Chapter Text
There are a few things that Tsukishima Kei is certain of. He keeps them like a list in his mind, something to ground him when he’s feeling lost and out of place in the world. Some of them are uplifting; they keep him going when things seem dark and life worthless. Some of them are to keep him humble- or, as humble as he can be, at least.
And one of them is earth-shattering, one he has to remind himself of constantly despite the way it makes him ache in his chest.
He is in love with Kuroo Tetsurou. Deeply, desperately, whole-heartedly. The man lingers in his mind for days after they see one another, and his teasing smirk appears unbidden in his mind when he’s in, ah, a vulnerable state in his lonely nights. He tosses and turns, imagining tanned hands slipping down his body, and spreading his legs; cat-like eyes staring down at him with the same concentration the man reserves for particularly tense volleyball matches. A deep voice whispering in his ear, calling him by the given name he rarely allows anyone else to call him.
It was worse when they were both still in highschool. Their teams would meet up for practice and Tsukishima could barely hold on to his head until he made it back to the safety of the nearest single bathroom after the matches and subsequent penalties.
But Kuroo graduated after that first year, and Tsukishima was limited to meeting up with him maybe a few times a year on special occasions, like when the Nekoma alumnus would come watch their games, or when Hinata dragged him and Yamaguchi along to hang out in the city, should some of the old frenemy team visit.
Those days were torturous, but Tsukishima lived for them all the same.
Another thing he knew- more devastating than the last- is that Kuroo Tetsurou was in a happy relationship with Kozume Kenma.
He’d seen the looks between them, hadn’t missed the post announcing that the two of them would be living together once Kenma graduated. He’d seen all the Instagram posts of the two of them out on dates, sharing meals and hugs and a life .
It wasn’t like Tsukishima was obsessed , or that’s what he told himself, anyway, as he stared far too long at the same photo of a sweaty, shirtless, sun-soaked Kuroo that he’d seen a million times already on his Instagram page. It was a candid shot, taken by Kenma himself, after the two of them had played a match of beach volleyball on vacation a summer ago. He was gorgeous, muscles flexed and grin cocky in the way that made Tsukishima’s heart jump into his throat.
He wants to keep scrolling, but there’s a drop of sweat in the picture that’s stuck rolling down his adam’s apple, shining just right with the angle of the sun overhead. Tsukishima wishes he had been there. Wishes he could taste that drop of sweat on his tongue as he licked it away; sucked on that patch of skin until it was dark and visible to anyone who laid eyes on Kuroo. Wanted to feel the way it bobbed when Kuroo swallowed under his tongue.
But it was Kenma’s picture. Because Kenma was there .
Jealousy was a nasty thing, he knew. His mother used to tell him, when he was young, that jealousy could be deadly if allowed to fester. He had never believed her, and in the last two years it had grown and gotten worse and worse inside him.
A tickle started in the back of his throat when he finally scrolled on and saw the post below it: Kenma was staring at his Switch, looking as deadpan as was normal for him, and Kuroo had his arms thrown around the shorter man’s shoulders, and his lips pressed firmly to Kenma’s cheek and nose wrinkled in what looked like held back laughter. Tsukishima knew he’d hate it if Kuroo pulled something like that on him. He had never wanted anything more in his life.
The tickle grew urgently stronger in an instant, and his body went stiff and shot up from his relaxed position in bed, chest heaving violently as coughs tore from him. It burned, and didn’t let up, and he couldn’t breathe , and briefly he wished that he still lived at home because that meant someone would hear him and help . Something was stuck at the base of his throat, and he could feel it slipping up and up with every cough. Panic rushed over him at the same time heat rushed to his face at the lack of oxygen, and he scrambled to jump out of the bed and to the bathroom, just as the thing lodged in his throat reached the top.
With a few more coughs, the thing freed itself, and he hacked it up painfully and watched- in horror- as a bright red carnation petal flung itself from his lips and landed in the toilet with a quiet pap . Bright red blood bloomed out in the water around it, too, and Tsukki’s hand flew to his lips and came away again smeared with blood.
Fuck , he thought, eyes wide and hands beginning to shake as he alternated between looking at the petal and his own bloodstained fingers, mom was right .
The coughs faded, after that, and he made himself move to the kitchen to slowly down a glass of water to ease the pain. It didn’t. Nor did the cough drop he tried to suck on for the next half hour. That one made him a bit sleepy, though, and it was past midnight. So, he moved back to bed, shaken and drained, and pointedly did not look at his phone again for the rest of the night.
He didn’t need a doctor. He knew what was wrong; Hanahaki was not a new disease, and though it was rare it was not unheard of. The cure, he knew, was either expensive and dangerous surgery, or admitting his feelings to the person he desired. And, well, he wasn’t exactly able to do that , was he?
He had a while, at least, to sort out the procedure. Plus, it wasn’t as if he had to worry about it progressing too quickly. He didn’t see Kuroo often, and he just had to… limit his exposure to the other man’s life. So, with an ache in his heart and a burn in his throat, he unfollowed both Kuroo and Kenma on all of their social media later the next day. He coughed quietly when he did, but managed to keep down the petal trying to slip up for the moment.
He blocked them both, too, for good measure, and tried to go about his day without sparing the other man a thought. But the problem was, trying not to think of a person generally had the exact opposite effect. He didn’t have classes; it was spring break and he was just stuck in his apartment until college life resumed.
Trying to go out to get coffee and distract himself didn’t go well, because his mind wandered as he sat alone in the corner booth, and memories of the last time Hinata dragged him out was to a little cafe like this one. Kuroo had gotten a latte, and the barista had made a beautiful leaf with the foam, and Kenma had taken a sip, and oh God Tsukishima couldn’t breathe.
His drink was knocked off the table with the speed that he flung himself from the seat, and much as he tried to apologize to the poor, confused baristas, the only thing that escaped through his gritted teeth was a painful cough. Pricks of heat burst in his eyes as fresh tears welled up, and he rushed off to the bathroom to lock himself in and cough and gag over the toilet.
Three petals, this time. More blood than before, too, and hot tears were dripping steadily from his cheeks and steaming up his glasses to blur his vision. The crimson petals and swirling blood looked vaguely like watercolor like that, and it might almost be pretty if he weren’t so dizzy and lightheaded from the lack of consistent airflow.
“Sir?” called a quiet, feminine voice from behind the door, “Are you alright? Should I call an ambulance?”
Tsukishima groaned, regretted it when it made his throat ache, and moved shakily to back to his feet from his kneeling position by the toilet.
“That isn’t necessary.” He replied, wincing as he swallowed around the burn. “Asthma.” He lied, glancing back to the toilet and grimacing at the petals there. He flushed them down, and then moved to clean himself up at the sink. A drop of blood had managed to land on his white tee, just his luck.
“Alright… We’ve cleaned up the coffee, and if you’d like another cup we can make you one…” the woman offered, sounding nervous and empathetic.
He didn’t like it. He hated being pitied.
“No, thank you,” he answered back, finally pulling open the door and staring down at the poor brunette girl and giving her his fakest, most saccharine-sweet smile. “I think I’ll go home and rest. I appreciate your concern.” He bowed, and she mirrored the action with a worried smile of her own and then stepped out of his way.
The trip home was brutal; packed in a train with too many other people and trying to ignore the shuddering of his lungs. He couldn’t have an attack here. Nobody knew him, sure, but the last thing he needed was for a stranger to call an ambulance if he passed out.
Small, withheld coughs escaped him nonetheless, never passing his lips and only coming out in harsh exhales through his nose. One woman seemed to notice, and glanced shyly over at him every time he had an outburst. He did his best not to glare at her directly , and was glad he hadn’t gone too far from home when he rushed off the train at the next station.
His hand reached into his pocket as soon as the station was around the corner behind him, and he ducked into a nearby alleyway and pulled out his phone as he leaned against the wall of some bar. His fingers shook, chest wracking with the effort to hold back the petals itching to come up out of his lungs, and he sank down the wall to the ground just as the contact he was looking for appeared on his screen.
The number was dialed, and he let loose a few coughs to just
try
and clear away some of the discomfort before the line was answered.
“Tsukki? Hey, man, what’s- are you okay?”
Tsukishima hadn’t quite been able to shake off the coughs before Yamaguchi answered, and winced at the concerned edge his best friend’s voice suddenly took on upon hearing his painful wheezing.
“Y-Yamaguchi… are you- fuck- are you home?” He managed between short fits, gritting his teeth at the way he couldn’t seem to hold it back anymore.
“Yeah, yeah, Tsukki, what the fuck is going on? Where are you? I’m coming to get you-”
Tsukishima could hear the rustling as Yamaguchi presumably stood from wherever he was and pulled something on; a jacket, maybe.
“Station… block away from… my house…” Kei replied, eyes clenching and brows drawing together in frustration. It had only been a day . It shouldn’t be this bad . Maybe Yamaguchi could take his mind off it. At the very least, he could get him home .
“I’m not hanging up until I get there. I should be there in, ah, ten minutes if I run? Just… try and get it out, yeah? Breathe as slow as you can, when you can, okay? Hang in there, I’m on my way.” Yamaguchi said, trying to keep calm despite the way his voice was raising steadily in pitch.
The petals in Tsukishima’s lungs finally knocked loose, and started their slow, burning path up his throat. Every desperate, broken inhale made them flutter inside his windpipe, and he could feel the tickle start to burn as they climbed higher and higher. The noises he made, high and reedy when he tried to breathe in between each cough, were embarrassing and ugly to his own ears, but he couldn’t make it stop . God, his eyes and face were burning again, and the hand that was not currently occupied with his phone at his ear moved to pound violently at his chest to try and knock it loose faster . Give him some relief.
But it did little to help his case.
“Can… can you tell me what’s going on? Tsukki, you’re really scaring me here.” Yamaguchi must have made it outside already, because he sounded like he was running already. His voice wavered slightly as he went, and his breath was just a little heavier from effort.
“Can’t- can’t breathe , Yama-” Kei sobbed out, cursing himself internally at the way he just felt so terrified and helpless. He could feel it hit the back of his throat in just exactly the wrong way, and his eyes shot open as he scrambled to his knees and dropped the phone. It clattered on the cement, skittering barely a foot away but not hanging up.
“Tsukki!” He heard vaguely, but he was too busy gagging around the flower and finally retching petals and blood and the small amount of latte he’d drunk from the cafe.
The mess wasn’t too bad, but he ached all the way to the base of his
spine
with how hard his muscles had spasmed and seized to get it all out. He gagged a few more times, and gasped in huge lungfuls of breath now that the passage was clear, and then slumped pitifully back against the wall.
Yamaguchi was practically screaming now, loud enough to be heard clearly from the spot Tsukishima’s phone still sat.
The blonde reached out, fingers trembling, and brought it back closer to him without putting it back to his ear. Tadashi might blow out his eardrums if he did.
“I’m okay.” Tsukishima croaked, hearing his friend quiet down again before holding the phone up properly again. “I can… breathe again.”
“Dude, what the fuck is going on? Are you sick or something? Do you need a hospital-”
“No!” Kei snapped, followed by a pitiable whimper at the way his throat seemed to swell and even make his sinuses hurt. His head was pounding, too. A side effect of oxygen deprivation, he figured miserably. “Just… I can’t talk… now… help me get h-home, okay?”
Yamaguchi was quiet for a moment, other than the steady panting from running. Tsukishima could imagine the way his lips were pursing with irritation, and it made him feel a little guilty.
But right now, for once, Tsukishima genuinely could not keep up with conversation. He could still feel hot blood trickling uncomfortably down his throat and didn’t want to damage his throat more than he already had.
“Okay, Tsukki. I’m almost there. Can you text me exactly where you are? Don’t hang up, just keep breathing or… or tap the mic or something so I know you’re still there, okay?” Tadashi said, sounding a little out of breath himself. He must have been running pretty fast if he was almost there already.
Yamaguchi was a damn good friend.
Tsukishima tapped the mic twice as he pulled it from his ear and hit the home button, minimizing the call screen and bringing up his messages. He typed out the name of the bar he was leaning against, some place called The Rooster and, ha, wasn’t that just an ironic slap to the face.
“Okay, yeah, I know where that is.” Yamaguchi said after a moment, and Tsukishima just tapped the mic again. “I’m just around the corner, now.”
Tsukishima just kept tapping every couple seconds, hearing Tadashi panting heavily on the other line, and then after another minute or so he heard the heavy footfalls of someone running nearby. The steps slowed down just outside the alleyway, and then a loud gasp sounded from the mouth of it and a figure, blurred by Tsukishima’s thick tears, rushed towards him.
“Jesus, Tsukki, you look terrible!” Yamaguchi snapped, kneeling beside him and gingerly pressing his fingers to the blonde’s forehead.
“Thanks. That’s exactly what I was going for.” Tsukishima croaked back, trying to glare at his friend but failing miserably since he couldn’t even see him properly. And then he realized, ah, his glasses were missing. Must have lost them when he vomited, and when his head lazily drifted to the side he could see the vague shape of them off to his right.
“You should have called sooner, I could-” Yamaguchi trailed off, and when Tsukishima looked back at him, he could see that he wasn’t looking in his direction anymore. No. He’d followed Kei’s line of sight to his glasses, and then he’d seen it.
“Oh, Tsukki…” he breathed, slowly reaching over Tsukishima to grab the glasses. He gently wiped the frames on his shirt, but carefully avoided the lenses so as not to scratch them, and then slipped them into Kei’s hand. “Who is it?”
Tsukishima grimaced, and fixed the glasses back on his face before levelling Yamaguchi with an irate glare and staying silent. His best friend just sighed, rolled his eyes, and pulled one of Tsukishima’s arms over his shoulder to help him stand.
“Yeah, okay, you don’t have to talk. Yet. But as soon as we get you home we are
discussing
this. If you have to write it all out on
paper
you are telling me what the fuck is up with you.” Yamaguchi groused, guiding Tsukishima to the mouth of the alley.
The walk home was an entirely one-sided conversation. At least Tsukishima could breathe again, but his whole body was aching and exhausted now. The moment Yamaguchi set him down on his bed, Kei collapsed against his pillow and threw an arm over his eyes.
“Okay. I know I said we’d talk as soon as we got here but, uh, I’m gonna make you some tea, for your throat. You better not fall asleep, Tsukki. If you expect me to keep helping you, you’re going to have to give me an idea of what’s happening.” Tadashi said, voice stern in a way that Tsukki knew meant he cared.
When it came to Yamaguchi, Tsukishima didn’t mind the empathy, because for Yamaguchi, it was always genuine.
His friend left the room after Kei gave him a half-hearted thumbs up, and he did his best to breathe evenly while he still had the chance. It occurred to him that he hadn’t had so much as a tickle while Yamaguchi was here, and he sighed out as he thanked some God or another for having such an amazing friend. He could hear him moving around in the kitchen, soft clinks of glass sounding out to him and telling him that there were two cups being prepared.
Resting wasn’t so much an option as a necessity, and although he didn’t actually fall asleep, he did close his eyes and relaxed his aching body as much as he could. The sensations were unpleasant, but a good distraction from the current burden on his mind. But… then again, he wasn’t sure well he’d make it through his explanation to Yamaguchi, and dread crept up his spine at the thought of another attack so soon.
The sound of his bedroom door swinging open again had his eyes slowly falling open again, and then shifting to watch Tadashi shuffle back in with a cup of tea in each hand, and a bottle of painkillers tucked under his arm. Sitting up was a bit of a struggle, but he managed to do so quick enough to make room on the bed for the other man.
“Take some of these first.” Yamaguchi insisted, setting the steaming cups on the bedside table and uncapping the pill bottle to shake a few out.
“Thanks.” He rasped out, and then hissed when regret hit him hard at the pain it caused. He accepted the pills and looked over to his cup. It was steaming still, but looked milky unlike Yamaguchi’s. Except he didn’t usually drink cream in his tea, so he shot his companion a quizzical look.
“Um, so you don’t… burn your tongue… taking the pills.” Tadashi explained, leaving his own cup alone for the moment to let it cool. A smile spread on his lips when Kei just shrugged in acceptance and took the pills, then swallowed them down around a slow sip of the sweet tea. Honey, he recognized, and it did wonders to soothe the awful dryness in his throat.
Tadashi waited for the cup to be set back down, and then shifted a little uncomfortably on the bed. His eyes fell to his lap, trying not to overwhelm Tsukishima with too much close observation.
“So. Can you tell me?” Yamaguchi asked, looking for all the world like he hated asking the question at all. That they had to be here , with Tsukishima in so much pain and misery, and his best friend almost completely in the dark. “Don’t… try to talk, though, um, you could… text me?”
Tsukishima looked away, considering his options for a moment. Of course Tadashi had known about his crush on Kuroo back in the day, but they hadn’t really talked about it since Kuroo and Kenma had gotten together. He probably assumed that Tsukishima had moved on. And he’d never been the type to spill deep secrets, anyway. Yamaguchi was his confidant, and he was all Tsukishima really had at the moment.
He nodded, slowly, and pulled his phone back out of his pocket.
“Okay. Good. Uh, I’ll keep it simple for you, okay? How long has it been? Since you started coughing?” Yamaguchi asked.
‘Since yesterday’
“Have you seen a doctor?”
‘No’
“ Will you see a doctor?”
‘Probably not’
Yamaguchi gave him a glare for that, and opened his mouth to… probably berate him, but he huffed out a frustrated breath instead and asked another question instead.
“Will you tell me who it is?”
Tsukishima took a little longer to answer that one, just staring at the screen of his phone for a minute or so. And then slowly, hesitant, he typed out an answer and turned the phone for Yamaguchi to see.
‘Kuroo’
“Wait, really?” Yamaguchi asked, eyebrows just about shooting up into his hairline. His eyes darted back and forth between Tsukishima’s screen and his face- until Tsukishima started to cough a little bit again. “Whoa, hey, drink your tea, man, breathe.” He said, as soothing as he could, and a hand shot out to grip the blonde’s shoulder and keep him steady.
“Sorry, um, I didn’t… mean to make it start up again.” he said, expression apologetic. He seemed pleased when Tsukishima picked up his cup again, swallowing a few sips of the tea. The coughs subsided, and the cup was set back on the table.
Just as Kei thought. Yamaguchi really was a good cure for the coughing. Tsukishima looked up at his friend for a long moment, neither of them really sure what to say. Just when it seemed like Yamaguchi was going to say something, though, Tsukishima adjusted his position on the bed and dropped his head heavily onto Yamaguchi’s shoulder.
“Can you… stay?” He whispered, feeling vulnerable and useless. And the way he’d cried today, in public, completely out of his control… it scratched at part of his pride, too.
Yamaguchi was stiff; most definitely startled by the sudden proximity. Tsukishima was worried he might pull away at first, until an arm came up and wrapped loosely around his shoulder.
“Yeah. Of course, Tsukki. Do you… wanna play some games or something? Or watch a movie?”
And part of Tsukishima did. It sounded like a good distraction, and losing track of time listening to Yamaguchi give commentary on some boring movie or another would certainly calm him down… But…
He needed something better than that.
His chin tilted upwards a bit, angling himself to meet Tadashi's eyes, and he let the last wall crumble between them.
"Distract me." He murmured, holding Yamaguchi's gaze even as his hand slid over to grab his friend's unoccupied wrist and dragged it back to rest on Kei's thigh. His eyes flickered down for a moment when Yamaguchi swallowed, and his adam's apple bobbed.
Just as he imagined Kuroo's would. But Kuroo wasn't here. Yamaguchi was.
"... You sure, Tsukki? It's… we haven't… in a while…" Tadashi breathed, face quickly growing flushed. His hand kept still, just resting on his best friend’s thigh and not moving any further until he was given a sure go-ahead.
Tsukishima didn’t bother to answer verbally, though, just leaned forward further and wrapped his lips and tongue around a patch of skin on Yamaguchi’s throat and sucked it softly. Encouraging. It seemed to work, when Yamaguchi’s hand finally moved to slip up the front of Tsukishima’s shirt and wandered shyly over his abdomen. And then it pressed firmly, and Kei backed off with a frustrated sigh and a weak glare.
“Don’t give me that, Tsukki. I’m not saying no, but I just want you to finish your tea first. And I need to shower, I did run to pick you up, earlier.” Yamaguchi admonished, but tipped forward to press a sweet, lingering kiss to Tsukishima’s lips all the same.
Tsukishima’s expression softened, and he acquiesced to his friend’s instructions and picked up his cup again to delicately sip at it.
“Good. I’ll make it quick. You just… stay here and relax. Finish your tea. It’ll help.”
Yamaguchi stood, then, and made his way through the familiar apartment to fetch himself a towel. When he passed back through Tsukishima’s room to the adjoining, Western style bathroom, he smiled at his best friend, and then slipped through the bathroom door.
A lock didn’t click into place, Tsukishima noticed. A sign of how close their friendship was, he supposed. But he took it instead as an invitation.
The cup of tea wasn’t particularly big, and while Tsukishima didn’t chug it, exactly, he didn’t waste time drinking it down. It only took another minute or two, and it did hurt a little that he tried to drink it so fast, but he didn’t care. He could hear the shower running, and Yamaguchi wasn’t usually one to waste time. The moment the cup was empty, it was abandoned back on the nightstand and he stood up quietly off the bed.
His socks were the first to go, kicked off as soon as he was vertical, and then his thin sports jacket. His white, bloodstained tee was tossed somewhere vaguely in the direction of the laundry basket. His left hand silently turned the bathroom doorknob, and his right pulled his belt free of its buckle. There was no indication that Yamaguchi heard him enter, so he popped open the button on his pants and slipped them off as quietly as he could manage- along with his boxers.
Yamaguchi jumped a little when Tsukishima inched back the curtain, careful to not let the hot spray splash over the floor. He stepped in, eyes glued to Tadashi’s face. Bright red crawled up his cheeks and down his chest, and he sputtered when Tsukishima reached forward and curled his fingers in Yamaguchi’s wet hair. Silky. Must have just conditioned.
“Tsukki! I told you to-” Yamaguchi was cut off before he could finish his thought. Tsukishima had had enough, and tilted his head downwards to catch his friend’s lips in another slow kiss just to shut him up.
Yamaguchi tasted the tea and honey fresh off Tsukishima’s lips, though, and huffed out in mild irritation against him. Even still, his hands moved to the blonde’s hips and urged him to step closer.
“Would… have liked to lay you down, Kei....” Yamaguchi breathed, arms winding securely around Tsukishima’s waist and rubbing sweetly at the small of his back. Tsukishima just frowned a little and swooped back in for another kiss, one hand moving down Yamaguchi’s front to trace his fingers along the length of his cock. It was already a bit stiff, and Tsukishima thought that his friend had already started to imagine what they’d have done in the room had he not derailed that plan.
Yamaguchi hummed, content, and began touching Tsukishima in earnest. His right hand slid around a slim hip to squeeze at an ass cheek, and the left moved up to thumb at a nipple just exactly the way he knewTsukishima liked. His efforts were rewarded with a shiver and a raspy moan, and Tsukishima lightly pressed the tip of his index finger against the slit of Yamaguchi’s cock and rubbed there in small circles.
“Fuck, Tsukki…” Tadashi moaned, digging his nails into the meat of Tsukishima’s ass and pinching his nipple a little meaner. He finally pulled back from the kiss, and instead dropped his head down to kiss down the column of the blonde’s throat. He wasn’t in love with Tsukishima, but he’d had his longings all the same, and Kei really was gorgeous . It had been almost a year since the last time they’d slept together, but Yamaguchi still knew what made his best friend tick. It was just comfort, for both of them. Or so Yamaguchi told himself.
Tsukishima hissed when Yamaguchi’s teeth suddenly sank into his shoulder at the same time one finger slipped to press insistently against the rim of his hole. It didn’t quite slip in, though, Yamaguchi knew the water wasn’t enough to lubricate him properly. But Tsukishima leaned into it all the same, biting his own lower lip and choking out a moan when Yamaguchi’s tongue laved hotly over the bite mark on his shoulder.
“How do you want me, Kei?” Yamaguchi murmured against his skin, hips rolling lazily into the hand that had wrapped around his cock and was stroking him slowly to full erection.
“Now. Hard.” Tsukishima answered, a little easier as the pain pills started to kick in and lessen the strain on his throat.
“Lube?”
“Right there.”
“Of course you keep lube right next to your body wash.” Yamaguchi snorted, snatching up the bottle regardless and pressing one more searing kiss to Tsukishima before pushing him to turn around.
Tsukishima went easily, and leaned against the wall on the far side of the shower, away from the spray. It was colder, and his nipples perked up in response. He didn’t have to wait long for Yamaguchi’s attention, though; as soon as a good amount of lube was spread over his fingers, the bottle was set aside and slick digits were rubbing over his hole again. Yamaguchi’s other hand slid around Tsukishima’s front and spread wide over his left pec to pull him back flush to Yamaguchi’s chest.
“Want me to talk?” Tadashi asked, voice low in Kei’s ear. He pressed a finger into the blonde anyway, without waiting for the answer. He knew Tsukishima wouldn’t tolerate stalling much longer.
Tsukishima’s head dropped forward at that with a low groan, hips rocking backward and one hand reaching back to tangle in dark, silky wet locks again. The back of his neck opened up to Yamaguchi, who wasted no time sealing his teeth over the nape and sucking a bruise into the skin.
“Yeah...” Tsukishima barely whispered, but let out a louder curse when a second finger slipped in along with the first, a bit easier than Yamaguchi expected.
“You’re doing so good, Tsukki. I’m gonna take good care of you. Make you feel so much better.” Yamaguchi started, sliding his fingers along inside of Tsukishima and stretching him steadily open.
Tsukishima shuddered and nodded; bit down on his lower lip and tightened his grip in Yamaguchi’s hair a little. The position was a bit uncomfortable, though, and he let go to instead lean forward and brace himself against the wall. The fingers inside him stilled at his movement, giving him time to get comfortable, and for a moment Tsukishima wished that he could have just fallen for his best friend. Yamaguchi was always there for him. Always so considerate, and caring, and Tsukishima knew that he’d make him happy.
And instead, he was practically killing himself over a man who had already found his happiness with someone else .
The tickle came back in Tsukishima’s throat, making him whine in frustration and press his forehead against the tile wall- harder than necessary, just enough to hurt a little to bring him back.
“You doing alright, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked, carefully draping his shower-warm chest over Tsukishima’s back and reaching down with his free hand to rub soothing circles in his hip.
“Don’t stop.” Tsukishima bit out, voice strained in his effort to hold back the cough that tried to come up. He winced at his own tone; felt bad that he was starting to snap at his best friend that was only here to help him. “Sorry, just… I… don’t want to think.”
Yamaguchi sighed behind him, pressing a soft kiss to Tsukishima’s shoulder. And then he sank his teeth into the spot a little harshly and finally slipped a third finger into him. Tsukishima whined, pushing his hips back into the stretch. The tickle persisted in his throat, but didn’t intensify any further.
“Almost there. Just hang on a little bit longer for me, okay? Can you do that for me?” Yamaguchi purred, doing his best to bring Kei back to the moment.
“No.” Tsukishima answered, chest heaving as he tried to keep breathing evenly. “I want to feel it. I’m ready. Please, Yama…” His eyes started to burn again, and he clenched them shut tightly to fend off the tears that threatened to spill over. A small cough escaped him, despite his best efforts to hold it back, and Yamaguchi gripped his hip a little harder.
“Shh, it’s alright, Tsukki. I’ve got you.” Yamaguchi soothed, pressing kisses all over Tsukishima’s shoulder as he pulled his fingers free.
Tsukishima mourned the loss, a quiet moan falling from his lips and one hand dropping from the wall to reach down and palm lightly at his own cock. And then he felt Yamaguchi’s slick, stiff erection rubbing up between his cheeks. The way it dragged, tantalizing, over his hole made Tsukishima shiver, his own cock twitching at the promise of getting what he so badly needed.
“Sure you’re ready?” Tadashi asked, a little breathless when the head of his dick caught on the hot rim of Tsukishima’s hole.
“Yes! Yama- ah! Fuck!” Kei gasped, back arching when Yamaguchi finally pushed the head into him. The stretch felt good, and he craned his neck to look behind him and catch the other man’s eyes.
“Feels good, Kei…” Yamaguchi moaned, then leaned his chin on Tsukishima’s shoulder and smiled sweetly at him. He moved slow, but steady; sank into the blonde in one long, drawn out thrust forward. They both let out shaky breaths when Yamaguchi was fully seated, hips pressed firmly against Tsukishima’s ass. It wasn’t the best position to go as deep as he could, but it was good enough for now.
Still better than the silicone toys that Tsukishima could never fully satisfy himself with.
“Hurry up before the water gets cold.” Kei said, voice more high-pitched and breathy than usual- more needy. He wanted more, and he wanted it now .
“Yeah… I’ve got you. Whatever you need.” Yamaguchi replied. He drew back, then; planted his hands firmly on Tsukishima’s hips and held him still to pull back out of him. When he snapped forward again, it was fast and rough and Tsukishima sobbed .
Yamaguchi didn’t waste time after that. He fucked into Tsukishima steadily, just quick enough to keep the blonde in the present, but careful all the same. The steam from the hot shower made sweat quickly bead up on their skin, and they were both pink from head to toe.
Tsukishima shook as he was braced against the wall, losing himself to the feeling of Yamaguchi’s cock filling him up so perfectly . The tip dragged against his prostate every time Tadashi pulled back and thrust back forward again, and Tsukishima felt his own cock twitch dribble out precome over his fingers.
“I missed you, Tsukki... So much... You know I’m always here for you, right? Ah- And… and you can call me… whenever you need me… Fuck, any time...” Yamaguchi managed, panting hard and using his hold on Tsukishima’s hips to yank him back into every thrust.
Tsukishima wasn’t usually particularly loud in bed already, but even still he was so much quieter than before. Sharp gasps were punched out of him at every harder snap up into him, but with his throat aching so bad his moans were soft and easy to miss through the sound of their skin slapping together. His eyes finally broke from Yamaguchi’s when he slumped back over and pressed his cheek against the cool tile, wet with condensation.
Kisses and bites were spread over his shoulders and neck again, something that Tsukishima would be able to catch in the mirror and remind him of after Yamaguchi was gone. Something that would be grounding. He hoped. He’d need to give him more in front, too. Easier to see without having to twist around.
“Kei, I’m gonna turn you around.” Yamaguchi muttered, stilling himself for a moment to pull back and coax Tsukishima into the position he wanted him: back pressed against the wall and one long leg hiked up in the crook of Yamaguchi’s arm.
“Can I kiss you some more?” he asked, lining up his cock against the shiny, red rim of Tsukishima’s hole again and sinking back in. Tsukishima just whined softly in response and wrapped both arms around Yamaguchi’s shoulders to keep himself steady, then bent his neck downward and traced his tongue across the other man’s lower lip hotly.
Yamaguchi took the permission for what it was and met Tsukishima’s tongue with his own, then sealed their lips together and did his best to kiss the breath out of him. He fucked him a little slower, a little deeper, moaning at the way Tsukishima’s muscles fluttered around him in his pleasure. The blonde’s cock dragged precum down Yamaguchi’s abdomen with every thrust, pressed together as they were.
Tsukishima rolled his hips down to meet Yamaguchi and drag him in a little deeper. His kisses were getting sloppier, and his brows were drawn tightly together over closed eyes. He was getting close, and Yamaguchi wanted nothing more than to watch him crash over the edge and go loose and relaxed against him.
He broke away from the kiss, and then reached up and curled a first into Tsukishima’s hair and pulled. Tsukishima keened when his head snapped back, cock twitching, as Tadashi brushed his lips against his ear and whispered heatedly into it.
“Touch yourself, Kei.”
His grip didn’t let up in the damp blonde hair- kept Tsukishima in place for him to start sucking and biting bruises into his throat and collarbone. There was no gentleness to his thrusting now, just giving them what they both wanted and pushing them closer to the edge.
Tsukishima obeyed the command quickly, shifting his weight to hand off Yamaguchi with one arm while his other hand flew to jerk himself in time with Yamaguchi fucking up into him.
“I’m… f-fuck, Tadashi, I’m close… ah-” Tsukishima warned, hips jerking unevenly as pleasure wracked up his spine, and heat coiled low in his pelvis. He felt dizzy with it, and… just for a moment, he slipped.
Behind his closed eyes, unbidden images came of dark hair and large hands and a smirk that made his heart stop and his cock throb . Yamaguchi buried inside him just then, deep and hard and perfect and bit down into the meat of his shoulder. Tsukishima imagined a different set of teeth and a different cock and deeper moans and lost it . Tears slipped down his cheek and he cried out brokenly and came , jerking his head to the side as his vision went white and cum splattered across both their chests.
He was vaguely aware of Yamaguchi’s answering moan when Tsukishima tightened around him in waves and set off his own orgasm. He filled the blonde up the way he knew he wanted, sucking marks into his skin all the while. Tsukishima floated back to reality slowly, dizzy and exhausted, just leaning heavily into Yamaguchi as he pulled out and guided him back under the lukewarm spray.
“Let’s clean you up and get you in bed, huh?” Yamaguchi murmured softly, grabbing Tsukishima’s loofah and squeezing body wash onto it.
The whole time Yamaguchi soaped him down, his eyes refused to meet Tsukishima’s, and when he turned away to start washing himself, the blonde frowned and draped himself over the shorter man.
“Thank you, Yamaguchi. I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Tadashi was quiet, and made no effort to look back at his friend. He was a little stiff, too, but dutifully cleaned himself all the same.
“I said his name, didn’t I?”
Yamaguchi sighed and paused, reaching back with his unoccupied hand to find and tangle with Tsukishima’s.
“Honestly, Tsukki, it’s okay. I’m not upset about that. I’m upset that you’re sick and that… I can’t make you better. I can’t solve this problem for you, and I don’t want to lose you because I know you’re stubborn and you’ll probably do anything you can not to just take the damn easy way out and confess.” Yamaguchi admitted, finally setting aside the loofah and just letting the spray rinse the rest of the soap off.
Tsukishima hadn’t expected the lecture, but he knew that Yamaguchi was speaking from the heart. He loved Kuroo, but he couldn’t have him. There was nothing to be done.
And he coughed again, quietly, against Yamaguchi’s back. His best friend just turned to look at him with a sympathetic smile and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.
“Yeah. That’s what I mean.” Tadashi finished.
The shower was turned off after that, and they dried off in relative silence. Much as Tsukishima didn’t like going to bed with damp hair, he no longer had the energy to keep awake. He crashed onto the bed as soon as he was suitably dry, still completely nude and just tossing his towel lazily across the room.
“Don’t be gross, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi groused, frowning over at the blonde and picking the damp towel up off the ground to hang it neatly back on the drying rack in the bathroom along with his own. On his way back into the bedroom, he scooped up Tsukishima’s discarded clothes from earlier and dropped them into the laundry basket in the corner.
“Don’t spoil me, Yamaguchi. I might get used to it and really fall for you.” Tsukishima muttered, watching his best friend with his face half-buried in a pillow. Yamaguchi just laughed and went to crawl up beside him on the bed, manhandling Tsukishima’s body like a ragdoll to get the comforter pulled up over them both.
“You know, that would probably solve this problem, but I don’t think it’s that easy. If cleaning up your laundry is spoiling you, then what do you call what we just did in the shower?”
“Mental health services?”
“Oh, so I’m your therapist now?”
“Thought you knew that already.”
Yamaguchi laughed again, and Tsukishima gave him a small, tired smirk. The smaller man threw his arm around Kei’s waist and hauled him closer until they were pressed firmly together. Tsukishima laid his head on Yamaguchi’s chest and closed his eyes, breathing a little easier with the steady sound of his best friend’s heart thumping away in his ear.
“Your hair’s gonna get me wet again, Tsukki.”
“Shut up and go to sleep.”
“Mmkay. G’night. Wake me up if you need anything or so help me I will keep you in bed all day tomorrow.”
“Kinky.”
He got a light smack to the head at that, and then felt Yamaguchi shift to press a soft kiss to his crown.
“Sleep well, Kei.”
He didn’t, but it was better than when he’d been alone.