Work Text:
Riku tried not to be the one who yelled. When the situation warranted it, he did allow himself to raise his voice, but it was measured, calculated, planned . Growing up alongside Sora's loud, brash, impulsive temperament meant that he filled in where Sora could not, and so it became second nature to be the stable pot to Sora's unruly fern.
It wasn't that he didn't want to yell sometimes. Sometimes the pressure weighed so heavy on his chest that the only seemingly logical solution was to scream until it abated - but he never did. Sometimes the people around him were condescending and ill-mannered, and the urge to hurl expletives at them bubbled fiercely beneath the surface, threatening to burst - but it never did. Wanting to yell and scream, wear his emotions on his sleeve... That was Sora's job.
But Sora was gone.
At least in Castle Oblivion, he'd known where Sora was, what was happening to him, and how to get him back. It ached, yes, but Sora was safe , and that was all that mattered to Riku.
He didn't have that reassurance this time around.
He tried to keep up a brave face, keep everyone else's morale up. Even if he was faking it, even if everyone knew he was faking it...well, it was better than letting everyone see him crack and crumble.
...Almost everyone.
Riku had tried to care about Kairi ever since she wound up on their island. Sora cared about her, and Riku cared about Sora, so he wanted to care about her, too. Even when she didn't extend the same courtesy.
He thought...he'd hoped she'd grown out of her childhood selfishness when she deliberately reunited him and Sora, but then...
He didn't want to be the one to yell. So he avoided talking to her at all.
It lasted about a week.
"Riku." She'd cornered him in the library.
Riku didn't respond and just kept flipping through the book in his hands.
"Riku!"
"I'm busy, Kairi," he responded, voice even, still not looking up at her.
"Too busy to even talk to a friend?"
His eye twitched and he pointedly slammed the book closed in his hands. "Is that what we are?"
"Of course we are! Why wouldn't we be?"
"Because without Sora here, you and I have nothing in common." He knew he was being petty. He was tired and hurting and scared, and his control over his emotions was slipping. He knew he shouldn't let it, but if she kept pushing...
Kairi looked hurt. "Riku... What are you talking about?"
It took some effort to keep his voice even as he carefully chose his words. "Ever since we met you, your eyes have been on Sora the whole time. I was only ever an extra, wasn't I?"
From the edge of his vision, he could see her face go from surprised, back to something that could've almost been hurt, before it turned defensive. When she spoke, she lost the softness she'd been using before. "Like you're any different?"
He reshelved the book in his hand with a deliberate thump before answering. " I'm not trying to get rid of you."
"Aren't you? You two do stuff without me all the time! Is it so wrong for me to want to do things with just Sora?"
He faced her fully now. He wanted to see, he wanted to know if she knew what she was doing. If she really knew what was going on. "I have never kept him from you. He's the one who excluded you, not me."
"That year we all forgot--"
"I told him to go back to you - he made the choice not to. The mess he ended up in was his own doing, and I made damn sure his memories of you came back intact." The words tumbled out, loud and pure. He'd never spoken about Castle Oblivion before, for a variety of reasons...but he was too tired, too done to keep quiet now.
When she didn't respond, he continued, steadying his voice again. "I lost myself for him, Kairi. I let the Darkness change me, so he could remember you . So he could go back to you . So don't blame me ."
If this was news to her, she didn't let it show. "You always have to be the martyr, don't you?" Her voice was low but bitter, and before Riku could respond, she turned and left.
The next day, he heard that Kairi had chosen to go under so Ienzo and the others could search her heart for Sora.
The selfish part of him hoped they wouldn't find anything, even though logically he knew that there was still a chance, and if that was how they found Sora, then at least he'd be found.
But for once, he didn't try to shove the feeling away.