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Purgatory’s Police Station was routinely slow and quiet on a Sunday night. This has been a constant theme for Nicole—Work. Eat. Sleep. Deal with the town drunks. Repeat.
Nicole played with the clicker on her pen, staring down at the stack of unread and incomplete reports. The officer thought it was ironic that she’d rather be dealing with an ACTUAL case, with real action. Hell even dealing with Champ would’ve been more entertaining, unlike the monotonous workload that a Sheriff like herself had to indulge in. It took a few more minutes of sitting in her office until Wynonna came plowing through the door.
“Sheriff Tater-Haught!”
The Earp heir stumbled in, clearly inebriated as she held a bottle of Jack Daniel’s Whiskey. Where the hell did she get steal that? Nicole wondered. She sighed tiredly before giving Wynonna a grim look.
“Why the face Haught? Actually...hold that thought..I don’t care!”
Wynonna started cackling out loud. She wasn’t trying to be mean she was just....drunk. Nicole knew that because she experienced this very event weekly, and Waverly wasn’t around to keep an eye on her sister.
Waverly wasn’t around at all....
Nicole’s shoulders slumped at the thought of her girlfriend. It had been almost a month since the love of her life had been taken by the garden, and life hasn’t been terrific since. Wynonna drank all her problems and misery away, while Nicole had to bear the insults of the older Earp. The redhead knew that Wynonna didn’t mean any of it, she was just hurt, and when an Earp is hurt they wreak havoc. She just consoled the brunette every night when apologies would spill out of her wasted mouth.
The two girls had each other and that was it. Nicole stayed by Wynonna’s side because Waverly would never forgive her for leaving her sister all alone. She also had a soft spot for the brunette, and they both found comfort in each other’s arms on days they weren’t losing sleep, trying to find the only person that brought light to this hell of a town.
Nicole stood up with a heartbroken expression on her face. Wynonna immediately sobered up after observing the reality of the situation. “Nicole..I’m sorry”, the heir whispered out slowly, already kicking herself for doing this once again.
The redhead shook her head, “No it’s okay, I’m just really tired and need a bed stat...do you want me to take you home?” .
Wynonna could never understand how Nicole was so forgiving and kind..and accepting. That must have been how Waverly fell for her, and the heir couldn’t be more thankful that a soul like Nicole’s had existed and found her babygirl.
“Nicole for real I’m sor-“
“Wyn...I promise it’s okay...I know the pain and I know we both miss her”
Wynonna blew out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding before looking down at her boots. She decided to let it go and go home with the officer, maybe they could order food and watch one of Waverly’s favorite rom-coms. She instinctively pushed her fists into the pockets of her leather jacket and felt the smoothness of a card. Wynonna pulled out the foreign paper, and now being sober (thanks Nicole), easily read over it.
“Henry’s Restaurant (you eat we feast)”
Scribbled on the side which Wynonna recognized as what could only be her writing—- FUCKING KEY TO WAVERLY’S RETURN
Realization dawned on the Earp Heir as she held the golden ticket. How could she not tell anyone about this sooner, or do anything at all?! Wynonna grasped the stupidness in her actions, it was the alcohol wasn’t it, she thought to herself.
Wynonna looked down at her bottle, “thanks a lot Jack Black, you have made me look like the biggest fuck up”. She threw it down and the glass shatters everywhere, brown liquid seeps onto the newly wooden floor of Nicole’s office.
“What the hell Earp..what was that for?!”
Nicole yells out in frustration before moving to clean up the mess. Wynonna stops her with a hand on her shoulder. She looks at the redhead with guilt and determination before handing the invitation to her. Nicole scans the writing before looking at the Earp heir with an unreadable expression.
“I fucked up like I always do Nic..but we NEED to go here now. I don’t know if what we’re looking for is still gonna be there, but it’s worth a goddamn try Haught. Anything for Waverly...”
Nicole should be angry at the Earp for wasting all that time. She WANTS to be angry. But after hearing the possibility that her Waverly could come home, she instantly perks up.
The redhead grabs onto the older Earp’s shoulders before colliding into a tight, meaningful hug.
“Anything for Waverly”.
***
“Is this really necessary?”
Nicole huffs out an annoyed breath. This was ridiculous, she looked ridiculous. Both her and Wynonna sat in a red booth in the back of Henry’s Restaurant.
Nicole wore a very itchy gray wig that looked more like an Afro. After a hysterical argument with Wynonna she eventually agreed to wear a dress that was knee length. Floral graphics were layered all around the dress and the bottom slightly ruffled. She wore black leather flats and a rose gold necklace, with a semi-huge, silver crowned-shaped jewel hanging in the middle. The finishing touch consisted of a wooden cane with a sharp hidden blade on the front end, which Wynonna proudly praised herself on.
Wynonna sat on the opposite side of the C-shaped booth. She rocked a New York Baseball Cap, black bulky jeans, and a Purgatory Blue Devils hockey jersey. What really stood out was the poorly made but good enough beard that hung on the older Earp’s smug face.
“Oh come on Haught-granny, I think you look AMAZING. We make a good grandma and grandson”. Wynonna can’t control her laughter as her fist smacks down on the table. The heir had decided in order to not look “suspicious” they would have to play dress up. It’s totally not like she has a sword sticking out of her bag that was once a huge ass gun. Also thanks to Jeremy who suggested they wear the outfits, and for some reason already had these clothes stashed in BBD’s cabinets. Nicole made a mental note to question him about that later.
The redhead—or well greyhead’s cheeks turned red in embarrassment. Thank god Waverly doesn’t have to see this, she thought to herself. Nicole moved to fidget with her bra that was uncomfortably positioned under her grandma dress. She struggled to fix it without having to undress right there in the restaurant, in front of many patrons who would definitely mind seeing a naked grandma. Wynonna had noticed the struggle and began to snicker.
“Damn Haught-boobs I get that you haven’t had any action in a while but this is basically public indecency. What would the sheriff say?”
“I AM the sheriff and this stupid bra won’t stay in its place! How do you expect me to fight or run like this?!”
After a moment Wynonna smacks both hands on the table and she stands up. She walks around to meet Nicole and gestures to help. The redhead is hesitant at first until she huffs and gives up in frustration. The brunette reaches for Nicole’s chest, feeling for her bra and starts to fidget.
“Stupid damn—-underwire!”
The heir continues to pull at Nicole’s bra and the redhead can’t help but blush with embarrassment as people start to stare. Wynonna lifts her boot up onto the low table and steadies herself before trying once again. “Okay Wynonna—I don’t think that..”
“Ahem—“
Wynonna freezes in place before slowly turning her head to see the waitress standing with a notepad, assumingely ready to take their orders of drinks. Nicole peers around Wynonna’s frame and smiles sheepishly at the clearly bewildered waitress. The brunette lets go and makes an effort to smooth out the wrinkles that were made on Nicole’s dress before turning around.
In a more deeper voice she shamelessly speaks, “Heh sorry bout that, just trying to help the ole sugar mamma”.
Nicole side glances her with a look that only radiated death, and the heir just mimics finger guns before settling down in her seat once again.
“Ahem, so yes we will take cokes thank you”, Nicole manages to speak before looking at the waitress. Her eyes seem to be on Wynonna and she squints just a little before writing down the requests. The waitress walks away, looking back at the strange (couple?) that inhabited the restaurant on a Sunday night.
“Looks like I still live up to Purgatory’s most hated, even when disguised!”. Wynonna says as she sees the waitresses clearly irritated reaction.
Nicole folds her arms across her chest and raises an eyebrow towards the brunette.
“Since when was I your sugar momma..I thought I was the grandma”
Wynonna looks at her with an offended expression, as she fakes a gasp. “Woah there Haught-forward we are still in first base”.
Nicole can only roll her eyes and slip out a little smile at her best friend’s antics. She didn’t think they’d end up here tonight, but it felt good finally getting out and spending time with the older Earp. Even if they were undercover and probably gonna get their asses tossed around....this was their definition of fun. Nicole really wished the whole crew was here doing this with them....
God she missed Dolls.
Jeremy and Robin are the eyes in the sky for this mission.
Doc...he would’ve made this mission so damn diabolical. Dynamite and all.
And Waverly.
Albeit, they wouldn’t be here in the first place if she wasn’t gone. But the thought of fighting alongside Waverly once again made Nicole teary eyed. She smiled to herself as she basked in the memories of her dear friends.
“Don’t go and get all soft on me Haught, you know we can’t be nothing more than first base”, Wynonna jokes after watching Nicole for a while. They both were probably thinking about the same thing.
Nicole just hums innocently before looking at Wynonna with her eyebrows raised, “Dunno what you’re talking about Earp, I’m smiling because they have vegan pancakes, which I’m definitely ordering”.
Waverly’s favorite.
Wynonna peers down at the menu and starts to get all giddy, boasting about all the bacon she’s gonna order.
***
“JazzMan to Bacon Donut do you copy?”
“Loud and clear Robin Hood, what’s up?”
“Ugh Wynonna we have cool spy names for a reason”
Robin sighs over the microphone before speaking into Wynonna’s earpiece, “Two suspicious persons have entered the building, briefcase in hand. We are surveying the area and it seems like they are talking to the waitress you saw earlier”.
“Okay if they get seated then we have a better chance to observe and then make a move”, Nicole speaks quietly so only Wynonna and the boys can hear her.
Jeremy describes the man holding the briefcase as tall, handsome, and very very bald. His partner is much shorter and is wearing black framed glasses, brown hair slightly ruffled, and some horribly tamed facial stubble.
“So we are looking for a homeless man and his long lost rich brother.....these guys don’t even know how they make our jobs so much easier”, the Earp Heir rambles on.
Nicole spots the two men following the waitress on the far end of the restaurant. They seem to be in a deep discussion before the waitress slightly tilts her head in the direction of where they are seated. Nicole felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach as she slowly realized that they weren’t so clever with these disguises. The redhead grips the table and and slowly turns to look at Wynonna, only a slight hint of fear in her eyes to alert the heir and not the three enemies who were all staring at them now. Wynonna mouths “What?” in confusion.
Nicole starts to speak in a very quiet voice, fearing that there are more eyes on them than they originally assumed, “We have been detected. Waitress is part of their plan. Earp we have to react now”.
As soon as the words leave her mouth it seemed like her voice was the loudest in the room. So loud that even the two men and waitress heard. A flash sparks in the corner of Nicole’s eye as a blinding fog starts to emerge in the restaurant.
They smoke bombed the place.
They were trying to escape.
How the hell did they spot us? How did they know we were gonna be here?
So many questions ran through Nicole’s mind as she and Wynonna ducked under the table.
The two girls realized that they couldn’t let them get away and started sprinting down the hall, shielding their eyes from the growing smoke. People were running from all corners of the restaurant, screaming in a frenzy. Wynonna grabbed her sword out of her bag and spun it once in her hand.
“It’s go time bitches”
Bullets started blazing through the fog And Nicole took cover, firing bullets of her own. Wynonna ran in the middle of gunfire because Earp’s are fucking crazy like that. One by one her sword ricocheted the black bullets that scraped by as she maneuvered her way closer to the perps. Nicole ran behind her, cane in hand as they entered a room that was less fogged up.
“Haught 12 o’clock!”
Nicole hears Jeremy’s voice buzz through her ears and turns to see the waitress running at her with a broken glass bottle. She sticks the cane out between her and the woman before clicking on a button that unleashed the silver blade. The woman just grabbed onto the end, avoiding the blade and tugged at the cane. They both spun in a circle trying to get the upper hand, the woman just sneers at Nicole.
“Not so clever are you Sheriff Haught? But I have to admit you do look believable”
“A for effort right? I think we pulled it off pretty well”
“Hm, you could’ve. But of the course the stupid heir wears her oh so famous boots”
The waitress gives Nicole a once over before snorting with boredom, “and what kind of grandma drinks coke? Diabetes ahem..”
Nicole manages to scrape the blade against the waitresses arm as she’s distracted. The woman yells out in pain before getting a cane wacked across her cranium, knocking her unconscious.
“Don’t you ever discriminate against granny’s”
Nicole flattens out the wrinkles in her dress before taking a deep breath and looking out into the battlefield. Wynonna is propped up on the bar, sword fighting with the bald man. She kicks a man with a mask who tries to grab her legs before returning to her fight.
“For sugar momma’s!” Nicole screams out, cane in hand, as she runs into the haze of bullets and sword clashing.
***
Jeremy sits back in BBD’s office observing the fight on the computers that sat on the long desk. “Damn I wonder how he gets his head to be so shiny”.
Robin turns around a playful smile on his face, “hey Jer are you a trumpet....because you make me HORNY!”
He bursts out with laughter as Jeremy shakes his head, a knowing smile on his face.
“These Jazz jokes are so it! Where have they been all my life!”
***
The brown haired man with glasses seemed to be the only one who wasn’t in the midst of the fight. He clutched the briefcase as he slipped into one of the back rooms. Nicole observes his every moment before stabbing the last guy coming at her, she then follows the man into the back. “Prize clear in sight. Following him into room. Jeremy can you tell me what’s ahead?”.
“Copy that, it’s a small room, couple of boxes and there’s a ventilation system that leads into a basement. I believe he will go through the vents”.
“Thanks Jer”
Nicole holds her gun out in front of her as she slowly walks up to the door and turns the handle. The room was empty as she slipped inside. It was eerily quiet and Nicole knew something was wrong, the gun clicking at the side of her head was an indication that she was right. The man spoke agitatedly, “put your gun down and face the wall or I’ll shoot your brains out”.
Nicole could hear the shake in his voice. There was definitely a way she could talk herself out of this situation. She obeys the order and raises her hands before stepping towards the wall. “Nicole to your right there is a baseball bat lodged into the boxes. You can easily reach it if needed”, Jeremy discloses into her ear piece.
The redhead takes mental note of that before focusing again.
“You know I could really use a damn shower and a nice meal...don’t you think? An old lady like me can’t be on her feet all day”.
“Shutup I know you’re lying!”
Nicole holds in her laughter as she continues teasing and winding the man up.
“Well can you blame me? You look like an absolute fool and I’m sure that boss of yours takes you for one. I mean he left you here all alone with the case and no escape”.
The man fixes his glasses before stuttering about there being an escape vent. Nicole slowly turns her head making sure he isn’t going to shoot her on instinct, but it was evident he wouldn’t even hurt a damn fly. She looks at him with a look of pity and innocence on her face.
“You think that’s a vent?” Oh honey no that is a heater... if you wanna climb into that and be incinerated then be my guest... I think you are just collateral damage to these guys. They are using you”.
Nicole speaks softly making him believe that she cares for him. Apparently being a granny can definitely get you out of tricky situations. The man starts to tremble before dropping the gun and leaning towards Nicole. She reaches out for him and tries to hold him back, but the grown man had decided it was appropriate to fall down and clutch against her leg. He was sobbing, begging her to save him from being killed. His hand started to pull at the hem of her dress and Nicole started to get uncomfortable. She tried positioning her legs but that only ended up with his head getting under her dress. At the exact moment Wynonna comes barging in with peacemaker high above her head.
“To infinity and bey—“
She stops and stares at the scene unfolding before her. The heir shuts the door behind her and starts laughing hysterically, barely able to breathe.
“Holy—sh-it Naughty—Haughty! Am I interrupting—something...”
Nicole gapes at the brunette, probably realizing how comprising this situation looks. She quickly shoves the mans head far away from her as she possibly could, her face heating up rapidly. She grabs the suitcase, leaving the sobbing man on the ground. Wynonna just stares at the man on the ground and back at Nicole, putting pieces of the puzzle together (which were clearly wrong).
“Nic..were you in here cheating on me?”
The redhead can’t help but snort at the response before throwing the briefcase at the heir. Wynonna wiggles her eyebrows at Nicole and she begins to get red all over again.
“Can...we please just go? I’ll explain what the hell happened later but first we gotta see what’s in that case”
“Okay dokey Haught-Tomato”
***
“So we’re not gonna talk about Haughtstuff making grown men cry for her granny panties?”, Wynonna questions as she grabs the freshly bought box of donuts and plops down into the chair.
“Wynonna...”
Nicole looks at her embarrassed but her mind is clearly set on the briefcase that sat on the table. They rushed back to BBD as fast as two woman in funky costumes could, Nicole tossing that itchy wig into Purgatory River on their way back. She also took off that hideous dress and promised everyone to never talk about it to anyone including Waverly. But Wynonna is Wynonna, so she definitely will. It was their adventure to save Waverly after all so how could she not.
All four team members gathered around the table, Jeremy closely examining the briefcase with a magnifying glass.
Wynonna smacks him in the back of the head lightly, “Okay Nerd why don’t we just take a hammer and break this bad boy open”.
“If that was possible don’t you think I would’ve done that by now?”, Jeremy deadpans.
Wynonna raises her hand in surrender before sitting back down and making googly eyes at her donuts.
“This is an intricate lock but I think I can do it...this will probably take over an hour though”.
***
1 hour later...
“Drink up all you sexy mothers- I did it!”
Jeremy raises his fist in victory and Robin joins in on their victory screech.
Nicole and Wynonna stumble into BBD’s office after training together to pass time, and they all gather around the case once again. Wynonna approaches the black case and opens the latches with care, revealing a single golden key. There seemed to be some sort of sparking glare that radiated across the key every once in a while. Nicole felt some sort of relief but also a tang of confusion. It was just a key...but to where? She didn’t expect Waverly to come out of this briefcase but she wanted something more. Nevertheless they managed to steal an obviously valuable artifact and now they were inching closer to rescue.
“A key...what the fuck is it for?”
“A door Wynonna...”
The heir glares at Robin and he shrugs away.
“Yes a door Red Robin...but what door? You know I wonder if this leads to Nedley’s sex dungeon. I KNOW he has one”.
The three members just stare at Wynonna speechless before looking back at the key.
The glare shines and reflects continuously.