Chapter Text
“I finally ordered myself a collar.”
Seungmin feels his eyebrows furrow, squinting gaze slowly swiveling from his phone to fix on his roommate and best friend who’s plopping his weight onto their worn futon-turned-couch beside him.
“Okay…” He sits up slowly, setting his phone down as he turns his body to properly face the man next to him. Hyunjin is slumped into the cushions, head resting back so he is looking up at the dingy, off-white ceiling tiles of their little apartment’s living room. “Did you meet someone?”
Hyunjin’s eyes slide closed as he lets out a dramatic sigh, head lolling to the side lazily. “No.”
“Okay…” The creases between Seungmin’s eyebrows deepen as he tries to wrap his brain around what Hyunjin said. “So why then?”
Hyunjin’s eyes open slowly, meeting Seungmin’s own. “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted it… I ordered some other stuff too… cuffs and clamps, stuff like that.”
“Yeah, but… how are you-“
“I know I can’t use a lot of it on my own, I just think…” Hyunjin lets out another loud sigh, hand scrubbing over his face. “I guess it’ll just be nice to have, you know?”
“Okay… I feel like there’s something here I’m missing.”
“Nope. I’m just sad and lonely and don’t have someone to tie me up, you’re not missing anything.”
“Hyunjin,” Seungmin huffs, trying to gauge just how serious this conversation needs him to be, “you’re not alone… what about that guy you were spending time with? What was his name?”
Another theatric sigh. “It doesn’t matter, he hasn’t been responding to my texts.”
Seungmin’s mouth tightens into a thin line, wondering, not for the first time, how it’s possible to have a shot with Hwang Hyunjin and just ghost him. It’s happened so many times; Seungmin was sure it had to be something Hyunjin was doing, but he’s seen the texts. Everything’s perfectly normal until Hyunjin suggests hanging out in a manner that implies there won’t be fucking involved and they blow him off. Every single time. He’s probably biased as the older boy’s de facto wingman and since Hyunjin’s his personal favorite person to spend time with, without any sex at all, but still .
He must be doing something fairly obvious with his face because Hyunjin gives him a small smile. “It’s okay, he was boring, anyway… I’m just tired.”
Seungmin hums quietly, trying to decide where the best place to go from there would be, but Hyunjin beats him to it.
“I’m sick of hooking up with guys that just… you know, wanna fuck me,” Hyunjin whines, curling into the back of the couch, tucking his legs up underneath himself as he looks up at Seungmin, practically pouting.
“Isn’t that… kind of the point of hooking up?”
Seungmin laughs, raising his hands up defensively as an annoyed Hyunjin smacks at his shoulder. “You know what I mean!” Hyunjin whines, “I hate having the same boring sex with someone new only to have them never text me back and then having to find someone else just to have the process repeat. I just want to get to know someone, like actually figure them out…”
“You deserve that... I genuinely don’t get why the guys you mess around with always turn out to be dicks.”
Hyunjin whines, “I’m cursed, Seung, I really am.”
“You’re not cursed,” he laughs, but like… honestly?
“I am . It sucks.”
“Maybe you should just focus on you for a while, you know?”
“I’m not you , Seungmin, I have needs .”
Seungmin rolls his eyes, trying for the level of dramatics that Hyunjin was pulling earlier. “Just jack off like the rest of us, it’s not that hard.”
“Jacking off’s boring .”
“It’s not boring,” Seungmin snorts, “not if you’re doing it right.”
“How do you do it?” Seungmin rolls his eyes, again, but Hyunjin curls his body closer, looking genuinely curious. “No really, I wanna know.”
“I’m not explaining proper masturbation technique to you.”
“Even if it’d stop me from hooking up with assholes all the time?”
Seungmin snorts, “just buy a dildo or something, dude.”
“I have toys, they’re not the same as fucking and it still doesn’t solve the issue that like… I just want to figure things out and experiment and have fun and it just doesn’t seem fair that it’s so hard to find someone to do that with, you know?” Hyunjin slumps deeper into the cushion, arms wrapping around his body. “The whole ‘not being lovable’ thing is something I can deal with after college.”
“ Hyunjin ,” Seungmin groans, “oh my god, you are not unlovable.”
“It doesn’t matter, that’s not what this particular pity party is about…”
Seungmin honestly doesn’t know what to say, so he stays quiet, letting the comfortable silence stretch between them, waiting to see if Hyunjin will continue.
“D’you ever think about how sexually compatible we are?” That’s… definitely not what Seungmin was expecting.
“… do you?”
“Sure,” Hyunjin snorts, “it’s like… a huge thing we have in common. You’re the only person I can even talk to about this… sure, I think about it.”
“Okay… I don’t really get why that’s relevant…?”
“Seungmin. You’re into domming people, and I want to be dommed. I think there could be something there.”
Seungmin has to take a solid few moments to process that. What the fuck Hyunjin just said. What he was implying. Hyunjin, to his credit, isn’t holding eye contact, shifting in his spot on the couch. “You realize- Hyunjin… I… what ?”
“It’s only weird if you make it weird, Seungmin… friends fuck each other all the time.”
What? “Hyunjin… we live together, that would be such a bad idea-”
“I’m not saying we should date or anything… c’mon Seungmin, I know you don’t do casual sex, but you haven’t gotten laid since- you haven’t gotten laid in months . Fucking me can’t really be worse than celibacy-”
“I don’t understand, is this like… a new thing? Have you been thinking about this for a while?”
“Maybe I’ve thought about it,” Hyunjin shrugs, like it’s not a big deal, like he’s not suggesting they fuck each other, “tell me it doesn’t make sense, though, like… you have to have things you’re wanting to try too, right? We can try stuff together-”
“Hyunjin, dude, you know I love you, but this is a terrible fucking idea.”
“Just-” Hyunjin’s fingers tug through his shaggy hair - it’s getting long again. “Just think about it? For me?”
“Fine, whatever.”
Seungmin has absolutely no intentions of thinking about it.
---
Seungmin thinks about it.
He thinks about it, a lot, in fact. So much that it gets to a point where he feels like he can’t think about anything else, and it’s driving him fucking insane.
And of course it’s all Hyunjin’s fault.
He really thought that Hyunjin might just drop it, or, at least, be lowkey about bringing it up, again… at the very least wait until after midterms, but of course he doesn’t.
Every time they’re together, Hyunjin finds excuses to touch him, hug him, sit in his lap, regardless of who they’re around. The flirting and innuendos start fairly subtle until Hyunjin abandons that completely; the first time he walks into the dining hall to see Hyunjin eying him with a popsicle practically down his throat, Seungmin turns on his heels and walks right back out, Hyunjin’s teasing laughter rising over the din as he retreats.
And Seungmin tries, he really does try to convince himself that it’s all a joke, but he knows Hyunjin. He doesn’t joke like this. He’d only go to these kinds of lengths for something he really wants…
And Hyunjin always gets what he wants.
Seungmin tries to ignore it, tries to just wait Hyunjin out, keeps telling himself that he’ll get bored and they can just pretend none of this ever happened…
But he can’t.
Because he’s thinking about it.
Every single time Hyunjin’s hand squeezes at his thigh or rests at his waist, every time he leans in close to speak lowly in Seungmin’s ear, every time he comes up behind him when Seungmin’s cooking or doing the dishes and circles his arms around his body… he thinks about it… so basically every time they’re in the same room.
It’s just simple thoughts at first, little ‘he wants to fuck you’s whispered in the back of his mind… but it quickly becomes more insidious. He starts noticing things about Hyunjin, about his body, that he’s never taken a second glance at before… like how nice his hands are, or how cute his eye smiles are, or how deep his dimples are - but only when he makes that one expression… how his thighs are so thick and muscular, his shoulders so broad and toned, but his waist is thin and soft.
He swears the worst moment of his week is when he really realizes for the first time that Hyunjin has a dick because, holy shit , it’s just there , all the time , no matter what pants he wears, but Seungmin had never really considered the reality of his best friend’s dick because why would he think about his best friend’s dick?
He's never had any reason to look at Hyunjin the way he's looking at him now, now that he's being propositioned . Hyunjin's his best friend, and he knows… they talk about sex, but he just… they've always been just friends.
His relationship with Changbin was still new when they met and of course he wouldn't have a reason to think about anyone else when he had Seo Changbin . Seungmin's a good boyfriend… or he was… he thought he was… after the breakup… Seungmin hasn't felt any desire to look at anyone since Changbin dumped him…
Until Hyunjin.
Because he's looking at Hyunjin now.
Fuck .
---
Seungmin almost makes it to midterms. Almost .
"We need to talk." The words are startled out of him and come out way less serious and imposing sounding than he needs to be, but come on.
Seungmin can really only take so much, and Hyunjin walking needlessly into their common area in nothing but a towel, water still dripping from his hair, rolling over the curves of his body - again - is too much .
Hyunjin does his best to look and sound surprised, like he has no idea what Seungmin could possibly need to talk to him about, "yeah?"
"Jesus, please put some clothes on first." His hands drag over his face, just so tired of trying to be the responsible mature one, yet still disappointed in himself for not being able to hold out.
Seungmin doesn't miss the self-satisfied smile on Hyunjin's face, but he can't even care honestly.
Hyunjin wins.
"Tell me exactly what you have in mind."
---
Seungmin should have known he wouldn't sleep that night, not with a million thoughts swirling in his mind, cycling through 'this is a horrible idea', 'somethings going to go wrong and you'll lose one of the most important people in your life', 'how can you even think about Hyunjin like that?', and more and it's just… so much.
Which is so dumb. He shouldn't feel bad for being… maybe… attracted to someone who has explicitly stated that they want to fuck him. Even if that person is Hyunjin.
Hyunjin wants to fuck him .
Fuck.
It's all so dumb . The whole idea, the fact Seungmin actually agreed to it, that he feels guilty for agreeing to it…
He doesn't even know if he can do it… fuck his best friend, and not even just that, but doing kink shit with his best friend…
Except that might be a lie…
Fuck , this is so confusing.
Seungmin tries to picture it, Hyunjin underneath him, spread open for him, how he's probably so clingy, how his nails would probably leave long scratch marks down his back, how he would sound - probably whiney and needy, gasping as Seungmin fucks into him… strong hands tugging at his hair… legs locking around his hips and pulling him closer… Hyunjin's face blissed out, long hair splaying across his pillow, mouth hanging open-
Oh god.
Seungmin almost pulls a muscle with how fast his cock hardens in his pajama pants.
Fuck.
Hyunjin on his knees, looking up at him with wide, earnest eyes…
Seungmin curls his fingers in the fabric of his t-shirt, thighs squeezing together…
His cock sliding between Hyunjin's ridiculously pretty lips, the older man's eyes fluttering shut as he takes him in all the way…
Seungmin's hand is in his pants, wrapping around his dick, thumb smearing through the precum already beading at the tip… fuck , he’s so fucking fucked. This is so fucking fucked.
Hyunjin straddling his lap, those lips pressed to Seungmin's - how would he kiss? Passionate and messy or clever and teasing… nipping at Seungmin, pulling just out of reach when he least expects it… yeah, he's probably a tease, at first… how long would it take him to lose control? How long before he's grinding his hips down, panting against Seungmin's mouth, fingers digging into his skin…
Seungmin's hand grips tightly around his cock, twisting and pulling, just slick enough from the precum he's leaking steadily. His motions, his breathing, they sound too loud, obscene in the quiet of their apartment…
Oh, fuck, his and Hyunjin 's apartment.
Fuck fuck fuck-
Hyunjin's probably so loud, would probably make the prettiest noises as Seungmin sucks and bites at his neck, leaving bruises all over his soft skin… his hand would trail down to the bulge in Hyunjin's jeans… he's probably so sensitive, would shudder and moan the second Seungmin touches him, those strong thighs squeezing together over his hand, hips grinding up into his palm… Seungmin's name falling off his lips as he falls apart.
Seungmin's body tenses violently, a too loud gasp echoing around his room, cum painting his Psychology Department t-shirt, his name set to the tone of Hyunjin's phantom moans playing in his head as he shudders through his release.
… He's fucked.
---
With midterms looming, it's not difficult for Seungmin to come up with excuses to stay out of the apartment. He jumps on every suggestion of a group study session, takes advantage of each one of his professor's office hours, practically moves into the library.
He tells himself he doesn't miss Hyunjin… except he does.
On Sunday, the night before midterms begin, Seungmin uses every excuse he can think of to keep Felix and Minho late at the library, but it's no use; Minho finishes the essay he's working on and won't consider anything that doesn't involve him going straight home to pass out before his in-class in the morning… and Felix has already put up with so much from him the past few days… they could probably write their own child psychopathology textbook at this point and they're not even grouped together for the research proposal project… even Felix only has a finite amount of patience.
Seungmin's run out of things to do. He won't get his prompt for the history of photography essay until later in the week, he's waiting on one of his group members to come through with her portion of the background research for their proposal, everything else is in class and Seungmin's already rewritten and reorganized his notes for each course at least once…
It doesn't stop him from loitering until he has to join the crowd of disgruntled students being kicked out when the library closes early like it always does before exams… there's something nice behind the policy about encouraging students to take a mental health break from studying, but it's no less annoying… even if Seungmin's reasons are different from his peers.
All of campus shuts down all at once and Seungmin's left in the cold wondering if there's anyone in his contacts list he'd feel comfortable bothering. His fingers hover over Chan's name for several moments, but he can't think of a reason to give the upperclassman and it's not even like they're that close.
So he goes home.
Hyunjin and him haven't had much of a chance to speak with Seungmin self-isolating and largely avoiding his messaging app, social media, his phone in general…
He doesn't know what to expect. Still doesn't know how he's supposed to look Hyunjin in the eye and pretend he didn't-
The apartment is quiet, and he almost thinks Hyunjin went to bed early for once… until his door opens.
Seungmin doesn't know what to expect, but he's certainly caught off guard when Hyunjin crosses the floor and throws his arms around Seungmin, crushing him to his body, burying his face in his shoulder. There's no hesitation, no resistance.
"I missed you."
Seungmin's resolve crumbles instantly.
" I missed you, too ."
Seungmin's arms loop around Hyunjin's shoulders, and he thinks, for the first time in days, that… maybe they’ll be okay.
---
If there is anything Seungmin respects about Hyunjin, it’s his unwavering ability to get shit done under pressure. Sure, he’d never sacrifice his meticulously crafted (and color-coded, thank you very much) planner and studying routine for Hyunjin’s second-hand anxiety inducing pre-midterm scramble to finish half a semester’s work in no more than approximately 48 hours. He was wondering when it would hit, and he’s definitely not surprised when he comes into the common living space on the first, gloriously shitty morning of midterms to be greeted with his roommate, buried in both a literal and metaphorical mountain of assignments and readings at their kitchen counter.
His airpods are in, head bopping along with whatever OST mishmash study playlist he’d stumbled across when he first settled in for the hellish few days ahead, a worn old library book held open with one hand as the other flies over his keyboard. He looks exhausted. Seungmin sets his bag down quietly and watches him for a moment, the whole… situation coming back to mind, as it so often does.
Hyunjin can be… a lot. Emotionally, he could be a real wreck, sometimes. He was getting better at that, but Seungmin had seen him at his worst . He's clingy, invasive, easily upset... can be the pettiest person Seungmin has ever met and holy shit has he been infuriated with him before…
But he’s also Hyunjin. Sweet, fiercely loyal, empathetic, caring Hyunjin. His best friend. He really does love him a lot. Hyunjin’s… comfortable… in the way so few people in Seungmin’s life have ever been. He trusts him; he understands him better than he understands himself, and Hyunjin just gets him, too. If he would do something like this with anyone it would be Hyunjin…
He has worries. They linger in the back of his mind. Worries that this will all go terribly, that they’ll never be the same, that something will change irreparably between them, that he won’t be enough for what Hyunjin wants…
That maybe he wants this way more than he should.
It has been bothering Seungmin, ever since the idea was brought up… just how much he likes the thought of fucking his best friend… to the point that he literally got off on it. That should be weird, it should feel wrong… like crossing a boundary, but… a part of him, that's been growing stronger and louder and more insistent each day, doesn’t care. A part of him that he’s never had to deal with before… a part of him that, if he’s being honest with himself, has always kind of wanted to fuck his best friend. It bugs him… it feels wrong, like something to be ashamed of. He should be ashamed; their relationship has never been like that… except now it is, or it could be, and that’s…
Seungmin’s not sure yet how he really feels about that.
He’s halfway through making his morning coffee before Hyunjin startles violently, book clattering to the wood floor, and seems to finally realize he’s there; Seungmin doesn’t hide his amused smile. “Good morning!”
Hyunjin recovers quickly enough, blinking between Seungmin and his computer. “It’s seven already? Shit.”
“Yeah,” Seungmin laughs, happy for the distraction from his thoughts. Things are always easy with Hyunjin. “Do you have actual midterms this week or just essays?”
He starts pouring his coffee as Hyunjin buries his face in his hands, smile still bright on his face at his friend’s anguish; it’s not like he hasn’t lectured Hyunjin a million times about his procrastination before. “Just one exam for my stupid comm class.”
“Why are you even taking it again?”
“The collaborative leadership designation.” The grumpy look Hyunjin gives him when his hands drop away speaks volumes about what he thinks of that. Seungmin laughs again. “I don’t get why the language arts department can’t just throw in a few group projects. I don’t want to take comm classes, comm majors suck .”
“Isn’t Chan a comm major?” Seungmin muses as he stirs honey into his coffee.
“He gets a pass because of his music double major and you know it,” Hyunjin huffs as he bends over, tilted precariously from his seat, hand fumbling for the book he dropped while the other braces on the counter. He makes a satisfied little noise when he successfully retrieves it from the floor and plops it back in place next to his laptop. "From Wonso Pond" by Kang Kyongae, a classic Seungmin knows Hyunjin's read before because he's smiled fondly through at least one impassioned and slightly drunken lecture about the importance of revolutionary, colonial female authors... he wonders idly what essay Hyunjin would be using it for. “He Who Must Not Be Named is a much better representative of comm majors.”
Seungmin feels his smile falter, decidedly distracted as he turns, coffee mug in hand. When he speaks again, it’s much softer. “Changbin’s not a bad guy.”
Hyunjin gives him another look. A look that’s one-hundred percent ‘we’ve had this discussion a million times and I’m not going to argue again, but, as your best friend, you know where I stand with the dude that dumped you out of nowhere’. Seungmin can respect that.
“So…” He fumbles a bit with his coffee mug as it grows progressively hotter in his hands, passing the point of comforting into uncomfortable. He wants to change the subject, but the subject he wants to bring up is also awkward. He steamrolls ahead anyway. Anything’s better than talking about Changbin.
“Okay, so, about the thing… if we’re going to do this… we have to have rules, okay?” Seungmin finally settles, cupping his steaming coffee mug with both hands haphazardly shielded behind the sleeves of his sweater, leaning with his hip against the island counter which separated him from Hyunjin. He really doesn’t look like he got any sleep last night… he probably hasn’t slept at all.
Seungmin makes a mental note to pick him up something nice from the campus coffeeshop on his way back from the exam.
Hyunjin perks up at that, realization flitting across his face. “Rules?”
“Yes. Rule number one, before anything happens, we’re both getting tested.”
“I use protection, Seung, I’m not an idiot.”
Seungmin rolls his eyes, shifting the mug in his hands “I literally said we were both getting tested.”
“Yeah, right, and we both know you meant that I need to get tested before you’ll touch me.”
“Jin,” Seungmin sighs in exasperation, “I haven’t been tested since before Changbin, okay? I’m thinking about your safety, too. It’s just what you do before you start things with a new partner."
“... Fine. We’ll get tested.” Hyunjin rolls his shoulders. Seungmin doesn't stare. “You’re lucky the clinic’s just down the street.”
“You would know that-“
“Kim Seungmin, I swear to god-”
“I’m kidding .”
Hyunjin eyes him warningly before letting it drop with a small huff. “What else?”
“Mm, rule number two, we have to decide on a timeframe.”
Hyunjin pouts, “a timeframe ? Why?”
“Because, rule number three, neither of us is allowed to fuck anyone else while this is going on.”
“Lame," Hyunjin grins, "and greedy."
“Hyunjin." It's Seungmin's turn to give him a look, but Hyunjin's teasing grin and accompanying laugh are contagious; it fizzles out quickly.
“So, how long are you thinking?”
“We probably shouldn’t commit to anything like… crazy…”
“Mm,” Hyunjin hums, nodding, “that makes sense…”
“.. A month?”
Hyunjin’s fingers worry at his lower lip, gaze dropping back to his laptop. “A month sounds… reasonable.”
Seungmin decides not to comment on his reaction. “Okay, so, a month… starting after midterms… or whenever we get our results back, I guess.”
Hyunjin gives him a small smile, “okay, deal.”
“We can go to the clinic together after classes, give you a break from…” Seungmin smirks, gesturing with one sweater paw to the mess coating their tiny countertop, “all of this, make a day of it.” Seungmin’s voice is teasing, and he gets a laugh out of Hyunjin, so that’s a good sign.
---
Seungmin’s class is uneventful, but their trip to the clinic is anything but.
Hyunjin gets yelled at for making balloons out of the latex gloves and manages to spill the sugary latte Seungmin bought him on the examination... chair... thingy... and, predictably, is a total baby about having his blood drawn. Seungmin sits at his side, holding his hand, and, like the amazing friend he is, doesn’t make a singular comment when Hyunjin makes a big deal about not looking at the needle, not even when he yelps as it goes in or when he has to wipe at his eyes as the nurse quickly bandages his arm and tells him he did a good job like he's five or something.
Seungmin’s a good friend.
Okay... maybe he teases him a little .
---
“We should make a list of the things we want to try… then we can just check them off as we go and make sure we don’t miss anything…” Hyunjin jerks his controller wildly, startling Seungmin just as much as his words do, making his brows crease, but it’s too late. Toad rockets into the air as he’s hit with a streak of pink and an even more obnoxious pink kart races past him. Hyunjin grins giddily, tossing his hands in the air as Princess Peach’s kart roars over the finish line, whooping in victory. Seungmin huffs, lips tightening into a thin line as he rights Toad’s kart and follows his friend across the checkered banner. His controller hits his lap, and the game launches into the review of their ranks on screen.
“A list-“ Seungmin’s words dissolve into laughter as he turns to see Hyunjin doing a dumb victory dance. “Knock that off, I still won the tournament.”
“Can’t hear you! Too busy celebrating!” Seungmin smacks him lightly and Hyunjin reacts over-dramatically, crying out like he’s been stabbed or something.
“How long of a list are you expecting to make?”
“Well, we do have a whole month-“
“A month is not a lot of time, I’m not looking to wear my dick away, dude.”
“Trust me, Seung, your dick is not gonna be complaining.” Hyunjin is probably going for something akin to sexy with his tone, doing something with his eyebrows that was probably supposed to be described as ‘waggling’, but they both just burst out laughing at the attempt.
“Whatever,” Seungmin snorts, “pick up your controller, I wanna beat your ass at Rainbow Road, again.”
“You’re the worst , maybe I shouldn’t let you fuck me, after all,” Hyunjin huffs, even as he dutifully navigates them back to the start screen.
“Yeah, sure.”
Seungmin wipes the floor with Hyunjin on Rainbow Road, as predicted. If he thinks Hyunjin’s mock pouting is a little more cute than it has any right to be, that’s his own business.
---
Seungmin tries. He really does.
That night, when he finishes writing up his portion of the research proposal for his group project, and triple checks that everyone else in the group is actually doing their own parts, too, he clears his tabs and extra windows, opens a fresh document and… stares at it.
And continues to stare at it.
A few timid words get typed up before being promptly deleted.
He pulls up lists of kinks and fetishes, goes down Wikipedia rabbit holes until his brain is absolutely fried and he’s so far beyond the realm of what he even knew existed let alone had been dying to try, or whatever. By the time he force quits his browser, the document is still blank and he just… doesn’t know.
It’s not like there aren’t things he’d already started thinking about trying with Hyunjin… they’d had so many late night conversations over boxed wine… he’s already pretty sure he knows what the other man’s list will look like and that gives him some ideas, but really… most of it is stuff he’d basically already tried when he and Changbin were together so it almost seems silly bothering to put it on the list… that or he feels uncomfortable actually entertaining the thought of doing whatever it is to his best friend. Like… maybe he’s enjoyed some videos that involve a little cock and ball torture before, but he’d definitely never admitted that to his ex-boyfriend… and now he’s just supposed to straight up tell his best friend that that’s, not only something he thinks he’d (really) be into, but, like… how’s he supposed to look Hyunjin in the eyes and say ‘hey, dude, I want to torture your balls ’?
Which he supposes is his real issue.
It’s one thing to drunkenly ramble to his best friend about how much he loves edging, it’s another thing to say ‘I want to edge you’.
Which is basically what this list is, right? A list of things he wants to do to his best friend.
The thought puts him in a weird mood that he doesn’t really understand, and he ends up just shutting his laptop and staring at the wall for a minute. It’s hard to even really reflect on his emotions… he’s not used to this, to things being so complicated .
It doesn’t help that the person he’d normally go to, to sort things out, is Hyunjin.
He can hear the older boy in the common area, still undoubtedly chugging through his assignments and cramming for the last day of exams tomorrow… he briefly entertains the thought of going out there to talk, considers going out there just to be around someone else without the talking for a good while longer.
Seungmin ends up crawling into bed at barely nine o’clock. He doesn’t plan on sleeping – not for a while, at least – and he really should try to maybe start editing his group project or study for his sociology exam in the morning… he doesn’t have the energy for either.
He shuffles through various apps on his phone for a while, occasionally swinging back to the progressively more panicked group chat he’d muted. He’s really not worried about the project. It’s really not that complicated; it just has to be typed up. He’ll make sure he goes through and catches anything glaring before they submit tonight, but it all feels… kind of distant.
He wishes the most stressful thing in his life right now was midterms.
And… maybe stressful is a strong word for the Hyunjin thing because, yeah, it’s just… fucking his best friend… doesn’t have to be that complicated. Seungmin’s brain is just being dumb.
It’s just fucking.
Kinky fucking, sure, but… yeah, just fucking.
It’s fine, really.
He resigns himself to actually having a conversation with Hyunjin about this later. That usually makes him feel better.
---
The group project gets submitted, his last in-class midterm gets written, their test results both come back all clear - Hyunjin sent him a very excited text about it, and Seungmin finds himself back at their apartment with nothing to do for the first time in two months. It’s a nice, if slightly disorientating, feeling, and he takes the time to catch up on some chores. He cleans out their fridge and pantry cupboards, tidies his room and the common area, sorts and then starts a load of laundry… it has him back on the couch, messing around mindlessly on his phone only a couple hours later.
Hyunjin’s catching up on some much-needed sleep, and their friends’ group chat is pretty dead. Everyone’s either napping off the midterm stress, traveling back home, or already has plans for their requisite post-exam drunken shenanigans. One of the sororities is apparently hosting a party that night, and Hyunjin will probably want to go if he’s awake in time; that could be fun.
He spends some time on social media, tweeting some mandatory ‘thank god midterms are over’ bullshit that gets a few likes, rotates through a few other apps before ultimately coming back to Twitter. He shouldn’t, knows he shouldn’t, but he still pulls up Changbin’s profile… like he always does when he has too much time on his hands. The first tweet is from just a few minutes ago… complaining about how everything on his timeline is the same ‘thank god midterms are over’ bullshit. Seungmin tells himself he doesn’t think it’s targeted at him, but it’s a lie. He swallows down the uncomfortable lump in his throat, tries to ignore the weird nauseous feeling in his stomach, and deletes his tweet.
He tells himself it makes him feel better, but it’s a lie.
One of these days, he’s sure he’ll get over Changbin… today is just not that day.
His phone hits the couch as Seungmin resolutely decides the bathroom could use a good scouring.
---
Hyunjin emerges from his room hours later, in all his bleary-eyed, messy-haired glory, if only just to steal some of the chicken breast Seungmin grilled for himself. He teases him for mooching but doesn’t really bother hiding how ridiculously grateful he is to not be alone with his thoughts anymore. If life was an infomercial, there’d be gaudy sparkling graphics on every surface of their tiny apartment; Seungmin really has no idea what he’d have done after cooking since there was literally nothing else he could have cleaned that wouldn’t have created impolite amounts of noise.
They collapse on the couch, turning on some random show in the background, and Hyunjin slowly wakes up more as he recounts the last twelve hours or so of his midterm assignment scramble, Seungmin curls into his side, interrupting every so often with a snarky comment. He mostly just lets Hyunjin speak, enjoying his company.
“Oh! I did take a break around… probably around like four this morning,” Hyunjin laughs, his knuckles brushing absentmindedly up and down the outside of Seungmin thigh, “I made my list.” He does that thing with his eyebrows, again, like he’s trying to be suggestive or something, but he’s bad at it .
“Please tell me you don’t do the eyebrow thing when you’re actually flirting.” Seungmin didn’t even know eyebrows could be uncoordinated , but Hyunjin’s are and it’s absolutely hilarious.
“It’s a joke ,” Hyunjin laughs, knocking their shoulders together, “you should try flirting with Minho sometime though, he’s like… actually good at it.”
“You’ve flirted with Minho?”
“Yeah? We were fooling around for a while…?”
“… What?”
“Wait, that month… or however long it was… did you actually think I was just crashing at his place?”
“You-“
“Seungmin, it was obvious .”
“Obviously not!”
“I was sleeping at his place like every other night and I know I told you about how much ass I was eating-“
“That was Minho ?!”
“Yes!” Hyunjin has a small, open mouthed smile on his face, looking at Seungmin like he can’t actually believe what he’s hearing. “How are you so cute, like seriously?”
Seungmin’s going to ignore that. “Have you just fucked all of our friends?”
“Not all of them. I haven’t fucked Felix, yet… and you know I never fucked he who shall not be named.” Seungmin’s lips tighten a bit at that. Changbin.
“Wait… Jisung?”
“Jisung and I were fucking like… all of freshman year, Seungmin…”
“You and Jisung fucking hated each other freshman year…”
“Yeah, we sure did,” Hyunjin grins, “the sex was amazing , top five for sure. It fizzled out when we actually started talking and he stopped being so mean when he fucked me.” Hyunjin’s words sound almost wistful. Seungmin is still feeling a little off-balance.
“Why haven’t you told me this before?”
“Are you mad?” Hyunjin asks, surprised, like the thought had just occurred to him.
“No, I’m just… confused? You don’t always tell me your hookups' names…”
“Well, yeah, it’s a courtesy thing. I didn’t think I was actually being subtle enough that you didn’t know, but it’s kind of… rude, I guess, to go around talking about how everyone is in bed without their permission… Plus, it’s more fun to talk about what I’m doing than who I’m doing it with, if I have to pick one.”
That all makes sense and Seungmin lets it sink in a bit. He supposes he really should have known… Now that he thinks about it, there were a lot of signs and innuendos and jokes that suddenly make a lot more sense… Hyunjin just always seems so open about everything, he’d assumed that if Hyunjin hadn’t mentioned a name, it meant Seungmin probably just didn’t know them. But, yeah, he could see how Minho should have been obvious, especially. Though, it’s not like it’s crazy for Seungmin to assume that Hyunjin was actually just crashing at his apartment after work…
“I can’t believe Minho was the ass guy.”
Hyunjin bursts out laughing, leaning into Seungmin’s side, “Have you still not tried it?”
Seungmin rolls his eyes, thinking back to their conversation last semester. “Eating ass is great, still don’t think I’d want my ass eaten.” He tries not to let himself get distracted by the fact that their conversation had taken place probably just a few weeks before things fell apart with Changbin, how their sex life was already fizzling out at that point, even if he’d been too comfortable and dumb to realize. Hyunjin seems to catch on, considering how his laughter dies down, and he gets that look on his face like he’s thinking about something but doesn’t want to say it. “Why? Want me to put it on my list?”
He says it as a joke, to recover the conversation before Hyunjin has a chance to turn it into another argument about Seungmin’s ex, but he quickly regrets it when Hyunjin’s face lights up. “Absolutely.”
“No- it was a joke , Jinnie, I don’t want you to eat my ass.” Hyunjin looks like he's caught somewhere between a fit of laughter and a pout.
“Lame,” he whines through his giggles. Seungmin smacks him, and he doesn’t even bother pretending like he didn’t deserve it. “I’m just saying you shouldn’t be so sure you won’t like something you’ve never tried before, that’s like… the whole point of this.”
“But you’re not like… we’re not trying everything , obviously… right?”
“Not everything , a lifetime might not be long enough to try everything ,” Hyunjin is looking down at him curiously, “but like… we both have ideas of things we’d probably be interested in, right?”
“That’s what I meant, just- you know, only things we’re pretty sure we’ll both like…”
“Ooh, okay, well I put one thing on my list that I’m pretty certain you’re not into, but it won’t take much effort on your part so…” Hyunjin digs his phone out of his pocket, opening up the document he’d written his list in while Seungmin tries to process that. The older boy chooses to press the phone into his hands rather than elaborate on his comment, so Seungmin reads rather than asks.
Hyunjin’s list is a lot shorter than he’d worried it’d be, which is a small relief, but the first thing Seungmin realizes is that he is really vague, each bullet-point an extremely broad category that could encompass so many different activities. The first is pet play, which is the one thing that Seungmin had known for sure would be on the list. They’d had a few drunken conversations about it, and he already feels like he has a pretty good idea of what Hyunjin means with that one. The second and third, bondage and impact play, are also unsurprising, but so, so vague. ‘Breathplay’ is a bit troubling, but, again, not unexpected. And then the final two pull him up short altogether.
“Hyunjin-“
“Before you say anything-“
“No, dude, what-“
“Minnie,” Hyunjin whines dramatically, even as a smile tugs at the edges of his theatrical pouty face, “don’t kinkshame me.”
Seungmin gives him his best unimpressed face back, trying really hard to be the adult in the room. “Explain.”
“Which one-“
“Hyunjin, you know which one.”
Hyunjin finally starts laughing then, “Okay, jeez.”
“So, a lot of what I want is to really just… try sex with dynamics, right? Like it doesn’t have to be too crazy, at all, just classic, good ‘ol fashioned bdsm, but then… I was thinking about some other kinks that I’ve been interested in for a while and probably wouldn’t ever get a chance to indulge so… figured it was worth a shot.” His smile softens, something a touch insecure flickering behind his eyes, that drains away a lot of the residual judgement that Seungmin was holding onto.
“I just- I don’t understand… why would you want to try piss play?” Seungmin really tries to keep his voice neutral, but… it’s hard… for obvious reasons.
“I can send you some links that talk about it? It’s kind of… embarrassing,” Hyunjin laughs nervously, and Seungmin takes that as his cue to change the subject, filing this… all of this away for later when he can process it without hurting Hyunjin’s feelings. He’s the best, best friend ever, Hyunjin better know that.
“Okay, so the other one…I’m not trying to get arrested, dude.” Hyunjin looks confused for a second, but seems to catch on fairly quickly, realization dawning on his face right alongside relief that Seungmin isn’t going to keep grilling him about the piss play thing.
“Oh, by ‘public sex’ I meant like… in a public bathroom or something, not actual public indecency.” Seungmin hums, considering that for a second.
“I’m not… sure, yet, if that’s something I’d be comfortable risking.”
“Totally get that!” Hyunjin says quickly, and Seungmin can really see how anxious he is, now. “Like I said, just wanted to throw it out there as something I’ve thought about.” He’s been worrying at his lower lip, and the redness there just pulls out the complimenting color across his cheeks.
“Okay… so now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself, let’s see yours.” Oh… well, Seungmin kind of feels like a dick now.
“I don’t- I didn’t… make… one…” Hyunjin just blinks at him, and Seungmin’s face quickly heats. “I tried, seriously, I thought about it for like… literally hours last night, but I was having some trouble…”
“Okay,” Hyunjin prompts.
“So, like… with your list, you’re mostly giving me things you want me to do to you, so like… with bondage… you’re wanting me to tie you up, or whatever, right?” Hyunjin nods, clearly not sure where he’s going with this. “But, if I put down bondage, just as an example, that would mean… I’m saying I want you to let me tie you up. It’s different if you’re the one saying that you want to be put in that vulnerable position, right? But it feels weird for me to say that I want you to let me put you… in that position… does that make any sense?”
“Uhm…”
“Fuck, okay, impact play. You’re saying you want to be hit. If I put that on my list, it’d be me saying I want to hit you, I want to hurt you, I want you to let me cause you pain.” Hyunjin’s lips purse, his eyes furrowing, and Seungmin just lets him work through that for a minute because he doesn’t really know how to explain it any better.
“You’re worried… you’re worried it’s like… creepy or something… to admit you want to hurt me…”
Seungmin shifts in his seat, voice small and uncomfortable, “yeah, cause it is creepy.”
“No? It’s all between two consenting adults, Seung. I want to know what you’re interested in, even if I don’t necessarily like it or feel comfortable trying, I still want you to be honest with me, like I was honest with you… I won’t force you to do something to me that makes you uncomfortable, and I trust you won’t force me to do anything I’m uncomfortable with either… obviously .”
“Yeah, but-”
“Nope, I’m giving you permission and I literally just admitted I kind of want to try you pissing on me so I won’t hear it.”
Well… Seungmin supposes that’s fair… even as his cheeks flush.
There’s literally one thing that’s not already on Hyunjin’s list that he’s not embarrassed to admit. “What about shibari?”
“Shibari?” Hyunjin says the foreign word slowly and uncertainly, surprise and confusion mixing on his face.
“It’s like rope bondage… but more complicated… it looks really nice, and I’ve kind of been curious to try it…”
“Okay, yeah, that sounds fine… you know my cuffs should be coming soon, though, right? Those will probably be easier and faster to use than rope…”
“That’s kind of the point,” Seungmin shrugs, and Hyunjin, having nothing to say to that, just hums and nods in response, letting it go.
“Is that what you were so nervous about?”
“No,” Seungmin laughs, “but honestly… we can do a lot with what’s already on the lists… and we can add to them later if we want to…” when we’re both more comfortable and better understand each other’s limits .
Hyunjin shrugs, a small smile returning to his face, “okay, cool.”
“We also have to talk about limits,” Seungmin hums, turning to face Hyunjin better, “like I know you’ve mentioned being into degradation before… is that something you’d be interested in trying together?” It’s a bit easier to talk about this when it feels more clearly… professional, in a way. It’s also a lot easier to talk about Hyunjin than it is to talk about himself.
“Oh! Yeah! Just uhm…” Hyunjin tugs his bottom lip between his teeth, again, studying Seungmin’s face. “Don’t like… call me ugly or like… fat or something…”
“Hyunjin.”
“... is that okay?”
“ Hyunjin. ”
“What?!”
“You are objectively neither of those things, why on Earth would I ever call you that?”
Hyunjin throws his hands up, face flushing, “I don’t know! I’m just trying to cover my bases…”
Seungmin huffs, trying to hide the weird feeling that comes with thinking that Hyunjin would ever expect to be called anything like that by anyone… enough that he feels the need to mention it. “Okay, understood, I won’t say anything like that.”
Hyunjin nods, seemingly satisfied even as his face continues to burn, “okay, then… I don’t really know what else… I think… I still have to figure a lot out, but I’ll let you know if something comes up…”
That doesn’t exactly help ease any of Seungmin’s worries, but he pretty much expected that. “That’s okay… that’s what we’re doing right? Helping you figure things out?”
Hyunjin smiles then, and it helps ease some tension. “You, too… What are your limits?”
Oh. “Uhm…” it’s Seungmin’s turn to be vulnerable… which is never fun, “kind of like yours… I guess, like, don’t make fun of me when we’re in a scene?” Hyunjin nods, face earnest and serious. Seungmin takes a deep breath. “I guess… I also haven’t bottomed.” He knows Hyunjin knows that, but he’s a bit surprised when Hyunjin nods, again. Less surprised when he opens his mouth to share his thoughts on the matter. It’s a conversation they’ve had so many times before.
“You know, you can’t-”
“Say I don’t like something without trying it first, I know , let’s still call it a limit for now.” The ‘for now’ is really just there to placate Hyunjin, but the older man doesn’t need to know that. It works, too. Hyunjin just laughs and shrugs.
“Anything else?”
“Yeah… so, like…” Seungmin lets out a deep breath, already drained from the conversation, “I think we’ll have to… work up to things a bit.”
“Oh?”
“Like we shouldn’t go from never fucking to some kind of intense bondage scene right away… I don’t think I could do that, one, but I also don’t think it’d be a good idea.”
“Oh! Yeah, that makes sense,” Hyunjin’s grin is back, “we can keep it vanilla at first and then kind of transition? Like add more kink stuff in, start doing scenes after we’re a bit more comfortable with each other.”
Seungmin smiles, relief and nerves mixing in his stomach, “exactly.”
They keep talking for a while, moving thankfully back into safer territory. Hyunjin decides not to go to that party, so they spend the night watching movies on the couch, Seungmin only half paying attention through one as he carefully orders Shibari rope on his phone. They haven’t had as much time as usual to just hang out with the craziness of midterms and this whole… thing ; it’s nice to just relax together, forget about the stress of the past few weeks…
“So… tomorrow, then?”
Fuck.
“Yeah, tomorrow sounds good.”
---
The first official day of break, Seungmin forces himself to stay in bed until eleven. It’s not terribly difficult considering he was up half the night... thinking about everything.
Hyunjin’s at his parents’ for lunch. He’d invited Seungmin last night, but he’s glad he decided not to accept now. Beyond the slightly off-center feeling he tends to get whenever he's around Hyunjin's warm, affectionate, and shamelessly loving parents, his head is still at least a bit of a mess… but he does think that maybe, maybe , he might finally be having a bit of a break through over the whole situation.
Their talk yesterday… it helped. It was uncomfortable at certain points, but… actually sitting down and talking through things, getting a clearer picture of what exactly they’re going to be doing… it helped. What Hyunjin said about consent and honesty and trust stuck with him, too… in good ways and bad ways.
On one hand, it’s helpful to remember that they are two consenting adults. Hyunjin is a consenting adult… moreover, this was his idea. If he didn’t want Seungmin like that, at all, they wouldn’t be doing this. There’s no reason for him to fake his enthusiasm or to even suggest anything unless he was genuinely okay and at peace with the idea of fucking Seungmin. And he has been nothing but open and honest with him so far…
So, that’s good.
On the other hand, honesty and trust means that Seungmin probably really needs to tell Hyunjin what he did. It’s all worse because he knows, deep down, that Hyunjin won’t care, won’t be upset, at least… but it still feels wrong. He… he jacked off to the thought of his best friend… in a very non-platonic, ‘it’s just convenient for us to fuck each other’ kind of way. He’s attracted to Hyunjin, at least to some extent… he’s not sure if Hyunjin knows… or if it’d change anything if he did… but what if it would?
God this is all so confusing.
Seungmin wishes he didn’t want it, wishes he could just call off the whole thing and not be disappointed… but he knows he can’t.
Because he wants it.
Which is the whole problem .
---
“You’re sure about this?” Hyunjin has a soft smile on his face and he’s peering up at Seungmin through his overgrown fringe from where he’s half-sprawled across Seungmin’s bed and… something about it really hits Seungmin in a strange way. Everything is just so… Hyunjin ; his black hair too long and parting funkily somewhere in the middle of his forehead without any product to hold it in place, eyes crinkling at the corners and shifting into happy little half moons atop his cheekbones, full lips spreading goofily across his neat, perfect teeth… it’s so Hyunjin. Which is… a bizarre thing to notice… because it is Hyunjin. His Hyunjin, best friend and roommate extraordinaire, the man Seungmin holds when another boy in the long line of hookups clamoring to get in his bed is no longer answering his messages, the man who’s back Seungmin rubs and who’s shaggy hair he holds up off his face when he inevitably stumbles home drunk and sick out of his mind… also the man who giggles with him over bowls of Captain Crunch and milk-splattered countertops… the man who’s spent countless hours with him curled up in their tiny living room, the cheapest boxed Moscato on the market between them, talking into the early morning about everything under the stars… the man who let him cry into his shoulder when Changbin dumped him and who confronted his ex-boyfriend when Seungmin himself couldn’t handle it…
Seungmin really loves him.
It’s not a new revelation. Definitely not. But it feels important all the same.
“I’m sure.” And the way Hyunjin’s smile widens makes that statement even more truthful. He is sure. He’s agonized over the what ifs and what abouts until he thought he might actually combust, but it really doesn’t have to be that complicated. He and Hyunjin both want this. That’s really all that matters right now.
Whatever else happens… Seungmin can live with that later.
So, for now, Seungmin settles his body down next to Hyunjin’s, his own small smile on his face. It’s awkward, because of course it is, just the two of them looking at each other, neither really wanting to make the first move, to test the boundaries…
Until Hyunjin does.
His fingers reach up to trail along Seungmin’s jaw, his eyes flicking down to the younger boy’s lips. A giggle bursts from both of them at the same time.
“Why is this so weird?” Hyunjin whines through his giggles.
They’re so close to each other, Hyunjin’s fingers soft and gentle at the side of Seungmin’s face, both of them watching each other carefully… it’s so painfully intimate and awkward and Seungmin’s not sure why he can’t stop laughing, but there’s just this… this shaky energy in every part of his body and he doesn’t know what to do with it.
"I think we just need to…" Hyunjin giggles shyly and it shouldn't be so ridiculously endearing, but it is. This is all so... weird… he's pretty sure it's a good weird, though. Somehow stuck between giddy and nervous and worried and ridiculously fond of Hyunjin. "I think we just have to… go for it," the older boy laughs.
Seungmin's in the process of digesting that thought when Hyunjin leans in and… there's lips on his… ridiculously soft, full lips… Hyunjin's lips.
It's honestly just… a little awkward at first. Their mouths just sort of rest against one another, still, while they both work themselves up to make the next move. Seungmin's hands twitch at his sides as he tries to decide if he's allowed to touch like he wants to. Before he can, the pressure at his lips slips away and a forehead bumps against his, instead, Hyunjin's soft, breathy laughter filling the air around them.
It's a first kiss, and first kisses are notoriously never the best. Seungmin steels himself, deciding he can do better the second time. He lets a slightly shaky hand raise to cup Hyunjin's jaw, touch still a bit less certain than he'd like, and leans in… of course, Hyunjin chooses that moment to open his mouth to say something. Seungmin catches his parted bottom lip clumsily, and they both try for a second to recover the kiss before giving into the giggles bubbling up from their chests at the same time.
"Why are we so bad at this?" Seungmin half-groans, half-laughs. Hyunjin bumps their noses together, trying to calm his own laughter.
Seungmin doesn't have Hyunjin's track record, for sure, but he's still made out with his fair share of bare acquaintances, even a few he'd consider strangers. Why is it so much more difficult with someone he knows and loves already? Someone he really wants?
“What if we… here, sit up,” Hyunjin huffs, a brilliant grin still splitting his face. Seungmin lets himself be guided to sit against the headboard, his legs stretched out in front of him, just watching Hyunjin and letting him lead. His breath hitches when a toned, sweatpants-clad leg is thrown over his, Hyunjin straddling his lap, settling his weight onto skinny thighs, hands gripping lightly at Seungmin’s boney shoulders. The new position puts Hyunjin’s face a bit above Seungmin’s own, their bodies so much closer than before… Seungmin doesn’t realize his hands have settled on the slight curve of Hyunjin’s hips on instinct until they’re already there, squeezing at the soft give of his body… His hands look good there, Hyunjin’s hips fitting just perfectly in his palms, pulling the baggy shirt tight around the older man’s soft waist, sitting right over the wide spread of his thick thighs bracketing Seungmin’s.
When he tilts his head up to meet Hyunjin’s gaze, he can feel the other boy’s hair brush against his own, yet he’s still taken aback by just how close Hyunjin’s face is, leaning in towards him, eyes intense and lips drawn in a focused line that makes his dimples pop out cutely on his soft cheeks, fluffy hair falling untidily into his face…
He’s so unbelievably beautiful.
Which is probably a very not platonic thought to have, but Seungmin’s so tired of caring.
He surges up, closing the space between them, Hyunjin’s full lips parting briefly in surprise before meeting his, pressing back just as insistently. Seungmin’s hands squeeze at Hyunjin’s hips, making the boy in his lap’s breath hitch against his mouth, a soft groan rumbling unconsciously in Seungmin’s own chest in response.
It’s all they need.
Hyunjin’s warm hands slip up the sides of Seungmin’s neck, holding him in place as he deepens the kiss, humming softly as he moves, guiding Seungmin’s lips with his own, hair tickling Seungmin’s cheek… they both lean into it, getting caught up in the moment, worries and nerves from before slipping away.
Seungmin’s hands knead at Hyunjin’s hips, tongue tracing along a slick lip, sucking it into his mouth. He can feel himself beginning to get hard, everything just feeling so… nice . He’d forgotten how much he missed kissing and, fuck , Hyunjin’s good at it. It’s better than he could have ever imagined, actually having Hyunjin in his arms, warm and real, body moving against his… It’s hard to focus on anything, but how good it all feels… how much more he wants.
His hands tug at Hyunjin’s hips, dragging him in closer, his own body shifting down the bed to make room for the older man’s long legs, but it’s so, so worth it for the giddy feeling that rises in his chest when the long, hard line of Hyunjin’s cock presses into his belly, for the helpless, needy moan against his swollen lips.
“Seung, fuck .” Seungmin can both feel and hear the smile on Hyunjin’s lips, the soft, disbelieving laughter huffing across his cheeks; he answers it with his own, arms wrapping around Hyunjin’s waist to pull him even closer, body arching up to meet him. “Oh, fuck… too many… too many clothes- fuck , can we…?”
“Yes, fuck.” Seungmin’s hands fumble at Hyunjin’s baggy t-shirt, tugging it over his head and arms, clumsily, making them both laugh. Seungmin’s own follows in much the same manner, messing up his hair, arms getting tangled in the fabric above them, but Hyunjin smiles at him so sweetly, he can’t care.
And the feeling of finally having Hyunjin’s bare skin on his own? Absolutely worth it.
Hyunjin’s just… really perfect. Seungmin leans back up to kiss down his jaw, his neck, sucking little bruises over Hyunjin’s pulse point, chasing the salty taste on his tongue… and all the while, his hands helplessly roam over the other man’s chest, down to his soft tummy, over his toned back, mapping out each curve, all the hills and valleys of Hyunjin’s body, committing them to memory, along with the soft noises the other man’s making, the feeling of long fingers tangled in his hair, holding his face to Hyunjin’s neck. They’re both still shifting, grinding, bodies desperate and restless in each other’s embrace.
Everything about it, about Hyunjin , is so hopelessly, dangerously, addicting.
And it’s still not enough.
Hyunjin’s the one to break away, breathing coming fast, slick red marks coating his neck, a faint sheen of sweat coating his body… absolutely gorgeous. He presses one last quick kiss to Seungmin’s swollen lips, cursing under his breath as he shimmies down the younger man’s body, fingers curling under the waistband of his sweatpants, a question in his wide eyes. Seungmin can only nod dumbly, slumping back against the headboard, shakily lifting his hips so Hyunjin can strip the last of his clothes from his overheated body in one go… and takes Seungmin’s aching cock in his hand.
Holy fucking shit .
Hyunjin settles between his bare, spread thighs, free hand brushing his long hair out of his face, elevator eyes roaming shamelessly along Seungmin’s exposed body as he begins to pump lazily over his length; Seungmin can’t help but shift his hips, seeking more friction. Hyunjin’s gaze is doing something to him… it’s been so long since he’s gotten this worked up.
“God, you’re so fucking beautiful, Seung.” It’s barely more than a whisper, but it sets off something inside of him. To have Hyunjin call him beautiful… He can’t help himself, sitting up and tugging Hyunjin back down for another deep kiss, tangling his fingers in the older man’s messy hair possessively, swallowing the whine his movements rip from Hyunjin’s throat. His free hand reaches down to clutch at the other boy’s sweatpants just… wanting . Wanting everything .
“Can I- shit, can I please-” It’s so hard to think with Hyunjin stealing the breath straight from his lungs, hand still working over his dick… he might seriously embarrass himself at this rate.
“Yes, anything,” Hyunjin whispers, the sincerity in his voice just driving Seungmin closer to insanity.
“ Fuck ,” he hisses, “wanna fuck you, Jin, please-”
“ Yes , fuck yes, please .”
Holy fucking shit.
They switch places, Hyunjin’s back hitting the mattress as Seungmin rolls up onto his knees before him, tugging his offending pants off and revealing miles of tanned skin and toned muscles, all leading up to a dick that Seungmin swears is ripped straight from porn because of fucking course Hyunjin would have a big dick… the biggest dick… there’s not an inch of him that isn’t perfectly designed to drive Seungmin absolutely fucking mad .
He can’t help but touch it as his other hand fumbles for the lube they’d set up on the bedside table, hand stroking over smooth skin, damp with precum and the perspiration wetting the coarse hair around its base. Hyunjin shifts, shoving pillows under his hips while Seungmin’s distracted, bringing him back to the task at hand, reminding him of the very real immediacy of his own cock aching between them.
They’re really… he’s really going to fuck Hyunjin…
Fuck .
Hyunjin is tight and hot and so fucking soft inside, his hole fluttering around Seungmin’s fingers, clamping down and relaxing at irregular intervals, breathy moans filling the air as Seungmin angles upward, Hyunjin’s body shifting restlessly on the sheets, so beyond gorgeous. His soft abdomen shudders with each breath, arms flexing as he tries to anchor himself, messy hair splaying across the pillow… Seungmin’s going to lose it, has to rely on muscle memory and instincts as he works to keep himself from cumming at just the thought of fucking into Hyunjin’s beautiful body, can’t focus for too long on the vision before him or the silky smooth heat enveloping his fingers as he thrusts and spreads them.
He promises himself that he’ll take his time and really do this right next time, let himself really enjoy it… he could probably make Hyunjin cum just from his fingers… or maybe his tongue… he could probably eat Hyunjin’s ass for hours if the other boy let him… fuck, he’s already getting so many ideas.
Hyunjin shudders as Seungmin slips a third finger in, twisting his wrist, dragging his knuckles along Hyunjin’s rim. His free hand reaches up to work over the other boy’s dick, trying to help him relax… but also being extremely self indulgent. The weight of it is just so satisfying against his palm, and he can feel Hyunjin’s pulse if he focuses, watch the slick mess of precum leaking from the tip as Seungmin brushes along his prostate… He leans forward and presses his lips to it, working Hyunjin through the violent tremor that racks through his body as he does.
“Fucking shit , Seung,” Hyunjin gasps, and Seungmin just presses his smile into the side of Hyunjin’s dick, tongue peaking out to trace a vein all the way up his length. Hyunjin’s shaking, his moans and whines echoing off the walls, fingers curling in Seungmin’s hair and it just drives him further. He carefully takes the tip into his mouth, sucking and licking around the sensitive head as he continues stretching Hyunjin open, ignoring the way his own cock is twitching neglected between his thighs.
Having Hyunjin under him, falling apart in his hands…
It just seems crazy that they’re only doing this now.
“Okay! Fucking hell ,” Hyunjin’s gasping, tugging at Seungmin’s hair until he pulls off with a slick pop, “fucking- Christ , get the fuck inside me.”
Seungmin doesn’t need to be told twice, but it still makes him laugh, startled. “Bossy.”
“Shut up,” Hyunjin giggles breathlessly, tugging at him until Seungmin’s obediently crawling up his body, carefully slipping his fingers from Hyunjin. He hisses, hips twitching, as he wraps a slick hand around himself, spreading lube down his length, so worked up and sensitive to it… he can’t at all judge Hyunjin for being impatient.
It’s been a long fucking time since he’s wanted anything as badly as he wants Hyunjin right now.
And the sight of him… Hyunjin’s a mess. His body is flushed and shining with sweat, light catching on the curves and contours of his muscular figure, his soft belly, dancing across his skin with every deep breath, every desperate movement, every jerk, twitch, and shudder… his toned thighs spread wide, tucking up near his chest to give Seungmin better access, framing his pretty cock - flushed red and leaking into his navel. And all the lines draw down to his hole, red and slightly swollen from Seungmin’s attention just moments before.
Holy fuck.
“Seung-” Hyunjin whines, voice breathy, eyes pleading as he reaches for Seungmin’s body again, fingers slipping over slick skin, but Seungmin’s physically incapable of denying him anyway, shuffling forward and leaning over him, propping himself up with one hand as the other guides his cock, pressing his slick, sensitive head to Hyunjin’s fluttering hole, eyes squeezing shut at the feeling, the anticipation.
“You’re sure?” The question’s coming extremely late, but it’s more of a formality anyway, something he feels like he should say… and the answer is still nice to hear.
“ Yes , fuck, Seung, please , c’mon- Oh, fuck,”
The first slow press inside Hyunjin’s body has Seungmin’s eyes rolling back, soft, helpless gasps and hisses falling from his lips, fingernails digging into the sheets. Hyunjin’s faring no better, his hands grasping and squeezing tightly as Seungmin’s waist, a fucking pornographic moan filling the air around them as his head presses back into the pillow.
He’s ungodly tight; hot, unbelievably smooth walls press around his cock as he buries himself slowly inside - absolutely overwhelming and so ridiculously good. He’s breathless, panting, by the time his sharp hipbones come to rest against Hyunjin’s ass, taking several long moments to adjust.
He lets himself fall onto his elbow, slick hand curling around Hyunjin’s thigh, lips pressing mindless open-mouthed kisses to his collarbone until Hyunjin shifts and helps him maneuver up further and, yeah, Hyunjin’s lips feel much nicer. God, kissing Hyunjin is so addicting… everything about him, about this, Seungmin could never get enough.
Hyunjin has so little leverage in this position, but he manages to use every ounce of it to grind his hips down, drawing deep groans from both of them, Seungmin’s fingernails digging little crescents into the older boy’s thigh as it spurs him to move. He slowly shifts his hips back, redrawing even when it feels like, for all intents and purposes, Hyunjin’s body is trying to keep him inside, clenching down around him, like he really is trying to drive Seungmin mad.
It’s working.
His hips snap forward and Hyunjin practically screams into his lips, nails scratching over Seungmin’s thin back as he begins to rock his hips, building up a rhythm, chasing the slick friction inside Hyunjin’s hot, tight body.
“Fuck, Jin,” he gasps, “ fuck , you feel so fucking amazing.”
Hyunjin huffs out a breathless laugh, shaky hand slipping from Seungmin’s back and reaching between their bodies, knuckles bumping against Seungmin’s tensed, flexing stomach as he begins to fist his cock. The younger man’s hips just keep working faster and faster, practically out of his control. They’ve both lost the will and processing power to continue kissing, their sweaty faces resting together, jaws slack and breaths panting. Everything’s just so hot and wet and filthy .
The noises filling the room, deep moans and desperate whines, sweat-slicked skin slapping against sweat-slicked skin, the slick squelching of lube as Seungmin’s hips piston into Hyunjin’s body… it’s lewd… obscene .
Seungmin’s already so fucking close.
He only has a moment to worry about that when Hyunjin startles him with a loud cry, curses falling from his lips, body jerking and shuddering, muscles clenching like a vice around Seungmin as Hyunjin cums, splattering their chests and stomachs, coating the hand still pinned between their bodies.
Seungmin loses it.
His orgasm hits him hard and fast, his pace completely faltering, hips stuttering to a stop buried deep inside Hyunjin as his entire body goes tight and tense, pleasure crashing over him, completely overwhelmed…
Hyunjin catches him when he collapses, all the energy in his body tapped out. He’s a bit dazed, shakey, blissed out… Hyunjin looks like he can relate, even as he holds Seungmin close to his chest, breathing gradually slowing.
“Wow.”
They both burst out laughing.
Seungmin’s not sure how long they laid there, talking softly, recovering from the intensity of… all of that . But it’s nice. And eventually they make it to the shower and help each other wash away the sweat and tacky cum on their bodies, and that’s nice, too. And it’s nice when Seungmin helps Hyunjin change his sheets, both of them whining and giggling about how hard it is on their exhausted bodies... and when Hyunjin curls into his side on the couch, both of them dressed in soft, comfy sleeping clothes while they snack on chips and the homemade kimchi Hyunjin’s mom had sent home with him…
And then Hyunjin yawns and kisses Seungmin goodnight… and goes to his room to sleep… leaving Seungmin to return to his own room… his cold, empty bed…
And that’s okay.
It’s fine.