him. That is the worst part. She has felt Ben Solo die once before and she can feel her own power scorching the life out of him now.

No.

This will not happen. 

The thing that surges up in Rey, her last resort, is not the Light Side of the Force. If it is part of the Dark Side, though, she does not recognize it. The power she directs at the former Emperor is nothing more nor less than her will, distilled into its purest form. She could change the universe with this power, and for just a moment, she sees it all. She could make a new galaxy, everything determined by her own desires, her morals, her beliefs. She could scour all the bad away like the sandstorm goddess Rii'a reshaping the face of the Jakku desert. She could do this. With the infinite untapped power in her hands, she could make it all happen right now, right in this very instant. She could recreate reality.

Instead she channels that power, narrows it, molds it into a single blade-sharp point... and it is this which she drives through the nonexistent heart of her grandfather. It is this which takes everything he is and strikes it from the universe. Not even the eternal Force will reclaim him now, for there is nothing to reclaim.

In the end, Rey stands alone in her mind and body, save for the weak flicker of one welcome presence.

"Ben!"

He is lying in a limp sprawl on the charred ground, with Luke and Leia both bent over him and... Han? It can't be Han, but it is. Han is standing close by, arms crossed and a deeply concerned frown on his face.

"Rey, help us," Leia snaps at her, pragmatic as ever, and Rey runs to them, runs to Ben, pushing lifeforce into him even before she is touching him.

Slowly... steadily... the raw burns snaking over his skin begin to fade.

Luke and Leia help, but the power they provide is a pittance compared to what Rey can give. His life is hers, and hers is his. Death will not touch him again. 

Dawn is finally breaking over the Naboo meadow when Ben opens his eyes. Seeing Rey above him, he smiles, and so does she. Then the tears come and she is letting herself drop to his chest, her forehead under his chin. His arms move, lifting weakly to wrap around her and to hold her close, which only makes her sob harder.

She did this. It may have been Palpatine's will, but it was her power. A power he only had access to because she hadn't been paying attention, hadn't trusted Ben when he tried to warn her. She had hurt Finn and she had almost killed Ben. He had nearly died again in agony and it was all her fault.

Ben, her Ben, always trying to be strong, sits himself up with a groan. She lets him pull her into his lap, cradle her to his chest with his head tucked over her shoulder. Stars, it feels good to be held like this, better than anything, and she knows she doesn't deserve it. 

"Shush. Stop that." He speaks hoarsely, his voice broken from screaming in pain, but all she hears there now is fondness. "Stop blaming yourself." Coming from him, that advice is almost funny.

Sniffling, she manages to put words to her guilt, if only simple ones. "But I hurt you..."

"No." His rebuttal comes fast and firm. "No. You saved me." His hand touches the side of her head, stroking her hair, both for her comfort and his own. "You always save me."

It's enough. For the moment, at least, it's enough. It will haunt her again later, but for now, she accepts her guilt and sets it aside.

As Ben holds Rey, her face pressed, tear-soaked, against his chest, Han clumsily breaks the silence. "I sure did miss some things, huh."

Curiosity winning over, just barely, Rey turns her head to see the others who stand around them. The presence of Luke and Leia is not so unusual, their ghosts having appeared to her often enough, but... "Am I seeing things?"

It's a silly question. More than just her eyes inform her that Han is here and alive, but she can't help asking anyway. She can't work out how he could be here. She had watched him die, and he was no Force user to linger the way Luke and Leia have.

Han, the scoundrel, gives her a cheeky wave, to which Leia rolls her eyes and says, "Your boyfriend saved more than just you, Rey."

Rey looks to each of them, trying to convince herself of the truth in front of her. It should be impossible... but then, after everything she's just seen and done, she knows that nothing is impossible.

Smiling wetly, she manages through a pinched throat to say, "Welcome back."

Leia looks up at her husband with warm, happy eyes, then at her twin brother who stands at her other side, all of them alive, solid, and real. Finally her gaze returns to where Rey and Ben still cling to each other on the ground. "Thank you, dear. We could say the same to you."

Notes:

I said to myself "yeah, sure, bringing too many people back to life is generally considered a bad idea in writing fiction because it minimizes the impact of death, but there are exceptions to every rule, right? In this case, TROS was too sad, so I should be allowed to make this too happy!"

And then I resurrected the whole OT trio.

Chapter 37: Epilogue

Notes:

TW: Pregnancy - near the end, can be skipped if you stop reading at the line "The question comes up after a day spent working and playing with the kids" and scroll past two of the section dividers ( - ) to the section that starts with "It is in this way that the years go on, flying by like the clouds in the Ahch-To sky."

Also, I apologize for the name of the first kid, but I was raised by hippies and sometimes I can't help it.

No song-lyric title for the epilogue but I did listen several times to "Morning Is Made" by Hush Kids.

-

Ben is beautiful when he sleeps. It is one of those few times when he looks completely at ease. Morning sunlight from their apartment window falls in a vibrant patch over part of his face, blurring lines and giving a dream-like quality to his visage. Chandrila's sun is not so oppressive as Jakku's, but still it's a wonder it hasn't woken him.

Rey lifts herself up on her palms to lean over him, letting the silky sheet slide off her bare shoulders—and how novel it is to sleep every night in as much or as little clothing as she likes, where for most of her life she would go to bed dressed, never knowing when she might have to leap into action.

She doesn't touch him, only props herself above him to admire the sight, but he must sense her thoughts or simply feel the shift of her weight on their plush bed, for his eyelids flutter open as she watches. 

He doesn't say anything when his eyes find hers. He merely gives her a soft smile and stays where he is. Rey lets herself be lost in his gaze for a few seconds, but only that, for she has other ideas about how to spend their morning.

Bending down to graze her lips over his is enough to incite him to lift his hands and hold her gently around the waist. Kissing and sucking at his jaw gets him to close his eyes again and tilt his head up, offering himself to her.

Downward she quests, her mouth wet on his throat, his shoulder, his collarbone... The hand that is not currently holding her up ventures farther, following the hard planes of his abdomen to check on the status of what lies beyond. Finding things just about to her liking, she pulls back a bit and slides one bare leg over his hips to straddle him. She, for her part, has woken up more than ready, fresh from the blissful embrace of a dream about this very activity. She can't always be sure, but she wonders if he shared that dream.

Ben's gaze, at first hazy from sleep, sharpens. "Rey?"

She smiles at him, playing at... well, not innocence, quite, but playing as if she doesn't know what he is asking. "Hmm?"

His eyes dart down and then back up. "Now?"

Rey keeps the sweet smile fixed. "Do you not want to?"

Ben's eyes widen as if she has spoken a threat. "Please... keep going."

Rey’s smile turns sly as she reaches beneath herself and guides him into place. Her eyes stay locked with his, watching his every twitch of emotion and sensation as she sinks down onto him. As nice as orgasms are, sometimes the beginning is her favorite part. She loves the anticipation of it. She loves the way her body yearns for him, muscles flexing, aching to be filled. She loves the satisfaction at that first lip-bitingly blissful press, the almost-painful stretch when he enters her. It makes sense, she supposes, that what she enjoys most out of all the pleasures of sex is the sweet relief at the end of waiting.

It is not entirely her intent to tease him, then, when she hovers with only the swollen tip of his cock inside her. She is simply savoring that perfect moment, but while teasing is not why she does it, neither is she oblivious to the effect it has on him. Beneath her, Ben is straining to hold still, his hands still gentle on her hips, yet the muscles in them tight, wanting very much to grab her and pull her down. He holds this animal urge at bay and only watches, reading her expression as much as her mind, waiting for his cue.

When she's had enough of taking it slow, she gives her hips an eager little wiggle and sends him a mental image of what she wants. With a throaty growl, his fingers tighten around her and bear her down, unrelenting, her slick inner walls giving just the right amount of resistance as he fills her to the brim. They fit so perfectly together, as they do in every way, and always have.

Rey lets out muffled little mewls as he bounces her atop him, taking the control she's given up—for now. It is a back-and-forth game between them, more often than not.

"Wasn't the plan to... do this after the ceremony?" His question is broken by a ragged breath as neither of them slow down to make conversing easier.

Rey bears her teeth in a feral grin. "We can do it again then." 

In answer, Ben pulls her tight against his chest and rolls them both over on the wide, sunlit bed, eliciting a giggle which ends in a gasp as he pins her down and starts plowing into her. Rey throws her legs around his narrow hips and digs her fingers into the bedsheet, whining in delight when his mouth finds and latches onto her neck. She half-hopes he'll leave a mark there for everyone to see.

His thrusts are long and deep, not fast, but firm, pressing into her as far as he can go and holding there a moment before he pulls back and does it again. It is luxurious, every part of it. The bed is soft under her and Ben is heavy and hard above her and she could do this all day.

It is almost a shame they have other plans and places to be.

When he finishes, it is with the worshipful chanting of her name, "Rey, Rey, Rey..." followed by a moan of blissful abandon. Fighting against the resulting torpor, he slides himself down the length of her, hands painting lines of sensation from her ribs to her hips to her thighs. Soon his tongue is between her legs, breath hot on her already heated flesh, and he slurps up the mess he's just made in the most obscene and ecstatic manner.

Rey is a quivering, panting wreck in moments and Ben doesn't stop until she's gone absolutely boneless on top of the tangled bedcovers.

"Hey."

She pries her eyelids open to find him looking down at her, all flushed and disheveled and perfect. She gives him another smile. "Hey."

"Don't go back to asleep."

Rey lets her eyes close again as if she means to do just that, but she can't get rid of the smile on her face.

Ben nuzzles her collarbone with his big nose. "If we stay up here too long, my mother might try to bring us breakfast in bed."

Rey answers with an exaggerated groan of irritation and stays right where she is.

"Or worse..." Ben continues, "she'll make Han do it."

That gets Rey to open her eyes and keep them open. "Ugh, why are you thinking about your parents right now?" 

It’s Ben's turn to smile. "I'm just stating facts. You know how they are."

Rey's arm moves, her hand questing around above her head until her fingers find what she's looking for and latch on. She promptly beats Ben over the head with a pillow, earning the rare jewel of his laughter.

Eventually, the two of them do get dressed and make it downstairs for breakfast. Through most of it, they even manage to ignore Leia's knowing look.

-

Needing some time and a peaceful place to figure themselves out, they had followed Leia and Han to Chandrila where Leia, through her connections, was able to set all four of them up in a spacious apartment. Ben had been shy about the prospect at first, but living with his parents has proved surprisingly pleasant. It helps to give their days structure. They eat most of their meals together and Han and Leia get them out to see the sights far more often than Ben and Rey would likely have done on their own.

It is not a permanent arrangement—all of them know that—but it is nice while it lasts.

The wedding is Leia's idea, or at least she is the first one to suggest it out loud, as well as the one who finds a tailor for the wedding attire and who points out an ideal location. Hanna City has more than one public garden, but there is a particular one on the city's outskirts which Rey has been enamored with since the first time they all visited it together, shortly after settling in. The view of the lightly wooded meadow bordering that side of the city is as charming as the landscaping in the garden itself.

They go to great lengths not to make it a galactic event. At another time, according to Leia, it might have been politic to marry the last Jedi to the former Supreme Leader in front of the whole galaxy as a symbol of peace, but as far as things have already come since the fall of the First Order, such a gesture simply isn't needed. Ben and Rey are happy to hear her say so, as they much prefer to keep their privacy.

They invite Finn, of course, as well as several of the rehabilitated Stormtroopers. Rose Tico comes, and so does Poe, though Ben grumbles and sighs when Rey insists on the latter.

Chewbacca is a given, and it isn't the first time he has visited the four of them on Chandrila. Naturally, Han had reached out to him as soon as possible, and subsequently had the air squeezed out of his lungs for several minutes. When it was suggested that Chewie try not to hug Han back into the grave, he had turned his affection on Ben instead, howling Shyriiwook thank-yous which Ben, in his way, kept arguing that he didn't deserve.

The memory of the reunion still makes Rey a little teary-eyed.

Lando Calrissian also attends the wedding, and it is from him that Rey eagerly gathers the latest news from the Droid Liberation Movement. Lando and Maz Kanata have stepped up together as spokespeople for droid rights. Progress has been slow and bumpy, but there is progress. The other surviving Chaser cyborgs have joined the cause, among other things. Lando extends an apology from Chaser Zero and L3-37 for their absence, but he has brought along Rey's friend B1-66, who requests permission to record a holo of the wedding.

Luke makes time out of his wandering to attend, and brings with him a small group of strangers. Two are ancient-looking women, an orange Togruta and a dark-skinned human with her gray hair in long braids. Three others are of indeterminate middle ages, two humans—a man and a woman—and one human-Twylek hybrid with shockingly green hair. Finally there is a boy... or Rey at least thinks he is a boy. It's hard to say, given how small his species is. He acts and speaks in a child-like manner, but his presence in the Force is impressive. 

With the exception of the younger human woman, Luke's guests are all Force users, and Luke explains that instead of trying to resume his failed role as school teacher, he has been seeking out and consulting other experienced Force-sensitives. Their intent is to preserve what they can of the Jedi ways while deciding as a group what parts of the old traditions ought to be left in the past. He admits, not for the first time, that his greatest regret is clinging too hard to a failed Order only to fail in the same way as those before him did.

He introduces his party as Ahsoka and Reva Tano, Ezra Bridger, Sabine Wren-Bridger, Jacen Syndulla, and Grogu, all former Jedi or Jedi-trained, except for Sabine who is Ezra's wife and simply along for the ride. Rey welcomes them gladly, thrilled to meet others who share her rare ability. Ben is more hesitant, wary about how his past mistakes might influence the judgment of strangers. Either sensing the reason behind his hesitance or having been filled in by Luke in advance, the elder woman with the braided hair hobbles right up to Ben as soon as introductions are finished and tells him to accompany her on a walk around the garden. They take a long time to make one small circuit, as the woman is very old, and there must be a good, productive conversation to fill that time, for Ben comes back looking infinitely more relaxed.

When Rey asks him about it later, he explains simply that Reva was once like him.

Leia, as a princess and a general, officiates the wedding, which proves to be more of a challenge for her than she had probably expected, as she starts weeping in the middle of it. Still, the vows are made and sealed with a kiss, and then another one just for good measure. Cheers, whistles, and clapping surround the couple, and then Han springs his surprise and brings out an aging Pa'lowick singer who he introduces as Sy Snootles, an old acquaintance from his smuggler days. She congratulates the newlyweds and starts in on a love song, at which point Lando shoves Ben and Rey together and demands they share a dance. It's a good thing that Ben owns nothing but sturdy boots, Rey thinks, for she treads over his toes quite a few times during the next two or three minutes.

As the party carries on, Rey spots Finn showing off his new robotic hand to Luke and asking for tips. She sees Leia talking to Reva and then hugging the older woman. Chewbacca seems to have adopted little Grogu for the day, for he has been carrying the child around on his broad, hairy shoulders ever since the ceremony. 

She sees Lando and Han share a quiet toast, but she can't make out the words they say. Then, during one of her frequent excursions to the snack table, she notices with alarm that Poe has singled Ben out from the crowd. With her snacks cupped securely in her hands, she starts making her way back. It's too late to stop the encounter before it happens, but she can at least get there in time to mediate.

To the surprise of perhaps everyone near enough to witness the scene, she doesn't have to.

Poe stands facing Ben, shoulders squared and chin up. "Solo."

Ben has the look of a cornered wild animal. "Dameron..."

"You look good." When Ben doesn't answer, Poe relaxes his stance a little. "Hey, don't worry. I'm not gonna punch you this time. I wanted to say I'm happy for you."

"Oh."

Rey almost gasps and Ben definitely flinches when Poe swings a hand up to clap him on the shoulder. "Anyway, be good. Treat Rey right. I know you do, but..."

To this, Ben drops his gaze, putting on that expression he so often wears when he's feeling remorseful. "I know."

"Yeah." An awkward silence follows until Poe walks away... but as Rey watches him go, she notices Finn standing off to the side, grinning at Poe and giving him two thumbs up. Finn, she concludes, must have put Poe up to this, or at least encouraged him. She makes a mental note to thank him later.

Not long after this, as the sun hangs low and heavy over the Chandrila horizon, Ben and Rey prepare to make their exit. This entails saying farewell and accepting well-wishes from almost every guest, which Rey delights in and Ben endures stoically. 

"You look beautiful," several people tell her, and Rey can't help but preen and brag.

"Thanks. Ben did the braids."

Chewbacca, when his turn comes, snatches Ben right up off the ground and roars congratulations.

Ben squirms indignantly, cheeks going red, and fusses about his suit being ruined, which Rey hadn't even realized he cared about. Then again, it had been a gift from his mother. Chewie relents, and instead looms over Ben and grooms his hair while Rey fields the last few goodbyes.

At long, long last, they board their rented skycar and leave the festivities behind, returning home for their own private celebration.

 

-< >-

 

Some days are harder than others, and Ben is not the only one of them now who suffers periods of guilt and self-doubt over harm done in the past. On the worst of these days, Rey flinches away from his touch, too appalled by the hurt her own hands have inflicted on him. 

He would never have wished such a burden on her, but at least he has the experience to help her cope with it.

More often it is Ben who still succumbs to bouts of sadness and self-loathing. Sometimes, because he cannot help himself, he wonders if he has done right by his family. Was it worth it to bring them back into the trials of mortality just to rid himself of guilt? Leia and Luke had seemed content enough as spirits. Had it been an act of selfishness to ask them to follow him through that final portal? His parents and uncle are not young. How much longer do they have? A couple decades of old age? Twenty years, give or take, of aching joints and failing bodies? A dark side of him—a hopeless, bitter side who still resents the galaxy and its daily cruelties—wonders what the point of it all was.

But it is worth it. Any amount of time is worth it. Life is worth it, no matter how long or short that life is. Sometimes he just finds it difficult to remember that.

It is Leia, ever resourceful, who comes up with a way to help when love and support aren’t enough.

"Luke would give you some lecture about the Force and your place in it and so on, but I like to be a little more practical." With this, she gives him a bottle of pills, simple pharmaceutical anti-depressants, and they make a world of difference.

-

They spend a long time on Chandrila. Longer than they had meant to when they first settled there. It's just so nice, playing house with Ben's beloved and loving parents, making a home of Hanna City as if they were ordinary people, as unremarkable as any of their neighbors, rather than a sort-of-Jedi, a former tyrant, a princess of a lost planet, and a famous pilot. Rey even takes up a job at a nearby repair shop which she enjoys quite a bit, supplementing their funds so that they’re not relying entirely on charity from Leia's connections.

For two and a half blissful years, they make this their life. There are, of course, a few adventures to break the pleasant monotony. Rey leaves twice to continue aiding the Droid Liberation Movement and Ben goes with her. Later, Ben visits the Stormtrooper rehabilitation facility and introduces Rey to his friends there, for some of them are friends, even if he refused at first to admit that. Each time, though, they come back home in relatively short order. 

It is a visit from Luke which heralds the end of this extended honeymoon. It's not the first time he has come around since the wedding, but this time he comes with a faraway look in his eyes and news from his Force-using compatriots. "We're building a school. We know that the Jedi made mistakes, but there will always be new Force-users in the galaxy, and that power is dangerous if there is no one to teach them how to use it. We're starting something new... and we want the two of you to help us."

When Luke tells them the location of the school, Ben knows they must go. It is to his immense relief that Leia and Han agree to wait until construction of the school is complete and then to follow them there. It would have been an agony to leave them behind for good after the time they've spent together in Hanna City.

Ownership of the Millennium Falcon has been a topic left undiscussed while Han, Ben, and Rey are all living together. Only now, when the latter two are planning to go to Ahch-To ahead of Han and Leia, does the question give anyone pause.

"Well, of course you'll take her." Han puts a quick end to the awkward 'but's and 'what if's. "How many times have I flown her since we've been here?" The answer, everyone knows, is almost never.

So Ben and Rey take the Falcon.

Flying in over the global ocean of Ahch-To brings back all the memories from those precious first few days that followed Ben's resurrection. They might have stayed here indefinitely had the Resistance not called for aid. Now it seems fate has brought them back.

The complex is unfinished, but it is clear to Ben that it will someday look just like it did in his vision. The Lanai caretakers have been recruited to assist in the construction, which is sensible, as they know the local resources best. 

Their arrival is met with utmost warmth by Luke and his cabal of fellow Force-users. Even with construction still underway, the first few students are already present, and not all of them have come alone. Two of the youngest are accompanied by family, a father in one case and an elder sister in the other. That is the first change made to the New Jedi Order. Familial attachment is accepted and welcome.

Ben still remembers how Luke had tried to push him away when he was a student, insisting on being called 'Master' instead of 'Uncle'. He wishes dearly that Luke had known better then, but it is a relief to see it happening now. 

Some of those students who do not have family with them are instead being sent an allowance of credits from their relatives to help pay their keep, though the school has no official tuition. Donations are encouraged, but only from those who have the money or resources to spare. The hope is that eventually they will be completely self-sufficient.

Another integral change from the old ways is the approach to understanding the Dark Side. The Jedi Order, before its fall, had dealt with this by avoiding it entirely, teaching their padawans that if one were to fall, there was no coming back from it. For all that they had preached about how fear could lead to that living hell, they had done quite a lot to instill fear in each other.

The new Order will not make the same mistake. This is the primary reason why Ben's presence has been requested. Between him and old Reva, the next generation of Force users will be taught a different lesson.

Bit by bit, one day at a time, Rey and Ben fall into the routines that will shape the next few decades of their life together.

And still, this is not the end of their adventuring. It only establishes a home for them to return to. Ben might have been content to stay in this far-away corner of space, safe from the judgment of society beyond their little island school, but Rey, who had spent her youth in isolation, longs for the wider galaxy. The first trip takes them back to Chandrila to bring Han and Leia to their new home, once construction is finished enough to offer comfortable lodging, but this is only one of many more journeys over the years. They are and always have been people of action.

-

The question comes up after a day spent working and playing with the kids, sparring lessons and meditation, walks by the sea to watch the porgs. The day before, they had taken some of the students on a visit to Luke's island to see the old village and the burned-out tree where the Jedi texts were once stored.

Now they are getting ready for bed, feet sore and bodies heavy, yet Ben can sense the subtle tension in his wife where there should be only contented sleepiness. She has something on her mind.

She waits until she is snuggled next to him under the bedcovers before she puts voice to it.

"Ben... I know you don't have a great history with your parents. Neither of us did. I understand if you never want to have any children of our own..."

Ben has to back his tired brain up over the sentence to sort out its meaning before he responds. "You want children?"

Rey is stiff and very still. "Only if you do."

It is not a subject Ben has let himself contemplate—not in more depth than the passing of a daydream. How does he even begin to decide? "Give me time to think about it."

In the morning, after they have determined that it was more than just a fleeting fancy—that Rey, at least, has been stewing over the idea for a while—they talk to Leia and Han about it.

The look on Leia's face when she realizes what they're awkwardly hinting at is not only knowing but downright smug.

Han, meanwhile, leans back in his chair with a look of confused wonder on his face. "And here I thought I'd never be a granddad."

"You'd be a better one than mine," Rey says, gently sardonic. It is only recently that she's recovered enough to joke about the subject, years after the final destruction of Palpatine.

"Or mine," Ben chimes in, because if she can be strong enough to confront that evil with humor, then so can he.

"You're right about that." Leia's smirk is dark, but her eyes are soft.

-

They let time pass. They let the idea drift in the air between them until it settles firmly in place, becoming a constant, sweet anticipation. When they are both certain, they ask the school's medical droid to deactivate their contraceptive implants. Nature takes its course from there.

Ben had believed that he could be no more devoted to Rey than he already was, but when she carries his child, it takes a good deal of willpower not to go around weeping rapturously every time he looks at her. She is too resplendent for words, more precious than every star in the sky. He coddles her insufferably and she tolerates it with amused patience, except when he tries to keep her in bed while there are students waiting for a lesson. She has become truly, passionately dedicated to helping the next generation of Force users find their way. He admires that about her even when he is arguing with her over it.

There is also, he discovers, something decidedly erotic about the heavy roundness of her middle. The feel of his hands on her belly, the knowledge that her womb is full to bursting with a life that is part him and part her... it drives him wild.

Their daughter is born during Ahch-To's mild summer. They name her Bright Star. 

When Bright Star Solo is four years old, they do it all over again. Their new son is named Alder after his grandmother's beloved lost planet of Alderaan.

Their children are the darlings of the school, raised by an extended family of teachers and students and several Lanai aunties who, it turns out, think human babies are cuter than Tooka kittens.

They want for nothing, and the isolation of their planet—not to mention the ferocity of their parents—keeps all off-world threats far away.

-

It is in this way that the years go on, flying by like the clouds in the Ahch-To sky.

Peace on Ahch-To and in the galaxy at large does not go uninterrupted, but it remains dominant. Things get better, tripping and stumbling along the way, yes, but making progress nonetheless. The galaxy becomes a brighter, kinder place than it was when the Dyad came into it. Their children and grandchildren thrive, and when, many decades later, their old, gray, mortal bodies can no longer sustain them, they do not leave the galaxy to fend for itself, but stay on, guarding and guiding from the afterlife.

In centuries and millennia to come, there are legends of a wise, kind spirit known as the Lovers. One soul with two minds, two voices, this spirit appears most often to guide those who are torn between Light and Darkness, or sometimes just to pave the way for other star-crossed lovers like themselves.

Someday, perhaps, they will tire of their afterlife together and choose to renew the cycle of the Dyad, allowing their two-part soul to be reborn again, to live and find itself and fall in love again, but that day will not come for a long, long time.

Notes:

I struggled to find the right words for this epilogue. The first scene especially took me days just adding a tiny bit at a time (sex scenes are so darn technical). By pure coincidence, I finally finished the first draft on the same day that I went to a lifelong friend's wedding, at which they even did the double kiss which I'd already written into the fic. It was precious. XD

Also, no, “Ahsoka and Reva Tano” was not a typo. They’re married. Come ship Revahsoka with me.

This ending - the whole bit with the school and "The Lovers" spirit - is the one I wanted to give them in my first Reylo fic, "One Lone Candle". I even had a very old version of it written up (we're talking 2016-ish), but I cut that first fic short when TLJ came out. It's kind of my official headcanon for them, so I had to get it done this time.

This is also probably the last multi-chapter Reylo fic I'll write, as I want to focus on some original work and maybe finally write the sequel to my Mass Effect fic that got put on hold because of Reylo.

Thank you for reading and commenting. It means a lot.