Chapter Text
She had to be out there somewhere.
Had to be.
Yasmin Khan sat on the bench in the park in Sheffield- watching kids play on the swings in the summer air. Her shift had ended half an hour ago, and Yaz needed someone quiet- innocent- what better than a park? Everyday after work Yaz would come to the local park- in the rain, snow, sun- trying to distract herself from the impending ache of her heart that lingered for the Doctor. It had been two months- two months since she sacrificed herself along with Ko. Two months felt like yesterday to Yaz as she stood up and headed home- it was the same dull day, everyday- get up, eat, work, eat and sleep- nothing had felt the same since the day she returned to Earth. Ryan and Graham were still in touch- trying to distract the lonely human from drowning in her grief- but both Ryan and Graham knew that grief was something you couldn't distract yourself from- Yaz had to face this, or the Doctor would never leave her heart.
Yaz trundled through the front door, aimlessly kicking off her police boots and heading to the kitchen where her parents were cooking. It seemed so happy- so normal- Yaz couldn't adapt- she had wanted that type of normal with the Doctor.
"Oh hey love how was work?" Najia asked, putting the drying up away- a small smile danced on her lips as she waited for her daughters response.
"Yeah it was okay- was drowned in paperwork though, Brian let me off on time even though I had another hour left of signing documents on local disputes."
"What type of disputes?" Najia leant back, folding her arms once she put the last mug away. A little nag in her heart hoped that one of these disputes would have something to do with the Doctor. Yaz never told her family why the Doctor doesn't come round for tea, or why Yaz is no longer 'travelling'. No matter how much Najia was weary of the Doctor- she knew the Timelord never gave up on her daughter- and something must have happened. Something must have happened to break her daughters heart.
Yaz sat on the chair and huffed, not giving Hakim or Najia any eye contact. She fiddled with her tie, folding it and twizzling it around her fingers as she could feel their eyes burn into her. "Neighbourly disputes Mum. T'was about loud music on one of them."
"Sounds interesting."
"It really wasn't."
"At least you're making a change Yaz, you're helping people- that's what makes it interesting. I'm sure the Doctor would be so proud of you."
The name made Yaz flinch like she had just cut her finger. Hakim stopped cutting the carrots as the name was mentioned, bracing himself for the conversation yet to come. He spun around and copied Najia's stare- they couldn't drop the topic anymore, they had to know what happened to the Doctor. Yaz turned to leave- she didn't want this conversation, that day where she had let the Doctor die so fresh in her memory. The rage against Graham and Ryan for just letting her stand there whilst the women- the women she dared to even fall in love with left to sacrifice herself for the human race.
"Yaz what happened love? What happened to her?" Hakim asked, desperate for any kind of answer.
"Nothing Dad."
"So why are you always on edge everytime we mention the Doctor?" Najia retorted.
"It's complicated just leave it."
"No Yasmin we can't- it's been two months since she left you, I don't know who she was to you but whatever she did is completely unacceptable- you're a mess and she-"
"Don't even talk about the Doctor like that." Yaz interrupted her Mother's accusations. She was frozen on the spot- refusing to turn around to face her parents in case they saw her tears.
"Well what do you expect me to say? That she is some kind of God for making you feel this way?"
That made Yaz turn around and glare straight at her Mother for those words that spat out of her mouth like it was as natural as a hello and goodbye.
"The Doctor is more than a God- she saved us, she sacrificed herself. Just forget it." Yaz quickly shut up realising that she had said to much. She wiped the residue of the tears into marble skin and just sat down at the table in defeat. Najia copied her, facing her on the other side of the table as Hakim joined next to his wife- his eyes glistening with understanding.
"She's a conspiracy." Hakim uttered and Yaz laughed a little- last thing she expected was her Dad to say that.
"Something like that." Yaz replied, hr eyes softening at the memories of when the Doctor would always praise and then loathe any type of conspiracies- she was always a curious bugger.
"But I'm right aren't I? She's different- you can always tell-after your Mother told me what happened with the giant spiders I just knew it- there's aliens out there aren't there. I've googled everything and there's no such thing as giant spiders on the scale. Also her like wand thing- sonic laser? It is so high tech it can't just be a human invention or you and Sonya would already have one by now."
Her Dads ramblings made Yaz's heart smile- reminding her of how the Doctor used to ramble, and how well she got along with her Dad. If the Doctor wasn't coming back then why keep the secret any longer? Yaz couldn't bear the people she loved- especially her Mum thinking that she was just some lover that dumped her without a second thought. Yaz stared back and forth between her parents who waited patiently and expectantly. The smirk in her Mums face- just a subtle curl of the lips to show that she agreed with her father, made Yaz even certain on what to say and do.
"Promise not to tell anyone?"
"Promise!" Hakim and Najia exclaimed at the same time making them all chuckle a little.
"Well yes- the Doctor i- was an alien. When I said I went travelling I meant I would travel through space and time in her ship- the TARDIS."
"Why didn't you tell us?" Majia asked, awe and shame mixing in her voice.
"Because I knew you'd both freak out, or you would say I'm not outloud to travel with the Doctor or worst case scenario you wouldn't have believed me."
"Oh love of course we would have believed you." Najia reached for her daughters hands and smiled reassuringly, Yaz grinned back right before she realised this was the present day- where she was never going to travel with the Doctor again. "Yaz? What's wrong?"
"The Doctor- she- er- she sacrificed herself to save the universe."
"Sacrificed herself?"
"Destroyed a planet with her in it yeah." The ache in Yaz's heart grew deeper and she couldn't stop the tears from cascading down like waterfalls. Najia ran over to Yaz and pulled Yaz up into her arms, letting the rain flow down her cheeks.
"I'm so sorry love, I didn't know. I had no idea."
"Neither did Dad by the looks of it." Yaz mumbled, pulling away from the embrace as mother and daughter looked over to the table to see Hakim still in the same position he was in as he sat down, lost in a trance of bewilderment that aliens actually existed.
"Oh bless him- it's a bit of a shock to know for once his conspiracy was right."
"It's a shock for all of us." Yaz said, sighing as her voice broke halfway through. Najia pulled Yaz into another hug, she had no idea what to do, no idea how to take the pain away, all anyone could do was hold Yaz tight as she sank into the loss.
"Are you sure she's gone?"
"Well she had to do it- se said she was gonna with Ko."
"Ko?"
"This old guy who ran out after her, trying to swap places so the Doctor could live."
"What if that had happened?"
"You what?" Yaz's head sprung up like a chicken and her eyes widened, a million thoughts rushing through her head.
"Well maybe she did get out alive- she escaped? Is her ship on Earth?"
"No?"
"Wait how did you get back, where did you go to?" Najia's unexpected interrogation completely broke the mood and Yaz shook her head sighing.
"Mum the Doctor might be out there and you're asking me if I was safe?"
"Of course." Najia mockingly folded her arms up like she was a stern teacher telling off the children. Yaz could feel her entire body relax as she shared a hopeful smile with her Mother.
"We came home through a spaceship and we went to the Doctors home planet."
"So she really is an alien then."
"Yes Mum she really is."
"Who's an alien?" Sonya briskly walked into the kitchen, her head stuck in her phone as she was 'attempting' to boil the kettle with one hand.
"Doesn't matter." Yaz muttered- last thing she needed was her sister to know.
"Oh you don't mean your alien girlfriend do you?"
"She's not my girlfriend!"
"But she's an alien?" Sonya looked up smirking to meet Yaz's defeated glare- now her sister knew- and it was certainly the last thing she needed.
"What made you think she was an alien?" Najia asked curiously.
"Isn't it obvious? Yaz always comes back in the morning, leaving a weird blue box- nothing says weird as much as the Doctor- and it has no wheels- so it can't be a weird car thing."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because it's none of my business!"
That was the funniest statement for Yaz to ever hear, and she and Sonya burst out laughing. However, Najia's brain clicked into space and tapped her eldest daughter on the shoulder trying to get her back into reality from the laughing fits.
"So if you came in a spaceship what's stopping you from travelling back to find the Doctor?"
Yaz stooped- her mouth hung open and her heart raced. Was it a possiblity? Of course it was- it was the Doctor. If anything Yaz was not expecting her Mum to be so open to the idea of adventures, danger and risks- but heck Yaz couldn't complain right now.
"Yeah but I don't know how to fly a TARDIS or anything for that matter."
"A TARDIS?" Sonya interjected and Najia gave her the 'not know look' that made her skulk to her room, completely forgetting the kettle that had just pinged.
"Does the Doctor have any friends that would know?" Najia questioned.
Yaz began to pace the kitchen floor, her eyes furrowed as any idea popped and escaped her head like a dying breath. Abruptly she paused- she wasn't sure where she was going with it, but it was the only thing that actually had logic to it. Well maybe it wasn't logic but Yaz hardly knew much about the Doctor- the Doctor was history itself-endless, and there was so much to know about her that Yaz only had past experiences to understand it all. "Jack."
"Jack? Another alien?"
"Sorta- he used to travel with the Doctor, he's a time traveller. But I wouldn't know how to find him."
"Well at least we have a start." Najia walked over to her daughter and lovingly squeezed onto Yaz's shoulders. "She's out there so don't you dare give up. Now help me wake your father out from this trance he's in."
With that Yaz grinned and couldn't disagree with any of that.
After dinner Yaz scurried into her room, messaging Ryan and Graham about the possibility that the Doctor may be alive. She pulled out her laptop and began searching online- trying to find anything about the Doctor, and Captain Jack and where he could be. Tears threatened to brim on the surface as Yaz felt emptiness- she was out of her depth, never had she had to face an adventure without her Doctor.
Her Doctor.
Yaz initially thought she was in awe- inspired with the possibility that the Doctor could exist. But as time came on, she was no longer like a God type figure- she became so human that Yaz sometime forgot the Doctor had two hearts. The Doctors childlike energy to her darkness in her eyes when any of her enemies were mentioned- the Doctor was just like anyone else, and Yaz couldn't help but fall completely and utterly in love with the enigma of her heart.
That's why she had to keep going, she had to fight- no giving up, no stopping, Yaz needed the Doctor like air to her lungs and she had been stupid to think that the Doctor may only be dead- this was her Doctor- there is no universe without Yaz's Doctor. She finally found a page that had the words UNIT- Yaz smiled slightly, knowing they had shut down, but old links and phone numbers still remained on the sites. Other pages and blogs that definitely worshipped the Doctor like a God were everywhere, and Yaz couldn't help but feel protective over the Doctor- they may be swooning about a different face- but it was still the same Doctor, the blonde haired gun hating maniac who never gave up on love. Yaz laughed to herself knowing that if the Doctor was here she would be trying to track down the creators of the blogs, and send them thank you letters and who knows what from the Kerblam! Yaz's phone rang, making her jump a little before she picked it up and realised it was Ryan.
"Hey Ryan."
"Yaz I just got your messages- are you sure? You sure the Doctor could be alive?"
"I wouldn't say it if I wasn't sure. Don't you think it's possible."
"Maybe- but it's been two months Yaz. If the Doctor was alive by now why hasn't she come to get us."
"Maybe she's in danger- I don't know."
"Look Yaz-"
"Don't." Yaz could recognise pity in anyone's voice- especially from Ryan Sinclair, she had to do it enough times in the Police force to know.
"You really love her don't you." Ryan said it more as a statement than question and Yaz just gulped silently, her eyes watering again as she held onto her phone even tighter than before.
"I'm going to find her Ryan- with or without your help."
"Then I'll go and wake Grandad- we're family now, and we need to get the Doctor back."
"It's getting late though-"
"And? The Doctor would do it for us any time of the day."
Ryan cut off and Yaz smiled relieved that she got Ryan on board with his supportive. For the first time since landing back on Earth she felt hopeful- a little cocky? But definitely adventurous- determined to get the Doctor back. Her Doctor.
But the hope washed straight off her face when she saw the BBC newsreel that she always went on. Three murders. Three murdered caused by a raygun of some sought that the Police hadn't figured out, witnesses had said it came from a tank like weapon with a whisk on its head...
Shit. Yaz hissed to herself, she reached out to phone Ryan when a knock on the door came.
"Come in."
"Yaz?" It was her Mother- dread in her eyes, Yaz dropped her phone instinctively and stood up feeling like something bad was happening. She let her Mother breathe first, but Yaz's heart was beating that she could've sworn it was dancing inside of her- wriggling, squirming screaming for the fresh air. Najia walked in, sweat on her brow and smiled a little, and Yaz knew it had to be about the Doctor- so why wasn't her Mother saying anything?
"Mum what is it? What's happened?"
"Someone's here to see you- but I don't think they're going to make it through the night love."
Yaz's heart dropped. One word came into her head as she charged downstairs- Doctor...