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It would be the cliche to portray the Strider-Lalonde household as 'quiet' considering the calm evening air outside, but the simple truth of the matter is that the place hasn't had a quiet evening since the three occupants initially moved in.
What specifically pierces the otherwise idyllic scene of their spacious home does tend to vary depending on which of them claws the upper hand and inflicts their pastimes onto the others, but currently the disturbance comes from a rather passionate, if playful, debate between one Roxy Lalonde and one Dave Strider. The topic of conversation is a mystery to their other partner, but try as she might, Rose can't entirely ignore the sound of their voices; not least because the pair slam the door to her study open and call for her attention in unison, almost causing her to drop her drink halfway up to her lips.
There's a long second of silence as Rose slowly swivels her desk chair around, surveying her partners with an expression of mild but visible annoyance etched onto her features. She takes in a deep breath, cutting off Dave's first attempt at moving them along, before steepling her fingers and speaking with a level tone.
"Can I help you?"
Having opened the metaphorical floodgates, Rose has to stifle a snicker as both Roxy and Dave move to speak at the same time, sharing a challenging look between them before Roxy eventually wins out as the one who gets to convey their desires.
"We need you to measure our dicks."
A single eyebrow is raised, but Rose doesn't speak, instead turning to Dave for context.
"I dunno, Rose, seems pretty straightforward to me. What more do you gotta know vis a vis us needing to establish with hard numbers who gets to top? It's the most standard shit we've done in the past year, gonna have to put out a missing persons report for the shenanigans that are not to be found around here."
Roxy nods along with everything Dave says, pointing at them with an expectant look as if to convey the feeling of disbelief anyone could find that anything less than entirely compelling.
Seemingly unaffected, though, Rose un-steeples her fingers and tilts her head back in thought, speaking up with a notably less irritated tone to ensure they both know she's game, but not about to drop the snarky horseshit for no good reason.
"To be clear, the interruption to my solitude, derailing my writing process and likely starting me back at square one, is for a literal measuring contest?"
Once again, Roxy nods, giving Rose a double thumbs-up.
"Yeah! We determined through RIGOROUS scientific debate that it's the only fair way to break the tie, since we're both feelin' real rowdy."
"Gotta make the choice between femdom and themdom somehow, Rose. The people deserve an answer." Dave interjects, reaching up to adjust their shades idly as Rose surveys the two with a bemused expression.
The seconds tick by, with Rose matching the expectant expressions of her roommates with a dull one of her own, before she heaves a sigh and rolls her eyes.
"Oh, alright, I've hit a bit of writer's block anyway. Don't move, I think I have a ruler somewhere around here..." She holds up a finger to emphasise her words, sliding off her desk chair and padding over to a nearby surface, rifling through the disorganised contents for a few seconds before brandishing the item she'd gone off in search of; a clear plastic ruler, obtained for god knows what purpose and promptly abandoned after its usefulness had ended.
With that in hand, the real fun can begin; Rose flashes the other two a mischievous smile, the sort that might make them nervous under other circumstances, before practically sashaying over to them with the ruler tapping almost menacingly against her palm.
"Of course, a fair comparison can only be made if both contestants are performing to the extent of their abilities, don't you think? Hands behind your back, so they're out of the way." Rose instructs, waiting for the two to oblige before moving on; which they do, after sharing a faintly confused look.
Their confusion shifts to different reactions when Rose sets the ruler aside and uses both hands to yank down their pants in the same smooth motion- surprised delight on Roxy's face, and slightly apprehensive embarrassment on Dave's.
"With that in mind, I think it only fair that the both of you get fluffed, so to speak, before we bring the cold reality of empirical data settle in." She explains, giving the two another grin before settling down onto her knees in front of them, reaching up to nudge Dave back into place after they instinctively step to the side.
"Specifically, I'm going to give you a handjob, if that wasn't abundantly clear. Try not to interfere too much during this portion or the measuring portion."
"Pf. Yes, Ma'am." Dave responds, opening their mouth as if to go on some long rambling tirade of nonsense only to get cut off with a startled little squeak as Rose's hand wraps softly around their member, holding in place for a moment as she gives Roxy the same treatment, dragging a few happy sighs from the girl.
After Rose spends a second shifting on her knees to make sure she's comfortable, she starts humming under her breath, both hands moving in slow, measured strokes up and down. If it were anyone else, she'd be trying a little harder, but she has the luxury of knowing that she could've achieved this exact outcome just by lifting her shirt; Roxy and Dave are both a little excitable, in her experience, but doing something so simple wouldn't be nearly extra enough for as snarky a broad as her.
Besides, listening to her two darlings gasp and squeak as she picks up the pace is something she'll never tire of.
Of course, as fun as it is to watch the two squirm and shift about in an attempt to avoid interfering, all things must come to an end; though Rose lingers for longer than she really needs to, eventually she does need to lean away from the other two, snickering at the dual whines she receives as both Roxy and Dave shuffle forward on instinct, hips angled forwards and pricks both bobbing lightly in the suddenly empty air.
"On to the main event, then." Rose murmurs, more for her own benefit than theirs, before plucking up the ruler and using it to tap at both of them for a second; from the head of their cocks, to their hips, to their thighs. "Straighten up, keep still. You want an accurate measure, right?"
"I dunno, Rosie, right now I'm really wanting to- yowch!" Roxy's cut off by the ruler thwapping hard into her thigh, dragging a laugh out of Dave- only for them to just barely dance out of the way of the ruler whistling through the air towards them.
"Anyway." Rose clears her throat, first shifting up towards Roxy and extending her free hand to keep the girl still, then setting the ruler flush against her shaft and pursing her lips in thought. Roxy looks on, expectantly, but doesn't get any answers just yet- she huffs in annoyance as Rose just drifts over to Dave instead, offering them both a pout but otherwise waiting patiently to hear the verdict.
Rose repeats her tactic with Dave, of course, holding them still despite some shivering and grunting from them as the ruler is placed alongside their shaft. After nodding to herself in satisfaction, Rose shifts back up to her feet, brushing down her skirt and clearing her throat, purposefully moving with exaggerated slowness to keep them squirming for a little longer. Wise to their growing impatience, however, Rose speaks before too long, idly tapping the ruler against her thigh as she does.
"Roxy, you clock in at just shy of eight inches, impressive by any metric. Dave, you fell a little short, being just over six. Now, kindly leave me alone so I can at least make headway on this troublesome chapter."
Even while turning away and moving back to her seat, Rose catches the shit-eating grin on Roxy's face as she turns towards Dave, and nothing could muffle the whoop of victory that follows it.
With their answer obtained, one might expect that Roxy and Dave would return back to the sofa they'd absconded from in order to come and badger Rose, but one would be entirely incorrect in this assumption; in fact, Roxy dips over to snatch up the ruler that Rose just set carelessly aside, cementing her intention in taking care of her prize right there in the study. Why delay?
"FUCK yeah, we all knew who was gonna win the, uh. The... donger games?" Roxy taps the ruler against her chin, before shrugging. "Fuck it, donger games. Anyways- c'mere, momma wants that cute butt."
"Gimme a sec, I'm tryna remember literally any details of that movie so I can crack a joke about it. Pretty sure you're the only person on any Earth that remembers that shit." Dave retorts, cautiously shuffling over to Roxy, only pausing to kick off the pants that had pooled around their ankles, impeding their gait.
"It was a book series, first. Are you two not leaving?" Rose asks without looking up from her screen- and without expecting an answer, either.
"Someone's crabby. Hey, Dave, we gotta show Rosie some affection laters, she's all wound up or something."
"Yeah sure no problem, seems appropriate, but we should absolutely wait for her to come to us over it because otherwise she may literally cut one of us like we're in a bad horror movie with a really low budget, some real first college movie shit, amateur tier. Hey, Rose, you still have that extremely shitty old camcorder and can you hold it super unsteady-"
They're interrupted by Roxy grabbing them by the dick with an eyeroll, pulling them closer and giving them a nice shit-eating grin, stepping to the side and turning Dave in equal measure until she has easy access to the aforementioned cute butt, tapping the ruler against it lightly with a little giggle.
"So we're gonna get to my REAL prize first, but I think we should take care of the lil dick penalty first, which is totally a thing and not at all a thing I just made up 'cause I wanna pay some attention to your cute butt first." Roxy explains, tapping the ruler in place to further signify what she meant.
"Uh, gonna need to see the credentials on that one, officer. Where's that warrant for this butt? What does the judge say on this one huh, gonna need a second medical opinion here. Rose? Hey, Rose. Rose. Rose?"
After a few repeated intonations of her name, Rose groans, glaring over her shoulder at the two half-heartedly.
"Go right ahead, Roxy."
"Ha! Dumbass." Roxy taunts, winding her arm back and swinging the ruler back down with a firm WHAP, striking Dave's left cheek hard enough to make their hips jerk forward and their breath catch in their throat. Without delay or warning, the other cheek gets a similarly firm SMACK with the measuring tool, before it's tossed away in favour of Roxy's hands giving a few rapid-fire but fairly weak pap-pap-paps to drive home the lingering sting, as she giggles happily.
"Hehe. One for each inch I got on you! Now then..."
Before Dave can say anything more than the faint squeaks they'd let out with the spanking, Roxy whirls them back around to face her, both hands on their shoulders exerting a little pressure to get them to kneel.
"Momma wants her prize! C'mon, get your butt down there and get smooching."
A comment seems to be bubbling up in Dave's throat, but they kneel down obediently without saying it, reaching up to adjust their shades in a vain attempt at coming across as unaffected and cool as a cucumber.
Alas, the blush on their face and the rock-hard erection bobbing down below betray the truth.
"If you're gonna try and make me call you that then I'm gonna demand we go all the way and you try and breastfeed me-mmph." Dave's shut up by Roxy's dick pressing up against their lips, a giggle accompanying her light hip-grinding before she speaks back up.
"Sshhh... just get sucking, Dave."
With a dick already right up on their face, all Dave can do is dip in and do as they're told, wrapping their lips around Roxy's cockhead and reaching up with one hand to wrap around the base of her shaft, stroking in place and stifling a grin as she shudders and moans up above them.
Fingers tangle in Dave's hair as Roxy bends a little at the waist, eagerly pushing her hips forward softly in a gentle attempt at encouraging Dave to take her deeper; an encouragement that they don't need twice, putting their practised lips to use sliding further and further down Roxy's shaft with each head-bob downwards. It's hard to tell with the sunglasses, but their eyes shut in contentment, a few happy little sounds slipping from their mouth around the dick to betray their obvious, if protested, enjoyment of sucking dick as a casual pastime for an evening in.
"Ooh, yeah..." Roxy coos, her fingers untangling from Dave's hair so she can awkwardly pet at their cheek instead. "Yeaaahh, keep goin', you're so good at this.."
The praise works, as they're all fully aware; Dave flushes a slightly deeper red, their hands coming up to rest on Roxy's hips, steadying themself so they can duck their head even further down, deepthroating Roxy's dick and holding there for a few seconds, while Roxy squeaks and gasps out her enjoyment.
When Dave comes back up for a breather, Roxy whines in protest, hands digging back into their hair to drag them back down and her hips bucking to take control a little more firmly, shifting the pace from a sedate blowjob to something a little closer to a facefucking, much to the enjoyment of both parties involved.
(Not that Rose is necessarily objecting, despite her performative annoyance; while it's not the most productive background noise, she'd be lying if she said the glk-glk-glk of forceful oral isn't an absolute treat to listen to.)
A treat it may be, but it's not an especially lengthy one- after the lengthy foreplay of their playful wrestling before they came to get Rose involved, and the teasing handjob Rose had dished out once she had been dragged in, Roxy's been fairly close to hitting her peak for a long time, and having her dick sucked masterfully by someone she cares about quite deeply only pushes her even further.
"Hey, get ready, I'm gonna blow..." She coos, prompting Dave to lift one hand in a thumbs-up- all the encouragement Roxy needs, as she bottoms out hard enough to make Dave sputter a little, grinding their face into her crotch as she coos out louder, spurting a few hot ropes of seed straight into their throat.
By the time she pulls out, her dick already softening, Dave has to cough and huff a little, wiping their mouth on the back of their hand and giving Roxy a wet grin.
"Guess you really were happy to see me, huh?"
Roxy snorts, tousling Dave's hair with a dopey grin on her face. She's about to say something, but before she can, Rose clears her throat, swivelling her chair around to survey the other two with a red flush on her face and a faint tent in her skirt.
"Roxy. I think it's only fair that one of you come and take care of the little problem you've caused, and since Dave's already taken care of you..."
Roxy blinks, and then breaks out into a wider, grin, momentarily leaning down to check in on Dave.
"You good, babe?"
Once again, Dave responds with a thumbs-up, ambling up to their feet and trotting off to fetch their discarded pants, idly rubbing the still-lingering red marks Roxy had left behind.
"Go for it, stud. Come find me, I'll be hanging out on the couch all mysterious and horny for when you're done rigging shit by blowing the judge."
Not letting them get away that easy, Roxy bounces over and plants a smooch right on Dave's face, reaching down to smack their still-bared ass before giggling and trotting over to Rose, flashing the girl a wink before taking her place beneath the desk.
"Thank you, Roxy. Whenever you're ready."
And so, the evening progresses, with very little actual work getting done.
Not that anyone cares.