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The night before Graduation, Allison Reynolds stayed up too late holding Claire Standish’s hand. She fished markers out of her skirt and wrote Class of 1985 across Claire’s knuckles, made camellias and pink roses bloom across the backs of her hands, slipped ivy and starlight in the spaces between. She tried her best at a little Viking helmet just above her elbow, Portland State University’s mascot.
“You gonna give Andy one of those too?” Claire asked, murmuring into Allison’s hair. The two of them were curled up in Claire’s bed—an innocent sleepover so the two of them can get ready in the morning together.
“He says he still doesn’t know where he’s going,” Allison said. She trailed tiny birds in tiny V’s down Claire’s forearm, back to the flowers.
“Oh come on,” Claire rolled her eyes. She shifted onto her back, her arm still in Allison’s gentle grip. “He’s only saying that ‘cause his dad wants him to go to Illinois State so bad.” Allison only hummed in response. She’d decided that the tiny birds were going to form into one large bird, which would sit amongst the camellias. “What’s the place you got in again?”
Well, she’d gotten into Emmerson and Notre Dame and Penn State and Berkley. But none of those mattered. “Pacific Northwest College of Art,” was the one that had given her the biggest scholarship, the one closest to a spooky forest, and the one that overlapped the most with where Claire, Brian, and Andy had gotten into.
“What’s their mascot?” Claire asked, free hand searching for a marker in the folds of her blankets.
“It’s a sloth,” Allison smiled.
Claire looked at her for a really long time. Allison thought she must’ve been debating whether or not she could draw one on Allison’s arm. Finally, she sighed and said, “Of course it is.”
clink
Allison looked up, startled.
clink clink
It was coming from the window. Claire rolled out of bed and padded over to the window above her dresser. She moved her radio and a vase of faux flowers off the dresser and slid open the window. Then, she did something that made Allison nearly fall off the bed laughing: she reached into the very bottom drawer of her dresser and pulled out an honest-to-god rope made out of bedsheets.
Claire turned to her sharply and stuck her tongue out. Allison threw her head back and cackled. Claire threw the rope out the window and secured it on one corner of her bed. Soon enough John Bender was climbing through the window wearing a backpack and holding a large envelope in his teeth.
He spat the envelope onto the floor and wrapped Claire in his arms for a moment. At first, John Bender had kissed Claire Standish like he was expecting her to run away. Now, he kissed her like he never wanted to let go.
“Hey, beautiful,” he murmured against her lips.
‘Hey,” she giggled. “What’d you bring?” She turned her attention to the envelope, stooping to pick it up.
Bender moved over to the bed, letting his backpack hit the wood floor with a thud. “Those are beers,” he said. He leaned over Allison and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Hey, gorgeous.”
“Hi.” She smiled, looking up at him through her lashes. “Claire doesn’t let us drink in her room.” She pointed out.
“It’s a special occasion,” Bender looked over at Claire.
She turned the envelope over in her hands. “Portland Community College?”
He shrugged. “You want a beer?”
“You said you weren’t applying anywhere.” No sooner had Claire gotten her fingers underneath the envelope’s seal did Bender snatch it from between her fingers. She looked up and him and glared. “If you didn’t want to open it, why’d you even bring it?”
Bender tossed the thing on the bed. “We could burn it.” He fell down into Allison’s arms, splaying himself out across her lap. “What’re we up to tonight ladies?”
Claire looked at him for a long moment. She showed him to back of her hand, where the songbird sat on the camellia. “I have become art.”
“You were already art.” Bender pressed a tiny kiss to her knuckles.
Claire ran a hand through his hair. “What a sap.”
“Not my fault I fell in love with you.” He reached up and cupped Allison’s cheek. “Or you, by the way.”
Allison smiled down at him. Of course that that was the way John Bender told her he loved her for the first time. She put a hand on his chest.
“What’re you gonna draw on John, Allie?” Claire crawled into bed next to them.
“Yeah,” Bender sat up and moved so he was facing her instead. “Make a masterpiece out of me.”
Allison held his right arm gently in hers and rolled the sleeve up. She turned it so she could see the cigar scar just below his elbow. He turned his arm again, made a move like he was going to pull his sleeve back down. Allison took a pastel pink marker from between two folds of blankets and drew around it. She added soft yellow and blue, painting the swirling surface of a gas giant over the ugly round mark.
“That’s really pretty,” Claire murmured. She put her head in Bender’s lap and a hand on Allison’s thigh. Allison added rings around the planet, and moons in its orbit, and a sea of stars for them to float in.
“I let the boys know we would be gathering,” Bender said. He turned his wrist slightly to get a better look at the constellations Allison was weaving along his skin.
“Andy said he was busy tonight,” she said plainly.
“Hm?” Bender quirked on eyebrow. “When I talked to him he said he would come over.”
Allison stilled for a moment. “Oh.”
Claire sat down next to her, careful not to jostle Allison as she continued to draw on Bender. “Maybe something got cancelled.”
“Maybe,” Allison said.
“Allison.” Bender’s voice was serious. “If what you’re thinking is true, is true,” he cupped her chin in his hand and lifted her face so they could look each other in the eye. “I will throw him out that window myself.”
Allison smiled weakly. “It would make sense, though. If he was more excited to see you than me.”
“Allie,” Claire her head on Allison’s shoulder.
“It would make no sense and prove that Clark is a fucking idiot.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Claire added. “He loves you a lot.”
Allison nodded, the motion confident and final. “We can ask him when he get here.”
As if summoned, there was a clink at the window. Claire got up and threw the rope ladder out the window. She had to help Brian get through the window, and he landed on the floor in front of her dresser with a pained sound.
“You okay?” She stooped to help him up.
“Yeah, yeah,” he smiled, pulling away from her grip a little too quickly. Ever since…. Things… had happened, Brian was always walking on eggshells around the girls, like he didn’t want to lead them on. Claire pressed a kiss to his temple, something friendly and kind. He smiled at her, still looking timid.
“Hey, sexy!” Bender called from the bed. Bender turned bright red. Allison laughed.
“How’re you guys doing?” Brian asked, ducking his head like he was willing his blush to go away.
“Did you know Bender applied to college?” Claire asked. She scooped the envelope off the bed before he could grab it.
“They said no,” he insisted. Allison gripped his forearm a little harder to keep him from lunging at Claire.
“Aw, that sucks,” Brian said genuinely. “I wish you would’ve let me help with—” he caught sight of the envelope. “Wait, they sent you a big envelope for a rejection?” He took it from her gingerly.
“He didn’t open it.” Claire explained.
“I already know what it says.” Bender sighed dramatically and fell back against the bed. Allison pinched him for ruining one of her lines.
“John,” Brian sat on the edge of the bed. “I think you should open this.” Bender only shook his head, still lying down. Allison had to shift positions in order to work her way past his elbow. “John, colleges don’t send rejection letters in big envelopes like this.”
Bender looked up. “Excuse me?”
“All my rejections were in regular mailer envelopes. This is an acceptance.”
Bender laid back down. “Didn’t think you got rejected from anywhere.”
“Didn’t really try for anything outside Oregon.” He shrugged. “And don’t change the subject.”
“I’m opening it.” Claire ripped it out of Brian’s hand.
“You can’t open someone else’s mail,” Brian protested. “It’s a federal offence.”
Claire looked him in the eye as she worked her thumb into the corner of the envelope’s mouth.
“I give her permission,” Bender said, voice quieter than his tone would warrant. “I give her permission, she’s my wife.”
“That isn’t true,” Allison said. “I’m married to Claire.”
“I’ll fight you for her.”
“I’d drop you in a second.”
“Bring it on, Reynolds.”
Claire slid the papers out of the envelope. “Cut it out or I’ll marry Andy just to spite the two of you.” She scanned the first sheet, her eyes narrowing.
Bender turned onto his side. Allison let his arm go and he curled into a ball. “Had to write this dumb essay,” he said.
“What’d you write about?” Brian put a hand on his side. Bender mumbled something into the crook of his arm.
“Dear Mr. Bender,” Claire started reading. Bender curled up impossibly tighter. “We at Portland Community College are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into our General Education Program on full scholar ship!” Claire’s grin split her face. “John!” He stayed still, curled up and hiding his face. She moved over to the bed and petted his hair again. “John?”
“I can’t go,” his voice was hoarse. “I can’t—I can’t leave my mom with him.”
“You won’t have to,” Claire whispered. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
“I can’t,” he repeated. He uncurled himself and turned on onto his back in one quick, almost violent motion.
“If,” Brian sounded like he was trying not to cry. “If you can’t go, I can’t go either. I can’t—won’t leave you with him.”
“Johnson shut the fuck up.” Bender rubbed at his eyes a little too aggressively.
Claire took his hands in hers. “Cheryl could come with us. My dad’s getting me that apartment off campus.”
“Didn’t he make you swear not to shack up with me?” There was an edge in Bender’s voice, like he was trying to be his usual sardonic self but he didn’t have the energy.
“He knows Allison and I wanted to move in together. If we get a two bedroom, Allie and I can share and Cheryl can come with us. Dad won’t have to know, and she’ll be safe.” Bender looked down, shook his head. “It’s not like she’d have to take care of us or anything—we’d just be roommates.”
“We could get a house,” there’s something dreamy in Allison’s voice. “All six of us. It wouldn’t even have to be that big. Some of us could share rooms. We could all come home from class and—and,” she blinked like she was trying not to cry. “I… I know it’s not really possible, but I think about it sometimes. All of us together in one place, with no one to tell us who we have to be. And if we all went to school… even if we all moved away… we could.” She shrugged.
“Yeah,” Brian put a hand on her shoulder. “Yeah, we could.” He was trying to convince her, himself, all of them.
Bender’s voice was sharp. “She doesn’t wanna leave him.” They all looked at him. “I don’t know what it is,” he uncurled, spreading himself out on Claire’s bed so they others had to shift to accommodate him. They did so quietly, without even thinking. “But she won’t leave him. They’ve been together so long, he’s got his hooks in her. I can’t abandon her.” He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Don’t even know why I fucking applied. What the hell am I gonna do in school?”
“You’re smart, Bender,” Brian murmured like that even fucking mattered. He laid down next to Bender, pressed in against his side. “You could do whatever you wanted.” He nuzzled against Bender’s neck, pressed little kisses to his skin.
“Except carve this asshole out of my life,” Bender practically growled. His fingers curled inwards, clawing at his forehead, getting dangerously close to his eyes.
“Hey,” Claire curled up against his other side. “Don’t.” She took one of his hands, kissed the tiny stars Allison had sprinkled across his fingers. Brian took his other hand, pressed it against his chest. Allison crawled into the space between Claire and Bender, resting her head on his stomach. She put her hand on his abdomen, stroked one spot with her thumb. He could feel his tee shirt getting damp from her tears.
A few minutes passed. Bender wriggled between them, opened his mouth to say something, to shake off their affections, reject the notion that they should ruin their lives for his sake. But there was a noise at the window. Claire thought maybe she should get up and check what it was, but instead she stayed in bubble of warmth the four of them had created. She nuzzled against Bender’s neck, wrapped an arm around Allison, smiled at Brian from across Bender’s chest.
For all his efforts at being quiet and careful, Andy practically fell through the window after he got off the rope ladder. To his credit, though, he rolled as he hit the floor and stood back up in one smooth motion.
“Hello Andrew,” Bender said plainly, staring up at the ceiling.
“Wow,” Andy breathed, his shoulders dropping. “Wow, you guys look amazing.”
“What?” Brian furrowed his brow. He didn’t have the energy to laugh.
“All in bed together like that,” Andy stepped forward. “I still can’t believe—Allison, are you crying?” He rushed over, cupped the side of her face. She smiled, kept her face half-buried against the side of Bender’s belly.
“We all decided we’re not going to college,” Brian announced. Bender gave a big, dramatic sigh.
“Okay,” Andy said quietly. Gingerly, her climbed into the bed, slotted himself between Bender and Brian. Held Allison’s hand, moved close enough to her that they could feel each other’s breath on their faces.
“Y’all are fuckin’ idiots,” Bender said, his voice strained. “And I hate you so goddamn much.”
“Love you,” Claire said. She kissed his cheek.
“Love you,” Brian said against his hair.
“Love you,” Andy snuggled a little closer to him.
Allison sat up. She leaned over him, careful not to catch Claire’s hair as she moved her hand to support herself. “Love you,” she said and kissed his forehead, his cheek, the end of his nose. “Love you, love you, love you.” And the other started repeating it too. Love you, love you into his hair, against his skin.
Claire Standish had seen John Bender cry exactly once. The first night he snuck into her room after detention. He hadn’t told her what exactly his father had said or done. She didn’t need to know.
Now he was blinking back tears, fighting for control of his arms so he could swipe at his eyes.
He sighed, wriggled between them. “Y’all are the worst. Lemme outta this.”
“But I just got here,” Andy nuzzled his face against Bender’s stomach. Bender responded by yanking his arms free and sitting up too quickly for any of them to react.
As he moved, he jostled Andy, his arm jutting into Andy’s upper arm. Andy flinched at the impact, reaching up to hold his shoulder.
“Are you okay?” Allison sat up, alarmed.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Andy shook his head. “It’s nothing. I did something stupid.”
“What, you get in a fight?” Brian asked. He knew that some of Andy’s wrestling buddies had been giving him shit for hanging out with the four of them.
“No, it’s nothing.” Andy shrugged. Bender grabbed at his hoodie. “John, come on.” Bender ignored him and pulled his hoodie until his left shoulder was exposed, revealing a thick bandage on his upper arm. Allison gasped quietly.
“Andrew,” Bender said. “Do you wanna tell the class what happened?”
“It’s not—I’m not hurt.” He yanked his hoodie out of Bender’s grip, but let it slide off his shoulders anyway.
“You sure look hurt,” Brian leaned in like his first-aid training would lead him to a prognosis.
“No, look, I can show you,” Andy reached under his arm and started unraveling the bandage, wincing a little as he did.
Claire leaned back a little. “Don’t know how this is supposed to reassure us.”
“Hang on,” Allison leaned forward, her eyes wide with curiosity. Slowly, Andy peeled back the bandage to reveal the shape of a heart surrounded by wavy lines radiating out from it. He stopped just before the bottom half started, figuring they would get the picture.
“I see,” Bender nodded. He reached up and smacked Andy on the back of the head.
“Ah—Bender what the fuck,” Andy sputtered.
“Don’t get tattoos by yourself, dingus. It’s a rite of passage. It should be experienced as a group.”
“What?” Andy laughed. “Who says?”
“Me says,” Bender puffed out his chest.
“Well it’s a nice tattoo anyway,” Brian said.
“It’s one of Allison’s sketches, isn’t it?” Claire asked. Andy was too busy starting another argument with Bender to notice either her question or the way Allison was reaching for the edge of the bandage. She tugged experimentally, revealing a bit of scrollwork at the base of the heart.
“Hey, don’t,” Andy reached for her hand, but it didn’t matter. The bandages were falling off. There were five scrolls wrapping around the bottom of the heart, each with one word in delicate text: brain, athlete, basketcase, princess, criminal.
Claire narrowed her eyes. “That’s what Vernon called us.”
“I know, but it’s what we called us too. At the end of the letter… we took it back. I donno.” He shrugged, then continued quietly: “Plus, I kind of didn’t wanna get your real names done.”
“You ashamed of us, Clark?” Bender’s voice was low, his eyes hooded as he watched Andy’s blush brighten across his face.
“No, I—”
“I’m fucking with you,” Bender said.
“When are you not?” Andy rolled his eyes. Bender leaned into him, pressing kisses into his neck.
“I think it’s nice,” Allison said quietly. She took Andy’s hand and started kissing his knuckles, which, combined with Bender’s continued ministrations on his neck, was giving Andy a great impression of what it was like to be set on fire.
Brian laughed. “Jeeze, could you imagine if we really did live together? We’d never get anything done.”
Bender turned away from the pink bruises he was leaving on Andy’s skin. “You say that like it’s a bad thing, Johnson.” He cupped Brian’s cheek and tilted his head to the side. Brian, great fool that he was, closed his eyes and leaned forward, only for Bender to lean completely past him and kiss Claire.
Brian opened one eye. “Sometimes I think I have bad taste in guys,” he murmured.
“This one’s pretty okay,” Allison kissed her way up Andy’s arm, eventually to his tattoo, which really she shouldn’t have been kissing, as new and still healing as it was.