Chapter Text
PREVIEW
Nayeon isn’t sure when she started hurting. Only that she does, and Jeongyeon can’t help anymore.
They spend more time apart. Less time than they did when they were friends, and just friends, before physical affection even became a comfortable occurrence between them.
Nayeon studies in the library, unable to focus at the dorm. Jeongyeon goes out and has new friends now, friends Nayeon knows she probably wouldn’t get along with. There’s nothing wrong with them, they’re just not Jeongyeon or Jihyo, and friends like Jeongyeon and Jihyo are all Nayeon’s really open to having.
Nayeon is hurting. Jihyo is in London. Talking to Jeongyeon is becoming impossible. And it’s not an excuse, it isn’t. But she kisses someone else.
PROLOGUE
Nayeon wants Jeongyeon to bite, scratch, claw – until her body reflects how raw, how tender she feels on the inside.
“No,” Nayeon huffs out, a tone that repels Jeongyeon from between her thighs. “Wait.”
Jeongyeon lifts up her head, sweaty and breathless, a slight flaw in her usual stoic expression. Crawling up and settling her knees on either side of Nayeon’s hips, eyes bleak in focus, Jeongyeon slowly moves forward to kiss her.
Nayeon tries to feel it, the blooming adoration in her chest she once felt the first months this happened, the first few weeks she enjoyed it – Jeongyeon creeping between her sheets with the offer of soft words and warm touches, back before Jeongyeon’s delicately placed lips became mechanised and her own responses became exaggerated.
Nayeon tries to feel it, to relive, to find bliss.
Nayeon isn’t sure why she bothered kissing Jeongyeon back.
“Okay?” Jeongyeon hushes into her mouth, as if any problem, any immediate need that Nayeon may have held had been silenced by her lips, her kiss. But Nayeon— she can barely feel any pressure from Jeongyeon’s mouth, from Jeongyeon’s anything, and a whine slips from her throat before she’s able to get a grip on it.
She does not want to feel loved, she does not want to feel loved.
Jeongyeon shifts against her, her hands flush against Nayeon’s skin now, but—
It’s not enough. Her relationship with Jeongyeon has never really been enough.
The harsh burning in Nayeon’s chest, creeping upwards towards the back of her throat; it starts to become too intense for her to swallow, to push down, suppress.
“Don’t kiss me,” Nayeon whines, pushing against Jeongyeon’s forehead and squirming beneath her glossed touch. “Hurt me.”
(Jeongyeon doesn’t).