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The glow of the streetlights seeped in through the window of her room, touching her body so that parts of it – of her – could still stay blanketed in the dark, like one of the phases of the moon. It gave rise to a pang of yearning, a little bubble of emotion that was close to bursting. He could stay here and choose to tune out the noise outside of her little home. Stay close. To her. Exasperate her. Find reasons to touch her. Pluck up the courage again to kiss her mouth. And sit in silence, the walls of her home surrounding them, echoing their reciprocated understanding of each other.
He could make that choice, because there was nothing imminent waiting to greet him outside. Except maybe for Lee Joon Young, except he was too distant – almost invisible – to torment them. And Min? It still hurt to accept it, but Lee Hyun had done his part, and it was time Min was left to make his… choices.
Returning today and meeting Cha Ji-An, after a year of keeping her at bay, made him feel his time was moving at a pace that comforted him. The abruptness of the previous year had shaken him. This? This was steady. Calm. Simple.
“Lee Hyun?”
Ji-An was sitting up in her bed, her hair disheveled, looking lost. He smiled fondly at her from his sitting spot on the rug.
“How long have I been sleeping?”
“Forty minutes.”
“Huh? Felt like a lifetime. The time?”
“Eleven.”
“Why did I fall asleep again?”
He shrugged. “You fall asleep anytime and anywhere. You tell me.”
“It was a long day, I guess. Aren’t you tired? You just returned today.” The haziness in her eyes was gone, replaced with concern. It warmed his insides.
Yes, if he could, he would repeat this everyday. “O,” (‘Yes,’) he replied lazily.
She gave him a look of exasperation he had grown accustomed to, and very much missed in her absence.
“So?”
“So, I just want to look at you when your mouth is shut,” he teased. He shifted so he was sitting cross-legged while facing her bed.
“Jerk,” she murmured. “Anyway, if you don’t want exhaustion to kill you, I hope you consider going to sleep.”
He remained still.
Pursing her lips, she leaned down awkwardly, supporting herself by putting her hands on his shoulders. Shaking him, she said, “Get up, before I fall on you and break your back.”
“You’re too small for that.”
Her grip became painful. “Stop speaking nonsense and sleep!”
Playfully, he shot up abruptly just to throw her on her back with the force.
“You rude little…” she let the next words die in her throat. “I’ll be nice to you since this is your first day back, though my desire to beat you until I’m satisfied is rising again.”
He smirked. “What else?”
“I am too tired to throw punches. And you are an adult, so I’ll let you do whatever you want.” With that, she turned her back towards him and lay down.
“I’d rather you have your face towards me, you know,” he said, his voice soft.
She shifted, her mouth set in a small pout. “Then say what you feel, please,” she said, her voice dropping low, pleading with him.
This time, the lights from outside reflected in her eyes, setting them alight. They were beautiful. She was …
“Beautiful…” Her eyes warmed a little, which made his pulse stutter. “I” – he swallowed the catch in his throat – “missed you. A lot. And I…” He paused, his eyes straying from her eyes to her lips and back. They were shining: her eyes, they were welling up. “I’m so sorry,” he finally said.
A tear fell from the corner of her left eye. Another followed. “You took so long. You could have told me beforehand.”
He stood up, and her gaze followed him. The lights outside lit up her face and her tears, which fell slowly, one by one. His hand reached out, his thumb following the tears in their trail on one of her cheeks. “It hurt, didn’t it?”
“Should you be even asking that?”
He sat on her bed, intently looking at her. “You wished that you had asked me to visit you again and again. Or maybe visited me more often.”
Ji-An nodded, her eyes pleading with an emotion that always moved him.
Lee Hyun caressed her face, possessed with the desire to do away with the one year of regret and hurt he had left her with. Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, he tried to pinpoint when, for this woman, and how, had he come to care so strongly for her, without realizing? Goodness, she looked so vulnerable, and he could, he could …
He bent to kiss her forehead and adjusted himself so he was laying next to her. She instinctively huddled herself close to him, her head buried in his chest.
“I hated you sometimes. It felt like I was robbed.”
He wrapped an arm around her so that her body was almost covering his. He remembered how it felt to embrace her, but this felt new. More intimate. Her chest was pressed against his; her legs were tangled up with his; their shirts were riding up so he could feel the bare skin of her abdomen brushing against his.
“But you had responsibilities. And I hate you for making me love you for that.”
He hummed, partly distracted by her physical presence and the want to take her completely in, and partly wanting to comfort her. “I had to leave to protect you from Min. And Min from himself.”
Cha Ji-An looked up at him. “I understand. And I know you won’t go back.”
“I don’t go back on my word,” he stated.
“You don’t.”
She was gazing at him with that look. Again. And he did it.
He pressed his lips on hers, as if it alone had the power to do away with the time they had spent away from one another. The arm wrapped around her tightened, while one hand was on her face. Why had he not done this more often? The sensation of her mouth brushing against his clenched his insides in an emotion he was not familiar with but would love to delve into. Her fingers were buried in his hair, pulling at the roots lightly. Most definitely, he could kiss her more. Twice, thrice… unlimited times.
She pulled away, a dazed look in her eyes. He smiled at her. Her hair was messier than before, so her brushed it back. He wanted to continue, but he felt heavy with exhaustion.
Understanding him, she rolled aside. “Good night,” she whispered, pulling his arm over her waist.
She fell asleep almost immediately, and he did too, but after watching her for a while.