Chapter Text
You've got it all
You lost your mind in the sound
There's so much more
You can reclaim your crown
You're in control
Rid of the monsters inside your head
Put all your faults to bed
You can be King again.
-Lauren Aquilina
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Akashi Seijurou has been caught in a daze since the buzzer sounded for the end of the fourth quarter, announcing Seirin High's victory and with it, Akashi's first ever loss.
The rest of the Rakuzan team has yet to speak, just as dazed with their unforeseen loss as their captain, evidently going through the motions of washing up and climbing into their team bus while relying solely on muscle memory because it's clear to any observer that none of them are really processing what they're doing.
It's unsurprising, to say the least, that the ride back to their hotel passes in a heavy silence spent dutifully ignoring any of their teammates who may have accepted the defeat and consequently dissolved into tears.
(Surname) (Name) pays no attention to any of this however. She keeps her gaze trained on the window she is seated beside as though Tokyo's passing scenery is the most interesting thing in this plane of existence, chewing on the inside of her cheek and refraining from wincing at the words caught in her throat.
They seem too hollow to offer any consolation, so instead of risking sounding insincere to the team that really doesn't need it, she chooses to stew in the silence with them.
Basketball doesn't mean much to her, but it does to them, and she can respect that. She's still new to the sport and entirely ignorant of the passion these boys play it with. Perhaps there's something intoxicating about being on court or the synergy of team-play?
Not like she'd know. She isn't even their manager. To be fair, up until seven months ago, she hadn't cared at all about the boys' basketball scene at high school level.
And she wouldn't even now had it not been for him.
Her gaze wanders over to his reflection in the window, studying his slumped shoulders and bowed head with pursed lips. For as long as she has know him, Akashi Seijurou has always seemed to consider himself so above the rest of them. The Emperor, as the student body has fittingly dubbed him. It feels unnatural to see him with his gaze lowered to the clenched fists in his lap. He looks almost brittle, and so much like a little boy looking for comfort without having to ask for it-- entirely unlike his typically regal demeanor.
(Name)'s family is more or less on equal standing with the Akashi name as far as social status goes, but the Seijurou she has known for the past months has always felt like he holds himself at a higher regard.
Sure, he has never truly attempted to assert any superiority over her, but that's more owing to the fact that (Name) has never challenged him. She hasn't ever wanted to find out what he would do when presented with an opponent of equal standing, but she got the idea it would be entirely unpleasant and possibly violently so given his extreme superiority complex.
Or former complex, since it seems to have dissipated since some point in the third or fourth quarter.
(Name) has spent plenty of time in his company, devising strategies since he found out about her strategic gift and subsequently recruited (read: stole) her away from the boys' soccer team who had enlisted her help by virtue of having her cousin on their team. In all that time, she has become veritably skilled at the art of compromise and evasion of anything she suspects might lead to a disagreement with him. So, by anyone else's standards, they get along rather well, even if their shared time ends up mentally exhausting one of them (her, to be precise) far more than the other.
However, she wouldn't consider him a friend in spite of all the hours spent with him during breaks or the mornings before classes start. She likes to think she's gotten better at understanding him, but she still doesn't really know him-- certainly not enough to label him a friend. She hasn't wanted to either.
Akashi Seijurou doesn't want friends and she doesn't think he could have any with his kind of personality.
That doesn't stop her from foolishly feeling concern when he quietly tells his team they will hold a meeting when they get back to school four days later, following New Year's day and the weekend, dismissing them for now and leaving them to retire to their rooms for the night. He's still unable to properly meet their gaze, but none of them question him, feeling the distance he is putting between them and himself.
The boy looks demure and dejected and so, so tired, it's alarming for all of them.
(Name) sees Mibuchi linger, looking over his shoulder at Akashi who stays put in the lobby while the others clamber into waiting elevators or head for the stairs, low murmurs beginning to finally break out among the boys. Eventually, shaking his head, Rakuzan's vice-captain ends up following after the rest of his team.
Reo may be fond of Akashi and feel worry over him as he does for the rest of the team, but it's hard to predict what will set the redhead off on a usual day. Since he isn't acting like himself and seems to have flipped some sort of personality switch, the wisest decision would be to back off and wait till they get a better handle on their captain, and allow him his moment of weakness.
Which must make (Name) some sort of idiot because she finds herself hesitating, faced with Akashi's back as he stares straight ahead for a long moment before finally turning to acknowledge her presence.
She's startled at first because he hasn't said a word to her since she regrouped with the team outside the stadium, since her unofficial position with them doesn't allow access to their changing rooms or the bench on court. Her surprise only multiplies when he dips his head in a bow, alarming her in case someone sees the heir to the Akashi group bowing to an heir of the (Surname) family.
"I owe you an apology, (Surname)," the redhead begins softly, "for giving you no choice in joining our team and paying your time and efforts back with a defeat that lay your brilliance to waste."
Her eyes widen, and she shakes her head wildly in the time it takes her brain to catch up with what is happening enough to form coherent sentences. A small part of her acknowledges that the apology is in order since Akashi casually strolled into her life this May and demanded she make room for him and his team in her life, robbing her of her chance at seeming casual and approachable enough to make any friends aside from her cousin. But a larger part of her feels too bad for him to voice this.
Instead, what she does say is, "I don't think this was a waste of my time."
It's enough for him to stop bowing and straighten, regarding her with a crimson gaze that doesn't feel quite as threatening anymore now that the gold is gone. The question is clear in the furrow of his brows and the barely there incline of his head.
"I enjoyed the time I spent with this team," she adds, offering him a half-shrug in an attempt to ignore the tension that hasn't left the air around him for the past hour or so. "Coming up with strategies for basketball is a lot more fun than I thought it'd be at first, so I'm glad I stuck around."
Akashi looks like he can't quite comprehend her words, shaking his head slightly. "But we lost," he points out, lips dipping into a frown like the words taste bitter in his mouth.
To that, she sighs, nodding. "Yes, we did," she agrees, lifting her gaze to him tentatively, unsure of how to proceed with this version of Akashi. She'd barely begun to get a read on the former version of the boy, and now she has to get re-accustomed to whatever quirks he may possess now. "You've never lost before, have you, Akashi-kun?"
The question is hesitantly asked, and rightfully so. Before, this question would've set him off on a tirade and invoked his ire, but now, he just frowns and lowers his gaze.
"No," he answers. "It's...extremely unpleasant. Does defeat always feel like an ache in the chest?"
She blinks. "Only when you lose at something important to you." Then, with added hesitance and an increased desire to escape, she prods, "Are you okay, Akashi-kun?"
Swallowing, he tries for a smile but it's fragile and poorly strung together, and it's a little painful to see him like this even though she recognizes that his loss was necessary. "I will be. Thank you for your concern."
It's a chance-- an opening for her to take her leave at a relatively appropriate point in their conversation. But something holds her back, guilt pooling within her at the idea of making an abrupt getaway.
"Would you like to be alone right now?" she asks instead, deciding to shift the burden of the choice onto him rather than driving herself to insanity over it.
Akashi frowns. "I... I'm not quite sure, honestly."
Absently, (Name) wonders if these are the motherly instincts her aunt was talking about the other day. If they are, the girl resolutely decides Mother Nature can take them back because she doesn't want them if they're going to make her do stupid things like worry for the Emperor.
"Would you like a hug, Akashi-kun?"
While her brain short circuits out of delayed panic at her own offer, she takes a moment to feel a sense of accomplishment at having managed to surprise the Akashi Seijurou enough to gape at her with wide eyes. She's expecting him to say no and ask after her sanity, and she's fully prepared to respond with a poorly executed joke and make a hasty retreat in turn.
What she isn't expecting is for the redhead to actually walk closer and awkwardly wrap his arms around her shoulders, his hair tickling her cheek.
It takes her a moment to fully register it, but she manages to return the hug just before it could get awkward, rubbing his back and pulling him close enough to set her chin on his shoulder. Vaguely, she notes that he's a lot colder to the touch than she'd thought. And that he doesn't really smell of sweat, which she'd been wary of.
Akashi begins to slowly lose his stiffness, relaxing into her hold, making his inexperience with physical contact painfully obvious to her.
"It'll be okay, Akashi-kun," she says for the sake of filling the void left by silence. "Defeat is necessary in order to truly appreciate victory. It doesn't make you a lesser person, and it doesn't take away your phenomenal talent for a sport you enjoy. No one can be expected to win all the time."
He's quiet for a moment. Then, ever so quietly, he whispers, "I wish it wouldn't hurt quite so much."
It's almost amusing how child-like he is. (Name) has to take a second and feel flattered that he's even allowing himself this vulnerability in her presence.
"It'll get better soon," she assures, pulling away with what she hopes is a comforting smile.
She fixes the edge of the collar of his jacket that had gotten rumpled in between them, stepping away to maintain their typical respectful distance like it had never been breached, and he simply watches her, gaze sharp with awareness of her movements and proximity.
"For now, Akashi-kun, you need to get some rest," (Name) says. "Tomorrow will bring new opportunities with it, but you deserve some peace today. Goodnight."
He returns the greeting with a slight nod, not turning as she brushes past him and heads for the elevator herself. It is only when she's about to step inside that she hears him call out to her, turning to find herself at the receiving end of perhaps the gentlest smile she has seen adorning his face.
"Thank you, (Surname)."