We crushed, then we fell

by zuluempire

Chapter 1

She stood by the window in the  house she bought three months ago. Playing with the bracelet on her wrist. 

Today she decided to host a party for Madi, just because she can. Finn helped her out with the little girl so she can prepare everything without destruction. However she got a text 30 minutes ago from Anya telling her that Lexa was coming over to see Madi. This could either go well or worse than she thought. She can only hope Finn arrives before Lexa does.

Lexa does not pick Madi alone from Clarke, she always sent Anya to do it, so this is a surprise. They have not seen each other properly since the birth of there daughter. No one even told her that Lexa would be in the delivery room, she was happy and in pain. Lexa was panicking asking the Doctor all kinds of question about the little girl's health. 

"You okay? " Raven asked from where she stood behind her .

"I don't know." 

Just then the sound of an engine pulling outside her driveway.

Clarke sighs heavily and walks to the door. Two years is a long time. And even though they talked through the phone, it was mostly to talk about the pregnancy and when Madi came along, is was Madi this and that. Facetiming here and chatting only to Madi, well as far as talking to a two year old can go and Clarke loved seeing her green eyed beauty trying but she also envied her daughter.

However Lexa has warned her several times not to allow Finn to spend time with their daughter but her stubborn self does not listen. She just hopes today won't go as bad as it would. With everyone here, Madi's friends, her parents, friends and neighbours, making a scene is the last thing on her mind right now.

She opens the door. Lexa is wearing Champion's sport outfit, black Jordans,  and a beanie. Hair let down in curls. The weather is kind of breezy today but that's if you're outside.

"Hello Clarke." 

Her beautiful eyes covered by dark glasses.

"Hey"

"Madi?" She knows about the party. In Clarke's defence she didn't know the young lady was back in polis.

No one seems to bother to tell her when Lexa is in the same proximity as her. Just like when she showed up in the delivery room. It was beautiful and magical and as scared as she was Lexa still held the baby and had the doctor run several tests.

"She went to buy ice cream."

"with who?" 

"Lexa, you can come in and wait inside. I also didn't know that you are coming, that is why I didn't think of telling you about the party, it's just a party for kids."

"Who?"

"Finn, but that is only because he offered to help me out." 

She takes off her glasses. "People don't change." She says, looking off to the side. She steps forward, invading her personal space. "I'll wait then."

They stare at each other for more than necessary, wanting to touch each other, feel each other's lips and hold on to that light that once existed.

"Sure, let's go to the kitchen, everyone else is in the living room." Her bare feet are soundless compared to the light foot steps behind her. She can feel eyes ranking her body, then landing on her ass in her white dress. "Can I get you something?"

She asks just when Lexa's phone vibrates, she sits on a stool and starts texting who ever it is.

Not everyone know about Lexa being the other parent. The town is full on gossip and it spreads like a virus. Her flying out of the country was helpful and a good idea as it really helped. Her few neighbors she associates with don't know about Lexa and her being her former student.

"Lexa, it does not have to be awkward." Hating the prolonged silence between them apart from the toddlars who can be heard from outside. "We can be civil."

That finally gets the girl's attention. Lexa looks away from her phone for the first time since she entered the room.

With slow steps she makes her way towards the woman who stole her heart. Clarke starts to take steps backwards, something in Lexa's eyes seems off. And she does not want to create a scene. Her back hits the sink and Lexa blocks her with her body, pressing herself against Clarke. "Civil?" Her voice louder for a few people in the house to hear.  "I can not be civil when all I want to do is fuck you Clarke Griffin. But that's not going to happen, so I will hold on to that little anger and swing it."

Clarke lets out a sigh when Lexa moves to her seat. She opens her mouth to speak just when the door opens to the living room. Madi' s voice fills the room calling for her grandma Abby.

"Here comes shaggy." With quick steps Lexa is already in the living room.

"Mama!" Madi rushes to hug her mom while carrying her ice cream. Lexa squarts to her level kissing her forehead.

"What is this?" 

"Ice kim." She shows her mom. They whisper to each other. And Madi points at Finn probably saying he bought her the ice cream. Lexa smiles as if she is not thinking of ways to kill the dude.

"Baby put the ice cream in the kitchen and join Aunt O, with your friends outside . Clarke voiced out.

"Mama shhta."  She says. Lexa smiles. Clarke nobs at her.

"I'm right here. Now go play with your friend. Madi smiles and runs to the kitchen, then heads to the backyard. Lexa gets up from the floor nodding to Abby. Abby is still not with the idea of the two being together, actually she's happy now that things look unstable between the pair. But she is a great grandmother and loves her granddaughter so very much, there is no doubt about that.

When Clarke told her parents she was pregnant, Abby jumped on her feet, asking if its Finn's even though she knew the answer and that answer got Clarke slapped right across the face. She was shocked but did nothing towards her mom's outburst. With time Abby accepted the pregnancy, taking her to the hospital for check ups , and if she was working, Abby called Finn to bring Clarke to the hospital with insistance. Clarke knew what her mother was doing but was too tired to argue with her mother. 

So here they are Abby sipping on her wine, legs crossed on the couch. Finn is sitting on the arm chair talking to Bellamy, while Raven finds some kids music she can find. Lexa pulls Clarke to a corner telling her she is taking Madi after the party. Which leads to them bickering in whispers but everyone can hear them because they're still in the room. 

While they're at it. Clarke sees Finn walking up to them. She wonders why he finds the need to approach her right now.

"The kids love the party Clarke, you did an amazing job." 

"Thank you, Raven and Octavia did most of the work, i just invited people."

"How modest." He turns to face Lexa who is biting down her teeth hard. "Lexa, its been a while, you're all grown up now from the last time we met."

He says it like she was twelve when they met. Clarke doesn't seem to have hotten it but from Lexa stiff body, she knows the girl is getting angry.

"I'm glade you noticed." Lexa puts her hand on Clarke's waist. Pulling her closer while glaring at Finn and its a good thing they are the same hight, making it easier for Lexa to get in his face. If only he knew what he was getting himself into. He did know, thats why he pushed her buttons.

"Anyway, Clarke i will leave now, thank you for inviting me." He says the last word looking at Lexa with a smugg. Before Clarke can reply, Lexa is already turning her body away. 

The way her body jumps in excitment right now is embarrassing . but what can she do, she missed the girl.

"Message received. There is the door." 

Clarke does not have time to look over her shoulder to see who heard Lexa who decided to be loud. She feels sorry for Finn who is just trying to be nice.

"Your room." Lexa hisses. Clarke points to closed door down the hall and is dragged there. Lexa walks them in but stays by the door with her back turned away from Clarke's blue eyes.

"Lexa?"

"Did you fuck him?" Her voice is soft but demanding. 

This is the side she always wanted to experience with Lexa. Lexa always was more dominant in bed but she was holding back and could feel it. It was in the air, this Lexa was different, this Lexa was not holding back, this was the Lexa she heard about in all her years at polis. 

"No, no Lexa, i didn't" something in her voice shook. She didn't fuck the man but...

"Then what the fuck was that?" 

"Its not what you think?" 

Are they still together, she does not know but the girl clearly needed space. She didn't break up with her though it felt like it.

"I kissed him." Better she tells him than he does because why not. Finn can have a loss mouth sometimes.

"Only?" She turned and started walking towards her. Anger in her eyes.

"I only kissed him..." She's scared from not knowing what will happen.

Lexa grabs her, holding her close with one hand and the other holding her chin in place. Then she attacked her lips. Biting down on the bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. Clarke hissed at the pain and tried to pull away but her mouth was hungry for Lexa's lips. The rough kiss sent a message to her core, getting her ready for the anticipation in her stomach.

"You are fucking mine." Kiss. "Mine" another rough kiss. "All mine." Kissing down her neck, purposefully leaving a mark. Hands pull the dress up, letting out a loud moan. "Fuck, no panties"

"I missed you." Clarke lets out. Fingers rub her clit roughly fast. Biting down on Lexa's shoulder to muffle the noise. Two fingers slid inside. Thrusting in and out. "Ohhh...that feels good."

"Do you have condoms?" 

Clarke pulls away and heads to her drawer. When she gets the condom and looks at Lexa. Sences fly in. She had guests waiting.

"Are you sure...Madi can come looking for me." 

But Lexa was far gone, pulling her hoodie off her body. Her bellyring looking wonderful . "then shut up and get on the bed.'

Oh she loved this Lexa. Clarke turned so Lexa unzipped her dress. But Lexa carried her to the bed. "There is no time" kissing her while fingers played with her already sensitive clit. She pulled her pants down, tore the condom open and slid her hardon inside the pulled the dress to her midsection and slapped Clarke's clot hard. The shock, pain and pleasure took Clarke by surprise causing her to moan louder. Lexa pushed in without giving her a minute to breath.

"Fucking hot." Lexa slumbed into her. "So tight" going on a jog, then the begining of a marathon. Clarke was screaming and panting like crazy. Two years without having sex was punishment enough. Lexa moves them so there laying on there sides with Clarke's back to Lexa. The brunette's hand cups Clarke's clit pressing on it. Clarke tries to close her legs but Lexa uses her legs to hold them down has she pounds in and out, rubbing and slapping her cunt. Clarke was cumming hard and that didn't stop Lexa, she was sensitive, pain and plusure had Clarke moaning and moaning, letting out a high pitched scream. The heat was broken by a knock on the door which Lexa ignored. Turning them to face the door.  And fucking Clarke like an animal on rut. "Fuuuuck!" Lexa spilled in the condom and pulled out, taking off the condom and tossing it somewhere. 

The knock came louder. Both of them laying on the bed with trying to come down. "Clarke" a voice came from behind the door.

"Coming." She called back, glancing at Lexs who was lost in her thoughts. She knows that look. 

Without any word she gets up and heads to the bathroom to clean up before heading down stairs smelling like sex. Tears pour down as she closes the door to the bathroom. Lexa regrets having sex with her, she could tell. The feeling was worse than being ignored. She hears her door open and close then slides to the floor and cries.

Chapter 2

Cleaning her eyes and changing into a different dress. A black short dress, there is no need for everyone to know her suffering. What happened between her and Lexa left her feeling empty inside.

She walks downs stairs with a fake smile, joining the party outside. Everything goes well. Not once has Lexa walked up to Clarke, Madi is stuck on her side, introducing her to her friends and all that fun stuff. 

Clarke felt like an actress, being able to fool all these people. Maybe she should consider that. However she did find something else strange. Raven and Lexa kept talking in hidden corners and if they caught her looking, they would both change the scene as if she was listening on them.

"Are you okay?" Abby asked. She forgot, her mother is one person Clarke can't fool. 

"Nothing mom." She said waving to her last guest to leave....well her friends, Lexa and her mom. 

"Is that what you call sex between the two of you now." They head inside the house, she needs to go give Madi a bath and she hopes to talk to Lexa about what is happening and how does her mom know this. "Don't look at me like that I was not spying, but you were loud just to be clear. She must be good if you can scream like you were been murdered."

"Mom? who else heard?" This was embarrassing.

"How would i know, Raven had to increase the volume and then came knocking." Abby pulls her daughter to the side. "You don't look like someone who got it good, tell me did she do something?"

"Mom..."

"Mommy, mommy going with mama." She grabbed Clarke's leg. Clarke was thankful for the destruction, she picked Madi up and carried her upstairs. Lexa following her behind, keeping a safe distance. They made it to the bathroom, Madi rushed out immediately and when Clarke turned Lexa stood in her way.

"Can we talk" 

Clarke walked to the toilet, closed the lid and sat on it.  

"I will be with Madi for a week." Lexa continued. That was also not what Clarke was expecting to hear. So Lexa was going to pretend nothing happened between them, that she didn't act like a dick. No Clarke was not going to standby like a Dear. 

"That's all you had to say?" Mostly Lexa only takes the girl for three days tops. That was not it though.

"Ah, I want her to get to know me on a deeper level. Maybe one of these days I'll take her for a month." Didn't she have school? She'd imagine the reads during her holidays too.

"I'm not talking about that. Lexa we had sex." The brunette looked aside rolling her eyes. 

"Meaning?" She was looking at her but not really looking.

"Wow!  Lexa?" She sighs frustration. "Are we broken up?" 

"I didn't break up with you, do you want to break up?" The girl took a step forward pulling Clarke to stand. "Is that what you want?"

"No, I just thought...Lexa you left me after having sex, like I'm some whore." 

"you're the one who went to the bathroom without a word. " she defended.

"You know what I mean." She could tell that Lexa was not going to talk about this. The best thing is bring this up next time and enjoying her girlfriend. Girlfriend? There is a lot they should talk about but for now, fuck that. "Lexa I miss you, and I want to know if you still feel the same way."

"I'm here aren't I?" Kissing her forehead. "Now help me with madi. Please" without a smile. It was then that Clarke realized, Lexa hadn't really smiled at her expert when she's with Madi. 

Would there relationship ever be the same? She wondered. 

***

It was 9pm when Clarke got a call from Lexa. A smile spread through her face until she remembered that the call could only be about Madi.

"Hello Lexa?"

"Can you come here?"

"Is there something wrong? Is maxi not feeling well?"

"Clearly. She wants her mom."

"Lexa, you're her mom too. Is it that serious?"

"Biologically. Can you get here or not!"

"Okay.."

The entire conversation was dry and crusty. 

***

The door swang open to Lexa in busketball shorts and a sports bra. Black ink covered the girl's arm. Her hair was in a messy bun, more ink covered her neck. When did she get tatoos?

"She's in her room, crying like crazy."

The house looks more furnished than she recalls. They make their way up and she can hear Madi crying. Her daughter was stubborn, Abby used to compare her with Clarke.

"Mommy?" Madi called when Clarke entered the room. "Home Mommy."

"This is home too baby." Picking her up from the floor. 

"I'll be in the kitchen." Lexa turned on toe and left. Poor girl was struggling at motherhood. 

***

"Sooo, she fell asleep." Joining the girl in the kitchen, who seemed to be working on something. Maybe a holiday assignment for school. Lexa closes the laptop when Clarke stands beside her. "School??"

"Thank you Clarke...I think she does not like me that much."

The dodging of question did go unnoticed by Clarke.

"What? No She loves you. I may just have spoiled her a little. Between parents there is always one who is strict. You happen to be that parent. What happened?" She asks sitting on her lap and happy that Lexa let her do it.

"I was working on something and she came in the room touching everything that I told her not to, then she spelt her juice on one of my stuff and I lost it, I was angry and frustrated. That's when I yelled at her to stop. I'm a bad mom I know."

"No stop saying that. No one is perfect at being a parent."

"Easy for you to say, you just came in here and calmed her ass down. Sorry for the word."

Lexa was truly a different person than she used to to know. This Lexa was more cormfident and can one person be any more rude. And the tatoos? She notcied her back is inked with cycles? And they looked sexy on her.

"Listen, my mom is strict, i would ran to dad for help when i was wrong or when i wanted something which i knew mom would not approve. The point is kids can be frustrating and they sometimes need scolding, Madi needs that." 

"Um..thank you" 

"Enough of that when did you get these?" Brushing her fingers over the ink.

Lexa just shrugs and starts to get up. "I need to smoke."

What??

"Did you always used to smoke?" Clarke can't hide the shock. 

"Hope thats not a turn off." 

A question with a question. They are far from being back to normal or maybe this is there new normal.

"Is that a yes?"

"I smoke sometimes. And to your question, yes i used to smoke since i was seventeen. I'm suprised you didn't notice because literally walked around with a lighter." with a smile, the first ever smile to be directed towards Clarke. "Its late. Spend the night maybe you can help me out with Madi in the morning, this is the first i'm not using her nanny to solve my problems." 

"Smooth, using Madi to get to me."

"I never needed any help when it comes to you."

 

 

Chapter 3

Notes:

We get to see a little of Lexa's thoughts.

 

This chapter is inspired by Sandra Marton's book "Not For Sale."

A place that could have made the pages of Archectual Digest, if Lexa decided to do something about her home.

On the walls, an eclectic mix of Japanese, Mark Rothko paintings and Lexa's latest find, a moody and magnificent Edward Hopper oil.  Clarke was amazed, the place was much different from the last time she was here.

On the floors, antique Tabriz carpets over Brazilian rosewood.

Soaring ceilings, pale Cherry furniture, low white silk sofas and fresh flowers messed in beautiful Steuben vases and bowls. 

She moved around the place wanting to memorize everything that added a touch to her girlfriend. She was so much in love with the girl, the only thing the distance did to her was manifest that love in different parts of her being. Clarke did not just love her, she was in love with her, no amount of distance could change that.

She really wants to talk to Lexa but also wants to keep this fresh mood Lexa seems to be in at the moment. And no she still doesn't know how long Lexa will be here in Polis, which means she must use her time wisely.

"What are you thinking of?" Lexa asked. 

Her breath smelled like cigarettes, Clarke hates that smile. No offense to those who smokes including Lexa the stench is suffocating. 

"How much two years has stolen from me." She stepped away from Lexa, avoiding the smell. "The tattoos, smoking, cussing and the excessive aggression, i can't have been blind."

"I see the smoking affects you." She deadpanned. "Anya thinks i cuss a lot too, and thats Anya speaking, so i will blame Jo for this one, however i have always been rude and aggrasive to everyone but you on purpose . hasn't Raven been talking about me?"

Matter of fact Raven complained about Lexa every chance she got. She went as far as suggesting Lexa should get a personality transplant.

"You ....whose Jo?" Curiosity

"A friend." She kept it simple

Clarke wanted to question the "friend" further but what was the point? Then she stroked her had slowly, slowly down the back of her neck. 

That was when she asked Lexa where she was to stay.

"Where else? In my bed of course." 

Clarke knew that Lexa was still holding on to the past while trying to cross to the future. The walls that fell apart where back up and much stronger. She needed to move at Lexa's pace and she will.

Lucas turned from her, walked mindlessly through the living room. Then she stood still, tilted her head and stared at the ceiling.

"Then i'm up....i'm so tired." Clarke started for stairs. Feeling nervous. what was Lexa thinking? Was she regretting let her stay? Was she planning on kicking her out?"

"You can wear any of my clothes to sleep in." 

Clarke nodded and rushed up there. Honestly she just wantes to sleep like a baby and being in Lexa's bed where they concived Madi was not goinf to help her case. She being sleeping in Lexa's sweatpants and hoodie she borrowed when she spent a night but they don't smell like the brunette anymore and sometimes frustrated the blonde. This was going to be her undoing.

When she changed into comfortable sweats, a loud sound got her rushing down stairs into the kitchen.

"Are you alright?" 

Lexa swung around and saw Clarke in the doorway. In the sweats, her gaze flew to the broken glass then to Clarke who was doing the same .

"Lexa what happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened," she snarled, because anger was an emotion she understood and she sure as hell didn't understand much else, not anymore. She walked quickly toward Clarke, careful not to step on the glasses and stopped an inch away. "I trusted you...and you_you"

"I what?" Clarke asked in bewilderment.

"Instead, you...you...." Lexa clasped her shoulders. "Dermnit, Clarke," she growled, and she pulled Clarke into her arms and kissed her."

Kissed her hard. Deep. Kissed her again and again, clasping her face between her soft hands, thrusting her tongue between between her lips, forcing her kisses on her .

Until she realized that she wasn't.

Clarke was kissing her back. With what happened earlier she was surprised she was kissing Lexa back.

Clarke's lips were parted to hers. Her hands were knotted in her spots bra. Soft exciting little moans coming from her throat. 

"Lexa," she whispered against her mouth, "Lexa..."

Lexa groaned, cupped her bottom, liftes her into the soft urgency of her body. She gasped and moved against him.

"We can't do this," Clarke whispered.

"We can. We have to."

"We can't...Madi?"

"Then tell me to stop, princess. Say it and i'll let you go."

"Stop," Clarke said, but her body was pressed to Lexa's , her mouth was warm and open against Lexa's mouth.

This was them, fire and ice. Clarke was the fire and Lexa was the ice, together they melt away.

"I want you, but you have to want me Lexa Woods as well."

"I want you..." She said, and Lexa swung her into her arms, and carried her up the stairs, to her bedroom. To her bed. 

Lexa wanted to take her as she should have taken her that very first time they had been together after two years apart.

But Lexa couldn't wait. She couldn't, and there was no sense in wondering why she was out of control because it was Creazy. Her need, her hunger, were unbearable.

Still she used the last of her control to try to make Lexa understand what was going to happen.

"Listen to me, " Lexa said roughly. "I want to make love to you. I want to touch you until you beg me for release." Her hand slid under her sweatshirt. She cupped Clarke's breast, stroked her nipple and she cries out and arched toward Lexa. "I fucking want you to feel me, feel the way I feel."

"Shit," Clarke said. "Shit, Lexa.."

Clarke pushed her hand away. Sat up. Yanked her sweatshirt over her head. Pulled off her sweatpants. Because they were now has.

She was wearing a white cotton bra. White cotton panties nothing exotic, nothing silk just Clarke and its all that Lexa ever wanted.

Clarke lay back. Gave herself up to Lexa. Her mouth. Her hands. Her mouth body. Her eyes grew dark, Lexa's breathing quickened. Her name sighed from her lips as Lexa's sweat-slicked skin met hers and the broad head of her swollen penis brushed against her.

"Clarke" the one word hot and urgent, and she thrusts into her.

Clarke cried out. Not with pain, though she was deep inside her. So deep that for a heart-stopping moment, she wondered if she could take all of Lexa in.

Her cry was one of ecstasy. Of fulfillment. Of knowing that she wanted Lexa, wanted the girl, wanted her, her famine muscles, her body accepted the exquisite intrusion.

"Lexa," she sobbed. "Oh, Lexa..."

Tears slipped down her cheeks.

Lexa kissed them away . kissed her mouth. And then she began to possess Clarke, to drive her toward that place she, only she had taken her before.

Lexa's strokes were hard. Demanding. Possessive. She loved it. Loved the sense of being hers, of belonging to her brunette, of being claimed by Lexa.

And then Clarke stopped thinking.

The world spun. Her vision dimmed. Clarke cried out, Lexa threw back her head and groaned,  and they flew over the edge of universe, together.

after another couple of minutes, she lifted her head , brushed her lips over Clarke's and rolled onto her side. "I'm sorry for earlier, I was a dick." Lexa voiced out.

"Thank you." Kissing the girl's shoulder

"And i'm sorry I was fast, but.."

"You were perfect."

"We were perfect." Lexa said. "Perfect together"

Clarke's heart did a little dance step. She tilted her head and looked into green eyes. Such a beautiful sexy face. She wanted to tell her how she felt but had a feeling, now isn't the right time.

Clarkw smiled. Lexa smiles back at her, and kissed her with such tenderness.

 

 

 

Chapter 4

The morning came faster than Clarke would have wanted. Her body was sore and she felt tired. Lexa kept her at a high the entire night, she thought her body was going to explode with all the heat building up.

She missed her so much, having her this close to her body was keeping her mind grounded .

Two years of no sexual contact, and the monent the door  opens...oh how can she even describe what she's feeling. Her love for Lexa is only growing stronger.

Clarke stretched her arm to touch the body next to her but only felt a cold pillow. Shooting awake, she scanned the room, quickly threw on Lexa's hoodie and walked to check on Madi. Her baby girl was still sleep. Closing the door slowly but not completely just in case Madi woke up.

It was only half past six in the morning. Where could Lexa be? Did she run away? She laughed at her own thoughts. Why would Lexa leave, they were good now, not as good as before but they were good.

She walked to the gym knowing the girl must be there. She pushed the door open and indeed the brunette was laying on the floor looking thrown off. Titus stood tall over her. None of them noticed the crack of the door open, or Clarke's head peeping in.

"I said I'm sorry!" Lexa yelled. Trying hard to catch her breath.

"You dropped everything. And all for what? You're just a pussy." He hissed back. Kicking the side of Lexa sending her rolling. She quickly stood up and puntched him in the stomach.

"I'm not a pussy!" Ducking the punch away. "I'll fix it, I have it under control." 

""Control?" 

Missed punches and kicks. Lexa received a hard punch to her cheek, sending her to the ground.

"You threw everything away." 

What was happening? Clarke couldn't even understand the conversation. The boxing gloves seemed to really hurt. And she didn't miss the disappointment in Titus's voice. Did he come all the way to just fight with his daughter? That was crazy. How long has this being going on..okay it was time for this to end.

She pushed the door wider. "Lexa?" She called as if she just got here. Lexa got off the floor. Removed her gloves and tossed them somewhere.

"Miss Griffin, how nice of you to join us." He did the same with the gloves and glared at his daughter.

What was that about?

"Morning Mr woods." 

"I was having a good morning seconds ago."

"Dad?" Lexa hissed.

"I have work to get to, bring my granddaughter for dinner."

"Yes sir."

He glares one more time at Lexa, the girl's eyes are softer.  With a disappointed sigh Titus left the room.

"Lexa, are you okay?" Hands moved to check that beautiful face that was just smashed.

"I'm fine." Moving away.

"He looks disappointed."

"I need tea " 

Clarke pulled her by the hand folded her arms across her chest. If the girl was hiding something. Now is the too time to come clean.

"I thought you wanted to move forward. Is secret keeping the route?"

Lexa has being dodging so many questions but not today, not now. She was putting her foot down on this one. Something told her whatever it was, will come back to bite her ass.

"I dropped out of law school."

That....she did not. Lexa loved everything about law. She talked about Trikru so much, she hated the place for providing Lexa with all her wants and needs. This was the girl who studied ahead of the semester... What the hell was she talking about?

"You...Lexa...you..."

"After Madi was born I couldn't handle it. I don't want to be the absent parent so I started pursuing photography, which I already love and it allowed me enough free time for my daughter."

"Lexa you shouldn't....."

"I'm tired of telling me what to do, I was constantly stressed thinking about the little monster I may bring..my panic attacks increased . I hated myself for being careless I needed to control the situation before it worsened."

"Sorry but that was how I felt" Lexa added. 

Clarke walked up to the girl and gave her a hug. A comforting hug. Lexa returned it but the hug ended as fast as it started. 

"I need my tea."…

In the kitchen, breakfast was saved. Clarke was showered and dressed. Madi was still asleep. Clarke hated she needed to leave but her little baby seeing her may not be a good idea.

"I'll drop her at the day care and then pick her up." Lexa said.

The door to the living room opened and they both stared at the entrance of the kitchen.

"I'm back bitches." A  woman's voice yelled.

"Always the drama Queen." Lexa whispered just has a blonde woman, blue eyes, nice legs, lovely ass walked in. The two hugged smiling at each other.

"Its good to know you think i'm a Queen." 

"Right. This is Clarke, " pointing at the shocked blonde. "And she is..."

"Josephine Lightbourne. Nice to meet you." She looks her up and down cocking her neck while twerling a lock of hair dramatically. "I see Lexa has a type."

Clarke was about to blow up...

"Oh relax, she's not my type." Turns to Lexa "i'm I to meet the little blue eyes Bird now?"

"So much energy, keep that for the show." 

The way she said it sounded secretive. Giving the fact that Jo only nobbed and skipped up stairs. Literary.

"She is something." Blurted Clarke.

"Yeah. You should leave...I have a feeling she's coming downstairs with Madi ." 

They walked to the door. Lexa pulling out her cigarette and lighter from her pocket . she misses when she didn't smoke, well not smoked in front of her. This will take some serious adjusting.

"Clarke?..." 

She must have being saying something because she seems to be waiting for an answer.

"Sorry what did you say."

"I said you should come with us to dinner."

"I don't think..."

"it won't be that bad."

She doubts that. Sitting with Titus who dislikes her and Diyoza who throws whatever comes in her mouth at her. Yeah only a fool will think it will be a fun loving time. Except Lexa, how can she not hope for a good time with her parents. If Madi is wanted then its a full house. Diyoza will for sure invite her mother who will extend the invite to Jake. This would be some night.

"Okay." Lexa leans in kisses her lips and walks to her car, opening the door for her. 

****

Lexa drives to Madi's school ten minutes early. She decides to just sit in the car and plan what she can do for the girl. Taking her to by ice cream does not seem like a good idea looking at the time. But who says she needed to follow rules, she could be a fun parent too, maybe getting her yogurt .

Yeah she settles on yogurt, after all its a bit chilly for an ice cream. 

Parents start heading inside to pick up their kids. Getting out of the car calmly walking inside. Its a good thing the kids have to be picked from the inside who knows what pervert is creeping around.

Shaggy hair is flopped in front of a little brunette holding out a popsicle.

Finn? What is he doing here? Clearly this dude doesn't like his life, what part of stay away don't he understand? 

"Miss Woods?" Madi's teacher called.

Glade she didn't allow Finn to pick up Madi and watched his ass but that alone made Lexa very angry. She ignored the teacher and tapped on Finn's shoulder. He heard her name being called yet his playing dumb. Whatever game his playing Lexa was not going to feed in it.

"Oh hi Lexa?" His stupid smugg was like acids poured in her eyes.

"Mama!" Her little girl hugged her legs. 

For her daughter she was going to play nice. So she smiled at the teacher and signed the pickup form. "Sorry I'm a little out of it."

"No problem, when Clarke told me Madi's other mom was picking her up I was excited to meet, Madi talks about you most of the time, its nice to finally put a face."

What is the woman's name? Regina, Rebecca. 

"Thank you ..."

"Gina."

"Gina, thank you but I must take my leave. " her head turned to Finn who said goodbye to the woman and she picked up Madi and started walking to her car. Heavy footsteps followed her behind. Reaching her car she put Madi inside and Finn waved bye to her little bird.

"What do you want?" 

She finally asked after the door was closed leaving Madi to suck on her popsicle. If only she could toss it in his face.

"What?" Playing innocent.

"Clarke is not here so stop acting, why are you here? Why can't you stay away?" 

"You don't deserve her." There is the fool. "You think you can come into her life and make her forget me?" He laughs, a disgusting laugh. "I want her to see that I could be a better parent with Madi than you, when are you leaving anyway? I'm sure you heard about our kisses...I almost fucked her."

"Shut up!"

"Yeah I felt those tits in my hands on my tongue before she stopped it...when you leave her alone again I'll fuck her so hard she'll forget you pumped a fucking baby in her."

"You will always be nothing..." Her fits were starting to hurt. Her chest was tightening... He was lying there is no way Clarke did more than just kiss him.

"Nothing with Clarke shouting my name. Your mistake was getting her pregnant and then abandoning in her to go where? You gave me a light and I will always catch her when you fuck up. Do you want to hit me in front of Madi to add that to the list. I will never leave her, you're nothing but a child."

He was pushing her to an edge. Finn wanted to mess with her head and he had archived that. She opened the door and gripped the wheel hard. Her breathing was no more. Fuck she was going to die. Was Clarke fucking around with Finn while she was breaking her bones to study, having him play father.

"Mama?" Her daughters' voice was a blare fading away. She needed to breathe but it was hurting. Tears filled her eyes.

"Mama! Mama!" Madi cried out watching her mom suffocating in her on mind. Skin pale, eyes zooming out. 

She needed to breathe,  in and out, in and out...why was this difficult?

Chapter 5

Notes:

After the bad news I got yesterday, I dedicate this chapter to that.

She called Madi's nanny on the way back home. Her daughter fell asleep after whitenessing her meltdown and cried her eyes out.

She's happy only for a second that she pulled through in the end. It was all Finn's fault, poisoning her mind in front of Madi. Just so he could come up top once more.

"Take her inside, get her prepared after an hour and have Anya take her with her." Handing the sleeping little cute munchkin to Gaia.

"Oh....no problem." There was more to say but Lexa was already driving out of her driveway.

***

"You seem happy." Octavia called from the room.  She must be easy to read if this girl could look at her and know right away.

How wouldn't she not though? The smile on her face is blinding.  Being positive is the only thing she can that going in cycles about how well she doesn't know Lexs. Now she appreciates Lexa for blocking sex and wanting to get to know her by spending actual time with Clarke. But with her being a teacher and Lexa her student, it meant less time. Thus not risking chances of being caught.

Speaking of teaching Jaha keeps wanting her to go back to work. His a good friend but will it be a right move. Lexa is no longer her student or in high school anymore. 

"Not all is creamy but Lexa is trying."

"Ohoh" 

"What?"

"There is a but coming. "

"Maybe." She waves the subject away. "Enough about that, what should I wear?"

Octavia starts running down a few dresses out of the way while telling Clarke about Lincoln .

***

Clarke arrives at the restaurant with her parents. Lexa texted her to just meet her there. Nothing seemed off if you asked Clarke. 

Just as they were about to walk in. Abby spotted the Woods family and decided to wait. Anya was holding Madi's hand as the girl skipped around in her Red pretty dress.

Where was Lexa, did she change her mind? She would have called Clarke if that was the case not so? Not sure, she smiled at Anya and pulled Madi in a hug who immediately started gushing out words.

They all walked in. Parents talking to each other as usual, Anya minding her own business.

At their table, sat Lexa in a white button down shirt and black pants.

"Lexa?" Diyoza called.

A half bottle of whiskey sat on the table. Her eyes redshoot.its a wonder she does not rick of alcohol.

"Oh hey!" She waved everyone over. Pulling a chair for Clarke and kissing Madi on the cheek.

"I started without you." She finished.

"Are okay?" Anya asked while taking her seat.

"Yes!" Looking over at Clarke. "Why wouldn't i be?"

Titus avoided saying anything too wGrenadafor his image.

Everyone made their orders . Lexa kept looking at Clarke, who would smile and the gesture would not be returned because Lexa was far deep in thoughts. It worried Clarke a little, wanting to what happened during the hours between.

Over the course of the meal, they all watched Lexa drink more than eating  The bottle of Whiskey was done. Calling for the waiter.

She couldn't even keep hers eyes open.

"I want a bottle of Rosé " she sturtted 

"No she does not." Titus almost yelled, his being playing cool all night, he should have exploded sooner when Lexa kept dropping her spoon.

"Do as i asked." The girl pushed on.

"Lexa?" Diyoza joined the yet to be Grenada. "You can make a choice to either leave or behave and fix yourself."

The waiter took this chance and walked off. Clarke would love to do the same too, it was a mistake having to be here anyway. 

"Funny you should mention choices. Every choice i make is over shadowed. I....i made a choice to be a lawyer and stay in Trikru. That didn't work." 

Now most eyes land on Clarke. Awkward is an understandment.

"I made a choice to always be safe, just like dad says." She looks at Clarke, tears in her eyes. "Do you know that costia was pregnant? Yeah i made a choice to be safe, she said she wanted all of me, my choice was tossed aside and because of me she died."

Clarke didn't know those details. Lexa has talked about her a few times but never mentioned the baby or how she died. For someone who hates kids, she sure does make some.

"Enough said Lexa." Diyoza voices out in a low voice.

"I was happy mom, that she finally made me open up to the idea of accepting children but like i knew would happen, Costia is dead because of my choices. And now i'm living with that constant fear of Madi."

Abby looks at the poor girl, then back at Lexa. SympaCookingI told you father i will handle it. You would be suprised with the power of social media, not to mention if you have about a million followers loving your work and willingly ready to come to your first show."

Clarke is far gone, Lexa has being dealing with so much. What could she do to help.

"Waiter? I said a bottle of Rosè."

"Lexa we should go home, Madi is tired." Clarke tried to whisper.

"Madi. I can care for Madi" she shouted.

"I know."

"So why do you need Finn?"

What?? Nice timing Lexa.

Anya got up and helped Lexa to her feet. Which was difficult, so she got jake to help her. Clarke gave Madi to Abby. The kid was fast alseep .

"I'll pick her up tomorrow morning." Clarke said.

"Don't worry just go take care of Lexa. Madi is in good hands."

"Thanks mom."

"Remember, do better than last time." It was strange to have Abby advise her on Lexa when she hates them together even though she says other wise.

***

"You make it hard for me to love you Clarke."

They are in Lexa's house. Five minutes have gone by, Lexa doesn't want to go upstairs.

"Love is difficult baby."

Lexa might be damaged inside but Clarke was ready to glue some things together.

"It shouldn't be that hard. Did you have sex with Finn?

"What?" 

She didn't see that coming. Didn't they have this conversation.

"I don't..." She is cut off

"He said he sucked your fucking boobs. " she looks lost. "You're going to leave me for him right? Is it because i'm young? Because i left for Trikru?"

For the first time Clarke could read those watery eyes. The green sent a message to blue, they were scared. All along she's being afraid to fall, burying the pain in the process. This was Lexa exposing herself.

 

Chapter 6

"I don't want to sleep " Lexa yelled at Clarke.The woman was just trying to help, they have been sitting in the living room for thirty minutes now. Well technically Lexa falls in and out of sleep.

She was so angry but what Lexa said to her got her on a different level.

30min ago

"what is wrong with you? You were out of line at that table.." Clarke scolded, taking off her heels.

"Out of line?"

"Yes Lexa out of fucking line."

"Maybe you should tell your stupid boyfriend to stay away from me."

"Don't you bring Finn into this"

"Tell me, how did you feel when he fucked you huh? "

"I told you already." She takes a step to climb the stairs like its her house.

"That's not what he thinks. He said you two did more than just kissing. That bum had the nerve to go to my child's school and then brag about how fucking amazing your boobs are. Listen if you don't want me, you can leave. The two of you can suck it."

How many more times was she going to hear this. Her drunk self keeps repeating it.

Walking to the living room and falling on the sofa. Clarke stood by the stairstaircase for a while. Why would Finn say that, 

"Are we always going to fight about the same thing?"

"Yes Clarke, we will...so long as you keep him around, you know what I'm done fighting you about this. We rushed this.. You rushed us into this. I was never ready and I wanted to do better for you but there is always something with you."

"I never slept or allowed him to touch me in anyway. "

"Then its because of Trikru! I left giving you the chance to open your legs to him."

"That's enough!" Walking in front of the girl. "Say all the shit you want but don't speak to me like that..."

"Or what? "

"No I'm not doing this with a drunk ."

"But you are wilingly to get pregnant by a kid."

Clarke slaps Lexa right across her face and tries to do it again but her hand is pulled to the side roughly keeping it in place, her left is held the same way 

She knew Lexa wouldn't hit her but the girl was drunk. There was no telling what she could do.

"Don't you undetstand i only want to do things for you and Madi. I cant lose you the way i lost her and Finn reminds me of that possiblity." She falls to her feet holding Clarke's legs and crying like a baby. "I love you too much. Clarke i need you, why can't you see that. I came back for you and i'm trying, i'm even seeing a therapist for myself and Madi and you."

She stood there with a crying Lexa. 

Present day

"Lexa let's go to bed, please."

The girl looks at her and gets up, tripping in her foot and is helped by Clarke.

On there way up, Lexa kissed her neck and face. Maybe Lexa was right, they rushed everything. Because she thought she was the sexual one in the relationship but clearly thats not the case. She clearly doesn't know her and that is just sad. Therapy? What is that about and since when? 

"Lexa you need to stop." 

She is spinned around and her lips connect with Lexa's. Her breath smelled of alcohol and it reminds her to stay clear from the girl.

"Lexa, no"

"What?" Lexa stopped and looked at her with sleepy eyes.

"I said no. Its being a long day, we both need the rest."

With a role of her eyes. Lexa got ride of her clothes and fell on the bed. Naked has the day she was born.

Love was stronger than anything. She loved her complicated young adventurous smart, driven loverlover.

****

"Morning?" 

Her head was crushing her and no idea how she got home and in her bed. She looks at blue eyes looking at her and she imidiately has a bad feeling. This is why she stopped drinking two years ago.

"Mor...morning" her voice was low and her throat dry.

"I made you breakfast, but first you need to take a bath then take some painkillers, it might help you feel better "

Something was different, she could feel it in her bones. The luck of smile and why was already dressed? Maybe its nothing, otherwise she would have never woren her clothes, right? 

"Thank you. Hey did i do or say something off last night?" 

Her eyes pleading for Clarke to say "No" however those blue eyes showed her a different story.

"I'll be downstairs."

She stood up from the bed but Lexa pulled her back. Which was expected Lexa likes to get her answers when she wants them.

"Did i bring up Finn?"

"Lexa..."

"I'm sorry if i said things out of context."

"We can talk after.."

"No" she flintches at her head pounding. "Clarke please."

"Do you believe i slept with him?" Her voice was low and vulbarable. She did some thinking and it occurs that Lexa is insecure about Finn but she needed to know if she believed him because trust is important.

Lexa sat up. "I don't want to, i tried not to let him get to me but he did." 

Its not a No.

"Well i didn't."

"Is that it?"

"Do you miss her?"  She does not no much but if Lexa blames herself for her death then maybe she is not ready for them.

"I talked about Costia?" Clarke nobs her head. "Costia and i were supposed to be in Trikru together. Start a family, finish school and get jobs to support the baby. It was mostly her dream to stay in Trikru and I went along with it, her dream became my dream. When I went to Trikru it felt awkward being there without her but mostly because you were not there with me and we were fighting. I met her parents and they made me see the bigger picture. I just didn't see it sooner and when I did I was afraid you would leave me. Costia's haunts me, do I miss her yea I do, she was my friend as well and I'm sure she would want me to be happy. And you make me happy. "

They stay in silence for a moment. That was some heavy shit. Clarke thought. 

"I love you" she added

Clarke leaned in and kissed her slow and soft. It was sweet very different from the recent kisses.

"I love you too."

Chapter 7

"I decided to go back to teaching." Sipping on her coffee.

"You are a good teacher, I'm sure your new students will be happy to have you." She brushed her hair back holding something back.

"What?" She vocied out, okay maybe she does know the girl a little.

"You just didn't seem like you enjoyed teaching. Plus half the town don't know i'm your girlfriend and you're my baby mama."

"I came to Polis for a fresh start, i hated most of you in that class but with time i adjusted and gave it a real chance." She takes Lexa's hand across the table "And about my girlfriend, i don't care who knows...its not like i'll get arrested or anything like that." Kisses her knackles before pulling back 

There morning has been productive so far. Lexa quietly showered and joined Clarke downstairs with a pair of shorts and an oversized hoodie.

"In that case, will you go out with me Clarke griffin? No, no, no wait." She skips around the table rushes outside, after a few seconds comes back with a single flower in her hand. "For you"

A goofy smile washes over Clarkes face. 

"Now i should have done this sooner but Clarke will you be my girlfriend?"

"I thought i was already ." she says with a wide smile.

"Don't kill the vibe. ..lets start again, Miss Griffin i want you to be my girlfriend in love and all the other stuff they say "

Her answer is being kissed slowly by those lips she has always dreamed of. Her fingers playing with her baby hair on her neck just like she used to two years ago.

"I would love that" another kiss

Lexa lifts her from the chair. Clarke buries her face in the crock of her neck. She always loved the strength Lexa seemed to posses.

"In that case, we have a date." They kiss some more the outside world forgotten.

"You guys are cute but maybe if you can take all that upstairs i might be able to recover ."

"Josie? " placing Clarke down.

"Morning blondie?"

"I told you to wait." Anya comes in carring Madi. Who wingles to be free and runs to her mummy. "oh its like that kid, kids they just toss you whenever.

"Anya, how lovely of you to show up." She scoffs sarcastically.

"I know." She sits down and sips from Lexa's cup "oh hi Miss Griffin."

"Hey, " she turns to Lexa and motions to go upstairs with Madi who then decides to stay with her mama instead.

"I'll come up shortly."

"You know i didn't expect this, i take it you two made up." Anya says.

"I don't want to keep messing up." She says defeated. Sitting next to Josephine 

"Then why would you go back to drinking?" Josephine adds. "You can't risk falling backwards now, "

"Whatever ever the reason, I shouldn't have."

"I love it when you talk like this, it shows you've got hope.",Anya proudly tells her sister.

"moving on the show is ready. Friday will be a blust. Now if I don't change from last nights clothes I will combust from the shame." She gets up and kisses Anya on the cheek.

Its may look like nothing but she knows these two and there is no way that was innocent.

"Since when did that happen? And how did you get Madi, Clarke said Abby has her."

We picked her up on our way here.

"Mama look." Madi points at something she can't see.

"I should look at what cupcake." 

"Loooook..." She points 

Its a blue bird just outside. Really small it looks like it can't really fly. It must be learning.  She talks with Madi before turning to Anya who made herself busy to avoid the question.

She never really understood her relationship. From Echo to Raven, what even happened between those two. Whatever. If this is a thing she can only hope no one gets burnt.

***

"You didn't need to drive me." Clarke says for the hundredth time.

They are packed right outside the school. A few teachers are outside chatting away the morning gossip including Raven, and Pike. Great now she is going to give them what to talk about because who didn't know Lexa the notorious smart kid who graduated early for her excellence.

"And I insist, it no big deal. Look there is Raven at least it won't be awkward." She starts to get out of the car. "Let me get your door." 

She's been in such a good mood Clarke sometimes gets scared. Ever since that morning two days ago she's being on cloud 9.  

Lexa is even willingly answering any question she has and needs to know. Like the all therapist thing. Apparently she has being seeing Dr Monty Green since she found out about being intersex. It was supposed to help her understand better but with her growing aggression, Dr Green began to help her in more ways he could.

The door opens and she steps out. Her eyes lock with Pike and few teachers look their way.

"Hey, on it" Lexa tells her. Sensing her withdraw. She wanted to be able to go out in public with Lexa or to be carefree so why is she loosing that Battle.

Those green eyes call for her. They take her in and Clarke finds herself wrapped around Lexa. The hug is a sweet gesture. "I'll pick you up, just let me know when you're done."

"Thank you."

***At home, Lexa prepared dinner and a nice babble bath ready to be used when Clarke gets here.

She sent her driver to pick Clarke up and drop Madi at Anya's place. Giving her time to set the date. She told the driver to bring Clarke straight to her house no matter what the woman said, knowing that she should be tired and would want to go to sleep as soon as possible.

"Lexa please tell me there is a reason I'm here." 

She can smell various foods and on que her stomach calls out for the meal.

"Baby...sorry sorry can you come with me." Her breath an even because of the running to get downstairs.

"What's..."

"You must be tired, relax and enjoy the bath I prepared for you." The bathroom is filled with Rose petals all over the floor.

"Lexa this is, you shouldn't have.."

"I wanted to...now enjoy.i'll be here when you need me."

"Will you stay and keep me company?" Clarke's voice drops an octave while sliding off her clothes. Now in her naked glory she watches Lexa take a sit on the toilet. "You can tell me all about your first day at work"

Sliding into the bathtub in a slow seductive  way she can master.

"This is really thoughtful Lexa, thank you."

"Stop saying that, now close your eyes and let your body rest." 

She can tell that Lexa is turned on but her control is killing her right now. All she wants is that body by herside but knowing Lexa if that isn't part of her plan then she might get used to listening to her breath.

Her eyes open and Lexa is look right at her not her body or her boobs that can be seen but green dissolves into her blues making Clarke feel a little shy from the intensity.

"You are beautiful Clarke." 

Clarke smiles and lays back enjoying the burn from the water on her skin. She can talk about her day but those kids are a bunch of crackheads. They were all over the place. And not to add on Emma an Art teacher who kept asking about Lexa.

"First time I saw you, I really found you annoying. You popping everywhere i go. My best moment was at the pool. You were saw lost and i was traped by your gaze, it was then that i wanted you all of you. " she clears her throat, the blues open up again. "Anyway now i have to get used to sharing you with Madi." Lets out a laugh that Clarke joins in as well.

After the bath, Lexa saved the food on the table and lit the candles.  

"This is beautiful. " she sat down, with Lexa on the other side.

"this can be our date,"

The food was amazing. The silence was not awkward but very welcoming."

"I want to ask you something." 

"Ask away." Replied Lexa.

She noticed Lexa was drinking juice and yet she had poured her wine.

"Why are you not drinking?" She adds "i recall its your favourite wine."

Lexa chews carefully. Sips on her glass of water.

"I never really could control my alcohol...but when i left for trikru i got out of control."

"How bad."

"Bad enough to cause fights and...and ..damage." 

Clarke looks at her in confusion.

"But you handled it well those nights you spent at my place."

"You saw what i wanted you to see."

They stay quiet for a while.

"I was sober for one year before the other night." Her voice small. 

Another silence..

"So Madi's teacher tells me she's an artist, I think she gets it from you." 

The change of topic was needed. Lexa is thankful for that.

"I'm just a photographer, you are the real artist with all that painting and drawing.

"Well seeing as she uses her lunch box as a camera, I don't think its me." 

They laugh and share stories about Madi. Its a calm evening ans Clarke moves on Lexa's lap, kissing her neck, she can't hold on any longer the girl needs a reward.  

 

Chapter 8

Lexa opens the door with a smile that quickly fades as she sees Abby standing right in front of her.

There relationship is still a rocky one but they can maintain it if they can respect the space between them.

"Maid is still at the daycare and Clarke isn't here."

"I'm aware. I came to see you."

An awkward moment goes by before  Lexa decides to step aside and let her in. After all she is her girlfriends mother, what can go wrong?

Well a lot can go off the roof. 

"Can I get you something to drink?" She asked from behind while Abby scanned the room.

"You place is....impressive. " she turns to Lexa who is just starring back. "Uh, I'll have a glass of water please."

With a curt nod, Lexa leaves the room. See, this isn't awkward.

Silence... That's how the room felt. 

"Sooo...how's it going with Madi?" Her decision to small talk was weak but Lexa played along.

"Madi is happy, that's the important thing."

"I was told you're back for good..."

She's cut off..

"Is this an interrogation?" Her face gave nothing away. Sitting here like nothing was wrong was affecting her slowly. 

Abby has always been against her relationship with her daughter. Taking Finn's side some fool.

"Fine. I have wondered what she sees in you.Your relationship was dangerous, Clarke could have lost everything however she did lose you, when you left her, pregnant."

"I didn't leave her, either way I still had to go to school." 

Was she here to guilt trip her?

"Yet a single phone call was expensive."

Now she's digging. She should never have opened the door.

"I called."

"Only after Madi was born."

Lexa stands on her feet angry. The woman does the same.

"And even then you restricted yourself to talking about the child. What about Clarke huh, didn't you wanna know how she was doing with the distance and all. You left her in the dark. And now, you have your head back. What happens when things get tough? Will you run?"

"Not true!" Lexa yells. Blows out air to control her breathing. "I love her, I don't want to get to that place again."

"Then don't drag her to it. Lexa you need to let go of your past. Listening to you on that table broke my heart has a mother. No child should ever go through what you went through but you need to let it go."

"Stop talking...you know nothing." Her voice was chopped combined with the heavy breathing.

"No? What happens if Madi is unwell and you're reminded what the Hospital took from you." Abby moves closer to the girl whom her daughter loves. "Running is not only physical, sometimes we run away emotionally and mentally. Lexa the past will keep pulling you down if you don't let go. . that night it was clear you allowed your fears to win, sending you back to the past."

"Now you're a therapist? You no nothing that happened that night. Why are you here? To see me lose it so that Finn can be with her, is that it?

"Finn, I'm not going to lie, i thought Clarke was going to use you. And you being Diyoza's child made me want to help you out. She does not have the best record but I know now that you are not one of her hunt trip. She loves you and I respect that." She locks her eyes with the girl. "But I also want to protect her, so tell me Lexa. Do you want to be with my daughter"

"Of course." She quickly replied.

"Then work hard. Relationship are much more, however communication is one bitch that can rip a couple apart."

As much as she didn't feel that comfortable with Abby. The woman was right. Her attitude towards her blue-eyed bird as to be the worst and even if she appologized to the blonde, maybe its not enough. Maybe Clarke is waiting for her to fail and go back to that fluffy Dude. And who can blame her right? His a hardworking man, handsome and his charming, if only the two women could see what an arrogant selfish dick he is.

After many moments of standing around, she takes a seat with Abby by her side.

***

She knocks at the door twice before Josephine opens it. Only a rob covers her body, that much is clear. 

"Clarke " she  stands there staring.

"Uh, Lexa?"

"Oh right." Steps aside and closes the door behind them. "She's  in Madi's room."

"What's taking you so long?" Anya pops up on top of the staircase in what can be said as her bra and matching panties.

This house...

She does not shy away when her eyes land on Clarke. Obviously, because there all girls. 

"Miss Griffin, lovely to see you." When will she drop the Miss.

Clarke smiles at her as she claims the stairs with Josephine who is talking non stop. Wait a sac, are the two a thing?

She almost forgot about Raven who is waiting outside. Hopefully the woman stays there. After all she's here to pick up Madi, shouldn't take long.

"Clarke! I got hungry waiting." Raven shouts from downstairs. Maybe she spoke too soon.

Three pairs of eyes stare back at her. The first one to speak is Josephine who heads back down. Anya let's out a grant before heading to her room.

"Well well well, are you her sister?" Josephine asks.

"Who's asking?" Raven responds, not rude just silly.

"I like you." She turns to head to the kitchen. "Lucky you I made a fucking meal to fuck anyone up."

"Sounds yummy." Raven follows the girl.

***

"The little Pig jumped up in excitement. Papa pig said, no jumping..."

"No humping.." Madi let's out. Lexa laughs a little.

"Yeah..."

"Mommy!" The small girl gets off the floor and runs to Clarke.

"Wow, you got big." Her eyes fall on Lexa who puts the book in Madi's bag and walks up to Clarke kissing her soundly. 

"I missed you." Lexa says with no hint of a smile.

Something is off about her but Clarke does not want to poke the Bear. So she ignores it, maybe its all in her head.

"I missed you more, are you ready for tonight."

"I'm scared " something tells her Lexa is not talking about her show. "I got you VIP passes if you want to come."

"Mommy look.." Madi points at Lexa's new tattoo. Its above her wrist, a bird cage, opened with birds flying out.

"I would love to go, I see its new." Her fingers traces the outline and she pulls her in for another kiss  "Raven would want to go too."

"Let me get them, meet you downstairs." Lexa leaves the room, ignoring the tattoo comment.

"Are you ready to go?" She asks Madi.

"Uh huh."

Her phone rings. Its Finn. She turns around to face the door while cutting the call. His being calling her since morning non stop.

A buzz sound alerting a text fills the room.

FINN: 4:02pm

i want to see you today or I will send your pretty girlfriend our sex tape. Let's see how she'll feel knowing that while she was away, you were busy.

 

Chapter 9

"Here you go." Lexa hands her the VIP passes. "Or and Madi is on a No train, like..." 

She stops talking as soon as she realizes Clarke is not paying her attention. 

The blonde is staring at her phone like a zombie brain shopping.

"Clarke? " 

"What? She looks up at Lexa and the woman is staring back at her. Saying something would be ideal before the young lady starts asking questions that she can't find an answer too at the moment. "I'm sorry I didn't get what you were saying."

"Are you okay? You look pale?" Hands rub her shoulders comfortingly which makes her feel bad because all she can think about is Finn right now.

"Yeah yeah yeah, Madi!" She calls the little girl picking her up from the floor. "We should get going."

Lexa does not push whatever seems to be happening. She just picks up her daughter's bag and they head downstairs in silence, well apart from Madi talking or what seems like talking. Two years and six months girl is not yet constracting proper sentences.

"i call it being visionary." They hear Josephine say to Raven in the Kitchen. 

From the smiles she sees and no sight of Anya anywhere its clear that the girl caught feelings. She'll have to talk to her later, probably after the show.

"Raven we going!" Clarke quickly calls rushing to the door.

Lexa grabs her hand gently. Locking eyes with her lover, trying to find something, anything to let her know that her Blue-eyed bird is alright.

"I don't know why I have a feeling you not alright..." Lexa tries again.

"Lexa i said i'm fine." She snaps, regreting imidiately.

"Okay, okay, " kisses Madi's forehead and Clarke's lips. A quick kiss "see you tonight?"

Clarke didn't even reply to Lexa to busy thinking about what to say to Finn because she can not afford to miss Lexa's exhibit.

When the three are in the car and pulling out of the drive Raven curiously asks her friend about her behavior towards Lexa.

"Alright what the fuck was that out there?"

Clarke reads the text one more time. "That fucking piece of SHIT!"

Raven looks back at Madi who is lost playing a game on her Pad. Both are using too much cuss words in front of a kid.

"Not the answer I was looking for, however Madi is in the car. So enough with the bomb words and tell me what you mean."

"Not until I kill him first." She says angrily.

CLARKE: 4:30pm

What the fuck do you want? 

She waits for the reply while tapping her nails on the dashboard.

"Clarke? What is going on? Seriously, you blow off your girlfriend with a cold ass and now you look pale. Talk to me."

"Finn...."

"i thought you're not talking to him anymore." 

She knows the history and is not intrested to have a recap however this new gist has her gossip nose sniffing.

"He wants to show her our sex tape if i don't do what he wants ." tears run down her face.

"i'm guessing you haven't told her.." Raven replies. Trying to keep her eyes on the Road.

"I can't do that, she hates him and tonight's her event."

"Clarke you just got her trust back...."

"I know Raven..." 

Her phone beeps and she anxiuosly checks her text.

FINN: 4:45pm

meet me at my place tonight at 7pm. Don't be late or Lexa will be watching something creative tonight.

Clarke pulls at her hair in frustration. Lexa's show is starting at 8pm. Sure she can make it in time right? 

"This is not the Finn I know..." Raven says to herself.

Finn was there friend above anything else. It was already weird spending time separatly with Finn because they can't be in the same room and be civil. Now Finn is being a total dick which will lead them to spliting sides again. Maybe Bellamy should have a talk with him though he does not listen to anyone.

****

"Why are you doing this?" Tears are pouring out of her eyes. Sitting on the couch as she listens to Finn yell at her.

How did she even get at this point? No, how did they get here. His so angry and its not the Finn she used to know and time is running out, Clarke still hasn't gotten him to actually talk, they keep going in cycles and its draining.

"Please just talk to me, why do you feel the need to ruin my life?" She begged.

"Your life? What about mine?" He stands in front of her and sits on the table. "All those times you left and came back, I sat there waiting like a damn fool. You never thought about me then huh? And then you decided to come down here and take a break from us yet you knew I was trying to be better for us and you."

I guess she ruined his life too.

"You gave me hope and once again you chose someone else over me. Nyilah, Emori, that blonde Doctor what's his name...I over looked all of them but you couldn't close your legs."

"You do not get to disrespect me ..." Clarke gets up and he steps closer in her face. 

"Disrespect? How do you think I felt when you got knocked up by a fucking teenager?"

"Fuck you Finn!" Pushes him away, walks behind the couch. 

"Like you did with Emori? Me?" His face is red from being so upset right now. "All you could have done was tell me you didn't love me like i did to you, instead of pulling me along like your fucking puppet. What, you only need me when it benefits you? I helped you with the baby when she couldn't. You kissed me, you! Its all you! And now that she's back you think you can throw me the bone like a Dog? Hell no Clarke not anymore."

"Finn, i'm sorry, i already told you this. I love Lexa."

"You should have made that choice long ago. You were fucking her with me in the picture, don't you see how that looks like."

"Stop saying it like i used you...." She yelled. This was going to last the all night. 

If she leaves he sends the tape and if Lexa finds out she was in his house. Yeah that won't fucking end well.

"But you did! Clarke you fucking used me all the time." He looks away from her and his voice drops. Reminding her of the Finn she knew. "Clarke, you should never have returned when you left me for her. But its too late now."

"Is that why you want to show her an old tape of us? Because you want to punish me? "

He turns to face her. "Define old, because if that was the case you wouldn't be here."

"Lexa would never believe you." She said confidently even though she didn't really know how the girl would react. Maybe she did.

"I'm not hoping for it." His smug ass face scared her. She didn't know his plan . "So be nice and I'll play nice." He approached her and grabed her wrist when she tried to move backwards. He kissed her forcefully pulling back when  she sank her teeth on his lip. "Always playful, I like it"

"Finn please stop." Her cries became too much he pulled away like he didn't expect that. He looked confused and scared. Letting her go he watched her cry and it was heartbreaking.

"You love her that much?" Walks away from her to stand in a corner. "I'm sorry. "

Clarke looks back at him, he looked so small and she couldn't believe it. She was running late.

"I only came here to have you destroy that tape, we both know I never cheated on her in that kind of way. Listen i'm sorry I treated you poorly but I love her."

"I'll throw the tape away alright, just leave." He says has he walks out of the room.

That didn't go the way she thought. Now she needed to trust him that he won't send it and maybe Lexa does not need to know about this. 

What she didn't know is that Atom is Finn's neighbour and was also leaving to Lexa's event when he saw her walking out of his house..

***

"It's official, you are a star." Josephine said to Lexa.

The event is a success, people didn't just show up but they were buying as well. The reviews look great so far.

However she kept checking her watch. Raven is here but not Clarke and its already 40minutes in.

"I knew you would do it." Diyoza said from behind them.

They both turned and Lexa rushed into her mother's hands, hugging her with so much love. What she didn't expect was to see her father awkwardly standing behind his wife looking around. 

"Dad?" She didn't expect to see his face tonight but she's so glad his here. He gives a small smile and waits for her to pull away from Diyoza.

"I saw excutives eyeing your work. I guess you will be geting something out of this."

She smiles knowing it must be hard for him but his here and that's all that matters. "Thank you Dad."

"Honey this is so beautiful, can i buy one because i feel like this is part of you and i need that in our home."

"Sure, i mean you have to support me right?"

They all laugh. Her parents walk away, Nyko, Ontari, Echo and now Atom come back to their VIP spot upstairs where they can see all the magic happen.

"I am proud of you." Ontari says hugging her for tenth time this night. She's the best.

"Okay thats enough PDA you two." Luna says coming upstairs with a bottle of wine.

"Don't let her girlfriend hear you." Echo says pushing her friend with a smug look. 

They all knew about Clarke now that they were all back some only came for Lexa's event which is so sweet of them. 

"I still can't believe it." Nyko says

"You better, they have a kid." Atom adds. "By the way is she coming?"

"I don't. Know. " Lexa says "let's focus on tonight."

"So no one knows who the artist is? Dope." Ontari "really smart Lexa, it adds a mystery to it."

The group gets into different conversion heading to different spaces leaving Atom and Lexa alone.

"I saw her." He says looking at the people downstairs. 

"Who?" 

"Miss Griffin,  she didn't look so good, rather she looked like she was crying."

A heart was racing. Raven hadn't said anything and ...   

"Where did you see her?"

"She visited my neighbour uh Finn I think is his name, yeah Finn Collins." 

"Clarke!" Raven could be heard calling out above the smooth sound of music.

Everything went quiet only the sound of her heart. She can't believe her ears right now. So she's late because of him.

Atom is talking but she can't hear him, even he seems to excuse himself to check on Ontari.

"Hey." That voice she loves but keeps on doing shit. Maybe there is an explanation. so she turns and smiles at her.

"Glad you made it." Hugging her so tight not wanting to let go.

***

 

 

 

 

Chapter 10

"What took you so long?" Lexa whispers in her ear as she hugs her tight. Tonight is her night so she won't be dramatic but there sakes, Clarke better not lie to her. Doesn't she know by now that she always finds out the truth.

"Uh, I needed to take care of something." 

Something? That's not lie right? Lexa pulled away kissing Clarke's lips. There was a hint of....something in her eyes, but she covered it up quickly. 

"I take it you don't want me to know, this something." Okay maybe she is starting to lose her cool.

"Lexa!" Josephine called her standing at a distance.

The corner of her mouth lifted into a gentle smirk and then she winked. "I'll come find you." Lexa said walking away.

Clarke fucking crumbled on the inside. This kid is the death of her. Finn forgotten, tonight its about her. Now where the hell is Raven.

She found her friend whispering with Anya who looked happier than she as ever seen.

"Miss Griffin, " the girl smirked at Raven and left them.

"What was that?" Clarke asked curious knowing their history. "Bellamy said he will be here with Octavia are they here yet." Looking around the room.

Raven shrugged and sipped on her drink. "O said she's here, she must be looking around downstairs."

"I went there." Clarke voices because for some reason guilt it cutting her up.

"Have you told her?"

"Raven..."

"No you better not give an excuse, you should have showed her the text and ignored his ass. Look Finn is my friend but his games are hurting you my best friend from your happiness."

"Okay okay....jeez I will tell her."

"Where is your phone, you can just show her and explain latter, Lexa can be crazy.

Clarke opens her purse to nothing. She tries to think for a bit until...

"Shit!!"

"What?" 

"I may have dropped my phone at his house.

Raven rubs her hair, looks around and whispers to her friend.

"Girl we need to get it back."

"Get what back?" Octavia asks causing them to jump. "Are you drunk?"

"Clarke dropped her phone at Finn's" Raven let's out.

"Clarke?" Octavia exclaims

""I know I know, I was stupid." She feels like crying like a baby letting it all out.

"Oh don't say that" Raven pulls her in for a hug. "Only we get to say that."

"I can tell Bellamy and Lincoln to go pick it up for you." Octavia offers.

"Good idea...it should be now." Clarke adds.

"What should be done?" The three jump at Lexa's voice. They didn't see or hear her walk over to them...could she...no.

"Huh..octavia wants to surprise Linc ." Raven says ."will go now.." Clarke mouths a thank you which Lexa reads only because her eyes have not left her face. Anger boiling and boiling . with quick movements she connects there lips together in a rough heated passion. All she wants is to fuck her it she blacksout.

"Lexa .." She moans aware of their environment. "Lexa?"

"Sorry, i wanted to do that all night." Here eyes a dark green with an icy brown. They were also bloodshot a sign she had being drinking...Clarke focuses and trully she can smell the whiskey on her breath.

"You were drinking?" A statement more than a question.

"A little." Her eyes keep getting colder and distance whenever they lock eyes.

What Clarke didn't know is that Lexa tried to call her when she was downstairs to have her join her but got a text from unknown number instead. Telling her to watch the video with headsets or whatever if she was in a public place. With curious feet, Lexa headed for the bathroom and played the video. Only to see Clarke spreading her legs for Finn.she had the exact hair stlye she has now for it to be old. Her stomach couldn't even let her finish the video before she was throwing up. Another text came telling her

"WHILE YOU WERE NURSING YOUR WOUNDS SHE WAS ENJOYING MY DICK. IS THIS PROOF ENGOUH FOR YOU LEXA? CLARKE HAS PLAYED US BOTH."

She puked her lungs out and pulled herself together has she made her way to her people. The first person she ran into was Anya who convinced her to take a sit seeing as she walked like a Zombie .

However her mistake was to Leave Lexa alone, she found herself with a glass of whiskey till one glass turned to three..and her fourth was disturbed by Ontari who she tells everything and advised her her to wait till the event was over. 

Which is why she is standing in front of Clarke pretending and failing to smile.

"We should go, things look fine around here." Lexa demanded in a soft drunk tone if that is even possible. 

"Uh..." She started to saying but was rudely interupted by her girlfriend. Did she know? No, she thought.

"Anya you're driving.." She shouted loud enough for more ears to hear.  She said good bye to her friends who told her the party was just starting so they argreed to head to her house and celebrate. 

Titus pulled her to the side noticing the change in his daughter. Clarke took this opportunity to talk to her friends and make a plan while wanting to know why Lexa started drinking tonight.

"Are drunk?" He accessed

"Not to worry..." 

"You were doing so well now you are going to lose control again." 

"I am capable of controlling myself." She half yelled. Diyoza joined them , placing a hand on Lexa.

"Honey, everything alright?" Diyoza asked, concerned for her two special people.

"She's drunk." Titus spat and walked off leaving them alone. Her friends were nolonger around even Clarke was probably waiting outside.

"It was only a few drinks, just to clear my head."

"What did you need to run away from?" Her question hit home and all Lexa could do was cry on her mothers shoulders for a moment. After they left the place, separating to their cars promissing to finish their talk once they get to her house.

****

In the car Lexa said no word. Anya talked non stop with Raven which confused Clarke a little and would have seen things clear if it was not for the robot next to her.

Raven got a text and looked back at Clarke exchanging a look. Her expression not so good. She then started to come up with excuses that landed on deaf ears. Anya drove to Lexa's and upon arraiving.

Luna and Echo were standing by their cars smoking. Ontari was talking to Bellamy and Lincoln who were arguing with a certain guy.

All four got out of the car. Stepped closer and Finn came into view. He started to walk in front of Clarke who stood a few steps away from Lexa who was fixing her fist.

"Finn dude just go home" Bellamy called.

"Clarke? Ah you forgot your phone and..." A kick sent him flying to the ground. Lexa was storming the heels.

"Lexa stop!" Clarke shouted as Lexa puntched the guy who tried to fight back but the girl put her black belt and martial arts to use.

Everyone was shouting, pulling them apart but they would found one another and the fight would continue. Blood was dripping from Finn's nose. Diyoza was yelling for them to stop. Clarke couldn't even breath right.

 

Chapter 11

"Why are you just standing there, stop them before they hurt each other." Abby yelled, who had just arrived with jake. 

Lexa was fully on top of the man smashing his fits with everything she's got. Bellamy and Lincoln pulled them apart with both struggling to be free.

"That's what you are good for...stupid little girl, you don't know what you have!" Finn calls while his being pulled away by Bellamy and Jake.

"Get him out of here!" Titus manages to let out has his face turns to Red. Neighbours are peering from windows and others are outside. Hope no one called the police. 

"Lincoln, let me go." Her body is shaking with anger. 

"First calm down."  He whispers.

That ticked her off, managing to turn around and push him off her. He took a step back but held her gaze.

"Lexa that's...." Clarke tried to diffuse the situation.

"You shut up. " pointing an accusing finger at the woman for a second before she turns back to Lincoln. "I don't think he got the memo."

Clarke backed away from Lexa trying to get the young woman to look at her but those cold eyes did nothing for her.

"No that's enough !" Diyoza shouts. "Enough, " 

Sirens start busting from a distance. The sound keeps getting closer to  their ears. Guess someone called the cops, great.

"Shit, just what we need." Diyoza adds.

And apparently Finn is still on the yard. Upon hearing them he gets up from floor he was on and starts walking to Clarke."Clarke i'm sorry for my actions, i, i didn't mean to cause any harm." He says. Then faces Abby. "I'm ashamed because you are like my mom and you know how much i love Clarke." 

A laugh breaks his speech. Lexa is walking towards him. "You asshole." She throws a puntch which he gladly takes has one cop gets out of the car. It was clear then what he was aiming for.

Clarke is so scared she has never seen this of both of them. A man she once loved and the young woman she is in love with. Its a mess. For a second she locks eyes with Lexa and her favourite Green is no more, only a shadow and little bits of it but the eyes loves so much are no more. She can't help but be torn inside that once more Lexa is mad at her. Is this her hobby because it sucks.

"Ma'ma step away from the man ." the police man says as he walks up to them. 

Titus reacts first in his business manner. "Officer good evening, don't mind what you saw its a couple situation." 

"Are you telling me how to do my job sir?" He says . he knows his kind, they think they are too important to be touched. But he is a good cop.

His partner on the other hand recognises one of the rich men in Polis and she steps up with a huge smile. "Mr Woods what my partner means is that we got a complaint from one of your neighbours and it will do us just if you tell us what's going on so we can quickly leave your hair." 

Mr cop seems shaken now but does not break under Titus's gaze.

"My daughter, Alexandria Woods is a little passionate about her relationship and was just defending " he turns to his daughter who looks bored and more drunk than before. "Isn't that right Lexa."

She walks slowly like a sober person, smirks. "My apologies I will let my neighbours know it won't happen again. Sorry for the inconvenience this evening."

The woman flirtly smiles at Lexa. "I guess that is solved, however try to take it inside if you decide to continue."

"Will do..."

"Alison.." She gives her hand which Lexa shakes

"It would have been a shame to be under your cuffs Alison." They here a door bang. Her blue eyes are different from the ones she dreams of every night.Her blonde hair is darker than Clarke's and her double chin, oh boy..those dimples. Jeez she should stop.

"A Shame indeed." Her reply holds more meaning than Lexa would like. Has she watches the police leave, Ontari joins her with a sigh. 

"This is awkward." Her sarcasm makes Lexa smile. This is why she is a good friend never judges and knows when to push. "Do you want me to stay?"

Lexa looks at her friend then her father who has not said a word to her apart from what just happened. Her hands wrap around her neck and pulls Ontari close. "I have a feeling I will need to laugh after all this." 

"I'll let them know its time to leave. " 

Luna and Echo are the first to say goodbye. Followed by Atom, Bellamy and Finn, after seeing that Clarke was not going to see him and Abby had a few choice of words.

In the Kitchen Raven says goodbye to Abby, Jake and Diyoza who are gathered around the island table. She is leaving with Octavia and Lincoln. "Why didn't you go with Bellamy?" Clarke whisper asks but gets only a shrug.

"That's a story of another time my friend." Octavia replies. "Good luck with everything."

The house is starting to die down Josephine and Anya make their way upstairs. They needed to rest who knows what tomorrow will bring.

The night was already heavy. Jake leaves Clarke and her mother for a little mother, daughter relationship.

"I'll be outside." Jake kiases his daughter and leaves.

"Are you back with him?" Abby curiously asks, she was not there to see what happened for it to escalate to were it did but if Finn was at Lexa's house then Clarke had something to do with it. And for her sake she hopes Finn is not back in the picture his attitude was so sicken.

"What? Why would you think that?" She rubs her head and lets out a laugh. "Let me guess, you think its a pattern? That i used Lexa just like i did with everyone else."

"Don't give me attitude, i'm your mother and like always i want to understand my daughter." She gets up, now angry at Clarke for thinking she was judging.

"Mom?" She tries knowing she took out her frustration on the wrong person.

"No, you need space to clear your head." 

Eventually all the parents leave including Nyko who had stayed behind to comfort his friend. Ontari heads upstairs finally giving the couple privacy.

When Lexa enters inside, all the lights are out, she assumes Clarke is in her room hopefully alseep because she doesn't think she can talk. 

Apparently tonight isn't her night. Clarke is still up. Sitting at the edge of the bed, shoulders slagged, hair messy from running her hands in it.

Lexa stands in the doorway waiting for the shoe to drop. Her eyes are lazy and tired. The alcohol has  not yet subsided.

"Lexa.."

"Don't say you are sorry." Cold and distance is the tone that slapped Clarke's ear.

"I was not going to, i wanted to say i didn't he would show up muchless at your place." 

"And why would he not? He had to return your phone right."

Ashamed she looks away...

"I went there to solve something."

"I guess you failed if he decided to send me a lovely tape of you both." 

Clarke gets on her feet. Confused, how did Lexa know, when did he send ?before she left his place or while she was there? Questions that went unanswered in her mind.

"I didn't want you to see it, he threatened to show you if I didn't see him. Lexa its an old tape." She wants to add sorry but knows how the girl feels about it at the moment especially coming from her lips.

"Then why didn't you tell me?" 

Okay still calm voice, that's a good sign.isn't that right. Lexa may understand.

"I don't know, I just didn't want you seeing it and I needed to know why he would do that."

Silence...

She walks in front of the girl, kisses her lips, thinking everything will be fine, Lexa seems to understand.

"Afraid that I wouldn't believe you over him." Her hands trace that milk skin. "That's not what trust looks like." The woman tries to step back but Lexa tightens her grip on her arms. "When did the tape happen?"

"Lexa?"

"Tell me.." An order whispered, termed and scary.

"It was the time he came to visit me, it was the time I decided to take a break from him.."

Silence... Long killing silence...

"After or before?" 

This is more difficult than she anticipated. Lexa was hurt, conflicted to say the least.

"After" Lexa let's her go, steps away from the door and undresses in silent. Clarke wanted to leave the room but couldn't. Running was not the solution. "Lexa?"

"We should break up." Pulling the covers and slids under the covers. No explanation what so ever. Clarke didn't know how to react. Lexa seemed relaxed like what she said was nothing.

"You can't be serious."

"Sleep, process everything, its been a long day but we are over Clarke. A relationship without trust is no relationship at all." 

 

Chapter 12

"You fucking with me?" Clarke yells

"If I was, you would be on your back."

Her eyes are still closed, faking sleep. Clarke was not having it. She storms near the girl and pulls the covers.

"I know I did wrong by you, we were drunk and one thing led to another, it was the time I was supposed to end it with him. Which I did later in the morning. Lexa you knew I was with him after that school trip.."

"Bullshit...I'm supposed to feel better that you dumped the guy you were supposed to dump days back after shooting a fuck tape...probably your fantasy."

Lexa is not yelling which only makes Clarke explode. 

"You knew I was a messed bitch..." 

"A reason to cheat, wow." Her sarcasm was getting on Clarke's nerves.

"We were drunk and a little confused, I was with Finn for a long time it was not easy to just end things but I did the tape was foolish and its not like we planned it or anything, Finn forgot to switch off his camera and I told him to get rid of it which he said he did until today. It was foolish I know."

"Clarke I don't care about what you did. I care about you keeping things from me. You not trusting me, that's why i'm mad. I'll admit watching you with him made me sick but it hurt more that you don't and maybe never will be able to trust me. That i can't look away." 

"And Madi?" She knows she's picking on nothing but she needed to find that hope, Lexa was right but hell was she going to admit it.

"She'll be fine. Madi will continue staying with me like we agreed and you can visit her here and there. "

Tired of going back and forth. Clarke sits next to Lexa, holding her hand. She is going to miss being with this wild girl. She lets out a smile as she recalls her interaction with her at the pool during her first time at Polis. "So this is it, we are really done?" 

"We need to find ourselves and ask ourselves what we really want. baby..sorry, Clarke i really love you but ..."

"Shhh don't continue...i understand, may i.." Brushes her thumb over her lips. "May i kiss you..one last time "

She nods and waits for Clarke to make the first moving. Moving slowly, nose to nose, breathing in the young woman's smile and suffocating in it. Lips touch, they start to move in sync. Clarke deepens the kiss, biting her bottom lip .she can taste salt from her own tears and she breaks down. Lexa pulls away and hugs her, placing her head on her chest. "I'm sorry Lexa, i tried."

"I'm sorry too." 

They stayed like this for a long time .

***

A week later.

Lexa is buying ice cream for her daughter when the guy mixup her order. Her day has been pretty shitty and he goes and does this.

"Does this look like Ice cream deeping to you?" Her voice harsh. The boy rolls his eyes and starts making her the right order.

"Will I always run into you when you're in a bad mood?" A voice said to her from behind. Where did she hear that voice.

Lexa tilts her head and smiles. Dimples flashing at her. Blue eyes...hair hanging off her shoulder. She's wearing a yellow top and blue tight skinny jeans. 

"Alison?" Of course she would remember her from anywhere. The woman was very beautiful. "Uh, sorry I came in to get my daughter something and the order got mixed up."

"Ma'am your order is ready." The boy says handing it to Lexa who glares at him and takes it from him. 

"For a moment I thought you were going to smash his head with the ice cream." The woman giggles and Lexa just smirks. "However I do understand because I have children of my own."

"Oh children?" Her eyes scan the woman's body and she is fit.

"Yeah twins, there back in Rosewood with their mom and honesty I miss them." Lexa is intrigued. "Sorry for over sharing, "

"No no, its good to hear something positive apart from my daughters'. Speaking of her ice cream is starting to melt. 

"Yeah of course." Alison smiles and moves passed Lexa. 

Not once has she looked at another woman since Clarke and not once has she seen her since she left that fateful night. Alison was a breath of fresh air.

"Hey ....we can have a few drinks."  Lexa suggests. And that's how they exchange numbers and stuff.

****

Clarke is walking to her car. Most students have left already. These past few days have been really slow, lonely and just empty. 

She has not seen Lexa since she walked out of my room. The girl made sure they didn't cross paths, which she is so thankful for because she wouldn't know how to act. Her mother was right in some way, she wasn't ready to be with Lexa and in some way she did use the girl by playing both sides. Yeah, she fucking did some thinking which is why today feels different. 

Its just drama, drama, speaking of. Raven dropped one on her, she and Bellamy broke up and her mind was still trapped for her to process the information.

And speaking of Finn she never wants to speak or see his face again. Fuck family clearly he has no respect for it and his better off alone. She knows Lincoln and Bellamy still communicate with him which is okay because they are men and like brothers bluh bluh bluh.

"Griffin?" That must be Raven. Didn't she leave?

"Raven." 

"What you doing tonight?" She's excited this means a party and no she doesn't want any of that. Not that she hates them, but Clarke is starting to enjoy having her thoughts swim around and just think about her life in general.

"Probably watch my daughter sleep."

"Come on Clarke its Friday, get someone to watch Madi, there is this..."

"Raven no fucking way, I want to go home, take a fucking shower to get rid of the smell of teaching then watch telenovelas and put Madi to bed. No parties, Nada, none of that shit."

Her excitement fades a little but she's still happy.

"Whatever you say but I will send you the address and full time pictures to get to join us. Octavia is coming too." 

"You'all bitches need to chill with them bottles." And the good part or bad part whichever way you want to look at it Raven can drink a bottle of whiskey and still look like she just had two glasses, its crazy were as if Clarke had those two glasses, she's laughing at flies and shit.

"Girl we don't even drink that much."

They talk a little before they have to both leave.

***

Lexa is sitting at a table waiting for Alison. She chose a simple restaurant to feel comfortable she does not want it to have a different vibe than just friends having a drink. Wait who said they were friends. Uh! She is thinking too much about this.

Alison walks in and from where her table is she can see every person who walks in. The woman is in black jeans and a white top, wavy hair falling over her shoulders like always so far. Lexa lifts her hand and the woman walks up to her shaking those curves, okay that's enough.

"Glad you made it." They hug and Lexa loves her smell, Vanilla. Now that she thinks of it the smell as been lingering in her mind.

"As do I." Alison takes her seat and the waiter comes over. She takes their order and they chat away like old friends. It was a welcoming feeling that Lexa couldn't explain. Alison was warm and open minded and she also smelled good too.

"So you're the photographer who's making noise in Polis."

"I don't know how it all happened but I have to thank my fans. Social media is a powerful tool."

"Yeah technology can also burn you." Her voice drifted away she quickly pulled through. "Was it your idea to be anonymous?"

The food was saved and they dived right in. Sharing childhood stories and their jobs, you know, the usual Q&A.

"She sounds like an amazing woman." Lexa says. Alison looked like a different person talking about Emily.

"She is. What about your lady, " sips on her drink "_you too pretty to be single.

"Ah, we. Uh...we broke up." Looks Alison in the eye. "Lask week."

"Let me guess, it was the night we met."

"I didn't want it to end but I guess we need  it. "

"When did you meet?" 

For some reason unknown to both they were so open for first time chit chat.

"I was in highschool," Lexa laughs as she recalls the time they met. "Clarke was my math teacher."

Alison is quiet.

"You think it was crazy."

"No, I have a friend who fell in love with her teacher. I was just recalling on that."

"What happened to them?" Seeming interested in were this is going.

"He put a ring on it, still married." She takes Lexa's hand and brushes her thumb on her knakles. "However it was not easy, keeping it a secret and having someone out them...bottom line is that they pulled after all the drama. I'm curious though, why did you let go if you still love her."

"How do you know i still do." She looks at their joined fingers. 

"Because you keep smirking when you mention her name. I'll tell you this, i did shit to Emily, my lies and manipulation was on another level." She pulls  her Hand back, "So what did your woman do to you?"

"She cheated on me and i was not 100 percent too. See when she told me about her being with child and all, i panicked and left not like running because i was going for school but to be honest i ran away from her emotionally and i didn't know. I'm back but things are not the same. It seems our foundation was not strong enough to hold the building so now it has fallen."

Alison is a little lost. Was Madi her kid or not. Thankfully Lexa read those vibes. 

"Madi is my daughter, i was born with a penis."

"Wow, you should be a detective with how quick you can read the room. Damn makes me feel like a Rockie."

Lexa is greatful for the light joke, Alison does not look turned off and her smile grows. Those dimples.

""Relationships are crazy, I once kissed Emily when I knew she had feelings for me and told her it was for practice when she wanted to try something with me. " points at herself. "I'm a mess and she still said yes to me. So what are you going to do?"

"That is crazy, she must have felt horrible." Lexa laughs. "What else is there to do."

"You said your foundation was crippled."

"Yeah.." Not really understanding were this was going.

"Lexa...build a new foundation, clearly the both of you are different people now, you have grown up, not the same and she to has being doing some growing."

Lexa leans back and smiles so wide she could rip her lips. 

 

Chapter 13

Clarke helps Madi with her homework, listening to all the stories about her day and so on and so forth. Gaia had dropped off the girl who was just as happy to see her mommy as she was.

“Mommy, this…” she points her little fingers on her drawing of what should be a female but looks nothing like it, only the dress lets you know it’s a female. Clarke asks who it is.

“Momma…her Nose…and hair…just like momma.” Clarke nods in agreement. And high fives her little bunny.

“Sweetie it looks just like her.” She picks her up and they head upstairs to get the kid in bed. “But it’s time to sleep, tomorrow will go to the park and play in SOIL!” she tickles her till the kid is shouting NO! Yeah that word is here to stay.

Clarke reads her a book and before she knows it, Madi is fast asleep. Gone are the days when she would sleep with no care about anything, now there is a mini her sleeping soundly.

Her phone goes off with a bunch of notifications from Octavia and Raven. She heads out of the room not to wake Madi, her friends must be trying to convince her to go out again.

First she is washed up by pictures after pictures of the two in the club, then voice notes telling to come down and have just one drink. Then a picture of Lexa’s friends with a caption, do you think Lexa is here? Asked by Raven. Which is answered by Octavia sending a selfie of herself but with a clear view of the background, and there is no mistaking Lexa talking with Josephine. The caption reads, found her. Clearly they are drunk.

Raven texts her saying the girl is not drinking, however maybe they should stop telling this to Clarke but then Clarke has complained time and time again how she misses the girl and so this might help.

She types back saying that actually they should stop because it would look creepy.

Clarke looks over the picture and smiles to herself. The young woman looks so happy, her smile so intense even from a distance. Her phone vibrates and it was Octavia saying Anya just invited them and that she and Raven are a little too comfortable with each other.

These will drive her mad one of these days, but it was a good gesture to see Lexa in her element again. It makes her happy knowing that the girl is happy even if it isn’t hundred percent.

Her phone goes off and it’s Octavia.

“Girl please don’t tell me you’re drunk calling me.” She jokes.

“Not drunk just tipsy. Why are you not here?”

See, drunk…

“O I’m with Madi tonight. Are you outside?”

“Yes, I may need a ride home because I don’t feel too good.” her voice drops an octave

“And Raven is…

“I don’t know, she is with that girl, Lexa’s sister…I’m sure there sleeping with each other again. Are you coming or not so I could start walking.”

Always dramatic.

“No need, just go back inside and I’ll be there.”

“Sorry I called, I would stay and wait for Raven but I’m seriously not well,”

“I’ll get someone there,”

“Not Bellamy! He and Raven are in a good place, I don’t want him to see her with you know who. And Lincoln can’t come either, they are in the same boat. He will tell her that he saw Raven and shit.”

“Fine, get back inside, not alone, find Raven.”

 

***

Clarke enters the club and it is full, bodies moving left to right. Sweaty and all. She types on her phone for the sixth time, telling Octavia that she is at the bar. Her phone goes off and Octavia replies with a look behind you. She does and finds her standing behind her giving her a scare.

“Why do you do that, jeez. Now lets go.”

“We can’t,”

“Octavia I have my mom at home grumpy for waking her up this late, thank goodness it was not that late for her to drive because she would have said no so please lets go home.”

“Clarke!” Raven calls from somewhere

“Oh great, she’s here I’m out.”

“No! You just got here.” Raven yells as she orders another round of drinks.

This is starting to turn out like those nights in high school they got Clarke to sneak out of the night and join them at a party saying they were feeling some type of way.

“Octavia are you still unwell?”

“Unwell? Or yeah I’m not feel that good, maybe we should sit down and.”

“Guys no, I don’t want to run into her. Not like this.” She turns to leave

Guess she is not lucky, who happens to stand right in her way. Yes, you are right. Lexa. Wearing all Black, and now she has a black beanie on.

“Hey!” she moves closer so I can get her. “Didn’t think you’re here.”

“I wasn’t, Octavia needed a ride and here I am.”

They stand there in silence, yet filled with a lot of noise in the background. Lexa smiles and moves out of the way. “Well it was good seeing you, Clarke.”

Okay, are they back to flirty? Because that was flirty or maybe it’s just in her head. She hears her order another bottle of water and Clarke matches out of the place with Octavia on her toe.

“Do you need water?” Octavia asks once there settled in the car.

“What? “

“You look hot, your face is so Red right now. I can’t believe you still blush around her.”

“I wasn’t, just caught off guard.”

“Yeah right, let’s get out of here, mommy Abby is waiting.”

 

***

Saturday in the morning, Lexa up for a run. She wakes up at 5AM and decides to run more miles than the usual. Last turned out to be great, it was her first night out since you know what happened and seeing Clarke there was fantastic. With her hair pulled in a messy bun and a pair of dark jeans, yeah it was a sight to see. Raven had told her she’s in the club the moment the woman turned up and she thanked everything. Beautiful as ever. She was not going to make herself known but then Alison popped into her mind and took this as an opportunity to see the Woman.

Those Blue eyes are something else. She smirks to herself as she comes to a stop before she runs back home. Maybe she should run through the park this time. It’s a beautiful morning for sightseeing who knows what might capture her attention.

It’s around 8AM past. Not sure how time slipped through her today. Music making her body feel like she is flying as she picked up her speed.

Then she saw her, at first she thought it was her hallucinating again but the closer she got, the more clear the woman got. Blonde hair pulled in a bun, sweats pants that she recognizes.

Those are her sweats.

She smiled and then ran faster to catch up with Clarke. Who could have thought, are they going to keep meeting like this?

“Clarke?” she called, slowing down next to her and switching off her music. “Fancy seeing you here,” eyes looking her up and down. She looks so hot in her clothes, the thought itself gets her hard.

“Lexa, where did you come from?” she’s flustered.

Lexa smiles, till now the woman still gets flustered by her. She needs to high five herself when she gets home. “I mean I’m just surprised to see you here”

“I have my ways,” Lexa looks around and turns back to Clarke who is shyly looking everywhere but Lexa. “Here alone?”

She questioned. And don’t judge her, she still cares for the woman and would like to know what brings her to the park so early.

“Brought Madi, she is with Mother behind that tree.” Points at the tree, though Lexa does not even look, just staring at her. “Want to see her…”

“No.” she starts to walk away from the girl but not before brushing the woman’s hand with her own. “It’s your time with her.” She starts to jog away, but turns and watches Clarke smile to herself while continuing her walk, then Lexa shouts after her. “Clarke, you look beautiful in those sweats.”

If Clarke could melt, she would have. A few passer by looked her way and some smiled at her. Lexa just complimented her in public, and does she know that these are her clothes? Probably not right? But then, she blushes at being caught and watches the girl disappear from her view. She’s also fast.

It’s funny how they have not even talked about Madi’s school event coming up because they both have to be there. Honestly what could a bunch of toddlers have to perform for an audience? Don’t they just colour animals and sleep and sing? She wondered. The event is next week Friday so it will be fun, maybe, that is why she is bring Raven along.

Chapter 14

Sunday evening came so fast for Clarke, it was getting harder for her to say bye to Madi and only get to see her on Fridays. These times suck. Bags are ready, Madi is watching cartoons in the living room when they hear a car outside.

“Madi?” she walks to the window and see a Black SUV. That’s strange, Gaia does not drive such a car. “I’ll be right back sweetie.” She pulls the door open and walks to the driveway. What lost cow is it now, she hates it when people get lost, it has never happened to her but she can complain on behalf of the society.

The car door opens and who steps out, Lexa that’s who. She’s in Black slacks and White sneakers. Hair pulled back in a cute ponytail. Her eyes look more Greener than ever.

“Lexa?” she calls.

Why is she here? Don’t get her wrong she’s happy to see the girl but a little heads up would be well appreciated. She looks like a trash bag at this moment and Lexa looks like a well cooked meal. Just like always…

“In the flash, is Madi ready?” Lexa’s phone went off and she typed a quick text to whomever decided to interrupt their moment.

Her fingers so smooth, soft and swift. Those skilled fingers rubbing…

“Clarke” her hand waved in front of Clarke. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Cleared her throat. “You were saying…”

A smug smirk appeared and she wanted nothing more but to run her thumb on that sext glossy bottom lip..

This is going too far…Clarke turned and matched in the inside of the house, while going through a little minor details about Madi.

Lexa could care less what Clarke was ranting on about, her eyes were glued on those curves, moving from left to right. Once again she is in her sweatpants and not just any sweats, these used to be her favorite. They were more comfy than the rest.

“Madi momma is here.” Clarke called when they entered the kitchen. “Want anything to drink?”

Lexa connected her forest to her Ocean eyes. Its only been a few days but it feels like a year, not being able to touch her the way she wants too. Staring until the waves crush behind them, knocking her back to reality and remembering why there here.

“Thank you for the offer but we should get going.” Lexa says and turns to walk outside. She needs to breathe. Her throat is tightening like shit. She was doing fine just seconds ago what happened? Lexa needs to remember what’s real and what’s not.

What just happened?

Clarke stood there for a second and went after Lexa. She shouldn’t but who is she fooling her love is having a moment and she would like to know why.

Outside, Lexa is hovering against her Car as if she might pass out.

Footsteps quicken behind her and Lexa pulls herself together just in time for an arm to grip her forearm, tilting her so there face to face.

“This is getting harder by the minute.” Lexa voiced out, her phone going off again, however this time she ignores it.” I have always had trouble thinking when you looked at me like that.”

A smirk.

Clarke speechless, what she wants is to kiss that mouth and if she continues going down this road…

Space!

Space!

SPACE!!

And she pulls back, smiles.

“And you always controlled yourself well.” She blushes at the way Lexa is looking at her. Reminds her of the time they met at that Mascaraed party. Only Green eyes called to her and that’s the look Lexa has right now. “Let me go get her.” She said but didn’t move. They both stood there for a moment while Lexa’s phone blared, sucking them back to earth.

“I don’t know how long I can control myself around you.” Lexa whispered in her ear. She stood right in her space, anyone to see them in this position might think they are about to kiss.

Wait is that what is going on? Clarke wondered.

Lexa dropped her eyes to those pink lips. Back to Blue eyes, then pink, Blue, Pink. Oh you get it. She can’t decide on what to do. Leaning in, she can feel Clarke’s breath on her lips. Fingers trail down her arms as she squeezes the blonde’s waist.

“Lexa...”

“Sorry.” Takes a deep breath in and pulls away. “You should bring Madi, its getting late.”

“Yeah I should …”

Clarke turns and walks inside, roughly running her hands through her hair. She can feel the ghost of Lexa’s lips on her.

So close, yet so far.

She carries Madi to Lexa who starts jumping in her arms immediately she sees her mother. Apparently Lexa was taking a pull off the cigarette. She quickly tosses it aside and steps on it. “There is my princess.”

Madi laughs at the several kisses raining down her face by her mother. “Momma stop.” She laughs and Lexa continues making grunting sounds kissing the girl’s hair. “No momma. LAUGH…momma. No...”

“Okay if you wish, do you want ice cream?”

“I want ice cream…mommy ice cream.”

“Don’t forget to leave some for me.” Clarke says goodbye, they put Madi in the Car and before leaving Clarke pulls Lexa aside. She is a little concerned about Lexa having a panic attack which was well controlled from what she saw but Clarke still need to make sure her thoughts are clear when driving.

“Clarke I am fine, you have nothing to worry about.” She assure.

Her reaction earlier was just her body trying to jump out of its cage and touch Clarke the way she want too.

****

Monday in the morning. Lexa sitting in Dr. Green’s office staring an open space. The woman has not taken her eyes off her since she got here.

This is always strange yet she has known this woman ever since Monty introduced her as his wife. Monty is a family Doctor and when she started to slip up he suggested his wife and from then on wards she has been such a bone Lexa needed to catch. She always waits for Lexa to start at her own pace and can wait as long as it takes. Sometimes Lexa may even go back home or wherever without saying not more than four words.

“So, I almost kissed Clarke.” She spats out.

Pen scribbles across the paper in rush…

“Almost?” she asks calmly

“Exactly, almost. I didn’t do it.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Clarke, she didn’t want to.”

More writing.

“Is that what she told you?”

“No.”

“So what made you think so?”

“I don’t know, her body, her tone, I don’t. Something made me pull away when she called my name.”

“Why did you pull away Lexa?”

“I just told you.”

She crosses her leg over the other and waits. By now Lexa knows that she can’t move past this subject with this woman.

“I still love her. Today, she looked more relaxed and beautiful. Seeing her in my clothes made me feel nostalgic. Those Ocean eyes enchanted my mind, plugging my soul and I couldn’t resist her. However kissing Clarke would mean blaring the lines and I don’t want that, kissing her would make this confusing and I don’t want confusion, I want clarity from both ends.”

She nods and writes.

Lexa pulls herself in a sleeping position on the sofa, staring at the ceiling while diving in deep about Clarke and the progress in her life.

***

It’s Monday afternoon.

Clarke is walking with a student to her fourth period. Wearing a tight fitting dress and Black heels the woman looks amazing.

“Madam no one like surprise quizzes.” The girl says. She her top student who seem to care for both school and parties which is the normal. Keep it balance.

“And no one will ever do.” They share a laugh just as they arrive at her class. The girl enters first in time for her phone to vibrate. Looking at the caller id, its Raven.

What does she want?

“Raven Class is on.”

“My bad, just giving you a heads up. Lexa is in the building.”

What? She looks left and right.

“What is she doing here?”

“Don’t know, I just saw her talking to Jaha and they are heading your way.”

Now that is fucked up. She can’t see her.

Her body still hasn’t recovered from their last proximity. It’s burning and she does not think its health to be dripping wet like a broken pipe.

“uh, Thank you Raven.”

“Do me a favor by acting normal.”

“I do act normal”

“Right and yet the sky is Blue.”

She hangs up and walks into her class, clearing her throat. Maybe she should give them a quiz, that will give her time to prepare her body for the summer that is about to come. And so she does just that.

Ten minutes later, there is a knock on the door and Jaha pops his head out. He calls for Clarke as the kids keep writing their answers not wanting to worst time nosing around.

“Jaha, afternoon.” She looks at Lexa who is look right at her. “Lexa.”

Why is she looking at me like that? Doesn’t she know the word subtle? Clarke wonders. And her eyes are not helping her situation.

“Clarke sorry to disturb you, I was showing Lexa around the place on the few changes we have made.” Jaha informs her.

She nods but still does not get why Lexa is here.

“Oh, is she going to be volunteering like her friend Atom?” she just needed to ask because the suspense was doing nothing but burn her flash.

“No, I asked her a favor to feel in on Couch wills position has we find a permanent couch for gym class and she keeps saying no.”

“I told you there is nothing I know about this.” Lexa adds in a sweet voice. Jaha places a hand on her shoulder.

“Oh come on this is your school who cares if you’re not qualified. It’s only for a few days, maybe two or so. Wills fell from a tree and now he gets bedrest which leaves us no teacher. Clarke what do you think?”

It was hard to catch up with everything. Lexa working in her space and why did Wills have to climb a fucking tree.

“Ugh…well she was a good student,” Clarke starts to cough like a dying man. “Excuse me.”

“Sure. Drink a little water I don’t another of my teachers to be sick.” Jaha called behind her as she raced to the bathroom.

“That was weird.” He says.

“Tell me about it.”

They continue their walk and all Lexa can think about is Clarke. She didn’t think that this will happen when she woke up this morning.

“Now tell me, when are you going back to Law school?” Lexa rolls her eyes at the man. His always so pushy. “And don’t give me that bullshit that’s going around.”

One thing she can’t argue is that Jaha knows her well. It’s like he can read her mind or something. Even the times when Diyoza dropped her off at his house, he was the best and they got along really fine.

***

The room suddenly feel too small. Why would Lexa come to her wake place? And she is aware the girl’s relation with the school but why now?

The door opens and she closes her eyes thinking it’s some annoying teacher she needs to deal with by coming up with a good reason she looks like she’s about to cry before rumor goes round that she probably crazy.

Clearing her throat she looks in the mirror and meets Green eyes. And why can’t she just look a mess for a day.

“Tell me you don’t want me here and I won’t take it.”

The dominance in her voice was clear.

I should say yes I don’t want you hear because all it will do is get me horny every step of the way but looking into those eyes makes Clarke question herself. She Clarke turns faces the girl who steps even closer.

“If you want to do it then go ahead.” I try to sound in control

“Not what I asked.” She brushed her nose against my cheek.

Eyes shut, healing her saint and gripping the sink so that she does not pull her in for a kiss. She is such a tease.

“I forgot to ask you yesterday.”

“Go on…”

Is she smelling my hair? Clarke asked herself…and she thought she is the crazy one.

“Madi’s event is coming and I think it would be best if we go the three of us together, not separate.”

Pause.

Lexa pulls away but still breathing down her space.

“Perfect,” she licks her lips in what seems to be a slow movement, “Lets do this, I’ll have Madi be dropped off at your place Thursday. That why you doll her up for Friday and in the afternoon I will pick both of you to go at her school.”

Clarke smiles…

“You’re doing all this to get out of doing her hair and taking her shopping, right?”

“I love shopping but the kid runs around like crazy.”

“Well she doesn’t get it from.”

Lexa chuckles. “It happened once and you know I was hungry.”

They laugh at the memory and soon Lexa throws herself at her. The hug was unexpected and very warm. For a second Clarke didn’t return it but when she did, Lexa breathed out like she was holding her breath for rejection or something. This was definitely a new zone for them, it was harder every day.

“I miss you.” Lexa whispered in her ear, sending chills to Clarke’s core. She missed this. This was starting to feel like the Lexa she fell in love with. The cocky, Rude, obnoxious and sweet girl.

“I miss you as well.” She softly pulls back and looks into dilated pupils, she feel her hardening against her warm body radiation heat from between her legs. Honestly it wouldn’t be a surprise if water started dripping like a broken pipe because she is getting wet.

***

“So did you two kiss?” Raven asks jumping on her couch, like literary jumping.

“She just hugged me and we talked after that and then she left.” Clarke voices sipping on her wine.

Raven came at her house straight from work only to get some juice. By that I mean gossip. The woman couldn’t even rest, immediately the door opened Raven was tossing questions from left to right.

“Really? You telling me you locked yourselves in the bathroom just so you could talk?” She is not impressed.

“The door wasn’t locked Raven.”

“That was me trying to add salt to what you just gave me.” Swings her legs over the couch and changes the channel to sports. “Did you like it?”

“Raven, this is Lexa we are talking about,” sips on wine. “She’s making me touch myself more than I ever did when she was in Trikru.”

“Oh! Too much information blondie.”

Clarke just as the doorbell goes off. They both look at the door shocked as if it can talk and shit.

“Expecting someone?” Raven asks

Clarke walks to the door. “No.” asks who it is and it is her fucking mother, jeez the woman needs to go back to working if this is how much she’ll be dropping by. Pulls the door open and smiles at her mom who has a dish of food in her hands.

“Hello dear sorry for dropping by randomly but brought dinner.” She sets the dish on the kitchen counter and starts to pull out plates to save them. “Raven you better leave the couch.”

“Its like you read my mind.” Raven says.

“More like read your text.” Abby adds.

Clarke slaps Raven in the head like two children at a dinner table. “You called you bum?”

“Hey, in my defense she offered free food.”

“Stop it you two.” They all sit. “I came because I miss dining with just us girls.” Her smile is contagious. Clarke joined in and kissed her mom’s cheek. She loves the woman but dropping like a bomb at her place is a no, no.

A minute into dinner Abby drops the shoe, well not thee shoe. “So how was the sex between you and Lexa?”

Food run into a wrong pipe at those words. Raven is enjoying this. “Mom? Seriously?”

“What?” she looks so innocent.

“That’s a good question Abby.” Raven pushes on

“I just want to know what drives you crazy about her and knowing you the sex has to be on the table, I understand you two are no longer an item but I’m curious and you are the only one with the answer.”

“And you couldn’t think of anything else, besides I don’t want to talk about her.” She says in her most fake pity voice.

“Oh drop it, I know you think about in most places and you know ever since I walked on you and Nylah my eyes no longer see your partners innocent.

“I recall that day like it was yesterday.” Raven is smiling at her.

History of the story is that her mother found her and the said girl smashing it real hard in a very awkward position.

“If you want to know she used to make my toes curl.”

“Boring!” Raven shouts.

“Shut up Raven”

“Real question, do you still want to be with her?” Abby asks with a serious face.

She thinks about it for a while because certain questions even when you know the answer you still have to think so you don’t fuck up.

“It’s only been a few days but all I can think about is needing her by my side. I want to do write by her.”

“So why haven’t you?” The woman questions.

“I...” she trails off

“Because if you want her then show her how much and rewrite whatever it is but do it now.”

“What is it’s too soon?” Clarke asks in a low voice.

“Clarke the girl talks to you every chance she gets, and tries to get close to you, what more Green light can she give you.”

“I’m not saying you jump in but you can try to walk in your new shoes.”

“What Abby is saying is.” Raven stands on her feet. “Call her fucking ass, let her know you’re thinking about her.” The girl is insane, clapping her hands for dramatic effect.

Calling seems like a good idea but she does not know if Lexa would appreciate that. Though it is true the girl has been pushing slowly. Being all charming and cute just like the time they met. So Clarke picks up the phone and calls the brunette who picks up at the second ring.

"Hello?"

that is not her angelic voice....who the fuck is this?

"Lexa?"

"No it's Ontari, Lexa is in the bathroom." there is movement in the background. "Let me just take the phone to her."

"No!"

Why did I fucking call? Clarke thought.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 15

It’s the third time she has let the phone go to voice mail. She can’t explain what she is feeling at the moment but the jealousy. Is real?

“Clarke?” Raven calls as she puts on her shoes to head at her house. “Ontari is her friend, you do realize that don’t you?”

Abby already left after receiving a phone call from her husband. A good thing for Clarke because she could not have stand being lectured by two people. Raven is enough.

“I know.”

“You called her and now she is calling back, the least you can do is pick up the fucking phone.” A little anger could be picked up from the woman’s tone.

“Why do you support her?” Clarke crossed her arms. It was not the question she meant to ask but who cares, Raven seems closer to the girl ever since she returned. It’s as if they have a secret friendship or something.

Raven lets out a laugh and stares at her friend’s form. Then laughs even harder. “You’re bullshitting me.”

Clarke sighs and walks to the couch. Her mind is all over the place right now and she shouldn’t be pissed at Raven for putting her in check. “I’m sorry. The truth is that I am jealous of Ontari.” She smiles. “Saying it out loud is ridiculous.”

Raven comes over and sits next to her. “No it isn’t. You’re human and love the girl but seriously drop it a little you can’t just suspect her with everyone you see her smiling with”. The other time it was the hot police officer, now its Raven. Really Clarke?

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Raven starts. “You know of me and Anya, how can you think that Lexa is unaware of it or that we don’t communicate more than the usual. She’s more like the middle man who helps talk sense to Anya.” She giggles. “Do you know how upset she was when you caught us in the Kitchen, I swear Anya was about to grow an extra head.”

Clarke smiles a little, hearing Raven talk about her just confirms how selfish she was about her problems and never once asked about how Raven was doing and her feelings.

“Are you too together?”

“Not really.” She gets up and pulls her jacket on. “See you tomorrow. If she does not call again, please call her…you two are supposed to be building slowly the trust. Not picking up a call raises an eyebrow.”

They walk to the door. Raven hugs her goodbye and leaves.

Finally left alone with her thoughts, she heads to the kitchen and starts placing the dirty dishes in the dishwasher when the doorbell rings. Rolls her eyes and looks around for what possible thing Raven forgot now.

“Coming!”

Looks around one more time and rushes to the door. “Left something?” She exclaims as she pulls the door open. Her mouth falls open at the sight in front of her. Lexa is wearing Black and white dress-pants. It has a V neck that falls all the way at her belly button and boy has it been long since she saw those abs and the shiny Ring attached to the navel.

“Are you okay?” Her voice horse and demanding. Blue eyes couldn’t stay focused so she moved out of the way for Lexa to enter who took the hint well and walked in. Brushing her breast just by her shoulder. Intentional or not, her body is on full alert. Her smell is back on, she wonders why she changed it last time. “I thought something happened to you, so I rushed here but now I see you were just ignoring my phone call.”

Wow this plane is dropping fast.

“I didn’t…” she’s cut off by an angry Lexa

“Save it. Since you’re fine I should leave.” She starts walking but Clarke stands in her way. This fire that she just started must be put off before things turn to dust because they are in a good place-ish.

“Lexa wait. I didn’t answer because.” This is awkward. “Because I was jealous of Ontari and couldn’t stop thinking about why she answered.” There, out in the open.

Lexa looks her in the eyes and she can see the dark moon leaving her.

“Jealous?”

“Yes, jealous, extra crazy jealous.”

The girl smirks and moves further into the room. “You do realize, Ontari is my best friend and it’s like Raven picking up your phone for you.”

That’s not what Clarke sees at all.

“Raven does not look at me the way she does.”

A good minute goes by before Lexa steps forward. Clarke does not blink an eye, this is the moment she has being waiting for.

“Jealousy looks good on you.” She brushes her fingers over her cheek and down Clarke’s neck, stops on her clavicle. “I could kiss you…”

“So do it.” A challenge.

Lexa loves a good challenge she didn’t expect Clarke to fire back like that. She’s being getting used to shy and nervous Clarke. All these years and the woman still gets flustered by her, so beautiful. It would be easy to capture those lips, tear them open while eating them raw.

“I’m glad you’re alright, I on the other hand need to get back.” Lexa steps away, walking to the door. Just when her fingers touches the door knob, Clarke pulls her wrist. The quick motion causes Lexa to spin and collide with Clarke, chest to chest, nose to nose.

Hell was she allowing Lexa to leave this house not until…well she has not thought ahead.

“You can’t keep leaving me all hot and bothered.”

Lexa smirks, pushes the woman into the wall with a loud bang but careful not to hurt the blonde woman. “Bothered you say. How so?” Her smug clear in her voice.

Clarke moves her body closer and feels the brunette hardening. She reaches down and cups her, watching Lexa close her eyes in the sensational feeling, supple lips pull inward as her jaw clench. She moaned, legitimately moaned, automatically causing her fingers to massage the bulge. Her nose brushed against Clarke’s as their shallow pants mingled in the small gap between them.

“You don’t play fair.” Lexa hissed as she dropped her head on the milky skin and nibbled her neck, biting the earlobe. “But you have to try harder than that.” Clarke moaned and opened her eyes as the realization hit her.

What?

Lexa quickly pulled away, swinging the door open and left without any last words. Well she did say something but who cares. Clarke is panting like crazy, she smiles at herself and eventually locks the door. Picks up her phone and sends a quick text to Lexa.

BLUE EYED BIRD 10:40PM

I’ll get you for that.

***

Thursday morning, Lexa on her usual run with a partner, Alison. They have a comfortable pace were they can also catch up. Alison tells her about work and the twins and that Emily is coming down to visit.

“So why didn’t you kiss her again?” Alison asks breathless stopping to catch her breath.

Lexa does the same with an eye roll, she’s told this story several times now. “Dr Green would be proud of me.” Starts walking “I am controlling myself.”

“If that’s control I wouldn’t want to see the other side.”

“Oh I’m wild.”

They laugh. Talking to Alison is easy and carefree not afraid of being judged or anything. Ontari is a judger the girl has no filter at all.

“And Ontari?

“What about her?” she fires back

“If she’s jealous you might want to talk to Ontari, see if you’re on the same page.”

Eyebrows frown.

“What are you say?”

“You know what I’m saying.”

“Not exactly.”

Why can’t they all understand that Ontari is just a friend plus she’s not into girls. Okay there times when they were in high school before she fell for Clarke, they would flirt a little but nothing more.

“Calm down,” she comes closer and places a hand on her shoulder. “If someone is jealous it’s because they are seeing what you don’t in some cases if you are not cheating”
“I’m not.”

“I know.”

She scoffs “This is why I run alone, too much talking is not good for me.” They start walking, “Oh…how long will Emily be here?”

“Not sure, hoping long. Why do you ask?”
“Because I may have a reason for her to stay longer.”

Alison smiles “What are you up to?” pushing her shoulder playfully.

“If you catch me I’ll tell you.” And she takes off running with a huge smile.

“What? That is not fair Lexa.” She yells while laughing at her ridiculous friend running like she is being chased.

****

The bell goes off and Clarke buries herself in marking test papers. She can hear a few girls giggling about something on the phone and can’t wait for them to leave her in peace.

“She has such amazing eyes.” One of the girls exclaims almost screaming. This goes one for a few seconds before they collect their bags and start to head out.

“Great, get out of here.” Clarke said to herself. The girl with perfect hair if there is even such a thing, walks up to the desk. “AHHH! WHAT NOW!” Her mind cries out. She smiles at the girl.

“Miss Griffin?” she pulls out her phone and shows Clarke. “Do you know this new Polis Photographer?”

The video clip shows Lexa at a lake, their lake now. Of course she has a mask covering her from nose to chin but sometimes the camera zooms in on the eyes as she explains how she captures certain elements…Clarke zones out as she recalls the memories of that place, it looks more beautiful than she recalls.

“Why do you think I know her?” because seriously why.

“She said she was a senior not long ago at this school, maybe you may know her. Don’t kids share their success with teachers, mostly their favorite?

“I have heard of her but it seems she wants to keep her identity under wraps. No I don’t know who she might be.”

They look a little disappointed like they were sure Clarke will give them an answer they actually want to hear.

Once there out of the door Clarke pulls out her phone and searches for the video. The jeans that she was rocking looked so sexy on her with the dark hoodie over her head. Definitely mysterious.

***

Lexa, Anya and her parents are having dinner at the woods mansion. They always do these dinners so they don’t forget what family is all about even with the fights.

“So mom, have you decided where we are going for the vacation.”

“Already did.” She sips on her wine. “Oh not to forget, we invited the Griffins to join us.”

“What? Why?” Lexa spats

“Come on Lexa, its thanks to you that I can call Abby family now and what better way of bonding than to spend four days with them.” Diyoza finishes.

“You do realize that Clarke is my ex right?”

“Please Lexa we all know you still love that woman.” Titus speaks up for the first time since they started eating. “When you resolve whatever is going on, put a ring on that finger.”

Lexa looks like a dear about to be killed. Scared? Yes. Titus has never, well sometimes he does say something good things about Clarke but marriage? That is strange coming from him.

“Dad are you okay?” Anya asks since Lexa can’t form any words.

“Don’t look that surprised, I’m not that mean.” Everyone looks at him, “fine. But your mom and I have talked and well I love you Lexa, if Clarke makes you happy then I should accept it and support you as a father. Both of you.”

“Thank you Dad, so can you tell mom that the Griffins can’t come. For support.” She smiles in her bratty smile.

“Not in this case, the Griffins are coming, we want Madi to have memorable moments of both her parents while you decide how it will be. Plus I get Jake for four days do you know how hard that is with our jobs.”

“Anya say something.”

“I’m not the one with a baby mama.”

“Seriously? You know vacations are my time to act like a ten year old, how would that look in front of her?” She sighs has Diyoza smiles at her. “In that case I get to bring friends.”

“What? If she brings friends, so do i.” Anya chips in.

“Girls you know friends are not allowed.” Diyoza reminds them

“But the Griffins are not family and they are coming, it’s only fair if we expand for more room.” Anya complains

“We can allow them dear, lets do something different for a change.” Titus says.

“Okay, what have you done to my dad?” Anya questions in a sarcastic tone.

They all share a laugh before all talking about Titus and his weird behavior.

***

It’s Friday.

Clarke is all dressed up with Madi on her toe. She decided to go with a casual dress but not too casual with a pair of Black heels.

Madi is wearing a colorful dress with cute shoes, hair toned, and showing off those curls. Lexa did a good thing letting her do her hair. It’s a task she enjoys doing and can’t explain why it means so much.

She hears the sound of a car pulling up outside and runs around parking Madi’s items in a bag.

“Are you guys ready?” Lexa walks in the kitchen with hands in her pocket. One neatly done long bread holds her hair together. Her perfume hovering around Clarke who is doing everything she can not to stare at her. Lexa is more composed than the last time.

“Ugh Madi is watching a cartoon in the living room. But…but we are ready.” Great she can’t even come up with a coherent sentence.

She nods and heads to the living-room. Madi’s excited voice can be heard has she talks and giggles in between words.

Clarke makes her to the living room, announcing that she is ready. Madi jumps to her feet and Lexa gracefully stands up, straightening invisible wrinkles. Momentarily glazing over with lust and dragged her eyes over the leather coat before meeting Green eyes again.

“What?” Lexa questions

“You look…sexy.” Deepening her voice at the last world just the Lexa loves it.

Clarke strained to keep her lips from pulling up as she took in Lexa’s reactions of being this close to her. Even now, with the unknown outcome of their relationship their bodies are still drawn to each other.

Lexa steps closer engulfing her with her perfume. “You don’t want to start what you can’t finish Miss Griffin.” And she smoothly brushes away with a smug look on her face. “If that’s how you’ll get me back then you have work to do.” The lady calls as she exists the room.

“Oh I’ll get you.”

**

It’s only been an hour since they arrived. They have talked to Madi’s teacher about her performance and stuff. Watched kids sing, dance, perform various actives they have learned so far.

Now there standing in front of pencil drawings done by the class. Clarke moves to greet one of her mommy friends, leaving Lexa alone with hands in her pocket and raised eyebrow has she stares at one particular drawing. You can’t tell what the Child was aiming for.

“Loving what you see.” A woman in her mid-20s stands next to her with a pensive look. She is looking at the pictures as well.

“They are horrible, I don’t want to point because you might be that proud parent but right now I’m looking at a scaring drawing.” She chuckles “Are those legs on top of the head?” she holds her as it builds up in the pit of her stomach.

“That’s my son’s” They look at each other. “And I agree it’s scary.”

Lexa laughs a little and turns to the woman, pointing at Madi’s drawing. “That’s my daughter’s.”

“Well at least you can tell what she was going for.” Silence “I’m Eve by the way.”

“Lexa,”

“Woods?” the woman questions

“Yeah,”

“You are kind of a popular family. I just recently got here and your family is wildly known. All the business and your accomplishments.”

“It’s a small town.”

They keep chatting from there. Apparently the woman is from Trikru which spikes up Lexa’s interesting and she is standing Law. So they get into this ‘law dialogue’ from time to time, Lexa can feel eyes on her and there is no doubt who they belong to.

“Sorry I took long.” Clarke returns with a huge smile, placing her hand on Lexa’s back. “Oh hey, Clarke.” She offers her hand to the woman who gladly takes it but sensing a different vibe she excuses herself to find her child.

“Aww you scared her Clarke.” Lexa jokes.

Trying to slip her hand away from that sexy back. “You’re not going to pull away now that you got what you wanted.” Lexa adds pulling her real close some wondering eyes look their way.

“Lexa this is a public place with kids.”

“You should have thought about that before getting jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.” She pulls and Lexa holds her tighter.

“If you keep pulling away, people will get curious.” Stepping back to allow a little room. “Where is Madi?”

“With her friend, let’s go say hi.”

“What time is this thing ending again?” her sarcasm clear in her tone

“Just a little longer.”

“Momma look” Madi comes running. Takes Lexa’s hand and takes her to see a science project which looks like an apple dipped in acid. “Look”

“Wooow, is it yours?”

Shaking her head the little girl points at a young boy with curly Black hair. The Boy hides behind his mother’s legs.

“That’s James, one of Madi’s friends. Really shy but a good kid.” Clarke feels in the blank spaces. For a moment Lexa is in her own headspace. Her daughter even has friends she does not know, is that shitty parenting? She wondered. She shook her head, breathed in and smiled. “Stupid thoughts messing with my head,” She said to herself.

“What?” Clarke looked at her just when Lexa turned to look at her, causing them to stand nose to nose. Lexa smiles and looks away.

“You were saying something?”

“Yeah, I thought I heard you say something.”

The day went like that. Watching the kids play, buying them food from the mini shops that knew today was a Go-business. Lexa met up with Eve and they continued their conversation. Clarke joined in and heard nothing. But that was just Lexa, she got easily along with people, making you feel special in the moment.

It’s a side she missed but didn’t really pin point it until now. Lexa was ever a charmer back in school of course very rude and arrogant but a real warm hear. Clarke was jealous that this side almost faded right before her eyes.

Tiny pieces of Lexa keep unfolding and that makes Clarke happy and encourages her to become a better person for herself, Madi and most importantly Lexa fucking Woods.

“I think we should head home, Madi looks tired.” Lexa whispers to Clarke. She almost didn’t hear her has her mind kept on running from their conversation. Only to turn and find Lexa staring at her. “Hope I wasn’t boring you.” Smirking.

“No...” Feeling nervous. “You are right, let me get Madi and say bye to the other moms. Meet you at the car.” And her legs get her out of there fast. Why is she feeling this way when that woman eva or whatever she calls herself clearly has nothing on her, Lexa still loves her and the Blue eyes and blonde hair does not affect her? It’s not like the girl has a type or something.

For all the years she’s known the brunette this is the first time Clarke is overthinking this way about her preference, it’s frustrating.

In the car the two have not said a word to one another. Madi fell asleep 15 minutes after they left the leaving them to sink in their silence now that Madi is no longer driving the conversation for them.

Maybe it’s because this feels normal and nothing is normal about them. They seem to be getting along which more than Clarke can hope for but still something is missing. Something feels empty, void and it keeps getting stronger.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Lexa asks in her cool voice, her thumb tapping on the wheel. She’s nervous which not an everyday thing for the Woods family.

Abby and Raven’s words cycle through Clarke’s mind. This is a chance she could use to show Lexa that she will never stop loving her and will fight to get the girl back.

“Will you go out with me!” the words fly out of her mouth like a rocket.

Lexa stares at her for a second before returning her eyes on the road. She squeezes the wheel and relaxes after a while. A smirk graces her lips then she giggles like a little girl “When?”

“Tonight.” Clarke brushes her hand over her knuckles “Let’s drop Madi off at my parent’s house. I don’t want to wait.”

She nods and turns her hand so that she can grip Clarke’s hand. A small gesture that lightens Clarke’s world.

That went well, maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

***

“This is.” Clears her throat. “New, the place is full and the service is slow as a snail.” Added Lexa with a sarcastic smile.

Clarke didn’t think this through, all what matters is being with her that she didn’t consider a proper place to eat. She completely forgot about all the good places and most importantly how picky the girl can be, it’s a disaster.

“It’s not that bad.” Trying to ease the mood.

“Sorry.” Lexa sips on her water and holds Clarke’s hand. “I should at least give it a try.”

The waiter comes back with their food and she could tell Lexa wants to comment about the food but instead she picks up her folk and starts eating. Her hand is still held by Lexa on the table. Clarke blushes a little, trying to hide the smile on her face. However she needs her hand back so she tags a little and Lexa looks at the hand and then back at her. Did she forget that their hands are connected?

“The tattoo on your arm with birds flying out of the cage. What does it mean?” she looks at her food expecting Lexa to shut down on like she has been doing these days.

“Freedom I guess.” Lexa looks around and fidgets in her seat.

“I like it.”

“Really?” she looks skeptical.

“Yes especially the ones on your back.”

“The way you look at them I would think you hate them.” Taking a glass of water.

“Only because they turn me on.”

A choking sound escapes Lexa’s throat as she coughs the water that almost went in the wrong pipe. “You’re being naughty.” Lexa whispers coming close to her face. She is sure people are staring at them now probably thinking Lexa will kiss her but by now Clarke has come to find out the playful tactics are just that, play.

Loud continuous buzzing sound erupt from Lexa’s phone. She sits back in her seat and checks her phone. Face remains expressionless. “Sorry, it’s on silent now.”

She said but Clarke couldn’t stop gazing at the flick of light from the phone so Lexa turned it downwards.

“You can pick up you know. It could be important.”

“It’s Atom and Josephine.”

Something about that tells Clarke the girl is not completely telling the all story. How can two people text that much?

“Atom, I never asked but how did you…maybe I shouldn’t…”

“He made a mistake that he paid for. Besides, his my friend, I can never leave him just because of a wrong, when I heard he was volunteering at the school I laughed so hard thinking he was joking but he looks sharp dressing smart.” A smile spread across her lips. “You can ask me anything Clarke.”

“So I guess no charges were pressed then because I recall there was no word about it after the incident and after the fight in class.”

“Our Dad’s took care of it. Ontari didn’t want to.”

“You guys seem like a close unite, especially you and Ontari.” Clarke said. Replaying that fight years back. Atom said something about the two of them. Maybe they have hooked up or something, whatever it is there is something.

“What’s your deal with her?”

“I’m just trying to understand…”

Lexa cuts her off “What exactly? Our friendship?”

“If only I have never seen you two flirt with each other.” She must think she’s blind if Lexa thinks she’ll believe her shit.

“I have never slept with her, sex I mean.” Seriousness written over her face.

“I didn’t say you did.”

“Bullshit!” runs her hand in her hair “Where do you even get this?” Her voice lower than before. Trying to level her voice.

She’s losing her cool. Why? If there is nothing then why be nervous?

“Either she likes you and you encouraged it or there is something else.”

Silence.

“You two flirted back in high school, Atom said you were jealous of him.”

Lexa sits upright. “She wasn’t even his.” It comes out low but Clarke heard her right. “There is nothing, Clarke nothing.”

“What do you mean she wasn’t his.” The tone in Clarke’s voice changed as well. This shit is about to get real.

Lexa chuckles and smiles then wipes off the smile in an instant. “This was a mistake, we are not ready.” She gets up “I’ll drop you home.”

Clarke gets up, pushing the chair hard it attracts attention. Anger is boiling right inside of her. They couldn’t even have a decent conversation without arguing, at least they tried to be civil about it. Why can’t she just be fucking normal, drop the control and be normal. Clarke screamed in her mind as she picked up her things and dropping the bill on the table which she knows Lexa will be bothered about even if it’s her treat tonight.

“Don’t bother, I’ll get a cub.” Pushing passed her shoulder in a fit of rage as she tries to match out of the restaurant. And this is why Clarke didn’t want to take the first step.

Lexa grabbed Clarke by the hand just when she took a step away from her. “When I look at you I see Finn,” she told Clarke bleakly.

“When I look at you I see a blind, arrogant, stubborn girl,” she drawled back. “Stop fighting me with that shit” she then said flatly. Pulls back her hand and leaves.

Outside Clarke is waiting for her cub in silence, footsteps coming closer to her slowly. She had to follow her, Lexa couldn’t just remain standing there like a tree.

“I said it in defense, I don’t know why I’m defensive.” Arms rub Clarke’s shoulders before turning her slowly so she’s facing her. Tears running down her face. Lexa wipes them with her thumb. “It wasn’t flirting, just fooling around between friends.”

“it doesn’t matter if you did, I would just like to know if you did.”

Chapter 16

A week later since the night bullets missed the targets. Clarke is talking with some kids at school about their grades. The bell goes off and she is left alone as the kids run to class. With empty halls and her heels sounding off like the place is empty she hears a voice that’s becomes tormenting.

In an empty class she sees Lexa standing side by side with a brunette and Jaha in front of them. With the door not fully closed, she can get a good look at the woman and make up what they are saying. Why is she eavesdropping?

“Emily is swimmer good with sports, since your teacher is not yet back. She is good for temporary job.” Sounding convincing.

“Well Lexa I didn’t think you would pull this but thank you.” He shakes Emily’s hand “You and I can talk more tomorrow.”

“No problem, Lexa I’ll be in the car.” Emily excused herself.

Clarke turned to face the other way, typing away on her phone as the woman passes her with wavy long hair, long legs and a nice shape. After she’s out of sight. Clarke decides to just leave.

“So when is your gap year ending?” Jaha asked

“I told you its not a gap year…”

“Being a lawyer is all you’ve talked about, you can fool yourself but not me so cut to the chase and tell me when you’re planning on going back to law school.”

Is Clarke hearing right, Lexa going back to trikru. That place almost broke them into pieces and now. Maybe she’s over thinking.

“Going back means sacrificing spending time with my daughter, I already missed a lot I don’t want to do it again.”

“Many parents go to work and miss some time apart from their kids, still does not mean they love them less. I’m sure Clarke would understand, just try to keep the communication alive this time.

Understand? What does he know, Lexa came back a total different person, if she goes this time who knows is she will come back ever. However they are not together, it would be selfish of her to want her to stay.

“Right now I’m enjoying my gap year, you and dad need to back off a little. I know what I’m doing.”

“Hope so,” he walks out of the door and Clarke pretends like she is just walking by the halls. She smiles at him and keeps walking. Lexa has not seen her yet but when they are standing in the halls and she sees blonde hair disappear in a class room she gets an urge to talk to the woman.

But that didn’t happen.

****

“So what are you saying, that I should stay away from her?” Lexa questioned Dr. Green.

“No, Lexa let me tell you something off the book.” She puts her book and pen aside and looks at Lexa head on. “You dumbed the woman, you made a choice and you have flirted with her since then openly trying to get in her pants and pull away whenever she gives in to you.”

“Well I’m still in love with her and I have not kissed her yet even though I want to do so.”

“Right because you want control.” The woman pushes.

“That’s what she said.”

“Let’s think of the times you lost control with her. The time you found out about Finn.” She looks at Lexa for any disagreement but the girl is just eyeing her silently. “The time you saw him kiss her. When she got pregnant. Your daughter hanging out with Finn. The video which was an explosion.”

“Your point?” feeling her band aid ripping off.

“You can’t always be in control of situations and it’s okay because that is life.” She leans back in her chair “Jeez Lexa you are still young, let it go. Stop trying to change because you will end up hating your daughter.”

What is the woman saying, first she needs to change and now she don’t have to.

“You dropped out of school for your daughter and Clarke, you love politics and law and want to a fucking lawyer. Instead you go out there and pick up one of your many talents and turn it into a fucking washing machine because that’s what it is, you will bury your dirt in your photography until you have nothing left to wash and then what,”

“What are you saying?” She is confused

“If you want to party, do that, if studying law is what you want then do that. Do you want distance from Clarke, distance yourself then. You were in control of your life and body before all this shit…the glass dropped and you lost control.” The woman sips on water and sits back comfortably.

“Damn, that was intense.” She smirked. “Off the books huh.”

They share a laugh.

“I just want you to know that not having control is alright because when you lose it, Lexa it drives you crazy.”

“I get it, honestly I understand.” Crossing and uncrossing her legs. “I just don’t want to be away from her again.”

“Because you think Finn or another of her ex will come and replace you just like what happened when you were in Trikru.”

“Well that’s accurate.”

“I have being paying attention.” She smirks and writes down something.

“I agree with you, I’m scared of repeating history. But I’m going about it the wrong way is that it?”

****

A month had gone by with them seeing each other, Lexa travelled around the world with Madi and of course Gaia, making sure to call Clarke every day, telling her about whatever it is they did.

The family vacation is here and she was not back yet, Madi was back a week before the trip. Gaia said Lexa had to do some adult stuff. Whatever that meant. Bottom line is that she never once called it was as if the calls were for Madi’s sake.

“Is she coming?” Clarke asks Raven “Did Anya say something to you?” she needed to know if this was Lexa ignoring her. In the last week she did try calling but the phone kept going to voice mail and when she gets back to Clarke the woman is teaching. The time difference sucked for them.

“Clarke she will be here there is still time and I told you Anya don’t do much talking.” Her friend says in simple terms. Her relationship is so strange she forgets they have a thing going on only because Anya shows no form of emotion.

“So what’s really going on between you two?” Octavia asks

“What? Listen we talk but nothing sexual, I mean like I said before she was super mad after Clarke walked in on us.” Raven adds the last part with an eye roll.

“She’s still until now?” Octavia lets out in shock. “Wow those Woods may be pretty but their temper is ugly.

“Say that again.” Clarke says looking out the window of the plane.

“Clarke she’ll be here, no way that girl will miss this opportunity.” Raven tries

Anya and Josephine enter the plane, they say hi to the parents and smile at the trio. Anya lingers her stare on Raven as they walk past them all the way to the back.

“Where the hell is Lexa?” Diyoza calls towards Anya.

“How the hell should I know?”

“Mommy look.” Madi points at the window. Clarke peers through and sees Lexa and Ontari talking to the driver then they start to make their way over. They are dresses like they are heading to the kitchen.

“Hello everyone!” Lexa shouts, announcing herself.

“Mama!” Madi runs to Lexa and the girl picks her up, washing her with kisses.

“Jeez you are gross.” Ontari says heading to the back

“Lexa take your seat, you are already late.” Titus chips in, all he wants is to get there in time so he could rest and then enjoy his time.

While walking to the back she puts her hand on Clarke’s shoulder and smiles at her. Clarke returns the smile.

So it seems she is not avoiding her and it was all in her head.

“We are all here right?” Diyoza looks around the plane and then claps her hand dramatically. “Then let’s go.”

She sits with Abby and the two women chat each other up. Clarke turns her head to the back and sees Ontari putting Madi’s seatbelt. The woman says something to the girl and she laughs non-stop. Away from the jealous fit, Ontari is a good girl, even back in school she didn’t give Clarke trouble nor did she care.

“So should I not talk to you during this trip for the sake of your lady?” Ontari whispered to Lexa. They had talked about Clarke in long details. They have always been close, the so called flirting are meaningless and nothing more until Clarke started seeing things.

Lexa frowned, putting a hand over her shoulder and pulled her close. “You must be crazy if you think I’m dumbing you.” Lexa playfully slaps which Ontari returns and they are back to being ten year olds slapping each other. This is why she didn’t want Clarke around, Ontari or not this trip is about to become childish in Lexa’s version. “Who will I trouble, Anya would not even dare mess around with me.”

“Better remember that every time you sleep.” Anya calls for her sister. It’s something that they do. One falls asleep and the other pours cold water on them. It could happen any time but only once so that means sleep with one eye open.

They reached at the Hotel late at night, the grownups where sharing a suite while the three women and young adults shared the other suite. At first Clarke didn’t like the idea but after hearing how expensive the trip and rooms cost she changed her mind.

Lexa was sharing a room with Ontari, Anya and Jo, Raven and Octavia and Clarke had a room all to herself. No one seemed to want to sleep alone so they didn’t argue about the sleeping arrangement.

Later that night they decided to go out and have a few drinks. Clarke declined and stayed in her room not knowing that Lexa decided to stay back as well.

In the Kitchen, cooking a lovely dinner for herself, she would cook for everyone but Cooking is not Clarke’s special skill. She wouldn’t want to poison anyone and she’s sure they would want heavy food which they might get down stairs.

The door opens and Lexa stands in the hall staring at her. Not sure if she should talk or just go by her business. Sensing a presence. Clarke turns and screams a little.

“Sorry to scare you.” Walking towards the kitchen. “Came to get a glass of milk. Honestly I thought I was alone and Madi.”

“Same here,” finishing up with her noodles. She notices how different the girl seems to be and not in a bad way. Just strange, odd if you may call it that. “Hope this won’t be awkward.”

“It will only be if we can make it that way.” She poured the milk in the glass and sipped from it. “Clarke…since you’re here would you like to join me watching a show I’m Binge watching?”

“You think we can be in your bedroom with clothes on?” she takes a few things off the cupboard. Clarke is glade they thought of buying the few things that are better made by your own hands. “We can’t have anything with our clothes on.”

What? Clarke was speaking with her crouch and not with her head.

“There is plenty we can do with our clothes on.” Lexa says moving to her room. She really wants to start a new chapter with Clarke but she needs to think clearly and with her dick.

“Lexa seriously, I haven’t seen you for a month. I get you in a room alone with a bed. No way, I’m not a fucking robot.”

“It’s a shame then,” she walks to her room and the door softly closes.

That didn’t go the way she thought. Taking her bow of noodles, Clarke sits on the living-room and watches Lexa’s door. Being in that place were nothing is clearer and no road seems safe. They are civil, they flirted back then and now it’s’ back to friends and they both now that being friends is not an option.

Lexa pulls out a box of biscuits and makes herself comfortable on the bed. A knock at her door makes lazily get up. Pulls the door open to find Clarke covering her face with a bow full of popcorn. She pulls it down slowly and finds Lexa smiling.

“You are right on time for episode three.” Clarke walks in, sets the popcorns on the middle of the bed as she crawls to her side of the bed so she can get in position. The bed is not that big but who cares. It’s just a movie right.

“What’s the title?”

“Elite, it’s a Spanish series that Ontari was hooked on for the last month, I lost a bet and now I have to watch it so I can catch up with her. So far I like it, the plot is based on a murder.

“Oh don’t know when I last sat down and watched something good from start to finish.”

“Really? What do you do in your free time?” a rhetorical question that they both knew the answer to.

Lexa took her place on the other side of the bed and together they watched the series in silence at first then Clarke started asking questions here and there which got them to talking. Soon the heavy weight was lifted and they joked around a lot, Lexa shared her adventures and Clarke told her stories of how boring the students are, they just don’t give her life she says. Or maybe that’s’ because there is no certain brunette in the class.

It was just like the old times, having to share about their day and son on. Clarke stretched her hand to get some pops just as Lexa decided to do so as well. She could feel the hairs on her neck raise, heart racing. It was just as Clarke feared, the atmosphere in the room changed, it went from friendly to sexually. All her senses were alert, her smell that drove her wild with madness, brown wavy hair at her disposal just the way she loves it.

Withdrawing her hand with a cough. “I guess we are done with season one. I wonder how they’ll find the real killer with all that money his family has.” Clarke said.

“Yeah rich people are crazy.”

“You’re rich.” A matter of fact.

“Exactly, I’m crazy.” They chuckle and Clarke moves to go but turns to face Lexa. She looks into her eyes, trying to find something that can stop her right now but nothing. She can’t even read the girl anymore as if she ever did that well in the department.

Leaning closer and closer, Clarke’s eyes dropped to her lips and then back to lips. Clarke held up her finger, pressing it against her lips. “You have popcorn here.”

Lexa tried saying something but Clarke shush her which she obeyed but her friend downstairs was too excited and was ready to say hello. Her fingers lingered on Lexa’s lips before they trailed down the length of her neck. Gripping the sweatshirt she yanked her closer, pressing their bodies together. “Is that the popcorn?” She asked as her hard member slid against Clarke’s thigh.

That was all Clarke needed to pull her in and kiss her soft and smooth, smirking when Lexa gasped in surprise and relief. Possessive hands trailed down Clarke’s ribs to her hips, clawing at them in attempt to bring them closer. Clarke seemed to fold over Lexa, her hair brushing against Lexa’s face, their bodies melted against each other.

This kiss reminded Clarke of the one from their last fight. Lexa was so demanding yet her lips were soft as they moved against hers. This was a statement of year.

Lexa was hers, period, and end of story. No matter what happens they will always be pulled back together.

They pull apart, foreheads attached, breathing matching as they try to come themselves. It felt wonderful, but what did it all mean now. Are they back or is this just them being confused. However there was nothing confusing about that kiss.

“I want us to try this.” Lexa swallowed. “Madi is growing up, we need to stop making things confusing for her, either we do this or we call it quits for good.” She cupped Clarke’s cheeks, brushed her nose against her. “I took a long time thinking, Clarke I’m done thinking. I just want to be with you.”

Clarke kissed her, this time hard. This is what she as being waiting for since the girl decided that they are no more. It’s crazy but Clarke dreamed and longed for this. She had butterflies in her stomach like a little girl.

“I take that has a yes.” She pulled her even closer, falling flat on the bed with Clarke on top of her.

“Well I’m not getting younger…” they continued their make out session. This is the best decision Clarke has made in a long time and this time around no fuck ups.

This is where she belongs, in her lover’s arms. Wrapped like a sandwich, inhaling that magnificent that messes with her brain circuit. Clarke finally believed they can move passed their insecurities and be a couple they have both longed for.

They were not normal, fighting like cut and dogs was in their manual book. And they didn’t have a lot in common like those annoying couples who finish each other’s sentences. Or the cliché ones that didn’t use their brains to think. No, it was just them. Clarke and Lexa and now a part of them Madi.

****

Clarke returned to her room after they heard noise outside their room. They were back and drunk and seeing in the position they were would have created unnecessary noise. And the other thing was, Lexa and she decided to enjoy themselves before they tell anyone about getting back together. Just until the trip was over then they can tell everyone at a dinner.

Lexa was one of the first people to wake up, dressing Madi up and making her breakfast.

The rest had hangovers making them lazy in the morning. Josephine walked in the kitchen and made herself coffee. Joining Lexa.

“Didn’t take you for a responsible parent.” She teased because usually its Gaia’s job to do the morning stuff and here she is working her ass off.

“I wouldn’t expect you to know. How was your first night getting smashed in a foreign country?”

“Raven and Anya.” That’s all she said

Lexa moved from her site and took Madi’s plate to the sink. She hates being put in the middle of Anya’s shit, like always she’s the one they ask. “What about them?” maybe if she could play mind games and head back to her room or better yet, someone should work up. Fast.

“Fuck Lexa you know what I mean.”

“Language you dumb fuck.” She looks at Madi playing with her dolls. “I wasn’t there last night, how do you expect me to know what happened.”

They look at each other waiting for one to break because they both know what needs to be said. A door opens and out comes Gaia and Clarke. Soon everyone is awake. And Lexa takes this chance to pull Anya aside.

“Now I know you’re not dating Jo but I know she likes you so you better fucking stop whatever you got going on with Raven because its noticeable and Jo is not stupid.”

“I have not done anything.” Anya hisses. “The woman keeps irritating me and I can’t help it.”

“STOP!” she looks around like someone is in the room with them. “Stop arguing with her Anya. Better yet, talk to Jo what’s on your mind.”

The door opens and in pops Ontari’s head. “You girls need to tone it down if you don’t want people walking in and you.” She points at Lexa “Were you going to tell me?”

Anya looks at the two like crazy wanting to leave until.

“Clarke was in our room last night and on our bed.” The smile was contagious soon Lexa was trying to hold off from smiling like a little girl.

“You fucked the teacher on our vacation?” Anya adds with an open mouth.

“I didn’t do that.” They look at her as if she’s lying. “Seriously, but I wanted to.”

The three burst into laughing.

“Of course you wanted to” Both Ontari and Anya shout at the same time causing them to laugh even harder.

They were happy for Lexa, the girl has grown a lot and deserves to be happy and be a happy family with her kid. It has being a rough year but it’s good to finally have some light out the all drama cruise that went down with the couple.

“But don’t make it obvious, we trying to take it ease.”

“It’s your ride kid.” Anya pats her on the back and heads out.

“You going to tell your Dad right?” Ontari asks, knowing how Titus feels about all this he might want to know what’s going on Asap.

“Today, at the beach, that way he won’t kick my ass.” She half joked. She knows what Titus said last time they talked about this but she also knows her Dad only said that to please her mom.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 17

Notes:

Thank you for reading.
This is the end.

“Clarke where is the top I gave you?” Raven asked in a demanding playful tone.

“It’s in my side pocket of my blue bag.” not really caring what exactly she is answering to until the shoe dropped in her head and she got off the couch so fast you would think she is Flash’s cousin. It’s a good thing everyone else was out and about getting ready for the boat ride.

“Raven don’t!” she exclaimed as she rushed in to the room too late. Raven was holding a small Red Jewelry box. Her eyes were staring hard at what was inside.

“What the actual fuuuuck!” she closes the box then pops it open. “FUCK! Clarke you are not even with her, she dumbed you remember?”

Taking the box from her and putting it back were it belonged before someone walked in on them. “I got it a week ago. Look I saw it, loved it and bought. Hell was I going to walk out of the shop without it.”

Raven looked at her like crazy taking a seat on the bed. “Do you hear yourself right now?” she gets up and walks to her friend. “You bought a ring, an expensive ring for your ex.”

That does seem off when placed in that context. Clarke only thought about Lexa in that moment, she wanted to slide the ring through her finger. Can’t a woman dream and hope. Even though at the time she had no knowing that she and Lexa will make up during this trip.

“Well we are kind of back together, so she is no longer my ex and besides it’s not like i will give it to her.”

“Why the fuck not?” Raven crossed her arms over her chest.

The woman was giving out mixed signals. Was she mad about the purchase of the ring or not.

“What do you mean? Raven we just got back together literally last night. Proposing is not on my mind right now.”

But it is.

Raven smiles and hugs her friend. “I’m happy for you but if you don’t fucking put a ring on it I will punch you in the face.

“Jeez thanks for the heads up.” They pull apart “Seriously though, I may have gotten it thinking of her but I was not planning on asking her. I fucking love that girl however I need to talk to Titus.”

“Of course you love her, anyone with eyes can see that.” Sighs. “Getting Titus on your side is a good idea, let her see that you are trying and giving this relationship your entire soul.”

“Thanks Raven.”

“Thanks for what?” Octavia walks in. they didn’t even hear anyone arrive.

Before Clarke can respond, Raven has already grabbed the box from the bag and tosses it to Octavia who just gasp after seeing Clarke cover her face in amusement.

“No fucking way” Octavia lets out in shock.

“Yes fucking way” Raven responds with a huge grin.

“I always thought Lexa would be the first to pop the question, this is shocking.”

“Everyone thinks it’s Lexa to put a ring on it.”

“Okay you two that’s enough. Like I told Raven I’m not planning to do anything, it just caught my eye.”

When Clarke walks out of the room.

****

Exchanging a cigarette among the two friends like it’s the last one on the planet. They were laying on the benches near the pool. Dark shades covering their eyes, and enjoying the beautiful sunset. It was their last day and the two decided to make it count. Today they do things on their own without the parents just them.

Another boat ride with just them was in works, with a party that can only make them crazy happy if that is even possible.

“So how will it work?” pulls on the stick and passes it to Lexa. “the photography business is going just fine.” Ontari concluded.

“Well I didn’t completely drop out,” she smiled mischievously at Ontari, who playfully slapped her arm, taking the cigarette back.

“You shit, I guess it’s good to be rich.”

“You’re rich too.” Lexa added

“Nah not your kind, if dropped my ass out of collage I would cause a riot in my house.” Ontari sighed. “I was wondering how your grandmother left you off the hook, she gave you so much crap to get in that she wouldn’t turn a blind eye to anything you do.”

“I had a long talk with her and she was right.” Passes the cigarette. “I need the time off without knowing, I figured it out. I’ll go back to school but I will not be working for Becca.”

“Well your father will want you and Anya in his firm not so?” Ontari blow the smoke from her nose. She would miss her friend if the girl decides to stay back which was something they never got to talk about in detail.

“It’s time Dad thinks of expanding to smaller towns. I was thinking Sactum.” Looks at her friend. “I checked it and it’s a lovely place, lots of fun...” she says the last part looking at Ontari mischievously.

“What?”

“You can come with me, that way you already have a job secured. Anya is coming to it’s also a good place to expand her club, less competition.” She smiles waiting for an answer.

“And Clarke? Because I really don’t want any drama.”

The two have talked about Clarke’s jealousy and Ontari is determined not to step any toes that certainly belong to Clarke. She is trying hard to be respectful but how can she be any more respectful when she does not even know what wrong she’s doing. So this trip she made sure not to be in the same room with Clarke and Lexa.

“She won’t be a problem, trust me I talked to her.” Stands in front of her friend. “Is that the reason why you have being awkward during this trip?”

She receives a shrug for a response and an eye roll. Lexa pulls her legs off the bench and challenges her for a swim. Ontari quickly gets up and races Lexa to end of the pool, dive in and kick their legs to the finish. This is them, funny and goofy smart ass kids.

***

After talking with her father Lexa gets back to the room, grabbing a few things so she can head out and join Clarke with Madi, they have to walk around the beach. Boring if you would ask her, that is why she has added a boat ride for just the three of them, they have not being together for a long time because there is always someone joining them.

Going into Clarke’s room to get her sunscreen, she literally turns the bag upside down just searching for the damn thing.  It couldn’t be in there so she starts to pack everything and her eyes land on a small jewelry box.

With curious fingers she flips the lid open and falls back on the bed, staring at the little thing that looks expensive and so beautiful. She sat there and thought about the hundred ways this situation. Why would Clarke have this on the trip? Was her first and only question. She placed it back and stepped away from the bag just in time to see the cream on the dressing table. Huh, guess fate pointed her in the right direction.

She finds them building a sand castle. The smile on Madi’s face is everything. Those adorable blue eyes that are gifted from her mother, her soul mate and everything else. But what was she doing with a ring? There was no telling how this trip would have turned u, so it can’t be hers. Can it?

Deciding to put the issue behind her and focusing on enjoying the day with Clarke and Madi of course, Lexa joined in on the sand playing. The ring could belong to anyone who just placed it in her bag. she thought.

“We should got the boat now.” Picking Madi up and tossing her in the air.

“Thank you.” Clarke said out of the blue. She placed her sunglasses on hiding the expression behind her eyes.

“What for? I have not done anything yet.” Which was true, apart from the neckless she got for her and is going to give it to her on the boat. She held out her hand for the woman and pulled her in for a kiss. It was a quick on at first but her body craved for more. After punishing herself for these months without Clarke’s touch and kisses Lexa didn’t want to ever let go of the woman. “You look beautiful, sexy.” She kissed her neck and Clarke had to pull away.

“Lexa we are in public.” No one was even looking at them but couldn’t handle the bubbles inside of her bursting like a little girl. It was a beautiful feeling. Her nerves were rocketing around.

“You’re lucky we need to go, otherwise I would eat you up right here.” Kissing her one last time they start to head to the shore with Madi in front of them picking a few stones on the way and sowing them.

The afternoon was beautiful. With the trio managing to do a lot of site seeing and other extra stuff Lexa planned. Going right to the hotel afterwards. Madi was taken by her grandparents and they joined the others.

Late at night the gang went to the club. They needed to make their last night count and partying was number one on the list. Lexa was with Anya, Josephine and Ontari having a few drinks not alcohol for her. Some people say that you can’t have fun without alcohol, what a myth. Lexa would prove them just how wrong by showing them it’s about the substance but the company you keep.

Thirty minutes into the clubbing, Clarke came by only to pull her girlfriend from the crowd and ended up back at the suite. Lips tangled dancing to their heart beats. Bodies crushing one another until Clarke’s back hit the island table and Lexa pulled back. After their roller-coaster of a relationship she has come to understand her brunette and right now is one of those nights they won’t be having sex. Because like before the volcano erupted she was kin on building their relationship on more solid ground than just sex, then came the angry sex and now today.

It may seem like no big deal but with Lexa she would want the night to be special not rushing to get done before the others or afraid one of their parents might walk in, she needs to rebuild their sex life because their past is scary and burying those angry sex trails will not be easy for her.

However they both know and accept that they did some messed up shit and in order to move on, one needs to accept that they did wrong and are ready to start writing a new page.  

“Sorry.” She lets out, sitting on the armchair while pulling Clarke on her lap.

“Lexa its fine, I understand.”

“I want relish the moment when it happens, I miss your body against mine so much I get hard just by staring at you.” Her fingers running down the milky arm. She was so hard she couldn’t even hide it even if she wanted to. “Your kisses, that mouth of yours. I want it all with you but not here, you deserve better and I want to give you more than better. Shower you with love.” Turns the woman to face her, kisses her and looks in her eyes. “Clarke I want to make love to you all night long.” Trailing kisses down her neck “Hearing you call out my name.”

“Lexa you are turning me on like crazy.” If only she knew how wet Clarke was becoming.

“Be crazy for me, crave it the way I am.” Her breath hot on my neck.

Looking into the woman’s eyes Lexa wants to question about the ring but keeps her mouth shut. However her eyes tell a different story. Clarke mistakes the look for regret. Sometimes insecurities are like a mosquito bite when scratched it can be a bother or turns into a scar you wouldn’t want on your skin.

“What’s going through your mind?” she just had to ask. She could see the wheels turning in her head.

“Are you going to ask me to marry you?” there, asked just like a crazy person who even says that. Clarke tensed a little bit then smile. “Sorry, I found the ring and it is bothering me of the outcome.” Giving an explanation was not needed but she felt stupid for letting it out. What if Clarke wanted to make this grand surprise or worse it’s not hers and her heart is all mushy.

Clarke steps away from her and paces around the room. Nervous and panic in her blood making her boil. The brunette was not supposed to find it or see it anytime soon. Stands in front of the woman her eyes watery, fear swimming in them.

“I want to marry you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 18: Back Again

A WEEK LATER.

"So you asked her to marry you." I nod and sip on my wine. "And she returned the ring." Raven looked caught off guard, imagine how I felt. "Yet you still together."

"Lexa had the balls to say she's young and not ready for marriage."

"But it's not like you're getting married the next day."

I clap my hands. "Right, that's what I thought. We could be engaged for fucking five years." I make sure to finish the entire glass and pour myself another. "I'm just done at this point."

"Don't make any rational decisions."

"She's the one doing it." I almost yell.

"Just saying. I thought you were going to wait it out. Like why did you proposal?"

Running fingers in my hair. "She found it and the moment presented itself, why wait when I could just ask her. Everything was fine until..."

We go through everything that went down on the trip. Honestly she was fine the next day. Until she told Ontari and Anya, then shit went to hell. I don't think Anya could say something, girl seems to mind her own business.

But Ontari though. That's another story.

"Don't start shit that's not there. If she didn't break up with you then there is no need to get worked up or frustrated."

"Who's frustrated?" Lexa asked from behind us. Please tell me she heard nothing, don't need another nail to my throat. I'm so irritated with her I have to pull myself together.

Raven recovers faster, saving my dumb ass. "Your woman is frustrated with the kids at school, more homework and stuff."

"Oh, baby." She walks up to me and kisses my neck. I smile and run my fingers in her hair. Raven gets up and walks out of the room. She wouldn't leave because I need to give her something. "Why didn't you tell me? I can help you relax." her kisses deepen sucking on my neck.

I'm still hot for her, the girl is sexy as fuck no lie. Her lips could ruin me. My panties are already wet. She didn't even tell me to expect her so this is a surprise. "Don't start, Raven and I are still discussing something important."

Diving right for my mouth. That's a way to shut up, she lifts me on her lap and I can't help but grind hard on her. Fingers pull my hair, kissing my jaw and neck. "I missed you." Hands run down my body, gripping my hips as she pumps up.

A moan rips from my throat.

"Baby stop." It takes all my energy to push her away. The look in her eyes, so hungry for me can make me cum instantly. But I won't, got to keep it strong.

"I want to take you out tomorrow."

Sliding off her laps. "Ugh, I can't. Maybe next time." She eyes me seriously before smiling like she's high.

Kisses me one last time. "So I was heading over to Ontari's and thought I could drop by and say hello since I decided to use this route." Another kiss and she's on her feet. I walk her to the door and watch her leave.

I try not to make a face at the mention of said name.

When I turn Raven is behind me. "You rejected a quickie." I roll my eyes. "This must be going too far your head. Clarke, Lexa loves you. Returning the ring does not mean she doesn't because we both know she wouldn't be around so calm down and don't create any problem."

"Raven, I'm tired." Walking off.

Late at night, an hour after Raven left I get a call from Hannah. We had met at the airport when we got back from the trip. And we may or may not have had a drink or two together.

It's not cheating.

Just a friend I met and clicked with. It's 11pm on the dot, I must have dozed off and probably missed a call from Lexa.

Anyway. "Hello"

"Sleeping beauty is awake." she sounded so hyper, how she has so much energy this time is beyond me. I'm so tired I'm glad Madi is with my parents.

"I was trying to get my beauty sleep." Hannah chuckles in the background. "What you doing up this late?"

"Will you believe me if I say its work?" she sounds relaxed now,

"I don't know."

Her laugh comes through and it puts a smile on my face. "I guess you dropping by is the only way for you to believe me huh?" before I can respond. "Anyway there is this thing tomorrow and I want to take someone people can't take their eyes off from."

"Okay." Is she asking me to go or what?

"Is that a yes?"

"Did you ask me?"

She laughs. "Fine, would you like to have fun with me tomorrow?" I delay a little bit for dramatic effect.

"Sure, fun sounds good."

Chapter 19: Umm

Everything about our conversation sounded right. I should feel guilty that I said no to Lexa but that isn't happening.

This is going to be my year, I will do as I please.

Each time I look myself in the mirror I see a different Clarke, one who is scared to walk on eggs. Well I'm about to run through those eggs and crush each one that's stands in my way.

With a sound peace of mind, I fell asleep like a baby.

"Rise and shine Cupcake." It was Lexa opening the curtains and sliding into the blankets.

She didn't touch me.

She's a touchy person.

"What you doing this early?" my alarm hadn't even gone off yet. What is she an Owl?

She kissed my forehead." Came to take you at work, haven't done that in a while also I made you pancakes figured you'll be tired after the heavy marking last night."

What marking?

Oh, shit, that.

"Right. But can I sleep?" pulling the covers over my head. "I think I have another hour before I'm up."

"Actually you don't, switched off the alarm that went off twenty minutes ago." I groaned heavily. I hate mornings with annoying kids.

With a bright smile she slipped off the bed. "Come on get up. I'll be in the kitchen."

She's so sweet but ruthless when she dreams of it.

Ugh! Lexa, Lexa, Lexa what shall I do?

"You sure everything is fine." She asks for the second times this morning. Reaching forward I stroke her face and push the door open.

"I'm fine Lexa. Just tired."

"Okay, I love you."

My eyes bagged out. Oh yeah, she loves me but can't marry me. "Love you to. I'll call you as soon as I'm free to talk."

She smiles. As I walked to the school, Lexa sat in her car watching me. Tilting my head towards her, I waved at her but the car didn't make any sing of moving.

Okay

It's a good thing my first class looked towards the parking lot, I rushed over to see if Lexa was still outside. Thankfully she was gone. That was strange.

The entire thing gave me goosebumps. She was too smart for her on good.

"Hey miss Griffin." Atom called over my shoulder. He stood by door not stepping beyond the threshold.

Taking a sit. "Atom, surprised you look alive." Over the months his done tremendous work. You wouldn't guess this was voluntary for his offence back then. Dude seems to be enjoying teaching and the girls are happy to be taught by him. Though he didn't seem to tolerate the little girls, always with the men.

"Huge party last night, Ontari was celebrating something huge."

Huh.

Party. Did Lexa tell me about this and I forgot?

Nope.

"That's great. Hope you don't puke." He laughed. Sometimes we had these moments of talking about things that didn't make sense but I stayed clear off Lexa related topics. He was a loyal friend and would share whatever slipup I make.

"Nah, will I see you tonight?" Meaning the party. It's probably another Ontari celebration.

"hopefully." faking a smile.

Okay so I felt guilty for the way I'm treating my spoilt brat. I decided to surprise Lexa at her father's firm. Since she's on a semester break, Anya has been making her tag along at the firm.

You'd be surprised that this girl as an office, it's so huge I'm sure it's bigger than any executive.

Her floor was empty, the assistant must have stepped out for lunch. Walking closer I noticed the door was ajar and voices could be heard.

Hope she's not busy.

A young laugh filled the place and I paused.

Madi?

Now I know I've been zoned out since we got back but I was under the impression Madi was spending time with Lexa's mom down at their Ranch and would return next week.

Aww I miss my baby, with quick steps I smiled at myself. I loved spending time with the both of them.

Expert they were not alone.

Peering through the door without bringing attention to myself. They all sat on the floor having lunch.

Oh hell no. Ontari.

Their relationship or friendship bags the shit out of me. It drives me crazy.

Fuck that girl.

Chapter 20: .... time....

I pushed the door open, my head down as I walked in and closed the door. "Babe I missed you so much today." When I lifted my head and saw them, I smiled even wider at Madi who was running towards me.

"Come join us." Lexa offered. She didn't kiss me again.

Yes I'm counting. She gave me a fucking head kiss, what do I do with that? My legs walk me up to them, there is Chinese food and a pizza box on the floor.

So my food will be a waste now.

"Mommy look...Pizza." Madi said, pointing at the food. Ontari moved off the floor and sat on the couch. Crossing her legs in that tiny dress. Dress? That's questionable, it's a shirt.

"I can see you were having fun."

I'm not missing anything, we literary don't say hi. I could toss this kid in the trash. When I turned to face Madi as she was pulling my attention. Lexa slapped Ontari on the thigh when she thought I wasn't looking.

So of all places, she had to tap the thigh. "Clarke, long time." Ontari said.

"Not too long."

"Okay. Lex I'll see you around." Madi frowned and turned to the girl.

"What, no, you promised me ice-cream" her voice already sad.

"Glad you reminded me, I must be getting old. Let's go." She held her hand and they left. Madi didn't even say goodbye to us, to me.

When the door closed Lexa was still sitting on the floor. "I wanted to surprise you with lunch." Walking to the floor.

"I'm surprised." Though she doesn't look like it. "What did you bring?" her hands already opening the bags and taking out the food. She smiles. "MacDonald. Cupcake it's like you read my mind."

I think I was the one surprised because she dived right into the food. Closing her eyes as she chewed.

Didn't she just eat?

Then again it is why I came. "What are you doing? Join me." So we ate and I listened to Lexa tell me about her day. Which consisted of meetings she attended and proposals she was drafting.

"Wow and I thought my day was hectic." She smiles and puts the trash away. "You look sexy today."

She gives me a smile that doesn't reach her eyes because I didn't compliment her look in the morning. Not that I didn't notice her top that shows off her white bra. I was just in my head and now I feel like she's planning something.

After pushing her away, Lexa hasn't made a move on me.

I always forget about her short circuit.

"Clarke," she comes over, and I think she'll kiss me. "I'm always sexy as fuck." Scoffing she walks away to her seat. The table is huge, I bet I could hide under there and do dirty things.

She's staring at me, like she did in the parking lot. I walk to her and straddle her. "You're so sure huh." Rolling my hips.

"It's a fact." She grabs my jaw and kisses my neck. Frustration boils inside because I want her lips on mine. "Just like you can't always have your cake."

What?

I ended up leaving after that because I didn't have much time anyway. Something was off, I could feel.

"You the one who started this shit why complain?"

"Raven please. Octavia can you help here."

"Sorry, how did you expect this to go down? Knowing your girlfriend playing tricks with her is not the best idea. Besides what if she's just doing what you wanted, you cancelled all her plans, refused her to sleep over more than once." Octavia said.

"Let's not forget the quickie she denied." Raven added.

They all sat in Raven's apartment, drinking wine and enjoying a good evening.

"So this is my fault?" they nod their heads. "This is not my fault, not this time. She had Ontari with my child and she didn't even tell me."

"Listen to yourself, girl you sound crazy" Raven says pouring them another glass, she shouldn't even be drinking since she'll be at that party with Hannah in a few hours.

There is no way she letting this go. "They are best friends, do you want her to choose you over her?" Octavia gives her a questioning look.

"Yes."

They both take a sip at the same time looking comical. "I don't trust Ontari, ever since they were in high school I always get the feeling like they used to fuck or something."

"But they did." Raven jumps in.

"No, Lexa said they fooled around."

"That means what playing tennis?"

All this happened in the past but I can't help feel triggered. Not to mention if she told Lexa to return the ring or whatever else, I will lose it.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Crush