Work Text:
"I think that's all..." the words were softly spoken, so out of character for the usually loud, boisterous man. Jungsoo who had been sitting on the sofa, back rigid, quickly rose before he fidgeted, suddenly not knowing what to do or what to say. His eyes met Heechul's and he saw a lot of things, regret, sympathy, resignation but not love.
Not anymore.
At the same time, they both averted their gazes and for a split second, Jungsoo wondered what Heechul saw in his eyes.
'Love that wasn't enough.' A voice at the back of his mind whispered and suddenly his eyes prickled. 'Lacking. Not the one. Not enough. Stranger.'
And his mind wandered to that day
Flashback
"Jungsoo... I found someone else..."
Jungsoo dropped the spatula he was using and he whirled around, eyes boring into Heechul's unsure form and expression.
"What did you say?" he asked eventhough he had heard it loud and clear the first time.
"Someone else..."
"Someone else what?" it was harsher than intended and they both flinched.
"Just someone else... I want to break up..." Jungsoo's ears were ringing loudly then, the words break up echoing in his head.
"Huh?"
"Jungsoo..."
There were hesitation and doubts colouring the tone and Jungsoo wanted to exploit it, wanted to pick on it until everything unraveled and Heechul won't leave, won't be with someone else, will stay instead.He tried to run his brain for any signs that lead to this. Averted gazes, evaded kisses, brushed off touches. Things he doesn't want to admit. Of course there were but Jungsoo thought it will go away, that they will get over this phase like they always did. But suddenly he realized with a pang that maybe, he wasn't enough for Heechul anymore.
"Do I know him? Her?" he tried to sound calm but deep inside, it was as chaotic as a storm. He watched Heechul shaking his head saying no. Heechul fell in love with someone Jungsoo doesn't know.
Everything felt too real then and Jungsoo couldn't help wrapping his arms around himself, trying to hold himself together and failing miserably. All the small signs were leading up to this and if only Jungsoo was enough, maybe they won't be having this conversation.
"Did you cheat?" he knew Heechul won't and felt even more terrible when Heechul's eyes shone with a slight betrayal.
"No. He- he wanted to- but I said no. Not until I end things with you," Heechul was cautious in picking his words but no amount of caution can make this better for Jungsoo. His world is spiralling down into a tunnel of despair and he tapped his fingers restlessly against his forearms.
"I'll move out when the month is up. I know it's too sudden but I'll give you my part of rent for three months in advance and... And I'm sorry, Jungsoo... That we didn't work out..."
Jungsoo hated how his mind quickly conjured a countdown clock, twelve days before the month would end.
"If- if I ask you to stay... Will you?" the flare of hope was almost sweet but it was quickly dashed when Heechul shook his head solemnly.
"Not anymore, Jungsoo." it was whispered so surely it felt like the final nail in the coffin. Jungsoo felt more questions rising up. He wanted to be angry and say things he would regret later. 'Why? Where did we go wrong? What changed? Was it all a lie? Was any of it real? How could you Heechul? I THOUGHT WE'LL GROW OLD TOGETHER' but he forced them down and instead something else rose up and he dry heaved, his empty stomach wailing in protest.
Heechul panicked of course but Jungsoo waved him away and quickly locked himself in the bathroom, shivering and hugging himself as despair flled him. It was fairly warm outside but he was cold to the bones. Heechul kept knocking asking if he's okay but Jungsoo could only reply "I'm fine!" even when it was obviously not.
Soon, the knocking ceased but it took him more than another half an hour before he could finally calm himself down enough to unlock the bathroom.
The only thing waiting for him was a blackened pan in the sink.
And Heechul wasn't anywhere to be found.
End of flashback
Jungsoo didn't realize it before but Heechul's stuffs were the ones that coloured their apartment, a cheery addition to Jungsoo's preference of stark white walls and furnitures. Granted Heechul left whatever things they bought together, which at least left spots of colours here and there, but to see the things that had become familiar to him being packed neatly in boxes within the span of twelve days was doing numbers on his restless mind. Slowly Heechul's belongings were removed one by one and what's left was Jungsoo's, somehow looking too bare and blinding.
The apartment turned too white and his world turned too grey. He blinked repeatedly, trying to clear his vision to no avail. Braving himself, he looked at Heechul again but the other is already turning towards the entrance. 'Heechul is leaving for good,' it hit Jungsoo again.
"Hee-" the words died on his lips, he couldn't even finish it but Heechul heard him and his steps faltered. Jungsoo watched as Heechul turned, worry evident in his eyes which of course, let him taste the sweet litlle nectar of hope again.
"Jungsoo..." Heechul looked torn again when moments ago he was already resigned to go and suddenly Jungsoo's heart hurt for him. For himself. For them.
And at that moment Jungsoo realized he can't be selfish. He can't hold Heechul back. Heechul won't be happy with him. He can't do this to Heechul, he loves him too much to see this kind of expression on Heechul's face.
So he did what he knew best, Jungsoo put on a small smile even as his eyes were brimming with tears and his heart broke to pieces.
"Take care Heechul-ah." he said first before Heechul could speak and break all of Jungsoo's resolves.
"Jung-"
"I'll be okay, so don't worry. Be happy Chullie, be as happy as you can be. It's okay to go now..."
Jungsoo watched the younger man and when Heechul's eyes welled with tears, Jungsoo quickly reached to wipe it before he could think better. No matter what, he still hated seeing Heechul's tears the most.
"Don't cry, Heechullie," he said even as his voice cracked but still Jungsoo tried his best to smile.
"Thank you for everything, please don't cry. I'll be okay. Now go... He's waiting..."
"I- I'm- Sorry."
"It's okay," he said even as his heart screamed 'not okay'. "It's okay, I'll be okay. So go be happy. Don't cry." with a last wipe, Jungsoo let his hand fall, quickly feeling his fingers turning cold as he let go. They're strangers now.
"Just be well, Jungsoo-ah..." Heechul said again as he turned away. Jungsoo bit his thin lips and stared as Heechul stepped away from him, stepped outside of the home that's no longer his and Jungsoo's. Stepping away into a world without Jungsoo.
Jungsoo mumbled another reassurance or something along that sentiment and with a last nod, Heechul was gone in a flurry of red and yellow and green and colours that Jungsoo will never know again. leaving Jungsoo behind with only memories and no warmth.
When the door clicked shut, Jungsoo finally let himself cry and cry and cry until there was nothing left to cry.