Chapter Text
It all happened so fast, one minute they were standing together to fight Orphan, and the next they were falling from the sky. Lightning began to reach out to the others as they fell, one by one each grasping a hand until she noticed that Fang and Vanille weren’t with them. They were too far away and the distance was increasing quickly, but then the unthinkable happened.
Lightning watched as the two Gran Pulse natives turned towards each other, joined hands and became Ragnarok, to save Cocoon. It wasn’t what she wanted, it wasn’t what they all saw in their visions, they were all together, all of them damn it! And as her heart cried out her body was slowly being encased by crystal. Thank Etro, at least they will all be together in sleep.
But that wasn’t what happened, as Vanille’s voice urged them awake. Astonishment was her initial reaction, as the rest of the L’Cie rejoiced at the gift the two Pulsian’s had given them. Vanille told them that she and Fang had done all they could and that the rest was up to them. Snow, Hope, and Sazh rejoiced in completing their focus. Why wouldn’t they, the alternative would have left them C’eith.
But ever the sarcastic one, Fang had left them with the sound of amusement and the parting words of “whatever you want to believe.”
At the time, the miracle Lightning spoke about was not truly what she felt in her heart. She would see this over time, and Light couldn’t even convince herself that the miracle and their focus had been truly fulfilled. Their family was not whole, not anymore, and in her vision, they were all together.
But the sight of Dajh and Serah brought an unfamiliar smile to her face and even as Hope showed his own despair at the loss of their Pulsian family, the sight of the others had overshadowed that grief. Lightning joined them, prepared to start anew with Serah, apologizing and giving her blessing to Snow for their wedding. It was time to start over.
Survivors of Cocoon began arriving in droves and thoughts of Fang and Vanille and the crystal pillar were buried by work to construct temporary shelters and find food and water for survival. A day turned into a week and the seed of anger and sorrow began to grow, keeping the soldier awake at night, staring up at the pillar in the distance.
The more she dwelled upon it in her free moments, the angrier she became. Cocoon survivors had slowly grown to complain about Gran Pulse and the two responsible for their current situation. The first time words of disdain escaped a survivor’s mouth, Lightning had drawn her Blazefire and offered to fix the situation for them. Her change in demeanor had become apparent to all, more so to Serah, who found her sister once again staring up at Cocoon in the middle of the night.
“Claire?”
Lightning turned to the sound of her sister’s voice. The distress in Light’s face was evident, and it was the very first time in a long while that Serah had ever seen her sister show any emotion other than anger.
“What’s wrong?”
Light’s gaze went back to the crystal that surrounded Cocoon and in the distance, she could make out the carved faces of Vanille and Fang on its surface.
“Fang and Vanille, they’re supposed to be here with us. It was in my vision, we were all together.”
Lightning balled her fist as if she were ready to punch the arrogant Pulsian again.
“We were supposed to do this together, both of them had agreed. Vanille of all people was the one who never wanted to take part in the destruction of Cocoon. It was Fang she had to convince, and it had taken all of us to do it.”
Lightning turned toward the window again, not looking at her sister.
“That arrogant, selfish…”
“Claire,” Serah interrupted.
Lightning turned on her heels and faced her sister, that look of determination painted on her face. It was a look that Serah knew all too well.
“I’m going to find a way to free them and then that stubborn Pulsian is going to get a piece of my mind.”
“Claire!”
Serah’s plea fell on deaf ears as the soldier stormed out of the room, by this time, Snow’s attention had been drawn to his fiancee’s plea. He watched as Lightning literally stormed out of the house with a new focus.
“Let her go Serah. She needs to work this out. Honestly, I can’t say that I blame her, I’ve been feeling a little guilty myself knowing that those two are in crystal while I’m enjoying life.”
Serah turned on Snow, surprising anger in her features and tone.
“After all of this, you mean to tell me that you have all become so self-involved and selfish that you don’t realize the sacrifice they made for all of us? You would take that away from them because YOU feel bad!”
“Serah?”
“Don’t you Serah me, Snow! We’ve all done our bit of selfish here lately and by Etro, we’ve been given a second chance and everyone’s too busy pouting. I don’t like it any more than you do! Do you think that I like the idea of Vanille being in crystal, now that I know who she is? But I’m not going to sit here and tarnish their sacrifice and their gift to us by moping about it!”
Suddenly Snow was left standing in the room by himself as Serah exited the house. The big guy could only scratch the back of his neck in astonishment.
“Well, that could have gone better.”
There was no sense charging after either woman in their current state, so Snow shrugged it off and headed out to see Sazh. Maybe the old man would have some insight, the name made him chuckle, thinking about the Huntress.
Sazh was busy working on the makeshift home they had built for him and Dajh. His son happily played on the floor where his dad worked.
“It’s about time for bed, Dajh.”
“Will you tell me another story?”
“You bet son!”
Snow had barely stepped foot onto the porch when Sazh called out.
“This better be good Snow, it’s Dajh’s bedtime.”
“I can wait.”
“Good, you’re going to have to anyway.”
The blond powerhouse paced outside, while he waited for Sazh to tuck in his son. It wasn’t as long as Snow had expected when the older man appeared outside.
“What can I do for you, Snow?”
Well, it’s Lightning, she’s not handling the fact that Vanille and Fang aren’t. Honestly, I have to say it’s been affecting me too.”
“Survivor’s guilt.”
“What?”
“Survivor’s guilt, Snow.”
Sazh let out a long-suffering sigh.
“It’s when someone feels guilty for surviving when someone else did not. It’s not like Vanille and Fang are dead, but to us, they might as well be. We have no idea if and when they will leave crystal sleep and that doesn’t even account to the fact that they are literally holding up Cocoon. It’s not like anyone asked for this, a focus, the fear, and anxiety of completing it, freeing our loved ones or the possibility of turning C’eith.”
“Lightning wants to free them, and I can’t say that I blame her. Each passing day they aren’t here drives me to start doing something about it.”
“Figured as much.”
“You don’t feel the same?”
“Didn’t say either way, but maybe not to the degree that the rest of you are.”
“We all saw it Sazh, Fang, and Vanille with us at the end.”
“Didn’t say I otherwise, Snow. But I also know when something is out of our hands and you just have to rely on faith that someone or something bigger than you is out there and listening. No one said that the vision won’t come true, you’re all just running around assuming it won’t.”
Snow sighed.
“Serah’s angry. She said we’re being selfish.”
“I bet she is. Serah has a unique perspective to see things from the outside because she wasn’t with us. Sometimes you have to take a step outside of yourself and away from the situation you’re in, to see the bigger picture.”
“So, you’re not worrying about this?”
“Nope. Soldier girl will figure it out. I suggest you let it go, Snow, go find your wife and live your life. Don’t get me wrong, I love those two like daughters, but it was their choice and I’m going to show them how grateful I am by living.”
Snow walked away, leaving Sazh, as the old man walked back into his home. He’d been perfectly content with how things had turned out. He had his life and his son back, what more could he want? Hadn’t Snow gone on this journey with Serah in mind, and getting Lightning’s approval to marry her sister?
Sazh had lost his wife, Snow knew that there was a hole that would never be filled with her gone. Was this what it would be like to let someone go, knowing that the hole would always be there? He’d been so deep in thought that he almost knocked Hope over, not realizing the kid was in front of him.
“Hey, watch where you’re going!”
“Sorry kid. Is everything okay?”
“No, I suppose it isn’t. I just saw Lightning take a velocycle toward the spire. You’re here for the same reason, aren’t you? This is about Fang and Vanille not being here, isn’t it?”
Snow clasped his hand on Hope’s shoulder.
“I guess we’re all feeling guilty about those two not being here, especially Lightning.”
“I think she feels that she’s failed them. We all saw it, the vision of us all together, it just doesn’t feel right,” Hope replied.
“I think we’re all feeling a little guilty. But you’re right, Lightning is probably at the spire right now promising Fang a punch to the jaw,” Snow chuckled.
Snow’s comment managed to bring a smile to Hope’s face and a little laughter.
“Yeah, probably so.”
Wrapping his arm around Hope’s shoulder, he steered the young man toward the house he shared with Lightning and Serah.
“You know, a wise man once told me that the best thing we can do for them would be to live.”
Hope elbowed Snow in the ribs.
“You were talking with Sazh.”
Snow laughed, “I suppose I was.”
*****
Lightning stormed out of the house in a rage. By the time she reached the velocycle she didn’t know who she was more angry with, the Pulsians or herself. She’d heard Serah’s unspoken words loud and clear. How was she not acting like she had when this whole mess had started. Flashes of her birthday and the following events conflicted with this unidentified need to free her friends.
Why did she feel so compelled to get them out of stasis? What was this driving factor that made her push herself and the cycle to the limits? Lightning knew all about focus, she’d lived her entire life focused on one subject or another. And yet, there was no brand on her, there was no fear of turning C’eith or losing Serah to crystal sleep. So why was she so damn driven to wake these two?
The cycle had barely stopped when Lightning jumped from the bike to the ground. She paced like a caged beast for a moment before marching up to the base of the spire. For long moments, the soldier wrestled with her emotions.
“Why!” She shouted at the silent tower of Cocoon.
“We were in this together, to the end. Everyone was supposed to get their happy ending, you were both there! I saw you, all of us did!”
“How could you be so selfish! You never asked any of us what we wanted, this is too high a price...I was supposed to get us all home, together.”
Lightning collapsed to her knees, and for the first time in a long time, she wept.
“It should have been me.”
Long moments passed as the soldier’s head hung down and tears dripped from her face. So many things to say, so much to express and she felt on the edge of something, but what?
“I feel like I’m in pieces, that I’m not whole. You have taken a piece of my soul with you and I feel so incomplete. I’ve never had friends or family like this, and you’ve taken it all away without asking. How could you be so selfish?”
Rage built to cover the pain and sadness that Lightning felt, and before she knew it, she was on her feet with Blazefire in her hands ready to strike the pillar with the blade.
“You would harm the sanctuary of those who rest here, who gave sacrificially in love for you and asked nothing in return?”
Lightning halted the blade within a hair’s breadth of the pillar. She didn’t recognize the feminine voice, but she had her suspicions as to who it belonged to.
“Etro?”
“That is a name that I am known by.”
There was a sudden surge of hope in the soldier as she turned to see the stunning female figure in front of her. Unlike the Fal’Cie, she felt compelled to kneel as if she was in the presence of a being worthy of her respect and gratitude.
“You can free them, you can free Vanille and Fang.”
“No, child, I cannot.”
Despite the feeling, she was wavering into dangerous territory, Lightning’s anger took control.
“Why? You have the power to do so, they’ve paid their debt, they deserve to be free!”
There was a shift in Etro’s demeanor and the soldier swallowed.
“Can someone force another to love them? Can you change the day into night and the night into day just because it suits your fancy? And yet, children go out of their way to try and prove they can do all things by themselves without a parent or teacher to guide them... Especially when they know nothing about what they are undertaking.”
Shame burned in Lightning to a degree she didn’t understand. Normally, she would be defiant and rage against those that opposed her and her goals. But speaking to Etro, she felt as if she were a young child being scolded by her mother. Lightning had not felt that way since she was known only as Claire. More questions burned within that she knew she would not get any answers right away.
As Lightning’s anger turned to shame and humility, Etro took pity on her.
“It is not that I would not grant the wish, Claire Farron. I simply cannot. Freedom of will prevents me from going against the choice that both Fang and Vanille made willingly for their family.”
“Is there no way to free them then?” Lightning asked.
“A talisman, a form of magic, something, anything at all?”
“There are ways that would not go against the wishes of the two Pulsians, but you must get past the first obstacle, Claire. You must seek their willingness to let go of their gift and that will be difficult indeed. Secondly, there must be a suitable replacement to take over holding up Cocoon, or it will surely fall. And Cocoon’s fall will cause greater devastation than you are capable of understanding at the moment.”
Lightning stepped forward and kneeled before Etro.
“Then let me take on this challenge, let me make this a new focus.”
“And what of your sister Claire, what of Serah and the rest of the L’Cie, the rest of Cocoon? Are you to leave them abandoned to fend for themselves to pursue this selfish task? They need your leadership and your guidance in the days to come. There is a darkness that lingers on the land and forces that wish to devour you whole.”
If there was one place that the goddess seemed to know where to hit her hard, it was duty. First, it had been Serah, then the Guardian Corps and then her L’Cie family. How could she, now of all times, abandon those in need for her own selfish gains? But a thought occurred to her, one that made perfect sense.
“I will not abandon them in a time of need, but Fang and Vanille know this land better than anyone. Would it not be at least worth the effort for me to try and seek their help, free them so that Cocoon can adjust to Gran Pulse?”
“Indeed, it would be, but have you forgotten the recent grumblings of my children from Cocoon? They have life and an abundance before them, and yet they complain. And then there is a matter of the two you seek to free are from the very land they once warred against. Are you ready to stand between them as a shield between both Gran Pulse and Cocoon? And there is one more thing Claire, have you forgotten about Ragnarok?”
Lightning’s eyes snapped to Etro’s. They’d fulfilled their focus, how can Ragnarok still be an issue?
“I don’t understand, aren’t Vanille and Fang free of Ragnarok, they completed their focus?”
“Have you not listened to Fang’s words, to Vanille’s during your journey? Fang was chosen to be Ragnarok, Vanille volunteered to keep the priests from killing her. Vanille’s choice was voluntary, to save a loved one.”
Lightning’s mind flashed with this information, sifting through everything they’d talked about during their journey and there was one question that Fang had never figured out an answer to. Why her, when so many L’Cie had come before her? The truth was staring Lightning in the face, it made perfect sense now looking at what she knew about Fang’s life.
“She’s your daughter,” the soldier gasped.
Etro gave Lightning a soft smile.
“You are all my children Claire, but some have been born of me, and not just by my blood.”
In that instance, Lightning took a knee once more before the goddess, bowing her head.
“I will do it. I will take this journey wherever it leads me.”
Lightning felt a soft touch to her face, it was almost electrifying, but in a good way. Her eyes gazed up into the dark orbs of Etro and the soldier swallowed with emotion.
“Come, Claire, there is much I need to talk to you concerning this journey.”
Etro led her away and it wouldn’t be until much later that the soldier realized that she had never reacted to being called Claire.