Chapter Text
Panic disorder is an anxiety disorder where the patient experiences frequent panic attacks which are periods of sudden fear, panic,helplessness or a feeling that something bad is going to happen.
Social anxiety is the fear of being publicly judged, or viewed negatively. People with social anxiety may also develop agoraphobia which is the fear of entering a situation which makes you anxious or panic, places that make you embarrassed or scared.
“Hello, Sam and Eric it is very nice to see you, we haven’t met in a while, is there a reason for that?” She said with the most calming tone she can muster with her visual disdain for Eric and I. We both knew that she hated us for not coming to therapy sessions for so long because of our parents not wanting us to meet her.
I look at Eric, the only other person that can understand me right now. He actually looks scruffier than usual and probably didn’t shower for days. My brother is more affected by this whole ordeal a little more than I am. He has intense agoraphobia and social anxiety and he’s scared to go outside, he hasn’t been outside in so long. Probably because he was more passive before, I was always the one to introduce us because I think he was too embarrassed to talk when he didn’t have to.
“Hello? Sam what are you thinking about? Have you been taking your medication? I think you’re dissociating again.” She said with the most condescending tone I have ever heard. “Miss, not to be rude but it’s called thinking. I was thinking about something.” The air was quiet and she looked offended but I only started to care when Eric appeared as if he was going through an episode. I knew that Eric was feeling uncomfortable because I was provoking her to a potential verbal fight that he didn’t want to be in the presence of. I stopped talking to calm Eric down and we sat in silence for about 20 minutes until she finally said something. “So Eric have you been able to remember anything about the trip to the island recently?” Eric shook his head. “Ok I’m going to show you different pictures of things and you can just nod if you know what it is and shake your head if you don’t ok?” Eric wasn’t ready for the pressure but he reluctantly nodded his head.
She first showed a picture of a parachute and Eric shook his head. She then showed a picture of a coconut tree and he nodded his head. She then hesitated showing the next picture as she wrote things down into her notepad. Eric’s expression turned from neutral into terrified in what felt like an instant. It was a picture of Piggy. Eric started panicking, why in the world did she think that was a good idea doing that.
“What the hell is wrong with you lady, do you think that’ll help his anxiety?! You are insane.” I said as I attempted to console Eric as he was having a panic attack from all of the repressed guilt he felt since he couldn’t do anything to help Piggy or Ralph . I expected her to be mortified and apologise profusely like our parents. But she just kept writing in her notepad with an unreadable expression.
I can’t even begin to describe the horror in my brother’s face. I can see his heart darken with his dark thoughts that he used to tell me about after he had a bad nightmare and he was trembling on the bedroom floor as I attempted to console him. As his expression darkened, his breathing was accelerating and he began hyperventilating. I tried my best to help him but it’s been a while since he acted up like this.
Then his breathing started to slow down, so I let go of him expecting him to sit back up but he slumped into his seat and passed out.
“What the- lady do something!? Can you call the helpers or something? Why are you just standing there? Don’t tell me you’re like the others! Please.” I screamed as I never had to deal with my own brother passing out in my own hands and me being helpless to help him. I clutched onto his shoulders as if I will lose him if I let go and I call his name over and over.
“Ok, Sam and Eric thank you so much for your time, I think we broke new grounds today ,and I think that you should come more often. Especially you, Eric.” She gestured to my passed out brother.
I was so speechless. She thought that he was pretending to be unconscious so that she would leave. I don’t remember what happened afterwards. I remember screaming so hard and screaming after her as she walked towards the door. The guards stopped me and then I woke up back in my bed, without Eric’s bed next to mine.