Work Text:
“007, why are you driving a boat through the harbour?”
“I’m piloting this yacht because it’s too bloody big to leave drifting as a navigational hazard. The harbour patrol would notice and there’s a dozen dead bodies aboard. I assume you don’t want an international incident...”
“Q, tell him it’d only be his third this year and...”
“Alec, shut up and make sure the deck is clear. Q, find out where this wallowing scow normally docks, will you? We'll look suspicious if we just wander about like this too much longer.”
“Too late, James, harbour patrol incoming. Q, got any long-distance lasers?”
“Fuck. Alec, can you divert them somehow? We can’t let them board us.”
“007, head to the northern section of the harbour, to a marina called the Golden Seas.”
“Right. Alec?”
“Just steer us straight and leave the distraction to me.”
“006, why are you stripping that corpse?”
“Q, have you got a drone in the air somewhere? If so, you might want to avert your tender gaze...”
“006, why are you stripping?”
“Take a deep breath, quartermaster, I’m about to engage in a distraction guaranteed to send them away.”
“You’re...tell me you’re not actually...”
“Stop snickering, James, and please explain to our poor innocent quartermaster while I shout angrily at the fools who’ve dared to interrupt our erotic escapades.”
“Well, Q, when a boy likes another boy...”
“007!”
“No, quartermaster, Alec is not going to engage in sexual congress with a fresh corpse. But the harbour patrol won’t interfere with a rich man’s pleasure cruise, either. They know where their bribes come from, especially when they’re reminded in such colorful Russian. Entering the marina now, Q.”
“Oh, er, slip 24 is the correct one, 007.”
“Right. Dispatch a cleaning crew and we’ll be happy to report our mission complete.”