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With drinks high up in the air, Dotsuitare Honpo clanked their glasses together cheerfully.
“We did it!” Sasara exclaimed. “We won our first rap battle!”
“Heh,” Rei laughed, “You sound surprised.”
“Hah? Not at all!” With a smile, Sasara slung his arm around Rosho. “I expected no less from my teammates, huh, Rosho?”
“A-Ah,” Rosho said, averting his eyes. He felt his face warm up, but it wasn’t from the liquor. “Yeah.”
“Ah, I’m so happy I feel like I could die!” Sasara said, still riding his high.
Rei seemed to be in the same boat, chugging his beer until there wasn’t even a single drop left. “Puwah!” Rei said dramatically, slamming his mug down on the table. “Don’t die yet, leader. We’ve still got more to go after this.”
“I guess that’s true,” Sasara replied, taking a swig of his own drink. “No harm in celebratin’ now though, right?”
“Of course. We’ve got all night for that,” Rei agreed, before his phone started ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket swiftly, eyeing the screen. Without hesitation, Rei got up from his seat, parting the curtains before he left. “Sorry, gotta take this. Get me a refill while I’m gone, won’t you?”
“Got it!” Sasara said, waving him off.
With that, it was just the two of them as Sasara called for another round. Rosho could hear the boisterous sounds of those around them, despite the screens that separated them from the rest of the restaurant. It still didn’t help to drown his thoughts though, anxiety picking at his nerves. Rosho wanted to be happier, but it seemed like his mind wouldn’t leave him alone.
Ever since the day they formed Dotsuitare Honpo, Rosho had been filled with both anticipation and anxiety. To be by Sasara’s side again after he’d left their comedy duo, Rosho wanted to do his best to see things through this time. He was grateful for his second chance with Sasara, but he was also terrified. He didn’t want to let Sasara down a second time – didn’t want to run away from him again – but the feeling he was holding Sasara back never truly left him.
Was it okay to be with Sasara again? To depend on him and fight together? It was something he’d longed for after they’d split up, so why was he so torn? Rosho had wallowed in regret for so long, that he almost didn’t know how to move past it.
Regret, huh…
It had taken a while for him to realize it, but Rosho knew now that what he felt had been more than just regret. Heartbreak was what he’d felt, was what he still felt, as he watched Sasara leave his apartment that day. The admiration and happiness he felt towards Sasara, it was all so much more than he’d realized until it was too late, his feelings walking out the door along with Sasara.
So, when Sasara had made his way back into his life, he was overwhelmed with a mix of positive and negative emotions. All the feelings he tried to shove away came back at him tenfold. He wanted to kick him out, but at the same time, he wanted him to stay – to never leave.
To be with Sasara again… it was all he’d ever wanted, but Rosho still wasn’t sure if he was worthy. Even now with the victory of their first rap battle, Rosho was in a state of shock.
Everything just felt too good to be true.
“Rosho, what’s wrong?” Sasara said, his brows furrowed in confusion. “You’re bein’ quiet today.”
“Ah, it’s nothin’,” Rosho said, mentally kicking himself. Now wasn’t the time to wallow in his worries. “Just tired.”
Suddenly, the look on Sasara’s face went from worried to slightly upset, a small pout on his lips. “Don’t think ya can go lyin’ to me, Rosho!” He pointed a finger at him accusingly, bringing them closer. “It’s written all over your face somethin’s wrong!”
As expected of his ex-partner, Sasara could see right through him.
With a sigh, Rosho thumbed at the rim of his glass. “Fine,” he said, unable to lie to Sasara. He always managed to coax things out of him, whether he wanted it or not. “I just… can’t believe we won.” That I didn’t hold you back, he wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t leave him. Decidedly not drunk enough for this, Rosho downed the rest of his drink, the liquid hot in his throat and stomach.
“Hah? That’s all?” Sasara, said. Once again, he wrapped his arm around Rosho’s neck. “So shy, aren’t ya Rosho? Hahaha!”
“That’s not it, idiot,” Rosho said, clicking his tongue. It was heavy in his mouth now, the liquor quick to work its way through his system. He was always such a lightweight… “I’m just worried…” he trailed off, unsure of how to put it. He knew he couldn’t avoid it though, Sasara gazing at him intently. “I’m just worried I’ll repeat what I did in the past.”
“Rosho,” Sasara breathed, his voice soft. “What do you mean by that?”
Rosho averted his eyes, ashamed. Rosho steeled himself before he continued, “I’m… I’m worried I’ll hold you back again.”
Sasara’s breath hitched, surprised at his words. “You’ve never held me back ever, Rosho.” His voice was stern as they looked at each other. “I meant everything I said before. You’re my important partner – you always have been! I don’t want anyone else but you,” A pause, and he added, “Ah, I guess Rei, too. But that’s beside the point!”
Rosho huffed a small laugh at that. “I don’t know, I’m happy we’re together again and that we won but…”
“But?” Sasara pressed.
Rosho didn’t want to say it, but he couldn’t deny the truth. It had been weighing on him for weeks. “I’m scared I’ll leave you again.” With the truth out in the open, a lump formed in his throat. He could feel Sasara’s grip on his shoulder loosen a bit, leaning back so he could look at him properly. “N-Not that I want to leave you!” Rosho clarified. He could feel his mouth move on its own as he spoke, his inhibitions let loose with nothing but a single glass of beer. Pathetic. “I never wanna leave you again!”
I want to be with you forever.
“Oh?” Sasara said, a lilt in his voice. “Then what’s there to worry about, Rosho? I don’t wanna leave you either!”
“Y-Yeah, but…”
Sasara’s tone became more serious as he continued, cutting him off, “I know we’ll be okay this time around.”
In a hesitant voice, Rosho replied, “Sasara… do you really think that?”
“Of course!” The smile on Sasara’s face was almost enough to wash his worried away, his expression bright. Just like the sun… “You’re important to me, Rosho. I won’t let you go so easily this time.” The expression on Sasara’s face was distant and wistful. Rosho had half the mind to think there was more to that look than just their history, but it was quickly replaced with a more hopeful one as he continued, “I believe in us.”
Rosho’s heart pounded faster in his chest at Sasara’s honesty. He wanted to believe in them too, even if it was hard. Life had given them a second chance – had given them victory – so what was he doing dragging them down with his insecurity? He had decided to change, hadn’t he?
Their faces were still close as they spoke, Sasara’s arm still wrapped around his neck. Rosho’s lips were pursed as he eyed Sasara’s own. He wasn’t sure if Sasara meant it the same way he had, but there was only one way to find out, right? It had been on his mind for a while, but maybe they had a chance… They could never fully go back to how things were before, but why couldn’t they take it a step further?
Rei had hinted at the two of them dating numerous times, the comments always quick to make Rosho’s blood boil. Even Sasara had joked about them being like a married couple. He always barged into his house like he lived in it and clung onto him as though his life depended on it, too. It gave Rosho hope that he wasn’t the only one who saw their potential, even if they were just teases. He had been to afraid to make Sasara’s his before, but what about now? Now that Sasara had made it clear that he wanted him in his life and treasured him? Just as Rosho felt about him?
“Sasara,” he leaned in, his breath hot. “About us, I…” he trailed off, anxious even with the aid of alcohol.
“Mm?”
Sasara still had a smile on his face, the arm around his neck suddenly burning his skin. If Rosho didn’t ask now, he’d regret it.
Rosho was tired of regret.
Encouraged by Sasara’s earlier words, Rosho pushed himself to speak up, “If I said I wanted to be with you forever as more than just partners… What would you say?”
Rosho could feel Sasara tense. His lips parted in surprise, only for his mouth to quickly shut as he collected himself, a flush on his face. “Rosho!” Sasara said suddenly, excitement in his voice as he pulled him into a hug. “Does this mean what I think it means? Hm, hm? Are ya askin’ me to be your boyfriend?”
Suddenly, Rosho was both bashful and pissed off.
Is he teasin’ me now of all times?!
“Sasara! You’re makin’ a scene, idiot!” Rosho looked around the restaurant, embarrassed before his eyes were met with screens instead. He had almost forgotten they were hidden from the public, the reminder somehow heightening his embarrassment.
No one can see us…
“Hm?” Sasara looked around playfully, “Not sure what you mean.”
“You little–!” Rosho’s words died on his lips as he realized just how close they were, his eyes wide as he gulped.
Ah, he really wanted to kiss him…
“Well?”
“W-What?”
“You didn’t answer my question, Rosho.”
“Hah? You’re the one who didn’t answer mine!”
Sasara ignored Rosho’s complaint. “I asked if you were askin’ me to be your boyfriend, but ya didn’t answer me.”
Rosho’s eyebrow twitched. He wants me to say it. As usual, Sasara was being mischievous, even in a situation like this. Rosho didn’t know what he expected. He heaved a heavy sigh, trying to ignore the heat in his face as he forced the words out more clearly this time, “Yes, Sasara. I’m askin’ if… if you’ll date me. Happy now?”
“Heh,” That small laugh was enough to make Rosho’s heart flutter, only for it to drop to his stomach as he felt Sasara’s warm lips on his. Their lips fit together perfectly as Sasara pressed into him, only for him to pull back with a small grin. “I’m more than happy! I thought you’d never ask.”
Rosho’s eyes fluttered open in a daze, steam coming out of his ears. He’d wanted Sasara’s lips on his for so long he couldn’t remember when he’d started to feel that way, his head in the clouds. After everything that happened between them, they were finally, truly partners in a way he’d never imagined possible.
I won’t let you go this time.
A smile tugged at Rosho’s lips as he thumbed at Sasara’s cheek. “Sasara…” Once more, Rosho’s eyes went half-mast as he leaned in before they shot open as the sight behind Sasara.
“Ah,” Rei said, frozen in place. “Am I interrupting something?”
“A-Ah!” Rosho yelped, backing away. “Nope, n-nothing at all! Right, Sasara?”
“Oh, Rei!” Sasara chimed. “Rosho and I are finally gettin’ married!”
“Hah?!” As if things couldn’t get more embarrassing, Sasara just had to go and say that. “Sasara what are you–!”
“Oh! Congratulations,” Rei replied, not missing a beat. “Looks like we’ve got two things to celebrate tonight.”
Exhausted, Rosho rubbed his hands on his face. “You two will be the death of me.”
“Ahaha! Don’t be so dramatic, darlin’!”
“Darlin’?!” Embarrassed, Rosho lifted his head to chastise Sasara more, his words quickly forgotten as Sasara placed a kiss on his cheek.
“Let’s make a toast!” Sasara said, unphased as Rosho sat frozen beside him. “To many years ahead!”
“To many years ahead,” Rei repeated, the both of them clanking their mugs together.
As exasperated as he was, Rosho couldn’t help but smile as he lifted his own glass. He met Sasara’s gaze as he lifted his arm, his heart full. “To many years ahead.”
With the clinks of their glasses marked a new beginning.