Work Text:
The first thing you notice is the pressure.
It’s been buidling up even more over the past few weeks since Shisui’s death (his murder, his eyes, his body, gone, gone, gone, gone, gone !).
You don’t know what to do, you don’t know who to turn to. You’re being pulled in different directions (you’re heir, you’re loyal, you are a tool ).
Before Shisui’s death (murdered for the sake of the village, for the sake of peace ), you had someone to talk to, if not someone who was in the know of what you were going through. You weren’t alone, the entire world wasn’t on your shoulders (because you're only fourteen).
But now with Shisui gone (taken from you before you were ready), Danzo’s expectations (Hokage-sama’s negligence ) has all turned to you.
Who will help you? Who will help the genius, if the genius himself did not know how to solve his problems? (but it shouldn’t be up to you to decide the life and death of your clan, you’re only fourteen )
You remember reading about Hashirama and Madara’s philosophy on peace, and you want it so much that it aches (but no one else seems to want little kids to live until adulthood, no one )
Why should you be punished with the title of kin-slayer? Why won’t anyone help ( you ).
You want to scream, cry, and run away, but you can’t. You’re held back by duty (to the clan, to the village).
But…
When they (clan members, council members, the Hokage) look at you, they don’t see your youth, instead they see a weapon (you’re only fourteen ). A weapon that has no feelings and no desires of its own, but to be used for the betterment of others (but not you, never you).
That feeling in your chest, (that pressure ) has always been there. There has never been a day that you haven’t felt it was hard to breath. That you haven’t laid in bed wishing that you never woke up. That you could just walk out the village and disappear like Hashirama. You don’t want to be here, you don’t want to exist (why am I alive? Why won’t I just stop b r e a t h i n g ).
There’s only one thread keeping you tied to the village (to living). Your brother. Your Innocent, naive, trusting (coddled) brother.
Your brother doesn’t know how ugly the world is. He doesn’t know how quickly he would be chewed up and spat out, all on the orders of someone who could order your death (Shisui’s death) at a moment's notice.
The only choice that you have, the only choice that you ever had in all of your years of living (only fourteen), was keeping your brother alive (but was that really a choice, or was it a way to control you).
The Hokage promised (but can you really trust him) to take care of your brother. To protect him and make sure that he wants for nothing. To make sure that he doesn't fall into Danzo's hands, to become a tree strangled by the roots of the village (you know what happened to Torune, no clan is safe).
You know, the night that you are to help kill 186 members of your family ( kin-slayer ), there would be 187 people that die that night because…
...you die as well at only fourteen years old.