Chapter Text
Unlike his siblings, Wei Wuxian was not born into nobility. Which was why it became such a huge scandal in the Heavenly Realm when the Chief God, Jin Guangshan, had endorsed for him to go through the trial in the Human Realm before ascension. His adopted father, Jiang Fengmian, was over the moon with the whole situation. While Madame Yu was less than impressed and could only scowl at why the son of their servant could become a certified god before their own son. His Shijie, Jiang Yanli, was supportive of him as always, patting him on the back with reassurance that he will pass the trial with ease. And his Shidi, Jiang Cheng wore an unimpressed faced, but his words were encouraging no less.
“It will bring me joy to watch you suffer in the Human Realm.” Jiang Chang chuckled as they walked out of the Fragrant Hall of Carp Tower where the meeting was held, and the announcement made. “You’ll probably end up a farmer or something! I bet you don’t even know how to handle a hoe!”
“Says the virgin over here…” From behind came their friend, Nie Huaisang, who was the younger brother of the highly respected God of War Nie Mingjue. The shorter figure gently patted Jiang Cheng on the back in feign pity as a way to mock him.
“No, that’s not what I meant!” Jiang Cheng was quick to defend himself when he saw a certain God of Medicine striding past, shooting them an inquisitive look at the subject of their conversation. “I meant a hoe for farming!” His voice trailed off at the end as he tried to correct himself, but it was too late, Wen Qing had already started descending the stairs alongside her brother. Complaints about ‘immature boys’ could be heard falling from her lips.
“Poor Jiang Cheng!” Wei Wuxian tried to hide his smile since he’s aware of how sensitive his brother was about his repressed feelings for Wen Qing, who was also their sister’s best friend, but it was hard not to laugh at the embarrassed yet forlorn look on his face. “One day some will take your virginity. Like mine was taken.”
“When?” Jiang Cheng knew it was a lie since his brother spewed bullcrap like he was fertilising a potato field, but he couldn’t help but take the bait. “I feel sorry for whoever took your virginity. You’re so skinny, it would be like having sex with a skeleton!” He shot a smug look to Nie Huaisang at the clever comeback, but the receiver did not seem to be paying attention. Wei Wuxian was staring at a figure at the top of the stairs near where they were standing on the balcony. Following his eye line, Jiang Cheng saw the figure of a man wearing all white with cloud patterns on his robe, wearing a distinct silk headband.
Wei Wuxian was staring at none other than the God of Music, Lan Wangji. A.K.A The most beautiful man in all the four realms. A.K.A The man who can take his virginity whenever he wanted A.K.A His crush since they met at the tender age of 14,000.
In his usual graceful manner, Lan Wangji wordlessly glided over to the trio.
“Wei Yi— Young Master Wei,” His deep timber voice corrected himself when he realised how improper it was to address a fellow member of Heavenly Realm in such a casual manner. A very, very faint tinge of pink grew at his ear lobes as he became aware of such mistake. But his face gave nothing away as he continued, “I wish to talk to you at your trials in the Human Realm.”
As always, Wei Wuxian was quick to yield to any request made by the taller man. “O-Of course. Let’s go somewhere quieter to talk!” It was a known fact that these two shared a strange relationship. Both were the complete opposites of each other, they were like friends but not at the same time but not on the level to be described as enemies. As far as Wei Wuxian was concerned, Lan Wangji can only stand him to a certain extent before he uses a silencing spell on him, or outright ignores him all together. Yet his crush on the man never wavered. But he would never tell him that. He was as sure as Jiang Cheng never having touched breasts that Lan Wangji did not feel the same way as him.
The man in black and scarlet robes smiled as he led the other to a more secluded place as he waved past his friends.
“Oh, there he goes to get his virginity taken.” He could hear Nie Huaisang mumbled behind his favourite fan to Jiang Cheng. The two snickered to one another before a talisman in the shape of a man flew towards Nie Huaisang’s face, giving him a slap on the nose that hurt more than it should have coming from paper. “Ow! Wei-Xiong, that was mean!” But his cry fell on death ears as Wei Wuxian had already rounded the corner and he was left with Jiang Cheng laughing cruelly at his pain.
❀
“So…” Wei Wuxian began as they both came to a stop at a quieter part of the balcony. “What did Lan Zhan want to say to me?” He cocked his head to the side to let his ponytail and ruby ribbon that he always wore fall over his shoulder. He leaned back against the railings casually as he could to hide the excitement of being along with Lan WangJi.
“Wei Ying,” Despite their fire and ice relationship, they were both comfortable enough to refer to each other by their birth names and speak informally even if Lan Wangji was a couple of years older than Wei Wuxian, “I want to congratulate you for being chosen as the God of Mischief. It certainly suits you.”
Did I hear it right? Lan Zhan said something nice about me! The Lan Wangji who chided him throughout their whole time in Cloud Recesses when they had studied together. The same Lan Wangji whose favourite words to describe him was ‘boring’ and ‘shameless’. The Lan Wangji who often ignored his acts for attention…was actually saying something positive to him for once!
“Wow, Lan Zhan. I did not expect such kind words coming from you.” Wei Wuxian pushed himself off the rails and walked closer to the other. Yet he kept his distance when he saw Lan Wangji gripping his spiritual sword, Bichen, like he was restraining from using it on the one in front of him and took a few steps back. Wei Wuxian got the hint to not come any closer and sobbed to himself internally. “But I don’t have the status of god just yet. But I thank the noble Hanguang-Jun anyways.” Clasping both hands in front, Wei Wuxian did the best bow he could to the God of Music. And being the gentlemen, that he was Lan Wangji returned the bow.
“I also wish you luck. I have heard that my Uncle is in charge of arranging your fate in the Human Realm.” At the new information, Wei Wuxian’s heart almost stopped beating.
Lan Qiren was the Lan clan’s most respected elder and the God of Knowledge. In addition to that, he was the Uncle of the Two Jades of Lan – Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen, both were raised by him when their parents died to be the most perfect disciples to uphold their clan’s ridiculous 3,000 rules. Furthermore, he was the closest Wei Wuxian had to an enemy. The old man hated him with a passion that such an old person should not possess. All because he broke a few rules while he was there for their yearly symposia. He was sure that year, Lan Qiren was as close to a heart attack as that one time he accidentally fell on his younger nephew and their lips got close…so close. In his defence, all the classes were boring history lectures and the rules just seem like they were repressing him. The only thing that kept him sane was being around Lan Wangji. Which developed from a fixation to annoy the elder one, into a full-blown crush where he would be more than willing to bend over and present himself if Lan Wangji ever made it clear he wanted to take him.
“I’m sure Uncle will go easy on you.” Lan Wangji tried his best to reassure a shell-shock Wei Wuxian as he saw his eyes glassing over in what looked like fear. Whenever someone was sent to the Human Realm to complete the trails of Human life, a random established god would be chosen to determine what life they will have, what sufferings they will have to overcome and what way they will die.
When it was Lan Wangji’s turn, it was planned by the God of War, Nie Mingjue. So naturally, his human self was a famed general of a large army, conquering many battles and uniting all the different tribes into one single country. He died from old age with no heirs, only trusted members of the military to carry on his legacy. Strangely Nie Mingjue did not plan for him to fall in love and experience the trials that came with heartbreak. Either the man thought Lan Wangji was not capable of love, or he was more focused on projecting a life that he thought was more suitable for him.
“Lan Zhan, I don’t think you realise how much your Uncle hates me.” Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but sigh. So many different scenarios going through his head at what Lan Qiren would put him through. Would he be a poor farmer whose only purpose was to grow crops and nothing more? Would he be a young master from a respected family where he will reach high places in his life? Or the worst of all…a pitiful beggar who would have to fight with feral street dogs for food just to stop from going delirious with hunger. Please. Anything but that again…
❀
The day finally came for him to jump into the Portal of Fate and start his trial in the Human Realm. Nothing in the world could prepare for the anxiety he felt, since Lan Qiren had kept it quiet about the life that he had planned for him. Standing at the edge of the glittering hole, Wei Wuxian gave one last sweeping look at the people who came to see him off.
Of course, there was his family. Jiang Fengmian gave a proud smile that made him feel like he could overcome anything. Madame Yu had a scowl on her face as always, shooting daggers at both her own son and the adopted one. His Shijie looked worried as her brows were drawn tight. She had spent the whole morning fussing over him as if he was going off to battle, making sure to spoil him with many servings of rib and lotus root soup to his heart content. Beside her stood Jiang Cheng who also had a similar look on his face, while at the same time trying not to show it. Afterall, he was the first of the three to go through the trial. And behind him was their friend, Nie Huaisang who managed to get up early for once to support him. As always, he hid the lower half of his face behind his silver fan to hide his nervousness. He was sweating so much that one would think he was the one going through the trial!
Next to him on the platform was members of the Lanling Lin clan. Jin Guangshan was there as the Chief God to go through the formalities. For some reason his cocky son, Jin Zixuan was there too, shooting longing looks at his Shijie. If he wasn’t so busy trying to calm himself, Wei Wuxian was sure he would have jumped on that peacock and gave him a good beating for being so hot and cold to his Shijie!
Lan Qiren stood by Jin Guangshan, face impassive and holding the scroll of his Human fate in his hands. His presence was expected due to obvious reasons. Even Lan Xichen was there, the God of Peace and head of the Lan clan nodded politely at him, a soft yet sympathetic smile on his lips. But it was stranger that Lan Wangji was also present. Normally it was the family, close friends or officials that turn up to the ceremony. It was hard to place his relationship with Lan Wangji, but he was glad he turned up. Something about his cold demeanour and golden eyes made him feel at ease.
In addition to the main people, there were also other important officials of Heaven scattered around the place to bear witness to the important occasion.
“Wei Wuxian, I wish you luck in your trial in the Human Realm and that you may succeed to become the God of Mischief.” Jin Guangshan’s voice boomed across the pavilion. At the end of his sentence came mumblings of agreement from the officials. How much of it was sincere he did not know, or care. “Now, Lan Qiren will read aloud his plans for your Human life.”
When the old man stepped forward, Wei Wuxian was sure he was going to faint from the anticipation.
As if knowing how he was feeling, Lan Qiren has the audacity to drag it out for as long as he can. From dramatically unrolling his scroll, to feigning multiple coughs to clear his throats. Wei Wuxian was sure he broke many of the Lan clan’s rules just to be a dick to his worst student.
“Wei Wuxian shall be born to a widow whose husband died at sea,”
A bit of a weird start, but it will do.
“As he grows up, he shall be enrolled in the most prestigious school in the land despite his status. Earning a reputation as a renowned scholar,”
Not bad. Not bad at all.
Even if he was the worst student, Wei Wuxian knew that the God of Knowledge could see his potential as a scholar, even if he didn’t live up to it.
“And then his mother will remarry to a nobleman,”
Good for her!
“And Young Master Wei will honour her wish for him to enter monkhood. Giving up life as a scholar and live as a holy man until his days are over.”
Not good for me. What a boring life!
“As it is written, it shall be done. Younger Master Wei, are you ready to face the trial of the Human Realm in order to ascend as the God of Mischief?” It was all formality from there as Jin Guangshan talked again.
“I am.” It felt like there was literally butterflies in his stomach as he peered down the never-ending hole of iridescent violet and silver. He wasn’t scared of not finishing the trial, but more if he would survive such a boring life as a monk. “But before I go, I have a few words I would like to say.” Spinning around on his heels, he was about to give a speech, when he felt his feet slipping. Suddenly, his body flew back and began his reluctant fall into the Human world. And before he was aware, he was calling out one name, and one name only as he was falling. “Lan Zhan!”
And to the shock of everyone, the noble Hanguang-Jun, God of Music actually jumped into the Portal of Fate, following Wei Wuxian into the Human Realm.
After the flash of white confirmed that the two had left the Heaven Realm, everyone was frozen in their spot, not knowing what to do next.
“Well…fuck…” It was Jiang Cheng who broke the silence in the most ungentlemanly way possible. It earned him a slap on the head from his mother who just had enough of his shenanigans, even if he said what everyone was thinking.
“I think Wangji will have a splendid time with Young Master Wei in the Human Realm.” Lan Xichen seemed to be the calmest about the fact that his own brother had just jumped into a portal to follow a non-nobleman, with his own fate in the Human world unplanned.
“What would happen if someone did what Hanguang-Jun just did?” It was Jin Zixuan who asked the question curiously. Almost everyone was gathered around the portal as if it was going to give them answers to everything.
“Well, fate in the Human world is not up to us. It will be in the hands of our ancestors to decide what will happen to Wangji. But I have a feeling that Lan An would give him a good fate.” Replied Lan Xichen optimistically as if he knew something the others didn’t.